The One Where Batman Doesn't Give Head

Ever wondered if Batman's a giver or a taker in the bedroom? We're not holding back in this hilariously unfiltered episode of the Don't Make It Weird Podcast! We kick things off with some lively banter, including updates on Dina's toddler, Zebra, and his new molars. Producer Sean chimes in with his signature wit, and Dina shares her recent success in book marketing by offering her book for free. The episode is rounded out with a beloved game segment, another hysterical Dina story, and an eagerly anticipated reading of "Space Raptor Butt Invasion" in our Cringey Copulation segment.

As if that wasn't enough, we dive headfirst into some humorous superhero speculation, debating the intimate lives of Batman, Superman, Wolverine, and Tony Stark. Get ready for a teaser about a juicy Kardashian-Jenner conspiracy theory that we can't wait to unravel. We also explore generational differences in interpreting punctuation and showcase our Accountabili-Buddy segment, where Dina updates us on her memoir progress. Big news: we'll be at Shock-O-Con in Havre de Grace, Maryland! Join us from August 23rd to 25th for signings, photos, and drinks.

The chaos continues with a word association game that spirals into nostalgic references and hilarious misunderstandings. We share an indie author's unexpected success story through a Kindle giveaway, offering key insights for aspiring writers. And don't miss our recount of a wild altercation at an Italian appliance center—a hammer fight you'll have to hear to believe. This episode is a rollercoaster of humor, storytelling, and valuable tips for writers and listeners alike. Don't miss it!

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:03

It's the Don't Make.

Speaker 1 0:04

It Weird Podcast with your hosts Daniel and Dinosaurus.

Speaker 3 0:13

Hello there and welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast. We are your writing story comedy. God damn it. We're off to a great start. Second episode of third season already fucking it all up. Welcome to the Don't Make it Weird podcast. We are your writing storytelling comedy podcast for everyone. It doesn't just have to be the writing community. We love you guys. All Whoever is into us, we want to love you. We just want to make sweet audio love to you. Maybe a little visual. No, visual love is weird. Is that weird if we say visual love?

Speaker 4 0:42

Eye babies. That weird, if we say visual love.

Speaker 3 0:44

I babies, I babies, I babies and I traps. That's what we're here for. Um and guys. I am joined as always by the shocking silencer who systematically slams suckers symmetrically dina saurus, hi dina, I'm trying to bring that heat today, so what mundane thing are you? Doing right now oh, yep, you're folding laundry. That's that's what we're doing right now. Yeah, 100, she's, she's, uh, she's focused, she's focused, she's locked in. Her hair is on point, dina, how are you doing?

Speaker 4 1:14

I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay. I had something funny to say. I do this every time, don't I?

Speaker 3 1:23

it's just like my girlfriend in high school that was in canada. You wouldn't know her. She's a model, though oh my god okay, I'm doing good. Thanks for asking having a good week yeah, uh, any any big milestone moments for uh zebra. Uh, did he? Did he destroy anything?

Speaker 4 1:42

uh, yeah, he's got all four molars now.

Speaker 3 1:45

That's fun how the fuck has he already got molars? What are you doing to him?

Speaker 4 1:50

he's got all. All four came in at once.

Speaker 3 1:53

We were at the dentist don't molars take a like like one of the last things to come in yeah, um daniel doesn't have his, yeah, his like first cleaning.

Speaker 4 2:07

And um, I was like, yeah, I think he has like another, uh, two teeth coming in, because he usually gets them in twos. And the dentist like opened his mouth and he was like, oh cool, all four molars, that's nice. I was like thanks that's why I'm miserable that's right.

Speaker 3 2:20

Yeah, yeah, you're in hell right now. Yeah, that's, that's absolute hell. But you know who isn't in hell, guys? Guys, we have a third member of the team and he is the only adult in the room and let me tell you something A little bit of Sean's thigh A cold beer on a Friday night, a Space Raptor's butt that's tight and don't make it weird on Producer Sean, everyone.

Speaker 1 2:43

Hey, buddy, how are you? I like how tight that one was. It was tight, it was a tight tight.

Speaker 3 2:48

You know, I feel like it ended right when it should. Yeah, I really considered adding another verse. It got really graphic, it got a little weird.

Speaker 1 2:56

Even by my standards, I think it was perfect, right there.

Speaker 3 3:01

It was just the right level of of objectification for you. Is that it was just the right level of objectification for you is that? Is that the uh?

Speaker 1 3:06

I just feel like, quit, while you're ahead, you know, don't, don't take it too far. And then be that guy who's still a pro wrestler when he's 80 years old and he's not over anymore and people just feel bad for him you know, what I mean wow, that's a hot take right there.

Speaker 3 3:23

Holy shit, if the rocks army listened to us right now, we would be getting fucking buried.

Speaker 4 3:30

I don't even, does he still wrestle?

Speaker 1 3:32

yeah, he does. He was he main evented Wrestlemania like a couple weeks ago oh my bad, yeah, he's still like uh against his fucking nephew or his cousin Roman Reigns, they're, they're, uh, related somehow yeah, I mean, they're all basically a little related.

Speaker 3 3:48

But you know what, man, I'm excited.

Speaker 3 3:50

I'm excited to get the Roll Tide. I'm excited to get family back together. I'm excited for another episode. We're being consistent, we're recording like we're good adults and, guys, today we're going to be talking a little bit about putting your book up for free if, uh, you know, to start generating some interest in sales. Dina's had a pretty amazing run lately. We're going to kind of discuss that. Uh, guys, we're also going to get into a very popular game segment, bringing back the og. We got another incredible dina story and, uh, you know, we're going to give the folks what they want, which is a second reading from Sean and cringy copulation this week. Um, because we, we got phone calls and people have been just off the hook needing part two of space. We're at their butt. Yeah, sean, can you confirm that? We've just been, uh, inundated and calls.

Speaker 1 4:45

So we play some games every week here, some drinking games. We play Buffalo, which means we have to drink with our offhand. We're all right-handed here in the room, so we all drink with our left hand. If we're caught drinking with our right hand, we have to finish our drink. Also, we have a series of buzzwords. If you hear that buzzer, that means someone said one of those buzzwords and it's time to take a drink. And guys, this week we decided to try a new weird beverage that I discovered at the grocery store. It is arizona brand hard tea and dina, and I understood the uh assignment and someone else put almost no effort into it, like five percent effort. It is hard tea, some kind of alcoholic tea, not the thing that he was told to get.

Speaker 3 5:27

So I also got spiced root beer.

Speaker 1 5:30

Yeah, so he's going to be taking a shot of spiced root beer. Spiced root beer vodka. I can't say that spiced root beer, but root beer vodka. There we go that was perfect, change nothing. Spiced root beer vodka right now? Yep, yep, as penance. Yeah, there you go, buddy, take it to the head, bitch. Shut up, bitch. Oh, it's under my nose. The big fucking cans. I got the mix set, which is the small, like seltzer size cans. She got the big fucking the big fuckers that you know. The regular Arizona iced tea comes in.

Speaker 4 6:05

So these are almost as big as my kid's head.

Speaker 1 6:09

That's. That's saying a lot. So for the record the other is that peach.

Speaker 4 6:14

Yeah, which one should I try first?

Speaker 1 6:16

Damn, we don't even have the same flavors. I have kiwi strawberry, I have fruit punch and I have watermelon and I have mango.

Speaker 3 6:26

So for the audio, only listeners. Normally I lie to you guys, but I'm not lying this time. Dina's showing off her cans right now on, don't make it weird. They're big fucking cans, they're fucking huge cans.

Speaker 1 6:35

Mine are much smaller comparison um, you're gonna drink both of them, so it doesn't really matter which one you try first um, I have to finish them if I start um, I mean with great cans I've never seen you not finish a drink I planned on giving this to tim because I hate tea well, I mean trade them after you try it.

Speaker 3 6:57

Then I mean dina, a different drink you powered through mom water, despite hating it, with a burning fiery passion. That's true.

Speaker 4 7:07

Yeah, but Tim loves tea, so I was going to be nice and then go get wine.

Speaker 3 7:13

I was going to be nice and then I'm going to go get wine. No, that tracks.

Speaker 1 7:16

I opened, I cracked the kiwi strawberry Cheers.

Speaker 3 7:19

Hey, chills, chills, chills.

Speaker 1 7:23

Wow, this tastes just like the. It's like the juice.

Speaker 3 7:27

I don't even taste the alcohol in mine, and that's freaking me out.

Speaker 1 7:32

I got like the Arizona, like juice flavors, and you have the iced tea ones yeah, yours sounded better if you're gonna do Arizona, it has to be the iced tea, bro. This is the one that I found and it's the one I sent you guys a picture of.

Speaker 3 7:49

So no one understood the assignment. It's not just me.

Speaker 1 7:53

No, Dina gets points. She actually got Arizona hard, which was the assignment. She got Arizona hard.

Speaker 3 8:00

So would you say that her cans are hard right now?

Speaker 1 8:03

Not anymore. So, Daniel, I think we have time for a quick shower If you want to rinse off?

Speaker 3 8:10

Yeah, let's, let's, guys.

Speaker 4 8:11

You're in the shower. I'm going to. I'm going to call. This is a good time to like go to the bathroom.

Speaker 1 8:18

This is the time for you at home, too. This is a good time to go get a new drink. Go to the bathroom, just let it be. You don't need to pause it, just let it play. Hold on a second.

Speaker 3 8:27

I had something. I've been so distracted by the iced tea. Hold on, let me remember real fast.

Speaker 1 8:33

Now you're just posturing for more time.

Speaker 3 8:35

No, I do need more time, sean Sean.

Speaker 1 8:39

I don't know I, when I say this why do I have to sound so dumb?

Speaker 3 8:45

Holy fuck, what was it?

Speaker 1 8:49

Listen, man. I just my impression is based on you. I'm not making it up.

Speaker 3 8:52

Hold on. I need a moment of silence to remember where my brain was at. Oh God, this is embarrassing. I haven't even taken mouth drugs yet. Um oh, I got it All right, I'm ready, but I also need. Dina back for this. So let's just sit in silence and awkwardly look at each other. Can we do that? Sean and now an impromptu dramatic reenactment. Oh hi.

Speaker 1 9:30

Dina, oh Hi, just in time. There she goes, she's got her-. I just wanted to fluff Daniel a little bit, get him excited and then take it away.

Speaker 3 9:36

That's fair, all right. So, guys, you know, dim the lights, light the bag, light a couple-, spread the light.

Speaker 1 9:43

That's totally not affecting the audio at all, by the way.

Speaker 3 9:48

Sean, that's just your mic again.

Speaker 1 9:53

Sorry.

Speaker 3 9:53

I said that was just your mic again.

Speaker 1 9:55

Oh, that was my mic again. You see, that whole saga that happened With my mic isn't going to be in the episode. So you throwing back to that is not helpful. It's not helpful. No one understands the joke.

Speaker 6 10:04

Who's going to be in the episode, so you throwing back to.

Speaker 3 10:05

That is not helpful. It's not helpful, no one understands the joke.

Speaker 1 10:08

Who's gonna watch this?

Speaker 2 10:10

we do get a lot of just cut this out too.

Speaker 1 10:13

You're just making more work for me and you think it's funny? It's not? Funny you know what I fucking love when I go through an episode and all I have to do is throw our fucking graphic on at the beginning and put the credits at the end, and it's happened like one time ever and it was the greatest thing of all time.

Speaker 4 10:32

Can you please leave this? This is why Sean is so done. This show will die before me, me.

Speaker 1 10:45

yes, I will kill it with fire that's fair.

Speaker 3 10:48

All right, I'm ready.

Speaker 4 10:49

I'm ready, let's hop in the shower yeah, yeah, okay okay, I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'll remind you guys later and it'll just be out of nowhere. Okay, good all right.

Speaker 3 11:04

So, guys, let's uh as god intended let's light some candles, let's turn the shower up and have absolutely no h play in this shower because, guys, it's time for shower. Thoughts, okay, um. So, guys, I was thinking about the other day because it seemed like this whole like comic book controversy about how, like I guess, in the um harley quinn tv show, they had to cut a scene where, like batman was giving oral to um catwoman, um, because the people yeah, yeah, they cut it completely, um, because apparently like dc is like nah, man, batman don't do that, he don't, he don't go down on girls, and I just started thinking about how weird that is.

Speaker 3 11:46

Like there have been sex scenes in marvel and like superhero movies. Like like heroes definitely get after a little bit. But like what about the other stuff? Like can you think about how weird it is to like think about superman getting a blowy? Or or like batman just like furiously jerking off in the bat cave, like think about the flash doing that oh my god, he finished before you even thought about doing it.

Speaker 1 12:14

Um, for me, I think it's obvious that batman doesn't do that. He strikes me as uh gray type like who has a weird sex basement, like he's a billionaire and he's weird and broody.

Speaker 3 12:30

He probably keeps the cowl on.

Speaker 1 12:32

You know what I mean. Superman definitely does. I bet Superman's a giver, not a taker, because he's too afraid he'd put a hole in the back of a man's head with his super sperm, Doesn't he have super breath though? He does have breath. I mean he could, I mean he controls it though. He controls it, though he doesn't just breathe that way.

Speaker 4 12:50

What if he just like through, like just?

Speaker 3 12:54

like yeah, he sneezes while going down A shot, a hole through your vagina. That's why Listen, I think.

Speaker 1 13:02

Superman. The only thing Superman does is he gives head because he's too afraid he's going to blast like a shotgun through any woman that he's sticking to.

Speaker 6 13:11

He's a good man.

Speaker 1 13:12

He doesn't kill people.

Speaker 3 13:13

Yeah, so you know Moonlight's as a reporter. So like you know he's got a humble upbringing, like he's definitely not one of those like I'm too good to give head. You know like he's a humble guy.

Speaker 4 13:24

Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 3 13:24

Yeah, and like all right, like what? What? What do you think about? Like Wolverine, Like we got adamantium and like imagine that Nevermind.

Speaker 1 13:33

Um, I feel like Wolverine Wolverine, as, as a short King, he has to make up for it with good head game.

Speaker 3 13:43

Yeah you know what that makes sense? I don't think Wolverine would oh, you think he'd be a selfish lover. I mean, he's been around for like a couple hundred years. Like he's gotta have picked up some tricks here and there. I mean we know what Hulk does he smashes.

Speaker 1 14:00

Hulk smashes?

Speaker 3 14:02

yeah, he doesn't that's all Hulk's doing, man um but all right all right, I got one more for you. What do you think? That Tony Stark jerks himself off or has his robot army do it for him?

Speaker 1 14:17

I think, I think he jerks himself off while looking at himself in the mirror. Like he's like one hand against the mirror and just hunched over the bathroom sink. You know like why is he in the bathroom sink, man? Because it's easy to clean up. If you shoot in the sink, dude, what?

Speaker 3 14:41

the fuck I have. You know what I'm with you.

Speaker 1 14:44

Yep, I don't want to know, but that's he wants to windex come off of his full-size mirror in his wardrobe I just assumed that he has mirrors all over his house like you know, he's gonna make pepper pots do that.

Speaker 3 14:55

That's too far you can't ask pepper bots.

Speaker 4 14:59

Clean up that uh I just wanted to do my laundry.

Speaker 1 15:05

When you say that, it just reminds me of when in Friends, when Monica's talking to Chandler on the phone and she's like I told her I was going to go do laundry and he's like ooh, laundry Is that my new nickname.

Speaker 4 15:17

That's beautiful, oh my God yeah.

Speaker 3 15:19

That is true. So, guys, that's that, you know. You can hop out of the shower now. I hope everyone rinsed off and uh is definitely windexing their bathroom mirrors, but don't go too far. I need you guys to dim the lights. Towel off, Towel off, Dim the lights. Put on some nice mood music.

Speaker 1 15:43

She can't fold her laundry in the dark, you guys leave the mood music.

Speaker 3 15:48

You know. Get the mood music right. Leave your suspension of disbelief at the door and it's time for tiktok conspiracy, what's it called? Yeah, uh, hey, uh, sean you want to talk about the vodka.

Speaker 1 16:01

Want to talk about the vodka again. You want to talk about the vodka again.

Speaker 3 16:04

We're doing great right now. It's time for Dinosaurus' TikTok Conspiracy. Corner, dina, what do you got for us?

Speaker 4 16:11

Okay, so we all know who the Kardashian and Jenners are right.

Speaker 3 16:15

Yeah, can you elaborate?

Speaker 4 16:17

I mean, I've never watched them. We know that they exist. Are you talking?

Speaker 1 16:22

about the famous attorney Robert Kardashian.

Speaker 4 16:26

Is he an attorney?

Speaker 1 16:28

Robert Kardashian, the father he defended OJ Simpson. That's what he did.

Speaker 3 16:35

No what? Oh, no, no, no, no no.

Speaker 5 16:37

What no?

Speaker 1 16:37

no no Original baby, robert Kardashian.

Speaker 3 16:40

Original baby daddy Because Caitlyn was not. Yeah, caitlyn did not have Kim, sorry.

Speaker 4 16:49

That was OJ's lawyer.

Speaker 1 16:51

Yeah, that's what made them famous.

Speaker 4 16:54

But that was the no Kim's sex tape made them famous.

Speaker 3 16:58

No, they were.

Speaker 1 17:00

They were names.

Speaker 3 17:02

They were names beforehand, but that's why the sex tape then actually had legs, because the name behind it.

Speaker 1 17:10

Bruce Jenner, who that's the dead name of Caitlyn Jenner was an Olympian.

Speaker 6 17:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:16

And that's why he was famous.

Speaker 3 17:18

Yeah, so do you think that Batman's like jerked off to the Kardashian sex tape?

Speaker 4 17:22

So, okay, the Kardashians. So we know who they are? Apparently did not, but um, they keep their brother rob, uh-huh. They make sure that he stays fat and doesn't lose weight, because they need him for their injections. They need his fat for their injections.

Speaker 1 17:44

They use his fat for their booty and for their lips and stuff.

Speaker 4 17:49

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:53

Couldn't they just easily pay someone to do that or buy the best fat available?

Speaker 3 17:58

Why would we use the Kardashian?

Speaker 4 18:01

fat, is it like?

Speaker 1 18:02

a DNA thing.

Speaker 4 18:04

They want to keep it in the family yeah, and they don't want to like risk anything going wrong.

Speaker 3 18:09

If it's their jeans, maybe, I don't know, couldn't they just get fat for a month like just pig out and then get the lipo themselves?

Speaker 1 18:17

no bro, no, oh no they can never do that, you're right no like horrifically traumatizing liposuction is to your body.

Speaker 3 18:20

Like they wouldn't just really do that and I don't think any can never do that.

Speaker 1 18:22

You're right you know like horrifically traumatizing liposuction is to your body, Like they wouldn't just regularly do that and I don't think any surgeon would do that. I think that if they're keeping their brother fat, it's to make themselves just look good, period. Like if they're seen around the chubby bro. It makes them look good by comparison.

Speaker 4 18:39

But they're like never seen around him.

Speaker 3 18:41

Yeah, he used to be on the show a lot and then once he started getting fat and like losing his hair, he backed out of the show, basically completely.

Speaker 1 18:49

So Daniel doesn't know who the Kardashians are, but he watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Speaker 3 18:54

My wife really, really liked reality show Shout out Below Deck, the only quality reality show that's ever existed. The only reality TV I watch is cooking competitions and.

Speaker 1 19:03

Survivor Dina that's ever existed um.

Speaker 3 19:04

the only reality I watch is cooking competitions um and survivor dina okay, you can't hold on you just had you were up on your high horse talking about I don't watch reality shows, bitch. You were watching the original I don't watch reality shows.

Speaker 1 19:20

I said, the only reality shows I watch are cooking, competitions and survivor.

Speaker 3 19:24

That's.

Speaker 1 19:25

There was a dot dot dot at the end because I remembered that I also watched survivor. It sounded like you were coming off.

Speaker 4 19:33

Gen X things dot dot dot means.

Speaker 1 19:36

I've heard that. Well, Gen X means it's like a pause, like a slight pause, but I've heard that Gen Z thinks it's like insulting to use ellipses the weirdest one to me is that you can't have an exclamation mark next to a word because it's too aggressive.

Speaker 3 19:52

There needs to be a space so it's not as aggressive.

Speaker 1 19:54

I can't it's still also talked about ellipses on the show, so we can skip that part too okay, that's fair um my bad she's got her wine. Let's go, let's go.

Speaker 3 20:10

Let's go, let's go. All right, guys, it's time for a segment that we in no way stole from any other show A very original, completely unique show. Don't look up, we have Issues. Don't check out Anthony and Stevie Wildcard or their comic Deathless, or Play it Again or any of those things. Just trust us that this is original and we definitely didn't steal it from some of the most creative, handsome and intelligent people that we know. This is the Accountability Buddy segment, where we kind of check in with each other and check out Dina's socks, um, as well as writing uh, dina, how are your socks? And writing going no sock testicles in this house.

Speaker 4 20:51

No sock testicles. Um. Writing is going great. I'm almost a 40,000 words on my memoir and I'm really liking it.

Speaker 6 21:01

It's very therapeutic to write. Oh you're 40,000.

Speaker 4 21:05

Your memoir. Memoirs. I really hate talking about it too, because it really does feel pretentious, but also like I am at a point where I'm very excited about writing it and I haven't been excited about a project in a long time.

Speaker 3 21:18

You grew up in a fucking cult, bro, like you lived a kind of weird life.

Speaker 1 21:22

You know we're moving on to fruit punch like you live the kind of weird life you know.

Speaker 4 21:25

We're moving on to fruit punch. Yeah, it's already on the fruit punch. Um, um, how's your writing going, daniel?

Speaker 3 21:29

uh, it is actually going okay. I finally cracked open my dev edits. Um, I'm starting to get started on that and I actually finally have an idea for book three. Um, because I learned about a ridiculous cryptid based in alabama and I don't know if I want to base my whole book about it. But roll tide, roll tide. Um, have you guys heard of hugging Molly?

Speaker 3 21:50

Yeah, no that sounds like a like a irish punk band so apparently in alabama and and uh, my, my editor, ashley hutchison, confirms that this is a thing hug and molly is like a spectral spirit that runs up to you, hugs you and then shouts really loudly in your ear and then runs away and I feel like like this is yeah, look up hugging Molly. I don't believe that Please read about hugging Molly.

Speaker 1 22:18

The legend of Molly, hugging Molly. So it's, there's, there's an apostrophe there. It's hugging Molly, hugging.

Speaker 3 22:25

Molly, can you give us a little rundown? You want to read it out real quick.

Speaker 1 22:32

The legend of hugging Molly. Generations of Abbeville children have listened wide-eyed to their parents tell the story of Hug and Molly. They have hurried home on nights lit only by the moon's glow, certain they saw something in the shadows, afraid she would be around the next corner. The versions of who Hug and Molly actually was vary, but one frequent description depicts her as a giant of a woman, maybe seven feet tall oh shit and as big around as a bale of cotton.

Speaker 3 22:57

Some say, that's thick.

Speaker 1 22:59

She thick with two C's boy. Some say her ghost still walks the streets of Abbeville late. I don't know if it's Abbeville or Abbeville. I like Abbeville Late in the night, sweeping her black skirt as she goes, If she happens upon you she as she goes.

Speaker 3 23:18

If she happens upon you, she chases you down, gives you a huge hug and screams in your ear, and that's it, Like she's not trying to murder you.

Speaker 1 23:23

She's not trying to do anything. She just wants better than one of Daniel's hugs. Listen, I got the yips man, that's the type of horror that I can get down with.

Speaker 4 23:28

Speaking of horror.

Speaker 3 23:32

Speaking of horror. And not a hor derv sean, I think that whore, speaking of whores, whores, whore dervs, uh sean, I believe we have kind of a giant fucking announcement and I feel like this should come from you, buddy, for me okay.

Speaker 1 23:49

Uh, well, we have booked a booth in the haunted library at Shaco con in Havre de Grace, maryland, this August. We will all be there in person for the first time ever. Um, in the, uh, the haunted library lounge, cafe and book nook at Shaco con too. Um, basically, it's for authors and publishers to have a location for all of their signings, readings, features. Um next to the vending hall for this horror convention, shako con, which we're very excited to take dina to. Um, she loves horror.

Speaker 4 24:22

There's a bar nearby so we checked that box and um if you show up, please buy me a drink, but don't spike it, we're getting we're getting dina super drunk.

Speaker 1 24:33

Um come hang out with us. I have a child. Get signed copies, personalized signed copies of our books. Get free stickers. There'll be other friends of the show that you'll recognize from previous guest segments. Like who we're not going to say.

Speaker 4 24:49

It's a secret.

Speaker 1 24:49

You can't say the name. Fine, yeah, come meet us, take photos with us, hang out. We'll be there all weekend it's august 22nd through the 25th at um the star center in havre de grace, maryland. Um. I don't know if tickets are available yet by the time this airs probably probably. Uh, yeah, we're super, super excited about it and for the first time ever, we will be recording an episode of don't make it weird all three of us in the same room. So we're super pumped.

Speaker 1 25:18

I'm sitting on sean's lap come, say hi to us yeah, man I'm getting a drunk.

Speaker 3 25:24

So listen, this all came together last minute. Uh, best friend of the show, ransom babo uh are putting this con on. It's a huge con. Thousands of people are coming through and this has kind of become our, uh, our rallying cry right now for the indie, uh writing community. So I don't know if you're in the area, if you live in the northeast or maybe got a lot of frequent frequent flyer miles, come visit us, come hang out with us. Even though I got the hug yips I, I will attempt to give you a poor hug.

Speaker 4 25:47

Okay, with consent you know, I think I would actually actually pass out if thomas anthony lay came oh my god in england, but okay, no he's somewhere in australia, somewhere in europe?

Speaker 3 26:02

fanny, if you're seeing this, please come visit me. I need a fan, I need someone I need you in my life.

Speaker 5 26:07

That's the one fan my one I.

Speaker 3 26:10

I think levi counts as well, so I've got two, two fans levi is levi tolerates you because of me it's because of me in this world everything good daniel experiences is because of her.

Speaker 1 26:29

You're welcome hey, no yeah. So my accountability thing is I, I'm like balls deep in planning that and we're months out, by the way, as of this recording, we're two months prior to the event and, um, we're gonna be together in two months. I'm getting booth graphics customized, I'm getting business cards printed out, I'm getting a little spinny wheel.

Speaker 3 26:56

So you guys can spin the wheel and make us do funny shit like it's gonna be fun oh, I'm so. I didn't even know about that. That's fucking.

Speaker 1 27:03

Yeah, I haven't told them any of this yet. So, um, yeah, come, come hang out with us.

Speaker 3 27:08

Um, it'll be fun yeah, no, I I can't wait. Uh, we've been talking about this for years. I'm talking about doing a meetup for years and it just so happened. This all worked out and, from the people I've talked to that are also planning on coming there. Man, it's going to be an absolute party for the entire indie writing community. So, if you're able, I'd love to fucking go out and hang out with you guys. You can buy me a drink, I'll buy you a drink. We'll all make eye babies.

Speaker 3 27:31

Yeah, probably buy Dina a drink. That's fair. It's going to be fucking awesome. So that is us being accountable, but just know that you're all cordially invited.

Speaker 1 27:40

Link is in the description for the convention below yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 27:47

What sound is that Voicemail?

Speaker 1 27:48

Voicemail.

Speaker 3 27:54

Let's hope that I set this up properly.

Speaker 5 28:03

That's the voice. Is that Bob? Is that Bob?

Speaker 3 28:11

Is this what he's jerking off to right?

Speaker 5 28:12

now it is Batman jerking off to right now.

Speaker 1 28:15

Yeah, they are gonna meet you on a dark white night. I didn't plan this guys.

Speaker 3 28:22

I swear to God, I didn't plan this.

Speaker 5 28:24

Flying through the sky and you're watching all the people in their wonderful ways and you're going like, hey, good job, that's the Don't make it weird podcast. And I just want to say that you're all like the best people. And when I'm riding around in a and I'm listening to your show and I'm peeing up the Joker and it's to freeze. I'm listening to your show and I'm peeing up the Joker and it's a freeze, I'm like, yeah, that's the severity of all the potato. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate gnomes. Don't tell Daniel that, but I fucking killed a gnome the other day. I broke my one rule, that was to kill a gnome, because I knew the gnome would come back. God bless.

Speaker 3 29:25

God bless Batman.

Speaker 5 29:27

There's only one thing I can't kill Gnome. Gnome, no what. And Jar Jar?

Speaker 3 29:33

Binks. He said he killed a gnome. Okay, he did. Okay, I misunderstood.

Speaker 1 29:41

I see him and he said Jar Jar Binks, that bastard I see you Like.

Speaker 5 29:43

I see you, producer. Sean, I'm watching. I'm mainly listening because I can't watch because of the crime fighting, but you're in my back. Yeah.

Speaker 3 29:56

Yeah, I get it, just not giving head to Catwoman yeah.

Speaker 5 30:01

I bought Apple, he bought Apple.

Speaker 1 30:06

Bruce Wayne bought Apple. That's not him. Different people yeah.

Speaker 3 30:13

That makes sense. Rich people have friends. Yeah, I get it incredible.

Speaker 1 30:27

I can't believe that that just happened. Okay, so what the fuck? First of all, I just want to apologize to batman for what I said earlier about how he's probably a depraved christian gray type who has a weird sex dungeon. I didn't know. You listened to the show and I feel really bad about it, although I feel like your message and the tone of it just kind of yeah sean. Can we my theory?

Speaker 3 30:46

can we? Can we roll our first apology of the new season sean, can we?

Speaker 1 30:49

I feel like we did that last week already, but okay yeah, hey batman I just want you to

Speaker 3 30:56

know. Yeah, we don't think you're a depraved sex dungeon lunatic.

Speaker 1 31:00

We're sorry, unless it's what you're into, yeah, no shame but we're sorry, we don't kink shame here, unless it's feet or horses, fucking hell sorry.

Word Association Game and Book Marketing

Speaker 3 31:15

We're sorry, batman please don't kill us in the night but also consider giving Catwoman a little something you know like she deserves it. Return the favor. Return the favor that's all we're saying. Hey, uh, dina, huh uh. Would you say that you're a tease?

Speaker 4 31:38

Take out the pickle. Shout out, Shannon.

Speaker 3 31:40

Sing Pickle be praised. Why don't you give the audience a little taste of the Batmobile, a little you know?

Speaker 6 31:50

Oh no.

Speaker 1 31:53

I can feel you in my ear.

Speaker 3 31:58

I can't unhear that sound. Sean, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 32:04

Picture it as Jar Jar Binks just eating something.

Speaker 4 32:07

Ew.

Speaker 1 32:09

Too far, we went too far.

Speaker 3 32:11

Give him the Jar Jar tongue. Dina. Tell the folks what we have in store.

Speaker 4 32:18

Today we're going to talk about the fist fight at work.

Speaker 3 32:22

Oh, that's the one. I'm excited for that one. I'm looking forward to it, sean, it's time to bring back a game. I think we're going to play this for the first time ever, so maybe it's not really bringing it back. What are we playing?

Speaker 1 32:38

We're going play daniel's favorite game. No, I'm kidding, it's dina's favorite game, the word association game. Uh, basically, I'm gonna say a word, daniel's gonna respond to the word, dina's gonna respond to daniel's word and we're just gonna go back and forth until it inevitably breaks down and turns into shit and I do a great job at this game.

Speaker 3 32:58

I've never misunderstood how this game works for three years.

Speaker 1 33:01

It's fine no, no, not at all um directly into the fourth year I would love to like sit in and see a psychologist analyze you, dude Good luck, all right. How has he lived this long Are?

Speaker 6 33:21

you guys ready to associate words? I'm always ready, actually, you know, what.

Speaker 1 33:24

I'm going to start with Daniel in the first one, and then the next one I'll start with Dina. That way can we flip back and forth.

Speaker 3 33:29

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 33:31

Okay, Daniel, the first word is serendipity. Balls.

Speaker 4 33:39

Letterman Jacket Riverdale.

Speaker 3 33:46

Hamburgers.

Speaker 5 33:49

Bob.

Speaker 3 33:53

What I need to go on a mind map here, Dina. How, oh god there's.

Speaker 4 33:59

What do you mean?

Speaker 1 34:02

he doesn't understand how you got bob from hamburgers, so let's let's give him that's going to journey really quick.

Speaker 4 34:07

There's no mind map, it's just bob's burgers.

Speaker 1 34:09

Yeah, dumb ass that's like the stupid the quickest association. What Bob. So here's the thing Daniel, to this day, still thinks that we're building a story by adding words to a sentence. That's not how this game works. You're associating words with other words. He's thought Letterman jacket, because that's the next word in the sentence. No, you're just associating words with other words.

Speaker 4 34:36

Oh, I meant Letterman, the person.

Speaker 3 34:38

David Letterman what.

Speaker 4 34:40

Yeah, I don't know. Right, but Letterman jacket is a thing so like in his head he was building it, okay, but if I hear, yeah, he wasn't like the but if I hear Letterman, the thing I associate with the Letterman is a jacket.

Speaker 3 34:54

That's not what you did there. That's not what you did there.

Speaker 4 34:59

How did you get to David Letterman? I don't know. I just said the first thing that came into my head.

Speaker 1 35:03

That's why she likes this game, because it's often just random shit.

Speaker 4 35:07

I don't have to filter anything. Yeah, I'm with you, all right.

Speaker 1 35:09

All right, exactly Okay.

Speaker 3 35:10

I lost that round. Okay, that round. Okay, dina. The next word is cacophony pills, drugs, meth, pipe, uh horse, oh shit. Yeah, that's a loss for you. You're making us drink, that's, that's. I'm sorry that brings us one to one. I'm doing great this time.

Speaker 4 35:38

I was thinking of. I was thinking of New Girl, where he wanted to smoke a pipe and he was like it smells like I want to buy a blank. Yes, yes, I love that episode.

Speaker 3 35:50

His office smells like rich mahogany and leather. And about seeing a man, about a blank. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I'm with you on it. Tina, you're way smarter than I am.

Speaker 1 36:02

Yeah, sorry, go on. I need to save some of these words for weird definitions, because that was a fun game, by the way, and we're bringing it back for sure, the one with the Fliberty Jibbits.

Speaker 3 36:11

Oh, my God fuck the Fliberty Jibbits gibbets. Oh my god fuck the flibberti gibbets.

Speaker 1 36:13

That was some bullshit um daniel your word is quintessential jar jar binks anakin jedi um light dark stars.

Speaker 4 36:36

Um light Dark Stars.

Speaker 1 36:40

Fuck, all right, we're calling it there. You guys are actually volleying pretty well right now, which is unusual. This is weird. It's honestly unsettling.

Speaker 4 36:54

It's because we're like, we're ready to be in person.

Speaker 3 36:56

Yeah, this is what happened is increasing our chemistry right now. Um, dina, dina, I'm gonna hug you in front of your husband and it's gonna change your life, god damn. Oh, my god, sorry, sorry, tim's a real cuck, I guess.

Speaker 1 37:19

No, Tim is not gonna be at all intimidated by that hug.

Speaker 2 37:23

He's gonna be like oh, is this like someone you barely know from work.

Speaker 1 37:27

Is this a workplace?

Speaker 3 37:29

acquaintance.

Speaker 6 37:31

Okay, sorry.

Speaker 1 37:33

Your word is Zephyr.

Speaker 3 37:39

Hills.

Speaker 4 37:39

Water, oh shark.

Speaker 3 37:45

Baby shark, dad, mom Hospital.

Speaker 4 37:54

Sexy.

Speaker 3 37:56

Gown Sexy, gown Easy access Butt.

Speaker 1 38:03

Okay, I'm calling that one. That took a weird spiral out and it was only going to get worse.

Speaker 3 38:17

That was my brain overloaded with too many things to say about the butt at that point.

Speaker 4 38:19

That's the best part of the game.

Speaker 3 38:22

Sean, I'm going to kick this one old school real quick just because, even though it doesn't count anymore, I suggest you do your lady in the butt.

Speaker 1 38:30

I tried it once.

Speaker 4 38:32

Oh, the water boy.

Speaker 1 38:33

No, it's the ladies man. Also a Saturday Night Live sketch, but finish it. I tried it once in college. I did not enjoy it. I think that's the quote.

Speaker 2 38:49

It's been probably 20 years since I've seen that movie. Tim Meadows.

Speaker 1 38:52

Shout out.

Speaker 3 38:55

I love that you still get our references from 20 years ago. Buddy, sorry, we got time for one more yeah, we're gonna do one more word each all right, let's do it. Let's do it. Daniel, okay, your final word, daniel is melancholy in the infinite sadness it's one word.

Speaker 4 39:15

He's trying to make a sentence that's the in the infinite sadness.

Speaker 1 39:16

It's one word he's trying to make a sentence. That's the title of a smashing pumpkins album that's what I associated.

Speaker 3 39:23

I don't know what you want from me so his associated word is infinite yes, there we go infinite, sorry, continue dread not rope there we go Infinite, sorry, continue Dread Knot. Rope Dorian.

Speaker 4 39:43

Gray.

Speaker 3 39:46

Red.

Speaker 1 39:50

Panty. How dare you drop the panty to Dina?

Speaker 3 39:53

Tap out. That's a win for the good guys. I haven't saved that one for a good moment.

Speaker 1 40:01

Oh my god, okay, dina, let's do one more. Let's redeem ourselves here. Okay, Dina, your final word is labyrinth.

Speaker 4 40:17

Horse.

Speaker 1 40:24

Shower Can't filter it. Can't filter it, man, yeah shower.

Speaker 4 40:28

Oh loofah.

Speaker 3 40:31

Soapy.

Speaker 4 40:33

Prison.

Speaker 3 40:36

Fuck you, tina. Sorry, we are not condoning Daniel, anything with the soap everybody.

Speaker 1 40:46

This has been word. Association game.

Speaker 3 40:50

So I won that. I won that game, right, Sean, is that? Is that what we're?

Speaker 1 40:53

saying no, I award Dina 27,000 points.

Speaker 3 40:57

Yeah, she beat me pretty handily. I got a couple rounds this time, which, after three years, is better than I've been doing, because it's usually a clean sweep. All right, guys, dina, time to put on our serious author hat, because we're gonna have a little bit of a discussion, because dina's been having a very exciting time. Um, we're gonna be talking about different ways to market your book, uh, especially when it comes to pricing and price point. Uh, dina, give us a little backstory before we get into this discussion. Um, tell us about what's going on the sale that you've seen and the results that you've seen so far, and then we're going to talk about it yeah, so um, actually becca, um previous guest of the show, um, had her book put on one of the stuff your kindle days.

Speaker 4 41:44

Sorry, um, um, and she got like a crazy amount of downloads for the stuff your kindle day. I I feel like she said like she had like 40 000 or something, but I don't remember so I could be misquoting um, and she got me into this. Uh, the stuff your kindle day group on facebook and um, we today as of this recording.

Speaker 3 42:11

Sorry, one second, just to be clear. This group is specifically, I believe, about romance authors. Is that right?

Speaker 4 42:16

Yeah, this group is specifically the one for romance authors, and she got me into the group and today, as of this recording right now is the Stuffier e-reader day for romance authors, and it's been killer.

Book Marketing Success Through Kindle Giveaway

Speaker 3 42:34

And so what have you seen so far with your results? Because when you went in to do this and you joined this group, I I think you kind of tempered your expectations a little bit, am I right?

Speaker 4 42:40

yeah. So I kind of figured my book would kind of get ignored. Um, just because I don't think that my specific book and I'm not saying this like as a negative thing for myself I think that my book is very niche and I didn't expect a wide net or to attract very big of an audience. I'm wondering how many people are going to be disappointed when they leave reviews. Oh, stop, no, no, no, I don't mean that like in a negative way. Like my book for what it is is a good book.

Speaker 3 43:11

Yeah, but I think that people come into romance expecting something different than what I deliver um, I mean because yours has a lot of heart, it has a lot of emotion, it's more than just the, the romance.

Speaker 3 43:21

There's a lot of I don't write smut or anything so yeah, I mean listen a little hot there, especially when they start projecting images into each other's minds, but we'll save that for the book. Um, but what results have you seen so far? So what, what? So when you, you join this group and it's the stuff, your kindle day and you set your price to zero dollars, giving this book away, right yeah.

Speaker 4 43:43

So you set your price to zero dollars. You price match all of your other retailers, so everywhere your ebook is free for the day. I did a little bit longer, I did like a couple days before, and then tomorrow I'm gonna um turn it off so that it's back to like regular price, um, but uh, it's the one day that you advertise. You don't advertise outside of this day. Everybody sends out their um news, what isber email newsletter, your newsletters, and so it's like mass reach. So the idea is that so many people are talking about this one site to get the list from that. Now you have so many people flocking to it and everybody gets like way more reach. So like you get that person's newsletter reach and that person's social media reach and you can like collect a whole bunch more people.

Speaker 3 44:33

Basically, and what numbers have you seen so far as of today, this part of the recording?

Speaker 4 44:39

So, as of right now, I have 8,836 downloads.

Speaker 3 44:44

Holy shnikes, you are almost at the 10K mark. Oh my God yeah, you are almost at the 10K mark. Oh my God yeah.

Speaker 4 44:51

So last I checked I was number 113 in the Kindle store overall, you almost broke the top 100?. Yeah, for free books Still. And then I made it to number two for teen paranormal romantasy and four and six for my other categories, for like wholesome romance or something like that and the idea is basic.

Speaker 3 45:15

Sorry, I was gonna say for perspective um, up to this point, through normal sales. We're not just talking about sales, but like in general, do you want to like ballpark? What your downloads were before this?

Speaker 4 45:26

so prior to this, like from the life of my book, prior to this, like from the life of my book to the two or three days ago, I had only sold like 230 something copies of Nothing Special overall, like over every platform, and now I've got the 8000 plus downloads. So that's, and like the thing is you have to kind of temper it a little bit though, because not everybody's going to read that. Some of these people are just grabbing the free book because it's free, yeah.

Speaker 4 45:53

So you've got a small percentage of that that are going to read it.

Speaker 3 45:58

And then an even smaller percentage that will leave a review. Yeah, I was going to say. And authors are notorious for having just giant TBRs, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 46:05

So like I'm not expecting a ton of reviews, I would expect a handful. Um, I, I was gauging probably like five percent.

Speaker 3 46:17

yeah, maybe a little lower, but I mean, even so, even that's so crazy yeah, considering how hard it is get reviews and how hard it is to get just any type of traction, I mean that's the hardest thing when you're on the indie or small publisher scale is is finding the reach is just getting it out there. You know, we've talked a lot about how hard it is to because there's so much market saturation and especially in the community there's a bad reputation because a lot of people don't do the same quality control as other groups. So just getting reach is one of the hardest things. And if you get out of 8,000 downloads, if you get even another 20 reviews, I mean that's massive for you, right?

Speaker 4 46:54

Yeah, so I had only had 51 reviews on Goodreads so far, 28 reviews on Amazon. And another thing that I am kind of like I did it specifically for this because I knew I was going to have like a wider net for today. So we did what's called a reader magnet in the back of nothing special. So we put in um the first chapter or something special in the back of the first book so that people will then be prompted something too special to something too special, um, so that people will be prompted to pre-order the second book.

Speaker 4 47:31

So I think that that's a big reason why people would do this specifically If you have a series, give the first one away for free, get people attached and addicted to it, and then they pre-order. So I think I'm going to do this again when I have book three coming out, and I'll give book one away for free again, and then they'll be able to buy book two and then preorder book three.

Speaker 3 47:56

And one of the things I've actually seen otherwise and I have no idea about the market on it, but like every so often this is on like the audio book side of things is that I will see that like there will be giveaways of, you know, a book somewhere in the middle of a series, so like, let's say, in an, an eight book series, maybe they'll give away book three, or it'll be like two dollars or a dollar and and it's almost like a genius logic where you're like, okay, book three is really cheap and the series sounds intriguing, so maybe I'll pick up one and two, because I already got three set up, you know yeah, I have seen that and I get why people do it.

Speaker 4 48:29

I can't get out of my own way for those, though, because, like I'm a cheap ass and I don't want to buy book one and two and three just because four was free, Like so I get stuck in my own rut there because I'm very cheap.

Speaker 3 48:41

And that's fair. I mean, and that's what I'm saying. You know, everyone's just trying to kind of figure out the marketing side of things, and it is a tough one.

Speaker 4 48:56

But so, just to be clear, this is something that happens once a year, right like I know that a lot of people do sales twice a year. Okay, so twice a year thing, yeah, but in this particular instance, this group is doing something new this year, so I won't be able to participate in the next um, the next one that's coming up at the end of the year. So they limited it to a thousand, this time for the first half of the year, yeah, and then everybody can participate.

Speaker 3 49:13

Next one and that's amazing and and I've heard that maybe not through this specific group, but they do this for other genres as well.

Speaker 4 49:19

Right, yeah, yeah. So there's like a ton of these groups out there. You just got to find like the big one with the most uh, reach and um there's. This group is, I think, one of the main original ones yeah but I don't know for sure, and they're starting out like subgroups, so that'll be something that I'll look into for friends yeah, and so maybe we'll post this.

Speaker 3 49:44

well, maybe we'll do an update on a future episode of don't make it weird and kind of give you some updates for other genres, um, that might be doing deals like this, because maybe, just as a consumer, you want to get in on this. Or you know we have a lot of authors here that are part of the community and you know, finding the one that's right for you is a great thing, cause listen, man, there's so many good books in this indie writing community. If you followed our podcast, you know that there is just hidden gems left and right, so you know, hopefully, that this type of thing we see dividends. So I think that's something we'll definitely be checking back with as the year goes on to see what this did for your book, kind of on a long-term thing.

Amazon Algorithm and Italian Hammer Fight

Speaker 4 50:17

Does that sound good to you? Yeah, I think that that's a good idea. I'm going to monitor it to see if it kicks up my reviews. It for sure got me on the algorithm. And so the Amazon real quick. The Amazon algorithm is like you have to have 25 reviews to be recommended for like you read this, so this is a similar thing and then you have to have 50 reviews to just be pushed out to like main ads. So I'm anxious to see if it'll give me an uptick in reviews so that it will continue to drive me on the algorithm. I know right now I am driven on the algorithm because I made it to the top 100 in several different categories, so I'm hoping to keep getting pushed and then tomorrow people actually continue to buy. So we'll see.

Speaker 3 51:00

I love it, I can't wait to keep that one going and to just check back in and see how it goes, and then for nothing else. The final thought I would have is that, as you kind of look for agenting you know getting agented in the future uh, you can take that screenshot and say hey, listen, look at my book, it looks awesome yeah so looks good on the resume, so to speak.

Speaker 3 51:18

so, guys, we're gonna take off those serious author hats and get back to what the people are really here for, which is salacious dina stories, because, you see, we're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale. So, without further ado, it's Storytime with Dinosaurus.

Speaker 4 51:40

Man, I'm so mad at y'all for picking this stupid fucking story.

Speaker 3 51:43

Oh no, dina, what have you done? Did you Ken's dick us again? Did you Ken's dick us again, fucking not.

Speaker 4 51:50

Ken's dick? I don't know so um, a while back I was like I think I was 20, 21, I don't know. I worked at an appliance center. It was a small little shop, family run. My mom worked there and, um, she got me a job part-time because I was like in between semesters at school and all families have their drama.

Speaker 3 52:20

But you know, italian families for sure have their drama A lot of hand gesturing in those Italian family dramas. A lot of hand gesturing, a lot of hand gesturing.

Speaker 4 52:25

So there had been a lot of tension between I don't remember their relationships. This is such a small short period of time in my life. I think it was between two brothers. It might have been father and son. No, no, no, Because he was an in-law and I don't know.

Speaker 3 52:43

Anyway, it's two men, they were related. Two homies Might be dating and related. Roll tide Roll tide.

Speaker 4 52:52

They had had problems with this particular guy. Give me a name.

Speaker 3 52:57

That would be Fuck. That's a great one. Good job.

Speaker 4 53:01

That's a great one, sean they had had problems with Raphael for a while and he's just an angry dude. Yeah, he's an angry Italian dude.

Speaker 3 53:11

Not a party guy.

Speaker 4 53:12

So he got pissed off. He got pissed off because he didn't want to go to some job or something stupid, and he called the owner, the dad or brother, I don't remember. The dad will call him. What was his name? Daniel?

Speaker 3 53:32

That'd be Michelangelo.

Speaker 4 53:34

Okay.

Speaker 3 53:35

Yeah.

Speaker 4 53:35

Michelangelo. Okay, so he called Michelangelo and he was yelling at him over the phone. And the woman that my mom and I were friends with in the office, she was married into the family, she told us she was like oh great they're gonna get into an argument again Like here we go, raphael is such a problem.

Speaker 4 53:55

And a little while later, raphael storms into this little tiny appliance center and he starts screaming for Michelangelo to get his ass out here. Right now he hates this so much, yeah, he'd eat this so much. And he, michelangelo, comes out of the back warehouse in the repair shop and he's like what the fuck do you want? Like coming in hot with that spicy Italian attitude?

Speaker 4 54:23

it's a spicy meatball spicy meatball and, um, raphael grabs a hammer from the desk that was our friend's desk. I'm sitting in, like I'm like divided by like a half wall at my desk, and then like there's the two, my mom and then our friend yeah, and they're in the open and he grabs a hammer from a desk and he starts charging towards Michelangelo, swinging, and my mom starts shouting. She's like hysterical. She's like oh my God, stop it. I'm like the friend is even worse. She's like dramatic Italian as well. I'm like, oh my God, stop fighting. And I'm like I didn't see what happened. I was sitting at my desk typing and I look up and I just see these guys like wrestling and this one dude like just trying to bash him in the head with a hammer. He misses every fucking time. How do you miss?

Speaker 4 55:20

a head with a hammer from close range. To be fair, one guy was really tall and one guy was really short and like it just like the anatomy wasn't working out. So they just wound up tackling each other and he was like just trying to get the hammer and it was like too dodgy.

Speaker 3 55:33

Too dodgy with the hammer, got it yeah.

Speaker 4 55:35

Yeah, so our friend goes. Oh my God, somebody call 911. And I stood up from my desk and I said nah, fuck that. And I charged them both and like they had separated at one, point why Gina? Because charge them both and like they had separated at one point, because you're trying to like swing the hammer, because I get involved in everybody's shit. That's why. Why would you charge in? I like because I could, I don't know, it was instinct it's America.

Speaker 3 56:01

Freedom. I don't do fight or flight. Like I fight, I don't flight so there's just one F in your repertoire yeah, it's just fight or fight so.

Speaker 4 56:11

I step in in the middle of them and I'm like knock it the fuck off right now. And he like grabs and he like has the hammer and he's like going in for a swing. And then like I'm there and I'm like shut the fuck down right fucking now. And I don't think I had ever cursed in front of my mom before at this point. So immediately the room went quiet. This is the first time you've cursed on our show.

Speaker 3 56:33

So yeah, it was a lot of curse yeah for sure.

Speaker 4 56:36

Like everybody pauses and like I'm just standing there with my phone because I was going to call 911. And then everybody's quiet, and then I just hear like sobbing from the two women in the background and then the guys, and then like I guess I had pressed 9-1-1 already but I didn't like realize that I did and you just hear 9-1-1. What's your emergency?

Speaker 4 56:56

but there's a bunch of fucking italians rafael runs because he doesn't want to get arrested again. Wait, that one was rafael right, the guy that, yeah, he doesn't want to get arrested again. Yeah, he doesn't want to get arrested again. Yeah, he doesn't want to get arrested again, so he runs and he books it, and then we just sit there and wait for the cops.

Speaker 6 57:16

I can't go back to jail.

Speaker 3 57:18

Can't do it. I ain't going back coppers yeah that was beautiful. It's not even really a fist fight, it's a hammer fight.

Speaker 1 57:27

We weren't Ken's dicks, yeah, like that was, that was an interesting story yeah I thought that there was going to be no fight at all and uh, obviously there was. There was something else you wanted to tell today, and you know that's the nature of these choose your adventure situations we believe in freedom we give our audience the ability to choose their own adventure yeah which is what we're going to do right now?

Speaker 3 57:50

yeah and uh. So, dina, what, what, what can the folks uh try to decide between next week bud?

Speaker 4 57:56

not my memoir, that's for sure. That's what I had just opened um, so next time you can choose um fourth of july gone wrong uh-huh the carjacker marca or fistfight at a Funeral.

Speaker 3 58:13

All right, I think the obvious of the most boring sounding title is an obvious one.

Speaker 1 58:21

But, sean, take us through your thoughts here, bud. Well, I feel like this poll is going to go live right around 4th of July.

Speaker 4 58:32

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 58:32

Yeah, and seasonal, you know, tis the season type of situation. I feel like that's going to be the leader.

Speaker 3 58:39

And it's also the most boring sounding one.

Speaker 1 58:41

So like that also means it's probably a banger for me personally Um, definitely not voting for another fistfight story back to back. So, um, I'd probably vote for 4th of July gone wrong. I fistfight story back to back, so, um, I'd probably vote for fourth of july gone wrong.

Speaker 3 58:53

I mean, I want to see someone's hand get blown off, or something by a fucking firecracker, and and and that's a great call I mean carjacking. Probably not as fun, um, but yeah and oh is this the one where you car jack?

Speaker 1 59:02

yeah, I assume dina is the one who stole the car in that story so also a good.

Speaker 3 59:07

A good. You know it's a banger, it's a banger. But uh, you know what? Speaking of banging, last week on don't make it weird we did a cringy copulation from a hugo award nominated book by the legendary chuck tingle and we've just been getting just phone calls like crazy, really chuck tingle yeah, it definitely was chuck tingle yeah she turns off her earbuds during this segment, you guys I mean, you guys have been writing in so many letters to sean.

Speaker 3 59:39

I mean it's been crazy the feedback we've gotten about this story. It was so overwhelming that we decided to do part two for you, with Sean reading, and he's going to do it in Val Venus voice for you guys. Sean, check those DMS.

Speaker 1 1:00:02

But am I just going right into it? Yeah, we're just doing this.

Speaker 4 1:00:09

That's what she said. Oh, right into it. Yeah, we're just doing this, that's what she said.

Speaker 6 1:00:19

Fuck me harder, I scream. Use that tight ass with your big raptor, dick Kick slams me as hard as he can onto his rod, the muscles in his scaled arms rippling with every movement. You've been a very bad astronaut, orion tells me, his raptor, face pressed hard against mine as we pumped together in sweaty unison. So you're gonna take my Jurassic load up your asshole and you're gonna like it. Yes, sir, I tell him 10 out of 10.

Speaker 3 1:01:01

No notes Dina thoughts.

Speaker 4 1:01:06

Jurassic load was clever. Oh no, my ring light fell Okay.

Speaker 3 1:01:10

That's fair.

Speaker 1 1:01:14

Oh no.

Speaker 3 1:01:14

Dimming the lights.

Speaker 1 1:01:14

You know, yeah, the jurassic load I thought was a uh inspired piece of literary uh jurassic, load up your asshole, up your jurass hole would have been a better move there, I think up your ass, up your cretaceous.

Voicemail Madness and Food Delights

Speaker 3 1:01:32

I like it. Yeah, you know what we're gonna write to chuck. Sean, can you get chuck tingle on the phone please? Yeah, let me just do that real quick. Thanks, buddy. Uh, chuck, you'll, you'll, you'll. You'll. Just convey the message to him, sean, I trust you yeah, I will add it to the list love you for infinity there we go. You're doing so good, dina. Dina, I love your halo. You're looking so good right now.

Speaker 1 1:02:00

This is just. Did you break the tripod for your light? Is that why you're holding it?

Speaker 4 1:02:07

no, I'll have to. I'll send you a picture of what my setup looked like there's no way I'm going to get that back.

Speaker 3 1:02:13

It's good you got the afraid of the dark thing going right now, she told me she's got a fucking radiator or some type of heater or cooler.

Speaker 1 1:02:20

She uses a swamp cooler in her office.

Speaker 3 1:02:22

There's no way you need a heater in Florida.

Speaker 1 1:02:25

I don't know. It's not a stable setup.

Speaker 4 1:02:34

You can post this in the episode if you want to.

Speaker 3 1:02:35

Okay, yeah, yeah we'll leave it in there. But you know what, guys, if you want to be part of these episodes, if you want to just get in on this freaking madness is beauty you want, leave us a voicemail. Uh, you know, we already talked to batman and, uh, maybe we need to talk to some more superheroes. So if you know some superheroes, have us call. Have them call in at three, four, seven, sixty nine. Weird, that's three four, seven, six, nine, nine.

Speaker 1 1:02:57

Three four, seven three and be patient, because our friend levi has left us a wealth of voicemails that we will never get through.

Speaker 3 1:03:06

So you, know, so each week, week will be maybe Levi or someone else. It could be anyone.

Speaker 1 1:03:13

We could alternate. We could probably alternate.

Speaker 3 1:03:15

Yeah, just or just have them run at the same time. Sean, I'm concerned.

Speaker 1 1:03:18

Just doing two voicemails. Dina is losing her mind right now.

Speaker 3 1:03:23

For our audio only listeners.

Speaker 1 1:03:25

That sip of hard tea. Really fucked with her. Yeah, it's fucking embarrassing right now.

Speaker 3 1:03:31

Dina, it's fucking embarrassing.

Speaker 4 1:03:34

Just buy me a drink in person and see what really happens. I don't know. Just buy me a drink, marilyn.

Speaker 5 1:03:42

I'm poor, help me, I'm poor.

Speaker 4 1:03:44

No.

Speaker 1 1:03:46

This is not cheap.

Speaker 3 1:03:47

You guys Buy us drinks, it's the only way we can afford to go on this trip.

Speaker 1 1:03:53

Give us coupons for the Carl's Jr.

Speaker 4 1:03:56

No, I did break it.

Speaker 1 1:03:58

Oh, you did break it Okay.

Speaker 3 1:04:00

Okay, that's our cue, dina, where can the folks find you?

Speaker 4 1:04:05

You can find me on Twitter at DinosaurusD. That's D like D D.

Speaker 1 1:04:13

Or you can find me on threads at dinosaurusdmiw, dinosaurusdmiw Big D, right there as well.

Speaker 3 1:04:21

Yeah, you can find me on Twitter at danqwritesthing. That's danqwritesthing singular. It's donkalicious and I think I'm on threads at like Daniel Quigley. Author.

Speaker 1 1:04:33

I think that's. Yeah, it's something really like that. They should have really limited the number of letters so you can only write something singular yeah, that that should have been the move right there.

Speaker 3 1:04:41

I'll have to consider changing that, um, but uh sean where can the folks find you bud?

Speaker 1 1:04:47

Tina is now our guardian angel. Yeah, I got you Hela Hela. You can find me on xcom At Chase Holdu.

Speaker 3 1:04:58

And what you having for dinner tonight, bud.

Speaker 1 1:05:01

Oh I Well, on Sunday, which was Father's Day, this will be a month from now. Last Sunday was Father's Day, thank you. I made some beautiful prime New York strip steaks and there was one left.

Speaker 4 1:05:16

You had to cook on Father's Day I like to cook. Tina, you're going to get to eat his food.

Speaker 1 1:05:23

Listen. I got to cook $40 steaks. They were fucking great. There was one left over and I decided to make killer steak sandwiches tonight that are actually in the oven staying warm right now.

Speaker 4 1:05:35

So so wait, before we go, I have to explain my reference because I just need you guys to hate this as much as I do. So there's this couple on tiktok that, um, they're everybody hates the husband like, and they're convinced that they hate each other oh, you guys know them yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 1:05:50

So, um, for Father's Day they like put out a podcast episode or whatever and they were like we're not celebrating Father's Day because it's too close to Matt's birthday. And last year Abby was pregnant on Father's like eight or nine months pregnant on Father's Day it happened to fall on Matt's birthday and he was really disappointed because he had to grill on Father's Day, which was also his birthday. So they're postponing Father's Day celebration for three months so that he gets both days.

Speaker 4 1:06:23

Because that's what they had planned. And she was pregnant and didn't want to cook, and they had just gotten back from their babymoon that same day and had family over that same day. So she was like, yeah, grill hamburgers. Everybody's coming over, we're celebrating, and he got mad about it. So they're postponing the celebration for three months.

Speaker 1 1:06:42

See, I assumed that he would have just made her do it, whether she was pregnant or not.

Speaker 5 1:06:46

Yeah.

Speaker 4 1:06:47

Honestly same.

Speaker 1 1:06:52

If we've been in the cult, this would have never happened.

Speaker 4 1:06:55

Yeah, the clips that I've seen, I'm like, oh yeah, that's bad. So yeah, that's what I was referencing about that's big yikes.

Speaker 3 1:06:59

But no, sean gets off in the tina.

Speaker 1 1:07:00

You get to eat sean's food I'm so excited I'm gonna have all the onions too I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you all what you want to eat ahead of time and curate a menu okay oh, we get custom menus.

Speaker 6 1:07:13

Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 3 1:07:14

He does this. He did this for my wife. He fucking hand battered. What was it?

Speaker 1 1:07:19

shrimp yeah, she wanted fried shrimp. I was barbecuing. Okay, daniel wanted ribs and beans and cornbread or something. If I remember correct, yeah, something like that yeah, and then I was like is there anything else? And then he's like miriam wants fried shrimp and I'm like, well, that's not barbecued, uh, but I'll do it. So I I barbecued shrimp and I fried shrimp, and I made the ribs and I made the beans. Yeah, it was, uh, it was a pretty epic yeah, I'm so excited about this.

Speaker 3 1:07:52

I, I can't wait, uh can not wait. So, guys, uh, hopefully we'll see you guys at shocker con. Check out nothing special, download it if you haven't downloaded, even though sale will be long gone by the time you guys see this episode, but you guys should still check it out because, uh, something special is coming out and you want to be prepped for it, man, uh. So, guys, that's it, we are out of here. J is coming out and you want to be prepped for it, man. So, guys, that's it, we are out of here. Jazzy.

Speaker 1 1:08:23

Don't make it weird With Daniel Quigley, dinosaurus and Sean Holden, produced and edited by me. Sean Holden Theme song by Amaria, incidental music and sound effects provided by Voice Mod, as well as the YouTube Audio Library. You can rate and review this show on Spotify, apple Podcasts, goodpods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD. That's 347-699-3473. And leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.