The Healing In Sharing
Welcome to The Healing in Sharing podcast. THIS is a space for brave, honest conversations about resilience, restoration, and the life-changing power of telling the truth about your story. Through heartfelt storytelling and meaningful dialogue, each episode opens the door for women to gently unpack their past, rebuild trust where it was broken, and rediscover the strength that has always lived within them.
This is a welcoming space where vulnerability is honored, growth is intentional, and healing is not rushed but respected. Together, we explore what it means to rise, to rebuild, and to step fully into the woman you were always meant to become.
Formerly I Need Blue.
The Healing In Sharing
When Self-Harm Felt Like the Only Outlet, She Found Hope - Molly
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Self-Harm. Resilience. Transformation.
Molly shares her journey of overcoming self-harm, mental health struggles, and childhood challenges to embrace resilience and personal growth. From isolation in middle school to rebuilding her life as a wife, stepmom, and new mom, her story shows how courage, therapy, and mindful choices can transform pain into strength.
Help for Self-Harm | Text CONNECT to 741741 for support
Connect with Molly:
Instagram: @royalhorizonvisuals
Website: https://royalhorizonvisuals.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mollysyring
Learn more about THIS:www.thehealinginsharing.com
Follow:
Instagram: @TheHealingInSharing
YouTube: @TheHealingInSharing11
Email: TheHealingInSharing@gmail.com
Subscribe: Apple podcast, Spotify, etc
Book: Why I Survived; Where Survival Becomes Strength
I Need Blue Podcast
Speaker 1Everyone has a story. They just don't always have a place to share it. Welcome to I Need Blue, the podcast about to take you on an extraordinary journey where profound narratives come to life, one captivating episode at a time. I'm your host, jennifer Lee, and I founded this podcast because I know there is healing and sharing. Each story you will hear shared on this podcast is a testament to our collective strength, innate ability to transform in the incredible power of healing. Please remember you are never alone. Please visit and share my website with those seeking connection and inspiration wwwineedbluenet. Thank you, char Good, for composing and performing the introduction medley for I Need Blue. You can find information about Char on her website, wwwchargoodcom.
Speaker 1Before starting today's episode, I must provide a trigger warning. I Need Blue features graphic themes, including, but not limited to, violence, abuse and murder, and may not be suitable for all listeners. Please take care of yourself and don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it. Now let's get started with today's story. It's an absolute honor to introduce today's guest, molly. We first crossed paths in a networking group where I had the chance to witness her passion and talent as an entrepreneur, videographer and photographer. She's a proud wife, a bonus mom and a new mother to a beautiful little boy. Huge congratulations, molly.
Speaker 1Now living in sunny Florida, where the heat often calls for short sleeves or sleeveless tops, I noticed something that caught my attention during our meetings. As I sat across from Molly, I saw the scars on her arms. They weren't just marks. They were the kind of scars many tried to hide, but Molly wore them with strength. They were a silent testament to her resilience. I sat with that, knowing each cut had an emotion, a story, a cry for help. I also thought you go, girl. You're not afraid to show the world the remnants of what you've been through. I'm proud of you. A few months later, I felt an overwhelming desire to contact Molly and invite her to share her story. Today she's here with us, molly. Thank you for showing your courage and sharing your story today. How are you doing? Number one?
Speaker 2I am doing better than I expected I would be. He was due January 22nd, my water broke on November 23rd and I had the emergency C-section on November 25th, and so we welcomed him at 1141 in the morning two months early.
Speaker 1He is thriving.
Speaker 2I saw your post on facebook that you had a three um about three hours ago yeah, so he's been being tube fed for the first week of his life and in the next couple days we can start working on feeding through the mouth. And by the time he's just discharged to come home with us, he has to be taking all his meals by mouth. Starting to work on that is super exciting. He's breathing on his own. He's regulating his temperature a little bit more each day, so it's exciting to see him grow and see him doing so well. He's honestly doing better than anyone would have expected.
Speaker 1That's amazing. Well, he's got fighters for parents as we share your story today. But you are beautiful and how are you feeling?
Speaker 2I'm feeling good, honestly, just keeping my mind busy, letting my body rest, which is harder done than said.
Speaker 1Right, because you had the C-section, which is six weeks healing right yeah?
Speaker 2so I am not allowed to drive for the first two weeks at least, and then I'll check in with the doctor who delivered him and see if I'm cleared for more activity or kind of how it's going then. But I feel pretty, pretty good, still sore, still achy, but I'm getting around.
Speaker 1So, of course, and I can't wait to hug you and I can't wait to hug the little guy, I think everybody in Ladies Ablaze, we're all like, oh, that's just so beautiful, we can't wait to hold them.
Speaker 2Just the support from like the Ladies Ablaze. Just everybody is so amazing and so wonderful.
Speaker 1It is my favorite. You know. It's perfectly said when they say small but mighty. Yes, in our conversation we kind of talked a little bit about your childhood. Now I will say gymnastics. I used to watch it in the Olympics and I was like, oh, I really want to do that. And I got to where I could do a cartwheel and that's as far as I got.
Speaker 2Okay. Well, cartwheels are difficult. You'd be surprised how hard it is to learn. Just a cartwheel Props to you Good job.
Struggles With Mental Health and Self-Harm
Speaker 1Thank you. I can no longer do a cartwheel, but I can say I did once upon a time. But your childhood you were very passionate and you loved gymnastics. Yeah, I did.
Speaker 2Yeah, tell us about that. When I was a kid, I competed up through the end of sixth grade. I was training level five when I quit, which is about halfway through the non-professional levels. I was training in the gym 20 hours a week by the time I quit. So I went to school, I went to the gym and on weekends we'd travel all over to compete during the season. It was my life. I lived, breathed and ate gymnastics and a couple years ago I spent a few years actually coaching gymnasts at the same gym I competed at in my childhood. Wow, so you brought that full circle. That's great kind of helping guide and nurture and empower these kids to learn about themselves, learn how to support others, learn how to use their bodies to move, to emote, and it's just really, really fulfilling.
Speaker 1I love that. You know, obviously at that young age you were very dedicated and you were supported, obviously through your parents, because you couldn't drive yourself there and whatnot. But you said that then you know you had to stop. Yeah, what happened with that?
Speaker 2Honestly, it was all mental. I had so many mental blocks, so many mental blocks I couldn't pull myself out of them and I kind of let my fear stop me and I'm like I can't do this. So I did step back and I did retire at that point.
Speaker 1Looking back, do you think there was something that triggered those thoughts that came in your mind and do you remember, maybe, what one of them was?
Speaker 2I think a lot of it was related to my outside life, because my parents divorced when I was about nine years old. So this is about three years later I just turned 12. You know, at that age you're really starting to see more, realize more, understand more. And you know, I was transitioning into middle school. I was just totally overwhelmed and I feel like what caused it quitting gymnastics was probably the worst decision I could have made at that point. Hindsight's 20-20.
Speaker 1Right, but at 12, you just reacted to. I bet how many 12-year-olds would react.
Speaker 2It's a chaotic time, like my stepdaughter. She's 11 right now, so I'm seeing her kind of starting to go through all the changes.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know. Let me ask you quickly. So what is it like then for you to witness your stepdaughter and know what it was like for you at 12? Has it adjusted conversations you have, I definitely hold that like really close.
Speaker 2When I think about handling her, conversing with her, parenting her, I want to make it really clear like look, I'm not your mom, but I'm the motherly figure in this household. She's with us a majority of the time. Usually I'm the one taking her to school, picking her up from school, you know, doing all the things, and her and I are really close and I'm so thankful for that.
Speaker 1Now going back to you. You were in middle school having all of these thoughts of I can't do it. What emotions were you feeling at that time?
Speaker 2I felt very isolated. The middle school I went into most of my elementary school friends went to a different middle school, so I felt very isolated. I felt very lonely. So I felt very isolated. I felt very lonely. I had found a group of friends at this middle school but I feel like we didn't have the history and the past and I was seeing everybody else still hanging out and doing their thing and I'm just kind of over here like hi. A lot of my close friendships were in the gym and once I retired I really didn't keep those connections either. I no longer have them anymore and I was just starting to feel more hopeless, feeling alone, feeling like I have to just pull my bootstraps up and keep going and keep working and get good grades and stay strong for my sister and not let anybody know, because everyone goes through it. So I just gotta get through it.
Speaker 1You know, we all put on that happy face, but inside we're just crying.
Speaker 2Yeah, Over the course of like seventh, eighth grade I became introduced to the thought of self-harm and it started out as like little pencil scratches and then just kind of escalated from there over the next year or so.
Speaker 1Yeah, and when you say the word introduced, what did that look like for you?
Speaker 2I can't remember if it was just hearing about it through the grapevine at school or on the internet, probably a combination of both. I heard about it. It was kind of in my headspace, I remember. For a while I knew about it like I couldn't think, even think about bringing myself to do it. And I think one day I was in like my home economics class. I was like having a panic attack and snapping the rubber band against my wrist, like digging my fingernails in just trying to stop the panic attack. However I could, and that was kind of how I did it?
Speaker 1Did you find community in that? Were there other people you found that were also resorting to dealing with their distress that way.
Speaker 2No, I didn't tell anyone. I kind of kept it to myself. I feel like I didn't want people to know because I already felt kind of so to the side. I felt like I had to work so hard just to keep up appearances and keep these few friendships that I had, that that was my little secret. That was like a shameful thing, like I have to do this to try and calm myself down and eventually turn into I'm not worthy. I deserve this. This helps, like I don't know what to do besides this. It just became how I expressed my frustration, my depression, my hurt.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I had seen the marks on your arms. Were there other areas?
Speaker 2Yeah. So my upper arms, my forearms, all up and down my thighs. There's a few on my stomach. If I ran out of room on one arm, I'd just move over and it got really bad. By my freshman year of high school I'd be at school and I'd like be wearing leggings and like just from walking around, or like I'd go in the bathroom and I'd take a little razor blade out. I'd just walk around the school with like blood matted leggings because I couldn't make it through the day without, without finding that release wow, did you do it to feel like pain?
Speaker 2yeah, but it also felt good in a way too. Yeah, it was that release. I feel like that was like some sort of control. It was something I could control. That felt good to me.
Speaker 1Yep, let me ask you if this makes you. There was a time when I did not want to have to feel all my emotions, so I went and got my belly button pierced and they literally just shoved it through the skin and it hurt. But I longed for the physical pain to distract me from the emotional pain that I was feeling inside.
Speaker 2Yep, that's exactly it.
Speaker 1That's exactly it.
Speaker 2Form of pain to distract me?
Speaker 1Absolutely yeah, I understand. To distract me? Absolutely yeah, I understand.
Speaker 2I feel like a lot of people do in their own way. I feel like a lot of people mask or hide or distract from the real pain and the real problem because they don't know how to deal with it, they don't want to deal with it. So they just mask and distract and use some other form of pain to distract from the actual problem, from the actual healing that needs to be done.
Speaker 1So you figured out how to hide it from friends and at school. Yeah, how about hiding it from your parents?
Speaker 2I did a really good job at that for a while, and it was actually my freshman year of high school in the fall. So this was kind of before it got to the point where the cuts were everywhere. It was still on my forearm. There was probably like a four inch space that was just red all over, and I'd wear these rubber bracelets over there 24-7. I had the bracelets on and they kind of covered it up.
Speaker 2One day in gym class I had two friends, Jessica and Colin, and I was sitting in the corner crying, trying for no one to notice me. But they noticed me and they came over and they talked to me and they were the first people I told about what was going on. They went to the gym teacher, my swim swim coach. We're like, hey, this is happening, Like we feel like somebody needs to know, and so that's how my dad found out, Like he was told by one of the teachers.
Speaker 2The way he confronted me about that was he asked me to move my bracelets and I said he asked me to move my bracelets and I said no. And we went back and forth a little bit until he just grabbed my arm and just moved them down himself and then he just cried yeah. So after that I started therapy, but ultimately by January of my freshman year I was Baker Acted because nothing was working. They put me on voluntary hold, which was really them saying sign this or we'll keep you here for a minimum of 30 days. Sign this or we'll keep you here for a minimum of 30 days. So I was there for five days while my parents worked on finding a residential facility for me to get treatment at.
Speaker 1Can you explain for the audience what it means to be Baker Acted?
Speaker 2Yeah, so a Baker Act is basically up to like a 72-hour psychiatric hold. So it's basically like a mental health crisis facility. If you're a danger to yourself or others, you can be put in a Baker Act facility for up to 72 hours for that psychiatric hold. Hours for that psychiatric hold and the premise is that in those 72 hours you'll come down off the edge of hurting yourself or hurting someone else and you can go. But most often what happens in there is doctors are rude. You just sit and watch the same drug and mental health films for hours on end. You get quiet time very much not like a therapeutic setting and it's not meant to be. It's just meant to hold you there until you're gone.
Speaker 1Well, that sounds kind of sad.
Speaker 2It is and I was. I was Baker acted a total of three times in high school and I think the youngest child I saw there was seven years old.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2And that was just heartbreaking, like there's no reason a seven year old should be in there. He doesn't know what he's doing.
Speaker 1So for you had it then transitioned from the cutting to suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 2I think the suicidal thoughts were kind of already there, like starting freshman year out and they just grew and compounded and grew and compounded. And I think winter break I tried to like run out in traffic and get hit by a car and thinking that it's so stupid. But like I was just done, I was over it. It was like in the moment I don't want this anymore and I was fine. I got back up and went home and pretended like nothing happened.
Speaker 1So you've been Baker Acted a few times. You said they were trying to find a residential treatment program for you, and this is while you're in high school, right.
Speaker 2It was my freshman year of high school. I was 13 at this point.
Speaker 1Wow, and did they end up finding?
Speaker 2Yes, I was admitted to La Amistad in February of my freshman year of high school. The problem they had was they needed to find a mental health facility because at that point like there was no substance abuse issues, so they needed to find a facility that would take me for just mental health. Well, almost uh I think it's like in Lakeland or somewhere near Orlando took me and I was admitted in February, so I lived there, I went to school there. They had dormitories, they kept the girls on one side, the boys on the other, and I was there for six weeks because that's what insurance would cover.
Speaker 2And did it help being super resistant and just trying to play the system. I finally realized I can't play the system here, like it's not going to work, like I just if I'm here, I might as well walk the walk. I'm going to be here anyways. There's nothing I can do Like just resisting it and having a miserable time isn't going to get me anywhere.
Speaker 1What was your day?
Speaker 2day like so we would start our mornings with morning group. We had this little chant that we'd start group with every morning this is group no reading, no writing, no side conversations. I'll give you one warning then ask you to leave with two or more days of freeze, and so we'd all say that together, go around and we'd make goals for the day, kind of talk about how we were feeling that day, and then we'd walk from the main room in the dormitories to the cafeteria for breakfast. We'd have like our uniforms to wear during the weekdays for school. It was like the navy and the tan shirt and pants, and so we'd walk over the cafeteria, have our breakfast, and then the classrooms were in the same building as the cafeteria. So then we'd do our classes and it was really cool actually, because I could work at my own pace.
Speaker 2I was in algebra two. I could work at my own pace. I was in algebra two and then I ended up working ahead through like pre-calculus while I was there and learning like sociology and the normal subjects. But because of the kind of smaller classroom setting I was able to have a much more individualized approach. I was able to have a much more individualized approach.
Speaker 1Sounds like it was a great step towards healing.
Speaker 2Yeah, we'd have outside time every day, usually like one structured activity, like we'd play like kickball, or we might go to the gym and play basketball. They had like ping pong tables out, just a big yard. So it was cool because a bunch of different stuff. I really felt community there, so I really did connect with the other girls who were in the program and we supported each other and I feel like that was huge for me too.
Speaker 1Yeah. So then, when you had to leave in the six weeks, were you able to maintain your friendship with the girls and have that support, and did you take away coping skills then to help you?
Speaker 2Yeah, so we weren't allowed to exchange contact information outside of the facility, but I was able to find a couple of them once I did leave. There was this girl, alexis, who was there with me and she drew me like a picture because we'd have art therapy, so we do paintings and drawings and stuff. She drew me a little picture and I still have it in a little box in my room, so like I still have some of the things that I gave the other girls, that the other girls gave me. So I think that's really neat that even though we couldn't stay in contact, that's great.
Speaker 1I love that.
Healing Journey
Speaker 2Yeah, and so some of the coping skills I was able to take away. Meditation was a big one because while I was there that was my first introduction to meditation I feel like that honestly like catapulted my spiritual journey, if not right away, it like just planted the seed Cognitive behavioral therapy, really being able to step back and look objectively. Even if some of these kind of more in-depth processes weren't fully developed and reflexive, I knew enough to take away with me. And when I did go home I was in an intensive outpatient program. So I had six to eight hours of group and individual therapy each week with that program. Once I did transition back home with that program, once I did transition back home, Wonderful yeah.
Speaker 1What was life like then when you went home? Your parents are divorced. I think you said it was 50-50 custody. What was that like for you? How did that affect you in this whole journey? It?
Speaker 2was rough. I was not ready to be discharged and everyone knew that, but my insurance just wouldn't cover a longer stay. I went home. My dad was very much by the book like this is the instructions they gave us. We're going by this, no matter what my mom saw. I was kind of struggling and we needed to do something different. So going like one week to one week was very hard for me, just because of how differently I think they handled me being home and I feel like at that point my stepmom was really getting sick of me. I kind of was seeing more and more of kind of her little tricks and stuff and she talked bad to me about my mom and I felt like she was trying to make me think of my mom as this bad person and whatever else. So I was having outbursts and yelling and just not doing good at my dad's house at all and I just wanted I just wanted to not be there ever Because it was bad when I was.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I remember you telling me, like when you were at your dad's, like even you weren't allowed to watch TV, and what was it? Have a phone, yeah.
Speaker 2Like people at school had thought you died yeah, they had. And I didn't find that out until the second half of my sophomore year, when I actually returned to the same high school. I started at the rules, like at my mom's house. I didn't have a phone either. The main difference was I felt supported at my mom's house and I didn't have a phone either. The main difference was I felt supported at my mom's house and I felt cut off at my dad's house. So I had no phone. I couldn't even email my friends, although I snuck it in. I had one friend that I would email back and forth Aspen, him and I. We actually mailed letters to each other when I was in residential, so that was really neat.
Speaker 2I could only use the computer for schoolwork because I was in virtual school. I couldn't see my friends. I couldn't talk to my friends. I didn't have my phone. I could only watch TV shows with my parents. I couldn't watch TV on my own. I couldn't listen to music unless it was on the radio with my parents. So all these things and I'm a very creative person, so, like music and creative expression, like I really felt cut off. And so by the end of that summer it was August, when I would have been starting my sophomore year of high school my grandma came down to visit on my mom's side and I convinced my parents to let me go back to Minnesota with her for a vacation for 10 days. So I flew up with my grandma to Minnesota and over those 10 days I convinced my parents to let me stay for my sophomore year of high school.
Speaker 1Wow, that's quite a change.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think part of the reason my dad agreed to it was he didn't know how to deal with me. He really didn't, and I think I finally wore him down to be like okay, just stay there.
Speaker 1What was the thought process behind your parents, specifically your dad, in isolating you from all of the social media, from electronic devices?
Speaker 2Discharge recommendations from the rehab facility and I think part of that was because they thought I wasn't ready to be discharged, so maybe they kind of wanted to keep that higher level of that. I agree Some of that was necessary. Like there's moderation needed, like it wouldn't have been a good idea to just give me Pinterest and whatever else to look up depressing quotes again. But I feel like there's some form of expression and autonomy that I really needed in a moderated way that I just felt cut off from.
Speaker 1Now you're with grandma.
Speaker 2Yeah, now I'm up in Minnesota with grandma about to go back to a real school, because that that was the main thing. I wanted to go to school again. I didn't want to feel like the crazy old little kid who's trapped in a room with no access to the outside world. I didn't want that. I wanted to integrate back and be somewhat normal. So I was there.
Speaker 2I joined the swim and dive team, which was great Swim dinners every week. We'd travel and go to swim meets in different cities, tell scary stories on the way back in the bus, took an engineering class, just kind of readjusted to being a normal kid and it was amazing. I still had, like you know, some of the same issues, like I still was seeing a therapist up there. I was on medications at this point In my opinion, too many and I feel like that's part of the reason why I still wasn't kind of ascending to a higher level of healthy. I feel like I was stuck at like I'm better than I was before, but I'm a zombie, and I loved the improvement. I loved that I could feel somewhat normal, but I was still, I think, zombified from the medications.
Speaker 1Yeah, Now being on the swim team, I imagine your scars were exposed. Yes, they were. Did anybody ask you?
Speaker 2about that? I don't remember. I'm sure some people did, but I just went with it. I loved swimming, I loved diving and I wasn't going to let that stop me, even if I was still self-conscious, even if I wasn't ready. But I think at that point, because, because my dad, he made me wear long sleeves whenever I left the house, but when it, when it was warm enough, love to wear t-shirts. I love to wear what I wanted to wear, wear what I was comfortable in, and I feel like that was kind of the starting point of owning it for me good for.
Speaker 2I had gone down to Florida Gulf Coast University for my first semester after high school graduation and you know I was away from everybody. I didn't really make friends. I knew a couple people, but I stopped taking my meds and I was getting Ritalin from one of the other kids and I was just doing that all the time, staying up for days on end. I just went off the deep end a little bit. Yeah, I just kind of stopped caring about doing what the doctor said. I wasn't going to therapy, I wasn't going to classes and I just kind of fell that way for a while.
Speaker 1And how did you pull yourself out?
Speaker 2I ended up coming back to Melbourne and I was just kind of house hopping around, you know here and there and everywhere, and not really having a set plan. But, like in my heart, I was like I want to go back to school, I want to get my degree, I want to do something like that. I had a camera at that point like I love taking pictures, kind of still holding on to the creative stuff. But I knew I wanted to go back to school and I wanted to do something. I just slowly started picking up the pieces and trying to get stuff back together. And I was living. I was renting a room in a trailer with a friend of mine who's still a good friend of mine today. Then I met my husband that fall after that and I started working at the gym. I was kind of finding myself piece by piece.
Speaker 2Again my now husband. He knew I loved photography, he knew I wanted to do that, so he really pushed me, like do it, you're good at it, just do it, you can be a photographer. Then, in 2022, before my 20th birthday, I started my LLC, royal Horizon Visuals, and I just said I'll figure it out. But this is what I'm doing now. There's still a journey. It still is, but little by little I'm finding myself. I'm growing and just looking back 10 years ago to today, growing and just looking back 10 years ago to today, from 12 year old me to 22 year old me. I don't think 12 year old me even thought that the me today would be possible.
Speaker 1I think it's beautiful and there's something you said that I wrote down that is so important. And it's piece by piece, piece by piece. Yeah, yeah, uh huh, absolutely, you are a beautiful puzzle, and it's one piece at a time just produces this really beautiful picture. Right, and when I look at you, that's what I see is this really beautiful picture. Each scar is a piece of that puzzle. You know everything about you. All your experiences, your journeys have all become part of that beautiful puzzle and I love that. That's such an important message that you know it's okay to do it one piece at a time. So many times we just focus on I want to do the picture, you know, I want to put that picture.
Speaker 2What's important, too, is because I feel like by the time we reach adulthood right, there's so much chance to rewrite your story, to flip the piece, to do a little bit better, to improve yourself a little bit, and each day and each hour and each moment just takes like a choice to make that little piece a little brighter, absolutely, and you're a true testament to that, and I encourage people to please check out your socials.
Speaker 1I've seen videos that you have done for friends of mine for their businesses. She owns a real estate company Absolutely amazing the creativity it's eye catching. I couldn't do it. I could never think of that, so it's great.
Speaker 2Thank you, I'm here to create.
Speaker 1Absolutely. Is there anything you would like our listeners to know in addition to what we've already talked about, before we say goodbye today?
Speaker 2I mean, if anything, I'll just leave with a little message Good and bad, happy and sad, they're two sides of the same coin. They're the same thing, just different sides of the spectrum. If you're sad, you can move the slider up to happy. It might not be easy. Just focus and little by little, piece by piece, you can change your life for the better. So that's it.
Speaker 1Thank you for being my guest today. Molly on the I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2Thank you for having me, Jen. I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 1Of course, and I want to thank all of you for listening. This is Jen Lee with the I Need Blue podcast. You can learn anything and everything about I Need Blue on my website, wwwinadebluenet. And remember you are stronger than you think. Until next time.
