The Real Reason You're Exhausted & How To Refuel - Episode #103

Burnout doesn't always look like exhaustion. Sometimes it looks like success. A packed calendar, another accomplishment, and people telling you how disciplined you are—while privately feeling disconnected, irritable, and running on empty.

In this episode, Dr. Jason Phillips explores the hidden signs of burnout that many high achievers miss. From constantly being in "go mode" to losing interest in things you once enjoyed, you'll learn how burnout can quietly impact your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life, even while you're still performing at a high level.

You'll also walk away with practical strategies to recover without abandoning your goals. Learn how to reconnect with what matters most, communicate healthier boundaries, and create sustainable success that doesn't come at the expense of your peace.

Transcript

When You Cannot Say No

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I have the resources, but I don't know how to say no to the things that I don't want to do. So you continuously say yes and overperform in areas that you don't want to perform in anymore. Welcome to the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Jason Phillips, licensed therapist and confidence coach for High Achievers. Here we talk about mental health, burnout, relationships, and building success without losing your peace. Let's get into today's episode.

Burnout That Still Looks Successful

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Alright, welcome to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Jason Phillips, licensed therapist, confidence expert. And today we're going to be talking about what burnout truly looks like. Now, we're going to get into what burnout looks like, and then also how do we address burnout so we don't keep going through the motions. So for a lot of us, we think about burnout being, you know, you're overly tired, feeling lazy, just not getting things done. But in reality, burnout looks like you still being super productive, being laser locked in, and focused, and winning on the outside. But then when you get home and it's just you, that's when you start to really feel like, dang, what am I doing? You start to be questioning yourself. This is when you are now thinking about am I enjoying the life that I'm living? Or am I just going through the motions? So, like for myself, when I was in a real burnout phase, I was winning publicly. I'm getting raises, I'm moving up in my career, so I'm promoting, and I'm promoting fast too. But what's what's also happening in the background, depleted, overly exhausted. Now I can tell, not going to the gym as much. So for me, I love working out, but that wasn't happening. My eating habits are off, so I'm gaining weight here and there. I'm not moving my body as much. But again, on the outside, it looks like I'm doing really, really well. But what's truly happening is I'm breaking down. I was more irritable. I just wasn't as pleasant to be around. And this showed up more so in personal relationships. So, particularly for high achievers, you know how to still look like you're doing good, but really not feel good. So, unless you really know that person, or unless you're really vulnerable, people are not gonna always check in on you. What was happening for me, they were still asking me to do more. I'm speaking more, I'm I'm getting more private clients. So again, I'm making more money, but I'm not experiencing the happiness that I think that success is gonna come with.

Numbness And A Life That Feels Flat

SPEAKER_00 3:12

So burnout does not always look like exhaustion and what we see on TV for somebody being, again, overly pessimistic, negative. It sometimes shows up as numbness where you just don't feel. You don't feel good, and you're not sure what you're feeling at the time. Now, this is where we go through the motions and life feels flat but busy. What do I mean by that? This is when your calendar is super booked. Like you can't squeeze in time to take a nap to get like your, if you know, if you're a woman, you want to get your hair done, nails done. For guys, you want to do that guy's trip. Like for me, I like to go to a basketball game, but you don't have the time. And even thinking about it, you're like, where am I going to fit this in? I can recall, you know, in the times where I'm really enjoying life, I'm working out, you know, three, four, or five times a week. I'm going to games, whether that's basketball, football. Like recently last month, I went to a basketball game and a football game same week. So that's when I know I'm at my peak. I'm doing well when I'm doing the things that I enjoy. But when you're burned out, even thinking about those things stresses you out. Because you're like, where do I fit it in? I don't have any time. I have the resources, but I don't know how to say no to the things that I don't want to do. So you continuously say yes and overperform in areas that you don't want to perform in anymore. It's like you want to slow down, but you don't know what slowing down really looks like and how to do it.

When Fun Starts Feeling Stressful

SPEAKER_00 4:56

So why do we miss burnout? And when I say miss it, like why do we miss the mark and miss the signs? One, high achievers know how to mask what burnout looks like. So when it comes to taking care of yourself, like basics, eating, sleeping, you're like, oh, I'll I'll get to it. I'm gonna grind it out because that's what I'm used to doing. But check this out, you're not 18 anymore. You're probably not 21, 25 anymore. It's not healthy for you to pull an all-nighter. I'll never forget when I was in grad school, one of my good friends, um, she pulled an all-nighter, and I just like bust out laughing at her, and she thought, she's like, why are you laughing? I'm like, I'm not laughing at you, but it's like, we're at a place where we can't do that anymore. And now, you know, me being 40 plus, I definitely cannot pull an all-nighter. Like, I will pay for it over and over again. But there are some of us, we know how to get that extra cup of coffee, get that energy drink, get those little bursts of electrolytes, and feel like, oh, I'm good to go. But are you? Like, are you really that good to go? Or is it just you're you've been in go mode so long that this becomes your new normal? There are a lot of us, again, personally,

Why High Performers Miss Burnout

SPEAKER_00 6:16

and I know professionally and personally too, where we will go, go, go, go until our body says, I don't have nothing else. Like, I know you're trying to push the gas, but I need a timeout, I need a pause, and I am now exhausted. I don't have, I'm on E. The tank is beyond that little, the little, you know, E point. I'm I'm done. But we've been going so hard, we don't know how to stop until our body tells us you gotta do something.

Workplace Burnout And Support Offer

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Most workplaces say they care about well-being, but their teams are still burned out, overwhelmed, and running on empty. If your organization is trying to support high performers without sacrificing their mental health, this is exactly the conversation we need to have. I'm Dr. Jason Phillips, therapist and speaker, and I help organizations address burnout, build confidence, and create cultures where people can perform at a high level without losing themselves in the process. So if you're planning a conference, leadership event, or training, visit jasonlphillips.com to learn more about bringing this conversation to your organization. Alright, let's get back to the episode.

Praise, People Pleasing, Relationship Costs

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Another reason why we don't always acknowledge or notice the high performance and what that does to us, the burnout, and what that what that does to us, is because winning, especially at that level, it gets praised. People are saying, oh man, Jason, you're doing such a great job. Like when I was, you know, promoting in my career and in my field, they were like, hey, we got some more work for you. I'm like, more work? Nah. I'm good right here where I'm at. And you're trying to give me more, and I get it. Like, yes, it feels good to be respected and people want to work with you, but I just can't. I don't know how to fit this in. So when we are missing things in other parts of our life, we will accept that praise and also look for that praise because it's like, well, now this means that people care about me. This means they like me. I want to be liked, so I'm saying yes, even to things that don't serve me. What happens long term when we do that? Relationships. The people who really love us and care about us, it shows up there. Like I can tell you, when I was going through real burnout phase and stage, my marriage was not in the best place. Like, because I'm giving my all in this area, so I don't have as much to give over here. So relationships will suffer. And then when we are doing things that, you know, fill us up, it doesn't feel the same. You go to the game or you go on a trip, but your mind is somewhere else. You can't focus, you can't concentrate because you're trying to think about, well, I still got this to do, or I still need to take care of that as soon as I get back. It's like, man, when is it gonna stop? When are you gonna be able to just relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor? And I mean truly enjoy it. There's a person, Jim Ron, he says, when you're at at work, be at work. When you're at the beach, be at the beach. You don't want to be at work thinking about the beach, and you don't want to be at the beach thinking about work. Think about yourself. Where do you want to be? And are you showing up in that area? Or are you split here, there? Like your mind is a little bit everywhere but where it's supposed to be. If

Values, Boundaries, And Real Presence

SPEAKER_00 10:18

you can relate, let's talk about what to do about it. How do you get back to being the person that is high functioning, the high achiever, but not burned out at the same time? First and foremost, let's bring it home and bring it back to what do you truly value in this season. Because, and I say season because there's times where you're gonna have to give your all to your family. Like your family needs you. There's other times where you're gonna have to give your all to your work, like that in that period. Communicate that. Don't just do it and think, oh, they'll be all right. Speak up. Use your words, communicate what you need, what you can and cannot do, and stick to it. Excuse me. Sometimes we'll say something and then we go back and backtrack. So now our word doesn't mean as much. It doesn't mean as much to the person we're talking to, and it doesn't mean as much to ourselves. So one, identify clearly what are you valuing and what are your values. Number two, be clear about what you need from other people and what you can and cannot give to them too. That's how you're gonna start to build the trust in yourself, and then also they will trust you. They'll trust that you're gonna say and do what you you're gonna do what you say you're gonna do. Third, look at your presence. And when I say your presence, your physical presence, your mental presence, your emotional presence, how are you showing up for those people that need you, and how are you showing up for yourself? Because you don't want to be split all over the place thinking that that's the way you want, unless that's how you want to show up. But probably not. You probably want to be focused and locked in and given your all. In order to do that, we have to be crystal clear on what that looks like. So once you can identify who you are and what you want your presence to feel, how do you want people to feel when they interact with you? How do you want to be perceived? How do you want to look at yourself in the mirror every day? Think about that. Sometimes you need to get even clearer, write about it. Who are you becoming or who do you need to become in order to be that person who actually shows up? Don't overcomplicate it. Stick to your values. Know what you know showing up looks like, know what your presence means. And once you stay committed, it may take time because you may be somebody who has fallen off before, but you got to get back and get back on it. Be consistent, be clear, take action, and that's how your confidence is gonna build. Y'all, burnout does not have to be a way of life. Maybe it was before, but that does not have to be you. That does not have to be you moving forward. All right, y'all. As always, be blessed. Peace.

Share, Subscribe, And Protect Your Peace

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Thank you for tuning in to the Peace and Prosperity Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who could benefit from it and make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you're looking for support, coaching, or a speaker for your organization to help you create more peace and prosperity, feel free to reach out. Until next time, protect your peace and keep showing up for yourself. God bless.