Generosity Needs Boundaries: Leslie Nelson on Faith, Lupus, and Giving Recklessly

Leslie Nelson opens up about living with lupus, the uncertainty that comes when your body feels unpredictable, and how resilience is often built one honest decision at a time.

Through faith, perseverance, chronic illness, motherhood, and enduring friendships, Leslie shares how life has shaped the way she shows up for others, bringing compassion, wisdom, and purpose.

She also offers thoughtful insight into healthy boundaries, why “maybe” can sometimes be a disguised no, and how generosity can unintentionally become enabling when we overlook the deeper need.

This conversation expands the meaning of generosity beyond money. Leslie reminds us that giving can also take the form of time, belonging, candor, hospitality, encouragement, mentoring, and simple moments of kindness.

She closes by sharing her passion for generational diversity and what different generations can learn from one another in our families, communities, and workplaces.

If you are craving a warmer, wiser way to show up for others while still protecting your peace, this conversation is for you.

If this episode inspired you, please subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review to help more women discover The Healing in Sharing.

Connect with Leslie:

Website: www.pivotalconnect.org

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/pivotconn?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=53c70169-dc45-456b-99dc-41100997e2bd 

Amazon: Giving, Recklessly: Testimonials and examples to Inspire Higher Levels of Generosity

Free Generosity Workbook: https://generosityworkbook.com/

Connect with Jen:

www.thehealinginsharing.com

Jen Lee Listens: Private listening support for women. Book Here:

https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=38958021

Follow: 

Instagram: @TheHealingInSharing

YouTube: @TheHealingInSharing11

Email: TheHealingInSharing@gmail.com

Subscribe: Apple podcast, Spotify, etc

Book: Why I Survived; Where Survival Becomes Strength

The background music is written, performed and produced exclusively by Melissa Turri.
https://melissaturrimusic.com/

Transcript

Welcome And Trigger Warning

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm grateful you're here today. I'm Jennifer Lee, and this is the Healing in Sharing Podcast. The Healing in Sharing is a space where women tell their stories honestly, connect through shared experience, and take steps towards healing together, letting others know they are not alone. Here, survival becomes strength. I know not every story is meant for a podcast. I created Genly Listens to provide women with the private space to share what feels too heavy to carry alone. Book a complimentary session at genlelisens.com. Before we begin, a gentle trigger warning. This podcast includes discussions of domestic violence, childhood trauma, and other sensitive topics. Please take care of yourself and reach out for help if needed. Thank you to Melissa Turrey for composing the beautiful opening melody. Now let's begin today's journey. If you've ever struggled to balance kindness with healthy boundaries, wondered how hardship can deepen compassion, or asked what generosity really looks like beyond money, today's conversation will speak to you. My guest is Leslie Nelson, founder of Pivotal Connections LLC, and author of Giving Recklessly: Testimonials and Examples to inspire higher levels of generosity. In this episode, Leslie shares how faith, perseverance, living with lupus, and enduring friendships shape the way she shows up for others. And stay with us until the end because Leslie also shares another passion of hers, generational diversity and what we can learn from one another across different seasons of life.

Childhood Roots Of Perseverance

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Leslie, thank you for being my guest today, and welcome to the Healing in Sharing podcast.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Thank you, Jennifer. It is such a pleasure to be here today. I am looking forward to our conversation. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Yes, I am too. And before we talk about where you are today, who was Little Leslie?

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Jennifer, I am absolutely blown away about who little Leslie was and who Leslie is today. I was born and raised in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And when I think back, I remember our neighborhood. And I know all along God had a purpose. And again, I'm blown away because when you're going through life, you don't always see why you're experiencing certain things. And then one day you get this aha moment, like, oh, now I get it. That's what it was all about. Even an illness that really shocked me when I received the diagnosis. I believe that was all part of his plan.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

What did love and generosity look like in your home growing up and how it shaped you into the woman you are today? Great question.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

My parents, they were great parents. My mother is still living. My father died in 2021. We did not have a lot materially, but in their respective roles, they showed up. Our relationships, my relationship support for them were strong. We went to church regularly. We knew how to respect our elders. We were taught some basics in terms of how we talked to people. Once my father and my mom separated, we all stayed with her. And we had hard times. There were times when the rent couldn't get paid, when we didn't have enough food on the table, we had to borrow from the corner store grocer. But if I had to use one word that summed all that up, perseverance, you can make it through it.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

And I know you're very strong in your faith. Did you have a church community growing up? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

We started kind of the foundation, African Methodist Episcopals. And then after a time, we began attending a Baptist church when I was about 12. That's actually about the time when I accepted Christ as my personal savior. So, yes, choir rehearsals, young people's department under the AME. My husband and I were raising our kids. We have four. They're all adults now. It was very important to me to make sure that they knew of God, that they knew about the importance of having a relationship with God, and that they were involved with things that further advance his kingdom. And they all are doing that today. My grandmother, my mother's mom, she was a reverend, and my grandfather, her father, he was a pastor. So we just grew up with generational pastors and ministers that shaped uh who we are.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

What have you carried that people don't always see?

Living With Lupus And Resilience

SPEAKER_00 5:46

And how has that shaped the way that you show up for others?

SPEAKER_03 5:50

In 1991, I was diagnosed with lupus, but I didn't know that I had it right away. I've been experiencing symptoms. For example, my fingertips turning um turning white, if you will, and my toes turning white in the cold, a level beyond frostbite, just a just a different feeling. I remember I was dehydrated and so I had a kidney inflammation, but it took four years to receive a diagnosis that I had lupus. And I remember I gave the doctor this blankest look because I had no idea what that was. But it is an autoimmune chronic condition that has impacted me in so many different ways. The chronic pain, the confusion, just not knowing what this was about. There was a period of time where I had to take chemotherapy because my kidneys had the condition had advanced to stage four, which I believe is one step before end stage. That experience of having a chronic illness like lupus has really built a resilience in me. It's made me mindful of my body, taking care of this temple. It made me mindful of what I put into my body, um, the need to exercise and do different things. Now, I'm not, I'm not 100% fit. Lupus affects more women than it does men, usually in the childbearing age. You know, God just blessed me. We had two kids after I was diagnosed with lupus, two before, two after. But I want to be that person that my kids will say, Hey, my mom has lupus. She won't mind if you give her a call and talk to her about it. And my kids have done that many times, because it is scary to know that you don't know what your body is doing, why it's doing it, and when it's going to do it. We need somebody to talk to who has experienced those very same things. So I want to be available. I want to use my experience, what God has blessed me with to help other people in those ways.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Thank you so much for sharing that. It's clear that what you've walked through has shaped the way you care for others.

Generosity Needs Healthy No’s

SPEAKER_00 8:00

But as many women know, being generous and being available can also require healthy boundaries. What have you had to learn about balancing those two?

SPEAKER_03 8:13

There are times when it is beneficial to say no. When I ask someone something, we have to remember that there are three options. You can say yes, you can say no, or you can say maybe. The most important thing is that we give an answer that we can come to on. Now, this gets a little bit more complicated when we talk about a relative or friend, for example, who needs a favor, just say they need money into the next payday. Instead of saying no because we don't have the extra cash or we don't trust the person will pay us back, we might have a tendency to hedge by saying, okay, let me just see what my spouse says first, my significant others to see what I can do. It's a bit of a lot of people from my perspective, that's slightly dishonest because we may already know in our mind that we don't want to do it, but we're hedging or delaying the inevitable because we really want to say no. Because I don't think any of us want to be or like to be strung along. We have to be in a place of being able to say what we mean and mean what we say. And again, sometimes it's beneficial to say no. Let me explain a little bit about that note part of it. I love giving. That's that's my spiritual gift. I love giving. But sometimes we can give in a manner that enables others, doesn't produce the desired outcomes. And those outcomes could be you want to see someone get better, you want to see someone improve their way of life, their quality of life. And so if we're constantly throwing money at it or constantly throwing some other resource at a situation or individual without getting to the root cause of why there's this recurring need for something, I think we're doing a disservice to ourselves and the other person. We simply can't help everyone, everywhere, every time. We have to be in a position of feeling comfortable with saying no in those situations because it's beneficial for all of us involved. It's important that we establish this appropriate giving life balance. None of us have unlimited resources. We can get to a point where we can say, okay, I can't help anymore, but I know someone else who can help you, for example. Have you ever been on an airplane where they tell you, put on your mask first? They tell us that because if we don't put on our masks first, we're not going to have enough air, enough strength, enough energy to put on the mask of someone next to us. The third area is helping hurts others when actions are enabling, if they're insensitive, uninformed, or if they're undertaking with ulterior motives. In other words, why are you giving? Why am I giving to this person? Is it with a pure purpose, or is there an underlying motive? I want something back. And the final thing I want to say, we all need sacred physical and mental rest. I remember years ago, we were stationed in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, and there was a woman at my church, and she observed that I was joining this group, I was on the choir, I was doing this, and I was doing that, all the while being a whole mother and a whole wife. And I never forget her saying to me, she said, Leslie, you've got to learn how to say no. You're not giving yourself physical rest, you're not giving yourself mental rest, you're not giving yourself sacred rest, the time that I should be spending with God, meditating, praying, because I was so busy saying yes to everybody. And she just stopped me in my tracks. And to this day, all these years later, I still remember her saying, you got to learn how to say no.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

You can have boundaries and still be still be generous.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

Absolutely. You're managing expectations. You're not setting them up to expect time with them, resources with them, finance with them. We have to do the same for ourselves because our families are at stake, our friendships are at stake, our work is at stake. I remember this quote that says, you have to teach people how to treat you, also.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Thank you so much for sharing that. I appreciate how you've woven so many lessons from your life and from your book into this conversation.

Giving Recklessly Beyond Money

SPEAKER_00 12:57

The title of your book is Giving Recklessly: Testimonials and Examples to inspire higher levels of generosity. Did the title come to you first or did it emerge after the book was written?

SPEAKER_03 13:14

The title came to me the latter. I just knew I needed to talk about giving. I knew I had to talk about generosity because I'm so passionate about it and it showed up in so many ways of my life. John W. Fisher, he wrote a post and it was called Reckless Giving. And in that, he reminded his readers of the biblical precedence for giving recklessly. Reckless giving should not make sense to the average person. It really shouldn't. In fact, to others, a reckless giver might seem foolish or naive. And trust me, Jennifer, in my lifetime, I have certainly received my fair share of comments from people along those lines. But I believe as Christians in my faith that giving should be a natural extension of that belief system, our obedience to God. And even if it looks reckless to other people, my book is about giving beyond monetary ways. Those can be random acts of kindness. It can be hospitality, caring, encouraging, and mentoring other people. Then there's a gift of candor, and that's being honest and frank. I talk about the gift of belongingness, the gift of time, the gift of enduring friendships.

Enduring Friendships Through Life Changes

SPEAKER_00 14:29

So when it comes to friendships, what truly makes a friendship enduring, especially through life's changes?

SPEAKER_03 14:37

In my book, Giving Recklessly, I actually dedicate an entire chapter to the gift of enduring friendships. I left for the military at the age of 17. I joined the army, and within six months of that met my husband. So I became a full military spouse. We moved on the average of every three to four years. Each time we moved, God blessed us with another set of friends that became our families. When my husband deployed, or he had to go ahead of us for assignments. And even when we were together, we looked out for each other. We were our families away from home. You've got day ones, you've got people in your life that they look out for you, they care for you for the duration. Now we know God ultimately sticks with us through thick and thin. Alternatively, you have those one days. These are people that God could put in your life for a season because He needs to accomplish something at that time or He knows that you need a support. But after that period or that season has passed, that relationship doesn't remain the same. So I'm thankful for those day ones that God put in my life.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

That is beautiful. Before we close, what final thoughts would you like to leave with our listeners today?

Seize Small Moments Of Kindness

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Don't make it too hard. Don't overanalyze the need to give to each other. Because in that overanalysis, people are suffering. People have needs. We never know who's watching. We could walk into a supermarket today, and we never know what that cashier has just experienced. They may just need a kind word. We could come out of a facility, say we have a doctor's appointment. Someone could be outside and needs help or support to get to their car. Now we have to ask in those cases, but at least we've extended the opportunities to be generous to them.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

But seize the moment. Beautiful. Ask it. Um, don't overthink it. And generosity is sometimes just that smile as you're walking along. I know I was in the grocery store and it happened twice. And I I asked God, well, you can keep making this happen if you want. Like it's it's easy. But behind me, I had um, and they were in the little motorized cart, and they pull in, and I was looking at them and I was like, Well, there's no way they can get out and get around and empty their groceries onto the conveyor belts. And so maybe the, I don't know, cashier had to come around. But I was standing there and I was like, Do you would you like me to unload this for you? And just that simple act, they were like, Oh, that would be great. I was like, Yeah, no problem. Because opportunity, like you said, opportunity will present itself.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

So don't underestimate the importance of making a true connection with people, too.

Generational Diversity That Helps Everyone

SPEAKER_00 17:46

And speaking of connections, your company is called Pivotal Connections LLC. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

I help people grow professionally and personally through my signature programs, my written works, as well as Magso Leadership Certified Team members. We should also always look for opportunities to grow. And those are services I offer my clients every day.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

And as promised, one of Leslie's passions is to talk about generational diversity. So let's go ahead and dive into that conversation.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

And one of the things I love to talk about is embracing generational diversity. All of us were born in certain periods of time. I love this one book by Tim L. Moore, and it's called A New Kind of Diversity. He unpacks, for example, if you look at the silent generation, that's my mother's age. These are people who grew up during the Great Depression. They grew up in a period of scarcity. They tend to be scarcely mindset. I'm not saying they all are. That's what they know. I'm a baby boomer. And when the baby boomers came along, we wanted to restore what was lost in a previous generation. So baby boomer, just what it says, we started having babies again, right? Things like Roe v. Wade happened. It was what I was I was born into. I was born into one screen, one screen in the house. When today there's multiple screens all over the house. We knew where that one screen was, Jennifer. It was right in our living room. Now screens are in the bedrooms. Wherever you could think of, screens are. Does that make it bad or good or what it is? My husband and I has four adult children. That's that's oxymore, I know, but we have four adults. And they were all millennials. We joke about it. I say, I want my return on investment. And what I mean by that is, you know, we pay money for gymnastics and sports and tuition and all these different things, right? I want you to help me now, right? In a joking way, we're laughing. But seriously, the way it comes out is when I have a question about technology, about social media, something that that's just way, you know, beyond my thought process, right? I'm going to call one of my millennial kids, and I'm going to leverage in a positive way their experience, their knowledge. I've got a grandson, and he can teach me things that I would never, you know, that I would never know to do. You've got two years that could pick up a cell phone and just flick, flick, flick. You know, we can have a conversation about screen time, what's appropriate. That's that is still part of the conversation. But my point is that we have an opportunity to leverage generational diversity, as opposed to putting on walls that said, oh, those boomers or those generation X, Y, and Z, as opposed to putting up those walls that say, I'm not going to deal with that person. And this is in the workplace and other places. I say let's leverage that and share the wealth.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Leslie, thank you so much for being here today.

SPEAKER_03 21:17

This is great.

Closing Reflections And Goodbye

SPEAKER_03 21:18

I I thank you too for offering me this opportunity to talk about something I'm so passionate about. Thank you for what you do too, to spread the word about kindness.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Absolutely. We're here for each other. Thank you all for listening. Remember, you are stronger than you think. Until next time.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Same places, you just keep on pushing through it. The life you led before putting everything on the line. Not sure if you would make it home, leaving it all up in God's hands. Just happy to see the sunrise again. Baby, lay those worries on my shoulders. It will always be okay. You have me to hold, listen to the silence in the dark, let it guide your way. Hear my beating heart when you're wandering, lost and afraid of you. Yeah, my hands will take hold and lean into me as I lean into you. I'll pick you up, take the pain away. Mend all the scenes to your scars. I'll heal you from your own thoughts. Dance in my arms, close those eyes. Imagine nothing but the soft light. Stars and the moon, releasing everything. Let me be your armor shielding you, keeping you safe, making you bulletproof. Baby, lay those worries on my shoulders. It will always be okay. You and me to hold. Listen to the silence in the dark. Let it guide your way. Hear my beating heart when you're wandering, lost and free. Got my hands take hold and lean into me as I lean into you. I'll pick you up, take the pain away. Lend all the seems to your scars. I'll heal you from your own dog In time. Be replaced with all the new. But until then, leaning to me, let me be your everything. I'll keep you safe from all the harm. I'll heal you from the war, the thoughts that keep you up at night. Baby, lay those worries on my shoulders. It will always be okay. You and me to hold, listen to the silence in the dark, let it guide you away. Hear my beating heart when you're wandering, lost in Frady. Got my hands take hold, leaning in me as I lean into you. I'll pick you up, take the pain away, mend all the seams to your scars. I'll hear you from you.