The One With Matthew Siadak

Ever wondered what happens when a mischievous gnome, Taylor Swift conspiracy theories, and a fictional supervillain collide in a podcast episode? This week on Don't Make It Weird, Daniel, Dinasaurus, and Sean serve up a cocktail of hilarity and unexpected twists with our special guest, the talented author Matthew Siadak.

Hold onto your cosmic bedazzled underwear as we create our own supervillain, speculate Taylor Swift's superhero debut in Deadpool & Wolverine, and recount a chaotic escape from the law that feels straight out of a movie. The fun doesn't stop there; we debate the hottest anti-hero character crushes and dive deep into the emotional complexity of superhero stories, exploring themes of addiction and inner turmoil with surprising depth. Matthew's anthology and its interconnected characters promise even more excitement, with teasers for upcoming sequels.

But wait, there's more! We ponder life's absurdities, from the taste of teeth to the superiority of different types of stove burners, and navigate through whimsical questions with our signature comedic style. Find out if Matthew earns the prestigious DMIW-exclusive "No Bell Prize". Listen in for playful banter, heartfelt moments, and imaginative storytelling that make this episode a must-listen. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to join our wild ride, and remember, don't make it weird!

You can buy THE DARK SIDE OF SUPER by Matthew Siadak HERE: https://backwardsknight.bigcartel.com/

Follow Matthew on Twitter/X: https://x.com/chewchewpsyduck
Follow Matthew on Instagram/Threads: https://instagram.com/backwardsknight

Chapters

• 0:03 The Don't Make It Weird Podcast
• 10:27 The Bedazzler and Superhero Antics
• 20:49 Celeb Crushes and Hall Passes
• 34:53 Run From the Law
• 40:13 Potato Superiority Debate and Tooth Taste
• 54:57 Emotional Vulnerability in Superhero Stories
• 1:00:15 The Hidden Cost Trilogy Teasers
• 1:13:21 The No Space Bell Prize
• 1:19:49 Book Review and Author Banter
• 1:27:47 Podcast Production Announcement

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your hosts Daniel and Dinosaurus.

Speaker 3: 0:13

Oh, hello there. Welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast. I'm one of your co-hosts. Daniel Quigley, I am. We are part of the writing storytelling comedy podcast show that is for the writing community and by people that shouldn't be writing. I don't know. This is my first time hosting the show. Please welcome my better half, guys, because I am joined as always by the darling daughter of delirious danger, who always dabbles in the darker side of Super Dinosaurus, dina.

Speaker 4: 0:46

You sound like the valedictorian of summer school. I don't get it. The valedictorian of summer school? I don't get it.

Speaker 3: 0:57

You got that one locked and loaded Because we're going to be talking about super powered people, I have to have a secret identity there go.

Speaker 4: 1:05

I've been gooped there go.

Speaker 3: 1:12

I don't, you want to. The sad part is I don't even know what this wig is from.

Speaker 1: 1:15

I just looked in the closet halloween like isn't that your jean belcher bit wig?

Speaker 3: 1:20

I think this is okay, this is my jean belcher wig. I was like I've got so many random wigs from the show I don't even know where they're from anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:29

Right now poor coralie can't see because daniel stole her glasses I would sean.

Speaker 3: 1:36

I would never do that.

Speaker 4: 1:39

I'm hurt, I am offended he's gonna call her to come get them ma do, do you need your glasses back, Ma? I didn't even think about that. I should have worn a wig. You guys are like communicated and coordinated with me.

Speaker 3: 1:56

So, listen, I'm very impulsive, so this kind of came about as an idea as I walked in the room Okay, yeah, yeah, I know I really should have thought this through and in the room Okay, yeah, yeah, I know I really should have thought this through. And in hindsight I will. But as Sean, as you guys can see, sean has changed my name for the remainder of this episode to Danielle Quigley, so we appreciate that. Sean, can you go ahead and just knock that out for me, buddy, it's absolutely not going to get changed.

Speaker 4: 2:22

Introducing our guest.

Speaker 3: 2:25

No, we have things to do before we introduce our guest, because I've been excited, because this guest has been years in the making, but we're not rushing it. Okay, we're going to slowly build it up because we need to talk about last week, dina. Um, we had the incredible abby simpson on author of the dragon of the butterfly available from lost boys press. Dina, what was your favorite part of the episode?

Speaker 3: 2:44

um all of the times that she inserted a canada fact in the middle of conversation yeah it, we were promised canada facts and uh, I feel like, as it went on, we got a couple. We got a lot of facts from her. Um sean, what was uh sean? What was your favorite part, buddy?

Speaker 1: 3:03

uh, when you asked her if she's a tease and she said like sexually damn it.

Speaker 3: 3:10

That was my favorite part too. That's exactly, unless you. If you haven't seen the episode, you have to watch it because it's all in her delivery, because it was the most wholesome, but kind of like, kind of like like sexually.

Speaker 1: 3:23

I can't even. But yeah, no that she was caught off guard, but like was she just wanted to go with it.

Speaker 3: 3:28

Yeah, she was just there for it and you know what I feel like. We got a lot of historical facts from her and so you know I enjoyed it. I felt like I learned, I felt like I got smarter and we talked about a good book. So I feel pretty confident all the way around.

Speaker 4: 3:43

Summer school really pays off, man summer school valedictorian.

Speaker 3: 3:48

That was actually a sicker burn than I think you even realize, and I'm so impressed by you oh, I realize but you know who else needs to be impressed, dina.

Speaker 3: 3:59

It's our guest, a best friend of the show, someone that that we've been waiting for so long to get on this thing. And we have a very special guest, someone who wears many hats with equal flair. He is a devoted father, a talented author of both fantasy and horror novels and a tinkerer with a penchant for baking. His love of TTRPGs and video games adds a rich layer of creativity to everything he does. But that's not all. Matthew is also one of the biggest fans of our show and the dedicated sword wielder of the YouTube live chat. His commitment to our community is truly exceptional. Fun fact, he once came to our rescue by hacking into Dina's erotic friend fiction document when she forgot her password, allowing us to read it on this show. It on this show. You can find his work in various anthologies, including heroes and uh from lost boys press, and his book the darker side of super is available right now please welcome them, that's not it so close, so what I do?

Speaker 3: 4:54

what I do, including heroes from lost boys. Press his book the darker side of super. What did I? Say dark, dark side of super is the name of the I'm pretty sure I said the dark side of super sean. Can you play that back?

Speaker 3: 5:04

you said you said, darker, okay, let's go to the tape and his book the darker side of super. The darker side of super. Yeah, okay, I might have fucked that one up. So, uh, his book the dark Side of Super is available right now. Please welcome the multi-talented and always dependable Matthew motherfucking Psyduck. Baby, matt, I assume you have well, okay, you do have a wife and a daughter, so I guess you fucked a couple mothers, but I assume there hasn't been too many Like, eh, at least 37.

Speaker 5: 5:43

30 in a row.

Speaker 3: 5:45

No, not that lucky. And listen, don't think we didn't catch that specific reference in your book, because, motherfucker, I caught it. I want you to know, I want you to look at it.

Speaker 5: 5:55

There's a whole bunch of them in there.

Speaker 3: 5:57

Yeah, there were. There was definitely some good ones, but I had to make sure Sean saw that one specifically, because you know he's got a special spot in his heart for that man. So so talk. I had to make sure Sean saw that one specifically, because you know he's got a special spot in his heart for that man. So so talk to me, matthew. You're here. It's finally your time. You're not splitting the stage with any other authors. How's it feel?

Speaker 5: 6:13

it's a dream come true. That's what three, four, three years in the making.

Speaker 3: 6:17

I've been listening in the making yeah, pretty much protecting our chats?

Speaker 5: 6:21

yeah, now on the title the darker side of super. It was almost the dark side of supper because laura misread, uh, the notes I gave her when she was making the cover and the initial drafts of the cover were the dark side of supper you know what?

Speaker 3: 6:36

I'm ready for that when cooking goes wrong I'm, I'm ready for that anthology. Uh, dina, can we just write it now, like we just do? The dark side of supper, what would be your?

Speaker 1: 6:46

story, dina, when you accidentally set your kitchen on fire making vodka sauce?

Speaker 4: 6:50

he asked me that question. Yeah, please thank you yes, that was literally what I was gonna say. That was gonna be.

Speaker 3: 7:00

John is two for two stealing, stealing our answers right now. Man, it's absolutely ridiculous. And and, guys, if you've heard a fourth voice here, you know what? Before I forget to introduce him again, which I've never done before, never, we've got a fourth member of our team and if I get naked, then will you still call me Superman. If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand. I'll keep you by my side with my super hugging might. My kryptonite producer, sean, everyone what's up buddy.

Speaker 1: 7:35

Oh, super hugging might. That doesn't sound right, does it Dina?

Speaker 3: 7:39

Fuck you, don't you dare. No, no, no, I don't think so, buddy.

Speaker 1: 7:41

Hey, matthew, welcome to the show buddy hey, I don't think so, buddy. Hey, matthew, welcome to the show buddy.

Speaker 5: 7:45

Hey, thank you, Glad to be here. He did say kryptonite too, so it's a little bit of both.

Speaker 3: 7:51

See, yeah, so he goes a little bit both ways, you know. But Matthew, you're on my side here. You think I'm a good hugger, right?

Speaker 5: 8:00

I cannot pass judgment until you hug me, so you're going to have to make that happen.

Speaker 4: 8:04

Yeah, we're going to have to do this. Choco-con 2, baby Choco-Con 2 up in Maryland.

Speaker 3: 8:09

Come and get your hugs. Maybe they're disappointing. I don't know if I'm over the yips yet.

Speaker 1: 8:14

You're not. We play some games on this show which we will be enjoying in person as well in Maryland. By the time you watch this, that'll probably have happened or be close to have happened. We all play Buffalo here. That means we all drink with our left hand. Because we're right-handed, you have to drink with your off hand. If you're caught drinking with your right hand tonight, Matthew, we will make you finish your drink. If you catch any of us drinking with our right hand tonight, call out Buffalo and we will have to finish our drink.

Speaker 2: 8:50

We also have a series of buzzwords and phrases.

Speaker 1: 8:52

If you hear this, that means someone said one of those things and it's time to drink, and uh, we're all right-handed, so I might as well just take over that sound effect, since yeah, it's really ours, if you think about it.

Speaker 3: 9:00

Yeah, if you think about it, it's really our original soundbite, if you think about it so so here's the thing I love giving daniel dead air.

Speaker 4: 9:11

He always does that nervous laugh. I get a little turned on by the dead air.

Speaker 3: 9:15

So just know that every time you give me dead air like I'm a little aroused yeah awkward I think that's really inappropriate.

Speaker 5: 9:22

I mean that nervous laugh kind of sounds like the trilling of a gnome too.

Speaker 3: 9:25

so how fucking dare you sir you? Come into our house and you spout gnomish propaganda wherever you go. It's.

Speaker 4: 9:41

By the way, guys, I'm on Gnome vs Night. Tiktok yeah are you are you on there too? Because, the mermaids just sided with the gnomes, and I'm like yeah, let's go it's a whole yeah there's a war going on on tiktok. I don't know what's happening, I just got like I've just seen.

Speaker 5: 9:57

It's just. I've been watching it, matthew, I need to explain this to you gathered and decided that they're gonna be on the side of the the Knights.

Speaker 4: 10:04

Like I don't know if we're going to battle or something, but like I'm team mermaid.

Speaker 3: 10:08

You're team mermaid, so you're on the night, so you're on the right side. Matthew, where do you stand?

Speaker 4: 10:11

No.

Speaker 2: 10:12

I'm on the gnomes then.

Speaker 5: 10:13

Come on, what Backwards In the name, yeah 100% are on side gnome.

Speaker 3: 10:20

I thought you said they're on the side of the night.

Speaker 1: 10:22

No, she said, the mermaids joined the gnomes. That's what she said.

Speaker 3: 10:27

Fuck Dina. I'm so sorry this is the end of our partnership. I've really enjoyed it All right?

Speaker 1: 10:32

Well, this was a great episode. Everyone All right.

Speaker 3: 10:34

Wrap it up, guys, we're gone boys and girls. Thank you, matthew. You're now the shortest episode in our history, except for the two missing episodes, are we up to three now?

Speaker 1: 10:49

No, we had two and a half, I would say, or two and a third.

Speaker 3: 10:53

Okay, two and a third. Okay, man, I'm so excited. And Matthew, can you explain to me about this gnome versus knight? Like I'm five, like are you an expert? You know you're an expert.

Speaker 5: 11:07

You just said he didn't know what was going on either. I thought you said he knew about it. I I know of it. I have not been able to follow him as much I'm aware of it. I don't know what's going on. It started off as this guy, dressed up as a gnome, kind of wearing a blanket as a cloak, crouched down going into public places and being a public nuisance, as gnomes are wont to do, stealing steaks and all that.

Speaker 3: 11:29

Yeah, those little assholes. This is the best viral marketing ever. Why didn't I think of this? To promote my book, guys.

Speaker 1: 11:37

He's just out in public.

Speaker 3: 11:41

Just hiring a guy to be a gnomish menace.

Speaker 4: 11:44

Just walk around with a slab of raw meat while you do it everyone's be like what the fuck's going on?

Speaker 3: 11:51

yeah oh, that's brilliant man. So, man, I'm so excited, matthew, I'm so excited to have you on here, because we're going to be talking about your book, uh, the dark side of super. Uh, we're going to be getting into some story times. Got it right this time, uh. But before we do any of that, I need everyone to dim the lights, put some nice mood music on. Leave your disbelief at the door, because it's time for dina's tiktok conspiracy corner.

Speaker 4: 12:14

Okay so taylor swift is going to be featured in Deadpool 3 as the Bedazzler.

Speaker 3: 12:24

Oh, she's so close, so close. This is brand new information.

Speaker 4: 12:29

Dazzler, I got it wrong.

Speaker 3: 12:30

Do you want a clean take of that? No, don't get it wrong. She doesn't get a clean take, Sean.

Speaker 4: 12:34

No, it's fine, I don't need it.

Speaker 3: 12:36

I was thinking of that machine.

Speaker 4: 12:37

I had a mind map and I knew I was going to panic and there it is. Well, you know what yep dina's mind map so I was thinking about how she always does like the dazzling in her song and um all of her outfits are obviously bejeweled and I always think of that um, like the bejeweler from uh, or is it bedazzler or something?

Speaker 4: 13:00

like that from bedazzler, yeah, from the 90s, and I'm like I it, just it spiraled and I was like don't say it, don't say it, don't say it bedazzler anyways, yeah, no, I've been there. I've been there, but anyway I know people are thinking that she's gonna be the dazzler in deadpool 3 because, uh, ryan reynolds blake and um, blake lively and um I, I almost said Hugh Hefner.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Hugh Jackman.

Speaker 4: 13:27

Yeah, hugh Jackman. We're all seen at her concert together and they went to like a football game with her and they're thinking that it was like an Easter. Oh yeah, the Super Bowl. They were thinking this was an Easter egg. Yeah, because she keeps doing like dazzling and like her outfit looks just like the dazzlers from the comics too.

Speaker 1: 13:47

so oh my god, she would actually be perfectly cast as the dazzler like there's actually rumors that she would play dazzler like a long time ago, like in an x-men movie, and it just never came to fruition and apparently some people saw like cameras recording snippets from her shows, not for her documentary, like they weren't labeled for her at all.

Speaker 4: 14:10

It was like not labeled cameras. So they're thinking that they're using snippets from the heiress tour in the movie as well.

Speaker 1: 14:19

Well, by the time this airs, Deadpool and Wolverine will have been out for two weeks. So tell us down below if this rumor is true we're about to find out how accurate Dina is.

Speaker 3: 14:33

But listen, dazzler, she would crush as Dazzler. Dazzler is a character that got knocked out of this, uh, the mythos and basically became Jubilee. Um, but you know what? We have a superhero expert here. Matthew, I'm gonna put you on the spot. Tell me about the bedazzler. The bedazzler.

Speaker 5: 14:49

As far as I know, it was a supervillain that went around bedazzling people's underwear.

Speaker 3: 14:53

Oh shit, so you could just magically bedazzle. So you just get really uncomfortable.

Speaker 5: 14:58

How did they become a supervillain.

Speaker 3: 15:00

Matt, how did they become a?

Speaker 5: 15:02

supervillain. Somebody broke their original bedazzler so they built a new one, and they got hit by cosmic radiation and bit by a spider.

Speaker 4: 15:12

And that's how they became the bedazzler, my car seat cover is bedazzled and I can confirm it is very uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 15:18

Bedazzling gotcha, so they just bedazzle your underwear and then you're uncomfortable all the time. It's just like the ultimate inconvenience.

Speaker 5: 15:27

You're about to start throwing down in an epic world shaping fight If you've already got swamped out and then you get bedazzled. You're in a world hurt.

Speaker 3: 15:37

I mean, imagine if they bedazzled the underside of your foot. It's just like walking on Legos, like this could be a fucked up supervillain, guys, yeah this could be a fucked up super villain guys.

Speaker 4: 15:46

Yeah, what if they bedazzled just your socks so when you're sleeping at night it just covers your toes? Would that drive you crazy, daniel?

Speaker 3: 15:50

yes, it would that would absolutely drive me insane. You gotta cover the toes while you sleep, but not the rest deep into that.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Daniel lore he sleeps pretty uninitiated listener, dear listener. Daniel sleeps with socks just covering, like balled up over his toes. He takes his sock all the way off, until right before his toes.

Speaker 5: 16:10

It's the demon beneath the bed.

Speaker 3: 16:13

Matthew gets it. It's so nice to feel seen and heard on this show. Thank you, Matthew.

Speaker 4: 16:18

Do your socks come off in your sleep?

Speaker 5: 16:20

No, that's a personal question.

Speaker 3: 16:22

Yeah, that's the line of all the things of all the lines we've crossed in this show, this is the worst one god damn it but you know what I have. I have a second question for you, matthew, are you a tease?

Speaker 5: 16:41

wouldn't you like to know?

Speaker 3: 16:46

Matthew spicy today. Well, matthew.

Speaker 4: 16:49

I'm gonna need you to Jack have you taken mouth drugs today?

Speaker 3: 16:57

I'm just trying to figure out what's going on right now she's a little delirious, you're're high on Matthew. That makes sense. No, that makes sense to me. I'm with you, yeah, I snorted him. Don't recommend.

Speaker 1: 17:10

Matt, I almost got a spit. Take, damn it Almost, almost.

Speaker 3: 17:14

Snorted that motherfucker. Well, Matthew, I need you to channel your inner bedazzler. Okay, I need you to bedazzle the sensitive bits of our, of our audience here and tell them what they might have. Shout out, Shannon. Shout out, Shannon Sing Pickle Be Praised.

Speaker 5: 17:32

There's a story about my first party invite waiting in the wings.

Speaker 3: 17:37

He's locked and loaded. This is what it takes when you have a first party invite. Yeah, I'm fucking excited. I'm sure nothing will go wrong here. Sean, I'm feeling a little spicy now. Matthew's got me spicy. How can we, how can we assuage this spice buddy?

Speaker 4: 17:53

that's a big word for you wow I'm surprised we didn't hear some sausage unbelievable um, I did not pronounce it wrong.

Speaker 3: 18:02

I'm meant to say right. I pronounced right wrong.

Speaker 1: 18:07

I pronounced right wrongly, you know that track I pronounced right left. Wrongler, that's the word there it is Wrongler.

Speaker 5: 18:15

That's the one. Isn't that another supervillain?

Speaker 1: 18:17

The wrongler. You guys, we're going to play a very special game for our guest, Matthew Sidek, and it's called Smash or Pass Anti-Hero Edition.

Speaker 3: 18:30

Dina likes the bad boys. I'm going to tell you right now she's smashing all of them.

Speaker 1: 18:33

This is going to be kind of a lightning round game. You guys, I'm going to show you various slides featuring famous anti-heroes from entertainment and you guys decide smash or pass. Fuck yeah, are we ready? Let's do this. Let's do it. Number one Smash, walter White.

Speaker 4: 18:53

Pass. I don't like his name.

Speaker 3: 18:57

What that is the worst what?

Speaker 2: 18:59

the hell, Dina Heisenberg. It sounds German. I don't like it. I feel like he's a Nazi.

Speaker 4: 19:02

It is German, it's named like it. I feel like he's a Nazi.

Speaker 1: 19:04

It is German. It is German. It's named after a German scientist.

Speaker 4: 19:08

Yeah, so Nazi.

Speaker 3: 19:10

Pest Nazi. It's not that he's a drug dealer or murdered people. It's well, okay, you know what? That's actually a fair reason. Okay, Matthew, what do you think, buddy?

Speaker 5: 19:22

Smash. He's the one who knocks. You gotta let him knock it.

Speaker 3: 19:27

He is the one who knocks, doesn't matter which door. Baby, he is the danger. Yeah, normally I thought I was gonna be all Smashes on this show too, because I'm kind of a sick fuck. But I'd rather have sex with Hal than Walter White. You know Like who's with me here?

Speaker 4: 19:47

This isn't like a, would you rather? This is just what you want to do. Are you talking about?

Speaker 1: 19:50

Hal from Malcolm in the Middle. Yeah, 100%, yes, oh yeah, but he's a goofball dad, like of course you'd want to bang him. He's got nothing but good energy. That's not the game. Fair enough All right pass.

Speaker 4: 20:03

Oh my God, that's the same person. It is, oh, dina.

Speaker 5: 20:11

See, that's his glasses on for that you guys? That's his ego. Notice he's wearing glasses like Clark Kent.

Speaker 2: 20:18

Yeah, I didn't recognize him.

Speaker 1: 20:20

Yeah, uh-huh Not the only one.

Speaker 4: 20:22

Why did I say I recognized him?

Speaker 3: 20:24

I didn't recognize him is this gonna be this episode? Are we just not gonna be able to, like, pronounce words, right, I've already messed up several fucking things. I can't wait well, thankfully I've been one who can speak? I wouldn't bet on that get some more peanut butter whiskey, matthew, it's time. All right, you guys.

Speaker 1: 20:39

Number two here we go. All right, you guys Number two, here we go.

Speaker 4: 20:42

Snape Smash. Oh, but like not teenage, like gross Snape, like current adult. Snape, that has like hair hygiene.

Speaker 3: 20:51

Yeah, does he have hair hygiene, though it's?

Speaker 1: 20:54

always described he's got beautiful hair.

Speaker 3: 20:56

Okay, in the books it's always described as greasy guys.

Speaker 4: 21:00

I think JK Rowling is just a horrible person and she just doesn't understand that his hair is shiny, it's not greasy.

Speaker 1: 21:08

I'm basing it off of the Alan Rickman interpretation and it's a hard smash for me, yeah, hard smash, matthew.

Speaker 5: 21:18

If it was Alan Rickman, smash Snape, pass. He killed Dumbledore. You can't have that.

Speaker 2: 21:23

Ooh, it was an agreement, if you agree to murder you shouldn't be in trouble Sorry.

Speaker 1: 21:31

He has gray intentions the whole time. I think you're intended to think that he's the bad dude, but he's actually. He does the honorable thing in the end.

Speaker 4: 21:40

Yeah.

Speaker 5: 21:41

Well, you can be the honorable thing then, not me, yeah, well you could be the honorable thing then, not me.

Speaker 3: 21:49

Yes, matthew let's go.

Speaker 1: 21:52

That was fucking great. More snape for me then, matthew so, listen, I again.

Speaker 3: 21:57

I'm shocking myself here in that I'm another pass here, but there's a very specific reason because when me and my wife is lightning round.

Speaker 4: 22:04

Daniel, we don't need your opinion.

Speaker 3: 22:05

When me and my wife were first started dating, we we started doing who's your celebrity crush, like who's your hall pass and everyone, and I'm like naming like all these, like super hot women in hollywood, and she says snape, not alan rickman, just snape so do you still have a hall pass and she doesn't, because he's dead?

Speaker 1: 22:22

yeah, yeah, 100, yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2: 22:24

Well, she didn't mean Alan.

Speaker 1: 22:25

Rickman, so she actually never had a hall pass because she named a fictional character that doesn't actually exist.

Speaker 3: 22:32

What a dumbass, what a dumbass. And she said he's hot in a creepy kind of way, so she's into creepy hot, which now makes me question our whole relationship. So out of jealousy, a pass?

Speaker 1: 22:41

Yeah, because You're a fucking teddy bear. That's so weird. All right, next. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, kiddo the bride from Kill Bill.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Matthew you know the answer.

Speaker 5: 22:55

A fucking Dina. Yeah, got to help her wiggle that toe.

Speaker 1: 23:00

Oh God, thanks, Quentin. My name is Buck. Well, I already knew Daniel was going to be a smash, because he's got a weird kink for samurai swords.

Speaker 5: 23:11

Do you not? Is there something wrong with you?

Speaker 1: 23:14

I mean, they have their place, just not in my bed.

Speaker 3: 23:17

Well, I don't see. Is it there for home defense? Are you still? Do you still own the sword, Sean?

Speaker 1: 23:23

Yeah, of course I would never get rid of the sword. He got me a sword when I was his groomsman. That is best man not best man best man has. It has my name etched into it. I would never ever get rid of it and I will use it in the event that I have a home intruder. I will not use it in my bed have you asked me If?

Speaker 5: 23:44

Beatrix Kiddo came in there and said she wanted that sword in the bed with you. You'd say no.

Speaker 1: 23:48

I would say it can sit off to the side, if that's all she wants, if she wants it for safety. It's just there, just in case.

Speaker 3: 23:57

If the mask stays on, Sean, the sword stays in bed. That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 4: 24:01

It's like Ziva from NCIS.

Speaker 1: 24:04

All I know is we're not banging in the bed, we're banging in the pussy wagon. Baby, my name is Buck. I mean hands down. Yeah smash, yeah smash. Dina hasn't seen Kill Bill in his shows. Yeah Well, she might have seen it, but she's already forgotten it. All right, here we go. Dexter Morgan.

Speaker 4: 24:26

Oh, you know, I almost said smash just then, but I saw the first episode the first 10 minutes of the first episode of Dexter and pass. You're missing out it only gets weird in like the fifth season. It makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Speaker 3: 24:42

It's a fucking show about a serial killer. I hope so.

Speaker 4: 24:46

I can get on board with some serial killersiel like like who dina?

Speaker 1: 24:51

I don't know I can't think of any I knew you were gonna ask me that anybody right now she knows a couple active ones.

Speaker 3: 24:58

So no, that's, that's fair. Uh, matt, what about you, buddy?

Speaker 5: 25:00

uh, smash and pass normally be smash, but haven't watched the dexter series and he's just constantly sweaty in the floor to heat. Probably pass.

Speaker 1: 25:10

Yeah something I've learned from Dexter is that there's always an active serial killer in the Miami area.

Speaker 5: 25:17

Always.

Speaker 4: 25:19

Like always Seminole Heights, but yeah.

Speaker 3: 25:21

Well, I mean, think about psych. How many fucking murders are in Long Beach, dude?

Speaker 1: 25:29

Yeah, I. I mean, there wouldn't be a show if there weren't serial killers there. This is a hard smash for me. You guys, I don't like if if there were ever any sexy, dark, murdery energy dexter's got it like I don't, I can't even explain it, it's intangible yeah, listen, I, I'm here for it until it gets weird in the later seasons.

Speaker 3: 25:44

Uh, you know what dexter I'm gonna roll the dice. Family man, you know, blended in society, I'm in that, there's smash what about?

Speaker 5: 25:52

what about john lichtenhouse character?

Speaker 1: 25:55

I still think of the sun, that is that is the best season of dexter and hands down best villain on that show. Yeah, it's passed for me, dude. That guy's a fucking weirdo.

Speaker 5: 26:08

And not the good guy.

Speaker 3: 26:10

Yeah, he transcended weirdo in that show man. I might need to rewatch it.

Speaker 2: 26:15

Yep.

Speaker 3: 26:15

Alright, what do we got next, Johnny?

Speaker 1: 26:19

Harley Quinn Smash, smash.

Speaker 5: 26:24

Matt, go ahead, matthew, smash with the baseball bat. Holy shit, matthew, that is fucking kinky bro.

Speaker 3: 26:36

Yeah, sean, I know it's a yes, don't pretend it's not.

Speaker 1: 26:40

I don't know if I can say yes, man, because you know the rule don't stick your dick in crazy, and she's about as crazy as the kid.

Speaker 3: 26:47

Yes, yeah, there is a high chance you'll get murdered, but it could also be the best sex of your life, like I feel like that is a worthwhile.

Speaker 2: 26:56

It's worth it yeah.

Speaker 3: 26:57

That's a good, worthwhile gamble here, like that's how risky this one is, oh man.

Speaker 2: 27:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:05

I don't know. I think I'd have to flip a coin on this one.

Speaker 2: 27:08

Are you flip?

Speaker 1: 27:09

a coin weather. Yeah, I'd have to two face this one.

Speaker 3: 27:15

Now, dina, the question is would you take?

Speaker 2: 27:18

a shower before.

Speaker 1: 27:25

Yeah, thank you for this deep Dina lore. That isn even true. You guys just made it up, totally, we just made it up, okay, no, you took it out of context allegedly you don't have to.

Speaker 4: 27:38

You don't have to defend yourself, it's okay to like, I like, I like to be clean, it's.

Speaker 3: 27:42

She likes to get clean, to get dirty. I don't know, not everyone. We're ready for the next one, okay no.

Speaker 4: 27:47

So no, we need to. I need to. I shower every night before bed because I do not like getting in bed after sweating in the Florida heat all day. And y'all started saying that I only had sex after I shower and that is just not true.

Speaker 1: 28:07

I just don't like getting in bed with dirty, sweaty nasty, but you also only have sex in your bed, so we discovered that that wasn't true too.

Speaker 4: 28:17

I don't know if it was on the show or not.

Speaker 3: 28:19

So so All right. Last question, because there's no way you can defend this one why is it that Tim gets an erection every time it rains?

Speaker 4: 28:26

That's not true. That's not true.

Speaker 1: 28:28

No, you made that one up. I can confirm that that's the line. That's the line. Yeah, that's where we call it. I will let you besmirch Tina on the show all you want, but do not bring my friend Tim into this business? Tim-a-rung into this business. Timurangia, that's fair. All right, let's see who's next, tony.

Speaker 5: 28:52

Pass.

Speaker 1: 28:54

Hard pass, Dude. If he brings Gabagool to the bedside with him, he can smash all day, baby.

Speaker 3: 29:02

That is a big, hairy, sweaty Italian guy.

Speaker 5: 29:08

But if you're getting to bed with him, you're getting to bed with his entire family.

Speaker 3: 29:12

Don't get in bed with the mob don't get in bed with the mob, doesn't? Work out, yeah, but also like I don't know if the guts your cold cuts man do, I have the guts Cold cuts man. Do I have the guts to turn him down? I want to live. I'm smashing. I'm not taking that risk. Yeah, I'm not taking that risk.

Speaker 4: 29:30

I didn't think about that.

Speaker 3: 29:31

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 29:32

I always thought that this is a consensual passion. Pash Smash Consensual pash.

Speaker 3: 29:39

I mean he'd let me say no, I would pash, that's what I would do with Harley.

Speaker 1: 29:41

Quinn, I would pash, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 29:43

I'm right in the middle.

Speaker 3: 29:46

Pash, oh shit.

Speaker 5: 29:48

Oh Wade Wilson.

Speaker 3: 29:50

Smash.

Speaker 5: 29:52

Hands down.

Speaker 3: 29:55

Yeah, I don't care. It's a topographical map of what's the line, sean, a topographical map of an avocado or something.

Speaker 1: 29:59

It looks like an avocado had sex with an even uglier avocado.

Speaker 2: 30:03

Yeah, smash your face looks like an avocado had sex with an even uglier avocado. Yeah, smash, let's make guacamole.

Speaker 1: 30:08

It looks like a topographical map of Utah. There it is. I would say the hardest smash ever and take the mask off. Baby Give me the.

Speaker 5: 30:19

Freddy Krueger.

Speaker 3: 30:20

It's the only one where the mask stays off. Yeah.

Speaker 5: 30:22

But does his katana get to stay in the bed?

Speaker 1: 30:24

Oh, they're on his back.

Speaker 3: 30:27

They can stay on his back so if they're attached to the person you're having sex with the sword can be in the bed, so he's going to be in top.

Speaker 1: 30:35

Oh no, he's definitely a bottom if you've seen Deadpool.

Speaker 3: 30:38

International Women's Day.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I don't remember, he's a power bottom. He, he's a power bottom.

Speaker 2: 30:46

He gets pegged on.

Speaker 1: 30:46

International Women's Day, him and Vanessa celebrate holidays with different themed sexual encounters.

Speaker 4: 30:52

Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1: 30:54

Yeah, she totally remembers.

Speaker 4: 30:56

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:57

Yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 4: 30:59

Actually, you know what I was thinking about. I was just thinking because you said peg, I was like Peggy Hanbury.

Speaker 1: 31:07

What we call her peggy and then no context.

Speaker 2: 31:11

I love that so much oh my gosh okay I mean, we're unanimous here, right?

Speaker 3: 31:18

yeah, and you know what I'm gonna take it a step farther sean, if anyone ever god just skip to the next one says no. If anyone ever says pass to Deadpool, I'm gonna fucking find them. Sean, I'm gonna fucking find them and I'm going to wave menacingly your mics back there, daniel yeah, stay behind your mic, pal.

Speaker 1: 31:38

I forgot to tell you that again. I'll do that next time. Yeah, all right, michael Corleone, are we talking younger? But smash, I'm intrigued next time, alright, michael.

Speaker 3: 31:46

Corleone, are we talking young or I don't?

Speaker 1: 31:48

know who it is. But Smash, I'm intrigued. You've never seen Godfather.

Speaker 3: 31:53

Oh no, I'm giving you an offer you can't refuse.

Speaker 1: 31:56

He's the reluctant mob boss who has empathy.

Speaker 4: 32:03

Oh, cute, has empathy, dan has to make tough decisions Cute.

Speaker 2: 32:06

Cute.

Speaker 5: 32:11

I mean, look at that suit. How can you not?

Speaker 1: 32:14

It's like that waistcoat, that fucking waistcoat bro.

Speaker 3: 32:18

It's appealing to my inner.

Speaker 1: 32:19

Fundy oh my god, he's wearing his Sunday best, y'all Not for much longer.

Speaker 4: 32:30

Look at that.

Speaker 3: 32:31

You can't see an elbow or anything, the suit stays on. The suit stays on. Oh bless, bless, this has been excellent. This is a titillating it's the bedazzler, it's me.

Speaker 1: 32:51

I have never seen Dina get so excited Ever.

Speaker 4: 32:57

I'm genuinely convinced I would be her friend, even though we probably would hate each other.

Speaker 1: 33:03

Your parasocial relationship with her is becoming troubling to me.

Speaker 4: 33:07

Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 3: 33:10

I'm sure it's very healthy. It's the restraining order. Don't worry about it, Dina, it's fine. I mean all right, let's all just get this out of the way. Smash Yep.

Speaker 1: 33:23

I don't want to become her next big hit song yeah you do.

Speaker 4: 33:26

I'd love to be a song. Are you kidding me right now?

Speaker 5: 33:31

Producer Sean, she'd write a trilogy about you.

Speaker 2: 33:34

She'd write a fucking trilogy For real.

Speaker 1: 33:38

All right, you guys, this has been Antihero Smasher Pass.

Speaker 3: 33:43

That was a beautiful twist at the end, sean.

Speaker 1: 33:45

Thank you for that I even surprised myself with that when I forgot about it.

Speaker 3: 33:50

Yeah, no that I just surprised yourself. Well, you know what. It's time that matthew gives us a little reach around, a little bedazzle. We're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale.

Speaker 5: 34:02

So without further ado, it's Storytime with Matthew Alright. So when I was in high school I was what you would call typically a loner. I didn't have a lot of friends so didn't get invited to a lot of parties. So the one time I did get invited to a party, obviously I was kind of gung-ho to go. I remember it quite well. Some kid named Zeno Didn't really know him. Some kid named Zeno, zeno, zeno was inviting everybody, like everybody. So I didn't feel too good about it, but it's like let's go, let's see what it is.

Speaker 1: 34:39

That is a supervillain name.

Speaker 5: 34:44

Can you spell that for us? Yeah, z-e-n-o, okay. And it turns out his invitation went far and wide, not only in our school but some neighboring schools. So I ended up carpooling with a couple of friends and we all piled into the back of a truck and we were following the directions to get to this place and it was a bonfire out in the middle of nowhere. And we show up and there's a lot of people that are kind of sketchy looking, hanging around and as we park our car some guy walks up with his hand in his pants I don't think he was jacking off, he was reaching for a weapon and we're like, okay, Smash. And so we walk out and Zeno was nowhere to be found because he invited way too many people and a lot of the wrong crowd had showed up and they were burning the couches he had set up and basically we're gonna fight.

Speaker 5: 35:40

They were trashing this fire pit he had set up in the middle of nowhere. And then we heard sirens. Why yeah?

Speaker 5: 35:51

The cops were coming Fire or PD, oh yeah, cops and fire. So we and my buddies look at each other and we're like, well, it's time to run. And we get chased by the cops through the woods and, uh, I've never ran so fast in my life. I can honestly say that, oh my god, I don't remember much of it, but we took off running in the opposite direction of our truck because that's where the cops were and we had to circle back around, uh, around, and basically metal gear solid or way past the cops, back into the truck, and allegedly, of course, if my parents ever heard this, yeah allegedly this never happened.

Speaker 4: 36:35

I gave up on that a long time ago.

Speaker 5: 36:37

We took off in the truck and my buddy had a police scanner and they were actually sending somebody to follow us until an actual fight broke out at the campfire and they decided let us go to deal with the issues the diversion. Yeah.

Speaker 4: 36:52

An actual fight.

Speaker 3: 36:54

Oh my god, the fucking diversion.

Speaker 5: 36:58

And so we were all huddled down. One person was driving. We were all huddled down in the bed of the truck, hoping no other cop saw us, and like three more cop cars passed by us, headed to this place allegedly allegedly.

Speaker 3: 37:11

That's incredible. You fucking hid from the law.

Speaker 1: 37:14

That's a dinosaur special right there, better than lemon juice oh my god, that's like that classic movie trope where like they're like casually escaping while the police are going the opposite direction. You're just like walking down the highway while they're like zoom, zoom.

Speaker 3: 37:33

You're doing the fucking Kaiser Sosa right there, man, that's beautiful. Sorry, I'm going to. I'm going to time it out real quick. What was Zeno's first name? That was his first name, oh that was his first name.

Speaker 1: 37:51

Oh, that was, you know. Yeah, I don't remember what his last name was, oh, but I don't even know if that was his real name. But that's fair.

Speaker 3: 37:54

So there's oh, it was, it was an alias. We we now know it was an alias. So there's like a sports talk host out here in atlanta called mark z, like zeno spelled exactly the same way, and I was like he's about the same age. That would be a fucking insane coincidence.

Speaker 5: 38:04

So sorry, I just I had to be sure it's all good, show me a picture.

Speaker 1: 38:09

I'll tell you if it's him or not tweet him and be like hey, did you like throw a fucking fire? Pit fucking rager wrong, where the police showed up and people were burning furniture and stuff just just asking for a friend. You just want to know yeah, um, no, that's beautiful.

Speaker 3: 38:26

Well, well, matthew, I'm so glad you survived. I'm glad you were, even though you're on the lamb and, uh, probably the most wanted man in your hometown right now. Uh, yeah, you know, I'm glad you're here with us. Um, allegedly, allegedly this is all facial face changing software. Sean, you've, uh, you morphed his face right oh yeah, I'll do it right now.

Speaker 1: 38:46

I hope you just do a shitty photoshop over it it's just gonna be a screenshot of his face over his live face face on face.

Speaker 5: 38:54

I love it you gotta do it, uh, south Park style, like I'm Canadian oh yeah, I'll just like have your head flap around yeah, alright, matthew, you're out of hiding and now it's time.

Speaker 3: 39:08

You have a neckerchief, andy, some sort of cloth or wiping device? Yes, Is that is that just like a hand towel.

Speaker 5: 39:20

It's a microfiber cloth, but it'll work.

Speaker 3: 39:22

That's going to wick away that moisture Cause you're going to fucking need it.

Speaker 5: 39:25

It's going to be real sticky, real sticky.

Speaker 1: 39:28

That's the reason why Daniel keeps a tube sock nearby when we record.

Speaker 5: 39:31

On his toes.

Speaker 1: 39:34

Just on his toes, just on my toes.

Speaker 3: 39:36

You never know when you're going to need it, guys. So listen, Matthew, we're going to peel back the layers of the potato. We're going to hit you with deeply personal, hard hitting questions with dinosaurs.

Speaker 4: 39:52

Oh, it's my turn 110th time we've done this

Speaker 3: 40:01

This is what happens when she doesn't have laundry to fold.

Speaker 4: 40:04

I have laundry in the washer. I almost did it on our break. But okay, matthew, which no, I've already asked you that one. Um yeah, what do teeth taste like?

Speaker 5: 40:19

what do teeth taste like? Probably, what have you last ate?

Speaker 4: 40:26

all right, that's fair enough gingivitis you're a burglar, but you can only steal three things that mildly inconvenience your victims. What are you taking?

Speaker 5: 40:37

what am I taking mildly inconvenience? Uh, their toothbrushes, so they can only ever taste what they last uh ate? Uh, probably their socks, and all of them, except for the ones hanging off their toes, because I'm not touching their feet Only the left ones, only the left ones.

Speaker 1: 40:59

No left and right socks.

Speaker 4: 41:01

Do socks have a left and right on them.

Speaker 5: 41:04

Those are suggestions at best. And then third thing I'll take is probably all of their bread, because you can't make a sandwich without bread so what if they're keto or keto people like now, you just help.

Speaker 3: 41:20

Now that's my turn to fucking get on there.

Speaker 5: 41:22

I can't pronounce the words and then they're gonna have the fake bread and I'll steal that, and if it's not that, then it's the bacon that they use for bread.

Speaker 1: 41:29

I thought Dina asked for mild inconveniences. First of all, she would kill herself if she suddenly didn't have a toothbrush.

Speaker 5: 41:40

She probably brushed her teeth during that bathroom break. You can still brush with your finger or with somebody else's finger, however you need to oh someone else's Sean.

Speaker 3: 41:46

Will you brush my teeth with your finger, please? I, however, you need to oh everyone Someone else's Sean will you brush my teeth with your finger please. Oh my God, I never knew how badly I wanted this. I never knew how badly I wanted this. Matthew suggested it and I agree it's a good suggestion.

Speaker 4: 42:01

Matthew.

Speaker 5: 42:02

You're welcome.

Speaker 4: 42:04

What is I just lost my place? Oh my God. This is so bad. It's like I've never interviewed anybody before. What is I just lost my place?

Speaker 2: 42:08

oh my god this is so bad it's like I've never interviewed anybody before it's page one of our rundown no, I know, but I had a specific question.

Speaker 4: 42:16

Oh, what is the opposite of milk?

Speaker 3: 42:18

the opposite of milk is chocolate expand well no comment, okay, fair enough solid chocolate or liquid chocolate the cocoa bean depends on what mood you're in I? I don't. I am more mystified the more he tries to explain this answer.

Speaker 1: 42:41

I don't, because I I love this because matthew's watched this segment a number of times, so he knows how to frustrate.

Speaker 5: 42:49

Dina with his answers, but this is also just how I answer questions. You could ask my wife.

Speaker 2: 42:57

Why are?

Speaker 4: 42:57

wet clothes darker.

Speaker 5: 43:01

Because they absorb all the sunlight like a black hole.

Speaker 4: 43:04

Oh.

Speaker 3: 43:06

Science hey, Matthew, what does Wednesday taste like Tuesday?

Speaker 5: 43:12

Cause it came right after it.

Speaker 4: 43:15

Cause it came Right after.

Speaker 3: 43:17

Hey, that is Whoa Dina. This is a family show.

Speaker 4: 43:24

If Pinocchio's nose Grows when he's about to lie and he says the phrase my nose is about to grow, then will his nose grow.

Speaker 5: 43:32

Only on Tuesdays.

Speaker 4: 43:38

Which stove burner is the superior stove burner?

Speaker 2: 43:42

Front right, which is currently why.

Speaker 5: 43:43

I'm cursed because my front right burner is broke.

Speaker 4: 43:46

Yeah.

Speaker 5: 43:47

It doesn't turn off. It doesn't turn off. I'm sorry, yeah, it doesn't turn off. Painful it doesn't turn off. I'm sorry it doesn't turn off. Of high it's on or high.

Speaker 3: 43:54

There's no middle ground okay, I was gonna say, because that's carbon monoxide. After you, that's, you have a gas, no, it's electric.

Speaker 5: 44:02

Okay, so I have the part coming tomorrow so I can fix it, but still okay, being without my my front right burner is heartbreaking.

Speaker 4: 44:08

I need you to pour one out for my homie yeah, dude, I'm feeling it I love my front left I'm front left though front right is because I'm right now I can sit my big frying pan on.

Speaker 5: 44:20

Yeah, my front right is the big one as well oh, my front left is the big one.

Speaker 1: 44:24

Yeah, you gotta like my big one too, like I'm girthy I love it to act like he belongs in this conversation when he hasn't used like he cooks years I occasionally cook.

Speaker 4: 44:37

The last time you cooked, you messaged sean and I makes a cheese.

Speaker 3: 44:43

Sean knows exactly when I'm actually trying to like cook something real, because I text him and say, sean, I need a recipe.

Speaker 4: 44:50

Yeah, and like he has to walk you through it and hold your hand the whole time too, because you can't just read the recipe.

Speaker 1: 44:55

I can't just give him a recipe. I have to like transcribe it in a way that he would understand yes, this is true, he translates it killed me to watch lesson but it comes out really good

Speaker 4: 45:07

yeah, it's true. Okay, matthew, you got to come in hot with this one. I need you to back it up. I need wise, I need supporting reasoning. Nobody can argue with you. You got to be like hard on this one.

Speaker 3: 45:19

Super hard.

Speaker 1: 45:19

That's what she said.

Speaker 2: 45:21

Hard on this one, yeah.

Speaker 4: 45:25

Hey guys, I'm really scared because I don't know You've asked him the potato question before. No, did Matthew.

Speaker 1: 45:36

Buffalo? No, he didn't, that's his left hand.

Speaker 4: 45:40

Which one is the left hand, his left hand?

Speaker 1: 45:41

is this one. Mike's side is his left hand.

Speaker 4: 45:45

Oh man, I thought I feel like she tried to get out of this. Dina, you need to drink for falsely because we had a whole conversation about it, so I thought that that was you can't ask if someone buffaloed you. Either I know one of it or you know that's why I'm ready to drink, but I really thought that our conversation ended with this being his buffalo hand you know what well she drinks.

Speaker 3: 46:07

Matthew, I want to give you back the power, the power that we've not had any guests. Would you like the power of the party button? Matthew, I would love the party button.

Speaker 1: 46:16

Perfect.

Speaker 3: 46:16

Yep, we definitely do so. Anytime you want to hit the party button, Matthew, we're going to bring back a classic. You just say, producer Sean, hit the party button.

Speaker 5: 46:26

Okay, will you please hit that party button for me, baby.

Speaker 3: 46:29

Yes, Sean, Do you really wanna? Do you really wanna taste it?

Speaker 4: 46:38

Is there it to my teeth.

Speaker 2: 46:39

It's gonna be a while because Dina can't chug so doing so good dina not really, but we can pretend yeah, all right, we're.

Speaker 3: 47:03

This is about as long as I can dance that felt right to hear long as I can dance, that felt right, I'm to here.

Speaker 4: 47:14

So fast I can go Good out Good out.

Speaker 3: 47:16

That was perfect. You did so good. You did so good, dina, you still got it. You still got it. I really thought this was his wrong hand Doing so good. All right, Dina, bring it home.

Speaker 1: 47:27

She's going to need to burp at least one more time. Massage the belly a little bit, move the gashes around, get some indigestions.

Speaker 3: 47:39

Yep, look at her, she's come a long way, even three years ago, she wouldn't have been able to do that.

Speaker 1: 47:50

That was almost a full seltzer, I believe.

Speaker 4: 47:53

It was. I don't know what I just tasted, but it wasn't dinner.

Speaker 2: 47:59

Was it your teeth? It was your teeth.

Speaker 3: 48:04

Oh shit, oh God, she's so bedazzled right now.

Speaker 4: 48:13

Do you need?

Speaker 1: 48:13

to go vomit real quick?

Speaker 4: 48:13

no, I can do it there's three ring lights in front of me.

Speaker 2: 48:15

It's fine okay, okay, we still have author questions.

Speaker 4: 48:24

yeah, we do, okay, what's? What's the superior form of potato Go?

Speaker 5: 48:28

Obviously the potato and anything you do to change that makes it less superior. If you hash it, if you cut it and fry it, you are diminishing the power of the potato. The only goddamn thing you have to do to a potato is dump it in some salt water and boil it. That's it. The superior form of potato is the Syracuse salt potato. If you haven't tried it, highly recommend because it will blow your fucking mind.

Speaker 3: 48:53

What makes it Syracuse?

Speaker 4: 48:54

That sounds so plain.

Speaker 5: 48:57

It sounds so plain and it sounds like why, why? But until you take some fingerling or baby or new potatoes and boil them in salt water and eat them, your mind, you just haven't lived. So what happens? What happens is yeah, go ahead, sorry. What happens is the salt adheres to the skin of the potato and turns the skin into an oven itself, so it it cooks the inside of the potato, so it's perfectly creamy.

Speaker 3: 49:26

And then when you dump the salt water out, the salt crystallizes, it makes the skin crunchy, so it's like the best crunchy and yet soft french fry you've ever had I'm intrigued because I was matthew, I was I was not on board with you, but the more you're describing this, the more I'm seeing the power of this potato can you drop a recipe in the food channel that?

Speaker 5: 49:47

because if it makes, I think he has I have, but I will do if I haven't. I will do it again. Because, yes, I will, because I, I shit you not. My life was changed when I popped one of those fuckers into my mouth.

Speaker 3: 49:58

That's what she said that's what she said, sean. I need you to report back.

Speaker 4: 50:02

Oh, my god all right, sean.

Speaker 3: 50:04

So here's where I need you to just splice in a hard cut of you, uh, and make it look like you just cooked the potato and started eating it. Sean, how was that potato?

Speaker 1: 50:12

Definitely not doing that. But if you put your cards right I might make you guys Syracuse salt potatoes in Maryland. Let's go Hot.

Speaker 5: 50:20

The key there is they have to be small potatoes, because big potato just won't work. Yep.

Speaker 4: 50:26

One bite potatoes or two bite potatoes, potatoes. My bitch ass is about to boil a russet.

Speaker 5: 50:29

Yeah, not a russet, a whole ass, fucking potato this big.

Speaker 3: 50:34

And the best part is I will crystallize how I promised.

Speaker 5: 50:36

If you cut them up the next morning and fry them with some butter and toss some eggs on them, they're just, they're good, okay.

Speaker 1: 50:42

Don't mind Dina.

Speaker 3: 50:52

She's just working on her story for the dark side of supper it sounds like she got the dark side of supper rumbling in her belly.

Speaker 1: 50:56

The dark side of supper coming soon. It's like lime seltzer and ritz crackers well, matthew, you survived it.

Speaker 3: 51:04

Buddy, you, you survived a deeply emotional, difficult experience and I appreciate you being vulnerable, opening up to us, buddy your mic is back here, dummy. Matthew, I appreciate you opening up to us being vulnerable. I appreciate you surviving these personal questions. You can put the neckerchief away and put on your serious author hat, because it is time you were.

Speaker 1: 51:29

Daniel, all along.

Speaker 5: 51:33

Does he get a theme song like Agatha?

Speaker 3: 51:36

Sean, please sing it for me real quick.

Speaker 1: 51:40

No.

Speaker 4: 51:42

I just realized oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 1: 51:44

Can you please put on the correct author hat the serious author hat.

Speaker 3: 51:48

So the problem is I don't know where it is. My mom cleaned her basement yeah, I don't blame her.

Speaker 1: 51:56

She probably cringes every time she goes down there, give me two seconds crumbs and things that you leave around ma meatloaf.

Speaker 4: 52:05

Well, he's looking for his. Author. Hat have. Have you guys ever seen, my Name is Earl.

Speaker 1: 52:10

Yeah, it's one of my favorite sitcoms ever of all time.

Speaker 5: 52:12

Never actually watched that one.

Speaker 1: 52:14

It got shafted because of the writer's strike and it just ended abruptly. So many good shows did.

Speaker 4: 52:21

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 52:21

Yeah, it's a really wholesome show about a reformed criminal who decides to write a list of all the things that he ever did wrong in his life and kind of make it right. Every episode he's making one of those things on his list right For whoever he did wrong.

Speaker 4: 52:35

Yeah, and uh, so um. Anyway, when I just called Daniel dummy, just then I I realized that like our relationship is very much joy and Earl, so he's your ex-husband. Mine is that I would be honored.

Speaker 3: 52:52

She's shooting full joy on us. I would be honored to be your ex-husband, Dina.

Speaker 4: 53:01

Ex for a reason that's fine.

Speaker 1: 53:04

Many reasons and he's got a serious author hat you guys.

Speaker 3: 53:10

We found it, baby. Baby, we're not taking it halfway here, matthew. Do you have a serious author hat to put on yourself, sir, I don't fresh out trying to quit then you know what I need you to go get the peanut butter whiskey. This is happening one of two ways either peanut butter whiskey or serious author hat. It's up to you, buddy.

Speaker 4: 53:23

He has the peanut butter whiskey.

Speaker 5: 53:25

He's got it. That's what I almost buffeted him in. I had it, but it's gone now.

Speaker 2: 53:31

It was about three shots of just talk.

Speaker 3: 53:33

Bye, all right guys. So we are here to talk with Matthew Siedak about his story the Dark Side of Super. This collection of stories weaves together the tales of 11 individuals who've come into their own power when their backs are against the wall. Each of them will have to make a choice. Felix must watch what he says, his voice carrying an addictive power. Jasper must learn to look before he leaps while figuring out his teleportation ability, much to the dismay of his sister, enid, whose emotions bring rain and thunder. Sabrina struggles against relentless flow of time, no matter how much she tries to turn the clock back. Nikael hides from the fame or infamy the power to heal brings. These stories and more, delve into the dark side of being super. They can rise up like heroes or let their powers corrupt them. Find out which side of human nature prevails.

Speaker 3: 54:23

Again available now and man. I'm so excited to talk about this book, man, because I've gotten to read some of your other short stories in the past and I mean this absolutely blows a lot of your other work out of the water. Man, just brilliant prose. I guess the biggest thing that I want to say is you took a very unique approach to a lot of these superhero powers and you know we have to work very hard because it's an anthology. A lot of these stories are short, to not do spoilers here, so I'm going to try to go in broad strokes, but I guess I would ask you which was your favorite superpower to write.

Speaker 5: 54:57

There's two that are tied for contenders and that's Felix's power and Sabrina's power. Those two stories hit me the absolute hardest. They were the best to write. I lost myself in both of those stories but, honestly, all of them are my babies. I had so much fun with all of them and I took this as a huge challenge to try something that I'm not comfortable with, and it worked Absolutely and it worked.

Speaker 4: 55:26

Absolutely. Do you think that, like those were your favorites because you had to sort of dig deep? Because they, I feel like they struggle the most with inner turmoil while using their gifts and you know we deal with like themes of addiction and things like that with them as well. So you've got to really like tear your chest open for those and get pretty emotionally invested to those.

Speaker 5: 55:51

I got emotionally invested into all of them, but those two stories, especially Felix's, that was the first one. That was the inciting story for this entire collection. I was having a very rough time at the beginning of 2023. And the person who ended up editing this row, she was. I was. I couldn't find any inspiration to write. And she's like here, here's a writing prompt and I took that and I ran with it and it was like the floodgates opened. I saw Felix in my head and his story just leapt out onto the page and that, to me, it was. It was just I. I could see it like a movie in my head.

Speaker 3: 56:29

Same with sabrinas um, they were clear as day to me that if you told me they were real people, I wouldn't be surprised and so I want to kind of piggyback off of that and kind of expand further on that last comment, because I think one of the things that's really the most interesting about this anthology is that you know, we're used to in the superhero genre, even when you go for the anti-heroes or the darker, you know, um, you know shows like whether it's the boys or watchmen and stuff is that there's a lot of assurity with all of these superhero characters, like they are cocky, they're confident, they're wisecracking, they're doing all this, but all of your heroes are very vulnerable. There's a lot of turmoil inside, like dina said um, what was it about appealing to the emotional that despite all this power, they still have massive insecurity? What was it about that kind of writing that you wanted to bring through?

Speaker 5: 57:20

I'll be honest, I was going through a lot of my own inner turmoil and I straight up channeled that straight onto the page. I straight up channeled that straight onto the page. But to me, one of the things I've always seen is superpowers. They seem great until you have to realize they're not easy. They're going to wreck your life one way or another, whether it's the fact that you can't control it or it's addictive or however.

Speaker 5: 57:44

And once that the writing prompt that was given to me was somebody has a power and they don't want it. They just simply don't want it. And that led me to the idea of you have Felix. He's got this power and he's an addict, and this power is very addictive in and of itself. And what cost does that have for him? And that's kind of the thing I took with all of it looking at. When I sat down to to brainstorm all of these powers, I made a list. These are the powers I want to tackle and this is what I see as a cost, whether it's a physical cost, whether it's a mental cost, whichever, however that plays did you want?

Speaker 4: 58:25

I'm sorry, I still have that fucking saucer in my okay, um, you gave us like. So you stayed within. Is it third person, one of you mostly and then you switched over to first person um, for reasons. But what was it like to sort of make that shift halfway through and still be able to interweave all of these stories? Did that take like a lot of planning?

Speaker 5: 58:52

It did not take planning for the first one, which is the story of M, that one. When you read that story and you read that character to me you get the real oomph of that character's power and the cost of it being in first person, being inside of their head, being almost face to face with them. Uh, I don't think third person would have done that justice. Right, you have to feel that person and what they're going through, having this power. So that's what I went with with that and then with the other one. Well, again, because of how that story played out as it started and it was a little bit of a backtrack, you had to be inside that character's head, so I wanted to tackle that with the first person as well is is again, it was all a lot of individual stories that started out very kind of innocuous.

Speaker 3: 59:50

It started out very kind of almost I don't want to say slice of life, but very, um, small picture very zoomed in and then, as the stories kind of started expanding and we started seeing the connections, and especially that that last, like 25, 30 of the book, where it just turns from a a nice stroll into a fucking sprint um, what was it like trying to build all of these stories and connect them and weave them all together for your own anthology?

Speaker 5: 1:00:15

I did not plan that at first. My original goal is and I kind of walked through this in the afterward but there was Felix's story. That came first, and the second story was Jasper's, and that came from one of my writing groups. We were having a writing jam together and the, the writing prompt for that, was being thrust onto the stage, uh, which fits with jasper's story. But once I had those, I realized I had two stories that were within the same world. Uh, cool, let's build an anthology of people with superpowers that have a cost to them and and let's run with that.

Speaker 5: 1:00:50

It was by the fourth or the fifth story that I realized they're not just in the same world. These people know each other. These people are affecting each other, whether they realize it or not. And not just that, but there's something else. There is something else that I realized. I had left myself breadcrumbs to follow that there was a bigger picture here, and it took me probably until story six or seven to realize what that was. That last story, without spoiling it. I did not plan that. That came out of nowhere.

Speaker 3: 1:01:27

So it kind of all just happened and you hit that final inspiration. That's incredible. I mean, cause that that? Uh, I can't wait Cause I've heard I want to give the folks a little taste of this story, but before I do, I've heard, uh, maybe a sequel might be in the works.

Speaker 5: 1:01:42

I have started working on it already. In fact, two sequels.

Speaker 3: 1:01:50

Oh ready, in fact two sequels. Oh, right now what we?

Speaker 5: 1:01:51

are breaking news music, sean. I want to do two more books um, and I've started brainstorming them. There's the light side of villainy, which is the opposite of the dark side of super uh. And then there's the narrow path of power. Um, you have the light side, you have the dark side, and then you have the narrow path of power. You have the light side, you have the dark side and then you have the narrow path between them.

Speaker 3: 1:02:12

I love it.

Speaker 5: 1:02:14

I've started working on it, catching some snippets as they come to me here and there, but the goal is a trilogy to wrap up the entire story.

Speaker 3: 1:02:24

I love it man, because you've teased a couple other superpowers there at the end. So I mean I'm pumped for it, but before we get there, it's time to stop giving the audience a tease. Matthew, I need you to give us a little reading. Man, Tell us what we have in store, or give us the music.

Speaker 5: 1:02:38

So I went through here trying to figure out what would be the best thing to do and I decided I'm going to go with maybe not my favorite story, maybe not my favorite superpower, but my favorite character, and we're going to the hidden cost, which is the fifth of the six actually seventh or eighth story in it, with Nikhil that's my favorite story.

Speaker 3: 1:02:59

dude, I was going to say that out of all of them, that was my absolute favorite.

Speaker 5: 1:03:04

This guy, his voice is. I lead a lot on my own inner sarcasm and snark, so this character is pretty. They're all me in one way or another, but this one I really leaned on my snark and sarcasm. So I picked this story to read because I laugh every time I read a certain part of this and I figured I'll share that with you guys. Are you ready?

Speaker 3: 1:03:30

Yeah.

Speaker 5: 1:03:30

All right. Nikhail stared at the message sitting on red on his phone, the notification showing him that someone somewhere needed him. The problem it seemed like everyone everywhere needed him, or nigh enough that it hardly mattered trying to figure out an accurate number. The cold press of a gun against the back of his head drew his attention back to matters at hand. Swallowing hard, his eyes flicked away from the phone. Noticing his distraction, a large hand reached and took it out of his field of view. You really don't need to do that, please. Mikhail kept his voice calm, doing his best to sit very still, very, very still. One flinch and his brains might splatter all over the room if the goon at his back pulled the trigger. Accidentally or otherwise. Word on the street is that you help people, nicky. Words with an accent Nick Hale could not quite place from behind him, harsh, mirroring the press of the circular nozzle of the gun pressed against his skin. That at least served to distract him from the solid slab of an oak desk in front of him that had been somehow dragged to the middle of the room, and from the huddled mass of flesh sprawled on top of it, soaking what was once a pristine surface with blood, the stench of copper and sweat filled the room, as did the incessant low groaning of someone in pain, a lot of pain. There were others in there standing in the wings, keeping their distance, never letting their hands stray, far from the conspicuously inconspicuous bulges in their poorly tailored jackets. One last visitor hovered nearby, invisible, intangible, but Nikael knew death when it came near. Everyone looked at Nikael. He felt the weight of every beady eye turned his way, almost as heavy as the weight of the gun, swallowing hard, trying to moisten the desert in his mouth.

Speaker 5: 1:05:13

Nikhil didn't move more than he had to as he spoke. Listen, yes, okay, you're right, I help people, but Then help Mr Masuchi, hurry. As if to punctuate the meaning of the voice. Behind Nikhil, the figure on the table groaned that much louder. As he writhed in agony, his screams cut soon, cut short with a gurgle as he collapsed again. Nikhil winced mr misuchi, his brain processed a mile a minute, trying to remember where you'd heard that name before. Oh fuck, fuck a duck and screw a kangaroo. This isn't good, buddy boo, this is terentio, the, the Terminator Masuchi.

Speaker 5: 1:05:47

Nikhil gulped again hard, trying not to panic, at least to not panic more than he already was. Any advice his therapist had given him flew right out the window, as anxiety, fear and everything in between flooded into him. Look, I get it. You want me to help? Want has nothing to do with it. You want to walk out of here without broken kneecaps or at all. You're going to do everything you can to fix this up right and proper, hear me. And the gun pressed harder against his head. Nikael could already feel the bruise forming. You don't understand. First, fucking stop poking me with that gun like. This is prom night and we're slow dancing with the chaperone looking the other way. It's not going to help anyone, for fuck's sake. He'd lost control of his mouth, half expecting that to be the moment. Everything went black forever matthew.

Speaker 3: 1:06:40

That's the story I wanted to talk to us about. That was my absolute favorite out of the anthology. And there was a lot of bangers in there, man, absolutely such a creative take on that character and their powers. No giving it away, but, man, that was a fun one. But guess what, buddy, you have survived. You've survived, which means we can take off our serious author hats. And it's time for off the wall, the segment that Dean is always prepared for off the wall questions.

Speaker 4: 1:07:08

But don't make it weird, dina patthew, have you watched the show heroes?

Speaker 5: 1:07:14

I have and I was going to mention don't talk about season two.

Speaker 4: 1:07:17

Don't give me any spoilers. I'm re-watching it and I don't remember season two doesn't exist.

Speaker 5: 1:07:21

I was going to mention stop after one yeah, I was going to mention that when we were talking about the writer's strike earlier, because that was one of the victims of it.

Speaker 4: 1:07:30

Okay, so if Siler was in your world, do you think that they could defeat him?

Speaker 5: 1:07:39

I would say yes, because I think he kind of already is and I'll leave it at that and that just might be where the trilogy goes, if the team can pull it off so listen, I'm gonna, I'm gonna waste my question.

Speaker 3: 1:07:55

Normally it's Jar Jar Binks related, and as much as I want to get sexy with you and Jar Jar Binks, um, oh, long time. Yes, I need to know. Can we see the bedazzler in the lighter side of villainy?

Speaker 5: 1:08:12

no promises, maybe off screen, but I think I can sneak a reference done all right there you go, you guys heard it first.

Speaker 3: 1:08:18

Here we have created the very first character in matthew sidek's new book the bedazzler a side, side, side character that there will be a very small throwaway reference to that daniel can snicker about when he reads it I will very, very excited

Speaker 3: 1:08:37

so, matthew buddy, I just want to know. So normally I this is the point where I apologize to our guests and I hope that we can be friends afterwards, because it's going to get hot and steamy, it's going to get sexy, but steamy it's going to get sexy, but I apologize for nothing. I am incredibly proud of this find and I want you to know that I look forward to you getting incredibly sexy in this reading. Can you get, can you channel your inner Sean?

Speaker 5: 1:08:58

Oh yeah, I hate that we brought this back.

Speaker 3: 1:09:02

Each week we delve into some of the most cr-worthy erotic literature in history, often handpicked by the Literary Review, a renowned British literary magazine, and segment dubbed Big baby, dubbed cringey copulation. We showcase real excerpts from real books that we genuinely intended to be taken seriously. This week's passage comes from the Queen of Amazonia and Elastoman by Joey Elastoman, baby Joy Marvell, and it will be narrated by our guest Matthew. Like any superhero, her secret identity must be kept a mystery. Therefore, she has no bio and I'm going to tell you right now this is not anyone on the show. This is a real book.

Speaker 1: 1:09:44

Slide into those Discord DMs Matthew.

Speaker 5: 1:09:48

Yes, sir, sir, there it is dean, I need you to focus.

Speaker 3: 1:09:54

I need eyes up here. I need your full attention for the segment sean to turn the music down.

Speaker 4: 1:09:58

God damn it children can't hide from cringy copulation.

Speaker 3: 1:10:04

Dina are we ready?

Speaker 4: 1:10:06

I'll take out my headphones.

Speaker 5: 1:10:07

God damn it. Oh yeah, come with me. She burst, and some of her tribe did. The trees around them were a chorus of bones as the royal guard got off with them, here it fucking comes. Elastoman groaned and he could hold back his seed no more. Queen Amazonia writhed wildly as the cum poured into her. It fired in violent loops and her pussy massaged it free. Her own climax soared, feeling ten times more powerful when coupled with Elastoman's adventurous tongue. In his warm release, he filled his phone with cum and continued to buck her pussy and lick her ass, just to make sure his cock turned slippery within her and his tongue found its way a little inside the queen's simple dot. The last man could join the club.

Speaker 3: 1:10:53

Oh, there's a second one.

Speaker 5: 1:10:54

Oh there it is. You're not done, baby. No other man in all of Queen Amazonia's many years had thrust his tongue into her foil ass. But Queen Amazonia knew for sure now that it was something she'd be trying again in the future. She came down on the other side of her climax and the last man pulled on her. He retracted his tongue and snapped it back into his mouth with a sad side smack of his lips. Good, the queen said Now go.

Speaker 3: 1:11:29

Yeah, baby.

Speaker 4: 1:11:31

Dina thoughts. I loved Sean's sound effects because I don't think he muted himself and he thought he did.

Speaker 1: 1:11:37

No, I knew that it was on and I knew that I had the deep voice on and I audibly gulped when you said it fired in violent ropes and her pussy massaged it free. I was like. But I had the deep voice on, so it was like cavernous sounding, I'm sure.

Speaker 4: 1:11:56

Yeah, I hated everything about that.

Speaker 5: 1:12:03

Every single moment, but I'd do it again.

Speaker 3: 1:12:05

Yes, sir, you would Alright let's run it back.

Speaker 1: 1:12:07

Yeah, let's run it back.

Speaker 3: 1:12:08

Yeah, let's run it back matthew no, I hated that I I mean I like the visual of him having carnal relations while also no, no, no. He was fucking her. Okay, let me, let me paint this picture for you. Dina, he was. He was fucking her in the pussy, but then his tongue was wrapped around her.

Speaker 4: 1:12:30

No, I got it. I got it. That's why I said sodomy.

Speaker 5: 1:12:35

The Amazonian salad. It's much bigger, it's a much bigger salad.

Speaker 1: 1:12:39

Do you think they prefer syrup or jelly?

Speaker 2: 1:12:46

No scrambled eggs.

Speaker 3: 1:12:46

Serious question, matthew. A little bit of both Syrup or jelly it I. I felt like that was a sexy one, so we can add. So can we go ahead and add both these characters to um lighter side of villainy is that the third one.

Speaker 1: 1:13:00

You're really pushing it.

Speaker 3: 1:13:02

You're really pushing I'm just trying to listen, I'm just writing this story for you After hours, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:13:09

The outtakes the latest darkest night.

Speaker 2: 1:13:15

Yes.

Speaker 3: 1:13:18

But listen, matthew, before we get into the next segment. Guys, guys, can we go ahead and take a knee? Matthew, can you put on? Just earmuffs for us.

Speaker 4: 1:13:26

I will never take a knee in front of you, ever in my fucking.

Speaker 3: 1:13:30

Okay, I'm taking a knee too. We're all getting on a knee together.

Speaker 1: 1:13:33

Yeah, we're all now I want to. Now I want to ice you in maryland, so that'll be yeah well, she doesn't even know.

Speaker 4: 1:13:40

But all right, guys, bring it bring I know what it is, but I don't understand the take a knee reference that's just like it when you get iced, you have to take a knee and drink oh, I didn't know you had to take a knee. I just mean that you had to. Oh my god, I've never been iced.

Speaker 3: 1:13:53

Somebody iced me so many firsts for you she went from saying I will never take a knee for you to make me take a knee, and drink real quick, real fucking quick, baby, listen, listen, huddle it up, matthew, I need to put on your muffs real quick and just yeah, just just perfect. All right, guys. Guys, we're doing this, so we're gonna.

Speaker 4: 1:14:12

Oh my god, I hate this segment, it's so stupid.

Speaker 3: 1:14:16

Perfect. All right, matthew, you can come back to the show. All right, guys? Uh, we are all in agreement. And you know what, matthew? We are giving your book the very prestigious, very famous no space bell prize. Because we ain't heard no bell. So I expect to see that on the bio buddy, you are a no bell prize winning author, congratulations stupidest thing we've ever done dude, I just got booped so hard right now.

Speaker 5: 1:14:46

Right on the nose, baby Right on the nose.

Speaker 4: 1:14:49

Have you guys heard about that girl that wore her AirPods so much that it grew mushrooms in her ears?

Speaker 5: 1:15:01

Nope, nope, not going there.

Speaker 3: 1:15:04

I have so many more questions. Save it for the next episode. I need to explore this more. Just fucking bookmark it, all right.

Speaker 1: 1:15:11

No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on a second Explain yourself.

Speaker 4: 1:15:18

Okay. So a minute ago, if you see me doing this, it was because my ear itched and I was using my Checking for the shrooms. Earbud.

Speaker 4: 1:15:27

Yeah, I was using my earbud there was no and then I also thought about the girl that recently posted a tiktok and she wears like cans and she was like I thought that it was my hair and it was like an earwig circling around inside of her headphones. And then I was like, oh my god, remember that girl that tried to sue Apple because her AirPods grew mushrooms in her ears. But it was because she literally wore them to sleep during the day in the shower for I don't remember how long, but it was several, several months, and she grew mushrooms in her ears and I was like, hey, remember when?

Speaker 4: 1:16:04

your mom told you when you were little.

Speaker 1: 1:16:06

Yeah, let's saute those up, Matthew, let's do it. Remember when your mom told you when you were little yeah, let's saute those up, matthew.

Speaker 4: 1:16:10

Let's do it. And your mom told you to clean behind your ears like on the little rascals, because you might grow potatoes. Apparently, you can grow mushrooms.

Speaker 2: 1:16:16

Why is that a bad thing?

Speaker 4: 1:16:17

Yeah, that seems like a win.

Speaker 3: 1:16:18

I mean superior potatoes, the potato is the ear potato.

Speaker 5: 1:16:20

We all need this.

Speaker 1: 1:16:21

The ear-tato is my new one. It's our secret. So what Dina's trying to say is she was so disinterested in Daniel giving you the no slash space bell prize that she was thinking about weird things inside of her ear yeah, I can't.

Speaker 3: 1:16:42

I can't unthink about it and I really want to take my earphones out right now. Thank you for that, dina. I really appreciate that. But, matthew, can you help distract us? Buddy, because it's time, now that you're an award-winning author, we need you to take part in the grand tradition of our show, the one-second pitch. So here's what you get to do you have one second to lie, cheat, seduce, threaten, do whatever it takes to sell this book to the audience. But you need to fucking sell it, matthew. And you've only got one second. Don't cheat you, son of a bitch. Alright, one second, and then we'll give you a full bid afterwards. I'm gonna count you in, buddy, here we go don't be a loser, buy my book.

Speaker 3: 1:17:22

That's right, kids get in losers. We're going to go read Matthew's book. I love it. I love it.

Speaker 5: 1:17:29

Uh, matthew, tell the folks why they need to buy this book, man, so if you like, superheroes, uh, and not necessarily superheroes, but regular people who come into their own power, that are dealing with their messy lives with this power and how it just screws them up, uh, one way or another. Uh, this is for you. I channeled a lot of my own existential dread into it. It shows, with all of the characters and their journeys uh, there is a surprise waiting, two surprises waiting for you at the end. Um, everything adds up and culminates in the last um thing and there's a puzzle to solve at the very end. So, if you like puzzles, there's something waiting for you in there.

Speaker 3: 1:18:08

I saw the puzzle, my eyes glazed over and I gave up immediately, matthew you didn't even ask me for help.

Speaker 1: 1:18:13

Damn.

Speaker 3: 1:18:15

Yeah, that's fair. You know what, Sean? I'm going to screenshot it. Can you do it? And then I'll tell everyone I came up with.

Speaker 1: 1:18:18

I one of matthew cypher's before that was.

Speaker 3: 1:18:21

That was literally the prototype I used for this matthew cypher's are featured in book two of the discerners trilogy.

Speaker 5: 1:18:35

There we go, and you know what you gave us the fucking key in that last. Very well done, okay, yeah. So, yeah, right, I will answer those questions later. If you have them, I don't mind sharing, but I'm not going to spoil it for anybody else no, fuck that. No, no, no, no. You know what?

Speaker 3: 1:18:47

hey, listen, matthew, I just want you to say a bunch of words. Sean's gonna bleep it out. Don't actually give spoilers, but we're gonna just do it quickly, all right? Uh, so, matthew, tell us exactly what it says yellow cilantro horse. Yellow cilantro horse son of a bitch, you, son of a bitch. He fucking Uno reversed us god damn it walked right into that one.

Speaker 1: 1:19:15

You earned it, matthew. You earned it, buddy, I'm not even mad.

Speaker 5: 1:19:18

I waited all night to do that too, so you added that one right to me.

Speaker 3: 1:19:22

I fucking put it right up on a silver platter for you, you son of a bitch. Dina, I know you love this book as much as I did Tell the folks why they need to check it out.

Speaker 4: 1:19:31

If you like Heroes meets the Boys meets the Umbrella Academy, then you're going to fucking love this there it is Umbrella Academy.

Speaker 3: 1:19:39

Yeah, listen, man. You know obviously I'm very biased. Matthew's been one of our great friends for a long time. Um, love you to death, buddy, and I'm just so proud of you for writing the story. I mean the prose is beautiful, uh, uses excellent alliteration. I mean it's beautiful, just flowery dialogue and, and it starts slow and you don't know where it's going. And then, as this thing just fucking keeps rolling downhill, I mean these like these, like I said, the last 25, 30%, I mean the whole book's amazing, but the ending is worth it.

Speaker 2: 1:20:09

The ending is so worth going through this whole thing, man.

Speaker 3: 1:20:12

Goddamn right.

Speaker 4: 1:20:13

Excellent, I can't take anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:20:15

Here's. Here's the thing, matthew, if you're going to keep queuing up, drink prompts you need a drink, brother.

Speaker 5: 1:20:25

You can't be doing that to us. I will go get one if you want to pause for a second yeah, I'll be right back, motherfucker.

Speaker 3: 1:20:32

346 minutes later oh, buddy you okay yeah, he almost did it oh god, we could have finished on a strong note. Right there, bring us back in. Oh oh god, we could have had, we could have finished on a strong note right there.

Speaker 1: 1:20:48

Now I gotta I can't cut that out, we gotta keep it god bless, god bless america everyone.

Speaker 3: 1:20:56

Um guys, as I said, this book is so good I can't recommend enough. It's available now. You can find it anywhere where books are sold. You can check out matthew's profile to get this book. I mean, support our boy, because I need the next two in this anthology.

Speaker 2: 1:21:09

Uh, freaking asap man we got this book yeah we got this and wait, fucking bookmarks oh, and the other ones on my desk, personalized yeah, my mine is nine, is two

Speaker 5: 1:21:27

wait, that's a crock of shit.

Speaker 3: 1:21:28

Mine isn't, you know what I know the author oh, okay so, yeah, man, I can't recommend this book enough. Guys, matthew, thank you so much for being on the show. It's been so much fun, man, uh, I can't wait to get you back on. Uh, you, it's time for you to become so much fun, man, I can't wait to get you back on. It's time for you to become a repeat guest. You let me know I'll be here. Get fucking back to writing, Matthew Just get out of here, get back to writing Daddy chill.

Speaker 5: 1:21:56

No, daddy chill.

Speaker 3: 1:22:00

Give it to me, daddy, just call me.

Speaker 5: 1:22:02

Ryan Reynolds. No, sorry, that's not happening.

Speaker 1: 1:22:05

Happy international women's day happy

Speaker 4: 1:22:07

international women's day baby I just picture the love interest chicken, the male chicken from chicken run when I think of Ryan Reynolds. That's unfortunate.

Speaker 3: 1:22:19

I thought you were going to say when you're pictured pegging, but now it's because his eyes are kind of closer together than average.

Speaker 5: 1:22:26

Not looking at his eyes let's be honest.

Speaker 3: 1:22:28

Nope, it's a beautiful smile. So, ryan Reynolds, if you're watching, you can come on the show. Has he written a book?

Speaker 1: 1:22:36

Van City Reynolds. He's written movies, I think.

Speaker 3: 1:22:40

You know what that counts, so you know what.

Speaker 1: 1:22:41

He co-wrote Deadpool.

Speaker 3: 1:22:44

Yeah, movies, I think you know that counts. So you know what? Uh, yeah, so there you go. So, ryan, come on the show open invitation.

Speaker 5: 1:22:47

Matthew, can you get in touch with ryan for us you got it.

Speaker 3: 1:22:48

Thank you right away. Uh, so this is perfect. Uh, but until then, or if matt, or if ron reynolds wants to reach out, matthew, where can the folks find you? Uh?

Speaker 5: 1:22:59

on most socials. It's backwards night uh. Instagram threads. On most socials. It's backwards night Instagram threads. Blue sky on Twitter. I'm still choo-choo Psyduck. I haven't fixed that yet. I need to do that eventually, but I'm lazy.

Speaker 3: 1:23:10

Yeah, go on Fucking fix it.

Speaker 5: 1:23:14

What's your AIM? Darm lost.

Speaker 1: 1:23:16

Do you remember your ICQ number?

Speaker 5: 1:23:18

I do 858-389-575. Holy shit he is fucking ready. Oh my God, let's go Take that away.

Speaker 3: 1:23:26

Message down. Dina has no idea what we're talking about.

Speaker 2: 1:23:29

And in fact, 310-6269.

Speaker 4: 1:23:34

His Twitter.

Speaker 1: 1:23:35

At Van City Reynolds.

Speaker 3: 1:23:37

Yeah, Van City.

Speaker 1: 1:23:37

Reynolds A-N-C-I-T-Y Reynolds, my wife and I.

Speaker 4: 1:23:40

I know how to spell city you dick. Reynolds, my wife and I know how to city you dick.

Speaker 1: 1:23:43

I didn't know Okay.

Speaker 3: 1:23:46

Sean you asshole.

Speaker 5: 1:23:49

Sorry, that one I was going to say my wife and I had talked a lot over ICQ and aim, so those numbers and things are burned into my mind and when they started to go away I built a. I used a open source software package to build our own in-house internal messaging thing. So I have a raspberry pi set up so we can still use software like that to talk back and forth oh my god, you have your own raspberry pi powered instant messaging server in your house yes.

Speaker 3: 1:24:22

I'm so fucking impressed right now. Holy shit, that's incredible.

Speaker 4: 1:24:26

The guys are so turned on.

Speaker 5: 1:24:29

I don't know what we're talking about. It also runs my pie hole.

Speaker 3: 1:24:32

Hey, hey, on that note, dina. Where can folks seeking the pie hole find you?

Speaker 4: 1:24:39

You can find me on X. Wait, wait, don't do the D thing yet. Well, wait, wait. No, I need to no hold on.

Speaker 3: 1:24:45

I need to.

Speaker 4: 1:24:46

That's what she said, damn it you can find me on threads at dinosaurus dmiw and you can find me on x at dinosaurus d. That's d like d's nuts. I love it when the guests do it too.

Speaker 3: 1:25:04

I've been waiting for that. Yeah, that was the moment. Right there you can find me on Twitter because I'm not going to be a a pawn of the X game. Okay, I mean, I like the real X games, not X.

Speaker 5: 1:25:15

It's Twitter, it's not X.

Speaker 3: 1:25:17

It's fucking Twitter and you can find me on there at Dan Q writes thing. That's Dan Q writes things. Dan Q writes thing. That's Dan Q writes thing. Singular, how do you? How do you?

Speaker 1: 1:25:22

pronounce it, matthew Donk Donk. It's donk, that's right.

Speaker 2: 1:25:27

Thanks.

Speaker 3: 1:25:29

Fuck, I thought you were the one, matthew.

Speaker 5: 1:25:32

I am. It's donk, though. There's no changing that.

Speaker 3: 1:25:36

I just need you to accept it, Sean. Where can the folks find you?

Speaker 1: 1:25:46

You can find me on xcom at chase holdu. Uh, what you having for dinner night, bud? Oh dude. I had some leftover smoked pulled pork, so I made a casserole with some corn and black beans and some onions and I topped the whole thing with jalapeno cornbread and it's waiting to be right now.

Speaker 5: 1:26:00

Okay, we're on our way to your house. Yeah, I'm on my way yeah, uh, fuck, maryland.

Speaker 3: 1:26:05

Uh, I'm going to sean right now oh yeah, we are giggity. Uh see, this is the thing. This is what annoys me about sean is that he'll just like oh yeah, I just had some leftovers, and for the rest of us we just prepare leftovers just like something cold or reheated. It's like, yeah, I just I had some leftovers, but now I'm gonna make this gourmet dish out of it. Fuck you, peasants.

Speaker 1: 1:26:27

I just like to repurpose leftovers and I don't like being repetitive.

Speaker 4: 1:26:31

Actually, I did just recently start getting into repurposing leftovers because I was really sick of just being like basic and like throwing it in the microwave.

Speaker 1: 1:26:40

I have a book by one of my favorite YouTube chefs called recipes with intentional leftovers, by Sam the cooking guy shout out not a sponsor.

Speaker 2: 1:26:51

Yeah, I love Sam the cooking guy, but this, this book.

Speaker 1: 1:26:55

Yeah, Sam's knives are great. This book you make something. He has a recipe for something like meatballs, for example, and then he'll give you three recipes that you can use to repurpose the leftovers of the meatballs.

Speaker 4: 1:27:08

I have wanted his cookbooks for a couple years now, that's actually really fucking smart.

Speaker 1: 1:27:12

It's a really cool idea for a book and I've made a couple recipes out of it and it has my two thumbs up. So shout out Sam the Cooking Guy.

Speaker 3: 1:27:21

Shout out Sam the Cooking, cooking guy, you can be on the show if you'd like. Just, uh, reach out to us after ryan reynolds comes on. Um, so, uh, besides for that, guys, this has been another great episode. Matthew, thank you so much for being on the show. We can't wait to have you back in the live streams. We can't wait for the next book to come out. Man and uh, we fucking love you, buddy. So, uh, with that jazz hands.

Speaker 1: 1:27:47

Don't make it weird With Daniel Quigley, dinosaurus and Sean Holden, produced and edited by me. Sean Holden Theme song by Amaria, incidental music and sound effects provided by Voice Mod, as well as the YouTube Audio Library. You can rate and review this show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, goodpods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD. That's 347-699-3473. And leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio-only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.

Speaker 2: 1:28:33

Don't make it weird.

Speaker 4: 1:28:38

Is that okay?