Stephen Bly Down A Western Trail

Planning Family Privacy

February 17, 2023 Stephen Bly Season 3 Episode 4
Stephen Bly Down A Western Trail
Planning Family Privacy
Show Notes Transcript

FAMILY, Season 3, Episode 4, "Planning Family Privacy" audio podcast by award-winning western author Stephen Bly. Finding private space for each member of your family. Recorded at Fillmore Bible Church, Fillmore, California, 1984. Sponsored by BlyBooks.com Legacy Series.  

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HOME PRIVACY
Stephen Bly
Recorded at Fillmore Bible Church, Fillmore, California
1984 

Genesis 2:18-24 NIV
“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore, a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Mark 3:31-35 RSV
“And his mother and his brothers came; and standing outside they sent to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting about him; and they said to him, ‘Your mother and your brothers are outside, asking for you.’ And he replied, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking around on those who sat about him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother, and sister, and mother.’”

Prayer

“Lord, I pray you will teach us from your Word and may we be open enough to be changed and different because you have instructed us. For I pray it in Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

What We Learn From Family

You’ve heard a lot of things from your families. You can think back over those years and think of those different lessons you’ve learned. 

I remember, for instance, learning from my mother when I was eight or nine years old, there are twenty-seven different ways to cook okra, none of which are edible. I learned from my mother at about age eleven that I was never, ever, ever again to dissect a quail in my bedroom. 

I remember learning lessons from my father as well. When I was really young, perhaps three or four, if I was going to go outside and play, wear clothes.

Then I remember when much older, a mature age of seventeen, when dads don’t know too much and they’re really kind of a pain, except around midnight when you’re car breaks down and you need somebody to tow you home. 

I learned some lessons from my sister too. At about age twelve, I learned that you don’t hit girls. And the reason for that, 1) they’re girls and cannot take that kind of physical abuse and 2) all the twelve-year-old girls are bigger than you are. I also remember learning that it’s possible for a teenage girl to have a closet crammed full of clothes and be in tears because she has nothing to wear. 

We learn a lot of lessons from our families.

And when we escape family life, what do we do? We may move into a dorm with other people, and we have a family-like life situation. And we get out of school, and we may go into the armed services. We move in with other people and we have another family life situation. Or we live with roommates and same thing. 

Then if we get married, we have our own family. And even when our children leave home or even when we’re left all alone, there’s still those holiday seasons. There’s still those neighbors and friends or cruises to the Orient when once again you’re forced to live mostly with other people. 

Now, there are different kinds of families.

Here’s how I designate the various family groups.

1. Beirut Families 

Beirut is the capitol of Lebanon. And Beirut families sort of have a constant civil war going on. 

Husband comes home and says, “Oh, I see the house is messy again.” It’s like a volley fired across the canyon. Kaboom! And the wife says, “In your condition, it’s a wonder you can tell if anything is messed up.” Kaboom!

One of the kids says to the other, “Zit face, if you ever come in here again and get into my diary, I’m going to cram it down your mouth.” Kaboom!  And the kid replies, “There’s never anything worth reading in your diary.” Kaboom!

2. Manila Families

They operate under martial law. There’s a dictator and that’s not always the husband. But whatever the dictator says, goes. There are rules, limitations, curfews, and you don’t break any of those at all or there are severe penalties.

3. Berlin Families

A Berlin family has walls. In fact, no one knows what anyone else is doing. “Where’s Junior?” “I don’t know.” “Where’s mother?” “I don’t know.” “When are you getting in tonight?” “Who knows?” “When’s dinner?” “I don’t know.”

In fact, dinner is usually just barely exists. No one ever sits down to be there together because there are so many walls. 

4. Hollywood Families

A Hollywood family looks really nice. In fact, most people on the block look at it and say, “Now, there’s a nice family down the street.” Mom is sweet and industrious. Dad is hardworking and the kids are pleasant. And they get good grades and they smile on the outside. But like a Hollywood movie set, there’s nothing behind the façade. It’s just a prop that looks good on the outside but underneath there’s really no family support at all. 

5. Las Vegas Families

Every day’s a gamble. “Are we having dinner tonight?” “Well, the odds are better to gave dinner than to get the lawn mowed.” It’s a gamble. Some families are just that way. 

6. Coalinga Families 

This is a small town where my family used to live. The Coalinga family looks like an earthquake just hit. Relationships are torn apart. There’s nothing left. No structure at all. Right down to the foundation it’s been shattered. 

7. Silver City Families

In the southeastern corner of Idaho in the Owyhee mountains, there’s a site called Silver City. No one lives there anymore though the buildings are still there. You can go into those old broken-down buildings and walk on the wooden sidewalks and see where something used to be. Some families are sort of ghost families. 

There’s a little ghost family in all of these. 

I can go to my mother’s house and go into my old bedroom and after many years of being gone I can still tell you what’s in the main drawer in that closet because she hasn’t moved anything. It was right there when I was a teen and it’s still there. Some families are like Silver City.

8. Perfect Families 

Finally, there’s the perfect family. Besides having 2.4 children, the perfect family has a hardworking, industrious dad and is very wise. Also in that family, there is a compassionate mother who is sensitive and has all the qualities of a counselor, R.N., chauffeur, and gourmet chef. And she’s always available to help anyone in the family at any time, no matter what. 

And the children in that family are a delight to be around. They dress neat. They pick up their room and clean it every day, without being told. They get good grades. The only time the principal ever calls is to say, “What an excellent job your children are doing in school.” 

You recognize this family. It’s called the Fantasy Island family. It doesn’t exist.

Now, we want to look at family the next four Sundays, about how we can strengthen family life. And there’s a couple of ways to do it.

One way is to look at the individual roles within the family and what each role should be. Instead, I want to look at some general principles that can strengthen every family relationship. We’ll see how that applies to all the various members of the family.

This morning I want to look at the need for privacy. Coming up, I want to look at the need for intimacy, the need for support, and the need for adventure. 

>>The Need for Privacy

In Genesis 2:18, the Scriptures say, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

So, it was God’s design that we have a family. But it doesn’t say we should never be alone. There is some biblical time when you need to be alone. 

We need to be alone sometimes just for rest.

Need for Rest

Jesus said in Mark 6:31, “Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest awhile.”

The disciples were getting worn out. He said you need to get off alone for a while. And you need to get some rest. 

There are times in our lives when we need privacy because we need rest. 

Need to Hide

Sometimes we need privacy because we need to hide. 

Elijah had demonstrated the power of God. Now he was chased across the country by the queen Jezebel. Fearing for his life, he hid in a cave. For a moment, he needed to hide. 

In Acts, Peter, after miraculously being delivered out of prison, after all the church prayed for him, assured everyone he was okay. But then, he went off by himself alone. It was time to hide. 

There are sometimes in our busy life that we need a breather from the pressures or even the people confrontations for a moment. 

Need to Pray

Sometimes we need to be alone to pray. Certainly, the Scriptures tell us a lot about praying together. The Lord’s Prayer, of course, is a communal prayer that Jesus gave to us as a sign that we do pray together. But he also said there are times to pray alone. 

When Jesus finished feeding the multitude, he crossed the Sea of Galilee and went up into the mountains alone to pray. 

And so it was with Daniel in the Old Testament. After that hard day at work as a government official, he went up on top the house alone and prayed. 

We need to be alone sometimes just to pray.

Need to Confess

The Scriptures say we also need to be alone to confess. 

Peter made a grand promise to the Lord that he would never deny him. “Even though everyone else denies you, I won’t do it,” he said. And then when confronted, not once but three times, he denied he ever knew Christ. When it finally dawned on him what he did, he ran out by himself in private. 

In confession, he cried out, “Lord, what am I doing?”

There are times we need to be alone to confess. There are some things that don’t need to be confessed to other people. They’re so personal, so private, so heartrending, we confess them alone with God. 

Need to Dream

We need to be alone also sometimes just to dream. 

Daniel had been called upon to interpret the king’s dream. But in order to do that, first he had to be alone a little while to receive that interpretation. 

Maybe we don’t receive dreams like that from God, but we need to be alone for the daydreams of our lives. We need to think through those big plots that always begin with, “What if . . .?” What if things were different? What if I decide to do this or that? We need to be alone to dream.

Need to Plan

We need to be alone sometimes to plan. Such as, what are we going to do with the wisdom we receive from God? 

Moses climbed up to that high mountain above to leave the people below and receive the commandments from God. He received the plans that would change the people from a wandering herd of wilderness people into a strong nation. Time alone to plan.

Need to Decide

We need time alone to decide as well. 

When Jacob returned to the Promised Land brought all his belongings and his family and everything he owned. He came to cross the river then sent everyone and everything on ahead as he stayed back alone. Then he wrestled with God. 

There are times to make decisions and Jacob certainly needed to decide, what’s going to happen next? Do I proceed and what do I need to do? There’s times to be alone to decide.

Need to Get Lonely

Finally, there’s times to be alone to get lonely. Being alone is for the purpose of realizing how much you need people. 

Paul was in Rome and being tried for his faith and he wrote to Timothy, “Timothy, pick up Mark and come before winter. I miss you. I don’t want to be alone.”

We need times of privacy so we might get lonely.

I think in everybody’s life there’s a need to be alone. 

People Who Really Need Privacy

1. Mothers with young children, especially pre-school kids.

2. Those facing life-changing decisions.

People thinking of moving to a new job, needing a vacation, or considering marriage.

3. Kids in big families or small houses. 

4. Folks with intense, crisis-centered jobs that continually push relationships with people.

5. All teens between the ages of 13-17 years.

Privacy means having time absolutely alone, with no one around.

Now, if you live alone you might say, “I have too much of a good thing. I have privacy all the time.” But it’s possible to have privacy, to be alone, and not gain the spiritual advantage that God means for us. 

An Objective View

One of the things that needs to happen is to get an objective view of ourselves. 

Have you ever noticed how people look in a mirror when they’re in a crowd? They look at it quickly and walk on. But how do you look at a mirror when you’re home all alone and no one’s looking? You do a little better job of inspection. You spend more time of seeing the different poses.

We need time alone to get a spiritual view of ourselves when no one else is looking. We need an honest view when we’ve got time for detail of where I life is going, where we’ve been and where we should be in the Lord’s eyes. 

We need an objective view to deal with serious business with the Lord.

The Father Talk

Many of us had times when our father took us aside and said, “Hey, I want to talk to you.” He led the way to another room and closed the door and you said, “Uh oh, this is it.”

Just you and him. He could be telling good news or bad news. It could be a growing experience or a painful one. We also need those kinds of times with our heavenly Father for a great spiritual advantage. Not just at church but you and God alone.

The Support of Others

Another advantage of privacy is to appreciate others’ support. Like Paul, we never get a chance to miss them, nor do they have opportunity to miss us. We need to know how much we do need them, how much we are social animals. We need that fellowship and the strength of the spiritual gifts of others.

There are spiritual advantages to privacy. 

Make Privacy Work in Your Home

Here are some clues for providing privacy at home. 

First of all, every member of your family, whatever the age, need a place of their own. It’s a wonderful luxury if everyone can have their own room. But everyone could have their own chair or corner of the room. 

The best place of privacy I ever had as a kid was my treehouse. Nobody went there but me.

It might be on a walk or on a mountainside. It might be a beach or a cabin, a place to be alone.

Plan Isolation

Second, plan some isolation. It doesn’t just happen. Very few find ourselves saying, “Oh, everyone’s gone. Here I am all alone.” Some planning required. Maybe a half-hour a day or week or month or year. Whatever it is, private time is not selfish or wasted time.

Jesus spent forty days in the wilderness all alone. It wasn’t wasted or selfish. 

Paul spent years out in the desert before his ministry began. It wasn’t wasted or selfish either.

We need to plan times of privacy. 

Shut Out the World

Third, when we get to those places of privacy, we need to shut out the world. Shut the door, unplug the phone, have someone watch the kids, mask the noise if that’s what it takes and climb high on top some hill. Make sure you’re really alone. 

Explanation Exempt Time

Fourth, make it unaccountable time. You’re not accountable to anyone for what you do. That means you don’t have to tell anyone what you did and you shouldn’t ask what others are doing. This is only for private time when you’re all alone. 

Record It All

And if you want to get the most out of your private time, record your dreams, your ideas, and your struggles in a journal or diary that is absolutely, completely private. We need to allow our fellow members private written thoughts. We don’t look at their notebooks. That goes for children, parents, spouses or brothers and sisters. 

Family, God’s Idea

God invented families for a purpose. Family life is meant to teach us how to love imperfect people. If you think, “Some of my family is not perfect.” You’re right. That’s the only kind there are. 

Family life was given to us to help us grow in our relationship with God and to teach biblical truth. It also potentially provides abundant living. To achieve the best goals of family life is to build in the right amount of privacy. 

Closing Prayer 

“Dear Father, sometimes we seem so complex. We have such a hard time, Lord, understanding ourselves and then we have a hard time with those loved ones around us. Help us think in simpler terms and realize you understand. And help us to be willing to take the gift of privacy to those we love the most. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”