Season 5 Episode 2 - Should Entrepreneurs have a Life Coach? Part 2

Are our thoughts true?  Can we train our brains?  Season 5 of Coaching and a Cup of Tea with Mummabear continues with part two of Master Certified Life Coach Melissa Wiggins’ conversation with EmpoweredLife mastermind coaching clients Diana Gleason and Karen Moreno.  Grab a cuppa and listen in!

Learn more about Diana at  www.dianagleason.com and follow her on IG: @dg.consulting.services

Visit Karen’s studio: barmethod.com & follow them on IG: @barmethodwinterpark

EmpoweredLife Mastermind Round 2 begins soon – Learn more at melissawiggins.life

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Melissa Wiggins:

So we have spent a little bit of time talking about a lot of the life coaching element. And one of the things that is a byproduct of this program is the impact on your actual businesses. And so Karen, I know we've had a lot of stations that are really you putting your values into your company, right? And really pushing into. And a lot of the time even last week, when we talked about should you do this or that, really me questioning you to create a power in you so that you know what is right for your company. And so I'd love for you to just talk a little bit about some of the byproduct impact you feel since doing Empowered Life and your actual Bar Method franchise.

Karen Marino:

Yes. For sure. Like I said, I know that we keep going back to the values, but using my values in how I run my business has been such a huge shift in my thoughts and just how I go about my day. Obviously connection. Our studio is all about community and connection, not just with our clients, but with my staff. I've always felt extremely close to my staff. And sometimes there was always... Not sometimes there was always. That doesn't even make sense. There were people along the way who said, "You have to keep your distance appropriately with your staff." And I was always like, "It just doesn't feel right to be that way." And there's always those people saying, "Oh, you should do it more professionally. You should do it this way."

Karen Marino:

And this helped me realize, connection being my strongest value, no, that's why it didn't feel right to run my business like that. And I have had staff from the very beginning. This is a small part-time job for my staff and they are wholly committed as if it were a 60 hour a week job. And I know it's because I connect to them at that different level. I care about them. They're like family to me. We enjoy each other. We have fun together, yet they know I have set standards and expectations for them, but I do it the way that feels right for me. And this has helped me lead to that recognition and acceptance with this is how I do it. And of course we all have to adjust and modify and nothing is ever done just the right way.

Find the FULL transcript here: Season 5 Episode 2: Should Entrepreneurs Have a Life Coach, Part 2

Transcript

Melissa:

So we have spent a little bit of time talking about a lot of the life coaching element. And one of the things that is a byproduct of this program is the impact on your actual businesses. And so Karen, I know we've had a lot of stations that are really you putting your values into your company, right? And really pushing into. And a lot of the time even last week, when we talked about should you do this or that, really me questioning you to create a power in you so that you know what is right for your company. And so I'd love for you to just talk a little bit about some of the byproduct impact you feel since doing Empowered Life and your actual Bar Method franchise.

Karen Marino:

Yes. For sure. Like I said, I know that we keep going back to the values, but using my values in how I run my business has been such a huge shift in my thoughts and just how I go about my day. Obviously connection. Our studio is all about community and connection, not just with our clients, but with my staff. I've always felt extremely close to my staff. And sometimes there was always... Not sometimes there was always. That doesn't even make sense. There were people along the way who said, "You have to keep your distance appropriately with your staff." And I was always like, "It just doesn't feel right to be that way." And there's always those people saying, "Oh, you should do it more professionally. You should do it this way."

Karen Marino:

And this helped me realize, connection being my strongest value, no, that's why it didn't feel right to run my business like that. And I have had staff from the very beginning. This is a small part-time job for my staff and they are wholly committed as if it were a 60 hour a week job. And I know it's because I connect to them at that different level. I care about them. They're like family to me. We enjoy each other. We have fun together, yet they know I have set standards and expectations for them, but I do it the way that feels right for me. And this has helped me lead to that recognition and acceptance with this is how I do it. And of course we all have to adjust and modify and nothing is ever done just the right way.

Karen Marino:

And I've also had to teach myself, even though that connection is important, I also have to have those... Separate that out sometimes to have professional conversations, or let people know that these are my expectations, but doing it in a way that feels right to me. Not in a harsh way, but in a loving way. Like, "I care about you. And I know you care about this place just as much as I do." So it's just created a whole different way of how I feel about how I manage my business and the people here. And also, creating that intentional work around my values has also led me to add more with connection. So I'm like, "Okay, if connection is my thing, if that's what brings me energy and happiness and what makes me committed," which is another one of my values, commitment. I'm just that type of person. I will be committed. Well, that connection is what makes me even more committed. So now I've been creating these ideas with you as well, Melissa, of course, and you just helping to direct me in the right way for my business is creating things that are going to ultimately grow my business, make my business more successful wrapped around connection. So creating more private event classes, setting up more intimate events, or not even events, but things to do with clients. And that, to me, is so much fun. So-

Melissa:

It's so much fun. And then what I think is one of the biggest things, and one of the biggest differences I seen you is, in the beginning, I feel like you would come and say, "Well, this person said I should do it this way." And like you described, right? Like, "I've got to be professional, or I have to act this certain way." And what I see in the last six months is you unlearning and smashing all those ideas and saying, "You know what? I'm going to run the company the way it feels good to me, the way I feel most connected, the way I feel most energized." And then not only knowing that to be true, but then actually doing the actions that are aligned with those things, like the events, like the private pieces, like not doing certain things with Facebook, and things that are disconnected to you, right? You just got very clear, but also empowered enough to, not only use the clarity, but put it into action. That's what I see as the biggest thing.

Karen Marino:

Yes. I agree.

Melissa:

I love it.

Karen Marino:

It just feels so much better. I'm not doubting myself because I think, "This is my core value. It may not be that person's core value. And I respect that. They may run their business different." I have friends, very good friends, who own Bar Method studios in other states, and I admire and respect the way they do things. And I'm like, "I really like how they're doing that. But would that work with me?" And so it is just having that realization is, for sure, that aha thing yeah has come to me through coaching and through talking to you. And that's another thing I love about working with you is you're so encouraging. You are so honest and helpful. And I can say this because I'm a lot older than you. You are wise beyond your years. And so after my conversations with you, I'm just always so impressed with your perspective, how well you can articulate it, and how meaningful those conversations and sessions have been for me in the long run.

Melissa:

Well, and I think you're very coachable, right? And that's the other thing. You had not done coaching or therapy prior to Empowered Life. And one of the things in the program that I think is really important when you haven't is the video that I created on how to be coachable, right? Because there is an art, a little bit, to understanding how to be coachable, right? And taking it on and knowing that my job, or the role, my role within Empowered Life is not to tell you to do X, Y, and Z. My role is to show you what you think is showing up in your actions and your results, and then how to harness that to be what you actually want the result to be, right? Getting really intentional about, "I want this result, Melissa." "All right. Well, let's have a look at what you're thinking, and where your thoughts are, and how we might want to reset them," because until we do some of that work, we don't really know sometimes why we do certain things, right?

Melissa:

Everything, so much... Not everything. I think it's 95% is the statistic, of what we do is just ran by our subconscious, right? It's that autopilot, it's that just, "Oh, I just do this, because I do this." And you and everyone else in the program got very coachable being... And very trustworthy of the process. And I think that really makes a difference, right? Instead of being like, "Oh, because I attract a lot of A type people..." Right? There's this tendency of us, and we're all laughing. You can't see us on podcast, but we're just laughing at each other on the video. But like, "I attract that type of person because I am that type of person," but it's easy to just keep going and get on the hamster wheel and keep going, and going, and going.

Melissa:

And I think what Empowered Life has done for both of you is created a kind of pause, right? A powerful pause on, "Well, let me just look at why I do some of these things. Why some things feel good. Why some things don't feel good. Why I'm feeling exhausted or why am I not. And just, you guys just have such powerful brains now because you've trained them for six months to catch you when you're in a belief that's limiting, or something that you feel like, "Hey Melissa..." And I know you had this, Karen, where you had a big block on something and it was really tough for you. And it was a tough couple months. But then afterwards it was like, "Oh, this is why I do some of these things. And I don't have to do that anymore more."

Karen Marino:

That's one thing I really wanted to talk about today too, because I feel like this can impact everyone's life is the whole idea of directing your thoughts and your energy. Like many of us, my thoughts are always going around in my brain, and I have always said, "Oh my gosh, my brain is so powerful over me. My brain causes me worry. My brain causes me anxiety." So I always thought of my brain as this powerful tool for negativity.

Melissa:

Wow.

Karen Marino:

And instead, now I've shifted that to, "Oh my gosh. Yes. My brain is very powerful, but guess what it's powerful in doing. Shifting that energy into a different way of thinking." So the whole brain training thing, I mean, I know we've only touched the surface, but that's something I definitely want to continue learning more about because I trained my brain to be powerful in ways that were harmful to me, obviously not horribly harmful, but they were. TO worry and be anxious about things. And now, it's such a gift to be able to use that brain power, and realize like, "Oh my gosh, I can literally train my brain to think differently." And everyone can do that. And just to be given that power and realization is huge, and could be life changing for anyone who puts that work into it.

Diana Gleason:

I remember, on one of our first calls, Melissa said, "Not everything you think is true. Our thoughts are not our beliefs." And I said, "Wait, what?" And I took a pen, and I wrote it down. I said, "My thoughts are not my beliefs." And I'm mind blown. I was like, "Wait, not everything I think in my brain is true?" And I laugh about it now because of course it's not true, but I was literally living in a place where, whatever I told myself, which might have been, "You're being a bad mom today because you're giving too much time to your work, or you are not being great at your work today because you took two hours off to spend with your kids." I would hate on myself all day long and I thought that was all true. And it's not. And it was just, I mean, light bulb went off. And I literally, I wrote it down. I circled it and I read it probably every day for three weeks. And I was like, "Wow, that is something."

Melissa:

I love that you both feel like that's impactful because I really do think that, for me doing this work also for years, that has been one of the biggest things for me also, is just really using a flashlight and looking in the dark at my brain, and being like, "Oh, okay, well that's not helpful, or that's not true." And just analyzing that. And I do think, and we've talked about this too, the more you practice that, the more it just really becomes who you are. You'll ask yourself something can be true that you think, but it also might not be helpful, right? Like, "Okay, maybe this is true, but is it helpful for me to keep thinking it over, and over, and over. If I look at what results I want in my life, if I look at what action I feel like I have to take, does this thought get me there? Or does it not?" And both of you have got very good at spotting when they're not and figuring out how to reset it. You reset all day long, Diana. I love it.

Diana Gleason:

I thought reset all day long. I do. I have to. And I beat myself up sometimes because it's still like a muscle that I have to work out. I want it to just become second nature, but it's still new to me. But I'm [inaudible 00:37:44].

Melissa:

Like we're working for abs. We're working for abs here. Right?

Diana Gleason:

[inaudible 00:37:47].

Melissa:

And every time we do a thought reset, it's like doing a sit up, right? Or maybe Karen can tell is what kind of exercise it is in Bar Method. What is it that's getting us this six pack? Because that's what the thought reset is.

Diana Gleason:

It is. I mean, gosh, I wish my abdominal muscles got the exercise my brain has been getting over the six months of coaching with you, because yeah, I want the reset to come more automatically, which is why I am diving into do this program again, because I'm just not done.

Melissa:

I love it. I also think that knowledge of knowing that every time we practice a thought that is not serving, that is not helpful, that is not true, it becomes more closer to what we actually believe about ourself, right? So if I practice over and over and over, "I'm a shitty mom," right? Or, "I'm not giving enough to my business, or my marriage is failing," whatever those are, the more I practice that, and the less I spend time thinking about observing it as just a thought, the more inclined I am to believe those things to be true. And I think that's what's so powerful about coaching, is just that ability to do that with another person about our intimate thoughts, right?

Diana Gleason:

Yeah. Yeah. And I think too that there was some hesitancy because I had gotten so comfortable with my therapist. We've been working together for three years, that I was like, "Well now there's a brand new person." We did an exercise once, you and I, and you made me tell you or say to you the thoughts I was saying to myself. And I was hysterically crying. And you were like, "Why are you crying?" And I was like, "Because I can't tell them to you." You're like, "You say them to yourself. Why can't you say them to me?" And it was like, "Wow." And then just saying them out loud to someone else and hearing how crappy they are was like, "Well, why the heck am I doing that to myself all day long?" And that was a really pivotal point. And it was early on in our coaching experience that it created a bond, for me, with my coach that led us to just continue to go deeper.

Melissa:

Yeah. Now we're blood sisters forever. That's part of Empowered Life. So if you're listening on the podcast here, you just have to know...

Diana Gleason:

You're getting into a cult.

Melissa:

There's a very special bond here with us lassies. And it is. I mean, it does really feel like that. And I know that, Karen, you and I have talked about this, and Diana and I have talked about it, where there is something very special about being around other people who are working on the same things, right? We're working on our businesses, we're working on our life and our relationships. We're figuring out how not to be people pleasers, how not to be perfectionists, right? And we're joking around with each other about it. I mean, I was thinking about when we were all together for the live event, and we did the videos, and then we had dinner together, which is a part of Empowered Life. And how one of the people at the table, who's in the program, started making inside jokes about the program, like, "Oh, well, remember the thunderstorm is neutral," and us just laughing about it.

Melissa:

And unless you're in the program, you're going to be like, "What are they even talking about?" But there is something special about being with other people who are trying to do big things in the world, trying to create ripples with their family, with their businesses. Karen, when I was in Bar Method and I got to see just how people engaged with you, that's so special, right? You've created that special bond, but as a leader of something, how do you connect with other people who are the leaders, who are running the non-profits, or the companies, or running an online business at home, right? A bookkeeping service. How do you do that, and I think Empowered Life, again, another byproduct, has just created this community where, forever, we will have each other's back, period, done, end of conversation.

Diana Gleason:

Yeah. And the conversations were different. When we were at the live event and we spent the day together, that was my biggest takeaway. And my biggest gratitude to this program was like, "I just spent 24 hours with a group of people that are literally cheering me on. They didn't even know who I was six months ago. They're not in my everyday life, but they want me to win because I want them to win." And the conversations that we had that evening over dinner, they're way different than the conversations I have in my personal life with other friends, because we are all focused in the same way, running companies, or being entrepreneurs, or just focusing on growth and how to be the best version of ourselves. And when you surround yourself with that type of community and those people, the conversations are so impactful, they're so connecting, and they're so fulfilling that I literally left Orlando back to New Jersey, so sad to leave everybody, just with my cup overflowing from being with that group.

Melissa:

Yeah. Karen actually voice texts me. And she was like, "I really didn't want to leave your house." We all have to have a sleepover next time. No, it was. If no one wanted to-

Diana Gleason:

[inaudible 00:43:49].

Melissa:

No one wanted to leave. And again, another testament to the bond that comes from being in the same kind of path as each other, regardless of the businesses being different. It's just that leadership type, A type person with big lives.

Diana Gleason:

Yeah. Big busy lives.

Karen Marino:

I do think, I agree, one of, to me, the greatest things about being a part of this group is being surrounded by people who are so interested in their growth and learning more. Obviously, to be around so many people with those same intentions and desires for themselves is such a motivator for me. But I do feel it's starting to spill over in my conversations, even with my husband who I've known since I was 18 years old. Even how we talk about our days and with each other has shifted. So that's the beauty of it is, yes, to be a part of this group and the way we can all talk with each other at such a meaningful, honest, real level is spilling over into my other conversations, into my other relationships. And so to me, and I realized it, all of a sudden be like, "Wow, that was a different conversation I just had with that person. And I really liked it." So back to just that connection to getting to know someone at a deeper level or sharing my experience with having a life coach. And people... Whenever I say it, not everyone, but people will ask me like, "Oh, what is that? What do you do?" Those things. And just being able to share that and allowing me to have those better conversations with people, it is just so fulfilling. I agree. It just makes you-

Diana Gleason:

Feel good.

Karen Marino:

Yeah, it does.

Melissa:

All right, well, we're going to wrap up. So I could talk to you guys all day, obviously. And I have one-on-one with Diana after this, so I will get to talk to you, which is amazing. But as we're wrapping up, is there anything, Diana, that you would like to add to someone that's maybe thinking about joining Empowered Life in August?

Diana Gleason:

Do it. Boom, do it, done. It's on a Post-it Yeah, if you're not in our inner circle, you don't know about that Post-it, but you could listen to the podcast, episode Power of the Post-it, and then you would. But if you have been watching and listening to what this program has been doing over the last six months, Melissa's followed our journey on this podcast. I mean, so much of what we've learned inside of our mastermind has been on her solo podcast, just reinforce. And if that has interested you in any way and has made you curious, or maybe made you thought you wanted to dig deeper, just do it, because she provides you with the tools to, one, change your life. To, two, be your own life coach, right? And to, three, she's your biggest cheerleader. I know that she's got my back when I feel like I don't have my own sometimes, and that has just meant everything to me. So don't hesitate. Run because there's only 10 spots and you're not going to get one, and then you're going to have major FOMO.

Melissa:

Karen, do you have anything to add before we wrap up?

Karen Marino:

Yes. One thing-

Melissa:

Because I know you're headed to Prague right now. Not that we're jealous or anything about you-

Karen Marino:

Croatia.

Melissa:

Oh, sorry.

Karen Marino:

I know I'm so excited. No, you said this, and when you said this out loud, I was like, "Wow." You said this at our dinner that we had at your house. You said that you just want life to be extraordinary and that you have the power to do that. And that has stuck with me over and over. And I agree. Why not make life extraordinary? And you give us that knowledge and power to make it that way. We've all had challenges, and I know some people have had more way harder challenges than I have had in my life. But I believe that when you go through what we've gone through, you are giving yourself those tools, those tangible tools to make life extraordinary, and anyone can do it, anyone.

Melissa:

I love it. I love it when, at the dinner, when Hope asked me, "Why did you design this program? And what did you want when you did it?" And yeah, I mean, that was my answer, right? I don't want people in my sphere to have ordinary lives where you live for the vacation or you live for the weekend. And I am so anti that. I am so of the school of thought, if I can't find joy today, then I can't find it tomorrow, right? And that's what I really have tried to hammer into your brains, that we can have these big, beautiful, busy, impactful, ripple like lives. And you are both evidence of that. And I'm so grateful that both of you trusted me, that you're coming back, and I can't wait for the next round. So I just want to say thank you so much.

Diana Gleason:

Thank you so much.

Karen Marino:

Thank you. Thank you, Melissa. And thank you Diana.

Diana Gleason:

Thank you, Karen. Just [inaudible 00:49:45].

Melissa:

And in the show notes. I will have everything you need to know and learn about these beautiful Lassies, from their Instagrams to their websites, to anything you need to know. So you want to check them out and find out more about them. They're both incredible. And I'm so grateful to know both of you.

Diana Gleason:

Thank you.

Karen Marino:

Thank you.