Episode #56

On this Episode of The MJ38 Show (Podcast):

Matthew and Justin talk about True Authenticity, Shame, and Being a Boss

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Transcript

0:11

True authenticity would be like what you said. It would keep you around. Like, just. What do you mean? You know, the parts of you that really make you. You. And when they shine through. That's much better than being too afraid to be you. Someone who's just too afraid to be them. And they're in a box and they're not, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you have someone that just, like, can kind of, like, be really authentic. Yeah. And like, a. True expression of their uniqueness, the oneness. Right. And what you really are. Because if you're really qualified for a job, like, like I've just been in the idea of, we called it like a war. A war like state, but just being in, what would you call what's an analogy? How is a football game and a Friday night service? What what about them is a like. Because they're, like, in adversity. Yes. That's sure. That's perfect. Yeah. The challenges or responsibilities. Being in a really chaotic tasks adverse situation where I'm assigned with a specific task that will help. This is your. Job. Yeah. Do your job. And you should watch the team overcome. Like, as a viewer. Just keep doing my task. Oh. Oh. We're winning. Oh, we're making money. You know, like, it's going well. One of my bosses have I the rush, if we were crushing, you would just hear and be like, we're doing it. We're doing it. And then when he said it, you were like, oh, shit. Okay, cool. Like we're beating the rush. We're on top. Yeah. We're ahead. That feeling is great, right? Yeah. So just like, So if you're qualified for that, I'm like, in that position, like a true expression of me would also express my qualification, my expertise, my. But you could also be in a box that doesn't even express like I think that's imposter syndrome makes you feel like you don't belong there. So you can't be the thing that belongs there. It's such a weird paradox. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I guess we're talking about talking about, like, the limitations that we kind of put on ourselves, I guess, because we know what we're talking about. The ability to be like a more true, authentic version of yourself or like maybe have less, less importance and significance and care about the limitations, like the social limitations you put on. Like if you're, like senioritis, you know, towards the end of the year, the end of the obligations, like the last mile, it's like, okay, here we go back in like, let it all out here like it's there's no I guess maybe we projects negative consequence. You know, I think if you're not fitting into a particular box that we construct in our own minds. You know. I just had a couple really deep thoughts. Okay. This one's a good day. Let's go. Okay. One of them is we. We do have to play a role. We do have to. Like, I am a son, you know, and then. And we have these hats for show. Right? And proper respect to that relationship. I'd like to be a good son. I don't want to be like, you know, also, how do you view yourself when you're not in, within the confines of relationship with anyone? So, like, is the truest you going to have a hard time acting like a son around your dad? Because maybe you don't view yourself as someone who's in these relationships at the core of your persona. And maybe you're not to some degree. but. I do like when, like, telling, you know, my stepdad or my dad about my life. And I know, I know that he's viewing it from the perspective of someone who's taking the news from their stepson or son. Yeah. He is, and he's just. It's not just some random person. Tell him this, this information. Right. He has. Significant. Yeah. And my delivery and my emotions and my connection with him in that moment impacts like the the core memories of his life. You know what I'm saying? Like what we go through is like huge for them, you know. And so I want to like, give them good memories and good like a good life experience. And how I act in those situations like impacts that for sure. Like I miss my step dad's 50th birthday party. And I didn't think in that time I just didn't make the connection. It was like, I can't make it. Like I did everything I could to try to make it like, I'm sorry I can't make it. But I also felt like, you know, it wasn't gonna be the end of the world or whatever, but he was, like, really upset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it made me realize just as I'm getting older, I'm like, yo, like these, These hats that we play also, you know what I'm saying? It impacts other people. Like, Matthew isn't like, I want to be, like, rolling through the city with my hood on and. Doing your own thing. Yeah, doing my own thing, you know what I'm saying? but, like, I love these people so much, and I truly care what their life experience. You know what I'm saying? All that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the ability to affect their life experience. So then what is authenticity? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think I think what you're saying. Yeah. Whenever you're in relationship to no one else. Is that what you said? Right. Initially. Just start it off. I think that's 100% correct. Or like, that's like a the root of, I forget what it is, but I've heard it before is like, there's like three masks that we're all wearing, like the, the mask, like the general public mask, like the mask with your friends and family and then like the mask when you're alone. And I think that I was I was conceptualizing that on a while ago, just like thinking about it, because the thought that came to my mind was, like about, I guess, in, in regards to myself, like, whenever I was with, like you or like my mom, I like close friends. Like, I'd like that person. Whoever. Hello? Like who? I wasn't who I felt like I was in those relationships is I felt like who was who I was more genuinely like to myself, you know? But I didn't really have that relationship with, like, everyone, you know, I'm saying I didn't have that expression of myself on that mask scale of a larger social group. You know, it wasn't as easy to to shine through. But nowadays I'm pretty much like, there, you know, I'm saying I think I have like, all like my, my outer mask down to my inner mask, of course, there's like hierarchies and levels and layers, but it's all pretty. It's all pretty lined up, you know. That's beautiful. I remember that time. I remember you telling me that. I don't know, I don't know exactly what you said, but just the idea that when we were hanging out or we were out, like with our parents or just like that. You. Like you crush. You're hilarious, you know? But then it's hard for you to necessarily. I don't think you're telling me, like, I struggle with this. I think it was just like you were like, maybe saying you wanted to do more of that person on the outside. I don't remember exactly, but I, I think you were telling me about the three masks. So it's crazy that we were like younger when I remember you talking about that maybe college. Yeah. Yeah for. Sure. And then now we're still talking about it and I'm like that's crazy. That's true. Right. Yeah. Some shit. So yes some things man. But yeah I think so. I think that hits it pretty on the head. in regards to who you are with yourself, by yourself in relation to yourself, you know. Right. It's like, what's that expression of yourself with yourself. In relation to yourself? It's crazy too, because that's like what integrity is. I think it's separate than what you're talking about right now. Okay. Just being yourself. But the integrity part is like when nobody's looking, what do you do? and so that's like, Like for me personally right now, just super vulnerable. It's just like doing work instead of avoiding work is like where my bullshit that I just am, like, working through. And then when I'm alone, too, that's the thing, is that, like, nobody can stop me from getting on the computer and doing two hours of fantasy football drafts and not writing a single email, or like responding to what I gotta do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. There's no monitor for that. It's just me. But I'm so being myself. I love fantasy football. Like I'm being authentic in that moment, but it's in relation to myself. You said that at the end of your tag who I am in relation to myself. Yeah. And that's that part is, is like, maybe it's not the whole thing. Right. But it is. I think a core of that thing. Yeah. I'm feeling it right now. I could to a witness. I'm a witness. We touched it. It's a core of who you are. Yeah, I'm touching it every day in my life right now. This is how it's all on you at some point, and you have it all on you. A lot of struggle. you know what's coming to save you. Hopefully your teachers come to save you. Your parents. Hopefully, you get some information. Your boss comes to save you. Even if it's in the form of criticism. You get a. Chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Corrective information. Right. Something to point you towards. Something better. Right? Somebody is like taking responsibility for you and to some degree. But you can get to a point where because we're. Connected, it's like the relationships we're talking about earlier. Right? Right, right. So we're going to say. Well, to some we're getting to a point where it's like, I'm at a point right now where I have to if I don't do the work I have to do, nobody's nobody's taking responsibility for that. Nobody can, you know what I'm saying? And it's great. It's great to be in a position where that's true, because the positive effects of that are like, potentially overwhelmingly massive for your life when all the responsibility is on you. And if you're successful, you'll change your life for the better. Who wouldn't want to be in that situation, you know. I don't think anybody would be like nah I don't trust myself too. Who wouldn't bet on themselves. Right. Who wouldn't at least want to. Maybe if you're real real good financially and very self-aware you're like I'll take the under on that guy. But. Because I got. Underwriter like insurance. Yeah. Under. But I think we all wish that we could, we would have the gusto to bet on ourselves. Yeah. But confidence. Yeah. Right. Right. We all want that. Want to be that version of ourselves or feel that way about ourselves. Because the people you identify with or love are people that do you know everyone? We're fans are the source. Of inspiration and motivation, right? So the why does that come from how is what they're doing like a source of that. Like what is that the tapping into I. Think a subconscious thing that that's what I'm trying to express to you conscious mind. And we just get this feeling of like, I'm exhilarated to do. Something like that. Do something like that. Yeah, that's what I think, I think, do things. Create. Things? The subconscious is, such a fucking thing, dude. It's like the coding behind the computer. It's more true than the computer. Yeah. Generates the image, right? What's what's what's in what's more real, the image of the behind the scenes work that causes the image to generate. I guess they're both real, but they tell different stories. Yeah. So I want to do two different languages. Yeah. Or two different, like, I guess. Yeah. Like a communication or kind of like languages. Because the subconscious has intuition and intimations that aren't aware to us yet. Like the subconscious will think it has an answer to the problem that the brain that you haven't consciously realized and maybe even try to tell you through a dream, or maybe like you're not processing something and then your subconscious kind of already knows it to be true because it's kind of more aware than you are. So it's been around longer than you. 0000 so so how long is this a Rostock? Oh. Man, I don't want to get too far away from, talking about the mess stuff. Yeah, the mess, the limitations that we put on ourselves. That's what really. Do like, jobs are talking about jobs and stuff and being, like, the way you're not going to talk to the coaches the same way you talk to the players, talk to your friends, talk to everybody. We kind of. It's roles we accept. Right. All right. Rules and limitations. Who you are to some degree is the. I senioritis like giving a fuck about. Those things. It's a good thing about. The little bit. Yeah. Right. The right amount of giving. Fuck the right amount of Tom cruise. Hey. So because you need a care, you need to care. For the character. I mean, yeah, I would say that Maverick cared about flying that fucking plane, but he also was just like, doing pacifiers and shit, like, fuck you. But I don't think you should be like that, per se. But I just think that there's, like, Harry Potter had some give a fuck, like there's, that's a motif in a lot of stories that you gotta. At least be able to play by the rules a little bit. Yeah. Oh, more. Okay, well, we're getting off track. You know what I'm talking about specifically. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because the the willingness to break the rules for the following. The truth or the embodiment of the spirit or embodying the spirit of the rules, that's a different kind of that. Those are true too. But that's a different thing. But just. Talking more about just who you are as a person. I think that. Expression. Sometimes when someone's personality shines through that mask that they have to wear, that's like, I think that those are the moments that are appreciable. Or like feel real and authentic in something. Something is there. Right? Now you can feel that, like, I guess even in the restaurant, whenever you're talking to like, tables is like an obligatory note like, push or tag and that obligation, it's like it's literally, literally their job to like be talking to you. But then there's like, yeah, moments where you can, like, really connect with someone or like say something or whatever, you know, just like hit a real moment of authenticity where through the social mask, through the mask of me having to be this thing in the mask of you, like observing me be this thing and or like we're all watching, you know, we're all watching each other. Be each other in front of each other and in front of ourselves. Yeah. You know, so, like, all four of those things are happening at the same time. And then there's like a moment where all four of those things line up, and then it's like you're really being yourself through that mask, and I'm really being myself through this mask. And it's like, oh, that feels good. Oh, that's like, you know, I could feel something there. There's something there that's nuance. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, that's deep. Connecting. You're feeling a connection, something real. Yeah. That's true expression of yourself through all the limitations that we're mentally putting on ourselves. You know. That's heavy. That's what we're looking for. Yeah. It feels you can feel it. Yeah. It's nice. Yeah. I heard Joe Rogan talking with that Ari podcast. Highly recommend. It's great. Nice. At one point they're talking about how Joe has this idea that if you're out with your homie and y'all are like, he was like, me and Brian, I want to go out to the woods. Super deep Montana woods, very remote, very far out camp in the middle of winter and chase this elk. And we're just going to be in cold, wet ground sleeping bag fire, middle of nowhere. No cell service. And I know we're going to have a good time. Let's fucking go I know. Yeah that's Brian. If he's down, he's like, fuck yeah, let's do it bro. I'm into that. Let's go. So you know where they should go. It's Joe Rogan asking you who was he asking what's his name? Brian. Callan. Brian. Caleb okay. They're homies okay. He's a gym teacher from the 80s show. Some teacher from the 80 show? Yeah, that show about the guy who's like, the camera guy. Kid is a kid in the 80s, the Goldbergs. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he's a gym teacher in The Goldbergs. Okay. But he's also like, an actor and a stand up comedian. And been friends with Joe Rogan for, like, a decade. He's hilarious. Martial arts guy. It's cool. Dude has his own podcast. But Joe was saying, what about this? Come on to Elk with me in the middle of nowhere in the freezing winter. And they were just like, down. Because ultimately, because he's like, I can be with Tony Hinchcliffe in a shitty motel in a shitty town in Arizona, and we will just be laughing our ass off, like we'll be having a good time. And I think when you have that connection with someone like you're talking about where it's just like you're able to shed all of the, you're just like being authentically each other. That's maybe when you can just like have a good time wherever you're at because you're not having to wear a mask when you're out in public just being you. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And I think that's super valuable because if we can just be us, that's so freeing bro. It's so freeing. Yeah I think so. Yeah. Whatever I don't know maybe it's like the ability to express yourself truly and fully like that. It's like the ability to have like a really, truly blessed life. Like you know what I'm saying. Really doing like really just being that like us from the core outwards, whatever that is, that truest expression of yourself, whatever you can. I think I posted a little thing about it on my story the other day was like the ikigai or some Japanese, I think some Japanese sort of philosophy or, philosophy phraseology that's like you take like, well, you're good at what you love to do, where you can get paid for and what the world needs. And like, you combine those things into one thing. I think that's like your truest expression of yourself would line up with that. You know? Yeah, whatever your predispose, predisposed to whatever your interests are, that's. Like a perfect purpose. Yeah. You'd have to believe that that's real for everybody to really. Or you could say that you could systematically find something that I'm good at that like fucking Venn diagram chart for everything. And just like really analytically go at it. I should be a painter. It's the best for everybody. So no, I'm saying that's it. That's what. Who knows? Who knows where the passion is? Well, I don't know. I agree with you. It's a great and I think that. Shit. Because yeah I don't know. It's, it's. We spoke in the past about life could be tailor made for you. Yeah. And I think that's the same idea that you're talking about here. Yeah. There is a perfect purpose for you. If you're if you're able to. Have a bro got a plan for you. Come on. It's hard for me not to get religious. I mean, find the urge. You're able to express yourself, you know, say fully without shame, without the filters you put on everything, you know, say what would allow you to do that? You know what I'm saying? Like being the fucking. The Holy Spirit. Yeah. Knowing that it's I. I can feel that way. I can feel that way because someone. Died for me. To feel that way. Sorry. Yeah. Listen, bring it in. Well, here's here's my biggest thought about everything we're talking about is that we have to wear these hats, but ultimately we want to be free like we're talking about. But why would we wear these hats then? And it's because we are in relation to Jesus Christ. We are in relation to God. Like we're a child of God who's been shown the way to be and the way to be is through, like perfect self-sacrifice, as good as you can through, Possibly. Manage. Yeah. Through a system which is designed for you to pursue salvation and also granted eternal grace through that process because of the story of the of how you should be. It's complicated, but it's, like a perfect axiom to have a reason to be trying to do your best all the time. So it gives you a way out of your shame and out of your guilt, but also doesn't let you off the hook, you know? Yeah, it keeps you pointed on that North Star, and it tells you that it's not really possible, but the person that made it possible for you to even try died so that you could try. So what do you think you should do? And I'm like, I think I should try, you know, it's perfect. It's a game. Yeah. In my opinion, as far as just a axiom to live your life on, it's what else are you going to do? Are you going to be in relation to no one? Are you not going to wear any hats for anybody ever? You're just going to be this this. Yeah, yeah. This thing that you I guess our designing but also becoming we have all this predisposition like you have a lot of I personally have a lot of it's not like a naturally Matthew just eats healthy. That's not what happens. Like if just a wild Matthew appeared. You got to, like. Work on that shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you have to be, I guess, what you are and what you work on, what you are and what you're working on. And that's true. But, like. It's not enough. I don't think. There's more relation there. There's more. I guess we're talking about all the roles and all the it's all mental. It's all the mental things that we put on ourselves. But within that there's the familial relation. So I guess it's kind of we're talking about to like, yeah, the familial relations and also being a partner of somebody else, that's a big sacrifice as well, because you're literally just like sacrificing any opportunity to be anything else that you want, because you have to be with the like in accordance with and limited to this thing in spirit. True. Right? In theory. You are. Yeah. So the entanglement of the relationship, it is the truth. Yeah. We're all just universes here interacting with each other. Oh, he's he's a Ross. That's what. Oh, seriously, Ross. That's. I don't know. So there's so much going on. So much going on, y'all. If you're going to be the truest version of yourself, you would like to be a good son or daughter. I don't think we want to disappoint our parents. Naturally. Yeah. You don't want to be. No one wants to be. The truest expression of themselves isn't to be like a fucking ruler or like an asshole. You know, like a dictator, right? You know. You might think so, but then take it to have acid and you're not so sure anymore. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Something like that. We were debating that last night over beers, so that's why it's on the head. But okay. What was the debate like? How much does it. Make a multivitamin? How much capacity does mega multivitamins have to tell you truths about yourself that you need to know and actually change your carry because of that process? How much does it I what. Was the question is what is what is the capacity to actually transform. A lot. A lot life? Take me straight back to work to a specific time. But yeah, yeah. Yeah. I gave two anecdotes about, you know, the first trip I ever had. I really felt like the lesson I learned was the only way you could. I was worried that I wasn't going to have the life I was going to have. And then I realized that being the person who's worried he's not going to have the life he's going to have is the only way that I'm not going to just be myself and have the life that myself is going to have. If I'm just myself and I have a passion for these things and I'm pointed at that direction. You don't have a disproportionate amount of worry in your lens. Right? Then I can just be the thing that I desire to become. That process is natural. A tree grows into a. Tree, a flower blooms. Exactly. A flower is not like a one. Yeah. Bloom. Bitch. I don't want to be a beaver. I don't want to be a beaver. I want to be a flower. Please. So, like that's not. You know what I'm saying? I don't even know what a flower. Yeah. Necessarily. I don't fucking know. Who knows the way everybody knows it. Me was saying it was like I saw a wolf and I saw a dog, and the wolf was like everything I wanted to be. And the dog was like the normal life I was afraid I was going to have. And I was like, you know, an immature way to think about life as a 20 year old. But that's just like where I was at. I was in college, you know, a lot of pressure. even getting your degree in something isn't maybe what you want to fucking do. You know what I'm saying? Of course. But, like, you know, who the fuck knows? At any point, it takes a while. Some people don't know what they want to do into their their 30s, 40s, 50s, but don't stumble into the thing that they were meant to do. I guess potentially, or whatever blows them up. I don't know, I guess I've heard, I've seen I've heard a couple stories about that, about fashion designers or people like designers or like engineers or whoever, you know, and their come up later in life. Yeah. You never know what's up over you. You're 20 like. 18. I don't know shit about fuck. Thanks, dude. Hopefully you're following your personal. Feeling around the best you can. Trying to be a decent expression. Yeah. What do they call the alchemist? You're your own. Your own personal dream, your own story, your own navigation feeling process. Hopefully you're following that. So that's taking you up the roller coaster for your whole life. You know. But yeah. So so the capacity for change, what was the what was the verdict? What was the consensus? Well, what the dog stuff. I, it was I took away it was like all of this was one fear, like the life I really wanted to have, this thing I was clinging to. And I felt like I was the dog. And I let go of the want in the fear and just accepted what I was. And then I, the dog that I was turned into a wolf. It was like a dog's wolf. A dog isn't a want a wolf. That's a that's a what someone's telling that wants to be a wolf isn't a dog a dog just a what is a wolf now and then? It was like the moon was telling me that. And it was a lady. Yeah. And she was like, Moon's. Lady sends a fella. I'll tell you right now. Isn't that crazy? That's awesome. That's crazy. How do you know that? How do we how do we stumble on that? Yeah. That's crazy that you talked to or had the experience in the realm and then talk to a piece of the sky, the face of the universe, and it was expressed as feminine. And then I did the same thing. It was expressed as masculine. It's talking to the sun. It's like, man, thank you for heating me up. It was like having the it was. I remember it was like February and it was chilly, you know, it wasn't cold. We're in hoodies and it was sunny outside. Thank goodness we're in Texas. So it wasn't super, super cold, but it was February. Wintertime sun was peering through the leaves. And then whenever the sun's rays were on me, I was like, oh, is this nice? And like, I should express that to the sun in my in that realm with that thought space. And then he responded. And it was a he for sure was like, well, what the fuck? Had a little mini conversation. Bananas. Bananas, bananas. He was like, yeah, you're you're just a the way I'm warming you up. I do that all the time. All the time, everywhere for everyone. When it's their time, you know? Yeah. It's like. And you just, you just focus on doing you. It's like, oh, man, I'm just me. That's all I got to take care of, thank God. Thank goodness. All I gotta do is take care of this. This small little thing versus like a sun, like a star in our Milky Way galaxy or whatever. Bananas, like. Well. That's just what I felt. It was just. It's just my experience, you know what I'm saying? It's so crazy. Yeah. You only have your. It could be like, true across or whatever, because that's definitely a way that the moon in the sun have been expressed through time and through a lot of stories and like abstract symbolism, it's like masculine and feminine and there are many variations. But I literally just felt that in a conversation, like in my own life, like if regardless of if anyone had told me in any of those other symbolic meanings, historically symbolic meanings, it's like in my own personal experience, that's what I would say. I think the sun is a man or like masculine energy, whatever that is. And then that's just like happens to be a common trope across thousands and thousands of years. As long as we've been talking. Yes, yes, yes. I was like, well, I felt that. And you felt the same thing on the opposite side, same thing. She's been sweet to me about. It was like the way that. A sweetheart. You. Are, a what you want to be is what you that that's what defines what you are. Silly. Like a dog is a wolf. Silly like you don't have to be so like you're okay. You know. Like that was like the energy behind it. And it was soothing because I'm, like, lying on a picnic table like this. Gold is flowing through the universe, bro. Like. Like right there was crazy. Oh, Christ. Yeah, yeah, that's a piece of my personal. So then, you know, I'm bringing that to the table is because it's like when you bring it up, I feel like people want to know. You know, I try to, because it's hard to explain what's happening there. So I'm like, I was like, out of reality, but also like in reality. Then within this dreamlike, trance like state, life, like things were happening, like the moon was talking and it's not life like, but someone talking to you and communicating with you is life. Like, you know, This is. Just like I was having a daydream, but it was kind of projected in front of me instead of being like in my head. Exchanged information, just exchanging information. Yeah. So it's like it was like a life like situation in a dream where it's like, doesn't seem out of place almost because you're in the dream. Yeah. And you just I kind of accepted it at some point. I was kind of. And then to accepted it, I remember being like, what if these mushrooms are gonna poison me? What if I'm allergic to these mega multivitamins? I'm done. I'm done for. And it's just like I'm getting cold. What if this is my body getting really still? I remember feeling like I'm out and like the woods ish area, and I was like, if I were to be allergic to these mushrooms, I feel like God would just drop a spider on my shoulder that would bite me. And that poison would be the perfect thing to counteract these mushrooms. Right now, I am so sure that nothing is about to stop me. Actually, it's like divine intervention will occur now. And like I accept that. And with that confidence, I just like went fully into the trip. It's probably the best one, the easiest one I ever had in that sense. That's cool. One moment of anxiety extinguished by one idea, and then I was just good for the rest of. It, bro. Just Tomahawk. Done yourself? Yeah. Mentally. Spiritually. Like, no you're fine. Yeah. Trust me, I got it. Yeah, I heard coach heard. Which is not how my system usually go full. Force. Yeah, yeah. So that was cool. That's awesome. Yeah. So there is a capacity for change. I think just personally, on my own level of experience, I could express and I would attest two thumbs up. It does do some change and it lasts. Yeah. It sticks. That bitch be sticking it. It'll change you. It's crazy. But then yeah, y'all are talking about that in regards to I guess we we've meant brought this up in regards to the true as full as expression of someone's self. I don't think they want to be a ruler or a dictator or a fucking asshole. Right? Right. In this, in that state, I think you would that that version of yourself that's working through, like I was working through my shit, or like the really vulnerable person of yourself that's like, The truth. Like your soul. No. No ego. I think that. No way, no way you want to do those things. I think you're her. Or misaligned. Yeah. I just have a warped misconception of your. Whatever you project the world to be, or you think it is, or what thing it should be based on whatever is going on in your in your fucking sphere, in your, in your universe. Because we're all in a fucking we're all in our own fucking world, guys. Everyone is in their own world. Yeah. Completely separate from yours. Completely different, completely different. It's like well you. Yeah, they have respect for that. But like, we just crossed paths with each other in the in the fucking matrix or in the, in the ruins scape, you know, so we log in, it's like, all right, we're crossing through each other or like we're interacting in this thing. So we that respect for that I think that's that's where that comes from. Like the idea that you wouldn't be like a ruler or a dictator in your truest expression of your self, no ego involved. It's like because you're because the truth is that we're all interacting together. We're all fucking commingling in this crazy, crazy expression of whatever the hell is really going on. No one really knows. So we're all just we have to have respect for that. We have to, like, give people the opportunity to be that self version of themselves as well. I've tried to create an environment where that's propagated in, promoted whatever. Ideally. That's what we want, right? That's what we'd appreciate. That'd be nice. The truest version of ourselves. Yeah. But appreciate that. And so in pursuit of that that's what I'm saying. If everyone could align with that, we'd all it would fit together like a fucking pyramid. Like every stone. Just because we don't have my attention. No one wants to do these things, you know, at their truest level. And no one's proud of that shit. And no one's going to watch that film again in the afterlife and be like, like you'll have a true expression or you have a true interpretation of it, then, sure. You know, having to watch yourself, watch all your low lights. Oh, oh, that's going to be some tough film to digest. You think those things are avoidable? What do you mean? Our low lights. The low lights? Are humans. Just your worst one. Maybe, I don't know. I there it is. Yes. I think God's grace maybe. Yeah. God's just that. Just an intermission to do better in one moment. Just a just the pursuit of a better life. And one second to take you right instead of left. But your predisposition is probably to hit all those lefts. and sometimes you can get yourself out of there. Yeah, but maybe if we I don't know, I don't know, because maybe then there's no game, is there? No or not game. But is there no movie? Is there no adversity to overcome is we just went all the time and like there's no story if we just went all the time. Not unlike the social setting of drama, but in your personal legend of learning of like pain and creating. Strength, experience, wisdom. Yeah, all that shit. How do you. I guess the constraint is that we're already, like, fucked up, you know what I'm saying? You're not perfect. So I guess. Yeah. Are we, like, it's up by design. Maybe. Maybe you. Yeah. You say maybe. Yeah. It might have said about it. I don't know. I don't think so. Big trust. Big trust big. Tries. It's not like. God chose the process. It's all I got. That's. Yeah. I don't know, man. What to do for the intro. We're out here dog crazy right now. We we we were going off minute. We even jumped in. Yeah. Because the authenticity stuff is I think that I'm. It's obvious to me that I'm a better version of Matthew if I get the inhibitors off the onto authenticity. Yeah. I think there's. So I think all this started from you talking about before we even started on the pod, we were talking about the ability for you to fully express yourself to our boss in a moment of like a true how you would hey, how you would have responded to him is how you would have responded to me or to Luke or to Steve, you know, saying like people like on that level of mask with yourself, right? You know, saying or even telling yourself that to say if you if you like, if you hit him or whatever, you know, saying. Even though I'm with you. Right. Yeah. A true authentic expression of you, like, regardless of whoever's out there. And they happen to be like our boss. So it was like that was able to come through. And then we started talking about, yeah, like the boss relationship, like limits the way that we express ourselves and also like the way that shame and like our construction of how we feel about ourselves in like, who we are, what's going on and like our guilt and what we feel like, our low vibration emotions, how how much of those low vibration emotions are inhibiting our expression of our self and our true is level, right? You know what I'm saying? There's authenticity and like love or like super high up, you know, saying. Where I have noticed that if you could present the authentic version of yourself, that's usually the thing that would get you the result that you're looking. For. Like, that's all it takes. You just got to be you. You know what I'm saying? And just like we get in the way of just being you sometimes. Yeah, we we we get in the way of or we put like the limits on ourselves. Yeah. We do through our interpretation and our mental capacity. That's the thing to overcome. That's it doesn't it. Yeah I do I, I'm like dude this. Because I was listening to a pastor talk about shame. Yes. But he was talking about it in a way that kind of reframed the way, like I was able to, like, open up my. I killed that. It was fire. I killed it. Yeah. I reframed my what I felt shame to be or what I identified it as and then was realized. It's more of like, yeah, if you just ask yourself, like, what am I? You know, what are some what's something I'm ashamed of to the point where, like, it's affected my life style choice or who I've become or like, is there anywhere along the way something that I like can identify as. I was a shame to that. And it made me be like this. And then can you take that off? And if you took it off, what would that feel like? And who could you be and what inspiration would come from then, you know, because sometimes it's like hard to be like, if I reimagine how I think about this thing, then my, my thought space will be so different that I'll create new thoughts. It's like, you can't even you can't even really imagine that, you know, that's like true growth. Yeah. It's place you don't have access to right now. But it happened to me and I was like, whoa! And then it became translatable. And I'm like, this is crazy. You just got to take this film off yourself. and just like, kind of own it, I guess, but also like, be humble and also just like. Be repent. Yeah. You know, like, acknowledge it. True, true. Look at it through an objective lens, which it would allow you to have. Because if you don't look at it through an objective lens, you wouldn't be able to even feel the shame. You know what I'm saying, I guess, right? It's not like psychopaths continue on doing crazy psychopathic shit right to people, right? Right. They just don't feel shame or guilt or any type of way about treating people in any type of way. You know, like can't just be treating people like that, you know? So be watching Game of Thrones, like you'll see it. But like, there's people in life like that who just like they'd be treating people like crazy. Just like what the fuck are you doing? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You can't be doing that. But whatever allows you to do that is the lack of shame or guilt or an objective lens to view this intermingling of universes together. Yeah, whatever that is. You're so right. So it's like, yeah, it's like a. It's important to be able to feel guilt and shame. Yes. But to have it dictate your personal outcome, personal belief systems to to let it to. Is your character defined by what you're ashamed of too much? Yeah, yeah. Just a disproportionate. Like. Just what personal. It's hard. I can just I can, I can I have what happens and then I try to make it translatable for everybody. Like I'm some kind of author, but sometimes just easier for me to tell you, like my thoughts. But then I realized that not finishing school and then working in a restaurant, it felt just like a natural kind of punishment because, like working in the restaurants a little bit tougher. You're working longer shifts later nights, it's more chaotic. It's a crazy system, longer school for this shit. It's a lot of people that slip through the cracks. If you're working in the wrong place, it's crazy people working with you. It's like being a comedian. They can be crazy. It's crazy. But there's some wild people in that industry, which is cool. I mean, fuck it, dude. I got love for everybody and I'm happy I got to see some some different walks of life. But. I don't necessarily want to do that forever. Like I was like, I think I. That's that's a common trope even in that industry, for sure. You know what I'm saying? Right? A lot of people are doing it temporarily between jobs or between like when they're going between like semesters or as like they're trying to be an actor or whatever. You know, it's a super common trope. Oh yeah, pay the bills. Yeah. Pay your bills. Get it done. Fire. But me personally, it felt like a penance, almost like, I'm repenting of my sentence for having failed. What would be the my mom stream for me or the American dream? The path that she had taken. Right. So I'll work a little harder and grind it out and be busy and have bags under my eyes and do the shit. Whatever. Where the the apron. I always feel like a dress to me. So in my own mind I'm like, I'll wear the skirt, I'll wear the dress. I'll put it, let's do the dance. But then once I removed the shame of I'm like, this is just my life. Yeah, like, what if I'm on accountant right now? In that life, that's the path. And then, you know, I end up finding my dreams at the bottom of the rainbow, my personal life. Because I followed the fucking path less trodden, you know? Yeah. What am I gonna be fucking mad about that? Like, no. Damn. Feel ashamed of that or guilty about that, or, like, feel less than because of that. Like, fuck that, bro. And then removed that. And then I felt differently about everything else. I was like, oh, no, I don't feel that. I'm kind of like, wow, you know, what was I doing back then? The fuck was I doing? It didn't have to be that way. I didn't have to feel that way about myself. I didn't have to put myself in those boxes. yeah. Yeah, yeah, put down those limiters. Yeah, those mental barriers. But at the same time, we got to do what we got to do. So it might have been like, literally perfect for the amount of time that I had to do it. So I had the realization at that point that I had it so I could feel differently about it. Now, you know what I'm saying? It's like they talk about it on here. Yeah. So then it's like. What if I told you that every time you fucked up, it was perfect? It's like, that's a weird thought, right? Yeah. Or it'll end up being perfect for you, right? In the long run. Whenever you're able to look back on it, you're. Exactly who and where you need to be right now. Perfect timing. Yeah, it's perfect. It's right there. Think about it that way now though. Like for the for the rest of the day. Like go forward with that perspective you know. Yeah. Allow that to become true. Yes yes fucking yes bro. Yeah. And that's transformative. Yeah. And I feel like can now this is what I couldn't communicate in the beer drinking session about the mega multivitamins okay. My capacity to think about my life like that. I don't think I had that before I took those. It's not necessarily just like I took it. And I realized, oh, man, I got to be neater. We're all one. Yeah, well, guys, I was like, that's who. That happens a little bit for sure. Yeah, but but you. Get it I was it. It's not all like just like I was at a and now I'm at B and I'm kind of a hippie. It's like my, my awareness of my subconscious. The capacity to think. Yes expands. Way broader. Way different. It's a different game. You know, it's like playing Pokemon, bro. Like then finding out about the IVs and Eevee's and you're like, oh shit. Run it back. Yeah, yeah. It's there are Pokemon that are stronger than other Pokemon. Naturally. Yeah. Wild Pokemon in the in the wild. I don't even know about stats. I didn't even know about this until you told me all of it. Crazy. But yeah, same. I agree with you and I think that's maturation. Does that to you. They say a boy's frontal cortex doesn't close until they're 25. Yeah. Fully developed to later to that. That'll do it to you. You go through some hard times that'll do maturation. You know it'll happen where you like have more perspective and become more aware. But I'm telling you man I, I really think that there's a connection between and I think that's why we evolved the stone ape theory. If I believed it at all, it's because I think that I can see a translation where your capacity to think and be aware and understand time and understand yourself as like a concept becomes way more developed. If you were to take some mega multivitamins. Take this little trip. Which is also why I think if you were a fucking tyrant and you took a bunch and you gained that self-awareness and perspective and understanding of yourself, you wouldn't necessarily want to do that shit. When I don't think so. In the truest expression of you, man, the true is expression in like a hippie man. But the truth is you, man. Well, if you let him out, man, open. You gotta go feed your mind, man. But here's the other thing is, in this life, I do feel like I'm a fucking gladiator to some degree. And maybe I feel like that because I was like that in a past life. I don't know, Gladiator. In what way? I just like like like. Well, when I was talking to my boss about where he was, just like, he was like, now we're just in the middle of the shit storm. And I was like, you're good. It's busy night in a restaurant. Yeah. He's like, oh yeah, I live for this. And I was just like, fuck yeah. And then he was like a Conor McGregor. you know, I'm talking about. And I was like. I live with this like that. I am that too. Like, that thing is. I know what that feels like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, I feel like that in the, in the in the thick of the shit sometimes too. Especially when you be hitting box on some shit, bro. Or it's like you just, I don't know, there's always a hit box in any capacity, any game that you're playing, whatever that is basketball. It happens to be shooting a basket of all into a basket, making it. That is a bucket. That's how you get bucks. You do that whole bunch of times in a whole bunch of different ways. Duncan. All people in threes, step backs, nasty shit being nasty. That's what that is. Getting bucks. Yeah. But that translates to any and every outlet there is. Yes it does. And in a restaurant it looks like. You have a. Queue of obligations and you just hit everything like perfectly in stride and just knock everything down, just like boom, boom, boom, boom. And then you don't forget a thing and then you keep moving in the, in the flow of the night and you're like. Yes, yes, yes. You know, it's. The best. Bucks. I was really talking about that. I love getting that shit. There's when it's could. It's like playing Tetris on ultra expert mode. Sometimes it's just like your cue is like things that all kind of have to happen. And then it's all like a difficult. It's like some are just like blue, blue, blue, blue, blue. There's like doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo. Easy. Some of them are like red purple, red purple, red purple. And like the color being varying in difficulty. Yeah. And then you know, and you got to go and then you just like clear it. Yeah. It feels. Crazy. You're like, I'm a I'm a mad man. David Beckham on the field. Oh, yeah. Theater of dreams. Get books. Get buckskin bucks. Get books is real. It feels great. Right? So maybe I over identify with that thing. Maybe I'm like, I am the thing that likes to do that. Maybe in just reality, anybody would enjoy doing that. Getting books is great for everyone. Anyone. What are you. Doing with your life? How much of the life is just a blank canvas to do what you want to do? I don't know. I think a lot of it. I think maybe I'll. I'll just say that that's over. That's my I was leaning towards, like, maybe the whole thing. Maybe the whole thing. But you do have you're given some things for sure. You're given like your family and your height. You know. You have some limitations for sure that are just embedded into the game, but within then you have your, your mind, you know, you have that thing. And that's like the source of all things. You can create anything in the truest expression of you. You would create whatever you're meant to be created or whatever is meant to be created through you. You created. So why do we have the. Yeah, the other man. Oh, let's try and take it back. Take it back. Now that's the first mask. That's that's just me with my boys clothes, mom relationships, then Joe, and then who I am. I know who they are. But you also have this, like, social mask because we're social creatures and just be respectable of everyone else and all. They're deep. Courteous. We're. I just can't throw our whole personality around all the time. Sophisticated nuance, behavior, nuance. Like Game of Thrones times don't give a fuck. What's our third mask? I was like, the arrogance. Yeah, those are all three. who you are when you're yourself and then who are with your families and then. Yeah, who. You are in. Public, I guess. Like. Yeah, I guess, and even the public can vary as well. levels of, like, from, like, your mom's relationship. Like your best friend, literally a stranger, right? You know what I'm saying? Right? And then I guess the third mask falls somewhere in there. Maybe. Ideally, you can get it, like, pretty close to the second mask, and it's like, pretty much just like. That's what I always thought when I heard the story. I was like, I think you should be trying to make all of that one mask. So you just yourself everywhere. Yeah, I think. But we do have to wear these roles and I want to, you know what I'm saying? Like, I want to be myself but not trying to treat my dad, like, necessarily exact. Exactly like he's my bro. Even though we do have a relationship where we are kind of like bros with each other, but he's like, still my dad, you know what I'm saying? It's like, yeah. I don't yeah, there's the respect level. Respect to that. Yeah. Respect your family. or just like the relationships, whatever the hierarchy is or whatever, you know, maybe not even the hierarchy, but the lay of the land. So I think that just like yourself, you're. So how do you define yourself? One of those definitions is yourself in, in, in reference to yourself or in respect to yourself. How did you put it in relationship? Yeah. Relationship yourself. Then it's like. Who you are, which is made up of who you are in relation to yourself, is also made up with or becomes like part of that is who you are in relation to other people, to. Yeah. And I think also this ties in it's AJ said he thought from back in the day but he's like I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think that you think that I am like living in the perception, like who you are to yourself and then who you think other people think that you are, and then playing that out or incorporating that into who you think you are. We decided to did that, right? Fuck all that. Kill that. Yeah. Dead. Not interesting. Big dead. Weight. Listening to that, that's how you be. Yeah, man. I mean, I've always had this idea that, like or not, I have had to say this. That being an asshole. Not a rude way, but I've heard some people say that like, a person that is a boss just acts like a boss the whole time that they're, like, working in the company. So if you're like, person who's a worker and then you become a boss, but you're a boss who's acting like a worker, you can't be a boss. But if you're a worker who acts like a boss, I might be just easier to make you a boss. And then if you're a boss, is acting like a boss. That's what we're looking for. Yeah, I know. I've seen some company. I've seen some decisions get made. I've heard of this stuff. It's real, like across the board my entire life. And so it's just like, then in my mind, I'm like, you know, I'm a boss. Like, I'm just going to be that way. Oh, Ross, the boss. Of the boss. That's it bro. Yeah, yeah, I'm. A boss and a. Good boss. What's that mean? Well, you're gonna say else. Is that what we're saying is a good boss is what. My thought was like a two. It's like heads in a tails. So I'm a boss. And a good boss works as hard as the as a janitor works. That's, like, harder. Yeah. Right. Right. Just to prove a point, right? Yeah. At least as hard as the hardest worker in the room. I feel like that's how hard the boss should be working, you know? And I feel like no job is too big for the boss. Like janitor level one, willing to clean the floors. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And so that's how I tried to approach it as like, I'm a good boss and a boss would do anything for his team. He just make it work, just keep it going. And then also like, that means like being responsible, making good decisions, fighting for the best. Like the thing we're all fighting for, just being a leader, fighting for that shit hard, going after it. What's the objective here? I'm holding myself responsible. I'm holding you responsible. I'm trying to keep us all accountable and trying to keep us aimed at that thing. I'm aware of the nuances of the fact that we're all people, but I'm still just like that. Goal's got to get done. You know, I'm not trying to boss people around, not trying to have people look at me on a fucking pillar. I'm just really trying to, like, take the most responsibility out of anybody in the room for getting this job done. Get the most books at any cost necessary. Okay. Yeah. I think that's how you define me. Like what? What that means. You know, I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And also to know that, like. Yeah, as I guess also tied with that, that I actually want to run my own business someday though. Like, right now I'm literally like the person that would run their own business. I'm that person working for someone else right now, and I'm adapting and I'm wearing the right kind of social mask for it. But when you get to that authentic level of me that when you're going to talk to me, that's who's going to talk back, you don't have to talk to me like that, but that's who is talking back at you. Yeah. And like to just hold that, you know what I'm saying. So that way I'm not a worker who can't become a boss. That's what. That's the story. At least that's what how I perceive that idea, you know? Okay. Yeah. So that's a lot of like, who are you at that first layer, you know. Who are you on that mask. One in relation to yourself. Want to be that boss or take that responsibility. That's what I think. That's why we're called to be at. There's something right about that you know. Because what the fuck else are you going to do. Anything else but that is like what what are you doing? You know, at least a little bit. There's some, like, fun and silliness and joy that can use to come out of life or show some comedy, some laughter. But at the end of the day, we need to be fucking getting after it. That's that's why I think I'm in my ideal life that I'm trying to construct in the middle of constructing right now. It's like you wake up early, you get shit fucking done all day while the sun is up, the sun is up, you're fucking going it. You're going at it. And then when the sun's going down, you're winding down, you're going home, you're eating your food, and then you're watching Game of Thrones, then you. And then you wake up early and you do it all again. Yeah. Just fucking go again after get after, get after the new window. The idea that ties to you've been telling me you're living more typically and thematically on that line right there. Yeah. Or it's just like I wake up and I attack the day, I just start going, bruh, until there's nothing left to do. As I slay and dragons, bruh. I like it when I grab my store and I start slitting dragons throats like level five dragons. I'm go. Fuck! I'm getting. Ready. Yeah, and you've been talking about it like you're John Wick. The first day he wakes up and he is, hits news on the alarm. And then the next day he wakes up and the alarms going off, and it pants to the bed, and he's already up. You know what I'm saying? That's the type of energy you've been on. It's like, let me fuck, and I'm fucking getting up for this shit. Like, yeah, the day I'm getting the day I have a day, the day don't have me. I have the day. But the idea that it feels like that might be predicated on just because it striking the core to me is when Jordan Peterson is talking about how do I, like, clean my room, I think, or how do I like, what's one thing I could do to, like, make this better? It's like, start with that one thing, and then it's like you kind of, what's the next thing I could do? And you just, like, literally. Just started stacking it on top of each other. Just one after another. Dude. Like, hold on now what? What else? How can I make this more perfect? The whole house is clean, the dishes are done, laundry is done. Come on. Like, what am I doing here? I have a vacuum in, like a month. Hold the vacuum out of the closet. Now we're vacuuming. And then why are you vacuuming? What's what would be my next thing? What else could I even fucking do here? Like you're limited by your own imagination for how much better you can make something. Yeah, yeah. And so you have to be. You gotta be creative. You gotta express yourself. No, I'm saying. Fucking right of intention to take some intention. Yeah. And then. Then once you realize that, you start realizing that you kind of want to have dope things you have to do or things, if the things that I had to do or things that I like to do, and it was true, my life would be lit and we tried to like align it that way. We still do. We're doing podcasts, obligatory studio sessions. We're like, we're. Fucking doing it, bro. We're doing. It. It's happening. It's fucking awesome. It's right there. It's kind of fucking passion now. Now bumpin shout out everybody listening to that. Yeah Bobby. We just released three new songs that you can check out on all streaming platforms. All platforms. YouTube video platforms. There's not videos for them, but songs are out there. You know? Yeah. Three different songs, three different vibes. You'll have some merch. Gonna have some merch. Come on. Justin's wearing the shirt right now. Merch. if you could go ahead and give us a bump, give us a listen. Find us somewhere. Tell us what you like. Holler at us. Holler. Love you at your boys. Please. Passion. Out now. Yeah. We're doing all that, bro. Fucking is making your life obligatory because you have. You have to like it'd be. Wouldn't it be ideal if you loved the things that you had to do? And then you the things that you had to do or loved to do, the things that you had to do. I got lost in my own thought, like, but you said I was trying to. I was trying to ab and then be a your thought. Yeah, I know exactly if you, you know saying how. To do the things you loved. No. Yeah. Either way. Yeah. If you're able to because there are things in life that you have to fucking do. We've talked about before dishes, laundry, groceries. You have to fucking do what you have to fucking do it. Even if it's not you. You have to delegate to somebody to do it like it has to get done laundry, groceries, dishes. And then so those are thing like whatever else it did live did to live those things you have to do. And then there are also things that like you have to or you have to do in your free time. I guess if you ever have any leisure time or things you want to do, things that you wish you could do, and then if you're able to like fucking form those together, like just melt those trees together, toast one fucking mighty oak and then that. That's you. That's that's your shit. That's it. That'll be nice. And those things, whatever. That is what I'm talking about. I could it's hard to describe it. The thing that you wish you could do, what you wanted to do. Where's that coming from? Whatever that thing is. Like I fucking. God put a little intention. Whatever your intention is, whatever that fucking thing is, who knows? So everyone's got something else. I believe so. Yeah. Inspiration, something. What motivates and inspires you? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Who do you want to be like? What's your truest expression of yourself? Of, like, your true soul? Like a child? Just expression. That's typically where it starts from, right? Like that. Like I was talking about in that podcast, you're talking. About the embers of our. Childhood embers. Yeah. Yes. Over those lower. Into. Like, I think we're able to express it in that stage of our life because we're so much more free. I guess, though, the stipulations aren't there quite yet. where's the like when you're a baby? There's zero. You don't even know who you are. You know, shit. Crazy shit in yourself. And then, slowly but surely, you add more and more and more and more and more until that's your life or your personality. That was beautiful. It's so true. Right? Like the holes that we're talking about, removing these limiters of authenticity. When are you ever saying could not be authentic, you know. So kids do they can't help it. Yeah. They can't. They're to a. Fault. Yeah. And they'll gain some they'll gain some anxiety and some sadness and some shit that'll like that happens. You know what I'm saying? Shame, guilt, fear. Yeah. All that stuff will come with life for sure. And you don't really know how to fight it off. You don't even know what it is. You just feel bad. Yeah. You know? Dread. Oh, you ever had some bad dread? You have. Oh. There's like, you don't want to take a test or you don't want to go to school for a particular reason. It's like, I'm going to fucking bomb that test or oh my god, like, I know I'm in trouble. Like, I don't want to go home because I'm in trouble. Because I talk to my fucking family about or whatever the fuck you know? I'm saying whatever. Whatever dreadful moment you had as a kid growing up related to any situation. Those emotions are fucking. That's honest. Subconsciously they're fucking. They're somewhere in the in the zeros and ones that project this 3D image for, for me and for you and for everyone who has their own individual projection of their 3D image. All of us have our own individual ones and zeros that have been influenced and effected through our experience through childhood or since childhood. That's where it all starts. Or of course, obviously like you're born and then you fucking grow. But then what happens? What happens there? You get older and then the more we become. Yeah. Fucking right. Your for your soul. Yeah. You mental soul of everybody around you. Your ego, your soul. Yeah. The flesh, the flesh dude. Yeah. That's one thing I conceptualize super hard as that. I just think that there's that's what's going on here, because I don't think God intends for bad things to happen. I don't think he wants people in horrible situations. And he is omniscient everywhere and in control and and design this. But there's just a war going on. There's a war going on, there's a war going on. So we're right at that one hour mark. Yeah. We're like right in an hour we're going. Oh, like ten minutes left. Less than. Yeah. I got like five, five or so. Dude. We went ham. We went ham. Yeah. We were touching some shit. Right. There you go there touching some things. That's a little. That's a little out there. I feel kind of bad. Love our listeners. I'm sorry. Sometimes that's what the pods about. Sometimes we don't get to talk about the current events because we're just. I think sometimes we just get inhabited by the spirit of truth, and we just say things, but we just talk until that spirit of truth comes out sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Briefly, we're like, oh, that was it. It took a whole bunch of like. Well, we have to do it out, you know? So if I take. A listen with our vocal chords and then eventually we get to something that's like. Oh, oh, oh, I see, like fucking cavemen. Yeah, dude, that's how I felt when I was talking about, the thing that I couldn't express when we were having beers, talking about psychedelics was like that. My capacity to understand my life grew. And that's what makes it makes sense to me as a whole. I couldn't like, clap. It was too much for me in that moment to be like, this is what I think it's good for. But then here, with you getting down to the thing, I was like, that's what I'm trying to say here. Yeah, those are the words that point towards the thing that I'm trying to say. Yeah. About about that express or express. Yeah. My truth. Yes, yes, yes. Because the truth is that's how I tell my truth. Yeah. Like I check that off as like, that's it's good. Like you saying like. We'll fucking send it through. Yeah. Yeah. We can now I can relax. I said what I meant to say. Yeah, before. It's like I'm trying to, What do I want to say here? What do I believe. In trouble connected to the internet, though. Take a look at the help section in your Alexa or. Alexa breaking breaking electronics. Or worse, breaking the electronics. Sony amps out. Sorry, y'all. By the way. Passions out. Give it a listen. New pods dropping all the time every week. We got some guests coming on, I'm sure soon coming in the next month. We got some shit dropping in September. Hitting the ground running, y'all. It's fantasy football. Time is right around the corner too. I'm sure we'll be talking about that in the next coming weeks. But back to school is happening. Life is great. Back to school. Put in your work. I'm ruined for you were ruin for you. You got this shit. You got this shit. One at a time. Get books, get books. One book in front of the. Other, whatever that is. Yeah. Study. Okay. Fucking bags of groceries. Yeah. Sell some shoes. Yeah. So some insurance. Get a fucking. Book. Okay. Love you. Love like a subscribe. Share. Celine said peace. Bye