Peace & Prosperity Podcast
In the Peace & Prosperity Podcast, Jason Phillips, licensed therapist and life coach, shares personal experiences that force you to think deeply about your values, beliefs, and behaviors to ensure you achieve peace, happiness, and success in your life.
Peace & Prosperity Podcast
Navigating Male Friendships with Pervis Taylor- Episode #84
The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
What happens when a man’s passions don’t align with traditional masculinity? In this episode, we explore the isolation Black men often face when interests like art take priority over sports. Through personal stories, we highlight the struggle to form deep, meaningful friendships beyond surface-level hangouts.
From barbershops to fraternities, we unpack how societal norms shape male friendships and how embracing emotional vulnerability can lead to true connection. We also dive into high-functioning anxiety and the pressure to perform, offering real talk and practical tips for redefining masculinity and building community.
Plus, remember to join our podcast community—like, share, subscribe, and let us know what topics you want us to cover next. Engage with us, send a DM, or leave a review. Let's continue this journey towards peace and prosperity together.
To stay connected with Jason and learn about coaching, connect with Jason on social media:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jphillipsmsw/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/jphillipsmsw
Visit Jason's website for a consultation:
Website -https://www.jasonlphillips.com
To book Jason to speak to your team or organization:
https://peaceprosperitycoaching.hbportal.co/public/660d8068c9d2d600253b215b/1-Inquiry
what's going on y'all? So we are talking about navigating male friendships. What's up instagram, man y'all? It's been a minute since I've been live. What's up, man, bro? What up, though? How you feeling?
Speaker 2:I'm good happy new year man man, happy new year, right dang. I know I haven't seen you all year bro.
Speaker 1:Cause it's been too long since we've been on live together too.
Speaker 2:It's been a minute, since we've been on together.
Speaker 1:I think I've been in New York more recent than since.
Speaker 2:We've been on live, yeah it's been a minute since we've done this. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Dang man well, we hear y'all what's up. I see a lot of new faces. Wait, we've been getting the twins more and more.
Speaker 2:So look, my friend was like Purvis, doing a live with his chocolate twin.
Speaker 1:I told you, man, remember my in-laws, thought you were me that was crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're getting your great patch where mine is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's starting to come in. Yeah, it's coming in. What's up, ken? What's up bro? What's up y'all, how y'all doing yeah, if y'all don't mind too, just put in. You know, put in your name. And wherever you're watching from, I know it's a lot of new york people, probably a lot of detroit people.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah man what up how you?
Speaker 1:been hey dad, what's up earl? What up earl? Oh, that's right, yeah, hey, that's a lot of bandmates on here. So earlier today we were talking about resiliency and one of the companies I have a privilege to work with, ok.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ok.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what up Ken?
Speaker 2:Hey, Sandra DC All right DC in the house bro.
Speaker 1:So whenever you're ready, we can kick it on off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, brother. So listen, you know, oddly enough, I wasn't like I knew it was a thing, but I didn't know that it's become national news on male loneliness and the inability to have friendships, particularly with black men. Yeah, and so when you suggested this, I was like, oh yeah, it's like it was. It was synergy, because I just saw a report on loneliness and men and when you suggested this I was like, ok, this is synergistic, so we got to do it.
Speaker 1:Yes, and somebody hit. I know we talked about going live together, but then somebody sent me an article about loneliness and friendship. I said well, this is a perfect time because somebody sent me an article too.
Speaker 2:It was a news report. It was a. It was actually a news segment, yeah on on black men fostering friendships in in arizona. I believe it was a whole news report wow, yeah, man.
Speaker 1:So what's?
Speaker 2:I guess we can start off just by sharing our own experiences with, with friendships yeah, you know it's interesting and I really wanted to talk about this is, if you know, when I was growing up, I had difficulty making friends with guys, and here's why because I didn't play sports and I was in the gifted and talented program and it wasn't too many guys in the gifted and talented program, the honors program. So I was friends with girls.
Speaker 4:Naturally right, and you know I like to dance.
Speaker 2:You know I like to boogie. I wasn't necessarily a sports guy, so it was like that made it very, very challenging for me, where I felt like I wasn't accepted by a lot of people. And it's crazy like sometimes, even to this day at 43, when I'm making friends with guys, I have to like remind myself purpose, you're not that in fifth grade, you're not you're not. You know what I mean. It's really a powerful thing and I didn't realize how powerful it was until I really sat and thought about my journey with male friendship.
Speaker 4:Because here's the thing, right.
Speaker 2:You know my brand of masculinity is not the norm of masculinity, right. And so I think for a lot of brothers it's like finding, you know, that acceptance, that soft place to land in our friendships. And I think a lot of friendships are not that per se, they're not soft landed, it's just y'all just have stuff in common. It's not even about a real friendship, it's just that y'all just have kind of like similarities, which is cool, which is kind of like foundationally to kind of build a relationship. But you know, as you get older, you just really want deep, profound, meaningful relationships where you feel seen, heard, accepted, and that can happen between brothers.
Speaker 1:It takes work, though. So, like you said, you know, experiences at school were challenging. What about outside of school? What was that like for you?
Speaker 2:even with my cousins like I have. I have a bunch of male cousins right, and we're not that off in age, right. All, most of us are all born in july. All of us, the cancers like it's a lot that we have in common right.
Speaker 2:We also have the same grandma grandfather you know to be like right same family, but I didn't feel accepted by them either because I was different. I was like more the more artistic, I was the one who preferred to go dancing, or you know. I mean, then I prefer to go to the movies. Then didn't play football, play football who? Yeah, even though I can, okay, okay, I can't write, but twisted I can't. But that just wasn't who I was. I would prefer to go to the movies. I prefer to, you know, listen to music or dance or something. You know what I mean, which is like at that time there was not accepted. So you already know the names I got called, even by my own cousins.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you know, I danced too and shout out to Dave what up, dave? I think that was thankfully. When I went to high school it was just way more girls than guys.
Speaker 1:So, it was easier. I found my crew that I'm still I mean, we text every day, all day, and it's been 25 years, so that happened. But I think early on I had a couple of close friends in like elementary, middle school, yeah, and growing up in my neighborhood I had a couple of guys. That was different, because in my neighborhood it was a lot of gangs, oh. So it was like if you not really hanging with, they was doing other stuff.
Speaker 2:So I didn't have the same issue or the same struggle, but I had to pick and choose who I did hang out with because you know, peer pressure yeah, I think I think from an early age I knew who was a safe space and who wasn't, because I experienced so much, so much betrayal from males growing up like I thought somebody was my friend. Then they end up trying to play me or throw me on the bus and I had to happen numerous times and so like for me, it was more about when I think about friendships I'm like who is safe? Who do I feel safe? Who? Where does my spirit feel like it's accepted? You know what I mean. As opposed to, it has to be a guy, it has to be this, it has to look this way. It was more so about safety for me yeah, no, that's true.
Speaker 1:I do remember I had one of my home boys growing up. He lived on the other side of the block but it was a lot of people that we both weren't cool with. But we linked up because we were cool with each other and that was really like powerful, because he was a safe space, as you could say. But a lot of people were shady, you know. They were probably trying to steal from you, you know what I'm saying Stuff like that happening.
Speaker 2:But you know it's so wild because you think about your childhood experiences, right, and you remember it one way and you see people today on Facebook and you're like perfect. You're that guy, you're that dude. I was like, really, I don't remember that Growing up, I remember you shading the hell out of me. Yeah, like always, you know. So, yeah, I think even more so now that I'm older, right, I'm more intentional about cultivating relationships with men, because it's important. As men, we need to have those deep, profound, real, true, authentic relationships.
Speaker 1:And for those of y'all who listening in too, if y'all have, you know me and Purvis are going to talk about some things, but if y'all have questions or comments, make sure y'all put them in the chat or question box. So what do you think is you know? Because now we're adults, right, most of us who listen in are you know. We're in our 30s or 40s. What do you think is going on now, where men in particular are experiencing so much loneliness?
Speaker 2:Well, I think you know we think about vulnerability, right? You know I always say this. You know we think about being vulnerable. We always think about the risk factor and not reward. And I think we think about the risk factors because we've been violated, we've been betrayed, you know what I mean. Like we've shared our hearts with people and they may not have handled it right, or they may have gossiped about it, or they use it as tea, or they may have dismissed it. I think for us as men I admit and I'll speak for me because I can speak for other people I'm very fragile and I'm very sensitive. If I feel like, if I share something with you and you dismiss it or you betray me, it's a wrap.
Speaker 1:Are you giving people a second chance? Nah, yeah, you said that quick.
Speaker 2:Nah, betrayal and being violated is so deep, hence why it's a traumatic thing, hence why people are free, men are free to engage in relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll say I didn't have that same experience, but I had so in my core group of friends. It's like five of us. It's five of us. What up, though? And sometimes people may say, hey, man, I know dog Ro is cool, let's let him start hanging. And I'm like, who is this guy? And there were a couple of times where things went left and I'm like, see, that's why I told y'all like I think you know, you can only trust certain people.
Speaker 2:You see what people are saying. Yes, we feel betrayal very deeply, even though we don't always show it.
Speaker 1:That's a real thing. You know it's guys. We don't really talk about it, we just try to keep it moving.
Speaker 2:Yeah, instead of like moving forward, right, we keep it moving, which is more maladaptive than moving forward, which is actually dealing with the betrayal, the emotions and things like that.
Speaker 1:He said don't try man. So how many male friends? Because I've seen some studies. How many friends do y'all think most guys have? Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 2:I saw a report today. I saw a report on it today actually.
Speaker 1:So y'all who listening in, how many guys, how many friends do y'all think guys have? And I'll say this because I know I work with mostly men. Now, do you work with mostly men? Yeah, sandra said two to three. What up Aaron? Two, what up A? What's the number? What did you see on average? I saw two In the research.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what does your research say? One to two yeah, yeah, yeah. He said 12 max on a close level.
Speaker 1:I think that's one to two. Oh, one to two max. Okay, okay, okay, I was like 12. No, nobody got 12. Nobody got the disciples.
Speaker 2:And even one betrayed right.
Speaker 1:Man, because I think a lot of times jealousy does happen. People start hating on you. Ken, I think four that's a wishful.
Speaker 2:That's a wishful thinking, bro, yeah, yeah, all right, that's what's thinking, bro, yeah, yeah, I think I think it's. I think for us as men, we don't realize that we have to be intentional about cultivating relationships and like, when you are intentional about cultivating, it's more than just surface. So then accountability comes into play, transparency come to, comes into play, vulnerability comes into play. You know what I mean, like I, I think. I think for a lot of us, we don't even know how to even engage in that discourse and I think that's a couple things too.
Speaker 1:I think it is, you know, we have to be intentional about it, we, and then at an early age, like if you're in your 20s and early 30s, you might be so focused on getting to the bag. Yes, sand said, does being in church or in sports or fraternity make a difference?
Speaker 2:You know what's interesting, right? I've had several clients male clients come to me about how they felt lonely even within their fraternity, how they felt like they weren't genuine friends with their brothers in the fraternity. I've heard that story at least three or four times, so I don't know if that necessarily you know what I mean. I don't think I think we think about. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just about to say something. Go ahead when I think we think about surface absolutely.
Speaker 1:When you talk about deep and meaningful.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Yeah, you know. You don't say that's not right, that's not really real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, uh, urban haberdashery. That's my boy, he said. I definitely see it in my frat. We're in small groups, right. So I think you have to be you. You still have to be really intentional, even in a, in a church. You know, even in the church, even in a fraternity, I've seen firsthand where you know somebody in a fraternity is like, hey, I need something. And they're like you're like wait, wait, wait. I thought this was deeper than that. So, as you say, people will still be people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, you know. I just think for a lot of brothers, I think too, like also being clear about what your needs are, because, you know, even in friendships, like you know, we have love languages within our romantic relationships, but we also those love languages are the same in friendship more than not right, and so I think like we have to be very clear about what it is that we're looking for in in friendships, and I think a lot of times people in general, not just men. I don't think we actually communicate that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I saw, I forget if it was Sandra, or somebody said it's hard for females too. Yeah, I speak life coaching. That's a good question. What's a good definition of friendship? What are the values?
Speaker 2:Well, they coming in. The comments are here tonight bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good one. You want to start first?
Speaker 2:I don't know if I can construct complete definition of friendship, but I definitely would say it's a person that you intentionally choose to have a bond with and share experiences, share intimacy with. That is platonic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. I think I would add the definition of friendship. It has to be defined between those two people who are friends.
Speaker 2:Right, but I think that's the framework. That's the framework, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they have to be able to talk about expectations. And you know how often can we communicate? Because I talk to men all the time and they're like, yeah, I got people I'm cool with. I ain't talked to them in a couple months, but every time we pick up it's good, it's good. I hear that a lot, lot, especially with me. I think sometimes we just don't know. We don't know what we don't know, and then we end up addressing the feelings like you know, we feel lonely, we like dang what's up with my dog where my bro at, but you know what?
Speaker 2:though a lot of relationships, bro, are really surface, say, say more like a lot of people. For instance, my friend steve, one of my good friends, I remember he told me early on in our friendship he was like P. He said you're going to have problems having friends, he said because you're deep. He said you like to go deep. He said most people don't like to go deep. And I was like you're right.
Speaker 2:Most people that I've encountered in life are really surfaced because we're not in tune. We don't even know what to do with the deep. We don't know what to do with the, that space within us. Right, and I've always just been a person because the way my life narrative has been, I have no choice but to go deep. I can't be surfing, and so, like for me. I read, I realized like when I'm interacting with people, I can tell me that I'm like, oh, they don't want, they don't really want to be friends with me. They want to be, hey, what up, bro, and that's it right, right, right it's the difference to the second part of the question what are the values?
Speaker 1:I think that's going to dictate the friendship too, because if I value something and we like best boys, you know best friends, whatever but you don't value it and it's a stark difference. It may be hard to continue the relationship or friendship because, like, let's say, you smoking, drinking every day, that's your, you know, you enjoy that every day. We trying to hook up and I'm trying, I'm trying to play madden, but you so out of it. The values may be different. Or if I'm, I'm married, but you just coming through with just a plethora of women every day, all day, I'm like bro yeah, Nah bro.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that can interfere too, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2:I also think about, like your unprocessed and your unmet needs and your unprocessed stuff, right. That can tend to show up in relationships as well, right? And I think a lot of times, which is why I think it's important for men to be on their healing journey so that they can have deeper, meaningful relationships, because if not, it's going to be just what up, bro, let's play Madden and that's it, and then you're going home still depressed, still thinking about that thing that you ain't told nobody about. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, nobody about you know what I'm saying. Yeah, you know. One thing interesting too about that kind of a sidebar is that men connect more by but by activity too, yeah, but also by not looking, like we looking at each other because we don't live. But you know a lot of men we chop it up in the barbershop or playing sports because we don't have to look directly at each other and for some men that could be really intimidating. So when we chopping it up playing the video game, we can express our feelings. But I don't have to worry about how you're perceiving me.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you a question Do you think brothers are really honest? In the barbershop.
Speaker 1:If it's a barbershop, if everybody's not, if it's not a platform like a group discussion, I think they are Like, if it's you talking to your barber, I'll say, if I'm talking to my barber, especially my barber I had in Michigan, not my barber here we still Get to know each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I've been going to him for about two years, but Aaron said nah, I think it depends. Hey, Peace and Prosperity family. I think it depends, hey, Peace and Prosperity family. I want to take a moment to talk about something vital for all organizations employee wellness. I focus on tackling issues such as low morale, burnout and helping teams thrive by improving their employee wellness. Here's what some of the past organizations have shared about their experiences.
Speaker 3:Jason Phillips has been a tremendous value to our team. His session on psychological safety and mental health tools for leadership has been immense for all of us.
Speaker 4:The privilege of joining Mr Jason Phillips' wonderful session about psychological safety and psychological health. There were a lot of key takeaways from his presentation. I mean he discussed just how leadership impacts team health and team mental health.
Speaker 1:I was in Jason's session today and I just took away a lot of invaluable information to bring back to my shop. You're interested in investing in your team's mental health? Visit jasonlphillipscom or visit the link below and let's talk about creating a thriving work environment for your organization. Now back to the episode.
Speaker 2:So so here's the thing. Remember I said this right, every man has his own brand of masculinity, right? I think certain brands of masculinity are accepted in barbershop settings, the presentation of it, I think. Sometimes people conform. I think some men conform to fit in, even though they're not being authentic in that moment.
Speaker 1:Do you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I think it depends on the barber too, though yeah, you know, because it depends on the environment that's created. I remember before I went to Tim, I used to go to a barber shop in Harlem Bruh. I would just be quiet, I wouldn't say nothing. I would talk to my barber every now and then, but other than that I was like Because you know how it is.
Speaker 1:It's like I have one barber he's going to chop it up and get deep, and the other barber, he's just silly.
Speaker 2:I mean not a bad thing. My client is seven barbers.
Speaker 1:That's my client. Oh yeah, different. What's up, dr Earl? What?
Speaker 2:up Dr Earl.
Speaker 1:Happy New Year, brother. I saw another comment too I wanted to highlight. Dave said I haven't felt lonely since taking on the responsibility of marriage and raising kids. Less men are getting married in their 20s. I believe this is also contributing to the loneliness epidemic.
Speaker 2:You know, something I always say is that men scream at a frequency that only they can hear, like we only know our screams, right. And I think part of the problem with loneliness is that, right, our scream is internal, it's not external. So we can't get the help that we need and we can't find community, those things like that. So I think to that point I've encountered so many married men who are coming to me who are saying like yo, I'm lonely even within my marriage.
Speaker 1:I think it's not been okay to really talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I told my homegirl today. You know what I said to her today. What's that. I said, you know, she's married to one of my good friends and I said to her I said you know, if he shares his fragility with you, you still have to see him as a man.
Speaker 1:And that a man and that's part of, but that's that's why they, that's why brothers, not about to do yeah. So you, I'm gonna repeat, you said if he shares his fragility with you, you still have to see him as a man, absolutely, absolutely. But how many are really able to do that? Not even willing, but able, but yeah yeah, I mean, here's the thing right.
Speaker 2:As men, we're actualized as protectors and providers. That's it, right, nothing else. And so now we're in a space where 80 percent of suicides are contributed by men. So that means that we have to be actualized differently now, and so we need so. The need for friendship is a necessity, it's not a luxury, it's a need we need. You grow in the context of community, you don't grow in isolation. I'm sorry. No, I'm listening to.
Speaker 1:I'm looking at comments. They they are coming in. Oh, it's a question, but Aaron said this, which I think is really true Marriage and children decrease opportunities to fellowship due to scheduling and responsibilities, right.
Speaker 2:Right, which is which is why I said provider and protector.
Speaker 1:The question we didn't get to yet how do we move from doing activities with our buddies to becoming friends? I think that first the activity is necessary because now there's a common interest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and your guard is down a lot when you're doing activities and you keep showing up, you keep showing up.
Speaker 1:And if you want that friendship when you're doing activities and you keep showing up, you keep showing up, and if you want that friendship, then you're going to have to take that step and actually be vulnerable. Ask somebody how they're doing outside of the game y'all playing Like. Ask a simple question that could go deep and lead to a deeper conversation, right.
Speaker 2:But I also think, adding on to what you're saying, I think it's important to know your own personal bandwidth and threshold.
Speaker 1:Which as far as like how many friends you can have or how deep you can go, how deep you can go or how deep you're willing to go with somebody. Yeah, you got to know that beforehand, but I think that's where you know. I guess that's where we come in, because sometimes people don't even know how deep they can go.
Speaker 1:Right, and their threshold is limited because they've never really engaged in that way before you know what I mean you know, a lot of times when people we talk to, people that might be their first time really opening up about bro 90 percent of the time 90 percent of the time, that is yeah, I because I I had a brother.
Speaker 2:One time I don't know why, jason I, he was like coming to me relational issues with his wife and friendships, things like that. I just asked him. I said I said yo, did anything happen to you in childhood? I don't know why. He was like, yeah, you know, one time my uncle did this to me. I was like wait, wait, wait. I was like what he's like? Oh, my uncle did this to me when I was seven years old. I said okay, all right, time out. Do you realize how? This moment that you buried and you covered over, you skipped over how now this is impacting your life and he was like it was his first time ever admitting it in 40 years.
Speaker 1:Really, it was his first admitting and not being aware of it In that moment. In 40 years absolutely. Yeah, I like so. Dave said men don't take on enough responsibility. He had another comment too Without responsibility, you'll feel useless. I think that I'll say that is so tongue-tied. I think this is what I think. I think men need mentors and men need more mentors to stay on them in a way that's different from what you and I do. I mean it's similar but it's still different.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:To let them know how to take on a responsibility and how to stay accountable, because if not, then they're just floundering and they may be jumping from issue to issue or girl to girl or job to job yeah Without any true guidance. So we do got to get back to the basics.
Speaker 2:On being more mentors to younger brothers, and to kind of add to that, to Jay's point, responsibility is necessary and needed, right, because it does give you a bit of a framework. But even within that, you still need to know how to deal and regulate your emotions, deal with your traumas. You know what I mean, like have spaces where you can process, have spaces where you can share right, because you know, in therapy is really sharing an exchange of words, right, and so the more you're able to process and talk about a thing, the less power it has over you. You know what I mean. So it's like responsibility is necessary, but it's also coupled with these other things.
Speaker 1:Now you all said what are those two things that men do? I believe that was when you said providers and protectors yes, yeah, and that's. I mean, we were taught that. I know I was personally taught that at a young age. Like, this is your job Provide, protect and teach, that's what my daddy told me. Yeah, and don't mess it up either. Don't mess it up Therapy with Mo. She said do men trust other men in friendships like they do women? I think some men find safe spaces with female friends, but it's different.
Speaker 1:That is true, I can attest to that A lot of times.
Speaker 2:I found more safety in my female friendships than I have in my male friendships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think. For me personally, yeah, if we kicking it, yeah, it feels like a romantic relationship, but I don't think all men would just talk to anyone. I think, I think, I think it's right.
Speaker 2:I don't think that men in general trust anybody Right Fundament, anybody Right, Fundamentally right. But I was saying, like you got to think about the way I was, like I was reared, you know what I mean. Like I said, I was the only guy in the honors classes, so those were my friends, right? You know what I mean. I didn't necessarily play sports so, like my world was girls because I was the only boy in the Gifted and Talented program. So I just think it depends on the person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thomas, what's your input on men? Sharing emotions with men? I think it needs to happen. I think when we don't, when we don't, it makes it seem like something is wrong by being emotional, like being human. So sometimes I've been in session and the guy's like man. I don't know if I should share this with you, but I guess I should share with you because this is what I'm paying you for. You know, even in a session, therapy session, a coaching session men still second guess. Should they go there?
Speaker 2:But you know what's crazy. So you and I kind of have mirrored experiences, like in terms of like losing our parents and, like you know, losing both our parents, and like having you know, sibling issues and things like that, and I wouldn't have known that if I wasn't vulnerable enough to share my stuff with you. And then you were like yo, I felt seen, because you had a similar experience.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so again, that goes back to the risk and reward factor. I took a risk Right, then I found a reward. I was seen, I was heard and you understood everything I felt.
Speaker 1:And that's a lot of times what people are looking for. What people are looking for because a lot of people can't relate to, you know, losing both parents, like. So now you might already feel like, damn, I'm an eyeball, yeah, I can tell you, but you really don't get it right. It's like if we used to work as did you work at uh no, you didn't work at target, did you no? But if we worked at a similar space or place, we'll both be like, oh man, I worked there too. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Yes, they sure do do that, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And that commonality, just knowing like, oh okay, you get it, Absolutely Men do. I think more men should share emotions and not just frustrations.
Speaker 2:Yes, but then I think you learn to share your emotions by learning to be introspective, to identify what the emotion is. Yeah, and I think before that we need to be introspective.
Speaker 1:Being a protector and provider is first. For me, having good friends is important too. Good friends can help guide you in the direction I got to wait for the rest, but we can't expect them to solve our problems.
Speaker 3:No, for sure, we can't expect them to solve our problems?
Speaker 1:no, for sure they can't solve it, but I think a lot of times knowing that somebody you process through you don't maybe yeah. I'm so like you sorry, bro, maybe they already been there, so I'm talking to you about it and you like hey, I had the same thing you like're like. Oh, okay, okay, bet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, frustration seems more masculine than sharing your emotions.
Speaker 1:You know, what I mean and I think frustration is just common man and it's pissed me off, I can't believe this happened, but that's more empowering than saying, like yo, I'm hurting Right. Do y'all have any other questions this?
Speaker 2:was good man. It was good. We're going in. I like this. This is a great subject brother, you picked it well.
Speaker 1:There is a fine line between empowering and enabling. I think that's why I like coaching, because it's a little bit more direct on some things.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you just want to know. Go ahead, go ahead you can read the comments that sometimes we just want to know that someone cares and understands like everybody wants to be seen. Everybody wants to be seen, and heard.
Speaker 1:It's like this too. I'll give another example. Let's say we in a bed, we in a weight room and I'm lifting 205. I'm trying to get 225 or 250 and I can get 225. But every time I go for 250, you know I can't get more than two reps. But then, dave, you like, yeah, hey, the same thing happened to me. So then I started doing flies and then tricep presses, and that helped get my bench. I'm like, oh, ok, bet, so I'm not the only one who had trouble getting a 250. I don't feel like something's wrong with me. I just needed to get a different direction or take it a different angle. And that's the power of having a friendship to be able to be vulnerable and say, hey, I can hit 225, but I cannot hit 250. You like, hey, I got a cheat code for you. Now I'm feeling better about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know. One thing I want to say to Dave is like nobody solves your problems. You process through your issues and you arrive at a resolve that you continuously work through. You understand what I'm saying, so you continuously learn how to process. You know nobody ever solves your problems. I just want to be very, very clear about that this is a good question.
Speaker 1:How do you work with younger men and teens so the issues can be addressed sooner?
Speaker 1:You want to go first yeah, I'll say this because I've had a mentor and program with young boys they were like 8 to 12 and been a mentor to younger kids and it's challenging. We need interventions much earlier. And it's challenging, we need interventions much earlier. I will say the kids need the support, but the parents need the. They have to buy in too. That's one way you have to address not just the kid or the child, but the parents may need some coaching or some type of support as well.
Speaker 2:Right, because they learn how to process from their parents.
Speaker 1:And their parents have access to, whether or not they get access to you.
Speaker 2:Right, and you know one of the things.
Speaker 2:I think I told you this right. I have a program, an emotional intelligence program, at a couple of universities here in the city and one of the biggest deterrent for young men to get the help they need is the perception of being perceived as sassy by their female peers. Right and so like. It's a thing that we all have to agree that being healthy is the right thing, so it's a cultural thing. So we have to kind of break that culture. That's in the minds that the strong and silent type is where it's at. Meanwhile, the strong and silent type is killing themselves.
Speaker 1:And I think now we need more interventions with the young men, the teenagers more than ever, because so much is happening in the world. They probably have so many questions about you know how do I handle this? How do I address this? Anxiety, yeah, anxiety, Depression.
Speaker 2:Like I had a conversation.
Speaker 1:Somebody told me now, because of anxiety, kids are waiting longer to do a lot of things, because they're so anxious about what their peers may think or what's going to be on social media. Absolutely, if you're cool, bro, this would be the last one from I speak. Life coaching this is a good one. What's the point of entry of becoming a man? When do we know, and what are those expectations? I was gonna let you go.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, I'm waiting on you to go, Because I think I have in my mind, I have something.
Speaker 1:I think when do we know? As far as being a man, I never thought about it like that, me either. Now, I guess, if I were to answer it directly, I want you to be comfortable with who you are Right Like. Don't think about, I guess, when.
Speaker 2:I think about my manhood.
Speaker 1:You determine that and you define that, like in high school or it just kind of you evolve, but you want to make sure that you're comfortable with who you are and not look to somebody else to determine what the definition of a man is. Because when that happens you can have a skewed vision or skewed perception, like, oh, I need to make X amount to be a man, I need to make six figures, or I need to be able to lift this. But then you do it and you're still not happy with who you are. Are you a man? Yes and no, by that definition you are. But is that your definition?
Speaker 2:Right, you define it, and also, too, if other people define it for you, then you don't have any agency.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I would want you, or everybody you know, that's a great question. You define it and then you meet your own definition.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have the agency to do that. You're empowered to do that. Don't measure your manhood by someone else's yardstick Absolutely, dre.
Speaker 1:Yeah and Dave, yeah people, you will have some friends looking at you because if you, you know, I know Dave personally so like if you, if you have things together, you marry, you got a job, you got a career, you're doing a great job, people will look at you like, hey, I need some of that, help me. And they may look at you to enable them. So that's when you have to really put a boundary up so that you don't enable them them.
Speaker 3:So that's when you have to really put a boundary up so that you don't enable them, I agree Before we wrap.
Speaker 1:What lasting thoughts on anybody listening or if they're sharing this with a young man who may need support.
Speaker 2:What would you say to them? Oh, wow, I have many thoughts swirling through my head that you grow. You don't grow in isolation, you grow in the context of community and it's important to find your tribe right Because you get expanded. I've been expanded because of you. You know what I mean. I've grown because of being in fellowship with you and I guess also you get to define what your brand of masculinity is, and your brand of masculinity doesn't have to look like somebody else's. You get to determine that.
Speaker 1:I like what you say as far as community. Community is so important. I think we're doing things in isolation, which is cool, but again I think, man, dave, I'm trying to I was going to say, man, the community is important, right? So I've had, you know, a lot of different opportunities from you know, connecting with Aaron, connecting with you, connecting with Boshay, connecting with Monroe, like, and we've had, you know, being able to grow our brotherhood and friendship, mac included, trey, dr, earl. So I think that sometimes we going back to friendships, none of that happens if we don't open up and say, hey, man, what's up? You free Thursday night?
Speaker 2:Let's do it. Or when you come to New York, you're like P, I'm here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's look up. That's important. We have to start being more intentional about friendships and that'll help solve a lot of these issues a lot sooner, because when we're trying to come up with answers to big problems by ourself, we're taking longer to get to the answer because we don't have enough people, great minds, thinking on a bigger issue, how to solve it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if your voice is the only voice you're listening to, then you you're headed for danger. You know what I mean? Yeah, and the side that's the danger of being in the silo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, bro, All right y'all, we probably going to do a part two. This is dope, Yo Jay. This was great.
Speaker 2:They was good today.
Speaker 1:It was good. It was good man. It's real good to be back on here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, brother, anytime. Man, jason, you are amazing.
Speaker 1:You're dope and I'm proud of you, brother, all the things that are happening for you. Yeah, likewise, man Likewise, and I appreciate y'all too.
Speaker 2:We appreciate all of you. Thank you so much for joining in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, peace. Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. Again, if you are feeling like, hey, I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety, don't beat yourself up about it. It is OK. We all experience anxiety from time to time and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own, but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through. Ok, and lastly, make sure, if you have not like share, subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend. And if you want to hear certain episodes or have certain conversations, let me know. You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up. All right, y'all Be blessed, peace.