The One Where We Dab The Tip

Can a grilled cheese sandwich really be the key to an unforgettable podcast episode? Join us as we explore everything from the irresistible charm of this comfort food to Dina's fabulous double buns. In this episode, we reminisce about 90s and early 2000s makeup trends, engage in playful banter about selling the show, and give a heartfelt shoutout to last week's guest, Matthew. Dina passionately defends the nude lip look while Daniel humorously admits his indifference. It's a nostalgic and lighthearted start that sets the tone for an episode filled with laughs and intriguing discussions.

What's better after a laugh than a debate that really makes you think? We dive into the great hygiene debate: should men dab or wipe after peeing? With our surprise segment guest, Stevie Wildcard from the "We Have Issues" podcast, we tackle this cheeky question with humor and insight. Stevie, the self-proclaimed "sommelier of urine," presents a case for the classic shake, while Dina offers some unique hygiene suggestions that spark passionate arguments.

Get ready for a rollercoaster of fun as we dive into a "Finish the Movie Quote" game, where Dina's unrivaled movie knowledge shines. We also tackle the topic of purple prose in writing, discussing how to balance poetic language with effective storytelling. And hold on tight for Dina's thrilling storytime moment about cult memories, complete with exploding cars and her childhood friend named "Samson". From nostalgic movie quotes to suspenseful storytelling, this episode is packed with humor, camaraderie, and engaging discussions that you won't want to miss.

Follow Stevie Wildcard on X/Twitter: https://twitter.com/StevieWildcard

Check out We Have Issues on YouTube!: https://youtube.com/wehaveissuespodcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Don't Make It Weird Podcast Fun
• 3:46 Dabbing After Peeing Debate
• 9:11 The Great Dab vs. Wipe Debate
• 20:12 Tool Bag Conspiracy and Accountability Update
• 33:38 Movie Quote Game Fun Time
• 49:18 The Debate on Purple Prose
• 58:12 Storytelling and Cult Memories
• 1:06:46 Cringy Copulation and AIM Memories

Transcript

Daniel: 0:00

Dina, snap it, snap it, do the clickety-clack with your hands.

Producer Sean: 0:03

It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your hosts Daniel and Dina Sorris.

Daniel: 0:13

Hello there, welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast. We are your comedy writing, storytelling podcast for the humans by moderate humans and guys. We're so excited that you're here. I'm one of your co-hosts, daniel Quigley, and I am joined, as always, by the real star of the show. I'm joined by the primordial progenitor of prideful pissing pandas herself, dina Soros.

Dinasaurus: 0:39

Hi, dina, I was made to understand that there would be a grilled cheeses here.

Daniel: 0:46

Are there not grilled cheeses?

Dinasaurus: 0:51

Did you order the grilled cheeses? Oh my God, fast food, grilled cheese would be so good right now. Oh my God, some fucking grilled cheese, are you?

Daniel: 0:56

Oh my God, I want grilled cheese right now too. That sounds so good. By the way, your buns are looking nice today, dina. Dina's got a little bit of a messy double bun going on.

Dinasaurus: 1:04

They're lopsided, but I did it on purpose. I'm telling myself so that it's okay and perfect.

Daniel: 1:08

It's nice and toned so for the audio only listeners, just trust us. Dina is literally just twirling around and showing off her posterior. Don't, don't watch the show, don't check out the youtube channel just trust us.

Daniel: 1:18

Tune into tiktok to see my ass we are selling by any means necessary, including dina's ass, um, but you know whose ass I love, um, dina, because we have a third member of this team. And you know what? Touch it, touch it, touch me. I want to be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Producer, sean of the night, it's a good one hey you know, I like it short. I know I kept it short for you, baby like a tuna cam all right, that's a wrap, call it in sean.

Producer Sean: 1:58

We did a great show, guys.

Daniel: 1:59

That was killer I mean listen, if anything from our uh orgy etiquette episode has taught us is that people like the sex. So what do you think guys are gonna get like extra sex today, like just just straight sex, talk the whole time doesn't even matter what we talk about.

Producer Sean: 2:16

I'm gonna name it something provocative that's gonna be a new thing.

Daniel: 2:20

Everything's a sexual innuendo in our titles. No, I love it.

Dinasaurus: 2:23

I love it this doesn't is kelly watching right now now she's seeing hootie and the blowfish.

Daniel: 2:29

Tonight oh not darius rucker.

Dinasaurus: 2:31

So no wagon wheel, just hootie right okay I had like a conversation piece, but it won't matter to you guys, so I was hoping she would be there in the background to approve.

Dinasaurus: 2:41

Never mind do you want me to pretend like it matters to me yeah okay, all right, I'm ready so, for whatever reason, my tiktok algorithm has been like talking about 90s throwbacks and early 2000s throwbacks for makeup trends, and I really miss the nude lip, and I don't mean like the pink nude lip, I mean like the caucasian matches, your skin color nude lip so that you couldn't tell if, like somebody, was like dying or going into anaphylaxis or like iron deficient or something.

Daniel: 3:11

So I just, I'm just going to stop you there, dina. I thought I could pretend to care. I can't pretend to care, I can't do it, I can't.

Dinasaurus: 3:16

I think you could but I appreciate the lack of effort.

Daniel: 3:22

Well done Anything for you. Well done anything for you, dina, and uh, I love you so much.

Dinasaurus: 3:31

I'm so sorry. That was such a dick thing to say.

Daniel: 3:32

That's exactly what I would say to you, at least he's honest, but you want to know what else I'm honest about guys. Our guest last week, matthew, loves the nude lip side deck. Guys. Talk to me about a little bit. Dina, what was your favorite part of that episode? I?

Dinasaurus: 3:48

just put it on my bookshelf um, I love getting to hang out with people that also watch the show and our fans and like can banter back and forth with us.

Producer Sean: 3:58

That always makes me so happy he was faster than all of us, oh my god yeah he was killer the whole time.

Dinasaurus: 4:05

No, I mean I think that when we have guests, there's often like a little bit of hesitation in our jokes and I don't think we were ready for somebody to be prepared and know us yeah, like he, he was prepped and um, I mean, guys, you gotta check out his book the darker side of super.

Producer Sean: 4:20

I mean, we had so much fun with it uh I would say the name of it side of super god. Why do I keep doing that?

Daniel: 4:25

the dark side of super the dark side of super um. Yeah, I don't know why I keep doing that. I'm a fucking moron, um, but you know what I mean. Like matt is just such a good guy, like he's always just been a freaking pillar of the community. He's been a supporter from day one. We we've gotten to know him off air over the years and I mean awesome dude, I I want all the good things to happen for him and his wife's. An amazing artist and listen. Normally I can pick out one moment but just get in the hang with him and and just see how that moment was for him and how much he enjoyed it. It just it meant a lot, you know absolutely agreed all right now, absolutely, I do.

Daniel: 5:02

Agreed, all right. Now, guys, it's time to do something. I was there.

Dinasaurus: 5:06

It was rare, I remember it Sorry.

Daniel: 5:14

Dina, are you one of the mouth drugs today? Like, can you just be honest with us, can you be so for real right now?

Speaker 5: 5:18

Can you just be so for real? No, be so for real.

Dinasaurus: 5:21

I woke up at like 5 am and I've been working ever since and my child has a hundred and four fever again, and I just got off of a work call at eight o'clock and then I signed into here. So let's fucking go.

Daniel: 5:34

So basically, what you're saying is that we are seeing a psychotic break in real time. Sean, is that correct? You have speed dial for the proper people.

Dinasaurus: 5:44

Baker act.

Daniel: 5:46

We already know about how you baker acted. Someone Type ship.

Daniel: 5:53

Man, I'm so excited. So, guys, today's episode is going to be a lot of fun. We are going to be talking a little bit about Shaka Khan. We've got a brand new conversation piece Shaka Khan, shaka Khan. We've got a brand new conversation piece Shaka Khan, shaka Khan. We're going to be talking about purple pros. We're going to be playing a brand new game this time, and, you know, sometimes I like to say that we have a very special cringy copulation, but this one, sean, I think you would agree, is a little extra special, right.

Producer Sean: 6:23

I don't know anything about it. I stay out of those matters. Just go Sean.

Daniel: 6:26

I think you would agree is a little extra special, right? I don't know anything about it, I stay out of those matters. Just go with it, buddy, and you know what else you need to go with guys. It's time to turn up the heat, get in the shower, put on some candles and it's time for Shower Thoughts with Ben. Oh yeah, get clean, sean, that's perfect.

Dinasaurus: 6:42

Thank you. You know, I picked out your theme song, daniel, did you?

Producer Sean: 6:47

You weren't there, so.

Daniel: 6:48

No, that's fair and I deserve that. So, Dina, I think you have a feeling About what we're going to talk about today. Go ahead. I have a feeling you know what we're going to talk about in today's Shower of Thought, because I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Are we going to?

Dinasaurus: 7:01

fight. Because, we will fight over this, yeah, we're gonna fight.

Daniel: 7:06

Yeah, we're fighting, yeah, we're gonna fight. So, guys, today's shower thought for me is should men dab after peeing?

Producer Sean: 7:13

oh my god the question is.

Dinasaurus: 7:17

The question has been answered. Men should dab okay, what do?

Daniel: 7:23

you think take it back already no, no, no I I want you to tell me what you think dabbing entails, like I want you to go through the male process of what you think it's like to pee standing up okay, I'm not talking about standing up.

Producer Sean: 7:35

We we discussed this so I'm not talking about it.

Dinasaurus: 7:39

Standing standing up is not the thing she's sitting so you're saying so it's a sitting down dab yes, if a man is peeing at home uh-huh or in a toilet, like in a toilet stall, where he doesn't have to be at a urinal and has access to toilet paper. Sit your butt ass down and dab that pee dribble off of your wiener after you're done wiener w Wainer?

Daniel: 8:04

Dina, that's an unreasonable ask, like you have to understand as a man. We're here to get in and get out. As a man.

Stevie Wildcard: 8:09

As a man, as a man.

Daniel: 8:11

If I can do this hands-free, I'm doing this shit hands-free. I think that it is you know what.

Producer Sean: 8:26

Society just needs to understand that we should give to note that we're in the shower and daniel he's in the shower, so maybe he doesn't need to dab exactly the water just rinses it right off, dina.

Daniel: 8:34

Why are you such a hater on men who do not dab?

Dinasaurus: 8:39

because okay again, I'm not a hater on men that do not dab. I just think for hygienic purposes you should, any chance you get, be a dabber, not a shaker, because you're getting pee remnants and dribble on your pants and that's not hygienic.

Daniel: 8:55

I think that we just can't agree on this, Dina. I don't see any way that we can agree on this topic. So you know what you want to know, what Dina we're going gonna bring in an expert, oh my god baby.

Stevie Wildcard: 9:11

Daniel and Sean summoned me from my slumber after working in the sun. To correct course, they had to call the shower thoughts expert, and you know what?

Daniel: 9:26

in addition? So, in addition to being a shower thoughts expert, stevie is also an expert on p. Would you say that? That is correct, stevie? Um, yes, I am actually very like.

Stevie Wildcard: 9:43

Fluent in like all types of urine. I speak multiple multiple dialects.

Daniel: 9:50

Yeah, he's the sommelier I'm a sommelier of your urine and before we get into his other titles, he is also the co-host of the we have issues podcast. His comic books deathless, uh played again. I mean, these guys are the fucking best that do it in the game. And uh, we're so excited to have you on the show, stevie. But here, are you ready for the question because stevie's also gone in cold?

Stevie Wildcard: 10:16

here it's question okay, can I know I'm fairly certain I know the answer so sean as a neutral party.

Daniel: 10:24

Sean, could you, could you explain the dilemma right now?

Producer Sean: 10:27

So there was a conversation earlier regarding whether or not men oh no, Whether or not men dab or wipe after urinating.

Dinasaurus: 10:42

Dab or wipe yes, Okay, no, it wasn't if they do, it was if they should well, it started as if they do and then it went into if they should.

Producer Sean: 10:51

We had a whole discussion about how most men probably don't do that and they were disgusted.

Stevie Wildcard: 10:57

They told me I'm disgusting in a series of a, b or c's in terms of what a man or what I do, what the wild card, the shower thoughts, piss expert does, um, dab or wipe wouldn't even be on the list. Okay, I mean first it's. First it's to quote, to quote the the poet uh, taylor, swift, sometimes you just have to shake it off. Shake it off, okay.

Stevie Wildcard: 11:26

Yes lawyered, lawyered, lawyered, tailored, tailored yeah, you, just, you just shake it off, because the players are going to hate, hate, hate, hate me and dina the hater right now because you're not presenting the actual like series of events here.

Stevie Wildcard: 11:44

In all seriousness, dina thinks that if you're able to piss comfortably in a stall or in your home, that as a man, you should, out of um, you know cleanliness, sit on the seat to pee and wipe or dab yourself when you're finished I ask you this question if I am out and about and I am going to the designated bathroom for me and there is a urinal there that I'm supposed to piss in, is there a toilet paper dispenser in front of said urinal for me to dab or wipe?

Dinasaurus: 12:15

No, which is what we discussed, and Daniel is not understanding the point here. If you're standing at a urinal, it's not feasible to have toilet paper there, so you're telling me that I require you to know multiple ways to take care of it.

Stevie Wildcard: 12:29

I have learned since day one from father Todd, from grandfather Todd, that we shake that shit.

Dinasaurus: 12:38

But you're going to have piss on your boxers. So to avoid that and be clean. That's what boxers. So to avoid that and be clean. That's what boxers are for, Well it might rub off on there too.

Stevie Wildcard: 12:51

We call them the catch-all for a reason.

Dinasaurus: 12:55

But to avoid that, go ahead, sit down when you're at home and not at a urinal, and dab, dab your little pee-pee.

Stevie Wildcard: 13:03

Listen if you need to sit down when you pee opinion, you should contact tim and eric from the tim and eric awesome show great job, because they fully believe that sitting down when you pee is the correct way. I, however, I'm not that man, dina not that man?

Daniel: 13:17

and and what would you say if a child between the middle school age and, I would say, early college age was found out to be a person who either sits when they pee or dabs? What would? What would male culture like?

Stevie Wildcard: 13:31

so we're dropping like prison rules in here, like what school is basically like? When it comes to like who you are as a person, yeah, if I got caught dabbing it in a high school bathroom, I mean that's it. Like I'm out, I never meet Anthony. I never work on comics.

Dinasaurus: 13:51

I want to know why y'all are watching each other in stalls. That's behind a closed door.

Stevie Wildcard: 13:57

We're not watching, but we we know the movements that are supposed to be occurring in said bathroom and this is not one of them that occurred.

Daniel: 14:06

There's a dance. There's a dance, we dance Dina.

Stevie Wildcard: 14:10

Could you imagine if, like hey, bro, can you give me a piece of toe paper real quick, I need to dab my penis.

Dinasaurus: 14:17

Words that have never come out of a man's mouth. Entirely wrong. You guys have piss on your penis. I need to dab my penis with a piece of tissue.

Daniel: 14:29

But here's the thing, dina. So what you're saying is that it's okay to be gross sometimes when there's not a better solution, but not other times. So you accept that the male grossness is, I would say, because we're not often peeing at home. Peing is usually happening on the road, on the fly, because we are equipped to pee anywhere. All right.

Dinasaurus: 14:46

I think that society has it stacked against you and that society should be more accepting of men being hygienic so that they're not leaving fucking starfish prints on the little doctor's office like sheet of paper, Like men are set in society to be disgusting and that should change.

Daniel: 15:08

So we want to start the genetic male revolution. You think our forefathers, dina? You think George Washington said dab on your penis, sir.

Dinasaurus: 15:19

If he knew that it was better for you and more hygienic.

Stevie Wildcard: 15:21

He wore a powdered wig he may, you know, maybe he did. He's also closer to British than we are. You know, I mean better for you and more hygienic. I mean he wore a powdered wig, he may, you know, maybe he did. He's also closer to british than we are. You know, I mean this is america, baby, we, we don't dab in america that's true.

Dinasaurus: 15:31

The brits in the chat also said to dab not shake.

Producer Sean: 15:35

That's a whole, the one, the survey of one yeah, we need to ask doughy the hard-hitting question.

Dinasaurus: 15:43

He's the one that said to dab.

Producer Sean: 15:45

He said he dabs Doe basically called us monsters because we don't dab.

Stevie Wildcard: 15:51

I don't know why you asked me of all people, because not only am I American, but I'm in Florida. We do much worse things than that.

Dinasaurus: 15:57

Yeah, so your swampy ass should be dabbing even more because your jeans probably smell like piss.

Stevie Wildcard: 16:04

Tina, you're Same person, Tina by the time I'm done working. At the end of the day, dabbing what is down there is the least of my concerns. So you're just too lazy to be, clean.

Producer Sean: 16:17

Oh listen, he's got swamp crotch all day already.

Stevie Wildcard: 16:21

I'm literally sweating to my, my, my socks are wet, not from my feet feet sweating but from my body sweating down to my legs.

Producer Sean: 16:29

It takes him. It takes him 15 minutes to get out of those skinny jeans because they're stuck to his legs with sweat but you know what?

Stevie Wildcard: 16:36

I don't shave because I wear the skinny. I look, I look, I look crazy fashionable on the construction site. But you know what I got?

Daniel: 16:42

no, no sparkle stevie, I can't wait until you're like the first person to end up in like a meme and be like even millennials are in skinny jeans doing construction.

Stevie Wildcard: 16:51

This used to be a man's job. Oh my God, I do feel like Derek Zoolander in like the mind sequence every time I walk up Cause my hair's down. I got the hat on with my jeans and my long-sleeved shirt In Florida. They're all just like what the hell. Protection from the sun is more important, ladies and gentlemen.

Daniel: 17:20

That's true, that's very true. I'll sweat.

Dinasaurus: 17:23

So is male hygiene, so is male hygiene. This is why women get so many yeast infections, because y'all have piss all over that's why?

Daniel: 17:30

that's why you know what stevie. You've done an incredible job.

Stevie Wildcard: 17:35

Thank you so much for showing up here his answer would have been, I think, unfortunately for you, dina, you just you drew the short straw and you got the the wrong florida, boy of the two florida boys I think anthony may text him.

Daniel: 17:48

Stevie, can you text him?

Producer Sean: 17:50

he's busy right now he's not here that's so. We're not gonna bug him right now. Okay, actually, actually, when I'm done, I put my junk in one of those dyson hand dryer things you're supposed to do that, right?

Stevie Wildcard: 18:00

yeah, actually in my house I have like this little vacuum that like washes and dries. It's like a car wash, but it's just for me it dabbed the roller.

Daniel: 18:10

I'm not dabbing it, we're good it's okay if we have an automatic dabbing device, as long as we are not the one I'm gonna be completely honest I dab sometimes I know, see, I feel like he's just playing with me now. Now I don't know what to believe.

Stevie Wildcard: 18:28

Now we're playing the story game. Okay, oh God, I walked in, I used the restroom at my best friend's house and I dabbed it afterwards. True or false? Oh is this true confessions? True confessions.

Producer Sean: 18:42

I definitely don't dab. I shake it every time.

Stevie Wildcard: 18:43

Yeah, it's false, it's 100%'s literally like 100 absolutely more than 100 I'm 125 sure that I don't dab when I do all right steven, thank you for coming by and being our expert tonight and twitter. You're wonderful for knowing some weird piece of information about me. Yeah, let us know in the comments. Twitter, do you dab?

Producer Sean: 19:06

let us know, guys, um steven, before you go, I wanted to ask you a question because I was an idiot and I forgot to put a poll up and I told dina she could pick the story time for tonight.

Stevie Wildcard: 19:14

But I really want you to oh, I'm gonna story time yes, yes, I feel like the polls always pick wrong, so I got this covered, fuck yes, ste, steven's our guy, here we go.

Producer Sean: 19:25

So here's the log lines you get to choose from.

Stevie Wildcard: 19:27

Okay.

Producer Sean: 19:28

Fourth of July gone wrong. Carjacker. Carjacker or Funeral Fist. Fight Oof.

Stevie Wildcard: 19:37

I feel like Funeral Fist Fight is deceptively tasty.

Producer Sean: 19:42

He knows Dina.

Stevie Wildcard: 19:45

I'm going to go Fourth of July Gone Wrong because it sounds so basic, but I think it's going to be a crazy story.

Producer Sean: 19:51

Dina's very excited to tell this story, ladies and gentlemen. Mr Stevie Wildcard, Thank you very much love all of you.

Stevie Wildcard: 20:01

Y'all have a great night.

Daniel: 20:02

Love you, stevie love you, appreciate you, man. Peace boom, dean. I was very proud of that.

Dinasaurus: 20:12

That twist right there, buddy now talk about the statistics that you read that doctors say that men should be dabbing. Because you left that one out.

Producer Sean: 20:20

Is this a female doctor? Because I feel like a male doctor would never, ever say that that's sexist. It's sexist of you to not even consider the fact that some of us have grapefruits in between our legs that get in the way of the pee situation when you're trying to sit down.

Daniel: 20:37

Yeah, the problem is not the main bits, it's the grapefruits underneath that block. A lot of drip Creates a splatter situation. Tuna cans Dina. Tina.

Producer Sean: 20:53

Tina, tina, duna Duna cans, duna cans.

Daniel: 20:57

Well, you know what we can do, dina. We can hop out of the shower, we can towel off, we can dry off here. Keep those lights turned down real low. Play some spooky mood music, because it is time to leave your disbelief At the door with Dina's TikTok conspiracy corner.

Dinasaurus: 21:17

Um yeah, so NASA lost a tool bag, uh, off the space station and you can see it with binoculars, but you can't see planes at 130 000 feet and the space station is 250 miles up and way bigger than a plane, obviously, and you can't see it. Therefore, the space station is not orbiting at the height that they claim it is is the space station inside of the dome, above the flat earth yes, no the firmament?

Daniel: 21:55

I don't remember, so okay, the firmament. I'm proud of you, dina, because I was about to call you out. If you're going to tell me that the space station isn't real, no, I think I cycled through all my isn't real ones. Isn't real.

Dinasaurus: 22:12

And so I appreciate it, that's some basic bitch shit.

Producer Sean: 22:15

I'm kind of disappointed about that. I hope you hit us with another isn't real one at some point.

Daniel: 22:19

Yeah 100%, I'm sure I will. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss it, Sean. What are your thoughts on this one buddy?

Producer Sean: 22:26

I just need some clarification, because are you saying in both scenarios?

Dinasaurus: 22:30

I have none, you're looking through.

Producer Sean: 22:33

Did you say I'm sorry? Did you say I'm sorry? Did you say binoculars? Yeah, binoculars.

Daniel: 22:43

Through binoculars, you can see the space station, but you cannot see a plane. No, no, no. The tool bag, not the space station. The tool bag that got lost and is missing.

Producer Sean: 22:48

So is there just a tool bag floating in space?

Daniel: 22:52

Yes, thank you for putting in the quotation marks, john. That was perfect, because we're flat earthers here on the Don't Make it Weird podcast.

Dinasaurus: 23:00

Yes, so they dropped a tool bag and we can spot said tool bag with only binoculars.

Daniel: 23:05

Wait, wait, okay. Let me just make sure that we're being clear here. Are you talking about the literal fucking handheld binoculars, yes or are you talking about a telescope?

Dinasaurus: 23:14

No binoculars. I know the difference between binoculars and a telescope I.

Daniel: 23:19

I hoped that was the case.

Producer Sean: 23:20

I just had to be sure it just yeah, it's not adding up to me. The math ain't mathing, yeah which is the conspiracy, because why can we see the?

Dinasaurus: 23:30

tool bag.

Daniel: 23:32

I just think I'm gonna start out by saying I don't believe you can actually see the tool bag with binoculars, because you can't see into space with binoculars Like not well, space yeah.

Dinasaurus: 23:44

Right, this is where the conspiracy originated, though.

Producer Sean: 23:50

I think Ed Harris just like hung a tool bag from the rafters above the studio set. It's just dangling there.

Daniel: 24:01

That's a good one, I'm with you. So we're saying that the tool bag is visible, but planes are still a fucking mystery yes planes aren't real is what we're trying to say yeah, tool bags aren't real either magnets how do they work?

Producer Sean: 24:15

if tool bags aren't real, how does daniel exist?

Dinasaurus: 24:19

oh, I was gonna say that, but I thought it was too mean.

Producer Sean: 24:23

That's the line dina, that's the line once you reach 20 years of friendship you can say whatever you want.

Daniel: 24:30

And 100 taken in a mean way, yeah yeah, no, sean sean's got a uh, a full pass to just absolutely eviscerate me.

Producer Sean: 24:36

So that tracks. I don't often do it because it's hot, excites me. It does excite me that.

Daniel: 24:42

That is very true. Well, dina, I'm proud of this one. You know, we got away from celebrity, we got into the flat earth, we got into space and, uh, I feel pretty good about it. I'm gonna give it a no, unlike the google um gas one which still blows my mind. Uh, sean, what are your thoughts? Are we giving a thumbs up, thumbs down? Not not the quality of her pick, whether it's a conspiracy or not I think it's true there's.

Producer Sean: 25:04

There's some meat on this bone. I'm not exactly sure why or how, but there's some meat there.

Dinasaurus: 25:10

There's a little like a chicken wing. It's like like an actual wing your own, your own research yeah, yeah, just just do your own

Daniel: 25:18

research yeah, just do your own research guys sheeple all right, guys.

Daniel: 25:26

That has been another incredible conspiracy theory corner. I don't know why I said conspiracy theory corner, I'm already just struggling on words here. Done perfectly, guys. It is time for a segment that we in no way stole from the TV wildcard and Anthony LaFusse that were just here on the show, even though Anthony wasn't. This is a completely original segment. Don't look up the we have Issues podcast. Don't check out their comics Deathless and Play it Again. You know, don't do it, just trust us. And it's time for an accountability segment segment. God damn it.

Daniel: 26:01

Accountability segment that's dina's update dina, talk us through your accountability. What have you been up to?

Dinasaurus: 26:18

So I paused my memoir because I feel like I don't have that much to say, even though I do. I don't know. I don't know what people find interesting. So anyway, I started working on book three of the Discerner's trilogy.

Daniel: 26:31

The one you told us you were giving up on and punting into the sun.

Dinasaurus: 26:34

Yeah, yeah. So I think I'm just going to start from scratch. Well, I have just started from scratch on it and I'm gonna do whatever I want, and I'm not gonna listen to any beta readers on who she should end up with, and I'm not gonna listen to any editors on who she should end up with. And I'm gonna do whatever fuck I want and I'm gonna write a book hey, you want to know what this is.

Daniel: 26:53

This is the opposite of the sorry segment on the Don't Make a Weird Podcast. This is the Fuck you, the Suck my Dick Segment.

Stevie Wildcard: 26:59

The Suck my Dick.

Daniel: 27:00

Segment when Dina just throws a middle finger in the air. That was perfect. Yep, I love it, dina. I support that man. Sometimes you just gotta follow your own heart. It's your series. You gotta be in love with it, and if you're not in love with it, you're not gonna enjoy writing it.

Dinasaurus: 27:14

So I think that's an awesome like update there yeah, I got texted today to ask how you're doing so. This works out perfectly. Where are you out on your edits, daniel?

Daniel: 27:25

shockingly, I've actually finally opened up the document and finally started on them um, I am five chapters.

Daniel: 27:32

I know I did. I did bad. Um, I'm five chapters deep on dev edits right now and I'm hoping to get about halfway through by end of the weekend, if things go according to plan, and hopefully done by next week. So then I can start on, like the meat and potato edits. But I'm excited.

Daniel: 27:52

You know it's, it's hard. I've read this book for so long. I've had it for nearly a freaking decade hard. I've read this book for so long I've had it for nearly a freaking decade, and so sometimes it just feels like a freaking slog to open it back up again just because I've seen the word so many times. But no, I'm getting back into it and I'm getting some ideas for book three. Finally, I'm feeling a little inspo and so I'm excited. Man, I'm starting to maybe it's just that summer is starting to I don't want to say winding down, because we're still in freaking middle July, at least the time of this recording but I'm starting to get more on a normalized schedule and be able to get back to some of the things that I, you know, had put to the back burner just because work was kicking my ass so much. So excited about that. Producer, sean, what about you, bud?

Producer Sean: 28:37

you know I'm just prepping for the con baby. What con is that? Chococon 2 in Maryland, which I looked it up and it's supposed to be Hav de Grace. Hav de Grace. Someone in the TikTok comments said Hav de Grace, which just sounds so wrong.

Dinasaurus: 28:57

No, that can't possibly be. Yeah, I don't believe that't possibly. Yeah, I don't believe that. Yeah, I don't believe that. I think they're fucking with us yeah, they said javi d gracie and I was like that's not yeah, that's trying to.

Daniel: 29:07

Yeah, they're trying to get us to yeah they're trying to give us to do the quesadilla versus quesadilla, like that's, that's 100, it's. Quesadilla Obviously Can't trust the internet folks. Obviously.

Producer Sean: 29:17

This is America. We're not pronouncing it in French. Okay, deal with it. Deal. We will be there at the end of August, the 22nd, 23rd and 24th of August at Star Center. We will be in the Haunted Library. It's going to be a ton of fun. Have some fun little things planned for that. So I'm little things planned for that. So I'm like totally, totally fully dove into that and, uh, working on all that stuff. We just got promo material for it today from the con itself. Our friend rance is organizing the haunted library, so we're super pumped about that.

Daniel: 29:51

Um and like, listen, man, I'm so excited about this one just because, like for me, this is my first time being on the other side of a con like this, is my first time participating in a con as out of the camera no, no, don't do it, midas, you're not.

Daniel: 30:05

Yeah, it's right there, right in her face. Excellent dina's dog for the audio only listeners is just basically taking over her and sticking his butt in her face. Um, but yeah, no, this is the first time I've ever been on this side of a con. Uh, this is the first time the three of us have ever been together in the same place at the same time. I mean, we're gonna be interviewing authors. We might be on a panel. We have a couple other surprise ideas.

Dinasaurus: 30:29

It's just me rants didn't say you hey, guess what?

Daniel: 30:32

I ride coattails. Dina, suck it, um. But yeah, no, I I'm so pumped up about this. I already know that some of our friends we've met on twitter coming out to meet up with us and uh, yeah, man, I'm pumped. Hopefully this becomes a yearly tradition that we can all get together and do something, whether it's here or expensive it's so expensive. Please buy our books. Um, yeah, man, I'm Sean. I also heard you're going to be seeing a movie here in the next couple of days.

Producer Sean: 31:00

Yeah, baby, twisters, twisters. The sequel to. Twister RIP to our boy Bill Paxton.

Daniel: 31:08

Game over.

Producer Sean: 31:10

Game over man. I just I always think of you when I think of Twister man, same so. So I wish you could come to the movie with me, but I will. I will have you in my heart, so, dina is this really your friend? What.

Daniel: 31:25

What.

Dinasaurus: 31:26

You said you wish you could come to the movie, did you? I was talking to Daniel.

Daniel: 31:29

No, so me and Sean, for whatever reason, twister Okay.

Producer Sean: 31:34

So twister okay, there's a story is a friend to all of us he's the main actor from the first twister thanks for that tina didn't know we when I, when we were like 19, I flew to florida with daniel to help him move his grandmother something I can't remember where it was.

Producer Sean: 31:52

Yeah, that's what it was, and we did a pit stop at universal because obviously, yeah and um, we we experienced twister the ride based on the first twister movie yeah, which I think I think um, I wrote it was less a ride and more of like you stand there and watch some special effects happen in front of you for a moment and then like there's some fake rain that comes in and some like wind fans that like the platform, yeah yeah yeah, but before you actually go experience what it's like to be in a tornado situation.

Producer Sean: 32:27

They have this really great intro video from bill paxton helen hunt the stars of the movie and it was like the most phoned in monotonous shit you've ever seen an actor. Do and listen. Bill paxton's a really good actor, so what's going on like he was. He was phoning that in hard and I just remember daniel and I were choking on laughter in line waiting to get into this thing because he was just like, hi, you're about to experience what it's like to be in an f5 tornado.

Daniel: 32:57

And we were just standing there like, wow, this is really getting us pumped up, bill paxton it was one of the most magical things where it was only funny to us, like, like we might even be able to find a clip and show a quick clip of this, because I'm sure it's on the internet somewhere the movie twister is about one of the most primordial forces on the face of the earth, bill Paxton.

Daniel: 33:25

A force so powerful, so concentrated, you can rip the asphalt off a six-lane highway. It's one of those jokes that it can't be funny unless you were 19 hanging out with us there, but it's been one of our running gags forever. Me and Sean have a special place in our hearts for Twister, for Bill Paxton, and every so often like we'll just walk by each other and be like hi, I'm Bill Paxton, so you're caught up, buddy.

Producer Sean: 33:46

Yeah, so I'm going to see Twisters this weekend and that's why I have this background. There's Bill right there.

Daniel: 33:55

You know what I'm going to see. I'm going to go. You know what I'm gonna see. You know I'm gonna. I'm gonna go propose to miriam that we uh drop the kids off at my mom's and watch twisters together, because she'd be into this. You know what? I feel like we can do this together, sean, like in spirit dude dude, hell yeah we're going on sunday, around three eastern your time all right, perfect, I'm gonna.

Daniel: 34:10

I'm gonna see what we can do here. But all right, guys, that's been the very original count of bill buddy segment and uh, man I so excited we're only at a count of bill buddy we can bring back the neopets. Dina, would you like to talk about your neopets?

Dinasaurus: 34:25

no, we need to skip that.

Daniel: 34:27

Dina, would you say that you're a tease?

Dinasaurus: 34:29

tickle the pickle. Shout out Shannon, let's go pegging queen.

Daniel: 34:34

Dina, why don't you give the audience a little Peggy Carter? Just give them a little old peggy carter, just uh, just give them a little old uh, peggy harder.

Producer Sean: 34:41

Is that what you said?

Daniel: 34:42

uh peggy carter peggy harder peggy harder. Yes, yes, that is what we're doing. Uh, why don't you uh go ahead and peg the audience dina? What do we have in time? What do we have for story?

Producer Sean: 34:53

international women's day Explosions, explosions. Yeah, so we already know what story it is, because Stephen selected it like 10 minutes ago, so that was my decision. So don't blame him, blame me. I totally ripped the rug out from beneath Dina because I told her before we started recording that she could pick the story and she got excited. And then I pivoted when Stephen was here and I I apologize, I know that upset you.

Daniel: 35:21

That's why it listen. That's why I have my feminist shirt on right now. All right, so you know I respect you, dina feminist agenda.

Producer Sean: 35:27

Shout out ruth bader ruth bagansburg, rbg.

Daniel: 35:30

Stone cold fox, stone cold fox. To the end, to the end. Well, in that case, it's time to get into a game segment that I know dina's gonna be great at it. Sean, what are we playing?

Producer Sean: 35:44

we're playing finish the movie quote she's so excited, you guys, so I decided to completely rip off rance's game that he did on our show where it was finished.

Daniel: 35:56

We've never done that before.

Producer Sean: 35:59

I'm just being honest, okay, so here's the rules. Be so for real. Here's the rules. There's a blank in each of these quotes. You need to fill the blank with what you think the actual word or words are. If you don't know it, say something funny instead. You get a bonus point if you can tell me what movie it's from, okay herbie fully loaded I swear to god.

Producer Sean: 36:24

If that's one of the questions, damn it. No, I gotta take that one out, okay. So we'll start with dina. Dina, are you ready? Go Smash Sponge. Okay, nobody puts blank in a corner.

Dinasaurus: 36:43

Nobody puts baby in a corner, dirty dancing.

Daniel: 36:46

Oh shit, she was all about it. Love that movie. Yeah, probably crushed it.

Producer Sean: 36:51

Daniel, yeah, you concur.

Daniel: 36:54

Absolutely. You don't have a different answer no.

Producer Sean: 37:03

You can't put baby in the corner. Patrick's lazy and your cat skills, it's got. Uh, dude from law and order, fucking love it. You don't get bonus points for any of that. Yeah fine, all right. Great job, dina. That was the warm-up. Um, all right, we'll go to daniel this time. I know who you are, peter quill, and I am not some starry-eyed waif here to succumb to your, your, blank blank oh shit.

Daniel: 37:25

Guardians of the Galaxy, fuck Gamora. Oh, it's not Gamora.

Producer Sean: 37:33

I'm not here to succumb to your blank blank.

Daniel: 37:37

Human charms. Fuck, I know, I got that one wrong.

Producer Sean: 37:41

Dina, what do you think?

Dinasaurus: 37:44

I'm not here to succumb to your.

Daniel: 37:46

Cum.

Stevie Wildcard: 37:50

Dance moves I don't remember.

Producer Sean: 37:54

The correct answer is pelvic sorcery.

Daniel: 37:58

Ah shit, that is such a good line too. God, I'm embarrassed, Fuck you.

Producer Sean: 38:06

Pelvic sorcery Dina. One does not simply blank into Mordor.

Dinasaurus: 38:15

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Daniel: 38:18

You are giving her fucking layups right now. Fuck you, lord of the Rings.

Producer Sean: 38:21

She remembers nothing. So, this incredible, like all-star performance.

Daniel: 38:27

Yeah, this is, this is her flu game.

Producer Sean: 38:29

Okay, but, dina, there's multiple Lord of the Rings films, so you need to be more specific.

Dinasaurus: 38:34

Um, is it the no? No, it's the second one, isn't it so?

Producer Sean: 38:44

is there a?

Dinasaurus: 38:44

title? Remember the title? I just pictured the cover you wanna make one up? Yeah, um, lord of the rings, lord of the rings, second breakfast, second breakfast, that would actually be such a fucking Um, lord of the.

Daniel: 38:59

Rings.

Producer Sean: 38:59

Second breakfast Second breakfast.

Daniel: 39:01

That would actually be such a fucking like, like a slice of life, lord of the Rings, like it's like uh.

Producer Sean: 39:06

I'm I'm awarding Dina 27 bonus points for that. Yeah, no, that's, that's pretty damn good, all right, here we go, daniel. Yeah, oh wait, did you want to give us an answer to that one, or are you good? Oh, fellowship of the Ring. Yeah, fellowship of the Ring. Daniel gets the point for that Alright. Daniel, here we go, New one. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, freedom, justice and blank to my new empire.

Daniel: 39:38

Obviously Star Wars. One more time, read it, read it back.

Producer Sean: 39:43

I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, freedom, justice and blank to my new empire Order. And you said Star Wars, but that's awful vague. And you said Star Wars, but that's awful vague.

Daniel: 40:02

I feel like that has to be one of the new ones, because it's not really an original trilogy and I know that I would have nailed that right away. I'm going to say Rise of.

Producer Sean: 40:15

Skywalker. All right, dina, volume three. No. Do you want? Me to repeat the quote.

Dinasaurus: 40:22

No, I thought he was right. Is he not right?

Producer Sean: 40:24

Oh shit I need you to give me an if to fill in the blank. Okay, repeat it again I do not fear the dark side as you do.

Dinasaurus: 40:39

I have brought peace, freedom, justice and blank to my new empire.

Daniel: 40:41

Lots of guns. They need a lot of them. They're not very good aims. Lots of guns. The Galactic 2A.

Producer Sean: 40:48

The correct answer is security, security to my new empire. Said by Anakin Skywalker during the pivotal battle against Obi-Wan Kenobi in episode 3, revenge of the Sith.

Dinasaurus: 41:03

I knew it.

Producer Sean: 41:05

And Dina gets 47 points for that answer.

Daniel: 41:08

She should she should?

Producer Sean: 41:09

I can't believe.

Daniel: 41:10

I fucked up a Star Wars one Um yeah, that was really embarrassing, buddy you should feel bad.

Producer Sean: 41:16

Uh, dina, here's one for you. There's only one prequel I watched, though, so I mean, that was really embarrassing, buddy, you should feel bad.

Daniel: 41:18

Dina, here's one for you, there's only one prequel I watched, though, so I mean, that's the problem.

Producer Sean: 41:21

That's it. We can stay up late swapping manly stories, and in the morning I'm making blank.

Dinasaurus: 41:29

Waffles Shrek Donkey. Episode one. Movie one, episode one the donkey, the donkey. She was fucking locked and loaded. Excited dude uh, daniel, do you want to? One time I ate some bad blueberries and man, that was some bad gas coming out of me that day I can't compete with that.

Daniel: 41:50

I'm bowing out on this question. Dina is so fucking locked in um you know what here I'll just uh. No, I'm not even gonna ruin this. Dina crusted this is on her.

Producer Sean: 41:59

Give me an answer that makes me laugh. I'll give you a point for it. All right. All right, read it one more time. We can stay up late swapping manly stories and in the morning I'm making blank falafels falafels are delightful and it's like close to what the original? It was supposed to be funny, not something practical and delightful.

Daniel: 42:21

Dina has trained me with word association. You did not make a whoopee, fuck, that was better too.

Producer Sean: 42:29

Did Dina get 69 points in this round? Hell yeah, nice, it's kicking my ass in this game. So yeah, that's Dina. Like 127 points for Dina and Daniel has four. Yeah, okay, daniel, yep, one minute. You're defending the whole galaxy and suddenly you find yourself sucking down blank with Marie Antoinette and her little sister. One more time, sean, one more time, sean, one more time, one minute. You're defending the whole galaxy and suddenly you find yourself sucking down blank with marie antoinette and her little sister sucking down dicks man.

Daniel: 43:11

I'm sorry, that's the only answer here. That's the appropriate answer and I'm pretty sure this is battlestar galactica. Sucking down dicks man. I'm sorry, that's the only answer here. That's the appropriate answer and I'm pretty sure this is Battlestar Galactica, nailed it.

Dinasaurus: 43:24

Dina.

Producer Sean: 43:26

Chardonnay, chardonnay, and do you know what film it's from? Absolutely not Okay. Yeah oh, Doctor who. You were both really, really close. Uh-huh, I'm going to do my best impression of the actual quote, okay. Okay, maybe it'll help you guys out. All right, one minute. You're defending the whole galaxy and suddenly you're sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette and her little sister. Do you get it? Do you see the hat? I'm Mrs Nesbitt, no.

Dinasaurus: 44:04

I've never seen that movie.

Producer Sean: 44:06

Yes, you have. It's Toy Story. That was Buzz Lightyear when he was having his crisis about whether or not he's a toy and he just got shoved into a tea party with a bunch of headless Barbies.

Daniel: 44:18

I had nothing for that buddy, I had absolutely. I've watched Story Story a million times.

Producer Sean: 44:29

It's like my favorite moment from the whole fucking movie.

Daniel: 44:32

No, that's fucking hilarious. I must have that must be a scene where I've seen it so many times I never actually paid attention to the words, but that's, that's fantastic, I wish.

Dinasaurus: 44:41

I had been recording, because I let Midas out of the room and as I opened the door, tim was just standing there and I don't know why.

Producer Sean: 44:48

Like a fucking serial killer, just yeah.

Dinasaurus: 44:51

What Standing there in the dark?

Producer Sean: 44:56

That's totally normal. So Dina gets 12 points for that? Yep, yeah, that's totally normal. So dina gets 12 points for that round. Yep, yeah, that's fair. Thank you, yeah. Yeah, um, daniel, you were so close, but I'm sorry, bud, and also dicks, was like the low-hanging fruit you could have come up with so many other things to suck down I don't know why I'm struggling right now to to be creatively vulgar, and it's really disappointing me.

Dinasaurus: 45:14

I really thought that should be right. Maybe you should adapt your piss off.

Producer Sean: 45:19

It's because he dribbled in his pantaloons. Okay.

Daniel: 45:22

I've got to star on my pants, we'll do one more.

Producer Sean: 45:30

Your Dr Evil is pretty. I like it.

Daniel: 45:32

Thank you Pretty good.

Producer Sean: 45:34

Who did I ask the last one first, daniel, I think. Daniel, yeah, I'm going to take us home here, dina, okay, okay, it's our blank that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Oh, fucking hell, it's our blank that shows what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Dinasaurus: 45:59

Our butts, but shows what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Daniel: 46:02

Our butts, butts. Yeah, the answer is.

Dinasaurus: 46:03

Captain America Civil War. That's even better because of his butt, I know.

Producer Sean: 46:16

America's butt.

Dinasaurus: 46:18

America's butt On your left right.

Daniel: 46:21

I think I know the right answer. I don't want to give the right answer because I've already lost so far.

Producer Sean: 46:26

So it's our piss stains that tell us more about who we are, and then our uh it's just not funny today man, just I feel like you're you're brick and you're just like pointing at things you see in the room, like just staring at my own piss stains right now, like when you said falafels, I was like really, bro, he's like I can't say waffles because that's the real answer, so I have to. You're like.

Daniel: 46:50

You like wanted to copy someone's homework but like, change it just a little bit so you don't get caught me. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't know what's wrong with me today. The comedy isn't flowing. I don't have the comedy today.

Dinasaurus: 46:59

Sean, maybe you shouldn't argue with me.

Daniel: 47:03

You sucked all my intelligence out. I think failure is the right answer and movie, I will say Batman Begins.

Producer Sean: 47:10

Okay, so that's really really incorrect. Correct answer. And I removed, I will say full disclosure. I removed, I will say full disclosure. I removed a character's name from the sentence because I would have given it away.

Speaker 5: 47:27

It's our choices, harry, that show far more than our abilities.

Producer Sean: 47:30

Our friend Dumbledore in the chamber of secrets.

Dinasaurus: 47:33

I knew it sounded like Star Wars Star.

Daniel: 47:36

Wars, it's Harry Potter, yeah.

Dinasaurus: 47:39

Have you ever noticed how similar all those books sound though?

Producer Sean: 47:42

Yeah, I mean, they're all based on the hero's journey, so they're all a big ripoff of each other.

Daniel: 47:51

This has been Finish the Movie Quote man. I want to erase that entire segment. That might have been the worst game segment of my life, Even worse than the first couple times. Most of the time that I've done word association, I've failed.

Producer Sean: 47:58

It will be prominently featured. In fact, I think the episode will be called the one with Daniel's worst game segment of all time.

Dinasaurus: 48:07

I just the one with Daniel's worst sex experience of all time.

Daniel: 48:12

You gotta think of clickbait man.

Producer Sean: 48:15

Daniel's bad sex experience. The one with the pea dribble tuna can.

Dinasaurus: 48:23

Daniel's sex game tips. How to lose.

Daniel: 48:26

Bail me out, dina.

Producer Sean: 48:27

How to lose a game in 10 days.

Daniel: 48:31

Alright, guys, it is time for me to stop failing miserably at being funny and, uh, put on our serious author hats for our discussion this week. We're gonna try to be efficient with this one, because this is a topic about not efficiency. Uh, we're gonna be talking about purple prose today, and when is it too much? Dina, do you want to tell the folks at home what purple prose is?

Dinasaurus: 48:55

No, because I don't fully understand. I just go based on context when Rance says it.

Daniel: 48:59

All right Perfect.

Dinasaurus: 49:00

I'm just kidding. Purple prose are when you sound really pretty and you use these very quote unquote, eloquent soliloquies and they don't really make sense and they're not real analogies, but you're going to use them anyway.

Daniel: 49:17

Perfect. The Webster's Dictionary says prose that is so elaborate or ornate that it draws excessive attention to itself. Dina, what are your initial thoughts on this?

Producer Sean: 49:29

I'm so glad that you asked her to define it and then just stepped on that with the. Webster's Dictionary.

Daniel: 49:35

Well, because I was trying to like, I thought she was going to give like the actual definition. That's my bad, I should have communicated.

Dinasaurus: 49:42

Was I supposed to be prepared with Webster's Dictionary definitions?

Daniel: 49:45

No, no, that's on me, dina.

Dinasaurus: 49:47

I did not communicate you set me up to fail. This is why you lose everything damn, that's cold blood, it hurts yeah, but it was funny funnier than you've been all night I've got.

Daniel: 50:01

I've got the comedy yips today. That's it. You know what it is, the yips?

Dinasaurus: 50:04

aren't real. So purple prose? They're needlessly time consuming for a reader. This is all just my opinion. By the way, it in no way represents any of my author friends or publication career. Um yeah, purple pros are just needlessly confusing and time consuming to read and I just don't want them yeah and like.

Daniel: 50:28

And here's the thing is that, like I know that there's always going to be like a debate on whether you know, some people prefer the kind of poetic, flowery prose more than storytelling. Some people prefer storytelling more than the prose. I think it really just depends on you know your personal taste and some are going to you know, cause I'm a very storytelling focused person and like I love like a good passage, like I like when you have a good moment that paints a beautiful picture, but when everything, even the mundane parts, like hey, I just went to get um a bagel, but then you make it like you know, he flowed into the bagel shop as each of the wafting aromas blah, blah, wafting aromas, blah, blah, blah. And like dude, it's not relevant or important to the story, just fucking tell us what it is. And like there's.

Daniel: 51:13

I found an article from uh, the reedsy blog that has some like good examples of um purple pros, and so this one is from very famous actor sean penn in his 2018 debut novel, um, and this is a passage from it. There is pride to be had where the prejudicial is practiced with precision in the trenchant tri triage of tactical terminations that came to him via the crucible forged fact that all humans are themselves animals and that rifle ready human hunters of alternatively species prey should best beware the raging ricochet that soon will come their way what the way my eyes glazed over as I fucking read this shit out loud, like so I'll shit on myself a little bit too, because I definitely use some purple prose and um, nothing special, the unspecialing um in the diary entries of book one and two.

Dinasaurus: 52:13

I definitely do purple prose, but I actually like I set out to do that just in small little snippets. I don't like incorporating it in the entirety of my writing. Actually, I don't incorporate it in any other book that I've written or work that I've done, because I don't like it. But I think that there is. There could be a time and place for purple prose, self-reflection and things like that, but I yeah, it just makes my eyes glaze over, dude, I fucking hate it well, like.

Daniel: 52:42

So here's the thing is that like I don't mind like a sentence or a couple sentences that have that purple prose, because then it hits harder, like when you're having like a normal flat, fast flow of your read and then something, and then you just have that moment where it just hits right. Then that's freaking amazing, because now you've it's a subversion of expectation and it feels more special. But when you're trying to make every word in every sentence and every paragraph the most try hard, artistic thing that you've ever done, I'm like I get it. You went to school, you own a thesaurus, you've been Googling. Well, I just want to know your fucking story. You know what I mean.

Dinasaurus: 53:21

I think a lot of times purple pros come into play when authors are trying to impress somebody and just show off that they know a lot of words and that they have really deep thoughts and in reality that's not their voice. I would venture to say that purple prose come from authors that are trying to emulate another author versus authentically writing their own voice and their own story is authentically writing their own voice and their own story and they've got to be in it's. Comes a lot of times from authors that aren't in love with storytelling, that are in love with words and there's nothing wrong with that.

Daniel: 54:01

I mean, everyone likes different things for different styles it makes your writing suck I kind of agree with you there. Uh, because, like you know, if, if I have to feel like I need to go reread the same page eight times to understand what the fuck we just read, like that's a problem that breaks immersion, that gets you out of the flow of the story. Like that's when I become very aware of, like, how many pages I have left in the book.

Daniel: 54:25

And, like you know, when you're kind of like looking at it you open, you're like, oh god, I'm like 25 percent, fuck. Like that's when you start counting the numbers, you know what I mean and like. And then that's when you get like weird it just out of context and like I've talked to you before off air that like one of my pet peeves is the word guffawed, because he guffawed the joke and I'm like, listen, dude, that hasn't been part of like the normal modern lexicon in fuck 100 years. I don't know more. Um, yeah, and it's a joke. And I'm like, listen, dude, that hasn't been part of like the normal modern lexicon in fuck a hundred years. I don't know more. Um, yeah, and it's just like, dude, just say they laughed, say they chuckled, say whatever.

Daniel: 54:58

Like don't feel like you have to just fly through every version on the thesaurus to to get a word that feels more highbrow and high end. It's like, listen, dude, I, if I saw someone and like I think I'm gonna be heyina, look at the guy like a falling over there. You know like what? What the fuck is that word? It's the ultimate just to me purple, prosy word.

Dinasaurus: 55:18

Yeah, I think that it comes from authors that, once again, are trying to show off their intelligence, and maybe it comes from a place of insecurity. Like, stop being insecure, you're writing an entire fucking book. Most people will come up and be like, yeah, I've got a story. I've always wanted to write a book. Like, nobody ever finishes it. You're finishing a book. Be secure in that fact that you have storytelling skills, that you have a story fully fleshed out. Stop trying to show off and convince people that you're smarter than you are. You're smart enough to write a whole book. Be confident in that.

Daniel: 55:50

Yeah, people that you're smarter than you are. You're smart enough to write a whole book. Be confident in that. Yeah, and like, you know anyone that would criticize a a lack of prose or highbrow prose, like I'm sure that that was a big thing early on when, uh, the writing industry was very selective and you know, as an old boys club, and you know the fucking hemingways and you know I mean hemingway is known for being much more. You know a simplistic style of prose, which is amazing. But like, um, I think that you know, when it's a little bit more gatekeeper, then we're like oh, he wrote that. Well, he barely used any vocabulary. It's like that. That's not what it is in 2024 and xp shout out rants, shout out rants, um and like.

Daniel: 56:30

It really does just break every bit of immersion and I just it.

Dinasaurus: 56:36

It's not enjoyable, it's not fun and it's like you're not having an authentic voice, um and so I definitely think that I think, to be an authentic writer, you need to literally put yourself in the shoes of your character and like when you're walking into what did you say earlier? Bagel shop or something. Yeah.

Dinasaurus: 56:56

You're walking into a bagel shop. Yes, your brain is taking in the environment and taking in, like it sees that there's decorations, but you're not focusing and fixating on the fact that there's a painting of this eloquent whatever, like you're not going into those details in your brain. Your brain recognizes it and skips over it. Yeah, so maybe put yourself in the shoes of your character and skip over it.

Daniel: 57:19

give enough detail to immerse into the environment without the little tiny details that you think make the story and give you those pretty purple pros, but actually put you in reality yeah, and, like you know, like sometimes you'll hear criticisms like brandon sanderson is like one of the best modern authors of our genre in terms of sales, popularity, I mean, and this guy's a machine. He turns out a million fucking books, but one of the things that you'll hear people say is like listen, he writes really entertaining stories, but his prose is pretty basic.

Daniel: 57:47

I'm like you're saying that like that's a bad thing yeah that that means it's accessible, that anyone can jump in and read it and guess what? Motherfucker? This guy's written like 30 books and never has to work another day in his life, like if this is the only thing that you can come at him with. It's like all right, fine, have your highbrow fucking vocabulary. Your book still sucks. You know what I mean. Like great, so all right, I think we're going to wrap this one up with the purple pros. Um, you know, be flowery, be poetic when it's the right time to do it, but don't let it bog down your story. I think would be my final takeaway. What about you, dina?

Dinasaurus: 58:21

Yeah, I'd say get out of those stupid little details and trying to paint these eloquent pictures to show people that you're smarter than you are. Just be yourself.

Daniel: 58:30

Yeah, write a good story. I'm with you 100%. Well, dina, I think it's time we can take off our serious author hats, we can put back on our Bigfoot hats Because, see, we're all about storytelling here and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale. So, without further ado, it's Storytime with Dinosaurus.

Dinasaurus: 58:58

All right, we're going back.

Daniel: 59:00

You are so excited about this story.

Dinasaurus: 59:03

Yeah, because it's just not as exciting as some of the others. But OK, maybe. I can make it exciting. Hold on, yeah, there you go Wait, all right, we're going to make this shit exciting. I was in a exciting Next week. Yeah, there you go. Wait, okay, hold on, all right, we're going to make this shit exciting.

Producer Sean: 59:17

I was in a cult. Did you guys know that?

Dinasaurus: 59:18

Fuck, yeah, Holy shit, All right, I used to live in a small town of like less than 700 people for the population. What? And we were in this cult and every holiday was a big deal and we celebrated with the cult.

Daniel: 59:32

Except Halloween that's the ticket.

Dinasaurus: 59:34

We were, yeah, except Halloween. Well, no, we celebrated Halloween by giving out tracks at the door. Anyway, perfect. My house tended to be the collective event space for said cult because we had the biggest house at the time. My parents were very successful in the mortgage industry at that time, and everybody else is dirt poor, so fuck those peasants always, yeah, bitches, um, we always gathered at my house. I was very little and I had one friend, a cult friend, but a friend nonetheless, and his name was um samson fuck I was actually you can say how's that?

Daniel: 1:00:16

very close was in my head. I'm proud of you, sean his name was samson.

Dinasaurus: 1:00:20

We grew up together. We're about the same age. We were actually destined to be married hey, this is arranged marriage number three.

Daniel: 1:00:28

Is this the third arranged?

Dinasaurus: 1:00:29

marriage. Number Number one. This is technically number one. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, our parents threw us together all the time. Anyway, our families were very, very close. We hosted the 4th of July celebration every year and we went all out with fireworks. Everybody brought fireworks and we also spent like a thousand or more dollars back in like early 2000s that was a lot.

Dinasaurus: 1:00:52

Um, on fireworks, we had a large slab on our property we used to live on like a, a farm basically. We had like watermelon patches and a huge outdoor space and backyard and swing and we had crocodiles and a lake and dogs and yeah, basically no different house, um. So we had a large concrete slab in the side yard and that was specifically for events such as the fourth of july and that was where we set off all the fireworks. So we have everybody come to our house and there's probably I don't know like I I would guesstimate somewhere around 20 cars pulled up and like in the general vicinity like circling the concrete slab and, um, a couple men, chosen leaders of the cult were chosen leaders the eldest, who were present, off the fireworks as long as they weren't women.

Dinasaurus: 1:01:54

Yeah, not women. Women were not allowed. Actually, there was one woman. I'll include her in the story. Thank you for reminding me. Women typically weren't allowed to set off the fireworks mostly men and everything was going good, my friend Samson and I. He was scared of loud noises, so we were inside. No, he's just a little kid. We were probably like four, five.

Daniel: 1:02:19

You weren't old enough yet to know how to open a doorknob.

Producer Sean: 1:02:21

Correct. He was in eighth grade at this point.

Dinasaurus: 1:02:24

Yeah, actually, his mom was really mad because we weren't in the same grade, because I was above him, dumb dumb. Yeah, basically, stupid bitch was really mad because we weren't in the same grade, because I was above him, dumb, dumb, uh, yeah, basically stupid bitch. Um, so we were inside but like I was watching the fireworks from the window and he had I think he had earplugs because his parents came prepared, because I'm I'm serious, like I, I think he might have been a little bit acoustic, just a a little.

Daniel: 1:02:50

A little acoustic.

Dinasaurus: 1:02:51

But yeah, he had earplugs. He was scared shitless of the loud noises, but I wasn't, but I was going to stay with my friend. So I was watching the fireworks from the window in the living room and they were setting them off, setting them off whatever, and oh yeah, it was her. It was the woman that set it off. Okay, damn, it was her, it was the woman that set it off.

Daniel: 1:03:12

Okay, damn it, women.

Producer Sean: 1:03:13

This is why women can't play with fire outside of the kitchen.

Dinasaurus: 1:03:17

Everything was fine, and I'm pretty sure it was her. Maybe Daniel just put this in my head. But somebody, somebody went to go set off a firework and a mortar and they ran up to the slab and they set it in the tube upside down, oh no, and lit it and I remember hearing my dad yell no, no, no, run. And the mortar went off and the tube like collapsed and then shit was going like everywhere and it went under one of the vehicles, oh shit, and like vehicle left the ground, explosion under one of the cars. Holy, yeah, yeah. And that's my first 4th of July memory that I have.

Daniel: 1:04:07

Is a fucking exploding car yeah.

Producer Sean: 1:04:12

Okay, first of all, one does not simply light a Mordor. Second, of all. I expected the concrete slab to crack or something, because you put a lot of emphasis on the slab.

Daniel: 1:04:28

Yeah, that was a lot of purple pros there.

Dinasaurus: 1:04:29

It was just a big part of my childhood. I played on it a lot. Sorry, I'm also upset that you downplayed this when steven chose it, because is like a great story.

Daniel: 1:04:42

Yeah, what the fuck dude? I haven't seen an exploding car before.

Dinasaurus: 1:04:45

Like what the hell so I don't remember like how bad the damage was, but I kind of vaguely remember us having to try to earn money via ties to like repair it or like try to replace it or something. It was like an old beater. Because we're all dirt poor, we give all of our money to the cult. But um, yeah it was.

Producer Sean: 1:05:06

It was a big deal, I guess who's gonna pay you back for that mortar too, because those aren't cheap either.

Daniel: 1:05:10

Yeah, those aren't cheap, man I mean like that's dina I mean like that's Dina's life. Hold on, sorry, that's Dina's life. Is that an exploding car? It's just like oh, that was not that exciting. Yeah, yeah, that's not noteworthy.

Dinasaurus: 1:05:20

It's not the first one, or not the last one, that exploded.

Producer Sean: 1:05:33

I'm pretty sure you saw a car exploding at twister, the experience at universal orlando 25 years ago. Yeah, so this woman actually she was.

Dinasaurus: 1:05:38

My dad later on thought that her husband married her. They were a missionary couple and my dad was pretty convinced that they got married like and that he specifically married her because she had some um mental health developmental deficits and took advantage of her. And he was not happy about that when he, like started to realize, yeah, but yeah. I'm pretty sure it was her. Thank you for reminding me, because I couldn't remember who did it. I think it was her that put it in upside down.

Daniel: 1:06:17

Well, shout out to her and hopefully she's safe and doing well right now. Dina, do you want to let the folks choose their own adventure because you were not happy with Mr Wildcard's choice, even though me and Sean were? What do we got for next week? A plus choice, Steven.

Dinasaurus: 1:06:33

You know, but there was other stories that on that.

Producer Sean: 1:06:39

I'm going through town. Put him back in the pool, baby. Put him back in the pool, get him back in there.

Dinasaurus: 1:06:42

So we have the post-hurricane looters. My first tumor or dehydrated Dina.

Producer Sean: 1:06:55

Sean, my first blank, and it's always something horrifying.

Daniel: 1:07:01

Yeah.

Dinasaurus: 1:07:05

I'm just a girl.

Producer Sean: 1:07:08

So there are. There is a legend that we've heard of Um the so there are. There is a legend that we've heard of um that that dina gets completely insufferable and violent when she hasn't had enough water.

Daniel: 1:07:19

So my choice is dehydrated dina you know what I'm with you because she's teased this like hulking side of her for a long time and I really want to understand what happens when dina hulks out and becomes an absolute please keep me hydrated at shock both types of drinks, guys, shit all right. Well, I'm excited. I you know what I look forward to this next one. I think it's gonna be an absolute banger.

Daniel: 1:07:45

But you want to know what I'm really looking forward to, dina oh, no, yeah I thought we were done every week we celebrate some of the worst erotic literature in history, often selected by the literary review of british literary magazine in a segment that we call cringy copulation. These are real baby. These are real excerpts, real books intended to be taken seriously. This week's excerpt will be read by Dina and it's a throwback, dina. This is a special one. Okay, because this is from the very first cringy copulation reading we ever did, all the way back in episode one from the book the Office of Gardens and Ponds by Didier Dicoin. Didier Dicoin is a French screen water and writer awarded the Prix Goncourt in 1977. So this is another passage. We're bringing it back All the way back to episode one. Check those DMs First of all.

Dinasaurus: 1:08:46

I want to apologize because I'm sniffing a lot. It must have been that line of cocaine I did before the episode. Anyway, because I'm sniffing a lot, it must have been that line of cocaine I did before the episode. Yeah, makes sense Cocaine baby.

Dinasaurus: 1:08:54

By the way, guys, I almost did a shot this weekend. Eat balls, baby. I was around my husband's best friend, that's like a super partier. And we. He wanted to take a shot. I haven't gotten anything, so I'm just buying time. I'm sorry. Oh, I just flashed our messages you might want to blur that out.

Producer Sean: 1:09:15

I'm sorry, oh my god I was waiting for you to stop fucking talking, to send it to you, because I thought you were gonna sit there and talk and also read ahead, which you know is against the rules you're totally filibustering.

Stevie Wildcard: 1:09:29

she's filibusteringustering we're doing this thing.

Producer Sean: 1:09:31

Here we go, Dina Get sexy, we're going to fill that buster baby, let's go. Slide into those DMs.

Dinasaurus: 1:09:38

You definitely got to blur our message, okay? She continued crawling over him. It was the turn of her breast to brush. What?

Dinasaurus: 1:09:49

It was the turn of her breast to brush against Cacero's face. They were small, round, full and supple, supple hair. They skipped over the obstacles of the fisherman's chin, his nose and the arch of his eyebrows, exposing small furrows in his hair like the tracks of hair through millet fields. Okay, rabbit, that's hairs, and rabbits, rabbits, baby. Then it was her slightly rough bush that rasped against his chest and her open-lipped genitals that slid over the man's face, immersing it in warm palms, sticking musky, Sticky why is it sticky? Mm-hmm. He moaned for a third time while Miyuki, a lock of whose hair had come adrift, she grabbed it and held it between her teeth in the way that courtesans do, spread her thighs wider and impaled herself on Katsuro's nose. How big was his nose? On contact with this pistol of worm flesh, supreme tears appeared on the labia minora of her vagina, sliding onto the fisherman's cheeks. They were trapped on the stubble of his beard and his face became starry-eyed and began to sparkle, as it did when he walked through the curtain of foam of the waterfall of shuzen, where.

Daniel: 1:11:30

His fucking face sparkled Dazzling Dina thoughts.

Dinasaurus: 1:11:40

Best believe I'm still bejeweled, okay, no. The bejeweler. I don't have any thoughts. Wait, yes, I do. Why was his beard so stiff that it stuck there?

Daniel: 1:11:53

Like sparkles.

Dinasaurus: 1:11:54

Heard a whale is a thing.

Daniel: 1:11:59

And listen, she had some rough pubic hair of herself that she slid on up his chest.

Producer Sean: 1:12:05

By the way to answer your question Adam Driver knows is what I expected.

Daniel: 1:12:12

To impale yourself on someone's nose. That is a big fucking nose her labia minora was crying.

Dinasaurus: 1:12:21

These were happy tears, I assume why is everybody always sad when they have sex in this critical population?

Producer Sean: 1:12:28

that's also like, unexpectedly like clinical sounding yeah, like, it was very like.

Dinasaurus: 1:12:35

Like genitals, labia minora. I imagine like when, when he she talked about the pubic hair getting stuck in his beard, I was just picturing like a stray pube getting stuck on your underwear and ripping out. Oh, that's not comfortable.

Daniel: 1:13:02

Like, have you ever like looked at Tim's face and said, man, I'd like that? Nose inside of me.

Dinasaurus: 1:13:10

That's fucking weird. Like imagine. Like, imagine that. No, that's fucking weird. Like I'm at. Like imagine I'm so glad everybody followed me during the battle.

Daniel: 1:13:19

That's fucking disgusting that was a fucking weird one, are you?

Producer Sean: 1:13:24

trying to say that you don't do as courtesans do. You're trying to say, yeah, between the two oh, those are like fancy, like prostitutes they put hair in their mouth.

Dinasaurus: 1:13:35

That's all I know, yeah hair like the rabbits or hair like yes, yes like love, that journey for us um so, guys, that's another great cringy copulation.

Daniel: 1:13:48

I'm glad we could bring this all full circle and, uh, you know, get a little, get a little sexy together, um, I hated that wait, so that's from the same book with the monkeys monkey paw like ding in the yeah monkey paw one, yep, same one. That guy's uh away with words. Purple pros, if you will, and the penis might be the purple thing 110 episodes later and we brought him back brought him back, making the pre him back.

Producer Sean: 1:14:11

The pre-Gonkort award winning Diddly D-Coin.

Dinasaurus: 1:14:18

Diddly.

Producer Sean: 1:14:18

D-Coin.

Daniel: 1:14:19

He's a diddler. Oh Jesus, that was excellent. But if you have thoughts on this, or if you have thoughts on P, and if men should dab, or how unfunny I was this episode, please give us a call on our voicemail. You can give us a call at 347-69-WEIRD, that's 347-699 347-3. We love your voicemails, guys. This has been another great episode. Man, dina, where can the folks find you?

Dinasaurus: 1:14:52

You can find me on Twitter. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No you have it Threads. You can find me on threads at DinosaurusDMIW DMIW. Or you can find me on Twitter at DinosaurusD that's D like D. Oh, I was supposed to say D is nuts.

Producer Sean: 1:15:14

You didn't. I was yelling D. I didn't hear you. Yeah, I was a sorry D Do you want a clean take at that. Yeah, or you can find me on.

Dinasaurus: 1:15:21

Twitter. Or you can find me on Twitter at DinosaurusD. That's D like. D is nuts D and Sean, where can the folks find you?

Daniel: 1:15:30

D is nuts D and uh, sean, where can the folks find you?

Producer Sean: 1:15:35

You can find me on xcom at Chase Holdu.

Daniel: 1:15:39

Which is for dinner tonight bud.

Producer Sean: 1:15:42

Um, we're gonna just like scavenge the fridge for leftovers because I've got like probably three different things in there that I can make something out of. So I'm not really sure yet. We're gonna just send it. Let's go there that I could make something out of. So I'm not really sure yet. We're going to. We're going to just just send it.

Dinasaurus: 1:15:53

Let's go wild, let's make something out of nothing. You guys seen that? Oh my God, I should be.

Producer Sean: 1:16:05

It's going to be more like everybody's so creative.

Daniel: 1:16:09

You can find me on Twitter at q writes thing, that's dan. Q writes singular it's true, and you can email him at donk at dmiwpodcastcom I just got that email address, so if you want to shoot me an email, danq at dmiwpodcastcom. Or you can find me on threads at daniel quigley. Author, because I'm bad at being consistent with my brand um email us.

Daniel: 1:16:34

It's like the days of aim guys, if anyone has the aim, still I will fucking friend you on aim and let's just like chat and it'll be fun. Look at time, yo, I got into so much trouble at aim as a kid.

Dinasaurus: 1:16:48

It doesn't exist, as you should. All right, guys, we are out of here. We will see you all again next week, jazz hands fun.

Daniel: 1:16:50

Yeah, I got into so much trouble at AIM as a kid. It doesn't exist as you should. All right, guys, we are out of here. We will see you all again next week.

Producer Sean: 1:16:55

Jazz hands Don't make it weird with Daniel Quigley, dinosaurus and Sean Holden. Produced and edited by me Sean Holden. Theme song by Amaria. Produced and edited by me Sean Holden. Theme song by Amaria. Incidental music and sound effects provided by Voice Mod, as well as the YouTube Audio Library. You can rate and review this show on Spotify, apple Podcasts, goodpods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD. That's 347-699-3473. And leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio-only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you. Don't make it weird.

Dinasaurus: 1:17:54

Was that okay, and we love you.