Mark's Journey Through Losing His Wife to Breast Cancer, Brain Tumors, and Paralysis: Faith, Family, and Resilience
Oct 23, 2023Season 3Episode 24
Jennifer Lee/Mark
Meet Mark, an epitome of strength, perseverance, and faith. He's a survivor in the literal sense of having overcome significant health scares and his journey through the rugged landscape of grief and single parenting. Having lost his wife to breast cancer and faced two life-threatening brain tumors, he knows the depth of despair but also the height of triumph. His story is enriched by the strength he derived from his family and faith, and he stands as a beacon of hope for those facing overwhelming adversities.
Don't miss this enlightening episode as Mark shares his personal story of hope, resilience, and the incredible power of community during times of adversity. Mark's inspiring journey will touch your heart and leave you with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
" There are no exceptions. Everyone you meet is experiencing their challenges, even if you can't see them." - Mark
"Understand that nobody is exempt from life challenges. But with your own will and inner strength, you can overcome and manage any pain that comes your way." - Mark
Meet Mark, an epitome of strength, perseverance, and faith. He's a survivor in the literal sense of having overcome significant health scares and his journey through the rugged landscape of grief and single parenting. Having lost his wife to breast cancer and faced two life-threatening brain tumors, he knows the depth of despair but also the height of triumph. His story is enriched by the strength he derived from his family and faith, and he stands as a beacon of hope for those facing overwhelming adversities.
Don't miss this enlightening episode as Mark shares his personal story of hope, resilience, and the incredible power of community during times of adversity. Mark's inspiring journey will touch your heart and leave you with a renewed sense of hope and determination.
" There are no exceptions. Everyone you meet is experiencing their challenges, even if you can't see them." - Mark
"Understand that nobody is exempt from life challenges. But with your own will and inner strength, you can overcome and manage any pain that comes your way." - Mark
Everyone has a story. They just don't always have a place to share it. Welcome back. This is Jen Lee, creator and host of I Need Blue podcast. True Crime to True Life.
Speaker 1:
As a survivor of armed robbery and abduction, I understand the trauma and triggers survivors experience Knowing this and through my powerful podcast, I offer survivors a safe place to share their lived experiences. Survivors need blue to feel they belong, they are loved, understood and my favorite empowered. Please note I Need Blue does contain sensitive topics which could be triggering. Please seek help if needed and remember you always come first. I Need Blue episodes can be found on Apple Podcast, spotify and many listening platforms, including my website, wwwineedbluenet. There you will find valuable resources, safety tips, my newly released book and e-book why I Survived by Jennifer Lee. I would like to thank Char Good, the talented violinist who composed and performed this opening music. You can find information about Char Good on my website. As always, thank you for listening. Let's begin today's episode.
Speaker 1:
The first time I met Mark, we sat next to each other at a new member orientation for a local chamber of commerce. It was my first time attending this meeting. Mark introduced himself to the group first and I followed. When I was done. I saw Mark writing on a piece of paper which he later passed to me. I felt like I was in school again. I read it, leaned over to Mark and said I'm glad you are here and doing better. The letter from Mark read Jen, I survived cancer. On the following line it read paralyzed from the neck down, surgeons and neurologists say I'm a walking miracle.
Speaker 1:
When the meeting was over, I chatted with Mark for a few minutes and together we knew his story was about perseverance, overcoming challenges, and it needed to be shared. I was amazed when we followed up with a phone call and Mark shared his life story. He has suffered loss and during that time had to learn how to navigate being a single parent to a very young son. Later he was blessed when he met Jeannie and together they created a blended family. 12 years ago, a life-threatening obstacle entered his path, followed by another three years later. As he shares, you too will see he is a walking miracle. You know, when faced with challenges, we often step back and ask why me For Mark? He found strength in faith and family. He refused to give up Mark. Thank you for being my guest today and welcome to the I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2:
Good morning. I'm looking forward to our discussion.
Speaker 1:
Awesome. In the beginning we talked about your son having to be a single parent. Can you take us through the narrative and how you were a single parent?
Speaker 2:
The experience with Carmen as we got married was tremendous and exciting. Carmen and I were married 16 years. We had a son when Carmen was about 35 years old. She developed breast cancer while she was pregnant. This was a shock and a challenge, because her breast cancer was aggressive. We had to deliver our son at 35 weeks. He was delivered premature. She could not leave the hospital and go home with us, so I took him home alone. She stayed in the hospital for urgent mastectomy and to begin radiation treatment on her breast cancer. She stayed in the hospital for another month and I stayed home with my son. Carmen's mother came to help me. I was working, of course, and stretched thin to take care of him and the home. Carmen came home and my son could not be around her because of his age and her radiation treatments. This was extremely difficult for her and difficult for me. I began the life as a single father when I brought him home from the hospital. Over the next five years took care of Carmen and David, our son.
Speaker 1:
During that five years was Carmen able to see her son at any point.
Speaker 2:
Yes, she had to continue through different therapies to try and fight the breast cancer. It wasn't always radiation. For a time it was different types of chemotherapy. She would come home and be with him as much as she could. I would be with him mostly day and night and continue working.
Speaker 1:
Were you working outside the home?
Speaker 2:
Yes, I had my own office in downtown Miami. Carmen's mother would come and take care of Carmen and David. I did everything to keep his life as normal and uninterrupted as possible. Sadly, ultimately, the breast cancer took Carmen's life. He was not yet old enough to comprehend death, only that she was gone and not coming back. I assured him, don't worry, I'm here. I had been with him so much during all of this time that he was comfortable. He did not experience trauma with her passing.
Speaker 1:
How old was he?
Speaker 2:
He was five and a half when she passed.
Speaker 1:
I think you had told me you were really thankful because the school he was attending offered bereavement classes.
Speaker 2:
He was at a small private school. To my surprise, the school had a children's bereavement center which at the time, I believe was certainly the only one in the state of Florida. I took him to the children's bereavement center and at the bereavement center the parents would also go through bereavement sessions.
Speaker 1:
So like family.
Speaker 2:
Yes, If he would sit in a room with the parents. He would sit in a room with the kids and a counselor. The other kids had lost parents or siblings. Everybody talked about what they were doing and what they'd been through. I think it helped him quite a bit. I didn't see any serious depression or behavior issues from him after Carmen passed.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, the bereavement counseling created a community for him where he didn't feel alone. There were others who were suffering that grief and that loss. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone is very healing in itself. I want to ask you, because you have stated he really didn't have much trauma and obviously you've got him some resources what were you dealing with at that time as far as the grief and the loss and trauma?
Speaker 2:
Well, carmen's parents came and spent a great deal of time with me and with him. Her mother essentially moved into the house with me and helped me take care of him. She was, of course, tremendous and caring and fulfilling for David. I was busy working and taking care of him. I suppose I was not spending a lot of time on myself, but staying focused on him, and that helped me to transition also.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I'm so glad you had that. Your support system then changed because Jeannie entered the picture. Can you tell us about that?
Speaker 2:
After Carmen passed, I was going to our church, a Catholic church. At that time there was a bereavement session or two at the church that I attended. There was a couple of women there who apparently lost their husbands. I became friends with them, casual friends, when other people tried to introduce me to other women. Then, coincidentally, on a closing a property where I was the closing agent, I met Jeannie. She was buying this town home. I thought she was tough and attractive and smart. She happened to be from China and I tell the story, asked her if she would like to go out and she turned to me and she said I don't want to waste my time. And I was a bit taken aback and I said well, I don't want to waste time either. However, let's, maybe we go to dinner. I can pick you up and we'll go to a restaurant. And she says no, I'll pick the restaurant and I'll meet you there. Okay, jeannie, that's fine If you. I hope you feel safe. You pick the restaurant and I'll meet you there. So she picked the restaurant and I met her there. We just hit it off.
Speaker 2:
We started talking and we talked for a couple of three hours and went to her place and our relationship developed from there. She was, I guess, in the market, interested in finding a mate, as was I, so I asked her if she would marry me. She pointed out that she's not going to get married to raise my son. I said that's not what I'm asking, and I have Carmen's mother and friends helping. I don't need you to raise him, I'm looking to build our family. She relented, and then we got married. One she wanted to get married in the church. Then, according to her, we needed to get married on a date that was an auspicious date in the Chinese calendar. So we're trying to match those two and we ended up getting married on the 18th day of the ninth month of the year of the ox, which is October 18th. David was participated in the wedding.
Speaker 1:
How old was David?
Speaker 2:
By now he was about seven years old. We went home and started our life together. She quickly took over of David and the home. We never used the term step mom, it was always just his mom. She emphasized and pushed David's academic performance. By the time he was in the sixth grade she was teaching him calculus. She also had pushed and insisted that he perform some musical instrument, and he chose the trumpet, and he became quite an accomplished trumpet player to this day.
Speaker 1:
So Jeannie really stepped in and played an intricate part in your son's endeavors and his successes.
Speaker 2:
He earned his PhD in neurobiology from the Duke Medical School and now he's heading up research at a Japanese pharmaceutical company in Cambridge Massachusetts.
Speaker 1:
I have to ask does he still play the trumpet?
Speaker 2:
Oh yes, he still plays the trumpet and wherever he goes, he joins a local symphony quite promptly, he becomes first chair and plays solo.
Speaker 1:
So within this you have a life partner. Y'all are thriving, your son is thriving, and then you get hit with some news that shook your world. Can you share what that was?
Speaker 2:
In 2011,. I was at my desk and suddenly had a seizure. I woke up in the hospital with my wife and a neurosurgeon. They had done a brain scan and discovered a grapefruit size tumor in the frontal lobe of my brain and had to do a craniotomy on an emergency basis to take it out. The surgeons explained to me that apparently this tumor had been growing for a very long time. My brain had accommodated it to sort of move back out of the way as the tumor continued to grow, until the point at which the tumor crossed the center line and this seizure occurred. So they did the craniotomy. Then I had to recover from that.
Speaker 1:
How was that? Like the recovery.
Speaker 2:
I was in otherwise excellent physical condition. I came out of the surgery, of course, with my head all bandaged up and I couldn't drive for six months or a year. I couldn't travel, I couldn't undertake strenuous activities. The doctors were shocked by my recovery again and didn't expect it. But then they found yet another tumor. The first was in the frontal lobe above the brain, the second was in the factory cavity below the brain. They had to do a cyber knife surgery.
Speaker 1:
With these types of tumors. Were the doctors surprised you were alive?
Speaker 2:
Yes, With a larger one. They were surprised that nothing had happened before, that I was alive, that the seizure hadn't wiped me out. Of course, they just kept saying you're lucky, so I was lucky.
Speaker 1:
Do you think it was luck?
Speaker 2:
I think it is not easily explained and very often when things are not easy, easily explained, we call it luck. So it was as lucky, I guess, as I could be that had had such a major interruption in my work life that I was sort of starting over. So I picked up with the work life and David continued to excel and do so well that his high school and college. He earned scholarships for his academic achievements and his skill on the trumpet. So he paid his own way, as it were, through college and graduate school.
Speaker 1:
And in the meantime, you're trying to recover, get back to work and get back to some normalcy.
Speaker 2:
It was happening and I was still stressed and spread thin. Things began to balance out a little more and then, in 2014, I had an accident falling off the roof of my house and I was paralyzed from the neck down with a spinal cord injury. I was told I would never walk again Again. My amazing wife stepped in as I came out of the emergency spinal cord surgery in the ICU. She brought in some good friends of ours who are renowned and award-winning acupuncturists and who teach acupuncture in the US, in California and in China. They came to the ICU and started acupuncture on my neck and body immediately.
Speaker 1:
And I think you said they had to kind of sneak them in. Is that correct?
Speaker 2:
Well, we did sneak them in and the nurses saw what we were doing and they would come to the bed and the curtain would be pulled and they would open the curtain and they would say, is everything okay? And close the curtain and just sort of look the other way as my acupuncture doctors came in to take care of me. They were coming in every day and the nurses asked them to get registered and they didn't want to because they were already so busy. But the nurses and the hospital let them in anyway.
Speaker 1:
How long were you in the hospital getting these treatments before you were allowed to go home?
Speaker 2:
I was in the hospital, paralyzed and in physical therapy and with acupuncture therapy for about two months and they just kept working on me and working on me, and they would bring in counselors and therapists to help me understand that I was not going to walk again. They would give me all of this therapy, they would bathe me and move my arms and move my legs and they had to feed me. I couldn't do anything. Then gradually they could stand me up and sit me down and stand me up and sit me down. One day I stood myself up and I walked to the door of the hospital room and the nurses came running and grabbed me and said Mr Gallegos, are you authorized to self-ambulate? And I had to think for a second as a well, who does that? That's the doctor. Okay, but get back in bed.
Speaker 2:
And they laid me back down and they put the bars up on the bed and they locked them so I wouldn't get out again. Then each day they would hold me and let me walk a few steps and they would let me walk around the floor and then, when I could walk, they said that they had to send me home. So I was sent home and continued the acupuncture and the therapy my wife would feed me and dress me and bathe me. She's just amazing. Gradually I could walk more, I could do a little bit more and I pushed myself to, even to this day, to physically do more, mentally do more and be out in the community and work with people and use my own skills and talent and experience to help others. I think I can do that and I try to do that as much as I can.
Speaker 1:
Yes, you are a blocking miracle. In closing, I do have a question for you. In your introduction we talked about how your strength you found it in faith and family. What role did faith play in that?
Speaker 2:
When Jeannie and I got married, we went to I think it was pre-marriage classes or something like that at the church, and I had studied philosophy in college. I was able to share with her my faith in God and Jesus and miracles and the history of the Bible and to tell these stories also to people from my church, to share their faith With my mother. It was a great faith and who herself had had trying experiences. She had 11 children and had to manage and have faith and share faith with all of us. Jeannie and I married in the Catholic church and we prayed, and our friends from the church came to the hospitals with me and placed hands on me, shared their faith and their prayers and helped keep us going through all of that, through all of these experiences.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so for you, faith was instilled and taught at a very young age and you cultivated that into adulthood and your relationship with Jeannie. That's fabulous, it's important. Last question for you, in one sentence what would you tell other people who are experiencing life challenges?
Speaker 2:
And that there is nobody that is exempt from life challenges. There are no exceptions. Everyone you meet, everyone I meet, is experiencing their own challenges. You may not see it, you may not know it, you may not hear about it. However, whatever you are experiencing, with your faith and your inner strength, your own will, you will get through these, as I've gotten through major challenges, and, even today, continue to overcome and manage the pain that will be with me the rest of my life from my spinal cord injury.
Speaker 1:
Everyone has a story. I say that every day and it's part of why I have my podcast, so people have a place that they can share their story, because there is healing and sharing. Mark, thank you for coming on today and sharing your story with me and with the audience.
Speaker 2:
Thank you. I enjoy telling this story and sharing and I hope it helps others. It helps me to tell the story.
Speaker 1:
I love that and I am glad that this is part of your journey being able to share your story with others and, yes, it will help others. I know this to be true. I don't always hear from people. It's helping, but even if it's just one person, you touch their lives. Thank you for sharing it today. You're so authentic. I'm so glad we had the opportunity to meet and I'm sure we'll see each other again in the future. Mark, thank you for being my guest on the I Need Blue podcast. This is Jen. If you want to find out more about I Need Blue, go to my website, wwwineedbluenet. There you will find anything and everything about what is going on in our world. Remember, you are stronger than you think. Thank you for listening. Until next time. Bye.