The Difference Between Catching Up & Real Connection

This week on Navigating Between the Lines, Maggie talks about adult friendships, emotional safety, and why some people feel easy to be around... while others leave you overthinking every interaction afterward. From follow up texts and random phone calls to friendships built in complete chaos, this episode is about the difference between simply catching up and actually feeling connected. A conversation about weird energy, millennial friendships, grief, growth, voice memos, nervous systems, and the people who still feel like home when life gets loud.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay, um, here we go. I've got a couple pieces of business today. First of all, have you subscribed to my Substack yet? Every Tuesday, it's like a little piece of something that's on my mind. Um, I try to shoot for like 9 a.m., but I think today it was like 1030, so whatever. I think it usually goes with something I'm talking about on Thursday's podcast or also sharing on Instagram, kind of whatever's like going on in the week. I would love to see you there. Somehow I jumped 1720, 1720 since starting. So I'm thinking that's a win, right? Also, second piece of business. Chloe wants to go to New York City this summer, like a mom and daughter trip. I'd like to think of myself as a professional, unpaid travel agent. And I have been there. I know I could figure it out, but tell me who's been there with a 10-year-old. Mind you, where should we stay? What must-things should we do? She said she's heard Coney Island is super cool. So I think you'll find me there. Anyway, DM me, Navigating Between the Lines. Happy to take any recommendations. Um, all right. Welcome back, you guys. Welcome back to Navigating Between the Lines. My name is Maggie Fowle, your host. School's almost out. We are almost there. Summer is coming, and I am ready for it. It seems everywhere I turn lately, I'm seeing a new article on what it's like to be a good friend, connection, how connection fades over time if you're not making new plans with those people, the age of these phones, and how people don't do face-to-face as much anymore. And I would love to talk about it. Who are you connected to? Think about your little family tree. There's obviously family, emotional bonds, mutual trust. There's also your friendships, feeling seen, heard, valued. It goes beyond shared activities, allowing you to be your authentic self without judgment. You can sit comfortably in silence. And there's just a mutual understanding. I think it's okay here if you're feeling like you may not have that many close connections or you wish maybe they were closer, but emotional safety, ease, feeling known, feeling seen, emotional presence, relational depth, whatever you want to insert there. You know, we've been through friendship things before, and it really does change. Like even the deeper I get into this year, the less I care in a responsible way about a lot of things. It's natural for most people to settle into their own life, and that's all they have the capacity for. Connections can slip during that time because not everybody is living on the same timeline. And you have to understand the other timelines. When the text comes across the screen, when the phone rings, like, does it feel easy? Do I feel considered? Am I considering them? Can I fully be myself? Do I feel safe enough to share the information on what's going on? Or am I constantly decoding the energy? Because I mean, I've always known I can handle honesty. I really respect honesty and openness. Like, say what's on your mind. What I cannot handle is weird energy. Weird energy will make me spiral immediately. I just read this thing that was talking about millennials, and it said they like we're the generation, the millennial generation is the ones that do this, that we hang out and then we get home and we text or reach out the next day with a follow-up. Like, that was so much fun. I can't wait to do it again. Or maybe even I was thinking about this, it's almost like closes the loop, and then you go on both parties to feel mutually connected and full of the life that you share. And I think what's interesting about adult friendships right now is sometimes nothing technically happens, but somehow maybe just like something feels off, something feels different. Seasons typically tend to do this. How many times have you heard lately? Like, oh, the weather's changing, so I'm sure I'll be seeing more of you. Like, oh, okay. Like, I, you know, I've been actually seeing a lot of people, actually, but it's making me think like, do people just come out of hibernation and then we're doing like social things all summer? I kind of think. I cannot do surface level. I'm horrible at it. I don't want to do it. How's your week? What are you doing this weekend? What like, what's going on? It's just sometimes feels like the same questions that you can just give one-word answers to. You know, for me, my weeks aren't on a set schedule. So maybe that is different for me. But sometimes on a Wednesday, I'm like, I could have lived five lives by now. Not really, but you know, it's like whatever daily trials, not everybody's weeks look the same. But I feel like the more I'm quote, not scheduled, the more I feel like I'm I always have something going on. I don't know. So sometimes those questions, they kind of catch me off guard because how much of my life do I want to share right now? There will be people that you spill all of it to, and others you skip right over, and you're like, oh, I'm just like so grateful for the sunny day. I did a few polls on Instagram earlier this week because I was curious. I asked, what was more connecting? A random voice memo during the day or dinner reservations three weeks out. And 20% of you said a dinner reservation three weeks out. 100% of people said you send a follow-up text after hanging out. I'm just gonna go on record. I have like hung out with people before. It's like crickets for weeks. So I don't really like to hang out with those people. I don't know. Maybe, maybe it's just me. I do think it's like an age thing too. Like it's a millennial thing, right? I don't know. I think what's interesting to me about this is like think about 10 of your friends, maybe, you know, so like two or three of them are okay with catching up when the reservation works. And there's there's literally nothing wrong with that. I think what we are missing is the ability to accept like how maybe how we are or what we prefer. Someone at both ways, they want to be in the know, they want to know everything, but they don't put the effort into finding anything out. Have you ever got a, oh, I didn't know about that, or you didn't tell me that. Well, yeah, I didn't tell you because you never asked. I don't think connection is built through constant communication. And I just like want to clarify this because I have many people that I'm in constant communication with. I mean, it is like memes to the text feed, to a voice memo, to a video memo, um, a phone call, like all of the above. We're hitting all of those on a daily basis. Like a hundred percent, you're like those are your people, right? There are other people who you maybe talk to like once every few weeks, once a month. But when you're talking, it is like no time's picked up. And you can't explain that. It's just like the connection's just there. Actually, somebody called me this morning and she's like, hey, Marge, what are you doing? And I was like, perfect. I put my ear pods in. I went for a walk. Like, I wasn't expecting that call. We didn't have a conference call planned. She was on a drive and like it worked out perfectly. Those are the type of people you do catch up when you catch up and it like works. I just think feeling connected to somebody emotionally connected. Like, I know what's going on, you know what's going on. I think it's built through feeling emotionally considered. Yeah. I think it just really has nothing to do with proximity or time spent together. Although, as I said, both could be true. You can feel closeness with your close social circle that you're with all the time. I mean, I just said this, but I still stand that there's a handful of people I talk to, you know, once in a while. And I could call them right now and they would answer and say, Well, do you need me? And like vice versa. It's just, it's all about the feeling. You can't force it. It's just there from repetition and showing up and consideration of what the other person is going through. Attention is a real form of love. The friends who remember the details, the friends who follow up, the friends who remember like really important dates, the friends who can tell from one text that something might feel soft, the friends who mentally stay connected to your life, even when life gets busy for both of you. You just need the energy to match the relationship. You know what I'm gonna do? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna see if I can like make this work here really quick. What is going on? Okay, I'm just recording a podcast and I I I go, hang on, I'm gonna see. I wait, I was like, I bet I could call these persons and they would answer. And you answered. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

I was gonna see if I could FaceTime you. It's okay. Hi!

unknown 10:36

Hi.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Okay. There's literally n there's no one in here but you and me. Yep, you would. You would. I can't wait to see it. It has to have a lot of zeros after a number.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

What do you mean? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:58

I got a check. That's what I win. Money.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Oh yeah. No, I well, yeah, come on. Okay, love you. Okay, bye. Um, hang on, I'm gonna try one more person because I talk to Kaylee all the time, but let me try somebody who I um don't talk to all the time. I'm just gonna like try this really quick. Let me see. Okay, she didn't answer, but she might because sometimes she like texts me after. Whatever. You know it's the end of the year. Keely saying my checks gonna have zeros. I just, you know. It's the energy, you guys. That's it right there. You know it's the end of school and kids are getting older. Everyone's busy and slam schedules. Some of my closest friendships right now are built on chaos. Like, really. Things that have hit my phone this week. I cried on my kids for all this morning. I hate everyone today. I have mono. Bitch, I called you. Like that is intimacy at this stage of life. I had a meeting last week and I was really excited about it. I was on my way through town, like on the way back home, and I called one of my girlfriends and I was like, Hey, what are you doing? She's like, I'm doing house projects. What's up? It was like 2 p.m. or something. I'm like, well, can you meet for lunch? Like, I want to show you some stuff. She's like, Well, I've I'm still in my pajamas. I'm just like been around the house all day. I go, Great. I'm gonna be there in 15 minutes. And you know what? She met me. She like got dressed, cave, and met me. It's just in my life, and nobody's performing, right? Nobody's pretending that they have it all together. Nobody's doing weird emotional chess. And like maybe maybe, but like, I don't know. I don't really care about any of that anymore. And maybe that's why my email inbox and feed is just filled with all these friendship and connection pieces. One thing that really hit me that I read was you're not entitled to someone's time just because you share a group. You know, a friendship group is the best, but it's most important when we build real connections inside of it. If you want to feel included, I challenge you to go deeper, not wider. And this really is going to be different for everyone, you guys, but a reminder that it's extremely healthy to have friends in all categories: catch up friends, deep convo friends, party friends, workout buddies, travel friends, the friends you call when everything falls apart, and the ones who are already there to help you build it back. We are at this new age and people are experiencing growth, like real growth. Like I they're we're like leveling through all these levels, right? Thank God for therapy. They are dealing with aging parents, absent parents, jealous parents, health is a number one topic, and not everyone is gonna like to see you grow. That's just the truth. I hope you have the friends who grow with you in every stage. You know, I think for me, the biggest growth years of my life have been in the last two years, which is kind of crazy. I'm still the same Maggie. Like if you knew me at 22, I still think I'm Maggie. It's not this like drastic change of a human. I still like to do, you know, all the same stuff. But emotionally, I do feel like a new level is always being unlocked. And I think another layer of this, again, for me personally, is you know who I want to call all the time right now? You're my mom. Every single time. We always had that relationship, thankfully. But like, I'm an adult, I have kids, I'm in charge of these Roth IRAs, as we talked about last week. Rationally, I can work through things. Again, thank God for therapy. But more times than not, my first thought is I just like really need my mom. And when that person is gone, I think you become even more aware of what feels emotionally safe and what doesn't, why some friendships still feel deeply connected, even with little contact, while others slowly start to feel emotionally hollow. I gotta check to see if she like texted me. I just think this is like shocking. You must be really busy. Anyway, a friendship can survive busy schedules, distance, missed calls, phases of life, but it struggles to survive feeling emotionally unseen. Just because someone technically checks in doesn't mean you feel like all warm and fuzzy about it. And maybe that's really what this entire conversation comes down to. Not who texts the most, not who likes every story. Although I like that goes a long way for me. You guys know that. Keep liking my stories. Not who checks the check-in box once a week. It's just who likes calms your nervous system, who feels easy, you know, rather than like ramping it up or making it feel hard to talk to. Because life really does get louder as you get older. There's more responsibility, more moving pieces, more emotional weight, more things people are quietly carrying that nobody else can see. And I think that's why this conversation matters so much now. More than ever, we aren't sharing a college porch with an after-hour sig, a pack of an easy Mac, and a debrief, right? Like everybody has something going on. And feeling seen is really where it's at. And you know what? I gotta tell you something. This entire episode came full circle for me last night. I got home, it was like 8:50 because we have gymnastics and late night gymnastics. Anyway, I walk in the door to kick off my shoes and I get a text, and all it says is, I'm spiraling. So I text back, why? She sends me a one-word answer and I go, Well, do you want me to call you? And she's like, if you can. And listen, it would be easy for anyone in that situation to say, like, can you wait? Like, you know, 30 minutes. I gotta put my kids to bed. I'm exhausted. Can it wait till tomorrow? Or like, let's text after I shower, whatever. You know where I'm going with this. I put my shoes on. I go, give me three minutes. I go, mom's gotta go. I'm gonna be right back. I put my shoes back on. Well, my walking shoes. I went outside and walked while we talked on the phone. And by the end of the conversation, she's like, Thank you so much. I feel so much better. I love you. And I'm like, Well, I feel better too. Two miles, 40 minutes, however many steps that is. Like, thank you. But there was connection all around. It wasn't a plan deal, nobody planned that. It was just showing up in the moment that you could have missed. So if you're lucky enough to have people in your life who make you feel really like emotionally secure, don't miss the chance to connect with them when it shows up. Thank you guys for hanging out with me here. Another episode of Navigating Between the Lines. I love you guys. And I will talk to you next Thursday. Over and out. My gosh, you guys, I just finished recording. And guess what? My friend who I called who didn't answer. She called. So it took her nine minutes to call me back. I was already done recording, but I just had to add it on here because it just goes with the whole point. I have the screenshots of the outgoing calls, and I'm gonna put it on. Okay, bye.