What does it mean to be an AFS Host Parent? It’s more than providing a bed and meals. As an AFS Host Family, you’ll welcome someone new into your home, share your everyday lives with them, and grow as you get to know each other and share your cultural perspectives. You’ll be surprised at how much you learn about yourself, your family, and community.
This episode includes three great conversations with host parents in the D.C. and Dallas metro areas. Listen to learn more about their motivations and expectations, and how bringing students into their homes has benefitted their families and themselves.
Guests:
Sheri Belton-Gonzalez, Dallas
Rodney Warren, Dallas
Sarah Clapp, DC
Host with AFS-USA: www.afsusa.org/host
Contact us: podcast@afsusa.org
What does it mean to be an AFS Host Parent? It’s more than providing a bed and meals. As an AFS Host Family, you’ll welcome someone new into your home, share your everyday lives with them, and grow as you get to know each other and share your cultural perspectives. You’ll be surprised at how much you learn about yourself, your family, and community.
This episode includes three great conversations with host parents in the D.C. and Dallas metro areas. Listen to learn more about their motivations and expectations, and how bringing students into their homes has benefitted their families and themselves.
Guests:
Sheri Belton-Gonzalez, Dallas
Rodney Warren, Dallas
Sarah Clapp, DC
Host with AFS-USA: www.afsusa.org/host
Contact us: podcast@afsusa.org
Kate M.
Hello and welcome to The AFS Exchange. My name is Kate Mulvihill. The AFS Exchange is a podcast by AFS-USA where we open the door to hear from members of our AFS family. This is a place to have conversations, or ya know, exchanges, with AFS host families, students, volunteers, and educators.
During these exchanges, we will hear from our guests on how their lives have been impacted by AFS. What lessons have they taken away from their experience abroad, or their experience with hosted students in the United States?
[Music]
Kate M.
What does it mean to be an AFS host parent? Yes, of course, at the base of it it’s welcoming a teenager you’ve never met into your home for a school year. But I think if you’re listening to this podcast you already know that it’s more than that.
It’s opening up your home to a different part of the world, sharing your family’s customs and traditions… and driving around to after school activities.
But also remember that you’re hosting a global leader, someone who will promote peace. They will return home at the end of their program with a greater understanding of the world thanks to their experiences in the United States, and will spread that message.
For this episode, I had three great conversations with host parents in the DC and Dallas metro areas. We talked about their motivations to host, their expectations, and how bringing students into their homes has benefitted their families and themselves.
[Music]
Kate M.
Sheri Belton-Gonzalez is a host parent and a volunteer living outside Dallas, Texas. She studied abroad three times in college, and returned home with a desire to stay connected to other cultures and speakers of other languages. Sheri and her husband had au pairs over the years when raising their three children, and over the past few years they have welcomed 2 Argentinian students into their home.
Sheri B.
My name is Sherry Belton-Gonzalez. We're about 15 miles outside of downtown Dallas.
Kate M.
And did you grow up in Dallas?
Sheri B.
I did not. I'm from Oklahoma. I'm from a small town in northeastern Oklahoma that had a population of about 1200 people. Big difference.
Kate M.
Wow, yeah, Yeah.
Sheri B.
I grew up on a cattle ranch. I did. We had creeks and ponds, and we had cows. And so yeah, I grew up in the country. I was a country girl.
Kate M.
What brought you to Dallas?
Sheri B.
Work. Um, after I graduated from college, I went to the University of Oklahoma. And then after that, I moved to Texas. I've been an educator and so there was just more opportunity in Texas.
Kate M.
So you said you went to college in Oklahoma? Did you participate in an international exchange program at all?
Sheri B.
I did. Yes. I went through my university's study abroad office. I was a Spanish major in college. And at the time, when I was in college, I was working at the daycare. One of the little kids in my class, his mom was an advisor in the study abroad office. And so she was coming in to pick her kid up from daycare, and she was just talking to me about study abroad. And she got me to fill out a scholarship application to get a travel fellowship for summer school in Guadalajara, Mexico. And I went to Mexico for the summer. And I lived with a host family, I attended a university there, and I learned more Spanish. And that's just that summer school time that I had learned in the four years prior that I had been taking Spanish classes. Because when I remember when I first got to Guadalajara, and my host mom came to pick me up, it's still to this day, I have no idea what she said it just sounded like Barbie. And I thought I knew Spanish, I thought I was a pro. I was like, I've had two years of high school and I've had two years of college. So I know my Spanish, but I didn't.
But I learned so much in that one summer. And I'll never ever forget that first study abroad experience.
And it made me want more, because I did end up studying abroad again, I went to Venezuela. And again, I lived with a host family there. And then I went again to the Dominican Republic. And I lived with a host family there. And then I actually went back and after I'd studied there just because I couldn't understand and I really wanted to understand and to speak Caribbean Spanish. And so I went back and I was working, teaching in an American school there. I ended up living there for about a year and a half. And then I met my husband there. He's from the Dominican Republic.
Kate M.
Okay, so you absolutely did, you participated in a couple international exchange programs. So how did you first hear about AFS?
Sheri B.
You know, I heard about AFS when I was in high school because I actually wanted to study abroad in high school. I've just always loved languages and cultures. And so just on my own as a high school kid, I was looking for programs to study abroad, but my mother was very over protective and she didn't let me study abroad and so yeah, I just always known about it just out of curiosity.
Kate M.
Well, I'm glad that you were able to go in college, and a couple times over.
Sheri B.
And I look forward to my kids getting a little bit older so we can do some study abroad trips together and learn some other languages.
Kate M.
And then in the meantime, you've been hosting some AFS students. So why did you decide to host an AFS exchange student?
Sheri B.
I thought it would be fun. And I thought it would be a good idea to expose my kids to a different culture. And then also at the time, as I mentioned, I have a set of twins who are six. And when we hosted I think they were three. Yeah, they were three when we first hosted our first high school student and my son, he was 11. He was out here always been asking for a big brother, which I can't help him with that. And so I figured, you know, we'd get him an exchange student, and then he'd have that experience of having a big brother. So the student that we picked, he was from Argentina. And he was a big basketball lover, which is something that my son was into. And so we still talk to him. Now, my son is friends with him. He thought they follow each other on Instagram. So it was a good, good experience for the whole family.
Kate M.
So you've traveled a fair bit and you're married to somebody who's from a different country. What have you learned about different cultures and people after hosting exchange students?
Sheri B.
Just in my own experiences, and then, you know, just hosting my high school kids, and then also hosting my au pairs, I have learned that just everybody has something to teach, and everybody has something to learn.
Kate M.
Hmm. I like that.
Sheri B.
I mean, and I think about when I was in, in high school, one of my least favorite subjects was like social studies. And, you know, it's different when you're reading about things in a book. But when you're actually experiencing something from another person, it just has so much more meaning. And even now, you know, I'm a liaison to a kid that's from Kenya, and he was missing some of his food from his home country. And so we were able to find an African restaurant in North Dallas, and we went, and the food was just like, awesome. I'd never had Kenyan food before. And so you know, had I not been his liaison, I don't know that I would have just randomly gone to a Kenyan restaurant. And so he taught me about the food of Kenya. And they were playing like some of the music in the background. So like I said, everybody has something to teach, and everybody has something to learn.
Kate M.
Absolutely. I like that term. Everybody has something to teach. Everybody has something to learn. So, other than English, what skills did you notice your Argentinian students gain during the year?
Sheri B.
Yeah. Confidence. Number one, like I remember both of them, like the first day of school were just kind of nervous. And they weren't sure that people were going to be able to understand them. But they really gained a lot of confidence. And then also, I'd probably say self awareness. And they just, I think they became more encouraged, motivated,
My second exchange student, I remember the first day of school for her when she came, she was really super excited about going to school. And then when we got there, she was afraid. And she was like, Well, can I just stay with you? Because I worked at the school too. Can I just stay with you today? And then like, I go tomorrow? And I was like, No, you're going to school today. And so she was so like afraid that first day and then she cried to when it was time to leave. So confidence is I would say number one is what they both gained.
Kate M.
That's great. That's that's important and just like not only can I exist and get by in another country where I don't speak the language natively, but like, I can form friendships and go to the grocery store and just do normal things, just in another place.
Sheri B.
Yeah, that's what they did. I remember both of them, like when we went to a drive thru just to get some food. And I remember both of them saying, like, how did you understand what they were saying? Because you know, in the drive thru, it's hard to hear anyway, you know, people are speaking at a fast rate of speed. And then it got to the point where both of them, they wanted to order the food. They felt confident enough to order the food at the drive thru. So it was just little things like that.
Kate M.
I like that. And I mean, it is a confidence boost, right to be like, You know what I can I can do this. Yeah.
Sheri B.
and both of them too. I remember like, also, when they first got their cell phones, they were both afraid to go into the cell phone store, and to set up their plan or whatever. And then it got to the point like when they were paying their bills, they just went in on their own after a point and took care of their business.
Kate M.
So it's like living, you're living your life. You're doing these everyday things like going to the drive thru or dealing with your cell phone just doing it another day, and another language and it's like, okay, you know what, maybe I should give myself a little pat on the back.
Sheri B.
Pat on the back for sure.
Kate M.
How have these experiences affected your personal development and what have you learned about yourself?
Sheri B.
I think I now have this bug where I just want to learn as much about people and their cultures as I can. And so I don't see myself not ever being involved in something where I'm learning about different cultures, and so on to now, because what I have children now, so it's a little bit more difficult to travel and to learn about people.
It's just something that I want to continue doing either being a liaison or hosting kids, just so that I can learn about different people. And so my kids have a better perspective on people, Because I don't want my kids to just think that Americans are the best that we have all these things. And so therefore, we're the best. I want them to have open minds, and I want them to love people from everywhere. And I think having host kids is a way that I can expose my children to other people and other beliefs. Because sometimes, you know, people think that whatever they believe, or what are they, whatever they grew up with, it's the best, it's the only way. But I want my kids to be able to appreciate multiple perspectives. And I think hosting, or being a liaison, it really it truly does help you with that.
Kate M.
Well, that's, that's great. So what advice would you have for other families who are maybe on the fence about hosting an exchange student?
Sheri B.
I would say do it, um, don't be afraid, just do it. And you know, it's not always going to be peaches and cream, it's not always going to be happy. But you're really I mean, you have the opportunity to give a young person a once in a lifetime experience that they will never forget. And then you also have the opportunity just to create a relationship that will last forever, because like I said, I still keep in contact with my exchange students, I still keep in contact with my own host mothers, like my host mother that I have in Dominican Republic. I'm gonna see her next month. And so yeah, my advice to people who are on the fence and that are not quite sure, just do it. And maybe they could start out doing something as like as being maybe like a temporary family, if they just want to try it out and see how it is. But yeah, just just do it.
Kate M.
So, why would you say that intercultural exchange is important?
Sheri B.
Well, in addition to learning about others, you also learn about yourself. And I think with with my exchange students, they didn't, they hadn't been to the US before. And so a lot of what they knew, was just on TV, which, you know, they saw a lot of Hollywood reality shows. And they just thought that and even like the one that I have now, from Kenya, he said that he thought that everybody was gonna have these huge houses like he saw on TV. And so intercultural exchange for the youth, I think it just brings about like, a truth, like, what they see on TV is not really true. And so when you do an intercultural exchange program, you really get to see the truth and how people really and truly live.
It’s just being able to respect and appreciate a different perspective.
Kate M.
Is there anything else that you'd like to share about any of your experiences?
Sheri B.
If somebody were to ask me, you know, what's it like? I would just tell people like it's such a rewarding experience. I felt like I had a really great opportunity to be able to live with host families, and to practice the language. And so this is really kind of just my way of giving back. Because I know like, each one of my experiences have been so enriching for me and even like when it comes to jobs, professionally, I think that I've gotten an advantage over other people because of my experiences and also because of my ability to speak another language. And so yeah, I would just encourage people just to think about it and you know, try and try and open up your home so that you can provide an awesome experience for a young person because they will never forget and host families won't either.
Kate M.
That was Sheri Belton-Gonzalez from Dallas, Texas.
[Music]
Kate M.
Rodney Warren is also from the Dallas area. He is an HR professional who has lived all over the United States and has done a lot of traveling abroad. He is a new volunteer but a veteran host parent- he has hosted 8 students. He is currently hosting a student from Liberia and a student from Mozambique.
Rodney W.
Okay, okay. So my name is Rodney Warren and I am located in Dallas, Texas.
Kate M.
Dallas, Texas. Okay. Are you from Dallas?
Rodney W.
I'm not. I've been in Texas since 2004, by way of New York and then South Carolina, North Carolina, Ohio and Michigan and then landed in Texas.
Kate M.
Wow. Okay. So you've you've seen a fair bit of the country, Okay, well, great. Rodney, how did you first hear of AFS?
Rodney W.
How did I first hear AFS? Okay, so, actually, I heard of AFS through other exchange students. I've hosted for a good minute. I've had a total of eight students, six in home and then two virtual students. And so I started a program with a different exchange organization. And with that exchange organization, the students that I had would always talk about their friends who just happened to be in AFS, AFS, AFS. And so I was with this other organization, pandemic, and I think a lot of organizations were impacted heavily, or to some degree with that. At that time, they kind of laid low in terms of the recruitment of students. And so I transitioned over because I was very curious about AFS, and the students and, and that program, my understanding was that they were larger numbers. They were definitely very diverse and had a huge volunteer support network. And so I came over to AFS as a result.
Kate M.
Well, great, so did you participate in an exchange program in high school or in college?
Rodney W.
I did not participate in an exchange program. But I do love to travel. And I love to travel. I love cultures. And then, ironically, professionally, I mean human resources. And so I deal with a lot of diversity in the workplace. And so with all those things, it was just a natural fit for me, too. As I travel and became aware of the different countries and cultures and appreciation and respect, I thought it was a would be a great idea to bring the countries to me.
Kate M.
I love that. No, that's great. And so you, I mean, you hosted before you were with AFS and now you’re with AFS. And professionally, what you do is help. I mean, HR has so much I'm sure. But, you know, communication between people, learning where everybody is at, and maybe some mediation there.
Rodney W.
Oh, definitely. I've lived in very diverse cities where the workforce was extremely diverse as well. And so for me, again, it has been about teaching folks how to appreciate and respect cultures and differences, because you have a melting pot of people that are in the workforce that come from different backgrounds, different cultures. And it's just been a phenomenal experience in terms of helping people understand that as we work together, it's okay to have differences of opinions, it's okay to have different cultures. And so I think that really did help me with the transition into exchange programs.
I currently have two students. One is from Mozambique. One is from Liberia. The one from Mozambique is the youngest student that I've had very astute, very smart, a little bit introverted, at times. But the other student, it was almost like the opposite, very outgoing. Definitely, both are actually representative of the types of students that AFS has, which are bright, very studious, very engaging, in a time when you give them an opportunity to talk about their country. They are in their own zone, but both kids are great.
Kate M.
That's great. Um, so I guess if we're talking about maybe not just talking about AFS students in general, but when you decided to start hosting exchange students through another organization, what did you think it would be like coming into this experience?
Rodney W.
Well, you know, honestly, I really did not know what to expect. I mean, I knew there would be some differences from a cultural perspective, Having to have traveled some... because I've traveled to Europe, and I was in Africa. And then I was in a couple of Mexico and a couple of places in the Caribbean. I know that people are different, they do things differently. I understood what culture was about but at the same time, I just did not know to what degree what to expect from these kids.
Kate M.
If we're talking specifically about the two students who you have with you now, what were your first impressions?
Rodney W.
What were my first impressions of the two students? Definitely academically-focused. One wants it to be a one plans on being an engineer, a mechanical engineer, and the other one wants to be a psychologist, very focused, very mature for their age.
But I think what kind of took me aback just a little, even to having traveled to some degree. And even having known a little bit about culture, one of the students that went from Mozambique, as an example, we were at the dinner table, and we're talking about chores, things that they would do in their home country, just to kind of relate to some of the things that would they would be doing here. And so one of the students had mentioned that one of his chores was to fetch water. And it's so interesting in that when he had mentioned that I just had this very Hollywood glamorous understanding of what that meant. That you just go down to this very beautiful stream of flowing water, you take this nice bucket, you travel a half block, and you fetch this pristine water, and you bring it back to the home. And you skipping back Oh, I mean, I just had this very Hollywood ish perception of it.
And so he helped me not only stand, what it meant, what it really did mean to fetch water. And again, this is all about understanding the cultural stuff, it inspired me to look at some videos as well on YouTube, and in regards to kids from his country and developing countries fetching water. And I was just very beyond humbled, and had a different level of appreciation, and gratitude from where they came from.
And I had that already, but it was just like, to a different level of plateau, a different level of respect, when you see 5, 6, 7, 8 year old kids tread a significant distance, maybe a mile or more with barrels or with buckets, things that are almost half their size. And they're going to in this particular instance, as the student has had mentioned, to me as well, they're going to these ponds or these streams of water, it's not big, beautiful pristine lake or oceans, these little ponds of water in the woods, and the water is not clean at all. And to take that home and to have to live off that I've just never been so humbled in my entire life differently. Appreciation and respect.
Kate M.
How would you say that your host students have maybe affected your American identity or your view of the United States? If they have?
Rodney W.
Wow, that's a very loaded question. It's a very loaded question in a good way. Because, you know, here's why I say this is a pretty loaded question. But at the same time, it's a good question. Because I grew up in a single parent household, my father passed away when I was very small, three years old, and my mother who was a great matriarch, and I'm raising five children by herself. So economically, we grew up in a very hard time, hard conditions. And I just remember the early years living with my grandmother, and more family members coming to live with us. And we were already crowded, and having the ability to eventually afford to move into the projects. And all through school and high school just being in that situation. It wasn't until college, that I learned the definition of poverty. And I remember it being in this economics class, and we're talking about poverty. I'm like, wait a minute, that sounds like it sounds like how I grew up. And so not knowing or understanding what my situation was, because I mean, I grew up with a lot of love and but it also helped me understand that economically, I grew up in that type of environment.
And so these kids talk about their environment or situations and particularly in students from Liberia who really came from a developing country and being able to articulate what that was like for him in terms of the lack of the running water on the inside of the home, the education system, the infrastructure within their country, the things that for us, it's very normal, like having cell phones and Wi Fi. And Wi Fi doesn't mean that people in Liberia don't have that, I don't want to paint that historic picture. I'm just talking about specifically him and how he’s raised.
And so it was so strange because as I'm speaking to them, explaining it to them how I grew up poor. And I struggled with it. Because how do you explain poverty when you come from a country where there is public assistance, where we have the ability to utilize some of the things that come along with the systems here, like being able to have money from the government to pay for food or having some type of housing assistance? Well, that's not poverty. They understand real poverty, real poverty means you don't have the assistance to be able to do those things. And you do those things, but by yourself, and so as I'm explaining poverty, they're scratching their heads, and they're like, so you had shelter, food, you had accommodation, but you call that poverty. Humbling, very humbling helped me understand how, again, we are definitely a great country and how blessed we are. And you don't take that blessing for granted.
Kate M.
Absolutely, and how I mean, the definite what poverty looks like in the United States is different depending on where you are in the US. And then you compare that to countries that have better social safety nets, and then countries that don't have any of that at all. So it really is a spectrum. And that's a really, that's a really interesting answer to that question. I haven't gotten that before when I've asked this question before. Let's see. Have AFS volunteers and staff supported you at all during your hosting experience this year?
Rodney W.
Let me tell you, they're phenomenal. As I mentioned, I mean beyond phenomenal, because one of the things that I appreciate about AFS is the resources are just beyond enormous. I mean, you have multiple people check in on you all the time checking on the students, all the time.
And so when I look at AFS and the resources, the things that they do, the volunteers, it literally inspired me to want to volunteer. So I think within the last month or a little bit over a month, I also became a volunteer with the program as well.
Kate M.
And I guess kind of relating to that, how has this experience affected your personal development? How have you grown after having these students in your home?
Rodney W.
Grown in so many ways, I mean, as all always enjoyed some level of volunteerism. But at the same time I can it's like at a, at a different level, when we would do things, we would always do things together.
And I have a deeper appreciation and involvement when it comes to community. And, again, I'm an advocate for the program, any opportunity that I get to speak to groups in regards to the exchange program, I do that I also tried to help the students integrate into the community. So for example, with a couple of the students, one of the Liberian students and a couple of students that were Nigerian, and so just trying to connect them with Liberian communities here in the Dallas Fort Worth area, and connecting them with the Nigerian community. And so I would find connections, we would go to events, church gatherings and stuff like that, again, it's just given me a stronger appreciation for diversity. And it's helped me step outside of that shell in terms of just wanting to network with a lot of diverse groups and keep these students connected, not only to the United States in terms of their friends and stuff, but more than anything, I want them to take experiences back with them that to help cultivate and help them grow their own communities.
Kate M.
What advice would you have for other families who are considering or maybe on the fence about hosting an exchange student?
Rodney W.
Oh, it's an excellent opportunity. If you enjoy helping others, if you enjoy a sense of family, if you enjoy doing things, if you enjoy traveling or the cultural experience in general. This is definitely one of the best ways things you can do, in terms of just being a part of a student's life, you get to be a footprint in their life, you will be someone who they will forever remember. Not too many people can say, especially as students, can say that “I've visited another country.” And not too many people can say “I've not only visited another country as a whole student, but I, I've had this phenomenal family that was a part of that journey that I will forever remember.”
I would definitely recommend hosting to anyone who has those desires or attributes, as it relates to just want to support a young person and be a part, be a forever part of that person's life.
Kate M.
That was Rodney Warren from Dallas, Texas.
[Music]
Kate M.
Sarah Clapp is a host parent living with her husband and stepson in Maryland, right outside of Washington DC. Her family hosted AFS students when she was growing up, and she studied abroad in England and Japan while in college. She is hosting for the first time this year, a student from Italy.
Sarah C.
So my name is Sarah. I live in the DC area with my husband, and our stepson, and we're hosting our very first exchange student this year.
Kate M.
Okay, so you're hosting your first exchange student this year? How did you first hear about AFS?
Sarah C.
So when I was a kid, my aunt and uncle were involved with AFS. And eventually, my family hosted two kids in my sisters and my junior and senior years. So that's how we first heard of AFS, got involved with it. And I knew even then, like, I wanted to host again, I wanted to be involved in some way. Obviously, when I was right out of college, like, I wasn't able to do it. I wasn't old enough. I wasn't, you know, financially stable, so on and so forth. So, you know, it took a while for that to come to fruition. We had kind of been a lifelong ambition to host and I'm really excited to be doing it.
Kate M.
Okay, great. So you already kind of touched on why you decided to host an exchange student and that's because you had some great experiences when you were growing up as a sibling. What did you think it would be like to host an exchange student?
Sarah C.
No, I honestly didn't know. My previous experience was as a host sibling, which is much different from being a host parent. But I expected it to be fun. And I expected a lot of weird, like cultural moments. I honestly expected a little more conflict than, than we've had. But part of that is, I mean, we just got lucky with the world's best student. Because I love her so much. Anyway.
Kate M.
That's great. Well, I mean, that's great to hear. Could you tell me a little bit about her?
Sarah C.
Yeah, so we're currently hosting Andrea from Italy. She is 17 years old. She has been studying English for quite a while. She loves to play volleyball and plays the piano and really enjoys having a little brother. Because we do have a young son. And she's just a joy to be around. You know, sometimes my family is very sarcastic. And so when you're talking with somebody who's working in English as a second language, sarcasm can go straight over their head, but with Andrea it doesn't and she enjoys sarcasm. And so we've had good communication, despite the trend toward sarcasm in our family just right from the get-go.
Kate M.
That really shows a level of comprehension, a level of fluency in another language, if you can get like dead like dry, deadpan humor when someone's saying one thing, but you know, they mean something else. Her English must be really good to be able to not, like, take you literally when you're saying words, but reading the sarcasm through it. So that's great. That's great that she can pick up on it. What was your first impression of her when she arrived?
Sarah C.
I mean, honestly, when I saw her get off the plane, my very first thought was, "Oh my God, I've gotten so old and what is she wearing?" But in seriousness, my first impression was just, she was full of this youthful exuberance, energy, and hopefulness. But she seemed very confident and independent. And I was both super impressed and a little worried that she'd be so independent, that we wouldn't build the close bonds that I was hoping for. You know, and there was also some awkwardness as it like really hit home for us that despite how committed we were and how excited we were to be doing this, we had in fact just met a complete stranger and she was going to live in our house for an entire academic year.
So there was there were a lot of emotions, but overall, I had a positive impression of of her and she was open to hugs right from the get-go. So like, even though I was worrying about everything, I figured it would be okay. You know, if you can take a hug first day that you're somewhere you're you know, I don't know, I just feel like if you're willing to do that you want to be there you want that love and that support that the kids tend to want and so I felt a lot better about everything.
It surprised me how many similarities we had. You know, as you're preparing for hosting, AFS talks a lot about the cultural iceberg and preparing yourself for these cultural miscommunications and realizing how different you are from each other. But I think because we had hosted before, and because I had studied abroad in, you know, in a country that's quite a bit different from the United States a lot more so than Italy is from the United States in a lot of ways. You know, I'd set myself up for recognizing differences and I was recognizing a lot of similarities.
And then another reason why I expected more differences is just because of the way our placement happened. So, I had called AFS and expressed my interest in hosting some time in June, I want to say, of last year. And I got a call a couple hours later from the hosting coordinator in the Capital area team. That said, basically, so “I realized this crazy, but if you're crazy enough to go on this roller coaster with us, we have a student whose host family just fell through.” And I was like, “Okay, tell me more.” And she was like, “Well, you know, she's from Italy. And, you know, she likes piano,” and walked us through a couple of things. And I was thinking, Okay, this, you know, it sounds doable. She was like, “The only catch is you have to get everything submitted in three hours, because it's the last day that Montgomery county will accept students.”
So somehow, I have no idea how, we managed to get the application in and get our background checks done, get our training, because Montgomery county requires you to do training in spotting child abuse and sexual assault and that sort of thing. I have no idea how we accomplished everything we needed to accomplish in three hours. But you know, we did and I, because of the speed of it, even though of course, we looked at the information that she had and thought she'd be a good fit. Sometimes you can overlook things when you're rushing. And so I was a little worried that maybe that had happened. But I mean, we couldn't have gotten a better fit if we had tried.
Kate M.
So what have you learned about Italian culture and the Italian people in your experiences as a host parent?
Sarah C.
Um, so it's hard for me to answer this question concretely. Especially now, because I've been so used to learning about it and integrating some of that knowledge that I'm not sure when it entered my psyche, right.
Kate M.
There's no one specific way to answer. I mean, if you could, even if you're just like, “I like pasta more than I did a year ago” or, you know, something like that.
Sarah C.
I mean, that is in fact, true. I learned how to make pasta. I learned what even like bagged or boxed pasta from Italy, tastes better than American pasta. And if you make it from scratch, there's just like, no, no comparison. It's amazing. And so we have made pasta a couple of times. We've made lasagna and all sorts of things. And you know, some of my favorite things to learn are not like the big thing. So it's just like, the small things. You know, how we say 'knock on wood', when we're, you know, wanting something to happen or not happen? Well, they don't actually say that in Italy. In Italy it's like 'knock on metal.'
We were sitting around the dinner table talking about something, said something that we would respond with 'knock on wood' to. But instead of doing it, we just knocked on wood. And at the same time, Andrea reached over with a metal railing in our house. And she knocked on that. And we were like, what? So then we had a nice little conversation about that. And it was a cute little learning moment.
Kate M.
I like that. Yeah. Because why would I mean, why does it have to be wood? What about what is inherently more lucky than metal?
Sarah C.
Right, exactly. Or the other way around? They're both equally lucky, I suppose.
Sarah C.
Yeah, so I've been critical of the US for most of my adult life. I mean that in the sense of thinking, and not "I've hated the United States," right. But I work in the field of international relations. So it's sort of my job to think critically about the United States. You know, sometimes we do good things, and sometimes we don't. And I actually find that Andrea helps me remember the good things about the US, she helps me understand why people want to come here, why they want to learn about us, despite, you know, our country's flaws, and every country has flaws.
And I know that at the same time, you know, my view of Italy is more and more positive. I didn't have a negative view of Italy. But I definitely feel like my view of Italy has deepened beyond the understanding that's available, from you know, internet research and talking to people about their trips to Italy, so on and so forth. It's become more real and more complex.
Kate M.
What are some of the things that Andrea has gotten excited about in the US that has kind of made you get a little bit more excited as well.
Sarah C.
Hands down, the thing that I think she's been most excited about, is the diversity in the United States. She goes to a school where I don't remember the exact percentage of, you know, ethnicities through the school, but white people are not the predominant race, present in the school. And she loves that. She's been learning so much from all of her friends, not only as Americans, but you know, the cultures that they come from as well because a lot of them are relatively new immigrants.
I think she's really loved not only being able to get to know, you know, America and what American students are like, what high school is like, but also being exposed to her other AFS students and the backgrounds of her high school friends and just learning as much as she can.
I know that she's really been passionate about feminism and women's rights. I've seen that throughout the year when she does her school projects. She had to do some sort of video for her class on the pay gap between men and women, I was like, wow, that's a topic I would not touch when I was in high school. And you're doing it in a society that is not as familiar
to you in a language that is not your first language. And you're doing it really well. Like, it just blew my mind.
The first things that we did when she arrived were some service projects. And that wasn't because of her arrival, we planned to do it. Like we created some duffle bags for foster kids. And we've created greeting cards for kids who are ill and in the hospital, things like that. We tried to do social distanced volunteering, to the extent possible. But one of the things that she told me once, what she really loved- one of the things she really loved- about being with us was our commitment to service. And like, how often do you hear a 17 year old say something like that?
Kate M.
Other than communicating in English, what other skills have you noticed Andrea gain this year?
Sarah C.
So I mean, she's gotten more independent, and resourceful as I think probably all of the exchange students do. She's learned how to do her own laundry, which she had never done in Italy. And she's also learned, and this is something that makes me so proud of her, that she can be confident in correcting my husband and I when we get something wrong, or if we say something that she disagrees with she notes, it's okay to challenge us.
And that, I think, is one of the greatest life skills that you can have. Certainly not one that I had done, or that I could do as well at 17 as she can now. To just give you an example, pretty early on in her stay, we were making pasta and trying to decide what kind of noodles we were making. But anyway, I said, you know, “Not lasagna, because we don't have the cheese we would need for lasagna.” And she kind of got this look on her face that I thought looked a little worried. And then said very quietly, “There's no cheese in lasagna.” And then of course, like, you know, I burst out laughing because all my life I've thought lasagna has cheese and apparently not. But now, you know, she doesn't hesitate. If I say something about my understanding of Italy that's not correct, she'll jump right in and say "Well, actually, it's X, Y or Z."
Kate M.
I mean not only feeling confident enough to know that she's right about something minor or major, but feeling comfortable enough to express that to people who she has just met or has met a few months ago in a language that is not her native language. Like, those are three things that are confidence in self, confidence in English, and trust in the people you're talking to. So that's, that's really great. I mean, even if it is just lasagna, that does show that. Also, I didn't know that lasagna doesn't have cheese in it, but I'm also not Italian.
Sarah C.
Right? Exactly. Now, I do know how to make Italian lasagna though.
Kate M.
Would you say that this experience has affected your personal development or helped you grow as a person?
Sarah C.
I mean, honestly, I think I've become a better parent. I think the why of life has become a more constant question for me. Right? Like, whenever we have, you know, disagreements or difficult conversations with Andrea, you know, I've I know, okay, there's a cultural iceberg. Let's see why this is happening, you know, and work through things that way. Well, you know, I never really did that with my stepson. Because, you know, he was, he's seven and I'm older. And, you know, so I just know better. Well, that's not the case. Like, I never would have taken that. I would never have taken that attitude with Andrea. And I realized I probably shouldn't be taking it that way, with my stepson, either. So I'm asking myself, why a lot more. What's causing this? What can I learn from it? How can I fix things? How can I learn to do something better? Right. And I'm trying to do that not not just in parenting, but, you know, in all aspects of my life. I think it's important now to really keep the why of things in the forefront of your mind.
Kate M.
That's a really great answer. What is Andrea’s relationship like with Aiden?
Sarah C.
Oh, it’s great. She thinks he's hilarious. She had always wanted a sibling and, you know, doesn't have one in Italy. So she was super excited to have one here. And they'll do homework together sometimes. Or sometimes it's all what were they doing together yesterday? Oh, yeah, they were building Legos together. You know, just like everyday things that you do with young kids, young siblings that you don't always get a chance to do if you don't have any. So she's really making the most of that relationship and, and he's making the most of having a big sister. He loves it.
Kate M.
It's great to hear that they're getting along. What advice would you have for other families who are considering hosting an exchange student?
Sarah C.
I mean, do it. Do it? That is my best advice. Um, no. In all seriousness, though, I tell them Um, that, you know, there will be challenges, but it will be so worth it, you know, the growth of everybody in the family will be remarkable. We noticed an almost immediate change in Aiden, where he hadn't more interest in the world around him more interest in being independent, you know, he would clean up his own place sitting at the table without having to be told. I know that that's not cultural, necessarily, but it was just the presence of somebody new. And different. made him think more about how, you know, he wanted to be how he should be. And he started doing that, right.
He has some Italian ancestry and in his family, so he definitely was interested in getting to get a stronger idea of Italy and Italian culture. You know, we did have to talk to him about how he's not Italian, he is Italian ancestry. But, you know, he's seven, so. And then you'll learn just lots of cool things and experience new things. We challenged ourselves to be more adventurous and to try new things, even just things in the DC area. And our life is richer, just for that alone. You know, when you live somewhere, you don't always take advantage of it.
The volunteers and staff have been absolutely amazing. We've actually had to rely on them quite a bit recently. We had the unfortunate experience of Andrea being in a car accident with one of her friends in the middle of the night. And so we had to call the emergency line so the on-call staff member was working with us the entire time and also you know, working with AFS partners in Italy, and we're also you know, in contact with Andrea’s parents.
You get a call at two in the morning like “This is Rockville Police Department.” “Rockville what???” The adrenaline that night was insane. So it was just it was a really stressful situation, but the staff were so calm, they were so supportive, they helped us get through the situation so well, and you know, the follow up after the accident was also excellent. Her liaison checked in obviously, the Regional Coordinator checked in, our Hosting Coordinator checked in, even because she helped place Andrea and so yeah, everybody was there. And it was one of those, like, “it takes a village” things. It did, and everything worked out.
Kate M.
Well, let's see, I think that's it for questions. Do you have anything else that you'd like to share?
Sarah C.
Goodness. Yeah, I mean, I guess I would just close with saying this. I went into it, hoping that I would gain a daughter throughout this experience. And I have no doubt that every single time I host, because we are hoping to host again, that I will be adding a child to my family. And it has been the most meaningful experience of my life. I'm sitting here tearing up thinking about it. But, you know, I, I've had jobs that have been meaningful. You know, my volunteer work is certainly meaningful. But it all pales in comparison to the life that I've lived with Andrea in my home and, you know, that's going to be a lifetime thing.
Kate M.
That was Sarah Clapp from Maryland.
[Music]
Kate M.
Thank you for listening to The AFS Exchange! I’m Kate Mulvihill.
So, are you interested in hosting a student with AFS? Head to afsusa.org/host to learn more about what it means to be an AFS host parent! In addition to families for the full school year, AFS is also looking for temporary families who can welcome students at the beginning of their stay.
Well, let us know what you thought of this episode by sending a message to podcast@afsusa.org. You can also rate and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe there as well! Season 2 of The AFS Exchange will bring you conversations with hosted students, educators, host families, volunteers, and more. We’ve got another episode coming out next month.
This podcast was created by Kate Mulvihill. Social media by Julie Ball. A big thank you to Sheri, Rodney, and Sarah for chatting with me for this episode.