What Do You Risk When You Stay Quiet

We sit with the parts that are easy to avoid: why someone might stay silent after catching cheating, how denial can feel like survival, and why “as long as he comes home to me” isn’t a safety plan. We also talk about the non-negotiables, starting with sexual health and pregnancy. STD testing isn’t about shame or rumors, it’s about protecting Jessica and the baby, getting real information, and stopping the cycle of uncertainty.

If you’ve ever ignored a red flag because the truth felt too heavy, you’ll feel this one. Listen, share this with someone who needs it, and if you like the show, subscribe and leave a review so more people can find real talk like this.

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Transcript

A Letter Called A Secret

SPEAKER_00 4:56

How y'all doing out there? Y'all doing alright? Wanna welcome y'all to the show. I am the icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It. Well, hopefully everybody's having a good day, good week, or whatever. It's been a great great day for me. Um in any event, how's everybody doing out there? Y'all doing alright? Y'all doing good? Cool, cool, cool. Alright. Well, today we got a letter from a uh young lady who I was reading this letter. It was quite uh yeah, this is quite fascinating as well as weird, but hey, it is what it is. So you know I just have to say that I don't know how to feel about this letter because uh I don't know what kind of advice I can offer this young lady, but I'm gonna try to offer something that is good maybe, but who knows. Um it's quite weird. Um as I wrote this letter, I was uh I mean, as I wrote the question for the letter, I was waiting for a second half of the response to see if she was going to email me back. But in any event, we'll get into it. We're gonna go ahead and uh read this letter and see what you guys think. Because yeah, I had some kind of reserved feelings about this, it's kind of weird, but whatever.

Jessica’s Relationship Starts Shifting

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Any event, without further ado, this letter is titled A Secret. And yeah, let's go ahead and get started and see what we can do for Miss Jessica. So, without further ado, here we go. Hey Icon, good day to you. First, I'd like to say thank you for taking the opportunity to read my letter. I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Dilemma? I honestly wrote 15 other shows before hear yours, and most of them just make jokes. Um but I honestly listen to a lot of a podcast where yours are nothing like the others. Well, thank you for that compliment. I thought by emailing you you would understand, but there's a there's but here's the crazy thing, my brother also oh, my brother also does a more serious podcast like yours. But when I wrote to him anonymously, he took it as a joke and proceeded to make fun of it. So I'm sorry, but you're the last one, and I'm trying. You must have been busy. I wish I could have caught the other shows that you wrote this to, but hey, whatever. But here's my problem that others thought of making jokes about it. My name is Jessica, I'm 25 years old, and I'm expecting my first child with my boyfriend of 10 years. Yes, I've kind. We've been together since middle school. Well, you see, as of three years ago, he's been acting very differently. I kinda thought maybe because we were having a baby, but it wasn't that because I just got pregnant. It's also the crying after sex. I mean, what man do you know does that? He says he's sorry like he whispered it while he's crying. Yeah. Okay, yeah, hold on, doggone it. Yes, I said crying because after sex he goes and takes a shower like I did something wrong. It honestly feels weird that he's not interested in sex with me anymore, but we've talked about it and he said he's just going through something, and that he has to work it out on his own. But that's so disturbing, Icon. I mean, between I mean, we've been together for a while, and I thought that I was doing everything right by him. I decided I wanted to go see my mom, which stays about 45 minutes away from us, and I told him that I would spend the weekend with my parents, so he acted like I was leaving for good because he said he would just work on himself and be better when I got back. Whatever the hell that meant, but okay.

The Camera Alert Changes Everything

SPEAKER_00 9:32

I left, went to my mom's, forgot we had a hidden camera that is motion activated for when we do sex C videos. In Chase, my boyfriend must have forgotten about it because I had set it up for motion because of our doll that kept getting in our room and stooping around. Oh boy, haikon. Here's where here's what happened because I didn't understand the motion cameras activated and I received a notification that there was a motion in our bedroom. I didn't think anything about it because I knew it was my boyfriend. But the video I did check, but the video I didn't check. I didn't check again the video, I didn't check the video again until another notification. Chase was supposed to be at work on Saturday, and oh my god, icon. The video showed another man in my bedroom. I clearly thought we were being robbed until I seen Chase coming in the room with nothing but a towel on. Okay, here's where it gets weird. And from there I assumed that you know the rest. But as for your listeners, yes, it was Chase having sex with a man. Turns out it was my cousin Alex, which goes by Alexis. Talk about being pissed off. I was so mad, I didn't know what to do. Well, holy shit, yeah. But Alexis was like a brother to me, and though he though we're two years apart, he came out of middle school. I never thought he would be doing doing the father of my child. But the crazy thing is that they got down the whole weekend. Damn. I called him while I was having while he was having a salad. And do you know what this dumbass is telling me? Because when I called him, he was out of breath, and I guess he forgot the hidden cameras in our bedroom. Because he told me that he was exercising and that and that's why he was out of breath, knowing that I could see him on the camera in our bedroom doing my cousin. God damn. Jeez. How could he do this to me? Now it all makes sense. Though I thought he was cheating on me with a woman, but it's a whole dude, and that dude is my cousin. That ungrateful son of a bitch. So then I went up to a step further. I called my cousin. He said he was working with a customer draining his pipes. Yeah, Icon. Okay, yeah. He was draining some pipes alright, my dumbass boyfriend's pipes. I don't understand what I did to deserve this. Or why this keeps happening to me, Icon. Do you know when I went home, Chase didn't even have anything to say, but he had a great weekend and that he got a lot done. Yeah, I'm sure he got a lot done. Sure he got more than you bargained for done. I was like, is he freaking kidding me? I mean, does he really think that I don't don't know? So I continued my day and didn't even bother to say anything to him because I wanted him to know I didn't want to know if he was going to say anything before I did. I kinda must admit, we did have sex that night. I have to say it was pretty amazing to a point where I climaxed four times. It was the best sex I've had in a very long time. Yeah, I bet. It was like a whole different person at times. I felt weird because he had turned me over and wanted to try the back door, but he was okay with me. As long as he was piping me down, I felt good about it. So I didn't bother saying anything else. I figured it was just out of his system and that he really wanted me. I didn't really say anything else about it, but I have noticed that he does frequent the gym lately. And I was shocked because it doesn't really work out. I mean, sure. I'm not sure why he's there 45 hours a day, but it's okay. If he's coming home to me, that's all that matters. Hi Khan, so I guess my question is is that am I doing the right thing by not asking him about it? Should I just keep quiet and let him ride it out? He's definitely gonna write it out alright.

Should She Stay Quiet

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Okay, so that was the letter. Um, I had some questions for Jessica. And this is how the questions follow. My first question was, What in the ever-loving hell? She responded, What do you mean? I asked her, has she been tested for any type of STDs? And she said no, but do you think I should? And I said, Have you talked to your cousin? She said yes, he's excited about the new relationship, but wouldn't tell me who. Well, you damn right he wouldn't tell you who. Has he said anything about the weekend that you've seen him in your home? He said, Yes, he was there for five minutes, so I let it go. Okay. But he did tell me that he's been working out with this guy at this new gym party, and I was really excited for him. Okay. Clearly, in my opinion, Jessica was either blinded or just didn't want to know. So that is the letter.

My Biggest Concern Is Health

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Now I don't know what in the hell is going on. Um, first off, Miss Jessica, thank you for writing me. Um first off. Yeah. Um, I don't know how to feel about this because I think it's pretty sick. I think it's very disturbing. Not only did your man or your fiance or wherever the hell he is to you, cheated on you, but he cheated on you with your cousin, and if that isn't any more sicker. I mean, I'm not sure what this camera angles showed, but it showed that your boyfriend, your cousin was clearly getting down for the whole damn weekend, and you are kind of oblivious to the fact that he you guys had sex and assuming that you had unprotected sex because I mean you're already having a baby by the guy. The crazy thing is you don't even know how long he's been doing this for, or what he's been, or how long this has been going on. So, you said as a three years he's been acting very weird. I don't know what to tell you besides that you need to get tested, because oh my goodness. The fact that you just not say anything is kind of well, let me just back this up. If you didn't get a good response out of the other podcasters, I can kind of see why. And if your brother kind of shrugged this off and kind of made fun of it, I can kind of see why. Because young lady, I don't know what you're thinking about, but the world we live in is a very dangerous world when it comes to young people and sex, because we know that um in this world there are a lot more diseases and there's a lot more exposure to those diseases. Now, you don't even know how many partners your cousin has had, but let's just assume for the sake of argument that he did have unprotected sex with your boyfriend or fiance, whatever. Boyfriend, whatever, that you've been with since middle school. You didn't pick up on none of this. I mean, clearly, I don't even know how the hell this even happened. I'm trying to push some pieces in my head on how this happened because this doesn't make any sense to me. You go away for a weekend, you have a motion camera in your bedroom because you and him like do sexy videos or whatever. That's fine, that's great. That's that's all fine and dandy. But my thing is that it's crazy because you just let this go unfounded and didn't want to ask him about it. Because let me, I gotta tell you, if this happened to someone that I was in love with and I found this out, I think I'd want to know how long this has been going on. And the reason why I say you should get tested is because you don't know how long your boyfriend's been doing this behind your back. So while he's piping you down, he's also getting his pipes cleaned, so to speak. No pun intended, doggun it. But the fact of the matter is this you're bringing a child into this world, and you and the man that you're with is not even faithful to you. So, no telling how long he's been doing this, you don't even know if he's been doing this with your cousin or with other men. So the scary thing is that you're bringing the child to this world and you're just playing. I'm not gonna say you're playing dumb, but you're acting blind to the fact of what you saw that you didn't think you've seen. But clearly you've seen that. And if you've seen that, you should say something because he's putting you and your baby at risk. Because you don't know, you just don't know, and it's sad that you just want to say, Well, I'm just gonna sweep this under the rug and not gonna say anything about it. The hell? Why in the hell wouldn't you say anything about it? That's crazy. I mean, do you not have any decency for yourself and your child? I mean, clearly, if this was me, I would want to know. I would definitely want to know because, like I said, you don't know if there was protection during I mean I'm not sure how you didn't get this past your parents. You must have been in a room somewhere watching this shit like it was just a regular porn video on Pornhub or on something on the on the internet, which I find very baffling because the minute I would have seen this, I would have flipped the hell out. I would have flipped out, probably would have gone home, cleaned house, and beat ass and would have got mad. But you're not even mad. That's the crazy thing about you're not mad about this, you're not mad enough for for me. Because to me, only thing I would care about more is that child that you're about to have that you're about to give birth to. But you don't want to expose this child to any kind of disease because if you haven't been, if you've been faithful and loyal to him, but he hasn't been faithful and loyal to you, you know. There's a saying, not everybody in the family is loving, is a loving family. Some are just a group of toxic people. So the fact that you let your cousin kind of slide on this and you're not more angry about it, I just doesn't make any sense to me. It's kind of weird that you would just let this go on, let this play out. Because in my mind, you're about to have a baby now, not knock on wood, not saying anything's going to happen to your baby, but what if your baby gets exposed to some kind of some kind of STD? Then what? Then you're gonna be blaming yourself because you didn't say anything because you didn't get tested. I'm not sure how this is gonna work with you because you said you've had the best sex and he wanted to turn you over and you want to go through the back door. Clearly, that might be an indication of something. That clearly could be an indication of something. I don't know what it is, I'm not gonna speculate, but what I'm saying is that it clearly could be an indication of something. And what I mean by that is that your boyfriend isn't that loyal to you, and the fact that you're just walking around to oblivious about this is just really crazy. So I think you need therapy, I think you need some kind of help. I don't know what I can tell you that's gonna say anything different, but decide that you need to get tested because I don't understand how you can let this happen. This is a man that's you're carrying his child, and this is a man that you spent the better part of your seems like, well, majority of your life with. You have been together since middle school, you're 25 years old, and you're about to have your first child. Now, I would suggest that you either try to. I mean, you just gonna rip the damn band-aid off, plain and simple. You just gonna rip it off. You gotta tell them, hold on, I gotta get some

Rip The Bandage Off

SPEAKER_00 21:11

of my tea. Y'all know I gotta give my tea. Because it's it's it's somebody in your family, it's somebody that you grew up with that you down there called your brother. I mean, you guys are two years apart. I mean, what the hell? Who the hell would do this to family? This is something that you hear you don't really hear about this. That often, but then again, this is a new generation, and this generation just kind of is just really wilding out when it comes to sexuality. I mean, if he's if you sit down and talk to him, you say, Well, I'm not gay. I mean, clearly you got this on video. Then you need to ask what the hell's going on. Because again, you don't want to bring this child in this world, and this child is riddled with some kind of STD because you didn't decide you wanted to get tested, you decided just to kind of look the other way on it, and that's putting you and your child at risk at risk. I mean, that's that's just crazy word. Um the fact that he was whispering after sex saying that he was sorry, who is he loyal to? Is he loyal to you or is he loyal to this other person? I'm gonna keep throwing your cousin out there because for the life of me, if it's been three years and he's been acting very differently, I think this has been going on for a very long time. And I really think that you should sit down and talk to him. And I think you should sit down and talk to him. I think you should just rip that damn band-aid off, you should just let him have it. Because again, you're about to have a family with this man. I mean, it didn't say anywhere that you guys are getting married, or maybe I missed that. I don't think you guys said that you were getting married, but you've been together with him um since middle school. So had what was that 15 years? So you guys were damn near 15 when you guys got together. If I'm reading this right, and I want to know how your cousin came on the scene or he how this even how this even happened because you don't really talk much about your cousin except except the fact that he was in there and he likes to be called Alexis, Alex Alexis, whatever, it doesn't matter. The name can go either way, not like your husband, which is going either way, but it's crazy. I mean, why would you even want that kind of responsibility? Why would you want that kind of burden on you? The fact that you're walking around day in and day out, and you're just kind of like putting this block in your mind like this shit didn't happen. This shit did happen. It happened, it happened under your bed. And the crazy thing is you're sleeping in your bed where this shit happened. I'd have burnt the damn bed. I'd have oh lord. I'd have sent him packing with the damn bed. Real talk. I'd have sent him packing, I'd have been like, you gotta go. I need some time to think, or moving back in with your parents. I don't know what the hell y'all do. Also, I know that you guys got jobs, or maybe you're the home, maybe you're the homemaker and he goes out, he's the earner. I don't know. But you wrote the 15 other shows. I can see why they would think this is a joke. I don't think it's a joke, I think it's something serious that you need to get a handle on. I think you need to go in there and just talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. Because if you don't and something does happen, let's just put this out the way and say that the baby comes out healthy, which I'm praying that your child does come out healthy. I'm praying that your child comes out healthy, no disease or nothing. Well, that still leaves you. That still leaves you. And for three years, if he's been acting this damn weird, then clearly something's been going on for three damn years. So if you've had this motion camera and this is just not happening in your home, I would probably start to ask the question of what's been going on outside of the home. And if he's going to the gym, girl, wake the hell up. He's going to the gym with your cousin, or if that's even what they're doing. If that's what they're doing. I don't know. I don't know. This isn't a dilemma. This is a sad situation. Because it's just bad. We're living in times where friends become family, and family become strangers because you don't know who you can trust in your family. And it's a sad thing because here you have a cousin and your h your boyfriend who lied to you blatantly to your face, and you still willing to accept the fact that they lied all because you want to trade in for some good sex. Is the sex gonna be worth it if you get an STD or if you contract an STD? Is it gonna be worth it if you get sick? I mean, how do you know he's not? No, I'm not I'm not gonna even say it like that. I'm just gonna say that you guys both should get tested. And if you should get tested and he doesn't get tested, I think you should really sit down and talk to him. But I think this is something that you're really gonna have to sit down and take a hard lesson or a hard look at and try to figure out what your life is because you deserve much better than this. If you're bringing a child into this world, you need to know that he's going to be the man or be the father that you need him to be. Because if he's gonna continue to sneak around on you and do this, where's it gonna leave you? I'll tell you where it's gonna leave you. That's gonna leave you with a broken heart, you're gonna be upset because every other night he's going to the gym for four to five hours. I don't even think they're going to the gym. I don't, I really don't. I'm gonna call it like it is. I think he's probably still doing your cousin, and they're probably on a DL, and they're probably in some kind of hotel, and they could be doing that right now as as sure as I'm doing this damn podcast. Real talk. So, there, there it is. I'm just saying, you know. You need to have more self-respect for yourself, you need to have more clarity of who you are. Because I don't I don't think I've seen a situation like this. I mean, this is shit you see on TV, but I don't think I've seen a situation like this, and it's a sad situation because the sad thing is, Ms. Jessica. I'm not sure why you're hanging on to something like this. Because in the end, it's gonna ultimately come out and it's gonna explode in your damn face, and and it can come out to say, well, either he's going to leave you, or he's going to contract some kind of STD, and then you're gonna be like, It wasn't me, and then he may try to turn around on you. Well, who you been sleeping with? Nobody. That's why I see you get ahead of this right now. You get ahead of this now, you try to figure out what he wants away, and don't try to don't don't beat around the bush. You guys are grown. You're about to have a child, you're about to have a full-blooded child, full-blown baby, a whole child. I don't know what else I can say it. So you don't hate until your own family comes against you. So I don't know how I can put this in perspective for you, but accept the fact that you need to do some kind of searching within yourself and try to figure out how this is going to affect you and your child and your relationship with your boyfriend. Because if he wants to go out and do that, hey, he can go out there and do that, but he can do it without you because you're not looking for um oh not this is not the kind of relationship you want because there are too many good men out there that would probably appreciate you more and that would probably deserve your attention. So if he doesn't appreciate you and if he doesn't want to be with you, then he should get the stuff and he should pack a shit and get the hell on out. Because I gotta say, I don't I just really hope nothing bad is going to happen and become of this. I just hope you email me back to let me know what's going on. Um, because I really want to know what's gonna happen. I do. I mean, I genuinely have a concern for you. I mean I don't know, would have been better if it was another woman? Probably not, because there's still infidelity there, but you know, if you guys have been together since middle school, then clearly you value this this relationship. And maybe he doesn't. Maybe there's something I don't even know how this even came about. Maybe there's something about I don't I don't know. I just don't know. But I'm curious to know how long and if you guys all went to the same school, which that's probably most likely, and then and I'm gonna assume that he's friends with your cousin because y'all don't really say anything. So the crazy thing is you haven't told your parents. Um maybe I understand why, maybe then again I don't. But do I think you own an explanation?

How To Confront Without Exploding

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Probably not, but this is family, this is like a family affair. So my thing is to you, I would probably sit down with my cousin first. No, I would sit down with my boyfriend first, then I would go to my cousin. And I'm not trying to say you need to blow this, blow the spot up, and just have them all sit down in one room and then you go crazy, and then that either you put you into labor or you're gonna miscarriage or something because that's not gonna get anything done. I would try to talk level head as much as I could, and I would try to do this in a more particular way where it doesn't upset you because I gotta be honest with you, in this letter, you don't really sound that upset to me. You don't. You don't. You just sound like you're okay with this situation, you're okay with the situation that you're going through, and that should never be the case. I mean if he's a good man, he's a good man. But the fact of the matter is he cheated on you. He cheated on you with your cousin. Now, let's take the equation that he cheated on you with your cousin. Let's just say it was somebody else. The fact of the matter is he still cheated. He cheated and he lied. He lied and you caught him in the lie, but you decided not to confront him about the lie when even though you had the video. And if if he's that damn dumb where he didn't know that he forgot that there's a motion camera activated in the bedroom, because you like to you guys me to make sex. I mean, clearly I ain't made no sexy videos in a while because clearly he's forgot about this damn camera. So I'm not sure where this thing is positioned at, but clearly it's gotta be positioned up someplace high where you can see every damn thing in the room. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't, I don't. I got a feeling if others listen to this podcast, they're gonna start putting two and two together and they're gonna say, Well, oh my god, that's my sister. That's my sister Jessica. So, I don't know. Maybe don't share this link with nobody. I don't know, but if it's gonna I'm just saying, I don't know how you could think this is such a good thing for you, and clearly it's not. You said you this is the best sex you've had in years. Uh man, man, man, man. And I guess I'm just feeling sentimental about this because it's sad because I think the person's gonna be affected if anything is going to be the the baby in this, your unborn child. Because you don't want to have a bring a baby to this world, and this child has a disease already, you don't want that. But I hope, Miss Jessica, for the sake of you and your child, that you do go get tested. Because, as I said before, this has been going on for three years. How do you just know that something's not not wrong? I'm not wishing nothing bad or anything happened to you. I'm just saying it's better to know than to not know. That way you can kind of get ahead of it and try to figure out what you can do to try to help yourself and your child. Because if you don't and this thing ends up blowing up, well, I can tell you who's going to be to blame, and it's going to be your boyfriend, and whether or not he chooses to take responsibility for it. But I would really, really, really challenge you to sit down with him and talk to him and let him know that hey, in my mind, the conversation to me, I'm kind of seeing red right now because I'm like, well, how could you do this to me? And it's not even I'm not even in your situation. I've never been in this situation before. Ever, never. So don't ask. I've never been in a situation like this before. I mean, I just don't understand it. I don't get it. But to me, this conversation should be. This conversation should be between you and him. I'm not saying you need to go you need to get gangster on him and blow the spot up and pull up on him and all the other bullshit. I'm not saying none of that. I'm just saying you to sit down and talk to him and figure out what he wants out of this life. If he wants to be with you, he should be with you. You should also tell him that letter know, listen, I found the video, I have the video. I see you and my cousin Alexis getting down for the whole damn weekend. Make that make sense to me. Why could you how could you do this to me? Why would you do this to me? Is this the reason why we ain't been having sex for three years or I've been kind of off or you haven't been, you know, turned on my then why do you go and say you're sorry and then you're gonna take a shower after sex? Is it because you're cheating on me with him, or you're cheating on me with somebody else? What is that? What is this? I don't get

Why Testing And Honesty Matter

SPEAKER_00 35:34

it. So I think being on the DL is kind of bad because it's bad because it's like an episode I've seen of Law and Order SVU, where it's a bunch of men just having sex, and then the wife had gotten gotten AIDS, or no, the husband, no, the husband contracted AIDS, and I think the wife had gotten AIDS too. And you know, I hate to take it like that, but that's like it's kind of like you just don't know. And when you don't know, and then you're going on living life, and then you get sick one day, then you gotta have do this, do that, and they say, Oh well, it's like that, like I said, that episode of SPU, and then there was an uh also a movie that I watched that was called Kids that would think it was made back in 1995, where this guy was just going around the flowering virgins, and this one chick was having like anal sex and all this other stuff, but her friend got tested. Turns out her friend had gotten AIDS and she didn't, but I don't even think she did the same guy. But I'm just saying, I'm just saying. So, if anything you can take away from this, get yourself tested because you need to know and find out if your boyfriend is being 100% faithful to you. Well, we know he's not being 100% faithful to you, we already know that off top. So, you need to find out if he has more partners or if this is just somebody he's just doing, if he's just doing your cousin, because this is something that you need to know. You can't go through life and just sweeping shit under the rug and saying, Oh, I'm okay with it. Because when he keeps doing it and he keeps doing it, well, where's it gonna leave you? You're gonna be pissed off, you're gonna be stuck at home raising this child by yourself, you're gonna be alone, you're gonna be a single mother because your boyfriend is out galley venting. Um trying to keep this clean for the listeners. He's out twinking around basically. Yeah, I'll call it twinking, yeah. Whatever, Jesus, Lord of mercy. So clearly, it's a sad situation, and I think there's nothing funny about this letter except the parts where you're talking about he's crying, and then you talking about he made you climax like four times. I don't get none of that. Because if he's like if he likes going both ways and you're and you guys are completely fine with that, then knock yourself out. My only concern for right now is the safety of your child because your child doesn't need to be doesn't deserve doesn't deserve any of this. What your child deserves is to have two healthy parents that can be honest with him. And I think this is where you know as young parents, this is what y'all's problem is. Y'all's problem is that y'all think everything is all fine and dandy when your partner steps out. Oh well, he's okay, he's just trying to, he's just got some things on his mind. He ain't got a damn thing on his mind. I can tell what he does have on his mind, but he doesn't have that on his mind. So if he's not worried about you and the safety of you, then how can you respect yourself and worry about the safety of yourself and your child? That's crazy. That's crazy work. That's that's ridiculous. So I don't know how this is going to affect your life, but it's gonna make a huge change. As long as you keep letting it go on, it's gonna fester and it's gonna get bigger, and eventually you're gonna reach your breaking point, and you're gonna this is all gonna blow up in your face. And what I mean by blowing up in your face, how do I know? Well, how do you know he's not, you know, if you go out somewhere, he's not. I don't know. I think it's just bad. I'm not sure where you guys live, how big the town you live in, or what's going on, but you also said your cousin's very happy about this guy that he's working out the gym. Come on, girl, you can't be this naive, you can't be this naive, you can't be this stupid. Clearly, it's your boyfriend. It clearly is. I mean, the crazy thing is you hadn't even rolled up on him yet. I mean, to see what's actually going down. So that's crazy. So, your cousin wanna tell you who the guy is. Well, damn it, he be telling me when I talk to him. Real talk. Because I think it's just it's a bad situation, and a bad situation is gonna turn even worse and worse. You know, the more lies get built up and compound, and the more it's just gonna just it's gonna reach boiling point, it's gonna boil over, it's gonna spill over. Something is going to happen where either he's either gonna get caught, or somebody's gonna see him, or somebody's gonna recognize him, or whatever. I mean, again, if he's bisexual, that's fine. I think he owes you that bit of an explanation, and then that would give you the determination on how you want to proceed with your life. If this is the life that you want to put up with because he is a good person, or whatever, whatever, or just because he gave you good sex, that you're the best you've ever had since in a while. Yeah, no, I don't think so. I don't freaking think so. So, you may be torn up about this, and I think you kind of are. I think that you're not that I don't think you're that dumb, I don't think you're that naive. I think you're oblivious to the fact that this is going on that you haven't called him out on this bullshit yet. That's what I think is happening, and again, I don't care how good the uh trying to keep this clean. I don't give a damn how good the sex is. You have a right to know because he is the father of your child, and you have a right to know any and everything what's going on with you, just like he has everything right to know about what's going on with you. Did I say that right? You have any you have every right to know what's going on with him just as much as he has every right to know what's going on with you. Okay, yeah, I said that. Alright. So I honestly think you can just sit down with him, talk to him, and talk to your cousin. Again, I don't think you should go crazy or go ham, start blowing up the spot or whatever. I just think you should just sit down and talk to him and find out what's going on and let him know that you've seen him on this damn video. Now, there are one or two ways you can handle this. He can get up and leave, or he can face it like a man. If he miraculously gets upset and says, uh uh, uh no, I didn't do none of that, then there's your answer. There, there's your answer. But if he sits down and talks to you and says, Well, yeah, babe, I did do this, and I don't know what kind of explanation he can give you. I really don't know. I don't know, because I again this shit don't happen to me. So usually if I was cheating, I got um I was not really busted, but you know, I just I don't even think I got caught. I just told my wife, my late wife. So but if he gets more upset at you and finding out what he did, then it's time to let him go. But if he wants to sit down and talk about it, then that's gonna be something for you guys to sit down and try to talk about, try to figure this thing out. Because I gotta tell you, this couldn't be me. It really couldn't. I mean, granted, I don't know what it's like to be in a woman's position with hormones and kids or whatever. I don't I've never done a dude before. I've never done none of that, so I don't know how this is gonna feel. I can't really put myself in your shoes to say, well, this happened to me because this shit ain't happened to me. I mean, I've been hit on by a few gay guys, and it's but I'm not gay. I mean, a lot of people still think I'm gay, but I'm not, but you know, that's not me. That's just just that's because I grew up with a lot of women, damn it. But what I'm saying is that you have a right to know, Miss Jessica. You really do. You need to understand that I think it's just an all around bad situation. I think the situation is going to get way out of control, and I think you should kind of contain this by speaking to him, letting him know that you do know something went on, and that you have video and that you want to know. Now, don't go plastering this and putting this all over. uh the the porn sites for people to see because you are kind of upset or whatever because i gotta tell you if he decides that he wants to go swing the other way and play for the play for the same team that he's on instead of the opposite team then i'm sorry for you but you're probably better off without him so when you approach the situation you can approach the situation however you want to I would just say for the sake of your you and your baby just to stay calm because I know hormones we got a whack but I'm just saying so you can tell them that you say you were going through something and I wanna know if you got it at your system I want to know if you're gonna be 100% with me or you're gonna be 50-50 you're gonna be committed to me or you're gonna be committed to guys because that should be a lifestyle that you should just say no to because children need their fathers and I don't wish anybody I don't wish this up on anybody I think that families should stay together and the answer is that families don't stay together I don't know how this is gonna how you're gonna take this but either it's gonna be a good thing for you and a bad thing for him or vice versa because I gotta say it's just it's just a sad situation so you really really should clue yourself in on what he's doing and I'm not saying you need to follow him or try to figure out where he's going or what he's doing but if he's spending hours at the gym or so he says and he ain't producing no results meaning he ain't coming back with a with a six pack or he's not fully jacked well what the hell is he doing at the gym I mean definitely spotting somebody I'm just saying ow that kind of hurt so Miss Jessica I hope this podcast finds you well because and I hope that you get the answers that you really need because I think that you deserve these answers.

Counseling And Family Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 46:22

I think that this is something that you need to have a talk with and if you want to try to find some kind of counseling maybe I would recommend that um I'm not sure what area you're in but maybe try to talk to somebody I'd probably leave family out of this for now there's no need to bring family into everything unless there's something that's really bad that's happening. Sometimes everything ain't for your family's ears to hear sometimes it's just something between you and him that you need to deal with and unfortunately your cousin which I'm not sure how gay this guy is for it what I mean by that if he's flamboyant gay flesh run his mouth or talk shit on the family whatever I don't know. So some family members will smile on your face but they're damn sure gonna talk bad about you behind your back. So it's crazy so whether you choose to forgive your cousin for this which sounds like you already did um but this is gonna be a tough road ahead of you a really tough road and I mean that because you talk to your cousin like it's no problem you talk to your boyfriend like it's no problem like you didn't see what you seen in your video that you say that you saw so I don't know I think it's just a bad situation I think you need to seriously serious seriously need to sit down and evaluate yourself and try to figure out what he wants out of this life and mainly what you want for you and your child because as painful as it is it's tough raising kids by yourself and I can't really put myself in your shoes as I said before because I don't know what this is gonna be about I really don't know but I think you should try to figure out this life is this life that you want or this life you're gonna give him by keeping him happy or whatever because ooh man you didn't say if he's a cross dresser thank god for that but you never know so only thing I can offer you Miss Jessica is just to try to open up your open your mind up a little bit more open up your mind open up your eyes see this what it really is he cheated on you with your cousin would have been different if it was another if it was somebody else probably not because it's still cheating cheating is cheating doesn't matter how you look at it how you characterize it cheating is cheating so I think that you should really get ahead of this I don't really know what else I can say to you but families supposed to help they're always supposed to help you and I don't know why there are some people in families that do this to other people it's like they can't go out and find their own happiness they have to come in and ruin somebody else's happiness because I feel that that's what's happening to you you I would say you were probably like more like maybe 45% happy maybe 50% I'll give you the 50 well you're 100% and he was like only 50% but after you had this whole weekend with your cousin Alexis then maybe it came back in I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't I don't know maybe it did maybe it didn't but in any event oh Jessica Jessica Jessica so a negative mind will never give you a positive life so I know you got these thoughts going through your mind I know you want to ask them and I think that you should if you can give me a follow-up on this because I want to know what's happening I want to know if everything's gonna be alright with you and your baby I have a soft spot for women and children I don't know why maybe it's because I was raised with nothing but women but hey that's just me so as we're ready to close this podcast out I'm gonna try to be doing a forum on some of my shows and I want my my listeners to either chime in we can have a discussion about it I don't discuss politics but we can discuss some shows so I hope Miss Jessica that this podcast finds you in a better place. I hope this finds you in a good way I'm not condoning anything I'm not saying you should do anything bad or anything remotely crazy. Um again as I said this needs to be you two and then maybe talk to your cousin because I guarantee you that when you talk to him he's going to go back and tell Alexis that oh well she knows and this that and other and this is probably gonna cause a rift between you two well the three of y'all maybe but if it causes a rift that's what it is it's crazy how family can forgive an outsider but can stay mad with family it's crazy. So and the outside would be your boyfriend I'm just saying so but I wish you the best Miss Jessica I hope that you get the answers that you need and you settle on a life that is going to be beneficial to you and your child because I don't think you deserve this I think you need to find some common ground I think you need to talk to him and let him know that you have this information because if you keep this information as I said before it's just gonna bottle up it's gonna boil over and it's gonna explode in your face I don't know how it's gonna explode but let's just say it's not gonna be in a good way it's gonna be in a bad way and the bad way is that he can end up either leaving you or giving you some kind of STD and you don't want

Closing Thoughts And How To Reach Me

SPEAKER_00 52:32

that. I don't want that for you I don't wish that upon nobody at all but you have to be careful and if you're still having sex with him which maybe you are maybe you're not maybe it's just a one time thing I don't know but I just hope it's gonna everything's gonna be alright for your child for your child's sake so as we get ready to close this show out I want to say thank you to my listeners thank you for um you guys supporting my show as I always say in every one of my shows because I do appreciate you guys I appreciate the love that you're giving me appreciate the downloads I appreciate the email support the social media support I appreciate it all so again um you guys feel free to text me anything my numbers listed on the bus route site um and yeah so until next time you guys take care of yourself and each other and we will see you guys next time let's talk about it please follow me on TikTok Instagram and Facebook thanks for spending time with me today always remember I can't control life but I can control how I react to it.

SPEAKER_01 55:04

Stay sharp and I'll see you soon