Would Jesus Want You To Be Broke? Miracles, Monks & The Chosen | The MJ38 Show #82

On this Episode of the Podcast:

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Matthew and Justin talk about Performing Miracles, Being Monks, and The Chosen

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Transcript

0:11

Isn't that said in the Bible? To a degree that we'll be able to do stuff like that or whatever. Isn't that what he says to his disciples when he comes back? Or isn't there some sort of dialog exchange where Jesus is saying, you will be able to do greater things than I have done? And you'll be able to do things that I have done no more, pretty much. Or something along those lines. Whenever he comes back, or maybe he's right before he dies, he. Gives them. Forget the timeline. He gives them leadership and authority to do signs, wonders and miracles. Yes. And then there's a point where he sends them out two by two to all the cities that are like surrounding areas to go preach his gospel and do miracles. Do miracles. Notice this after he comes back, right? This is no I remember this is after the sermon on the Mount. Okay. Got it. Like when they come back from the sermon on the Mount, then they chill for a while. Then he is like, all right, we got a mission break, you guys off in pairs, and I send you out, and then, like, it just shows like a montage of them healing people, preaching the gospel. Like, I think I don't remember who, but I think it's a I think Judas was the first one that they show, like doing, like going for it and like saying, all right, like. Here we go. Heal this person. Yeah. It's like this person's back is fucked up. I'm like. Yeah. And then they're like, they're like, happens. Well, okay. Sorry I couldn't hear you. Yeah. And they're just looking at each other like, yo. Yo, yo. There's the other one where they, like, cast a demon out of the lady. Yeah. And there's no talking during the montage. It's just like a it's like black and white, too. It's like shot in a cool way. And then they, like, cast the demon out and they're like. Big man, blast those big blast doors. But how do we do that? Whatever the whatever the year 33 equivalent of that was at the time. They were definitely big man blast. Awesome. Yeah. For real. So. Yeah. So. But then. Yeah, then Jesus reiterates that, like, I'm like further down the line. And then there's this point where, like, the disciples get kind of caught up when, Jesus turned Simon into Peter because he calls them like the rock that is going to build this church on. And it kind of like also represents him taking more of, like a leadership approach. It's almost like Jesus, like the first to him a little bit. And and now, like Peter is always trying to like organize people and trying to say like, let's do it this way, let's do that. And Jesus would be like, you know, like, relax, bro. Like, we're all disciples. They're all y'all are all disciples here. Like, I have leadership for you, but right now you need to just, like, be a disciple. But then after that, it's like he is more like organizing people and saying, let's do this. And he kind of takes that. He put it into play, plays point guard for the disciples pretty much after that. Yeah, okay. But then it kind of like creates this weird feeling amongst the rest of the disciples that are like. What? What am my social dynamic? This a little. Yeah. Am I shooting? God creates a hierarchy of discipleship and they're like, you know. And then what made this guy. The lead disciple, I guess Jesus. Is the guy. The why? Yeah, right. And then. But yeah, it's also it's confusing because Peter isn't, like. The most noble or the most. Yeah. Like the best disciple is like a weird thing to wrap your mind around. And some people are like, here's the best disciple. Like, he has a faith that we didn't have at first, but they're like, bro, I've been here so long. Like I was here longer than Peter was. But anyways, I gets to the point where it comes to a head and they're like, kind of like arguing about like a hierarchy or they want status and they're like trying to little John and his brother end up asking Jesus like, can we sit at your left, in your right hand in heaven? And Jesus is like, bruh. Like, you don't know what you're asking me for. It's like, are you going to drink the same cup that I'm going to drink? Are you going to be baptized the same way that I'm going to be baptized? And then they're like, I don't care what it is like. I'll do it. Like you say, do it, I do it. And he's like, you don't even know. It's like, that's not for me to decide who sits on my left in right hand. Like, that's for God to decide. And you don't have the same mission that I have. So like. But I'm frustrated because you're asking because you want a title and you want authority and you want position. You're acting like the current society right now. It's like I've called us to, like, break this society. Like you can't act like that. That's not what we're doing here. And then in the moment he says, like, I gave you all leadership. I gave you all the authority of me to perform signs, wonders and miracles. Like you are a leader with authority. Why are you sitting here clamoring for a title that you think would grant you leadership and authority? And then Jesus gets like a little bit frustrated. And that's where I'm at right now. But that's all to say. Like, yes, Jesus does give them the authority to like, walk in. Do crazy stuff. Yeah, yeah. So I guess we gave him right before we got on that, we were talking about seeing people and just like, having a different level of compassion or love toward something. Yeah, towards some people who are not doing well or like, clearly need some help, like whether it be physical or whatever. It's like having a different a different yeah, different recognition of that information is being processed in a different way. Now that we've incorporated more of this holy code into our coding of our fucking matrix here. Yeah. Yeah. C person B but I was also going to say what part of this conversation that sparked something in my mind was we're talking about you saw a lady at hub and like her back was messed up. I think I saw a guy that you hub yesterday as well. And like same story or as like his. Maybe I was on the way to the gym or coming back from the gym or whatever, but I saw a guy with a walker going across the street like his back was just like a almost a 90 degree angle. He was saying. It was like it was rough. I was like, oh man. His back is not look very healthy. Like, that sucks. But you're saying, like, we saw a similar situation and like, you're like, man, I want to like, heal that lady. Yeah. I want to have that power to go out there and do the miracles. Yeah. And then that sparked the thought in my mind of like, they need to like the lady in your example or the guy in my example with the messed up back. It's like they would also, I guess, just like I'm grabbing through articular grabbing through biblical like scripture and information and writings, but like they would need to believe in us to have it healed. You know what I'm saying? To a degree, yeah. Like there would be such a barrier to entry. Unless that's partially what happens, I think, or what I've noticed a reoccurring theme. Whenever Jesus is doing miracles, he's like a recurring sentiment that he expresses is that like, you are healed by your faith or like your faith has healed you? Yes. You know what I'm saying? Like, you have to believe that I can do it for me to do it. Yes. And then if you, me and. You and you and I are walking around each of these. Like, hey, man, I could, like, I can fix that scoliosis you got. Yeah, I could do this thing for you. And they're like, yeah, fucking right. Like I would also like very skeptical. Normal response. Yeah. Fucking right. Who are you? Like wow. And why should I believe you? You know, I'm saying yes. So there needs to be some sort of I guess some people are like that towards the creator of the universe, towards God or whatever you want to call it, Jesus, towards that idea of like someone who can save you and like change things and do a miracle for your life. People are not receptive to that. Or like maybe you have a natural skepticism towards not believing that. Yes. Yeah. Like I saw, for instance, I saw an Instagram video where this guy was trying to, like, make content of him healing a guy's leg, like, same kind of scenario where he's like, I'm going to pray with the authority of Jesus Christ to, like, heal your leg because his leg was like 3 or 4in shorter than the other leg. And then in the video, it's like the guy stands up and he's just like, fine. And then he starts like running. He's like, run with me, dude. And then they like, run. And the guy's like, freaking out, right? He's like, oh my God, you healed me. And then. But like, I'm like, I need to know if this is real because this is real. My life will change radically right now. I will no longer be concerned with fucking the right way. Anything, nothing doing. I will just be preaching the gospel downtown San Antonio healing lepers, bro. Like the lepers. That for real? Because that's a way more important. That's not even a self-important thing. It's just like, for the kingdom of God, I'm going to, like, preach the gospel and like, try to heal people. And but I ultimately like the comment section is like the guy's leg is bent like Jesus. And then the other comments are like, are they saying like it's a fake? Like the guy's legs were never not the same size. And the other comments are like, Jesus is amazing. Yeah, Jesus can do anything. And I'm like, so split in my mind, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a very heavy natural skepticism. I would I have. In response to that. It's like, yeah, yeah, fucking right. Because one who is that guy? He's I not that I don't think those things can happen, but, like, who is that guy to make those things happen? And if he is. But I see what you're saying as far as like if it is true, then like, how do I channel that Jesus Christ energy, the miracle energy that you're able to channel here and make that happen for other people? I think the answer would be to this. Like to believe it, to like, believe you have the authority of Jesus. And like I do on some level, the one thing that helps me do that is, there's a pastor I'm going to shout out right now. His name is, Pastor Philip. His name is. Joe, the guy who sent me some clips of. Yes. Okay, I think I've yeah, I think he's populated my feed and my shorts algorithm a couple times over the last week. He is my favorite thing in my algorithm right now. I'm going to my following and I'm going to go to most recent, and it's going to be in the top 20 for sure. Philip Mitchell Philip Mitchell you just heard Philip Mitchell he, he has one post where he's like, I fucking didn't say fucking. But his attitude and demeanor because he's like, it's like he's hitting the X factor game breaker when he's preaching like every time. And he's like, we love titles. We love titles because they give us identity and they give us authority. But what happens when they take your title from you now? You no longer have an identity. You look, it doesn't say Pastor Philip Mitchell. It says Philip Mitchell. It's like my identity is disciple of Christ. You know. Why? Because if one day I'm not pastor of this church, I still have my identity. I know who I am. It's just like I get chills just thinking about that. You know what his name is Philip Anthony Mitchell. And if you just look up Philip Mitchell you'll find him on Instagram. And this guy talks about walking in the authority of Jesus Christ and the power that prayer has and fasting has. And it talks about how, I think it was someone else's daughter. And when the mom was pregnant with the daughter, it said that her, like, umbilical sac was like leaking and that her spine was informed and that it was like she would never walk. It was likely she wouldn't be born. This is all determined in the womb. Yeah, just by like ultrasounds and seeing like the the malformation of the baby. And then he's like, didn't her parents fasted and prayed and we fasted and prayed through the whole pregnancy. And then they're like, the doctor said she wouldn't be born alive so that you wouldn't be able to speak, that you wouldn't be able to walk. And then, like, this girl comes up on stage and he, like, grabs her and he's like, stomp your feet. And then she's like, stomp your feet. And it's like, say something to these people. And she's like, Hallelujah! He's like. Here she is right. Here. You can't tell me that fasting doesn't work. Prayer doesn't work, that we don't have the authority of Jesus Christ inside of us to perform miracles. And like he genuinely believes that he has the authority and power to do to do that. Yeah. And I don't think he's wrong, but I think that her parents, probably they also committed themselves. They fasted and they prayed and they believed. And then like together, they were able to like, perform a miracle more or less. Yeah. So there is that is true. It is true. It happens all the time. You'd have to actually trust in God and like like, how do you know if you really believe something that's a difficult thing to like, wrap your mind around? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. God had to have it tested somehow. Yeah. Or like, I love fasting because I think that's one of the things that it's like, I believe this so much that I will deny my flesh. It's like, with my actions, I will not do the things that God or I will sacrifice on purpose and suffer on purpose in the name of my belief. And that's like one. And I think it's probably a really low level version of belief because it's physical, like most of it is, I think, more internal. The harder parts of it to truly believe something is like in your mind and in your spirit. Like if you hear a sound in the night are you afraid. It's like what. Why would you be afraid. What is there to be afraid of. Like Jesus is protecting you like you're safe but like you can't sometimes you can't stop yourself from the subconscious fear, the. What you call it the, the primordial brain. Or like the, you know. Right. I think they'll chase. He was just talking about what did you call it? The hidden guy or the CIA? Yeah, my control guy. I know if you're talking about the. Primal brain or some like that. The monkey brain, pretty much. Yeah, I'm with you. It's like, how much of that have you gained control over and given the Christ? Yeah. And that's like a lifelong thing to do. It's like you can't go to the gym and be yoked. You can't go to church and have faith. It's like there has to be developed, I think. And some people, they do have that moment where it's like, I know this is true. I'm committing my life to Jesus right now. But even then, I feel like you still have a lifetime of getting yoked. And that's a difficult process. You know, it's an everyday thing. Yeah, ongoing. And like when you pray, like how how much conviction is in your prayer, you know, like, it's one thing to pray, but it's another thing to like true conviction, true belief that that prayer is like important and powerful, you know? Yeah. I think it also becomes, maybe, it's potentially harmful in your own mind to do so or to have that much faith and conviction in your prayer, because if it doesn't happen the way you want it to or like you know, to try to create the miracle, it's like, this is going to happen. Like I'm putting all my, all my, all into this and then it doesn't happen. And it's like, oh, well then now what? Like I'm in a weird crossroads here, right? Right. Yeah, totally. Even the thought of being at that crossroads is scary. And as I have people not even want to try and believe that miracle is going to happen, you know, I'm saying truly. It's just like, how much do you really believe that God can do that for you? Just because you're willing to asked for it doesn't mean that, like, you truly believe that it's going to happen for you. And I think that's that's where I get a weird crossroad between what we're talking about and like, the manifestation, like, idea, you know? Yes, that you can, like, truly manifest something by believing in it. It's like, how much do you really believe you have that power? It's like, did you just read a book? And you're like, okay, I can do this. I'm convinced I can do this, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you are actually thoroughly convinced that you could manifest that thing, because sometimes it's like you'd have to be it's so illogical that even, you know, deep down, this is a logical. But like, Jesus transcends logic. Yeah, yeah. So it's it's way easier to say, like, I believe that Jesus can do anything. Jesus can move a mountain, he can break a chain. It's like, well, like, what does that mean? And how much do you actually believe that? I think that's what goes into some of these prayer sometimes. And also like if you did have that true level of conviction, would you be praying for something so petty? You know, like when you want to heal someone who has a terrible spine, like that's not petty. Like if your heart is really going out to them, like, that's not like, a little bullshit, like superficial. Yeah. Like praying to win the lottery. I'm not sure Jesus would be, like. A little more. That's a worthy prayer. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like someone who is. That's a worthy miracle to make happen, or I don't even know where that is. Or just like to an act to enable. Right? Like to allow that reality to exist. It's like that's not the you could like, make a reality exists for like you shouldn't do it with that thing. You know. It's like, come on, what are we talking about? It's a little selfish. It's a little greedy. Yeah, definitely. And, yeah, there's something to be said for, like the principles in which I have told you to live and walk by. Don't. That doesn't fall under those principles. Therefore, like, do you really believe in me? You know what I'm saying? And it's like, if you are truly walking in the principles of Jesus Christ, the things that you would pray for are attainable. And so I think that's kind of what goes into my mind with all this. But all that to say, when I seen the scene with Jesus, right, he asked him to heal his son. He proclaims him Lord. He says. Like this is the The chosen. Yes. Season four spoilers. I saw it on Instagram and I just waited for it the whole time. I'm like, I want to see that scene. Like, nice. It was the most moving scene I saw during Holy Week. I'm like, when is that going to happen? You know what I'm saying? Oh hell yeah. Because like, guys is one of my favorite characters the whole time because he's this person in Roman leadership that, like, has a soft spot for Matthew. And like he he's he's breaking the cultural barriers the whole time. Like he wants to be friends with Matthew. He loves him, even though he's like a Jewish person that started working for the Romans. And there's like a little bit of cultural barrier between the Jewish people and the Romans. But he's constantly like walking over that line and showing love and empathy, and he's real curious about Jesus. And you just watch him over time, like be convinced that Jesus is bigger than his gods. Whereas the rest of the Romans are kind of assholes. And then he tells Jesus, you know, like if you just say it and it'll be done, like you command everything in this earth, you are the Lord like you are. God shot. Carlo. Yeah. And then Jesus is like this guy's faith. Like your faith has made me smile. I have never I have not seen faith like this in anywhere that I've been from anybody. Which is kind of hard because, like, that's why Simon gets the name Peter. Because he's like, your faith is the kind of faith that I will build my entire church on. It'll be the rock that I built my church on him and her name me Peter from now on. But it's like then he says, guys, he's like, I've never seen faith like yours, Peter standing like, right there. But then Peter, I'm like, well, well damn. Yeah, he did that. And so I'm watching that wells me up emotionally. Yeah. I'm like there. And I just, I just want to I, I've been thinking about praying with that intensity for like a month. Like I have this vision in my mind of like getting down on the yoga mat on my knees and just like, praying with like, that level of intensity. And I just haven't, like, had that level of intensity when I've had a yoga mat or been. That just missed each other. Like she's like just about a yoga mat. Not quite there, emotionally got there emotionally. Dog piss on the yoga mat. Dude, you're not wrong. Like exactly what I'm talking about. And like, I just have not. But then in that moment. Like to combine the two, right? I like look in there's like 15 minutes left in the episode, but the credits are like really long on that show. So I'm like, it's probably can I answer? And then like what the end of that episode is like? Gaius ends up walking to Jesus when Jesus is a little bit emotionally like, kind of going through it. And, and then guys just like hugs Jesus and then like, puts his head on Jesus's hand on Jesus's head. And it's like this really emotionally charged moment trying to figure out what that means, like Jesus as a human, like his journey and tasks. Like he's a little overwhelmed. And then this, like, kind of father figure who was just proclaimed to have the most faith out of anybody like consoles. Jesus, in a sense, comforts him. Yeah. And that was like enough to like because, like, the thing happens and then like, story. So I'm like, dying down emotionally. Then that happens and it just takes me right back up to that place. And then the episode ends and I just pause the episode. Disclaimer sometimes in life, things are just for you. Sometimes you see something and it moves you. And then I try to tell my friends about that thing that moved me and I can't. The words don't do it justice. It doesn't. Yeah, I can't recreate. That moment for you in a way that, like, makes you feel what I want you to feel. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I end up feeling dumb trying to explain it. And then I realize some things are just for you. Yeah. And this might have been just for me, but I'm gonna try to share it with you guys. Nice. I like I paused the show, and I just started praying, bro. And it's like the most intense prayer I've ever had. And I'm like, like, sobbing while I'm praying. And I'm like, man. Like, I've been trying to learn how to pray better. And I was like, doing it. I was praying better. And I was like. Praying deeper, like more connected, more intensity. Just like dialed up a little bit. Yeah. Like I wasn't using, like, clichés that people pray with. I wasn't saying things that I'd said before, okay? I wasn't new Lord, it is new oil. Yeah. And like, ultimately I'm like, you know, like Father God, like, I pray that you open a lane for me, like wide open, like just so clear for me to go down that it's undeniable, even for me, that you open a door so big that I can't, I can't not recognize and understand that that's the door that I'm supposed to walk through. And that nothing in this world could stop that door from opening for me. That you could give me a life that would make my parents proud of me. That would make my friends proud of me. That would make me proud of my own life. That would make you proud of me, and I like, I can't do this alone. I know that I can't, and that the only way that I can do it is through you. And please give me the strength to continue to fast for you and to can you continue down this journey of living by your principles, like thank you for taking me this far. I never thought I'd get this far. Faith in me when I was ten is not faith to me what it is now. It's like enjoying food. I'm like, I like celery and peanut butter and raisins on top versus having like a wagyu by a five star chef. It's like food is different in that sense. And my spirituality is different in that same sense. Like, man cannot live by bread alone. You have given me the other thing that is in bread. Yeah, yeah. And like, yeah, I don't know man. When we talk about praying the authority of Jesus, like I believe that that door's been open for us. I believe that that lane will become so wide open that there's no more process of elimination. It's like it's that it's it's that. Undeniably. So I prayed for this. I knew it would come. I knew it would be shown to me like it. And and I could be dead wrong. My life could not change in the next five years. It really could it. But like, I believe it will, like I really do. And sometimes I wonder if, like, our whole faith journey is like leading in a way to where we get into that position where we can actually follow Jesus and actually pray a prayer that would actually be meaningful. And then Jesus's right there, like waiting for you to get to that point, you know, so that's what I wanted to share with the class today was like just that prayer moment was was everything. And I hope to be able to pray like that all the time. But that fasting gets me there. It's like, it helps me to, I don't know, it's like you're so clearly living your life for that thing. Undeniably. So, like you're changing the way you do things to live more in accordance with Jesus. That's the thing. You're literally changing behavior, the belief behaviors or belief or, you know, behaviors. Believing in and acted or embodied truly. That's like what you believe. It's like, not enough to have not it's not enough to know the scripture. You have to embody it, you know, or like whatever. Like the principles of Jesus. Kind of what he's saying is like, the Pharisees aren't enough. It's like, it's like, sign up to know the whole book or all the, all the all the texts so far. You know, it's on your heart, you know, it's on your true intentions of what you're trying to do here, who you're trying to be or what you're trying to interact with other with, with life itself, you know, and within life itself there's like people and things and like just solo time as well. But like in all those instances, you're still doing something, you're still behaving in a relationship with life. And like, how is that what is what is your relationship with life? Yeah. Doing what are you truly embodying? There. And like repentance is the same thing. It's like you can repent of your sins. You can drink all night, hit on girls, have a one night stand on Saturday night. She leaves at 8 a.m. on Sunday morning. You drag your ass to church, hung over, just had some on glorified sex adulterer. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Whatever. It's still not. Regardless. Yeah. It's not. I do sex out of marriage, which there's something to be said for that there should be some conviction for that, you know, and think. And if you might feel really shitty about it, and then be at church and get overwhelmed with that Holy Spirit and say to yourself, like, I want to please forgive me for my sins, I repent, I repent. You could say that for sure. I wish I didn't do that. Yes, that's what you're saying. That's what you're saying. I wish I didn't have it. Yeah, but are you really repenting? But do you. Repent for real? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The repent means like, turn around, right? Or like in the Hebrew translation. I don't know what that means. Whatever that word means, I'm pretty sure is what I've heard. Pastor. I'd say that before. Something to the effect of to repent, like, literally means to turn around like 180. That's hard. It's like, yeah, that I think like, man, because it's like the the scariest verse in the Bible. It's like a lot of people will proclaim that they are Christian with their mouth, but then when they meet God, God will say to them. I never knew you or someone. Yes. It's like, depart from me. I never knew you. It's like, bro, that's horrifying to think about. Crushing, soul crushing. Oh. So then I ask myself all the time, like, where's that line? And I think, like, one of those lines is like, do you say, I wish I didn't do that? Or do you say I repent? Like, which one is it? You know what I'm saying? And I could be wrong. You know, it could be much more simpler than that. The barrier to entry could be much lower bar than that. Maybe you don't have to actually fast. Maybe you don't have to actually repent. But like me, it's like the Bible that tells you you gotta do these things. I swear I do these things, I try, you know what I'm saying? You probably try for sure if you get the time to do it. I think the lowest the bar can be is the the thief. Borat. No no no no no, his name's demise. I'm pretty sure some like the. Barabas, the mass, the. Mass. Okay, I think that's the one that's like, actually on the cross next to Jesus. Or where he hits like the buzzer beater. Like I believe in you because he's like, oh, you're good, bro. You're in heaven. He lived a terrible life. You know, he lived a life that got to that point, to like he he embodied actions and behaviors that got him convicted of doing, like, illegal things back in the day. There's no, like, police. Exactly. But you know what I'm saying? Kind of. Yeah. And he like, got caught doing illegal shit, sucking people up. And he got sent us a death and he, like, lived a life and embodied behavior that deserved that, you know, say where that outcome was going to happen, just like mathematically in the matrix of life. So he was doing all that shit. He was literally embodying that type of lifestyle. And then at the very end, he's just like, not actually that guy. He that that guy's the the way, like the way that he's acting. That's how you should be, like, not the shit that I was doing. What the fuck? I was like, that's that's that's it right there. And that was enough to get him in, you know what I'm saying? So I was like the lowest the bar entry to not have God be like, yeah, I never knew you. Yeah, I guess right. Even though he was like, right there I. Think so he probably tried truly repented. That's what it is. Yeah. You can say I'm sorry. Or you could say I messed up. I'm not going to do that again. That shouldn't have happened. It was a one off isolated incident, whatever. But then to actually repent and so like to have it be a true change of behavior because like you can say like, oh yeah, I'm done. Like I fucked. Up my bad and then. Continue on in the same habitual cycles that you're repeating subconsciously. But then you could also truly repent, which would be to really actually have a physical change in your behavior. Yeah, to say I was wrong and if that I had more time I would change. I would like he would have changed. It wasn't like a bullshit. Is yeah, yeah. That's maybe maybe it's with a hinting towards like it could be at the very last moment. Like he probably died within like the next couple of hours, you're saying in his equivalent of a deathbed. But he was like being crucified as well. For whatever. I forget his exact crimes. I think it was a being the thief. Yeah. So I think it's robbery or some shit or thievery, whatever. Stealing shit. But yeah. So you could you could do that. Yeah, but to truly have it in your heart is what's coming from, I guess, right. You know, or like the ultimate true intention. That's what we're saying as well. Like, yeah, you can confess and profess with your mouth, but your actions and behavior you're embodying is for. And what you're saying to is like your your thoughts, your thoughts, your words and your actions, like, kind of comprise who you are. And I guess your thoughts is like your thoughts is a weird one, but but for sure, you could definitely more or less control. Or maybe you have a little bit more control over your mouth and your hands, but you don't have as much 100% control of your mind and your thoughts space, because that's maybe that might be a shared space. That imagination thought realm might not be completely within your solo grasp. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, there might be other forces there because like, you get thoughts sometimes things like happen thoughts and ideas populate, pictures populate into your mind out of what seems to be nowhere. Sometimes. So you can't, you know, you don't. You don't have 100% control over your thoughts. But you could definitely, maybe not even 100% control of your words, even though you kind of do, you know, like you have the ability to not say something or to say something if you choose to, because at first it starts out as a thought for the most part. And then like that thought progresses and evolves into dialog or something you could say to somebody to in to change the way reality is happening. Yeah, no. And there's, there's a thought that a tied to repentance for me that like speaks to that. And like I also think it's worth sharing. I was like, can I try to weave it back in anyways and weave. It's like, Russ says in a song, he's like, son or something or something. And when I stumble, I just know that's part of the dance. And like, I think I like, held that for a while until I had this bigger thought that, like, encapsulated that one. And it's more Christ centered. And I think it's like when I'm when when you're trying to diet and like, you start a diet, it's like it's likely that you're going to fall off from that diet like a few times and then let's say like three months later, you're still doing the same diet. I think you would fall. You're going to probably fall off like a less amount of times. And then eventually you go on that run where you're just like doing it perfectly, but like to get to doing it perfectly. You have to like, start at the place where you're falling off a few times. So it's like, I don't think you can expect yourself to do it perfectly off the rip. And that's like a threshold that will deter people from even trying big time. But like the, And this is where I don't know if I'm getting into heresy. Like, I don't know if I'm wrong when I say this, and I'm not trying to proclaim that I've been to theology school or anything like that, but like in the Art of repentance or growing closer to Christ, like there is a certain amount of fucking up you're going to do. And I think that repenting doesn't necessarily mean, like, okay, for me to truly repent, I have to no longer do that thing ever again. It's like, that's a difficult that's very difficult. I think for us humans. At least, to accept in the moment. Right. You know, and when you say like things populate in your mind, like one of the hits for me is like lustful thoughts, right? Like sometimes I see a beautiful woman and I'm like, that's a bad bitch right there. Like. I'll say, that. Person with the most respect, with the utmost respect, highest level, highest low level. I'm like yo. And like, I don't. And then there's other times where I have like a little more wherewithal where like my subconscious, like, sees the beautiful woman and then my mind is just like, I'm not focused on that right now. Like, I'm. Ready to meet that. Lustful thought at the rim. Y'all going up, hands in the air, straight up. No foul. I got my feet set. On the ball. Don't call me if you want, but. But I'm going up strong. I'm thinking it's our joy. I'm blocking your ass off the fucking room. Okay. Yeah. But that's to say, like, I don't think I could. I think I will get to a place, especially because I'm, like, actively working on it where, like, a beautiful woman won't like, make my neck break. And it doesn't all the time. I'm not a fucking dog. I'm just saying, like, you see, you seen the meme where, like, these guys are sitting at a basketball game. Julian sent this to me yesterday. And like, this chick walks by and like, you ever try to walk by someone going to church or in an arena, and it's like, you got to, like, shuffle in the movie theater. Past people. Yeah, well, it's chicks, bro, but it's just like going past the guys, and the guy's like. It looks at his friend and his friends like. They just like, hold the look. For a while. It's like, that's like kind of a natural response for guys. There's some natural responses you have in your monkey. Human. Mammalian brain. That's what his call. That's what he's calling it. This is fucking what it I'm sorry, but you got one. You're an animal like you are a dog. You're a monkey like. I'm sorry. It is. It is what it is. Yes. And I think that, like, expecting you to repent from those lustful thoughts and just never have them again for the rest of the 60 years that I'm alive is like. I'm not saying it's unrealistic. Ask. And when people are able to do that, it probably well, pleases Jesus. It probably does. But like I'm here to say right now that just getting a little bit better the next day, in my mind, that's repentance. Like to actually gain Delta better towards the ideals of Jesus Christ every day and not fall down so far that you're starting back over from worse than where you were, and maybe even that's part of the larger dance. The dance as well. But engaging in the dance of of trying to be a little bit better every single day, even when you fail and trying to be better every single day. Like that's repentance in my mind. As like a, you know, a recovering addict who relapses and it's like, no, it's still worth beating the addiction or. Yeah, and to fully recover and to get over that thing, maybe if you fall off a couple times. Totally sorry I make a joke. No, no, no, I. Was it I was. Something might take you 20 years to beat that addiction, right? Yeah. Yeah, but. You need to be in the journey of the 20 years. Even if there's three relapses in the 20 year journey. And I think that, that's for me, that's good news. Like, if someone would have told me that when I was younger, like, that's something you can believe in. It's like, okay, I don't have to be perfect. It's like, I don't have to completely turn away from sin. It's like Jesus was the only one who had no sin. Yeah, not a nun. I don't want. That. So I don't think they're not. Nobody's preaching a gospel of you must be perfect to not have God say, depart from me. I never knew you, but I do think you got to be dancing. I think you got to go to church and you don't want to. Overwhelmed. And the idea of repentance has to cross your mind. And even if you're not going to be 100% perfect the next day, just like pushing forward even just a little bit, like, show some goddamn effort. Sorry. God. Yeah. It's like, yeah, we might lose, but play defense, play some fucking d slap the floor, you know, get in his ass and that the ass you're getting in is your own. You know. Oh sorry. That's a that's a very sports metaphor. Right. That's like that's like, you know, like that in basketball terms, that means like, I'm going to get physical with you, like I'm going to be in your chest, like you're beating me all night, but I'm not going to give it up easy. Like I'm going to give you everything I got. I'm going to get physical. I'm going to I'm going to show some aggression. I'm going to I'm going to care. Do my best. You do your best. That's it. I think that's I think that's what Jesus is looking for. And a lot of times it's not that hard. It's like something like that's kind of overcomplicating it. Not, not every moment of your life you're getting your ass waxed by 40, by the rockets, by the devil. Yeah. That by the blue devil. By do couple flag. Just don't get it down by 40 against Duke. Yeah. It's not always there. Sometimes it's, smaller example is just like, Walking in and saying hello. Like, with good energy to someone that's been irritating you in the workplace. Like trying to be, a follower of the Prince of Peace. Like trying to generate a situation where you alleviate some of the anger that you have towards someone who irritates you. Or the artist's natural hostility. Yeah. But I think it is from what I've seen and chosen, it's even with the disciples they get like bakery and root, just hostile a little bit with each other and they arguing petty ways where Jesus is just like, you guys are killing. Me, bro. Like he looks at Mary one time and it's just like, what? She's like boys. All I see, they're all men. No, they're all boys. Yeah. But they're still the the. So the chosen. Yeah, they're the boys. So that's why. That's why I deal with repentance in the mammalian, mammalian brain. And, you had said something that's like progressively moving towards the ideal and that kind of like shifted me into. Want to talk about that? Yeah. No, I think that's 100% correct because, yeah, you're not going to be perfect. You can't you can't do it. It's not even what you're called to be. Exactly. Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah I think but you are called a call to do your best. That's definitely that's like a nugget that we could take away from that for sure. Yeah. It's like as long as you're truly in the spirit of I want to turn around from that thing, I want to not be in, in intertwined or have that thing have like, power over me or be into the situation of that thought pattern of thinking. I want to go away from that thing. I want to walk away from that thing and like legitimately having that and then trying to embody that to the best of your ability. You call it do that thing. Yeah. It's not going to look like, yeah, it's not going to be perfect for sure. No, never. No, not day to day. The whole thing. It is true. It is. Hard. I think part of it starts with and I'm not trying to toot my own here, but I think part of it starts with the willingness and open openness to say to yourself, I've been looking at bad bitches with less flies. Like that I can identify that behavior as the behavior that I've heard about and I have, I have, I have some conviction to not do that. Yeah. Maybe you have to have an ability or have something click in your mind to like to tell you like that. That's not ideal. Don't embody that behavior. Yes. Because otherwise you're like what's wrong emotionally this is what we all do. This is what happens here. This is like how we act. This is what we think is what we do. I'm a guy. We we all catcall and shit. We're I'm a I'm a construction worker. She's walking here. I'm seeing her walk in here. I'm a whistle here. Like it's what we fucking do. Come my. Yeah. You can be. In that mindset like you're you don't need. There's no need for repentance. You know what I'm saying? And that sort of situation. Facts, dude. Facts. What would be things. How you get there. Right. How do you get the conviction to think that that's the not aligned behavior. Yeah. Not ideal behavior. One thing is good. People testifying around you like people telling you like that's not what we're doing here. And then I think the part of Christian spirituality is when someone says the truth, you feel it. You know, that's true. You can hear someone talk and say, he's right. And you also got to be willing to say someone's right when you know that they're right. Sometimes you hear someone say something, the truth and you're so caught up in your own ways are like, nah, that guy's bullshitting. He doesn't live that life for real. I've seen him. He's not like, fuck that. But it's that's a scared, pussy ass version of yourself trying to hide from the bright light. Trying to hide from God. Yeah. Hey, do you want to do that? Like. No. Nah, that's part of the repentance thing, too. Is not hiding from the truth and then accepting the truth and then learning how to integrate the truth. It's like, do bench one time. You're not yoked. Like, I'm sorry. Not even close. Go to church one time. You're not yoked. I'm sorry. Even if you accept Jesus Christ like. Yes, that's the most wonderful thing that can happen. But you're probably still not yoked. And you could also turn away from that, believing that feeling of conviction that you had in that moment the next day. Yeah, it's like past that. It's hard to develop. You got to work on that shit day in and day out and it's got to mean something to you. Yeah. Okay. So it's like in the, in the example that we were just talking about with like construction crew in New York catcalling, it's like will it take. So if it's going to be maybe they're all let's say there's ten construction workers and they're all taking part in this behavior catcalling and like it's not right. It's like I guess one how would they how would they come to that? Like a, agreement within their selves, like within their own perception of what's happening in reality? It's like, I agree that, like, doing this behavior is not cool. Like how how would they get there? It's like maybe would it take just like, Shift in perspective of seeing someone else's like mindset or like insofar as, like maybe they have a daughter or like the daughter gets old enough to, like, be in that same position or the catcalling or someone like that they know or like someone's cousin or some shit. And then it's like, hey, man, don't do that tackle. Or will it take an additional like 11th construction worker to come into the workplace and then to as you, as you mentioned, like to testify and to witness and say, hey, man. Like that's like that's not that's not I wouldn't recommend that like that. That's not the way we should be carrying ourselves here, you know, or like maybe the boss or something. It's like, man, I don't want y'all to be acting that out. Like, well, will it take an outside source to come and testify? Or will they be able to internally generate that feeling of like remorse and repentance and like, I don't want to do that. That's not cool. We shouldn't be making other people feel this way, you know, like, is it how it. Listed some great examples, like the daughter example I think is spot on. I think God gives people daughter sometimes to help them with that. Feminine energy. Yes. I think that the also the idea of the boss, because what came to my mind first was like life will show you sometimes. Okay. Yeah. You will have. Negative ramifications for negative behavior. So if the boss just comes in and is like the fuck are you doing, bro? Like you, you're done. Get the fuck out. It's like that moment might change the other people's lives. To what the boss is in on it too. What if he's a piece of shit? Sometimes God just removes shitty way to start. Thanks. People who are supposed to be in leadership positions like what they're. Supposed to be, the ones that are closer to the truth or closer to the upper optimal fucking frequency vibration of embodiment here. Yes. Like bubble, bubble, bubble. Yeah. And then like, you're going to be probably just like, naturally fall off of that shit. Sometimes. Or pulled back down into your lower vibration. There's like a cliche of CEOs being like psychopaths for sure. Ambitious. What's the one? What's psychopathic conscience without empathy? Sociopath. Okay. But let's say same thing for the. Type of idea. Same shit. You know what I'm saying? But, like, yeah, hyper conscientious. Like, what else defines, like, stereotypical CEO that's like, ambitious monster. Yeah. Tyrannical, controlling, super ambitious. Climb the ladder. Cutthroats. Yeah. Little charismatic. Like that. That that does happen. Like it's depicted in stories throughout time. It's depicted and chosen. It's like there are people that get to leadership through the wrong way, through the back door. It's like they just want the power. They want the title. Yes, but also God is in control here. So when someone went that's like, how? How does the Spirit of truth reach to that group? It's like God one way or another, you know? Yeah. However it happened, God just did it that way. Yeah. He brings someone into the group that can witness and testify or the the negative ramifications happen to an influential person. And then it it leaves a mark on the rest of the people there and changes the life of the influential person that was doing the wrong behavior. Those things, I think, are the answer to the question of like, how would they what would happen there to remedy that situation? Yeah, how could they get saved to a degree? You know, like, how could they come to recognize that they need repentance, legitimately need to change the with their need to change the behaviors that are embodying otherwise, like life is just going to go for you. And here's the other thought is that dude, like the crowd of people screamed crucified Jesus. There's probably likely a lot of catcalling group of construction workers. That'll never change. And not everybody's getting into heaven either. Like, that's just the facts of the thing is, like the the general mass population isn't Christian like that. Like some people might go to church. It's like the percentage of people that check a box. Yeah. Are Christian as a title. That's a that's a pretty big population of people. And then the people that are like, truly disciples of Christ is like a little bit smaller proportion. And I'm not saying that it's 1%. It's there's no little group of phenomenal elite Christian going people that you'll never be a part of. I'm not saying that. Not at all. But the amount of people that wake up and like their prayer life is like. Straight and narrow. My friend. Yeah. If you find a dog. Yeah, dog. It's like it's the rich. It's harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to accept Jesus Christ as Lord. It's like, I think the reason that that Scripture is true is because you got to suffer a lot to be willing to submit. Truly, if your life is good and you feel like you're crushing it, you're right. You did it. Yeah, exactly. It's easy to think like that. That's your predisposition is to think that. And then the people that needed God to heal their leprosy, those people are at the point of submission. It's like getting a rich man to the point of submission. That's hard to do. Easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle, which is actually a metaphor for like a gate. There's like a gate in Jerusalem that's like a smaller gate in the backside that they would only, like, bring a certain amount of travelers are like, Small livestock. Small, something like that. I can't remember exactly what it is, but it wasn't like why it wasn't the main gate that's wide open. Yeah. So getting a camel through that smaller gate, it's like, not truly the eye of a needle. That's like, impossible. You can't get it. It would be like, no, no, no rich person would do that. But it's like the eye of the needle was a representative of this back gate in these cities, and you could get a camel through it, but it was fucking annoying. The line got held up. The camel didn't want to do it. It was like a whole fucking thing. And I think that's like, that is definitely what Jesus was saying. Or I don't even know if Jesus said that. I don't want to, like, misspeak. I'm not sure who said that. Remember this? Yeah. Scripture that that's why it's said is because in my mind, the point of submission is much easier for someone who's so poor they don't know how they're. Going to. Lose. Right, exactly. There is no other way. Nothing to lose here. All all that gives me is hope. Like, you know, that's all that that that I have to exchange. Like for this. Like misery for hope. It's like, fuck yeah. Why not. Yeah. But then if you, if you're a rich person, it's like hope or potential. Hope for it's like I had to give up on my shit. Or like I have to not be who I think I am or whatever. So he was not good. Yeah. It's a way harder, way bigger death. It's much more difficult to do than. And I think that's why Jesus initially just went, not just went, but like he went for the outcasts and the broken and the poor and the ostracized because those people had no hope. And they submitted easily. They they were. Very willing to believe the miracles. Yeah. And it was written in the Old Testament that the Messiah would come. So those people were just waiting for the day that the Messiah would come. And then when that when the Messiah did come, it was like, that's all that they had. That's all they were holding onto. And it and it lit them up like a Christmas tree to have that be happening to them, it's like, oh it's happening. Yes. Yeah. It's more it, it completely transmutes their life to it's like a we started watching it again. We I think we've now that we're watching The Chosen, I think we've gone to like season to somewhere in the early part of season two because where we just finished season one last night, and I remember some of the stuff that happens and one of the season or one of the scenes was this the, the woman at the well where he's, like, telling her about her husband and telling her like, there's a better way to live. Like, I'll give you water that will sustain you for life. Like, this is just like, yeah, Jacob is great, but like, you drink this water, you're going to be thirsty again. The water I give you, like you'll never thirst again. And he's like, just spin bars at her dog. Yeah. She's like, well. Like. If you were the Messiah or like, if I was where he would. Because. Yeah, you mentioned waiting for the Messiah. And like, it's a common trope in like the first season for sure. Like we're all just waiting for this messiah to come back, I guess all the prophets of Jeremiah and whatever else, whatever the other mentions of this foreshadowed character to be. And Jesus is like, I am him, like I am he like that. That's it right here. Like. And her life is completely changed. Like she's in the bottom of the bottom completely outcast from society, societal norms through her, like divorces and her adultery or whatever's going on in her societal social life that everyone's literally talking about at the watering hole. You know what I'm saying? Like, she doesn't go to the watering hole because she doesn't want to be the butt of the jokes and be, like, made fun of or criticized, condemned or whatever. So she goes by herself later on in the heat of the day when it's like the most uncomfortable, most ideal, up an opportune time to go. And so she has to go societally to not face those consequences. And then she goes from that to being the person who's introducing everybody to the Messiah and like, giving everybody the water of like, hope and like life and pure true like love and whatever's going like the intentions of what he's trying to do, he's like, I'm a tell this person, you're the first person I told. Like, you know, you're like. Give your ground zero. You're patient zero. Like I'm telling you. And like, I want you to tell everybody. And she's, you know, she's a different person, literally different person. They screaming happy. Difference at the end of the spectrum from like negative to positive emotion. Yep. And hope to like feeling of the current present in the future. Like the hopelessness of like, oh, this this is awful. Life sucks to like I was the most hope. I. Over overjoyed, literally overjoyed. And part of the. Heart for Richmond to do that. Yes, yes. Well, the exactly that's the circle gets the square tidal loop on that. I think part of what that represents is that, like Jesus is frustrated that they let religion become this thing that ostracized and shits on this lady that makes her life terrible. It's like, that's not what we're doing here, yo. Like, I'm here to save this person. I'm here to, like, be the good news for this person. And you guys took religion and you used it ultimately as a way to ostracize people. It's like, that's crazy. That's not like he doesn't say this, but that's kind of the attitude behind his like, white animosity towards the current culture. And I think it's predicated on like, yeah, the the Jewish people were slaves in Egypt. And then Moses saves them and takes them through the Red sea, 40 years in the desert to the Promised Land. It's like it was always predicated on these people who are suffering tyranny to be saved and renewed in this faith in God, to be God's people. It's like you took that, and then you found a way to hate unclean people to to make barriers between God and the temple, in the synagogue. And these people that you've determined as unworthy. It's like this was all predicated on people who societally were unworthy. It's like, those are my people. And I think that's that's also plays into why it's hard for someone who maybe is rich and well-off in society. And for whatever natural mammalian barricades come up when you have it and you see people that don't have it and you like create a barrier between you and them, it's like, that's Jesus's like purpose is to transcend that. And so it's hard to call yourself a Christian if you're supporting that. That's one of the biggest things wrong with us as people in the human world, I think, is that we barricade the goodness to people that are successful, people that are in the in crowd. It's like, and the insecurity that arises with that. Not wanting to give up your position in the hierarchy, it's like your hierarchy is bullshit. God's hierarchy is like the first will be last. Exalt yourself and you will be humbled. The humbled will be exalted. It's like the the leader of you will be a servant. It's like Jesus himself was a servant. Yeah. And so I think it's hard to wrap your mind around that if you're just like the CEO and you're balling out and you're very sure. Yeah. There's a little bit harder. Not that's not to say it's impossible like it's done, but. They got a glimpse of the back door. They got it. Yeah. It's like being. A. Yeah I think people think I get that for sure. I think they're, they're people who kind of have like a spiritual reawakening or an enlightenment later on in life, or take some fucking ayahuasca. And they have a different. Perspective on things change. The doesn't mean they had the like, renounce all your worldly possessions, you know what I'm saying? And be like a monk or like, just give up on life. I guess that's a that's a thought. I've had to not give up on life. But. How many possessions can you how much of life can you experience? Because if God wanted to make us robots, he'd make us robots. Like, I don't think we all need to. Maybe it is a calling for some people to literally be like a nun or go into like the be a bishop or some. Shit, Tim Tebow, is that okay? Missionary in countries starts with P, I don't know, like our African country, right? Yeah. Give up all your worldly possessions, be so broke that you literally don't know where your next meal is coming from. Like, I don't think everybody's called to do that. I don't. Think so. I could be, I could be, I could just be wrong. But that's what I'm thinking here. So I, I think God wants us to enjoy life, I think. And but there's a balance here. There's a balance because he doesn't want us to be robots. He doesn't want us to be also gluttons and just completely overindulgence and imbalance. It's always I think balance is like the meta meta of meta truth is like harmony and balance. But I think everyone's harmony and balance is different too. And maybe all of that is in a meta balance to keep everything ultimately balanced, because we all have different personality traits and different distributions of our personality and our emotional intelligence and whatever our actual informational intelligence and our memories and our artistic abilities, creativity, we all have different spreads of that and maybe all that's ultimately balanced. But then when it comes down to the individual, there might be a balance of how much life you're supposed to be indulging in, maybe like, I don't know, maybe everyone's supposed to have some sort of like, means like, don't live above your means. Like, what does everyone's mean? It's like, what is where is your means? It's like, I'm super, super, super conservative. I'm super chill, super frugal. Like, I don't have to gut. I mean, there's like a trope that I've noticed over the past couple of months, maybe over the past couple of years is like that. Getting people love getting new things. People love getting new things. And like, that's what people love. Like shopping could be an addiction for people and Amazon could be a problem for people. It's like if you're just like online shopping all day, it's like it just that's like your coping mechanism for love, for life. And when you're stressed or when you want to feel good, retail therapy. Yeah. You got to, you know, get food or you go fucking get drugs or you go buy something or you go all to your state somehow. But maybe there's some sort of, I guess, keeping it more of a personal example, like I don't have a crazy imbalance in that aspect per se, but maybe there is a so there's like the most you could possibly be having like super, super tangible, super materialistic. And then there's like the monk line where you go renounce all your literally everything you have and you wear like the monk robes and you sleep on a mattress with no AC in this fucking monastery or whatever. It's like where in between that does everyone fall? And is there like a should you is like an ideal, ultimate, ideal place? Or is it the ideal place on that spectrum, specifically individualized? You know, I'm saying because I don't want to I don't think anyone wants to be. I guess all this is in question of like, how much of this world, how worldly should you be? You know, how how worldly does God want us to be? Sure? Because I don't think that he wants us to be complete monks and monasteries, and I don't think he wants us to have overindulgence beyond balance and harmony. So what is the harmony? Where is the balance in there? And does God maybe want us to be monks? I don't know, I don't think so. Matthew was a fairly wealthy person. Very much so, yeah. And he was a disciple. And then ultimately he I think. Gives he gave that shit up. Quick. He lets the women use his house at one point when they're going to go on their missions. So like, I think God or Jesus, maybe it was like, you know. This is a stretch. But maybe, like Matthew's, well-off ness was then used for the kingdom of God, for the discipleship, for the the ministry of God, because he was able to house the people who were part of the ministry. So maybe like, people who do attain good money and then use it for stewardship of the kingdom of God, it's like maybe God has a use for that and a purpose for that, in a sense where it's not an immoral thing for them to be well-off. Yeah, but Judas, on the other hand, he gave up everything like he gave up all his shares in his company, and he gave up, which was. And then he had just closed the deal where he was going to make a lot of money. And he just like said, like his business partner. He's like, you can have the shares of the company, you can have, like, I renounce everything, like you can have it, you can keep it. And then ultimately, like, gives up all his money to be a disciple. And that's kind of more in line with the monk ideal that you're saying. And then I think that Jesus or Judas betraying Jesus later down the line, I don't think is tied to him giving up all his wealth. But it's it's also another kind of interesting point there is that Judas was a businessman, like the whole time. He's kind of like, yeah, we could be doing this way more efficiently. We could be like if like normal preachers would get like a 10 to 20% tithe when they preach or something like that. Let's say, like normally like 20% of the people give money to, to the person that's preaching. He's like, we could take like 5% from only the wealthy people and we would have enough money to, like, not be needing food. So come on, guys like, let's let's run this a little more efficiently, like, Jesus. I have some plans for how we could, like. Monetize this. Yeah. And Jesus is like Judas like, but don't eat that, bro. It's like, thank you, but we don't need that. I appreciate you, but, like, you can be the master of the coin. Like you will be the person that counts the money for us and makes and like keeps our budget and stuff like that. Because that is your mind and that is like how you operate. But at the same time, like, I'm not collecting an offering when I preach, I'm not doing it. And it's interesting that he gave up all of his business and then was assigned that role, and then he had less money than Matthew at that point, even though he was more business oriented than Matthew was. Matthew was more statistically mathematician, oriented. Yeah. And Matthew could have also been the master of the coin. He prob. Sure. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. But, I think it was given to Judas for that reason where he was more entrepreneurial minded than Matthew was. Okay. And that just like those are a couple of examples, like peppering in like what is the optimal line? You know, it was different for Judas, the Matthew, even though Judas was more of an entrepreneur. And that that does lead me to my conclusion, which is that it's like it's based on your personal journey. Like if you're extremely worldly, maybe you need to give up more. And like you, who doesn't really struggle with that? Like, maybe it's like when, what am I trying to say? Like, there will be a point where I think that we're better off than we are now. And I don't think necessarily God's going to call you to, like, give that up, because it's not something that you struggle with. Like if you were to fast from things that were worldly chains on you, I don't think earthly possessions would be something that you would need to fast from. Whereas someone else in their personal journey, they might need to like, cut up the fucking credit cards to go without for a while to understand that they can be okay without those things. Yeah, yeah, I guess it's a it's a personal true thing, I think is what it is. Yeah, right. I think everyone has their own individualized. Specific unique. Story. Yeah. And like and chains, you know what I'm saying is like alcohol. It's like I don't have to I don't I don't ever think about like I need a drink. Like, you know, like, never, you know, I like to start a chain that I would have to pass from, you know, saying to fast from that would be like a false maybe it'd be doing it for the sake of doing it to tell people that I'm fasting, you know what I'm saying? Yes. Which is like heresy or whatnot. Heresy. Well, you know, I'm saying whatever is it's a contradictory. Yeah. It's, God's name in vain type. You know, I'm saying, yeah, that type of action behavior, it's like, oh, I'm so holy. I'm fasting from drinking. Hey, I'm in the rough. Totally like, no, it's not my fucking. No, not no, no. As a fasting is, it's like doing the hard thing. Yeah. Or repentance. It's doing the hard thing. Turn around. But yeah so I think I don't know I'm not sure what that balance would be because I guess I've seen some, some sheesh on Instagram about like mega pastors or pastors and megachurches and like their mansions. I think. I saw there was someone on the. Other day, it was like a six house, 24 acre lot from like a mega pastor of a mega church in Houston. For. Like 15 million or something. So yeah. What's that? What's the guy's name? There's an old it's that old sign, I think. Oh my God. Yeah, that that's. One of the one of the call. That's one of the guys. I'm not sure it might be him, but I don't know. It just said pastor in Houston, it's like, yo. That's wild, right? Like do. Okay. So in that and for that guy. Is that too much? Is that too much? My friend Julian was saying the same thing last night. Is that too much? Pastors in California would be pulling up in Belize. They'd taken off their robes after service. Is that too much? Just sharpest fit in the world? Is that. Too much? It was too much for Julian. He's like, bro, this isn't right. It's not balance. It seems a little off because even if you are, even if you do have the funds available, which apparently I guess those pastors do, I guess they do have the funds available to purchase those things, and they have those tangible objects, and to live in those places and to have that car, whatever a nice outfit, they have the means to do so. But even if you do have the means to do so at that budget or at that, like title, like your job title is like, you shouldn't productions. These shouldn't be spent like that. You know what I'm saying? There's probably like, you. Know, if you do have that much money. Do you think there's like an exact percentage of what? Like God in heavens, like 17% of your possible outcome is what you should be spending. If you could spend a million, you need to spend 170,000. That's kind of my line that I draw on the saying it's like 17%. You being a. Little greedy, son. Yeah, that's the greed line, I guess 20%. It's like, you're only a little greedy. Better than the 60% are spending 600,000 of their million capital. Yeah, I don't know. That's a funny thought to think about. Maybe to a degree, you know, to to the point that we were talking about. Everyone has their own individualized balance. Maybe we don't all do have an individualized like, okay, you're overdoing it a little bit in this area. Proper budget. Yeah. And this one area of life and you're like, oh, and your your shoes or your fucking cars, it's like you're spending $400,000 a year in cars and insurance. It's like it's all it's all much, man. You you might have 10 million. It might not be like financially burdensome to spend that much money for you might not be anything like for us. Like spending 40 bucks a month on whatever Netflix and streaming services. So it's like, not that big a deal in the grand scope of things. If you have that much expense or that like available, income to expend whatever expendable income or, I figure what determines. But if you have that much cash blow so you're still out of balance, like you're not you're not putting yourself out like you're going to make, like, spend your kids tuition, like, everything is paid and like, everything is good, but it's just out of balance. So maybe we all do have some sort of balance like that, and maybe it is a little gross. To. To be a mega pastor. It's all that fucking money. Well, those possessions. Even if I had $1 billion. Right, I'm. Not going to be buying crazy shit. I don't know. You know, I'm. I don't think so. But, Rory, I might have. I need to get $1 billion and test that theory. But I don't think I'm going to buy. You know, I might buy one Rari. You know what I'm saying? That wouldn't even be that much. How outlandish. But there are some people who, I got 12 cars, 12 car garage. I got 12. Cars. Yeah, bro. Yeah, that's a little much. I think that there is, oh. My dad says sometimes everything in everything in moderation, including moderation. Okay, I think I've heard you say that before. So it's like maybe some people do have a place in their life where they're like, I practice moderation in moderation with this hobby. So I spend a little money on Madden Ultimate Team. I don't anymore because it's a waste of fucking money. But if I had a $200,000 salary and I was living in like a $60,000 house, drove the Mazda, good budget, but I spent like $100 a week on Madden Ultimate Team. I think that that would be, like, justifiable in my own mind. But let's say, like, the shit happens, bro, like, let's say like. And this is a fucked up example, right? Okay. I don't wish this on anybody. Don't do it. Well, let's say like your daughter gets cancer. No, no. And you have a 12 car garage with 12 cars. 12 cars. And now, like that cancer bill is like $300,000 at that point, are you going to regret your financial decisions? So it's like when the shit hits the fan. Are your financial decisions well endowed? I think that's something to think about. You know, I like how our megachurch spends money. It seems like they spend their. Because. Do you think about tithing, too? That's another like, money percentage thing. I think you're supposed to tithe. Ten. Percent. 10%. Yeah. So but let's say there's like. Let's say there's probably 20 to 30,000 people that go to our church. Yeah, I guess he said that there's at least like 3400 seats in the main auditorium, plus overflow five services a week, averaging probably like 4 to 5000 on average, plus north and south side. So let's say five times five, 25, roughly 25,000 at least. There's probably 3 or 4 million. There's at least. That go to. Church, especially in that area. Right. At least and 10% of their paychecks. A lot of money, dude. That's a couple racks. Yeah. Honeybees. And you know, they making money. But it seems like they our church is really nice. Really nice. Are they built the coffee shops nice. Yeah. Everything is nice. All the amenities. Yeah. It's fucking wonderful. Facilities. That seems like an a park. Parks late. Late park dude. Lit basketball courts. Dude, that's a big fan. The big ass fan, I think. Yeah. The pavilion. Pickleball courts. Yeah. I don't think that's a gross use of their wealth. I think that's like a a good use of the money. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I think there's something to be said for using a gross amount of money in a good way, like stewarding it properly. But all of these things are when you pray at night to God in your heart, do you feel conviction that you're doing something wrong, that you could be better here, better there, better here, better there? If you're feeling that like that's your GPS, that's your that's how you know, like, I wonder if Tom Seger's like, goddamn, I spend a lot of money on cars. Yes, I'm sure, bro, if you look at your life objectively, truly. Objective. Of your personality or like, no ego, I think we all have that the ability and. Okay, because we are the same engine or what you're just mentioning brought something to mind with like, yeah, whenever you're trying to pray to God at the end of the night or the end of the day, like the mud, the metaphor of the word of phrase at the end of the day. Yeah. Like when it comes down to it, in summation, in conclusion and finality, when you're actually trying to look at life and like, be in communication with God. And I guess from that perspective, try to gain that bird's eye view of, like, I'm gonna open my soul to you like everything that I have going on in my matrix, my spectrum, my thoughts, my beliefs, my my actual habits, my actual tangible life, my house, my car, all my stuff. Like I open all that up to you, like search it, let me know. Like what's fucked up and if if I, if everyone legitimately did that and had that true open line of communication and conversation with the creator of awareness itself, and like you were given the awareness itself to see your own insufficiencies like you're actually willing to look at them all that needs to be in line for you to actually have that conversation and see like, oh, I could be doing this little bit better. And like if anyone says that they don't have one of those things like don't have like if they had that conversation and then nothing is like, nope, I'm good. Pretty perfect. Like, There's nothing I could be doing better at all. It's like this. This is bullshit. That's just fucking bullshit. You're lying. Here's lying to yourself. So I think everyone did like the Tom Sawyer example. Like, if he were to ask himself in that laying of the legitimate conversation and being openly honest, like, oh, I spent a while much passionate about that. Whatever passion spent put the leather seats into that one. I got the interior change. I got the whatever, the whatever. It's a little much, but maybe he's I don't know, everyone has. But I think point being, everyone has the ability to have that open, honest communication with the creator of the universe and to actually ask him to, like, open your heart and open your eyes to look at your life and see where I could be doing a little bit better, even if it's a little bit that's like something. Or stop doing this thing and start doing this thing. It's like, I could be, yeah, I should probably be reading the Bible more. I probably should be doing this more. I should be given more, I should be donating more. I should be, yeah, maybe I shouldn't be looking at this. I shouldn't be watching this shouldn't be eating. There shouldn't be going there with these people. Shouldn't be making those jokes. I shouldn't be saying this type of dialog, shouldn't be thinking those thoughts. So first respond with this one character that I don't like in work or in church or at the gym or in my neighborhood. It's like, oh, this person annoys the fuck out of me. It's like, I should probably like, cool that down a little bit. Or maybe I need to turn it up a little bit. I mean, I need to have that conversation with this guy. I need to tell him like, nah, man, fuck this. Like, I need to put a put a wall up right here. You know what I'm saying? Like, so either way, there's something you could be doing better if you're legitimately asking and want to know. Yes, you'll tell yourself. God will tell you. Yeah, if you're willing to hear the answer. Right. If you have the open heart to it. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. I had this other thought. I was talking to someone in the workplace above me in the hierarchy. I've used to be tyrannical. I've had irritates me. Feelings of resentment. I feel like, crossing. Crossing lines behind our backs, ill intent, forming evil plans to some degree, to try to gain control in a way that I found malicious and not okay. A lot of things that would actually irritate me, actually. Maybe build up a little bit of resentment. And then we're talking about the chosen and he tells me from my perspective in a narcissistic way, that he really relates heavily to Peter and that that character really, he really connects with that character. And, I'm like, oh, yeah. Like the, like the brashness, the hard headedness, the, the willingness to be angry with God, like, those things are relatable, but then ultimately to submit to faith. Right. And then I felt like a dissonance. Like he's like. Where does your interpretation of what he's leading to? Well, that's what I relate to Peter too. Gotcha, gotcha gotcha gotcha. But but yeah, but I'm relating to him. And I'm saying, you know, these things. Yes. Like, right. Like that's what you're talking about pointing it. Right. And I felt him be like, okay, you're going to use your words to tangle up what I meant to shit on me. And I'm like, no, not like that's what I relate to Peter too. Like, I've been brash and I've been hard headed that actually, I haven't really ever been mad at God. Even when my mom died, I testified that we should double down on our faith and shitty circumstance and stray away from that innate response. That would be to be angry at the creator of the universe shaking their fist. Yeah, it's like, that's not right. So like I've never struggled with that per se, but I'd imagine that that would be something that he would be talking about in that moment, because a lot of people do struggle with that. And I and I've been called. The character of Peter. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And then later I'm thinking about it and I'm like, I think he's on some level talking about like the leadership aspect, like the Rock, like I'm going to build my church on you even though you weren't necessarily the most devout person in the beginning. Now you're the person that I want in this leadership position that I'm going to build a foundation on. And I'm just like irritate it with that. And I don't know how to put that into a box. Even if it's like, he didn't even say this. You're just like, it's like. Thinking about, like him, identifying with this. Yeah. Or relating to this idea or this personality trait within him. Totally. Of all the people who can relate it to. Yeah. And then the other thing is that, like, Peter is more of a main character in The Chosen than the other disciples. Like there's more scenes depict me with no more about his life and his struggle and his relationship with his wife. He's the OG or like as far as the show is concerned, he's like the center point of season one. Like, hey. I'd want Matthew and Peter's brother Andrew. Yeah, or like pretty central focus. Yeah. And you know, and I'm like, well, who does that make me? Does that make me? Matthew Matthew's like depicted as this, like, awkward autistic person who's like, good with numbers but like, nobody wants to be like that, per se. Socially awkward. It's not nearly as exciting as being like Peter, who gets like, who, you know, chosen by God. Has his. Name changed? Yeah, like, I know, but then it kind of I had this moment where it was like my dad told me the same thing long last time ago. I heard him, like, talking to my mom about it. Long ass time. I'm like ten years old talking about how Peter was someone that he really felt like he resonated with as a disciple, and it made sense to me when I was a kid in that sense, because, like, my dad became a pastor, you know what I'm saying? Like literally became someone who was trying to be a rock for the church. And also it was my dad was more centric about how Peter, like, fucked up a lot. It wasn't like the point where he owes too much money and he's not going to get it done on his own, and he doesn't even believe that Jesus can really do it. And Jesus like that one more time. And he's like, okay. And then like, I felt like. And then I'm like, okay. So like, maybe it's kind of a thing where people like Peter resonates and a lot of people maybe like the ideas of what happens in his life. And then like five days later, a different person, a woman at work who's kind, sweet, bubbly, whom I also find annoying from time to time. I think maybe I'm a little bit cynical. There's I find a lot of shit annoying. It's hard for me to like everybody. All the bullshit. Yeah, there's very few people where I'm like, You and Julian, are there. Some rocks you're rocking? Like some of the only. People that I never get, like, irritated with the way you guys carry yourself. And, she's. I'm talking to her about the chosen. She's telling me I just I think she sends me a text. She's like, I just love Peter so much. Like, I resonate so much with Peter and, like, the way that he does this and this and this and like, I just feel that, like Peter's storyline, just like, stokes the coals in my heart. And then I'm like, okay. Like, everybody resonates with Peter. Everybody wants to be like a leader. I mean, then we're at church two Sundays in a row. The pastor's like, well, for me, because I didn't go on Mother's Day. But so the Sunday before Mother's Day, the Sunday after Mother's Day, like the pastor called everyone in the church to leadership. It's like, okay, well, when there's 12 disciples and Jesus names Peter the Rock and he gets this leadership title, it's like one gets it. 11 don't. But we're sitting in it. Everybody in church gets called the leadership. We're all going to be the boss. A lot of chefs know cooks. Let's say no, yeah, no, no prep cooks. It's all chefs. But this idea that everyone is called to leadership at some capacity, it's like, okay, I can get down with that. I feel that I get it. And so I'm looking at like these three different people, my dad, my boss lady all feel resonated with Peter. And in my own mind, I'm just like, okay, well, if everybody resonates with Peter, like, who can I be? That's not Peter who can resonate with me. Of the 12 disciples, if I if I were going to let that character be chosen, I can't be Fox and Super Smash Bros. I got to be someone else. Everybody wants to fucking be Fox. Yeah. Like who? Who could I be? That would truly be me. And this question sat on my mind for like three or 4 or 5 days, like, kind of clicked on my head last night. I was like, I think I want to be little James. And there's a moment where I just got chills saying it out loud, I really did. Oh, James, he's a singer, right? Little John is like. Yeah, you. I'm not sure I officially said that. In season one. I'm pretty sure that's part of his backstory, his origin story. I think that's what him and Andrew or not? Him and Andrew, him and Simon. Simon. Peter. Before he becomes Peter season one, they're talking and I think he's asking or Simon's asking him like, how'd you get here? What were you doing before this? Like before you started following Jesus? Like, what were what was your life story? He's like, I was on my I'm pretty sure preacher's little James. And he was the one who was saying. Yeah, I was actually on my way to go join this, like, choir group or this singing triad or some sort of singing group. And he was, Simon was like, skeptical, was like, oh, yeah. Right. And I was going to be the first sort of Pontius or whatever the fuck his name is. Guy. And like Isaiah Pontius, right? I think is biased either way. He is. He just doesn't believe him. And then he, little James is like, start singing, start singing for the people. And they're like, woo, whatever. Yeah. Good job. Nice. You're right. I just asked nice peeps 100% right. I didn't catch that. That wasn't it. I didn't know that I'd probably seen that. But during the first season I was doing a lot. While I was watching it, I would put it on because it was nice to have my baby sleeping with Jesus on the TV. Nice. I put my heart at rest. I felt like we had good vibes in the house, you know? Heck yeah. I'll be cleaning and doing. Whatever come up for the children. Yeah. For real. And I just asked to do it and I said yes, but, that's crazy. That's like. So you resonate with little James. My balls off the chart. Whoa whoa whoa. Yeah. But the reason that I resonate with little James is because there is a scene where little James is, like, basically, like, know Jesus, like, I don't really know how to ask this, but you be healing a lot of people, and you do miracles and signs and wonders and like, I follow you devoutly and like, like, I don't know if he says, like, why won't you or like, will you? But he's like, well, you heal me because he walks with, like a walking stick. And, he, And the chosen, the disciple who has a limp is Little James, portrayed by actor Jordan Walker Ross. This aspect of the character is not drawn from biblical accounts, but is inspired by Ross's personal experience with cerebral palsy and scoliosis, conditions that result in a noticeable limp. The show's creator, Dallas Jenkins, chose to incorporate Ross's real life disability into the character, adding depth and authenticity to the portrayal and then, a particularly poignant moment occurs in season three, episode two, and little James approaches Jesus, expressing his struggle with being tasked to heal others despite not being healed himself. And then Jesus responds with compassion, explaining that James's perseverance of faith, even without physical healing, serves as a powerful testimony, and what he says is like, I heal people. If I healed you, that would be a story for you to tell everybody that I healed you. But I'm going to heal a lot of people in this world and they tell that story. But you followed me with faith even though I didn't heal you. And that's a more powerful story. And like that resonates with me because, like, even if I don't make it as a successful podcaster, even if I don't make it as a musician, even if I like my story is just a staple of Christ. Like, I'm okay with that. Like legitimately, I'm okay with that. I don't need to be Peter. I think I was born to be in leadership, but so is everybody in our church just now, like all 3000 people were called to leadership. It's like, I'm not the only one called the leadership in the faith. And I don't need to be told, hey, you are the rock brother. Tell these people what to do for me to be like the Rock. Exactly, bro. Like I can be little James. I can be not walking as fast as everybody else and and not be healed and be a part of the miracle without getting the miracle that my heart thinks I need. Where in reality I have the miracle of being a disciple like of Jesus himself. Yeah, like I'm happy with that. I'm okay with that and that that, like, hit me last night where, like, you, like, you guys can be Peter. You guys can be facts. That's fine. Like I'll be. I'll be the person that is okay with just following Jesus. Like, that's okay with me. And I think maybe that's part of my personal. Maybe that's why I'm watching The Chosen. So to alleviate this feeling of if I don't become something, I'm a failure. My life has no meaning. Like all those books I read, all those hours I spent in the gym, all of that you thinking like, it's okay, I'll sacrifice now for a reward later. I'll sacrifice now for a reward later. My parents splitting up. It's okay, because one day I'll buy my mom a house. Because I'll be a successful athlete. Like I hinge everything on success. All of this will make sense if I'm successful. And then it's like, I don't need that. I don't need it. That was like a coping mechanism. I used to get through life. Yeah, I just want to. I'm just thankful that I get to be a follower of Jesus, that he keeps me close and I might not have be. There's a lot of people that follow Jesus that weren't a disciple. I don't even I'm not even saying like, I'm one of the 12 chosen that makes me special. It's like, I don't need that. I don't need that. I don't need any of it. Just be a disciple of Christ. Be someone who uses a platform to talk about Jesus. That's cool. That done? Yeah. And that's. You felt good. Yeah. It's beautiful man. Thanks. I'm going to try to do my own. Okay. Just like testifying a witnessing to you guys what Jesus been doing to my heart lately. Yeah, dude, I hope Jesus, I hope Peter resonates with you guys. I think Peter's supposed to resonate with a lot of people. Yeah, he's the one. Or it's. He gets the spoiler alert if all know, don't know. But he's the way like, even though he has this position of leadership and authority to a degree and like going to be the Rock gets his name changed, he's still the one who, like he's might be the closest, I guess John is maybe the closest, the one he loves or whatever it mentions that. But Peter's definitely up there. There. He he loves them all different, differently in their own ways, for their own reasons. But Peter's the one who, like, literally walks on the water with them. But then he's also the same one who, like, denies him publicly. Like three times. It's like, that's fucked up, man. That's that's your boy dog. And you're going to be like, no, I don't know him. No, no, no, no I don't know him. Like, oh, that's rough. And he still like loves him. He's like, no, it's all good dog. Don't worry about it. Yeah I think he's I never you're going to do that shit. So you're going to do this. It's okay. Don't worry about it. I think that that might be like, something that we can all relate to. It's like we all want to be the person who's the leader and the one who's the rocks built on. We all want to walk on the water with Jesus, but then that character like will deny Jesus as well. Like that. That's like a it's a hard thing to do. It's a hard thing to to mix and blend there. That courageous, fearless leader. But then also when the chips are down, like the fucking, you're like, you're your life is on the line. Like, these people are going to crucify you too, or like you're about to be fucked as well. Like, and you got a wife and shit. Yeah. Dude, I think I don't know, man. I would be happy in the spirit of go where you're called. Take me, Lord. Like I'd be happy to lay down my life for my faith. But I also have a daughter, and I don't think God wants that for her. So I don't think I should be super willing to like, oh, die. It's like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I yeah, probably everybody thinks that they wouldn't have denied Jesus in that moment. Everyone wants to think that they wouldn't, but oh, you know, you know, when the shit hits the fan. We don't know what would happen. We don't know. You don't know. You don't know. But we'd like to think. Do you think that was even Peter? Did you know even the one who's been there the whole time? Like even he can overcome that temptation. They have a self-preservation. Self-preservation. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Do you think. They'll die anyway? I'm pretty sure. But either way, they definitely all die. Everyone dies eventually. Yeah, but officially. They died a pretty, pretty shitty deaths after he went away. Or Jesus came back, and then he went away. And. Yeah, because it was a, I guess. Yeah. Part of what you were saying that was so beautiful is, ultimately you were saying that this is having the appreciation and the ability to follow Christ, and that's enough. That's more than enough. As long as you got Jesus doesn't really matter. As far as the external successes or accolades or political or a political public recognition, it's like, fuck all that shit. It's like I'm following Jesus and we live in a time and place where we can do that, which is like, beautiful. Because what I was just talking about, it's like, I'm pretty sure the disciples got like crucified. They got like, there's many, many a group of Christians that got like, decapitated and cat like, crucified and burned and killed and all crazy ways due to the Pope, political leaders at the time, for the like the years following Jesus death and resurrection, like for the next 304 hundred years, and probably still to this day, or maybe not to this day as much, but definitely in those early hundred centuries, a couple a couple centuries, it was a pretty rough to be a Christian. It'd be pretty brave. It's going to kill you. It's kill you for that shit. Yeah, it's really easy to say now. So now we could do it. And I was like, yeah, no problem at all. It's kind of cool. Yeah. It it's it's easy to say it's easy to say it's harder. And I'm not saying that I won't ever be frustrated by not being the successful that I want to be. You know what I'm saying? It's definitely easy to say. It's easy to say that I would have been happy to be crucified for my faith, thrown into the lion's den, that I could have sat in those prisons and not been upset. It's easy to say, but there is a level of conviction in my heart after watching that show that tells me that, like, dude, walk by faith, not by sight, like if your pursuit of Christ takes you into the lion's den, like, be there. That's where you're supposed to be. Get on your knees and pray while you're there. It's like, don't for a second doubt that Jesus can't save you. And if you're supposed to die like that, then you get to go to heaven. It's like, that's his own reward, dude. Like, selfishly, it's all my friends and family. If I find out, like the process of elimination, it's like, okay, the road led me here. I'm on the cross, I'm going to die. I would then shift my mind away from my earthly life into, I'm going to be with God like, this is my moment, this is my time. Like the same way John the Baptist, when he's about to be beheaded, he looks out the window and he sees like the the light of the world starts to be, like, glowing bright. And then I think, I think he sees a lamb outside and he's just like, it's done. Like I've completed my mission. Like there's a, there's a, a beautiful transition you could get to instead of being like. Oh my God, I'm gonna die. I could, I could look like. That would be the natural impulse of someone about to behead you. Yeah, but I think I could shift it there. Or at least I'd like to believe I could. And I think if I'm not there, I do want to be there. And I think we all can agree that we would want to feel that way. If you're a follower of Christ or. Serendipitous and accepting. Accepted. Yeah. I'm sorry. Sorry. That is what it is. Because. Yeah, doing what I thought I supposed to be doing what felt right. Not just in the moment, but in the eternal, in the eternal moment. You know, saying, yeah, there's another word for that in the, in the grand scheme of things. And forever. Yeah. That's fucking beautiful. Do you think we're all supposed to do you think all the disciples will represent something that we should all aspire to relate to? Like maybe they're more of a metaphor for. Yeah. Being one disciple of Christ. Yeah. Or a different. Yeah. Personality traits. True. Because we are all different. They'll embody different. Yeah. Different proportions of personality trait. And then we are all an amalgam of all those personality traits and just different percentages. In each one. Yeah I think that's probably, that's usually how stories work. Yeah. You know what I'm saying. So I think that, that checks the box for what's going on there. I don't think it's truly like, okay, you get to me, Matthew, and then you get to be John and you got to be Peter. I don't think it's like that. I think they all represent the different parts of all of us and that they are. We should connect with all of them in some level, maybe some more than others. Yeah. Certain points of your life. Yeah. Different ones hit harder. But I don't, I don't think that like when this guy is like I'm definitely Peter in the Bible and you got to be somebody else bro. You could be like Matthew if you really want to. I don't think that's like that's a really analog way of thinking, you know what I'm saying. Very, very, very simplified. Yeah. Especially when I heard the three different people and these are three very different people to me, a boss that I struggle to get along with, my dad and then like a lady who's sweet but kind of annoying, that is like non-threatening, doesn't like bother me at all, really. Like more than anything, I appreciate her kind of energy. It's like those are different people and they all are like, dude, Peter though, am all right. That's like, of course I'm sitting on my couch watching like, yeah, I want to be Peter, you just fucking yoga. Did you see his biceps? Like, you could tell that we'll be working out. So, like, he gets, like, organize the troops and gets his name changed. Like, who wouldn't want to be like that? You know what I'm saying? But I think to say it for a fifth time, I think we're all we. There is a part of Peter that we all resonate with. Yeah, that show is fucking amazing. This was this was the chosen podcast chosen. But it's bomb. Highly recommend season it or been seeing it again since season one. It's time where we just finished it all season two now. It's fun to watch. It's good. It's super, super tight. Memorial day today. Yeah. Memorial fucking honor the troops. For the fallen. Yeah. Appreciate you. Amen. Yeah. Appreciate that. We had a church service, Memorial church service yesterday. Pastor Ed giving love in San Antonio. We got the military city big time here in San Antonio. So shout out to Lackland Air Force and all that we got. I forget the other. There's there's a couple of bases, Fort Sam or something like that. I don't know. There's many, many, many a spot here, at least 2 or 3 where it's like a big military town for sure. So all the love and respect in the world. Yeah, yeah. Pour some out for the people that lost. Homies died for a greater cause. Trying to do the right thing. Trying, trying to do the right thing. Hopefully. Yeah, that's all we're doing here. Hopefully we do the right thing. We try and do our best and hopefully we can direct that and aim that best towards the most right thing. Yeah, whatever that might be like for the people that actually fell. Respect for the family members, people that fell, respect. Sometimes people come back for more. And the person that you love isn't the same person anymore. So respect, like there's a lot that goes into war. There's a lot, a lot, a lot that goes into that. It's crazy. I that it's hard to think about. It's hard to watch. My wife can't even watch it. You know what they gave me? Watch it. Yeah. Band of brothers. Band of brothers, I'm sure. Yeah. She couldn't even make it past episode two. It's just like, I don't want to watch that. I'm sure she could if you had to, but, like, it's like, oh, God, this is so unpleasant. So unpleasant. Does better not watch that. Like, yeah. I was fine, though. I've seen I haven't seen her Saving Private Ryan, but I've seen, like, war movies. And then she goes hard. Dude, it's like there's no way she could watch that. 0% chance. To go watch that. The first ten is tough. The first 20s are like, the first, like two minutes. This is. Oh, Jesus, dude. Yeah. The stuff that those people saw is like, can't even wrap our minds around it. Yeah. So for the people who's that? Is your reality like respect, man. That's crazy. Yeah. Even a lighter version now like, cause we haven't really had, like, a world war in a minute. You think we'll go to war ever again like that? Probably. I probably. Joe Rogan. Right, I think so. Some Ukraine was in war with Russia and there was war in Gaza and whatnot. Oh, yeah. There's war going. On. It's rough. Can we all just get all right? It doesn't seem like it through all of history. Can we all just be chill, bruh? Can we all just chill, bruh? Why can't we all just chill, bruh? Like, what's your problem? I don't know, I heard this guy talking about war used to be you put on red and then we'll put on blue and then we'll line everybody up. Oh shoot it out whenever you're ready to give up. Whoever is ready to give up, then we'll decide who's in power. You put it like that. That's crazy. Like there were just like musket lines. They weren't even, like, running into the fucking bunkers. Like trying to. Just like. All right, ready? Move. Like, bro, take a step forward. Yes! Do it again. Yeah! That's crazy. Oh, shit. That's crazy. It's in our nature. Aggression, for sure, but fuck, dude, can we can we just figure out a different way? Jesus called for us to have a different way. Yeah, totally. Let's see. I have hope for the world. I got hope for life, love, life, love y'all. Happy 82. Happy life to everybody. Hopefully your day is going great. Do the dishes, do the laundry, take the kids to school. Hopefully, if you're in the if we're hearing in the car, watching on the podcast or watching on the YouTubes, I'm gonna figure out a way to upload the video to the Spotify too. So that's that's tight. Oh, I saw the thing that's happened and I used to not be able to do it. There was some sort of barrier to entry, but they've since made it much easier to upload a video for your podcast. Oh sweet. So I got that shit on YouTube that I shit on the spots. Regardless of where or when or how you're watching this. We love you guys, man. Come on man, you better than that. You're better than that. What have you think of yourself? You better than. That. I believe in you. Yeah, I believe in you. Yeah. Where you're at right now. Yeah. Do the dance right where you need to be. Through the dance. The dance. Got a couple stumbles with it. But sometimes you got to hit that. Big man blast doors, big man blast doors. You just got to do it. You just got to do it. Just got a big man. Big woman up plenty big boy, big girl britches. And do the damn thing. Hit that breaking point. Hit that breaking point. It's like limit break. Something's got break. It ain't gonna be me. It's my limit. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Oh, yeah. Man, we're going to wrap her up today. Have a memorial day. Have a great life. Whenever you'll see. This will be the week afterwards, by the way. So whenever you see this, it'll be June. Happy June time. We're about halfway through. Yes. Summertime vibes y'all. It's hot out there. Congrats to all the grads. Y'all did that thing. Whatever y'all did. Graduating elementary school. I don't give a damn good job. Wait it be way to be. Just keep on. Going. Keep on moving. Keep on elevating. And we'll see on the other side this as a. Forever subscribe spot. Thank you, lovely lady. Peace is