Peace & Prosperity Podcast
In the Peace & Prosperity Podcast, Jason Phillips, licensed therapist and life coach, shares personal experiences that force you to think deeply about your values, beliefs, and behaviors to ensure you achieve peace, happiness, and success in your life.
Peace & Prosperity Podcast
You're Tired of Being the Strong One: Escaping the Cycle of Overextension - Episode #90
The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Are you the reliable one everyone turns to—the go-to problem solver who handles it all? This episode reveals the hidden costs of always being “the strong one” and unpacks five common myths that keep high achievers overextended and burned out. Through personal stories and practical guidance, you’ll learn how to release the burden of perpetual strength, embrace vulnerability, and still fulfill your responsibilities. Discover how to protect your peace, nurture authentic relationships, and achieve sustainable productivity without sacrificing your purpose.
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If you allow somebody else to see you not always be the strong one, it shows that you trust them. It shows that you're a team player in your relationship. If you're always the strong one, that person doesn't know that you are going to let them step in so you can rely on them. Same thing in business and at work. If you're always the person who's taking on all the projects or leading everything, now you don't let somebody else grow and rely on you, or let you rely on them and let them step their game up. Welcome to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. I'm your host, jason Phillips, licensed therapist, confidence expert, and today we are diving into why being the strong one is keeping you feeling like you are stuck and is leading you to being burned out. So we're going to dive into five reasons why you are the strong one, or feel like you have to be the strong one. And then what do you do about it? Because if you're listening to the podcast, you probably are a high achiever, you get things done, you're responsible, you're reliable, but then also you're overwhelmed and you're overthinking about what to do next. How do you avoid this or mitigate it in the first place? How do you avoid this or mitigate it in the first place? So the first myth or reason why you feel like you have to be the strong one is because in your mind, you're thinking if you don't do it, who else will? Right, you're so used to being the go to person that now it's starting to be too much. But in reality, if you don't do it, guess what happens? They find somebody else to do it. If you don't say yes, they get somebody else to say yes. So you're thinking that your yes is going to change the world. It's going to change this person's life. It's going to make you a better person, better friend, better family member, better colleague. But in actuality, it's getting you closer to being burned out. And maybe you said no before and somebody turned their back on you. They didn't want to fool with you because you said no. That's them, that's not everybody. So because you think nobody else would do it, I'm going to let you in on the secret. Somebody else would do it. I've been that person.
Speaker 1:I remember I worked on a project for work and I was new in a position and I got this new assignment and they were like yes, you know, mr Phillips, you can get this done we greatly appreciate it by this day. So of course I got it done by the deadline, worked extra hours, worked a little on a weekend and guess what happened with that project? Two things One, they didn't look at it until much further down the road and then, secondly, the things that I put together they never even implemented. So what I was stressing about staying up late took some time away from my family, it didn't even matter. So sometimes we think it's all on us, but it's really not. Do your job and do it well, but not to the point where now you're starting to miss out on other time and really just feel super stressed out because of it. So that's myth number one, that if you don't do it, somebody else will do it. So you end up being that strong person.
Speaker 1:The second myth is that if you are soft or not always the strong one, then that means you can't be relied upon and it means that you it's like almost a sign of weakness. Let me tell you this, and this is for men and women always be the strong one. It shows that you trust them. It shows that you're a team player in your relationship. If you're always a strong one, that person doesn't know that you are going to let them step in so you can rely on them. Same thing in business and at work. If you're always the person who's taking on all the projects or leading everything, now you don't let somebody else grow and rely on you, or let you rely on them and let them step their game up. So sometimes we think, oh, I'm going to get it done, I'm going to knock it out, but you might be stepping on somebody else's toes or not letting somebody else do what they want to do for you or compliment you. Again, that goes for relationships and in the workplace. All right, so we talked about being a strong one and in the workplace. All right, so we talked about being a strong one. One. You think, if you can't do it, nobody can do it. And then you think, if you are not the strong one, then that means you're soft and that's a problem.
Speaker 1:The next thing is being a strong one. You feel like in order for you to take a break, you have to earn it. Have I really done enough to say let me pause and figure this out, or have I really done enough to take a step back and let somebody else help me. I'm going to tell you this without me even knowing you or your specific situation. You have already done enough. What you are doing is stressing yourself out, trying to make this person happy, that person happy, this person over there happy. You're trying to keep them comfortable and now you're about to lose it Again.
Speaker 1:We're talking like you're getting really, really close to blowing up on somebody or just not being yourself because you feel like I have to earn my rest. Listen, y'all, I get it On the job. You get into the job and they're like look, you start off with sometimes zero hours of PTO and you have to accrue with those hours. It's not the same for your life. You don't have to earn the right to say look, I'm not going to push through this weekend, I want to sleep in. You don't have to earn the right to say I'm not going to this baby shower, this whatever event. No, take some time off and chill for you. I know that might sting a little bit, but it's the honest truth. Y'all, you've already earned your rest.
Speaker 1:The next thing I want to talk about when it comes to being the strong one, sometimes we think like if I'm not the strong one, that means I can't handle a whole bunch. Who are you trying to prove, where you keep taking on all of these things? In reality, your resume speaks for itself and I'm not talking about your workplace resume. I'm talking about your character resume, who you are as a person. We know you can handle a lot. You know you can handle a lot. Now is the time for you to say you know what. Let me pass the torch.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite races to watch, or sports to watch, is like the relay race and where people you know they pass the baton. And what I noticed when they pass that baton, no matter if you're the first person or you're the last, the anchor you're trusting somebody else to carry that load and get you further, closer to the goal. But when you think you have to handle it all again, you're not trusting that person and it's like you're taking on too much and sometimes, when we're doing the most, we can miss something. You start making like little mistakes and you're like wait, this is not like me. People start to look at you a little funny. You're a little bit more tired. There's all of these things that mount up because you're trying to take it all on and handle it. Let somebody else step in. Uh, let somebody else step in.
Speaker 1:The last thing I want to talk about, when it comes to being the strong one and carrying it all on your, on your if you're watching, I'm saying your shoulders, but we carry that load is that there are times where you think nobody else gets what you're going through and I hear this one a lot, especially with women, because y'all can take on a whole lot and you think nobody else gets it and in reality, sometimes nobody else does. But what I often will say is share this with some of your colleagues, some of your family members who are women, and see if they can relate or just share it period, because this mental load, this emotional load that you're carrying is starting to show and even though you think nobody else can get it maybe nobody else gets the full picture from A to Z but I want you to start to think about allowing somebody else in, and that means that you be more truthful about what you are carrying. Sometimes you've been carrying it for so long.
Speaker 1:People have gotten used to you one being a strong one but also being super independent, where you don't let anybody else in on what's going on. Sometimes you got stuff going on in the background where it looks like you have it all together, like you are again that person where people are like, look, I got something going on. Let me call you up because I know you're going to give me some good counsel. You're not going to judge me the whole time. You're going through it yourself in the background, but you've been so afraid of judgment, people talking about you or thinking differently of you, that you don't even let people know that you are human too and you have life stressors as well. Y'all all of these reasons are letting us know one we don't have to keep carrying the load. Other people can get it done and, more importantly, it's starting to take a real toll of you doing it all. Let's talk about being able to ask for help. You can go back and listen to the whole episode where I talk about how to ask for help and what that looks like. But finally, being more transparent, especially if you're aware let's start taking some action on what we want to do. So we're not always that go-to person. All right, y'all. As always, y'all. Be blessed Peace.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in to the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. If today's episode brought you clarity, encouragement or even a moment of calm. Share it with someone who needs to hear it too. Calm share it with someone who needs to hear it too. Your support helps us keep these conversations going. And remember you don't have to do it all alone. If you're navigating stress, burnout or just need a space to reset, I'm here to support you. Connect with me at jasonlphillipscom or send me a message on social media. Until next time, protect your peace, pursue your purpose and keep showing up for you. Be blessed.