Is An Age Gap A Red Flag Or A Bias

Your dad is 55 and he’s marrying an 18-year-old. You’re 19 and you’re furious. Now what? That’s the situation in today’s listener letter, and I don’t sugarcoat it. We get into the real reasons age-gap relationships hit a nerve, especially when divorce, loyalty, and family pride are still raw.

We talk about what actually matters legally and ethically when two adults choose to marry, and why calling the police or trying to “ruin” a wedding is less about protection and more about control. I also challenge the double standard people carry about older man younger woman couples versus older women dating younger men, and I push back on easy assumptions about immigration and “green card” motives when there’s no proof.

If you’ve ever struggled with remarriage, step-parent boundaries, or judging an age gap relationship, hit play and tell me where you land. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

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Transcript

Welcome And Listener Letters

SPEAKER_01 4:22

As everybody donuts here, we don't get started just a second here. I'll be able to buy seven today.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Yes, yes, yes. How's everybody doing out there today? Y'all doing all right thing? Yeah, I'm doing fine. Oh, I want to welcome y'all to the show.

The Letter: 55 And 18

Legal Age And Personal Autonomy

Double Standards On Age Gaps

Love Abroad And Green Card Assumptions

Don’t Sabotage The Wedding

Divorce Pain, Therapy, And Boundaries

What A Peaceful Relationship Looks Like

Closing Thoughts And Contact Info

SPEAKER_01 5:07

I am the icon, and this is Let's Talk About It. Well, we take letters from listeners who want my opinion, my advice. And I just give them the best advice I can give them. No, I'm just joking. How's everybody doing? Y'all doing alright out there? I'm good, you know. Another fun day, another fun week. Hope everybody's having a good day, a good week out there. No, I am. Ah, for some reason my volume didn't sound loud enough. Hmm. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Sounds kind of low, but whatever. We'll roll with it. In any event, I want to welcome you out to the show. As I said, my name is the icon. Um, we have a letter from a young lady who's quite pissed off with her father. As I said before, when you guys write these letters, or I try to read so much of the cuss words, but in this one I feel it's kind of warranted because she's kind of pissed off. But know for a fact I don't really read a lot of cuss words, especially when they begin with the F-word, the word fuck. Um, I don't know, maybe it's just a nasty word, but you know, I do have a younger audience that listens to the show as well, so I don't like to use so many careless cuss words if I don't have to. But in any event, um we're gonna get into it. But like I said, I hope everybody's having a good day, a good week. Uh, hopefully the weather's treating you kind. Hopefully, everything is going right in your life. If it ain't, hit me up, holler back at your boy. Let me see what I can do for you. Nah, just joke, I can't do that much. Any event, hope you guys got your vape, your tea, or whatever. Sit back, relax, and drink. Sorry if you see this little gnat. I don't know, this little gnat or something's flying around here. I'm not sure where the other thing is coming from. See on my nerves. Any event, let's get into it, shall we? So, this letter comes from uh hold on. Okay, Amy Joe. Amy Joe's from South Carolina. I guess she has an issue to pick with her dad. We'll get into the letter and we will soon discover why she has an issue with her father. Without further ado, let's get into it, shall we? Here on let's talk about it. Okay. This letter is entitled My Dumbass Daddy. Hey Icon, let me first start by saying I've never heard of your show, so I need to vent. A friend of mine said that you give out somewhat good advice, and I mean it worked for her, so hopefully you can do the same for me, but I highly doubt it. That's a good way to start a letter. Uh, so forgive me, but I'm just fucking pissed. Excuse the language. So my name is Amy Joe. I'm from South Carolina. I just turned 19. My parents have been divorced for almost five fucking years. I'm reading this in a letter in its entirety because that's the way she wrote it. Any other time I'd probably bleach this shit out and clean it up, but whatever. Let's just do it. Let's just get through it. I just found out that my dad is getting remarried in three weeks. And though I wish I could be fucking happy for him, I'm just not fucking I'm just fucking mad. The chick that he is marrying is 18. 18 years old. She will be 19 in May. Oh, and get get this. She's from Romania. How in the ever loving fuck did this happen? Did this happen? My dad is 55 years old, and the chick that he is dating is not even known to be my sister. Hell, if anything, I could be her damn big sister. What the hell? By the way, Amy Joe sounds really pissed off. Let's just get off into that. I mean, these yeah, whatever. I mean, what the hell does a guy that old seeing an 18-year-old? Okay, I must admit, she looks a bit older, but when my dad told me and showed up with her, I was like, damn. I was so damn confused. To be fair, Icon, he was the one that ended the marriage because he said my mom has too much mouth on her. And I don't fucking I don't fucking understand what he said. Why he said that because he also said that she curses too damn much. But I don't give a damn what he said. She is too damn young to be be to be marrying someone that is younger than me. And I won't be calling her mom. Hell, I don't even speak to her damn, I don't even speak her damn language. But I had a long talk with my dad, and he said that it just happened. And I said, what the hell does that even mean it just happened? He told me that they met through a mutual friend of his. And I was like, well, who in the hell would introduce you to an underage girl that can't even drink? I mean, what are they gonna have at their wedding for out for drinks? Apple juice, sparkling cider? Hmm, whatever. Hi con, me and my dad haven't always seen eye to eye on a lot of things. He said that I act exactly like my mother. And I was like, no the hell I don't. But he said the happiest time that him and my mother was when they first got married, but she cheated on him with the yoga instructor. They got back together, they had me, three other siblings. So while I'm the youngest of my siblings, I don't see the problem. Really? You don't see the problem? Because I kind of do. I mean, I just don't fucking understand how understand it. She just got her green card already, and she's going to marry my dad. I asked him if they'd be having kids, and he was like, It's none of your damn business, but since you're asking, no. Right about that, it ain't none of your damn business. Maybe I'm just concerned for him and wanted and I wanted to talk to her, but my dad was like, No, because I act like my mother. But get this, she can talk to the other siblings, but not me. I'm just trying to protect him. Okay. So I may be a bit of a hothead, but still doesn't give him the right to marry someone under the age of 21. The fact that she will definitely outlive him. And then what, she'll move on until the next one? If she already hasn't done that, Jesus, this chick is really off the chain. My dad also invited me and my other siblings to the wedding, but he lives in Arizona. He moved away, he moved far away after the divorce of my mother. But me attending is a bad idea because I think it's just selfish and unbecoming of him. At least my mom doesn't have to deal with his dumb ass anymore because it's just not fair to her. I can't believe he would do this to our family. Okay, wow. I can't begin to understand what he sees in her after he told me about how she was so caring of him, taking care of him, she cooks and cleans for him. He also told me that she has a great relationship with the other siblings. Well, not me, buddy. Icon. I want to know if you could ever do this because clearly this is wrong. He should be in jail for this shit. So I will wait. I will I will wait and who know maybe I will go to the wedding and blow his shit up for my mom because he hurt us both and that he shouldn't be happy and that she shouldn't be happy if he he shouldn't be happy if she isn't happy. Okay, so first off, I had questions for Amy Joe, but she did not respond back to the questions. Um second off, I think Amy Joe is really pissed off at her dad. Um, I don't know why she's mad. Um clearly, if he's saying you act just like your mother, damn it, you act just like your mother. Um let's be real clear about something, Amy Joe. Um this young lady is 18, she's about to be 19. She has a green card without your father. Um, the question I had for Amy Joe Um were um if they were like rich or if they had money or maybe that didn't really matter to me. Um, but I was just trying to figure out the run of this letter because when I got this letter and I was trying to read and I was trying to wait for her response, but there was no response. So um crap. Dang it. So those are the questions I asked her. Um the fact that you would be so that you're more upset than your siblings, clearly you didn't take the divorce very well. Um I think you said you were the un the youngest. Um, and let me remind you, Amy Joe, 18 is considered legal, legal to marry uh in the United States. Um, who the hell are you to become between your father and happiness? There may be an age difference that you don't like, but that's not for you to decide. I mean, damn. Girl, you are really mad at your father, and I don't understand why. If he said the happiest times when they had you, and she not to mention that she cheated on your father with a yoga instructor, which clearly I'm not sure how that's gonna fathom out because clearly, unless this is at a well, it could have been at a study. I don't know. There were so many unanswered questions in this letter that I really wanted to get Amy Jill's response, but I figured I'd just go ahead and do the letter because she's probably waiting for me. Um, Amy Joe, I think you're selfish, I think you're bitter, I think you're angry, I think you're mad at your father, but I'm trying to figure out what you're mad at him for because he's not the one that cheated. Your mother is the one who cheated. Um and I'm not even sure how long ago this was. Well, you said they've been divorced for five. Did I say five years? Uh yeah, I think I did say they're divorced. They've been divorced for five years. So that means if I wanna know old your mother is, because clearly if you are Okay. So yeah, y'all been divorced for almost five years. So five years, I'm gonna say they got divorced and you were 14. That's what I'm guessing. Because you just you just turned 19. So it's been it's been a minute. Um, so clearly you were either in middle school and but I think that you're upset with your dad because of the age difference, and I don't understand that because here's the thing why is it when a man is with a younger woman, um the man gets so much flack, but it's okay for a woman to be with a younger boy and he gets like high-fied or whatever, or he gets called a cougar. But let me explain something to you. How are you gonna put this man in jail or try to ruin this man's life because she is legal? She's about to turn 19 in May. She already has a green card. I don't understand how you could be so upset with this. I don't understand how you can be so mad because nobody's expecting you to call her mother. Um she's about to be 19. Listen. Um, the fact that he's being treated like an adult and not like a not being degraded or debased, because if he said you act like your mom, I can clearly understand that because you do a lot of cursing in this letter. And I don't really read letters like this, but I figured I'd give my audience a benefit of the doubt. I figured I'd just let it happen. So, whatever, it is what it is. Oh, girl, where do I begin? I think you're angry Um at the fact that this girl is younger. She's 18, she's from Romania. Um, she already has a green car. So I don't see it's not like she's your dad's meal. I mean, she's your she's a you know what I'm trying to say, she's not a meal ticket. So it's not like she's trying to get something from your dad if she already has a green car. Clearly there's something there that she sees in him and that he sees in her. Yes, the age difference is a huge thing, and the crazy thing you said she's going to outlive him. I mean, that's kind of a that's kind of a screwdriver thing to say. Why would you even say that? The only thing I can say is that if your dad is happy, let this man be happy. I mean, and then you asked if they were gonna have kids. What business of yours? I mean, if he took care of you and the other siblings, because clearly you don't give me no indication that there was some kind of neglect on his part, he just got up in marriage because he thought it was kind of volatile. I mean, your mother cheated on him, she took him back, well, he took her back, and then they had you. I think that's what I was reading, right? So, what difference does it make of the age? It's not like she's 16 or she's 17. Then I could probably see a little problem with that. Maybe 17, 16, I could definitely see a problem with, but you have to understand in this day and age, love kinda happens, it happens to, and you gotta understand that okay, she's from Romania, so clearly if she's here working, she's probably met a few men that she didn't kind of had click with, or maybe they were in it for the sex, or because she had an accent. I mean, she you didn't say she had any kids, so I'm trying to figure out why the hell you're so mad at your father. When clearly the person that ruined that may have had some played some part in your life and ruining your life was clearly your mother. I don't want to place blame on your mom, but it sounds like you guys took this man for a real ringer so bad that he moved across on the west side to get away from your ass. Because you don't say anything about your mother, and if your mother's angry, it sounds like you're being her cheerleading and you're trying to sabotage this thing before it even gets started. Why would you even want to do that? I mean, who would who who want to ruin something like that? I mean, just be happy for your your be happy for your dad. I mean God willing he lives a long good life. I mean, just because you're 55 don't mean nothing. I'm 48. Do I look 48? No, I don't. I don't look 48, but I am 48. But and you were wanting to know if this would ever happen to me. Listen, if if love was there, I would probably maybe probably maybe, I don't know. Because if the love is there, then why wouldn't it? I mean, listen, let's be real clear about something. So she's not from this country. We all know, and I'm not there's no shade to nobody in the nobody listening to my show or no other women in the US. But we know that there are some 18-year-olds in the U.S. that are not so mature. But when we go to other countries, or when men go to other countries, they can find somebody who is so mature that the age thing is just not not even plain into fact because they're so mature about what they do and what and how they carry themselves that it just happens. And when you find somebody like that, you gotta kind of stick with them. And if who knows if it's gonna work out, you should be rooting for them to see if it's going to work out. If it works out, it works out. Nobody's saying you have to call her mom because clearly you still live in South Carolina and your dad lives in Arizona. You didn't really say where the other kids or the other siblings are at, but I'm guessing if they talk to her, then they have a good relationship with her and a good relationship with your dad. You sound like you're the only one who's bitter and angry over this. Clearly, I would invite the rest of the siblings to either email me or message me to tell me how they feel. But if you say that they he's invited them to the wedding, then clearly they don't see a problem with it. She's 18, she's a legal adult, and she can marry the partner of her choosing. So what if she chose your dad? I mean, hell, when Hugh Hefner um had Playboy Bunnies or God forbid, oh Jesus, I'm not trying to get into this man's life right now. But I think you're really angry at the wrong person. I think if anything, you should be happy. I think if you're trying to go to his wedding and blow it up, I think it's gonna only blackfire on you. Because if your mom is not over it, which she should be by now. Um, clearly, you're the only one that's taking this divorce like really hard. This has been almost five years ago. How mad are you gonna be at your dad? Let this shit go. Let him live his life. You live your life, you live, he lives his life. If you're not that close with him because you don't see eye-eye on things, well, I wonder why you don't see eye-eye on things. One, you do have kind of a bad mouth. Jesus. I mean, having a person like this since my late wife passed away and she was half Italian. But and if the love is there, the love is there. So if she wants to be happy with your dad, I think that you should let that play and let them be happy. I still don't understand what you're so angry about. This kind of stuff happens every day. Yeah, we don't really expect it to happen to well, I'm not really saying it's it's a bad thing, it's not really a bad thing. It's two people in love, the age difference is just there, and if she looks older than what her age is, so be it. I mean, they're gonna be happy either way, with or without you. So I think what you should do is just kind of take a step back, let him have his happiness. Because it seems like you and your mom, his late his ex-wife, have been sucking the life out of him, and I'm not understanding why that's even possible. How that's even possible. Because it sounds like when he the divorce was probably the second best thing that's happened to him, his kids were well, probably the third best thing, because him getting married was probably the first, and having kids is the second, then the third was probably leaving leaving your mother. I mean, Jesus. You know, I have another letter like this, but this is it's the exact opposite. But I would say to your dad that if he's gonna be happy, let him be happy. There's no point of just trying to go in and trying to sabotage somebody's happiness. Because when you sabotage somebody's happiness, then karma always finds its way back to you. When it finds its way back to you, then you're left stuck like, Well, what did I even do? I can tell you what the hell you did. You're trying to come between two people that are happy. Yes, the age difference is a huge factor to you, but it's not a huge factor to me because when I was coming up, I seen this shit before. I seen there was a girl I knew, and she had just turned 18. Now, over here, back in our day, when you turned 18, or not trying to be funny and rude, but she was white, and as I seen from most white folks when I grew up in my day, they were like 16 or 17, and they were having kids, they started smoking, and then they got married. Okay, big deal. But I've shared this story before. I seen this girl, she was very beautiful. I thought nothing was wrong with her, but she married this guy who was older, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. I was like, why the hell is she even with this guy? This guy's a complete asshole. This is when we were at the Bowling Alley, and he would come in and you know, she'd be with her friends, he'd be like, It's time for you to go. I mean, this dude is like, I don't know. I'm trying to figure out what he looks who he looked like that I can compare him to, but he was an older gentleman, you know. Back then, white men went a lot bald than they did today, and they weren't so okay. So when they look they look 50, but they're actually 45, or they look 60 and they look 45. So, and that's what the and that's what I took it as. And when I seen these guys, like I was like, who is this guy? He's like, Oh, that's my husband. Like, dude, you got married? I was like, Yeah. I was like, but you're 18. She's like, Yeah, but I love him, and he's and they didn't have any kids, and he had no kids. I just couldn't figure out for the life of me why these two were married, but whatever. That wasn't for me to say, it wasn't for me to judge. She's 18, it's legal. There's no rules or no laws that says that you cannot marry anybody that's 18. That goes for the whole United States. Now, again, I would have had a huge issue if you would have started to set off, oh, she's 16, going on 17. Then I'd be like, uh, yeah, that's kind of suspect to me. That's kind of suspect. But they met through a mutual friend, um, they kind of talked, they hit it off, and now they're gonna get married. I'm not sure how long they were together because you didn't say how long they were together. But clearly, your dad, I don't think he starved for affection, but I think he wants to be happy in the time that he has left on this earth. And who are you to stand in that way of him to be happy? Who are you to say who he can and can't date? I mean, yes, you are older than her. Okay, but not by a lot. Hold on. I just turned 19. Okay, well, you're somewhat of the same age, somewhat, but still, I mean, this kind of shit happens, it's what it is. You can either accept it, you can be angry, or you can just stay the hell out of the way. That's all you gotta do. So, my advice to you, by the way, yeah, I know you don't listen to my show, but hopefully you this this podcast finds you in good taste. You need to grow the hell up, find your own happiness, be happy with that, find somebody that makes you happy. If you don't want a relationship with your father, don't have one because he has the other three siblings that have his back. And for you to be this bitter and angry is just so unbecoming of you, okay. I don't know what the hell that means, unbecoming. Just heard that word. Hang on, y'all. Y'all know I gotta get something to drink. Jeez. Uh uh, hold on. Having all kind of technical difficulties today. But the fact of the matter is this. If you go to this wedding, you should go there to be happy and support what your dad is doing. Um, there shouldn't be no, you shouldn't be there for your mother, you should be there for you. Because if you go there for your mother and you want to cause a scene, I can tell you who's gonna be the one that's gonna be getting left out. That's gonna be you. It's gonna either end up bad for you or it end up good for you. And I would hope that you would find something, some kind of compassion in your heart to say, well, he's happy. Let him be happy. You didn't say if he was sick, you didn't say if he was dying, he just wants to be left alone, he wants to be happy. If he's not gonna have any other kids, which he said he wasn't, then hey, then clearly she doesn't want kids, or it doesn't matter. What the hell I'm even talking about this for because it doesn't matter. What matters is that two people are gonna be happy, and if you can't let them be happy, then just stay the hell out of their way, stay out of their way, and you continue to focus on you. But something tells them you're not gonna focus on you, you're gonna focus on your father and his underage or his underage, I don't want to say underage, his 18 or 19-year-old wife. That's not uncommon. I mean, if you see TV, if you see the world, men get married to young women all the time. It's not a big deal. Now, again, it'd be a huge issue if she was very underage, but she's clearly she's not. She's about to be 19. Wait, you said that in May? Yeah, 19 in May. This year? Okay, so that's this year. So clearly, you can have all the issues and take all the issue you want with this, but the fact of the matter is he's gonna be happy with or without you. Um, if you don't, I mean, I can't really say if you want a relationship with this woman because you're on the other side of the world of the US, and he's on the other side of the of the US. And if the other kids have a good relationship, well, I don't think your opinion or anything is gonna count because he probably has the acceptance of the other three siblings. Is it three? I don't know. Shit. I'm just trying to stay focused here because I clearly think what you're doing is just being selfish. I think you're being selfish, I think you're being disrespectful, and I really want to hear from the rest of your family if that's even possible. You know, I really want to hear from your siblings to say, well, you know, we think what dad's doing, though she's a bit young, but he's happy, and that's all that matters. Being happy, listen, finding love at that age is very difficult, and I'm not even sure, and if it's something that just happened, then it's something that just happened, you know, because you know, as I said, when my wife died, um I tried to find love over here, but I couldn't find love over here, so I found love in the Philippines. And why is that? I don't know. I don't know, but the difference between my situation and his situation is that his girl is already here, she already has a green card, so it's not like she's using him to get a green card. So you can't even put that on the plate or on the table and say, well, he's using her to get a green card. No, he's not. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she really just loves him because it's him? So it sounds like your your childhood wasn't bad, except that they got a divorce when you were probably in high school, maybe, high school, middle school, I don't know. But I just don't understand what you're so mad at because it's not the way to go and it's not the way to be. If you're going to you can like I said before, you can either be happy for him or you can just get the hell out the way. So I hope you didn't do anything stupid like try to call the cops or whatever, because I'm pretty sure the cops are gonna tell you, well, ma'am, 18 is legal. It's legal in the US, it's legal anywhere in the US. So you're just being vindictive, you're being spiteful, you're being upset, you're being hurt. Maybe try some counseling, maybe try some therapy to figure out where this anger came from. I know exactly where the anger came from, but you have to be the one to deal with it. Because if you're not gonna deal with it, and you're gonna be angry all your life. I don't understand why people hold on to okay, so let me say like this. When parents get divorced, depending on what kind of divorce it is, you know, it can definitely be a blow to the children, or it can just hurt the family in general. It sounds like your dad was much more hurt than anything because he took this woman back after she cheated on with the yoga instructor. I'm not sure why we have to keep saying the yoga instructor, but whatever. But he took her, he he took her back. So I'm assuming that this was kind of young because you were 14. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so he took her back, and he tried to make it work. Somewhere along the lines, there just wasn't something, it's just something wasn't there. And men these days want a relationship that is healthy, that is um, I want to say kind, and that is nurturing, that is loving. They don't want all this drama, all this drama just brings in added problems, extra problems. Nobody wants that shit anymore. We want to be happy, we want to live a good life, and we want to stay drama-free. Now, I know being married, you're not gonna always be drama-free. I understand that, I get that. You're gonna have some disagreements, you're gonna have some arguments, but the fact of the matter is this if you wake up and you argue with your spouse like maybe three times a four, let's say four times a week, and you're not sure what you're arguing about. I mean, that kind of gets redundant. It's redundant, it's stupid, it's adjective, it's at it's it's just it's just I mean, I wouldn't want that from anybody. I mean, it's just crazy. This is why I don't have friends. This is exactly why I don't have friends. Friends bring in drama, but if you're in a relationship with somebody, that brings in more drama. Listen, my late wife, God rest her soul, was the life of my was the love of my life, and though we've had we were married for 26 years, and I would say 23 of those years were the best years ever. They were because she gave me six beautiful kids, um, and the other three years was spent either arguing, fighting, we left each other, we went to go see other people, and it didn't work out. But I understand that everybody doesn't have that life and everybody doesn't get that chance, but when me and my wife got back together for the last time, we said, This is it, this is gonna be death do us part, and sadly, she left me before I could leave her, and I mean by left me, she passed away, so it's not like she went on, she moved on to something, but she but and that's kind of the sad thing about it. But like I said, the third time when we separated, we got back together, we said this is it, we're gonna stay with each other till death do his part, and I guess God had other plans for her, but you gotta understand in this day and age, it's so damn hard to find a mate of your choosing, whether it be male, whether it be female, it is so hard to find that because when we try to find that, we want what's good, we want everything that's good. We don't get everything that's good because we either get somebody that who we thought we knew, but then they change over time, and it's okay to change for the good, but when you start getting into let's say social media and you start looking at shit and you start thinking shit, or if somebody gives you a compliment and you want to act out on the compliment, you know, we see now people that have like Tinder accounts, we see people getting blasted on social media with Tinder accounts, and you know, they're cheating on their exes, or I mean they're cheating on their spouses, and it's mostly men, it's mostly men because I'm seeing a lot of men on TikTok that's putting their women on blast. I don't even know why that is. I don't understand why that is, I don't get it. So I don't understand why you're so upset. I think your parents had a good run, I think they were happy for the time that they had you and the kids. And I'm pretty sure your dad tried to stay in there and stick it in there for as long as he could. But I think he said enough is enough. I'm tired of this shit, and it's okay to feel that way. Would you rather them stay together and keep fighting, or would you rather just go their separate ways? You can't force anybody to stay with anybody because it's just not there. If it's not there, let it go. Let that person go. Because the more time you spend on this person, the more time you spend trying to invest yourself into this relationship, and it's just not there, well, you're gonna be exhausted, you're gonna be the one that's gonna be hurt, you're gonna be the one that's gonna be upset because while you're giving 100% of the relationship, the other person is barely doing anything and be only giving about 20% of the relationship, real talk. So, Amy Joe, you didn't say if you were seeing anybody, if you had anybody, if you're not, I would encourage you to either get into a I don't know if they have a group for children that parents are divorced, maybe some kind of support group. I don't know. You didn't say if you were dating anybody because clearly I don't think you are, because if you were, I think you'd be a lot more happier. I'm not sure what your relationship status was when you wrote this letter or if you're even with somebody, but I've seen women like you before, I've seen women have this like spiteful, hateful type of you know, rhetoric where they want to get back at their either ex or their family. First of all, he didn't hurt the family because he didn't see this chick while he was married, he seen this chick after they got divorced, and judging by this, it's like they just met. So you can't say he's hurting the family. No, he's only hurting you. If your mother feels some kind of hurt, then maybe she should felt the hurt when she cheated on him. I don't know, I'm just saying. Because it sounds like your dad was almost a saint. I mean, listen, every man has their downfall, every man has their issues, but you didn't say he cheated, it was your mom that cheated. I'm not trying to figure out how to find how you found that out, but whatever. And there's something in his mind that when they got back together, they probably thought that this is gonna work out. I'm not sure why it doesn't work out with them, but if you're cussing like this, and I'm pretty sure her mouth had to be some type of way. Because listen, I don't mind a woman throwing out there a few cuss words here and there, but when you start getting downright into like uh how can I say this? Like you're cussing like you're a like a sailor. I don't think it's ladylike, but I then again I can't judge you for that, and I'm not trying to judge you for that, but god, my late wife, she would throw that F-bomb out there like like yesterday. I mean, F this, F that. But you know what? That still didn't deter me from her because I knew she was half Italian, and she's half Italian, so but then again, I don't know, it's just something about her, it really is. But I would challenge not challenge, I would urge you to get in some kind of therapy, something that you can like direct your time and your focus on something else other than your dad, because it seems like this is gonna be the downfall of you. This is just gonna take you when they get married. You're probably gonna be even more angrier. When they get married, you're gonna be trying to figure out ways that you can ruin the relationship. And for you to sit here and say that she hasn't moved on, if she if she already hasn't found anybody, well, that's just implying that you're probably gonna do something sneaking underhand to try to get back at your dad to say that she's not a good choice for him. And who are you to say that? I mean, it's the problem with people. When somebody wants to get married to somebody, just be freaking happy. Unless they're getting beat on or they're being disrespected, don't say a damn thing. Let them people be happy. I mean, unless you witness some kind of abuse to say, well, he's not for you or she's not for him, let that shit go. Let it go. I mean, if they're happy, they're happy. Just be happy for them. So clearly, you didn't say that your father was abusive, which I'm not thinking he's he is, I'm just thinking that he's a good man and probably got the raw end of the deal. But in the end, he's the one that's happy. He's so happy that he moved to the West Coast to get far, far away from you or your mother. I don't know. I'm not making no assumptions going on, what's in this letter? That's all I'm saying. So, you gotta understand, men want to be happy, men don't always want to come home, be confrontational. Because as we see in social media or we see in this world today, because the shit has changed, it's not been the same like it was when I was coming up or when I was dating, because we didn't have social media, and then back then they kind of had Mail or the Brides, but you know that's another story, but that's neither here nor there, because I don't think that's who she is. I think if she's 18 and she's in this life and she has a green card, clearly she's working towards a goal. Because if she's got the green card on her own and she didn't have nobody get the green card, clearly she's working towards a goal. So I don't really think she needs your dad, but I think she does love your dad, and I think if she wants to take care of this man and be there for this man, let them be. There's no point in you getting angrier and angry and angrier because what's it gonna sell? What's it gonna solve? What's it gonna do? If you can't be happy for him, stay your ass in South Carolina, let your father and his new uh soon-to-be wife live their life peacefully in Arizona, in sunny Arizona, or Jesus. But whatever. So obviously, they may she may not be in for the money because you didn't say if you had money. If it does have money, then I don't think that's a factor. Because you're not calling her a gold digger, you're not saying, Oh, well, she's there for it's money, she's just no, you're saying that she's cleaning, she's cooking, she's taking care of this man. Clearly, she knows something that you don't. Maybe you can learn a few things from her on how to take care of somebody and how to be happy for somebody because clearly you're not happy, you're pissed off and you're angry for what? I have no idea why. Listen, I'm gonna refute, I'm gonna I'm gonna answer your question because I think I didn't answer that. If I found an 18-year-old and let's say I'm 48, and I found her and she made me happy, then yes, I would do that. Because I can tell you right now, she's probably not gonna be from this country. No shade towards nobody in the USA. Just saying that when you go abroad and you find somebody, their mindset is a lot different. Again, no shade towards no women over here because I'm not saying that, I'm simply saying that if she's of legal age up to consent to get married, meaning she's 18 years old, then damn it, I'm gonna take the happiness. But what I'm not gonna do is sit back and try to figure out why everybody's you know talking behind my back, oh, he's with an 18 year old. So the hell, who the hell cares? Who cares? Why do y'all even care? Are you jealous? I mean, because clearly your dad doesn't want to be alone forever, and I think whatever time he has left on this earth, he should he deserves it. Be happy. He should be happy. He's going to be happy. And I'm not sure why you even asked they were gonna have kids because it's none of your damn business. I've seen people um 55. Well, there was this one guy. There was this one guy I knew in the South. Um, I mean, I talked about this before, but he was um I think he was better part of 60. Maybe he was 55. But again, as I said, white folks, when they look, when they look a certain age, they could be 45 and look 60. But clearly this man was like 60 years old, and he had gotten with a 22-year-old, and he had he already had eight kids. Uh, for the life of me, I don't see what attracted these two together, but hey, it worked out for him. But he had he already had eight kids. I think the oldest was probably 14 or whatever. But clearly, this dude was a rolling stone. I mean, Papa was a rolling stone, but I couldn't be mad at him because that's what made him happy, and I'm not sure if he's alive today. I hope he is. I mean, but he was happy. He was happy, and everything was good, and I I don't know, maybe they're still together, I don't know. But the fact of the matter is this. I think I don't think he well, some men need validation to say they still got it. I don't need that kind of validation. If I'm in love, I'm in love with you. But some men feel like they need to get a young woman to say that to see if they still got it. But I don't think this is the case with your dad. I really don't. I think the case with your dad is just that he's somebody who's seen somebody who cares for him deeply, that is going to be a couple, and that he's going to be happy with him. Again, nobody said anything when Hugh Hefner had the Playboy Bunnies uh up at his crib, and there was like three of them, and they were all blind, by the way. I mean, everybody thought Hugh Hefner was like the icon, you know, he's the because he's got three women living with him, and he's having sex with different women every night. These women clearly knew what they were doing. Nobody said anything about that. So hey, whatever. I think I think you should be happy for your dad. If you don't want to be happy for him, get the hell out the way. Plain and simple. So, as we get ready to wrap the show, I'm not gonna stick with the title My Dumbass Daddy, because when I post this show, um I'm not gonna call him that. I just think you're just angry and you're bitter. And you can feel free to email me back and tell me that you didn't like what I say because you don't really listen to the show anyways. But I hope this podcast finds you in good form. I'm sorry I can't get on your side and I can't get down with you because I think if your dad wants to be happy, he should be happy. I think for you to try to sit here and try to sabotage this relationship is just gonna backfire on you big time. If you go to the wedding, go to the wedding with open arms, welcome this young lady into your family. Nobody said you had to call her mother, which I'm not even sure that your dad's even gonna say that you had to call her mom. Whatever, it's not a big deal. So I would urge you to think long and hard about what you're going to do when you go to this wedding. Because you didn't even say if you had kids. If you did have kids, I don't think you do, but whatever. If you do have kids, you do. If you don't, you don't. But remember, what you do when you go to this wedding could affect you for the rest of your damn life. And if you want to be that vindictive of an evil person because you can't see that your father's happy, then clearly you don't deserve your father's love. You don't deserve to be at this wedding. He's gonna love you no matter what, because you're his daughter. But at the same time, you don't deserve, he doesn't deserve for you to come down on him when especially since this man has been married to your mother who cheated on him, that he took back, and that he said the happiest times of his life was having his children. I mean, if that ain't something big, I don't know what it is. As I said before, clearly you didn't say if he was a bad father, because I'm judging by this letter that you're just angry because he's marrying somebody that's 18 years old that's almost the same age as you as you. So I'm not saying I wish your dad and his new wife the best of luck. I do. I wish them all the love in the world because people want to be happy, and in this day and age, you just can't be happy by finding somebody. The crazy thing is he had to go outside the country to found her. She they found each other through a mutual friend. Not even sure how the hell that happened, but it happened. So I think Amy Joe, I really hope and and think that you just sit on this, marinate on this, and try to figure out what it is that you want to do. Because it doesn't matter what you say or what the outcome is gonna be, they're gonna get married, and when they get married, you can either be happy for them or you can just keep it moving. Yes, I keep saying that because I believe that that's what you should do. Your mother's clearly not going to the wedding, clearly she's not, but hey, whatever. And if your mom wants to email me or you guys want to drop me a line, leave me a little message on you know my Facebook or my WhatsApp, feel free to do so. But this is not for you to decide, this is for your father and the woman that he chose, or she chose him. Let them be happy, let them have the life that they want to have together. That's all I can say, you know. So we are me, we as men are just tired of being, you know, I'm gonna put myself in his shoes. If he's married to your mother, and I can only I can almost imagine if he says you act like your mother because the way you wrote this letter, you clearly may act like your mother. So I hope that I can be wrong on that, and if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not, and sometimes we're in between. But hey, it is what it is. So let your father be happy, talk to your siblings, find out what makes this person great for your father because I'm pretty sure they had nothing but positive things to say. If they have a good relationship with her, why come you can't? And again, if you don't want the relationship with her, well, there's three other siblings that you can have a good relationship with. Wait, is it three? I don't know. I think it's three or four. Trying to keep everything right, but in any event, I hope that you do the right thing. I hope that you have a come to Jesus moment and just sit there and say, Well, you know what? I'm gonna be happy for him, and I hope it works out for him. Because clearly, you're an adult, all the kids are adults, you're the youngest, and you're the only one that has a problem with this. So I don't think he's doing this for bragging rights or to have a trophy wife. I think he's doing this because he's genuinely in love with her, and I think she's in love with him. If two people are in love, they're of legal age, obscene, then they're two consenting adults, let the shit happen, let it be, let it happen, let it be, stay the hell out their way, or just go about your merry way. I really think that you should find an outlet or find something that you should do better with your time than try to sit there and try to figure out what your dad is doing because it seems that that's what you all you've been worrying about, is just your dad. And though he's not really worried about you, but he knows he has children, you're an adult, you're an adult. Go out there and create a life of your own. Go out there and have a life of your own. You know, that's the thing. Why is it when parents get divorced, you know, the kids want to look out for us and try to tell us what to do, but we lived our life. We're trying to get y'all to do have a good life. So, I don't know, I don't know, I don't get it, but all I know is this if they're happy, let them be happy. You know, younger women uh may seek emotional stability or guidance or feeling better from support from an older man. Because I know that there are some women that choose older men because they are financially set, they're financially stable, they have a good head on their shoulders, and they're not kind of young men. Again, that's no shade because this can go full circle on either way, you know. A younger man might want an older woman because she's much more experienced and she knows how to keep her man, versus the male that might want a younger woman because I put my mouth there. Well, because it's it's could it could be the same thing, it could be that she wants stability, she wants a mature man in her life, she wants somebody that can always like somewhat take care of her but understand her, and you know, we see a lot of this these days. I mean, it's a lot of this going on, it's a lot of this going around, it's not bad, you know. I'm not sure what this girl's home life is, what the home, what her home life is about. Well, she's from Romania, so Romanian women are I've only talked to a few, but they're strong-minded, they're good, they're and all women are good, all women are really good, you know. But in this lifetime, when you want to be happy and you want to find happiness, you gotta go other place to see it, or us other places to find it, or search for it, or whatever. You know what I'm trying to say. But to be happy is to be loved, to be loved is to be happy. That makes sense. I'm just saying. So, Amy Joe, talk to your siblings. If you want to bring your mom to the fold, I wouldn't recommend it because I don't think she really is gonna have anything to say or anything to do. I don't think she'd want you going down there making a fool of yourself because again, camera phones are a thing now, and if you go to this wedding, make something like a fool, that's gonna be on the internet forever. It's gonna be out there forever. You're gonna look back on this and you're gonna be so embarrassed, especially if you have kids. And if you have kids and your kids are like, Well, mom, why'd you act like that with grandpa? Because if you can act like that with him, then who's say who I choose? You won't act like that with them. So, I think your father is just doing something that makes him happy. Please let this man be happy. Don't come between him and his happiness because you will live to regret it. If you if your relationship is not the best, try to fix that relationship. Try to mend fences, you know. Try to get to know this girl before you judge a book by its cover. Because as we see, when you judge a book by its cover, it never really works out the way it is. You know, I don't really think she's a goal daddy because you didn't say she was. I just think she's just somebody who's just you have a problem with their whole age thing. That's what you have a problem with. I don't know sure why, but whatever it is what it is. Wouldn't be no different if my daughters came to me and said, Well, Dan, I'm gonna marry this man, he's older. Okay, you're 18 years old, you're only to make your own damn decisions. If you make your decisions, you can stick with those decisions. Now I'm still gonna be your parent, I'm still gonna be there to tell you that, well, if it didn't work out, it didn't work out. Listen. Sometimes we choose a spouse that we think is the right one for us, but later on down the road, if we get married to that person and we find out that they're not the right person for us, then well, we try to move on, or we move, or we do move on. But again, my happiness does not determine what the way of the world thinks of me. My happiness is my happiness. I don't do anything that I need the approval of anybody to do. Because when I do something, I do something for me and nobody else. Why would I do something for somebody else? Now I'm not gonna do anything to disrespect my family, I'm not gonna do anything that's gonna harm my family, and that's clearly not the case here. She's not harming your family. You just think she's harming your family because why? She is 18 years old. That is a huge problem. 1-8, 1-8. She's 18, about to be 19 in May. Big whoopie-whoopy-doo. And who cares if they serve cider at the way? Who cares if she can't drink? As I said before, you're putting a lot of negatives on this relationship, and it's just really bad. And I got a feeling that until you figure out what it is you want, you're just gonna be so miserable, you're gonna be so angry, and that shouldn't even be that way. You should be focusing on you and how you can help yourself and how yourself can come out of this and just to be a better person. Be happy for your dad. Tell your dad that, hey dad, I love you, but I'm not gonna call her mom. I'll get to know her and I will talk to her, but other than that, that's as far as I get to go. If you're still hurt about him breaking up, I mean him divorcing your mother, don't be. Shit happens. I mean, people get divorced every damn day. I mean, it'd be different if you found out, if you said he came in, oh I found out he came in and they were in there getting it on. But they weren't. They weren't. He wasn't even looking. He just got introduced by a mutual friend. They've been hitting it off, they've been hanging out, and they've been doing things that makes them both happy. Be happy with that. That's all I got to say. So, but in any event, Amy Joe, feel free to follow up with me if you feel the chance or you feel the need, because like I said, on the next episode, we have a letter from a young lady who's also dating a younger man. But this is not as drastic as this one. So, as we get ready to wrap the show, I want to say thank you guys for tuning in, listening to the show. Thank you to my listeners and all the downloads that you guys are giving me. Uh, let's just keep it going. You know, I love doing this because I love doing it, it's what it is. Um, the show comes out every Wednesday. Um, I got the technical difficulties taken care of, so we're good. We are good. In any event, I want to say thank you to my listeners. Thank you for the people that are watching me. And until the next time, you can feel free to email me d6mpire357 at gmail.com. You can follow me on all my social links, my numbers listed on my Facebook account. If you feel the need you want to call, something you want to discuss, hey, feel free to hit me up. You can send a text, email, whatever. Do whatever makes you happy, do whatever makes you fun. Oh so the next track gonna let you take out by the way. The soundtrack for this podcast is gonna be Blue Steel. Everything you hear from Blue Steel, he is on Amazon, Spotify, uh, everything else. Let's double check that. Yes, he is, he is on Amazon, Spotify, Apple Music. So, Heart's Blue Steel. So the next track is gonna take you guys out. I don't know what the next track is because I forgot what it was. In any event. So, you guys have a good day. Till the next time. I see you. Y'all take care of yourself and each other. Peace, you know, you can't do it.