Peace & Prosperity Podcast

The Impact Confidence Has on Relationships - Episode #78

• Jason Phillips • Episode 78

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The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.

Unlock the secrets to nurturing healthier relationships as we explore the profound impact of confidence on communication, conflict resolution, and boundaries. Ever wondered how low confidence might be the hidden culprit behind communication challenges or why poor conflict resolution could be preventing you from feeling truly heard? We break it all down, revealing how insecurity often morphs into a need for external validation, fuelling jealousy and attention-seeking behaviors. Discover practical strategies to recognize and address these confidence issues, empowering you to foster more fulfilling connections.

We'll also be discussing the art of setting robust boundaries and overcoming the fear of rejection that often leads to settling in unsatisfactory relationships. Building confidence isn't just beneficial for personal growth; it sets a powerful precedent for those around you. Our conversation doesn't stop there. We also tackle high functioning anxiety, providing self-help strategies and emphasizing the importance of seeking professional guidance for those moments when anxiety seems overwhelming. Prepare to gain insights from a relationship expert in our next episode, offering a deeper dive into these crucial topics. Don't miss out on the opportunity to enhance your personal well-being and relational harmony. Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.

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Visit Jason's website for a consultation:

Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com

To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:

https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry

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Speaker 1:

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome back to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast.

Speaker 1:

Y'all we today we're talking about confidence and the impact confidence can have on relationships. Y'all know a lot of times when we talk about confidence here, we talk about it from you know how it impacts the individual, whether that be your anxiety level, your stress level. You know how you want to avoid burnout. We talk about those things but we forget if you don't have the right level of confidence it will do disasters in your relationship. Disasters in your relationship. So I'm going to break it down in a couple of different ways on how your confidence especially if you have lack of confidence or low confidence how it can really derail your relationship. The first way is that you will run into communication challenges. Think about a relationship that you had where you know maybe you're having some arguments, you're getting into it about this or that and you try to express yourself and either you don't have a lot of confidence or maybe your partner doesn't have great confidence. So they're continuously trying to prove their point without hearing what you have to say, because they're like if I over talk you, then I can kind of overpower you in a sense, not physically, but in the context of this argument and you end up with a lot of communication issues. You're not hearing them. They're not hearing you because you feel like I just got to get this out. I got to get this out because if I don't, then it means that or you're telling yourself it means something about you if you can't articulate your point in that moment. Or vice versa, your partner may feel like if I can't get it all out right now, you know it's over. You know you're going to sit down and listen to me and initially this can seem like solely a communication issue. But if we dig deeper, we'll probably see that somebody or both parties are dealing with low confidence, maybe low self-esteem, and this could have stemmed from issues way before the relationship. But now we're showing up Right. So sometimes when we don't deal with past issues, past hurt, past trauma, it'll rear its head in our current relationship. So that's the first way y'all we got to be mindful of those communication issues and how they show up when there's a lack of confidence.

Speaker 1:

The second thing that will happen you will find yourself with poor conflict resolution, because now you can't really resolve things. Conflict resolution because now you can't really resolve things. If it doesn't go your way. You're like you know what I'm done, because you're taking it very personally when things don't go your way so you don't end up resolving any conflict. That's a confidence issue, because you want to be able to say you know what? Let me take accountability. This was my bad, I got this wrong, I didn't empathize with you. But you won't be able to do that if it's all about you or you feel like if I say that it was my fault, then that means I'm not enough. Excuse me, right. So you become super, super defensive and nobody likes when they're being attacked or when you can't even take any type of constructive feedback about how you're showing up in that relationship. So confidence is tricky because in so many ways that we don't always think about, it'll show up and hit us there too.

Speaker 1:

So the third way confidence or lack of confidence can show up in a relationship is insecurity. Okay, yep, I said it, we definitely go in there. Insecurities, and this one is huge. It is huge because when someone is insecure, that means that they're not sure of themselves. They may not feel like they are enough. They're looking for external validation, and this can do a couple of things. One it could mean that your partner is now stepping out or you. You're looking for validation. Your confidence is not great, so you're looking for other people or other experiences to validate you.

Speaker 1:

That's going to be a problem, particularly if you're in a committed, committed relationship or vice versa. If your partner is seeking external validation, you may feel like, well, how come I can't get this right. And it's not you. It's that this person's insecurity is starting to cause more problems in your relationship. You ever seen where you out and about and you'll see a couple and I'm not, I'm not judging, but you'll see a couple, maybe somebody's just a certain way, and you're like, dang, hold up, what type of attention are they trying to get? And you'll think, well, how come he or she, why did they let them leave the house like that? That may not have anything to do with that partner.

Speaker 1:

It could be that person saying you know what? Let me, you know, show that I still have it. So I want more attention. Because, you know, attention from my partner is just not enough. I'm still feeling like I need more validation. My partner's hitting all my love languages, but that's not enough. I still need more. These are some of those deeper seated issues that definitely need to be addressed, but they wreak havoc on the relationship itself too. So, yeah, insecurity y'all that's a big one. If you notice it, take accountability for it, but also take responsibility and take action about it. Hey, peace and prosperity, family. I want to take a moment to talk about something vital for all organizations employee wellness. Here's what some of the past organizations have shared about their experiences have shared about their experiences so far.

Speaker 3:

I've learned that my mental health has a huge impact as a leader on my team's health, but also to be looking out for signs that I've already been seeing and learning tips on how I can take those back to help myself as well as my team.

Speaker 2:

So I really appreciate Jason, because he really put a lot of stuff in perspective for me. I don't get a lot of days off. You know what I'm saying. So when I do take one off, I don't get a lot of days off, you know what I'm saying. So when I do take one off, I feel really, really guilty. It's like, oh my gosh, I got so much to do. But knowing that, like hey, it's okay, take a break, be yourself and then come back to this and you'll be better. It's just, it's nice to keep hearing that, so that's good.

Speaker 3:

But it was good to reevaluate and see that you know everyone has burnout things like that and also just learning how to deal with it more effectively. Be yourself, love yourself, and other people are going to love you too. Like regardless. And workplace is not just workplace, this is family. He was a great speaker. Yeah, probably one of the best ones that I've seen so far.

Speaker 1:

If you're interested in investing in your team's mental health, visit jasonlphillipscom or visit the link below and let's talk about creating a thriving work environment for your organization. Now back to the episode. Another way that lack of confidence can really mess up your relationship yeah, I would say it'll mess up your relationship is you won't have any boundaries. What does that mean? Anything goes. You don't know when to say yes, you don't know when to say no. You just have like no backbone because you're like, well, I don't want this to you know, I don't want to say no and now I don't end up, I don't have a relationship. So you're letting things go or letting things fly in the relationship that normally you wouldn't, because you would be much more assertive about some things or certain things, but because you are nervous that this person could tiptoe and walk out your life, you say yes to everything and then you look back and say, dang, I know that's not me, I know I wouldn't want my partner to spend all my money to disrespect me, to not make, you know, not us have an official title or Other things are going on in a relationship that are just not something that you would necessarily go for, but because you're operating out of fear.

Speaker 1:

You let these things happen. You let this person talk to you a certain way. You let this person not uphold your values. Because you don't want to be alone. You think that if you do speak up for yourself, it's going to mean well, this could be the last person I get Right. I don't want that for me.

Speaker 1:

I've seen it happen with my mom. I've seen it happen with my dad. I saw what happened when they tried to stand up for us as kids or when they tried to say this is what they didn't want or did want in a relationship. So now your boundaries go out the window because of things that you've said or seen before. So be mindful of just how much are you putting up with, because your confidence is not where it should be, your self-esteem is not where it's not at a healthy level. So so many things in a relationship you're letting it fly. Yeah, let's pause on that. You deserve better. You actually deserve whatever you want, you know within reason, but you definitely don't deserve to be disrespected or to be walked over out of fear. Ask yourself, when something happens to you, when you let something slide, ask yourself am I operating out of a place of fear, and this is why I'm letting this happen, or am I truly okay with this situation, right? Only you can answer that question, but I want you to take a pause and do it.

Speaker 1:

So, the last thing that I want to say on confidence and how it will show up and impact your relationship or prevent you from being in a healthy relationship, is that the lack of confidence can result in a fear of rejection In your mind. You can think nobody wants me, I'm not worthy, I'm not getting picked. So because of that fear, or the fear of not getting picked again, you change, and not in a way that is progressive for you. You change in a way that you're ashamed of. If you're wondering like, okay, am I this person? Is my confidence impacting how I'm showing up in relationships, ask yourself do you have boundaries and are you reinforcing the boundaries? What are your communication? Issues like how is the communication in a relationship? Are you operating out of a fear of rejection? And, lastly, how are y'all resolving conflicts? Or are you just throwing your hands up and saying you know what? I can't do nothing about this. You can, you can, but you probably don't feel like you can. So because you don't feel like it, you're taking that as a fact. I want to say managing confidence in a relationship and really thinking about how, when you build up your confidence, just how empowering it will be for you If you have family or kids, how empowering it will be for them to see you operate out of a space of confidence. That in itself can be motivating to take the stance or take the initiative to really do something about it and pay attention to how you showing up. Are you being too passive, are you being too aggressive, are you snapping and, lastly, are you operating out of fear of being alone and because of that, you're just settling? All right, y'all, we're gonna have to do a part two. I'll probably, uh, bring a relationship expert on here to really dialogue on some ways to to address this, but I wanted to give you some things to think about on how your confidence, or lack of confidence, could truly be hurting your relationships. All right, y'all. As always, be blessed Peace.

Speaker 1:

Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. Again, if you are feeling like, hey, I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety, don't beat yourself up about it. It is okay. We all experience anxiety from time to time, and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own, but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through. Okay, and lastly, make sure, if you have not like, share, subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend. And if you want to hear certain episodes or have certain conversations, let me know. You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up. All right, y'all Be blessed, peace.