Don't Make It Weird
Two amateur authors and amateur humans—Daniel and Dina—discuss all things writing and books, and re-tell chaotic life adventures from cults to exes that think they’re horses. We’ve got you covered in this comedic and sarcastic, life-centered podcast. Follow us as we fail to not make it weird.
Don't Make It Weird
The One With Abby Simpson
Join us for an entertaining episode of "Don't Make it Weird," where we're thrilled to host Abby Simpson, a passionate Canadian writer and historical fiction enthusiast. We kick-start with a playful chat about oven settings and Canadian city hierarchies, sprinkled with Abby's witty Canada facts. Trust us, you'll be laughing as we take some good-natured jabs at cities like Vancouver, Toronto, Montreal, and Winnipeg.
Ever questioned the ancestry of American presidents or the authenticity of regional stereotypes? We've got you covered. This episode features a rollercoaster discussion on a conspiracy theory about American presidents' lineage and reveals Abby's quirky experiences as a die-hard Hanson fan. Her adventurous tale of a Hanson concert road trip to Detroit is filled with unexpected twists, including border crossing mishaps that will keep you on the edge of your seat.
Lastly, we pivot to a more scholarly vibe as Abby dives into the intricate craft of writing historical fiction. Get insights into her novel "The Dragon and the Butterfly," and the meticulous research required to bring historical figures like Matilda of Flanders to life. As we debate the best form of potato and explore the international expansion of Tim Hortons, Abby’s humor and storytelling prowess shine through. Don’t miss this engaging blend of laughter, knowledge, and fascinating discussions, and be sure to check out Abby's book for more captivating historical narratives.
You can buy THE DRAGON AND THE BUTTERFLY by Abby Simpson here!: https://a.co/d/9mVn7gE
Abby on X: https://x.com/abbythetweet
Daniel's website: https://dumps4danq.com
Dina's website: https://dinasaurusd.com
You can find the video presentation of this show on our YouTube channel, and the audio only version on any of your favorite podcast apps!
📢 Call us! Got a weird story, a conspiracy theory, or a better use for baby oil? Leave us a voicemail or text us at (347) 69-WEIRD! 📞 That’s (347) 699-3473!
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Don't Make It Weird Podcast on Twitter: http://twitter.com/dmiwpodcast
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Producer Sean on Twitter: http://twitter.com/shaceholdu
Music Credit:
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Credits song written and performed by ...
You sound like Futurama. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:Keep it together. Keep it together. It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your hosts.
Speaker 1:Daniel and Dina Sorris. Oh, hello there. Welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast. I'm one of your co-hosts, daniel Quigley, and we are your writing storytelling comedy podcast by the writing community for whoever the hell wants to listen. Anyone. Seriously, please just listen to us. We love you, we need you, we want you, and I'm joined, as always, by my better half, the people you guys are all here to actually see. I'm joined by the dread darling of Dauntless Desire, who's both the dragon and the butterfly the dragon and the butterfly Dinosaurus.
Speaker 3:Hi, Dina. So I have a question.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have an answer.
Speaker 3:So why do ovens only ever like they can be set to like a five, like a number that ends in five, or a double zero or a single zero, right, but why don't recipes ever use a single zero number? Do you know what I mean? Like it's always like 425 or 450, like, oh wait, that's it yeah, never mind my whole thing just went out the door, never mind just good job.
Speaker 1:We're off to a rip-roaring start. I was gonna say I know nothing about. I know what you're getting at. I know what you're getting at.
Speaker 2:It's like you never see like preheat your oven to 360 it's always like a round, like maybe it's usually like intervals of 25, yeah, so like I guess it just makes it easier, but I mean, I think we need to have abby, uh, the canadian representative, here, uh give us her opinion on it when she arrives yeah, and if she is here, guys, I'm so freaking excited for our guests this week.
Speaker 1:it's been it's been a little bit minute, a little bit. It's been a little bit minute, a little bit minute. It's been a little minute since we've had a guest on the show and we've got our first ever guest for season three guys. And our guest this week is a talented Canadian writer whose work, both fiction and nonfiction, have appeared in Vamp, cat Mag Cryer Media and more. With a degree in political science from Simon Fraser University, she brings a unique and informed perspective to her writing. She has a deep love for the epic scope of crafting historical fiction, transporting readers to richly realized worlds of long ago. When she's not immersing herself in these historical narratives, you may find her hiking through the stunning landscapes of Canada or people watching on a patio with friends and family. Her story about Matilda Flanders, the dragon and the butterfly is available now from Lost Boys Press. Welcome to the show, abby Simpson.
Speaker 4:Hi guys, How's it going?
Speaker 1:So first question do they have ovens in Canada?
Speaker 4:Yes, they do, and they end in zeros on the setting and it's in Celsius. No, it's not Actually. No, it's not actually. No, it's not. My oven has both settings. But canada's weird, and we are mostly we do. Temperature is celsius for everything except for pools and stoves you know, america has no inconsistent measuring at all.
Speaker 1:Don't talk to us.
Speaker 2:Yes, completely consistent you guys, I mean it consistent.
Speaker 4:I mean because obviously we have the British systems right, like the metric systems. And then I mean the American culture is so enormous is the word I'm going to use and so it's so enormous that we absolutely have little bits of both kind of running through Canadian lives here and there. So our stoves, though, like I mean I set my stove, I'll preheat my stove to 350 all the time, 400 all the time, it's never 495. I don't know, maybe that's like different.
Speaker 1:We need to start the movement right now. Dean, are you in?
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 4:I don't. I don't know what movement we're talking about. To just dial up, get rid of vibes? We're starting a revolution here.
Speaker 1:Okay, I need you on board exactly, exactly, uh, and and over the course of this episode, abby, I believe you're gonna intersperse uh canada facts for us, because we know nothing about canada. Uh, brand new country to the show. Um, so we, we welcome all of our canadian listeners.
Speaker 2:Just the mess is canadian more recently than remember her.
Speaker 3:But pardon who okay you?
Speaker 4:know our other. Yes, jess, she lives in the same city as me. Actually, what, yeah Can?
Speaker 1:you help us stop just the mess.
Speaker 4:There's like three cities in Canada.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's Vancouver and Toronto, and then there's just vast openness.
Speaker 4:No, there's Montreal as well. So the three biggest.
Speaker 2:Oh, montreal, that's just New France, that's not Canada.
Speaker 4:The three cities that would be sort of considered like world class and obviously I'm going to make a whole bunch of people in different cities upset by saying this but the three that are considered world class in terms of like population and airport sizes and whatever else are Toronto.
Speaker 3:Montreal and.
Speaker 4:Vancouver, and Vancouver is where I am, on the other side, and then there's like a bunch of other cities that are also fantastic and wonderful.
Speaker 2:Nova Scotia is in shambles. Winnipeg is going to be pissed.
Speaker 4:Winnipeg knows where it stands in the hierarchy of cities. It's a wonderful place, but their winters are 10 months long and for the two months that they don't have winter, they have black flies are 10 months long, and for the two months that they don't have winter, they have black flies. So that's fair. And of course, people who love Manitoba would jump down my throat and say those are stereotypes, which is fair, but it's also true that just being a manatee would be in Manitoba Like it feels like the right.
Speaker 4:There's no manatees here. That's too Just one.
Speaker 1:Just that's too. Just one.
Speaker 4:Just just just a single one. No manatees, I mean, I think there's lots of polar bears in Manitoba, lots of them actually.
Speaker 1:Oh, bless their hearts. So, so second question, before we like really dive into things Do you know Robin Sparkles and have you met her personally?
Speaker 4:No, no, but, but also from Vancouver. It's one of those things. It just happens, it's just that's what I said.
Speaker 3:Everyone's in Vancouver Ryan Reynolds, vancouver, michael J.
Speaker 4:Fox.
Speaker 1:Vancouver. But you know what transcends borders, ashley, that everyone the world over has.
Speaker 2:Who the fuck is, ashley? You said.
Speaker 1:Ashley I did no such thing. Please check the tape. I'll be.
Speaker 4:Ashley, if you want, it's okay. We love Ashley.
Speaker 2:Hold on, let me rewind the tape. This is where I'll cut in, the part where I rewind it and play it back in slow motion three times.
Speaker 1:You know what transcends borders, ashley. You know what transcends borders, ashley. Abby, can I get the first one out of the way? Sean hit the music.
Speaker 2:Uh-oh, are we doing this?
Speaker 3:You haven't even introduced him yet.
Speaker 1:Abby, I'm sorry, he's sorry. So sorry, I didn't mean to get your name wrong. Her name's Abby.
Speaker 4:Say her name abby. Say her name abby, spell it don't ask him to do that. He has an editor for a reason come on, spell it and, guys, if you're hearing I have star wars ice cubes you want to see.
Speaker 1:I do For the audio only listeners.
Speaker 3:No, it's a Death Star.
Speaker 4:Okay, that's still cool.
Speaker 1:For the folks at home that don't realize. Dina is wearing nothing but a Millennium Falcon, like the toy is just covering her body. Don't check the YouTube, don't watch the video Nice. Fantastic.
Speaker 4:Fantastic. I love that. That's what the YouTube.
Speaker 2:Don't watch the video Nice, fantastic, fantastic. I love that, oh God.
Speaker 4:That's our first buzzword.
Speaker 2:Since Daniel hasn't introduced me yet, I'll just jump right into this. No, sean.
Speaker 1:I'm doing this. Come my Shawnee. Come, come my Shawnee. You're my butterfly sugar baby. Come my Shawnee, you're my pretty baby. I'll make your legs shake. You make me go crazy.
Speaker 2:producer sean everyone um, awesome choice, uh, considering shifty shell shock the lead singer of crazy town like died two days ago I was gonna say I thought I read that rip, rip um hello abby, welcome to the show and welcome everyone.
Speaker 2:Shout out fernando and shifty, I hope you guys are hanging out. Um, we play drinking games on this show and I'm going to bring them up now because daniel already hit us with a buzzer. Um, if you hear, that buzzer sounds like this, that means someone said one of our buzz words or phrases and we must drink. Also, we are Buffalo Club members here. That means we all drink with our off hand and we're all right-handed here, including Abby. Okay, so we'll all be drinking with our left hand. If you catch us drinking with our right hand, let us know in the comments.
Speaker 1:If we catch one another drinking. Not a sponsor.
Speaker 4:Both hands. You can't go both hands yeah, that's a one-hander yeah, I'm trying to save you guys from getting dinged or something, or like oh no, don't worry about it. Promo. No, no one watches it out, I'll blur it out because no one wants their brand on us.
Speaker 2:I do. If one of us catches someone else here in the studio drinking with the right hand yellow buffalo and they're caught, they have to finish their drink and yeah, so we should have a good time tonight with that, daniel.
Speaker 1:So. So, dina, you know what? I'm going to skip every single segment because I have to know. But I'm going to skip every single segment because I have to know. I'm just kidding, oh my God.
Speaker 2:I will nuke this show right now.
Speaker 4:Go from the bottom to the top.
Speaker 1:Guys, I need you to dim the lights, to put on some nice spooky mood music. Leave your disbelief at the door, because it's time for Dina's TikTok conspiracy corner.
Speaker 3:Okay, this one was really hard for me to pick one. All of the presidents are related. Every single one of them, except for former President Trump, was a descendant of King John.
Speaker 1:All right, you know what we're going to bring in our American presidential expert, abby Simpson.
Speaker 4:Abby- I'm not an American presidential expert, but I do have. I don't know.
Speaker 3:Nope, nope, nope, you are, you are.
Speaker 2:This is a yes and situation, abby, you have to lean into it.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay she. She spent eight years studying American presidents.
Speaker 3:Addison's and please continue. She got a doctorate in it.
Speaker 4:It's funny though because I actually do subscribe to believe that all Western European, if you have Western European ancestry, you descend from. You descend from Charlemagne, like that's not King John, that's hundreds of years later. But I do actually subscribe to this theory, like I do I, and it's funny Cause obviously every tree starts, you know you're, you're at the bottom of the tree, and then you have parents, and then the parents have parents and every branch just doubles all the time. So the odds are actually pretty good that everyone is somehow related and it makes sense.
Speaker 1:I mean giant NWO conspiracy. I'm with you, buddy, I'm 100%.
Speaker 4:It's not even there's like a website. There's lots of websites about it and actually, wow, I can't believe you picked the one thing I'm conspiratorial about. What in the world, you guys? Yeah?
Speaker 1:We got the right expert. I do want to know, because this is my ADHD brain. So in America when we talk about like rednecks and maybe you're married to your cousin we think of Alabama and we say Roll Tide, Roll Tide. After the University of Alabama, what is the Canadian equivalent of Roll Tide Like? What is the Alabama of Canada?
Speaker 4:Vancouver? No, the Alabama of Canada is rural Alberta probably.
Speaker 2:You gotta go to the deep north Alberta. Of course I'm not from Alberta.
Speaker 4:So of course I would say that um, but the alberta is the one province that is the most um into wanting to be american politically like that I get.
Speaker 1:I get exactly what that can agree again make canada great again, the the like the maga crowd is growing in canada.
Speaker 4:It is, it's maga and like they're like make canada great again and stuff like then I could rant. I'm not going to rant because it doesn't serve. However, it is ridiculous and that is that. That is. I'm an expert on that.
Speaker 2:We have political here, if it's funny um also, I think I'm pretty sure we had a conspiracy corner segment once where we talked about how donald trump is actually a time traveler and he's his own grandpa, or something like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that all pans out?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, that checks out. Um. So like historically, there are two figures historically that really be fucking though, um gangas con and charlemagne. Like who do you think?
Speaker 3:kind of got out I know this isn't your conspiracy corner.
Speaker 4:Next segment well, the thing is is like they've actually done dna research to figure out. The gang is con, who had like a thousand kids minimum as far as I'm aware, like I don't think. I think they stopped counting at some point.
Speaker 3:They're like extravagant or something but like they're like.
Speaker 4:So he had so many kids and just basically like raped and pillaged everywhere. They went right that they have actually done dna analysis to determine that, like people in china all do descend from like and other parts of asia as well, all do descend genghis khan, the mongols made it as far as europe, like into hungary, for sure. Um, not, that's not necessarily my like area that I've like gone deep down the rabbit hole yet with my like love of history yet researching and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4:But that's, that is so. Charlemagne did not have as many children um, because a thousand is a lot a thousand is a lot of children, and charlemagne was spending a lot more of his time impressing the catholic church. Genghis Khan obviously. Yeah, genghis Khan didn't care about the Catholics very much yeah like Sheldon Mayne had a lot of kids, like a lot Like, I think like 15-ish maybe.
Speaker 1:But so what we're saying is that his kids were the one that be fucking though, because, you know, at some point they had to catch up to Genghis Khan, because I feel like those are the two ones that people say have a lot of percentage background there. I think Genghis Khan is like 3.5%.
Speaker 2:Basically, what we're saying is Nick Cannon is Genghis Khan.
Speaker 4:In a thousand years. He absolutely could be without a doubt he's going to trace it back to Nick Cannon. And this is yeah, but that's the whole plot of Idiocracy is Duggar types.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we know nothing about the Duggars here.
Speaker 4:Repopulated or populating the future because they just have kids all the time. Abby, I'm so sorry, can?
Speaker 1:I stop you here Because I've been trying to be patient, I've been trying to wait and I can't wait anymore. I need to know are you a tease?
Speaker 4:Who.
Speaker 1:You.
Speaker 4:Me.
Speaker 3:Yeah who you me yeah, sexually such a mean answer.
Speaker 2:So that's, that's the joke. He's not asking in that context, but that's the joke sexually.
Speaker 1:You were so earnest and honest about it and I love that answer so much. That was the nicest response I've ever heard.
Speaker 4:I'm not the nicest, I'm not the most polite Canadian that there is, but on a scale like Canadians I'm still pretty polite. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 3:Every Canadian is just so polite compared to Americans Roll tide.
Speaker 4:It's like the meanest Canadian you you will meet me is still incredibly polite listen.
Speaker 1:I need you to channel your inner charlemagne. I need you to tease the audience a little bit.
Speaker 4:Give us a taste of what you have in store for story time oh, when I tell you all about the time that I went to a hansen concert with my friend megan and every single shenanigan that could possibly happen happened on the way to this show. Okay, okay, okay, and at the story time, and then home from the show.
Speaker 1:No, no no, no details, no details. I now have to wait for an entire segment before I get the answer to this question, and all I want to hear is about his hands, and Sean tell us what we're doing next.
Speaker 2:Oh, we're going to play a game, you guys, and we're bringing back an old classic. It's called true confessions. This is a game of deception. Each contestant has prepared two confessions. One is true, the other it a lie. And you guys, abby is our guest, so she'll confess first you know you want to ask the first questions and I'll bounce off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:I have.
Speaker 2:Let's ask Abby to do number one or number two. Dina, what do you think?
Speaker 3:Number one.
Speaker 2:Okay, so whatever you had in your mind is confession. Number one is the one you're going to tell us, and it's just a short, succinct confession.
Speaker 4:Confession like a one sentence thing, and then I'll hit the timer for interrogation I whenever you're ready, abby I have seen hansen in concert 25 times all right, you guys.
Speaker 3:60 seconds is on the clock did you have to travel to other cities to see them, or were they all in, like your home?
Speaker 4:oh no, I've traveled. The only time I ever saw them in my hometown was one time when they went to a bar called Cowboys. What does Hanson smell like?
Speaker 3:I actually don't know, because I've only met them one time and I was too nervous to smell them. Have you gotten stuff signed by them?
Speaker 1:Yes, not when I met them, though, did you make physical contact with them?
Speaker 4:Pardon.
Speaker 1:Did you make physical contact with them?
Speaker 4:I have shaken their hands.
Speaker 2:yes, Can I shake your hand, oh my god. Super helpful questions.
Speaker 3:Daniel, do you have pictures with them?
Speaker 4:I do actually here. I have to take you with me One sec.
Speaker 2:Daniel ask a question because we're running out of time.
Speaker 1:Are they as handsome in person as they seem they would be.
Speaker 4:Can you just ask if there is?
Speaker 2:Hanson in person, can you see?
Speaker 1:that that's 60 seconds. There's a glare. There's a glare. It's a little blurry.
Speaker 2:I'm going to need you to send me a photo of it after the show. After we're done recording, Send it to me in my DMS.
Speaker 1:All right, you guys. I was going to take it off the wall, dina.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing, abby I, I think you are telling the truth, but I need this to be a lie because, like and I don't mean to make this like awkward- because, if you've seen them, 25 times in concert. I might leave my wife and ask you to marry me. Is it okay with your wife? Not as a personal dig against you, but because I don't want to get married, that's fair, but okay, awesome, continue, deal.
Speaker 2:Okay, so did you? Did you say, if you so, you do think it's true? Both of you think it's true, but I need it to be false. Yes, okay, abby, what? What's the truth?
Speaker 4:I have officially lost count of how many times I have seen them, but I do know it is not 25 times. I lost count around 12 or 13. Oh, oh my god, you deem it about, uh, I don't know how many years it's been, actually maybe as long as when, um, um, I found out that they were a little bit one too maga for my taste yeah, yeah, personally I had stopped enjoying the music. So their political stuff, yeah, it was just sort of like I.
Speaker 1:I prefer not to know I keep myself in ignorance for me.
Speaker 3:I guess pardon, yeah, no, I keep myself in ignorance for them yeah, 100, yeah, um excellent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you mind if I go?
Speaker 3:first I'll go, thank you. Dina's going to go next Yep.
Speaker 1:Yep Abby, why don't you?
Speaker 2:select one or two.
Speaker 1:And also lead off for the first question.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so since we're over video chat here, we don't want to step on each other's toes. So, abby, you go first, then Daniel will go.
Speaker 3:And then we'll go back and forth. So you don't like talk over each other. All right, dina, whenever you're ready she's.
Speaker 2:She said two okay, two yeah, number two, okay. I once entered a singing competition and won. All right, 60 seconds are on the clock abby go ahead.
Speaker 4:What song did you sing?
Speaker 3:wonderful grace of jesus sing it.
Speaker 4:Will you sing it right now? Yeah, will you sing it right now?
Speaker 1:yeah, will you sing it right now, dina? Dina, that's my question. Actually, no, but you won, yeah, you won a competition.
Speaker 2:We're losing time, abby.
Speaker 4:Another question was it like? Was it for kids or was it like an adult singing contest?
Speaker 1:we were teenagers, okay how many people were present at this event?
Speaker 4:close to a thousand, I don't know was it judged on singing ability or ability to get the message across? Singing ability, okay um.
Speaker 1:What did you wear for this performance?
Speaker 3:um. It was a blue shirt with like flappy butterfly wing sleeves all right time's up.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, abby, what's your thoughts?
Speaker 4:uh, I'm gonna say that you were in it in the in this singing contest, but because you refuse to sing for me now, I cannot trust that you won it, because I haven't heard your voice.
Speaker 1:That's fair. So here's the thing, dina. Originally I my first thought was absolutely you're a giant liar and that there's absolutely no way this happened. And then when you picked the song choice, maybe actually this could have happened. But then when you told me it was a thousand people, I said absolutely zero chance this happened. If this was in front of like 20 people in rural nothing Florida congregation, maybe I'd give you this no chance. You sang or competed on a stage in front of a thousand people.
Speaker 4:What if it was a gathering of like I'm gonna IBS from like all many states Like what if it was like a conference?
Speaker 1:Even if it was that, she wouldn't have done it in front of a thousand people.
Speaker 4:Fair enough, that's fair.
Speaker 1:Dina.
Speaker 3:So we did have a competition and we did win, but I was asked to just lip sync at the last minute. But we won and it counted now hold on.
Speaker 2:You said, did you? Say that you sang or did you twist the words to just say that you were in a singing competition?
Speaker 3:it was in a singing competition and won. Damn. She got us with Ken's dick again competition and won.
Speaker 2:Damn Fuck. That's the second time. She got us with Ken's dick again. She, ken's, dicked us.
Speaker 4:I actually, so I would like to point out that I nailed it, in fact, yeah you did yeah you did?
Speaker 3:It was a conference scatter.
Speaker 4:Indeed it was exactly that and I was like yep, she definitely did participate, but I don't think she won.
Speaker 1:And here's why, for those of you, if you want to peek behind the curtain, why this is extra misleading is that we've talked about the fact that we want dina to do karaoke, that like we want this to be a thing, and she's talked about how she will absolutely never do karaoke or sing in front of other people, so like even I like to sing, just stand up and say oh baby.
Speaker 4:It's such like a singer's form Beautiful. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay. Daniel's up All right Daniel, All right Number one or number two?
Speaker 4:Which one Number one?
Speaker 1:Daniel, go ahead, number one. Alright, the time ended up at the wrong massage parlor oh, who's going first?
Speaker 3:me, abby. Do you want to go first for questions?
Speaker 4:um define wrong massage parlor.
Speaker 3:I think you know Abby um, like a rub, did you follow through with the happy ending?
Speaker 1:so I was touched there and that led me to the understanding that this was the wrong massage parlor and at that point I kind of freaked out a little bit.
Speaker 4:I wasn't very comfortable at that were you on your stomach or on your back?
Speaker 1:answer the question, please, uh uh, I did not get a fully happy ending, but my penis was touched Also, definitely on my back. I don't think that there's like a penis hole like in the table for me to angle?
Speaker 4:No, but I was like, did they, like you know, try and do like a thigh massage and just like reach around the under?
Speaker 1:It was a girl. Yeah, listen, there's only girls that use that as a massage parlors allegedly. I have questions about that five seconds there there we go um um but yes, they were massaging my thighs, if that was your question am I asking more questions or am I just I'll give you one the time's up, but I'll give you one more question I don't have another question, so skip.
Speaker 4:I'm pretty convinced that this happened actually already.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:I don't know Because. Yeah, I don't know why Boss.
Speaker 2:Dina doesn't believe it. No, why is that Dina?
Speaker 3:This is probably somebody else's story, but I feel like you would have mentioned this in all the times that we've talked about massages, and I feel like you chose this specifically because we were just talking about my first world problems.
Speaker 4:Okay, Abby you know, I like her, I but I. I've decided to believe it because it just sort of feels like something that could happen to me.
Speaker 1:Like it just could happen to anybody. Or could happen. Yeah, it could happen to anyone. Thank you, it could happen to anyone, abby, it could happen to anyone. Actually, it isn't my story, it's Sean's story. No, it's not, I'm just kidding. It's an absolute lie, guys. It's an absolute lie.
Speaker 4:He didn't know if you were running or back.
Speaker 2:So was that actually a made up story Did? You actually make up a story for true confessions for the first time ever.
Speaker 1:Yep, that was a fully fictionalized Daniel story that time.
Speaker 2:See, I figured, if you made it up, that the happy ending would have happened. But you know, you put a little twist on it for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, I tried to keep it interesting for you guys. Man Right on, oh goodness. Well, all right, abby, you've teased us long enough and now it's time for you to deliver a happy ending to our entire audience. Tell them about what? Sorry, I totally screwed this all up. Abby, abby. Sorry, I totally screwed this all up. Um, abby, abby, we're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale. So, without further ado, it's story time with abby do?
Speaker 4:I just start talking yeah, yeah, yeah so I picked this story because I know how much daniel loved hansen. Um and uh. I have obviously seen them many, many times and I've actually made friends that I met specifically, like in line at hansen shows and things like that.
Speaker 1:Um, or made friends are they also willing to be my friend?
Speaker 4:until they found out I was a Hanson fan and that includes my friend Megan, actually, so she and I met at a music conference and I had worked there the previous year.
Speaker 4:I showed up two days later than she did and she was like who's this girl that everyone loves and knows? And I've been here working my butt off for two days and then she found out I was a Hanson fan and we've been like super close friends ever since. But so this one show we went, and we were going to go to detroit, which obviously for us means crossing a border right um, and I was living in southwestern ontario at the time.
Speaker 4:So she drove from her home in um oshawa and drove me drove to meet me in London, ontario, and you're going to need a map to look at this, and so she wanted me to drive some of the way, and I had just gotten my license.
Speaker 1:And I wasn't technically supposed to be driving on the highway.
Speaker 4:And we're driving on the highway and it's the middle of the night and I'm going 100 in the fast lane, 100 kilometers an hour in the fast lane, and I get pulled over by the cops and I'm like freaking out.
Speaker 4:I'm going 100 in the fast lane, 100 kilometers an hour in the fast lane, and I get pulled over by the cops and I'm freaking out. I'm like, oh no, I'm technically not supposed to be driving. Takes a look at my license, sees how I haven't been driving very long and gives me a warning. That was fun. Then we are almost out of gas, but we're not at the border yet and we missed the turnoff for and I wasn't driving by this point this was Megan, not my fault, but we missed the turnoff for the service station to get gas and we needed gas and so we turned off and we ended up on this dirt road and we find an open garage. We don't have any gas, but there's a gas station 10 minutes down the road and we end up coasting down a hill just to get there, got the gas, get to the border. We're two girls trying to cross the border in the middle of the night, just us in a car. So they pulled us over and tore the car apart, looking for drugs.
Speaker 3:Because that's what that's they're trained to think. I was about to say so. Y'all are mules. Exactly, I was about to say so y'all are mules.
Speaker 4:Exactly. They're trained to think that two young girls crossing the border in the middle of the night are mules.
Speaker 2:No one's going to believe that you're driving that far to see Hanson.
Speaker 4:Exactly. That's why we say we're going to a Hanson concert. They're like get out, please Tear the car apart.
Speaker 1:All right. How much shrooms? Where's the shrooms, guys?
Speaker 4:There's no. So anyway we did. We got across the border because they couldn't find any drugs, because we were legitimately going to see Hanson, that's the only high you need. I'm with you and we get across the border and there's like highways in Canada are very modern and large and six lanes and whatever else. But we crossed over from Windsor into Detroit and the amount of like exits and interchanges, we got immediately lost, immediately lost. We found ourselves in like the scariest neighborhood I've ever seen Detroit.
Speaker 1:That's everywhere in Detroit.
Speaker 4:What. It's just Detroit, it's like. It's just it was just you know, like where those $5,000 homes they talk about are right, like that's that kind of neighborhood. And where we were going to the show was not a better neighborhood. The state theater across from where the Tigers play is like just a block away from Skid Row, a San Francisco port Right.
Speaker 1:This is true.
Speaker 4:And we anyway, like, why did we leave in the middle of the night to go to a Hanson show that was the next night? Well, because it was general admission and we had to sleep on the concrete outside of the theater to get close to the front which was something I participated in but never really cared about.
Speaker 4:That was something that like was was big for Megan and everything. But you know I'm doing it because she's my friend and whatever. But the whole day we are just waiting outside sitting on the concrete eating McDonald's because there was a McDonald's a block away and we walked to the McDonald's and every like homeless person in this she's in Detroit, Michigan.
Speaker 1:You dumb fuck.
Speaker 3:Huh, sorry, continue. Daniel's, just Detroit, michigan, you dumb, fuck. Huh, Sorry continue.
Speaker 4:Daniel's just being an idiot, just keep going. So every single time we're like walking towards McDonald's and like all these like homeless people living on Skid Row are like what are y'all white girls doing here, you know? And it's like dancing concert. They're like what's that? So that night the show we get in. We're like two rows from the front. Not even Megan's like got herself up to the front and this was like the worst experience I've ever had.
Speaker 4:It felt like worse than a mosh pit where, when the van came out the crowd surged forward because they wanted to touch their hands and I'm like, practically like standing like at this angle right, like my feet are barely on the ground, and so I like pulled myself out of there.
Speaker 4:I'm like Megan, I'm getting out, I can't breathe, I don't like this, this is not fun. So I watched the entire show from the back and just danced around by myself and at the end of the night Megan wanted to go and wait by the buses to see if they'd come out and she could like get autographs, shake their hand. And I did not care about this at all. I just was like wanting to kind of go home, like it'd been a long day and I'd slept on the concrete and you know, the show was over, I was good. But uh, we realized that she had locked her keys in her car earlier that day and we didn't realize this until, of course, like 11 30 at night, when it's time to leave the only place you could sleep, and so I'm sitting there waiting while megan is waiting by the buses and she called triple a.
Speaker 1:We're canadian, so triple a did not show up at all, because what is the canadian version of triple a like? Do you have that in canada? It's just ca ca um but triple a.
Speaker 4:You know, they just didn't show up. So I'm sitting out there and like waiting and waiting for AAA to show up, while she's waiting for Hanson so she can shake their hands, and I. And then this like random dude comes out of nowhere. He's like starts talking to me like midnight by now after midnight and I'm like weirded out. But he's just like but I'm like trying not to be like rude or anything, he's a Canadian, stranger danger. So I'm talking to him and he's like, and I'm like, yeah, I'm just waiting for AAA to show up because my friend locked the keys in the car. He's like, is that your car? And it's a Pontiac Sunfire. And I said, well, that's her car. And he goes, I drive that.
Speaker 3:And he pulls out his, his car keys.
Speaker 4:And so I'm like, I grab her keys out of the car, lock it up again, run over to Megan. I'm like, megan, we have to leave right now. We have to leave right now because there is a very creepy man who knows how to get into your car Like he could do it.
Speaker 3:Right now I'm taking everything he could take the whole car away.
Speaker 2:And she's like I don't want to leave. I really don't want to leave. Don't turn your back on him. He's hiding in the backseat.
Speaker 4:She's like, she's like she really did not want to leave, and I like had to become like aggressive Canadian at that point, like, no, we're leaving, and so we finally.
Speaker 1:Gosh, I swear I'll be cross with you Like I thought you were going to throw your gloves off and then just start. Yeah, gordie Howe and him yeah.
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no, gordie Howe hat tricks for me. But so you know. Finally that's over and we get on the road again, and we miss the turnoff for the border, and so we're driving towards Ohio.
Speaker 3:Then we have to find a way to turn around. Nobody wants to go there.
Speaker 4:We're like, I've been to Ohio but I didn't want to go that night, and so we turn ourselves around.
Speaker 4:Then it starts and we get through the border actually pretty okay this time because we're going back home, so they have less like whatever they we. It starts pouring rain as we get and Megan is like I need to sleep because she had to work first thing in the morning and she was going all the way back to Oshawa, which was like six to eight hours away from Windsor, and so she's sleeping and I'm driving and it starts pouring and she wants us. We both want to get back fast. I'm driving faster than I've ever driven in my life, on a 30 miles an hour, parential rain soaked, oh no, no Like 140 kilometers an hour.
Speaker 4:The speed at which the car starts to shake on the wheels, that speed.
Speaker 4:And the only reason I didn't feel the shaking is because we were basically coasting through rain puddles on the highway and I'm actually zigzagging in and out of transport trucks are the only other cars on the road at this hour and I can't believe to this day that we did not die. But we did not die, but we did not die. And we just ended up with the longest, most ridiculous story about trying to go to see hansen once of the several times that we have seen them together can you tell megan I love her, like, like.
Speaker 1:Is that cool?
Speaker 4:yes, I will tell megan you love her and she was 87, 87 american miles per hour.
Speaker 2:Freedom is that okay, that doesn't seem right in the rain in the rain, though it's florida 110 easy 110 miles an hour, like see dina says this, but she doesn't leave her house.
Speaker 4:So yeah, it's like that's what's supposed to be going.
Speaker 1:Average on like a canadian highway, is 110 kilometers an hour in the fast lane right like and and that's just fast enough that you can like casually wave people politely, yeah, yeah that's interesting.
Speaker 4:It's funny because I do like how in the us you can have like 60 miles per hour. So essentially, if you are 120 miles away, you're two hours away, right, whereas with canadian distances you can't do that you're trying to do the math like you can't like.
Speaker 2:So, daniel, there's 60 minutes in an hour. Uh-huh, go on. So if you're going 60 miles per hour, yeah, right, right.
Speaker 4:You're going to go 60 miles in one hour Takes you about a minute to go a mile right.
Speaker 2:How many?
Speaker 1:My knees were weak, my arms were heavy Is that another Detroit reference?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, that is.
Speaker 1:All right. So, abby, you've already made me fall in love with both you and Megan, like appropriately, mostly appropriately, but I want to know do you have a tissue nearby, a kerchief, perhaps some sort of eye-drawing implement, perhaps a favor of a nobleman?
Speaker 4:Do I need one?
Speaker 1:Yeah you might. You might Because you see, Abby, we're going to peel back the layers of the potato and we're going to ask deeply personal, hard hitting questions with Dinosaurus Dina.
Speaker 4:I literally thought you meant I had something on my face. I'm going like when, what?
Speaker 1:do you mean? This is the best Abby? You're 10 out of 10. Change nothing. You're perfect.
Speaker 4:I can't change anything. I don't know how.
Speaker 1:Fair enough, abby.
Speaker 3:What is the opposite Of milk and don't say maple syrup. No, do is the opposite of milk and don't say maple syrup.
Speaker 1:No, do lead the witness. She can say whatever her beautiful Canadian heart desires.
Speaker 4:The opposite of milk. Yeah, is cheese.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm with you All right.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's like solid versus liquid.
Speaker 1:That tracks.
Speaker 4:But then I would have been like well, that's not really our dairy expert. I'm just, you know uh, expert of solid versus liquid.
Speaker 2:I don't know what's the weirdest?
Speaker 3:question you've ever been asked. I don't know, not that one.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to think Question you've ever been?
Speaker 3:No, not that one I'm trying to think I love that for you.
Speaker 2:Is this your Pontiac Sunfire?
Speaker 4:That was a weird one. That was a weird. Oh oh, let me try it. Like I was like what do you mean? Let you try. And then I actually heard that that was a thing, like other people from like no no no, no, had around 2001 or three sunfires like that was a thing that if other people could have worked yeah, this guy's like. Actually my name is john pontiac home base is in detroit, michigan, so no, but like when I told people about that part, they were like yeah, that's happened before.
Speaker 2:Like I totally just has a skeleton key to every pontiac vehicle.
Speaker 4:No, it's just that they made them all the same lock, for whatever reason they just all have the same lock too. That's probably, that's probably true, that's and that's actually no, like I'm dead ass.
Speaker 3:Serious campers have a universal lock that's yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I believe it, and it's scary because it's a house. You can change it, yeah, as one should.
Speaker 1:Alright, alright, creeped out Continue.
Speaker 3:Alright, if you were a kind of soup, what kind of soup would you be? Not maple syrup? Stop leading the witness, Dina.
Speaker 4:Um, I guess chicken and corn chowder, because I like chicken, I like corn and I'm very white. Okay, pastey color. Pastey color Like a creamy soup.
Speaker 3:When you pee, do you pee where your feet are, on your tippy toes? Where you like, go to your tippy toes. I'm like, go to your tippy toes. I'm sorry, buzzword Didn't mean to. I'm trying to rephrase it when you are like you're sitting on the toilet and you're peeing, do you go up on your tippy toes?
Speaker 4:Not when I'm peeing no.
Speaker 3:What a weirdo.
Speaker 1:Dina, you are being very judgmental right now.
Speaker 2:And you might have to do an apology, to be like me uncut poop talk, because I will if I'm pooping girls don't poop.
Speaker 4:That's a fallacy but I don't need like, it's not about. It's not about that. When I'm peeing, when I'm peeing, I'm usually getting rid of the coffee. I had, so it just goes right through me anyway.
Speaker 2:So I feel like, I feel like dina is trying to like shotgun her pee out, like as quickly as possible, so she's giving it that extra she's.
Speaker 1:She's on the tack here any longer.
Speaker 2:So she's just like flexing her legs.
Speaker 3:You know, that's fair if cinderella's shoe fit her perfectly, why did it fall off when she was running away?
Speaker 4:Because she was sweating about the fact that it was almost midnight and she was going to like everything was going to explode. She might be sitting inside the carriage when the thing turned back into a pumpkin. And then she's a pumpkin Like she's. Her head is sticking out of a pumpkin, right that's. That's why I think Decapitated yes, exactly decapitated by a carriage turning back into a pumpkin, sorry, no, um.
Speaker 3:So all right, abby, you gotta come in hot with this take. Okay, I need you to like, defend it like you're an American, not a Canadian. I need violence, I need attitude, I need it all. Okay, you gotta give me your answer and tell me why, and like, channel your inner Alberta.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, roll tide.
Speaker 3:Roll tide. What is the superior form of potato?
Speaker 4:Mashed with sour cream.
Speaker 1:She was fucking ready. She said it with her chest.
Speaker 4:And you can cut up some chives or green onions and stick them in there too if you want to make it fancy. But if you're just working off like don't use milk, don't use water, use sour cream, so you're saying you mix it in with the mash, like while you're making it.
Speaker 4:It isn't like a topping like it would be on a baked potato, for example yeah, yeah, you could put it as a topping on a baked potato, but how great it is with a baked potato just goes to show you how great it is in mashed potato. So it is for me. Sour cream is the liquid that I use when I am mashing potato, because you know how they're like you have a master of like milk or whatever like butter? Is that so 100 sour skin?
Speaker 4:in or skin out an entire like a tub that's like this thick. Right, you know one of those ones, use the entire tub, go for it, just dump them in there and make it.
Speaker 3:Make it happen beautiful I love it, I'm, I'm in okay, but like valid question also do you peel them or no? I?
Speaker 4:do if it's like a thicker potato with like the like really rough skin but I don't Rough skin Like, yeah, I don't. If it's like one of those potatoes with like the thinner skin. The thinner skin that like sort of like peels off like a paper tab, if you will, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Don't need two hands for that, yeah.
Speaker 4:They're usually smaller. Those, um, they're usually smaller. Sometimes they're red potatoes, but they're yellow as well. Yeah, but it's just that the skin is really thin where it's like if you were to actually try and peel it, you're gonna take away half the potato anyway and that skin doesn't actually like. It cooks really well and mashes really well and it I'm with you, yeah but I'm a skin in dude.
Speaker 4:Yeah, oh I don't, but if it's thick skin it's gotta go. I can't like. I can't even eat like I'm eating a baked potato. I can't eat the like leftover skin jacket or whatever skin jacket.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh skin jacket. That's not creepy, continue that's so appetizing all right listen, abby, you've survived it. You know you didn't even need that neckerchief, you didn't need need that, didn't cry Yep At all.
Speaker 2:Not even a little. First, first, first. We've had to not cry during one of.
Speaker 1:Dina's questions. Yeah, all right. So, uh, abby, it's time to take off our our silly nanny hats. Put on our serious author hats.
Speaker 1:Okay, we are going book the Dragon and the Butterfly, and just a little bit about what this book's about. You know his name, now learn hers. One thousand years ago, a noble's daughter came of age in the county of Flanders. Intelligent and ambitious Maud would rise to become the Queen of England. At the side of her husband, driven by love and loyalty destined to alter the course of history, her life was charmed by faith and circumstance, but not without sacrifice. Abby simpsons, the dragon and the butterfly follows matilda, flanders, wife of william the conqueror, as she navigates court life, motherhood and their shared ambition of claiming claiming the english throne. An epic historical saga that sweeps warmly over decades and features a cast of dozens. Matilda's world has never been so richly realized, and you know I'm pumped for this one, abby, because you know we talk about all the time.
Speaker 1:One of our favorite things about this show is that we get to read books that aren't in our traditional wheelhouses, our traditional genres. I haven't. I love history just as a hobby and you know something I enjoy, but I haven't ever really read too much in terms of historical fiction or historical works. You know that haven't been related to school and so this was really exciting to get to read this and kind of get it from a different perspective. One of the things I thought was really interesting was your choice of how you wrote it in the language, because it's I found it to be a little bit of a mix of kind of uh, new modern with a little bit of that taste of antiquity, to give it the feel of the time period, but without getting kind of stuck in that whole shakespearean talking and d's and thou's and stuff like that, and so kind of take us through what your thought process was and how you created and how you crafted your dialogue and language in this book.
Speaker 4:I mean honestly, it was fully intentional, Like I wanted to use contractions and some like I didn't want to necessarily use a bunch of phrases that people could pinpoint, be like that's too modern and now I'm out of the story, but at the same time, what I wanted to do was make the reading of it more accessible than what most people find with a lot of historical fiction where you know, like older ways of speaking and the parts of speech are in different orders and things like that, and I didn't want any of that.
Speaker 4:I wanted to focus on the story and focus on the characters more than I wanted to, and I wanted to try and paint a picture of the setting more than I wanted to try and like be 100 accurate. I still wanted, obviously, that feel of it being historical fiction. So to feel that way, and in some words I was like adamant, like oh, I would rather use this word because, you know, like the word pregnant, for example, she's got, she has 10 children and I do not use the word pregnant once because pregnant was not a word at that time and royals don't even like to say the word pregnant, which is another little side thing, that's actually really interesting yeah, it's like a, it's a, it's a, not like a dirty word, but it's like it's like a word that's sort of yeah, like so with child or like childbearing, like that kind of thing.
Speaker 4:So, using other words, um, whereas, like at one point, ashley's like just used the word pregnant and I was like I don't want to, you know so no every some words it was like were deal breakers for me. And then other times, like, for example, I used the word top secret at one point and somebody pointed out in one of my arc reviews that that word was invented like 80 years ago, like, oops, yeah, that's fair that translates to the did it.
Speaker 3:Did it take a lot of um time to research all of this as you went like finding like out that the word pregnant was not used, or whatever. But did that take a lot of time?
Speaker 4:it did, I mean, and the thing is is like I wasn't quantifying the research that I was doing, like time wise, because I was interested in all of it, obviously, and so I'm interested in like the characters and I'm researching their lives and their histories to incorporate it into the narrative. And then, as I'm going through on edit passes, is where I'm like trying to pick out phrases that sort of stand out to me as like maybe too modern or, you know, just doesn't quite fit. So that's when I'm looking at things like researching. When the word pregnant became part of etymology, like when that was a word that people started saying, even like certain, and I wasn't, I wasn't, I was anachronistic with a lot of character names as well, which was another choice, just because I really like there's too many characters that have the same name for one, so I had to go with some nicknames in certain cases and it just also I feel like the name of a character doesn't miss, like there are certain things where you shouldn't change the name of a character, like changing a samurai to his name is Steve, don't do that, don't do that, that there's no need to do that.
Speaker 4:But if you're like, reasons for changing the name of a character are because you're trying to make it so that the reader can differentiate between different characters on the page. Um, I'm okay with that personally, obviously, because I did it, but um no, and that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1:And like one of the things I thought was just really kind of um, interesting in your story is that, I feel like one of the the biggest. Like you know, there's a, there's a deep romance sat beneath this, but you know it's not the traditional my first love, my love at first sight, uh, you know, all throughout it there's that theme of the second person, the one after that, you know, there is love beyond the first person that kind of makes your heart flutter. You know what was it like, kind of instilling those themes and kind of taking a different take on romance in this story.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean, honestly, that was her story, her life story. So like part of it is like it's fun for me to tell that kind of story, but at the same time, like it's also what her story was. So that's what the story was going to be, right, like I wasn't going to change that around, um, I mean, I may have invented some of the specific details about it, but the general gist and like the trajectory of that relationship is historically accurate, right. So for me it was like it was fun to sort of tell that story. Um, cause I think a lot of people can relate to falling for the wrong person, right, like, and just sort of dealing with that later never had that experience, neither is dina no, no, never, never we're absolutely sarcastic here.
Speaker 1:Well, I have fucked up a lot in men.
Speaker 4:So it's happened to me before once or twice. Oh well, say love me once twice but yeah, that's like so. For me it's like it was fun to tell the story, but it was also the story that had to be told, right?
Speaker 3:so it's not like did that take like a lot of did me? Um, did that take like a lot of emotional investment as you were doing all this research and then having to like sort of invent but also just following facts at the same time?
Speaker 4:um, no the like. So what I love about when I'm writing historical fiction is that I actually have these real historical facts and events to sort of act as like guides, right. So they're like pins in your plot that, like this, all of the stuff leading up to this pin, like has to happen, this has to happen, the pin has to happen. So everything that you're writing has to sort of make sense for that, right. So it's nice as a guide in that sense, right? Um, because you know where the story is going. You just have to get it there.
Speaker 1:So I do really enjoy that and and so I want to ask one more question before we kind of get into a uh, fun reading segment that we're going to do here in a moment. But one of the things I thought was really fascinating, just because I want you to talk about, like a little bit about what it was about Matilda Flanders that drew you to her, that you wanted to tell her story, because one of the things that you know, you hear all the time a little bit, is that there's, you know, when, when people want to write or talk about badass female characters, they're always the sword swingers, and matilda is, but she's a badass in a very different sort of way. So what was it that kind of drew you to her?
Speaker 4:so I was drawn to her story um, just because I end up in my research rabbit holes every now and then. And her story was really interesting to me because she was this powerful woman who actually seemed to have a fair bit of agency, especially for women of the era. And but yet what is known of her and written of her is kind of like three stories in like sort of like stitched together. So like can you imagine if your entire life is cut down to like three stories and then that for a thousand years stands as everything everybody knows about you, right?
Speaker 4:so three events in your life become your story and and I really wanted to like I looked into those stories and I kind of tried to use like logical deduction as far as certain questions about her story in terms of like why might that have happened? And just turn it into a full story, and the fact that like she is, like she did have this life that you know a lot of women necessarily, not necessarily, want these days, which is to get married and then just pump out kids all day all the time.
Speaker 4:that's, that's your like that was her job, right, like that was her. Um so, but she did it very well. Uh, she was very fortunate in that way, because it's fortune, it's nothing else that allows somebody to have 10 children and not die from them in the Middle Ages, from in the Middle Ages. So she was an incredibly fortunate woman, which I liked. I was sort of drawn to the story about Brick Trick because I thought that was really fascinating, um, cause it was very vengeful and I love, I love that.
Speaker 4:Like I love when people are not just like perfect, right, and I do think a lot of like cause a lot of women in history. Uh, a lot of historical chronicles are written by monks, right? So a lot of history is written from a very religious perspective, right, a very Christian perspective. In terms of like, women are seen as good or she wolves like, and if they are good it's because they are pious and they donate to the church and they give to the church. Well, maude did all those things she did. She was very pious, religious, gave to the church.
Speaker 4:But I also feel as though women were sort of given one of those two options Either you're very pious and good or you are a she-wolf, and there's no in between. The church did not get into the at-home life of these people. So when they're writing these chronicles, a lot of this sort of day-to-day stuff plus chronicles were written for interested patrons, so how true they are is essentially like if I had somebody write my autobiography and I told you what to put in it. Or like, you know, like if it's like harry's spare or whatever, right, like prince harry writes spare but he gets a ghostwriter to do it, but he's writing the whole thing, right, but not really like everything that is in.
Speaker 4:It is what he wants you to read, right, he doesn't like and vice and for everyone. I just I'm not trying to pick on prince harry, but I'm just saying like, uh, every single chronicle, you sort of have to read it and then you'll read chronicles from the same era and they'll tell the same story in a completely different way. So you're kind of like parsing all of this, these different sources, for like two truths, like if, if this is true and this is true, then the actual truth is somewhere in the middle kind of thing, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know what we're going to get to the truth right now, abby, because, uh, it's time you. You had a brilliant idea. So, as you guys know, we like to read little excerpts from the books here, and Abby requested a special twist. Abby, what did you want us to do today?
Speaker 4:I asked if you guys would read the first part of chapter 12 and gender swap it. Done, if there's one thing me and Dina like to do it's swap genders. I love it. I love it Like, I mean honestly, honestly though, in in reality, in reality, like and this is not a knock against dina at all, but dina has much more conqueror energy than than you, daniel abby you know,
Speaker 1:what you know what our marriage is off?
Speaker 4:I'm sticking with megan, only from now on, abby, okay he's a little squishy, I will will let Megan know that I found her a husband who's already married.
Speaker 1:Already married husband. We can talk about a throuple situation. It'll be great.
Speaker 4:I did. I tried to set up Megan with a friend once and she ghosted him and I felt really bad, that's my biggest fear.
Speaker 3:When I set people up, shout out to my brother and my friend I'm never going to set up anybody up ever again.
Speaker 4:That's the truth.
Speaker 2:I mean Jason's got it, so that's fantastic and he doesn't need my help.
Speaker 4:I tried.
Speaker 2:All right, you guys let's get into character here. All right, daniel will be playing the part of mod. Dina will be playing William and I will speak the narrator parts, and Abby will just enjoy, as all of you will. Are we ready? Yes, should I do that? Should I? I should do the fucking over the top voice, shouldn't I? Okay?
Speaker 1:Yes, please oh good one man.
Speaker 2:When you need him One second in. I'm going to get a lot of these words wrong. I'm just throwing that out there right now. Here we go. Bald probed William's stoic gaze as they rode toward the Reedy Lake on the way to Zeebridge. Moving quickly to the countryside to avoid chase by Flemish guards, william slowed his speckled horse when they reached the woods. Fitz Bo and Monty, his faithful stewards, rode a safe distance behind their duke.
Speaker 1:Why did you propose to me? You said you sound like Futurama.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, keep it together, keep it together.
Speaker 3:I didn't know it when we were children, but I couldn't forget you after we met.
Speaker 2:Over time, you became the sun Every day the sun would rise and and set, and I would think of you. Her heart ached, struck by guilt for failing to notice him before she'd ruined herself.
Speaker 1:I need you to tell me something. And then I have another question If what I say doesn't offend, that's unlikely.
Speaker 2:His arms rested at her sides. She looked him dead in the eyes, challenging him to change his mind about her.
Speaker 1:I'm not a virgin. I've lain with another man.
Speaker 3:I laid with a prostitute, monty hired, for my 17th birthday, and I'm the bastard son of a duke and an undertaker's daughter oh sorry, I misread that Okay, and an undertaker's daughter. I know it's all supposed to matter, but it doesn't Not to me. All I care about is whether it's still true that your heart is with another. It is not true anymore.
Speaker 1:I'm still processing the whole turn of events To be completely honest with you. But he hurt me. I was so wrong about him Turn left at the next fork on this path.
Speaker 4:I like how quickly the accent went from slightly British to like Like kinky, it's Belgian.
Speaker 1:That's my Belgian accent.
Speaker 2:William took her direction holding the reins of his arms tighter around her waist than before she confessed. You said you wanted to ask me something. Holding the reins of his arms tighter around her waist than before she confessed.
Speaker 3:You said you wanted to ask me something. When you proposed.
Speaker 1:Why didn't you say something as romantic as you?
Speaker 2:become the sun, she looked back and caught him blushing.
Speaker 3:I should have waited to speak to you and your parents.
Speaker 1:myself, I'm not great with words, and I couldn't bear to have Fitz and Lonnie be the ones to tell you I felt that way. So it's he thinks you would be a divine duchess and wishes for no one else to fill the role you might as well have reminded me, my mother descends from Charlemagne and Alfred the Great you murdered my cousin. Duke Lane Told you years ago I'd make a suitable wife.
Speaker 2:Maud rolled her eyes and William's face fell.
Speaker 3:Duke Lane was right about you, lady Maud, but he couldn't have known how I love you.
Speaker 2:We're here. She blushed as they came upon the lake Jumping from the horse. William tied the leather reins to a tree before helping her step down. Her torn skirt billowed in the wind as she surveyed the familiar lily pad dotted lake, surrounded by tall reeds along the shoreline.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry. I threw you from the horse and ripped your dress and about your lip.
Speaker 2:Reaching for a silk napkin attached to his leather belt, he wet it at the lake's edge before handing it to her. The sharp taste of blood pierced her tongue as she dabbed her lip with the cloth.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry to have insulted you, but don't worry about my robes. My legs felt trapped in the fabric.
Speaker 3:Next time I'll ask permission first, not to rip your.
Speaker 2:His cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but Maud found herself smiling. They sat together in the grass as she spotted Fitzbo and Monty and the brush, far enough away to be out of earshot.
Speaker 3:They'd rather be back at the wedding, where there's plenty of wine. Believe me, they just go where I go. Ideally, they go where we go and where would we go Chuckling?
Speaker 2:she flashed an inquisitive eye.
Speaker 3:Anywhere. Where do you want to go?
Speaker 1:The man I fell for was an Anglo-Saxon.
Speaker 3:I know it's Britrick. I saw your interest when he brought you and Judith to Normandy and Addie confirmed it.
Speaker 1:I've been in love with you for the thought of England. Since Lady Elma stayed with us years ago, I've had to have a few days to think about it, but when I saw him I think I connected with him a place I'd always dreamed about. But I was a fool to think my future was with him.
Speaker 3:If it's England you want, we'll get it. King Edward is old and childless. He shares my Norman blood through your beloved Lady Emma, and we grew close when he and his brothers spent their exile at my court. But he'll be more inclined to make me his heir if I have a wife who shares his Wessex blood. Earl Godwin is a snide man with more power than he deserves, and most of his sons are a disappointment. I might have to battle for it, but I could get used to the idea of finishing what my father started. The English people deserve a better fate than if the Godwins take the throne.
Speaker 1:Boom baby. That's fantastic. All right, abby, what kind of notes do you have for us? That was my belgian accent um, I have no notes.
Speaker 4:100 percent, doctor evil you nailed even the inflections like but like dina, um.
Speaker 1:My notes for you, yeah, are um pick one, pick one accent listen, I only know one accent, and for belgium, and that's dr evil.
Speaker 4:That's the only you know about three.
Speaker 2:Yeah that was at least three that was three.
Speaker 4:You just don't know when, which one you're when to use or when you are using which one. No, that's um. Honestly, that was fantastic. I loved it.
Speaker 2:Um, and yes, I thought it was like pinky, but it was definitely dr evil and it's yeah oh, there was some pinky in there too, so like I'll tell you this, like english to pinky, to dr, evil to irish right, daniel wanted to do gold member, first because he thought that holland was adjacent enough to belgium, yep, and then I was like well, dr evil's belgian, and then technically no one in my story is belgian or dutch lenders, because they don't technically exist yet they could be frisians, one of them yeah, you stupid bitch daniel learn history you
Speaker 4:silly bitch daniel you love history, but are you like I love, like military history, like I love retracing battles?
Speaker 1:and stuff. I like the individual stories in history.
Speaker 1:I'm not like, I'm not as big into like, oh, look at the military tactics of you know, freaking Tiberius or whatever crap. You know Timurangia, yeah, timurangia, yeah, a legend. I like the stories. But you know tamaranja, yeah, tamaranja, yeah, um, I like, I like a legend, I like the stories, but you know, abby, you, you've survived a couple rounds of questions. We've gotten to listen to a little bit of your book, but now it's time for a segment that dina is always incredibly prepared for off the wall questions, dina, nothing somebody else go.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, daniel dina she's bouncing off the walls again. Oh my god, daniel dina, can I?
Speaker 4:go first yeah, she is nothing I got it.
Speaker 3:I got it, he was gonna go first if dragon and the butterfly was set in the bluey universe, what kind of dog would Maude be? Oh, you're wearing a Bluey shirt. Maybe that's where my mind went. Oh, shut the fuck up, that's what you thought of that.
Speaker 2:That's like fucking Steve Grohl saying I love lamp.
Speaker 3:And then he's like did you just say that?
Speaker 2:because you saw the lamp.
Speaker 3:So here's the mind map that happened actually. I was like wait Dina's mind map. So I was like I need a British cartoon. That's for children, it's Australian and. I thought of piggy and I was like or is it?
Speaker 1:pig difference. Yeah, Are you talking about Peppa Pig the British pig is? I don't know.
Speaker 3:Peppa Pig, not piggy what?
Speaker 2:about Arthur, isn't that English?
Speaker 1:No, fuck Arthur, isn't that english?
Speaker 4:no fuck arthur.
Speaker 1:No, king arthur isn't is an english legend, but I love abby's so polite she's like these dumb americans might not know who. King arthur legitimately.
Speaker 4:I no, no, no, like I know who arthur the aardvark is as well. We get pbs. I know that yeah come on.
Speaker 3:So I was like Peppa Pig. No, I don't like Peppa Pig. That bitch has an attitude and then I was like what's another British show, bluey no, dina, that's Australian. Well, this could be just adjacent enough that nobody will connect what was happening in my head because I didn't want to use Sesame Street fair enough, I'm in, let's go.
Speaker 1:Bluey Universe.
Speaker 3:Maybe that's where it came from unfortunately, because I didn't want to use Sesame Street. Fair enough, I'm in, let's go Bluey Universe. And then I was like, oh my God, daniel has a Bluey shirt. Maybe that's where it came from.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Unfortunately I don't have like children in my life, like I don't even have nieces and nephews and stuff.
Speaker 3:So I I've never watched Bluey and remarkably, familiar with.
Speaker 4:I know that Bluey's like and like it's like what?
Speaker 3:kind of dog would mod be?
Speaker 4:so she would be and I I'm not like super up on like dog breeds either, but she would be intelligent, she would be loyal, she um would be.
Speaker 2:Uh she sleeps late.
Speaker 4:She sleeps a lot, so not a golden retriever not a golden retriever, yeah, so intelligent like very intelligent. Uh, which one? No, a blue tick hound, which one?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:A blue tick hound.
Speaker 2:Sounds good to me. Yeah, she loves blue as well.
Speaker 4:Blue's her favorite color.
Speaker 2:Blue tick hound, there you go. Blue tick hound. Done, Done.
Speaker 4:I'm happy with that answer, because I could not tweet it at all. I don't even know what a blue tick hound looks like Like all right. Gonna have to Google it.
Speaker 1:William the Conqueror has been replaced by Jar Jar Binks. How is this?
Speaker 4:relationship. Uh well, he, he uh please answer the question, ma'am I don't think that jar jar is gonna have the same effect on maud when she's vulnerable and and uh, it's hard to say, man like, maybe her taste is just completely I don't understand it because she's a real person and we're talking about the character I wrote.
Speaker 4:But I don't know um I if, since I wrote her, I'm just gonna straight up just make it up and uh, like she's a real person, but I'm just gonna straight up make up the fact that she would look at Jar Jar and be repulsed. She would know she would know right from the start that that that creature is actually secretly being written to be the big bad, and that she just won't even entertain it to the fact. So they won't have to revise.
Speaker 1:So, Dina, do you want to take turns shooting?
Speaker 4:each other in the face.
Speaker 1:She just won't even entertain it to the fact, so they won't have to revise for episodes.
Speaker 2:So, dina, do you want to take turns shooting each other in?
Speaker 4:the face. Why, what? Because?
Speaker 2:of Daniel, not because of you, don't worry about it, 100% me.
Speaker 1:What happened why? Why are you?
Speaker 2:fucking hating he tries to shoehorn Jar Jar Binks into every fucking conversation. I don't mind, I don't mind.
Speaker 4:I'm like I'm just trying to seriously try to, that's fair.
Speaker 3:I mind Okay fair.
Speaker 4:But I mean it was a good thought experiment. But I've just decided that.
Speaker 2:No, she's repulsed by Jar Jar. Our guest likes it, it's fine, sorry.
Speaker 1:And Abby, this is why you're like my favorite guest buddy, like he's a big bad.
Speaker 4:He was gonna be a big bad but he was so awful. And you know what I love? I love star wars and I do love that. Um ahmad best is now the guy that saved grogu who yeah absolutely like the fact that grogu is not redemption is absolutely tragic for me.
Speaker 2:Excuse you, grogu is real oh well, rogu is real, to me, damn it I have.
Speaker 4:I have this like I have. I'm almost 40 and I know that if I am in disney world one day and I see little grogu sitting in a little pack on the dude dressed like the mandalorian walking around disney world, I'm gonna start like wanting to cry in jarn?
Speaker 2:yeah, because he's like a little costume pocket robot.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna start disney world.
Speaker 3:Hit me up. I'm like an hour away.
Speaker 4:I will make it happen, like my family and I've sort of been talking about doing like a trip, like as grown-ups, uh, and going back because, like my family did disney so often when we were kids, like I went first time when I was five and we went four or five times we were just like Disney fam and loved it.
Speaker 1:I've been as an adult to.
Speaker 4:Disneyland. I love Epcot. I loved Epcot as a kid, though, because I saw the.
Speaker 2:Disneyland is okay, you can go to Disneyland every single day. It's not the same 's better. That's not true.
Speaker 3:I know that it's not better. It's much smaller.
Speaker 1:Abby, it's time I need you to know are we still going to be friends after what's about to happen?
Speaker 1:of course I need you to get your most Canadian accent together. I need you to go full Canadian for me, because each week we delve into some of the most cringe worthy erotic literature in history, often handpicked by the literary review renowned British literary magazine. In a segment that we've dubbed cringy copulation, we showcase real excerpts from real books we genuinely intended to be taken, that were genuinely intended to be taken seriously. This week's passage comes from Priapia I can't even pronounce this book, priapia by Anonymous and will be narrated by our guest, abby. Regarded as one of the earliest examples of erotic literature. Priapia, regarded as one of the earliest examples of erotic literature. The Priapia, or Carmina Priapia, is a collection of 80, and in some editions, 95, anonymous short Latin poems in various meters on subjects pertaining to the phallic god Priapius Phallic baby. They are believed to date from the 1 first century AD to the beginning of the second century. Check those DMs, abby.
Speaker 2:Historical porn. Baby, let's go Slid into them. Dms.
Speaker 4:Okay, is my camera off if I look at it in a different window?
Speaker 1:No, you're good. Okay, camera stays on, alright.
Speaker 4:Mask stays on. Okay, you're good. Okay, camera stays on All right Mask stays on, okay, so I just start reading now.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 4:Yes, cringy copulation. Me roomie Lydia's private parts surpass the lusty dray horse's elephantine arse, wide as the schoolboy's ringing iron hoop, vast as the ring the agile rider's scoop, and leap through, neatly touching not the side, as round and round the dusty course. They ride Capacious as some old and well-worn shoe that's trudged the muddy streets since first was new. Stretched like the net the crafty fowler holds, and drapery as a curtain's heavy folds. Loose as the bracelet gemmed with green and scarlet that mocks the arm of some consumptive harlot. Slack as a feather bed, without the feathers, and baggy as some ostler's well-used leathers. Relaxed and hanging like the skinny coat that shields the vulture's foul and flabby throat. Tis said while bathing once we trod love's path. I know not, but I seem to fuck the bath. I know not, but I seem to fuck the bath.
Speaker 1:I was like this is not actually that bad. You gotta wait till the end. So Dina thoughts on 1AD porn.
Speaker 2:I didn't understand any of it was this originally in latin and then translated because it's awful poetic and rhymey for something that was translated, so it had to have been doctored to like maybe a little bit more understanding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, instead of bath they had basin in there or some shit yeah, some garbage.
Speaker 1:So, dina, basically, the long and short of it is that he is describing in poetic terms a woman's very large ass, and then that she's got a very loose vagina and that he fucked her in the bathtub. But she was so loose that he was pretty sure he was just fucking the bathtub.
Speaker 4:Now, did you understand that yourself, or did you read that in like a synopsis of this?
Speaker 1:I'm not a complete moron, guys. He said you're a dumb bitch.
Speaker 4:I did not say that.
Speaker 3:I am asking whether or not you figured that out yourself, or have you read it somewhere? What was the red and green thing?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think that was just a rhyming thing.
Speaker 4:Let's see, let's see, let's read it again Where's the loose as the bracelet?
Speaker 2:gemmed with green and scarlet.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I don't get it, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Anal beads, oh yeah, it could be, yeah yeah, listen, even in 1ad girls be freaks yo like I don't you know everybody be freaks, everybody, I mean Everybody be freaked, everybody be freaked Baggy, as some ostlers will use leathers.
Speaker 4:We do not have sex right. That's the one thing we don't like to talk about how much sex we have. But humans love sex.
Speaker 1:Well, Dina's already making sure she's going to tell Zebra that she's had sex exactly one time in her life.
Speaker 3:No, it was Immaculate Conception, oh you're right, yeah, I'm the Virgin Mary. Is no, it was Immaculate Conception. Oh, you're right, yeah, I'm the Virgin Mary. Is that sacrilegious? Is this sacrilegious, you tell?
Speaker 4:me Is it sacrilegious to say outright that the Virgin Mary was definitely not a virgin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was getting after it, bro, that's definitely blasphemy.
Speaker 3:That's blasphemy and guess what Abby?
Speaker 1:I was already going to hell, you are kicked out of the ilbp, that's all right, I wouldn't want, I would want to be kicked out, please yeah, potato tomato yeah, potato tomato.
Speaker 3:It's not hard to get kicked out, especially if you're me who outright says god does not exist.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm certain that they would not let me in the front door. Yeah, yeah, they might have some problems with that?
Speaker 1:that's okay. All right, 100. All right, abby. Abby, I need you to lock in here. All right, I need you to lock in. We have one second. We have a proud tradition on the show. You have one second to sell the world, even those assholes up in alberta that aren't real canadians. You need to sell them on your book. You can lie.
Speaker 4:Several awesome Albertans who are real Canadians did buy my book already and I'm fine Like they're awesome.
Speaker 3:I was going to say that that ad just came up a lot, alberta came up a lot. This is the thing, there's many good people that are trapped there.
Speaker 4:You know it's like the people that are trapped there. You know it's just, it's like the people trapped in Alabama, Florida and Florida Exactly. Oh for sure, Exactly yes, a hundred percent Sean's like I have to cut all of this. Stop talking, people.
Speaker 1:I know it's not the vibe, but it's also a historical fiction book, so it's the vibe sean. So it's all right, abby, we're locking in right now. We're van damme, we're van damme right now. Okay, all right, you have one second to lie, cheat, seduce, do whatever it takes to sell this book to the fucking world. All right, you ready?
Speaker 4:I'm gonna count you in three, two if you don't like his fic, you will like this book. Actually, because you don't have to like his book. Wait here it is. Even if you don't like it, you'll love this book.
Speaker 2:Let, because you don't have to like his book, wait here it is. Even if you don't like it, you'll love this book let's go all right now, abby.
Speaker 1:Now we're gonna give you a full elevator pitch.
Speaker 4:Here's an opportunity to actually sell the book to everyone, not just alberta so the the dragon and the butterfly is a historical retelling of the Norman conquest of England, but it's told from the perspective of Maude, who is the wife of William the Conqueror, and I really wanted to actually put this book together and focus on the female perspectives, because so many women in history are footnotes or their stories just weren't seen as valuable or important to the historical record, and I firmly disagree.
Speaker 1:So we disagree.
Speaker 4:We always disagree with people who don't think women are important.
Speaker 1:And listen, man, we loved this book so much. I mean, the prose is beautiful, the imagery with the butterfly. I mean your, your ability to write a scene and paint that picture is incredible. Just fast paced dialogue. It's got a little bit of romance, got a little bit of violence. It's got everything that you need, you know, especially even if you're you got that games, game of Thrones, itch, um, you know, except it's like the real thing, um, and it, it's absolutely fantastic.
Speaker 3:We can't recommend it enough. Do you think I think that this book is for people that are like big fans of like rain and outlander? Um, it's got like the similar vibe and it's it's very captivating.
Speaker 1:I really appreciate it so if you like sunshine, you're not going to like this book, only if you like rain, no yeah, okay, rain like r-e-i-g-n oh so sorry, so close. We had like four different references so again, guys, you can check out the dragon and the butterfly. It's available now at Lost Boys Press. You've got to check it out. You got to go. We love Abby here. Support Abby, be a good person because she's a good person gotta go.
Speaker 3:Do we have time for one Canada fact? We love Abby here. Support Abby, be a good person, because she's a good person. Alright, guys, gotta go, gotta go.
Speaker 2:Do we have time for one Canada fact because you didn't give us one through the duration?
Speaker 1:Yes, I need a Canada fact to be like a thing.
Speaker 4:It was supposed to be a thing, but like.
Speaker 2:I don't want to interrupt so.
Speaker 1:And you know what that is. That's a Canada thing.
Speaker 4:I didn't want to like derail it on Canada's behalf.
Speaker 1:We're never derailed on this show. That's never happened here.
Speaker 4:Here's a Canada fact Yesterday was Canada's birthday, which is three days before America's birthday, how?
Speaker 1:dare you.
Speaker 4:Cute. We're Irish twins. We are Irish twins, give or take 100. It's fine. Shh are Irish twins. Give or take 100. It's fine. 91 years. You guys were 1776.
Speaker 3:We're Irish twins, it's okay.
Speaker 4:Just go with it, I'm giving you Canada facts and you're talking over them, columbus and the ocean blue, sorry.
Speaker 4:Canada was officially born on July 1st 1867. And we were formed as a country because we had old men from four different provinces that existed at the time like regions, and they all met in Charlottetetown on prince edward island in a building called that they now call confederation house. It might have been called confederation house then, but they all met, they got really, really drunk and they talked about their differences, of which there were many, um, like the fact that, you know, they were english, some were english, some were french and they hated each other, because england and france hates each other. Um, and then there were, um some people that were also like scottish and irish and things like that, because, like a lot of like scots and irish people came here and they were all very, very drunk and they just, you know, ironed out, they put on paper this is what canada is and we were a country just like that fuck, yeah, fuck yeah, canada charlottetown go way.
Speaker 3:Simpler than the plot of hamilton that's what I want every country story to be.
Speaker 2:It's just like a few old men got together and got drunk and just mapped out the whole thing it was fucking we're gonna do.
Speaker 4:Our own country, canada, is I think it was 20 some drunk men like you guys have your founding fathers and we have the drunk old men who may oh, I'm certainly, they were all drunk yeah, they were all drunk. No, they legit like. That is like literally thomas jefferson would never it's so funny like. It's funny because, like susan b anthony, who gave women the right to vote in the united states, essentially she worked tirelessly for that most people have said she was also susan b anthony.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, we're kidding, we're kidding, we love it, we love it, we're just being assholes.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, like I just I believe everything you guys tell me. Okay, but so she all of it's. All of it's. Why about this? Is she gets the right to vote, but then she turned around and she took away everybody's right to drink alcohol.
Speaker 3:What a bitch. Yeah, she's a bitch.
Speaker 4:She was a massive teetotaler. Like she was like the leader of the temperance movement which was behind prohibition in the United.
Speaker 1:States, Again Canada would never.
Speaker 4:Canada did never actually have prohibition.
Speaker 1:That's goddamn right. You guys didn't have prohibition, we did not.
Speaker 3:God, I love Prohibition Kitchen. Have you guys ever been? No, what's this? Is this a restaurant? It's the best restaurant ever If you're ever in St Augustine. Oh my God, Like it's so I can't even Better than Applebee's?
Speaker 2:No way Better than.
Speaker 1:Applebee's no way Better than Applebee's, hey Abby. Last question their charcuterie board.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, I'm crying. I love that restaurant.
Speaker 1:So, Abby, last question before we get to the socials and stuff what happened to Tim Hortons?
Speaker 4:Okay, the real answer is it was bought out by a conglomerate of massive companies. You know the bad for capitalism's the big ones, too big. Um, that just like buy up and like so all the competition disappears, and. But they also got rid of the things that made it like canadian. Like they started making the donuts smaller, uh, like cooking them smaller to save on money.
Speaker 4:And um the coffee was never really that great, but it always sort of had this like canadian, kind of like nostalgia to it and it was very inexpensive, which was really really nice. But it started losing its kind of like sheen or essentially I guess it was like the only coffee shop we had once. We got like Starbucks and things like that and other like Starbucks. So it started then trying to like compete with other fast foods. So then you had Tim Hortons, which was coffee and donuts, bringing in things like pizza and um, oh no.
Speaker 4:Um, like wraps and other things and like stay in your lane, Tim. They tried burgers for a while, like they did, they tried burgers. So Dean is done, she's like bye. She's like, yeah, fuck you, tim hortons this is, but that's what happened to tim hortons. They got too, big and um that once they kind of got too big because they got, they got bought out by this international company.
Speaker 4:Go ahead, leave and come back real quick with them yeah yeah, yeah, so they just basically got too big for what they are, shiver me timbits, and they got bought by a parent company that doesn't understand them, or Canada, I would say.
Speaker 1:We're here to fight the revolution with you.
Speaker 2:They lost the essence.
Speaker 4:They did, they lost the essence. They did. They lost the essence of what made them special. So now the only thing that canadians love about tim hortons or I mean, some canadians still love tim hortons, but like now, like we'll see, like they're opening brand new tim hortons in the uk, like all the time.
Speaker 1:So we're like hey can con they just opened one in georgia bro they opened one in georgia, see this is the thing like they want it like they no way sold.
Speaker 4:They sold there. When I was up there were Tim Hortons like on board in border towns in like Michigan, new York, like, whatever. Like hugged the Canada border.
Speaker 4:You'd maybe get a Tim Hortons in one of those cities, right, but now it is it's like fully international. And it's only fully international because they had sold to this international company that wanted to expand. And but part of expanding is, you know, you take a lot of the quality of your product and you like stretch your dollar, so the quality cheapens a little. You know all those fundamentals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I get you and I'm with you, and thank you so much for giving us the Canada facts. Thank you for standing up for Tim Hortons and we're going to go to war with them, but Abby this has been so have you been to Tim Hortons now that it's in Georgia? I've driven by it. I need to go. You should go, you should go.
Speaker 4:You should try it and form your own opinion Be part of that. I do personally think that their donuts are still better than like any American donut I've ever had. I think, American donuts are too sugary, like way too sugary. Have you seen a comparison? Yeah, like this is like if you had, like like krispy kreme, tried to tried to go into canada and they couldn't get in because of krispy kreme is a national institution and I will not have these.
Speaker 1:Daniel hey, where?
Speaker 3:can the folks find us?
Speaker 1:all right guys. So we had abby on here. Check out the dragon and the butterfly. Abby, where can the folks find you on the interwebs?
Speaker 4:uh, they can find me on twitter. Slash whatever he wants to call it at abby that tweet. You can find me on instagram and threads as abby the gram. You can find me on tiktok, though I don't do a lot of video posting because I don't like to it. It's very stressful, but, um, I will hopefully start posting more things there. That's Abby that tick um.
Speaker 2:I'm sensing a theme here.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. I pigeonholed myself when I came up with Abby the tweet and I love.
Speaker 1:Abby, the only fans as well. It's a great name.
Speaker 4:It's you can't, but you can't be out of the tweet over on other places, right Like you could be, but I decided not to be and then I pulled myself into this weird thing. So it is what it is, but yes.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 4:Perfect. I have started putting my last name on things, so you can just find me that way.
Speaker 3:You can find me on Twitter at DinosaurusD. That's D, like D as in D D.
Speaker 1:And you can find me on twitter.
Speaker 2:Dan q writes thing that's dan q writes thing singular or I guess danky, danky rights thing, abby as a canadian, how would you pronounce my, my name?
Speaker 4:dan. I mean because you put the q is capitalized, so I did sort of read it as dan q writes things um. But I like dank, I think that's fun thanks.
Speaker 1:Thanks, the right answer, all right, perfect. Uh, you can find me on threads at daniel quigley, author, because I did not have a theme and I didn't think this through. Uh, producer sean, where can the folks find you, buddy?
Speaker 2:you can find me on xcom at chase holdu and uh, what's happening for dinner tonight, bud uh kirogi with kielbasa and some sauerkraut and probably some green beans and some bacon.
Speaker 1:Would you like some sauerkraut? German boy, german boy. Alright, sorry, south Park song, but it's fine. Anyways, abby, we love you so much. Thank you for coming on the show. We can't wait to see you guys all again soon. Was that Blaine, canada that?
Speaker 4:you were singing.
Speaker 1:No, I should have done. Blaine Canada yeah, I should have done that.
Speaker 2:Don't Make it Weird, with Daniel Quigley, Dinosaurus and Sean Holden Produced and edited by me.
Speaker 2:Sean Holden Theme song by Amaria Inc. Holden Theme song by Amaria. Incidental music and sound effects provided by VoiceMod, as well as the YouTube Audio Library, you can rate and review this show on Spotify, apple Podcasts, goodpods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD that's 347-699-3473. And leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio-only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.
Speaker 3:Don't make it weird, was that okay?
