Just Say Yes: Finding Community Abroad

Studying abroad is an incredible adventure, but it can sometimes feel a little isolating. So, how do you actually find your community when you're miles from home? This month, we explore various ways AFSers have connected beyond the classroom.

We hear from Megan, Eva, and Esha, who share their personal stories of finding community, including in some unexpected places. From a German class in Paraguay to a community theater group in Germany, their experiences highlight the importance of putting yourself out there, even if it feels a little strange. This could mean finding a favorite activity in your new environment or trying something completely different. Saying yes and not being afraid of a few missteps can really open doors. Having a group of people you genuinely enjoy spending time with can significantly enhance your program.

This episode reminds us that finding that sense of belonging abroad isn't just about school or your host family relationships. It's about actively engaging with your new environment and being open to unique paths of connection that might surprise you.

Guests:
Megan Frye
Eva
Esha

More from AFS-USA: 🏠Host a Student | ✈️Study Abroad | 🤝Volunteer | 🏫For Educators | 📧Contact the Show

Chapters

• 5:20 Megan - US to Paraguay 🇵🇾 - German Class
• 22:40 Eva - US to Germany 🇩🇪 - Community Theater
• 33:00 Esha - Pakistan 🇵🇰 to US - Volunteering

Transcript

Megan F.
Just say yes. Just go out there, put yourself out there, try something.

Esha O.   
Because it makes me feel more connected, and it just feels more like my home.

Eva A.
Just join something, just join something that you could be slightly interested in and keep going.

Kate M.
Hello and welcome to The AFS Exchange. I'm Kate Mulvihill. On this podcast, we share real stories from the AFS community. We're here to explore how exchange experiences change lives, one conversation at a time.

Kate M.
How do you find community while studying abroad? What does community even mean in this context? It's that feeling of fellowship with others, built on shared interests, values, attitudes, and goals. When you arrive in a foreign country and don't know anyone around you, where do you even begin to find that connection?

Well, finding your community as an exchange student in a new country is incredibly important. It becomes your lifeline when everything feels unfamiliar and you're missing home. Having that support system can give you a place where you truly feel like you belong. It helps fight off loneliness and builds your confidence to try new things. And if these folks are locals, it can really help to immerse you in the culture, improve your language skills, and help you understand how things work in your new country. Studying abroad can be isolating, and I’m not implying that finding a community means you’ll never feel down, but it can definitely get you out of your room, get you out of a potential funk, and make the whole experience richer, no matter what brings you all together.

Let me break the fourth wall for like, three minutes... is it still the fourth wall if it's audio?

Well. After graduate school, I spent a year teaching English in France. I had already spent a good amount of time in France and had friends there, but I didn’t get to choose my teaching location, and I wouldn’t be near anyone I knew. So… how to find community? Unlike some study abroad experiences, I wasn’t living with a host family, and at 25, the built-in structure of after-school activities wasn't really an option.

But, something that always makes me feel better is working out. So one of the first things I did when I arrived in the fall was to find a gym. I initially planned just to spend my time on the treadmill. And that’s how it started. But when I would use the treadmill, I’d see people in the group fitness room doing weightlifting and spin classes-  a varying age range, pretty much all French. And one day I just… decided to join one of the weightlifting classes. And then I went back the following week, and the following. I established my own spot in the room and got to chatting with the other attendees, most of whom were regulars, in between songs. Sure, they’d inquire about how I ended up in the south of France, they’d ask me things about the U.S. I’d ask them about their favorite restaurants in town or recommendations for good weekend trips. But honestly? We’d just spend a lot of time affectionately chuckling about our over-the-top instructor, collectively groaning when it was time for pushups, and encouraging each other when someone dropped their weights and wanted to tap out. We noticed when someone missed a week. We congratulated people when they finished a set for the first time with a higher weight.

I started going to that gym more and more as the year went on, usually three or four times a week, adding spin classes and pilates to my routine. Regardless of the class or time slot, there would always be an ensemble of familiar faces.

I didn’t join the gym to meet people. I joined the gym because working out helps keep me sane. And had I just stuck to running on the treadmill the whole year, I mean, that likely would have been fine. But this was… a whole lot more. I wasn’t just a spectator; I was part of that gym community, even if only for the year.

And that’s the kind of community- found outside of school, in perhaps some unexpected places- that we will be talking about today.

I spoke with three guests about their experiences finding community while abroad, outside of school. Of course, after-school clubs and sports can be great, and we’ll hear a bit about them, but there are more options than just that. Our first guest, Megan, found a surprising sense of community in a German class... in Paraguay.

Oh, but quick before we get started. For those of you who are listening to this episode on Spotify, we are trying out something new. So Spotify has a poll feature- so we have added a little poll to this episode. Take a look and vote, it’s just for fun. You can also comment on episodes via Spotify. We haven’t been explicitly asking folks to comment, but a few people have on different episodes over the past couple years, and hey, we don’t mind! You can of course always contact us though at podcast@afsusa.org.

Okay, now, Megan.

[Music]

Kate M.
So first up, we have Megan Frye.

Megan F.
Fry like the French fry.

Kate M.
Megan has been a staff member at AFS-USA for a few years now, but before joining the team, she was an AFS exchange student herself.
My chat with Megan covered a lot of ground, but I particularly appreciated her insights on finding community. She brings a valuable perspective, having navigated the exchange experience firsthand and also seeing the other side of things, working for AFS.
As we'll hear, she faced her own challenges early in her program, struggling to find her footing and feeling unexpectedly drained. But she found her way, often by embracing the advice of “just say yes.” And interestingly, one of the key places she found community was via connecting with like-minded language nerds in a German class in downtown Asunción.

Kate M.    
Great. Okay, well, thank you so much for chatting with me this afternoon. Could you please introduce yourself? Tell me a little bit about you?

Megan F.   
So my name is Megan. I was an AFS student. I am from the East Metro Area team, and like Eastern Minnesota and Western Wisconsin and I went to Paraguay for an entire school year in 2017 2018 with AFS,

I went to a local high school there, and I lived with a host family there, and just absolutely loved it. I've also spent some other time abroad. I did a whole undergrad degree in London. I did a Spanish and Linguistics is my degree. So like very much, I love language. I love other cultures. I love putting myself into kind of challenging situations to kind of learn about myself, learn a little bit more about who I am and what challenges me, really.

Kate M.   
Wow, okay, okay, and you are in London now, or you're back in the States?

Megan F.   
I'm back in the States. I worked in London for a little while, and then I moved back here because AFS offered me a job, and I thought this is a great way for me to kind of pay forward what someone else did for me when I was a student. All our volunteers had to go through my application and come do an interview at home with me and all sorts of stuff. They also gave me a little scholarship. So I'm very, very grateful to them. So this is my way of paying it forward for another student who then gets to come here to the US and hopefully has the same great experience I did.

Kate M.   
That's great. Well, thank you. Thank you for doing that. And I mean Spanish and linguistics. I studied Spanish and linguistics as well. I did go to college in the States, but I did also study Spanish and linguistics. So, good choice. Good, yeah, yeah. Good choice. So you said you went abroad in 2017 2018?

Megan F.   
Yep, it was August of 2017 I arrived, and then July of 2018 came back home right after Fourth of July, actually.

Kate M.
So yes, since Paraguay, Megan has traveled a lot. But at the time, her AFS program was something totally new for her. And while I'll spoil the ending by saying things ultimately worked out- I mean, she's an AFS staff member and went to college abroad- it definitely wasn't smooth sailing from the start.

Kate M.   
At any point during the year, did you feel like an outsider or experienced feelings of isolation? And how did you overcome those?

Megan F.   
I think the first month or so was the really hardest for me, especially because I was like, I've put myself in this completely different culture. I don't really know what's going on. I was still getting the hang of Spanish, even though I'd studied through AP Spanish in the US. I got to Paraguay, and I was like, wow, this is so fast, like everyone's speaking, super fast. They use a form of “you”- that instead of saying “tú” they use “vos.” Nobody ever taught me that in school, I had to switch my whole brain and learn a whole new set of conjugations.
And then in Paraguay, they do speak Spanish, but they're bilingual officially, and they also speak Guarani, which is the native language there, which is a really cool language, but nothing like Spanish. So I had arrived thinking, Oh, I'm pretty good at Spanish. Like, I know I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty good. And I wasn't I was not prepared. So that first month was really hard, especially trying to communicate and make friends, because I just couldn't get the points across.

And I knew I had the vocabulary somewhere, but putting me on the spot again, you have to practice it. Do you have to create those pathways in your brain to bring up words? And until I got that, it was a lot harder for me.
Partially that's just me. I was a little bit shyer, just a little bit kind of like, I don't know what to do. I don't know how people connect here. Yeah, it was a little rough at first, and I also remember having a lot of headaches as my brain got used to hearing Spanish, which was hard, so lots of trying to learn, like when to rest and when to give myself a little bit of a break before I went back into full time Spanish and putting myself out there.

Kate M.   
And that makes a lot of sense, and it is a balance, because it's like you do want to try the new things, and  just say yes to things and meet new people and but it's also okay. Well, if you're running on empty, how much can you really commit to things? If, like, you're mentally trained and you're having a headache because you're thinking and hearing another language all day,

Megan F.   
Yeah. And I was one of those kids in high school who, like, I took three AP classes. I had a job. I was in the marching band, I was in the jazz band and the Concert Band, I did so much. So suddenly, having to focus, I was like, I can do all this. I was just, can go, go, go. And I couldn't go, go, go. I had to learn to stop, give yourself a break, like I can't improve my Spanish, and I can't, I can't improve my relationships that I'm making if I'm just exhausted all the time.

Kate M.
Yeah, absolutely.

Kate M.
In situations like this… I think it’s common for folks to be super hard on themselves. Perhaps you’re used to being super busy back home, and wonder why you’re so drained doing just a fraction of the socialization and activities that you do back in the US. But… you’re not in the US. It’s really about finding a balance. You know, cutting yourself some slack and resting a bit. It’s important to know your limits and take breaks. But also, you shouldn’t hole away too much, or else you’re missing out on the opportunities of being on program! But for Megan, there was something social that seemed easy. And worst case, even if things were awkward, dessert was still involved.

Megan F.   
I went out and I tried to do a lot of the social stuff. So we had my high school, or they called it colegio, so it's basically like a US. It's kind of combined middle and high school about grades like six through 12, and mine was in the center of my town. So oftentimes people go, Oh, do you want to go grab something to eat? Do you want to go? You know, hang out here. Do you want to go get some ice cream? So going back to the “always say yes,” even if I didn't know the person all that well, I just kind of go, “Sure, yeah, let's go. Let's go see what it's like.”

I will say the ice cream in South America is delicious. It's like the full fat very good stuff. So definitely, anyone who ever goes to South America should try that, and it's pretty inexpensive compared to the US. So that was something I was really glad I said yes to. It was a great treat.

Kate M.
The year went on, Megan felt more comfortable. Snacks and ice creams developed into friendships. She also felt supported by her host sister, who was about her age. But a couple months into her stay, she found community in a unique place.

Megan F.
So I arrived basically in the middle of the school year. I did the second semester of what's considered senior year here in the US. Then I had a summer break, and I thought, I don't want to be alone for my summer break, and I want to do something. So I decided to take a German class in Spanish.

They had a lot of similar interests to me, obviously, since we were all studying a new foreign language at the basic level, some of them already spoke other languages, like French or English. It gave me some more people. They were more adults, kind of young adults, like age 20 to 30, rather than high schoolers like myself. So also meeting them and meeting people who had similar interests to me, really helped.

Kate M.    
That's so interesting that you know, that's something that I haven't heard of people doing before. I mean, especially as a teenager, doing study abroad and joining a community class with adults to learn another-another language.

Megan F.   
Yeah. I'm very nerdy. I very much love learning languages. So my parents were like, that definitely makes sense for you. I’m probably in the minority there, but it was a good resource for me. It was a good time for me.

Kate M.    
I mean, that sounds so much fun, but, I mean, it's also me, language nerd too, but like, that sounds so much fun.

Kate M.
Of course, many of the AFSers in Asunción were learning Spanish, just like her, but Megan was interested in pursuing a "next level" of language learning. And along with that, engagement with others who shared her deep passion for language. This German class not only provided that connection with like-minded individuals but also became a real boost to her confidence, even starting with her first step into the building.

Megan F.    
Yeah, I was and I was able to register myself in Spanish. I remember the receptionist trying to teach me or talk to me in English. And I said, No, no, it's okay. You can speak in Spanish. We did the rest of the registration in Spanish. And then he said, like, You're really good. And that did warm my heart a little bit. That was very affirming to me, to hear that, oh, a native speaker is saying this to me.

But that was a real… because Spanish, I've learned some other, or I'm learning other languages now, but Spanish was my first second language, I guess because it was the first foreign language, non English language that I had like learned. So I think I hadn't really thought about how strong I was still going, this is my second language. I don't know it that well. And then I got into this German class, and I went, Oh yeah, I actually, I can understand a lot more than I thought.

Kate M.
This feeling of confidence in the German class was a clear contrast to her early days in Paraguay, just a few months prior. Back then, she would often return home from school with headaches from the effort of processing Spanish all day, and feeling too exhausted to socialize even though she felt she should.

In this German class, though, Megan felt very proud of herself. Being able to learn a third language through a second language… that’s something else. Now, for some of you listening, that might sound like way too much, and hey, that's fine! The key takeaway here is that you can find ways to connect through your existing interests while abroad, inside of high school or outside. Megan was the only American and the youngest person in that German class, surrounded by individuals all sharing the same goal: to learn German. And in that way, their differences were far less important than the reason they were all there.

Kate M.   
The German class you took, was that through a community center?

Megan F.   
It’s through the like, Goethe something Institute. It's like a well known one in the US too. I'd have to look it up. I know it starts with G, O, E…

Kate M.   
Yeah. It's kind of, like the Instituto Cervantes, but for German.

Megan F.   
Yeah, for German, yep, okay, yep. That's the one I did it through.

Kate M.   
Yeah, they have those. They have those all over. Were there any German speaking AFSers in your area?

Megan F.   
There were a couple. Yeah, apparently Paraguay is pretty popular for German AFSers, which is great. I was more friends with the, actually, the Belgians and all the Dutch speaking people, which is interesting. But yeah, I had some really good German friends. They were also excellent at Spanish too, and English just absolutely amazing. So I did kind of use them a couple of times. And the interesting thing about Paraguay is in the northern half of the country, there are a lot of German speaking communities where German immigrants kind of settled, and I did a couple of times overhear... I never met someone officially, but I overheard people speaking in German. So there are native German speakers in Paraguay, which I found really cool, really interesting. It was something I didn't know before I'd arrived.

Kate M.   
Okay, yeah, no, I wouldn't have thought that. Interesting. Let’s see, what advice would you give to future exchange students who are feeling challenged or who are struggling to find a sense of community. What sort of advice would you give to somebody?

Megan F.    
I would say, if you're struggling to find a sense of community, I'd look to see first what your school offers, if they offer any extracurriculars, even if it's something again, going back to the always say yes, even if it's something you think you might not like, see if there's something that you may be okay with. Maybe you're not a theater person, but maybe there's a theater group, because if you join those, that's a smaller group, it's a little less intense to try and meet so many people. It's a smaller group, you can kind of get to know them better.
And usually those types of groups are willing to kind of take someone in and show them around, and they do group activities together. So I think that's like the first thing I'd say. Join a sport, join a club, join whatever is available at your school.
And I guess maybe if you really don't have any sort of communities around you, I would create one. I know there are AFS school or like AFS school groups here in the US, at certain schools, I've heard of exchange students who are starting all sorts of like, like anime clubs or book clubs, or maybe just, we go and play soccer outside on the street once a week or something like that.
So there are likely going to be, I mean, unless you get put in the absolute middle of nowhere, but then there are likely going to be other young people around you, and more than likely someone's going to have a similar interest to you, or you can do what I do and just go find a random class and sign up and see if you like it.

Kate M.
In addition to being a returnee and a staff member, Megan also volunteers with AFS, interviewing American students for U.S. Department of State scholarships. Post-interviews, she's happy to answer their questions about what it's really like to participate in a study abroad program.

Megan F.   
Whenever they ask for advice, I say, you should always say yes. And I think I did pretty good at doing that during my exchange year. Just you should obviously not, if it's illegal or, like, dangerous, I always put that caveat in. But if someone asks you to go, like, do something, just say yes. And that's something I started to do more in university, that even if you don't like it, it would teach me something about myself. Like, okay, I tried this. I didn't like it. So now I know, but I think it helped me put myself in situations where I wouldn't have found myself normally, or I wouldn't have tried it normally. I found some interests that I wouldn't otherwise probably have gone to and I've met some cool friends that way too.
 
Kate M.   
Yeah, that's great advice. Well, thank you so much.

Megan F.    
Yeah, of course, yeah. Thanks for reaching out. This is so cool. I love being able to share my experience. I always think everyone, everyone should travel, even if you can't travel abroad, everyone should put themselves out of their comfort zone, whether that's you go the next city, over or halfway across the world, go learn something new.

Kate M.
So, looking at Megan’s advice, for many exchange students in the US, after-school clubs and activities are readily available, so definitely explore joining something that aligns with your interests, or even something that sparks your curiosity.

But what if you're a US student abroad in a country where after-school activities aren’t the norm? Or if your school in the US doesn't offer many options? Well, it might take a little more effort, but finding community is still absolutely possible. The same core advice applies: actively seek out opportunities to get involved in something you're already passionate about, or even take the initiative to start it yourself!

And remember Megan's other key takeaway: just say yes. Best case, you get the ball rolling on connecting with new friends. Worst case, you just get an ice cream. 

On a related note, the cultural center where Megan took her German class, the Goethe-Institut, is a great resource with locations worldwide. This non-profit German organization has 150 locations around the world, including seven locations in the U.S. So… if you've recently returned from studying abroad in Germany with AFS and want to stay connected to German culture, you could explore their language courses, film screenings, art expositions, and other events.

Speaking of AFSers who have recently returned from Germany, up next, we have Eva…

[Music]

Kate M.
So when Eva and I chatted, she had just returned from her program in Germany. The experience was still fresh. We’re actually going to hear from Eva again later this season- she had so much great stuff to share! But for today, we’re mainly focused on her finding community, and all the changes she has seen in herself between leaving for program and coming back. And actually, given that we spoke in March of 2025, and it is now May of 2025, I bet if I were to ask her today there would be even more!

Kate M.   
Could you please introduce yourself? Tell me a little bit about you.

Eva A.   
Yeah, so I'm Eva, and I did my exchange for six months in Germany, and I just got back about a week ago, but I had the best experience ever.

Kate M.   
That's great to hear. How are you feeling seven days, seven days out?

Eva A.    
It's definitely, it's definitely weird. Coming back, I noticed all the differences between Germany and between America now that I kind of adjusted to German stuff. So it's definitely weird, but I'm getting the hang of getting back into the schedule.

Kate M.   
Okay, and is that a German flag I see in your background?

Eva A.   
Yeah, my friends had it all signed. I asked them to sign my flag. So it's people from school, people from all the clubs I was in and everything. So, yeah, I hung it up so that I always have, like, a memory of Germany there.

Kate M.
I love that, I love that. So before your exchange, how would your friends and family have described you?

Eva A.   
I think they would have described me as, you know, sweet, helpful, nice, but I feel like now they maybe have shifted their perspective, and I think they may describe me differently, because I feel like I'm more sure of myself now and I'm more confident than I was before. So, I mean, before I wouldn't say they would say I was mean or anything, but I think now they may describe it differently.

Kate M.
Okay. More like, self assured, determined, like, you know what you want, as opposed to, like, just kind of going along with things?

Eva A.
Yeah.

Kate M.   
Is there, like, a specific instance that has kind of made you, oh, I would have reacted to that differently this time last year.

Eva A.   
Yeah. So one time I was in theater, so I joined a theater group, and we had done some dance or some activity where you had to do a funny dance and go around the room and like, squawk at people. And so at first I was kind of. Hesitant to do it, because I thought, like, what is happening? Like, this isn't like, my past self would have thought it's embarrassing and like, why are we doing this? But then I realized, like, this is like normal, like, everybody's having fun, everybody's, you know, having a good time, and nobody finds it embarrassing, so I shouldn't either. So I think that was a moment of self reflection and self revelation.

Kate M.    
Okay, yeah, theater class will do that to you, yeah. Did you discover any unexpected strengths or talents through the year?

Eva A.   
I think my friendliness came out because… so throughout my elementary school, middle school and high school, in my school system, we've always been with the same group of people. My friends have been the same. We went through classes. We had a ton of classes together. So I never really had to remake friends, or really re, you know, get to know people. So I think going to Germany and just being thrown into a place where you don't know anybody, you kind of learn, you have to learn how to make friends. And if you don't, you're kind of just, you don't build a sense of community, and you're kind of just alone.

Kate M.   
Did you notice that the way German teenagers are with friends is different than American teenagers?

Eva A.   
I think in Germany, like my German friends are definitely more encouraging and more supportive of other people. I think here in America may be a little more judgy, because when I told them I was in a theater group, they were like, Oh, that's so cool. What is it? They wanted to hear more about it. But whereas I think here they would kind of be like, what is that? Why is it? What is it? What is it like? Why are you doing it? And they don't have, like, an open mind, but I think in Germany, they really do have an open mind.

Kate M.   
Also perhaps having distance from your community here kind of gave you the freedom to do some things that would have been a little bit different, because it’s like, these people don't know me anyway, so I can just do what I want.

Eva A.
Exactly!

Kate M.    
Okay, let's see, did you ever feel like an outsider or experience feelings of isolation?

Eva A.   
I think yes and no, I think my host family was a really big sense of community. So even if I did feel, you know, left out or something at school, I would come home and then regain that sense of community. But sometimes it was hard knowing everybody, knowing that you're an exchange student, because they kind of treat you a little differently. They don't treat you like you're German and like you grew up there.

Kate M.   
Okay, okay, let's see. Were there other exchange students at your school?

Eva A.   
No, there was not.

Kate M.   
Were you able to connect with any other AFS students, like in your team, in your area?

Eva A.   
Yeah, so I had my committee, and so I met with them pretty often. I think it was monthly, you know, meetups where we'd go to this one restaurant, and all of the AFS volunteers would get together, and all the exchange students would get together, and all the host families get together. And so we could kind of just talk and give updates on how school was, what we did during the break and stuff like that. So there was definitely a connection to the other exchange students.

Kate M.
So, Eva had these connections with her host family, AFS peers, and school friends. But I wanted to dig deeper into something she'd brought up earlier: theater. We learned from Ayya from Indonesia just a few episodes ago how the vulnerability and silliness of theater can be a powerful way to bring people together.

Kate M.    
So I guess to take a step back a little bit. How did you choose theater?

Eva A.   
My host sister was in theater and she talked really highly about it, and so it sounded fun. And it was also kind of a little bit easier to join theater and feel like I belong there, because the main woman that ran it, she also, she didn't come originally from Germany, I think she was Russian or something. So, like, we could kind of relate on that. And, like, sometimes when she didn't know what the grammatical thing was, like, it kind of made me feel better about myself.

Kate M.   
Yeah, definitely, and would you put on shows? Was it more the history of theater?

Eva A.   
So it wasn't actually at school. It was just a group, and we would do a lot of improv, or a lot of making beats, or a lot of, I don't know, like, games and stuff. Or we would have to create, like, little skits and then perform them to each other, and then they would make videos from it. And every time we were in these small groups, she would put us with different people. So I got to know everybody. It wasn't just like, I made friends with these people, and I was always with them. I got to know everybody through these groups.

Kate M.   
Okay, and you were doing this all in German?

Eva A.
Yeah, yeah.

Kate M.
Yeah, okay!

Eva A.    
There was one time- it was so stressful because we had to do something where you had to read the word and then whisper to someone, and they have to act out what that word is. So if I like whispered “nervous” or something, they would have to act out nervous to the other person. And there was a book that had a bunch of adjectives to whisper to the person, and I didn't know what any of these words meant, so I just picked a random one, and then it was really funny, because they'd act out something that nobody could get and nobody could guess what they were trying to act out. So that was, that was the language barrier, but it would end up being really funny.

Kate M.   
Okay, oh my gosh, that sounds like such a challenge, but like, a really great way to immerse yourself in the language and, like, get to know a different part of the language, right? Like, not just talking about, like, trains in school and stuff, but, like, an improv in German. Improv is tough enough, but improv in German, okay, okay, props, do you think you're gonna continue with theater stuff, even informally now that you're back?

Eva A.   
Yeah, maybe I'm not really sure, because when I was there, I never did a play. They were preparing for their play when I left. So I don't really know what it is like to do a play, but I would want to do, you know, the backdrops from the theater, because I really like art. I like to be creative. I even did a graffiti course when I was in Germany, because I was really interested in that. So I thought when I joined the theater, I'd be doing, you know, the construction or whatever, the backgrounds, but ended up being more, you know, acting, so maybe I'll join it here. We'll see.

Kate M.
So, the real story here isn't "Eva went to Germany, took a community theater class, and now has aspirations of Broadway." Maybe she'll never do theater again! But the cool thing is she tried something new, even if she wasn't totally sure about it at first, and she ended up finding a community being silly and vulnerable and chaotic with her classmates. I asked Eva if she had any advice for future exchange students...

Eva A.   
Well, I think for just building a community. Just join something, just join something that you could be slightly interested in and keep going, because it's going to be awful at first, because it was not that fun to go to theater at first for me. But then once they, once you keep going, once they realize you're interested, once you know they get to know you, then they'll extend their to community you, and they'll be more inclusive, then it'll become more fun.

And then just in general, don't be afraid to fail. Because, like, I failed so many times when I was in Germany, and sometimes I'd fail without even saying it, like, for example, I would say something so confidently in the language, like, oh yeah, that's right, and then it would end up being completely grammatically false. So I mean, you're just gonna fail multiple times, and you kind of just have to embrace it, because that's the only way you're going to learn.

Kate M.
And that's Eva's key takeaway: just join… something. Anything. And don’t be afraid to fail. Eva found community in Germany by following her host sister to theater, even though it was totally new for her. For our last guest, Esha, the path to connection in the U.S. involved something familiar but in a new setting. Both back in Pakistan and here, Esha finds community by meeting people from different walks of life through volunteering.

[Music]

Kate M.
So our final guest, Esha, is a participant in the YES Program. In case you haven’t heard us mention it before on this show…  the YES Program is the U.S. Department of State’s Kennedy-Lugar Youth Exchange and Study Program. This program brings high school students, like Esha, to the U.S. for an academic year to advance the U.S. foreign policy goals of promoting civil society, youth leadership development, and lasting ties between Americans and the people of participating countries.

Kate M.   
Well, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me this afternoon. Could you please introduce yourself? Tell me a little bit about you?

Esha O.    
Yes, I'm Esha from Pakistan. I'm a 15 year old girl from a really small town, and I have two siblings, and I live in a joint family.

Kate M.   
How did you become interested in coming to the United States?

Esha O.   
So I always wanted to travel the world, and I thought I would like go abroad when I was like, at university level or something. But I didn't know about YES or AFS program, but when I found out about it, I was so excited, and I wanted to join it.

Kate M.   
And I can see that you are, you are all in. You have an American flag sweatshirt on.

Esha O.   
Yep.

Kate M.   
Back in Pakistan, a big part of Esha’s life involved volunteering in her town. And a lot of that was based at the library. In addition to being a location for her volunteer service, it also acted as a social hub, and of course, the go-to spot for procuring books. 

Esha O.   
The best way I can connect to people in my country is library. Like, whenever I go to library, they're like, so many people I know, and like, I chat to them and then we, like, go, and most of my friends are, like, at library too. So we go to, like, to the park or somewhere else, because things in my town are really small, like my town is really small, so we always bump into each other.
So I'm a part of an organization in my town, which is called Indus Youth Welfare Organization, so we volunteer at library, we host other events. So that's why we like connect with each other.

Kate M.
Esha's initial idea of what a “small town” looked like- based on her upbringing in Pakistan took on a whole new meaning when she moved to New York State for her AFS program.

Esha O.
Here's the thing, before moving here, I thought I lived in a really small town, but I don't. I live in a suburb.

Kate M.
The “small town” where she grew up in Pakistan has a population of about 70,000. And here? About 3,000. But despite that, she's still found multiple opportunities for volunteer service.

Esha O.   
People are really welcoming. Everyone knows each other here. And so I like gotten close to people through volunteering in church, which is like, there's a clothing closet in a church nearby. So people donate clothes to the church, and people, whoever, like, people need clothes, go and get the clothes from the church. So I volunteered there every Saturday. So they're, like, so many people I got really close to that I volunteer with library, like, literally every day after school. So this, this one of the way I got close to people who are like, peer tutoring after school. So and after volunteering at library, I volunteer at after school kindergarten kids program. So it's really fun.

Kate M.   
Yeah, so why is this something that is important to you?

Esha O.    
So I really like exploring new things, getting to know new people. It's so fun to hear what people think about other parts of the world here. And there are people who think according to some stereotypes that I want to talk to them about.

Kate M.    
So what sorts of things have you taught them about Pakistan?

Esha O.    
So first of all, I want to talk about the church where I volunteer with Clothing Closet. So there was this one lady, and she was like, she was really into South Asian culture. So she was like, You should go to this restaurant. It is really good and authentic food. You should try this one. And she was like, she once attended an Indian wedding, which is like similar to a Pakistan wedding. She was telling me so many things about it. She was, like, the bride was so pretty and, like, the food was amazing. It was so nice and fun to hear that from her.

Kate M.    
And she just happened to have a passion and an interest in that part of the world. Yes, okay, yeah. So it was probably very interesting for her to meet you, to meet someone in person.

Esha O.   
Yeah, yeah.

Kate M.   
Is it folks of many different ages?

Esha O.   
Yep.

Kate M.
For Esha, continuing her volunteer work was a priority upon arriving in the U.S., deepening her sense of "home" in this brand new place.

Esha O.    
Because it makes me feel more connected, and it just feels more like my home.

Kate M.   
No, absolutely, and yeah, you know it is. It is important to be involved with your school and your host family, of course, but those are just two parts of your experience. You know, you are getting to know a whole lot more people and people who you wouldn't know otherwise. So that's really great. Have you experienced feelings of isolation during this experience?

Esha O.   
I would say yes, because as I told this is a really small town, and everyone knows each other, since they were like children. So it was, like, a bit challenging for me. But then I joined, like, different clubs. I was like, volunteering, like, every opportunity I got. I joined sports so like, these are the things that make me, like, feel more connected. So it's getting better.

Kate M.
I would just love to know, how do you feel that you have grown so far this year? How is Esha from 2024 different from Esha of 2025?

Esha O.   
I think I have learned to like how to make more friends. Back in Pakistan, I would always hang out with my friend circle. And that's there was it, like we were friends of eight, like we were a group of eight, and we would always, like, hang out together. And that was it. But here I am, like friends from my sport team, from my AFS culture, from my school and from my volunteering community. I think that's one of the things that I'm really proud of.

Kate M.
So, Esha brought her passion for volunteering with her when she came to the US. It wasn't just something she did back in Pakistan; it became a key way for her to connect with a diverse group of people here. It really shows how pursuing what you care about, even in a new place, can help you build community. In addition to getting involved with sports at school, Esha's program has been enriched by connecting with folks based on her genuine values.

So, what we've heard from Megan, Eva, and Esha today really boils down to this: finding your people when you're living abroad can happen outside of school, and sometimes in unexpected ways.
For Megan it was a German class in Paraguay. Eva, even though she doesn’t have Broadway aspirations, found her place trying something new and a little bit uncomfortable in a community theater class.
And Esha? She kept doing what she loved- volunteering- and that's just one way she built her community in the US.
It just goes to show that finding that sense of belonging when you're in a new country doesn’t happen through school, or after-school activities, or following around your host sibling. You just gotta put yourself out there, even if it feels weird, and always stay open to meeting new people.
A big thank you to Megan, Eva, and Esha for sharing their stories with us.

[Music]

Kate M.
Thank you for listening to The AFS Exchange! We have a lot of exciting stories coming up for this 5th season, including many more interviews with hosted students, host families, volunteers and returnees. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode! Send a message to podcast@afsusa.org. Also please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and be sure to subscribe. To learn more about AFS-USA and international exchange, visit afsusa.org. 
 
This podcast was created by Kate Mulvihill. Social media by Julie Ball and Nina Gaulin.