Diagnosed With HIV at 17, Sherley Refused to Let It Define Her

A positive HIV test at 17 could have shattered Sherley’s future, but she made a decision on the spot: this diagnosis will not take me out.

In this episode of The Healing in Sharing, Sherley, a Haitian American author, scholar, founder, and advocate, shares how she listened to her intuition, got tested, and began learning a new language of care while still trying to survive as a teenager.

We talk about self-advocacy, HIV stigma, culture, shame, self-worth, relationships, and the power of choosing mind over matter. Sherley also shares how nutrition, solitude, spirituality, creativity, and ancestral connection became part of her healing.

Today, through Healing Majestically, Sherley uses narrative medicine, poetry, and letter writing, to help survivors of sexual trauma reclaim their voice. She also speaks honestly about burnout, boundaries, and why support matters when you are called to help others heal.

This conversation is for anyone who needs a reminder that pain does not get the final word.

💛 Learn more about Sherley: https://www.healingmajestically.com/

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Transcript

Welcome And Gentle Trigger Warning

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm grateful you're here today. I'm Jennifer Lee, and this is the Healing in Sharing Podcast. The Healing in Sharing is a space where women tell their stories honestly, connect through shared experience, and take steps towards healing together, letting others know they are not alone. Here, survival becomes strength. I know not every story is meant for a podcast. I created GentlyListens to provide women with the private space to share what feels too heavy to carry alone. Book a complimentary session at gentlelisens.com. Before we begin, a gentle trigger warning. This podcast includes discussions of domestic violence, childhood trauma, and other sensitive topics. Please take care of yourself and reach out for help if needed. Thank you to Melissa Turre for composing the beautiful opening melody. Now let's begin today's journey. Today's guest is Shirley, an author, scholar, founder, and advocate whose story is rooted in courage, resilience, and purpose. Through Healing Majestically, she supports survivors of sexual trauma as they begin to heal, reclaim their power, and move forward with greater strength. In this episode, Shirley shares her real life story of overcoming painful circumstances. At just 17, she experienced sexual trauma and later received an HIV diagnosis. From the very beginning, she had an internal conversation with herself, rooted in mind over matter. She decided this diagnosis would not take her out. She was gonna rise above it. What makes Shirley's story so powerful is not only her strength, but also her heart. Even as she walked through her own healing, something in her was already reaching towards others. What began as survival became advocacy. What began as pain became purpose. Today we also discuss culture, shame, self-worth, relationships, and what it truly takes to reclaim your power. Shirley's story is a beautiful reminder that strength and compassion can grow side by side, and that healing can lead you to help others heal as well. Shirley, thank you for being my guest today, and welcome to the Healing in Sharing podcast. Thank you for having

Growing Up Haitian American

SPEAKER_00 3:20

me, Jenny. You're so welcome. And I have to tell you that you're beautiful, you radiate um a glowing energy. I love it. Can you take us back to what it was like growing up, like what those relationships looked like in your culture?

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Being a first generation, Haitian American, it's very emboldened. I think any first generation culture, you have to respect the foreign culture, and then the American culture, and then find ways to make it fit. Yes, life back home was different. You know, like people usually say they might have had profession back home and come here, it's a completely different bowl of wax.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

And what for you did you find? Um, I mean, I know you were born here, but what did you find to be like the most challenging aspect of uh honoring your Haitian culture, but then also acclimating to America's ways? I'm a natural rebel.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

So I can say when I was younger, I was hell bent of not following the traditional way of being submissive in some ways.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

If you were to date then an American, is that frowned upon? Is it frowned upon?

SPEAKER_02 4:53

Yes and no, but I think you know these are gonna be these are gonna be the standards have to be a little bit higher. He has to be educated, he has to be XYZ. It's so many layers.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Okay, very good. It's like playing the dating game, but yeah, you have a little check, check, check, right? But I don't know. I think some of us women, anyway, we have a little checklist. Of course we do of things we look for. So let's get into then your teenage years.

The Intuition To Get Tested

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Things shifted a lot for you. I know you said you were a little rebellious and whatnot, but there was a situation that we talked about at age 17. Yes, wow, oh my gosh, take us into that to whatever comfortable level you are. This is all about making sure you're comfortable. Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Um, 17. Wow, I was in one high school and I I emancipated myself from the from the school, and then I decided to go to an alternative high school to get my school diploma because being of an Asian background, GED is not an option. So I emancipated myself because I was like, I didn't want to be in that school, that school was not for me. And went to the new school, I went to the alternative high school, immersed myself there, and first two, three months, something was telling me, go get tested. The nudge. You know, as women, I have an intuition magging you, like, and I decided like, okay, but let me enjoy my birthday. But I waited a little bit after my birthday and got tested maybe around after Thanksgiving. The results came back two weeks later, two, three weeks later, because I got tested at the school. Then I was working as a receptionist at the school. One of the medical um nurses was trying to contact me. And it was like, when Shirley comes back from lunch or come back from class, please tell her to come downstairs. We just she just needs to come downstairs. So I came back from wherever I came from class or lunch, I don't know what it was. Went downstairs, and the nurse was like, How was your day? I'm like, it was all right, it's Y and Z. And she's like, Well, you know, you got you you took the HIV test. I was like, Yeah, I know. I'm fully aware of the fact that I took it. And he's like, Well, the results came back in, and you are positive. And I was like, Okay, positive, okay. And that, I mean, it's the first question I asked, like, can I have children? I'm like, well, why exactly? Who knows? But she's like, no, I'm like, I don't think so. But um, besides the point, where do you want to start getting your services from? Do you want to get you to continue getting your service here, or you want to go to a hospital? Give me some time, give me at least 24 hours, and to my tomorrow morning, I'll give you a response. But sitting there, I had already made that decision. This is gonna be a mine over matter. And the following day I came in and I said, it is best that I continue my medical services at a hospital rather than at a clinic. Because I'll be fully supported rather than being in a clinic because that is going to be just very limited in medical service. There was a social worker there who was a student. She was assigned to my case. They told her to go to the clinic to go to the hospital with me. I mean, I think I was calming her down more than I did. She was calming me down.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

That's your service in your heart.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

I will forget. I mean, I really appreciated her very much, but it was like she's like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to, it's like relax. It's like, I don't know what to do. This is not, this is not what I see. I mean, it's like, I'm the one tying up for this.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

And we're gonna get through this and take it from there. And she's like, you know, maybe it's a good thing that may you can read out all the jackasses in your life very quickly.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

I was like, yeah, that's a good way to look at it.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

How many years ago once this?

SPEAKER_01 9:49

That was when I was 17, literally, the 17. I was 17. That was like almost 25 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

I mean, looking back 25 years ago, HIV was looked at very differently, and they didn't have all of the research.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

No, they didn't have all the research. And when I got to the hospital, everything was lined up for me with the right individuals to support me. Like I made the right choice. The director of the director of the clinic wanted to be the one who oversaw everything, my service, everything. No other physician was allowed to even touch my case.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Wow. Were they aware of how you contracted the HIV then?

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Yes. They um when they did uh another another cycle of a of the testing, and I was asking questions, like, do when do you think I might have been? I forgot and I was I became confident. He was like, maybe I'll eat a good it was dormant for at least two years.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Oh, okay. Interesting. And this is when I just started just doing, I had to do whatever had I had to do.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

I am so thankful that you were you advocated for yourself, number one, by choosing to go to the hospital versus the clinic. And I'm so thankful that you found a team who are willing to support you because even as strong as we are, you're still very much navigating in the dark into the unknown, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:32

It is, it's like, yeah, navigating the abyss and not knowing like where and what you're gonna do. And sometimes you don't even know the language because this is new territory.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

What was the first step? And did they explain kind of this whole process and educate you a little bit? What was going on?

SPEAKER_02 11:52

She didn't, they did. She did, she really did. The physician there was really great in helping me. I had a social worker there as well, but I was not so keen. We just did not, we did not vibe very well. So I decided, like, okay, let's have someone else. Let me stick to the to the student social worker that I had at the school who came at the hospital with me. I liked her more and she understood, she understood me better.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Sometimes we look at a professional medical person and we just think, okay, they're right, they know, they know, they know. But kind of like when you had that inner feeling of I need to get tested, something doesn't feel right. You were able to also lean into that then when it came

Choosing Care And Self Advocacy

SPEAKER_00 12:40

to your care. So we talked about how you were gonna rise above this. Tell me how that felt, what it looked like.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Oh, it was like, you know, let me change the way I eat. I mean, I've always been very quite healthy, a healthy eater, but I really prioritized eating vegetables and fruits more adamantly in my diet. But that was that was the beginning. It really made kinked full circle when I included my body and soul.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

I love that. And it started with your mind first when you said, Okay, I'm going to control this, it's not going to control me, and then the spiritual side of things.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

I've always been a natural loner, so being in solitude is very comfortable with you.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Are you a middle child? Yes, I am. I am too. I get that. I crave quietness and solitude at times.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Yes, it's a it's a weird thing. Like I could be, I could be in the dark and I could be like happy, like Lily pitch dark, and I'm happy and sitting down, or just there's not a person, or they everyone could be somewhere in other room, and I'm in in my other room by myself, and I'm enjoying my company.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, you know, it took me years to get comfortable with my own thoughts, and then when I did, I was like, Oh, I was like, this is nice, this is freeing, and for me that was part of uh healing. Did you go through any of that where eventually the the silence uh became even more comfortable? Oh, yes. So before I interrupted with the middle child thing, yes, we were talking about spirituality on this journey. Were you always a spiritual individual?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Maybe I I was, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't name it or didn't understand it, but I think as a child, I've always liked the things that are mystical. So I used to write poems, I like, no, just write, because that was my that was my damn. And I think that was that tapped into my spirituality. And then maybe speaking to like my ancestors at a young age. I didn't realize just speaking to them, like, you know, even when after I found out, I remember going to the river, the nearest river, and speaking to my grandmother. Do you remember what she said? No, I mean, I don't remember. I think she, you know, she already passed on. I just was talking to her, and to me, that gave me the courage, and that's just where I really tapped into the spiritual aspect.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

And I imagine you still tap into that today.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

I do.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Does the message come through clearer now?

SPEAKER_02 16:09

It does, it definitely does if I need a level of clarity. Yes. Sometimes I just have to really, you know, just mute things around me and listen.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

And trust it. And yes. That can be the hardest thing sometimes, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Yes.

Disclosure Timing And Dating Truthfully

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Now shifting into having to share this diagnosis with others.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

I decided to not tell my parents maybe until almost five, six years into it.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

But it was okay. Because I wanted to do when I wasn't ready.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Did the diagnosis make you physically ill? Was there anything that would make somebody question you?

SPEAKER_02 16:53

No, you would never even you wouldn't even think about that at all. That's why even when I dated, I might, and that's the one thing I do. When I date someone up to now, I'd make it my business to tell you within the first week. It may be within the first time I meet you. It all depends how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yes, those instincts, right? Yeah. Yeah. Let me go back to this then. So outside of the medical field, who was the first person then that you shared this with?

SPEAKER_02 17:32

It was my sibling.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

And how many siblings do you have?

SPEAKER_02 17:36

I have three. It's just the three of us, so it's two, yeah. Well, the eldest one supported me, understood me, which was really great. And tell me I don't have to worry about certain things. The younger one, he was a baby.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Okay, good. So you found somebody to share it with to lean into. Moving forward, you were like, I want to help others, right? And you created a space for other survivors of sexual trauma. Tell me

Healing Majestically And Narrative Writing

SPEAKER_00 18:10

about that journey, please.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

When I decided to create healing majestically, I think it was more so speaking within something was speaking within me. And seeing a lot of I saw women with similar background that just needed a place to express and unload through narrative medicine, narrative writing. So writing poetry, you know, writing letters to yourself, writing letters to the to the physical illness. I remember right, because I I wrote something like that, and it's always like, you know, I was introduced to you, and I had to learn a new language. HIV, viral load, C D4 count, new medications that I never knew existed. So you're pretty much juxtaposing yourself in the illness and having a conversation with it.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

That is amazing. I I have not heard anybody tap into that as a resource. And how many women um have you been able to help through Healing Majestically? Um Calvin Women, because I work with I work with hospitals. Oh wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Yes, I like creating having work having workshops and then doing and doing exhibits around photo voice is one other aspect of of my within within healing majestically that I work because giving you a camera to see what you want to look at and how that impacts your life.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

How are you led to this? Other than experience, how how were you led to this? How was I led to this?

SPEAKER_02 20:10

I don't even sometimes I don't even know how I was led to this. You know, I knew that I've I was a bit of creative body, and I wanted something that allowed me the space and the room to really tap in both advocacy and creativity and leadership.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

And being somebody who also craves solitude, have you found it challenging then to balance uh helping other people in such an unselfish way while also trying to take care of yourself and find your moments of solitude?

SPEAKER_02 20:54

I think

Boundaries That Prevent Burnout

SPEAKER_02 20:55

in the beginning it was challenging in putting myself there and want to be anyone's quote-unquote helper, both professionally and personally, and got burnt out. And I had to take I had to take a backseat for a moment and come back with fresh lens, and you know, and this is where setting boundaries was was key for my old self-care.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yeah, well, that is so key. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. And um, so many times we realize we need the boundaries after we've already worn ourselves out, right? Yes. So when you set your boundaries then and it became self care for you, what were ways that you found the joy and the relief?

SPEAKER_02 21:52

Knowing that after just regular things, you know, if I'm doing if I have a workshop, if I have a job, or whatever. Whatever it is, between certain hours, I can talk to someone, but after a certain hour, I cut everything off. And I listen to my body. If I speak to someone and I and I feel tension in my chest, and I feel something, I listen to it and I disengage in a positive way. Say, you know what? It's time for me to go, or whatever it might be this. It's always great speaking to you, whatever it is, and then let it go.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Again, the self-abdicating. Like you amaze me. I'm telling you, you are a very strong woman. I don't know how many times you have been told that, but you are the fire that was lit in you of I'm gonna rise above this, and you continue to. What do you see on the horizon for you?

SPEAKER_02 22:54

The horizon, oh my god, there's so many great things that I'm you know planning on doing. I mean, it's still in the infancy stages of things. It's easy for me to look at gaps in certain situations. It's very easy to sit down and I could see, okay, oh, there's a need here, there's a need there, there's a need there. Have anyone thought about this as of yet? So having that

Culture Shame Self Worth And Support

SPEAKER_02 23:20

mindset, I see there's immense possibilities in the HIV and the in health advocacy. A woman's healing, because when a woman heals, her community heals.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

It starts with one, it starts with one. Okay, so I'm so excited for you that there are things on the horizon that are beginning, and please keep me posted. And if you have new links or something like that, I will definitely add that into the show notes so I can do whatever I can do to support you. Yeah, you know, they say live in the present. Do you have moments though, because we're all human, that you look back and would you change anything? No.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

I mean, yes and no, but I wouldn't change anything. I think more so relational dynamics. Should have left earlier than I should have. But the experiences, because the experiences have led me up to there, up to here.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

What is an important message that you would like the audience to take away today from Shirley?

SPEAKER_02 24:39

There's nothing at the present moment that you're going through that you cannot pass by and say, I did that. There's everything you do in life or you're going through at the present moment, just a moment. It is challenging. It's like being on the planet and there's turbulence. Just know that the plane is gonna land. A seasonal growth to prepare you for the next.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

And one of the what is one of the ways in that you are helping others to know that the plane is is gonna land and to know that there will be a new season. Without the bad, you're not gonna enjoy the good. That is so true. Your Haitian culture, how has that played into your healing journey?

SPEAKER_02 25:45

I think it's through the rituals that you know they have plays in it. Um, we're very strong people, very strong, I mean steadfast, stubborn, rebellious individuals. And I think having those accraments helped me in everything because I learned how to be, I mean, I'm naturally stubborn, but being stubborn when things doesn't sound right in my ears, and I'm like, okay, you can say, but that's not gonna go down to this is not gonna go down like that today. But knowing that you have the answer within yourself, and you just have to sit with yourself and listen. Because we're always seeking outside validation. What if there was no validation to have? What would you do? We're always actively going on act five, scene three. You know how let me dress up here so I can look the part for this for this role. But what if we didn't need to do that?

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Yeah, you're so right on all of that. Thank you for wording it so beautifully and clear. Thank you so much for that. Um, I always like to ask because if there's an important message or something you want to share, I I don't want to miss providing that opportunity to you. Is there something you would like to add to the conversation that maybe I missed? Like the floor is yours.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

Um no, I don't think I think we we had such a very beautiful, fluid, eloquent conversation. And whatever you're going through, it's gonna be fine. And support is good. Support is really good. You don't need to do things alone. And anyone who tells you that you can you can do this on your own, leave. Let them go. Because even in the animal kingdom, they have support. Why is it that as humans you're not you can do things when you have to do things when you're alone? You're self-destruct when you do things alone.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Okay,

How To Connect And Closing Words

SPEAKER_00 28:10

can you please share with our audience how someone can get in in touch with you?

SPEAKER_02 28:15

You can reach me at healingmajestically.com or you can reach out to me on healingmajestically.blog. One book um embracing the path of alchemy.

unknown 28:29

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 28:30

Yes, it embodied in HIV Alchemists and Spirit as the one book that I have written. Um, I think this had took me some time. I was hesitant for some time to write it, but I needed clarity for myself and just not be afraid of other things that was holding me back from sharing that.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Shirley, thank you so much for being my guest today on the Healing in Sharing podcast. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. It was a great talk. Well, thank you so much for reaching out. I we were um, you know, you found me, and there are no mistakes, you know, when we find each other.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

No, I think like uh one person said was like you arrived at the right at the perfect time. We was waiting for you.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Thank you. You're welcome, and thank you for listening. This is Jen with the Healing and Sharing podcast. You can learn anything and everything about the healing and sharing at the healing in sharing.com. Thank you, and remember, you are stronger than you think. Until next time.

Closing Music And Reflection

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Some days are better than others. Wake up and you put one foot in front of the other. Same routine, same places, you just keep on pushing through it. Life you led before, putting everything on the line. I sure if you would make it home, leaving it all open, God's hand. Just happy to see the sunrise again. Baby, let's put it on my shoulders. They will always be okay. You have me the whole distance until the start in the dark, let it guide you. You might beat it off when you wanna win the lost and down the hands up beat and me and kill the second way to die. Be replaced with all the news, but until then Lean enemy, let me be with everything. I'll keep you safe from all the harm. I'll heal you from the war, the thoughts that keep you up at night Baby little borders on my shoulders. I will always be okay. You a little oldest and do the silence in the dark. Let me gotta do it.