Gen X Boundaries vs. Modern Parenting: Have We Gone Too Far? | Carmen Talk

In this episode of Carmen Talk, Carmen dives into the complex intersection of generational shifts, internet culture, and parenting boundaries. After stepping into a heated comment section regarding popular content creators incorporating their newborns into their shows, Carmen reflects on the backlash, the divide between Gen X childhoods and modern parenting styles, and how online audiences react to change. 

In this episode, we cover:

• The Power of Small Wins: Why embracing small moments of appreciation is essential while navigating a loud world. 
• Gen X vs. Modern Parenting: Looking at how boundaries and child independence have shifted dramatically over the generations. 
• Creator Culture & Audience Dynamics: How public figures handle major life changes on camera—and how audiences react when expectations shift. 
• Reclaiming the "Village": Why healthy communities require structure, common sense, and productive dialogue across differences. 

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Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth


DISCLAIMER:  As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast.  Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance. 

Transcript

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[00:00:11] Carmen: Hi, everyone. 

[00:00:13] Carmen: one of the things that I feel really comfortable that I have done my entire life is I take the small wins. When you get a small win, whatever it is, take it, embrace it, and hold onto it, because sometimes those small wins, like whether it's your boss saying, "Hey, you did a great job on that," don't brush it off.

[00:00:35] Carmen: And look at, I am the queen of brushing off compliments, like I really suck at it. So I'm not talking about the initial, like you have that little embarrassment or whatever. Everyone has a way in which they can take in information, but when someone says something kind to you or does something out of the blue or anything, you hold onto it, because we need those little wins sometimes while we wait for the big ones, right?

[00:01:03] Carmen: And I think a lot of times we don't even see a big win when it happens. And as I share with you what happened this week, please understand that why I am sharing this is because we need to have a different conversation about how we deal with each other online, how we deal with each other as people who are parents and people who are not parents, and also how we deal with each other regarding our generations and who we are in those generations, and that's not to put us in these labels, but I think it matters.

[00:01:41] Carmen: So first let me talk about what happened. There are quite a few creators that are incredible that have had children, in the past, I don't know, a, a month I, I would say. Aaron Pa- Parnas is one of them. A lot of people follow him. He does a lot of news stuff online, and he's a young kid, but he's brilliant.

[00:02:04] Carmen: He's brilliant. And he recently had an infant, I think a daughter, but I'm not sure. And, I think the first time I noticed it was I tend not to watch him. I tend to sometimes listen to him in the morning, and he said something about he had his,I think he did have a daughter. He had his daughter's foot, he was using his daughter's foot as a microphone 'cause he was watching her as he was doing the news.

[00:02:30] Carmen: the other person is V, who does Under the Desk News, one of my favorite- Uh, shows that I watch. And V had a, I'm not sure, daughter or son, not sure, infant, and announced that while doing the news. And so you can imagine already what's gonna happen, right? There are people who then turned around and were angry that the children were involved in the news.

[00:03:00] Carmen: Now, let me be clear, the children were not involved in the news, but they were in the shot in some way, shape, or form, or they were, talked about, or they were cooing in the background, whatever it is, okay ? So some people were really thrown by that and upset by that. And, and other people thought it was lovely and wonderful and great and, "Oh, you had a baby."

[00:03:23] Carmen: And so th- there were all these comments, and then in the comments are people just being angry about it. So I, being the idiot that I am, I actually can understand both sides of this argument. And let me start here with I'm Generation X. I grew up in a time when children were not heard or seen, right? We barely even existed, and that's not to cry victimhood at all.

[00:03:55] Carmen: It was a very different time. There are pluses to that, but you were told to go outside and play, right? You were told to go to your room if adults were having a conversation in the kitchen or whatever. You would never in a million years be part of any conversation happening between adults. And I use this example, and oh my God, I love all of my friends, so all of my friends, as I say this, don't get angry.

[00:04:24] Carmen: But I have friends that I haven't talked to in a long time. We'll get on the phone They'll call, right? 'Cause we still do the phone thing. We don't just text all the time 'cause we're Generation X, you know? But we'll get on the phone or we'll get on a Zoom or something, and a phone call that might take 40 minutes, right, because we haven't caught up or whatever, will take two hours.

[00:04:48] Carmen: And it will take two hours not just because I talk a lot or they talk a lot or we have so much to catch up on, but it'll take that long because each one of their kids will call out, "Mom," or will ask them a question or I'll have to see them in the frame, and then we'll have to have a conversation with the kid, right?

[00:05:09] Carmen: So it's a different thing. I'm telling you, when I grew up, that never happened. You would never, ever be calling out your mom's name while your mom was on the phone or talking to the friends in the neighborhood. It would never happen, okay? And I would ... I feel comfortable saying most Gen X kids did not grow up with the ability to constantly interrupt their parents while they were having adult conversations, okay?

[00:05:36] Carmen: So that's one part of it. it's a generational thing as well. Kids had their place, and we grew up knowing that we were not involved in our parents' business, professionally, socially, or whatever. Pros and cons to that, but that's changed in this day and age. Now, everything is about the kids. Everything is kids first.

[00:06:00] Carmen: So if you're having a conversation with your friends, those kids come first. And kids wanna interrupt a, a business meeting or they wanna interrupt a conversation that you're having, you know, socially with your friends. Those kids get first right. Fair enough. There are pros and cons to that.

[00:06:18] Carmen: Wonderful. I don't care. I love my friends. I love my friends' kids. I love to see the kids. I enjoy having the conversation. So I am setting this up because what happened this week, and I'm gonna blame the creators on this because they did not handle it well, What happened this week was a generational shift and also the inability to have compassion and understanding for what people are talking about.

[00:06:43] Carmen: Now, I'm not trying to label everybody who complained about the children as Gen Xers. That is not what I'm trying to do 'cause I don't know who they were. I have no idea. I'm just giving you from my point of view what I saw happen, okay? And I was trying to intervene, that was probably my biggest mistake, to try to be the conduit and say, "Hey, here's what's happening.

[00:07:06] Carmen: You don't have to get all upset about it." 'cause listen, there's a difference between being child free and child hate, okay? You can be child free and still love children, okay? I say this all the time. I have many nieces and nephews, and I am god- uh, I'm a godmother to five of them, really six, but officially five of them, okay?

[00:07:26] Carmen: I love children. I am child free. I do not have children. I never wanted children. There's a whole history about it, right? But that's a choice. That doesn't mean I hate children. If anything, I love them. I do think, however, that there has been a generational shift, and some people haven't figured that out.

[00:07:46] Carmen: Now, I am not a psychologist. Oh my God, I'm saying this every episode, 'cause I think it's important. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a doctor. But, but here's what I wanna say. A generational shift in how we deal with children in all facets doesn't mean it's good or bad. But I'ma tell you right now, I absolutely understand why sometimes people get thrown when kids are the consumption of everything that's happening on the planet.

[00:08:16] Carmen: And I say this respectfully, but I think Generation X and the way we grew up, that was bad. It was, um... we can talk about all the good parts about it, but there was also abandonment. There was also the idea that you didn't matter. There was also the thing that nobody cared about you. You know what I mean?

[00:08:33] Carmen: Like, we can glorify every generation we want, but there were also downsides to also being out on the streets all day long and nobody seeming to know where you were or what you were doing. There are pluses and minuses to those. But I will also tell you, I know for a fact a lot of people felt abandoned, felt unloved, felt uncared for.

[00:08:57] Carmen: I was one of those kids. I was one of those kids, okay? so on the flip side, it's the constant, like I see kids who cannot just sit by themselves for a fucking minute while their parents are just trying to do something, right? I,it boggles my mind. Kids cannot be by themselves. They are not as independent as maybe they could be.

[00:09:20] Carmen: they, there are no boundaries, right? Doesn't matter, baby. You need something, I'm here for you, right? So before I get shit in the comments, 'cause this is what happened, people are like, "V is trying to take care of their infant child. How dare you?" You know what I mean? I was like, "Dude, bring it down a notch."

[00:09:37] Carmen: Like, I'm not even... That's not what we're talking about, okay? I'm not questioning V's choices or Ann Parnis' choices. What I'm saying is you have to be able to have a compassionate, you have to be, you have to have empathy. You have to have an understanding of a bigger picture here. And h- this is your audience.

[00:09:59] Carmen: Your audience is reacting to change, and that's the other part of this I wanna talk about. When you are a celebrity, and I don't care if it's as a content creator, influencer, or a celebrity here in Hollywood, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I have told many, many people, okay, that I've worked with. You cannot have it both ways.

[00:10:19] Carmen: You c- there, there is no way you can be a celebrity in the public eye and then be bitching and moaning when somebody says something that is contrary to what you're doing. And instead of reacting and making it worse, which is what both of them did, okay? And this is because I think they're young, and I say that not age-wise, I say that,they are taking on the world.

[00:10:44] Carmen: They are changing the world with their skill and their talent, and I don't know who the people are they have around them. But they have been doing this stuff on their own for a long time. And I'm not saying I'm the person to teach them shit. I'm just saying from my experience You cannot do what you did and then allow your audience to fight amongst themselves.

[00:11:07] Carmen: And maybe that is what happens with content creation, and maybe that's how the algorithm gets going. I do not believe for one moment that was V or Aaron Parnas's intention with why they kinda reacted the way they did. Like, "People in my comments are upset because I have a baby, and da da da." And then their audience goes at it and starts fighting everybody.

[00:11:28] Carmen: No, that's not how you handle it. To me, this is the same thing like the paparazzi, right? Here in Hollywood, especially back in the day, paparazzi were everywhere, and it was horrible. And the way in which a, a celebrity handled that changed the trajectory in which the, not only the paparazzi dealt with them, but their audience dealt with them, too.

[00:11:51] Carmen: You could take an approach and punch the paparazzi. That would be one way, but then you just damage yourself. You know what I mean? That would be one way. The other part of this, too, is that you just can't have it both ways. You need to understand that if you put something out there, if you make a change, people are gonna react to change, because people don't like change.

[00:12:10] Carmen: So if we come to watch your content, and we have an expectation of that content, and you make a change by using your daughter's foot as a microphone, and we all of a sudden now know you have a child, that is change. And some people will react with joy and happiness and excitement and whatever, and other people will not.

[00:12:33] Carmen: And what you do as a content creator in that moment is so vital to the way in which you keep your audience. Now, for me, it would've been so much better if you told people that you had a child, and, and, a- a- I think they both did. I don't know. I think they both did. And then made a decision that you were going to have your child in the shot and let people know that first.

[00:13:02] Carmen: There's still gonna be the grumpy people who are not gonna like change, but you gradually work that in. You gradually allow people to get comfortable with change. And then when the hateful people who are just emotionally needing their Aaron Parnas or their Under the Desk News, like, when those people come out anyway, bec- because baby, they will.

[00:13:23] Carmen: They will. You know what I mean? You don't fan the flames. You don't do posts like, "Huh? What? Huh?" No, you let it go. You let it go. Maybe you turn around and you say something, "You know, I know that the change in my, my life has changed the way in which you all receive me now. I am so grateful to still have the opport-" You make it about the audience.

[00:13:50] Carmen: You don't make it about, 'I have the right to have a baby. I have the right to do this, and ah.' Because it makes you look like a selfish asshole. Now, I... Look at, I got a lot of hate for kinda saying the same thing in just some comment sections. I was like, I had people... Wait, and here's my other thing. This is so funny.

[00:14:10] Carmen: I had people who were like, "You have issues. You need mental health help." So, people were saying, "You have a parasocial relationship with a content creator." You... And I'm like What is wrong with you people? Like, how are you guys so messed up about how the world works? And what I realized, like at first I started reacting, 'cause l- look it, I'm ghetto, okay?

[00:14:39] Carmen: I have no qualms telling you about where I grew up. Most of you don't know that. people who watch the show know where I come from and what I've been through, and we all have our stories. I don't play victim or whatever. But if you're gonna come at me, bitch, I'ma come at you, okay? It's gonna, I'm gonna come right back at you.

[00:14:56] Carmen: And what I realized, that was kind of my mistake too, was I should have let it go. I came in with kindness. I came in with just trying to let people know, hey, look it, this is what's going on. You know what I mean? And the fury of me even saying anything about the possibility that some people are not used to having children around all the time, oh my God, bring it down a fucking notch with the children shit for real, people.

[00:15:29] Carmen: I don't think growing up the way I did, where most Gen Xers did not have anyone around all the time was right, but I also think this obsession with like children are the only thing that matters is also bad. It's also bad. This is why we have issues to- there is no structure, there are no boundaries, there is no even ability to have a conversation about what those structures and boundaries might possibly could be.

[00:15:59] Carmen: Because if you say anything about children that isn't all fluffy and puppies and lollipops and rainbows, somehow you hate children. No, I do not hate children. What I hate is bad parenting. What I hate is people who don't understand that sometimes the choices you're making because you're reading 15 different books on parenting instead of trying to think about common sense, is that sometimes children need structure.

[00:16:28] Carmen: Sometimes children need some boundaries. Sometimes children n- b- baby, you need a break. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes you need a break, and sometimes that can just be a phone call with a friend without your children bothering you every 20 minutes or whatever. 

[00:16:44] Carmen: But you know what I'm trying to say Here's my thing. I do not have children. I still to this day think it was the best decision I ever made, and the reason why is because I think it's the hardest job in the world. And I see so many people floundering and stressed out and crazed, and I keep thinking to myself like, "Yeah, I don't know how you do it.

[00:17:11] Carmen: I, I don't know how you do it. God bless you. I think you're amazing." Like, I just think being a parent is the hardest thing in the world, and I could not do it. I could never, ever do it. I am the best auntie in the world. I'm the best godmother in the world. And by the way, we don't, we don't have a holiday, but I just wanna throw that in there.

[00:17:33] Carmen: But that is not the same thing. It is not 24/7, and I totally get it. You cannot be angry with people because change happened, and change happened because you allowed it to happen the way you did. As a content creator, as somebody who is in the public eye, you cannot have it both ways.

[00:17:57] Carmen: You can't be loving that you have this huge audience and this huge platform and this huge ability to make change and share with people, and then in the next breath be pissed because you made a change and then you got some backlash because of it. You can't have it both ways. What you can do is learn how to deal with things when your life changes and other people watching you see that change, depending on how you choose to walk through that change on camera, right, with your audience.

[00:18:31] Carmen: And the last thing you wanna do is not stoke the flames. I don't know what the, right word is. But put, you know, gas on a smoldering fire, right? You don't wanna do that. You don't wanna make things worse by acting as if you could not possibly understand why people might be having the reaction that they have.

[00:18:51] Carmen: And I wanna get back to the small wins, 'cause this is important. When I said take the small wins, what was happening in the comment section of what I wrote was so much anger and hate, right? Clearly all parents, like, and all people who thought they were,diagnosing me from one or two, tweets I did.

[00:19:11] Carmen: It wasn't tweeting. It's threading? I don't know. Whatever. Comment sections. And, you know, just the am- I couldn't even believe it. I don't think I've had that much, interaction on that platform b- before that. but what I realized was there were people that went in there that had the same point of view as some of the hateful people, but their tone and the way in which they chose to share their disagreement with me or the way in which they chose to be like, "You know what?

[00:19:40] Carmen: I understand what you're saying, but here's what I think." I was like, "Oh my God, I totally hear you. Thank you for how you..." I was more happy with the way in which they disagreed with me than actually the content they were saying, because then you could have a real conversation. And I just felt it was such a win.

[00:19:57] Carmen: It was like, okay, these people understand what I'm trying to say. And I took the win and I felt better about it. And what I realized is I had to react to those other people because they were so vile, but I didn't actually have to. I could've just let them keep doing what they were doing, right? I cannot I, I have to practice what I preach.

[00:20:18] Carmen: It's kind of what I was saying about content creator. And I'm- look it, I'm nobody. I have, I have lovely, wonderful followers like you. But I'm just saying, I'm not, I'm not a content creator, right? I mean, I am, but I'm like this tiny bit, this little bit. but I also have to practice what I say as well.

[00:20:37] Carmen: And so I kinda got really upset with people just being nasty. and I know this. I know this. Like, people get so vile in the comment sec- Like, what are you d- how do you think I'm gonna hear you? I'm not gonna hear you. I'm not gonna hear you. and then people shut down because, like, if we gonna get ghetto, I'ma win.

[00:20:58] Carmen: I'ma win every single time. and then I realize, like, they're not, they're not listening anymore. Like, now we're just fighting in the comment section, you know? So I wanna give a shout-out to all the people that did disagree with me but did it in such a great tone, and were so kind and lovely, and then we had a conversation.

[00:21:17] Carmen: And I also wanna give a shout-out to people who also changed their mind and understood what I was saying, right? This is not about hating children. please, trust and believe, I can't even say it anymore. The last person on the planet would be me who hates children. I love children so much that I'm letting you know you need to bring it down a notch, and you need to really rethink why you believe that children have to be the topic, the be all, the end all, the, the, of, they, they're part of soci- Look it I think part of the bigger problem is we have lost the idea that it takes a village, right?

[00:22:02] Carmen: I grew up, thankfully, with the village making sure I was okay. Now, the circumstances were very different, and I ended up on the streets, but it was the village that raised me, okay? And I, I write about that. I've already talked about that, but it's also in my book. I wrote a book honoring all of these people, because I realized when I made it...

[00:22:27] Carmen: I'm doing quotes, right? when I moved out here and I had this amazing job and I was doing so well and I understood that I made more money in one year than my mom had made her entire life, I broke down and realized how far I had come, and that was because the village of people raised me. It wasn't me, being so brilliant on my own.

[00:22:49] Carmen: It wasn't some, you know, like, people are like, "You were an amazing ki- No. I mean, I was, but no. It takes a village to raise children. And, uh, what I see from my point of view is we've lost that, right? We don't know our neighbors, which is why I, I have All About the Joy. We don't, we don't... God forbid a neighbor would ever tell a, a, another child, another family's child that they can't do something or ta- I grew up having all the neighbors telling me what I can and can't do or wondering where I'm going or who I'm with or whatever, you know?

[00:23:22] Carmen: We don't do that now. we don't even let teachers reprimand children, you know, because they're gonna get sued or whatever. It's just a really different time. And what I'm saying is There's some bad things about it, right? Just like there were bad things about when I grew up. But children need to be able to understand that there is a community of people around them, that it's not just the parents that they can go to for everything, or just the parents who are in charge of everything, or just the parents, you know?

[00:23:54] Carmen: And, and for you too, the reason why you're never gonna get a break is because your children don't have anyone else to go to, to ask a question, to grow up, to, to be independent at, or to think by themselves. they can't figure out things by themselves because they just come and ask you every five seconds.

[00:24:13] Carmen: And then you talk them through it. Oh my God. Okay, I'm going down a rabbit hole here, but these are like these moments where I'm like, "Stop. They can figure out what the steps are. If you would stop explaining every single thing to them, they can figure it out. Figure it out." I think one of the best things that, that used to happen to me, and, too much of the time, but having to figure things out by myself because there wasn't an adult to go to, even if they were in the room, even if like you knew you couldn't go bother them, you had to figure it out by yourself.

[00:24:50] Carmen: That's a good thing. That's not a bad thing. Anyways, all right, I've went on too long with this. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. At the very least, please take the small wins. They're around us all the time. Kind of collect them all, because sometimes that's all you get until you get the big wins. The big wins do come around, just not as often.

[00:25:13] Carmen: Uh, so collect all those little wins. Have joy, have joy, have joy more times than not. And remember, at the end of the day, it really is all about the joy. Thank you, everyone. Bye.