40 Things I’ve Learned by 40

I’m turning 40 and I love a list.

40 things I’ve learned about life, friendship, grief, heartbreak, ambition, starting over, and figuring out who you are along the way.

Some are big, like knowing you can be sad and still have a really good life. How losing someone changes you, but so does surviving losing them. And how you are never as stuck as you think you are.

Some are obvious, like wear sunscreen, order the fries for the table (duh) and how a clean kitchen fixes an unreasonable amount of problems.

We’re also getting close to one full year of Navigating Between the Lines, which has me thinking about starting something new at 39, feeling more like myself than ever, and why turning 40 feels really exciting. I’m ready for it.

Come hang and we’ll send the list to BuzzFeed when we’re done. 

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Transcript

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I think we are feeling good today. Again, I'm here for this. Okay. 40 things I've learned by 40. I've technically have three days to go, but we are basically here. And where are my Leos at? My August birthdays, because I know you've been celebrating all week. So happy birthday to anybody celebrating this month. We don't just get a birthday, we get a season. Welcome back to Navigating Between the Lines. This is episode 48, which feels a little crazy to say because we are getting really close to one full year of navigating between the lines. I actually had a completely different plan for the next few weeks. And while I was like working through everything, I'm going to give myself a little time back at the end of summer. I'm going to switch things up a little, bring back a few older episodes with some new thoughts at the beginning. And I was going to start this a week, but then I started thinking about getting to the one year mark of this podcast. And I got a little sentimental, maybe like, damn, I'm actually going to do one full year of this thing. And then I'm like, wait, you're also turning 40. You can see where my brain went. Here, 40 things I've learned by 40. And in hopes that this doesn't turn into a BuzzFeed list, although BuzzFeed, you can pick this up if you want. I'm going to just like run through them like a list. Some probably need no explanation. Some, I'm sure, will send me into a story that I did not plan on telling. We will see where it goes. If I want to edit and skip, you never know what you're going to get. They are in no particular order. And I didn't put anything on here just to get to a list of 40. These are actually things I know, I believe. So here we go. You can love your life and still want more from it. Most things feel more urgent than they actually are. This is very on brand for me right now, especially with the summer that we've had. The people who make you feel the most like yourself are your people. We like know that we say that, but it's really the truest thing ever. Losing someone changes you. So does surviving losing them. In fact, I think that the survival piece is one of those. Like in my mind, I'm like, that's, I'm gonna write a book about that someday because the surviving, what you thought you couldn't survive, is what makes you who you are. And I really stand by that. Nobody knows what they're doing as much as you think they do. Yep. Hello. You don't need a lot of friends. You need really good ones. This kind of depends on what age you are at, too. I still believe in having many friendships, but I'm talking about like the best friends inner circle. Order the fries for the table. Always. There is almost always another option. You can pivot at any time in your life. Your mom was right about an alarming number of things. Moms are right, obviously. I tell my kids that all the time. Being bored is really good. Do not rush to fill the space. Anytime that you're bored, sit with your own thoughts, turn some music on, and you will find creativity or a thought or explore something that maybe you wouldn't have if you didn't allow yourself to just be bored. Being liked by everyone is both impossible and a terrible goal. I'm just like sitting here for a second because I'm like, did I used to want to be liked by everyone? I don't know. Am I gonna edit that out? I don't know. Sometimes keeping everything moving is the accomplishment. This is very accurate for again where I'm at right now. You do not have to get over everything. I used to think like, get over it, move on. And there are some things that you just are never gonna get over, but you have to find a way through it. You cannot hold any negativity towards it. I really believe that. Some friendships end. That doesn't mean they weren't important. I don't think everyone's gonna agree with me on this, but I think if you spend any amount of time with someone in like a friendship, intimate space, whatever, you should never look poorly back on that time. Unless they're like a really terrible person, then maybe. But for the most part, I always think you can find good in the season or the friendship or whatever it was. So some friendships end. That doesn't mean they weren't important. Call your parents. Don't wait till tomorrow. Your heart will break someday and you'll think you cannot recover from it. And you will. You can be grateful and overwhelmed at the exact same time. I think this is like my life motto. Nobody is keeping tabs on your life nearly as closely as you are. Just do you. You eventually become the adult you used to look around for. I think like I'm always like, wait, I'm the emergency contact now. Loyalty is everything. That's all I have to say about that. Say yes more. Good things follow a yes streak. And of course, it has to be the things that you want to do, but the more momentum you get, the more it keeps going. Promise you. Be someone who finds a way, always. Reset your goals every year. Eventually you'll look around and realize that you're living some of them. Being a dreamer is where it's at. Head in the clouds, whatever. I'm here for it. People will disappoint you. Move on quicker. You don't need to give people that many excuses. Stop telling everyone how busy you are. We are all busy, and busy is not like a super trait. Honestly, it's annoying. We're just busy. We're having a busy summer. All of it. Like, what are you actually busy doing? Also saying this to myself. Having a clean kitchen will fix like 99% of your problems. Uh, wear sunscreen. Seriously. Wear it every day. You can start something new at any age. Podcast at 39. Here I am. You don't have to know where something is going to know that you want to try it. Think about this all the time. Over the last year, so much has changed for me on this podcast journey. I didn't have a five-year business plan to press record. Although, might have had a better idea. Okay, we're like 31, you guys. Some things don't happen for a reason. Some things just suck. Cancer, depression, losing someone, divorce. You don't need to find the silver lining in every terrible thing that happens to you. Kind of said this earlier. You just have to find a way through. Goes with 32. You can be sad and still have a really good life. You can be sad and still have a really good life. Love doesn't go away because someone does. This is true for everything. I'm not just talking about death here. I really believe that you should have fond memories for all the people who have like stepped into your life because the universe doesn't just put people in your life by chance. Stand by that too. Ask the question. Like ask someone how they're really doing. Ask for the opportunity. You will never know the answer if you don't ask. And honestly, this actually takes me to another side story. Is this my first rant this podcast? That's kind of shocking. But if I've learned anything about conflict or disagreements or whatever it is, it all comes down to lack of communication, lack of saying how you really feel. Like sweeping it under the rug is like never, never does anybody any favors. It's always going to come back. Ask the question, say the thing. Learn how to laugh when everything is going wrong. Um, it's a shit show, but we are, we can laugh. We have a lot of humor in this life, okay? The ordinary days are most of your life. Make sure that you like them. 37. You don't have to become less ambitious to become more content. This one I just learned as of more recently. You know, I think getting into a level of just feeling like leaning into the life that you're living and loving it. I feel like I'm doing the most while doing the least while doing the most. If that makes sense. Some things are just worth believing in. My dad has quoted this movie to me before, um, Secondhand Lions. I've actually never watched the movie. Have you? It's from 2003. I had to look this up. And the whole idea is basically that there are some things worth believing in, whether or not you can prove them. That people are basically good, that courage and honor matter, that money and power aren't the point, that love doesn't just disappear. And I think the older I get, the more I understand why my dad likes it so much. I don't have the answers for everything that's happened into my life, good or bad. I used to say everything happens for a reason. I mostly still believe that. But sometimes you can't explain that, and that's really hard. But I believe people are mostly good. I believe love doesn't go away because somebody does. I believe there's something bigger than us. I believe that God hears you. I don't need to be able to prove all of that. Some things are just worth believing in. 39. Hello, 39. You're probably doing better than you think you are. This is like the perfect lesson and almost ending for this because everything that we're doing, I don't know if you're on Substack too, but I wrote an article today about the people in 95th place being behind everyone running their own race. And it's like, you're probably doing better than you think you are. I gotta tell myself that every day. And that brings me to number 40. And I'm gonna be 40. I don't feel old. I feel like I'm just getting started. And what a cool place to be. My mom ran from Potaski to Charlevoy on her 40th birthday. So I have that in the back of my mind always right now. There's something really freeing about feeling more like yourself than ever. And I'm leaning hard into that right now. Whatever that is, whatever that looks like, I'm feeling like really okay with it all. I just think I'm super excited for this decade. Like, let's go. And I'll be eating cake for the duration. It's also national chocolate chip cookie day today, too. So fun fact for you guys. Thanks for being here. 40 lessons. Hope you liked it over and out. Call me Chloe.