Season 3  Episode 9

 You Do Know That Friends Don't Eat Friends, Right? 

CLUCKY: Kitten! What are you doing up there on top of the coop?

KITTEN: It gives me a better view. I’m just checking to see if Xander is on his way down yet.

CLUCKY: What are you doing up so early? The ladies are still snoozing.

KITTEN: Maddox had early morning ice skating practice again so I’ve been up for a while now. 

BIRGITA: (Yawn) Are you trying to get the worm Kitten? 

KITTEN: Worm. No! Ew. Why?.... Oh… early bird gets the worm…. 

BRIDGIT: There’s too much chatter going on this early. 

BELLA: Kitten you should go back to bed. 

CLUCKY: Now ladies, it’s time to rise and shine! Xander should be down any minute now.

KITTEN: Did you hear that? I think it’s coming from the forest though. That can’t be Xander.

BIRGITA: What could it be this early? I’m not ready for visitors my tail feathers are all in a twist… well aside from you Kitten because well, you know, we know you.

CLUCKY: I hear it now too. It’s some rustling…. Maybe it’s Tatum and Neil?

KITTEN: No, sounds lower to the ground and quieter….

KAI: AH HA!!!

KITTEN, CLUCKY AND THE HENS: AH WHAT?? OH MY! WHAT IN THE WORLD?? It’s a ball of fur!!

KAI: (Sniff) You smell tasty!

KITTEN: What are you talking about?

CLUCKY: Does this little feller mean us? That we smell tasty? I mean, he doesn’t look that much bigger than Rosie. 

KAI: I may be small but I’m fierce. Grrrr….

BRIDGIT: Hrm, unimpressive. 

KAI: What are you talking about? This is my hunting stance.

KITTEN: Pardon me, but who are you? And more importantly, what are you?

KAI: My name is KAI and I’m a Kai yo TEE 

CLUCKY: A Kai oat? Mmm, I love to eat oats!

KAI: No….YOTE. Coy -YO TEE

BRIDGIT: I thought it was KAI YO TAY

KITTEN: Actually you are all correct, Kai yo tee Kai Yo Tay or even Coy ote.  It varies across the US and in British English but every way is correct. It’s just a matter of preference. Apparently this little guy prefers Kai-Yo- tee. 

KAI: Who are you calling little? 

CLUCKY: You’re such a little fella. Haven’t you seen yourself? 

KAI: I can gobble all of you up, but maybe I should just eat one of you and bring the rest of you back to my mama and brothers and sisters!

BELLA: I feel like I should be frightened, but I’m not. Is that wrong?

KITTEN: Hey Kai, you should know that we’re quite experienced when it comes to predators. How come you’re by yourself? You look a bit young to be out and about hunting on your own.

KAI: I was out with my brothers and sisters and my mom doing some exploring. We move dens a lot when we’re young. My dad is out hunting with my aunts and uncles.  I’m sure they're close somewhere. I smelled something tasty and came looking to see what’s going on and found a buffet of plump tasty birds. 

BRIDGIT: A Buffet? And there are more of you around? Perhaps we should be more cautious.

BIRGITA: Who are you calling plump? I prefer full feathered.

BELLA: I’m feeling very uneasy about all of this. Maybe we’re being hunted right now.

CLUCKY: I wouldn’t worry too much ladies. This coop that our humans provided is top of the line. It’s supposed to keep all these predators out. 

KAI: The small gray cat is not in your enclosure… I think I’ve got a good chance of getting up and grabbing her.  

KITTEN: I assure you I am very small… I’m more fur than food.  Plus our humans are going to be down here soon.  

KAI: There are humans around? My mom told me to watch out for them. 

KITTEN: Oh yes, our humans are part of our family and they take great care of us. So you probably shouldn’t come around here too often. We also have friends plotting world domination!

CLUCKY: Um Kitten, I don’t think that Rubix would…

KITTEN: CLUCKY!! Of course Rubix is quite scary and should definitely not be underestimated by KAI here. 

KAI: That does sound a bit scary. I’ve never met any creature plotting world domination before.

CLUCKY: Oh yes, that’s all Rubix talks about. Heh heh…

KITTEN: Then there’s Piper and her new mate that drop in from time to time. She’s wrestled with snakes before and has come out victorious.

CLUCKY: Oh that’s right! You wouldn’t want to mess with Piper. She’s amazing. Fast, strong and unpredictable! 

KAI: How do you have all these friends?

KITTEN: Well, we’re kind to all animals that come our way and we try and make friends.

KAI: Hrm, maybe we could be friends then? Friends seems safer than enemies.

CLUCKY : You do know that friends don’t eat friends right?

KAI: Well, yes. 

KITTEN: Perhaps we could try this on a trial and very cautious basis. 

XANDER: (from a distance) HEY CHICKENS!! I’m bringing someone to meet you!

KAI: Who is that?

CLUCKY: That would be one of our humans!

KAI: I need to get out of here!

KITTEN: Bye Kai!

HENS: Farewell. Goodbye! Are we seriously going to be friends with him?

KITTEN: Just wave goodbye ladies. We’ll deal with that problem later.

XANDER: Hi chickens look who I’ve brought to meet you all! This is Brownie!

KITTEN: Meow.

XANDER: Oh hey Kitten. Do you know Brownie?

KITTEN: Meow. I’ve heard about Brownie from Rubix before, but never formally introduced. Hello Brownie.I’m Kitten.

Brownie: Hello.

CLUCKY: My, my, aren’t you a cute ball of fur! Are you a squirrel or something?

BRIGITA: He looks like a chinchilla

CLUCKY : A what now? Some kind of vanilla? Isn’t that a bean?  He looks nothing like a bean. 

Brownie: No, I’m a hamster.

CLUCKY: A hamster?? But you’re huge! For a hamster that is. I don’t know a lot of hamsters, in fact only Rubix and she’s so much smaller than you.

Brownie: Uh huh. 

Bridget: I see you are a hamster of many words.

Brownie: Not really. 

Bridget: It’s called sarcasm.

Brownie: Ok.

Bella: Hi Brownie. I’m Bella. This is Brigita and that’s Bridget, the sarcastic one.

Brownie: Hello

Clucky: And I’m Clucky! 

Xander: Oh you guys all introducing yourselves? What do you think Clucky?

Clucky: Brauk brauk! I seem to recall there was another hamster cage when we were moving here but we never actually saw you Brownie. Where have you been all this time? 

Brownie: In my cage most of the time. But I did wander out and was lost for a little while.

Kitten: OH!! That’s what all that commotion was! A few weeks ago, Xander had the family all in a panic looking for something and I didn’t understand what it was. 

Brownie: Yes. It was me. The door was left open and I wandered out and then fell off the table. 

CLUCKY: Fell off a table?? Oh my! That sounds frightening! Did you hurt yourself?

Brownie: No. I’m well padded. 

CLUCKY: Yes, you certainly are!! You are almost as round as a ball.  So then what happened?

Brownie: I was out. Ate some crumbs here and there. Then I got stuck.

Bella: Stuck?? Where did you get stuck?

Brownie: Behind a wall. 

Brigita: That sounds terrible! How long were you stuck there?

Brownie: Don’t know.

Kitten: The whole family was looking for you for several days. From the first day when Xander started panicking it must have been like 3-4 days later! 

CLUCKY: You were gone for 3-4 days? How did you survive? Weren’t you hungry?

Brownie: I always keep snacks in my cheeks.

Kitten: How did you get stuck?

Brownie: I was walking and then I couldn’t move any more. I got stuck and couldn’t move forwards or backwards.  

KITTEN: Do you know where you got stuck?

BROWNIE: Yeah, it was in a crack in the wall by the fireplace.  I don’t see very well and I think I was a little too big to squeeze through and I got stuck.  

KITTEN: That is right, Hamsters do not have very good eyesight .  You are nearsighted and colorblind. 

BROWNIE: Yes, how did you know that?  

KITTEN: Maddox and I did some research on hamsters, I think she was trying to figure out why Rubix is so mean.

CLUCKY: Now Kitten you are throwing around a lot of big words… What is nearsighted and colorblind? 

BRIGITA: Nearsighted?  That sounds bad.  Is it contagious?  Can we get it? Bawk!  

KITTEN: Meow, No.  Don’t fret Brigita.  Nearsighted means that Brownie can not see things clearly that are far away from him.   Which makes sense for a hamster as they like to burrow and things are usually pretty close to them  

BRIDGET: Can you even see us Brownie?  

BROWNIE: Kind of.  You are the medium sized green blob standing on right side of the enclosure.

BRIDGET:  Green blob?  Why green? I thought you said he was colorblind.  Doesn’t that mean he does not see in color? 

KITTEN: He is but Maddox and I  discovered in our research that the hamster eye is made up of 97% rod cells and only 3% of cone cells. The cone cells are responsible for how animals and humans see in color and the rods help you see in low lighting or at night.  Researchers believe that because they only have 3% of cones they see only the color green in a varying scale, like from light green to dark green and all the shades in between.  They do not see in Black and white.  

BROWNIE: You are right, everything I see is the same color.  Just some things are darker and other things are lighter.  

CLUCKY: Well Washington is very green anyway so his vision is probably more accurate here.  Wait so am I understanding this correctly.  It we put Brownie in the dessert that was all shades of brown it would still look green to him just in different shades?  

KITTEN: Yes that is correct.  

CLUCKY: Cool!  

BELLA:: Can we back up?  Brownie how did you get out of the wall?  What happened?  

BROWNIE: I’m not really sure… I could not move so I waited… I snacked on the food from my cheek pouches but when that ran out I had nothing to do.  I took a nap. 

CLUCKY: Didn’t you get hungry after you ran out of food? 

BROWNIE: Yes, I did.  So Hungry!  Then one evening after my day sleep, when it felt like my stomach was going to escape from my body and go find food on its own I was suddenly able to move back out of the space in the wall that I had been trapped in.  

BELLA: I wonder why you were able to move. 

BROWNIE: I don’t know.

KITTEN: I think I do. 

BROWNIE: What do you think happened, Kitten? 

KITTEN: I think that when you got stuck it was because you were too large to fit through the crack you were trying to get in.  After a couple of days with no food, your body lost weight, you body got smaller and you were able to back out of the space you were in.  

BROWNIE: Humm. I think you are right.  I was certainly smaller after I came out.  Xander said so when he found me.  

CLUCKY: How did he find you? 

BROWNIE: After I got out of the wall, I made my way back to Xander’s room.  I could smell food in my bowl.  Once he put me back in my habitat I ate for a long time.  

KITTEN:  Well it looks like you have made a full recovery.  I am glad to have finally met you.  

BROWNIE: Yes, I am fully padded again.  

XANDER: Are you ok Brownie?  You are rubbing your tummy.  Is it time to go get food? 

CLUCKY:  Brauk! Food! I could always use food!  

XANDER: (Laughs) Ha! Clucky did you here the word food?  Don’t worry, I’ll open your enclosure door so you and the hens can roam around for fresh bugs.  (Door opens) 

CLUCKY: Brauk!  You know me so well!  

XANDER: Enjoy breakfast, I’m going to get brownie back to his habitat. It’s about time for him to go to sleep for the day.  

(Music Transition) 

CLUCKY: Sensei?  Sensei are you there?  I’ve got a question for you.  

KITTEN: Clucky, what are you doing up by the pond?  

CLUCKY: I’m looking for Sensei.  I have a question for him. 

KITTEN:  Where are the hens?  

CLUCKY: They are taking an afternoon nap, good thing too, they were quite cranky.  They certainly got up on the wrong side of the nest today.  

KITTEN: I see.  

(SFX: Water gurgle) 

SENSEI: Hark! Did someone speakith my name? 

CLUCKY: Sensei!  Good to see you!  Thanks for swimming over.  I wanted to ask you a question. 

KITTEN: Good afternoon Sensei!

SENSEI: Greetings gentle feline and feathered fowl.  

CLUCKY: Who you callin’ foul? I just came to ask you a question.  

KITTEN: Clucky, you misunderstand, Sensei meant fowl as in bird not foul as in disgusting or evil.

CLUCKY: Oh my bad.  Sorry Sensei, I’m still getting used to the way you talk. 

SENSEI: Tis a challenge for many to comprehend the speech of the Bard. 

CLUCKY: Who’s the Bard? 

KITTEN: The word Bard, means poet or storyteller of epic tails.  Since William Shakespeare wrote so many famous plays both comedies and tragedies, he is often referred to as “The Bard.” It’s kind of a nickname.  

CLUCKY: Oh Shaky spear, that guy.  Right. That’s kinda what I came to ask you about.  

KITTEN: You came to ask Sensei about William Shakespeare?  

CLUCKY: No, not exactly.  

SENSEI:  Proceed post haste, thou hath my curiosity at a peak.  

CLUCKY: Say what now?

KITTEN: He said, please ask your question as he is very curious.  I must say so am I.  

CLUCKY: Right.  Well I’m a bit confused about your name and your speech. They don’t really seem to add up to me.  Kitten said this Shakey spear fella

KITTEN: Shakespeare.

CLUCKY: Yeah him, he lived in the 1600’s in England and they spoke like you do.  However, your name is Sensei Chew does not seem to fit with that time or location.  So how did you get your name and why do you talk like you do?  

KITTEN: Wow, Clucky, that is very observant of you.  

SENSEI:  Verily thou art most correct.  Sensei Chew doth seem most out of character for one such as I. However, I am after all a Japanese Koi fish and the word Sensei comes from Japan and means teacher or elder.  

CLUCKY: Well that makes sense but why Chew?  

SENSEI: Aye, that is most embarrassing.  Twas two owners before thou came to live here when my name was giveth to me. The lady that lived in thy house was the one who brought me here to this pond.  One sunny day shortly after being thrust into this new pond she came out with a small child.  She and thy small child threw out the most delicious food into thee waters.  I was most famished from my journey and dare say I ate most greedily.  Thee small child started shouting Chew chew while I gobbled down the food most tasty. The gentle lady laughed and said that is what we shall call him. Sensei Chew.  Sensei because he is thee Elder fish in the pond and chew for his love of food.  

CLUCKY: I can totally get gobblin down delicious food.  We are the same in that way.  I love food! 

KITTEN: You do love food more than anyone I’ve ever met Clucky.  

CLUCKY: Guilty! It’s just so tasty! Ok, so I get your name now but why do you speak the way you do, with all the thees and thous and verily?  

SENSEI:  Thou asks questions of great import today. 

CLUCKY: Exactly, I don’t know what you just said.

KITTEN: He said you ask very important questions today. 

CLUCKY: Thank goodness for Kitten the translator! 

SENSEI: Aye, I agree most hardily.  

KITTEN: I am happy to help. I would like to know the answer.  Why is it you speak like you are from the Elizabethan era?  

SENSEI: Twas because of the pond where I spent my youth in the mystical waters of a land known as Ashland. 

CLUCKY: Ashland?  Was it covered in Ashes?  

SENSEI: Nay twas not.  Twas the home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.  The pond where I swam was on the shores of the Elizabethan Stage.  Actors and revelors wouldst come to the waters edge and speak the language of the bard. All in ye pond spokith as such.  

KITTEN: So everyone in your pond and around spoke this way? 

SENSEI: Aye, verily. 

KITTEN: What a fun place.  

CLUCKY: Speak for yourself, I don’t think I would be able to understand anyone there. 

SENSEI: Nay Clucky, thou wouldst. 

CLUCKY: Thank you for your confidence Sensei.  So did you have a name in that other pond before you came here? 

SENSEI: Aye, twas Balthasar Lancaster.  Balthasar twas a name in several plays such as Romeo & Juliet, Much Ado about Nothing, Comedy of Errors and the Merchant of Venice.  T’were many of my favorites to watch from the water’s edge.  

KITTEN: You could watch plays from the last pond you lived in?  Wow that must have been so nice.  I’ve always wanted to go to a theater.  

SENSEI: (Sigh) Aye, twas an open air stage where actors performed all through the warm days of summer.  

KITTEN: That sounds lovely. 

CLUCKY: From your last pond you could see actors on a stage talking the way you talk?  It sounds kinda boring to me.  

KITTEN: Clucky! Shakespeare’s works are famous around the world.  He got to see actors dressed as Lords and Ladies express their undying love for one another.  

CLUCKY: Ugh! Kitten you are not helping.  That sounds even worse than I thought.  

SENSEI: Hold Clucky, twas not all romance there were tragic tales of woe and not many survivors in the tragedies.  And t’were swords. 

CLUCKY: Swords? Swords might be cool.    Why did you leave? 

SENSEI: Twas not by choice.  The pond had grown full of koi.  One hot day many men came with nets and scooped up as many fish as they could.  They dropped us in buckets and ferried us away to lands unknown.  Alas, tis  how I came to be here with my new name. (Sigh) 

CLUCKY: I guess the old owner would have no idea about where you came from. 

SENSEI: Nay, she did not.  So now here I swim, with a name unsuited for me. 

CLUCKY: Would you prefer we call you Ba Balth- Balthasar?  Wow, that’s a lot to say.  Maybe Bal or Bally? 

SENSEI: Nay, I have grown used to Sensei and it seems easier for thee to say.  

CLUCKY: Whew! It is.  Thanks for telling me your story.  

KITTEN: It was most interesting.  I better get back. I think Maddox is home from school.  

SENSEI: Fare thee well.