An Evolving Man Podcast

Why Ex-Boarders Struggle With Boundaries | Boarding School Trauma, People Pleasing & Leadership

Piers Cross

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0:00 | 19:19

Why do so many boarding school survivors struggle with boundaries?

In this episode, Piers Cross explores how boarding school conditioning can shape people pleasing, emotional suppression and difficulty saying no later in life.

Drawing on trauma theory, attachment work and years of coaching leaders and ex-boarders, Piers explores why boundaries can feel dangerous for many trauma survivors — and why nervous system regulation is essential when learning to hold healthy boundaries.

Topics include:

  •  Boarding school and the “complier” survival strategy 
  •  Fight, flight, freeze and appease 
  •  Why boundaries feel unsafe 
  •  Shame, fear and conflict avoidance 
  •  Avoidant attachment and trauma 
  •  Boundary repair practices 
  •  EFT tapping and Havening 
  •  Leadership and emotional intelligence 
  •  Nervous system regulation and safety 

Piers also shares practical boundary exercises inspired by Diane Poole Heller’s work on attachment and trauma healing.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 


Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/