{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":0.6,"endTime":3.309,"body":"If you've ever felt"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":0.6,"endTime":3.309,"body":"jealous, you might notice how it"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":3.309,"endTime":4.9,"body":"can completely hijack your body."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":5.489,"endTime":9.01,"body":"Like suddenly your chest is tight,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":5.489,"endTime":9.01,"body":"your thoughts are racing, you're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":9.01,"endTime":12.75,"body":"checking your phone and rereading"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":9.01,"endTime":12.75,"body":"messages, you're checking timestamps,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":13.3,"endTime":17.02,"body":"you're imagining worst case scenarios,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":13.3,"endTime":17.02,"body":"trying to figure out what's wrong."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":18.28,"endTime":22.68,"body":"And meanwhile, your partner might not"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":18.28,"endTime":22.68,"body":"even know that anything happened, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":23.02,"endTime":28.94,"body":"Like, like jealousy can feel so"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":23.02,"endTime":28.94,"body":"immediate that your body reacts before"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":28.94,"endTime":30.819,"body":"your logical brain even catches up."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":31.78,"endTime":35.4,"body":"And one of the biggest mistakes that"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":31.78,"endTime":35.4,"body":"people make is thinking that emotional"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":35.4,"endTime":37.869,"body":"regulation means don't feel this."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":38.86,"endTime":43.29,"body":"Like if you were really healed and evolved"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":38.86,"endTime":43.29,"body":"and secure and emotionally intelligent,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":43.9,"endTime":45.389,"body":"you just wouldn't get triggered anymore."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":46.069,"endTime":51.68,"body":"But emotional regulation is not becoming"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":46.069,"endTime":51.68,"body":"emotionless and removing your emotions."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":51.68,"endTime":55.729,"body":"It's learning how to stay"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":51.68,"endTime":55.729,"body":"connected to yourself while you're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":55.729,"endTime":57.189,"body":"feeling something really hard."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":58.4,"endTime":59.86,"body":"And so today we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":58.4,"endTime":59.86,"body":"talk about how to do that."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":60.22,"endTime":60.479,"body":"Cool?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":61.49,"endTime":65.26,"body":"Uh, welcome back to \"Nope, We're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":61.49,"endTime":65.26,"body":"Not Monogamous.\" I'm Ellecia Paine."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":65.26,"endTime":69.889,"body":"I'm your non-monogamous relationship"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":65.26,"endTime":69.889,"body":"coach, and I wanna talk to you about"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":70.29,"endTime":75.08,"body":"emotional intelligence, nervous system"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":70.29,"endTime":75.08,"body":"regulation, and what to actually do"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":75.43,"endTime":77.879,"body":"when jealousy sends you into a spiral."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":78.29,"endTime":82.529,"body":"Understanding jealousy intellectually"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":78.29,"endTime":82.529,"body":"is one thing, but knowing how"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":82.529,"endTime":86.209,"body":"to stay grounded when your body"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":82.529,"endTime":86.209,"body":"is feeling really activated is a"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":86.209,"endTime":87.449,"body":"completely different skill set."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":88.61,"endTime":92.25,"body":"And it's one that, that a lot"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":88.61,"endTime":92.25,"body":"of people were never taught,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":92.949,"endTime":94.26,"body":"never given practice at."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":94.26,"endTime":98.129,"body":"So if you've ever felt consumed by"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":94.26,"endTime":98.129,"body":"jealousy or overwhelmed by your emotions"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":98.129,"endTime":102.9,"body":"or frustrated that you, quote-unquote,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":98.129,"endTime":102.9,"body":"know better but you're still spiraling"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":102.9,"endTime":106.339,"body":"anyways, then listen on, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":108.88,"endTime":113.28,"body":"Uh, one of the biggest things that I"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":108.88,"endTime":113.28,"body":"wish more people actually understood is"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":113.28,"endTime":116.879,"body":"that your body is not trying to ruin your"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":113.28,"endTime":116.879,"body":"relationship or ruin your life, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":116.879,"endTime":118.389,"body":"Your nervous system is"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":116.879,"endTime":118.389,"body":"just trying to protect."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":118.61,"endTime":122.679,"body":"And the tricky part of that is"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":118.61,"endTime":122.679,"body":"your nervous system reacts faster"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":123.04,"endTime":124.56,"body":"than your conscious mind does."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":125.11,"endTime":126.12,"body":"It's designed that way."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":126.38,"endTime":128.099,"body":"It's designed to keep you alive, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":128.409,"endTime":132.179,"body":"So sometimes jealousy shows up and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":128.409,"endTime":132.179,"body":"starts making things happen before you've"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":132.179,"endTime":134.21,"body":"even fully processed what's going on."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":134.759,"endTime":137.95,"body":"Your chest gets tight, your"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":134.759,"endTime":137.95,"body":"stomach drops, your thoughts"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":138.009,"endTime":139.829,"body":"speed up, your heart's racing."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":139.829,"endTime":143.029,"body":"You feel this sense of urgency,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":139.829,"endTime":143.029,"body":"like you need to fix something, you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":143.029,"endTime":146.369,"body":"need to control something, you need"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":143.029,"endTime":146.369,"body":"to hurry up and get reassurance."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":147.429,"endTime":152.799,"body":"And once that spiral starts, the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":147.429,"endTime":152.799,"body":"stories can come in really fast."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":153.689,"endTime":159.2,"body":"Like I know for me, I've had moments where"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":153.689,"endTime":159.2,"body":"my brain immediately jumped to like, \"Oh"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":159.2,"endTime":164.33,"body":"my God, they like that person more than"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":159.2,"endTime":164.33,"body":"me,\" or, \"They're gonna realize that I'm"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":164.33,"endTime":169.959,"body":"too much or not enough,\" or, \"They're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":164.33,"endTime":169.959,"body":"more attractive, more interesting, more"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":169.959,"endTime":172.359,"body":"fun, more sexually exciting,\" right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":172.359,"endTime":173.88,"body":"Just all of these stories."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":174.31,"endTime":178.905,"body":"Uh, or, or like, \"What if I become less"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":174.31,"endTime":178.905,"body":"important now? What if I get replaced?\""},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":180.255,"endTime":185.455,"body":"And the wild thing is that sometimes"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":180.255,"endTime":185.455,"body":"these stories feel so true in the moment."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":185.495,"endTime":187.594,"body":"Like your brain suddenly"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":185.495,"endTime":187.594,"body":"becomes a lawyer building this"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":187.594,"endTime":188.965,"body":"entire case around your fear."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":189.844,"endTime":192.335,"body":"Like, it's convinced, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":192.335,"endTime":193.394,"body":"And it's trying to convince you."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":193.715,"endTime":196.134,"body":"So you start collecting evidence."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":196.474,"endTime":201.284,"body":"You're, you're like reading into a change"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":196.474,"endTime":201.284,"body":"in tone or hyper-analyzing messages,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":201.284,"endTime":203.155,"body":"rereading them, looking for the signs."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":203.884,"endTime":208.974,"body":"Meanwhile, your nervous system is fully"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":203.884,"endTime":208.974,"body":"activated and, and... But feeling,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":209.204,"endTime":213.745,"body":"feeling activated is not the same"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":209.204,"endTime":213.745,"body":"thing as actually being unsafe, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":214.035,"endTime":217.314,"body":"And that difference is really"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":214.035,"endTime":217.314,"body":"important because when we're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":217.344,"endTime":220.594,"body":"activated, the brain loves certainty."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":220.625,"endTime":221.835,"body":"It wants to know."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":221.835,"endTime":224.985,"body":"It wants to explain the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":221.835,"endTime":224.985,"body":"discomfort as quickly as possible."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":225.625,"endTime":226.754,"body":"So it grabs onto stories."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":226.754,"endTime":228.105,"body":"It starts filling in the blanks."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":228.925,"endTime":231.974,"body":"But a lot of times those stories"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":228.925,"endTime":231.974,"body":"are rooted in fear, old wounds,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":232.524,"endTime":237.204,"body":"comparison, your attachment triggers,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":232.524,"endTime":237.204,"body":"or like past experiences and, and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":237.204,"endTime":240.204,"body":"not necessarily in the objective"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":237.204,"endTime":240.204,"body":"truth and what is true right now."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":241.875,"endTime":247.114,"body":"And learning how to recognize, like"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":241.875,"endTime":247.114,"body":"I'm, I'm activated right now instead"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":247.114,"endTime":251.085,"body":"of like, \"This fear must automatically"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":247.114,"endTime":251.085,"body":"be true,\" that can change your"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":251.085,"endTime":255.485,"body":"relationship with jealousy, how you show"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":251.085,"endTime":255.485,"body":"up when jealousy is in the way, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":255.485,"endTime":257.654,"body":"Because like your nervous system"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":255.485,"endTime":257.654,"body":"and your body is not the enemy."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":257.654,"endTime":260.534,"body":"It's trying to tell you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":257.654,"endTime":260.534,"body":"something is important."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":260.534,"endTime":261.595,"body":"Something needs care."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":262.144,"endTime":267.085,"body":"And I think that a lot of people hear the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":262.144,"endTime":267.085,"body":"words emotional intelligence or the phrase"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":267.085,"endTime":272.784,"body":"emotional intelligence and imagine that"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":267.085,"endTime":272.784,"body":"like some perfectly calm person, like this"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":272.784,"endTime":279.464,"body":"calm person who never gets triggered, who"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":272.784,"endTime":279.464,"body":"is so easy, who doesn't feel jealousy, who"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":279.464,"endTime":284.684,"body":"doesn't get insecure, um, like they just"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":279.464,"endTime":284.684,"body":"float through non-monogamy in a constant"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":284.684,"endTime":287.125,"body":"state of enlightened peace, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":287.644,"endTime":289.805,"body":"Uh, and that's just not real, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":290.214,"endTime":292.635,"body":"That's not what emotional intelligence is."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":292.635,"endTime":293.655,"body":"It's not being perfect."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":293.655,"endTime":294.905,"body":"It's having awareness."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":295.784,"endTime":302.015,"body":"It's being able to notice what's"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":295.784,"endTime":302.015,"body":"happening inside you without"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":302.015,"endTime":306.964,"body":"immediately becoming the emotion or"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":302.015,"endTime":306.964,"body":"res- or reacting out of that emotion."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":308.164,"endTime":310.735,"body":"Like it's so important to know"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":308.164,"endTime":310.735,"body":"that your feelings are valid."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":310.785,"endTime":311.735,"body":"They really are."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":311.934,"endTime":312.524,"body":"They're real."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":313.125,"endTime":317.544,"body":"But valid does not automatically"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":313.125,"endTime":317.544,"body":"mean accurate, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":318.005,"endTime":320.615,"body":"And I know a lot of people don't"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":318.005,"endTime":320.615,"body":"like hearing that one because"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":320.875,"endTime":326.184,"body":"while your emotions deserve"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":320.875,"endTime":326.184,"body":"compassion, they deserve attention,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":327.464,"endTime":328.815,"body":"but they're not always rational."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":329.875,"endTime":334.944,"body":"Sometimes your feelings are responding to,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":329.875,"endTime":334.944,"body":"you know, all the things I said before,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":334.944,"endTime":339.015,"body":"your old wounds, your past experiences,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":334.944,"endTime":339.015,"body":"fear, projection, lack of sleep,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":339.015,"endTime":344.324,"body":"comparison spirals, or just a nervous"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":339.015,"endTime":344.324,"body":"system that's already overwhelmed, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":344.324,"endTime":344.944,"body":"Maybe you're sick."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":344.944,"endTime":347.134,"body":"Maybe you're, uh, stressed from work."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":347.164,"endTime":350.544,"body":"Maybe, uh, th- you've got like all of"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":347.164,"endTime":350.544,"body":"these different things compounding."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":350.774,"endTime":355.414,"body":"Life changes, lack of sleep, hunger,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":350.774,"endTime":355.414,"body":"uh, you know, all... You gotta"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":355.414,"endTime":356.444,"body":"treat yourself like a toddler."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":356.444,"endTime":358.834,"body":"Sometimes a toddler is throwing a"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":356.444,"endTime":358.834,"body":"fit because they need something-"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":359.57,"endTime":363.9,"body":"Like a really easy solution, and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":359.57,"endTime":363.9,"body":"we kinda do the same thing, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":363.9,"endTime":368.9,"body":"And that doesn't mean, like, that"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":363.9,"endTime":368.9,"body":"doesn't mean your feelings aren't real or"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":368.9,"endTime":371.03,"body":"they're fake or they don't matter, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":371.28,"endTime":374.129,"body":"It's just feelings are"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":371.28,"endTime":374.129,"body":"the, are information."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":374.39,"endTime":375.93,"body":"They're data for you to use."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":376.14,"endTime":377.379,"body":"They're not an automatic truth."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":378.17,"endTime":379.219,"body":"They're just emotions."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":379.519,"endTime":382.81,"body":"And feeling jealousy doesn't, doesn't"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":379.519,"endTime":382.81,"body":"mean that your relationship is"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":382.81,"endTime":384.279,"body":"failing or something is going bad."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":384.31,"endTime":388.01,"body":"Feeling anxious doesn't automatically"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":384.31,"endTime":388.01,"body":"mean your partner did something wrong."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":388.99,"endTime":392.299,"body":"Feeling afraid doesn't automatically"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":388.99,"endTime":392.299,"body":"mean that you're unsafe."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":393.25,"endTime":398.899,"body":"And emotional intelligence is learning"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":393.25,"endTime":398.899,"body":"to hold both things at once, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":398.899,"endTime":404.169,"body":"Like, this feeling, this emotion I'm"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":398.899,"endTime":404.169,"body":"experiencing is real, and I might"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":404.169,"endTime":405.63,"body":"not have the full picture right now."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":406.34,"endTime":408.059,"body":"I might not be in a rational state."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":408.68,"endTime":410.54,"body":"That's emotional maturity, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":410.59,"endTime":412.63,"body":"So we're not suppressing our emotions."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":412.63,"endTime":416.169,"body":"You're not bypassing your emotions,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":412.63,"endTime":416.169,"body":"but you're learning how to feel"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":416.169,"endTime":419.439,"body":"them without giving them the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":416.169,"endTime":419.439,"body":"steering wheel to your life."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":419.52,"endTime":424.129,"body":"You're learning how to feel"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":419.52,"endTime":424.129,"body":"them and, and be in them."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":425.089,"endTime":427.529,"body":"Sometimes we have to get comfortable"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":425.089,"endTime":427.529,"body":"being uncomfortable, all right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":427.559,"endTime":429.629,"body":"Sometimes you just have"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":427.559,"endTime":429.629,"body":"to sit with the feelings."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":429.629,"endTime":432.5,"body":"You don't have to get into"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":429.629,"endTime":432.5,"body":"action about them, actually."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":434.5,"endTime":436.25,"body":"Okay, let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":434.5,"endTime":436.25,"body":"mindfulness for a second."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":436.67,"endTime":442.149,"body":"Um, and I know sometimes when people"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":436.67,"endTime":442.149,"body":"hear the word mindfulness, they"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":442.149,"endTime":448.359,"body":"immediately picture somebody telling"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":442.149,"endTime":448.359,"body":"them, \"Just breathe. Maybe go do yoga."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":448.399,"endTime":452.689,"body":"Just meditate,\" while their entire"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":448.399,"endTime":452.689,"body":"nervous system is on fire, and that's"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":452.689,"endTime":454.499,"body":"not what I'm talking about here, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":454.71,"endTime":458.339,"body":"Those, those things have their"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":454.71,"endTime":458.339,"body":"place, but mindfulness isn't just"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":458.339,"endTime":460.609,"body":"pretending that everything feels okay."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":460.929,"endTime":462.599,"body":"It's not forcing yourself to calm down."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":462.599,"endTime":465.62,"body":"It's not gaslighting yourself"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":462.599,"endTime":465.62,"body":"out of your feelings."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":465.899,"endTime":466.379,"body":"Don't do that."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":467.559,"endTime":472.07,"body":"When I say mindfulness, I mean"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":467.559,"endTime":472.07,"body":"staying present long enough to"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":472.07,"endTime":473.68,"body":"understand what's actually happening."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":474.199,"endTime":479.039,"body":"So instead of immediately reacting"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":474.199,"endTime":479.039,"body":"or shutting down or building this,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":479.039,"endTime":483.14,"body":"like, catastrophic future in your"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":479.039,"endTime":483.14,"body":"head, it's slowing down enough to"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":483.14,"endTime":485.949,"body":"notice, \"My chest feels really tight."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":486.62,"endTime":487.949,"body":"My stomach dropped."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":488.309,"endTime":489.649,"body":"I feel panicky."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":490.36,"endTime":492.489,"body":"I feel a sense of urgency."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":492.62,"endTime":494.98,"body":"I feel afraid,\" right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":494.98,"endTime":498.979,"body":"Without turning those sensations into"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":494.98,"endTime":498.979,"body":"facts, without attaching a story to them."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":499.299,"endTime":500.4,"body":"Like, that's the practice."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":500.989,"endTime":501.65,"body":"That's the thing."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":501.65,"endTime":502.46,"body":"That's mindfulness."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":502.78,"endTime":508.43,"body":"So not, not like, \"I feel anxious, that"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":502.78,"endTime":508.43,"body":"means something bad is happening,\" but"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":508.43,"endTime":511.129,"body":"just, \"I notice a feeling of anxiety.\""},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":513.13,"endTime":516.9,"body":"That actually makes a huge difference, and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":513.13,"endTime":516.9,"body":"sometimes the most emotionally intelligent"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":516.9,"endTime":521.589,"body":"thing you can do is pause before reacting,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":516.9,"endTime":521.589,"body":"before you send the text, before you make"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":521.589,"endTime":525.799,"body":"assumptions, before you start demanding"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":521.589,"endTime":525.799,"body":"reassurance, before you spiral deeper"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":525.799,"endTime":531.309,"body":"into the story that your brain has created"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":525.799,"endTime":531.309,"body":"to validate what you're feeling, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":531.709,"endTime":535.949,"body":"Because when we slow down, we"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":531.709,"endTime":535.949,"body":"actually create some space."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":536.459,"endTime":538.819,"body":"And space gives you access to choice."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":538.91,"endTime":540.469,"body":"It allows y- it empowers you."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":540.469,"endTime":544.41,"body":"It gives you the opportunity to choose"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":540.469,"endTime":544.41,"body":"what you're gonna say, how you're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":544.41,"endTime":545.88,"body":"gonna behave, how you're gonna react."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":546.029,"endTime":547.88,"body":"And you don't have to believe"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":546.029,"endTime":547.88,"body":"everything that you think."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":548.809,"endTime":549.149,"body":"All right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":549.92,"endTime":555.24,"body":"Uh, that's, that's kind of a game changer"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":549.92,"endTime":555.24,"body":"because when, when jealousy hits, when"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":555.24,"endTime":559.339,"body":"it gets activated, the brain starts"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":555.24,"endTime":559.339,"body":"telling a story really fast, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":559.339,"endTime":560.95,"body":"\"My, my partner likes them more than me."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":561.269,"endTime":562.259,"body":"I'm being replaced."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":562.8,"endTime":563.49,"body":"They're gonna leave."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":564.189,"endTime":565.21,"body":"Everything is terrible."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":565.74,"endTime":566.589,"body":"I'm not enough.\""},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":568.799,"endTime":570.199,"body":"All, all the stories, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":570.25,"endTime":573.969,"body":"And then those thoughts get paired"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":570.25,"endTime":573.969,"body":"with your nervous system activation,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":574.409,"endTime":575.85,"body":"and then they feel really true."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":576.91,"endTime":581.03,"body":"But thoughts are not facts, and one of"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":576.91,"endTime":581.03,"body":"the most powerful things that you can"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":581.03,"endTime":584.61,"body":"do is learn how to question the story,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":581.03,"endTime":584.61,"body":"question the thoughts you're having,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":584.87,"endTime":586.69,"body":"without shaming yourself for having it."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":588.79,"endTime":593.81,"body":"So, for example, instead of thinking"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":588.79,"endTime":593.81,"body":"like, \"My partner likes them more"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":593.81,"endTime":596.199,"body":"than me,\" maybe you reframe that."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":596.269,"endTime":599.529,"body":"Maybe it's, \"My partner can"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":596.269,"endTime":599.529,"body":"care about someone else and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":599.529,"endTime":600.89,"body":"still deeply care about me.\""},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":602.919,"endTime":608.569,"body":"Or instead of, \"I'm gonna be abandoned,\""},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":602.919,"endTime":608.569,"body":"maybe you reframe it to like, \"I"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":608.569,"endTime":609.87,"body":"feel really afraid right now.\""},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":611.98,"endTime":617.08,"body":"Because \"I feel afraid\" is true,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":611.98,"endTime":617.08,"body":"and it leaves room for curiosity."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":617.859,"endTime":622.54,"body":"\"I'm being abandoned\" turns this"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":617.859,"endTime":622.54,"body":"sense of fear into certainty and,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":622.54,"endTime":625.3,"body":"like, self-fulfilling prophecy, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":626.139,"endTime":629.289,"body":"And a lot of emotional healing is"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":626.139,"endTime":629.289,"body":"learning how to separate what you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":629.289,"endTime":632.78,"body":"feel from the meaning that your"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":629.289,"endTime":632.78,"body":"brain immediately assigns to it."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":635.629,"endTime":642.289,"body":"And honestly, a huge part of"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":635.629,"endTime":642.289,"body":"healing jealousy is about building"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":642.289,"endTime":643.989,"body":"emotional resilience, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":643.989,"endTime":647.199,"body":"It's not about being numb or"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":643.989,"endTime":647.199,"body":"being unbothered or being cool."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":647.749,"endTime":651.54,"body":"It's not like being the coolest person"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":647.749,"endTime":651.54,"body":"in the room who never needs anything,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":652.03,"endTime":655.969,"body":"not being the easiest person, but"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":652.03,"endTime":655.969,"body":"learning that, that you can survive"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":655.969,"endTime":657.729,"body":"hard feelings without losing yourself."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":659.01,"endTime":660.19,"body":"That's resilience."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":660.909,"endTime":663.549,"body":"And, and I often think about how a lot..."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":663.579,"endTime":667.23,"body":"emotional resilience is actually"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":663.579,"endTime":667.23,"body":"really similar to, like, how we learn"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":667.23,"endTime":669.41,"body":"physical sensations as kids, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":669.41,"endTime":673.489,"body":"Like when you were really little and you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":669.41,"endTime":673.489,"body":"didn't know what nausea feels like yet."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":673.489,"endTime":676.6,"body":"You're just like, you're like, \"I"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":673.489,"endTime":676.6,"body":"have a tummy ache.\" And then all"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":676.6,"endTime":678.609,"body":"of a sudden, you're throwing up."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":679.28,"endTime":680.66,"body":"\"Where, where did this come from?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":680.899,"endTime":684.649,"body":"Why am I suddenly puking?\" Like,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":680.899,"endTime":684.649,"body":"you did not yet recognize the cues."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":684.649,"endTime":688.609,"body":"You didn't register like,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":684.649,"endTime":688.609,"body":"\"Oh, this feeling in my tummy"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":688.609,"endTime":690.629,"body":"means I'm gonna vomit,\" right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":691.07,"endTime":692.82,"body":"But as you grow up, your body learns."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":692.949,"endTime":697.75,"body":"As you experience things, you go, \"Oh,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":692.949,"endTime":697.75,"body":"I know what this feeling is. Still"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":697.75,"endTime":701.489,"body":"sucks, but I know what it is, and I"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":697.75,"endTime":701.489,"body":"know that, like, instead of just puking"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":701.75,"endTime":706.08,"body":"all over myself or on Mom, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":701.75,"endTime":706.08,"body":"go to the bathroom and puke in the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":706.08,"endTime":708.229,"body":"toilet,\" or grab a whatever, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":708.39,"endTime":711.18,"body":"Let's... I won't go deeper into that."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":711.42,"endTime":711.65,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":711.65,"endTime":713.6,"body":"But like, kinda the same thing."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":714.124,"endTime":717.524,"body":"You, you have the experience and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":714.124,"endTime":717.524,"body":"you learn what it feels like, and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":717.524,"endTime":722.194,"body":"after a couple times you're like,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":717.524,"endTime":722.194,"body":"\"Hmm, I know what this is.\" Right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":723.594,"endTime":728.274,"body":"You recognize the sensations before"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":723.594,"endTime":728.274,"body":"the full experience takes over."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":731.394,"endTime":735.034,"body":"And, and emotions work"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":731.394,"endTime":735.034,"body":"really similarly, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":735.034,"endTime":736.775,"body":"Especially emotions like jealousy."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":737.704,"endTime":741.704,"body":"At first, jealousy can feel like,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":737.704,"endTime":741.704,"body":"like really overwhelming because you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":741.704,"endTime":743.795,"body":"don't yet recognize the early signals."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":744.265,"endTime":746.485,"body":"You don't notice it until"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":744.265,"endTime":746.485,"body":"it's, like, taken over."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":746.735,"endTime":750.985,"body":"You just know, like, I'm spiraling"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":746.735,"endTime":750.985,"body":"and everything feels really bad."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":752.194,"endTime":756.594,"body":"But emotional resilience is learning"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":752.194,"endTime":756.594,"body":"your emotional cues earlier,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":757.055,"endTime":760.264,"body":"like starting to recognize like,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":757.055,"endTime":760.264,"body":"ooh, my chest is getting tight."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":760.625,"endTime":762.464,"body":"Oh, I'm starting to compare myself."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":764.204,"endTime":768.815,"body":"My abandonment wound is getting"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":764.204,"endTime":768.815,"body":"activated, or like my nervous"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":768.815,"endTime":770.684,"body":"system is m- is moving into panic."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":771.065,"endTime":773.934,"body":"Like, those little awarenesses start"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":771.065,"endTime":773.934,"body":"to change things, 'cause once you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":773.934,"endTime":778.594,"body":"recognize the feeling earlier, you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":773.934,"endTime":778.594,"body":"have more choice in how you respond."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":778.905,"endTime":781.785,"body":"You can slow down, you can breathe,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":778.905,"endTime":781.785,"body":"you can start to regulate yourself,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":781.785,"endTime":784.495,"body":"you can look for support, you"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":781.785,"endTime":784.495,"body":"can reality check the story."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":784.925,"endTime":788.105,"body":"You can start to take care of yourself"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":784.925,"endTime":788.105,"body":"before the spiral fully takes over,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":788.105,"endTime":791.074,"body":"before your nervous system has"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":788.105,"endTime":791.074,"body":"decided you're not just jealous, but"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":791.074,"endTime":793.545,"body":"a lion is about to kill you, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":795.075,"endTime":796.904,"body":"And that is how you build resilience."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":797.204,"endTime":801.535,"body":"It's not never feeling jealous, but it's"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":797.204,"endTime":801.535,"body":"learning how jealousy feels in your body"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":801.535,"endTime":806.615,"body":"well enough that you can stay connected"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":801.535,"endTime":806.615,"body":"to yourself inside of it, and then"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":806.615,"endTime":809.355,"body":"it actually goes a lot faster, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":809.554,"endTime":813.404,"body":"But, uh, but like really it takes"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":809.554,"endTime":813.404,"body":"practice because emotional resi- emotional"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":813.404,"endTime":818.465,"body":"resilience gets built in these little"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":813.404,"endTime":818.465,"body":"moments, in these little experiences"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":818.575,"endTime":824.014,"body":"every time you pause instead of react,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":818.575,"endTime":824.014,"body":"every time you stay present instead"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":824.014,"endTime":827.935,"body":"of, like, abandoning yourself, every"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":824.014,"endTime":827.935,"body":"time you take a deep breath instead"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":827.935,"endTime":833.425,"body":"of feeding the panic story, every time"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":827.935,"endTime":833.425,"body":"you survive a hard feeling without"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":833.425,"endTime":836.264,"body":"collapsing into shame, that's the work."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":836.874,"endTime":840.465,"body":"And then over time, your nervous"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":836.874,"endTime":840.465,"body":"system starts to learn like,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":840.505,"endTime":841.675,"body":"\"Oh, I've felt this before."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":841.675,"endTime":842.664,"body":"I can handle this."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":842.825,"endTime":844.984,"body":"This feeling is intense,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":842.825,"endTime":844.984,"body":"but it's survivable."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":844.984,"endTime":847.895,"body":"It doesn't equal death.\" Right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":848.115,"endTime":851.685,"body":"So getting comfortable with being"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":848.115,"endTime":851.685,"body":"uncomfortable is part of how real"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":851.685,"endTime":853.495,"body":"emotional security starts to grow."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":854.675,"endTime":858.695,"body":"So the next time that jealousy"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":854.675,"endTime":858.695,"body":"pops its little head up, here's"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":858.695,"endTime":859.994,"body":"something simple I want you to try."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":860.115,"endTime":863.835,"body":"I want you to pause and notice"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":860.115,"endTime":863.835,"body":"what's happening in your body."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":865.365,"endTime":867.594,"body":"Name the sensations, all of them,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":869.745,"endTime":870.104,"body":"right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":870.464,"endTime":872.404,"body":"Oh, I'm feeling... My heart is pounding."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":872.834,"endTime":874.025,"body":"My cheeks are flushed."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":874.025,"endTime":874.825,"body":"My hands are cold."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":874.825,"endTime":876.534,"body":"Whatever is happening, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":877.214,"endTime":880.544,"body":"Name them out loud, and then"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":877.214,"endTime":880.544,"body":"separate the feelings from the facts."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":880.544,"endTime":883.184,"body":"Like, what do I know to be"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":880.544,"endTime":883.184,"body":"absolutely true in this moment?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":883.184,"endTime":887.534,"body":"Would, would everybody"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":883.184,"endTime":887.534,"body":"agree this is 100% a fact?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":887.935,"endTime":890.355,"body":"Or am I filling in the blanks?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":890.435,"endTime":893.384,"body":"Am I taking my feelings and"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":890.435,"endTime":893.384,"body":"assigning some meanings to them?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":894.294,"endTime":899.165,"body":"And also ask yourself, like, what"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":894.294,"endTime":899.165,"body":"inside of me needs care right now?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":900.945,"endTime":902.854,"body":"Not punishing yourself,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":900.945,"endTime":902.854,"body":"not shaming yourself."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":902.915,"endTime":904.314,"body":"What inside of you needs care?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":904.394,"endTime":908.064,"body":"Not what do you need your partner"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":904.394,"endTime":908.064,"body":"to do, but what do you need?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":909.675,"endTime":910.124,"body":"Okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":911.144,"endTime":912.265,"body":"What do you need for yourself?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":912.314,"endTime":913.474,"body":"What can you do for yourself?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":913.835,"endTime":916.384,"body":"Because the goal isn't to"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":913.835,"endTime":916.384,"body":"never feel jealousy again."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":917.724,"endTime":918.675,"body":"You're gonna feel it again."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":918.755,"endTime":920.525,"body":"It's fine, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":920.525,"endTime":924.544,"body":"But the goal is to stop losing"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":920.525,"endTime":924.544,"body":"yourself inside of it, to stop doing"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":924.544,"endTime":926.365,"body":"things that you don't wanna be doing."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":927.054,"endTime":930.455,"body":"And this is the kinda work that we're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":927.054,"endTime":930.455,"body":"doing inside Beyond Jealousy, because"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":930.755,"endTime":932.665,"body":"ins- insight is really powerful."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":932.995,"endTime":936.525,"body":"But, you know, like you can read the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":932.995,"endTime":936.525,"body":"books, listen to the podcasts, you can"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":936.525,"endTime":940.865,"body":"go, \"Oh, I know why I do this,\" and yet"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":936.525,"endTime":940.865,"body":"the same thing keeps happening, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":941.255,"endTime":947.255,"body":"So the actual transformation happens when"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":941.255,"endTime":947.255,"body":"you learn how to regulate your nervous"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":947.255,"endTime":952.065,"body":"system, when you learn how to stop"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":947.255,"endTime":952.065,"body":"spiraling and, like, soothe yourself,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":952.354,"endTime":956.885,"body":"how to build emotional resilience, how to"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":952.354,"endTime":956.885,"body":"communicate clearly about what you need,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":956.885,"endTime":961.054,"body":"what your boundaries are, how to feel"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":956.885,"endTime":961.054,"body":"secure without abandoning yourself, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":961.054,"endTime":965.205,"body":"That's where you get the"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":961.054,"endTime":965.205,"body":"freedom that I assume you're"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":965.205,"endTime":967.095,"body":"doing non-monogamy for, right?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":967.595,"endTime":973.315,"body":"It's not becoming someone who never feels"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":967.595,"endTime":973.315,"body":"hard things, but it's becoming someone"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":973.315,"endTime":978.675,"body":"who knows how to meet those feelings, how"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":973.315,"endTime":978.675,"body":"to sit with those feelings differently."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":979.105,"endTime":983.614,"body":"So if any of this hits home for you,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":979.105,"endTime":983.614,"body":"uh, the link for Beyond Jealousy"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":983.614,"endTime":987.465,"body":"is in the show notes, or you can"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":983.614,"endTime":987.465,"body":"go to elleciapaine.com/jealousy."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":988.404,"endTime":990.754,"body":"And as always, take what"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":988.404,"endTime":990.754,"body":"resonates and leave the rest."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":991.624,"endTime":993.315,"body":"Not all of this applies to everyone."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":993.535,"endTime":994.955,"body":"Your healing gets to be personal."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":994.955,"endTime":996.434,"body":"Your relationships get to be unique."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":996.705,"endTime":998.355,"body":"Like, your path is yours."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":999.734,"endTime":1000.575,"body":"Do it your way."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1001.584,"endTime":1005.535,"body":"But if this episode, like, helped"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1001.584,"endTime":1005.535,"body":"you feel, like, seen or understood,"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1006.105,"endTime":1009.675,"body":"I, I... You know, subscribe, leave"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1006.105,"endTime":1009.675,"body":"a review, leave a comment, share it"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1009.675,"endTime":1010.934,"body":"with someone who needs to hear it."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1012.734,"endTime":1014.095,"body":"Let more people know, okay?"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1015.915,"endTime":1017.374,"body":"Thank you so much for being here."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1019.965,"endTime":1020.034,"body":"Bye."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1024.244,"endTime":1029.445,"body":"My abandonm- ab- ab-"},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1024.244,"endTime":1029.445,"body":"um, my abandonment womb."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1030.175,"endTime":1030.764,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"Speaker 2","startTime":1031.915,"endTime":1034.915,"body":"My abandonment wound is getting activated."}]}