Ever tried talking backwards, while you're walking backwards? That's a supercommunicator.  



Welcome to the mindset is art podcast!

Where we take a moment to get away from the mindless scrolling to focus on enhancing our quality and experience of life through the four pillars, health, wealth, love, and fulfillment. I'm your host and mindset, coach CJ Ledy, and our you as super communicator. Well pop quiz here. And a conversation. What tool do you use to open people up? 

Do you have one. 

Next question. Do you have any tools that help you get into the best state for effective and enjoyable communication? And number three. Is the goal of your conversations to get the other person to understand what you're trying to communicate. Or is the goal for you to understand what the other person is trying to tell  📍 you?  

Amanda and Felix Segala worked for the FBI for two decades as a top negotiator. was his strength and manipulation? High pressure tactics. 

Or some sort of jet mind tricks. Well, not quite extensive studies have been done on Felix at gala, 

as he is considered to be one of the top conversationalist in the world, and he's held some high professional roles related to the task.  That's what they found is that Felix leans on the frameworks of social connection to develop powerful conversations and communication. 



And one of the studies, they put them on stage with another guy and they said, teach us the ways of your communication. 

 And one of the first things he says is what's one of your favorite memories. 

Throughout this conversation, he asks questions and occasionally brings up complimentary stories about himself that relate to the person. 

Really showed that he was listening and connecting over shared experience. While he's asking these inquisitive questions that really open people up and show that he was taking a genuine interest in who the person was and what they were sharing. 

Where's this coming from. Can we from Charles Duhigg's book called super communicators  in which he lists the three tenants of conversation. 



He says that all conversations fall into three different buckets. 

And the better you are at understanding which bucket you are having a conversation within at that moment, the better you will be at communicating your thoughts effectively and understanding what the other person is trying to tell you. So the first bucket is practical. It's what is this really about? The second bucket is social it's. 

Who are we? And the third bucket is emotional. It's how do we feel? So getting into the right energy to fit those types of conversations is the key to being a super communicator in Charles Duhigg's words. 

And if you don't know who he is, Charles Duhigg is the author of a few very successful books. 

One of which is called the power of habit. One of my favorite books of all time. 

And this book, super communicators does not disappoint. 

 So do you feel like you are a super communicator? Like that's one of your strengths, one of your strong suit? 

You know, you feel like you can just get right into good conversations with people, according to Charles Duhigg you may be operating in one of the wrong buckets. If you're feeling like you're having a hard time connecting with a lot of people really quickly. 

In Charles's words, every discussion is made up of multiple kinds of conversations. And unless you're having the same kind of conversation as the other person at the same time. You can't really hear each other and you can't really connect. 

 So maybe you're sitting there with like, you know, I think pretty good at communicating. How do I know? How do I know if I'm a super communicator? 



Well, one telltale sign that I've liked to use over the years to tell when, you know, I've really phased in and out of what I feel to be like really good communication styles, where I'm president. 

And I feel like the other person shows up. One of the things that I find when I'm really communicating effectively and with impact people say, you know what? I don't usually tell people this, but I'm going to tell you. 

The more, I'm hearing that the more I know that people are trusting me, making them feel comfortable enough to open up to you in a way that they haven't felt comfortable to do with others. 

You're making them feel heard and like what they're going to share with you that they maybe haven't shared with somebody else is valuable enough to share with you at that time.  

So scrolling back to our pop quiz, when you are any conversation, do you find yourself listening intently on what the other person's saying? Or you find yourself thinking about what you're going to say next. Well. In Charles's words, the goal of a conversation is not to change someone else's mind. 

It's not even to make sure that they know how you feel on a topic. The goal of a conversation. Is to simply understand each other. 

 And multiple studies references book, point to how our brains hooked up to EEG is we'll show similar activity when we're in rapport with a conversation with a person that we're talking to that's when our conversation is really flowing and we're connecting on all cylinders. 



As Mr. Duhigg says to communicate with someone, we must connect with them. 

When we absorb what someone is saying and they comprehend what we say, it's because our brains have to some degree aligned. 

It's a great question to make your emotions more obvious to others is to match their disposition. 

 This is also referred to a neuro-linguistic programming. And a lot of other communication strategies as matching and mirroring. 

So the more you can match their tone. Their body language. 

Their pace of speech. The more comfortable someone's going to feel. And the more likely they are to align their mind. And the neurochemistry to connect with yours. 

 There's also a really great tool set 

from a master in neuro-linguistic programming named David Snyder. 

Where he talks about the three levels of building rapport really quickly. He actually calls it how to make someone fall in love with you in like 30 minutes or less. But his concept is.  You start at the first level, which is an observation that they will connect with. 

That's how you break the ice. 

The next stage is talking about something that they love. What do they do for work or what's their passion project, or what's something that they're really interested in, fascinated by. Get them to really open up and to tap into that emotion.  And he talks about, you want to go through memory regression. 



You want to have them explain some story from their past? Because what happens is, as they're retelling that story, their mind is actually recreating that memory. And now you are being placed in it  because they are telling the story to you. So you are becoming a part of that memory. 

And that's like when somebody tells you, oh, you know, man, it feels like I've known you forever. 

Well likely that person has been placed into the deeper levels of your memory through these types of memory regression. 

, but why does all this matter in the first place? You know, what are the benefits of communication and doing it effectively? Well, can be the difference maker in relationships and how effectively we navigate our businesses and the conversations even that we hold just with ourselves. 

And from Charles Duhigg's book, he talks about how some people are sort of like these conductors. 

And it's like everybody that talks to them tends to be able to connect to that person. 

And what they found is that those people tend to ask 10 to 15 times more questions. And that they mirror the emotions of the other person. And they repeated back what was said to them, what they heard the other person say. 

So lots of questions opening the other person up that they're talking to. Then responding with a similar emotion. If that person opens up and talks about something sad, they experienced sadness, too. They show that through their body language and through their tone and through their look of concern. 

And then they use their words to relay back what they just heard  thereby proving that they heard what was just conveyed to them. That they were actually listening. 

 So I know we got a lot of information coming at you fast here. 

There are many different ways. But I went through this book and I found a lot of good stuff . And it reminded me a lot of my own trial and error throughout the years of  how I've discovered communication tactics that work effectively for me. 

So here are three ideas on communication that have helped me to become a better and more comfortable communicator. Number one before you meet with the person that you're going to meet with, if it's somebody that you know, well, or you've met before. Sync back to the memories that you've had with that person. And I used to get social anxiety even before hanging out with good friends. And this technique really helped me to alleviate a lot of that. 

 I just been a few minutes, just thinking about the memories that I had with that person. You know, some of the fun times, some of the things that we did together.

And a, that made me feel more comfortable just realizing, you know, what, there's a lot of fun times that we've had together that we've connected really well over and be inevitably reminds you of all sorts of things, to talk about memories, to laugh about questions, to ask about their life, and then you feel like you're coming into it with all of this positive energy and you're ready to just rock and roll right into it. 

So that's number one.  Spend some time thinking about the positive memories that you have with that person or ideas and concepts and things to talk about. 

And number two, this is kind of in line with the things we've already discussed, but find something that genuinely lights that person up. 

What do they love talking about? You know, when they just get excited, they're bringing up all these memories. They started talking faster. You can tell that they are engaged in something that they love to do or love to think about. 

Or some sort of memories that just light them up, whether it's travel or something that they do for work. You know, getting people talking about the things that they love. 

It makes so much sense, right? What's going to happen. It's going to bring up all these positive feelings for that person. And you're able to bond over them to connect with them through that.  And I want to relay a little something here. These tactics are not about manipulation. 

They're not about trying to win friends and influence people. 

 Like Stephen Covey's book says. You know, it's about how do you form. Meaningful relationships with the people that you love? How do you do great business with the people that you want to do? Great business with? 

How do you interact with yourself in a way that makes you feel good about who you are and the things that you want to do with your life? 

Understanding the tools of communication and how to do it effectively. And the psychology that surrounds the way that we interact. Is crucial for accomplishing many of the most fulfilling things that we do in our lives. 

That brings us to number three.

And that is, I've found that in order to get what you're trying to receive, you need to be willing to give that away first. 



So you may say, ah, you know, I wish that so-and-so opened up to me more about X, Y, and Z. 

Well, maybe you need to start by opening up to them. 

 I've certainly found that the more vulnerable I become in my relationships, in my conversations, the more vulnerable the other person is as well. The more willing they are to share the things that are close to their heart.  And bringing it back to what I said earlier.

 I can tell when I've been communicating effectively, because people will tell me. Gosh, you know, I don't usually tell people this, but so-and-so. And the reality is it's when I am really opening up when I am being deeply honest and vulnerable and willing to share something that might be a little bit outside of my own comfort zone. That is when other people start to do that back. 



So those are three quick little tips from things that I've picked up along the way. 

Number one, before you meet with that person. Just been a few minutes, thinking about them, thinking about your memories with them, things you want to talk about. Number two, finding something that genuinely lights, that person up, what they love to talk about. Number three, give what you are trying to get. 

So, what about you? What do you feel like is your strength within communication? Just like in Charles Duhigg's book, there's lots of tried and true practices that make people great at relating and connecting others. But that doesn't mean that they're a perfect fit for every single person. You know, we're all different and we all have different communication styles 



and some of them lend better than others to our individual personality. 

So for our tool of the day, rather than reaching for new additions to your communication style, spend two minutes and just think about the skills that you currently have. When was the last time you felt like you really connected with somebody or had a conversation where it was like, gosh, we were just in harmony with this other person. And what do you feel like was the catalyst for that? 

What is your strength within communication? What makes you a super communicator? What comes naturally to you? 

, and me just going through this little practice of the three that I just provided you reminded me because honestly, I forget about these things. 

Sometimes you just got to dust them off a little bit and you're like, oh my gosh, I forgot. And then you start using it again. And you're like, wow, these conversations are taking a whole new dynamic, beautiful route that they weren't before. So sometimes you just got to dust it off. 

So what is yours? Can you think of any, 

And just an idea that comes to mind here, you know, it could be based less in your communication style. 

Maybe it's something that's based in certain locations. You could say, you know what, when I'm out to dinner with somebody, I really connect well, or when I'm watching sports, that's when I really made able to open up and connect with people. Or maybe when I'm making music with somebody.  Or doing art with somebody else that does art. Or at an event like a run club or at a music festival or a tough Mudder competition. 

Or some Deborah marathon. You know, sometimes different locations and events bring about a different state out of us. That helps us be more relatable, helps us to open up, helps us to get into a state, or we want to communicate with others. And it helps us to get our points across more effectively and enjoyably. So, are you a super communicator? 

Do you feel like communication is one of your strong suits? Well, ultimately this is a skill set that we all must in Ken, continue to practice and get better within. 

And I'll leave you with Charles Duhigg's words from an interview that he gave. He said, if there's one thing that I hope everybody can carry away, it's this. At forming connections with others is really important. And the way that we do this is through conversations. 

 And most importantly, anyone can learn to have more meaningful conversations. Anybody can learn to become a super communicator. So that's what we're working with today. 

 It would mean the  📍 world to me. If you want to leave a rating review or share this with somebody that you thought might find value. 

 For more info and coaching my book to in your mind, which is available on Amazon, another mindset, motivation. However to CJ leader.com. This is the mindset is art podcast. And thanks for going to MIA with me today.