Peace & Prosperity Podcast
In the Peace & Prosperity Podcast, Jason Phillips, licensed therapist and life coach, shares personal experiences that force you to think deeply about your values, beliefs, and behaviors to ensure you achieve peace, happiness, and success in your life.
Peace & Prosperity Podcast
How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Relationships - Episode #81
The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Can a lack of confidence sabotage your relationships? In this episode, we explore how insecurity affects communication, fosters unhealthy dependence on validation, and compromises boundaries. Learn practical strategies to address these challenges and build more balanced, fulfilling connections. Plus, we tackle high-functioning anxiety, offering tips for self-management and guidance on seeking professional support. Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.
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Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com
To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:
https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry
All right y'all. Welcome back to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. We're getting into it. Today we are talking about confidence, and a lot of times when we have this conversation about confidence, we talk about it from how confidence impacts you as an individual. How confidence impacts you as an individual, whether that be, you know, in your workplace or when it comes to anxiety and managing stress. But today we're going to talk about how lack of confidence can impact your relationship. So let's go ahead and jump right into it Out the gate. When your confidence is not at a healthy level, you will end up with communication issues in your relationship. You're like OK, how, Jason, how Break this down? I will.
Speaker 1:So one you will notice in your relationship you will find yourself doing one or two things. One you might be more aggressive when you talk, meaning you feel like I got to get it all out. You got to be listening and looking at me, paying attention. You want your partner hanging on to every word because they have to hear you and know that what you mean is gospel, what you mean is important in any hit of them. Not listening to you, You're taking that very, very personally. Wait, hold on and you may raise your voice more, you may become more aggressive, because you're trying to dominate that space right there.
Speaker 1:The other way it can show up is you don't say anything. You'll find yourself being too quiet. Let's think about some issues that you're going through in your relationship and you you knew this was an issue, but you didn't speak up about it. And time goes by and it happens again and you don't say nothing. And again and again, and that's the lack of confidence causing you to be quiet when you really need to voice your opinion on something. And then you look up, years go by and you think, well, how did we get here in this relationship? How did we end up here in this relationship, right? How did we end up? You know, moving across the country? Or how did I give up my job? How did I give up my hobbies? How did this happen? You were silent the whole time when you should have been advocating for yourself and actually speaking your mind, right? You know, mean what you say. Say what you mean. You were silent because you lacked confidence. Say, say what you mean. You were silent because you lacked confidence. That's the first way that confidence can impact your relationship negatively. The second way that it can show up is you will find yourself having very poor conflict resolution. So now you and your partner, y'all getting into it, but nothing is getting resolved because you becoming very defensive in the argument or you may find yourself shutting down big time. So the lack of you having good conflict resolution skills is now impacting your relationship. But if you were more confident, you wouldn't take things as personal or as personally, however you want to put it. Now I will say you may still be defensive and you may still want to prove your point. However, when things come up, you will say you know what? Let me not focus on you, let's focus on the problem, let's attack the issue. But if you feel like everything is an attack, you're not going to get anywhere.
Speaker 1:The third one is insecurity. Now, this one is huge because when you don't address your insecurities now, you will get into that relationship and looking for your partner to validate you every step of the way. So now, what do you think about this? Or if you got a decision to make, you want their opinion Almost to the point where it becomes a problem, or vice versa, Maybe your partner is seeking external validation because they lack confidence.
Speaker 1:This reminds me of you ever see a couple out and you thinking, oh man, why, why is she wearing that or why is he dressed like that? Why did they let that happen? Now, for some couples, this is just how they roll. But sometimes that partner feels like I have to look a certain way, to feel a certain way, even if it means that I'm jeopardizing my relationship, or I have to act a certain way out of insecurity. Maybe you end up being a little bit more flirtatious because you want to make sure that your partner knows that you're attractive, but they know that, but your insecurity doesn't make you feel that.
Speaker 1:This is why we have to address our own stuff before we hop into a relationship, because what can happen is we can shift the blame and say, no, this is, this is about you. You're making me feel this way. No, no, no, no, no. Nobody is making you feel anything. Making you feel anything. There may be past hurt, past trauma, past issues that haven't been addressed, and now they're showing up by you being more insecure. So that validation or seeking validation from other people that will cause a lot of problems in a relationship. Hey, Peace and Prosperity family. I want to take a moment to talk about something vital for all organizations employee wellness. I focus on tackling issues such as low morale, burnout and helping teams thrive by improving their employee wellness. Here's what some of the past organizations have shared about their experiences.
Speaker 2:Vincent Phillips has been a tremendous value to our team. His session on psychological safety and mental health tools for leadership has been immense for all of us.
Speaker 3:The privilege of joining Mr Jason Phillips' wonderful session about psychological safety and psychological health. There were a lot of key takeaways from his presentation. I mean he discussed just how leadership impacts team health and team mental health.
Speaker 1:I was in Jason's session today and I just took away a lot of invaluable information to bring back to my shop. If you're interested in investing in your team's mental health, visit jasonlphillipscom or visit the link below and let's talk about creating a thriving work environment for your organization. Now back to the episode. So let's talk about fear of rejection. There may be some times where you fear being rejected and because of that fear, you're doing things in a relationship that you just wouldn't do. You're bending over backwards. You have no boundaries. You're letting your partner talk to you crazy. You're letting them disrespect you. You're letting them take advantage of you. They're showing out in front of the kids. Now you feel like I have to let them do this because I don't want to be by myself. And maybe this is not something that you think about at the forefront, but on a deeper level. You're letting it happen because of the lack of confidence. You think if I stand up for myself, if I become assertive, then they won't want me. And now nobody will want me and I'll be alone. We go to the worst extreme. The last thing I want to say about you know the lack of confidence and how it shows up, or you know what it can do in a relationship is that you will find yourself becoming somebody who you don't even know. What do I mean? I mean that because you didn't have boundaries, because you fear rejection, because there were communication issues, you are now showing up in a relationship as a shell of yourself and you're looking up it's been months later or maybe years later and you're asking yourself how in the heck did I get here? That's because you stopped working on yourself. You put all the stock into the relationship or into your partner. You never advocated for yourself, you never said no, you only let your partner run things. And now, because of that, you're disappointed in yourself, you're embarrassed, you're ashamed of where you are now. So this is why I'm so big on you building up your confidence as an individual. So when you get into the relationship, you know how to not be passive and be quiet, but speak your mind.
Speaker 1:There may be decisions that have to be made. Maybe you're all about to move in together. Let's talk about the bills. Let's not just think we're going to figure it out. But how are we going to figure it out? What do you want this space to look like? There may be questions that you want to ask hey, who is that person? What does that person mean to you? That essentially needs to be answered, but because of fear, you're not asking the question. So now, emotions are growing stronger, you're falling in love with this person, you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person, but there are so many different issues that haven't standards that are true and near to your heart.
Speaker 1:Listen, y'all, the lack of confidence in relationships would not only cause problems in the beginning, but it will cause problems over and over and over again. So it's best to address it early, address it head on and know that you are doing the best thing for you and your future. When you do so, all right, y'all, we might have to do a part two on this one. I'm just saying this was heavy. Get a guest on here. Let me know who y'all want me to have this conversation with. All right y'all. Peace.
Speaker 1:Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity podcast. Again, if you are feeling like, hey, I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety, don't beat yourself up about it. It is okay. We all experience anxiety from time to time, and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own, but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through. Okay, and lastly, make sure, if you have not like, share, subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend, and if you want to hear certain episodes or have certain conversations, let me know. You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up. All right, y'all Be blessed, peace.