I Was Fine All Day & Then Spiraled at 12:40AM: Nighttime Anxiety & Overthinking

If you’ve ever gone to bed thinking you were completely fine only to find yourself spiraling in the middle of the night, this episode will hit.

In this episode, Maggie talks about the kind of anxiety that doesn’t show up during the day, the overthinking, second-guessing, and quiet spirals that seem to hit the second everything slows down.

We talk about why anxiety feels louder at night, the pressure to be “fine” during the day, and what it really looks like to navigate those in-between moments when your mind won’t turn off.

This isn’t a how-to or a fix. It’s a real, honest conversation about what it feels like to live it and a reminder that if your brain has ever gone there… you’re not the only one.

https://www.instagram.com/navigatingbetweenthelines

Transcript

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Okay, here we go. One, two, three, four. I don't know. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Navigating Between the Lines. My name is Maggie. This is your weekly reminder that we can have a completely normal day, normal, whatever your normal is, and still spiral about it later, which is exactly what we're getting into today. And really quick, if you listen every week and you haven't hit follow yet, please do that. It just helps more people find the show, which is the whole goal here. Okay, here we go. I need to know if anybody else does this. The music's on, the sun is shining, you're just like, this is the best day. You're in a good mood. You feel like yourself, you're totally vibing, feeling productive and on top of everything. And then you like shower and get into bed and brush your teeth, and suddenly you're like staring at the ceiling, like, what, like, what did I say? Should I have posted that? Was that annoying? Did I talk too much? Did I overshare? And I'm like, wait, what is happening? I was fine all day. And why do I suddenly review my whole entire personality at 2 a.m.? I swear, this used to happen to me way more. And then it like didn't for a long time. And it's happening again. That I just go from like living my life having the best day to auditing my entire life. Like I'm my own little HR department, just doing a full performance review before bed or in the middle of the night. Like I'm always like, what is your brain? Like, can you stop? Like this would have been helpful earlier, maybe like when I could have done something with it. But now I'm just staring here alone. And then, you know, there's my husband next to me who just zero anxiety. Like, does your husband have zero anxiety too? I swear. Husbands just like live their life going through swimming and then they hit the pillow and they're sleeping in 2.5 seconds. I don't know what that life is like, but spring break just happened. Hope you had a great week wherever you were. We were in the Grand Cayman. Definitely think I'm going back next year. I loved the whole thing. If you follow, navigating between the lines on Insta, I posted some outfits relating back to Matt's episode where he's like, nobody cares what you were on vacation. It's true, but you guys, I did do a whole shopping spree for this one. I really loved my dresses. They were easy. We did pack everything in carry-on. So I was also very efficient. I think, you know, one of the things when you get back from a vacation. So we got back on Thursday night, like 9:30, so not super late Friday morning. Um, you know, did the laundry, got everything flipped kind of back in order. And Chloe and I went north to quilt camp. And so again, it's just like another relaxing weekend. And I was able to look through photos and everything and kind of go through everything and reflect a little bit. And I was very myself this whole trip. Like, if whatever, whoever I am, like that's what I was. One, I love a resort. Two, we had the best of both worlds. We had a ton of family time. We also had some friends there too. So we got to like hang out with them, do a boat day. It was amazing. And I just had so much fun the whole time. Dinner every night with the kids, sitting and talking and asking questions. Those are always the moments that I really like live for. We always say our kids are tens on vacation, and the same holds true. For this one, I just like love it. You know, when it's like easy. Everyone's eating their food. They wake up with a smile and is ready for a little adventure. So the first morning we were there, they had this 8 a.m. paddleboard yoga class. Have you ever done paddleboard yoga? Um, I signed the whole family up. Chloe was super into it. William and Justin were like, yeah, like let's do it. We're like ready first day, like, let's go. And I mean, you have to like kind of, I mean, it was a little wavy that day. So you kind of have to like paddle out and then you hook up your paddle board to this line that they have. And so it's, I think there was 12 of us. So we're all lined up. And what okay, I do not do yoga at home. Yoga is very hard. But at one point, I'm looking at over Justin's all the way at the end. He's the only guy, the only man. I mean, we had William, but he was the only man. It's all like moms and daughters. And um, Chloe was definitely the youngest. I think maybe like the next who were like in high school, maybe. I don't know. I mean, that doesn't matter, but I'm just trying to give you like paint the picture. So I look over at Justin, he's all the way at like the one end, and he's like got his hands behind his back. He's like looking up, he's doing the full stretch. And that's what we were supposed to be doing, but he was very into it. And I was like, okay, like this is good. Chloe had a different thing going on, but she was loving it. I could tell. And then I look over to my left, and there's William, and he's like face down, and he's got like on the paddleboard, there's all this water, and he's blowing the bubbles in his water. I mean, I he's 12 and he was just fully in his own world. One girl fell off at one point. I mean, you guys, my legs were shaking. I'm like, I have to do this again. Also, you're facing the resort like from behind, so like everybody can see you doing this. It's just like was a very interesting experience, but I loved it. I totally would do it again. But I just, the family experience, it was really funny. And the next morning, Justin's always up first. He'll go and work out and come back with coffee and get us and be like, you know, anybody want to do a family walk? So I'm up, we're gonna go do a family walk, and Chloe, the kids were still sleeping, and she looks at me and she's like, Mom, it's called spring break, not waking up early at the board egg. And I was like, Okay, got it. Thank you so much for that. Day two, we are in full vacation mode. And that's kind of how it was like rinse and repeat all week. Okay, and if you listened to two episodes ago, I think it was. I had Chloe on. She loves it so much, you guys. But I had asked her this question. I didn't even include it. I edited it out. I said, Hey, Chloe, what's something adults do on vacation that surprises you? And without even thinking, zero hesitation, she goes, I think ordering a drink whenever there's an availability. I mean, I mean, I laughed out loud, but I was like, okay, hang on. I tried to defend myself. I was like, you try to order a lemonade every chance you get. And quickly again, she's like, yeah, but you usually say no. I thought about this the whole time, you guys, because I was like, do I order a drink whenever there's an availability? Like, for sure I'll have a mimosa in the morning. Um, but then I'm like, like lunch, maybe we kind of like skip through lunch and then a glass of wine at dinner. I'm I yeah, I don't know. I whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't want to like put myself out there like that. That's why I edited it out. But then who cares? It's me. I was on vacation. And again, I thought about this the whole time, you guys. I bet Chloe had 18 lemonades last week. I should have recorded it. Honestly, missed opportunity now that I'm thinking about it everywhere. I can have a lemonade. I'm gonna have a lemonade. Mom, I ate all my food, I'm gonna have a lemonade. Okay. But here's the thing: minus all of that, and like why I even get like a little angsty to talk about that. Because that's me. Yeah, I do love a mimosa. And I do love a glass of rose in the afternoon. And you know what? I do love a glass of red wine at night. That's me, you guys. Maggie File. I'm a mom, I'm a friend, a daughter, a wife. I don't know. Am I missing anything? Like I was present. I felt fun. And again, I just felt very me, which now that I'm saying that out loud, like, do I ever not feel like me? Not really, but I'm gonna get to the point here. I wasn't overthinking anything. I wasn't questioning anything, as were, you know, paddleboard yoga to the brunch spot to lunch to reading my book on the beach. Like I was just in it. I played ping pong. I did all the things I said I was gonna do, got my hair wet in the pool, swam in the ocean, snorkeled. The list goes on and on. You know, it's just like a vacation. And then it was the night before our last day there, and we were having the best day. We were with our friends the last couple of days. I watched 86 gymnastics routines, not lying. It started raining. We had the music. The music was jabbing so loud. And I had an espresso martini, maybe like one and a half espresso martinis. Chloe's recording, like we are everybody's living their life. I'm dancing, I'm having so much fun. You know, those moments where you're just so into a song, you're like, oh my gosh, this moment has to last forever. It's like a euphoric state where life is just the best. You're with your friends, you're with your people. And you're like, I never want these moments to end. I also want to say quick, I don't want to like, ugh, dog, but you know, we talked about grief again, and I'm inserting it. Hate inserting it because I don't want to be like a downer. But you guys, the worst thing about living with grief is you know, the one I want to send all these videos to? My mother. She would just, we would be FaceTiming her and she would just be like loving it too. Because, you know, my kids are there, they're like having the time of their life too, you know. But you can't. Anyway, I'm like, oh my gosh, Chloe, we got to post this. Like, let's do a real. I made this real with the song that we were jamming to. And I'm really getting vulnerable here. I mean, if you follow Instagram, like you already know this. But I also posted a bikini photo, like, listen to last week's episode. That was the caption. Also, I can tell you all this now because it's so dumb and it's so funny. Like, literally nobody cares. I mean, and if you do care, you're just a hater. But we, you know, eat dinner. I go to bed. I was just so feeling so thankful. Like it was our last night. And I wake up, I look at the clock, it's 12:40 a.m. And I'm like, oh my gosh, Maggie, one thing about me, I can post all day on Instagram and like not care or think about it. If I have one cocktail, just like one, and I post a thing on the internet with a buzz. Well, I don't get a buzz off of one cocktail, but like, you know what I mean? I will go into a full spiral. I do, I do not know why, but of course I delete, deleted everything. Thank God I would get like four likes on a post because it's not like a million people saw this. I go through the whole list. You are so annoying. Was that too much? Do people get it? Do people get me? Like I was just having fun. Oh my gosh, this person's gonna judge me. Not even a week later, you guys, what a good reel that was. I was having the time of my life dancing in the rain. I like every single thing I talk about, like just live your life and have fun and do it for you. I mean, it was a little swollen, just like from the week, but who cares? So, yeah, I had deleted that. I'm gonna repost it now because I was having fun and now I'm talking about it. And like I deleted the bikini photo. Again, who cares? I was on the beach with a mimosa, just living my life. And I'm like, oh why? And I hate that feeling because five hours because five hours earlier I did not feel that way at all. And I think that's the part that gets me. Like, does this happen to you too? Have you ever felt like that? Like, why do we pick ourselves apart so much? I think that's the weird thing with the internet because like social media started. I mean, it's for us. And like we're posting our lives, our thoughts, like big moments, little moments, whatever, things we genuinely liked enough to share. And then somehow it turns into this quiet little approval check. No one said anything, and no one commented anything weird. Nothing crazy happened. It wasn't like this big. Again, like there was probably six likes, but we decide on our own maybe, like maybe I should just become less. And you could be listening, being like, well, then don't post or don't do any of that. Here I am talking to you guys on a weekly basis. Like this is, I clearly am able to put myself out there on an audio level. And yeah, I do want to share my life in a certain way. And I just don't want to be judged for it. But who's doing the judging? Is it like me or is it you? It's like a rhetorical because I think I just like judge myself. But listen, I'm not delusional. People do judge, they do have opinions. That's real. I mean, I do too, but also they are not thinking about us the way we think they are. Like I promise you, no one is sitting there replaying your post the way you are at 1240 at night. And I do this in real life too, which kind of admitted this before. It's I like it's not my favorite thing about myself, but I will leave hanging out like with my best friends, or I would do this even like on the phone with my mom sometimes or whatever people I've known forever, and I'll text them or call them after and be like, oh my gosh, like when I said this, I like this is what I meant, or are we good? Did I say something? And they literally laugh at me. They're like, Maggie, oh my gosh, like you're you, we love you. And I'm like, I know. I just, it is part of my brain. And this part has actually been turned off for a while. I don't know why it's like coming back, but it's a very interesting thing. If you have anxiety, I hate that for you. But I think what I'm trying to get better at from like a public level is staying the version of me that existed in that moment. The one who was loving her life, the one who wasn't second guessing everything, the one who wasn't analyzing every word because that version of me, like that's who I love, like that's who I am, that's who I love. And she was doing just fine. And I don't think the goal is to completely not care. Like, I don't think that's realistic. We are human, we care what people think, that's part of it. But I do think there's this version of this where we care a little less after the fact. And if you're thinking, yeah, this is why they made Xanax or you need to be medicated, okay. Yeah, like I know I'm like I'm working through that. I'm just telling you, and I know other people feel this way because anytime I've ever said something about a time that I've like felt anxious about something, the amount of people that are like, oh my gosh, I feel like that too. And from the flip, I can always tell them no, you're fine, like, or it's great, or whatever. It's just hard when you're in your it's just hard when you're in in your own head sometimes. Anyway, I just want to remind you, we are living for ourselves out here. Side note, I think influencer world is starting to be over. I don't even though I think I'm down to get like some brand merch, a little high noon sponsorship might be nice. Maybe a revolve party in night. Wouldn't that be fun? Party invite? Did I say that? Or I would love to have my own little navigating between the lines merch stand somewhere. That's like a little bit of my dream world state. Speaking of that, who watched or who's into Coachella? Corrected, it was Biebercella this year. I have never been. I had tickets once years ago, like a long time, nine years ago or something. But my friend who I was going with, she got pregnant and we decided not to go. I don't really love a crowd anyway, like that, but I am a Justin Bieber fan. Like I'm an original believer. And I think we know this by now, too. But everything I've seen, the follow-up from him from his set, it's like getting mixed reviews. There are some people like, well, he just had an iPad and he was on used YouTube and he made$10 million, blah, blah, blah. Listen, in no way am I comparing myself here to Justin Bieber right now. But what I will say is he is out there posting whatever he wants. I think for the swag album, he posted something like 97 times in five days. And guess what? Like I'm pretty sure I loved, pretty sure I liked them all. But I see people online posting whatever they want all day. And I'm over here over and I'm over here overthinking one video. And anybody like the Rolling Stone posted an article, not to go, not to go on a rant on Justin Bieber, but the article was like, he missed the mark, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, where do these people get these opinions? Like, I think in life, you have the people that love you and you should just care about them. And there are so many haters out there. People are like, oh, I'm not a hater, but yeah, I think, I think there are a lot. Anyway, anxiety is a real bitch, I'll tell you. I think we all say we want to be authentic everywhere we go. But the second we actually are, sometimes we're like, wait, not like, not like that though, or like maybe that was like the wrong audience. And I think that's why it feels so weird because you're not trying to be someone else. You're literally just being yourself. And sometimes in front of certain people, that still feels questionable. And honestly, maybe the problem isn't what we're posting, maybe it's how much we sit there and pick ourselves apart after. So if you've ever had a moment where you felt fully like yourself and then later questioned it, you're not doing it wrong. You're just human. Maybe we don't need to go back and edit ourselves every time you know we feel good or have like a moment like that. Maybe the version of you in that moment, the one not overthinking, not filtering, not adjusting, maybe that's actually the most honest version. I actually know it is. And that's the one I'm trying to hold on to a little longer. If this hits, send it to a friend who overthinks everything after the fact because I have a feeling she's gonna get this immediately. And if you're not already following along, you know where to find me. This is navigating between the lines, and this is one of the many things we talk about here. Thanks so much. I'll see you next week.