Emotional Well-being and Self-Reliance as Holiday Gifts to Yourself

As the holiday lights twinkle and the festive hustle takes hold, it's easy to forget that the greatest gift we can offer ourselves is the quiet comfort of self-care. Life Coach Jen here, pulling back the curtain on my own journey into the sanctuary of emotional healing and the profound transformation that comes with honoring our need for rest, relaxation, and rejuvenating sleep. In the latest episode, I share heartfelt stories from my personal quest for serenity amidst the seasonal rush, emphasizing the importance of creating moments of stillness to nourish our best selves and be fully present with those we cherish.

Navigating life's transitions, like the shift to an empty nest, can leave us untethered, but it also presents a golden opportunity to rediscover the joys that resonate deeply with our soul. Whether it's a leisurely walk, the creative spark of a new project, or the simple satisfaction of completing a puzzle, I discuss the value of indulging in passions that keep our individual identities vibrant. I also unwrap the art of clear communication in our relationships and the courage to embrace self-reliance. So, cozy up by the fire and tune in as we explore the gifts of self-awareness and the steps to crafting our own version of 'happily ever after', this holiday season and all the seasons to come.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 30 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hi, friends, welcome to Happily. Even After I'm Life Coach Jen, a certified life coach that specializes in relationships. I'm a mom of four awesome kids and one amazing senora, a home decorator, a remodeler, a shopper, a scrabler and a snuggler. I want to help you with your relationships, mainly the relationship you have with yourself and your family and God. Thanks for listening and letting me share the tools I have learned that can help you live happily even after some of life's greatest challenges. Hey, friends, welcome to today's podcast. If you're listening, merry Christmas. Otherwise, I'm guessing a lot of you will be listening another day, because for me, christmas is all about family and I'm guessing for you too. But if it's not, I'm glad you tuned in.

Speaker 1: 0:57

So I was thinking what topic could I talk about on Christmas? And I really want to focus on the gifts we give ourselves, because I think a lot of us totally neglect ourselves, and I know, as women, we do it all the time. Men do it too, but usually the women in their lives are making sure they're taking care of and buying them something, and I think there are some of you that are listening that really didn't get anything for Christmas or you bought all your gifts yourself, which is actually the way I like to go. I buy myself a gift anytime I want, but for those of us that are divorced, I know my kids are scrounging their money together to buy me a gift and I'm going to love whatever it is. So, whatever circumstance you find yourself in, and I'm going to share with you some gifts that do not cost anything, which is something I think. A lot of times you think, oh, we have to spend a lot of money to create the life we want, and that's simply not true. So I just want you to consider some of these things and remember that we are human beings, not human doings, and I think a lot of women or people, humans we get caught up on what are we doing to create our value and worth in this world, and that is simply going to cause burnout. We're never going to attain it. We can't keep doing things. Sometimes we just have to learn how to be and sit with ourselves. So I just would challenge you to create moments in your day, in your week, in your month, to be still and I know that's hard, and for those of you that have little kids it could be challenging Maybe even having your kids in their car seats.

Speaker 1: 2:47

I used to put my kids in their car seats and drive around the neighborhood just to get a break, and that wasn't really a break because I was driving, but it was enough of a break that I felt like, okay, I can get through my day. And so find ways that you can just be. There is great power in this. I bet you will actually have more capacity to show up the way that you want to in your life. So find moments.

Speaker 1: 3:18

If you wake up a little bit earlier meditation, and I know everyone's heard of all those things and they think do those really work? They do. Sometimes we think we have to run faster. No, we have to slow down. If we want our goals and we want to live a fulfilled life, we have to stop doing and rushing and running here and there. So give yourself the gift of being still, even if it's for two minutes. That's going to help, I promise.

Speaker 1: 3:51

The next one is sleep, rest, downtime, relaxation, and I think in our society it's almost we've made it a negative, like let's see how little we can sleep, or let's like relaxation oh, that's for wealthy people that can afford vacations, or you know, oh, relaxing is lazy. Look at all these things that we have to do and I promise you that you're always gonna have laundry, you're gonna always have dishes, you're gonna always have someone hungry that needs food. Those things are never gonna stop. But I would challenge you to find time to take a break and to watch that movie with your kids, to sit down with your family, play a game. Just stop doing all the busy things that you think have to get done, because otherwise you're gonna miss out on life and focusing on sleep. I mean, so many studies have been done about sleep and getting seven to nine hours of sleep. That's the average person. Most people need seven to nine hours and you just, I know function. I know I function so much better when I feel rested and relaxed and that I felt like I had good quality sleep. And we're not gonna be pro at this all the time things are gonna happen, we're not gonna get our sleep, but we're gonna function so much better when we do have the right amount of sleep.

Speaker 1: 5:21

And one thing I've noticed this year personally is, as I've been healing from my divorce and betrayal and all the things, that my body has needed a lot of rest and I just gave myself permission to do it. Like at two o'clock in the afternoon I'm like I need to go lay down. I just do it and I don't beat myself up about it. I don't say what's wrong with me. So be mindful of what you're telling yourself. When you are resting, there's nothing wrong with you. Your body is telling you and screaming that you need to take a break, that you need to rest, you need to just be for a moment, and that's how it heals, that's how your body can regenerate. And I don't know I'm not a scientist but all the cells and all the blood and all the things. It's so good for your body. That's why we need sleep, that's why we need all those things.

Speaker 1: 6:18

So, instead of making excuses of like, oh, I have too much to do, just commit to yourself. Say you know, no, I'm gonna go to bed at 11 o'clock midnight, whatever time, 10 o'clock, whatever time that you need to in order to get the right amount of sleep. And just try it. Do an experiment. Say I'm gonna do it for a week, see how it goes. I'm gonna try to be 80% at this, like we don't need to be perfect, because no one is, but just try it and do a little experiment to see if you're feeling better. I just think this concept is really vital for our health our mental health, our emotional health, our physical health. So when you feel like yourself getting mad at your teenagers or young adults that sleep a lot, just consider maybe they just need that. And, of course, there's a balance of all of it. Right, we still need to also do things, but make sure you're also just being and resting and relaxation and taking breaks, because we really need that and that is such a great gift that you can give yourself.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Another gift that has really changed my life is learning to process and feel my emotions. I used to like to just avoid them and pretend that I wasn't completely devastated, that my husband just had another affair or that you know so-and-so said something that was really hurtful for me, or I mean the million things that, of course, were sad about, and so, instead of feeling it, I would just avoid it. And then how it manifested in my life is I gained weight because I would eat, I would snack and I would eat sugar and drink lots of soda, because I needed something to help me feel better, because I was miserable inside, and so a lot of people. They have health issues. A lot of your health issues can be solved by processing and feeling your emotions, and I know that sounds totally crazy, but it is so true. So just try it.

Speaker 1: 8:31

You don't know how to do it. Get help, hire a life coach, go to a therapist, listen to podcasts, figure out it is sitting with that emotion and feeling it, and I promise it's. I know it sounds super painful and hard, but it can dissipate like in a minute. It's like waves a wave coming up and then going back out to the ocean. And so if you can learn how to do it and recognize when you're like, if you all of a sudden get angry I know I've talked about this before what's under the anger? Is it sadness, is it disappointment, is it frustration? Like, pay attention. So when someone asks you how are you feeling right now, you can identify the emotion that you're feeling, and a lot of us cannot do that. So practice identifying the emotion.

Speaker 1: 9:24

I love to do with my kids from a scale of one to 10, where are you today? And they can tell me. If they say a three, I'm like okay, they probably are gonna need a little bit more attention or more sleep or rest. But if they're like I'm a six today, I'm like great, I mean, that's some of them, that's as high as they get. But kind of do that to yourself, like where are you today?

Speaker 1: 9:48

And if you're a three, give yourself lots of grace and compassion because something's going on right. You don't. We don't always have to be a 10 every day, it's impossible. And if you are, you think you're that person, then something's gone wrong, like you're definitely avoiding your emotions. So giving yourself the gift of learning to process and feel your emotions is huge, because we all are gonna have them and that's the beautiful thing about life is we're gonna have a lot of joy and a lot of sadness. But if we didn't have that, we wouldn't even know what joy would feel like or happiness would feel like, because it would just feel neutral all of it.

Speaker 1: 10:27

So we need to have the good emotions, with the negative emotions, to have a fulfilled life, practice being present with yourself and your family and friends. And this means maybe putting your cell phone away at dinner time, like having a family rule, or sometimes I go hide my cell phone in a drawer or my office when I'm other places because I'm like no, I really want to focus on talking to my kids and so find little tricks because we have a cell phone with us, usually 24-7. Maybe at night, decide I'm going to put my cell phone far away from me instead of at my nightstand, so I'm not tempted at three in the morning when I wake up to look at it. And so we're going to have to, like, figure out a trick, probably because we've all been trained to have our phones with us 24-7. But it prevents us, I think, from being truly present with ourselves and our thoughts. And I know a lot of you are like why do I want to listen to my thoughts? I don't like my thoughts? Well, that's good information to know we needed. Then, ok, why not? What's going on and are they negative thoughts? And write them down and explore them and figure that out. Because you're just avoiding your life, you're distracting, distracting, distracting, and so you're unable to be present and I'm sure that's going to cause marriage conflict or work conflict or conflict with your children and with yourself. So, finding moments to be present and just notice, like, even do an experiment, same thing, try it for a week, see if you notice a difference. And what is that difference? Look for things that make you light up.

Speaker 1: 12:23

So I think, for me, I focused all my attention on my kids and my spouse although he might, if he were here, he would probably disagree with that. He would think I focused all my attention on my kids but I totally neglected myself, which is not recommended and I don't recommend. But now and there's a lot of my friends since I'm in my 50s A lot of people it's like, oh my gosh, my kids, I'm empty, nested, now what? And they're totally lost. And you know those women and people in the world that get so needy with their like the in-laws and the grandkids, and it's like they've just taken their own inability to find out what is interest to them and put it on to their grandkids and to their adult kids, and it causes lots of problems. So find out, research, look into, look inside yourself. What lights you up? What do you like to do? And start doing those things.

Speaker 1: 13:23

I love to go on walks. I like to talk on the phone to my kids which is my kids, but it's like I enjoy doing that. I love creating different things. I like creating worksheets and Christmas cards. I like decorating my house, of finding things that bring you joy.

Speaker 1: 13:45

Another one I thought of. I have been addicted to puzzles lately. I really like puzzles so I'm like why don't I just have a puzzle out on my table all the time? And for some people that would drive you nuts and that's okay, but for me I'm like you know what? This is my house and I don't care that I have a puzzle out on a portion of the table and I've really enjoyed doing that. It's been a good thing for me to do. It's an accomplishment, something I can put this together and I feel accomplished. People like pickleball or hiking there's so many things that could bring you joy and you could decide, like figure out who you are, instead of who you are with your husband, who you are with your kids, who you are, just by yourself. So find those things and that is an amazing gift that you could give yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:43

Ask for what you need and want. So this is for those of you that are married, or even if you just have kids and you're not married, but ask, be specific, say this is what I really I need you to do X, y and Z. Have that conversation. I think a lot of marriages, a lot of couples, they avoid having these conversations because it's like I don't feel a little comfortable asking you what I need but I really need it and it's oxygen to me and have that conversation in, obviously not why you're in a fight, but when you're calm and in a good place. And even if, like I know, a lot of women get super disappointed at Christmas because their husband buys them something that they're like don't want. But you expected them to read your mind and they can't read your mind and you can't read their mind. So that's why we have to have these conversations. So if you can be specific and if you cannot ask for what you need and want, if you don't know what you need and want, so you've got to do that exploration on yourself first then you can request and ask and hopefully, if your husband can at least try, or your spouse can try to do that. But also, how can you meet your needs and wants inside of you without having to get them from other people? That's important too.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Figure out how to have more peace in your life. So I have for sure been on this journey. Okay, what brings me peace? Because I've had a lot of just not a lot of peace in my life. Divorce is not a peaceful experience. You know, kids can sometimes not be peaceful. Life isn't always peaceful. So, finding moments and ways to create peace in your life and practice forgiveness so I am really working on this and I have moments that I can be like, oh yeah, I can totally forgive myself, forgive my former spouse, forgive all the women he was with whatever. I can have moments of that.

Speaker 1: 16:53

It's not 100% all the time, but practice and see like, okay, can you do this? And I think that skill is such a gift and it will be such a blessing in your life if you can get there. So if you can't just automatically do it which I can't just practice and see how it's going, journal, I think, is a great gift you can give yourself, because most people we just keep all these thoughts and feelings and they're just swirling in our mind and they keep us up at night, they create anxiety, they might create depression, they just create all these overwhelm. But if we can start journaling, get them out on a piece of paper, it can be so helpful and beneficial. And practice gratitude always is so good. That's a great gift you can give yourself.

Speaker 1: 17:46

Lastly, pay attention to your excuses, your reasons why something's not working, and work on figuring out because I think we're really good. Our brain is like oh, this is too hard, like I don't wanna do this. Figure out why you're doing that. What are you afraid of? What are you preventing yourself from becoming and being? Why aren't you willing to do some of these things? Why aren't you willing to get eight hours of sleep? Why aren't you willing to go on a walk, even though you know it makes you feel better? So just work on becoming aware.

Speaker 1: 18:24

I think awareness is another biggest gift that you can give yourself, but this is your one life to live, so we need to start living it, and I think a lot of people are just surviving, and I get it like sometimes that's how you're staying alive. Right now is surviving, and I've been in survival. But when you can get out of that and get a clear head, focus on these gifts and there I'm sure there's many others that I didn't mention and focus on them, and so you can start living your best life. Thanks so much for listening. Merry Christmas, have a beautiful day and if you wanna give me a gift, leave me a review on this podcast wherever you're listening to it, and have a safe and happy New Year. If you want to learn how to live happily even after, sign up for my email at. Hello at lifecoachjenn with onencom. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at happily even after coach. Let's work together to create your happily even after.