An Evolving Man Podcast

Boarding School Syndrome: The Grief We Were Never Allowed to Feel | Piers Cross

Piers Cross

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0:00 | 11:57

When my wife Michelle died in 2025, I expected grief.

What I did not expect was that her death would reconnect me with another loss that had remained hidden for decades.

The loss of my mother.

The loss of my family.

The loss of home.

The loss of safety.

The loss that began when I was sent away to boarding school.

In this deeply personal episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore the striking similarities between bereavement and the boarding school experience. Drawing on the work of Joy Schaverien, Nick Duffell, Peter Sykes and Paul Sunderland, I reflect on why so many ex-boarders struggle with addiction, emotional disconnection, relationship difficulties and unresolved grief.

For many children, boarding school was not simply separation.

It was bereavement.

The difference is that society recognises one form of grief while often denying the other.

In this episode we explore:

• Why boarding school can be experienced as a profound bereavement

• The connection between grief, addiction and emotional suppression

• Why ex-boarders often struggle to access their feelings

• The impact of losing parents, home and attachment figures at an early age

• Joy Schaverien's work on Boarding School Syndrome

• Nick Duffell's reflections on British culture and emotional disconnection

• Practical ways to process grief safely

• How emotional healing supports leadership, relationships and wellbeing

If this conversation resonates, please consider liking, subscribing and sharing with someone who may benefit.

Website:
https://www.piers-cross.com/

#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Grief #TraumaHealing #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #AttachmentTrauma #HealingChildhoodTrauma #AnEvolvingManPodcast

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 


Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/