The Ambitious Bookkeeper Podcast

122 ⎸ Mastering your Inner Dialogue for Success and Happiness with Sharon Hefetz

• Episode 122

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In this interview episode, I have a special guest on to talk about the power of our words, inner dialogue, and intentions behind success.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • survival mode vs creative mode
  • inner dialogue & self talk
  • intention setting
  • what to say to yourself before a discovery call
  • what to say to yourself when it comes to mom guilt

About our Guest:

Sharon is a Mindset Coach, accomplished entrepreneur, and published author, dedicating her life to empowering women to reach their full potential. With a focus on creating balance and self-confidence, she encourages her clients to embrace authenticity, living guilt-free, and inviting abundance into their lives. A believer in the law of attraction, intrigued by quantum physics, she asserts that thoughts shape our reality and we always have the power of choice. With her multifaceted experience as a mother of three, her coaching blends personal insight with proven strategies. Sharon's mission is to serve as a catalyst for women, helping them build productive, harmonious lives by reconnecting and rediscovering their true self and desires.

ebook on Inner Dialogue:

https://go.sharonhefetzconsulting.com/

Connect on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/SharonHefetzCoaching

Happy Balanced Mom FB Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/3038590393115843/

Connect on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/banyashefetz/

Website:

www.sharonhefetzconsulting.com

email Sharon:

mindset@sharonhefetzcoach.com

Thanks for listening. If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram stories and tag me, @ambitiousbookkeeper

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I make sure I wake up before the house does. But I don't do that in order to organize things for them. I do that for me. So it means for me, that means I begin my day. I wash my face with an intention. Everything I do in those, it could be five minutes and it could be 30 minutes. And trust me, once you start with five to 15, you're going to want more mama time. It's gonna, it's gonna be like critical. And everything you do in those And I'm telling you, because that will ripple, those 10 to 15 minutes will ripple throughout your day. And you have a peaceful cup of coffee, and while you're mixing your coffee, you give yourself a good, positive intention. It's going to be a really good day today. Welcome back to the Ambitious Bookkeeper podcast. Today we are moving things a little more mindset related and I know a lot of you love these episodes. So I have a special guest, her name is Sharon and I don't want to mess up your last name. I should have asked you this before we, we hit record, but I'm going to let you introduce yourself and your background and then we'll dive into wherever the conversation takes us. Sounds good. My name is Sharon Heffetz and I'm a mother of three, a wife, an entrepreneur, a published author, and a mindset coach. And mainly just a soul amongst other souls trying to figure it all out and remembering to see the beauty and the connection and everything and everyone I come across. I love it. And now I'm trying to remember exactly where we connected. Was it the Business with Ease summit. Okay, just making sure, because I know I've made a lot of connections in the past couple months, and some of them have been on Alignable, and some of them through this summit that we did, which was amazing. It was. connections through that. But yeah, so we connected, we were both presenting on the summit and, I think we did like a networking call between all the presenters and exchanged information on that and got to kind of know each other through that. So I'm always open to meeting new people and, and. I feel like there's always a reason certain people enter our lives and just before we hit record, I mean, we had an amazing conversation. I was like, we should have recorded this, but yeah, there's always a reason why people get connected and you may not. understand it until later on. But so with that, you are a mindset coach and I've I know that you work a lot with, moms in business or otherwise. I don't know if you work with moms that are not in business, but kind of balancing that motherhood and the mindset behind that and everything. So I thought it would be really, really good to have you on the podcast as a lot of our listeners are mothers or parents and have kids at home while they're trying to build a business or kids in school. And there's just so much related to that and kind of the guilt that you end up having with so much guilt, so much. Like, balancing motherhood and business and so I wanted to dive into that today because it has come up with our audience too, of like asking, like, how do I balance that and how do I deal with it? And the honest answer is like, sometimes I don't deal with it. exactly. So, okay. The question is, do you know that that's okay? It's okay. yeah, yeah, all there, you yeah yeah. So I started my entrepreneurial journey when I was around 20 and I was, went out to the world trying to conquer it. And Went into business and had a business with my husband. We went out to Mexico just cause it was sounded fun. We didn't know the language, we knew numbers and, you know, and we built our business and we built family while doing that. And it was not easy. You know, but at the age of 30, I just got married and my biological clock was ticking so loud. Like I felt the people around me could hear it. But it was a lot and becoming a mother of two in the midst of that was, it was challenging. And my babies gave me on one hand, a new meaning and significance to life because I was like suddenly, wow, all that didn't mean anything or all that was there just to bring me to here. You know? yeah, I felt blessed and gratitude and, but I was really, really, really good at neglecting me and neglecting my body and neglecting my soul and putting other people in front of me. And so that part was not foreign, like putting others in front of me. And having a hectic schedule kind of helped me focus my energy somewhere else. So I didn't have to pay attention to what's going on with me, but I was tired all the time. And since I didn't have time for Sad, it went straight to frustrated and overwhelmed and angry. And there was such a big part of me that felt like a victim. And I know a lot of mamas feel that because bottom line is though, that we neglect ourselves. That's, that's the biggest thing where we're just so used to taking care of this, like precious thing in front of us. And in the midst of creating a business, we always like, yeah, it's for them. Yeah, it's for them. And no, no, I can't, you know, and everything kind of just, we put all the focus we can off of ourselves. yeah, then a little while later you look around and you're like, whoa, what happened to me? Where am I? Who am I? What am I doing? And, and then we're starting to build a business and become an entrepreneur. And. We didn't really set all the, all the right foundations. For us to thrive. yeah, So it kind of becomes very, very, very hard. you know, we're stretched so thin and there's no room for us at a certain point. And nothing is yours anymore, you know, when you go through the beginning stages of motherhood, your body's not yours, your sleep's not yours, your... Schedules not yours. Your thoughts are not yours. You know, meal planning, do I pay more attention to him? Do I pay less attention so he becomes more independent? Do I pay more attention? And then so he knows that I'm there and your body's just And, you know, a holder and a hanger and everything else that needs to be. And, I just realized that I need to start from inside and then every key you can't pour from an empty cup, you know, for me, it took a trip to a cardiologist that, my heart was skipping beats and. And I had like a little bit of blood in my caffeine system kind of going on, yeah, yeah, um, and I was just like hanging in there and that was kind of when I got slammed in the head and be like, okay, I need to take care of me too. And, but you, it's just so easy to just give and then when you have, and I'm, and I'm continuing to talk about it just for a moment since you did say that most of these a lot of your listeners are mamas and I do work with mompreneurs mostly now and the thing is we rush from that stage right into the stage because we want to know ourselves again and we want to do and we want to You know, we want to provide and we want, we want all of that as well, but we skip over that tiny stage of like, first giving ourself a hug and walking hand in hand with ourself into this new journey as an entrepreneur. yeah. Mm hmm and it's just, it just takes time and I can tell you the main thing was noticing how my inner dialogue was. And how I spoke to myself and how I was treating myself and I could tell you I was not nice to me. mm I was like the worst critic ever. I was like, that voice in my head was, Oh, really? You think you got it done? But look at that whole list. You still didn't do right. And especially in entrepreneur life, you have lists and lists and lists of things to do and, and create. And, and that's a big thing. The create part is a very, very, very big thing because our minds can only be either in survival or in creation mode at one time. So when we're in survival mode, which most mamas are, We can't be in creation mode. So for example, we're in, I don't say that's a bad thing because survival mode is, I think that's where we need to be. When we have our little kids, you know, like paying attention to survival mode is like paying attention to all the dangers around our little ones right around us, uh, corners, cups that may fall on them, things that are going to crash. And so we're all the time constantly like in protective mode. But if you think about it, after years of being in protective mode, what are you trying to protect from? Usually when we're protecting, we're protecting from this outside danger, which means we're trying to survive from and, and eliminate that danger that's about to attack us. So our mind goes into this survival mode. Which leads us to victim mode because we don't need to be there for so long. and then it's very, very, very hard to create. It's very, very hard to create this amazing business and have amazing ideas. And what is the logo going to look like? And then you're like, logo, what are you talking about? Like, but the logos, make a logo, man. Like you can't even like dream it up the way you do. Or sometimes you're like, okay, logo. And then you're caught up on it for too long. It can go both ways mm hmm, mm because it's, it's not like flow with the creation is not flowing with ease. So, I just know that a lot of it for me started with my mindset, and the way, where I'm putting my focus, and how I'm emphasizing certain things in my life. Yeah, one of the things that comes up for me is when you are constantly used to being in survival mode is you can, you get to the point where Without really realizing it, like, subconsciously, you find ways to stay in survival mode. So now we've moved to running a business and just constantly, like, doing, doing, doing instead of, like, building in time and space to be creative. We think we need to fill all that time. It's like, well, I've left my corporate job. I don't work. I You know, I'm not working 40 hours a week anymore. I should be doing all of that in my business, working 40 hours a week. And so that, then we just create scenarios where we're constantly in survival mode. Right, Because that's what we're used to. So how do you, like you said, one of the things for you was taking a step back and like looking at your mindset. Do you have like a tip that someone can, like, where does someone start? that inner dialogue. That should have, could have, would have, that inner critic, it could be our best friend on this journey, or it can like break us down, basically. And mine was horrible, like nothing was ever good enough. It was exhausting. It was like running a marathon, but there was no finish line, you know, there was years that as a young entrepreneur that it would motivate me. Like before I had kids, it was like my motivation. I was constantly like competing with myself. But I never stopped to celebrate my wins either. So I didn't even have that moment of, yeah, now let's move on. You know what I mean? I didn't have that even because every time I would start taking that breath of like, wow, accomplishment that inner voice inside was like, Well, you could have done this and you should have done this. And if you would have done this, uh, this would have happened. And, you know, and it was like, not on the way of like what to improve. It wasn't like from that voice of, or tone of like. Let's reflect and see. Great. Good job on this and this. And maybe next time I'll do this. It was not. It was like, you didn't do this and you didn't do this. And okay, great. So you reach your end goal, but what about this? And what about this? And You can't stop to breathe. But that was how I saw everything, like all aspects of my life. Like my workouts, my mama body, my progress, my, I criticized everything. And like, you know, basic thing when someone gives you a compliment, it was like one of my first realizations, like. Someone gave me a compliment. Have you ever stopped to just say, wow, thank you. I had to teach myself that like a year until I was able to like, oh, that's right. Compliment. I say, thank you. You know, like instead I would have had like a list of all, oh yeah, it wasn't me. It was, they did it and I could have done this and I should have done this and I would have done this. So like everyone was exposed to my list of like my inner critic and like. Look at all these things I didn't do. So it's not a big thing, you know, so I was always explaining how it was nothing that I did but just knowing that everything I do is gonna reflect on my children. And I can either teach them and make them strong or screw them up, which we're going to do anyway, right? They're going to come to us years later, no matter what we do and blame us for so many things. So, and like, we expect like the impossible from ourselves. the biggest thing with entrepreneurship there's two things. The journey, and you probably, some of you probably made experience this already, as an entrepreneur, especially a solopreneur, it's not easy mentally and sometimes it gets very lonely. And you won't always feel that the people that are closest to you really have your back the way you need or want them to. Because not everyone really understands what you're doing or how you're doing it and they don't know how to give you advice and everyone loves giving advice. So, you know, so sometimes they may say things and to you it may sound like another critic is joining the party and the biggest thing is self talk and self talk It's not just your own, like, personal radio DJ, like, providing the background noise to your life. It's that voice that crafts our story. It molds our perception of ourselves and of the world around us. And it nudges our behavior one way or another. It's kind of like having like, a mini life coach in your head, but it's important to remember, and that's the part that we forget is like you're holding the megaphone, so whatever you said, like you could choose what to tell yourself and you can choose. It's, it could be your biggest fan or your harshest critic. You know, and positive self talk is like having a personal cheerleader in your head and chanting affirmations. Good job. You did it. You could still do that. that can build your confidence and make you resilient. And those are two traits that you have to nurture as an entrepreneur. We need confidence to do things and we need resilience. To get right back up when it doesn't really work out our way. So those are two very, very critical things. Now, negative self talk is like that crabby old pilljoy, you know, in your head and it's a bickering party pooper and it's quick to judge and it's fond of self deprecation, it loves playing the victim and it leads us to anxiety and to depression and to low self esteem, which completely affects our choices and our decisions. As entrepreneurs and when we're building our business, because when we're building our business, we need to build good, solid foundations that we can land on. And the thing is we don't notice. How fast we engage in negative self-talk, like we don't realize. How many times have you said to yourself even today, like, oh, how dumb, or How'd I do that? Or, I always do that, or, I'm the worst at this, or, I told you before and I told you. I'm saying it quietly without you noticing I'm so bad at the technical side of things, you know, and you know, but. It's there and we constantly say it and we constantly play out. So today, even when I say I'm so bad at the technicals thing, I do add, but I'm getting better and better. I'm just getting better and better every day. I'm learning because the problem is that when we believe we're not good enough, we're not, and we are, and we believe that we're predestined to fail. We will. Yeah, And we're less likely to step outside our comfort zone or to strive to, like, achieve our goals and to become what we want to. I'm jotting down notes of like bullet points of like things that I want to remember from this conversation and hopefully other people are also taking notes, but Yeah, that inner, I can provide examples of that, like, negative inner dialogue where it has held me back. Like there's been situations where I've been like, well, I don't know as much as so and so, so I don't really deserve to be speaking at that event, so I'm just going to bow out even though I was invited. Things like that, because that's my negative self talk. Coming in and saying, well, you're not good enough to be up on that stage talking, or you're not good enough to be in the room with those people. So you may as well just show yourself out. And so I have, and I've missed out on opportunities later on being like, I should have just been uncomfortable and been in that room because I would be, you know, again, more negative self talk. I should have just done that. right? See, it's just like a ripple effect. It is. It is. And that's exactly the thing that it is a ripple effect. And the question is, can you share examples? that quickly of positive self talk you have in your head as well. Probably not. Like, not our default. You know, our default goes right into the negative. And the way I began to combat that was, have you ever heard of the power of your subconscious mind? Okay. So there's countless research, you know, that found that the subconscious mind controls everything besides like making your coffee and walking to the coffee machine or tying your shoe and regulating our breathing and all the functions in our body that, you know, That we do without even thinking about them. It determines the way we think. It determines the way we feel, the way we act, the way we react, the way we believe. And it also controls our goals and our dreams and whether we can achieve them. And I say this all the time because for me, this, this, um, going to give you is like, It was mind blowing. So we have 60 to 80, 000 thoughts a day. And the thing is, 80 percent of our thoughts are negative. On autopilot, 80 percent of them go to negative. So that's around 48, 000 negative thoughts a day. And the funny thing is, funny, it's not making me laugh anymore, but 95 percent of them are subconscious. And they're repetitive, so we're not even aware of them. So the thing is that 5 percent of our cognitive activity, meaning our decisions, our actions, our behavior, our emotion are completely dependent on those 95%. And like you said, A negative thought ripples to another, and another, and another, right? You spill your coffee. Then it becomes like, I can't believe that just happened. Then it moves on to like, how dumb. And, or, or like you said, you wanted to be on this stage and then I can't do that. Yeah, so what if they weren't invited me? And I didn't go. And then you feel bad about doing that. And then you criticize yourself for not going up on that stage. And then you even feel about that. And then next time it's going to happen. It's not really the thing that's going to push you to go on that stage, you know, it's probably going to like, yeah, no, I had that opportunity. I didn't go last time. You know, you know how you felt last time. Remember that, that, that negative thing being on your shoulder is going to be like, remember how bad that went. You don't want to do that again. Why don't, just don't show up for that whole event. Why are you even going to the event? You're not going to go on stage anyway, Yeah. So, how do you suggest someone starts closing that, stopping that loop? Just by knowing that the positive also has that same ripple effect. So just flipping that switch. So when things go well, let's say, and especially with mamas, like my biggest thing is where do you put in mama time and thing that I begin with all mamas and it doesn't have to be just mamas. It could be, you know, Anyone who has other people in the house and needs a moment of peace for themselves. I make sure I wake up before the house does. But I don't do that in order to organize things for them. I do that for me. So it means for me, that means I begin my day. I wash my face with an intention. Everything I do in those, it could be five minutes and it could be 30 minutes. And trust me, once you start with five to 15, you're going to want more mama time. It's gonna, it's gonna be like critical. And everything you do in those And I'm telling you, because that will ripple, those 10 to 15 minutes will ripple throughout your day. And you have a peaceful cup of coffee, and while you're mixing your coffee, you give yourself a good, positive intention. It's going to be a really good day today. Even something small like that. And once you start your morning peacefully and not wake up into the chaos of the morning, when the rest of the house wakes up, you'll see suddenly that everything you're just like an observer and you'll be like, not running around, putting out fires and you'll have the patience to deal with what's going on. And then suddenly someone smiles to you in the street. And you're aware enough to see it and smile back and accept that smile. Where in other days you were in such that chaos and that run in the morning, you couldn't even see that smile because those things, everything's around us all the time, right? The flowers are still there. The trees are still there. The birds and the bees. And I'm not trying to get all like, Ooh, you know, really like living in today. And But noticing those little moments of, especially when things hit the fan that are not positive. I always used to tell my employees, okay, great. It was horrible. Wonderful. Stop five good things that happened to you today. And it was so hard for them, you know, like I tell them small things. And they said, well, my drink tasted, well, I said, great, amazing. What else? A baby walked by and he was so cute and it made me smile. Great. Number two. And like, we would fight to come up, to become aware of those small little positive moments. Why? Because those ripple out. Because suddenly when... If you walk to work and you saw someone smile, suddenly you stayed with that smile for another 30 seconds even. But while you were smiling at that smile, another good thought came up. And then another good thought came up. And then that person that greets you in the office usually cracks a joke that may annoy you sometimes. Then suddenly cracks a joke and it's funny. And you're willing to accept it. Or if someone cuts you off on the way to work when you're driving, suddenly you're like, okay, you're probably in a rush, sir. Keep going and bless you on your way instead of really having all those blessings, those horrible blessings to give him, you know, give him what I think about him. becoming aware of what we are thinking. And trying to add tiny, small, happy thoughts, positive thoughts. And they don't have to be happy, happy, joy, joy. They have to be better than what we did yesterday. Yeah. A little bit better than before. And then a little bit better and then a little bit better. And then what I also tell my children a lot and people around me, like, if you're eating a piece of cake and it's really good. Like savor it, like enjoy that moment even more, like really appreciate those tiny things because we're filling up more of that 95 percent with a little bit more and that again it ripples. Yeah. And becoming aware of what we think and beginning with self talk that can change and extremely shape our lives. Okay. But with the right tools, we can talk, we can like use self talk to enhance our overall wellbeing and to make us much more successful in our day and in our business and in everything that we do. And just by noticing the language that we use, you know, instead of saying Why don't you go? Why didn't you go on that stage? Right? You could have said wow, you know Maybe maybe next time I will go on that stage. That's enough to change it to positive. You know what I mean? It doesn't even have to be positive It's just even shifting that negative and should have could have would have to a neutral Already will allow your brain to remember it different because as I told you before we started recording that our subconscious mind, it's just information, whatever we give it, it takes. So if we're going to say, Oh, this is a horrible day. It's just going to say, okay, great. Let's look at all the horrible. Exactly. Let's look at all these horrible things around us. And if we're saying, wow, today's going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day. And even if we are forcing ourself in the beginning and it is made up, today is going to be a really good day. Today's going to be happy. Today's going to be a good day. Today, I'm going to take all those challenges that my kids are going to give me with ease. Today, all those business lists and things like that, they're going to be organized and I'm going to know how to jump from one thing to another and to manage all those things. And you need to think like, for example, As an entrepreneur there are topics that you could take, like facing a product launch or overcoming failure or receiving criticism or negative feedback. And this is like, if you really want to work on it, then you can take a journal and you can write down those top, like, tell yourself when you receive criticism or negative? Feedback. And negative self talk is like, maybe they're right. My idea is terrible, right? Oh my god, what was I thinking? How did I come up with this, right? But then after that, like, maybe you say, wow, that, that, that could be great. That's, that's wonderful. I'm so, I'm so appreciative that they caught it now because I have a great idea. I can change that into that and do that and save myself, like we need to understand we're supposed to be failing towards success. Right? That's the only way to get up there. Toddler falls 17 times an hour, I think. I don't remember what it is. 17 times a minute when they're starting to walk. And no one's standing there and telling them, you're a failure. You don't got this. You're never going to walk. You can't do this, right? What do we do? We stand there and we're like, good job! Yay! It was a second and a half now! You're gonna be the best runner ever! And that's basically what we gotta do to ourselves. Because if we're not gonna say it to our kid, or to our best friend when they're down, we should stop at that moment and not say it to ourselves as well. Like, if you're not gonna say it to someone you love, just shush. Don't say it to yourself. All Yeah. Oh, that's such a good reminder. So, let's do some, like, practical applications. Because I know one thing that comes, first of all, my audience, our bookkeepers and accountants, we love a practical application of things. right. But one thing that comes up a lot is Is people being kind of nervous to get on a sales call or a discovery call or like afraid that they're not going to land the client? So what would you suggest? Like Someone do before they get on a call like that, where they are like, kind of like, Oh, you're not going to land this client anyway. They have all the negative self talk about like, you're, you're not going to know all the answers to their questions or something like that. What should they do? What could they do instead? So no, you're not going to land all the clients. And that's a good thing because we don't want everyone out there. We want the perfect people for us. We want the perfect clients. And this is me in my make believe world. Okay. But we want the perfect clients and we want people that are going to come to us with ease and they're going to need our services and they're going to love our services and they're going to love everything we can do for them. And like, for example, what if no one buys my product, right? Or what if nobody buys my service? So first of all, you say, I believe in the service that I'm giving and no, it's not going to be right for everyone. It's not going to suit everyone and I hope the people that are not the people that I want as my clients are not gonna close with me. Yeah. And I want only those people that are the right customers because the right customers are going to appreciate what I'm offering. I'm going to attract The right customers. So instead of like, I'm not going to close this one. Maybe you won't. Maybe I won't. But if he's right for me, he's going to love me and I'm going to love him. And there's going to be an amazing click. I changed the word failure to trial in my life. So I don't fail. I had another trial. So I, for example podcasts, right? So I told myself ahead of time, instead of what if they don't want me, what if they don't this, I need to do a hundred outreaches. To a hundred different podcasts, and then even if seven will come back to me, then seven is perfect. Seven is a perfect number. So I just need like, for example, you're going on a call and you're like telling yourself, okay, but I still have 20 more to go. Like you don't want to, not everyone's going to write their statistics. You're not going to nail every single call. You don't want to in the long run because some clients are going to be such a hassle and they're going to drain your energy and they're going to take from you everything they can and they're not going to give you what you need. So you're going to hope to get the right ones and you're going to tell yourself, have a list. And say, okay, I need to do a hundred calls in order. How many clients do you want? 10? Great. So I need to do a hundred calls to get 10. So that way when that person didn't close with you, he's just one out of the 90. He's getting you much closer to your 10, right? Cause you need to get through a hundred to get to the 10. So suddenly you're not worried when he doesn't close with you because he's just one of the statistics. Yeah. So you just reframe it in a way that makes it less. Makes you less fearful for it. Yeah, I love that. Thank you. So good. So good. Okay, so the other, the other thing that I kind of want to jam on is now that we've gotten a practical client application underway, how about the negative self talk around mom guilt or feeling guilty as a parent, not a parent. doing all the things, quote unquote, you should be doing when you're working on your business, you're neglecting your kids, or whatever kind of thoughts that you have around that, what are some of the specific things that we can say to ourselves that combat that negative guilt? Guilt is a big one with mamas. Like, we all, we, we, like, as much as I could tell you, I am so, I have improved so much. The more I talk about inner dialogue, and the more I talk with mamas about mama guilt, that comes up more and more in my life to say, Hey, you forgot to take care of that one, and you forgot to take care of that one, and you forgot to take care of that one. So I don't really think you ever get there. Because it's just part of our being, kind hmm. But when we understand that we can't pour from an empty glass, and when we understand that when we are close to that empty glass, we make them miserable. We're not good mamas. So if we're not doing things for ourselves, if we're not creating this business that we dream to create, Or, or fulfill ourselves, like we're accomplishing an income or whatever it is, if we're, it doesn't matter what is important to you, but if you're not doing the things that are important to you, you'll find yourself becoming more and more frustrated and more and more aggravated and you're not going to be a nice mama. So when, when you are doing something for yourself. You're actually doing it for them in a different way. Like, it comes this way, you know what I mean? It's around, but you are doing it for them as well. Because when you're, even if they're not going to enjoy the money, okay? It doesn't matter. You're not doing it for them so they have a business to run. You're doing it for them because you need to feel fulfilled. Because you need to fill your glass. In order to be able to nurture them and be able to give them. And I remember I would go out with friends and it was like, it took me, like, it was the first time I left after having my third baby. And I was like, Oh my God, I didn't, my husband and he, but he likes it. And then my older kids, that's when I talk to them. And that's when I get, you know, all the info about school, all the good details, you know, at Bedtime. Yeah. Suddenly, they're so talkative. Suddenly, so many things come up that they didn't, you know, if in the car it's like, eh, I'm good, eh, okay. Suddenly at night, you know, all the things, they don't want to go to sleep, but you get a lot of information. I was like, yeah, but, and then my friends would say, Say like, okay, but you're not there now, right? I was like, no, I'm not. Okay. So why don't we take this opportunity? You know, it was like suddenly you start thinking to yourself, why don't I take this opportunity? I'm here now. So I really, really, really enjoy it. In order to fill my glass, in order to fill my heart, In order to fill my lungs with air, with oxygen, and like, be able to be there for them because they're not counting hours, they're not, ooh, mom was with me 5 hours today, or mom was with me 2 hours today. If you give your child 20 minutes, 10 minutes of undivided attention, like 10 minutes 2 times a day, that you're just like, dropping everything. and sitting down with them on the floor and even just talking to them or sitting next to them while they play, they will remember those 10 minutes more than they remember if you were there five hours or two hours or whatever. So even if you're a really busy mama and we all are really busy mamas if we allow ourselves to like, when we are with them, when they start telling those stories that you're like, Oh my God, this story's not ending, right? Exactly in that moment, if you drop everything and like, okay, I'm gonna listen to this story. And just lower yourself down to their height, or bring them up to the counter so they're at your, you're at, you know, they're at your same eye level, and kind of really be there. You'll see that suddenly that story is hilarious, or that is such a cool story, or you learn so much about them throughout those five minutes of their story, of how they were engaging with a friend, or how they dealt with something, or, What they saw was funny, or, and, and you'll learn so much more from them in those 5 10 minutes than you do when you're hanging out with them for 5 hours and cooking and cleaning and da na na na na na na na na, you know, like, in the midst of all the craziness, you'll get so much more if we're just, if we just learn to be present in, for, for short moments. You can be crazy hectic in the kitchen and then they come to talk to you and you're like, Hey, now remember Sharon said, let go of the, the, okay, put everything on low or shut everything off for a second and just like take a deep breath and just listen and just be there present with them. You'll see that they'll appreciate it much more. They won't be nagging as much for your attention because they just had your undivided attention. And it'll fulfill them as much as, as they need for that moment. You know what I mean? Cause sometimes they need just at that moment, they just need you to listen, or they're just trying to make you laugh for a second, or they're just trying to get your attention for whatever. And if you give it to them, they can go and play and be on their own for a moment and you can do your things and everyone's happy. Yeah. But when we try and like do everything together and all the time, I think that's when we lose balance. That's when we get off balance and that when we're off balance, the guilt, the guilt starts to celebrate and it takes over everything. Yeah. Yeah. And guilt. And resentment are such low vibration energy, Yeah. Yeah. And it what starts self talk, feeds negative self talk that starts to breed depression, anxiety, all those things. Yeah, and it affects everything. And you can't, you know, and when it doesn't work out, just say, Oh, I'm getting better and better. I'm getting better and better. I think that's there were times that I used to listen to Abraham Hicks and. It's amazing. And like, but the biggest thing I took was getting better and better every day. I'm getting better and better. And like, instead of putting yourself down for not being able to disconnect and listen to them or not being able to be present with them, just be like, okay, so today, no, but... I'm getting better and better and I'll find that time and just keep being that cheerleader for yourself. Even when it's not going well, Yeah. what are you going to tell them when they're not doing it right? Are you going to tell them, Oh, you're such a loser you did. But that's what, that's how we talk to ourselves. You know, like what a loser, what a loser, how could you not pay attention to your child right now when you're working all the time. No, like, wow. I'm doing my best. I'm really doing my best and I'm going to get better. Oh, so good. Yeah, just keep feeding, feeding, feeding, feeding your, your positive self talk and, and it takes time and do it in baby steps and tiny, tiny steps because you know what happens when we don't. You should have, and you could have, and you would have, and Yeah. yeah, just makes things harder. Yeah, it does. Okay, so we're about at the end of our time. If somebody wants to work with you or connect with you, learn more about what you have going on, which by the way, what do you have going on in your world business wise that you would like to share? First of all, for all those that didn't write notes or want more about inner dialogue, I'm going to leave you with an ebook that you can download that'll give you all the information that you want and... And you can connect. I will also leave my Instagram for Serena and everything like that. And my website is Sharon Hefetz Consulting. And you can connect to me whichever way you want. I have courses for. I do a 12 step program for mamas that kind of lost their way a little bit and trying to rediscover and reconnect to their authentic selves and to become, to re become kind of Mm hmm. the best version of themselves. And... And best version again, you know, we get better and better all the time. We're never going to get there because every time we do, we're going to want more. So you can't always be feeling in lack, but just rediscovering and reconnecting to yourself and learning how to strengthen and be nicer and Find ways to thrive. so I have a 12 step program coming out soon. And as of now, I have a course, an online course called Happy Balanced Mom, which does talk about a lot of these things that we spoke about today. And you can find that on my website Wonderful. whoever has a question or anything, I'm here always. So you can just write me and I'll write you back and with pleasure. I'm always here for whoever needs me. Thank you so much. We will link all of your links in the show notes and yes, please connect. with her as soon as you can. When you listen to this episode, feel free to reach out to her and let her know that that you found it valuable if you did. So thank you so much for your time and we'll talk to you soon. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. I feel honored. Thank you.

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