For love or money? Scratch that... why not enjoy both? As a couple in business with four kids in tow, Janelle and Andrew understand the desire to succeed in business, win in marriage, be great parents, take care of our health and enjoy life.
This podcast is a how-to guide on what you can implement today in order to enjoy a successful business while keeping love and family fresh, fun and meaningful.
For love or money? Scratch that... why not enjoy both? As a couple in business with four kids in tow, Janelle and Andrew understand the desire to succeed in business, win in marriage, be great parents, take care of our health and enjoy life.
This podcast is a how-to guide on what you can implement today in order to enjoy a successful business while keeping love and family fresh, fun and meaningful.
Janelle:
Hey everybody, Janelle and Andrew Devlin here, and welcome to Devlin Worldwide. (music) Our topic today is all about balance, something that we are always wanting to achieve yet sometimes it can feel so ominous, so out there, we're spinning plates. And so this podcast is for people who want to win, not just in business, but in life with family. We have five pillars by course that are going to always be a part of this podcast. And the first one is success mindset. We've not only grown a very successful business, but we really feel like along the way, and through a lot of hard knocks in the past, we feel like we've really found a sweet spot with business and with family. So we'll share more about our family and how this all came to be throughout our podcast.
Janelle:
But we want to get right to the bulk of it today. We mentioned success mindset, also relationships, if you're married, if you have kids that will play in as well of course and then prioritizing your health, making your health a priority, not just physically but mentally. What does that look like? What does it look like when you're busy go-getter entrepreneur trying to check all the boxes and do the things. And the fourth is hacks to simplify. So whether we're bringing somebody in, or sharing something that's working for us, how can we simplify so we can get out there and enjoy which is the fifth core and pillar, that fulfillment piece of our lifestyle where we really feel like we're enjoying the process.
Andrew Delvin:
If you are working, if you are busy, which is probably every single person listening to this, we're going to help you simplify, we're going to help you have more freedom, and we're going to help you increase your income, improve your relationships. And for those who are parents out there as well really see the investment in your kids, just exponentiable. So life is busy, life is tough, life is hard. And we're going to give you our 15 years together-
Janelle:
Today is 16 years, we've known each other almost 17 years.
Andrew Delvin:
I think we've been married 17 this year-
Janelle:
Okay, we'll talk together. [crosstalk 00:02:25] So today we are talking about balance. Let's talk about balance. Let's talk about this illusion and what can hold us back because balance, you have introduced me more to the concept of harmony, I've heard it described as a mosaic. But to me that mosaic still seems chaotic. So I like harmony, we're going for harmony here. So think about that, you told me that balance is when we're just this inner dialogue of, "I got to be this, I've got to do this in all of the areas."
Andrew Delvin:
And it's exhausting. What I found working with my clients, and being my own guinea pig as well, and I'm married to the guinea pig and our kids are guinea pigs. So this is about application. It's not just about learning, it's about what can I do to put into place. And one of the big things I see is people go, let's say they hire me for relationship, and they're coming in, and they focus on spinning the relationship plate on a stick, and they're going there, if you've seen those old acts, where they're trying to balance all the plates, and they're spinning the relationship plate and they've got, "It's working, it's staying up on its own," and then they go, "My health is in the toilet." That plate's about to fall off [crosstalk 00:03:41] I'm going to get that health plate go in. And then they got, "My business plate, that's one plate."
Andrew Delvin:
And so they spin in that and then they go to the kid plate, and they don't even get to like fun, doing stuff that they actually enjoy. And then they look and the relationship plate is about to fall off. So they rush over there, and then they see the kid plate is going to fall. [crosstalk 00:04:02] It feels stressful. That's how most people are doing life. And it doesn't work. And what people aren't looking at is creating harmony. Harmony is sustainable, balancism. And if you think about riding a bike, the slower you go, the harder it gets to ride a bike, you get some speed, and now bike suddenly starts balancing without you doing all the effort. So challenges are gone. Stay still on a bike, take your feet off the ground and see how long you can last, or go ride for a bike for an hour.
Andrew Delvin:
So we've got to get momentum that then can bring the harmony. And what I mean by that is if I look at my priorities, and Janelle looks at her priorities, and we say not what I believe but what actually shows up in my life, what is the actions that are evident that shows my priority. And I remember feeling absolutely burned out. I felt like I was failing as a dad, a husband, I was in horrible shape, and business was struggling. And I said, "What is my first focus? My main focus?" And the answer was business. And I said, "Well, what's my second focus?" And answer was kids. And what's my third focus as a man? So was Janelle.
Janelle:
I was on the third?
Andrew Delvin:
Yeah. And then my fourth focus was extended family, and I got the remaining leftover parts. And I was trying as hard as I could, I was working every hour that was, and feeling like I was failing. And I started looking at, if I was going to create harmony, what would that look like? And the first answer was, I need to be first. Not from a selfish standpoint, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to go and enjoy myself, I'm going to spend what I want to spend. And it was like, "What can I do that lights me up spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically?" And make sure that I'm putting myself as a priority, because if I'm good, my second priority is my wife, because we are the example to our kids of what marriage is. So if I'm good, and then we're good, kids are great. So then I feel the marriage, Janelle is making sure she's a priority, she feels the marriage, we feel the kids. And if all those three areas are rocking, then I've got the energy and the drive for business.
Janelle:
I guess that's why you say harmony is how does it work together? Ask yourself the question. So those of you that are listening or watching, as you think, "Okay, well, I'm spinning all these plates," and you're probably already identifying what those are for you. And as you are thinking through that, instead of maybe visualizing them as different plates. Could there maybe a different visual because they're talking about just having harmony, having them work together asking how can my fitness and my kids work together? Oh, that's different. Like last week, you're gone, I thought I could run to the gym, and be gone for an hour, or we're getting ready for soccer season, I could go out front and play soccer. So that maybe could be an example of there's harmony, I got a good sweat on, I was also with the kids, and I'm having fun, and I'm outside. So just maybe just a little [crosstalk 00:07:22]
Andrew Delvin:
Looking at how it fits together, getting out with my kids, adventuring with my kids fuels me, makes me come back feeling more alive. And I go mountain biking a few times a week, and I don't do it for fitness. I don't do it to be lean. And it was interesting. I did a ride with some semi pros, road cycling, I'm not a road cyclist. And I beat multiple. I remember that the head of the teams that you would be really great racing, you've got just the genetics, you would be fantastic. And I was like, "No, I'm not interested." And remembering being really confused. And I said, "I know my outcomes. I know my goals. It's not to be great at cycling." At the end of my day is I don't want to say, "Hey, here's some trophies for cycling." Because if I say yes to 20 hours of cycling a week, I'm saying no to the level of wanting to engage in marriage, I'm saying no to the level on engaging kids, and I'm saying no to some business growth.
Janelle:
That's very true. And it's tough. Especially, I feel like a lot of go getters that we work with, either people on our team or different clients that you've had, one of them may have had this as an identity, identity does come into this balance, especially if you really see yourself as an athlete, maybe you played competitively high school, college, maybe beyond, identity is a big deal. I guess you see that coming in because I feel like I wasn't that college athlete. So I feel like my identity is more formed. And as I work through balance, it's almost like I just went through it maybe at a later point in my life of what is my identity with my fitness with my health
Andrew Delvin:
And I think we've got to know our goal to know our roles. And I realized my goal with cycling isn't what I think most people is, and mine is just go out, have fun, go as fast as I can downhill and not get arrested. Because you can't get rid of mountain biking. But if I had a motorcycle, I would probably be-
Janelle:
That's why you doesn't have a motorcycle anymore.
Andrew Delvin:
Yes, that's right. And not that I was arrested for riding my motorcycle.
Janelle:
Let's be clear. Somehow you've never been arrested in the past.
Andrew Delvin:
I did have a wild streak.
Janelle:
Maybe we'll talk about that other time. And we will bring your mom on the podcast. We'll fly her over.
Andrew Delvin:
Yeah, there you go. Awesome. Great. [inaudible 00:09:46] So it's like my goal for mountain biking is mental wellness, it's freedom, it's adventure and it's fun. And I can get that in an hour.
Janelle:
And King of the Mountain on your Strava app.
Andrew Delvin:
I don't have one of those whenever [crosstalk 00:10:03] So you beat me. But again, I started getting competitive, there's a cycling app called Strava, and I started getting competitive with people on there. And I was trying to be on the outside the only two seconds faster than me if I could just get a little faster, a little faster. And then my realization was, I don't know how many kids they've got, we got fall, and we got a 10-year old to 11-year old and a 12-year old. I don't know, we homeschool, at least Janelle's homeschooling.
Janelle:
You play a fair part.
Andrew Delvin:
And so then we're running two businesses. And I was like, I don't know if they're 20, I don't know if the 50, I don't know if you take performance enhancing drugs, I don't know anything. But I'm competing with these strangers on an app. And I was just like, "What's my outcome?" Just to have fun, and to get better myself. So I like to beat myself and I'm a better guy. Would you agree? When am mountain-biking, right?
Janelle:
Yeah, totally. We both, and that's something I want to talk about that because as we are talking to go getters, we can so often, especially when there's big goals in front of us, it's just the goal, just go hard, nothing in the way, but it's not worth it. I mean, if you haven't already been there and experienced it, maybe you can win and learn from others that have because it's not worth it. It's not worth just going hard, you're helping being crap.
Andrew Delvin:
I did a little test last year, and I was talking to a mentor of mine. And at that point, I was mountain biking more. And I agreed it was getting in the way of other things, so I stopped. I stopped for two months, because I was like, "Hey, I could be putting these 12 hours of cycling into business." And I stopped. And my drive went down, and I wasn't ambitious, and I was bored out of my mind. I felt like it was Groundhog Day. So I did that time assessment, I realized that, let's see what it's like. And then I realized I'm not as good as it can be if I'm not getting my veggie. Now, does everybody need to venture out that" No, some people don't need it.
Janelle:
But know yourself. I think that's the part we're talking about balance. You brought up two important things. It's the competitive piece that I think men and women like and it looked different. But to really think about that, and to think if you're spinning so many plates, how many are your legit responsibilities? And perhaps how many are things that we put on ourselves? And that's hard, because I want to be high at all of the life wheel, I want all of them that attend. And I look at that, and I think, "Where's this coming from?" It just brings up that piece of, are these expectations that I'm putting on myself because I feel like I should? Or is there a real reason why they all need to be at it. And a lot of times it's been because I feel like it should. But if you're a go getter, a lot of times, it's like 90% isn't good. This is the struggle with balance, because people that are listening that are in that category, they want to be top notch. So how do we give ourselves grace?
Andrew Delvin:
We've got look at the whole picture. So it's like somebody saying, "Hey, I want to look like a pro bodybuilder and win marathons." They don't go together. And I think so many people they like, "I want the perfect house, I want it to look like a showroom. And I want eight children."
Janelle:
Many people go in wanting eight children, but maybe am wrong.
Andrew Delvin:
Three children, one kid and it's like, "I want a perfect garden. But I want two dogs." It's not going to happen. So there has to be some give and take. And a lot of achievers their worth is attached to the what they do, the results that they get. And I heard this great quote from a book and it said, "Whatever you give the ability to give you worth, you're giving that same thing the ability to take your work away. So it's not about where we get our worth. It's like we're doing stuff. If I get my worth from my marriage, if my marriage is good, now I feel full worth. Well what happens if Janelle's sick, what happens if you're tired? What happens if she's got stuff going on with family and I go, she's not happy.
Andrew Delvin:
And so I must be losing. I've been there so many times before, where Janelle's happiness was a source of if I'm good enough, and it wrecked me. When now my goal is to be the best husband I can be whether she likes it or not. But if I'm coming from that place isn't going to serve my wife. I don't always have to be popular. But I have to do the right thing. Now. I'm not trying to make her life worse or stressful, but I'm trying to do the right thing even if it's not popular. Also looking at the things and just going, "Hey, what can I do so I can thrive." If you're out there feeling overwhelmed or burnt out or unmotivated, you saying yes to things that don't equal your outcomes.
Janelle:
That's the part, what do I need to come alive that we were just talking about earlier is important to know for you and I, we need to physically be outside in the gym something and have our body moving doing something. But others it might be that sitting that contemplation, that writing, so know yourself, especially if you're in business, because that's exactly otherwise, we're spinning plates that other people maybe told to spin, but it's really not our thing. So we'll go deeper. And a lot of these topics, because we've really brought up quite a few things, but with the balance part, and us wanting to do them well, and it's overtaking care of ourselves. And we're really thinking about, what is it I need so I can start my day being the best? I think no matter your personality style, you need to start your day with movement. I think that's just any performance [crosstalk 00:16:10]
Andrew Delvin:
We can't be our best unless we're fitter than we are. And it helps mentally, it helps with your energy levels. And I know, if my energy levels are low, I can't invest in my marriage and my kids at the level, I need to if I've worked hard all day. So this is the thing with a priority chain; me, marriage, kids, work. This isn't about time, it's about priority. Work still gets most of my time, kids would get a set second most time, you, I feel I would get the third and I would get the last, I would get the smallest amount of time.
Janelle:
It's just you on your own time. But that doesn't mean that's the priority you're saying.
Andrew Delvin:
My priority is me but the time is the lowest. But I have to schedule me in first. So I look at it as... You might have heard the [inaudible 00:17:07] This has been out for years and years. But the jam and the rocks jam in the sand, and the college professor put some rocks in a jar and he asked the students, "Am Mr. Jeff Hall." And they said, "Yes." Then you get smaller rocks and paws in the jar.
Janelle:
[inaudible 00:17:22]
Andrew Delvin:
Yes, and he said, "Is it full now?" And they said, "Yes." He said, "Well, you said it was full before and it's full now." And then he pours sand in it and he pours water in it. So you get the ideas. And now the jar is full. There is certain things that only I can do; only I can eat for me, only I can work out for me, only I can take my wife in a date night, only I can do certain things with my kids, only I can do certain things in my business. That's what I call a big rock.
Janelle:
What requires your fingerprints?
Andrew Delvin:
Yeah, my DNA. It's like, no, I couldn't delegate it, or entrust it to somebody else, it is me. That's why I call it big rock. Now a little rock is something that somebody could do if I paid them and trained them. And that might be business stuff, it might be accounts. It might be a branding, marketing, something that I could do, but I can hire it out because-
Janelle:
That's things we've done, sorry to interrupt is finally investing in those things. Because for me to make an image on Canva or something, I could be on there for an hour and our assistant Ariel can do it in 10 minutes.
Andrew Delvin:
Now, if you're earlier on in your career, it's up to you. You might not have that income. And we've been there, we've been flat broke. I came out here with two backpacks, and that's how I started no network-
Janelle:
And an accent.
Andrew Delvin:
And an accent and no college. I left school at 15 and we can get into sort of a background and other... Whatever we call this-
Janelle:
Video podcasting.
Andrew Delvin:
Vlog, and I really came over with nothing. And we had plastic table, we had a mattress on the floor we had that TV that would turn off and you'd have to hit it to turn it back on, and then Tony gave us a couch. Janelle had a car and I didn't, so I stayed at home.
Janelle:
And then you got a car that you had to open by rolling down the window and opening from outside.
Andrew Delvin:
Yeah, couldn't have been much more broke, and more grass moved rock [crosstalk 00:19:30]
Janelle:
You didn't have your green card yet so you had to just-
Andrew Delvin:
Get going.
Janelle:
I think a lot of people that are listening as well, majority of entrepreneurs had something massive they had to work through. So I think it's really important to bring this up as we talk about balance and harmony. I don't know what I'm going to be coaching people on the team. And if there's if we're feeling a block, like man, I just can't get my stuff together. I'm feeling like everything else is okay, my fitness is horrible or something we allow to come in, but I remind them, what's something that you overcome in your life and get outside. Let's zoom out, I like to use that analogy. Let's zoom out a little bit, and actually it's zoom in, zoom out... I'm pinching my fingers together here. And look at the whole picture, what have we overcome in life? And how can we use those lessons, that character that we had to show up with every single day to make changes now? And that might be setting your alarm 45 minutes early, and asking a friend for some text accountability, that you're getting up and you're getting your butt to the gym, or whatever it is. You're getting up for a walk or run.
Andrew Delvin:
And there's so many free things online now. Don't think about exercise, think about moving, get sweaty for 30 minutes, every day.
Janelle:
I think that is so important to just raise that bar there. And if you happen to be a parent, or even have any young people in your life that are looking up to you, they need to see that too, especially this next generation,
Andrew Delvin:
You are the example, you are the blueprint of what an adult is to kids. So own your time. We often not very scheduled people naturally. We're both going to the lines of hippie and I'll give you an example, I lived in a tent for a year and didn't own shoes, and may have had a giant Mohawk. And so I wanted freedom, and careers day they talked about-
Janelle:
[inaudible 00:21:33] talking about careers day.
Andrew Delvin:
This is hilarious. And they asked me what I want you to do. And I said, "I want to be a windsurfer."
Janelle:
Because that was like-
Andrew Delvin:
That was my thing. I would be dead if it wasn't for windsurfing. And there was not that many options but for some reason I got into windsurfing. And it really did save me as a kid. And I remember going out, I want to be a wind surfer. And he said, "That's not a real job." I was like, "Yeah, it is, it's a real job that people do that for work." And no, it's not. But if you like water so much, why don't you become a plumber? And I said, "No, I don't want to be a plumber." And they said, "Well, what other goals do you have?" I said, "I don't want to wear shoes." And they didn't know what to do with me.
Janelle:
And here you are. And I bet that other people can really identify with parts of this. I just I love hearing stories, especially if entrepreneurs have just things like that, like when you said something at some point in time, and now here you are doing it, even if you're in the process, you're doing it. [crosstalk 00:22:36]
Andrew Delvin:
I'm going to thank you, Matt. Your friends and family are going to try and talk you out of it. Because the worst thing in the world to most people is failure. So they can talk you out of trying, they've stopped you failing. And they think that's better. It's not we've got to fail faster. If you want more success, you've got a double or triple your failure. Because in school, which Hall, there's a pass and fail. And that's not life. If we're in school together and Janelle's better than me at science and I go, "Hey, I'm going to look at her stuff." I get in trouble in school and get kicked out. But in life, if I go, "Hey, Janelle is doing better in the gym than I am?" [crosstalk 00:23:22]
Andrew Delvin:
How you think if I meet a mountain biker that's faster than me, I want to find out their cheat codes, what they're doing to be at that level with business. So in life, we've got a copy people, we've got to model them, if they're doing something better use it. But we don't do that in school. So we're taught to do it on our own, struggle, and try and regurgitate facts. There is no such thing as failure for entrepreneurs, because we either win, or we learn. Now, the biggest lessons I've had have been the worst lessons and the most painful lessons that have grown me the most. And I wouldn't say our marriage's ever got better in a good time. It's always moved to a next level in a tough time.
Andrew Delvin:
And that people don't want tough times in the marriage. But if you don't have tough times in marriage, you don't get great taps, you just get good. And good is the enemy of grit. I know many people have heard that before. I don't want a good marriage. I want a great marriage. And I think people have to fall in love with the reality of what business is, marriages is, kids is, rather than the concept. So the concept of having a puppy is like, it's going to be so much fun, is going to be wagging, I'm going to throw the ball, is going to be great.
Janelle:
Kind of there right now, because we're thinking about getting a dog again.
Andrew Delvin:
But the reality is, it's going to poop on the floor, chew the shoes, and you've got to fall in love with the reality of the thing. So if you're an entrepreneur and you want freedom, freedom doesn't come that quick. You can actually have less freedom when you start-
Janelle:
That pushing a rock uphill for a good amount of time.
Andrew Delvin:
Yeah, it's like cleaning the garage out. If you want to clean garage, it's going to look like chaos. The majority of the time where you work and then it starts getting that organization and it's the same business [crosstalk 00:25:13]
Janelle:
You're right. And we talked about that, know the game you're in. So whatever it is that you're doing in business, know the game. I mean, if you're in real estate, you just know certain things that are bound to happen. One of my good friends this last week had to leave from our homeschool group and go take care of some things with the property. And that was like, "Oh, man." It's just one of those things just happen and come up and you know, and so I'd like to talk about that. It's like, if you know something is part of the role, is part of the job, it's not a surprise. So when you talk about... Tell us about that.
Andrew Delvin:
Yeah, I think most people... If I was in your house, and I said, "Hey, I'm going to walk around the corner," and in 10 seconds, you're going to follow me and I'm going to jump out and go, boom, you'd go, whatever you'd gain. You wouldn't be scared. You wouldn't take a swing at me because you expect it. But if I didn't say that, and you walk into your house and jump out and go, boo, I don't know, if you hit me, I don't know if you'd shoot me, I don't know if you'd fall over and freeze and I don't know if you run away. But you're going to do one of those things.
Andrew Delvin:
So that's the thing. People act like it's a surprise when business goes down. Business doesn't grow like this, it goes like this. It's all over the place. And it's expected that it goes down. And Usain Bolt, world's fastest man said... He was the world's fastest man then he lost that tail, and he said, "Is not what you do when you're a champion, when you're winning that... It's not what you do when you're winning, that defines if you're a champion, is what you do when you're losing." It's not what we do when we're breaking records are making more money than we've ever made, biggest month ever or anything like that, is what we do when we feel down and out, is what we do when we struggle, it's what we do when we feel we've giving up.
Andrew Delvin:
That's the sign of the champion. Everybody loves Rocky because we love the underdog that keeps going, that keeps getting up, we love those movies, why? Because it reminds us that we've done it before too. You fought for something, you got knocked down and you get back up again and it's been difficult. We've had difficult seasons but we've worked through it.
Janelle:
Just before we started, kids are in bed here, we are on here with you guys and we're looking at our business, it's the first day of the month. And we're looking at today versus the first day of the month, last month and it can be so many more nights and with the Hawaii team and everything, it'll be wild but we're over three times where we were this time, the first day of last month, and it's blowing our mind, but a lot of that is because all of the work over the past three weeks-
Andrew Delvin:
It's the consistency.
Janelle:
And making myself say, "You know what? This might not be my favorite thing in the whole world, but it's what needs to happen because it's a game I'm in."
Andrew Delvin:
And it's not shiny. There's no funfair and you're going to win by what you do outside of the public eye. Most people think they win when people are watching, it's the early morning you get up, it's when you've worked out four days a week for the last year and people go, "Wow, you got to shape so fast." And you're like, "I was up at 4:30 every morning and you think this was fast?"
Janelle:
Or people might say, "Well, it's easy for you. You've just always..." They put that in front of you [inaudible 00:28:48] especially as an entrepreneur or if you've taken control of your fitness and you're feeling good in that way, that can really feel like a knock.
Andrew Delvin:
I've been told the reason that I've done relatively well is because I didn't go to college and that they've got a Master's degree and I didn't, and that's why I'm successful and I was like, "Can you explain how getting a Master's degrees stopped you being successful?" And he said, "Well, I learned I have to go and study for years and then take a test and get a piece of paper before I go into action." He said, "You just go into action." And I said, "So can you. It's really easy."
Janelle:
You've had some funny [crosstalk 00:29:28]
Andrew Delvin:
Dyslexic. The reason I'm successful is about dyslexia or I had a tough childhood and they had a nice childhood. And that's the reason why. And I said, "So you actually telling me, you shouldn't have got your Master's degree? You should have had a rough childhood and you should have better learning disability and then you'd be successful." People are grasping at straws. What it is, is consistency. What it is, is overcoming, what it is, is just staying in the game, knowing that... I got reminded of this a couple of weeks ago to get it to be a millionaire, it takes seven years and seven catastrophes, seven years of constant action and fall. We've got a few more years to go, but that's what it's about. So whether that's your fitness, whether it's your marriage like the seven year itch people talk about that.
Janelle:
Our seven year with rough rock.
Andrew Delvin:
I just remember it is amazing [crosstalk 00:30:25]
Janelle:
So you do not remember the years you've been married so-
Andrew Delvin:
17.
Janelle:
16. So [crosstalk 00:30:33] I love how that plays into balance because, when we think of balance, I think immediately-
Andrew Delvin:
Balance is exhausting.
Janelle:
And it brings us all together. You think about all of the responsibilities you have that are significant. You're thinking about kids, relationship, things are talking about love. A lot of times these pillars, we're thinking about our business, our success, our relationships, people closest to us that we know, rely on us and need us and want our love and our attention. And we think about our health, Ella got our health and we think about running a home. Things we have whatever our home responsibilities are. We're thinking about those things; paying the bills, doing all those things and keeping up with things, obviously like do laundry and our children want to eat every single night-
Andrew Delvin:
Every night.
Janelle:
Those things. We're thinking about those-
Andrew Delvin:
And never grateful, I've fed him all the other nights.
Janelle:
And then we're thinking about the fifth one lifestyles. This is where we really landed on these Five Cores of Devlin Worldwide, because we've been through this, we've worked through it, we're always learning, we have not arrived, it's a journey no matter what. This is, I love how Simon Sinek says I'm reading his Infinite Game talking about, is it a finite versus an infinite? Love it. This is an infinite game. You don't just win in marriage, there's not a winner and a loser, there's [crosstalk 00:31:53].
Andrew Delvin:
There's no days that you said, "When was the day that you got in shape? When was the day that you learned how to play that main instrument? When was the day that your marriage took off? When was the day that your business..."
Janelle:
It's all part of it.
Andrew Delvin:
It's all of it. That you got to keep the momentum, you got to keep the structure and you've got to design your week, but you've got to own it, otherwise you'll start doing stuff that doesn't equal your outcomes, you'll suddenly start organizing the kitchen floor because you want a little win. But what that's doing is stopping you from going out and getting the big wins. Big wins are harder, big wins take longer.
Janelle:
We can tend to overthink that actions needed for the big wins. When really the reality is, guys and I'm speaking to myself, the reality is to get those big wins. A lot of times it's doing things you don't love to do, that's just life and that's what it takes. We will overthink it, all we need to do is just get up, do it. Don't let ourselves be talked out. I lasted a good edge was gone. Those of you that are watching our on our podcast, you told me he said, "Write down everything." And I usually try to keep things more tonic.
Andrew Delvin:
She wasn't happy about this.
Janelle:
What was happening? And as again, as we're bringing this all together, because this is where this topic really came up I thought, "And you're constantly helping me with this." And you're constantly talking to your clients about this. And I'm constantly talking to my girlfriends about this, whether they're in business or not. And it's that we keep so much in our head and for me, it was a couple of weeks ago and I just thought I was just feeling miserable I'm like, "I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I don't know if I've done anything." And it was after you had said, "I just want to let you know, you're just kicking butt lately." And I'm like, "Holy cow. See what you are doing and I thought, "Well, I don't see anything at all."
Andrew Delvin:
I don't see any results of all my effort. And I was like, "Well, you're not supposed to." I believe what you do today is to pay you in three to six months. There's a lag time, if I plant a seed today, I don't get my avocado tomorrow. We've been growing some avocados for like a-
Janelle:
We'll show that and a lot coming.
Andrew Delvin:
Not real quick just to let you know.
Janelle:
She's not in Colorado, but we've figured it out. So you had to get a lot of my head and I put together, and this is what it looked like for those of you looking. It was just so much and-
Andrew Delvin:
She's so color coordinated, you don't have [crosstalk 00:34:14].
Janelle:
Well because I have to get it out of my head and honestly, this week I didn't do it as it's complicated or as detailed. But last week I needed to get all the things out, we're talking about balance, I needed to see and give myself credit for what I'm doing and just brain dump. So if you're creative especially, you have to have, I feel really strongly about this, a place to brain dump.
Andrew Delvin:
Think on paper.
Janelle:
If you want balance, it equals harmony. You need to see it and I needed to see last week and I thought, "I'm going to dilate at the end of the week and just be real with myself." I probably got two thirds of the things done, but I was overzealous. So it was good for me to know, because normally I'll beat myself up about the third that didn't get done. When in reality, I had no business saying I could do all of these things because of other parts of life and [crosstalk 00:35:08]
Andrew Delvin:
And this was all in her head. She had to keep this in her head and it's exhausting. Use your mental energy to create and solve problems, not remember to do's. I live on my phone calendar, like everything's down and it's down to the minute and again, from the guy who lived in a tank who didn't want to wear shoes, I've learned that I need to design my weeks, otherwise things don't happen. We need to design a time for date nights, we need to design when we go to the-
Janelle:
Same for that, there's never a perfect night for date nights. We just say, "Hey, this is going to be our night."
Andrew Delvin:
Last week it was like, "It's date night." And I was like, "I'm exhausted."
Janelle:
We were both exhausted.
Andrew Delvin:
And we had a great night. And I didn't want to do it I was just like, "I just want to go to bed."
Janelle:
We both were. I think that's the thing for anything that is a priority, just to know the game you're in, but to know that that's normal. And I think again, like jumping out from behind the corner, if you know it's normal to not always feel the fields before you do the thing, then we can usually do the thing more readily because we know, "Hey, you know what though, this is what it takes to reach my goal."
Andrew Delvin:
I don't like going to the gym every day. And in about 10 to 20 minutes in, then it clicks on, "I love this, I want to do it more." But then the next day, same thing. I don't like going to the gym but I like the results the gym gives me. It gives me the energy that I need for marriage and kids and business. It gives me the confidence. I'm in and out in 30 minutes because otherwise I get bored.
Janelle:
So I think we should bring it all together with our five takeaway tips. We always bring in five takeaway tips that we feel like summarize. We have our five cores and then five takeaways from balance versus harmony and we're calling this video podcast, The Illusion of Balance, because we want you to see it, hopefully from our topic today, you can see how it is an illusion. When you see the things online or whatever, there's an illusion...
Andrew Delvin:
You were showing me an app yesterday where you can change your nose size and your cheek shape and your lips and-
Janelle:
That's just the whole-
Andrew Delvin:
It's like that illusion out there, perfection doesn't exist. You don't know what people's lives are really like behind closed doors. The person you see with a car or the private jet or whatever, you have no idea how they really feel about themselves.
Janelle:
And we have learned this personally, through people we've worked with, people that you've coached and what I really love that you bring to the game in this, I love when the clients have even reached out like Mike and saying, "I want you to know that if it wasn't for your husband I would have been divorced for sure." And now it's years and years later and I love that people come to you for business and they go away with... You have a way of bringing in these other aspects of relationships, health, the big picture because bottom line is, this is life. We have one life and it's about fulfillment and so that last part about lifestyle is fulfillment, are we enjoying the process right now?
Andrew Delvin:
And being the student. It's like, we're always looking to be the student in our marriage, when we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, Janelle is but, I bring the average down but-
Janelle:
Feels good you said that. I would've been wrong probably not to.
Andrew Delvin:
Thank you.
Janelle:
Let's have five take aways.
Andrew Delvin:
Are we taking away? I like takeaways.
Janelle:
Let's takeaway. We got good Indian, no.
Andrew Delvin:
No you keep calling Indian, it's Thai. It's different.
Janelle:
We love both. We really do, we love all ethnic foods.
Andrew Delvin:
Apart from chocolate grasshoppers.
Janelle:
Five takeaways for balance. Here's what I feel we really honed in on today. Number one, know the game you're in. What area of business are you in? What does it take? Do you know what it takes? Do you have a mentor or somebody that's been there? Whether they're just further along in experience or further along in years. Know the game you're in so that they can tell you when things are going to jump out from around the corner and scare you, is that a good [inaudible 00:39:23]. So when it comes you are like, "That stinks." But that's what it takes, all right. Second thing is, know your goal so you can know your role and that really plays into this with balance because otherwise it can be landing on others' expectations, expectations we've put on ourselves things we've linked to our identity or like, "I'm an athlete so I should be biking for 15 hours a day."
Andrew Delvin:
And I asked to know what a goal is for marriage. And she was like, "Playful, adventurous and something else." But then what's the role that achieves that goal. It's not whining, complaining, that doesn't achieve the goal.
Janelle:
Intentional, I think was the other word. We have times that were just being intentional.
Andrew Delvin:
That came in for kids as well. It was the same words for being a mother. So it's like, "Well, what is the role?" So the role is in show up as that and again, my role on the mountain is to be the friendliest mountain biker among people I've met, rather than in the old days, it was to crush all the mountain bikers on the trail, and I had a lot less fun. So again no role while you're laughing.
Janelle:
That's just true.
Andrew Delvin:
I'm not a little bit more chilled now.
Janelle:
You've matured. The third is, big rocks. So as you're thinking about this and you're thinking balance is something I'm really struggling with, number one, we're going to get rid of that word balance, bring it over to harmony and think about that big rocks. What are your big rocks?
Andrew Delvin:
What little rocks are you doing that shouldn't be doing?
Janelle:
What are the things that maybe-
Andrew Delvin:
Are you doing standard water, just to try and get a little win and you shouldn't be touching that at all.
Janelle:
And this is where we can go deeper with this on another podcast, our next podcast that's coming up is, The Gift of Problems. And so we might touch on some of these, but just different perspectives and ways that we look at the challenges that come in to business and life and family and health, but looking at the big rocks and I want to say those big rocks is because you've put it in your calendar.
Andrew Delvin:
It is designed.
Janelle:
You know that it's designed, so that's it. When Andrew talks about what takes the most of his time and my time is work. But it's not my top priority, my top priority is last. So I have to be intentional about that, it's me spiritually, it's marriage, it's kids. So it's flipped, I really liked how you explained that. Otherwise we can look at, well, what takes the most of my time at work? Maybe it's playing a catch up with different things, reacting to your phone and all the messages whatever's coming in. So what can happen with the big rocks and that analogy, if we're not careful, if we let sand and water fill our cup, we all have the same amount of time a day, 24 hours. If we let sand and water fill it up, there is no room for the big rocks. There's just no room it overflows and that can look like all sorts of different things in there, but that's us reacting. If we're not intentional, like, "Hey, line in the sand."
Andrew Delvin:
What do I want?
Janelle:
What do I want? This is a priority. I'm turning off or going on a date night or I'm turning off, I'm dialing into my work. I'm turning my phone off, whatever that is. We have to decide what-
Andrew Delvin:
[inaudible 00:42:41]
Janelle:
You think I said phone? So funny.
Andrew Delvin:
Phone.
Janelle:
We're going to end with the homophone, just because you said that. I got it. Big rocks, little rocks, sand and water. Thinking about that, what is it in your life? What takes up the most of your time, but what are your top priorities and how is that playing into your schedule and then knowing what you need to come alive, because you just have to, as go getters in this space to know what makes us come alive and do that. We just have to.
Andrew Delvin:
And I need a role that doesn't involve being a dad and a husband and a businessman, something I can just be. And I've talked to so many people and one of my questions people have asked is," So what do you do?" "I go on vacations." And they're like, "You mean you go on vacation?" So I was like, "Don't you go on vacations?" And I'm like, "I go on vacation." So I was like, "Me too." And they're like, "No, I meant for work." I say, "Well I do other things than work." And people are like, "Whoa." But what do we do? Why is it always about work?
Janelle:
That's so true. I've always asked people for a loop and you hear them say that.
Andrew Delvin:
And I ask people, "What do you do for fun?" And they got-
Janelle:
I like to ask that too.
Andrew Delvin:
And they struggle and they go, "Well, I used to like golf, well then got married and had kids, they'll play golf."
Janelle:
And here's the thing with this, I think we're going deep on a lot of this because it all plays together and this all has to do with balance, it ll has to do the things that we're spending. If we don't and you hope maybe you guys even just heard this from what Andrew was just saying, If we don't dial in the priorities and pause on other things so that we can do what we know is a priority, this is where then things get healthy and there's the affairs down the line or there's the other escapisms that come in because there never was a prioritized way to just be ourselves and be adventurous. So we both have that and that is something that we've learned over the years. If we don't, it's going to just come up otherwise and that's not healthy. So I really love that you said that, what do you need to come alive? And then the last thing that I was thinking of for this balance is just knowing your worth, but anything you want to add to that?
Andrew Delvin:
Like I said before, where does your worth come from? Is it the car? Is it the clothes? Is it the watches? Is it the house? Is it the person you're married to? Is it the kid hit a home run? What?
Janelle:
It's the person I'm married to.
Andrew Delvin:
[inaudible 00:45:04] But is it like, where's that worth coming from? And if it's all the stuff, you're going to be all over the place emotionally. You have to have the worth and again, a little bit of a different subject, we'll get into this more, but a lot of people have to self confidence, which is other people giving them accolades like, "You have a great spouse, you have a great parent." And where self-worth comes from within. And it's like, when you can have that self-worth, you stop being a vampire. Vampires are always feeding on somebody else. So if I'm like, "I need somebody to tell me I'm looking in shape. I need somebody to tell me that am fast. I need somebody to tell me that I'm a good leader." We're vampires and we're just looking for people to give us a bit [inaudible 00:45:50]
Janelle:
So, self-confidence versus self-worth will be an upcoming topic, because that's something that we can just talk about all of the therapy that I've received through you and others about this, so thank you for-
Andrew Delvin:
And Janelle is based in making sure she's the best she can be. So she does get therapy. Yes, we do have conversations, but I'm working through stuff all the time. So I'm an internal processor and Janelle's an external processor, so Janelle's needs to get it all out to process it and I just worked through it. So Janelle will app a lot more people in her corner than me. Because I'm just like, "I know it, I'm going to go and do it." And then Janelle needs to look at the options and so knowing that about marriage is the best thing we can do is walk next to each other and talk, that's how Janelle processes the most and that's how I get to show up. But if we stare at each other across the room, my thinking face looks angry and that can trigger Janelle. So-
Janelle:
Wow. We're really getting some good content when bringing it up.
Andrew Delvin:
Walking is better for us side by side to get deep and help Janelle externally process, and then I can be present and I can listen and I can learn how she feels and thinks without trying to fix it and that was my [crosstalk 00:47:15] .
Janelle:
I love that. So that's the last part of words. And just knowing that all these things that we've been talking about, at times it takes a while just to let it set it and really be honest with ourselves, but that is when business starts thriving, it's when we can be honest about these other areas in our life and the throw off the shackles that are holding us down, things that we've maybe just said yes to that don't matter. So with our next one, gifted problems coming up, you talk about this a lot. Is there, in 30 seconds, anything you want to say about the problems and whatever you are talking about?
Andrew Delvin:
I did this on a talk last week out in North Carolina and I said, "Define what a problem is." We all have our own dictionary in our head and say, why is it a problem? If you had to explain it to a five-year old and the audience said, "Things you don't want. Things that are stopping you. Things that are stopping you from achieving your dreams." And you shouldn't have problems.
Janelle:
So stop there and you'll talk about that on our next podcast. [crosstalk 00:48:11]
Andrew Delvin:
Tune in next week, Cliff-
Janelle:
Cliffhanger. Don't give them the answer.
Andrew Delvin:
Was it so good?
Janelle:
I know.
Andrew Delvin:
It's going to help them.
Janelle:
Guys we're so happy that you've joined us. This is our first podcast-
Andrew Delvin:
And it's very late.
Janelle:
... And our first video and it's just good to be here because we're doing this with you. You're a go getter, you want it to win not only in business but in life and be fulfilled and you really want to be honing in on that success mindset of what it takes, being solid in your relationships, where average is just not an option, average is not okay. Then that's where all about prioritizing your health, making sure that you are taking care of the other little things, the hacks for simplicity, things around your home, organization. We've had a really great podcast. Coming up, where we interviewed a professional organizer who was self-taught, it is so amazing and it's going to be mind blowing for all people who own things, I'm just going to say that.
Andrew Delvin:
Show everyone. If you have crap, you need to tune in to this podcast.
Janelle:
And by the way, we are always keeping this PG, because we want to be able to listen to the car when you're listening to kids and everything. So, that border is a little bit there, but I think I said it earlier.
Andrew Delvin:
[inaudible 00:49:26]The fish.
Janelle:
The final thing is, lifestyle travel enjoying the right now. So that's what we're talking about here. We told you we'd end with the homophone. So we're just going to go with this. Thank you so much for joining us here at Delvin Worldwide. I want to make sure you join us next time for the gift of problems are homophone and I'm just you don't what I'm saying.
Andrew Delvin:
I don't even know what that word means.
Janelle:
I do, because I'm a homeschooling mother. It's a word that sounds alike, but it's not.
Andrew Delvin:
Like potato, potato.
Janelle:
Yes. So the female dawn and the male done.
Andrew Delvin:
We're going to get into it now. I hear no difference.
Janelle:
Dawn and done, completely different.
Andrew Delvin:
It sounds exactly the same when he says it. Please tell us [crosstalk 00:50:11] in the comments, if you agree. But I say female dawn, male done.
Janelle:
[inaudible 00:50:20]It sounds exactly the same.
Andrew Delvin:
She says it exactly the same.
Janelle:
No you say it.
Andrew Delvin:
Dawn, done. Completely different.
Janelle:
Oh you do. Say the o longer.
Andrew Delvin:
That's how language works.
Janelle:
So I just wanted help that. He didn't even know I was going to say it, but we have these things that come up sometimes and even after 16 years, I'm like-
Andrew Delvin:
17.
Janelle:
"I don't understand how you hear things differently but that's all part of the fun." Alright guys, thanks so much for joining us and we look forward to talking to you next time.