A Husband Confesses And A Daughter Unlearns What She Was Taught

The emails started simple—one from a husband who swears he’s “been good,” another from a preacher’s kid who wonders if two hours of porn a day makes her an addict. But the real story emerges as we read between the lines: unspoken needs, mismatched expectations, and the quiet ways we look for attention when home stops feeling like home.

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Transcript

Letter One: She’s Not The Same

The Affair And Rationalizations

Reality Check And Fatherhood

Accountability And Next Steps

Transition To Letter Two

Letter Two: Addiction Is Real

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Yes, how's everybody doing out there today? Hopefully, y'all feel a little bit good. Sorry, I've been a little bit sick lately. But I'm trying to feel a little bit better. Oh yeah. Kind of crazy. But nevertheless, I'm back. Uh uh received some emails like where you at? Like, I've been sick, dog. Trying to get over the stupid cold, working, taking care of kids, and you know, just doing me. But you know it's all good. Hopefully, everybody's having a good day, a good week. I mean, I am, except for this dumbass weather. So, but in any event, welcome to the show. I am Icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It, here where we get letters from just random people, random people like you, random people like me. Just want a little bit of some advice if I can offer something to somebody, you know. I get more love than hate, so it's still pretty good. Still on my grind, doing it big. I was about to bust out into a rap, but you know, I just remembered I can't rap. In any event, I want to welcome y'all to the show. Um, today we're gonna do something different. Um, excuse me. We're gonna do something different um on this show today because I get some letters that are not as long. I mean, which is fine, because like I said, when you people want to email me, you have questions, I will try to answer them the best way I can and try to give you the best advice that I can. But in any event, we're gonna do two parts to this today. If we can get it done, hopefully, we'll spend 30 minutes on one and 30 minutes on the other. So, but these letters are just um well, one is coming from a young man named Eddie C. By the way, today's track is gonna be the whole soundtrack for this podcast is Katori Walker. So this is probably the only song you're gonna hear with words in it. I kinda had a good vibe to it, so I was like, huh, what the hell? Why not go with it? Uh this Katori Walker is on Spotify. So, hey, let's get into it, y'all. Excuse me. This letter is entitled, She's Not the Same. Icon, how are you? My name is Eddie C. I'm 34 years old. No, hold on, wanna let this groove a little bit. Yeah, that's I like that right there. Yeah, I like that. Any event, let's get to it. I should have put this track on at the end, but you know. I wasn't thinking. My name is Eddie C. I'm 34 years old. I have two beautiful daughters. I've been married for 10 years. And though it started out well, I feel as if my wife just kind of lost her way, and I don't know why or what I did. I've been nothing but a good I've been nothing but good to my wife and kids. Though it seems that that though it seems all was lost at times, but nevertheless, I always stayed true to my family. You see, Icon, my wife was so obsessed with her appearance. And when we started dating, and even after she had our first child, that's what me that's what attracted me to her. She always took pride in her appearance, and I have sent you a picture of her before our child was born, and eight months after our child was born. And do you see how beautiful she looked? And now, after our second child, I sent you a picture as well. She looks the same, right? Well, the last picture is the current picture, and how she just kind of let herself go. And I have done everything to keep positive and encouraging encourage her every day. I asked her if she wants to do anything, she just says, Leave me the hell alone. I honestly don't know why I didn't deserve this, but I've been trying to be a good husband to her, but it seems like it just keeps she just keeps shitting on me for no reason. I feel excuse me. We're gonna try to get through this, y'all. I'm still trying to get over this cold. I feel as if there's something going on that she isn't telling me about, but nevertheless, I've tried everything, and then it seems that I'm about to give up. But I did cheat on her a few months back. You know, you probably should have left with that first, Eddie C, cause this is just You don't know what she did, but whatever. I haven't told her about it, but I think she knows because she clearly would be more pissed off than what she is now. Does she know? Does she really know? Who knows? I got low and went to the local HD, which I'm assuming is Home Depot, unless that's code for some kind of bar, I have no idea. Now I honestly don't know what I was there to buy, but I met this young lady, she got a flat tire. It's just like she needed some help, so I offered to change her tire. We chatted for the better part of three hours, and I didn't even have my wedding ring on because again, I don't know why it even took it off. But this young lady young lady made me feel so special, and I honestly didn't think anything about it until I met up with her at a local park. Well, this shit just gets better and better. Icon, I honestly felt some type of way because I've been missing this for a long while, and I need to see if there's something that can be developed because I'm starving for attention. Icon, this girl's 29, light-skinned with curly brown hair, and oh my god, she looks like caramel. Okay. Just like caramel, huh? But I really want to make this work with my wife, but I feel like there's nothing there for me. Nothing there for me in here because she's just not talking to me about anything. I'm worried that this is definitely going to do more harm than good. So I know I'm not a bad person, but I need to tell her what I did. Look, I can we've all been there. I'm just trying to be the man, and I'm just trying to be a man, and I had a moment of weakness that I honestly didn't want to stop. So I think there's a way so I can keep. So I think there's a way that I can keep this going and continue to keep both women happy. Yeah. So I would like your advice on how I can make this work because if I play my cards right, I could possibly be happy with two women. Signed, Eddie C. Will Eddie C you lost your damn mind, you know? Really, you lost your every part of your damn mind. First off, you want to come down on your wife because she doesn't look the same. Okay, first off, again, I can't share the pictures with you, but I can tell you that his wife is very beautiful after she had the baby. It's not like she walked up to um 300 plus pounds. Um, and I think this is a problem that most men have. So, as I see her picture, she's a very beautiful young lady. Um, and the crazy thing is, his wife is light-skinned too, so I don't see what the hell is happening here. In any event, the picture that I have of her, she's a very beautiful woman. Now, before she had the baby, she was fit, she was toned, and yes, she definitely took care of herself. Now, after the fact, she had the second child, which it doesn't really seem like she let herself go because if you've been married for 10 years, and here's the crazy part when my wife, um, when she had all my kids, I could not see the weight that she had put on. I really couldn't. I don't know if I was just I was just paying more attention to my wife, but I really couldn't see the weight that she put on. So, and and I would tell me why she's very beautiful, and then it wasn't until we looked at like pictures and where she had gained so much weight than I had gained so much weight, but we really couldn't tell, you know. I was just still hyping my wife up because she's a very beautiful woman, so I didn't really see the weight, but getting back to you, Mr. Eddie C, um, you kind of screwed up. Yeah, you you screwed up, yeah. You screwed up bad. You should have left with the part where you didn't know what you did, but you cheated on your wife. Now, women have an intuition about men, they can tell, some can tell if they've been cheating on. Now, you say you've been married for the better part of 10 years, you're 34 years old, you have two beautiful daughters. Okay, you don't know what's wrong with your wife. I'm gonna go on a limb and say I don't know what's wrong with your wife neither. Maybe you guys should try like counseling or something, or getting her trying to figure out what you did wrong, or if you did anything wrong. Well, hold on, it's not the fact if you did this, you did do something wrong, you cheated on your damn wife. I mean, what the hell? Make that make sense. Then the crazy thing you asked me is that if you wanna you want to try to make both women happy, let me tell you something, boss. There's no such thing as living a double life because when you live a double life, ultimately in the end, it'll all catch up to you. Now, your wife is very beautiful. I wish I could share the picture with you guys, but as I say before, um, we don't share pictures. Hold on, give me just a second. Okay, so your wife is very beautiful, first off. And the crazy thing is the chick that you're cheating her with, she's 29. I'm not sure how old your wife is because you didn't tell me old your wife was, but I'm guessing that you guys maybe are somewhat around the same age because what attracted you to her is that you're both kind of fitness buffs. Now, again, when a woman gives birth, I don't really see the weight, and it's up to them whether they want to try to, you know, keep keep themselves going. I for the most part, this picture I'm looking at, I can't really see what the hell the issue is. You cheat on your wife for what? Maybe I don't know what's going on here because I have very limited information about this letter. This letter is not really in depth, it's just like you're wanting to write and you want my advice on how you can keep two women. There's no such thing as that. Unless you are raising a polygamous camp and y'all believe in that kind of shit. I would just say you need to go back to your wife, you need to boss up, man up, and you need to tell your wife what you did. Will she be angry? Probably, maybe, I don't know. You know, I don't know. But I don't really know what happened to your wife. Um, because for the simple fact is, there's not a lot you're sharing with me. This literally you're sharing about what you did and what you feel for this 29-year-old hot thing that you got going on with that you want to try to keep both women happy. I tell you what. Do you um, if you want to try to make both women happy, knock yourself the hell out. Because I tell you like this, it's gonna do more harm than good. Here's the other thing: you have two damn daughters. How would you feel if your daughters were at that age and they had a dude and the dude had another chick? I mean, their dude had another chick. How would you feel? You need to lead by example, man. Lead by freaking example because I have daughters, I would not even dream of doing no shit like that. I wouldn't, and let's just say it's not a good look. If you think that there's not, and it sounds like you're already giving up, but here's the thing. When I married my wife, our relationship was not perfect. Um, we got married, we got married out of high school, and our relationship wasn't perfect. I mean, but what relationship is perfect? There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Now, we've had our problems and we've had our ups and we've had our downs. We've had more good than bad, and I can accredit that to me and her being true to who we are to each other because let's face it, she cheated, I cheated. Doesn't matter who cheated first, we both cheated, but in the end we came back to each other and we did not have kids outside of the marriage. Now, we would always come back to each other, we would always say that you know we loved each other and we want to make sure our kids have a strong family background, and we did that, we did just that. We did that, we stayed true to that, and that's what we wanted to do. But whatever the hell you call yourself doing is just kind of screwed up, man. I mean, I'll be down. I mean, geez Louise, what the hell was you thinking about, son? Jesus. So I don't know why or what I could possibly say to you that's gonna make you, you know, feel that you have a chance with two women, because again, your wife is smoking hot. Um, and here's the other thing you got to figure out what you're gonna do as a man because at the end of the day, ultimately relationship is gonna it's gonna start with you and it's gonna end with you. Now, you can choose to uh be a man or you can just pull the bitch move and just not tell her, and then she'll have to find out through somebody. But I honestly would not go that way with you, my friend. I really wouldn't. But I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you that's gonna make you say that you deserve two women because my friend, the only woman you deserve is the one that you have at home. She gave you two beautiful daughters, she might be going through some emotional, some kind of chronic fatigue, she might be mentally burned out, she might be something, but it's up to you, the man of your household, to figure out what it is that's wrong with your wife. It's up to you to try to make her feel like she is just your everything. Now, what I would suggest that you do, and I would suggest you either do this probably after the fact that you tell your wife that you cheated on her, um, you need to come clean. If she decides to take you back, which maybe she will, maybe she won't. But the crazy thing is you want to try to keep both women. There's no such thing as that, my friend. There's no such thing. There's no possible way in hell that I would condone such heinous behavior to a woman that has two of your children. Like I said, I'm not perfect neither. I cheated on my wife as well. I did. I did. But we came back from that, and before she left this earth, um, we were in good standings, and I still love her to this very day, even though she's gone. But you have to be a man about this. This is what this is what I can't understand. Why if you're why why why if we're men, why do we cheat? And why do we always fear something that we know is inevitable that's gonna out ultimately happen to us any damn way? Now, you didn't say if your wife cheated because you don't really you didn't really give me anything to go off of. So I don't know what the hell you were thinking about. You didn't have your wedding ring on, you got low. What the hell does that even mean you got low? Because it just sounds like your wife is maybe going through what is that called, like postpartum depression or for pregnancy, and you know that could come, that could be that could be one of it too. But I wouldn't count your relationship out. I wouldn't give up like you want to give up because you had a fling with a 20 29-year-old chick who you think is obviously uh this is so not gonna end well for you, my friend. It really isn't. I don't think it's gonna end well for you. I really don't, but in any event, there's not a whole lot I can go by on this this letter. So this is why we're gonna break this up, and I'm gonna say be a man, and you gotta tell her. I don't know how you're gonna tell, but you gotta tell her. So upon uh him writing this letter, I did email him back because I got this letter like uh Thursday of last week, and I did email him for a follow-up because I can't spend too much time on this because it's not really a whole lot to say, because I don't know what the issue is. Only thing I can offer advice is you need to um be a man, boss up tell that you cheated on her, and if she takes you back, she takes you back. Now, and if she takes you back, I mean 10 years of marriage that's a long time. It is. I mean, I can't say any amount of time is not worth it because I'm not even sure how long you guys have been together before you got married. In any event, boss up, be a man, tell that you did it. She takes you back, you need to be kissing the ground she walks on, my friend, because your wife is not a bad. Looking wife, and that's the thing with men. I don't understand still why we men, why we cheat, why we feel like neither we gotta have why we have to prove something to ourselves is if we still have it or if we still got it. If you still had it or if you still got it, then you have it at home. You have the woman that you love at home. Again, the picture that I'm seeing that I wish I could show y'all, she is freaking beautiful. Now she's put on a few pounds, but it doesn't look like she's put on much, so clearly there's something wrong with him and not her. So, in any event, Eddie C, that's all I got for you. I appreciate a follow-up uh when you get the chance, but for right now, we're gonna move on to the next one. The next letter. And sorry, but yeah, my friend, you got some serious explaining to do. Okay, so that's all the time we're gonna take on that one because I don't really have a lot to go on, so and like I said, when you guys write these letters, um, it's up to you how much information you want to put in, but I can only go off the limited information that I have. Now, again, what you send me is what I'm gonna try to help you with. If I can help you with it, I can help with it. If I can't, I can't. But Eddie C, hit me back up, you know, tell me how that went and how all that went down and whatever. Okay, so the next letter that we're gonna get into is from Mary Kate. Yes, you heard me, Mary Kate, not the actress Mary Kate. There is a thing where there's more than one person named Mary Kate. Okay. Anyways, this letter comes from Mary Kate, and it's entitled Addiction is Real. So, let's go ahead and get into this one, shall we? Hello, Icon. My name is Mary Kate, yes, like the actress. My mom gave me that name because she loved Full House. Corny as hell, right? No, I wouldn't say it's corny. I mean, I watched Full House growing up. Well, I'm 28 years old, I'm currently living alone. I do have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Yes, I'm bisexual, but it's my life and I enjoy it. And before you ask, yes, they know about each other, and now we haven't done a threesome thing yet. I mean, how you know I wasn't even gonna ask that? I mean, whatever. But it's definitely going to happen. But that's not okay, hold on. Okay, she said it's definitely gonna happen. But that's not the reason for this email. I'm emailing because I found out that I have an addiction to porn and spending money. Well, the first addiction, the first addiction is the one that I is is on the site that I have a serious habit of spending money for I won't tell you the site, but I oftentimes feel so lonely and I don't mind it that I have to go to the site as often as I can. I do have a job, I don't have any kids, I feel that I'm just missing out on life, and I understand that you don't have any friends. So, my question is to you do you feel what I feel like being alone? And do you frequent porn sites like me? Okay, first we're gonna stop right there. Okay, I'm gonna get into letter. So, she's asking me, Do I feel alone because I don't have friends? I don't have friends because I choose not to have friends, and you have friends, you have a girlfriend and a boyfriend, but and let's be honest, I frequent porn sites 24-7. You heard me? No, I'm just joking. I'm kidding, I don't do that, and I don't do that. I mean, listen, we all look at porn. I mean, it's just sometimes it's just entertaining, it's just you know, it's whatever. Okay, so back to the letter. I know this is probably weird for you because I'm a woman. I'm sure that a man with this problem you could probably help him or point him to the right direction. Not necessarily. So I'm just asking for some advice because that is a problem that I'm having. Doesn't seem to go away on its own, and it's even worse after I have a shower or if I'm in a shower, if you know what I mean. Yes, I do know what you mean. That shower head. I'll get your mind out the gutter, no, I'm just joking. How would you cope with this if you were me? I've talked to both my girlfriend and boyfriend, they seem to think I need to go out and find a hobby. But so many things can so many things to me can be construed as sex. Icon. I wasn't always like this. My background was very strict, and my parents were from a religious growing up. My father was a church, has a church, and he's a pastor, and he and has been and has been what hold on. My parents are very religious growing up. My father has a church, he is a pastor and has been one since I was young. They really didn't talk much to me about sex or how my body changed, but over time, over time, either I can't read it, they don't have a mental block. They really didn't talk to me much about sex and how my body changes over time. Hell, this is probably why I'm the way that I am. They told me that about sex after I graduated from homeschool, they didn't want me to be exposed to the real world. I had to find out after I graduated and moved away on my own. I know I seem kind of screwed up, but this is my life. I really don't talk much to my parents except when they call around the holidays on Sundays, but I feel like they have failed me, and now I'm just trying to find out on my own and cope with this addiction that I have. So please, Icon, if you can offer some support on what I can do, I would appreciate it because I feel so alone in this world. Sign a serious sex addict. Well um, Miss Mary Kate. I had some questions for Mary Kate, and before I get to the questions, I am just simply going to say yeah. I'm assuming that she is a preach of the PK, which is a preacher's kid. She grew up in a home where her parents were like completely strict, and it's like and she was homeschooled, it's not bad, but parents have to understand when you homeschool your children, there is a whole nother world out there. You cannot keep them sheltered in this life in your home, and then when they get older, they'll lash out and they'll kind of go buck wild. Case in point, there was a girl that I dated back in high school who was not even allowed to have a boyfriend, and I did not know this until um after she had graduated, and I didn't see her till like maybe maybe five or six years later, and she really spun out of control, she really wild out. I mean, she was Lord, and she was the youngest, she had two older sisters, and her sister doing better, and I think she's doing good too, but yeah. So, what oh okay, I was like, what the hell is there's a dog, but that's the track, okay. Anyways, so here's a question that I had for Miss Mary Kate. I asked her how often do you have sex? She said four times a week, two and two. Okay, two meaning that she gets it twice from her girlfriend and twice from her boyfriend. Okay, then I asked her how often do you watch porn for about two hours or more a day. And I said, like seven days, she said more like five. Okay. And I asked her, what does she like about porn? The fact that people can just do it without being judged. Well, they kinda are, but you know, whatever. I also asked her, was she considering doing porn? She said, hell no, I don't like what the industry does to women. Okay. I asked her, can she elaborate on that? Well, the facial, the different guys, gangbangs, and just how you're just and how you're just replaceable just like that. I gotta give it to you. You are gonna be replaceable in porn because lord, it's like women are sprouting up like a dime of a dozen, aren't they? Jesus. Yeah, she says, when I was in college, I got invited to a swingers party, and I honestly thought that it involved swinging, but it's as it turns out, it's a bunch of random people in a room getting piped down. Okay, alright. So so I said, not not uh, so I said not me because that's just too many diseases. And what's worse, this was a private party where we had to sign an NDA because there were some faculty there as well. Damn. But don't worry, everybody. Hold on, this is not high school we're talking about, we're talking about college. So, but don't worry, everyone there was a legal aid, so so though it was consensual, it wasn't for me. This is crazy, isn't it? I mean, what where the hell did she even say where she lived? No, she didn't. This has gotta be something. I don't know. It's crazy, right? Any event, I asked, you mentioned spending money. What does your money go on? She said, The site. I like to watch men perform sex acts. Okay, it's not not hearing anything about sexual addicts. So I said, but you have a boyfriend, right? She said, Yes, but he's basic, he likes to just get it in and then leave. Basically, so no cuddling, no pillow talking, just hit it and quit it, right? She says, Yes. Okay, so Miss Mary Kate. I don't really think that you have an addiction, I just think that you're feeling kind of um, I think you're still exploring the world, I think you're still exploring who you are and what your sexuality is. Now, you have both male and female boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not even sure how the hell that works because that's like really weird. I've never heard that before. I mean, damn. Trying to think how that even works out. In any event. Okay, so by show of hands, how many of us watch porn? Okay, alright, got it, get it. Okay, so watching porn is not bad, it can be addictive if you let it be addicted. Now, if you say you like to watch you like to watch male sex acts, I'm assuming it's one of these other sites that you pay to play, and um you watch men perform sex acts. Not a big deal. So porn is just it's just an outlet. Um, some couples watch it together. Um, me and my late wife, we used to watch together. We just watched because it was just it's interesting. I mean, it's it's like TV, you know. I mean, they show the shit on TV, so you watch it. I mean, you and it can be uh it can be it can be good. I mean, you it just gives you ideas. I mean, it's not like you're fantasizing about doing the guy that's in the on the screen, or maybe you are, maybe you're not, I don't know. Hold on, yeah, I gotta get some of my tea. Hold on. But I don't think you really have an addiction problem. I think that your parents really sheltered you in life, and though you're not acting out as some PKs would act out, I think you're living the life that you're just trying to experiment with and just trying to see where you can go from there. But Mary Kay, you have to make a decision to see if you're going to be happy in this life. Is this life gonna be the life for you? Is this life gonna be something that you want? Excuse me. Is this gonna be something that's gonna be long term for you? Because though you don't have kids and you do work, I mean, you gotta figure out there's more to life than just sex, I guess. I don't know. And guys, forgive me, but these are these letters that I'm trying to do my best with, but I don't really have a definitive answer, so I'm gonna try to do the best that I can with these letters. So because she has a boyfriend and a girlfriend, I'm still trying to figure out how that even works, and I'm still trying to figure out, and you said you haven't done the threesome thing yet, but you're thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Well, who knows?

Clarifying Questions And Context

Is It Addiction Or Exploration

Sheltering, Identity, And Options

Emotional Needs Over Pure Sex

SPEAKER_00 35:21

But I think that I think you're just struggling with life because of what your parents have done to you, your parents have kept you sheltered, and they didn't really explain the birds and the bees to you, which is kind of odd because your father's a preacher, he's probably an old school preacher who doesn't really believe in the birds and the bees talk, um, but rather he goes and preach it and then hoping that you would get the message. So I'm assuming that you were in church every Sunday with your parents. Um, and again, I don't know where you live, but this is one of these letters that we don't have a lot of information to go off of, but I'm going to try to do the best that I can with it. So I think that you're kind of struggling in an area that you're trying to get answers to. And my suggestion is yes, you do need a hobby. Um, you say you work, that's good, but and again, I don't have friends because I don't have friends for a reason because I don't like the drama. I've tried having friends, but friends are just not for me. I can have associates, I can talk to people at work, but I can't really hang out with people because there's something about me that I don't like having friends. Now I consider and I'm not sure if I'll pay for this as I get older, but I think if I haven't paid for it now, I don't think I'm gonna pay for it. But I don't really struggle with porn, I do watch porn. Um, it's not addictive, it's just something when you you see, you just wanna like know. Like, like I was watching porn bloopers, I didn't know this thing was a thing, but porn bloopers, but and you wouldn't unbelieve how much bloopers that they have in porn. I mean, my god. I'm not gonna go into detail because pretty sure there's young people that listen to the show as well, but you know, but I don't have an addiction to porn, I just watch it because it's just something that I can watch, you know. It's like and the crazy thing is porn is so accessible these days, it's just like really out there. But now they're trying to change it where you have to verify your age and ID and all this other stuff, so they make it so not accessible for kids. But let's be real honest, anybody can get past this shit. So, but I can understand that you feel like you're missing out on life, but maybe try to do some things that's differently that's going to help you and aid you on your way towards the life that you want to live towards. Because I don't think this is gonna be your life for the rest of your life. I think you're just a young woman who is 28 years old, so you hit your late 20s, you're about to be hitting 30s real soon. By some point in time, you should know what you want out of life. If you want to keep going down this road and having um what is it, monogamous sex or whatever? Is that what they call it? I don't know. Um, a boyfriend and a girlfriend, hey, knock yourself out. I mean, you don't have any kids, so you don't really have any responsibility, but to take care of yourself. Hell, you didn't even mention if you had a dog or a cat. So, but I'm curious to see what your life is like when you're with your girlfriend. You've already said your boyfriend and like school, he just likes to hit it and quit it. There's no pillow talking, there's no cuddling, and maybe that might be something that you're missing. Maybe you might you might be missing the emotional attachment that comes with the relationship rather than just to hit it and quit it, because it sounds like you know, it doesn't sound like you guys are in a deep, committed relationship because you have the option of going back and forth between a male and a female, which again, I don't couldn't say if a male could do that and get away with it because he would probably be, but then again, there's a lot of people in the closet. I don't know, I don't get it. Anyway, back to what I was saying. But I think you're missing the emotional side of this relationship. I think that what your parents did I think that they were trying to they were hoping that you would follow the light that they're that they're in. Because it sounds like you're it sounds like you guys are all like your parents are just like really in tune as traditional parents. Like the husband has a church, she's probably the first lady of the church, had a child and said if there was other siblings, and you guys are probably just one big happy family. And that's kind of scary because as we've seen that I dated a girl that was a preacher's kid, and her father was like very strict. I mean, and I was a gentleman, like a wholehearted gentleman. I've dated two preachers' kids during my whole lifetime, and both fathers were really strict. The only thing that they liked about me is that I was I was I was very respectful. I was respectful to the women, I mean their daughters, but that didn't last because to the women that I was dating, I was just an outlet, and I was just somebody that was nice and caring and understanding. They didn't want that out of me, they wanted a thug, they wanted a a bad boy, basically, they didn't want me, and it didn't hurt my feelings, I mean, maybe in the maybe a little bit, because I thought what I was doing was just being a gentleman, and that's always been my nature was to be a gentleman. But Miss Mary K, you have to figure out what it is that you want out of this relationship, out of each relationship. Either you want to continue to go down this path, or do you want to continue to try to figure out ways to make your own self happy? Do you want to be with one person or do you want to continue to be with two people? Because being with two people, there's an emotional attachment. You didn't say if you were emotional attached to either one of them. I mean, I think that you're just exploring your sexual options in a way that can be expressed that I can't even explain it. But hey, it's what it is. I mean, if this is what you want to do, it's more power to you. But I think you're just missing the emotional side of the relationship, and I think that's something that you need to try to figure out if that's something that you want. Because let's be honest, you're 28 years old, you don't have any kids. I don't know if you plan on having kids, but in life, we all need somebody. We all want somebody to come home to, we need somebody to be there for us when we have bad days. And I know talking to your parents on the holidays and Sundays, and you said every Sunday, which leads to believe that they are really traditional parents. Really traditional. But I can't understand what you want out of this. I don't. But I think what you want and what you need is what you should go after. I think you want to be happy. I think you want to find somebody that appeases you or that appeals to your better nature. I think you want to find that happiness that you've been missing. Because, like I said, it sounds like your parents were really strict. I'm pretty sure your dad was very strict if he's a preacher, because most pastors I know kind of have to lead by example, and you know, and they rule with an iron fist. So it's not bad. I mean, let's be real honest, you didn't really spiral out of control as some PKs do, but I think that you're on this this path, and I can't really say it's a path of destruction, it's just a path that you're just trying to find yourself and who you are. What I would also challenge you to do is if you can, kind of talk to your mom by herself, not with your father around, if that is something that's allowed. Like maybe you two go out and have lunch, try to talk to her and say, Hey, I'm feeling some type of way. You know, if you have because the question I'd be to ask my parents would be like, Well, why did you guys keep me so sheltered from the world when I had to go out to the world, anyways, to figure out how to live and how to navigate this world? You guys didn't tell me that the world was gonna be like this, you guys didn't tell me that there's so much sex, porn, addiction, or whatever. Because I'm pretty sure your parents don't know that you're dating. A female and a male at the same time. Again, I'm not judging you. I'm not. It's your life. You live your life how you see fit and how you want to live your life. If this is what makes you happy, then continue to do you. But it sounds like you're not happy at all because you have a boyfriend that likes to just hit it and quit it. I mean, I'm just trying to figure out how this even works. I mean, does he come over? Do y'all even have dinner? Or do y'all just get right to the dude and just alright, I'll haul at you later next week. Same time next week? Yeah, same time next week. Alright, cool. Yeah, I'm just trying to figure that out. So, but he didn't really say much about the girl, which leads me to believe that you're not the only one in their relationship or in the relationship. I think there are other factors and other people involved in this relationship. Not on your part, but probably on your boyfriend's part. I'm not sure about the girl, but if your guy likes to come over and hit it and quit it, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I don't think you're the only one. But again, with today, the way the world is and the way that sex is, most people, I mean, there's an app for every damn thing, as I said before. You can get on an app, find somebody to hook up with, and then just go do the do, and then you're done. That's it. I don't get none of that. I I still can't do that. I don't do one night stands, I don't do bar sex, I don't do none of that. For me, it's getting to know that personal, that person emotionally, mentally, and physically, because I want to see if there's something I can provide for that person, not just my body, but my mind and anything I have to offer you. And that's what I like. That's what I like to do. Now, I know we see a lot of things in the world today that some people just like to know, yeah, man. I'm gonna hit that and I'm gonna quit it, or you know, I'm gonna pipe her down, and that's gonna be it. That's that's that's what it is. But let's be honest. Some people put on a show because that's what they need to do. But deep down inside, some of these people are really hurting. They really are, they're really hurting. And you can't tell me no different. You can't tell me that you like sleeping with a random female or random guy every night and you not feel no kind of attachment to them. Now, maybe you do, maybe you're that cold and you just don't want to feel nothing. But for me personally, no, that's not me. Clearly, that's not me. But I don't know. So, while I wish you the best, Mary Kate, I still think you need to you have a lot of soul searching to do, and I honestly challenge you to get in contact with your mother because it sounds like she may have all the answers that you're looking for, and I don't know. Well, you said your parents have been together since they were younger, so you didn't really didn't say if she came from that background too, but it sounds like they've been together for a while and that he has his church, but and I'm not saying she's not happy, but some point at some in some point at some time, some people like to say, well, this is the way I've been feeling, this is what I've been doing, and you know, maybe find out what keeps your mom going, you know, is she really happy, or is she just putting on a show? Because I can't say yes, and I can't say no. I don't know if she is, I don't know if she isn't, but you never know, you never know. So while I think that you're you're not really addicted to what I think you are addicting is because I mean let's be real honest, you watch sex for like what hold on for two hours or more a day. Well, there's 24 hours in a day, so two hours doesn't really count towards anything. That could just be because you're just randomly bored, and more like five. So there's 24 hours in a day, and you watch it like five times a day. That's not really that bad. So the fact that you're not even considering doing porn, that's that's a good thing, because not everybody has that feeling. Some people feel they can do porn because it's an easy option to get money, and what some people don't know is that people that do those kind of things it can damage, it can damage you emotionally, maybe not in the in the beginning, but in the end it can all catch up to you. So, but it's the way some people want to live their lives. So I commend you on that because you're smarter than that. The fact that there was a swinger party at a college, which is beyond me, and that you guys had to sign an NDA because the faculty was there, that is really baffling to me. But nevertheless, everybody's an adult, so that's just some weird shit. Oh my gosh, but then again, you're all adults, so you know what a swinger party is. And for those of you who don't know what a swinger party is, especially like she says it is, you're just in a room where everybody's getting piped down or having sex, you're having sex with a random person, and you can either raw dog it or you can have a protection on. I've been to a few of those and haven't participated. That's just not my thing. But I've seen it, but it's just not my thing. So I don't know. And I know people can say, Well, yeah, you did it. No, I didn't do it. Because to me, it's like something that I don't want to experience, but you know, just you know, when you see something, you're like, Oh my god, wow, this shit really does happen. Holy shit, yeah. Oh wow, yeah, but that's not something I like to get into because I mean, let's be honest. I mean, just because you see something doesn't make you want to do it. I mean, you can like watch it in real time because you can't believe the shit is happening in front of your eyes. Like, oh my god, wow, this is really happening. Holy crap! But it doesn't make me want to get involved because it's just not something that I would choose to get involved in. Because, like she said, there are diseases, and you don't really know the people that you come across that you're just banging or whatever. So it's like this movie. I forgot the name of this movie. It was Billy Bob Thornton and uh I think it was Kim Basinger, I don't know, but everybody was hooking up with somebody, and then at the end, this girl contracted haze or whatever, they didn't know what the disease was. That was back in the day, but whatever, it's what it is. So, while I commend you on that, I don't think you really have an addiction problem. I think you're just still kind of lost in trying to figure yourself out, and there's nothing wrong with that, it's nothing wrong with that. So, you just need to just take some time for yourself to try to put things back in perspective for you. You need to try to figure out what your life is going to be like because you're approaching 30, or maybe I don't know, I don't even know your birthday. But let's just say that you are approaching 30. So, is this the life that you really want for yourself? Again, I ask you, what does Mary Kate want? Do you want to keep living this life or do you just want to be happy? I mean, you can do whatever you want, you can do whatever makes you happy. I mean, it's not for me to decide, it's just for me to try to give you my opinion on it. In my opinion, is this if you want to be happy, be happy. Whatever your happiness may look like, whatever your happiness may feel like, that's what you that's what you do. It's what you do now. I would go as far as say that maybe the guy is not the one for you, but I don't really think you have daddy issues because clearly you have both sexes that you're having sexes with, but I don't really think you're having that kind of a moment. I just think you're just living a good life and you live alone, so that's something to be happy about. I mean, not the living alone part, but you don't have any kids, so you don't have any responsibility, so you gotta be saving money for something. Maybe, maybe try this, maybe take a vacation, maybe go someplace or see if your mom would want to go on a vacation with you. Maybe you two just have a mother and daughter vacation, you know, maybe sit down and talk because it sounds like you guys don't really talk as much unless it's on the holidays on the weekend or on a Sunday. So maybe just maybe you guys get together, maybe go on a little vacation, wherever that may be, um, away from your home life. I mean, whatever that may be, whether it's a church convention, whatever. Maybe just go on a little vacation and just try to have some fun with each other. Try to talk to your mom. And when you talk to your mom, don't be mad at her. Because parents can only do the best what they have, parents only try to do the best that they can do with what they have, so you don't know that this is all your mom's doing. You don't. I'm not blaming either side, but me personally, we were gonna try the homeschool route, but I wanted my kids to know what's out there in the world. Because if you shelter your kids, if you keep them sheltered away, well, eventually they're gonna get curious, and then they're gonna want to try to figure this out on their own. And when they they try to figure it out on their own, because they weren't taught it, well, they're gonna fall, they're gonna fail tremendously. They're gonna fail. So, while we try to do the best that we can with our kids, because I do the same thing, and I'm not that strict of a parent to say, well, sex is bad or sex is wrong. No, I told all my kids about sex, and I think I told them at not too much of a young age, but that they were enough to know what the internet was. So that's kind of what it is, that's kind of what you gotta look forward to, you know. Raising kids is hard work, it's even more harder when you keep them sheltered and they don't know anything. Because when they get ready to go out to the world and you think they're ready for the world, well, they have like a million and one question. It's best to teach them as they're growing up or as they see the world. Because I'm trying to figure out what the hell did you watch on TV. I mean, did you even watch TV? Because it sounds like that you were maybe an only child that was homeschooled, and I don't know. I I don't know. But in any event, Miss Mary Kate, I wish you the best of luck. Um, if you want to follow up with me, that you're more than welcome to do so. But as I said before, I would really challenge you to get in contact with your mother. Maybe you two can go out and have like a mother-daughter date or whatever, and just try to talk things over and try to figure it out. And then I would also tell her, well, you don't really have to tell her, but that's all up to you if you want to tell her. If you want to tell her the life that you've been living, um she may feel some type of way about it, she may will, maybe not. Maybe she might say that's between you and the good Lord above. Who knows? But in any event, as we get ready to close the show out, um, Mary Kate, I hope this I hope this podcast finds you in good spirits. I hope that everything's gonna be alright with you because I don't think you really have an addiction. I've seen addiction before, and this is something that's mediocre. So you're not dropping like bands on this site, you're just dropping, you said like spend money, big deal. I mean, you have a place, you're financially stable, you're financially set, you don't have any kids. So live your best life. Live your best life. Like I said, I I'm gonna continue to keep saying this. I encourage you to get in contact with your mother, speak to your mother about things, and maybe your mom can try to help you put things in perspective for you. So I think everything is going to be alright. I think you're gonna be fine. I would now this is just my opinion. I would pick, I would pick a pick a partner, pick one that's gonna make you happy. Because I I don't know, I just don't see this being as long term for you because eventually it's gonna get old, and eventually, well, it may or may not get old, it would definitely get old for me, but I don't know, that's just my opinion. So, because I mean you gotta figure out this guy is just I don't know. So, as we get ready to close this show out, I want to say thank you to my listeners. Sorry, I've been sick, um, but we're gonna be back on track. Sorry, I have a little bit of a cold still in the weather, but I thank you guys for tuning in and listening to the show. Um, this last track is uh Final Word by Katori Walker and Tori Wolf. The whole track has been Katori Walker, he's a pretty good artist. So, uh, my friends, thank you guys for joining me again. The name of the show is called Let's Talk About It. I am your host, the icon. Feel free to email me at d6mpire357 at gmail.com. You can follow me on all my social media links from TikTok, Facebook, IG, whatever threads, and also I do post, I still have old shows up on YouTube, which they're all in the links. So, as you can hear, it's getting kind of loud back here because my daughter's birthday is about to touch text about start taking place. Woohoo! House for the teenage girls, yeah. That's what I want this weekend, but whatever. Any event, let y'all groove out with this track, and uh until next time, my friends. Hey, keep it pushing.