I Need Blue

Jordan: Faith-Fueled, Pressure-Tested, Purpose-Driven

• Jennifer Lee/Jordan • Season 5 • Episode 18

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If you’ve wrestled with father wounds, homelessness stigma, invisible illness, or the weight of expectations, this story offers a map and a hand to hold. 

We trace Jordan’s path from constant moves and a distant father to finding a home in faith, leading peers, serving in the Marines, living with an undiagnosed illness, and mentoring students through Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). A story of forgiveness, community, purpose, and joy that holds under pressure. 

Connect with Jordan:   

Brevard County FCA 

Phone: (321) 419-7399

Email: jiris@fca.org

Website: https://my.fca.org/?form=jordaniris


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SPEAKER_00:

Jordan doesn't just carry a story, he carries a testament, a life marked by searching for roots and ultimately finding them in God. Since childhood, Jordan has known what it means to adapt. With a father in the military, constant moves meant constant change. While he searched for a place to call home, his heart longed for something deeper, a relationship with his dad, a place to plant roots, to learn, to love and to grow together. Though his dad was present, he was absent in the ways Jordan needed most. Each year, Jordan would blow out his birthday candles with the same quiet wish to see his dad in the stands cheering at his game, or simply to have a game of catch in the backyard. By middle school, his parents had separated and eventually divorced. As a teenager, Jordan found himself in Florida living with his mom and sister. And while life kept shifting, his mom and sister remained his constants, the ones who steadied him and reminded him that love was still real. Once again, with this move, he hoped maybe this would be it. Maybe this year when he closed his eyes over his candles, he would finally find the father's love he was searching for. And God, in his timing, answered. That move to Melbourne, Florida led Jordan to a youth group where his faith was ignited. There he discovered not just community, but the steady, unshakable love of God. He finally found home, not in a house, but in a savior. As Jordan shares his testament through homelessness, military service, and battling an undiagnosed illness, you'll hear how surrender turned his pain into strength and his wandering into worship. His faith will move you. It brought tears to my eyes, and it will to yours. Jordan, you are an inspiration. You remind us that even in our hardest, loneliest paths, God's light never fails to break through the darkness. Jordan, thank you for being my guest today. I am so glad we connected. Welcome to the I Need Blue Podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. It's always interesting how I am connected to people. Uh, and it actually started with me being connected to your mom first. And she said to me, you know, my son, he has a journey, he has a story, and I said, Well, let's connect. And you and I had an amazing conversation. You've gone through adversity, and here you are talking with me today. And I don't want to forget, thank you for your service.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, no problem, not at all.

SPEAKER_00:

So if we can go ahead and kind of dig into your childhood and what that looked like for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, absolutely. I was born in Auburn, Alabama. For my mom, she was in college at the time. And when I was about two weeks old, I left Alabama and we ended up in Wisconsin. Um, that's where all my family's from. My my grandparents, my aunts, and uncles, and my mom, my sister, and my biological father were all born in the same hospital in the same small town in Wisconsin. So wow. That's where I started uh my life just growing up there. During that time, um moved around quite a bit. Uh my biological father was in the army. So the longest really stayed somewhere was about two years. The shortest I've definitely was about like four months. We just constantly on the move, bouncing from school to school and just from house to house. And my relationship with my mom and sister was always very, very strong. But even when my biological father was present, um, it just felt like he was absent. Didn't really want a lot to do in my life or my sister's life, it wasn't gonna be easy. I just started to notice that no matter what I did or what I said or what I tried to do, I couldn't please my biological father. It was either his way or the highway. And whether that came through um words he would say or or you know, just emotional things, um, I could tell that I couldn't I couldn't live up to the expectation that he had. Or um if there was something that I wanted to do, it was it was about him and not and not me, my sister and my mom. I remember whenever he went and deployed um when I was about second grade, uh, he went to Iraq. After he came back, it was just it was just different. And I just felt that relationship strained just even more. Moved forward just a few years, I'm in about fourth grade, and then my my parents separate. Didn't really go into detail why, but he just wasn't living at the house. I was just like, okay, that's a little weird, but I still saw him pretty much all the time. When I was finishing up my fourth grade, no, my fifth grade year, he ended up moving down to Arizona. I mean, we were staying in Wisconsin. I was like, okay, now he's far. So I don't I don't really see him. After some time, my mom decided, like, okay, we're gonna move down to Arizona and try and reconcile and bring that family back together. So going into my sixth grade year, I moved up from all my family and friends at the time to a brand new place across the country where I didn't know a soul. And we just started going to school there down in uh Yuma, Arizona. So I went from extreme cold in Wisconsin to this blazing desert. So it was definitely a transition with that as well. My parents, you know, moved in and we were trying to just make it work. Unfortunately, it just wasn't going very well. Remember just one time my my mom and sister and I were going out to uh to dinner. My biological father was out doing something. I don't I forget what he was supposed to be doing. But then I remember we were we were coming back home and we saw his car drive in the other direction, and he had another woman in the pasture seat, and I was the one that like saw it, and I was just like, hey, mom, I think that's you know, him. Um and it was ultimately my parents ended up divorcing. All those things just kind of come together and and it just didn't wasn't working out. I didn't feel like that felt like my mom was fine and he wasn't, and they just decided to to separate and go their separate ways. Even though my relationship with my biological father was not good. It still hurt because it's like, oh now my family's just gonna be one of those families that's broken, and you know, two Christmases and and all that. So that was just definitely a hard thing to hear when they finally sat us down and said we're getting, you know, divorce. And I knew at that moment I was gonna have a lot of responsibility thrown on my shoulders really, really quickly.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, many times we think about the spouse, uh the military spouse and the sacrifices that they make, right? Also moving around all the time. But I've never had the voice of a child of a military family to share what it was like for them. So this is very insightful for me, you know, but I think also for others too. Lots of shifting, and it sounds like there was a big change after your dad was deployed and came back. Um, his behavior towards you changed. And did it change in the family as well, like for your mom and your sister, or was it just kind of targeted towards you?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, it was definitely definitely towards all of us. You know, he treated my mom and sister one way that he didn't treat me. He treat I think he treated them more. I think the right word to put it is like you just the things he would say, like emotional abuse, if anything, versus like me was less emotional and more like physical. But both were unfortunately just negative, how he treated us all.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. And we talked about um how he would miss baseball games and things like that. How did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_01:

It definitely hurt quite a bit because I again I think I was always searching for that approval. Um, and I think every young boy wants, you know, approval of their dad. So when I would, you know, play sports, um and I I do well, and he just wouldn't be there to be able to see it. It hurt because I was like, look, I'm I'm I'm actually doing well. He wouldn't be there, but he would turn to social media and talk about how proud he is, about how well I'm doing during these events when he's not present at them. So I wonder if it was just one of those things like to make it look like he was more involved than he was and just to save face versus actually being there when I needed him.

SPEAKER_00:

How did you emotionally deal with that? And how did your then position within the family unit change?

SPEAKER_01:

It was definitely a hard thing. And I I began to try and find things to to make me feel better, to fill that, fill that up. You know, in middle school, um in middle of high school, I just, you know, started dating. I tried to get involved with all the sports that I could just to keep myself busy and occupied to feel fulfilled. I started going to youth group um for the first time, but still wasn't really understanding who God was and what that was all about. And then the shift of like me now knowing that, oh, now I'm the only man in the house and I have to be the man of the house. Um and I just know like how much I was hurting my mom and affecting her and my and my sister, so I I felt like I had to step up, even though I didn't know what that looked like or what that meant, especially as I'm middle schooler and just trying to be emotionally available if my mom or sister just needed to talk or cry and try to bear that burden of weight that I knew that I couldn't even handle as a kid.

SPEAKER_00:

Was there anyone there emotionally for you?

SPEAKER_01:

There's a few people that tried to pour into me during that time. Um the first time I had a first youth pastor that I had in Arizona just tried to take me under his wing and just be like, hey man, like I'm just here to talk. And you know, I'll just be able to share with him, like, hey, I'm I feel like I can't handle this. I feel like it's too much. Relationship with my dad's not great. I still hate the the divorce and just be able to just have someone in my corner when I feel like I didn't.

SPEAKER_00:

There are many who would have turned to unhealthy forms of coping, whether it be drugs, something like that. That was not the route that you took. Why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_01:

The reason why I stayed away from like drugs or alcohol to as a way to cope is it just kind of goes back to my biological father and just my my family history, um, coming from a long line of alcoholics and seeing that effect on my family before I was born, you know, coming to the world and seeing how broken and there wasn't a family that stayed together. They're all broken and divorced. And it was just a heavy level amount of alcoholism for my biological father and backward. So I knew that I didn't want to turn to those things either, um, and not follow the same path that has been going on for generations.

SPEAKER_00:

Good for you. Break the generational uh the trauma, the pattern. So good for you. And at such a young age to recognize that too. High school became a very pivotal time for you in your own learning and growing as a man in the house, but also as your faith. Um, and that's kind of where your journey took you to Melbourne, Florida.

SPEAKER_01:

So that's where freshman year of high school. I was starting to kind of get connected. You know, I went to school with some of these kids in middle school and I was transitioning to high school. So I was bringing some of those relationships along with me. It was about Christmas of my freshman year of high school. And at the time my mom had had met somebody, she got engaged, and we ended up moving um on Christmas Day all the way from Hume, Arizona, to uh down Sebastian, Florida. Another big pivotal move. I'm in the middle of it felt like high school when I was trying to finally try to grasp who I am and what I wanted to be. And we up and left again. And I was like, oh man, I'm like, here we go again. But I knew this pattern, I've I've dealt with it so many times. I think at that point, that was the the 15th move that I've done in my life. So I was just like, all right, time to just adapt and and overcome and make new friends and just do it all over again. It was it was definitely a little bit more difficult just because I was like, well, I'm a little bit older now, but I'm still having to start back at square one. But I was able to get plugged into this church um in Melbourne, Florida, um, called First Baptist of Melbourne, and I really get involved with their youth group for the first time that I was like, okay, like there's a lot of people here, and like I feel like I can make connections, and I'm meeting people that you know I'm on my sports team with with football. So I was like, okay, like this might be somewhere where I want to be. Fast forward a little bit um to the end of my freshman year of high school. I decided to go on commissions uh trip with the the youth group for that summer. Um, and we just went out basically into the boonies up in North Carolina and and helped out um a lot of people out there who didn't really have access. Like they were in wheelchairs and stuff and helped build ramps um in their houses where there's just no one out there to go and and help them.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

I remember doing that and I still felt like something's missing. I was like, I'm doing all these you know good things, but I still feel like like I'm not getting it like these other people that are there with me are. Um I remember the the speaker at the uh the mission strip was just kind of talking about you know Jesus, and I was like, okay, I've grown up hearing Jesus my whole life, and like if you were to ask me, like, oh yeah, I believe in him, but my life, if you looked at it back home or in school, you couldn't even tell the difference. I was just acting like everybody else, saying the same things, doing the same stuff. Um, and that trip, I was like, I realized I really need to make this faith my own. For so long it was my mom's faith and not mine. So I was that trip, I was like, you know what? Like, I want to you know follow Jesus. And like I realized that I've not been good and and I've I've made all these mistakes and I'm not perfect, but he was. So I chose to follow Jesus on that trip. Come back two weeks later, I get baptized over at Paradise Beach with a few more of my my friends from that trip. And then two weeks after that, I hit the the craziest spin that I'd ever seen. Where my mom, my sister, and I ended up homeless. So in a you know, like a short week span, about like you know, three, four weeks. I went from not knowing Jesus to being saved, being baptized, and then ended up homeless. Um, because who my mom was with, the engagement didn't work out, she wasn't working, um, because he was he was he had his own company and stuff, so where she didn't have to, and he just got one of those pivotal moments where it's like we have to go somewhere. Started my sophomore year of high school, we ended up in a homeless shelter on my mom, my my sister, and I.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, there is a stigma that goes along with people who are homeless. Can we go into a little bit more of the circumstances behind your situation? Because not every situation is the same.

SPEAKER_01:

I think for me, like for a while, like I was just thinking, I was like, oh, you know, if someone's like homeless, they're just like they're choosing uh to be homeless, like they're just choosing to be there. And I'm not saying that can't be the case for some people, but for the most part, like it's unforeseen circumstances. Like my mom wasn't working because she didn't have to. And then when thrown in a position of we have to move somewhere and she wasn't able to get a job because she wasn't working, we we had to go somewhere. And we had to live in the shelter where there were rules that we had to follow. I couldn't, you know, just go out and like spend the night at my friend's house. Like, I had to stay in the shelter. If we're gonna stay in the shelter and we were allowed to stay there, we there were certain rules we had to follow, certain things we had to, you know, curfews, and you know, I had to get dropped off a couple blocks away so no one knows we were staying, because it was more of a a protection thing because this homeless shelter was specific for single mothers and and their families. Um, and and a lot of people were there for different reasons and just the protection of those families and for my sister, my mom and I as well. It was definitely hard because my mom had to continue to just try to find work and in in order for us to stay there. You know, we couldn't just stay there and do nothing. Like the the the process of the one we were specifically at was to eventually allow us to go back up on our feet. They wanted to come alongside us and and see us go back into society versus just us staying there and not doing anything, being stagnant. They wanted to to help, even though it felt like it it was awful because I was in high school, so I didn't really understand it.

SPEAKER_00:

How long were you there?

SPEAKER_01:

Um so we were there, I would say about 10 months. So pretty much like I was just finishing up my sophomore year of high school when we were transitioning out. Um so I just pretty much spent that entire year um of my sophomore year of high school in that homeless shelter. And I definitely felt like like people were wanting to come along and help. And I was just like, no, I don't want handouts. We got this, we're good. But that wasn't like how that what they were doing. They weren't doing it because they felt bad. They just wanted to help. And it took me those couple of months to truly understand that like they weren't just feeling pity for us, but they really just wanted to help us. And I I saw, like, oh no, we we don't need it, we're fine. Seeing my faith grow, like I could have realized, okay, now I'm in the worst situation of my entire life, and now I can just go back to the way I was acting just before you know a couple weeks before, we're truly trying to solidify like what my faith you know meant to me and and grow from there and allowed my sister mom and I to grow the closest that we had ever been.

SPEAKER_00:

And the people who were trying to help, they had service in their heart, just like you did when you went on your mission trip, right? But it's really hard to recognize that, like you said, you didn't want to feel like you were taking handouts and and things like that. What is the biggest life lesson that you took away from those 10 months?

SPEAKER_01:

Even in those hardest and darkest circumstances where it feels like there's there's no end in sight and you're hopeless, and it's just it's just awful. You really aren't ever alone. Um, even if you you think you are. There's people just trying to even do stuff behind the scenes that I didn't even know about at the time, just trying to to be there for my mom, my sister, and I even had coaches of mine, you know, I'd come back years later and tell them, you know, thank you just for helping me during that time. And there's like, like, of course, like at first, like we didn't even know you were going through that. We you know, but like people in your community, from teachers to people in the church and the coworker, like they're all wanting to come alongside and just just help. You don't have to truly be alone. I feel like sometimes we we think that that no one understands what we're going through and no one's truly there to help, but there really is.

SPEAKER_00:

That's the love of a community. I think that's just a perfect example of how we can come together. And like you said, a lot of things go on behind the scenes that we're not even aware of. And sometimes when we feel alone, like God is still in the background working on things, you know, helping you out. So now you are getting ready to go into 11th grade.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, so we're just finishing up at that homeless shelter, and my mom was able to finally find a job, and we were able to move out. And instead of we had rented my entire life, um, just houses, places. It was never something we ever owned. Um, I'm able, my mom was able to just get back on her feet and we were able to, she was able to buy a house for the first time. So when we moved in, it was ours where we didn't have to like, you know, find somebody to pay the rent to. Like, my mom owned that house. So I felt like really for the first time, like, okay, we're actually setting down roots, like we're gonna be able to live somewhere, and I'm gonna be able to finish out the rest of my high school at the school that I'm currently going to, and I'm gonna have to like get up, go, go somewhere else again. Because at that point, I had been to this will be it would have been my third high school, and I'd been to like I think five elementary schools. I went to at least one middle school, but it's just like I was always transitioning in school, so I felt like I'm like, I'm hoping this time I can really I can stay with the friends and the connections that I had made. I was really leaning on my faith and growing that, and I had a lot of help from the youth pastor that I had here at First Baptist of Melbourne. I remember going to my senior year. They're like, hey, so we have this this thing on campus called FCA, which stands for Fellowship of Christian Athletes. And they're like, um, it's student-led. So they're like, so uh, we want you to run it your senior year. I'm like, huh? You want me to run this thing? I'm like, I don't know what that means, what that looks like. Um, because basically it was these, it was these times we meet during school, either during our lunchtime or before school, we meet usually in a classroom, come together and have someone do like a quick devotional or Bible study, and we get to pray and do that. I was classmates just on school. I was able to truly like bring a lot of people in. Okay, this is how it's gonna go, this is what I want to do, and that's it. I was able to just collectively bring so many people in, share their ideas, and watch this thing blossom. We went from end of my junior year, about 20, 30 people like meeting in a small classroom to my senior year. We were having you know, 150 kids in the gymnasium every week.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Just be able to see the growth of that in such a short time, just really seeing God move. And as like the the president of it, like I had opportunities to speak in front of these classmates, and I was scared and nervous. Like I know these guys, I go to class with them, but like I don't know them at the level that I would even be like comfortable enough to share in front of them. Um, but having those opportunities grew my confidence, my faith, and my ability to just be open and honest with my classmates, um, people that I see every day going to school with. Um, so that was really my first interaction with what FCA was and what that you know all entailed and how it can affect me personally in my life, but also affect uh the the community of all the students and the teachers on on campus.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And you graduated during COVID.

SPEAKER_01:

I I graduated in uh 2020. Uh I uh I went off the spring break that I never came back from. Um and uh it was definitely an interesting experience because everyone just everything shut down and just isolated. And it's like I had these last few things that I wanted to hit. You know, I was going my my senior season of track and you know, um prom and graduating, you know, I had all these big things coming up that I wanted and look was looking forward to. I ended up just not getting it. Um I was super just sad and frustrated because it's like I I was I'm getting to my culmination of all this school that I've been doing, and I can't even go and walk and get my diploma.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, obviously you are not alone in that. Can you take me and set the emotions behind the high schooler who, like you said, cannot do the graduation, not do the prom? Like, what was that like?

SPEAKER_01:

It was definitely, definitely devastating because it was something that I like I worked so hard for to finally get to this point. And I wanted to be able to have my family, like my mom, my sister, and whatnot, like in the stands, you know, celebrating that accomplishment and be able to, you know, finish those last few things of being a kid. Um, because once I graduated high school, you know, real life hits you real, really fast. So I just wanted to savor those last few months of just being a kid one last time. Um, and it kind of cut off short. So I was definitely, definitely frustrated. I was like, okay, well, I can't do those things. What's what's gonna happen now? I saw my dad one time when I was in high school, beginning of my sophomore year. My grandpa, his dad, had passed away. So when I was three years after I'd moved away, um, I had seen him just once. He wasn't planning on coming to the graduation or doing anything like that. And our relationship at that point was very, very strange, very far and few in between. I don't I don't think he called once during that time, maybe a few texts. And it was just very just limited because after we had gone and left, it was like, okay, now I don't have to to see you, so I don't have to be involved in your life. When we were close to Arizona, there was a parenting plan for the divorce, so he still had visitation. And in order to move from or Arizona to Florida, you know, my mom had to ask to get full custody. I remember my mom told me this, and this just crushed me that like he was like, okay, you can have full custody. I'll let you go move across the country. He's like, if I pay less child support. And my mom was like, Well, if that's what it is, it is what it is. And it's just like, in my mind, I was like, you would give up seeing us to pay a little less money. And I was like, at that point, I was just like, I don't I don't even know if he's gonna be in my life again.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, that's hard to process. But looking back now through, you know, the elementary, the middle, the high school, the relationship that you had with your dad, what how do you feel about it today?

SPEAKER_01:

You know, it took me a long time to process and just be able to forgive him for everything. What he did to my mom, and you know, and just you know, how he treated her, you know, my sister and I, you know, I had to to process that, you know, and it took a while to be able to heal, but I knew I couldn't truly heal unless I forgave him. And I didn't have to tell him that I forgave him, but in my heart I knew I had to, or I was gonna hang on to this anger and bitterness against him, and and that was just gonna make me a more an angry, bitter person over time if I let it. Um, so even though my relationship with him right now is pretty much non-existent, I haven't seen him in a long time. I still hope and pray that like he does get better and that one day maybe can come back into my life. I'm not I don't hate him, I'm not mad at him anymore. I have forgiven him. But it took a many years to get to that point, the anger that I held against him. And it's one of those things where it's like, I'm not any more, you know, more perfect than he is. If I've been forgiven for everything that I've done, I need to be able to forgive him too.

SPEAKER_00:

Gosh, see that message. I, you know, I'm wearing glasses, so you can't see the tears. But yeah, that is that is beautiful, and that is a journey. Forgiveness, that's almost like an art in itself, you know. You started to serve God in high school. You started to serve your community, you started to serve your high school, and then eventually you served your country. And again, thank you for your service.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, absolutely. So going in my senior year, it's one of those things where it's like I knew I wanted to join the military ever since I was like five or six years old. It's just a tradition that's been in my family for a long time on both sides, my mom's and my my dad's side, just people serving in the military. So I knew it's something that I wanted to do. I I I loved my country, I wanted to, you know, do my service for it. It was one of those things, I was looking at all the branches and seeing which one. This time my mom had had met my stepdad and they had gotten married. He was in the Marine Corps. I was like, you know what? Like, I don't want to be in the army because that's what my biological father was, and I don't want to ever have a situation where he's he's over me. Because I felt like that could happen. I just didn't want to have to ever be in that situation. So I was looking at thinking, and my mom uh reached out to a bunch of recruiters because she was at uh assisted living and she wanted a bunch of them to to come represent the branches during Memorial Day, and how she got them there was she said, Hey, I have a you know 17-year-old son who wants to join the military. You know, I'll give you his contact information if you come. And uh the Marine Corps sent three people, and I got a phone call the next week. After that, the rest is is pretty much history. I they were really the only ones I ever I really got in contact with and sat down with, and I left thinking like, okay, this is what I want to do. So I signed up and joined the Marine Corps, and they gave you three choices of what to pick for, you know, top jobs you want to try and get. My number one choice was military police. And thankfully, you know, Lord William, I was able to get that. That was the job that I was gonna do. But before that, you have to go to boot camp. And that was one of the hardest things that I had to go through just physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'd put that up there right next to the time that I was in the homeless shelter, just how difficult that can be. And you can watch these videos, you can ask people what it's like going into it. But until you're actually there, it's it's a whole new world. And it was definitely different too because I was going into it during COVID, and at that point, no one's ever done that before. So having to navigate that COVID while still doing, you know, Marine Corps training, it was definitely interesting. I mean, we're doing all the same stuff and having to wear these masks on our faces, but there's getting dirt everywhere and sand. It's like these once white masks look brown from just all the work that we're doing. And I remember the moment that I had hopped on that bus or van to leave to start boot camp. I must say goodbye to my mom and sister, and immediately I felt this peace come over me. I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna be able to get through things. And it stayed with me the entire time I was at boot camp. And I just knew that was just God's hand on it, that He He was letting me know that He's there. Um, He's gonna get me through this. And there were just times during boot camp, in the middle of training, I got this itty time, itty bitty Bible that I got from MEPS, which is the last you know thing you have to go to before they ship you off. And I kept it with me. It had Psalms, Proverbs, and the New Testament. And I was able to find time during boot camp to read my Bible. And there was a few times I was able to have guys come with me and read it with me because when you're at boot camp, everyone has a reason that they're there and the way that they want to get through it. Whether it's, you know, a girlfriend, their parents, um, to prove themselves. But for me, my reason was like I'm gonna rely on my faith to get through this because I know that's the one and only true thing that hasn't let me down that I know that will get me through this boot camp. You know, those 13 weeks, right? All the the mental um strain and the physical stuff we had to do and waking up and every single second of your life is planned out for those 13 weeks. Um, and you're up early, staying up late, getting yelled at, screamed at, running around like a chicken with their head cut off, but you just keep going. That time I was able to just spend time in the in in the word with these these young men. We had you know small Bible studies during boot camp. And I know that it helped get those guys through as well. Um, we were all able to to graduate at the end of those 13 weeks um without any injuries or setbacks or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're like a disciple, just you know, sharing the word everywhere that you go. That is so beautiful. Thank you for helping your your fellow Marines. And I know God was just shining down on you, like he always does. So that's amazing. And how long were you in the Marines?

SPEAKER_01:

So I did four years in the Marine Corps. So I I completed my my first contract.

SPEAKER_00:

Awesome. And uh, we know currently you have a mystery illness that kind of ties back to the military and that journey you're going through that you're still going through trying to find answers. You want to touch base on that real quick?

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. So, like I said, I was in the Marine Corps, finished boot camp, went off to basically the equivalent of the police academy, and I became a military police officer. And immediately right after that, they sent me overseas. So I was in South Korea for a whole year. I wasn't so much of a police officer as I was security because I was in a foreign country on a small base. But, you know, I still had a badge and I was still the security for that base over there because you know, we're we're very close to some some people that don't like us. So it there's definitely some tension here and there, especially during the time I was there. Later on in my time in South Korea, they started everyone had to get the mandatory um the COVID vaccines, and I definitely was going back and forth on it um if I wanted to get it or not. And I I definitely was, you know, trying to get appealed, but they just weren't going through, and it got to a point where it's like you you get it, or you get kicked out with dishonorable discharge. I was like, well, I'm too young, and I know that follows you for you know the rest of your life, so I'm like, I'll just get it. And that was uh, you know, I might have not agreed with it, but you know, it is what it is. I'm not sure to this day, but I definitely know after I got in it, I just don't feel the same. You know, over the course of my rest of my time in South Korea to my second duty station in San Diego, I dart I began to start to see a change in my body uh physically. Um, where it's one of those things where it's like, you know, he might look good and fine on the outside, but like you know your body, you can just tell something's something's wrong. And I'm always a very stoic uh person. I don't really share much when it comes to, you know, pain or going through that kind of stuff. I just kind of just deal with it. But it got to a point when I was in San Diego, it got to a point where I couldn't just deal with it. I I realized something really is wrong and I needed help. I just got back from working out one day and I was getting ready to go to my my 13-hour shift, you know, as a police officer, and uh I just felt this immense pain come over the the left side of my chest. I was like, that's not good. And it was weird because I knew I didn't do chest that day, so I didn't pull like my muscle, but something was off. And that began a almost the rest of the two-year journey of trying to figure out what is going on. I wasn't able to necessarily perform my duties the best that I wanted to. I went from, you know, being a patrol unit, you know, responding to two calls of, you know, DUIs, drugs, weapons, and you know, even calls for service for suicide. That was definitely the number one call that I had to go to during my time as a military police officer, whether it was ideations of someone, you know, you know, cutting themselves or, you know, trying to take lots of medication or trying to, you know, drink themselves, or even trying to hang themselves. Luckily, every time that I was able to go, no one actually went all the way through. But there were definitely sometimes they were close. And, you know, thankfully, everyone that I responded to did make it. But I know sometimes that's not always the case, but it was still it was still hard seeing that, and that was the way people were trying to cope with things that they were going through in the Marine Corps. And I just felt like sometimes, you know, you always have to just be the best of your abilities, you have to be able to always be capable of going just four in a moment's notice, and there's always these deadlines for who knows what. And I felt like sometimes, you know, in the Marine Corps, the the mental aspect of things isn't always made important as the rest of the things are. So I feel like sometimes people just feel like there's no way out.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. And I think I had um actually asked the question before when we were originally talking about what type of mental support is available for our our military men and women who think that taking their life is the only way out.

SPEAKER_01:

They do have mental health professionals and counselors and like that on bases. Um, but I feel like sometimes it's looked down upon if you go try and get that help. I remember for me, like when I was going through my medical stuff, the the people that were higher above in charge of me for a long time thought I was just faking it because they couldn't see physical symptoms. So they thought I was just trying to get out of work, even though I was working my night shift, you know, 13 hours, five days a week. I was like, I'm still coming to work, like I'm not trying to get out of work. Something's wrong with me. And that definitely took a toll because it seemed like my my my higher-ups, my 10 command weren't believing that something was wrong with me and they were kind of just dismissing it. And I was like, if you knew me, like that's not true. Like, there's something wrong with me. Like, I'm not just malingering, is what they call it in the military, where you're just faking an injury to just try and get out or get out of work and just coast your way through. So the mental aspect is hard, regardless. I mean, even if you don't have that, like you're being away from friends and family for you know years on ending, you're put in stressful and tough jobs. The military is not an easy place, and it's definitely a place where it's a it's a culture of, you know, suck it up, deal with it, push forward. If you you can't do your job, you're you're not helpful, you're useless to me. And also coming from an faith aspect, I'm now in the minority of what I believe, and I used to be around people who believed what I believe, believed, and now it's like I feel like at one point in time when I was on base at one of them, like I was the only believer that I knew. So that was hard too, because the culture of what everyone talks about, what everyone's about, it's you know, drinking, or you know, how many people you can, you know, sleep with, or you know, trying to just climb the ladder of promotions to get to the top as fast and quickly as possible. It's all these things about you, you, you, and not about everybody else. It's all about it's it's just it's kind of selfish. And it just felt like I try to be that light, but sometimes I felt myself like everybody else. So it's definitely difficult.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's a side of things that you know we're not aware of. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I was really sad to hear that it was a dishonorable discharge. If you decided you didn't want to get the COVID shot, that's just uh unjust. And that hurts my heart as well to hear that. And how are you feeling today?

SPEAKER_01:

And where I'm at now medically, um, still a mystery. Still going to doctors um all over, from big, you know, research hospitals like the Mayo Clinic to trying to go like more of a like a holistic round, try different things just to see what's going on. And it felt like I'm getting run around in circles, and every doctor's like, you are too young to be dealing with the issues that you are having, but we can't figure out why you're having these problems. They can't pinpoint it. It's one of those things that's taking a lot of faith and trusting in God because I got really mad when that was taken away from me. I've been healthy my entire life. Um, and all of a sudden now I can't do anything nearly like I used to. And it brought me to deciding to stay around town when I got out of the military and stay in Melbourne versus going off to college. And it brought me to staying in a hospital for five days. At that point, I hadn't shared it with anyone I was going through. And yet I had like 25 visitors during those five days come and just say, hey, you're not alone in this. It was one of those full circle moments, again, like from the hopeless shelter to hear, and like, hey, I don't have to bear this burden alone. I can share with people, and they're here to pick me up when I need it because you need help, whether you think so or not. And I think sometimes as men, especially, you know, you being in the military, you just have to deal with it on your own. And that's the even though deal with this, you know, every single day where I'm in in pain and it hurts to get out of bed, and I can't sleep through the night, and sometimes I skip meals because it's just so much, and I can't work out or run like I used to. I still have this joy. Because for other people, it doesn't make any sense. Like you have every right to be down, upset, and just hate life. But I'm like, I know. And sometimes there's those days where I feel like that, but overall, I'm like, I know I have this joy because I feel like I know it's gonna be okay, even if I don't get an answer here on earth. It's like God's still got me, I'm still here for a reason, for a purpose, and I'm still figuring out what that reason and purpose is. And you know, one of them is being able to share this story with people that hey, you know, I don't know what's going on. I feel like everything's just coming at me, but I have joy through it all. Um, and that God will heal me either here on earth or one day later on, that it's gonna be okay, and that I'm not alone in this, and that I can share that with others who are going through similar circumstances.

SPEAKER_00:

Now you've had another full circle moment in regards to sharing your message, your testament with schools, churches. Let's talk about that because it's amazing. And definitely, you know, sometimes God leaves us with I don't know the answer to this, but then other times he puts us in positions where here's an answer. Like this is part of your purpose, what you are doing now.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. When I got out of the Marines, I was I was trying to figure out what's next. Could I have gone and been a cop? Sure, but I knew physically I could I couldn't work anymore. It's like, okay, at least I'll go to school online. But you know, when that's done, like, what am I gonna do? I was like, I gotta do something for work, right? I don't want to just sit around doing concept. Um, and I started doing some you know part-time work here and there. And I ran back into my old youth pastor, the one that was encouraging me to lead the FCA back at Melbourne High School. Um, and he's like, hey, you know, like we need some help with this. You want to like help volunteer a little bit here and then? I was like, sure, absolutely. Didn't think anything of it. So I was just, you know, helping coach some like league, you know, sports like flag football, soccer, and basketball with like, you know, three to four year olds, you know, be able to like coach a practice, um, do a little devotion with them, you know, and play a game. Um, and I was like, okay, that's a lot of fun, you know, and didn't think anything of it. And I got to a point a couple months later, like, hey, um, we don't want you to volunteer anymore. We want you to come and work with FCA. I was like, what? I don't even know, like, that's a possibility, that's an opportunity. I was like, I'd love to. So the best way to explain is I'm a missionary for the schools here in Bavard County. So I go into the middle schools, the high schools, and like Eastern Florida and FIT, and I'm able to just meet with students and share not only like my story, but also the gospel message on these campuses. It's never mandatory. These kids are allowed to show up, you know, on their own free will, so we're not forcing anyone to be there. But like the amount of growth that I've seen out of this, and like example, you know, just like last week I was out of school at Mel High, my old stomping grounds, right? And I was able to meet with one of my old coaches from football because they're still coaching. And I had, you know, two students come up to me and ask if they could speak to their fellow space and their fellow football team players. That day, this was last week, Friday, like nine of their teammates came to know the Lord. And if they wanted to, and all of them did, like all 40 of those varsity players, I was able to give them a Bible. And you know, they have this whole new rule in school that you can't be on your phone at all, no matter what. And it's like, well, I have they can read now. I'm able to come alongside these these schools and partner with them and just read into the community because people are hurting, people are confused, especially in this generation. There's a lot of stuff just coming at them, and there needs to be a constant, you know, people are like, Oh, I don't know what truth is. And I'm like, well, there's all these things that tell you, like, you know, you could go to social media, you hear these influences and tell you what truth really is. But I can tell you a truth that standed the test of time and won't fail. And I can go in these schools and be able to share that with these students, you know, as part of my job and just be a missionary back into the same community that was pouring into me when I was a high schooler, and now I'm able to come full circle and pour and lead these students to do the exact same thing.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that. You know, in closing, can you share with the audience one of your favorite gospel messages?

SPEAKER_01:

So, my for me, my my life first, and this has taken you know a lot for me over the years, what yeah, I feel like that's been mine, and it's the book of Proverbs, it's Proverbs chapter three, verses five and six, and it says, Um, trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, and always submit to him, and he will make your path straight. So, for me, it's like I have to be able to trust in the Lord, not with just parts of my life, but with all of it, because I don't understand everything. And I I tried, and if I try to make these decisions on my own, like usually it doesn't so go so well. So I have to rely on, you know, the Lord and his understanding. And if I just am able to submit my life to him, he's going to make my life, my path straight. And seeing that now, like all these things had to happen to bring me where I am today. You know, if I wasn't medically, you know, dealing with the stuff that I am now, I don't know if I'd be doing this missionary work in these schools. Yet God's still able to use that to bring me to people that need to hear the truth. And he's been giving me the opportunity, the position to be able to speak. And, you know, back to being in a shelter, I don't know if I would have been going to Mel High if that happened. And now I'm at that same school where I graduated from meeting seeing teachers that used to teach me. And I had a teacher come up to me saying, you know, like when you were doing that, it encouraged me back in high school and like so much like I want to share with you, like, you know, this past year that I got saved. Like the fact that you're back on this campus, like, is huge because people need that. So I'm able to submit everything in my life to God, and I know he's gonna direct my past. I might not always understand it, I might not see where it all connects, but like looking back, how everything happened to where I am now, like I couldn't I wouldn't have changed any of it, even the hard things, because of where it's brought me, you know, and the man that it's led me to become.

SPEAKER_00:

Jordan, thank you for being my guest today on the I Need Blue podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you so much for having me. It's been amazing.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. And this is Jen Lee, host of the I Need Blue Podcast. If you want to learn anything and everything about I Need Blue, visit my website, ineedblue.net. And remember, you are stronger than you think. Until next time.

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Jennifer Lee

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