Episode #6 - Here's Some Advice

I was looking for some help with parenting from my dear friends who were in town, who happen to be parents also. They were hesitant at first, saying that there are not a lot of people who are willing to take advice from others about how to raise their children. In fact, not a lot of people are willing to listen to others about much of anything. Well...Scripture teaches us that those who are wise will accept advice and counsel. We were never created to go it alone, nor have you failed by asking for help. In fact, it's one of the most godly things you can do. 

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Transcript

Welcome to the Set Your Mind Above podcast, where everyday, ordinary events teach us extraordinary eternal truths! I am your host BJ Sipe, and I’m so glad you’ve tuned in today! I am excited to share my life & my faith with you, and I sure hope you’ll do the same with me along the way.

Yesterday was our last full day with our dear friends before they left back for Oregon, so we made the most of it together. I worked a half day and we spent the rest of the afternoon together just enjoying time with each other. While that part of the day was enjoyable, the part that was not so enjoyable was the challenging things going on with both of my children from sun up to sun down, particularly our 2 year old daughter. Ava had not been on her best behavior at all, in fact she lost a lot of privileges and had many time outs because of the way she was acting. Dane was also challenging, not because of his behavior but because he was refusing to sleep. So while we were visiting into the late hours of the night in our living room, Kylie and I had to keep getting up to deal with one child or the other. At some point we finally got them both to sleep, and I started sharing with Kevin & Erica that I felt like I was doing something wrong as a parent. I know that toddlers can be very challenging, but I just couldn’t figure out how to deal with some of the behaviors that our daughter was exhibiting this past week. They were pretty quiet as I shared, hoping that at some point they might jump in with some thoughts of their own as parents themselves. Finally, I said to Kevin, “You look like you want to say something, and I would really love another perspective on this.” He replied back and said, “Are you sure? Usually, most people do not want to be given advice on how to parent or raise their kids.” I responded and told them, “Absolutely. I only get one shot at this with my kids, and most of the time I have no idea what I am doing. Why wouldn’t I accept advice from those who are more experienced at this than we are?” With that being said, they started to share some very insightful things with us that helped us tremendously. We talked for about another hour, said goodnight, and headed to bed. As I laid in bed reflecting on the day, I thought about his comment and the sad reality behind his statement. For many people, they do not want any direction or instruction from others about personal things like parenting. Perhaps that is a contributing factor to many of the problems we see with our youth today, they were raised by parents that refused to seek out or accept advice when they didn’t know what to do. 

A refusal to accept advice or instruction from others is a symptom of foolish pride. Let us consider for a moment a few things that King Solomon said about this in his proverb writings. 

Proverbs 11:14: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”

Proverbs 12:15: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”

Proverbs 13:10: “By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom.”

Proverbs 19:20: “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”

Pride is an impenetrable barrier between me and the sound advice of others. If we insist on doing everything by ourselves without any help, we will certainly fail in any area of our lives. I believe there are two motives behind a refusal to seek out help & advice, one is genuine but mistaken, and another is arrogant and puffed up. The first believes that if they need to seek out the help of others that means they have already failed. We see this all the time with things like marriage, parenting, or even trying to quit and addiction. I have talked with people that absolutely refuse to speak to a counselor, a group of elders, or a specialist because they “should be able to do it themselves, and if they can’t something is wrong with them.” Nothing could be further from the truth. You were never created to do things alone without the help or counsel of others. In fact, from the beginning God said it was not good for us to go it alone. Asking for help is not a sign of failure or weakness, but a great sign of humility & strength. To be able to recognize that you don’t have all the answers and would greatly benefit from those who are equipped to help you is one of the most mature & godly things you could ever do. The second group, however, refuses to seek out advice for much different reasons. It is not because they feel that they don’t know all the answers but are too afraid to ask, but it is because they arrogantly believe they’ve got it all figured out. Any advice offered to them is seen as an attack and treated as such. Regardless of the wisdom & experience that is represented behind the advice offered to them, it is tossed out immediately without being given any thought. I think all of us have been like this with one thing or another in our lives and had to learn the hard way, some of us just take a little longer than others to figure that out. Now let me make some clarifications before we conclude our thoughts for the day. First, don’t just take advice from anyone. Asking someone who has never been a parent how to parent (for example) is not the wisest decision, it doesn’t mean they have nothing positive to offer, but someone who has raised godly children is much better equipped to understand and help you with your questions. Second, don’t just give unsolicited advice – especially in a condescending way. Others are learning just like you had to learn. If you see someone struggling and feel like you might be able to help, ask and then wait. If they are willing to listen, guide them with a gentle & kind spirit. Finally, when you have questions, don’t just ask one person for help. As the Scripture says, with many counselors there is success. Sometimes you may have already been told exactly what you needed to hear, but it finally clicks with you when it comes from someone else. May God help us to have humble hearts, always ready and willing to learn from others in our lives. 

Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode. Tune in, Tuesday-Friday’s, as a new podcast episode will be uploaded each day. Also, be sure to follow the Facebook page for the Set Your Mind Above podcast for future announcements and weekly video sessions that are uploaded on Saturdays. As you have the opportunity, share these thoughts with your friends and family, and share with me what important lessons you are learning from every day, ordinary events. Until next time know that I love you, that God loves you, and may we all each and every day set our minds above.