{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":0.66,"endTime":4.14,"body":"In a world that teaches"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":0.66,"endTime":4.14,"body":"us to shut down our pleasure, what"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":4.14,"endTime":6.06,"body":"does it take to reclaim it together?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":6.42,"endTime":11.07,"body":"Community builder, Jamie Love shares the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":6.42,"endTime":11.07,"body":"real magic behind sex positive spaces"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":11.07,"endTime":13.5,"body":"and why they matter Now more than ever."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":14.61,"endTime":16.59,"body":"Welcome back to, Nope,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":14.61,"endTime":16.59,"body":"we are not monogamous."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":16.65,"endTime":19.2,"body":"I'm El Ellecia Payne, your"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":16.65,"endTime":19.2,"body":"non-monogamous relationship coach."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":19.56,"endTime":22.62,"body":"I am super excited to bring you this"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":19.56,"endTime":22.62,"body":"episode because I got to sit down"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":22.71,"endTime":27.48,"body":"again with the radiant community"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":22.71,"endTime":27.48,"body":"obsessed, boundary loving Jamie love."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":27.855,"endTime":32.805,"body":"Jamie's the Executive Director of Sex"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":27.855,"endTime":32.805,"body":"Positive World and the fierce and tender"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":32.805,"endTime":37.635,"body":"Heart behind Sex Positive Portland, and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":32.805,"endTime":37.635,"body":"they've built a global movement around"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":37.635,"endTime":42.105,"body":"radical consent, pleasure based learning,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":37.635,"endTime":42.105,"body":"and community as a healing force."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":42.555,"endTime":46.455,"body":"So today in this conversation, we're"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":42.555,"endTime":46.455,"body":"talking about everything from why saying"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":46.46,"endTime":52.245,"body":"no can actually be a turn on to the power"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":46.46,"endTime":52.245,"body":"of erotic devotional service to what"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":52.245,"endTime":55.635,"body":"it really takes to create sustainable,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":52.245,"endTime":55.635,"body":"inclusive, sex positive spaces."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":55.995,"endTime":60.555,"body":"And Jamie also shares the behind the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":55.995,"endTime":60.555,"body":"scenes scoop on Polytopia, Portland's"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":60.555,"endTime":64.245,"body":"polyamory conference where I'm one"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":60.555,"endTime":64.245,"body":"of the speakers this September, uh,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":64.245,"endTime":67.755,"body":"and I was a speaker last year and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":64.245,"endTime":67.755,"body":"all of the delicious offerings that"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":67.755,"endTime":69.045,"body":"they have planned for poly topia."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":69.165,"endTime":73.575,"body":"If you've ever wanted to attend a cuddle"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":69.165,"endTime":73.575,"body":"party or learn how to script your safer"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":73.575,"endTime":78.225,"body":"sex talk, or just learn how to show up"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":73.575,"endTime":78.225,"body":"to sexy spaces, feeling more confident"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":78.315,"endTime":81.04,"body":"and clear, then this episode's for you."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":82.41,"endTime":83.16,"body":"Let's get into it."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":84.15,"endTime":84.57,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":85.11,"endTime":89.78,"body":"Uh, welcome to, Nope, we're not"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":85.11,"endTime":89.78,"body":"monogamous, and,  I'm really"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":89.78,"endTime":91.22,"body":"happy that you're here again."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":92.0,"endTime":98.3,"body":"And, um, will you share for"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":92.0,"endTime":98.3,"body":"the listeners just a little"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":98.3,"endTime":99.949,"body":"bit about who you are, Jamie?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":100.654,"endTime":101.675,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":101.734,"endTime":103.384,"body":"My name is Jamie Love."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":103.414,"endTime":105.335,"body":"I use they or she pronouns."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":105.395,"endTime":107.975,"body":"Um, I'm on this podcast"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":105.395,"endTime":107.975,"body":"because I'm polyamorous."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":108.274,"endTime":110.645,"body":"Uh, the long quote is I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":108.274,"endTime":110.645,"body":"have a really cool job."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":110.645,"endTime":115.835,"body":"I am the executive Director of Sex"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":110.645,"endTime":115.835,"body":"Positive Portland, which is a community"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":115.835,"endTime":119.794,"body":"and a nonprofit, um, which can be a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":115.835,"endTime":119.794,"body":"little bit difficult to understand, right."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":120.059,"endTime":124.229,"body":"Um, what we do is we provide"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":120.059,"endTime":124.229,"body":"education like sex education, consent,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":124.229,"endTime":128.31,"body":"education, how we talk about pleasure"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":124.229,"endTime":128.31,"body":"and identities, and that lets us do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":128.31,"endTime":133.709,"body":"some really cool things like cuddle"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":128.31,"endTime":133.709,"body":"parties, um, or sex ed for grownups or"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":133.709,"endTime":138.329,"body":"masturbation circles or massage nights,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":133.709,"endTime":138.329,"body":"everything very consent forwards,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":138.329,"endTime":140.94,"body":"somatic based and community focused."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":140.94,"endTime":142.079,"body":"So if you're wanting to explore."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":142.079,"endTime":143.745,"body":"Explore aspects of sexuality."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":143.745,"endTime":149.204,"body":"It's not linked also to relationship,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":143.745,"endTime":149.204,"body":"um, as in like a romantic relationship."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":149.475,"endTime":153.165,"body":"So that's the long and short of what"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":149.475,"endTime":153.165,"body":"I do is I build these events and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":153.165,"endTime":157.065,"body":"experiences where people can really"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":153.165,"endTime":157.065,"body":"explore their sensuality, their"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":157.065,"endTime":162.614,"body":"sexuality, their relationship style,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":157.065,"endTime":162.614,"body":"uh, in a way that is in community"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":162.614,"endTime":164.745,"body":"rather than just in relationship."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":164.745,"endTime":167.924,"body":"I mean, you can do it in relationship"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":164.745,"endTime":167.924,"body":"also, but it's really about that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":168.26,"endTime":174.17,"body":"Freedom of choice, that body sovereignty"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":168.26,"endTime":174.17,"body":"and being able to change your mind about"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":174.17,"endTime":177.95,"body":"what you do and don't like as well as"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":174.17,"endTime":177.95,"body":"have opportunities to try new things."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":177.95,"endTime":180.98,"body":"So that's the long and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":177.95,"endTime":180.98,"body":"short of what I get to do."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":181.219,"endTime":184.73,"body":"Um, I'm polyamorous, I am an ethical slut."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":185.569,"endTime":189.649,"body":"I, I'm very much in the ENM end of the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":185.569,"endTime":189.649,"body":"pool where my partners have a lot of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":189.649,"endTime":193.67,"body":"freedom and so do I, and that seems"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":189.649,"endTime":193.67,"body":"to work really, really well for us."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":193.975,"endTime":195.234,"body":"I'm a little bit kinky."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":195.234,"endTime":199.554,"body":"I'm a nudist and I just love being"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":195.234,"endTime":199.554,"body":"in community and seeing new things."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":199.554,"endTime":200.994,"body":"Major, major voyeur."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":200.994,"endTime":203.454,"body":"That's what happens when you,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":200.994,"endTime":203.454,"body":"uh, are a community organizer."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":203.454,"endTime":205.015,"body":"I think you have to be a bit of a voyeur."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":206.499,"endTime":207.714,"body":"Yes, yes."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":207.714,"endTime":211.135,"body":"I recently was like, actually, I, as"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":207.714,"endTime":211.135,"body":"much as an exhibitionist as I am, I'm"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":211.135,"endTime":212.665,"body":"a little bit of an emotional voyeur."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":215.454,"endTime":218.274,"body":"I'm like, watch love watching"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":215.454,"endTime":218.274,"body":"people like love on each other."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":220.47,"endTime":220.76,"body":"Nice."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":223.05,"endTime":224.04,"body":"That's amazing."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":224.1,"endTime":225.24,"body":"Thank you so much."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":225.24,"endTime":230.28,"body":"I'm so happy that you're here and I am"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":225.24,"endTime":230.28,"body":"also really, really excited because,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":230.31,"endTime":236.31,"body":"uh, Polytopia is coming up soon and, um,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":230.31,"endTime":236.31,"body":"and I'm gonna be one of the speakers."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":236.4,"endTime":240.21,"body":"Thank you for inviting me back because"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":236.4,"endTime":240.21,"body":"that was such a good time last year."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":240.72,"endTime":245.76,"body":"I am, I'm curious what you are most"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":240.72,"endTime":245.76,"body":"excited about this time around."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":246.905,"endTime":248.195,"body":"Um, so let's see here."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":248.195,"endTime":252.185,"body":"Poly topia was around before"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":248.195,"endTime":252.185,"body":"the COVID times, right?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":252.185,"endTime":255.424,"body":"It was this conference that we did here"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":252.185,"endTime":255.424,"body":"in Portland on an annual basis before I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":255.424,"endTime":257.105,"body":"was around and part of the organization."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":257.375,"endTime":261.184,"body":"And last year was the first time that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":257.375,"endTime":261.184,"body":"we had done it since the pandemic."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":261.544,"endTime":264.335,"body":"Um, so there was this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":261.544,"endTime":264.335,"body":"like, how do we do this?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":264.365,"endTime":265.595,"body":"Can we still do this?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":265.595,"endTime":267.605,"body":"Do we have the volunteers"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":265.595,"endTime":267.605,"body":"to make it happen?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":267.605,"endTime":268.414,"body":"Because this is."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":268.73,"endTime":270.829,"body":"Um, you know, a hundred folks showing up."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":270.829,"endTime":273.5,"body":"There's workshops, um,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":270.829,"endTime":273.5,"body":"there's a lot of moving parts."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":273.5,"endTime":275.36,"body":"There was a big show on Saturday night."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":275.689,"endTime":276.11,"body":"Um."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":276.515,"endTime":281.405,"body":"Part of what was really fun for me on that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":276.515,"endTime":281.405,"body":"Saturday is, um, Ellecia, you, we had your"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":281.405,"endTime":286.084,"body":"workshop in one of the smaller rooms, um,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":281.405,"endTime":286.084,"body":"which was like a, how I make like jealousy"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":286.084,"endTime":287.885,"body":"work for you and make jealousy sexy."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":287.885,"endTime":289.625,"body":"And the room was packed."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":289.625,"endTime":293.674,"body":"Like there were people trying"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":289.625,"endTime":293.674,"body":"to like climb to the room and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":293.674,"endTime":297.155,"body":"we were like, we thought the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":293.674,"endTime":297.155,"body":"jealousy workshop would be the one."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":297.155,"endTime":298.444,"body":"Everyone's like, we got this."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":298.444,"endTime":299.375,"body":"I don't need that workshop,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":299.824,"endTime":300.184,"body":"everybody."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":301.429,"endTime":303.98,"body":"So, um, it, it, there"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":301.429,"endTime":303.98,"body":"were people on the floor."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":303.98,"endTime":307.4,"body":"They were put like, like stopping people"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":303.98,"endTime":307.4,"body":"at the door, like, we're at capacity."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":307.4,"endTime":309.53,"body":"And I was like, oh my God, don't puke."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":309.53,"endTime":309.59,"body":"Ugh."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":313.28,"endTime":316.61,"body":"So like that's one kind"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":313.28,"endTime":316.61,"body":"of fun, exciting aspect of it"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":316.61,"endTime":320.15,"body":"is like you make a prediction"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":316.61,"endTime":320.15,"body":"about what you think people want."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":320.15,"endTime":324.2,"body":"So right now we have about six speakers"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":320.15,"endTime":324.2,"body":"lined up and three more that we're"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":324.2,"endTime":328.669,"body":"like finalizing and it's like, okay,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":324.2,"endTime":328.669,"body":"we want like the 1 0 1 stuff, right?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":328.669,"endTime":331.73,"body":"Like the jealousy stuff, the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":328.669,"endTime":331.73,"body":"opening up stuff they, how to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":331.73,"endTime":333.14,"body":"not make your Polly look like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":333.215,"endTime":336.185,"body":"Monogamy because oops, that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":333.215,"endTime":336.185,"body":"will not work out well."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":336.185,"endTime":337.174,"body":"Nine times outta 10."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":337.655,"endTime":337.775,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":338.195,"endTime":342.215,"body":"Also, like the advanced stuff,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":338.195,"endTime":342.215,"body":"like, um, how do we, how do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":342.215,"endTime":343.745,"body":"we get property together?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":343.745,"endTime":345.005,"body":"How do we raise kids together?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":345.005,"endTime":348.005,"body":"How do we do end of life"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":345.005,"endTime":348.005,"body":"planning and retirement together?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":348.335,"endTime":353.375,"body":"Um, like those are all pieces"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":348.335,"endTime":353.375,"body":"of our relationships that we"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":353.375,"endTime":356.344,"body":"might miss out on if we don't do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":353.375,"endTime":356.344,"body":"things in a more traditional way."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":356.75,"endTime":360.68,"body":"So, uh, what's exciting to me is seeing"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":356.75,"endTime":360.68,"body":"what people are actually hungry for."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":361.04,"endTime":364.61,"body":"We're gonna have a lot"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":361.04,"endTime":364.61,"body":"of, um, meals this year."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":364.61,"endTime":366.02,"body":"Last year we didn't have meals."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":366.05,"endTime":367.52,"body":"And what's fun to me about meals."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":368.15,"endTime":370.19,"body":"Is we can have social space."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":370.19,"endTime":374.18,"body":"What's important to me in Poly is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":370.19,"endTime":374.18,"body":"the amount of friends I have who"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":374.18,"endTime":379.19,"body":"are not my partners that are also"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":374.18,"endTime":379.19,"body":"poly, so that I'm having weirdness."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":379.31,"endTime":382.7,"body":"I actually have people to talk to about"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":379.31,"endTime":382.7,"body":"the weirdness who are going to get it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":383.239,"endTime":387.109,"body":"So, uh, all of those community"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":383.239,"endTime":387.109,"body":"building parts and just not knowing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":387.14,"endTime":391.64,"body":"'cause this year is also, we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":387.14,"endTime":391.64,"body":"have 200 people, so it's twice as big."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":391.849,"endTime":394.219,"body":"We have these meals and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":391.849,"endTime":394.219,"body":"there's a whole extra day."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":394.219,"endTime":396.08,"body":"Last year we started like Friday night."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":396.364,"endTime":397.654,"body":"This year, we start Friday morning."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":398.165,"endTime":400.085,"body":"So I'm, I'm excited."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":400.085,"endTime":403.354,"body":"I'm really excited for who's coming in"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":400.085,"endTime":403.354,"body":"from outta town and what it's gonna look"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":403.354,"endTime":403.864,"body":"like."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":404.435,"endTime":405.004,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":405.065,"endTime":405.935,"body":"Oh my gosh."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":405.935,"endTime":407.075,"body":"I'm even more excited now."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":407.075,"endTime":408.785,"body":"I just learned a bunch of"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":407.075,"endTime":408.785,"body":"things I didn't even know."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":409.325,"endTime":410.075,"body":"I'm stoked."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":410.104,"endTime":410.764,"body":"That's awesome."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":412.445,"endTime":414.244,"body":"I love, love, love the community piece."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":414.244,"endTime":419.404,"body":"I've been talking about this a lot, um,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":414.244,"endTime":419.404,"body":"with my clients and with my community."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":419.705,"endTime":423.065,"body":"Uh, how often people feel like."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":423.724,"endTime":429.335,"body":"An outsider or a newcomer or like"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":423.724,"endTime":429.335,"body":"they're, I am the only one doing weird"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":429.335,"endTime":433.445,"body":"things and, and I'm like, you, you have"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":429.335,"endTime":433.445,"body":"to find community because we can't,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":433.625,"endTime":439.445,"body":"it's so hard to feel safe, to feel"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":433.625,"endTime":439.445,"body":"confident in the things, the, like the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":439.445,"endTime":440.675,"body":"choices you're making in your life."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":440.675,"endTime":445.265,"body":"If you aren't, if you don't have"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":440.675,"endTime":445.265,"body":"other people validating and going,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":445.265,"endTime":447.515,"body":"yeah, this is fine, you're okay."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":447.815,"endTime":448.805,"body":"We accept you."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":452.015,"endTime":452.495,"body":"Excuse me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":453.425,"endTime":454.295,"body":"Yeah, that's real."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":454.295,"endTime":458.825,"body":"Especially, um, after the pandemic"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":454.295,"endTime":458.825,"body":"times, uh, where we were in forced"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":458.825,"endTime":462.815,"body":"isolation and then it was like this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":458.825,"endTime":462.815,"body":"choice to come out of isolation."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":463.055,"endTime":467.734,"body":"Some, there were some parts of it, like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":463.055,"endTime":467.734,"body":"work you had to, uh, but I, there are"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":467.734,"endTime":472.805,"body":"people who still now in 2025 are coming"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":467.734,"endTime":472.805,"body":"out some of their very first social events"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":472.805,"endTime":475.055,"body":"since the isolation of the pandemic."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":475.624,"endTime":480.275,"body":"Um, and then like, we're so isolated"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":475.624,"endTime":480.275,"body":"anyways, uh, by our social media and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":480.275,"endTime":482.015,"body":"the algorithms that keep us kinda."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":482.405,"endTime":484.114,"body":"It placated it on our phone."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":484.114,"endTime":488.765,"body":"So I, I think having those third places"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":484.114,"endTime":488.765,"body":"are so important and having community"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":488.765,"endTime":492.275,"body":"and people to talk to and yeah,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":488.765,"endTime":492.275,"body":"confirm like that you're not weird."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":492.275,"endTime":493.984,"body":"And the other people"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":492.275,"endTime":493.984,"body":"have been through this."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":494.344,"endTime":498.935,"body":"Um, I was just at a pride event this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":494.344,"endTime":498.935,"body":"last weekend, and of course I was talking"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":498.935,"endTime":504.215,"body":"about poly topia and some folks are"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":498.935,"endTime":504.215,"body":"looking at me like, I don't really get it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":504.335,"endTime":506.104,"body":"And then there were a lot of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":504.335,"endTime":506.104,"body":"folks who were just like, oh my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":506.104,"endTime":509.734,"body":"God, I wasn't expecting anything"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":506.104,"endTime":509.734,"body":"poly related to be here today."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":510.015,"endTime":513.105,"body":"Um, and, and just with like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":510.015,"endTime":513.105,"body":"excitement, because we don't always"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":513.105,"endTime":515.055,"body":"talk about this piece of ourselves."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":515.055,"endTime":517.995,"body":"So the fact that I was just bringing"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":515.055,"endTime":517.995,"body":"it up and saying, and there's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":517.995,"endTime":521.505,"body":"workshops and this whole conference"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":517.995,"endTime":521.505,"body":"you can come to, and also we do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":521.505,"endTime":523.275,"body":"community support groups once a month."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":523.934,"endTime":527.025,"body":"It, it was really wonderful"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":523.934,"endTime":527.025,"body":"because it can feel so isolating."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":527.025,"endTime":527.505,"body":"Like, I don't wanna"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":527.505,"endTime":528.704,"body":"talk about this part of me."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":529.575,"endTime":529.845,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":530.505,"endTime":530.745,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":530.775,"endTime":531.435,"body":"A hundred percent."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":531.525,"endTime":532.155,"body":"A hundred percent."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":532.755,"endTime":536.985,"body":"Um, I wonder what, what do you wish more."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":537.8,"endTime":543.14,"body":"Like more newcomers or like, like"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":537.8,"endTime":543.14,"body":"people who are, are stepping into,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":543.14,"endTime":547.04,"body":"like going to a sex positive space"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":543.14,"endTime":547.04,"body":"or polyamory, uh, communities."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":547.22,"endTime":550.13,"body":"Like what do you wish"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":547.22,"endTime":550.13,"body":"that they knew coming in?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":550.19,"endTime":550.73,"body":"Coming in?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":552.14,"endTime":552.29,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":553.73,"endTime":560.45,"body":"Uh, for, for one, like everyone is just as"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":553.73,"endTime":560.45,"body":"nervous and scared to try this as you are."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":560.75,"endTime":566.45,"body":"Um, we live in a culture where sexuality"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":560.75,"endTime":566.45,"body":"is treated as quite dangerous, um, as"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":566.45,"endTime":570.92,"body":"something that you need to control and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":566.45,"endTime":570.92,"body":"it could take over and, and oh my God,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":570.92,"endTime":572.21,"body":"all the terrible things will happen."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":572.21,"endTime":574.52,"body":"Or, um, there'll be an STI outbreak."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":574.76,"endTime":576.77,"body":"So like for one that we all have that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":576.895,"endTime":581.395,"body":"Script in our brain, like we're, we're"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":576.895,"endTime":581.395,"body":"all nervous that something might happen."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":581.965,"endTime":586.075,"body":"Um, what you'll find when you go to a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":581.965,"endTime":586.075,"body":"dungeon or a sex positive community,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":586.165,"endTime":590.905,"body":"um, or comes like poly topia, is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":586.165,"endTime":590.905,"body":"people are friendly and fairly normal."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":591.355,"endTime":595.825,"body":"And the thing is, when you start"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":591.355,"endTime":595.825,"body":"dripping sexuality and relationships"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":595.825,"endTime":599.694,"body":"into regular conversation, it"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":595.825,"endTime":599.694,"body":"kind of just becomes normal."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":599.995,"endTime":602.694,"body":"Like I grew up in a household"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":599.995,"endTime":602.694,"body":"where we did not talk about sex."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":602.694,"endTime":606.805,"body":"We fast forward and passed any sex scenes,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":602.694,"endTime":606.805,"body":"like it was just like a non-starter."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":607.43,"endTime":612.95,"body":"And now I'm in a community where like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":607.43,"endTime":612.95,"body":"sexuality is so normal and natural and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":612.95,"endTime":617.24,"body":"it flows and it feels so much nicer to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":612.95,"endTime":617.24,"body":"me because that's a huge part of myself."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":617.569,"endTime":620.66,"body":"So I would say that's a big one for"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":617.569,"endTime":620.66,"body":"people coming into community is like,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":620.66,"endTime":624.41,"body":"for one, if you're in a place where"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":620.66,"endTime":624.41,"body":"things are happening, you don't want"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":624.41,"endTime":628.579,"body":"happening, get out of that place"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":624.41,"endTime":628.579,"body":"because unfortunately that does happen."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":628.94,"endTime":633.29,"body":"Um, but by and large you're gonna find"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":628.94,"endTime":633.29,"body":"that folks really, they want to be social,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":633.29,"endTime":636.02,"body":"they wanna get to know you and, um."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":637.01,"endTime":643.099,"body":"It's not the kind of place that,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":637.01,"endTime":643.099,"body":"well, my spaces that we may create"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":643.099,"endTime":644.9,"body":"in sex positive are not predatory."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":645.26,"endTime":648.98,"body":"Um, we really want people to be able"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":645.26,"endTime":648.98,"body":"to find their feet and make intentional"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":648.98,"endTime":650.72,"body":"choices that feel really good."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":650.93,"endTime":653.03,"body":"There are predatory communities out there."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":653.03,"endTime":655.01,"body":"I'm not gonna pretend"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":653.03,"endTime":655.01,"body":"like that doesn't exist."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":655.28,"endTime":656.21,"body":"Um, but."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":656.9,"endTime":658.22,"body":"It should feel comfortable."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":658.22,"endTime":659.42,"body":"It should feel like family."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":659.42,"endTime":661.25,"body":"It should feel like a group of friends."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":661.25,"endTime":665.329,"body":"And nine times outta 10, the first"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":661.25,"endTime":665.329,"body":"time that you go to something like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":665.329,"endTime":667.73,"body":"it's, it's not like a sex party."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":668.06,"endTime":668.81,"body":"That's the other piece."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":668.81,"endTime":670.79,"body":"People think they, I'm going to a dungeon."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":671.0,"endTime":673.67,"body":"Uh, I'm, I've joined this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":671.0,"endTime":673.67,"body":"sex positive organization."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":673.67,"endTime":674.599,"body":"They're gonna have a cuddle."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":674.839,"endTime":675.98,"body":"I wonder what's gonna happen."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":675.98,"endTime":678.889,"body":"And then you cuddle"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":675.98,"endTime":678.889,"body":"everyone's clothes, stay on."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":678.889,"endTime":680.54,"body":"It doesn't get sexy."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":680.54,"endTime":683.45,"body":"You know, there was the cuddle"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":680.54,"endTime":683.45,"body":"party rule, like no humping, uh."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":686.015,"endTime":689.285,"body":"You, you actually get what"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":686.015,"endTime":689.285,"body":"they say it's gonna be."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":689.345,"endTime":691.145,"body":"So, uh, that's it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":691.145,"endTime":694.625,"body":"I'm just give it a shot, go to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":691.145,"endTime":694.625,"body":"a munch, go meet some folks."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":694.625,"endTime":697.745,"body":"And you might be surprised"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":694.625,"endTime":697.745,"body":"just how normal it is."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":699.035,"endTime":699.155,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":699.395,"endTime":699.905,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":699.906,"endTime":699.906,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":700.235,"endTime":700.535,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":700.535,"endTime":704.795,"body":"I wonder, would you say,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":700.535,"endTime":704.795,"body":"excuse me, allergies?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":705.365,"endTime":705.665,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":706.444,"endTime":709.475,"body":"Um, I wonder if that is like the biggest."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":709.97,"endTime":710.42,"body":"Aha."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":710.42,"endTime":714.26,"body":"That people have when they go, you know,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":710.42,"endTime":714.26,"body":"like to a cuddle party or a massage"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":714.26,"endTime":721.79,"body":"party or you know, poly topia if they're"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":714.26,"endTime":721.79,"body":"like, oh, this is just socializing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":722.27,"endTime":722.42,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":724.82,"endTime":727.671,"body":"I mean, and that's an important"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":724.82,"endTime":727.671,"body":"step to get to that thing of like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":728.51,"endTime":730.46,"body":"Do we wanna pursue partnership?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":730.46,"endTime":731.63,"body":"Do we wanna go on a date?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":731.66,"endTime":736.28,"body":"Do we wanna have this threesome is like,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":731.66,"endTime":736.28,"body":"if you don't have that base, especially"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":736.28,"endTime":740.78,"body":"if you're in already some kind of dynamic"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":736.28,"endTime":740.78,"body":"and relationship, like that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":740.78,"endTime":744.14,"body":"so important to have the ability to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":740.78,"endTime":744.14,"body":"actually get to know people and whether"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":744.14,"endTime":746.089,"body":"or not the relationship is gonna flow."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":746.925,"endTime":748.855,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":749.095,"endTime":757.79,"body":"I, I think because we have such a."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":749.095,"endTime":757.79,"body":"Um, like porn driven sexuality in our"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":757.819,"endTime":763.7,"body":"culture, um, that people who are, who"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":757.819,"endTime":763.7,"body":"have been monogamous and are like opening"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":763.7,"endTime":768.71,"body":"up or, or moving into non-monogamy, have"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":763.7,"endTime":768.71,"body":"this kind of light switch mentality."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":768.71,"endTime":772.52,"body":"Like, like you flip the light"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":768.71,"endTime":772.52,"body":"on or off on being monogamous or"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":772.52,"endTime":775.04,"body":"non-monogamous, which then it looks like."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":775.444,"endTime":779.675,"body":"Either we don't have sex with other"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":775.444,"endTime":779.675,"body":"people, or now we are suddenly having"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":779.675,"endTime":784.984,"body":"sex with other people and there's no"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":779.675,"endTime":784.984,"body":"like in-between those two things in their"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":784.984,"endTime":789.004,"body":"mind, like in that like the journey that"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":784.984,"endTime":789.004,"body":"they're taking and they're like, okay, we"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":789.004,"endTime":792.244,"body":"have to go find someone to have sex with"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":789.004,"endTime":792.244,"body":"and then we're just gonna immediately."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":792.68,"endTime":797.629,"body":"Put penises in vaginas, uh,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":792.68,"endTime":797.629,"body":"and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":797.629,"endTime":798.409,"body":"You can slow down."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":798.409,"endTime":802.339,"body":"Like maybe have conversations with"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":798.409,"endTime":802.339,"body":"people, maybe see what it's like to"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":802.339,"endTime":805.94,"body":"hold hands with someone or kiss them"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":802.339,"endTime":805.94,"body":"outside of your, like the relationship"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":805.94,"endTime":809.78,"body":"you've got established, like, like"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":805.94,"endTime":809.78,"body":"have like a dimmer switch on your"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":809.78,"endTime":811.764,"body":"monogamy to non-monogamy light switch."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":813.42,"endTime":817.05,"body":"Well, and also just the reality,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":813.42,"endTime":817.05,"body":"like you don't know what you're gonna get."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":817.05,"endTime":821.16,"body":"And, um, it's one of the exciting"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":817.05,"endTime":821.16,"body":"things about non-monogamy and dating"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":821.16,"endTime":824.67,"body":"like a new person is that you can"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":821.16,"endTime":824.67,"body":"jump into all of these brand new"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":824.67,"endTime":826.92,"body":"red flags and relational problems."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":828.75,"endTime":832.55,"body":"Somebody like I had a. I had somebody"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":828.75,"endTime":832.55,"body":"four years ago who is love bombing"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":832.55,"endTime":835.639,"body":"a partner, and the partner did"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":832.55,"endTime":835.639,"body":"not recognize the love bombing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":835.639,"endTime":839.21,"body":"And I'm like, they're kinda"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":835.639,"endTime":839.21,"body":"obsessed with you and buying you"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":839.21,"endTime":841.28,"body":"gifts and texting you every day."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":841.28,"endTime":845.45,"body":"This is making me uncomfortable, even if"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":841.28,"endTime":845.45,"body":"it doesn't have a huge effect on my life,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":845.48,"endTime":847.069,"body":"'cause I don't live with that partner."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":847.4,"endTime":851.51,"body":"Um, but you have to learn"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":847.4,"endTime":851.51,"body":"those like nuanced relationship"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":851.51,"endTime":854.0,"body":"parts and how to not, you know."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":854.81,"endTime":856.97,"body":"Take away from your other relationships."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":856.97,"endTime":862.609,"body":"Like it's a completely different"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":856.97,"endTime":862.609,"body":"skillset to go non-monogamous, and it's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":862.94,"endTime":865.16,"body":"that bittersweetness, it's like, um."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":865.655,"endTime":868.085,"body":"You're, you're moving into"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":865.655,"endTime":868.085,"body":"this new relationship style."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":868.085,"endTime":870.095,"body":"You've opened up all these possibilities."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":870.125,"endTime":872.615,"body":"You've also closed doors"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":870.125,"endTime":872.615,"body":"on some possibilities."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":872.885,"endTime":878.135,"body":"Like, uh, I'm a person who doesn't have"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":872.885,"endTime":878.135,"body":"kids, so I have a lot of freedom in life"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":878.135,"endTime":882.065,"body":"and I can do a lot of things and, uh, I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":878.135,"endTime":882.065,"body":"not bogged down by needing to be home by"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":882.065,"endTime":884.105,"body":"a certain time or if someone gets injured."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":884.645,"endTime":888.035,"body":"All of the things that, like my sisters"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":884.645,"endTime":888.035,"body":"might deal with who do have kids."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":888.305,"endTime":890.075,"body":"It also shuts doors on other things."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":890.075,"endTime":893.704,"body":"Like there's other things I don't have"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":890.075,"endTime":893.704,"body":"access to or experiences in life I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":893.704,"endTime":897.575,"body":"not gonna have, and I think non-monogamy"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":893.704,"endTime":897.575,"body":"and monogamy kinda has the same thing"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":897.575,"endTime":900.755,"body":"of like, it's switching things on and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":897.575,"endTime":900.755,"body":"off and it learning a new skillset"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":900.755,"endTime":904.355,"body":"because it's a completely new way to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":900.755,"endTime":904.355,"body":"do relationships and it will close"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":904.355,"endTime":905.944,"body":"the relationships you're already in."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":906.694,"endTime":908.015,"body":"Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":908.075,"endTime":908.975,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":909.035,"endTime":909.575,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":909.579,"endTime":912.275,"body":"That's, that's, I, I really think"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":909.579,"endTime":912.275,"body":"I, I love that we're talking"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":912.275,"endTime":913.595,"body":"about this because that's what."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":914.3,"endTime":919.22,"body":"Is so important about events like"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":914.3,"endTime":919.22,"body":"poly topia is being able to go and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":919.22,"endTime":924.77,"body":"talk to people and see what, what"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":919.22,"endTime":924.77,"body":"options there are, what are all"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":924.77,"endTime":927.86,"body":"the options, what are, what are the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":924.77,"endTime":927.86,"body":"things that are gonna be impacted"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":927.86,"endTime":929.72,"body":"that I don't even have awareness of?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":930.56,"endTime":931.07,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":931.19,"endTime":931.64,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":931.64,"endTime":934.79,"body":"And there's also like, we have this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":931.64,"endTime":934.79,"body":"idea of like doing things right."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":934.91,"endTime":936.65,"body":"If I'm doing it right, then I'm good."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":936.86,"endTime":940.19,"body":"Um, you know, and it comes from this place"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":936.86,"endTime":940.19,"body":"of like, I had to get an A in school, I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":940.19,"endTime":943.25,"body":"had to achieve, and relationships are not."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":943.805,"endTime":946.085,"body":"School relationships are not a test."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":946.415,"endTime":949.955,"body":"So it's also like, how do I know that I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":946.415,"endTime":949.955,"body":"meeting green flags in this relationship?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":949.955,"endTime":952.415,"body":"How do I know I'm actually"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":949.955,"endTime":952.415,"body":"taking care of this in a way that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":952.415,"endTime":954.125,"body":"takes care of the relationship?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":954.125,"endTime":957.425,"body":"How do I know I'm being taken care of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":954.125,"endTime":957.425,"body":"now that I have all these connections?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":958.795,"endTime":961.615,"body":"That's, yeah, again, poly"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":958.795,"endTime":961.615,"body":"topia and events like it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":961.615,"endTime":965.605,"body":"'cause there's lots of poly conferences"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":961.615,"endTime":965.605,"body":"and places to meet folks and there's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":965.605,"endTime":971.665,"body":"so much value in that because you learn"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":965.605,"endTime":971.665,"body":"those skills and then you also normalize"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":971.665,"endTime":974.035,"body":"when weird things are happening, well"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":971.665,"endTime":974.035,"body":"not normalize when weird things are"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":974.035,"endTime":976.464,"body":"happening, you, you get some guidance when"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":976.464,"endTime":976.734,"body":"weird"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":976.734,"endTime":977.04,"body":"things happen."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":978.214,"endTime":982.204,"body":"You can start recognizing them"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":978.214,"endTime":982.204,"body":"because if, if you are, uh, if you're,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":982.204,"endTime":987.905,"body":"your non-monogamy mentor is just some"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":982.204,"endTime":987.905,"body":"person that you met on a dating site"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":987.905,"endTime":991.085,"body":"and they've been non-monogamous six"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":987.905,"endTime":991.085,"body":"months longer than you, and you're"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":991.085,"endTime":992.494,"body":"like, well, they must know everything."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":992.494,"endTime":993.964,"body":"I'll do whatever they say."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":994.325,"endTime":997.115,"body":"And then later you go and have, find"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":994.325,"endTime":997.115,"body":"community and you talk to people and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":997.115,"endTime":999.095,"body":"you're like, oh, they weren't right."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1001.045,"endTime":1001.795,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1004.315,"endTime":1006.895,"body":"There, there's a little bit"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1004.315,"endTime":1006.895,"body":"also of like, like I mentioned,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1006.895,"endTime":1008.665,"body":"um, I'm, I'm an ethical slut."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1008.694,"endTime":1011.724,"body":"I, I really don't hold a lot"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1008.694,"endTime":1011.724,"body":"of relationships so closely."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1011.724,"endTime":1012.865,"body":"Like, I, I need a label."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1012.865,"endTime":1014.845,"body":"If it doesn't have a label,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1012.865,"endTime":1014.845,"body":"I'm not gonna be happy."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1014.845,"endTime":1018.145,"body":"I'm not, I'm a, I'm a dismissive"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1014.845,"endTime":1018.145,"body":"attachment person, obviously."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1018.474,"endTime":1020.335,"body":"Um, so, um."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1020.6,"endTime":1022.04,"body":"That sometimes doesn't work."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1022.04,"endTime":1026.21,"body":"'cause we sometimes have this idea that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1022.04,"endTime":1026.21,"body":"like the, the true poly is the one that's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1026.21,"endTime":1028.37,"body":"three people in a committed relationship."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1028.73,"endTime":1029.15,"body":"You know?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1029.15,"endTime":1032.21,"body":"And, and like it's really monogamy 2.0."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1032.48,"endTime":1032.54,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1033.079,"endTime":1036.65,"body":"And really devalue the fact that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1033.079,"endTime":1036.65,"body":"folks like me are around where"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1036.65,"endTime":1039.95,"body":"I'm an ethical slut and I have a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1036.65,"endTime":1039.95,"body":"handful of folks that like I see"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1039.95,"endTime":1041.54,"body":"fairly frequently, but it's not."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1042.129,"endTime":1045.79,"body":"In that same model, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1042.129,"endTime":1045.79,"body":"only describing two of probably"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1045.79,"endTime":1049.33,"body":"a dozen different types of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1045.79,"endTime":1049.33,"body":"poly that are far more common."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1049.78,"endTime":1054.55,"body":"So sometimes we end up in this kind"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1049.78,"endTime":1054.55,"body":"of rut of trying to make poly look"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1054.55,"endTime":1058.99,"body":"like and feel like monogamy instead"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1054.55,"endTime":1058.99,"body":"of exploring it for the strange,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1058.99,"endTime":1060.52,"body":"new, mysterious thing that it is."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1061.465,"endTime":1066.264,"body":"Uh huh Uhhuh, like, like what"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1061.465,"endTime":1066.264,"body":"is it that you actually like and want?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1067.885,"endTime":1072.175,"body":"I think a lot of people have, uh, they"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1067.885,"endTime":1072.175,"body":"struggle to find like the, the, the right"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1072.385,"endTime":1075.205,"body":"version of non-monogamy for themselves."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1075.565,"endTime":1082.405,"body":"Um, what would you say helped you"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1075.565,"endTime":1082.405,"body":"move from the standard, uh, couple"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1082.435,"endTime":1086.125,"body":"based model to how you relate now?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1087.505,"endTime":1092.845,"body":"I'll start by saying, I was raised"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1087.505,"endTime":1092.845,"body":"Christian, so I was raised to believe"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1092.845,"endTime":1097.945,"body":"in monogamy, insist hetero normalcy"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1092.845,"endTime":1097.945,"body":"and monogamy, and it wasn't until."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1098.334,"endTime":1102.895,"body":"College, we, I even had like a proper,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1098.334,"endTime":1102.895,"body":"like safer sex conversation of any"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1102.895,"endTime":1104.514,"body":"kind, like a psych 1 0 1 class."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1104.514,"endTime":1106.344,"body":"So that's like my starting place."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1106.975,"endTime":1111.475,"body":"Um, when I got introduced to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1106.975,"endTime":1111.475,"body":"polyamory, it was a boyfriend that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1111.475,"endTime":1113.574,"body":"wanted two girlfriends, you know?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1113.665,"endTime":1113.754,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1113.995,"endTime":1118.645,"body":"It's like every definition of toxic"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1113.995,"endTime":1118.645,"body":"getting started and not in monogamy,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1119.125,"endTime":1121.105,"body":"because it was, it was all about him."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1121.105,"endTime":1124.314,"body":"And of course, once we opened up"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1121.105,"endTime":1124.314,"body":"our relationship, I got all the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1124.314,"endTime":1125.844,"body":"attention and he didn't like that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1126.465,"endTime":1131.385,"body":"So when I got out of that relationship,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1126.465,"endTime":1131.385,"body":"I started going to poly support groups,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1131.745,"endTime":1134.625,"body":"um, which I highly, highly recommend."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1134.625,"endTime":1139.455,"body":"And I learned a lot of relationship skills"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1134.625,"endTime":1139.455,"body":"and that's where I started experimenting."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1139.455,"endTime":1142.965,"body":"So I tried the, well, we'll"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1139.455,"endTime":1142.965,"body":"be in a relationship, but we"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1142.965,"endTime":1143.925,"body":"can also play on the side."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1144.345,"endTime":1148.065,"body":"Well, we'll do, we'll do, um,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1144.345,"endTime":1148.065,"body":"three people in a relationship."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1148.065,"endTime":1149.775,"body":"And I don't like that one at all."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1149.775,"endTime":1151.005,"body":"That does not suit me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1151.875,"endTime":1155.475,"body":"And then, um, when I talk"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1151.875,"endTime":1155.475,"body":"about where I'm at now."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1156.1,"endTime":1161.98,"body":"Um, the way I got from here to there"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1156.1,"endTime":1161.98,"body":"I think was mostly through community."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1162.065,"endTime":1162.485,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1162.565,"endTime":1166.78,"body":"The nice thing about community is what"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1162.565,"endTime":1166.78,"body":"I mentioned at the very top of this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1166.78,"endTime":1172.03,"body":"is I got to try a lot of things and I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1166.78,"endTime":1172.03,"body":"also didn't feel like I owed anyone."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1172.09,"endTime":1174.52,"body":"Um, I'm definitely a people pleaser."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1174.79,"endTime":1177.97,"body":"I will tolerate behavior from people."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1178.945,"endTime":1182.545,"body":"Because I think that they need"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1178.945,"endTime":1182.545,"body":"that so that they, they feel good"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1182.725,"endTime":1184.405,"body":"so that they, they feel complete."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1185.215,"endTime":1190.555,"body":"So being in a community where you don't"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1185.215,"endTime":1190.555,"body":"tolerate, you say no, and if someone says"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1190.555,"endTime":1194.605,"body":"no to you, you don't think it personally,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1190.555,"endTime":1194.605,"body":"it let me actually try a lot of things."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1194.605,"endTime":1197.725,"body":"Like I found out I really love"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1194.605,"endTime":1197.725,"body":"rope bondage, and it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1197.755,"endTime":1199.405,"body":"even have to be a sex thing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1199.405,"endTime":1200.575,"body":"It doesn't have to be a partner thing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1200.575,"endTime":1204.265,"body":"It's, it's like going out dancing,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1200.575,"endTime":1204.265,"body":"dancing on the face of its fun."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1204.82,"endTime":1207.19,"body":"Bondage on the face of,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1204.82,"endTime":1207.19,"body":"it's very fun to me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1207.909,"endTime":1208.12,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1208.27,"endTime":1212.35,"body":"I wouldn't have known that if I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1208.27,"endTime":1212.35,"body":"have, if I had been in a community"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1212.35,"endTime":1215.919,"body":"where I could just try it and try"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1212.35,"endTime":1215.919,"body":"it with people where like, just like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1215.919,"endTime":1218.86,"body":"dancing, we go out dancing and then we"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1215.919,"endTime":1218.86,"body":"all go home at the end of the night."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1219.07,"endTime":1222.04,"body":"Sometimes you meet a sweet, cute"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1219.07,"endTime":1222.04,"body":"person, sometimes you don't."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1223.06,"endTime":1225.46,"body":"So I got to actually try those things."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1225.58,"endTime":1228.34,"body":"Um, I was also receiving"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1225.58,"endTime":1228.34,"body":"this message of like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1228.639,"endTime":1232.36,"body":"Like casual relationships"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1228.639,"endTime":1232.36,"body":"don't count as much."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1232.36,"endTime":1233.889,"body":"They're not as valuable."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1234.129,"endTime":1237.939,"body":"Um, and then like, are you getting"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1234.129,"endTime":1237.939,"body":"the security that you need?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1237.939,"endTime":1239.229,"body":"Because I, I'm a woman."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1239.62,"endTime":1243.639,"body":"Um, I also need to get security"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1239.62,"endTime":1243.639,"body":"from relationships, which plays"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1243.639,"endTime":1247.629,"body":"on these heteronormative ideas"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1243.639,"endTime":1247.629,"body":"that come from monogamy because."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1247.975,"endTime":1251.095,"body":"We, a wife and a husband"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1247.975,"endTime":1251.095,"body":"play specific roles."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1251.605,"endTime":1257.335,"body":"So it's been a hard journey because those"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1251.605,"endTime":1257.335,"body":"stories keep reappearing even today."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1257.335,"endTime":1262.615,"body":"Um, I was talking with, um, with my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1257.335,"endTime":1262.615,"body":"daddy, who I'm really close with, and I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1262.615,"endTime":1266.09,"body":"was talking about the fact that I felt"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1262.615,"endTime":1266.09,"body":"like there was a level of commitment."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1266.784,"endTime":1271.165,"body":"And he went, I don't agree with that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1266.784,"endTime":1271.165,"body":"because commitments like I show up every"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1271.165,"endTime":1273.655,"body":"single day and I was like, well, okay."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1273.655,"endTime":1276.534,"body":"I actually don't want"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1273.655,"endTime":1276.534,"body":"that type of relation."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1276.534,"endTime":1277.735,"body":"Like I travel a lot."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1277.735,"endTime":1278.754,"body":"I'm all over the place."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1278.754,"endTime":1280.315,"body":"I'm a super busy human."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1280.585,"endTime":1281.754,"body":"I don't need that daily."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1282.06,"endTime":1286.26,"body":"Check in that a lot of people find"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1282.06,"endTime":1286.26,"body":"really, really, uh, grounding and secure."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1286.62,"endTime":1289.89,"body":"Um, so no shade on folks who want"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1286.62,"endTime":1289.89,"body":"and need that in relationships."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1289.89,"endTime":1293.34,"body":"I'm a different kind of animal or"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1289.89,"endTime":1293.34,"body":"plant, so I have different needs."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1293.85,"endTime":1299.1,"body":"Um, and I really started getting into"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1293.85,"endTime":1299.1,"body":"journaling about this and making my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1299.1,"endTime":1303.629,"body":"own story and my own green lights"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1299.1,"endTime":1303.629,"body":"about how I know things are going well."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1303.9,"endTime":1307.44,"body":"So I was like, well, maybe committed"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1303.9,"endTime":1307.44,"body":"iss not the word, but like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1307.884,"endTime":1309.655,"body":"There's loyalty here."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1309.655,"endTime":1314.425,"body":"There's, you know, I got, I got injured"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1309.655,"endTime":1314.425,"body":"recently, um, and I had a group of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1314.425,"endTime":1316.374,"body":"people that were willing to help me out."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1316.374,"endTime":1318.864,"body":"Like it wasn't just me and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1316.374,"endTime":1318.864,"body":"my boyfriend, which is what's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1318.864,"endTime":1320.064,"body":"been in the past this time."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1320.064,"endTime":1322.284,"body":"I had a, a handful of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1320.064,"endTime":1322.284,"body":"people to reach out to."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1322.915,"endTime":1324.055,"body":"And 'cause they're poly."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1324.115,"endTime":1326.995,"body":"I had a lot of like,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1324.115,"endTime":1326.995,"body":"network of support in it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1327.775,"endTime":1331.795,"body":"So it was a rough journey because like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1327.775,"endTime":1331.795,"body":"I said, there's a lot of different"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1331.795,"endTime":1337.014,"body":"ways to do poly and coming from a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1331.795,"endTime":1337.014,"body":"monogamy mindset, you want it to fit"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1337.014,"endTime":1341.335,"body":"the monogamy model 'cause you don't"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1337.014,"endTime":1341.335,"body":"realize there's other ways things can be."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1341.365,"endTime":1347.815,"body":"So, um, I, I have my, my queer fam"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1341.365,"endTime":1347.815,"body":"folks, I, I really prefer relationships"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1347.815,"endTime":1351.625,"body":"that feel more like family, um,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1347.815,"endTime":1351.625,"body":"romantic relationships or like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1352.66,"endTime":1354.64,"body":"They're just fraught with so many issues."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1354.64,"endTime":1359.17,"body":"And for me, like heteronormative"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1354.64,"endTime":1359.17,"body":"thinking, um, I think that I'm my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1359.2,"endTime":1363.58,"body":"the worst when I try to be a, a good"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1359.2,"endTime":1363.58,"body":"girlfriend because that's not on"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1363.58,"endTime":1365.71,"body":"me, it's not built on my dynamic."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1365.89,"endTime":1370.115,"body":"It's built on the cultural story"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1365.89,"endTime":1370.115,"body":"of what girlfriend is uhhuh."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1370.415,"endTime":1373.54,"body":"So yeah, it can be a really"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1370.415,"endTime":1373.54,"body":"complicated journey and I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1373.87,"endTime":1375.94,"body":"really happy that I have my, like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1376.16,"endTime":1379.82,"body":"Community members where I have folks"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1376.16,"endTime":1379.82,"body":"who are more like a mom or an aunt,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1379.85,"endTime":1382.91,"body":"or people who have witnessed me,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1379.85,"endTime":1382.91,"body":"or I can be like, Hey, gamer, that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1382.91,"endTime":1386.48,"body":"guy I was seeing, he's back in my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1382.91,"endTime":1386.48,"body":"life and can I tell you about it?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1387.05,"endTime":1387.26,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1387.5,"endTime":1390.89,"body":"Um, people that I'm not actively"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1387.5,"endTime":1390.89,"body":"playing with, who are gonna get it,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1390.89,"endTime":1396.71,"body":"who really care about my wellbeing and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1390.89,"endTime":1396.71,"body":"that type of relationship suits me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1397.06,"endTime":1398.44,"body":"It doesn't suit everybody."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1398.889,"endTime":1405.52,"body":"And if not for my community, giving me a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1398.889,"endTime":1405.52,"body":"soft place to land and be frustrated to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1405.58,"endTime":1410.649,"body":"not understand why things aren't working,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1405.58,"endTime":1410.649,"body":"um, to get into a more monogamous dynamic"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1410.68,"endTime":1413.95,"body":"again and again, and then get out of it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1413.98,"endTime":1417.31,"body":"'cause I, I kind, you know, if somebody"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1413.98,"endTime":1417.31,"body":"wants to be a partner and you go,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1417.31,"endTime":1420.73,"body":"okay, okay, it's only been a month,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1417.31,"endTime":1420.73,"body":"but let's be partners 'cause you seem"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1420.73,"endTime":1422.68,"body":"to really need me to give you a title."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1423.01,"endTime":1424.48,"body":"And then six months later I go."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1425.095,"endTime":1425.335,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1425.335,"endTime":1428.035,"body":"Now that I've actually gotten to know"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1425.335,"endTime":1428.035,"body":"you, I don't know that I want this,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1428.035,"endTime":1433.045,"body":"like the title didn't mean a lot to me"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1428.035,"endTime":1433.045,"body":"because I know it takes a year really to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1433.045,"endTime":1434.815,"body":"know if a relationship's sticky or not."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1435.895,"endTime":1436.495,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1436.945,"endTime":1439.135,"body":"Oh, that's really good actually."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1439.135,"endTime":1440.845,"body":"I think a lot of people do that."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1440.845,"endTime":1444.595,"body":"They, they, they want the title or the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1440.845,"endTime":1444.595,"body":"label before they've even built the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1444.595,"endTime":1450.295,"body":"relationship, or they decide what they"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1444.595,"endTime":1450.295,"body":"want a, a relationship to be before they"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1450.295,"endTime":1452.095,"body":"even know the person in front of them."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1453.399,"endTime":1457.54,"body":"And I've been accused of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1453.399,"endTime":1457.54,"body":"being, um, icy, um, you know,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1457.54,"endTime":1461.08,"body":"which is, uh, definitely an egg"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1457.54,"endTime":1461.08,"body":"towards someone who's feminine."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1461.56,"endTime":1464.199,"body":"Uh, because, you know,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1461.56,"endTime":1464.199,"body":"I'm, I'm hard to, to reach."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1464.199,"endTime":1468.159,"body":"I'm, I'm emotionally distant and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1464.199,"endTime":1468.159,"body":"I'm like, uh, I don't know you yet."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1468.159,"endTime":1469.959,"body":"I don't know if you're a safe person yet."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1469.959,"endTime":1472.27,"body":"And they're like, but we have"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1469.959,"endTime":1472.27,"body":"all this amazing connection."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1472.27,"endTime":1476.979,"body":"We have X, Y, and Z. And I go, we have X,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1472.27,"endTime":1476.979,"body":"Y, and z. But we don't have is the time."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1477.429,"endTime":1480.28,"body":"Uh, like you haven't seen what"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1477.429,"endTime":1480.28,"body":"I'm like in different seasons."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1480.28,"endTime":1483.909,"body":"You haven't seen me in grief, you haven't"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1480.28,"endTime":1483.909,"body":"seen me with my family, you haven't"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1483.909,"endTime":1487.899,"body":"seen me with like my best friend or"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1483.909,"endTime":1487.899,"body":"going through something really hard."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1487.899,"endTime":1490.54,"body":"Like that's when you really know people."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1491.08,"endTime":1493.0,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1493.149,"endTime":1493.479,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1494.05,"endTime":1497.139,"body":"Again, it all comes back"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1494.05,"endTime":1497.139,"body":"to like, I, I don't know."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1497.139,"endTime":1499.719,"body":"I, I keep emphasizing to"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1497.139,"endTime":1499.719,"body":"people like, you need."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1500.11,"endTime":1505.149,"body":"Community that is non-monogamous in"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1500.11,"endTime":1505.149,"body":"order to feel good and comfortable"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1505.149,"endTime":1508.899,"body":"and secure in non-monogamy because"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1505.149,"endTime":1508.899,"body":"you don't know what you don't know."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1508.99,"endTime":1513.01,"body":"And this is like just even things"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1508.99,"endTime":1513.01,"body":"like listening to the podcast, right?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1513.01,"endTime":1517.66,"body":"And hearing people's stories and going,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1513.01,"endTime":1517.66,"body":"oh, people are doing things in other ways."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1517.66,"endTime":1522.01,"body":"Or, oh, I, I thought that was a normal"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1517.66,"endTime":1522.01,"body":"thing because that's how my life is"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1522.01,"endTime":1524.11,"body":"going, even though I don't like it."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1524.44,"endTime":1527.23,"body":"And now I'm hearing that"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1524.44,"endTime":1527.23,"body":"there's other options."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1527.44,"endTime":1528.04,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1528.445,"endTime":1529.165,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1529.36,"endTime":1529.65,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1529.675,"endTime":1532.945,"body":"And when it comes to relationships,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1529.675,"endTime":1532.945,"body":"we definitely have a right, wrong"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1532.945,"endTime":1538.045,"body":"mentality in America of, um, if"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1532.945,"endTime":1538.045,"body":"these things are not going right in"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1538.045,"endTime":1539.455,"body":"your relationships, just dump it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1541.045,"endTime":1541.105,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1541.105,"endTime":1544.255,"body":"Um, you know, and, and if they're not"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1541.105,"endTime":1544.255,"body":"supporting you in these ways, then"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1544.285,"endTime":1545.725,"body":"they, then your partner's just terrible."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1545.725,"endTime":1546.415,"body":"Get rid of 'em."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1546.565,"endTime":1549.235,"body":"Like, like there's so many"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1546.565,"endTime":1549.235,"body":"tropes that are on off."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1549.235,"endTime":1549.625,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1549.625,"endTime":1550.915,"body":"No, get rid of them."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1550.915,"endTime":1552.535,"body":"Don't work through the hard things."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1552.535,"endTime":1554.515,"body":"Like at least that's some"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1552.535,"endTime":1554.515,"body":"of the messaging I hear."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1555.31,"endTime":1560.83,"body":"And it's, it's not helpful to actually"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1555.31,"endTime":1560.83,"body":"building relationships when you don't have"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1560.83,"endTime":1563.53,"body":"a full picture of what's available to you."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1565.24,"endTime":1565.54,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1565.54,"endTime":1565.6,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1566.649,"endTime":1567.969,"body":"Absolutely the pandemic."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1567.969,"endTime":1570.159,"body":"I did, uh, book clubs several times."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1570.159,"endTime":1574.57,"body":"I wasn't, I didn't identify as a reader"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1570.159,"endTime":1574.57,"body":"before the pandemic, but we read Slut,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1574.6,"endTime":1579.82,"body":"we read Love's Not Colorblind, uh,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1574.6,"endTime":1579.82,"body":"good Sex by Jessica Fern and, um, some"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1579.82,"endTime":1582.04,"body":"other Poly Secure was in there as well."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1582.429,"endTime":1586.449,"body":"And those were also really amazing"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1582.429,"endTime":1586.449,"body":"because I started realizing how very,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1586.449,"endTime":1590.62,"body":"very different people's high functioning"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1586.449,"endTime":1590.62,"body":"poly relationships were from mine."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1590.8,"endTime":1591.58,"body":"And we were both right."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1592.57,"endTime":1593.17,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1593.83,"endTime":1597.04,"body":"And if not for the language of the books,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1593.83,"endTime":1597.04,"body":"really walking through all these different"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1597.04,"endTime":1599.05,"body":"ideas, we wouldn't have realized that."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1599.5,"endTime":1600.28,"body":"Or I wouldn't have."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1600.28,"endTime":1601.9,"body":"Yes, yes."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1601.9,"endTime":1602.65,"body":"Totally."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1602.89,"endTime":1603.61,"body":"Totally."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1604.12,"endTime":1606.07,"body":"Uh, how exciting."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1606.22,"endTime":1606.76,"body":"I love it."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1606.82,"endTime":1608.02,"body":"I'm, I'm so stoked."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1608.23,"endTime":1611.65,"body":"Um, you mentioned earlier, um,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1614.74,"endTime":1618.16,"body":"you mentioned, uh, being able to say no."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1618.534,"endTime":1623.064,"body":"In spaces and, and I, so I"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1618.534,"endTime":1623.064,"body":"wanted to ask you about consent."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1623.094,"endTime":1623.125,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1624.024,"endTime":1628.02,"body":"And, and I know that you in, in sex"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1624.024,"endTime":1628.02,"body":"positive Portland and the sex positive,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1628.074,"endTime":1632.365,"body":"positive world, you, um, teach"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1628.074,"endTime":1632.365,"body":"really great enthusiastic consent."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1632.635,"endTime":1632.725,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1632.754,"endTime":1635.695,"body":"Um, and so I was hoping"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1632.754,"endTime":1635.695,"body":"you would touch on that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1636.564,"endTime":1637.915,"body":"Yeah, uh, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1637.915,"endTime":1640.794,"body":"That's, that's a huge one"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1637.915,"endTime":1640.794,"body":"for me because, um, you know."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1641.29,"endTime":1644.53,"body":"Good little girls do not speak"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1641.29,"endTime":1644.53,"body":"up for themselves, and they,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1644.56,"endTime":1646.09,"body":"they allow things to happen."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1646.179,"endTime":1647.679,"body":"That is the way I was raised."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1648.34,"endTime":1653.169,"body":"Um, so when I came into Sex Positive"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1648.34,"endTime":1653.169,"body":"Community, there was this class that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1653.169,"endTime":1654.82,"body":"is my favorite class to this day."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1655.06,"endTime":1656.35,"body":"It's called Awesome Boundaries."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1656.814,"endTime":1658.105,"body":"And awesome boundaries."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1658.105,"endTime":1662.544,"body":"We do more than like we, we practice"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1658.105,"endTime":1662.544,"body":"in sex positivity, saying no, and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1662.544,"endTime":1664.435,"body":"a positive affirmation of that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1664.855,"endTime":1666.534,"body":"Someone says, no, I don't wanna kiss you."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1666.534,"endTime":1668.514,"body":"You say, oh, thanks for letting me know."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1668.574,"endTime":1672.235,"body":"Thank you for taking care of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1668.574,"endTime":1672.235,"body":"yourself, because it is that thing of."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1672.55,"endTime":1675.13,"body":"I wouldn't have wanted to kiss"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1672.55,"endTime":1675.13,"body":"you if you didn't want it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1675.94,"endTime":1679.45,"body":"Like, thank you for stopping"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1675.94,"endTime":1679.45,"body":"me from being that person."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1680.2,"endTime":1684.64,"body":"Um, awesome Boundaries goes really"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1680.2,"endTime":1684.64,"body":"deep into this, which by the way, is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1684.64,"endTime":1688.18,"body":"taught every other month on sliding"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1684.64,"endTime":1688.18,"body":"scale on sex positive world.org."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1688.24,"endTime":1688.48,"body":"Um, amazing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1689.56,"endTime":1694.659,"body":"We talk about like when you're a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1689.56,"endTime":1694.659,"body":"child, it's like if you don't clean"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1694.659,"endTime":1696.34,"body":"your plate, then you're a bad kid."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1696.399,"endTime":1699.1,"body":"Like we don't listen to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1696.399,"endTime":1699.1,"body":"the signals of our bodies."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1699.1,"endTime":1701.47,"body":"Like I talk about the Clean"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1699.1,"endTime":1701.47,"body":"Play Club in that class."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1702.01,"endTime":1704.26,"body":"That's a bigger concept"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1702.01,"endTime":1704.26,"body":"than just saying no."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1704.26,"endTime":1709.6,"body":"This is about a culture of manufactured"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1704.26,"endTime":1709.6,"body":"consent that we live inside of."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1710.139,"endTime":1716.02,"body":"So we talk about power dynamics, we talk"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1710.139,"endTime":1716.02,"body":"about expectations, we talk about how."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1716.389,"endTime":1719.449,"body":"We have a script about how"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1716.389,"endTime":1719.449,"body":"we're supposed to treat people."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1719.449,"endTime":1724.219,"body":"Like if someone is feminine versus"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1719.449,"endTime":1724.219,"body":"super masculine, you are treated"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1724.219,"endTime":1726.739,"body":"differently in the room, no question."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1727.249,"endTime":1729.379,"body":"And I think everyone can"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1727.249,"endTime":1729.379,"body":"pretty well agree on that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1729.979,"endTime":1733.074,"body":"That affects our ability"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1729.979,"endTime":1733.074,"body":"to say yes and no."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1733.854,"endTime":1737.125,"body":"So for when we have this class that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1733.854,"endTime":1737.125,"body":"really explores all of this, and then"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1737.125,"endTime":1741.235,"body":"also like what happens when you thought"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1737.125,"endTime":1741.235,"body":"you were a yes and then you start"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1741.235,"endTime":1745.975,"body":"doing the thing with somebody else"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1741.235,"endTime":1745.975,"body":"and you realize you're not into it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1746.635,"endTime":1750.175,"body":"Uh, the ability to realize that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1746.635,"endTime":1750.175,"body":"I wasn't into something was a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1750.175,"endTime":1752.185,"body":"skill I lacked for a long time."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1752.185,"endTime":1754.764,"body":"I would just be like, well,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1752.185,"endTime":1754.764,"body":"we're doing the kissing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1755.305,"endTime":1759.025,"body":"And I don't know that like I'm really"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1755.305,"endTime":1759.025,"body":"excited about the kissing, but I must"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1759.025,"endTime":1763.585,"body":"keep kissing 'cause I wasn't recognizing"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1759.025,"endTime":1763.585,"body":"the signals in my own body saying"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1763.645,"endTime":1765.205,"body":"I'm not into this and I wanna stop."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1766.345,"endTime":1769.615,"body":"So through sex positive,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1766.345,"endTime":1769.615,"body":"I learned that skill."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1769.735,"endTime":1773.005,"body":"How do I recognize when I don't wanna"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1769.735,"endTime":1773.005,"body":"be doing something and then actually"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1773.005,"endTime":1777.565,"body":"say something Because I had a lifetime"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1773.005,"endTime":1777.565,"body":"of being the youngest sibling and being"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1777.565,"endTime":1781.405,"body":"forced to do things I didn't wanna do and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1777.565,"endTime":1781.405,"body":"learning to tolerate it and not listen to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1781.405,"endTime":1783.535,"body":"the signals in my body telling me to stop."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1784.585,"endTime":1789.295,"body":"So once I learned to actually speak"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1784.585,"endTime":1789.295,"body":"up for myself, uh, then it's like,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1789.985,"endTime":1792.475,"body":"oh my God, people are so much better."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1792.475,"endTime":1795.535,"body":"They treat me so much better when they"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1792.475,"endTime":1795.535,"body":"actually know what my boundaries are."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1796.405,"endTime":1800.845,"body":"Uh, I am particularly think of, we do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1796.405,"endTime":1800.845,"body":"an event called the Massage ATIs, where"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1800.845,"endTime":1803.185,"body":"we put three people to a massage table."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1803.665,"endTime":1806.815,"body":"So it's really sexy, but it's not sex."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1807.76,"endTime":1811.449,"body":"So there's not, um, a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1807.76,"endTime":1811.449,"body":"goal of getting to orgasm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1811.72,"endTime":1815.59,"body":"Penetration is not part of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1811.72,"endTime":1815.59,"body":"it, and there can be genital"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1815.59,"endTime":1817.75,"body":"touching, but it's not the focus."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1817.75,"endTime":1817.84,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1818.11,"endTime":1821.649,"body":"And what happens when we get"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1818.11,"endTime":1821.649,"body":"into that energy where we're more"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1821.919,"endTime":1826.72,"body":"into like the therapeutic, the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1821.919,"endTime":1826.72,"body":"connection, the, the steam and the."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1828.519,"endTime":1832.09,"body":"Is we, we learn, you"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1828.519,"endTime":1832.09,"body":"actually can like stop there."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1832.179,"endTime":1835.029,"body":"Actually, it's a really"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1832.179,"endTime":1835.029,"body":"beautiful place to hang out."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1835.09,"endTime":1838.149,"body":"Um, a lot of tantra talks about"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1835.09,"endTime":1838.149,"body":"this, you know, like being in like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1838.149,"endTime":1842.709,"body":"this more like juicy, sexy energy"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1838.149,"endTime":1842.709,"body":"than in the pursuit of something."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1843.249,"endTime":1843.459,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1843.459,"endTime":1843.729,"body":"And"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1843.939,"endTime":1848.979,"body":"what that energy was before I try"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1843.939,"endTime":1848.979,"body":"it out for myself, I, I really recommend"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1848.979,"endTime":1852.999,"body":"trying, you know, some tantra or some kink"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1848.979,"endTime":1852.999,"body":"or something that gets more into sensation"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1852.999,"endTime":1856.09,"body":"play than into just sex because it is."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1856.129,"endTime":1859.189,"body":"It is mind blowing, especially if"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1856.129,"endTime":1859.189,"body":"you're really sensual like I am."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1860.389,"endTime":1865.639,"body":"Um, there was a, one of these I went"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1860.389,"endTime":1865.639,"body":"to, it was a massage, and I just,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1865.639,"endTime":1871.159,"body":"I felt full, I felt satisfied and I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1865.639,"endTime":1871.159,"body":"knew what it was in that moment, maybe"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1871.159,"endTime":1876.889,"body":"for the first time ever to know this"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1871.159,"endTime":1876.889,"body":"is what it's like to feel desire."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1876.889,"endTime":1881.449,"body":"This is what it's like to feel like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1876.889,"endTime":1881.449,"body":"I got what I needed and to stop, you"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1881.449,"endTime":1883.61,"body":"know, to not need to have a clean plate."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1883.61,"endTime":1884.959,"body":"This is me stopping when I'm full."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":1885.835,"endTime":1886.405,"body":"Mm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1887.034,"endTime":1890.875,"body":"And there was somebody in"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1887.034,"endTime":1890.875,"body":"the room who, you know, for whatever"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1890.875,"endTime":1895.465,"body":"reason was just like, I'm so frustrated"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1890.875,"endTime":1895.465,"body":"that this event doesn't allow sex."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1895.495,"endTime":1899.274,"body":"'cause I'm so ready to just have sex with"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1895.495,"endTime":1899.274,"body":"people and imply that I was one of the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1899.274,"endTime":1900.865,"body":"people that I wanted to have sex with."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1900.895,"endTime":1903.895,"body":"And I was like, I am so grateful."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1903.895,"endTime":1907.585,"body":"I am so thankful that that is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1903.895,"endTime":1907.585,"body":"just not even on the table today."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1907.615,"endTime":1909.625,"body":"'cause I have zero interest in that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1909.625,"endTime":1911.365,"body":"Like, you seem like a really cool person."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1911.365,"endTime":1912.804,"body":"I might be open to that in the future."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1913.315,"endTime":1916.195,"body":"But right now, I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1913.315,"endTime":1916.195,"body":"absolutely don't want that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1916.765,"endTime":1920.125,"body":"And if not for the fact that it"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1916.765,"endTime":1920.125,"body":"was an official event that had,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1920.335,"endTime":1923.335,"body":"you know, this, this what we call"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1920.335,"endTime":1923.335,"body":"a container, you know, like mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1923.575,"endTime":1923.578,"body":"We, we, mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1923.785,"endTime":1925.915,"body":"Degrees of what's gonna"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1923.785,"endTime":1925.915,"body":"happen within the space."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1926.515,"endTime":1930.385,"body":"If I hadn't existed and that same"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1926.515,"endTime":1930.385,"body":"energy had been thrown my way, where"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1930.385,"endTime":1935.125,"body":"something went, I wanna have sex now,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1930.385,"endTime":1935.125,"body":"it's very likely I would've said yes."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1935.709,"endTime":1940.509,"body":"Because I didn't feel empowered"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1935.709,"endTime":1940.509,"body":"enough to say no when I was"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1940.509,"endTime":1942.219,"body":"outside of that safe area."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1942.219,"endTime":1946.03,"body":"So it's like, you know, it's like training"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1942.219,"endTime":1946.03,"body":"wheels, like it gives you space to like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1946.03,"endTime":1951.939,"body":"really, really feel protected and like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1946.03,"endTime":1951.939,"body":"you can be in your yes no, maybe, and you"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1951.939,"endTime":1956.32,"body":"know, things are not just gonna happen"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1951.939,"endTime":1956.32,"body":"because for me, I can get a little frozen"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1956.649,"endTime":1958.149,"body":"and sometimes I don't have an answer."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1958.149,"endTime":1960.79,"body":"And my answer is, I just wanna stand"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1958.149,"endTime":1960.79,"body":"here and think about it for a while."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1961.689,"endTime":1962.199,"body":"Um."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1962.845,"endTime":1967.315,"body":"I didn't have the ability to say"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1962.845,"endTime":1967.315,"body":"those words to people for a long"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1967.315,"endTime":1971.605,"body":"time, and sometimes things just start"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1967.315,"endTime":1971.605,"body":"happening and that's the way that our"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1971.605,"endTime":1973.825,"body":"culture has built things for people."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1973.825,"endTime":1974.455,"body":"So, mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1974.815,"endTime":1979.795,"body":"Being in a culture where verbal"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1974.815,"endTime":1979.795,"body":"consent is the norm brought me to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1979.795,"endTime":1983.815,"body":"a place where I could actually do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1979.795,"endTime":1983.815,"body":"verbal consent, I could participate in"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1983.815,"endTime":1985.945,"body":"it, to the point where now when I'm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1986.394,"endTime":1989.004,"body":"Flirting with someone, I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1986.394,"endTime":1989.004,"body":"can be a lot more explicit."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1989.004,"endTime":1990.745,"body":"Like, these are my nonverbals."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1990.804,"endTime":1994.554,"body":"You know, it's easy for me to speak"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1990.804,"endTime":1994.554,"body":"up if something gets uncomfortable or"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1994.824,"endTime":1997.554,"body":"if something's a little uncomfortable,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1994.824,"endTime":1997.554,"body":"I'm probably gonna hang with it for"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":1997.554,"endTime":1998.995,"body":"a while to see if I can get into it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2000.165,"endTime":2002.624,"body":"And some people are not"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2000.165,"endTime":2002.624,"body":"comfortable with that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2002.624,"endTime":2003.495,"body":"Some people are."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2003.495,"endTime":2007.094,"body":"And that also, you know who I should"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2003.495,"endTime":2007.094,"body":"and should not be playing with."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2007.695,"endTime":2007.904,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2008.594,"endTime":2009.554,"body":"So, um."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2009.915,"endTime":2014.115,"body":"Yeah, it, it was a game changer in"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2009.915,"endTime":2014.115,"body":"terms of being a people pleaser."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2014.145,"endTime":2017.445,"body":"'cause I was just, you know, my, my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2014.145,"endTime":2017.445,"body":"mother would always say I'm a doormat."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2017.445,"endTime":2018.675,"body":"People just walk all over me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2018.675,"endTime":2023.985,"body":"And I definitely internalized some of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2018.675,"endTime":2023.985,"body":"that, like, um, noble, you know, like if,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2023.985,"endTime":2027.675,"body":"if you're working really hard, there's a"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2023.985,"endTime":2027.675,"body":"lot of like nobility to that and, um, to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2027.675,"endTime":2032.145,"body":"be able to remove that idea and say, my"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2027.675,"endTime":2032.145,"body":"wants, needs and desires are important."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2032.205,"endTime":2037.695,"body":"And if I am giving up something"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2032.205,"endTime":2037.695,"body":"to give it to somebody else."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2038.04,"endTime":2041.88,"body":"They should know, you know, that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2038.04,"endTime":2041.88,"body":"shouldn't be a secret that I'm, I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2041.88,"endTime":2045.75,"body":"overextending myself for somebody, like,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2041.88,"endTime":2045.75,"body":"I want them to appreciate it or even tell"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2045.75,"endTime":2048.15,"body":"me, oh, I, I don't actually want that."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2048.15,"endTime":2049.17,"body":"You have to do that for me."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2050.01,"endTime":2050.159,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2050.699,"endTime":2055.26,"body":"It's like there's less resentment"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2050.699,"endTime":2055.26,"body":"and less of me exhausting myself."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2055.26,"endTime":2059.07,"body":"So that culture of consent just,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2055.26,"endTime":2059.07,"body":"it, it has really changed my life."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2059.73,"endTime":2060.06,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2060.179,"endTime":2060.449,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2060.449,"endTime":2060.75,"body":"Same."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2060.75,"endTime":2062.07,"body":"Thank you so much for sharing that story."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2062.07,"endTime":2066.21,"body":"Be, and it's so relatable for"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2062.07,"endTime":2066.21,"body":"me because I very similarly."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2066.855,"endTime":2070.125,"body":"Have so many times went I'm a"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2066.855,"endTime":2070.125,"body":"little uncomfortable, but like, I"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2070.125,"endTime":2075.675,"body":"might get into it or it's probably"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2070.125,"endTime":2075.675,"body":"fine or it's too late to speak up."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2076.215,"endTime":2077.715,"body":"Like it'll be fine."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2077.895,"endTime":2080.805,"body":"I don't hate everything, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2077.895,"endTime":2080.805,"body":"also not a hundred percent on board."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2081.225,"endTime":2087.945,"body":"And I, um, having been around"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2081.225,"endTime":2087.945,"body":"people who, who use so much explicit"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2087.945,"endTime":2090.825,"body":"consent and language and going"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2087.945,"endTime":2090.825,"body":"through trainings like this and, and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2090.825,"endTime":2093.165,"body":"classes like that, um, I went from."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2093.795,"endTime":2097.125,"body":"I actually in the last couple of years"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2093.795,"endTime":2097.125,"body":"started practicing this at like swingers"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2097.125,"endTime":2102.045,"body":"events where in the past I, you know,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2097.125,"endTime":2102.045,"body":"like the goal was like, let's do the sex."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2102.194,"endTime":2104.775,"body":"And I was like, but actually I'm"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2102.194,"endTime":2104.775,"body":"not, that's not what I wanna do."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2104.775,"endTime":2108.315,"body":"I like the energy of flirtation"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2104.775,"endTime":2108.315,"body":"and kissing and touching, and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2108.555,"endTime":2114.165,"body":"I like desire and stating that"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2108.555,"endTime":2114.165,"body":"desire isn't actually satisfying."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2114.255,"endTime":2118.545,"body":"Like, like, and so I, I started"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2114.255,"endTime":2118.545,"body":"playing with, I was like, oh my"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2118.545,"endTime":2120.944,"body":"gosh, I can like, make out with"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2118.545,"endTime":2120.944,"body":"people and be really excited."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2120.944,"endTime":2123.815,"body":"Explicit with them upfront, like,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2120.944,"endTime":2123.815,"body":"Hey, we're probably not gonna have"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2123.815,"endTime":2126.995,"body":"intercourse, but I would really"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2123.815,"endTime":2126.995,"body":"love to like use magic fingers and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2126.995,"endTime":2128.555,"body":"make your penis get big and hard."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2128.705,"endTime":2129.455,"body":"That's real fun."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2129.455,"endTime":2131.285,"body":"And then I'm gonna jet,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2129.455,"endTime":2131.285,"body":"I'm gonna be outta here."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2131.285,"endTime":2134.075,"body":"Someone else can play with that, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2131.285,"endTime":2134.075,"body":"gonna go do it again with someone else."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2134.495,"endTime":2141.095,"body":"And that like changed swingers"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2134.495,"endTime":2141.095,"body":"events for me in such a huge way"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2141.365,"endTime":2144.634,"body":"that I was just getting the energy"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2141.365,"endTime":2144.634,"body":"and giving also the energy that"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2144.634,"endTime":2146.285,"body":"like felt really juicy and good."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2146.64,"endTime":2150.0,"body":"And not doing the things"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2146.64,"endTime":2150.0,"body":"that I wasn't actually into."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2150.69,"endTime":2150.75,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2150.75,"endTime":2152.91,"body":"And I got really good reception with that."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2152.91,"endTime":2154.44,"body":"Like, like I had people going, yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2154.44,"endTime":2155.31,"body":"That's amazing."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2155.31,"endTime":2155.94,"body":"That's hot."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2155.94,"endTime":2156.48,"body":"Thank you."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2156.6,"endTime":2159.48,"body":"I know, like I, they got a"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2156.6,"endTime":2159.48,"body":"fluffer for, for someone else."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2162.029,"endTime":2164.129,"body":"I love that also is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2162.029,"endTime":2164.129,"body":"you're just like, no, this is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2164.129,"endTime":2165.66,"body":"like a hundred percent my Yes."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2165.689,"endTime":2168.93,"body":"'cause there's also that thing of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2165.689,"endTime":2168.93,"body":"like, if we're not getting to penis"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2168.93,"endTime":2172.709,"body":"in pussy, like something bad happened,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2168.93,"endTime":2172.709,"body":"we didn't get to the end of the,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2173.43,"endTime":2174.899,"body":"I'm, I'm here for the pleasure."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2174.899,"endTime":2177.93,"body":"I'm, I'm here to play and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2174.899,"endTime":2177.93,"body":"do things that are fun."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2178.439,"endTime":2182.279,"body":"And, you know, in, in sex positive"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2178.439,"endTime":2182.279,"body":"world, one of our, uh, big sayings"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2182.279,"endTime":2183.959,"body":"is pleasure is for everyone."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2184.259,"endTime":2186.629,"body":"Uh, and not orgasms are for everyone."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2186.629,"endTime":2189.899,"body":"I mean, I, we all, I love"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2186.629,"endTime":2189.899,"body":"orgasms, but it's a, I'm a fan."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2191.37,"endTime":2193.68,"body":"Pleasure can also be a delicious meal."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2193.68,"endTime":2197.16,"body":"It can be a, a conversation, it"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2193.68,"endTime":2197.16,"body":"can be feeling like you have,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2197.249,"endTime":2198.419,"body":"be connected with somebody."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2198.419,"endTime":2202.379,"body":"It can be, you know, a beach"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2198.419,"endTime":2202.379,"body":"cleanup so that we all have"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2202.379,"endTime":2204.06,"body":"a nice clean beach to go to."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2204.06,"endTime":2208.799,"body":"Like pleasure is a much larger"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2204.06,"endTime":2208.799,"body":"concept than sex and such"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2208.83,"endTime":2210.6,"body":"an important aspect of sex."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2210.6,"endTime":2213.839,"body":"And you can have sex"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2210.6,"endTime":2213.839,"body":"that is not pleasurable."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2214.169,"endTime":2219.089,"body":"So how do we be of pleasure instead"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2214.169,"endTime":2219.089,"body":"of in the pursuit of the orgasm?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2219.749,"endTime":2220.47,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2220.799,"endTime":2221.549,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2222.18,"endTime":2222.87,"body":"I love that."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2223.229,"endTime":2225.419,"body":"Yeah, it's so good, so good."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2227.729,"endTime":2235.29,"body":"Um, let, uh, is there anything that I"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2227.729,"endTime":2235.29,"body":"haven't asked you that you want to share?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2237.495,"endTime":2237.615,"body":"Hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2238.98,"endTime":2243.81,"body":"Um, I, I just wanna invite people to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2238.98,"endTime":2243.81,"body":"come check out Sex Positive World."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2243.84,"endTime":2247.68,"body":"Um, so I, I sit in a couple interesting"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2243.84,"endTime":2247.68,"body":"chairs because I'm the executive"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2247.68,"endTime":2249.54,"body":"director of Sex Positive Portland."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2249.75,"endTime":2252.75,"body":"So here in Portland, Oregon,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2249.75,"endTime":2252.75,"body":"it's, it's our social club."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2252.75,"endTime":2255.51,"body":"It's where we do all of these different"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2252.75,"endTime":2255.51,"body":"events that I've talked about, like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2255.51,"endTime":2257.055,"body":"the cuddle parties, the sex ed."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2257.535,"endTime":2260.535,"body":"Um, the massage nights,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2257.535,"endTime":2260.535,"body":"the sex possible parties."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2261.075,"endTime":2262.605,"body":"We're in a bunch of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2261.075,"endTime":2262.605,"body":"different cities though."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2262.605,"endTime":2265.245,"body":"So I first got introduced"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2262.605,"endTime":2265.245,"body":"to sex positivity when I"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2265.245,"endTime":2266.535,"body":"was in Southern California."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2266.595,"endTime":2271.515,"body":"So we have a pretty huge chapter"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2266.595,"endTime":2271.515,"body":"based out of Los Angeles and expanding"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2271.515,"endTime":2274.665,"body":"beyond that, 'cause we realized that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2271.515,"endTime":2274.665,"body":"there's people all over California"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2274.665,"endTime":2275.895,"body":"who wanna take part in this."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2276.285,"endTime":2277.995,"body":"Um, we're also in Utah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2278.205,"endTime":2282.705,"body":"We're in Belgium, we're in Singapore,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2278.205,"endTime":2282.705,"body":"we are in the Seattle area."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2282.705,"endTime":2285.945,"body":"And Olympia like, there's like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2282.705,"endTime":2285.945,"body":"there's local people all over the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2285.945,"endTime":2289.815,"body":"place who are sex positive and into"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2285.945,"endTime":2289.815,"body":"this culture that we're building."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2290.205,"endTime":2293.535,"body":"I mentioned that we do some classes"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2290.205,"endTime":2293.535,"body":"explicitly awesome boundaries."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2293.535,"endTime":2298.26,"body":"I. The other classes that we teach include"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2293.535,"endTime":2298.26,"body":"an introduction to sex positivity and"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2298.26,"endTime":2300.33,"body":"how we do things in sex positive world."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2300.99,"endTime":2304.8,"body":"Um, there is the pleasure talk, which"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2300.99,"endTime":2304.8,"body":"is what you need to actually cover when"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2304.8,"endTime":2308.7,"body":"you're wanting to have an experience"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2304.8,"endTime":2308.7,"body":"with somebody, whether that's sexual"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2308.7,"endTime":2311.07,"body":"or kinky or something different."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2312.12,"endTime":2314.25,"body":"Uh, these are all interactive"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2312.12,"endTime":2314.25,"body":"where you actually get to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2314.25,"endTime":2315.93,"body":"practice with other participants."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2316.38,"endTime":2319.11,"body":"And then the last one is"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2316.38,"endTime":2319.11,"body":"called Sexy Intersections."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2319.11,"endTime":2320.76,"body":"This one is about identities."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2321.09,"endTime":2325.83,"body":"So we're talking about oppression and that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2321.09,"endTime":2325.83,"body":"relationship that it has to our sexuality."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2325.83,"endTime":2327.78,"body":"Like how do I feel about myself?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2327.99,"endTime":2331.05,"body":"How do others treat me in the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2327.99,"endTime":2331.05,"body":"dating world so that when I go to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2331.05,"endTime":2335.16,"body":"a party, like do I see bodies that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2331.05,"endTime":2335.16,"body":"are representative of me, like I'm"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2335.16,"endTime":2337.95,"body":"a white woman who's, uh, pansexual."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2338.01,"endTime":2342.84,"body":"There is a ton of representation of"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2338.01,"endTime":2342.84,"body":"me, my body, and my style out there"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2343.02,"endTime":2344.58,"body":"when I go looking at things that are."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2344.725,"endTime":2349.075,"body":"Sexy, or when I'm looking at like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2344.725,"endTime":2349.075,"body":"lingerie, like I'll find that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2349.435,"endTime":2351.325,"body":"there's a lot of folks out there"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2349.435,"endTime":2351.325,"body":"that have identities and they're"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2351.325,"endTime":2352.404,"body":"not gonna see that out there."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2352.404,"endTime":2356.095,"body":"Like we don't see as many like"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2352.404,"endTime":2356.095,"body":"wheelchair users in our sexuality"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2356.095,"endTime":2357.714,"body":"spaces like that is changing."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2358.165,"endTime":2362.904,"body":"Um, but it's an important thing to talk"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2358.165,"endTime":2362.904,"body":"about because we can desexualize people"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2362.904,"endTime":2366.265,"body":"and then they don't have access to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2362.904,"endTime":2366.265,"body":"pleasure because no one's talking to them."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2366.835,"endTime":2371.005,"body":"So these are the classes that we offer"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2366.835,"endTime":2371.005,"body":"so that we have a starting point."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2371.005,"endTime":2372.205,"body":"So there's not like."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2372.825,"endTime":2375.405,"body":"Well, you didn't get verbal"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2372.825,"endTime":2375.405,"body":"consent before you touched me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2375.405,"endTime":2378.705,"body":"This, that actually breaks"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2375.405,"endTime":2378.705,"body":"the rules of our community."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2378.885,"endTime":2382.755,"body":"So we have a way to deal with that as"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2378.885,"endTime":2382.755,"body":"opposed to like, well, I thought that"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2382.755,"endTime":2385.035,"body":"you wanted it so it happened, right?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2385.035,"endTime":2389.685,"body":"So build this structure that lets"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2385.035,"endTime":2389.685,"body":"us actually experiment in person."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2389.685,"endTime":2393.135,"body":"So I would say if I'm speaking your"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2389.685,"endTime":2393.135,"body":"language and you're like, I wanna go to"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2393.135,"endTime":2394.725,"body":"a cuddle party, I wanna check this out."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2394.755,"endTime":2398.115,"body":"We might be in your city or"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2394.755,"endTime":2398.115,"body":"have a chapter in your city."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2398.175,"endTime":2400.065,"body":"And um, I also teach people."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2400.46,"endTime":2402.11,"body":"How to facilitate these spaces."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2402.11,"endTime":2402.98,"body":"A lot of people do."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2403.25,"endTime":2406.94,"body":"Um, but how to actually facilitate"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2403.25,"endTime":2406.94,"body":"the spaces and do the community"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2406.94,"endTime":2409.16,"body":"building, it's, it's really worth it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2409.16,"endTime":2412.85,"body":"You have to have a lot of grace for the"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2409.16,"endTime":2412.85,"body":"fact that people are people and they"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2412.85,"endTime":2417.41,"body":"do human things and they make mistakes,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2412.85,"endTime":2417.41,"body":"but, um, it's really, really worth it"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2417.41,"endTime":2421.61,"body":"because that's also beautiful to be"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2417.41,"endTime":2421.61,"body":"in a space with all of those people."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2422.09,"endTime":2425.06,"body":"So I would say that that would"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2422.09,"endTime":2425.06,"body":"be my big thing for everybody"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2425.06,"endTime":2426.26,"body":"to say, come check it out."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2426.26,"endTime":2428.39,"body":"It's, it's, uh, all on a sliding scale."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2428.42,"endTime":2430.07,"body":"It's really worth learning about."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2430.44,"endTime":2435.66,"body":"Um, a lot of folks who have children do"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2430.44,"endTime":2435.66,"body":"come to our classes, especially as their"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2435.66,"endTime":2437.85,"body":"kids, uh, start hitting teenage years."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2437.85,"endTime":2442.65,"body":"'cause none of us in America really"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2437.85,"endTime":2442.65,"body":"got great sex education, especially"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2442.65,"endTime":2444.87,"body":"queer inclusive sex education."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2445.259,"endTime":2446.79,"body":"Um, pleasure based."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2447.404,"endTime":2449.776,"body":"As opposed to fear-based because mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2450.165,"endTime":2451.935,"body":"A little bit of knowledge goes a long way."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2451.935,"endTime":2451.995,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2452.654,"endTime":2456.645,"body":"So I, I would, I would just say like,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2452.654,"endTime":2456.645,"body":"come check out what we have to offer"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2456.645,"endTime":2460.964,"body":"and if poly topia sounds good to you,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2456.645,"endTime":2460.964,"body":"come out to poly topia because it's"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2460.964,"endTime":2462.855,"body":"a good, really, really amazing event."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2463.38,"endTime":2467.01,"body":"And so this amazing thing happens when"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2463.38,"endTime":2467.01,"body":"you get people in a space for a couple"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2467.01,"endTime":2470.37,"body":"days, is like you keep landing on each"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2467.01,"endTime":2470.37,"body":"other and seeing each other, and then"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2470.37,"endTime":2473.79,"body":"you have a meals together, you see"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2470.37,"endTime":2473.79,"body":"each other in a workshop, and you've"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2473.79,"endTime":2477.87,"body":"built a friendship for life or maybe"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2473.79,"endTime":2477.87,"body":"found a potential partner or meta more."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2478.29,"endTime":2481.32,"body":"So go to these types of events and find"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2481.35,"endTime":2482.175,"body":"folks."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2482.175,"endTime":2482.19,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2483.18,"endTime":2484.41,"body":"Yes, yes."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2484.47,"endTime":2487.59,"body":"How can people find, uh, tickets Toia?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2487.59,"endTime":2488.34,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2489.374,"endTime":2495.165,"body":"Uh, they can go to sex"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2489.374,"endTime":2495.165,"body":"positive portland.org/poly topia 2025."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2495.495,"endTime":2496.334,"body":"You can find it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2496.365,"endTime":2500.325,"body":"Um, if you look for poly topia on"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2496.365,"endTime":2500.325,"body":"Facebook or Instagram or Google,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2500.325,"endTime":2501.404,"body":"we'll probably pop right up."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2501.825,"endTime":2502.274,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2502.365,"endTime":2502.904,"body":"Amazing."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2502.904,"endTime":2505.694,"body":"And then if they wanna get"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2502.904,"endTime":2505.694,"body":"involved with, uh, sex Positive"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2505.694,"endTime":2507.584,"body":"World, uh, how do they do that?"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2508.154,"endTime":2510.404,"body":"Uh, sex positive world.org."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2511.02,"endTime":2511.56,"body":"Perfect."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2511.59,"endTime":2512.19,"body":"Amazing."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2514.05,"endTime":2514.83,"body":"This is so good."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2514.83,"endTime":2518.43,"body":"I am, I personally am so, so, so"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2514.83,"endTime":2518.43,"body":"excited for poly topia this year."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2518.49,"endTime":2520.74,"body":"Uh, it's gonna be great."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2520.77,"endTime":2527.58,"body":"I actually, uh, my partner and I"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2520.77,"endTime":2527.58,"body":"learned a really fun oral sex trick."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2528.33,"endTime":2534.36,"body":"Thing AC activity, uh, at poly topia"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2528.33,"endTime":2534.36,"body":"last year that we use fairly regularly."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2537.0,"endTime":2539.43,"body":"And, um, it, it was a lot of fun."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2539.64,"endTime":2544.29,"body":"And I, uh, I'll talk about that,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2539.64,"endTime":2544.29,"body":"uh, in our, uh, Patreon segment."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2544.29,"endTime":2544.95,"body":"Just the tip."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2545.31,"endTime":2545.97,"body":"Um,"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2548.88,"endTime":2548.971,"body":"nice at"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2549.056,"endTime":2550.646,"body":"patreon.com/notmonogamous."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2551.009,"endTime":2556.38,"body":"Um, but thank you so much,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2551.009,"endTime":2556.38,"body":"so much for being here."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2557.399,"endTime":2558.12,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2558.93,"endTime":2559.439,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2559.83,"endTime":2563.189,"body":"Um, so for our, our Patreon"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2559.83,"endTime":2563.189,"body":"segment, I do wanna ask you one"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2563.189,"endTime":2568.83,"body":"more question, and it is, can you"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2563.189,"endTime":2568.83,"body":"give us a favorite or best sex tip?"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2580.8,"endTime":2581.76,"body":"That's amazing."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2583.5,"endTime":2586.68,"body":"Alright, uh, thank you"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2583.5,"endTime":2586.68,"body":"so much for being here."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2586.74,"endTime":2589.62,"body":"This is, uh, again, and"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2586.74,"endTime":2589.62,"body":"this has been absolutely"},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2589.62,"endTime":2590.25,"body":"wonderful."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2590.97,"endTime":2591.21,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2591.27,"endTime":2592.11,"body":"Thanks for having me."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2592.11,"endTime":2593.01,"body":"I appreciate it."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2593.28,"endTime":2594.54,"body":"Come to poly topia everybody."},{"speaker":"Jamie","startTime":2594.54,"endTime":2596.19,"body":"September 19th through 21."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2596.91,"endTime":2597.39,"body":"Yay."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2598.08,"endTime":2599.94,"body":"I told you Jamie brings the juicy truth."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2600.24,"endTime":2601.77,"body":"I love this conversation so much."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2601.77,"endTime":2604.8,"body":"The honesty, the nerdy consent talk,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2601.77,"endTime":2604.8,"body":"the reminder that building community"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2604.8,"endTime":2606.57,"body":"is essential and rewarding work."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2607.395,"endTime":2611.175,"body":"If you wanna hear Jamie's just the"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2607.395,"endTime":2611.175,"body":"tip, their favorite sex tip, plus what"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2611.175,"endTime":2615.775,"body":"I learned at Poly topia last year,"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2611.175,"endTime":2615.775,"body":"head over to patreon.com/notmonogamous"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2616.035,"endTime":2617.865,"body":"patreon.com/not monogamous."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2618.015,"endTime":2621.345,"body":"That's where I share all the bonus goodies"},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2618.015,"endTime":2621.345,"body":"that didn't make it into the public feed."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2621.915,"endTime":2623.745,"body":"And as always, thank you for listening."},{"speaker":"Ellecia","startTime":2623.955,"endTime":2624.285,"body":"Bye."}]}