The One at Shock-O-Con LIVE!

What if Mary Poppins and Pennywise from "It" were the same species? Join us on this unforgettable live episode of the Don't Make it Weird podcast as we speculate wildly and hilariously about this and more at Shock-O-Con in Maryland. Daniel, Dina, and our Producer Sean meet face-to-face for the first time, sharing their journey from online acquaintances to close-knit friends and co-hosts. Feel the camaraderie and enjoy spontaneous audience interactions as we kick off with laughter and excitement.

Brace yourselves for some quirky and stomach-turning moments as we dive into an unusual soda taste-testing adventure. From pickle to bacon-flavored sodas, our reactions are unfiltered and utterly hilarious. We also play a cheeky game of "Smash or Slash: Horror Edition," debating whether we'd hypothetically 'smash' or 'slash' iconic horror characters. The fun doesn't stop there as we explore our "Secret Kinks and Wedding Drama" segment, revealing some truly unexpected attractions and quirks.

Finally, get ready to laugh out loud at Daniel's hilarious childhood anecdote about a vocabulary mishap involving the word "ejaculate," and cringe along with us as we critique some of the worst erotic literature in our "Cringey Copulation" segment. This episode is packed with humor, candid confessions, and unforgettable interactions, making it an absolute must-listen. Come along for the ride and experience the magic of our first-ever live recording!

Transcript

Live Podcast at ChakaCon

Speaker 1 0:00

We're going to go live. We're just going to go live.

Speaker 2 0:02

If you touch me one more time, I'm going to Dina.

Speaker 1 0:05

Dina, I can't help that. I know you're going to fucking not tap me on the. I'm not trying to, okay. Okay, I'm just clumsy.

Speaker 2 0:11

I consent to accident.

Speaker 1 0:13

Accidental hand brushes.

Speaker 3 0:18

All right, we are live on YouTube.

Speaker 2 0:22

The one at ShakaCon live Always wanted to do that in person.

Speaker 1 0:27

I know, I know.

Speaker 2 0:30

We finally got the clickety clack.

Speaker 3 0:30

Yeah, for those that don't know, we usually do this remote because I'm in Florida and he's in Georgia, so yeah, so this is actually our first official episode that we're doing in person together, so welcome, thank you for coming.

Speaker 1 0:41

You guys are all complicit now. You guys are now part of the Don't Make a Weird Family. Yes, welcome.

Speaker 3 0:46

And everyone watching on YouTube, welcome. I'm going to post this to our Twitter really quick and we'll get started.

Speaker 2 0:56

Oh, I'll retweet it just for you. Might as well help out.

Speaker 1 0:59

We are social media all-stars. You can tell we definitely got this down to a side.

Speaker 3 1:04

Yeah, we a side, we have a job in marketing.

Speaker 1 1:05

We have a job in marketing, okay.

Speaker 3 1:11

Let's go, Daniel.

Speaker 2 1:14

Let's do it, baby.

Speaker 1 1:14

Wait, I haven't retweeted it, yet Can you wait? Oh my god, no, now people are going to be confused. You need a moment.

Speaker 2 1:17

We're live. I reposted Okay.

Speaker 1 1:20

We're good now. We're good Hard eye contact All right, we're good.

Speaker 3 1:23

Now we're good Hard eye contact. Are you adjusting the camera? Thank you, all right, daniel. All right, it's the Don't Make it Weird podcast.

Speaker 1 1:42

With your hosts, daniel and Dina Soros. Hello there and welcome to the Don't Make it Weird podcast. We are your comedy storytelling podcast for humans by humans. And oh my God, we are live right here in the heart of Harvard, the Grace Maryland, which I know I pronounced wrong at.

Speaker 1 1:56

ChacoCon. And man, I'm one of your co-hosts, daniel Quigley, and I am joined, as always, by the sensational sultry summoner of screaming sandwiches herself, dina Soros. Hi, daniel, hi Dina, we can touch you, we can touch each other. We're in person. So for those of you guys that don't know, man, we've been doing this show for almost three years and in this time, this is our first time that all three of us have ever been live in the same room together. Also, the first time that we are here with a live audience, live audience. This is amazing.

Speaker 1 2:30

Thank you guys, so much for coming and hanging out with us. Um, this has been an absolutely incredible experience being out here at shocker con. We've met so many incredible people and we've got an amazing show for you guys tonight. But before we get any further, we have a third member of our crew, the only adult in the room. That is going to be producer Sean, because, guess what? He's going down down in an earlier round and, sugar, he's going down swinging. He's another one with a trigger, a loaded Sean complex with a huge cock and screaming producer.

Speaker 3 3:00

Wow, that really got mixed up there near the end.

Speaker 1 3:02

Yeah, no, I really didn't.

Speaker 2 3:03

Can I just say that was like one of my favorite intros that you've done. Thank you, I'm making improvements. Is that what your rundown looks like on your phone all the time?

Speaker 1 3:11

Well, no, just the intros, and I've got the actual rundown that we pull.

Speaker 2 3:13

I hate that you rewrite our entire show on your phone.

Speaker 1 3:18

That's horrifying. That would be my level of laz. Absolutely so for the new folks, me and Sean have been friends since freaking middle school. I consensually objectify him at every opportunity. Not consensual, it's not Because he's my best friend and I love him, and if I can't objectify him, who can I objectify? Nobody. Yeah, that is the key here. Consent is very important to us. You as well. We've got some scary clowns here that have said I can objectify them. You, beautiful, beautiful rainbow son of a bitch, and Dina, me and Dina. For those of you guys that don't know, we met actually online in the writing community on Twitter. She had a beta reader that came out and was like hey, listen, everything you write is terrible and you're a horrible person, basically, would you say.

Speaker 2 4:08

That sums it up, dina. Yeah, my writing made her want to vomit and puke up all over the page.

Speaker 1 4:13

Yeah, and she wrote that on my manuscript. So buy it. Buy nothing special now if you would like to vomit as well, but um, you know, I, I saw this. This is before my copy five hundred dollars.

Speaker 1 4:22

five hundred dollars right now. Um, and so we saw this. We met before long for any of us got published, long before any of us did any type of writing. And I saw that post and I immediately DM her and I was like, listen, I don't know who this fucking asshole is that that's talking shit about your story. Let me read this, let me be a beta reader. And I had no idea what to expect, because she writes in a genre that's not like my main thing. And I started reading I was like my God, this is amazing. This person's an absolute psychopath for trashing this and a friendship was born.

Speaker 2 4:53

Oh, I thought you meant I was a psychopath and I was like, yes, yes, yes, that is correct.

Speaker 1 4:58

And so now we've got this weird eclectic friendship where we've got California, florida, georgia and now we're recording in fucking Maryland. So, uh, that's, that's where we're at baby.

Speaker 1 5:09

Um, and man, it's such a cool experience getting to do this with you guys. Um, so you know, we're going to try to, uh, not ramble too much so I don't miss my flight later. But, um, we've got an amazing themed party for you guys. We are going to be getting into TikTok conspiracy corner. We're going to be trying some incredibly weird and bizarre sounding sodas from our best friends at a blast from the past. Sodas and sweets. It's a professional we are.

Speaker 2 5:35

You weren't supposed to be the one that read that Cause you could have fucked that up.

Speaker 1 5:37

I definitely would have, and this is like a real person that we need to respect.

Speaker 2 5:40

Yeah, no, that was my job that we need to respect, that was my job.

Speaker 1 5:45

We're going to say it again. We're going to be hearing some of Dina's crazy life stories. We're going to let you guys pick. This is going to be a choose your own adventure. You guys get to pick which Dina story that you guys get. You also get a story from me that is a lot less curated and I apologize in advance for that. We went around earlier we asked people smash or slash with a horror movie people. We're going to be going over that and, uh, we're going to be getting weird with it, that that we want to hear some weird takes from you guys as well. And then, at the very end, for those of you guys that are, um, bad erotica connoisseurs, we have especially, uh picked, Especially picked from the UK Literary Review. We have a section called. I'm sorry for offending you, sir.

Speaker 3 6:27

People are already leaving.

Speaker 1 6:28

Already gone.

Speaker 3 6:29

They're just spilling out.

Speaker 1 6:30

They don't want the cringy copulation at all, and so we pick a great passage. The UK Literary Review does a passage every year, and we're going to read some bad erotica for you guys as well, man. So this is going to be a really fun episode. Do you know how we feel?

Speaker 2 6:44

Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 6:45

Yeah, but nothing's weird at all right. This is totally normal. Oh my God, this is just a normal day for us Follow the rundown. It's fine.

Speaker 2 6:59

You already lost your place. It's supposed to be a professional.

Speaker 1 7:02

We are very professional, sean. We do a drinking game on this show because we're alcoholics. Right, we do, we do, so we like to drink.

Speaker 3 7:09

We like to have a good time, and part of that means we play some drinking games. So one of them is called Buffalo. We are all right-handed and we're forced to drink with our offhand, which is our left hand. If you catch us drinking with our right hand, yell out Buffalo, um. And if we catch each other, we'll do the same. If you're caught in a Buffalo, you must finish your drink. Then in there, yep, um. Also, we have a series of buzzwords and phrases on the show that if, if someone says one of these things, a buzzer will sound, and that means it's time for us to take a sip of our drink.

Speaker 1 7:40

So, yeah, we want to get a little drunk with you guys. It's going to be great. But you know, but, sean, do you think that we could, like, are the showers operational here? Like, can we? Can we hop in the shower? Right now Are we going to hop in the shower. We're going to hop in the shower, we're going to get clean.

Speaker 2 7:54

There's absolutely no horseplay in the shower, but God damn it, daniel, I have a finite amount of alcohol, alcohol first buzzword I feel like the buzzer.

Speaker 3 8:04

Did you guys hear the buzzer did not? Hear the buzzer did not? Yeah, it's really quiet in the mix. Let's try this. Yeah, we got heard that a little bit more better. Yeah, okay all right.

Speaker 1 8:14

So I want to know. So this is where we're going to hop in the shower. This is shower thoughts, with dank as my nickname here. I'm'm so sorry about that, um, but I I want to say that, like okay, I had a thought the other day. There are no bad forms of pie, sean. Yes, sir, there's no such thing as a bad pie, and I mean chicken pot pie, I mean banana pudding pie, like even the inappropriate green pie. There is no bad pie. And I dare you to find bad pie Brew barb.

Speaker 3 8:47

Pumpkin.

Speaker 1 8:48

What no Pumpkin?

Speaker 2 8:49

Absolutely. How fucking dare you? Sir Pumpkin is absolutely the worst. You know what?

Speaker 1 8:57

All of you are wrong. Don't boo me, I'm right.

Speaker 2 8:59

This is like dabbing in the shower again. You're the only one that thinks that it's wrong.

Speaker 3 9:03

So Sean Frazier is in the YouTube chat and he's going to be mad because he likes pumpkin pie.

Speaker 1 9:07

Because it's the best pie. Thank you.

Speaker 3 9:10

He also said cow pies, that's a good one, that's true.

Speaker 1 9:14

Yeah, cow pies are good pies.

Speaker 2 9:15

Well, some people are into it, depends if they consent. What is wrong with rhubarb pie? Honestly, I've never had it. I just don't like the word.

Speaker 1 9:24

It's just rhubarb in general.

Speaker 2 9:26

Yeah, I don't like it Buffalo, what? Was that a buffalo who?

Speaker 3 9:30

buffaloed.

Speaker 2 9:30

Who buffaloed, oh, oh, okay, they pulled it out for themselves. I love that. Yes, let's go.

Speaker 3 9:35

I love that oh my God.

Speaker 1 9:46

We have actual audience participation in buffalo. Now you have to chug that drink. If you get buffalo, that's it. If you consent to chug and just know, yes, there we go first drink of the clown show baby love buffalo baby and I will drink to your. But yeah, he's living, he's loving life, right now, that's a good, that's a good day I mean sean, you are a pie connoisseur, you are our pie expert I absolutely am.

Speaker 2 10:03

Yeah, yeah, that's my title, okay pie expert and I feel like people can definitely hear me swallow with the nicer mics now that's what she said that's another buzzer, yeah uh.

Speaker 1 10:15

So, by the way, we are also massively inappropriate. So if you find children wandering by the haunted library, like just do, under 18 throw them out of here, just just bully. Yeah, kick them. Eat them out of here guys why do you have children?

TikTok Conspiracies and Accountability Check

Speaker 2 10:26

it says the people that all have children. We all have children. I stand by my remark yep, yep, standing by completely.

Speaker 1 10:32

Um, so you know what? Let's, let's dry off a little bit, now that I'm completely right about. Oh, I was dry the whole time. I have that. I have that effect on women. That was was holy shit, that was fucking brutal. Yeah, I'm just going to go curl up in a corner. Guys, I'm dead at this point. But you know what, now that we've toweled off, why don't we dim the lights a little bit? Put on some spooky mood music, leave your disbelief at the door. It's time for Dina's TikTok conspiracy corner.

Speaker 2 11:03

Okay, this is a good one. Oh wait, Do at the door.

Speaker 3 11:05

it's time for dina's tiktok conspiracy corner okay, this is a good one, oh wait do we have music on the live or no?

Speaker 1 11:10

is that I? I forgot something. Let's all acapella some spooky music.

Speaker 2 11:12

Oh, that's beautiful, okay, so this conspiracy theory is mary poppins, and it are the same species.

Speaker 1 11:15

What, how okay oh, I don't have any context.

Speaker 2 11:16

I don't know anything about. It is Mary Poppins and it are the same species. What, how? Okay, oh, I don't have any context. I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 3 11:28

You just saw the headline. Yeah, that's all I got. That's all I got. This is how this segment goes for the audience, for the uninitiated. She will make a very, very pointed statement with zero context, and then we react.

Speaker 1 11:39

So I mean, but like, okay, it makes sense For the record.

Speaker 2 11:42

I don't know what it is, dina loves horror. Well, I know that it's like a clown in the gutter. He's a clown. That's all that I got. I know that it's a clown in the gutter. It's an alien, Dina. Okay, well, Mary Poppins is an alien then.

Speaker 1 12:01

Okay, I mean, I can see that they both have magic powers.

Speaker 2 12:03

They're both, you know it, fly like Mary Poppins can. Oh yeah, that's so much worse.

Speaker 1 12:05

Oh my God, dina just understood her own conspiracy corner right now.

Speaker 2 12:10

No, that's so much worse. I thought that that clown just stayed in the, that the alien just stayed in the gutter.

Speaker 1 12:17

No, dude, it feeds on your fears. This shit's everywhere. I'm fucked. Yeah, you're totally fucked Absolutely.

Speaker 3 12:22

Oh no, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool cool cool.

Speaker 2 12:24

Love that, love that. Love that, love that.

Speaker 1 12:25

Yeah, and they both prey on children, depending on how you.

Speaker 2 12:29

Depending on how you look at it.

Speaker 1 12:31

yeah, yeah, I could see. All right, we're going to poll the audience.

Speaker 2 12:47

She forces kids to like that's a good one. Alright, we believe we got at least half the crowd.

Speaker 1 12:50

Clap your hands if you believe.

Speaker 2 12:51

No, oh no, alright, I'm proud of that one then.

Speaker 1 12:53

Yeah, that's a good one. No, I like that one, so I think we're going to count this one as conspiracy confirmed. I think is the move here with this one, yeah.

Speaker 2 13:01

So it's no longer a conspiracy, it's fact.

Speaker 1 13:03

Yeah, this is just fucking fact. So I'm just like preaching my new mantra yeah, this is the gospel.

Speaker 2 13:08

Yeah, it's a new cult.

Speaker 1 13:10

There we go, so listen, we've survived the TikTok conspiracy corner and now we're going to get into a little bit of a segment, a segment that we in no way stole from some of our best friends that do. You should definitely not check out Anthony and Stevie wild card and check out their comics deathless and play it again, or check out the we have issues podcast. It's our accountability segment, where we discuss Christopher Flory. I love you, baby.

Speaker 2 13:35

I'm going to miss you so much.

Speaker 1 13:36

That's another author Christopher is amazing. You guys definitely check out the Paul Dodge novels. Oh, you got the name right. I'm very bad at getting names right. I, that was a hail mary right there. But so this is an accountability segment where we hold each other accountable for going on the writing journey, seeing where we're at and, uh, what we're working on. So, uh, dina, how's the writing life going for you? Buddy? That's non-existent. Dina, you're almost your second book's almost out.

Speaker 2 14:05

Okay, yeah, like I mean I finished edits and my book is coming out September 19th, but like I haven't done anything, that's in the hands of the editors, that's not at this point.

Speaker 1 14:14

So you're you've been working on like your memoir.

Speaker 2 14:16

Like, like I, I stopped, I haven't done anything.

Speaker 1 14:21

So we're not going to be accountable today. We're just no accountability.

Speaker 2 14:23

I mean, I showed up here. That's accountability. This counts, accountability enough.

Speaker 1 14:28

Count it, that counts. And you know what? I've got my second book. So I've got Thunderstruck. That's out now. And then I'm working on my second book that's going to be coming out in May and I just got my first round of dev edits back, and now I have to go back in there and destroy every little bit beautiful piece of wording that I love that apparently might have some misogyny or might be inappropriate because I'm a fucking moron. So you know it'll be great.

Speaker 2 14:58

You skipped an entire segment and I'm a little bit offended. Which one did we skip my Neopets.

Speaker 3 15:02

Oh yeah, you didn't ask her about her Neopets. Oh my God, I'm a little bit offended.

Speaker 1 15:04

Which one did we skip my Neopets? Oh yeah, you didn't ask her about her Neopets. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. We're going to put this segment on hold. Guys, dina is a Neopet magnet, all right, not really A tycoon. Tell us about what's going on with Neopets, dina.

Speaker 2 15:15

Nothing.

Speaker 1 15:18

I just wanted to say that you skipped interest every day. I haven't collected it today, though, so it's just in its own like neopet feel.

Speaker 2 15:24

It's just like yeah, it's just like it's switching in its own waste and I like that for it.

Speaker 1 15:30

You love that, you love that for it. Yeah, oh, that's, that's incredible. Well, the good news is, guys, um, if you, if you've enjoyed hanging out with us, if you ever want to interact with us, a call. We've got our own dedicated line. We've got people around the clock manning the phones. Uh, you can give us a call at.

Speaker 2 15:51

Uh, I don't have the phone number, sean, I don't remember it's on the business card that's right in front of me is is this 347.

Speaker 1 15:58

We have this. I'm so weird. Yeah, you can give us a call at 347. Seven six, nine, nine. Weird, that's three, four, seven, six, nine, nine.

Speaker 2 16:06

Three four, seven, three you say that every single week and you don't have it memorized yeah, that's weird yeah I'm really bad at this.

Speaker 1 16:15

I should probably get my mental like faculties checked out, like I. I think that that's an important element. To have another drink? Yeah, I know I really need to go drink a little bit more. But um d for the folks at home that maybe don't know, would you consider yourself a tease? I am Tickle the Pickle. I called you because I had a problem. I'm not a fan of your podcast. It's a little redundant. Watch the wire what did you say. I said would you consider yourself a tease?

Speaker 2 16:44

Oh, I am Took out the pickle. I forgot sink pickle. I had it ready to go in my backpack.

Speaker 1 16:50

Yeah, a little sink pickle. Oh my God. We got another beer.

Speaker 2 16:53

Let's go.

Speaker 1 16:54

You are an absolute legend, sir. So we have a choose your adventure. Yeah, so we can choose our own adventure. All right. So this is where we need you guys. So we're going to give you guys three log lines of stories that dean is going to tell us later in the episode. You pick which one sounds the most uh, ridiculous and insane, and uh, we'll go from there okay, so today we can choose from uh, the time that I was in a biker gang.

Speaker 1 17:16

We can choose from gator bait or the wedding that I ruined that's some good ones, all right right, so should we do a round of applause?

Speaker 2 17:26

Like a applause meter situation or do we just want to count hands Because, like everybody, can hold up the number that they wanted?

Speaker 1 17:30

Yeah, here we go. Yeah, we'll hold the number we got wedding.

Speaker 2 17:33

Oh, that's okay, this is universal.

Speaker 3 17:38

They want to know about you ruining a wedding. Yeah, it's no other vote.

Speaker 1 17:41

That's right. Or three, it is. The people have spoken. Okay, we can do that one, all right. So we'll be coming back to that one in a second and you guys are getting a second story from me, and I'm so sorry about the title of this. We'll tell the title later yeah there's a shot.

Speaker 2 17:57

We won't say the title right this second, right this second.

Unusual Soda Tasting

Speaker 1 17:59

Yeah, it Be cool, be cool. All right, we'll come back to the title in a second. Sean, we're going to play a little game first, but do we want to get a little weird with the drinks?

Speaker 3 18:11

Yeah, let's try it. So we got given some unusual flavored sodas to try and review.

Speaker 2 18:18

From the blast from the past sodas and sweets. You can visit their booth whenever we're done here. They're right out there, so we've got yeah, what is that?

Speaker 1 18:28

soda pickle pop oh, my god pickle pop, pop the pick should we all just choose one?

Speaker 2 18:34

and try it. Are we not gonna like you want to pass it around?

Speaker 1 18:37

yeah, we're gonna pass around. We're already this close, guys.

Speaker 2 18:39

Okay and then we've got the hatch, chilies and lime I'm glad you pronounced that, because I was going to say it wrong.

Speaker 1 18:45

You're going to say Hatche, hosh, hosh.

Speaker 3 18:49

What a weird thing to mispronounce.

Speaker 2 18:52

I didn't register that it was a regular word.

Speaker 3 18:54

Yeah, it's a totally regular word. I definitely need another drink. All right, we're going to start with this. No.

Speaker 2 18:59

I don't want to start with spicy, because that could like manipulate the other flavors.

Speaker 1 19:02

Well, I think that pickle is a big theme in our show, so I think that we start with the pickle pop. Okay.

Speaker 3 19:06

Our palate might be, compromised. No matter what flavor you start with.

Speaker 1 19:10

But you know, I think you should still use the little army guy here Like this is a hefty.

Speaker 2 19:13

You can't use a bottle opener on a twist pop. That would be stupid All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 19:19

First reaction to the pickle pop this pop, this is pickle.

Speaker 2 19:29

That's a really strong odor. That's a strong odor that tastes, it tastes like sugary.

Speaker 1 19:32

This is my left hand.

Speaker 3 19:33

No, no, no, if grandpa joe's right grandpa joe's brand, old-fashioned soda pop, pickle pop flavor wait, sean, shut up.

Speaker 2 19:37

We gotta explain this. So if I drink with my left hand, I don't have to finish the drink. If I drink with my right hand, I have to finish the drink yeah, so it's always offhand.

Speaker 1 19:45

Non-dominant hand is the buffalo world. All right, sean.

Speaker 3 19:51

I actually like that. Oh shit, okay, but I'm the kind of person who will drink pickle brine from the jar.

Speaker 1 19:56

so I will too, but that was like sweet. You're an absolute fucking psychopath is very pickly aroma.

Speaker 2 20:04

Yeah, that gets it right in the nose. That's what she said.

Speaker 1 20:07

Shit Fuck. You know like the smell gets you a lot, but the actual aftertaste isn't bad it tastes like dill pickle, and it's exactly what I wanted it to taste like.

Speaker 3 20:20

Yeah, no, I'm here for it.

Speaker 1 20:21

Who's this bottle opener? Yeah, I was going to say I don't know if you have it. How's a bottle opener work?

Speaker 2 20:25

I don't drink beer.

Speaker 3 20:26

Give it to me.

Speaker 2 20:29

Thanks Sean, thanks Daddy Sean.

Speaker 1 20:31

So this is Daddy Podcast. He's the one that makes sure that we stay responsible and on point.

Speaker 2 20:34

What the fuck did you just do?

Speaker 3 20:36

I used a lighter to open the bottle.

Speaker 1 20:40

Oh my god, I thought it was like your bare hand. Just fucking rip that thing off, is this?

Speaker 3 20:44

ketchup, just brute force it.

Speaker 2 20:47

Yeah, don't think about it. This immediately hurt my stomach.

Speaker 3 20:49

Can you just drink it, dude? We have a lot to go through here.

Speaker 1 20:52

I don't care. You got manned up dina. Oh my god, you took a big sip there oh no, the aftertaste gets you.

Speaker 2 20:59

The initial is okay, the aftertaste is not good.

Speaker 1 21:01

Oh, fuck, that is a very pungent. I mean these, these sodas are absolutely no joke when we go for this no is it enough for you?

Speaker 3 21:12

let me, let me try it. Yeah, that's no for me, dog. I'm not even a ketchup fan to begin with. Oh God.

Speaker 1 21:18

Patrick Mahomes would love this shit. It's the same brand.

Speaker 3 21:21

Grandpa Joe's Old Fashioned Soda Pop. Is this the dude from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

Speaker 1 21:25

I think so, man. Yeah, this is how we're all turning. Oompa loompas. Sean, you're taking too big a swig.

Speaker 2 21:30

You're making me taste it.

Speaker 3 21:32

Dude, this tastes like cherry soda. It doesn't even taste like ketchup.

Speaker 2 21:35

Are you kidding?

Speaker 3 21:35

me. What the fuck, Sean? It's very sweet. Oh, jesus, okay, so we had bacon last time we did a taste test. It was a different brand, though. Yeah, different brand, it wasn't.

Speaker 1 21:43

Grand Joe's. I'll just pop that off right there. Yeah, go ahead and pop that shirt off Sean.

Speaker 3 21:45

How were you able to twist off the pickle flavored one, but it's the same brand.

Speaker 1 21:51

Sean it does look slide of hand like you're just fucking ripping that thing right off.

Speaker 3 21:56

All right bacon flavor. I hope it has like that, real strong greasy fat flavor.

Speaker 1 22:02

Get that Ron Swanson in there.

Speaker 3 22:06

Oh no, that's awful. It's sugar and liquid smoke flavoring. Oh, you said that last time, that's what they always do with artificial bacon flavor and it doesn't taste like bacon. Give me some goddamn bacon.

Speaker 2 22:21

That tastes like cream soda.

Speaker 3 22:23

Yeah, it has a cream soda factor to it, and then it hits you in the back with the fake smoke flavoring.

Speaker 1 22:32

Yeah, you're right, that's cream soda with smoke at the back of it. Yeah, yeah, that's weird. Yeah, all's weird. Yeah, all right, we got one last one left.

Speaker 3 22:39

One last big shot. This is Jones brand hatch, green chili and lime. Oh no, oh no.

Speaker 1 22:45

Oh, my God, Go for it.

Speaker 3 22:46

Go for it, Dina, Just send it baby, just send it.

Speaker 1 22:50

It's a special release. It says oh my God.

Speaker 2 22:53

God, so he stepped up for us. Okay, the smell is way worse than the flavor. That's good. That's also what she said.

Speaker 1 23:00

That's what she's saying, everything here, okay.

Speaker 3 23:02

It really tastes like chilies. It's not spicy, though.

Speaker 2 23:05

It's not.

Speaker 3 23:07

It kind of just tastes like regular green bell pepper.

Speaker 2 23:10

Oh yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, that's actually the most normal out of all of them.

Speaker 1 23:13

That's a good one. Okay, all right. Jones, special release man, I'm proud of you guys for that one. Oh my gosh, all right. So we got a little weird with the sodas, definitely, uh, highly recommend you guys check them out, man, check them out in the booth, check them out over here in maryland. Get some weird stuff.

Speaker 3 23:26

Who are we checking out? Uh can we? Can we see the name of the business?

Horror Character Smash or Slash Game

Speaker 2 23:30

check out blast from the past. Sodas and sweets. They're blast from the past, hdgcom.

Speaker 3 23:36

You could have read this ahead of time. I did, you did perfect.

Speaker 1 23:40

Nailed it Alright. Now we're going to get a little sexy here, guys, so we're going to use our sexy voices as we go through our next little bit right here.

Speaker 3 23:48

That's your sexy voice. Yeah, that's my sexy voice.

Speaker 2 23:50

How has your wife ever gotten pregnant?

Speaker 1 23:56

I ask myself that every single day.

Speaker 3 24:00

Not by him. We went around the con a little bit earlier with a microphone and recorded people playing a little mini version of this game called Smash or Slash Horror Edition. So we have a list of horror, iconic horror characters that we are going to ask the question smash or slash?

Speaker 1 24:26

And here's the thing, guys If you agree, definitely let's hear it, give it up. If you disagree, just boo us very loudly, because I also like being booed. So really this is a win-win for me regardless of how you guys react.

Speaker 2 24:38

That's my toe. You're stepping on.

Speaker 1 24:40

I'm sorry, I just want to play foot speed.

Speaker 3 24:44

All right, daniel, you have the list right.

Speaker 2 24:48

What is wrong with you?

Speaker 3 24:49

What just?

Speaker 2 24:50

happened? He just groped me what? No, I mean my hair.

Speaker 3 24:53

My hair. Let's be clear, that was my hair.

Speaker 1 24:55

I realized what I said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was going to say I'm canceled. Kick me the fuck out if I ever do that. Holy shit. No, daniel, whenever I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 25:04

Thank you, that was improper wording.

Speaker 3 25:06

Oh, daniel's mom is in the YouTube chat, by the way.

Speaker 1 25:08

Hi Coralie. Hi to my mom. Every time I do this show it's just a little. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 25:15

Do you mess up my hair? No, it was very gentle I love you, corley.

Speaker 1 25:22

Do you guys want to all say hi Corley on three, just so that my mom feels loved here? All right, so here we go. One, two, three, hi Corley.

Speaker 3 25:30

Oh, that was beautiful, everybody that was so beautiful.

Speaker 1 25:33

You guys are amazing. I love you all. All right, so we're. I'm going to guess I'm going to curate this one, because I've actually got the pictures here and I've got the list, but I'll show me the pictures too, because I'm not going to know anybody is. So those of you that don't know, I don't know anything about horror even though her first ever story that she wrote apparently is a fucking horror story scared to be here.

Speaker 1 25:51

She's that person that whenever, like we get gifted like horror novels from like authors and stuff that come on our show, she just puts them in her freezer because in the freezer the book she's not gonna read it. I'll love you and I'll support you, but I'm not gonna read it and that's why her at a horror convention is just the absolute fucking best right now. Alright, so the first one we've got up is Jason Voorhees you know, no pass slash.

Speaker 2 26:15

I'm sorry, I got used to it.

Speaker 1 26:16

Flash. Alright, sean. You know no pass. Oh, no, slash, slash. I'm sorry, slash.

Speaker 2 26:18

I got used to it.

Speaker 1 26:19

All right Sean. What do you think, jason Voorhees buddy.

Speaker 3 26:21

He's tall. I mean, I'm into tall dudes.

Speaker 1 26:28

Imagine he's got, like big hands, the mask stays on, though Smash. Smash. All right, you know I'm kind of with you because like he's going to move slowly.

Speaker 2 26:37

Like you know, like this is going to be a patient.

Speaker 3 26:38

Oh yeah, this is the guy that chases people at the door but like doesn't chase them but very slowly, yeah, but somehow never.

Speaker 2 26:43

No, that would annoy, me, so definitely slash.

Speaker 3 26:45

They're never able to get away from him, even though he walks very, very slowly.

Speaker 1 26:51

All right, so what?

Speaker 2 26:53

do you yes?

Speaker 1 26:54

I love it I love it all right next up, we've got michael myers, yeah, michael myers, yeah, getting right here with michael myers is that a mask, or is that his face?

Speaker 3 27:05

it's doesn't matter. It doesn't matter it matters to me oh, the mask stays on.

Speaker 1 27:09

Mask stays on slash okay, but the mask. But if the mask came off, you're like you were open-minded to it potentially smash. Yeah, okay, okay, because you don't know what he's going to be. Okay, I'm with you.

Speaker 2 27:18

He's got an interesting face shape, interesting face shape.

Speaker 3 27:21

The whole William Shatner without eyebrows, vibe is doing it for me.

Speaker 1 27:26

Yeah, I mean listen, he's a man who takes care of his hair, Like you know, Michael Myers.

Speaker 2 27:30

That's literally what I was thinking here.

Speaker 1 27:33

okay, good shape you know what I'm gonna? I'm gonna, you know, smash too, because like I feel, like he's gonna give me good hard eye contact and I hate that.

Speaker 2 27:40

I made eye contact.

Speaker 1 27:41

That's probably all he'll do before he murderates you at least I'm gonna feel special, all right, so what do we think?

Speaker 2 27:46

michael myers smasher, smasher, slash oh, we all fucking love michael myers all right now.

Speaker 1 27:51

We're gonna get a little uh, we're getting into some dangerous territory. We're gonna to go with Pinhead from the Hellraiser series Slash.

Speaker 2 27:58

I really thought I was going to have a smash in it. Wait, did I smash the last guy?

Speaker 1 28:02

No, you smashed. Yeah, you smashed the last guy Okay all right. Yeah, you said he had a nice head shape. Absolutely not. There's too much of a risk Slash. Yeah, I don't trust what how we would work that out.

Speaker 2 28:19

The boundaries wouldn't really Never mind.

Speaker 1 28:21

Yeah, that's a fair point. You know what I'm going to go slash here too. I'm a little worried about the needles. I'm very sensitive, all right. So pinhead smash or slash Smash.

Speaker 3 28:37

Oh my.

Speaker 1 28:37

God, yes, smashing. You guys are the most beautiful degenerates and I love you guys. It's incredible, it's great, all right. So up next we've got a man who's great with his hands.

Speaker 2 28:50

Freddy Krueger Slash. I can't do those hands.

Speaker 1 28:52

Can't do those hands.

Speaker 2 28:54

What if he goes hands-free?

Speaker 1 28:55

and keeps them behind his back.

Speaker 3 28:56

Can't he just take the glove off?

Speaker 1 29:00

For a minute I thought the glove was permanently attached. Is this something that he can?

Speaker 3 29:02

take off, I don't know?

Speaker 1 29:03

Yeah, who knows Freddy Krueger lore, can he take the glove off?

Speaker 3 29:07

Nobody knows. I thought it was just a glove.

Speaker 2 29:10

She thinks it's seared in there.

Speaker 1 29:12

That's what.

Speaker 2 29:12

I'm saying I can't do that. I don't know. Yeah, sean, what do?

Speaker 3 29:14

you think about it? Smash or slash it's a hard slash for me, hard slash. I'm not into pedophilia.

Speaker 1 29:24

You know what and like, I'm okay with the face, but yeah, the hands are a problem. I need to be able to be functional here, guys, so I'm going to go slash as well. What do you guys slash? Freddy Krueger she said smash. I got one girl out here. She's all about that life. I love it. I love it. Everyone has a type. Now we're going to get a little bit more normal, very healthy, functional person We've got. Why am I blanking on her name? It's Amy. Annie Nailed it. Fuck, I messed this up From Misery. Who remembers from Misery what's his name?

Speaker 2 29:58

it's that's not new though yeah uh slash. Why are you gonna slash her? I don't like what's going on there absolute slash.

Speaker 3 30:09

She just wants to take care of you she's, yeah, she's got like mommy vibes a woman, a crazed woman, to kidnap you, kidnap you and then break your fucking ankles because she doesn't like the way you finished your book.

Speaker 1 30:23

Yeah.

Speaker 3 30:24

Okay.

Speaker 1 30:25

Yeah, like that's pressure. Is that really what happens? 40-year-old story A book Pressure makes diamonds.

Speaker 3 30:31

She's a big fan of this author.

Speaker 2 30:33

Okay, oh, I got it now.

Speaker 3 30:39

She kidnaps him. Some people could be into that. She rescues him from a car accident and then makes him write his manuscript and finish it the way she likes it, under threat of violence yeah, listen, pressure creates diamonds, and I think that that's gonna make me a better author.

Speaker 1 30:50

Okay, all right guys, are we uh smash or pass in here?

Speaker 1 30:53

smash or slash sean frazier said, but she's a huge fan of reading, so they're like listen, if you're physically disfigured and supernatural, we're into it, but if you're just an obsessive fan, you know. All right, that's fair. All right, guys, now we're gonna get really fucking sexy right here. We are gonna go deadpool, smash, but, but, but, smash. Dog pool is watching, smash, smash, still smash. Yeah, this is a. This is universal. I think anyone that says no to Deadpool can just get the fuck out right now, just just fucking.

Speaker 3 31:25

It would be hard to.

Speaker 2 31:26

it'd be hard to say no to Wade I don't understand why you think that the dog watching is like the the factor here.

Speaker 3 31:31

Here's the thing, though, that dog has like a six inch long flappy tongue that never goes back and it's to his it's just like me.

Speaker 2 31:38

I don't care.

Speaker 3 31:39

No, he's a licker, but you'll see it in your periphery.

Speaker 1 31:41

Yeah, he's out there. Oh my God, light stay on. Mask is off. You got to go full topical.

Speaker 3 31:49

It's a topographical map of a?

Speaker 1 31:52

All right. So what do we think are we are, we're all universally here, we're all smashing deadpool and dogs, yeah, yeah, beautiful, all right. So the last one, and and listen, I, you guys won't be able to see it from here, but we're gonna paint a picture here because we're all authors, great with our words. I want you guys to picture producer sean.

Speaker 2 32:07

Okay don't picture. Picture to put him out of his misery as an 80s hairband metal enthusiast.

Speaker 1 32:14

We're talking long hair down here.

Speaker 3 32:16

Skin tight leather pants, shirt off, ripped abs, eighties hair band he's talking about, like Brett Michaels, but with my head on it.

Speaker 1 32:24

Yes, brett Michaels, with his head Photoshopped on top of him. Um Dino are we? Are we smashing or slashing?

Speaker 2 32:30

Slash to put him out of his misery, to get him away from you.

Speaker 1 32:34

Just protect him, thank you so? Much sean, would you smash or slash yourself, buddy? Oh boy, there's layers to that that I don't even want to. That's why I said never mind. I mean obviously hard smash here, guys. What do we think about uh 80s hair metal band producer sean, oh yeah everybody's scared to answer because he's like a real person right here.

Speaker 2 32:58

Okay but we're talking about a photoshopped version that has never existed. But it's Sean 80s hair metal band.

Speaker 3 33:05

Sean isn't real. He can't hurt you. He can't hurt you.

Speaker 1 33:10

Alright, guys, we have survived it. We found a lot about ourselves. We went on a journey together.

Speaker 2 33:16

I pretty much knew myself already.

Speaker 1 33:18

You're already there. No, I'm with you, I'm with you. So we survived, and I think that that means we are going to get after something that our show is based on. So we call Don't Make it Weird. And this started out because one of my life mottos is it's not weird if you let it be weird. And when I told that to Dina, dina then just goes well, just don't make it weird, don't make it weird. And so now we're going to talk about something that's weird, that you know maybe you find attractive, that no one else does, and you guys, any weird take that you guys have. Just shout it out. Man, we're getting weird together. Dina, do you want to kick off something that you're into? That's a little weird.

Speaker 2 33:58

I guess. So I really like veins and then also Adam's apples.

Speaker 1 34:05

Adam's apple. That's why I didn't know. I don't know why that's a thing she likes throbbing baby arms, like when he swallows.

Speaker 2 34:11

I didn't mean it like that, can we?

Speaker 3 34:14

put the brakes on with both of you right now. This is so weird. He just said throbbing baby arms.

Speaker 1 34:20

No veiny I thought he said baby arms.

Speaker 3 34:21

I was like what the fuck is he talking about?

Speaker 2 34:23

Like when Deadpool is like growing back.

Speaker 3 34:25

Oh yeah, it feels really big in this hand yeah.

Speaker 1 34:31

Yeah, I could see how misheard that is fucking weird right there? Yeah, I didn't hear that at all though, thank, I could see how misheard that is fucking weird, I didn't hear that at all though.

Speaker 2 34:38

So thank you, I just ignore you.

Speaker 3 34:38

Yeah, that's fair. Ah, that was that. That went to a wild place.

Speaker 1 34:43

I'm still, I'm still, I'm still fixated on Deadpool man. I you know what can I say?

Secret Kinks and Wedding Drama

Speaker 3 34:47

All right, so Sean what's your like weird thing think anything that anyone in particular likes. The canned answer that you've rehearsed no, I don't like. That's fair. I don't know, I, I don't, I can't really say I. I have anything that I would consider weird, because if I thought it was weird, I wouldn't like it that's fair.

Speaker 1 35:09

that's fair. You know what that? That that's an okay thing. So I guess I would say, um, and, and it follows, like with my wife is like I like, I like shy girls, like I like quiet, like you know, then when you're like at home, and then you just tell me I'm a fucking asshole, like I don't know, maybe that's my kink, like is that okay, that's?

Speaker 3 35:28

your wife.

Speaker 2 35:28

Yeah, there's a lot of layers to that, that. I find deeply unsettling.

Speaker 1 35:32

Yeah, we can peel back the layers of the potato right now.

Speaker 3 35:37

No, we can peel back the layers of the potato right now.

Speaker 1 35:38

No, we don't need to. That's why he really hates it when you do your meek voice. Yeah, I need your stern disapproval, Dina. You will always have my disapproval. I appreciate that. Thank you, you're welcome, all right, so do we have any weird things that you guys are into? It doesn't have to be like physical, attractive, all right, what?

Speaker 3 35:53

do we got what what? Any belly buttons, any belly buttons Okay.

Speaker 2 35:59

Oh, I can see it. Actually, I actually have a intro for the show at one point that I was going to do. That was like talking about how hot guys always have like a specific shaped belly button.

Speaker 1 36:11

Wow, is this a thing that I've just been unaware of this whole time?

Speaker 2 36:14

Yeah, there's like a belly button shape. Are you guys judging my belly button right now? Yeah, it's like kind of like my belly button right now. Yeah, it's like yeah, it's ovular.

Speaker 3 36:22

It's ovular.

Speaker 2 36:28

Hawkeyes always have that type of belly button.

Speaker 3 36:30

That's. This is brand new information, yeah.

Speaker 1 36:34

I am never wearing a midriff around any of you guys.

Speaker 3 36:37

Again, holy shit, it does happen quite often, more often than you'd expect.

Speaker 1 36:41

Yeah, hawkeyes have that specific belly button Is there like belly button exercises. Can I do some core workouts to?

Speaker 2 36:48

like.

Speaker 1 36:48

I think it's like genetically linked to like Either you have it or I don't.

Speaker 3 36:51

Yeah, you have it or you don't. Oh shit, yeah.

Speaker 1 36:54

All right, beyond belly buns, what else we got? Man, anyone else got like a weird thing that, oh, yes, yes, what do we got? Monsters, monsters, let's go.

Speaker 2 37:03

Monsters Like monster smut, or like what are we talking here?

Speaker 1 37:06

Like are we talking like you want like big? Like a real monster you know, take you out for a nice as long as Bigfoot can consent. That's a good fucking. As long as the cryptid can consent, we're good with it, all right. So here's the question though Werewolf or vampire? Both Great answer. Werewolf. Personally, she said both Fucking love you.

Speaker 2 37:26

She just said monster At the same time.

Speaker 3 37:29

Let's go Two monsters at the same time.

Speaker 1 37:31

Oh, we got one here, I like horns, horns, horns. I was hoping you were gonna say corn and I was gonna say I love corn too. It's got the juice you're talking about, like the noise of a horn.

Speaker 2 37:44

I thought you meant like devil horns or something, and I was like halloween is a great night for you the sound of a horn okay, like, like, are we talking like? Okay oh yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make that a joke there it is right there, the DJ horn. All right, all right.

Speaker 1 38:01

All right, we're going to get the crowd going with these fucking horns.

Speaker 2 38:04

Let's go Jeez, that's an interesting one. Yes, all right, hold on. We got another, all right.

Speaker 1 38:09

What do we got? Oh my God.

Speaker 2 38:12

Yes, is that? Yeah, that's a thing. Oh my God, I'm learning so much.

Speaker 1 38:17

Yeah, I am horribly unattractive to all of you guys. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 38:21

Can you repeat what they said for the folks?

Speaker 2 38:23

at home. Oh yeah, for the people that don't know, like um oversized canines. Yeah, so we've got.

Speaker 1 38:37

we've got loud yeah, I'm learning stuff about myself too. We're going on this journey together, man. Yeah, I love this one.

Speaker 2 38:40

We're having an awakening up here One more man.

Speaker 1 38:42

Anyone else got one more weird attractive, take here, just give us a pity one, please.

Speaker 3 38:46

Yeah, a pity one Just maybe like guys with ginger beards that are slowly graying.

Speaker 1 38:50

What is?

Speaker 3 38:50

something you're into Rance.

Speaker 2 38:53

What's something you're into? What's your secret kink?

Speaker 3 38:55

Rance Something that, oh, what an answer.

Speaker 1 39:00

Boo, this man no answer like she wasn't right next to you.

Speaker 2 39:03

Yeah, yeah, something weird. Are you even listening to the show Seth Rogen? Seth Rogen, yeah, yeah, there we go, there. It is there we go.

Speaker 1 39:17

That's what we were fishing for.

Speaker 2 39:18

He loves his Amish and they got to have the new balance. Did your wife know that before now? Yeah, I hated when we found out too. It's disturbing.

Speaker 3 39:28

The really modest clothes and then athletic shoes. That's such a. That is a weird combination.

Speaker 2 39:33

That's a weirdly specific combination, it's not even weird.

Speaker 1 39:35

That's a weirdly specific combination. It's not even weird, it's just weirdly specific.

Speaker 2 39:39

Belly buttons wasn't weirdly specific.

Speaker 3 39:43

Belly buttons is a general thing, like, but saying someone wearing this exact outfit is what I'm into.

Speaker 2 39:48

Especially new balances.

Speaker 1 39:50

Yeah, it has to be new belts, not a sponsor.

Speaker 2 39:55

But they could be.

Speaker 1 39:57

You guys could be a hundred percent, you guys could be 100, you guys could be. Well, all right guys, we got some weird takes here together. Man, we, we all, we all learned a lot about ourselves and, um, I am never gonna get over my belly button now, guys, I, uh, I've found a brand new insecurity that's been unlocked. All right, guys, so we, we've done this, we we've, we've survived the moment. So, you see, we're all Brand new insecurity that's been unlocked. All right, guys, so we've done this, we've survived the moment. So you see, we're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale.

Speaker 2 40:30

Can we all have that voice?

Speaker 3 40:34

I didn't think it was going to be.

Speaker 2 40:34

you Go ahead. This is really hot. I don't like that. You know what?

Speaker 3 40:36

to say you have the voice. I didn't think it was going to be you Go ahead. This is really hot. I don't like that. You know what to say. You have the voice. So, without further ado, it's story time with Dinosaurics Nice.

Speaker 2 40:51

Okay, so I just want to preface this story with I am no longer this person.

Speaker 3 40:58

It was a long time ago. How long ago was it?

Speaker 2 41:00

She's experienced a lot of personal growth. I think I was 18.

Speaker 3 41:03

Okay, hold on, let me see if we can hear this.

Speaker 2 41:06

Okay, yeah we're going back. We're going back. I am no longer this person and I am deeply sorry, but also not.

Speaker 3 41:14

This was like way last week, you guys.

Speaker 2 41:15

Yeah, this was like I totally changed last night. So I was friends with this girl in college and she happened to get engaged and I was super happy for her. She asked me to be. I don't remember if I was her maid of honor or just a bridesmaid Just super important though. Yeah, I was one of. I think I was her only friend in the wedding because she had family.

Speaker 2 41:40

But then, like there was me and I was the only non-family member and they had planned to get married in the middle of a semester break and they had like a week Ow, something just bit my leg. What the hell bit your leg, I don't know.

Speaker 1 41:55

Oh, we're live. This is a bad story.

Speaker 2 41:56

That really hurt.

Speaker 1 41:57

Are you okay?

Speaker 2 41:58

I'm okay, I can push through. I'm a professional. This is live studio baby. So they had planned to get married a week during like a week break or a two week break that we had between semesters because we were all doing summer school, and she had been engaged for several months at that point and I happened to get engaged and she immediately texted me after I got engaged and said you are not allowed to get married the same week, the same month or the same year.

Speaker 1 42:27

Even the same fucking year.

Speaker 2 42:28

Yes, because I had told her that I wanted to get married quickly. I didn't want a long engagement. Yeah, I didn't want a long engagement, and the only real time that we were going to have before I graduated because I had a very stringent schedule was going to be in that two-week space. I think it was a two-week space I don't remember how long colleges have between semesters and she said that I couldn't even get married within the same year, so we were immediately done.

Speaker 1 42:54

Yeah, I didn't realize that she was your director.

Speaker 2 42:55

I was super immature and petty and I decided that I was going. Something is definitely crawling on me. What is happening over?

Speaker 3 43:04

there.

Speaker 2 43:05

It feels like an ant bite.

Speaker 1 43:08

You're getting haunted right now.

Speaker 2 43:09

I decided every day that I was going to be a petty bitch and I was going to get me, yes, petty, right here.

Speaker 1 43:15

Petty bitch I was going to get me, yes, petty right here team petty bitch team low road. You guys have to understand sorry here at the don't make a weird podcast. While other people can take the high road in life, we take the fucking low road. So if you ever need someone to take the low road for you, you guys can be mature adults. We'll take the low road.

Speaker 2 43:30

All right, guys, my man sorry so um I decided yeah that I going to be the petty bitch and I was going to get married the day after her, but I was still going to be in her wedding and I don't know if I just had a lack of ability to confront somebody and be an honest, upright person. But please hold.

Speaker 1 43:52

There we go. There it is That'll help out that ant bite.

Speaker 2 43:55

But I, yeah, just dump it right on there. Um, I was gonna do everything the day after her, for everything. So my engagement party was the day after hers oh my god, um, my, and she had no idea about any of it. And my, um, what is it? Bridal shower was the day after hers. Um, my rehearsal dinner was the same night as her wedding. Oh my God, tia.

Speaker 3 44:21

I had to turn it up because they're getting loud out there, okay.

Speaker 2 44:25

And then my wedding was the day after her wedding.

Speaker 3 44:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2 44:30

And she knew nothing of it.

Speaker 2 44:31

But at one point I had gotten a new phone and this was like, but like where group chats were like kind of not really. They were kind of new in iphone world and I didn't realize that if I had texted everybody, um, that I got a new number, that if they responded to that that it would go to everybody else, oh no. So I texted everybody and I was like I got a new phone number and she was on that group that I texted and somebody sent back a request because they had lost my wedding invitation.

Speaker 1 45:02

No, not if she's about to find out she doesn't know about that wedding.

Speaker 2 45:06

So I immediately was like what the fuck is a shoe?

Speaker 1 45:10

You were like what's in your shoe?

Speaker 2 45:11

Yeah, I asked her what was in my shoe and I immediately um texted her separately from that group. Um, that was asking like to send a new wedding invitation. And I um texted her and I was like, did you get that text message? And she was like, yeah, I did. What is that about? And I was like I have no idea, maybe they just assumed that they were going to be invited because I got engaged and like, they just assumed there's a wedding and they lost.

Speaker 1 45:35

You tried to play dumb, that was your move.

Speaker 2 45:37

She believed me because I'm a good liar.

Speaker 1 45:39

Oh no, this terrifies me too.

Speaker 2 45:41

Yeah. So after that we had her like, we were like planning her engagement party and everything, and life went on as planned. She had no idea that I was doing everything the day after Might I just add. I was a phenomenal bridesmaid. You were the best. Put her first before everything. I never, like, missed out on plans. I was supportive. I helped her through everything, even though she wouldn't let me drink at her wedding. What a bitch. Yeah, I was underage, so I probably shouldn't have.

Speaker 1 46:07

Okay, that's important context. Allegedly, that's fine, allegedly.

Speaker 2 46:10

Don't underage drink guys. It drink guys. It's wrong. Um, so the night of her wedding I like left early, yeah, and was like, hey, I'm, I just don't feel good, I gotta go. Booked it to my rehearsal dinner and then didn't like text her at all until the day of my like the morning of my wedding, and I just sent her a quick text text message and I was like, hey, by the way, the way I'm getting married today, I'll see you after your honeymoon.

Speaker 1 46:37

What was her reaction? To that, so she never responded, I never heard back from her, so she ghosted from there on out.

Speaker 2 46:42

I was in every wedding picture and I know that I ruined that. So, like as an adult now that's mature I know that I ruined that for her. That really sucks and I am sorry about that. But, and that really sucks and I am sorry about that. But also don't tell me that I can't get married in the same year as you. Bitch, yeah.

Speaker 1 46:56

No, that's fair. I feel like that's a fair move right there.

Speaker 2 46:59

Yeah, I've never heard from her again.

Speaker 1 47:01

RIP. Hope she's doing well. Yeah, I bet that marriage is fine. I bet she's not totally controlling. Honestly, yeah.

Hilarious Hugging Mishaps and Classroom Stories

Speaker 3 47:11

It's just All. Hold on, hold on. Before you move on to the next story Bobo Bobo. I just want to say hi to a couple people who are live on our YouTube chat right now.

Speaker 2 47:21

Levi is there, Hi Levi.

Speaker 3 47:22

Levi Sean Frazier, we saw you. Thanks for joining us. Dude, A few of your friends from your fantasy football draft popped in to roast you for not drafting properly.

Speaker 1 47:33

I've been mailing in this draft. Man, it's not been a good draft. I'm not going to win the league this year.

Speaker 3 47:39

Our friend Rebecca Mickelson is in the chat.

Speaker 1 47:44

Hello Rebecca Becky, I give good hugs. The hug yips are gone. All right, I'm a great hugger, yeah, by the way by the way, he gave some great hugs this weekend.

Speaker 3 47:52

For those of you listening at home um daniel daniel's redeemed.

Speaker 1 47:56

Yeah, I've been, I've been practicing for a lot of years, people. So here's the thing I've always been told I'm a good hugger. But then with dina, you know, because I'm like, I'm nervous, I don't want to like offend, especially the first couple times that we met, like I didn't go all in on the hug, it was a tentative, it was a weak hug. And so now she tells me all the time I'm a terrible hugger. And and now I've got the reputation that Daniel can't give a proper fucking hug anymore. And I've been fighting this, fighting the mental battle to improve my hugging.

Speaker 3 48:20

Becky did say that Dina's hug was better.

Speaker 1 48:22

Come on, are we doing this? Let's do this. Hold on, I'm sorry, I gotta hug my guy here.

Speaker 3 48:27

We need to give a okay we're doing a live hug right here.

Speaker 1 48:29

That's a good hug. That's a good hug. It's a subpar hug.

Speaker 3 48:33

Good hugger confirmed.

Speaker 2 48:34

It's a subpar hug. A subpar hug. Hug-demption Levi says Hug-demption, Hug-demption baby he did give a good hug last night. Yeah, when we were recording an episode last night, I bared witness to the glory.

Speaker 1 48:51

Yeah, yeah, good, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I she's like hey, what's up?

Speaker 3 48:53

For those of you who don't know, daniel has to literally leave directly from here to Washington DC to catch a flight home.

Speaker 1 48:59

So I can go to work tomorrow bright and early. Love having that nine to five job, baby, all right. So I'm going to tell you guys one story quick, and this is going to be normally Dina's, our storyteller. We don't normally double up, but it's a special occasion. I've been teasing this one for a bit. I'm going to tell you guys the log line.

Speaker 3 49:16

Just stay with me Just stay with me till the end. Do you need to give a warning just for the log line?

Speaker 1 49:21

Yeah, yeah, so this is the story about the time I ejaculated in class, daniel In class, in class, all right, so now we're going to go back in time. Don't justify him with music. I was in second grade I know this isn't getting better and we had a. We're reading Huckleberry Finn.

Speaker 3 49:45

Shut the fuck up, no.

Speaker 1 49:47

Reading Huckleberry Finn.

Speaker 3 49:48

How dare you name a story I ejaculated in class and lead off with? I was in the second grade?

Speaker 2 49:54

Yes, he's Ken sticking us.

Speaker 3 49:57

He's totally Ken sticking us. He did say just stay with me. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 50:03

All right. So we had a whole thing where we had to find vocab words from the book and define them and present it in class. Obviously, Mark Twain. Some of these words have changed their definitions over the years, and so I found the word ejaculated.

Speaker 2 50:20

Is that actually? Can somebody look that up? Is that actually? No, that's a real. That's a real one.

Speaker 1 50:26

And so I didn't realize the context. So I did that I used in a sentence, turned it in I get a call home, oh, I just sentence, turned it in.

Speaker 2 50:34

I get a call home. Oh, I just remember there's a different definition for jacket.

Speaker 1 50:36

I'm so sorry go ahead and so uh, teacher calls, says, uh, calls my mom's like hey, why don't you come after after class? Right now, you know, let's talk about this and the sentence that I used was I was so happy I ejaculated. Um. For you, the actual old-timey version of that is, ejaculate was like making a loud exclamation making loud noises out of your mouth. So I technically defined the word properly and used it in a sentence.

Speaker 2 51:06

My mom laughed uncontrollably at me and let's keep in mind that his mom was like a sex therapist.

Speaker 1 51:12

Yes, my mom was a sex therapist but, yeah, so she had to explain to the teacher. No, he, he looked up the word and just didn't understand the context. So, uh, yeah, that was me ejaculating all over class and uh, embarrassing the shit out of my mom and she makes sure she tells me about it every single year. Uh, I'm a, I'm an author, baby wow, beautiful, wonderful this is I think. I think this is gonna be the moment, dina. Are you ready for magic?

Speaker 3 51:41

what's the magic that's, oh, I know it's yeah every little bit of passion, sorry guys, I have to turn this down because I know this is gonna be louder yeah, so we uh, we have a segment every year, every uh episode, called cringy copulation you have your script.

Speaker 1 51:56

Yeah, I, I do. I'm just excluding a little bit of context. We love writing, we love all of this stuff, but what we do is every week we celebrate some of the worst erotic literature in history, often selected by the literary review of British literary magazine in a segment that we call cringy copulation. These are real excerpts from real books intended to be taken seriously, and this week's excerpt will be read by Dina and is from the 2005 winner Giles Corrin, and this is the book Winkler, before we do this.

Speaker 3 52:27

This is explicit content, if that wasn't clear already, so if you're not trying to hear that right now, please feel free to.

Speaker 1 52:35

We're not going to feel bad if you don't want to hear it, but Dean's going to get sexy when you use that shower voice. He's going to get steamy and sultry. You got beaten by too many ants.

Speaker 2 52:44

Yeah, all right. And he came hard in her mouth and his dick jumped around and rattled on her teeth and he blacked out and she took his dick out of her mouth and lifted herself from his face and whipped the pillow away and he gasped and glugged at the air and he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he had ever had in there and he yelled with pain. But the yell could have been anything. And as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with nails of both hands and he shot three more times in thick stripes on her chest like a Zorro.

Speaker 1 53:35

Like fucking Zorro baby, just like Zorro. So Dina thoughts.

Speaker 2 53:43

Not everybody needs a voice.

Speaker 3 53:47

Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 53:49

And that's what I love about it is because sometimes, as an author, we sit there and we're like, oh my God, these people are so incredible, like how could I ever be a real author Because they're so good. And then you read stuff like that and we're like, oh my god, these people are so incredible, like how could I ever be a real author because they're so good. And then you read the stuff like that.

Speaker 1 53:59

You're like okay, maybe I can actually do it I could be an author like I just want to know what it was like for the editor to go and be like all right, we're going to use uh zoro as an analogy published right, yeah, that's a trad published, yeah, so an editor, a professional editor, went in there and was like accept. This is how we write. If you look up Giles Corrin quick, give us the quick. This is a legitimate author. This isn't like Chuck Tingle giving us Space Raptor porn.

Speaker 3 54:27

It's not Chuck.

Speaker 1 54:28

Tingle. Love Chuck Tingle, though Big fan. If you don't know Chuck Tingle, he's got some weird shit.

Speaker 3 54:31

Don't look him up. Giles Corrin shit man. Don't look him up. Dallas corin is a british columnist, food writer and television radio presenter. He's been a restaurant critic for the times newspaper since 2002 and was named food and drink writer of the year at the british press awards in 2005 oh, so this is food advice.

Speaker 1 54:46

Yeah, so this is the man that walks into restaurants and the entire kitchen panics because his presence is there and he can make or break them and, like Zorro, like fucking Zorro and the main guy like shoots in his own eye. That's, that's skill. Yeah, I mean, that's good aim, that's good so I mean, have you guys ever, ever been involved in Zorro? Uh, sex play, is that? Is that a normal?

Speaker 2 55:14

I don't think we should ask anybody about their personal sex play. I'm just kidding. Fuck you, dude. They didn't consent to that.

Speaker 1 55:22

No, that's fair. Yeah, we can't, that was disgusting, but yeah, man. So this has been a great little episode. Hopefully we gave you a little taste of what our podcast is about. And we got to hang out with so many guys, man, I'm telling you, shocker cons, incredible. We've met some favorite people, some friends, uh, people that will hopefully be seen in the future. Hopefully we'll see you guys in the comments on a future just erotic reads. Um, dina, you have any, any thoughts or final?

Speaker 2 55:51

Why do you always do this to me? Because you know I love putting on a smile.

Speaker 1 55:53

I don't have any final thoughts.

Speaker 2 55:54

I just I'm going with it and you didn't feed me anything. So what am I supposed?

Speaker 1 56:01

to. I'm glad to be here. What else do you want me to say that I'm handsome? No, please You're not, I need your validation.

Speaker 2 56:09

You don't need anybody's validation sweetie.

Speaker 1 56:11

But what about 80s hairband Sean?

Speaker 2 56:13

He doesn't need my validation either 80s hairband. Sean, isn't real.

Speaker 1 56:17

It's in your mind, he can't hurt you anymore. All right, guys, this has been another great episode of Don't Make it Weird Again. Follow us on all the social media accounts. You can leave us a voicemail if you had a good time. If you want to be best friends with the show, you can give us a call at 347-6999-3473. That's right. So, dina, where can the folks find you, buddy?

Speaker 2 56:39

You can find me on Wait, I got to get it right. You can find me on threads at DinosaurusDMIW, and then you can find me on Twitter at DinosaurusD. That's D, like these nuts D.

Speaker 1 56:48

Got it. And Producer Sean, where can the folks find you, buddy you can find me on Xcom at Chase Holdu. Yes, sir, and what are you having for dinner tonight, man?

Speaker 3 56:57

What are you making?

Speaker 2 56:58

us for dinner.

Speaker 3 56:59

I'm making Parmesan crusted chicken with tomato basil aioli and mashed potatoes.

Speaker 1 57:05

Sean's a fucking professional cook.

Speaker 2 57:06

Yeah, highly highly recommend that I really thought that Rance would have reacted to that.

Speaker 1 57:12

Yeah, rance gave a little lick there. So again, guys, check out all of our great friends that are out here. Check out all of our vendors. See Shannon B Wright, she's out here.

Speaker 2 57:19

Shout out to Legends of the Fog.

Speaker 1 57:21

Yes, legends of the Fog. That is the coolest haunted house thing that we've found out here in Maryland man. We've had some amazing people. And one more time, who's our soda?

Speaker 2 57:29

homies, last from the past, sodas and Sweets. Try all sweets, try all of their selections, yes, and last toy shop.

Speaker 1 57:35

That's another great friend of the show. Man love those guys and uh, you can find me on twitter at dan q writes.

Speaker 3 57:40

Nobody asked oh, it's donk, it's d-a-n-q donk but it's only writes things.

Speaker 1 57:47

Singular, because apparently I just write one thing. Uh, you can find me on threads at daniel quigley, author, same with instagram. And uh, sean, if they want to check out our show website, where can they find us?

Speaker 3 57:56

it's dmiwpodcastcom, or scan that big QR code on that big obnoxious yellow banner over there man, we love you all.

Speaker 1 58:04

Thank you guys so much for hanging out and spending time with us. You guys are the absolute best we're out of here.

Speaker 3 58:08

Jazz hands and thank you everyone on YouTube who watched at home. We love you all.

Speaker 1 58:15

We'll be back to our normally scheduled programming soon, Soon, soon soon.