Peace & Prosperity Podcast

How To Set Boundaries With Yourself - #73

• Jason Phillips • Episode 73

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The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.

Do you often say yes to others but no to yourself? Join Jason Phillips as we explore the power of boundaries, balancing personal values with external demands, and the art of saying no without guilt. Drawing from his own experiences, he'll share strategies like mastering a "slow yes" and a "fast no" to protect your time and energy while tackling challenges like high-functioning anxiety. Discover how effective communication, self-reflection, and prioritizing self-care can lead to greater peace and prosperity. Engage with our podcast community—like, share, and let us know what topics you'd like us to cover next!

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Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com

To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:

https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry

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Speaker 1:

All right, all right. So we are back with another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. I'm your host, jason Phillips, licensed therapist, confidence expert, and today we're going to be talking about how can you be your best self by setting better boundaries. Setting better boundaries, now, this is a topic that I've been able to explore with a bunch of my friends and other guests and therapists, coaches on the podcast before, but it's something that we have to revisit, because today I'm hearing it more and more often in my sessions and when I do speaking engagements, where people are struggling with putting themselves first or even prioritizing themselves at all. There, what we're doing is we're putting ourselves last on the list, and it's hurting us in the long run.

Speaker 1:

So if you're someone who struggles with setting these boundaries, this is what I want you to do First thing. First, I want you to identify what are your priorities and what are your values. What does this mean? What are the things that are important to you? Not your partner, not your parents, not your kids, not your boss. But what are your priorities? See, sometimes we haven't really thought about what our priorities are, because we've been so busy doing and pleasing other people we haven't had a second to sit back and think, oh, this is what I like to do, or this is what I value, and this is how I'm showing up, and this is how I'm going to integrate this into my life. See, so like for me. I value exercise. I value, you know, some downtime. I also value education, which is why, you know, I'm in school, but these are things that I know outside of. You know, being a husband, being a father, being a good family member, these are some of the other things that I value. So, because I know that, I know that it's important for me to get in the gym, or it may be important for me to just kind of sit back, watch a funny movie, but I'm doing the things that make me feel good and not just doing things for other people, because we get caught up on so many other things that our values end up getting pushed way down and then we find ourselves feeling like, man, I'm not myself anymore, or dang, how did I get to be where I'm just going and I don't even know the direction. Well, do you know what your priorities are? When somebody asks you to do something, like they ask you to hang out, they might ask you to come over, visit, you know. Do something fun, even go on a vacation. You have to ask yourself one, you know, do I want to even hang out with them, right? You know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes we don't have the energy for everybody, and that's okay too. Or two, is this something that aligns with what I'm trying to kind of pour into my life? So, for instance, if you prioritize travel and seeing the world, when somebody asks you about going on a vacation, if it's somewhere you want to go, this may be a win-win for both of y'all. But if you're not in that season in your life, your money's tight or maybe you don't have the time for it. That's a hard no. Or maybe it's an easy no, honestly. But you have to think where am I and what do I have room for, before I just start over committing, because we'll do that because we don't want people to not like us. Overcommitting, because we'll do that because we don't want people to not like us, or it sounds good in the moment, but it really does not align with our priorities or our values. Secondly, when we are working on our boundaries and putting ourselves first, we have to communicate. But when we communicate, it has to be clear and it has to be assertive. Y'all. Long are the days where we can say, hmm, let me think about it, or you know what, maybe because people will follow back up with you pretty quickly, like I know you told me maybe yesterday, can I turn that maybe into a yes, can I turn that maybe into I think so.

Speaker 1:

People can be really persistent, especially depending on who you're setting the boundaries with. Like some people, you can tell them, no, I can't do it, and they'll say, oh, hey, no problem, I'll get with you next time. But then there are some people where you tell them, no, I can't, oh, why not? Come on, don't do that to me, man, you told me that last time. Oh, so that's what it's like. You don't have time for your friends anymore. You're going to do me like that. They try to guilt trip you. Now that's a whole other podcast. We're not going to get into that.

Speaker 1:

But I want you to communicate your no's really assertively and clearly, and I would also say swiftly too, like if you know this is something that does not fit for you. There's no real reason in delaying the no. It may feel like you have to think about it, but sometimes we know it's a no, but we're like, oh, how do I say the no? The best way to say the no is to say the no. When we are slow with our no, we give people hope, like, oh, maybe you know, maybe tomorrow they're going to, they're going to change their mind, or maybe, if I do this, then that'll get them closer to a yes. When you know sometimes there is nothing that person can do, that's going to make them get closer to a yes.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to be assertive and be okay with it. People will respect you more with that assertive no. I don't care if you're talking to your partner, your family member, whoever that is, because they'll know wow, you know what Brandy is really committed to working out right now, or Brandy is really committed to you know his job or his career. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you actually a person of integrity, responsibility, and people will know, like you know what I respect, that I can rock with that. Hey, peace and Prosperity family. I want to take a moment to talk about something vital for all organizations employee wellness. Here's what some of the past organizations have shared about their experiences.

Speaker 3:

So far, I've learned that my mental health has a huge impact as a leader on my team's health, but also to be looking out for signs that I've already been seeing and learning tips on how I can take those back to help myself as well as my team.

Speaker 2:

So I really appreciate Jason because he really put a lot of stuff in perspective for me. I don't get a lot of days off you know what I'm saying so when I do take one off, I feel really, really guilty. It's like, oh my gosh, I got so much to do, but knowing that, like, hey, it's okay, take a break, be yourself and then come back to this and you'll be better, it's just, it's nice to keep hearing that.

Speaker 3:

So that's good, but it was good to reevaluate and see that you know, everyone has burnout, things like that and also just learning how to deal with it more effectively. Be yourself, love yourself, and other people are going to love you too. Like regardless. And workplace is not just workplace, this is family. He was a great speaker, probably one of the best ones that I've seen so far.

Speaker 1:

If you're interested in investing in your team's mental health, visit Jason L Phillips dot com or visit the link below, and let's talk about creating a thriving work environment for your organization. A thriving work environment for your organization. Now back to the episode. Next thing I want you to do when it comes to setting boundaries for yourself. I want you to set some personal time aside for you. We schedule so many other things, but are you scheduling time for yourself? This could mean taking yourself out on a sweet date. This could mean, like sometimes for me it's allocating time to just play Madden, like that's all I'm doing for that, you know, hour or two or three. It just depends on what I got going on here. I'm be honest. But it's okay to set the time, but I want you to set it and stick to it. Don't make empty promises to yourself, saying, oh, I'm going to do this for me and then, when that time comes, oh man, you know what I'm going to have to reschedule. So you, that means you have prioritized everybody else, you were on time for them and what they had, but you, but you reschedule on yourself. It's kind of like I hear this and I've done it before too. On yourself. It's kind of like I hear this, and I've done it before too where we make sure we get everybody else to their appointments or if, like, if you're a therapist, you make sure you're there for everybody and their appointments, you don't call off or nothing. But then sometimes you have your own appointment and you're like you know what, I'm going to go ahead and reschedule this one. It's like, wait what? You just made sure that everybody else got to there, what they needed to do, but you're going to reschedule something that's for you. No, set that personal time for you and stick to it. The next thing you want to do when you're setting boundaries for yourself, your time is of the essence. For yourself, your time is of the essence, as my homie, dr RJ would say. Before you commit, make sure you check your calendar, which is your board of directors. So I want you to make sure you give a slow yes and a fast no, and I also want you to set limits on your availability.

Speaker 1:

Has anybody ever asked you like, hey, what you got going on on Friday? You know, ok, I'm free, or what you doing this weekend? I don't think nothing. Oh, can you help me move? Oh, can you? Can you go to the mall with me. Oh, can you run a few errands when I was growing up.

Speaker 1:

People don't really say as much now, but it'll be. Hey, I need you to shoot a move with me. All right, shoot a move. What does that mean? It'll be. Hey, I need you to shoot a move with me. All right, shoot a move. What does that mean? Sometimes, shooting a move can end up being an all day, all night thing. Y'all know what I'm talking about. For those who listen, let me know, like, shoot me a message or something. When you somebody will say I need you to shoot a move with me, that shoot a move could be eight, nine hours in your mind. That shooter move could be eight, nine hours In your mind. You probably planned on an hour, maybe two. So set limits on your availability. Your time is precious.

Speaker 1:

And then, last but definitely not least, I want you to start practicing self-care and self-reflection. Take inventory of what's working for you, like, what are the things that, for your self-care, have been fabulous? You do it seamlessly, you can do it with the routine, you can flow right into it. But then what are those things that you're still struggling with? What are those consistent themes where you find yourself running into roadblocks in this area of your life and you know, if you had maybe more more training, if you had more coaching, more therapy around this particular thing or issue, it will make you that much better. That's you also prioritizing yourself, setting that boundary and pouring back into you.

Speaker 1:

We cannot slip on practicing self-care and self-reflection, whether you do it with your journal or whether you do it with your therapist, whether you do it with your coach, your mentor. I want you to take that time out and have it just for you. Yeah, when it comes to setting these boundaries, we gotta be tight. Long gone are the days where we can just kinda think that other people are going to respect our time, they're going to respect our space and we don't have to be really intentional about this. Hey, as always, y'all be blessed Peace about this. Hey, as always, y'all be blessed Peace.

Speaker 1:

Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. Again, if you are feeling like, hey, I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety, don't beat yourself up about it. It is okay. We all experience anxiety from time to time, and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own, but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through. Okay, and lastly, make sure, if you have not like, share, subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend, and if you want to hear certain episodes or have certain conversations, let me know. You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up. All right, y'all be blessed, peace.