Don't Make It Weird
Two amateur authors and amateur humans—Daniel and Dina—discuss all things writing and books, and re-tell chaotic life adventures from cults to exes that think they’re horses. We’ve got you covered in this comedic and sarcastic, life-centered podcast. Follow us as we fail to not make it weird.
Don't Make It Weird
The One With Dina's Razor Mishap
In this episode of Don't Make It Weird, things go off the rails as Dina breaks her mic, and Sean faces some serious Shock-O-Con anxiety! Join hosts Daniel, Dina, and Producer Sean as they navigate technical difficulties, play a hilariously awkward game of Poetry for Neanderthals (NSFW edition), and debate the merits of romance versus fantasy writing. Along the way, Daniel trains his hugs, Dina reveals her preference for spy novels, and the team can’t seem to get a clean take no matter how hard they try.
Plus, don’t miss Dina’s Mind Map detour and the infamous blue balls moment that leaves Daniel completely lost. This is one episode you won’t want to miss—especially if you’re in the mood for some chaotic fun and lots of laughs!
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Music Credit:
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Let's go.
Speaker 2:It's the Don't Make it Weird Podcast With your hosts, Daniel and Dinosaurus.
Speaker 1:Hello there and welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast. I'm one of your co-hosts, daniel Kugli, and we are your writing storytelling comedy podcast for humans by humans and guys. I am joined, as always, by my better half.
Speaker 4:I am joined by the darling deadpool of deviant duck calls herself dinosaurus I don't have an intro plan, but I also just realized that, like I can't move around a lot or I'll mess with sean's like editing, and all that I do when I'm standing is move around, yeah, and and for the audio only listeners. Uh, don't check out our youtube channel yeah, fuck you guys um.
Speaker 2:But uh, dina is literally just dancing, like it's very sensual um, she's doing the entire choreography to bye bye, bye by, in sync right now yes, that's exactly what's happening right now.
Speaker 1:Um, don't tune in. Uh, she's slowly stripping off her clothes, dina, dina, this is a family episode. We just got back from shocker con. We have new fans and followers. We can't, we cannot, be inappropriate on this one. This is a one. Take glory. Are you ready today, dina?
Speaker 1:hey, neckbeard no, that is our prime audience. We cannot call them that unless they like identify as a neckbeard, and then it's fine. Um, but if you hear a third voice here, we have a third member of the team, the only adult in the room, and guys. When you call sean's name, it's like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees. I want to take him there in the midnight hour. I can feel his power, just like a prayer. You know he'll take you there, brodo's or Sean.
Speaker 2:We've got a whole like multi-faceted, multi-level theme happening.
Speaker 3:Bye, bye.
Speaker 1:Listen. Um, I'm so excited for this one, guys. We just got back from our first ever live con. This is the first time that we were all here together as one family unit. Dina first question how is Sean's hugs?
Speaker 4:Sean's hug was the best.
Speaker 1:Okay, how does this rate up towards Anthony and Stevie's hugs, Like like where? Where does it rank in the pecking order?
Speaker 4:I think that Sean has knocked all of them down one notch, and now it's sean, anthony, stevie, wow, and where do I rank on this, dina, did I do you're?
Speaker 1:not on the chart even with my improved hugs I've been training my hugs they still didn't uh the yips aren't real, Dina. But listen, man. But listen guys, especially if we have any new fans here, any of you guys from ShakaCon. Man, it was so great to get to meet you, to interact. We talked to so many incredible authors. We talked to some, I think, the pretty famous, like actors and musicians. Like, this was a crazy experience, Sean. What was your favorite?
Speaker 2:part, my favorite part. I loved the fact that everything went perfectly. We had no technical glitches. Every single thing that we did audio video. It was the stuff that I was in charge of. It was perfect.
Speaker 1:Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss, Dina. What was your favorite part of ChakaCon?
Speaker 4:My favorite part was that we're recording this way before ChakaCon even happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like three weeks before Shaka Khan, but you know the release schedule you guys is set in stone.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and like listen, we, we want to give you the illusion, the illusion that this was all planned out, but also, man, so excited. I am glad that we get that. We are getting to do this, super pumped up about it and I can't wait to talk about it for a million episodes afterwards. But before we do that, I miss Tiny Mike.
Speaker 2:Before we go any further, let me remind our new audience members of the drinking games that they learned about at the convention. First of all, we have a number of words and phrases that will trigger a buzzer. If you hear this, that means that we have to drink. Also, we are all members of Buffalo Club here. That means we drink with our offhand. For all of us, that means our left hand. If you catch us drinking with our right hand, you get called out.
Speaker 1:We got to finish our drink and welcome to the club everybody welcome to buffalo baby, and we're we're excited to to have you guys here with us. This is gonna be a great episode. We're gonna be talking a little bit about uh romance versus uh fantasy writing, and which ones may be a little bit harder. We've got some great shower thoughts, a great conspiracy corner. Uh dina's gonna crush it with some story time, and we're gonna be playing a brand new game this time oh yeah yeah, super pumped about that.
Speaker 1:But before we can get to all of that stuff, uh, sean, can we, uh can turn the shower on? Just just get the heat up a little bit for me, bud, I got you bud, yeah, yeah, just turn. Yeah, turn that, turn it up, thank you. Thank you, sean, um and guys, it's time to uh get clean. There'll be absolutely no horseplay here and let's get in the shower, all right. So this is what I'm thinking about, because all I can think about is deadpool. All I can think about is marvel movies right now I'm obsessed.
Speaker 1:I haven't seen it yet we're not gonna be going over any spoilers um our reporter in the street dinosaurs, but I I was thinking um as I was in the shower hold on hold on let's let me just take this moment.
Speaker 2:First of all, if you're hearing how bad dina's audio sounds, it's because she broke her microphone tonight, you guys. So she's, she's holding her, her dead and broken microphone and she's smiling through the pain right now. Um, we actually started recording 20 minutes late because we were ironing out, uh, technical glitches and whatnot. It's not gonna work hang on.
Speaker 4:No, no, it's not no, it's not so yeah, I should pull my hair back so that you can't hear my hair again I don't hear your hair.
Speaker 1:I just buddy your hair is what sells the tickets. Do't hear my hair again. I don't hear your hair, I just buddy your hair is what sells the tickets, you know? Yeah, your hair is good, don't worry about it. Hair's on point.
Speaker 2:We're in the shower. We're in the shower. We're getting in the shower.
Speaker 1:And I was thinking about, uh, you know, as I was getting clean, what superpower do you think would have the best? Application towards being a better lover. It has to be like a main power, like we're not doing some weird niche sex specific power, like it's got to be a real power. Go on, like is it just going to elaborate. Okay, no, hold on. Are you talking about it from a role playing standpoint, like you can just look like anyone? Or are you talking about like maybe you're going, mr elastic, with the dick or with?
Speaker 4:the boobies, like what? Yeah, that's what I was thinking, I guess. Well, no, okay, so shape-shifting is really my answer to every superhero question. However, yeah, I guess, like you could, you know, turn into anybody you wanted. You could be mr elastic or um invisigirl, if you so choose, and like she's got that ass yeah, oh yeah, that's true this is incredible isn't it?
Speaker 2:it's incredible? Yeah, elastic girl. Yeah, this is incredible same thing yeah but no, okay.
Speaker 1:But then that leads to a question, though, dina if, if you had shape-shifting powers and your husband was like hey, can you just go ahead and look like, uh, sydney sweeney, like yeah, so that's the point. So you have this power, but you can't use it in monogamous relationship, because now it feels like cheating yeah, so just like elastidick okay, so we're going back to elastidick as the main. Okay, I'm with you. I think that's a very valid answer, sean.
Speaker 2:I can't really nail down exactly what power it is, but it would either have to do with being able to hold your breath a really long time or being able to do a whole lot of cardio.
Speaker 1:Oh, so you're Sean's thinking about he gets down there and he doesn't need to fucking breathe, cause he's going to work.
Speaker 2:I don't want to. I don't want to have to breathe. Yeah, so Aquaman, I guess I don't know.
Speaker 1:Cause Sean's going to be drowning in pussy. Let's go. I mean. Dina thoughts on a Aquaman as a non-stop going down machine.
Speaker 4:No, I had a whole mind map.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I'm ready, then fucking let's go first.
Speaker 4:One of the episode were you guys on tiktok, when the trend was going on, where some guy was like when I say shit on my face, I mean let me die there, like. And then like everybody was stitching it so that's what I was thinking about, and then I was like thinking about that one woman that was like.
Speaker 4:That was like asking if you actually mean it, and then everybody that stitched her, and I don't remember all the videos, but I just had a whole bunch of images of people screaming into the camera like, yes, so that was a very exciting mind map you know what?
Speaker 1:all mind maps are good mind maps. We don't judge them here and uh, you know what? Uh, I think that that's a good answer. I'm kind of with you guys. I think that's shape-shifting. If you're a little bit more liberal-minded, dina, or or it's just to make something different, I would say clones. If I could clone myself. Now you got think, think about it, dina. If 10, if you could have eight Tim's all dedicated to you in the bedroom pass.
Speaker 2:I think she'd rather he shape shift into Chris Evans a different Tim's.
Speaker 4:I couldn't handle eight different Tims.
Speaker 2:I thought that was going to go in a whole different direction.
Speaker 4:I mean, it was going in that direction. And then I was like no, I'll change my voice so that this sounds more PG.
Speaker 1:That's right. We are a family show, very appropriate, definitely okay for your toddlers, middle schoolers, whatever, just listen to us, it's fine. Don't do that we are an adult show. Um, well, guys, you know what? Let's towel off, let's dry up, but keep those lights dimmed. Put on some mood music, leave your disbelief at the door, because it's time for d-note's tiktok conspiracy corner all right, so today we're gonna talk about um, that's a stupid one.
Speaker 4:Okay, so this is an open-ended conspiracy theory. Why does all the propaganda start at 9 11, especially considering that february 26th of 1993, at 12 17 pm, there was also a terrorist attack on the World Trade Center and nobody talks about it?
Speaker 2:hold on a second. Are you implying that there was no propaganda ever in any capacity before?
Speaker 4:this is September 11 2001 in regard to terrorists right so all the terrorist propaganda focuses and like, kind of like it's its origin story from 9-11, when bush was like we don't negotiate with terrorists so what we're saying is that. But there was also a terrorist attack on the world trade center.
Speaker 1:February 26 1993 yeah, I don't even know about that. And and I was alive during that Did anyone die Like? Was there any?
Speaker 2:It wasn't anywhere near the scale of 9-11.
Speaker 1:The buildings were still standing and it showed a vulnerability that we would never, have had before, because no one had really thought about flying a fucking plane into a building.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was the largest domestic terrorist attack in the history of the country. So it kind of got everyone riled up you know, you're looking for someone to blame and you know so it was all.
Speaker 1:So I guess my question is what are we conspiring against in this one, dina? Like, well, like, what is the point of? We didn't worry about terrorists for oh, like, like.
Speaker 4:What is the point of we didn't worry about terrorists for? Oh, oh, I think that. Okay, so it's open-ended. So I think that the the mindset here is that I drank too much shelter um. The mindset here is that 9-11 was like, staged, basically to give george w bush did 9-11. Everyone knows that okay, so so what we're saying is that we had terrorism.
Speaker 2:Britney Spears did 9-11.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah bring it back full circle full circle, baby.
Speaker 1:Uh, check out that episode, beep not funny.
Speaker 2:Um, we were gonna try to not edit this episode, but here we go. I love you so much, sean you know what Sean how much credence do you?
Speaker 1:give to this one um that that the original, that that the original terrorism was in the 90s and this 2000 was very dina is so out of fucks to give right now.
Speaker 2:You guys, I watched before daniel joined the studio. I watched Dina lose her last fuck in real time. Yeah. Yeah, she gave her last fuck and now she's just aloof and giggly and all the fucks are gone. Yeah.
Speaker 3:They're gone, the show must go on.
Speaker 1:The show must go on. One take glory. That's the goal of this episode, guys. I'm sure we're definitely going to pull that off. But D dina or sean, how do you rate this as our official conspiracy theory? Rater um out of how many out of five britney spears?
Speaker 2:how many britney spears is this one? It's 10 britney spears. This is the most solid, concrete, fucking conspiracy we've heard on this yeah, yeah, fuck the gas segment.
Speaker 1:You know like that was only what 8.9 britney spears something like that.
Speaker 2:I think the average was like 8.9 out of 5.
Speaker 1:Yeah minus one minute yep, yep, 100 with you. Well, guys, uh, the flat earth remains, uh, alive and well and we've uh survived another episode of dina's tiktok conspiracy corner. But, guys, we are right around the corner with another segment that is a completely original, very unique to the don't make a weird podcast. Don't check out, we have issues. Don't check out Anthony and Stevie and their incredible comic books, incredible podcast. You know, you don't need to watch, you don't need to read death lists. It's fine. Just trust us, we're going to have the completely original segment, the accountability, where us, as writers, um go ahead and hold ourselves accountable because I've got a dumb one for myself today.
Speaker 4:Dina, start us um today. I wrote, I think I think it was close to 5 000 words on book three that book that she doesn't care about y'all yeah, yeah, fuck that book.
Speaker 2:I know you're futzing with that adapter on your mic right now, but I don't care about the sound. I just don't want you to lose it, because you're going to need that when you get your replacement mic.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, that's why I keep putting it back in. Yeah, she needs some laundry to pull, just finish saying it Tina, just finish, come on, finish it that's what she said there it is can't make them hang in that's what she said but yeah, there goes my fuck out the door I'd say wrote 5 000 words.
Speaker 1:Pretty fucking impressive. Love it, dina. And are you starting to like warm up to your book at all, like is this starting to feel good again, or are you still just hate?
Speaker 4:I think I'm going way off genre.
Speaker 2:So you know, I'm with it.
Speaker 3:Follow your heart. Follow your fucking heart, dude, you're an author.
Speaker 4:It turned into a spy novel. So I don't know. You know what?
Speaker 2:I think honestly no joke.
Speaker 1:Her teen coming of age romance has turned into a spy novel.
Speaker 2:After reading your story in Heroes, I think that you were destined to write an espionage story.
Speaker 4:One day I'm going to write the full. I think that's what I'm going to work on. Next is write the full length for Heroes story. Oh.
Speaker 1:God Heroes story was so good too, I really like writing spy stuff. You guys should check out Heroes by Lost Boys Press. It's an anthology. It has both me and dina in it. Press, um, that has both me and dina in it.
Speaker 2:Well, that's pretty amazing, uh, sean, what you've been up to bud do you want the real answer or do you want the fake one?
Speaker 1:I definitely I mean, we already broke the illusion at this point, so, uh, just get real okay, well, I'm like continuing to be balls deep and just preparing for this con.
Speaker 2:And guys, I am scared. I am fucking scared. I'm using new equipment. We're recording live on a stage in the convention hall. I might have a heart attack just trying to set it up Like I don't even know how I'm going to do it. I've never done it before. I'm just some dude who pretends to be a producer Y'all. I'm not an actual dude. That's a producer Like I, I, I've, I've, I've been faking it this whole time, three years, and now I got to do it in front of potentially thousands of people yeah, like not online in front of thousands of people Like you guys are wearing a really low cut shirt Like you've got to do this.
Speaker 1:You've got to distract the audience.
Speaker 2:You guys. Yeah, I'm literally dying inside every single day preparing for this, worrying about it. I'm sure it'll be fine. It'll be fine, it'll be fine. But what if?
Speaker 1:it isn't, yeah, but I want you to look at me. I want you to lock in. We're going to make eye babies for a second Sean. We're locking in here.
Speaker 2:Not sure how that's going to help Yep this is happening.
Speaker 1:Listen, you are the guy. You are the fucking did it with no prep. You had no guitar, you had no equipment. We recorded it, we mixed it. I walked down the aisle to that. You're that motherfucker, sean.
Speaker 2:We got this yeah, I do fuck mothers, it's true so in all serious note.
Speaker 4:In all seriousness, though, like the worst thing that can happen is we have a couple technical glitches and we go hey, just give us a second, like that's still, we're comedians, bro, we're comedians. This is what we can. Just make people laugh this is sean.
Speaker 1:This is what I'm built for. I am terrible at most things. I ride your guys as coattails, but when it comes to public performances, this is me. Bud.
Speaker 4:We got this I'll just pretend to be deaf.
Speaker 2:It's fine, we can. We can have dina pretend to be deaf and I'll ask daniel to do a tight five to ten minutes on jar jar banks. Yeah, and we'll be set 20 to 30, but yeah we're good okay, well that's what I'm focusing on.
Speaker 2:I've literally been ordering supplies, making sure we have equipment. Like guys, I'm traveling cross from one coast to the other, so like I'm literally shipping half the shit to rance's house and I'm bringing like the the critical audio equipment with me so I could set it up ahead of time and then have it ready to go like it's.
Speaker 1:It's the most ambitious thing I've ever done creatively and I'm excited and completely terrified how cool is that that we get to grow together I'm so excited and like, listen, jokes aside, the amount of work that sean we've talked about before, but the amount of work that sean puts into this podcast, like blood, sweat and tears and tears, money, all of it, and what he's been doing, from what the conversations we've had, blood money towards the con I mean it's been absolutely incredible. We are so freaking grateful and lucky to have you on our side, man, and you know I can't wait to ride into this with you. It's going to be incredible.
Speaker 2:I can't wait to Buffalo you in person multiple times, Fuck yeah it's going to be so good.
Speaker 4:Not going to get me bitch cast too fast.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, Dina, you're going to get Buffaloed so hard she won't be able to walk Yup and like listen. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get it twisted. Because she has not committed herself to Buffalo, because she knows she would fuck up. She's allowed to call Buffalo as an audience member, as all of our audience members are, but you can't Off camera off show.
Speaker 1:But what if she tries to go Buffalo by proxy and whispers to you to Buffalo, dean, she could, she could do that yeah. Okay, all right, I'm with you on that. But, she can't call Buffalo herself. I gotta kiss the mask. Yeah, that's a leap of faith there. Um so, dina, can I admit how fucking stupid I am and how much this summer has like ruined my brain, like I've just, I've been so exhausted every night, white boy, summer let's go for um my second book that's gonna be coming out may of next year.
Speaker 1:Um, I have. What's the title? Uh july oh, it's july now.
Speaker 2:Okay, we'll find july I don't know I don't know it's gonna keep getting pushed back, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah go on. They're gonna push back till we're out of it. Um, I believe it is cryptid protection 2. Electric boogaloo is is the title uh, that sounds not very inspired.
Speaker 2:To me listen.
Speaker 1:We have to do an official announcement.
Speaker 4:I can't, I can't, give the good, I don't even know what it is, honestly, you do know come on buddy
Speaker 2:I do, and it's also the title of a sexy orgy story great love that for us love it.
Speaker 1:Um, but so I've been stuck in dev edits because I've been you know, I work with kids, I've been running a summer camp all summer. I get home I'm exhausted, I, you know, I got nothing in the tank. And so I've been really procrastinating working on the dev edits because in my brain, my tired, stupid, lizard, dumb ass brain, I thought this was line edits. I thought I would be needing to go line by line and edit. That's the next step. This is the easy one, where it's just comments hey, we should fix this. So once I realized that I don't need to go line by line, what had taken me months I knocked out in a week. And now I'm on to line edits. And I'm an idiot because I fucked up my timetable by just being dumb and tired. Dina Fotz.
Speaker 2:I literally said thatid. I know he's a published author everybody multi multiple times.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, it's not that I didn't understand that it was dev edits, dina in my brain, dev edits just didn't click yeah, no, like, like, it interpreted it as line edits, so I really just wasted a lot of time. Either way, dev edits are done on to line edits. Um, very excited about that. So we got a lot going on, guys. Um, dina, you know what? Uh, quick, quick update on the? Uh neopets oh, um, yeah, I fed it for the first time in years, dina has fed her satan, spawned neopets.
Speaker 4:She's gonna be, I'm up to three million neopoint neopian dollars, neocash and and uh sean, as a neopian um cash cash exchange expert.
Speaker 1:Uh, how much money is that in US dollars?
Speaker 2:It's not any, it's literally none.
Speaker 1:I really thought this was going to be the payoff this time. Damn it, Dina. Alright, guys, you know what Sean. What's that sound? Do I hear something?
Speaker 4:Voicemail. Do we have a voicemail?
Speaker 1:We got a voicemail Could it be Ryan Reynolds or Hugh Jackman.
Speaker 2:Maybe, who knows? Let's listen and find out.
Speaker 4:Hello and welcome to the Don't Make it Weird Podcast. I am your host.
Speaker 3:Quigley and, as always, I am joined by the effervescent, elusive, illustrious and the enrolled herself, dina Torres. Hello everyone, dina, I got a little fabulous there. Dina, I'm here for it. You know, elusive doesn't start with an E. Nor does illustrious yeah, elusive Dina with an e. Nor does illustrious yeah, it's elusive, dina. You know like elusive it's a whole thing. You know, you gotta be able to do it the way, you're just hitulating the way they just riff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dude, you know better than this. Like you gotta get it right the first try. Perfect timing. I don't get it right the first try, otherwise what's the point?
Speaker 1:I don't get it right the first time.
Speaker 3:I just felt like kind of putting it out there and seeing if I could try a whole new thing with this. Daniel, you know this Just stop. Stop trying new things at all.
Speaker 4:I'm going to murder you, I think.
Speaker 3:Sean would let me get away with it.
Speaker 4:It's true.
Speaker 3:I would, anyway, I, you and I think sean would let me get away with it. It's true, I would. Well, you know, anyway, I'm here today, uh, because I wanted to talk to us about us, so this is a whole thing that I just really hope that everybody loves daniel daniel. Daniel daniel, you are so much right now, I'm gonna need you to bring it down at least three levels.
Speaker 1:We don't even need to do a show anymore. Just let them do the entire episode for us.
Speaker 3:I'm just wanting to tell everybody here that I really appreciate them and that, like all of our guests and listeners, it's been a great time on the last 103 episodes of Don't Make it Weird Dude we have done so many more episodes than that. Like you can't you have to know, like what our episode counted. What, john, I do, it's just you know me, I'm just like excited and stuff, and I really love hanging out with you guys. Yeah, the feeling is not mutual, damn it's. Anyway, sean, what do we have for today? Well, today, what, what?
Speaker 1:What the laugh is about. What did you laugh?
Speaker 3:at.
Speaker 2:I love you guys we got our one fan they're the best.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I'm bad at words, levi I love you.
Speaker 2:That was I've. I don't think I can say I've ever actually heard someone do an impression of me before.
Speaker 1:I mean the best part is they had our cadences down. Yeah, like it was spot on. I mean maybe not like fully in the voice, but like the cadence in the way that all of us talk, like it was spot on, it was incredible.
Speaker 4:I have a white claw in my hair and I'm standing in a puddle of it.
Speaker 2:I love that for you.
Speaker 4:How you missed my spit. Take Daniel.
Speaker 1:Ah, that makes sense. Yeah, I deserve that.
Speaker 2:Daniel, if, if the, if the brand new listeners from Shaco con want to leave us a message, how can they do that?
Speaker 1:Listen, guys, we've got a voicemail. We want you to be a part of this. We need more voicemails that aren't just from our number one fan, um, even though I really love it when they leave me voicemails too, so all of it counts, uh. But you can listen. Voicemail 347 69 weird, that's 347 699, three more. So, guys, last time we did an episode, we were supposed to give Dina the illusion of choice, that she would finally get to be in control of her own destiny.
Speaker 2:No, we were supposed to give Dina the choice. What we did give her was the illusion of choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I said.
Speaker 2:Not what you said. Go on.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure it's exactly what I said, sean. Go ahead and roll the date back. Yep, got you Supposed to give Dina the illusion of choice? Supposed to give Dina the illusion of choice, illusion of choice. So, anyways, dina normally is at the whims of the people or our guests. In what story she gets to tell us from her life. And this time, dina, you get to choose your own adventure. So, dina, I need you to go ahead and tickle the audience a little bit. Give them, give them that shout out shannon, are you gonna give her?
Speaker 4:her options, or she has three no, he's not because we're going off script, because you guys took away my choice last time, so I'm taking my own story completely.
Speaker 3:This is very wet that's what she said all right, then we got one that's off the script.
Speaker 1:I don't even know what's gonna happen. Dina's not even being a tease, she is being a full-on harlot. I'm ready, dina.
Speaker 4:I'm so excited you whore you whore today we're gonna tell the story about the razor mishap the razor mishap.
Speaker 2:Let's go all right I'm excited.
Speaker 4:Trigger warning for that one.
Speaker 2:Sorry guys this one has been on the poll the choose your adventure poll, a minimum of four or five times in the last three years. It's never it's.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's ever been chosen so you dumbasses you idiots, big dummies right, all right I can't wait to do that. But before we can even get to that, sean, we've got a brand new game that we're busting out for the first ever time. On, don't make it weird, sean. What are we playing?
Speaker 2:we are playing poetry for neanderthals. You know I had to get the naughty edition, fuck yeah. So here's the deal. You guys, we're going to play like a pared down version of this game. I'm going to give you the rules in the style of the rules. So here we go. Dan and Dee will take turns. I send them each list of words. They must get them to guess word or phrase, but can't use word with more than one sound. If you use long words, you will hear buzz and you must drink. If you hear ding, you got it and you can move to next word. All right, All right, guess as lots of words as you can till time is up.
Speaker 3:Fuck yeah, so no long words.
Speaker 2:No long words, no multi-syllable words, meaning every word that you use when you're trying to get Daniel to guess the word has to be one syllable. Remember Kevin on the Office? Yeah, when he was trying to explain why. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I use more word when less word you do trick. What does he say?
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:That was pretty perfect. I nailed it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, that was incredible.
Speaker 2:So I did say I was going to send you a list of words, but I think I'm just going to give you one word at a time, because I feel like word or phrase. By the way, some of these are multiple words, so, oh my God, dean is going to blush so hard you guys. So here we go. Poetry for Neanderthals the not safe for work edition, which one of you guys would like to guess first.
Speaker 1:I want to guess, Dina. Can I go first?
Speaker 2:Okay, dina, oh, daniel, daniel wants to go first. Dina can.
Speaker 1:I go first. Dina go ahead and watch. Go ahead and go first.
Speaker 2:Okay, Dina's going to go first. Dina, I'm going to DM you a word or phrase right now.
Speaker 1:Okay, I can't believe she scowled, believe she dead aired me on that one. What a jerk, are you ready?
Speaker 4:I'm ready.
Speaker 2:Here we go.
Speaker 4:Oh, no, okay, and I can only use short words.
Speaker 1:Single syllable.
Speaker 4:Meat Penis Other meat. Meat penis other meat oh yeah, that's multiple syllables that's only one syllable other shit drink dina oh, okay, um uh to meet um boobies, boobs. Resticles.
Speaker 3:Run.
Speaker 4:Run, bouncing titties, hot, cool Wet Vagina. Vagina um cool um wet um vagina.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to figure what the fuck is happening right now. Dina, I don't know where we're going with this can I, can?
Speaker 4:I like gesture, like you know you, like you've got that okay, okay, okay, that was, that was a minute.
Speaker 2:That's a minute. Was failing, daniel? Daniel should have gotten that. Okay, okay, what was it? It was a two-word thing. Uh-huh, you got the first word right and then you went completely off the rails. Perfect, also, dina, you're allowed to construct a sentence, but you can only use one syllable words, like the same way that I that I told the instructions of the game yeah, I it's too hard.
Speaker 4:Okay, perfect one word one word, excellent.
Speaker 1:What was the two words I needed?
Speaker 2:to get wet when workout for.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, no, I don't think like that Boob sweat.
Speaker 2:Boob sweat was the word, so I had okay.
Speaker 1:You could have also done the yeah, you got the one workout is two words. So I knew that the one word so per word. So I knew that I had the one word.
Speaker 3:So you gotta let me know when I had like 50 there, because we're working together here, dina, oh, okay yeah, you know, like in charades, when someone gets something right, you're like that's why I was like I did that, though I okay, whatever, okay all right, I'm ready
Speaker 2:okay okay, daniel is gonna go next. We're doing discordian. Yes, we're doing discordian discordian alright Daniel yep here we go um l-m-a-f-o laughing my fat ass off song laughing party rock.
Speaker 4:A-f-o. Laughing my fat ass off Song Song Laughing Um Party Rock. Um, okay, party Rock is in the house tonight. No, no, no.
Speaker 1:Oh Close.
Speaker 4:Okay, fergie, um Um Bar Drink Shot. Yes, okay, okay, uh, party Rock.
Speaker 1:Shot, shot, shot, big Lil Drink, shot yes.
Speaker 4:Okay, uh, party rock Shot Shot Big little John. Uh, body suit Party Beer gut, body, body suit, body suit.
Speaker 1:Uh, jumper, first, first.
Speaker 4:Body Party, rock body.
Speaker 1:And so that, and then Bar Drink Uh.
Speaker 4:Oh Party rock, uh, body suit. Uh, I mean, I really fucked this up so that and then bar drink. Oh party rock, body suit.
Speaker 1:I mean I really fucked this up. I'm making a UFO. I really fucked that up. That's my bad. You said the word stripper, you said it was body shot, so you said she was body shot. Because in my brain at the moment I was thinking body rock instead of party rock. Listen, I made a mistake and then I was trying to yeah. And then I was trying to make up for the mistake by changing it completely.
Speaker 2:You guys can't even get one in one minute. So we're just going to continue with this cadence of back and forth one minute at a time for a couple more and then we'll see how it goes Okay.
Speaker 1:Dina, I think I know what we're doing now.
Speaker 4:That couple more and then we'll see how it goes. Okay, dina, I think I know what we're doing now. That was a good practice run. I'm ready. Dina, are you ready? Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 1:Okay, no sex in the champagne room no sex dick. She's she's signingence celibate Virgin Hurt Losing your virginity.
Speaker 4:No sex, dick hurt.
Speaker 1:No sex dick hurt. That's the name of my band.
Speaker 4:No sex dick. No sex Dick hurts dad.
Speaker 1:Penis injury.
Speaker 2:You're doing so great, Dina. Oh, can't get a boner.
Speaker 1:Can't get a boner Fucking impotent, impotent.
Speaker 4:Hot Sad.
Speaker 1:Why do we keep talking about it being hot, dina?
Speaker 4:cold. Why is?
Speaker 2:it cold now you can't tell me hot, that's a minute. What the fuck? What was the word? Sean man get this win.
Speaker 4:I don't need you to show off have hard dick, but no sex.
Speaker 1:Blue balls, it was blue balls everybody you were concentrating on the dick, not the balls, dina. You always concentrate on the balls always concentrate on the balls yep, no dick, no sex, dick sad. That was really good, I thought dina did a great job.
Speaker 2:That was really good, dina yeah, that was really really good. Oh, these are two-sided as well. Damn you guys. I should bring this to Baltimore. We should play in person, because when you get it, wrong someone else gets to hit you over the head with an inflatable mallet Love. That, yeah, it's great. All right, daniel. Yeah, oh, here we go. This is a good one. This is a good one. This is a good one. Are you ready, daniel? You'll so let's go hold on.
Speaker 1:Before we start. Before we start had dina seen the deadpool movie, this would be so much easier.
Speaker 2:You've lost 15 seconds.
Speaker 1:Touch them. Touch them Sensitive the fuck.
Speaker 4:Nipples, nipple clips.
Speaker 1:That's it. Fucking got it, let's go. Deinosaurus.
Speaker 2:She just threw a Hail Mary and and it was fucking worked.
Speaker 1:I can't believe it, daniel gets no credit for that. That was that was all dina because I was not in the ballpark on that one all right, I'm gonna try to give one to dina.
Speaker 2:That doesn't have to do with dicks, for once, um oh, here's one that's awesome sean here's one that that dino won't hate. Yeah, I hope that's a lie. All right, dina, are you ready? Yeah, we're gonna do one more each, okay, you guys? All right, let's do that. Dino won't hate. I hope that's a lie. Alright, dina are you ready? Yeah, we're gonna do one more each, okay, you guys. Alright, let's do this.
Speaker 4:Here we go Dina Um kiss.
Speaker 1:Mouth Lips Consensual.
Speaker 4:Kiss a lot.
Speaker 1:Uh, slut, um fuck boys, um make sentences Consensual, kiss a lot Slut.
Speaker 2:Fuckboy.
Speaker 4:Make sentences To kiss a lot.
Speaker 1:Kiss lips, making out Oral sex, yeah, making out, yeah, he said it Making out yeah.
Speaker 2:He said making Make out and then said oral sex. I said making out and then I went oral.
Speaker 1:He said making, Make out. And then said oral sex. I said making out. He said making out.
Speaker 2:I did say Okay we're going to give him credit for that, Okay fine, that was good.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing with Dina's logic. In hindsight all her words make sense, but in the moment they don't.
Speaker 4:Nope Dick's dad Northside. That was nope Dick's dad Northside.
Speaker 2:that was really good okay alright, daniel, you're gonna send us home here, buddy. Okay, are you ready? Yeah, let's do this ready. Here we go bud.
Speaker 3:Me.
Speaker 4:Caveman Stupid Wife.
Speaker 1:Wife.
Speaker 4:ADHD.
Speaker 1:Wife being Sean Me Like yes.
Speaker 2:I'll take it.
Speaker 3:I'll take it.
Speaker 2:It was cuckold. Cuck works.
Speaker 1:I was really going for the joke there.
Speaker 2:I did that one just for Sean and I was like me me If she would have gotten that right away when you said me.
Speaker 3:I would have lost it. I would have fucking lost it right there Just gone, yep.
Speaker 1:That would have been the episode we're done.
Speaker 2:Well, we can play this again in person.
Speaker 1:Uh, you know, in a couple of weeks, but this has been poetry for neanderthals, all right, so we're gonna make it. We're gonna go a little quicker on this next segment, um, because every so often we are actually authors and we do like to talk about books and not just whatever random things come our way.
Speaker 1:So we're gonna put on our serious author hats here for a second, and uh, we're gonna be talking a little bit about kind of genre difficulty here. What is harder to write? Romance or fantasy? Now, for the record, me and dean are both just taking a side on this. Um, just for the sake of having a good discussion and argument, I want to make it very clear. I respect the shit out of every genre, anyone who writes anything. This is not meant to belittle or, you know, degrade you guys. If you write a book, if you write some fucking sentences, you're a rockstar and a story.
Speaker 4:That was good disclaimer for the loser.
Speaker 1:Oh, well, then fine, you know what Half backward Dina, it's game on.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 1:So Dina is going to take the uh romance side of it. I'm going to take the fantasy side of it and I'm going to tell you that you know what? Anyone can write a romance novel. You don't need to be a good writer, you don't need good characters. You can just make a dick fuck a pussy and people are going to buy it.
Speaker 4:Boom. That's not true at all. Romance is looking for the emotional aspect of things, aspect of things. They're looking for the feeling and the like, the all of the senses that you have to understand from both male and female perspective. And if you just give somebody like a boom, sex, dick p word, like nobody's gonna, they're gonna see right through that that you're just writing like stupid porn that nobody's gonna buy, because people buy romance for the romance aspect. Now, fantasy is way more forgiving because you can have people forget the eye color of the main character and change it midway through and nobody gets questions because it's so much, it's such a long form of content that nobody has time to remember anything, so they just accept whatever the author gives them. And oh, hero's journey. Like I went through the mountains and I spent five chapters in there and then I came out and I was a hero because I gotta drag it like get fucked.
Speaker 1:You know, you want to know what in a fantasy novel. I've got to build my own world from scratch.
Speaker 4:I've got to create religion I've got to give it to you no, who?
Speaker 1:who gives it to me?
Speaker 4:I have to talk about the author writing it. Never mind, I was talking about the audience.
Speaker 1:No, no, no no, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I have to, I have to come up with my own world world. I have to come with my own religion. Some of these people write fucking tolkien made his whole own language out of this stuff. It is such a complex thing and these books are long. You have to plot it out. There's so many plot devices and everything has to be purely your imagination. You have nothing that you can really, you know, tie into. It takes a tremendous amount of work and especially, it takes a tremendous amount of work to do right, because you know, if someone just wants to write some D and D fanfic with elves and shit, yeah, I understand there's some built in stuff, but unlike a romance novel, it's just like hey, this is Tim, this is John, um, you know now, they're a twisted um roman, romancing, retelling of fucking beauty and the beast in a fantasy world.
Speaker 4:You, you have to be creative the whole time. You have to be creative the whole time for romance too, because you have to be able to capture your audience, make them fall in love with people from page one and literally they get emotionally invested. With fantasy. You're just reading it and enjoying the story and whatever. You have to make people get emotionally invested in other people to the point where they feel like these people are real and that these people actually have feelings. If it was easy to capture feelings on a page, then everybody would be doing it, but it's not and there's only a small amount of romance novels that are actually popular because it's so hard to make people real on page. And fantasy yeah, we all know that it's fake and fantasy and we can bend the rules of time and space and whatever. In romance it has to be a hundred percent believable.
Speaker 1:But here's the problem with romance is that it is the most saturated market. It is what everyone writes and I understand that. That's where the money is. So a lot of these authors jump into romance because they say, hey, this is where I can sell, this is where I can make money, because a romance authorship will consume, consume, consume. They don't need to be worried about all the details as long as they can get whatever. That fix is whether it's the erotic nature of it or whether, like you said, the emotional side of it, fantasy novels also have to have romance. Man, any good fantasy novel has to also get into that emotional connection. It's all character based. You can't listen If a fantasy author, if they're like Brandon Sanderson, they're writing one book a year. You could turn out four or five, six romance novels in a year, because it doesn't have to have the same quality standards that a good fantasy novel has to have.
Speaker 4:Okay, first of all, with romance, you have to not only have the emotional aspect, where people believe that these people could fall in love and they have real feelings, but then you also have all of those other elements that you've been listing about world building, about scene building. Sometimes they even have languages. With fantasy, all that you're doing is saying this little farm boy went on a journey and he had some hardship and he learned from some old guy and then he saved the village with romance. These people have to be 100 percent real. Do you know how hard it is to capture emotions on a page? If it was super easy to understand and comprehend emotions, then everybody would be married by now. But no, there's single people that can't figure it out because emotions are so hard to comprehend from both male and female perspective, to comprehend from both male and female perspective, but okay.
Speaker 1:But here's my point with this is that when you're selling a romance novel, what do they do? What are the advertisers, what's it? Say? Hey, here's this trope two. You know one bed, oh, love triangle, enemies to lovers, it is all these different things. You sell a romance novel by the trope, not the plot. The plot is relevant to romance readers. They just want to know if they have the tropes that they like and maybe an author that says something witty or tickles that fancy. They don't care about what the content is. You're not selling it on that. When I sell a fantasy novel, I have to hook you on the back page with this is what my book is about. This is why you should buy in. And yes, I understand that fantasy also uses tropes, but it is not the selling point. I'm not just looking for fantasy books that, uh, have fucking elves in it. I mean, maybe some people are, but that is not the main readership. Right, like you have to be so much more in depth the plot is the same in every single fantasy book.
Speaker 4:It's dragons. It's little farm boy gets picked as chosen one with magical powers that he discovers, or it gets a dragon and goes off to save the world because he's chosen and he doesn't want to be chosen and he's got a hero's journey and we're going to spend 15 chapters of him learning how to sword fight and then call it a day.
Speaker 1:Are you trying to give me a boner Cause? That sounds fucking awesome, all right.
Speaker 4:Cause you're simple minded and you can't comprehend the complexity of romance authors.
Speaker 1:Okay you want to know what a romance novel is. It's a cute meet, it's, we have some fun. We get to know each other, we fall in love. It is a little bit of strife, we break up and then guess what happily ever after. Right at the end, those four points are going to be in every 90 of romance books. You know how this book ends before you start. You know what you're looking for before you start. A fantasy novel can go in any direction. It can be dark, it can be gritty, it can be hopeful. It doesn't have to be boxed in with what you are allowed to do, to be writing in the genre. You have total freedom in a fantasy novel. And that makes it so much harder because you can't just paint by numbers can't just paint by numbers, okay.
Speaker 4:First of all, the hero's journey ends the same in every single fantasy novel, as well as romance novels, but also team no hea. You don't know what's gonna happen every time.
Speaker 1:You can't have a fantasy novel where your hero loses but you know what they're gonna tell you in the romance novel is hea or no hea? You'll know before that book starts.
Speaker 4:You'll know before you purchase the book did you know that nothing special was gonna end sad?
Speaker 1:no, because you're a fucking phenomenal author and you didn't fall into the same tropes as other people. Romance, that's you writing romance I'm a romance author. But what's your spy novel gonna be about, dina?
Speaker 4:I in heroes. I literally killed love interest.
Speaker 1:You literally in your own book series. In your own book series started out as romance, turned it into fantasy, turned it into a spy novel. You evolved into my genre.
Speaker 4:It's still about the romance, though. Romance can have multiple things happening at once while still focusing on the relationship of the people. What do people say when they get done after they read nothing special. The whole time that they were reading it, they were focused on james and paisley, not the hero's journey that paisley went through to discover herself and find out that she was the hero all along that we wanted. Nobody gives a shit about her growth.
Speaker 1:They only care about her and james fucking exactly, and that means that it's less hard, because as long as james and fucking paisley fuck, then guess what they're gonna like your book I'm sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry to interrupt. It actually isn't less hard, it's. It's much harder, much harder much harder.
Speaker 1:Sorry, you're right, you're right, sorry, continue I think all they've done is just prove that both are really hard, honestly honestly and and like listen guys, we had a little bit of fun with this and you know I like to get passionate, I like to argue with dina. But absolute I've talked about a thousand times on the show romance authors are so incredible. I had no idea what it was before I started the show talking to people reading these books. It takes so much skill, it takes so much talent. I think that the big takeaway is maybe it's easy, honestly, I'd say, for both genres. Maybe it's easy to write fantasy or write romance, but it's hard to write a good one and I think we're all really hard after that.
Speaker 1:You guys, it's just so fucking hard right now all right, we're gonna take off the serious author hats because, guys, I've been waiting for this story for years and, uh, you know what. We're going to take off the serious author hats because, guys, I've been waiting for this story for years and you know what we're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale.
Speaker 4:So, without further ado, it's story time with Dinosaurus. I gotta pee. Okay, hard cut, wait, hard cut. Okay, hard cut, wait.
Speaker 3:This is me for the audience Gotta go pee guys. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I had to scroll back up. We're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale. So without further ado, it's Storytime with Dinosaurus.
Speaker 4:All right, guys, this one's going to be a trigger warning, but I promise that it ends happy and we know that it ends happy. So, trigger warning miscarriage Because it's a romance.
Speaker 1:Because it's a romance. Oh fuck, that was bad timing to say that one, but fuck it.
Speaker 2:She said we know it ends happy, so and then?
Speaker 4:right, as you said, that freaking alright, we're doing great so I was super pregnant, like I think at this time I was like 7 or 8 months pregnant, right, and I got lucky in my pregnancy that I could always tie my shoes, like I was still lim. Lucky in my pregnancy that I could always tie my shoes. I was still limber in my pregnancy and I was doing everything that I could in my willpower to maintain the feeling of normalcy and I am not a person that likes body hair. I will always shave my legs and my armpits and other things amongst other things she spells her husband's name out.
Speaker 4:But yeah, continue oh my god so anyways her head too. That's a wig, yep I was bound and determined wait, wait, gotcha um. I was bound and determined to shave.
Speaker 2:You were bound at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that seems a little erotic.
Speaker 4:So I had asked my husband for help, and his solution was to get me a razor like extender that was like three feet long, but with a razor like telescoping was like three feet long but with a razor Like telescoping.
Speaker 4:Because I couldn't shave my legs, and I couldn't shave Because I couldn't see anything. So I was determined. I was like you know what I'm done? I need to shave everything. I can't handle this anymore. So I managed, but, and I didn't feel anything, but when I grabbed, like I, when I pulled up the razor, my hands was covered in blood oh, no, and I was.
Speaker 4:I was like I sat there for a second and I was like there's no way, like I didn't, I didn't feel anything, I didn't cut myself. There's no way that I could have cut myself. I would have felt it. So what is happening? So I sat there for like a solid minute, just done, trying to like gather myself and maintain my composure because whatever was happening my husband used to he was in nursing school for this. So I was like immediately, like Tim can fix this, he's gonna fix this. This is he's going to fix this. This is what's happening, because I'm not losing my child at like seven, eight months. Yeah, yeah. I was like no, whatever's going to happen, he's going to fix it.
Speaker 4:I walk out of the bathroom and I'm like trying to be super calm and he's playing video games and he has it back to me and I walk into the room with like blood running down my hand and I'm I'm butt-ass naked and I was like honey and I'm just standing there and he turns around and he's like and like immediately rips off his headset for his Xbox game, dies in the game or whatever. I was like I need you to look to see if I cut myself. I think I cut myself and I want to have cut myself, because if not, we need to go to the hospital and he was like he sat there for a second, just like I did, and he was like what the fuck do you want me to do? And I was like I just need you to look. And I was like screaming at this point like just fucking look, just look at my vagina Tim.
Speaker 4:My vagina slams to the ground, butt-ass naked, and he's like I don't know what I'm looking for. We're like spreading on the ground.
Speaker 4:We're spreading on the ground. I'm like trying not to cry, absolutely convinced that I'm about to lose my child, but I thought that I would feel it if I did. Yeah, and he has to, like, clean up my wound because I was very injured and did not know it, because I couldn't feel anything at the time and I don't know why I couldn't feel anything at the time and I don't know why I couldn't feel anything. But yeah, that's the story. So you had a nice large wound from failing to shave with your telescoping razor invention?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:At least you didn't lose your kid.
Speaker 1:We're going to take that as a win. Welcome.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Sean thoughts yeah. That's the razor that as a win. Welcome, yeah, sean thoughts. Yeah, that's the reason I thought you walked out in vagina in the last five minutes than the three years that we've been doing this I've been praying for her vagina this whole time yeah, um dina you walked out butt ass naked into your living room.
Speaker 2:You said blood was all over your hand was. Was blood not gushing down your legs?
Speaker 4:I mean, there was like a little bit of blood on my thigh. Can we be really clear about where you cut yourself?
Speaker 2:Was it in the pelvic region?
Speaker 1:Yeah, was it on the actual genitals or the surrounding area, because here's the thing I have like a pregnant-sized belly, so I too cannot see my crotch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll look for you, so there could be listen it could have been. Upper thigh it could have been. You know, there's a lot of places it could have been thigh, it could have been.
Speaker 4:You know there's a lot of places it could have been, so you know where the penis meets, like that little area where the penis and butthole have like a gap, the taint, the like same area except vagina, so like that bare space so you got you sliced your gooch all
Speaker 1:right and that's uh, and that's dina has the scars there to this day.
Speaker 2:Your reaction is completely natural and I would have reacted the same way, and I don't blame you and, by the way, this was a fucking banger story.
Speaker 4:I'm glad that we let you decide this one, because that was a fucking journey that was a journey right there that's the journey of when I thought I had a miscarriage while I was shaving oh, holy.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what is that the first story you've told us that we know, knew for when it happened, like yeah yeah well, technically I remember you telling us that the wrong car one was early on in our friendship. But we haven't told that one yet oh here's the thing I do remember you telling us that tim made a long thing for you to shave with, but you didn't tell us about any of the ensuing dangerous.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because I wanted to story time issues really funny. It's like just imagine being naked on a tile floor well, your husband has to inspect your whoosh because you might have to go to the hospital because you might be losing.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I do admire tim's like ingenuity. However, if it were me, I would have just volunteered to clean up your undercarriage for you.
Speaker 1:So yeah yeah, I would have paid someone to do it for me, for my wife, um, but like like, can you imagine, like the thoughts that went through? Like tim said, he's sitting here, he's gaming with the boys, he's talking shit to a bunch of 12 year olds playing call of duty or whatever he's playing. He's having the time of his life. Wife's just teabagging wife's teabagging yep and then suddenly it's honey, and then you turn around. Hey, my wife's naked just blood everywhere where?
Speaker 1:this is going. And then it's oh my god, my wife's panicking. Now everything's bleeding and you go from zero to 100, like that is a fucking roller coaster. That is penis sad that is.
Speaker 2:Do you have hardwood floors or carpet or like? What was the cleanup situation like?
Speaker 4:oh yeah, I have hardwood floors and um tile, marble tile in well, marble, I think, just marble in the bathroom. I don't know, my husband just redid it all and um in the bathroom and so, like not a lot, got on the hardwood, like I just regularly mop but then clean carpet for sure.
Speaker 1:So that was definitely, so definitely we can say that that was no sex penis.
Speaker 4:Sad for tim yeah, for sure, and like originally, originally I didn't know what to do, because I didn't want to get on the ground.
Speaker 2:So I just stood there and I was like I need you to I just, I just assumed that you like laid out towels in front of you like a walkway as you were walking we're gonna go to the ER yeah so yeah, so.
Speaker 4:I just stood there initially and I was like I need you to look. And he's like how the fuck do you want me to look?
Speaker 2:and then like I had to get on the ground and it was just spread eagle yeah, all right, you guys at home baby you guys at home have a have a lofty bar to live up to in choosing the next adventure that Dina tells us about. Should we? Ah well, we'll do the next poll for the last. Choose your Adventure, but, Dina, give us the new ones.
Speaker 4:Oh, like new, new. Okay, we're going to go with stuffing my bra, Um. We're going to go with stuffing my bra, Um. We're going to go with um locked in a tattoo convention, much like Chococon.
Speaker 2:Um, and the time that somebody tried to ruin my wedding, okay, but haven't we heard multiple stories about people attempting to ruin?
Speaker 4:your wedding, I mean, is this another time.
Speaker 1:Yep, wow, you got a lot of, got a lot of enemies here, bud, uh, sean, we, uh. We usually go with the most innocuous one, the one that seems the least likely to be interesting. Um, what, which one is that for you, bud?
Speaker 2:here's the thing, that's my strategy, but after the story we heard tonight, I can't help but lean towards the one that I remember hearing in multiple Choose your Adventure polls over these years, and Locked in a Convention is one I've heard more than once.
Speaker 1:You know I'm with you on that and I feel like we've got a new rule, which used to be pick the most boring sounding title, and now that hasn't really worked out for us recently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and now I think that we go with the one that's been picked over. You know, like you know, I like your logic, I'm with you on that. But you know what I like even more, sean, I like that it's time for Dina to finally shake off the cobwebs and do a little reading for us, because, you see, every week we celebrate some of the worst erotic literature in history, often selected by the Literary Review of British Literary Magazine in a segment that we call Cringy Copulation. These are real excerpts from real books, intended to be taken seriously, intended to be taken seriously. Three years I still laugh, laugh every time. This week's excerpt will be read by dina and is a nope. Yeah, we gotta delete that part. Um, sorry, this week's excerpt will be read by dina, and uh, is from the book the tobacco, the tobaccoist by robert tobacaccoist by Robert C Fowler. Jesus, what a name. Robert C Fowler is an Austrian novelist and actor. He's won over 16 awards, including the Dublin Literary Award and the man Booker International Prize.
Speaker 3:Man Booker baby.
Speaker 1:Dina slide into those DMs Get sexy. Do it for the neckbeards, Dina. Do it for our fucking beautiful neckbeards.
Speaker 4:Alright. He closed his eyes and heard himself make a gurgling sound.
Speaker 4:And as his trousers slipped down his face, all the burdens of his life stayed. He seemed to fall away from him. He had tipped back his head and faced up into. The burdens of his life stayed, seemed to fall away from him. He had tipped back his head and faced up into the darkness beneath his given In. For one blessed moment he felt as if he could understand things of this world and all their immeasurable beauty. How strange they are. He thought life and all of these things. Then he felt the nest down, fly down the board and hit the floor. The other man grabbed his piece of buttocks and brought it to his place. Come, sonny boy. He heard her whisper and said Come, sonny boy.
Speaker 1:That's exactly what did it for me.
Speaker 2:with that one, I was hoping you were were gonna do the grandma voice there, but you kind of let us down sorry, you want, you want a clean take you clean.
Speaker 1:Take the grandma voice oh man, that's hot. I mean like so that that one dina dina thoughts, because it's a little bit different than some of our own, but I feel like it's uh cringing its own way what a selfish lover.
Speaker 4:Um no, this is why would, why would he say that? Why would she say that?
Speaker 1:that's yeah, yeah, I mean little little benjamin franklin, uh, erotica, I guess, um, because he likes old ladies, um, but like the other part too is like we were talking she felt like the aggressor, so she grabbed him by his neck and this doesn't feel like a cringy copulation.
Speaker 1:Fully, though, daniel well, so like okay so a this was from a list of like ones that didn't make the finals because you know I've got to dig deep here and I'm trying to get back to our roots. But like the thing that got me was a was just like this overly purple pros of him fucking around doing nothing as she takes off his pants and then it was the sunny boy yeah. So it was the purple pros combined with the sunny boy.
Speaker 2:And I was like yeah, that you can assume she's at least 60. If she says sunny boy at least, at least minimum trousers.
Speaker 4:But it's sunny boy. Yeah, they're definitely in the same.
Speaker 2:They're like she's english and she's at least 60.
Speaker 1:come here, sunny boy, she's mrs delphi like no, that's not it that's not the one I would rather cut my vagina yeah, she would know, y'all, she would know oh shit, yep, rather cut your vagina than have that kind of sex.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what, guys? If you have thoughts on the cringy copulation, maybe you've got a suggestion. Maybe you can do this shit better than I can, I don't know. But, uh, why don't you? Uh, leave us a little voicemail because you can give us a call at 347-69-weird that's 347-699-347-699. Um man, it's been a fun episode. I, uh, I love that we're back at back at it back in the studio. Um man, I'm pumped for, uh, for everything that's to come. Hopefully you guys are enjoying the uh, the new episodes and hopefully we got some new fans out here. And if you are brand new, where can you find Dina?
Speaker 4:You can find me on threads at Dina source DMI W. You can find me on Twitter.
Speaker 1:And see if you could hold your breath that whole time.
Speaker 2:I know I had a lot left in the tank, but yeah, I was the one who cut out first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, we were. Yeah, uh, sean, where can the folks find you bud?
Speaker 2:you can find me on xcom at chaseholdu. And what you having for dinner tonight, man? I am having a big, fat girthy dick meatball sub.
Speaker 1:God damn right you are remember, always focus on the balls, dina. That's the mistake. I don't make mistakes we were talking about sandwiches. That was a cold hearted line. We were talking about sandwiches. We were talking about sandwiches, sandwiches. Calm down. Yeah, jesus christ, we're a family show. Uh, you can find me on twitter at dan q writes thing.
Speaker 2:That's dan q writes things, singular dank, as in the smell of your wet basement yeah, podcast from my mom's basement.
Speaker 1:You can also find me on threads at daniel quigley author, because I'm bad at consistency. And uh, man, hopefully you guys uh like us. Hopefully we'll see a little bit more of you. And uh, man, dina, I'm so excited for you to try sean's cooking, so I hope we, uh, we get back after this and on that note, jazz hands she's bleeding again.
Speaker 2:You guys don't make it weird. With daniel quigley, dinosaurus and sean holden. Produced and edited by me. Sean holden theme song by amaria. The song you're hearing right now is written and performed by anthony lefusi. You can rate and review this show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Good Pods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD. That's 347-699-3473.
Speaker 2:Leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode. If you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio-only version of the show. We'd also like to give a huge shout-out to our amazing Patreon supporters. Your support means the world to us. Special thanks to Shannon Bright, matthew S Rance Denton, stephen Howard, levi Burrs-Laflewitt and Thomas Staples. If you'd like to join our Patreon and get access to exclusive content for just $1 a month, head over to patreoncom. Slash dmiw. Thank you so much for listening and we love you.
Speaker 3:Don't make it weird Was that okay.
