The Best Part About Getting Older (Turning 40 Has Terrible Marketing)

Follow Along Support The Show I turn 40 in a few weeks, and if I'm being honest... I thought it would feel different. Somewhere along the way we decided every decade comes with a reputation. Your 20s are for figuring it out. Your 30s are for building a life. Your 40s? Apparently they're supposed to be the beginning of the end. Except... that's not what I'm seeing. I asked all of you what gets better with age, and almost every answer was the same: Everything. In this episode, we're talking about the terrible marketing around getting older, the wisdom that always seems to arrive a decade late, friendship, confidence, career pivots, raising kids, and why I think 40 might actually be the decade we've been looking forward to all along. If you've ever been nervous about getting older, or wondered if you're exactly where you're supposed to be, this one's for you.

Transcript

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Okay. Something about me, you guys. I'm gonna say one, two, three. Here we go every time. What's up, gang? I'm Maggie Fowl, your host of Navigating Between the Lines. If you listened to last week, well, we made it through, didn't we? One thing I've learned more than I've ever learned before is talking out loud about things really is the only way through. We try and be tough or strong, but sometimes, most of the time, it helps to get it out and talk about it. And surprised, here I am again. Someone asked me a few weeks ago, how do you know you've grown? And even though I answered right away, I've been thinking about it ever since. It's not something you can really measure that you can see. It's just a feeling. But this entire podcast journey has been a form of out loud therapy for me. Every week I say something into a microphone and somehow I leave feeling lighter. Fun fact, you guys, did you know that if you get a hundred downloads in your first seven days of an episode that puts the podcast in the top 25% of all podcasts, which is wild. When I started this thing, I had no idea if anyone was going to listen besides like three people. And here we are. You guys, we are the top 25% each week. Regardless of anything else, that's that's pretty fun. Okay, today we are talking about 40, but this isn't really an episode about turning 40. It's an episode about how every decade gets terrible marketing. Remember being 20 and thinking that 30 was really old? Like these people had mortgages and knew how taxes worked, and like I could just never imagine being 30. Then we're 30. Some of us are married, some of us have kids, some are divorced, some are restarting. There's like a million things happening. Like 40 is not over the hill, like we were told it was once at a time. Did you know that the average woman starts her business at the age of 42? Hello, Martha Stewart. Meanwhile, I asked you guys on Instagram about getting older, and almost every response was everything gets better. And also every 40-year-old I know, they just keep getting hotter. So somebody's lying, and I actually think it's the marketing. I will tell you though, when I was younger, I thought I would have a blowout 40th birthday. I remember my aunt, she threw herself a big 40th. I was too young to even go. But my grandpa flew in from Florida and he came and it was this whole big thing. And I think in my mind, I always thought I would have this big blowout, too. I've said it before, but I'm a Leo. I love all the astrology stuff. And I really believe that the whole universe is connected. Like dream big, live big, say yes, and good things will follow. Anyway, I did throw Justin a big surprise 40th. He's gonna be 45 next week, you guys. So that was five years ago. And I was like, I just want the same thing for mine. But it turns out here I am a few weeks away from my own birthday, and I don't need the party that I thought I needed. And yes, for those that know me, you guys are listening, and you're like, okay, I roll the week of my birthday. I'm definitely gonna be like, okay, what's the plan? What are we doing? But as of right now, a few weeks out, and I have like thought about it but barely thought about it, if that makes sense. I am gonna be doing a girls' night. The invitations are not even sent out yet. It's like been a little word of mouth. If you've asked me what I'm doing, I've given you that date. Do you want to come? My friends are really fun, I promise you. That could be fun, right? Like a little navigating between the lines, guess. I don't know. DM me. We'll see what's up. I think I expected 40 to feel different than it actually does. I mean, we've been to several 40th birthdays, several 50th, 60ths. I don't know if I can tell you what I thought it would feel like. Um, but the wisdom arrives after you needed it. Isn't that the frustrating part? Life gives you the wisdom after you would have needed it the most. Like the version of me at 30 would have killed for the brain that I have right now at 40. But you can't rush that. Thank you. Life experience. I see all these kids entering college or they're home for the summer from college. And I'm like, you guys are living in some of the best times of your lives, and you don't even know it yet. Traveling with no money, figuring out if you stay up too late, you still have to get up the next day. Hangover and all the responsibilities of wait at 8 a.m. Not chasing every friendship or caring if they like you or not. Knowing nobody has it figured out, realizing we're all out here making it up as we go. I mean, some of us have plans and obviously we we know what's going on, but do we really know what's going on? Have you watched the movie Armageddon? There's a line in that movie where the daughter tells her father, played by Bruce Willis, if that helps. She says, Look, I understand that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you for that. And you guys, my dad used to say that to me all the time. We watched that movie all the time because it was on like a VHS. That was one of the movies that we owned. So we did watch it all the time. But he used to tell me that. And I think it's so funny because as adults, we're the adults now, and you're looking at your parents, and it's like no one really has it figured out. We ebb and flow and change with the times. You can never arrive at someplace that's always changing. You can never arrive at someplace that's always changing. And how exciting! Like the options are really endless. Unfortunately, you can say life doesn't allow you to download version 40.0 into your 30-year-old brain. We can say that at any decade. But if you look at all the growth, I think most of us are saying the same things. Success used to mean like achievement and all these things that we've accomplished. And now it just means peace. Busy used to make me feel important. Now it mostly just makes me exhausted. I used to want all the friends, like the more the merrier. Come over, like open door policy. And now I just want like my best friends. I used to think having all the answers was confidence. Now I think asking better questions is. And I used to think people liking me mattered, the anxiety, you guys, that I, if you didn't like me, I would be like, oh gosh, what did I do? And now I care a lot more if I like me and I like responsibly don't care about the rest of it, you know? Another question I asked you guys on Instagram was something you thought you'd have figured out by 40 that you don't yet. And someone answered friendship. I thought that was a really interesting one. I would love to dive deeper into that with you from someone who has really strong friendships, even though they've changed and evolved. My circle definitely has gotten smaller, but I like it that way. I have done an entire episode on friendship breakups because nobody prepares us for those. You know, it's just different tracks, different lanes, different avenues of life. And really, that's okay. When we're younger, we learn how to date and what that feels like. Nobody tells you your hardest breakup might be 37 with a really good friend. But it feels different when you get to a really secure place with yourself. When I tell you I used to spend hours agonizing over dumb things I said, or if this person was mad at me or whatever, who cares? Like, be mad. Like I joke right now, my level of fucks are zero, but it really is freeing. I think it just everything gets put into perspective, the more, the deeper you get into life. This is what I think is the best about getting older. At 40 or whatever age, I do think 50, 60, whatever. You stop apologizing. Actually, now that I'm saying that, is this a getting older thing, or did we just change the verbiage? Like thanking people for being understanding. Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for listening. You wear the outfit, you booked the trip. Who said we have more money? I just remembered there was another response. Having more money is a bonus of getting older. Didn't I just see a meme? Something about like millennial 40-year-olds are walking around the same as 21-year-olds, but with more money and cracking knees. I mean, something like that. And we've talked about this a lot here, but there was a period where so many women I knew were pivoting and changing careers, staying home, finding side jobs, building new businesses. It's like I can do everything I did at 20, but with more options and wisdom and support from people who've done it all before me. And who doesn't love that? Maybe that's why everybody answered everything else gets better. I don't know. I was actually at the gym this morning. I got to tell you, we were talking about um another podcast that came out and said, What happens when your Botox goes wrong? And we were laughing about it because everybody metabolizes it differently. Some get Botox, some get Disport. There's Daxify, like everything is gonna work for what works for you. And then somebody's in the sauna all the time. And that makes it metabolize faster. So I'm like, what are what are we doing here? We're all trying to do, we're at the gym, we're trying to detox in the sauna, we're trying to like have our skin look fresh. We're all trying to do the right things, right? I should also tell you, I'm not a hundred percent perfect in all of these categories. I still overthink. I forgot where I parked the other day. I didn't have my car, but still, I was like, where did I park? And I'm definitely Googling weird symptoms more than I ever have. But more than ever, I'm like, this is life. What a gift it is to get older and experience it. I'm like full court press on building the lasting relationships with our kids right now. I'm just trying to raise really good travel buddies. You know, people say your 40s are your best for all these reasons. Again, I think maybe it's one of those things we just have to experience when we get into that decade. But like, I just want to get funnier. I just want to like be with my people, get stronger. I want to like look good, look my best while also eating ice cream and all the stuff. I want this like a balance, right? There is a balance. There is so much talk right now about longevity, the right diet, the ins and outs of health, how do we feel our best? We are in a time where you can literally do anything you want to do. 40 doesn't feel like the finish line. It feels like the first year I actually know who I'm inviting along. And I feel really good about that. Whatever age or stage you're at, there's always something to learn. If you're 22, don't waste the youth. This is like the best time ever, but don't fear 40. If you're 31, watch out 40. You are gonna feel better than you do now. And if you're 49, thanks for showing the rest of us the way. This is really a time I think if you look around at everyone you know, there's somebody that's going through something that you can learn from and that you can support, that you can be there with. There's like people are having kids, people are sending their kids off to college, some are retiring, some are entering a new decade, some are sending their kids to kindergarten. I mean, it's like all over the place. And I just really love that. I think I get into these feelings and I really go hard in the paint. Like you guys, it's we get one life. I know I say it all the time, but I think we can just continue saying it and keep being reminded because I don't think getting older is about becoming someone new or even getting stuck in our ways. I think it's finally becoming the person you've been trying to meet all along. And what a good feeling. Okay, I really needed something just like fun and light after a last week. So thanks for being here. Share as always, follow along, navigating between the lines, and I will see you guys next week.