Every journey through life's darkest moments can lead to unexpected revelations and personal growth. Embrace the profound wisdom shared by our special guest, John, as he dives deep into overcoming sibling trauma, redefining his relationships, and embracing the healing power of passion. From the critical decisions he made in his adolescence, navigating a midlife crisis, to his life-altering moments that led him on a journey of self-realization, this episode is not only an exploration of pain, purpose, and resilience but also a beacon of light for those on a similar journey.
John's book, 'Man Up Already', and his podcast, 'Man Up Already,' are platforms where he shares valuable insights on authentic, divine manhood and its influence on relationships. Join us for an emotional rollercoaster ride that explores pain, purpose, and resilience and is a beacon of light for those on a similar journey.
Connect with Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ineedbluepodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/needbluepodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp1q8SfA_hEXRJ4EaizlW8Q
Website: https://ineedblue.net/
Purchase my book: Why I Survived: How sharing my story helped me heal from dating abuse, armed robbery, abduction, and other forms of trauma by Jennifer Lee
https://whyisurvived.com/
The background music is written, performed and produced exclusively by Char Good.
https://chargood.com/home
Every journey through life's darkest moments can lead to unexpected revelations and personal growth. Embrace the profound wisdom shared by our special guest, John, as he dives deep into overcoming sibling trauma, redefining his relationships, and embracing the healing power of passion. From the critical decisions he made in his adolescence, navigating a midlife crisis, to his life-altering moments that led him on a journey of self-realization, this episode is not only an exploration of pain, purpose, and resilience but also a beacon of light for those on a similar journey.
John's book, 'Man Up Already', and his podcast, 'Man Up Already,' are platforms where he shares valuable insights on authentic, divine manhood and its influence on relationships. Join us for an emotional rollercoaster ride that explores pain, purpose, and resilience and is a beacon of light for those on a similar journey.
Connect with Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ineedbluepodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/needbluepodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp1q8SfA_hEXRJ4EaizlW8Q
Website: https://ineedblue.net/
Purchase my book: Why I Survived: How sharing my story helped me heal from dating abuse, armed robbery, abduction, and other forms of trauma by Jennifer Lee
https://whyisurvived.com/
The background music is written, performed and produced exclusively by Char Good.
https://chargood.com/home
Everyone has a story. They just don't always have a place to share it. Welcome back. This is Jen Lee, creator and host of I Need Blue podcast. True Crime to True Life. As a survivor of arm dropery and abduction, I understand the trauma and triggers survivors experience Knowing this and through my powerful podcast, I offer survivors a safe place to share their lived experiences. Survivors need blue to feel they belong, they are loved, understood and my favorite empowered. Please note I Need Blue does contain sensitive topics which could be triggering. Please seek help if needed and remember you always come first. I Need Blue episodes can be found on Apple Podcast, spotify and many listening platforms, including my website, wwwineedbluenet. There you will find valuable resources, safety tips, my newly released book and e-book why I Survived by Jennifer Lee.
Speaker 1:I would like to thank Char Good, the talented violinist who composed and performed this opening music. You can find information about Char Good on my website. As always, thank you for listening. Let's begin today's episode. The aftermath of sibling trauma can have various impacts on the individuals involved. My guest, john, will discuss how sibling trauma impacted him well into adulthood. During John's healing journey, he experienced different triggers, a midlife crisis and repression, to quote John. Trauma doesn't go away, but it doesn't have to define you. John is the published author of man Up Already. He strives to educate, equip and empower today's man to man up and learn how to become the amazing man God created him to be. Based on this book, he created the man Up Already podcast. In this year he hosted his first man Up Already conference. John, thank you for being my special guest on the I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1:I am so glad that you are here today. We said in your introduction a lot of times what happens in our childhood leads to different behaviors, decisions and our path in adulthood. But, as you said, we can influence that path. So I would love to start with your childhood, and we always discuss at whatever comfort level you want to share.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay For me. You know, my parents were divorced when I was two. I've never known what a happy, healthy, you know marriage kind of looked like when I was younger. I've certainly learned it as an older, but there was no model for your typical, you know, family unit. My dad became this mythical guy because he lived two hours away and I would see him every other weekend. I grew up, you know, living with my mom, and my mom, when I was five, married again and he had two kids. So the dynamic in that home was very chaotic and that was life, and so you think that's kind of normal and you deal with it because there's no other, there's nothing else, right, like that's just kind of the way it is.
Speaker 2:At 14, my father said to me I want you to come live with me because a boy needs his dad. Like he knew that the next phase of you know, if I was going to be a man and the man he wanted his son to be because I'm his only son then you know he wanted to be kind of influencing that and I jumped at that. So I went to live with my dad at 14 years old and I have this gifting or blessing of being able to see things play out Like you can kind of future cast Well, if it's not good now, this is kind of what it's going to look like over time. And so for me decision-making becomes easier, because if you're able to see, hey, this is what it's going to look like 10, 20, 30 years down the road, we should probably stop doing that now. Why did I leave my mom at 14 and go live with my dad? Because I knew that if I stayed in that home I'd either be in jail or on drugs. I was very impressionable. I was very insecure and trying to please people and so deep inside myself I knew if I stay here, the outcome is not going to be good. I have a better shot living with my dad. So I was able to make that decision at 14.
Speaker 2:You know I moved from Long Island, new York. I grew up on Long Island, new York, and then moved to Connecticut and dealt with all of that High school and then college, then living and working, getting married. I'm a musician, so I really did think I was going to be a rock star. You know everybody laughs at that, but it really is true. I lived 45 minutes from Manhattan. I've been playing in bands since I was 15. Went to school for music and got an education degree because, as it was presented to me by my drum instructor at the time, who was very influential, you know, get a teaching degree so you don't sleep in your car, at least you can go get a job. So I never intended to be a teacher. I really did think I was going to be a rock star. So at 20 years old I joined a band that became the band that I was in for really six to seven years and did a lot of things with. So, 23 years old, I graduate college and I'm teaching. So I'm teaching by day and I'm playing rock star at night. And I did that for about four years. But when I started teaching, something got unlocked inside of me Like that's. It's funny because I was just talking to our 20 year old son that you'll hit a moment where something inside of you, when you find that thing that you're meant to do something, will internally happen. And that happened for me with teaching. I was a teacher for 10 years as that developed, you know, climbing that career path.
Speaker 2:At 27, I got married, 28. We bought a house, 29. We had our daughter, 32. I got a master's degree and 33. We had our son. So in that six year period I had done everything that everybody kind of tells you to do to be successful.
Speaker 2:But at 33, when I really took stock of my life, I was miserable. My wife worked. I was working 12 to 15 hours a day, six days a week. Our children were in daycare. At 33 years old we gave everything up, came here to Florida and naively said you know, we're two educated people, we'll find jobs. And for me there were three non-negotiables Do I want to keep my wife home? I want to keep our children out of daycare and I want to make a six-figure income, and those being non-negotiable anytime.
Speaker 2:Somebody, when we came down here, you know, wanted to hire me, which was very rare because my resume said teaching and I didn't want to do that anymore. My answer was no and that led me to stepping in and finding financial services and financial education, and it just was an extension of. I taught music for 10 years but I was really teaching life with the kids that I impacted. Here was my opportunity to work with adults and teach the things that were not taught to me but I still could get in their lives and really, you know, create change and I think that's what I've learned over time is I, through my experience, I love helping people right, I love making an impact and that's my calling, and so I use financial services to do that. I use the podcast or writing a book or speaking. They're all this ability to just get in people's lives and share what I've learned so that maybe it'll help them. You know, grow and maybe not experience some of what I've walked.
Speaker 1:Wow, you've said a lot of insightful things and I want to unpack it a little. I did not grow up in a divorced family, but I am divorced and I know for me, being a middle child in my home, you kind of have to find your niche right, because you're not the oldest, you're not the youngest, you're not the only boy. How did you find your niche in a blended family?
Speaker 2:I didn't. Well, that's not true. I didn't for a very long time until I found the drums and that was my life ring. It was eighth grade when I got my first drum set and nobody in the house did that. Everybody was stronger, better. People would look at me like are you adopted? Like I was just this kind of outcast and drumming was the thing it really was. It was that thing. I could grab, hold you and go. This I can do and nobody else does.
Speaker 1:You just stated that you were kind of looked at as though you were you adopted, or how did you deal with that?
Speaker 2:The kid I was. I'll paint you a picture. My dad would pick us up on a Friday. We would spend two hours in the car, get to his place, go to sleep on a Friday night, wake up on a Saturdays were glorious at my dad's house because you had the whole day.
Speaker 2:You were in this essentially another world, a much safer, more accepting environment, because it went from this blended family to me and my sister. My sister and I would connect on a very different level when it was just us at my dad's and that dynamic would change once we went back to my mom's house and you know so, Saturdays were amazing, and then Sundays, and then we got back in the car and went home and I would throw up as soon as I walked through the door. My mother was always like how am I supposed to take the fact that every time you come home to me you throw up? And I didn't know it back then, it's car sickness. It was 100% the stress of knowing I had to go back into that world until I saw my dad again.
Speaker 1:Wow, so you were literally having physical reactions just at the thought of having to go back there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's so sad to hear. So, talking about your dad, can you share one of your most memorable experiences?
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny that you asked that on today of all days, and it's crazy because yesterday I had to be reminded. Today is the 15th year anniversary of my dad passing. He passed today 15 years ago and, for whatever reason, every year I say I'm not going to do it and it just happens. I block this day out until I have to be reminded by somebody else that it is actually this day. Gosh memories with my dad, there are so many. When I was a kid I remember one. It was quite funny.
Speaker 2:My dad and I went camping because I was in like Boy Scouts or whatever, and so he came camping with me and my dad smoked and he had this, what I would imagine is a really, really expensive lighter. He dropped it. We were in the cabin and he dropped it through the slat. It was a slat floor and literally he this lighter was so important and he lifted up the cabin and had me crawl under to retrieve the lighter. Funny stuff like that he was notorious for. Just you know, I wrote about this one in my book that people always comment on, which is quite comical not comical at the time, but it is a memory that lives in infamy that me and my sister share constantly.
Speaker 2:My dad was a guy that was going to do what he wanted to do, period. If he wanted to do it, it was going to get done. So he had to entertain to. You know, my dad was in his 20s and 30s when he would pick us up, so he had to entertain us. You went to the movies and it wasn't like today where you know if you're a Gen X or you know how important movies were in the 70s and the 80s.
Speaker 2:He decides he's going to see Jaws. So he takes his kids. He tells this is what he says if it gets scary, go under the seat. So my sister spent pretty much most of that movie under the seat. Me in my five year old body sits and watches this movie and the nightmares from that live on. I mean, you know, like my, I have a fascination with great white sharks. Right, it's fear and fascination because of just that moment. Jaws to this day is in my top five of greatest movies of all time. But yeah, he's got the crap out of me with that move. We laugh about that one all the time.
Speaker 1:I don't know that. I have ever seen that movie from beginning to end. To be honest with you.
Speaker 2:What makes that movie? There's two things that make that movie what it is right. If you look at it in today's context it's lost, right. But back then the score. Because it's John Williams who? John Williams is America's treasure when it comes to music. The score is unreal. So the score makes that movie because the music implies the shark in so much of that movie, because the story of that movie they couldn't get the shark to work, so most of that movie is implying the shark and showing a shark attack without ever showing the shark. So there's so much left to your imagination in that movie until the shark actually shows up. That makes that movie what it is, with a score that's just unbelievable. It is a phenomenal movie.
Speaker 1:Well, now I'm curious.
Speaker 2:Now you got to go see it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'll be like Jen. Did you see draws yet?
Speaker 2:That's one of my all time favorites. Not that we have to go on this tangent, but there is a scene where cinematography and music line up in such a way that you're just in awe. And it's a brief moment. Steven Spielberg got his finest.
Speaker 1:And I would probably miss that, but with you, with your passion and your knowledge of music, you probably have the greatest appreciation for that moment. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, you know, I'm so glad that we talked about this. It's a great way to remember your dad, and so I feel very honored to have this moment with you. Thank you, and thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:What were some lessons that you took away from him that maybe you teach your kids today?
Speaker 2:Let me say this my dad was mythical for me, right? So anytime you put a person up to that height, they're going to fall. And in my 20s, in my own perception, he fell and I had to deal with that for most of my 20s and my 30s. Took a long time for me to reconcile who my dad was as a person versus my father. Yeah, it's inevitable, right, we put our parents on pedestals and then, when we see them for who they truly are, sometimes we don't have the wisdom and the maturity to process really what that is. Until later. Right In high school, I came with C's and my dad looked at my report card and he goes what's this?
Speaker 2:And I said what it's? C's Look, average. I'm not failing, right, I know it's not an A, but I'm kind of in the middle. And he said you're not average and don't bring that home. And that just stuck in me. Somebody else can be average, but that's not you. Only and I'm passionate about the power that fathers have with sons only masculine can bestow that to masculine, like that is a right, a passage kind of deal. It was like I'm setting the tone and the lesson of where, who you are and how you're going to go. It was like one of those moments that just stuck with me. And then I go to college and I do the same thing and I come home and he looks at the grades and he goes if you bring that home again, I'm not paying for it. And if I'm not paying for it and you're no longer going to school, you can't live here. So it was like, okay, I probably need to get my act together.
Speaker 2:When our kids were growing up, I would ask my kids who are you? And they'd say I'm a champion. And I would say what do purists do? And they would say we get the job done. Because what my father instilled in me is the power of the name on the back of the jersey.
Speaker 2:Right, if purists is your last name, that stands for something. It's not average, it's do your best. It's not about being the best, it's about doing your best. And if you give your all, that's the only thing that really really, at the end of the day, matters, and I gleaned from that how important integrity really really is. One thing I could say about my father being the man that he was and if he was going to do what he wanted to do, he was going to do it and he had the integrity to do what he said he was going to do. That was a big thing and I probably carried that most of all Like. Integrity and character for me are incredibly, incredibly important and we can screw up, but then in the screw up have the integrity to own up to it and fix it Absolutely.
Speaker 1:When you talked about how children put their parents on a pedestal. But the time comes when they realize okay, so maybe they're not perfect. What advice would you give the parent?
Speaker 2:Well, having been a parent that has fallen and had my kids see me, I think I was a little bit more confident and had my kids see it. Be authentic. I've say a lot. Somebody's always watching. If we think that nobody's watching, somebody is always watching. Maybe your kids, maybe your spouse, maybe online. Somebody's always watching what it is that we do. And so be authentic. If we screw up, own up to it and then show what it looks like to be better Versus, well, that's just the way I am and that's a cop out. Don't do that. Constructively use if you fall in your kids eyes, find out why, and then how do you work to be better than that?
Speaker 1:So you just said that you have fallen. Perhaps that goes back to what we talked about in the introduction with the midlife crisis. Is that something you're comfortable talking about?
Speaker 2:Well, we can talk about it. But there's some things that maybe I won't give details on. But I'm very transparent about what happened to me, without playing victim on it. It's why I talk about trauma the way I do is there's so many things that are running our program without us consciously realizing what it is. Unfortunately, a lot of the times, it takes an implosion or some kind of event, some painful event, right, but pain has purpose. Pain can reveal, there's something going on here that's underneath, right. So often, jen, we focus on the event and we're conditioned to respond to the event. I understand, right, the events are emotional, but if we can get past the emotional pain and really look at, well, why Because if I can really deal with why, I'm not going to experience the emotional pain again, if I solve the reason behind what happened and that's what really happened for me is I did.
Speaker 2:I had a full-on implosion at the end of 2019. It almost destroyed my marriage, certainly compromised my character, and here I am a guy writing about integrity and authenticity and all that. So it was almost like there were two things happening. There was this conscious side of me that understood this is the model and this is what you represent and this is what you believe. But underneath that was just ridiculous pain, and that pain was all the way back from my childhood. That was just repressed, shoved down. That started what happened for me. I always tell this story. It was all shoved down from the time I was a child, all the way through adulthood. So I'm now 47 years old and I have been shoving this crap down to try to ignore it, put it away, right, and I would. Internally, there was this constant battle of what is this demon and that's what it always felt like was this dark side to John that was always lurking in the shadows. And that dark side was my pain and my trauma not really being dealt with. And at 47, I went to something called Band of Brothers. So I'm extremely faith-filled. Band of Brothers is based on the book Wild at Heart, which Wild at Heart changed my life. I read that in 2003.
Speaker 2:And so I went to this event in Colorado and when my dad died when I was 38, because of my survival instincts, I literally shut off my emotions when it came to painful events. It was like the term I used was cauterized right, and I'm a big Star Wars fan. It was like somebody took a lightsaber right, literally sliced through my emotions and cauterized them in that instant. And so if somebody died, I would have no feeling, none. If bad things happened, I would just be like, excuse my language, shit happens, people die, people get hurt. Because I just experienced something terrible right, and so my reaction was no feeling. And along the way I would be like why gosh, why? There's got to be something wrong with me. I feel nothing. And that went on for nine years until in the mountains of Colorado.
Speaker 2:I'm at this event and John Eldridge who was leading the event, we were praying, and there's a section in that event called the wound, and the wound was losing my dad. But that was so much deeper than that. I'm in a moment where I'm in fight or flight, like I'm literally hunched over, and I'm facing this wound. I am deciding whether or not I'm going to run out of the room and avoid this or I'm going to really give it up to God. And I understand what being wash clean really feels like, because in that moment I was spiritually wash clean of that pain of losing my father. And so I opened up in that weekend. All of a sudden, my emotions were turned back on and I came out of that in 2017, not in a healthy way. The purpose or the intent was healthy, but I didn't go about it in a healthy way because there is a it's my father, right it living in me. Well, if we're going to do it, we're going to do it.
Speaker 2:You know, I started to push the boundaries of my life what am I not happy with? And I started, instead of being gentle and kind and asking questions, I just was. Now my emotions are back and I'm pushing because I'm like a bull in a china shop, like I'm just pushing and forcing. And I did it in my marriage, I did it in my career, I did it in everything, and what was coming back was not things that I wanted to see or wanted to hear, and I just kept pushing, kind of like I'm going to force it to a breaking point and see what comes as a result of that. That's not healthy. It's certainly not kind.
Speaker 2:I was chaos and that chaos started slow, right. A book came out of that and I love my book. I reread my book post trauma and I really do stand because all of it is is true. The book was kind of like me in a way, sharing what I had been through and what I learned and what I was trying to get to, but how I was actually going about it was relentless until I broke and almost broke my marriage.
Speaker 1:And how did you get out of that?
Speaker 2:There's a great book out there called Extreme Ownership, and what they talk about in that book is it's a seal philosophy, a Navy seal philosophy that, no matter what's happening at your fault, and on December 12, 2019, my wife and I are sitting on the couch deciding on whether or not we're going to stay married. And when you're sitting there and you're going, how did we get here? I love you and you love me. How could we be here? And because we both read that book and had done so much personal development over 18 or 16 years, at the time we were able to say all right, it take, two of us created this, it's not one person. So we're going to draw a line and our marriage is going to be defined by what we do next, because if we try to deal with the past, we'll lose. We're going to take Extreme Ownership that the two of us created, everything that led us here. We're going to draw a line and everything we do from this moment forward is what's going to matter. And I got therapy and started seeking out mentors and coaches and I attacked my weakness the same way I attacked my awareness. Nothing is off limits. I'm going to dive as far as I need and I'm still doing it.
Speaker 2:Every time something shows up, I'm like, okay, what is that? Why? How is it controlling me? Like, I don't go on social media. Facebook, instagram is managed now by others, so you'll find me on those things, but I don't even have the passwords because they trigger me and I'm aware enough to go. That's not really working for me, it's not good for my marriage, it's just not good all the way around, because there are things on there that do trigger me. Then those things won't go away. They're buried deep in my psyche. So why even entertain? And it's funny because I've been social media free since, I think, march, and I don't miss it at all, as a matter of fact, the clarity that it brings to not be on. There is something I'm in credit I speak, and when I do conferences or when I'm asked to speak, especially with men, I talk about what social media is doing to erode us and the most important relationships we have.
Speaker 1:I agree with that, if it wasn't for my podcast. Honestly, I'm about over social media. It's exhausting. There are times where I had to unfollow things. I understand that. So I think it's great that you took that step, that you recognize this is not healthy. I don't want to be a part of this. And you stopped in regards to your marriage or relationship, was you drew that line and then you focus on what are we gonna do moving forward? You know, think about where you want to be and how you get there. You know the little steps at a time.
Speaker 2:I wanna speak to that First. I wanna give credit where credit's due. When we drew that line, I got off of Facebook in 2019, and I don't think I turned it back on until like 2021. I was off. There was no wisdom for me when it came to social media. My wife came to me this year and said you have a choice to make get off social media or, essentially, you're gonna lose me. And I went well, that's a freaking no-brainer, like I don't need this. And so what's interesting about that moment is I'm sitting there going.
Speaker 2:Clearly, I'm not seeing something, and this is really important in the context of relationships. If it's not working for my wife on that level, then get rid of it. It's so not worth the pain it's causing my spouse right, and I think so many people hold onto their need to be right, or this is mine. You're gonna have to adjust to me. No, we're talking about social media and it's crap anyway. So it was a no-brainer for me, but she had the. This is why partnership is so important. She knew what lie on the other side of for me being off it, so she is responsible for that and I thank her. I keep thanking her. I'm like I can't thank you enough for making that demand, because I'm so much better of a person not being on there when we drew the line.
Speaker 2:What people miss is we've got to deal with the past, like the past created the problem and there's so many things in there that we those things are gonna come up. They haven't gone away. But when you draw the line and you say this forward and we start working, you're able to deal with the past in little bits and pieces as they present themselves Versus. All I saw was this mess that our marriage had become. It's like a ball of knots. If you try to pull one, there's no way right, because one leads to another and so you go. Well, this happened because of this, and what about this? And the next thing, you know, your entire conversation is about all the crap that happened to create where you're at. But if you just make a decision that we're gonna figure it out and we're gonna get better little by little, all of those old knots and the things that again the knot is the symptom what's the cause? The cause will show up again. But now you have the clarity to deal with it one at a time, little by little, with a commitment to each other that we're going to move forward, and that's where I think grace and forgiveness really come in.
Speaker 2:I know what real grace looks like and it has changed me so much that whenever people are in trauma or in crisis or they do the things that they do because we as human beings are, we do silly things. I used to be this judgmental guy. Because people who are judgmental are typically they're judging themselves inside and, having been given the grace that I have been given, I literally look and go. Who am I to have any kind of opinion? We're all walking through our own trauma. We're all walking through our own stuff. How can I be empathetic and listen and maybe share some wisdom, versus being judgmental and casting them aside?
Speaker 1:Those are lessons that we all can be reminded of. That's probably a good way to put that and so your journey has led to you writing a book, which you kind of mentioned earlier, and your podcast. So can you tell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:Sure. So the book man Up Already is me talking to men, though I mean women get a lot out of it. But I'm talking to men because I fully, 100% believe that we are all divinely created and we are divinely created for purpose and there is a purpose behind manhood. In a society today that is attacking it like crazy. But when you look at underneath, I truly believe that men and women crave what manhood authentic, divine manhood brings to relationships and to society, because when you remove it, it is chaos. So man Up Already is really me talking to men, saying you are created by design for a purpose.
Speaker 2:Your influence is incredibly important, and the second half of the book is built on what I call the four pillars that if you stand on these four pillars, you're gonna lead a successful life. And those four pillars really were inspired by my dad. They are integrity, humility, authenticity and morality. Do what you say you're going to do. That's integrity. Humility is it's not about you. Authenticity is be uniquely you. My message is there never has been, nor will there ever be you Ever right. You are as only one, you, Jen. There's only one me and anybody listening. You are uniquely and divinely created. So often we try to be somebody else, be you and be proud of who you are, and then morality is do the right thing. So that's the book, and in there are exercises that men or women can do to really kind of wrestle with those questions.
Speaker 1:So tell our listeners where they can find your book.
Speaker 2:You can go to manupalreadycom. There's a lot of cool things happening there. The book is there. We have the entire visual video and audio of the man Up Already Growth Conference which we did in June, so all speakers are there. If you have a man in your life, I highly recommend that those guys brought such wisdom. I'm excited to say that February 24th of 2024 is the next man Up Already Growth Conference in Port St Lucie, so it was such a good event that we're going to do another one, so I'm pumped about that. That literally just happened this week.
Speaker 2:It's not a Christian men's conference. It is a men's conference bired by God to remind men of who they are, and I think those two get very blurred and what is often forgotten is how fierce Jesus was, how courageous, fierce he did press the boundaries of the establishment. I mean, that was no timid life. When men are around men and you get them comfortable which typically you got to get them out you'll see real fellowship around a fireplace after something has been done, and so the man Up Already Growth Conference is kind of like we're going to strip it down, we're going to get you in a room and we're going to freaking remind you who you are and a four letter word comes out of my mouth, then so be it. We want men walking out of there going. Number one I really need to think about what I'm thinking about. But number two I was created for such a grand purpose. How do I start really stepping into that?
Speaker 1:I love that. I want every man to be able to feel that as well. Were you called to do that in your journey?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the book was literally like walking with God from thought to print. It was four months, it flew out of me. It was the most of it was written in a weekend and I had heard stories of people doing that, but it really, it really did happen. And then the podcast was a year later.
Speaker 2:I was doing this crazy fitness challenge and at the end of it I was like going live during a part of it and people were paying attention and I would do this thing called the ride along, which I do on LinkedIn you see a lot or even on all my social media. I still do it. It's kind of like this wacky way of doing a podcast. I would go get coffee and people were like great message this morning. And I'm like you're watching that, you know. Like people were coming to me, like people who I respected, who I saw maybe as just higher, like in my financial business, were like keep doing what you're doing, I'm paying attention, you taught me something today. I'm like, wow, this is just me sharing the journey. So that's how the podcast happened.
Speaker 2:And then the growth conference. The idea of it came last year because at that time I was going to do some coaching with men and I was meeting with some men who are coaches and I have my own coach and I just was very clear I'm not ready for that. But I was meeting with one of them, my friend Eric, and God very clearly said you're going to get men in a room and bring men like Eric to the men. That's what I want you to do. It was very clear.
Speaker 2:And finally I was like all right, god, you know, it's kind of like when God tells you to do it, you do it, and so that's how that was born and that's what we did. What happened at the end of that event is, for a lot of men in their lights had come on, and one of them came to me and he said one of the things that I talk about is the power of your posse, how important it is. You know why your circle matters. And he came to me after and he just looked at me and he goes I don't know how to do that, I don't know how to build that circle. So his name is Brandon. It just stuck with me the look on Brandon's face of please don't leave me like this. I probably need to get one on one with these guys, and so, thankfully, brandon hit me back and now I'm coaching him one on one. So I've opened myself up now to working with men hands on, which I'm really enjoying. So I have two guys that I work with.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:I said to my son yesterday because he's you know, it's like he's a junior in college what is he planning on doing? And so we were just talking about it and I said you know, if I could make life a lot easier for you, I'll say this just take the next logical step. The next logical step will present itself. It always does the end at the end of the hall on any hotel floor. You don't see all of the doors. You see the corridor. The doors present themselves as you move closer to them and life is really like that. The next door opens when you take the next logical step towards them.
Speaker 2:So often we want to dictate the parameters using information from the past, instead of just no, I'm just going to step. And really the blessing that happens is because I saw it with the conference by you taking the step and doing something that is beyond your own ability to pull off, you ignite something and other people to give them the opportunity to participate. And I could I don't know. This is where I could get really emotional. You change lives by doing that, because other people step in answering their own calling.
Speaker 1:That is special.
Speaker 2:And then you really go do something special.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad that you have found your journey and I'm so glad that I found you and I get to hear about your journey.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:You're welcome and I'm excited that we can share this with the world as well.
Speaker 2:You know it's funny because I I think it was on a podcast that I had did earlier that your pain can have purpose. That's a theme that has kind of come up in the last couple of weeks is your pain can have purpose right, like you can take the trauma or the pain or the painful moments and, if you use them properly, I think you respect what you've gone through right. So oftentimes you know we can fall victim and disrespect what we went through, especially when I meet others who have been through traumatic events or experienced things in life of showing respect to to what they've been through but also inspiring their own respect.
Speaker 1:Pain can have purpose. I mean because that is just a phenomenal statement when you sit back and you really think about that. I'm definitely going to. I want to investigate that because I'm curious. Curiosity is a good thing, right? Is there anything you want to add before I do my closing?
Speaker 2:No, this is awesome.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for being my guest today. I love that you just reiterated again that pain can have purpose Very powerful message. So again thank you for being my guest on the I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Anytime. This is Jen Lee with the I Need Blue podcast. You can find all of my episodes and everything about I Need Blue on wwwineedbluenet. Again, thank you for listening and remember you are stronger than you think.