Your Exchange Toolkit: Overcoming Challenges

In the Season 5 finale of The AFS Exchange, we tackle the reality of exchange head-on: the moments of challenge that define true growth. Hear firsthand stories from former AFS students who successfully navigated difficult situations, including communication barriers, integrating into school life, and coping with loss.

Amanda and John from AFS-USA’s Participant Support and Learning Team join us to pull back the curtain on the support system AFS provides. They share insights and actionable guidance on how you can access help, stay grounded, and transform crises into personal milestones. Whether you're a student needing strategies, a host family looking for guidance, or a volunteer, you’ll find essential tools to manage and grow through the ups and downs of your AFS journey.

Guests:
Eva hosted in Germany 🇩🇪
Genevieve hosted in Türkiye 🇹🇷
Megan hosted in Paraguay 🇵🇾
Miko from Poland 🇵🇱
Amanda Brown
John Hammel

More from AFS-USA: 🏠Host a Student | ✈️Study Abroad | 🤝Volunteer | 🏫For Educators | 📧Contact the Show | 🎧Collections

Chapters

• 3:09 Eva hosted in Germany 🇩🇪
• 12:41 Genevieve hosted in Türkiye 🇹🇷
• 31:33 Megan hosted in Paraguay 🇵🇾
• 38:50 Miko from Poland 🇵🇱

Transcript

Kate Mulvihill
Hello and welcome to The AFS Exchange. I'm Kate Mulvihill. On this podcast, we share real stories from the AFS community. We're here to explore how exchange programs change lives, one conversation at a time.

Kate
So this is the last episode of Season 5! What a season it has been.
If we look at the numbers… I spoke with….
Ten students from nine countries who were hosted in the US this past year
Three participants and a program leader who shared their stories from Kenya.
Two host families, one from New Jersey and one from Wisconsin.
Three American students who went abroad to Paraguay, Turkey, and Germany.
One returnee and generous donor, Jenny, who shared the story of her program in Brazil and the huge impact it’s had on her life since.
And two episodes for AFS Founders' Day this past April, where I spoke with historian Tom Fife about the origins of AFS and the personalities of a few of its earliest volunteers.

It was a very busy year for me, too! In addition to these episodes, I also moved apartments here in Brooklyn- which is its own kind of challenge- and, I got married! It's been a whirlwind, and I'm certainly hoping 2026 is a little more chill.

Anyway, so today’s episode. It is all about overcoming challenges. As you know, AFS experiences are eye-opening, transformative, but they're not always easy. From homesickness to culture shock, to navigating complicated social situations- or complicated transportations situations- these are the moments where real, lasting learning takes place.

To guide you through these experiences, I'm joined again by two members of AFS-USA’s Participant Support and Learning Department- Amanda and John!

Throughout the episode, we're going to hear four stories from participants like you who have faced a challenging situation. We'll play the student's clip, and then we'll hear Amanda and John's words of wisdom about the situation.

Alright, let’s get started…

Kate
Could you please introduce yourselves?

John Hammel
Hi there. I'm John Hammel. I am a Support Specialist here at AFS-USA.

Amanda Brown
And I am Amanda Brown, and I am one of the two co-managers of Participant Support and Learning at AFS USA.

Kate
Okay, thank you, welcome John and Amanda. So we’re going to be hearing clips from four former participants today. These clips are about challenges- tough moments- both big and small- that they faced on program. We’ll hear about how they dealt with these challenges, and then I’d love to hear from you, Amanda and John, with your thoughts on these clips.
First up, we have Eva, from the US. I spoke with her last March.

Eva   
I'm Eva, and I did my exchange for six months in Germany, and I just got back about a week ago, but I had the best experience ever.

Eva   
So one time after school, my usual train that just goes from one place to where I need to go, it's the fastest way to go, it got canceled. And I don't know, the trains weren't running or something, there was something wrong with the track lines, so I had to figure out a different way to get home. And my host sister was already at home because she had a different schedule, and my host parents were at work.
So I kind of was in a sticky situation, and so I got on some random train, and I ended up probably an hour away from where I was supposed to be. And then I was calling my host family. I was calling my host sister, and they were trying to look at the train system, and I was looking on Google Maps, and my phone wasn't loading, and I was just really, really panicked. And then I eventually found my way home, but when I got home, I didn't know how I even got home, and so I hadn't remembered how I did that.
So I was just thinking, okay, yeah, I survived this one time, but I have to do that again if my train system gets canceled or whatever. So that was really scary, and I was really panicked, but then I kind of just learned the train system, and I learned which lines go where, and like, what time the trains run, and I had like, a whole spreadsheet kind of thing on my phone just in case I missed it, and stuff like that, because I was really freaked out.

Kate   
That's smart, though, that, like, Okay, this thing happened, but then you learned from it right away. And like, the phone not loading on top of all of it, how far into your program were you at this point?

Eva   
Like, a month?

Kate   
Okay, yeah, is it like a subway, or is it like a train-train?

Eva   
So they have, they have multiple different kinds. So there's obviously buses, but they also have trams, so it's on the street. And then they have underground ones. And I didn't understand how the underground ones worked at this time. So I'd be going to the wrong sections of the wrong numbers, and I'd be riding those. And I remember one time even I got on the train, and then I asked some random lady like, does this train go to wherever? And then she said, No. And then the train started going. And so I had already I couldn't there was no going back. There was no going out and, like, re figuring out where I was. So the underground train system was harder to figure out the street and the trams.

Kate   
Okay. The transportation stuff, was that kind of a common issue for exchange students, could you commiserate with other people about that?

Eva   
Yeah, I would, I think so, because a lot of our conversations were about the German train system. And one time we had an AFS orientation, and we had to get to some, I think an AFS volunteers house, and I think maybe five exchange students came late because of their trains. They got lost or their trains were messed up. So I definitely could connect with them on the train system.

Kate   
Okay. Once you got a handle on it, did you enjoy taking it? I know you're used to driving. Was it nice to just be able to, like, sit on a train and, like, read or zone out? Or did you miss driving?

Eva   
So I did miss driving because I had just gotten my license before I left, so I didn't really get that much experience driving, but I loved riding the train, just because I felt like such a main character in a movie. And I would always put my music in, and I would look outside, and my train would always go over the guy, which is a river. It's a huge river. And so, you know, I look out and see the water, and I just, I always felt so like, I don't know, European riding the train.

[Music]

Kate
Okay, so. Eva's story about getting lost on the trains… relatable for sure… it’s a great example of a challenge that seems huge in the moment but ends up building confidence. From a support perspective, what's your advice for helping students get comfortable with being uncomfortable?

Amanda
I love that. Okay, so I'll start by kind of giving a very broad idea of AFS approaches to student discomfort for students that might have received this image in their orientations, or sometimes they received it in their welcome materials, we have a model that I absolutely love. It's a concentric circle model. Essentially what it is is it's a circle within a circle within a circle.
And essentially the way the image works is that in the middle of the model, there is a really small circle that represents our Comfort Zone, and then outside of that is an area that is usually referred to as the Stretch Zone or the Learning Zone, and that's where we find our students being out of their Comfort Zone. But it's also where a lot of the learning and the growth happens.
When students are opening themselves up to that opportunity to be out of the ordinary, being in the new, being in the unfamiliar, being in the “I've never had this experience before. What do I do?”
And then outside of that, outside of that Learning Zone, in that Stretch Zone, we have something called the Panic Zone, which is usually where we have students feeling so far out of their comfort zone, they're kind of shutting down, and they're feeling it's getting a little away from uncomfortable and a little more towards unsafe, and that delineation between uncomfortable and unsafe is sometimes hard for a student to gage themselves.

But we have approaches to support students, no matter how far they are outside of their comfort zone. The bottom line is that we don't want students to live in their panic zone during their whole program. We are designed to approach the reality that there will be some times when students are in situations or they have experiences like the story that the student shared, where something happens and it's it they're in a panic and they don't know what to do. So we have support structures designed to help students in those moments.

The reality is, is that if a student is in their panic zone, we don't want them to stay in their panic zone, but we also don't want students to live in their comfort zone during the whole program, because that's where you know, if you're in your comfort zone, there's only so much learning and growth that that can be possible. That is really the kind of learning and the growth that our programs can offer.

Over time, and I think Eva’s story also alludes to this, over time, she felt probably more and more prepared to know what to do in, you know, future situations where if there was another train cancellation, a train change, or anything like that. The more time she spent in her host country, the more she learned how to, kind of learn the ropes of how to navigate that system. So this is a perfect example of how she gradually became a little more comfortable with an uncomfortable situation.

John
Yeah, I'm actually really happy that Eva brought up transportation, or the issue of transportation, specifically, because it's one of those things that is a big learning curve. It is a big adjustment at the beginning of a program, and that goes both for our students hosted here in the United States, as well as for our American students who are spending the year overseas.
For our American students, you know you might be expected to take public transportation by yourself. There might be a degree of independence from getting point A to point B that you're not quite used to. And you know, vice versa for our hosted students. The United States is a really big country, and it's a very car-centric country. You know, I live 15 minutes from a major metropolitan center, and I'm not served by public transportation in my neighborhood, and the chances are you probably will not be served by reliable transportation in your host community.
And that can be a big adjustment, and it can feel kind of stifling. It can feel like, oh, you know, I don't have the freedom that I had back home. But what's important to keep in mind is it is an adjustment. It is something new. It is something new. It is something that, as Amanda pointed out, you'll get used to, but it's also something that might just need some forward planning. If you're here in the United States. That might mean asking your host parents two or three days before you want to attend an event or go someplace for a ride, and giving them that time to arrange to drive you to a place or arrange a ride.
If you're an American student overseas that might be spending a day or two before a planned trip, going over your routes and planning out where you need to transfer trains or catch a bus. So while it might seem overwhelming in the moment, you know, prior planning can be really, really helpful in making that transition a little bit more seamless. And again, also, use your local resources. Talk to your liaison, talk to your host family. They're, they're there to help you. They're, they're there to make that transition, that adjustment a little bit easier.

Kate
Okay, great. So. To continue our conversation on overcoming challenges, we have a story from Genevieve, who spent her exchange in Turkey. A few months into her program, Genevieve faced the loss of her host grandfather. Her story explores the emotional challenges she faced, and what she learned about how families look different across cultures.

Genevieve   
Hi, my name is Genevieve. I'm from Chicago.

Genevieve   
in my with my family back home, because both of my parents are immigrants, we haven't really been close with our extended family other than, like my grandparents, of course. Like my I'm not very close with my cousins, because they live in England and Russia. But with my host family, it's so tightly knit. And I remember, in one of the first few weeks we came here, there was a picnic in the park, and I was expecting it just to be like, Oh, maybe a random cousin or an aunt or an uncle shows up, and it was huge, and we were dancing in the park.
And you know, they didn't all look like they were related, but everybody kind of showed up for each other to just have a picnic in the evening in the park and dance really loudly.

Kate   
And that's something that is not too common for you and your parents and your little brother in Chicago?

Genevieve    
No!

Kate   
So can you talk a little bit about your host grandfather? What was your relationship like with him?

Genevieve   
Well, he lived with us, and when we were first introduced, I remember he was really, really sweet. And we used Google Translate to talk, and he's just like, oh, so you'll be my granddaughter for a year.
But he was really sweet. He would, you know, he liked to sleep. He liked to watch Turkish reality TV shows. And sometimes we would go into the living room as a family and we'd watch those.
I haven't really known my other grandfathers, they both died before I was born, so it was nice and it was refreshing to kind of have that figure in my life, even if it was only temporary, and he was as nice as you can be when someone comes to live in your house for reasons maybe, like, I don't know if you fully understood what an exchange student was. But he was sweet. He was sweet.

Kate   
Let's see, you're talking about using Google Translate. What sorts of things would you talk about with the with the help of Google Translate?

Genevieve   
USually it would just be if they should like or when we first came in, they made this salad called Russe Salad, which is in Russian culture, we have this thing called Salade Olivier. And I remember I used Google Translate to be like, Oh, we like, this is our New Year's salad, and then you guys just call it Russian salad and you're eating it, and it's not New Year's, no. But I thought that was really funny and kind of nice that we had that in common, that food.

Kate
So you know, when you found out that your host grandfather had passed away, what are some of these initial emotions that you felt?

Genevieve    
I was with my host mom when she got the call that he passed away, and I felt a little like I felt a little unsettled, honestly at first, because I was like, oh, I need to comfort her immediately. Her dad just died, but, of course, very sad. He was a really kind person, and it's always a lost one, a nice human passes away and isn't in this world anymore. 

He was in the hospital. He was in and out of the hospital since I came to Turkey, and sometimes, like a few weeks prior, we had a group of relatives come into our house, and I heard crying, because I'm on my bedrooms on the second story, and I heard crying and a lot of banging. And so I was like, Oh, someone's very passionate with their emotions. Maybe it could be grief or something similar to that. So I thought that he died a few months prior to that, because I knew he was sick.

Um, so you know, there were moments leading up to him passing where you knew something was going on. You thought maybe he had died, but you weren't sure.

Kate   
And then when he did pass, and when your host mom got that phone call, what was that like in the minutes and hours afterwards? How did you support her? How did she support you?

Genevieve   
So I hugged my host mom after she told me he died, and then she was like, Oh, I have to tell my mom now that her husband died. So my aunt's husband, so kind of my host uncle, um, he told my host grandmother. She fainted, I remember, and then we had to, I had to get a bucket of water, and then I just gave it to my host uncle, and like, silently walked out of the room. And I just sat with my host mom for a bit, and then she was kind of like, oh, you can go now. She kind of waved me away, and I understood then it wasn't like, Oh no, what I'm doing isn't helping her, but it was mostly because she needed time to process that one of the best people in her life just died and won't be there anymore. So I just walked upstairs and I listened to how many relatives were coming in.
And, you know, there was a lot of crying that I overheard because in Turkey the, you know, I don't want to say that all Turks are so dramatic, but they're very passionate with their emotions, and they're very vocal about how they're feeling, which is something that I really like. But it was also a little bit alarming to hear like, Oh, they're sobbing, and they're crying, and some people were throwing themselves into the walls, like these older women. But overall, it just kind of emphasized the loss that they were feeling.

Kate   
And did you so you were up in your room, and folks were coming in and out how in the days and weeks afterwards, how did you as Genevieve kind of process this and take care of yourself in a way?

Genevieve   
I talked with my host sister a lot, and one of the main things we talked about was how we deal with the idea of death and the fact that you know you can have a life, or someone can have a life, and then it's gone, and nobody knows what happens after but actually, it's a common Muslim practice to have the funeral within the same 24 hours that the person dies. So the next day, we had the funeral.
And it was in a venue, I think, like a very wide open terrace next to a mosque, and there was a green coffin with his name on it. And we had a little papers, paper squares, and it had his name on it and his photo. And. We would pin it to our coats, and everyone just kind of went around and helped each other and consoled each other through their grief. I couldn't understand much at the time because it was both very emotional and also, you know, I don't know if I knew those Turkish words yet, but people were, I assume they could have been sharing stories about him, or saying how they were connected to him in a way, maybe similar to an American funeral.
But yeah, and all of these relatives from like we have relatives from all over Turkey. So a lot of them in Ankara were there, maybe from other places, I'm not exactly sure, but they all came together, and we're all kind of walking around through each other in this big crowd, and maybe saying condolences, helping each other, offering sympathy, and just kind of resonating with the idea that he was gone and he was a good person.

Kate   
Was there like a sit down service?

Genevieve   
There was one point where only the men had to be on the terrace, and all the women would go on one side of the terrace, and then the women went to the opposite side. I think there was also an Imam, but I’m not entirely sure.
I feel like in, or at least in an American recollection of a funeral, you have to be very quiet, and while someone talks, and it's very singular, like one person shares their story on a podium or something, and then another person goes but it was really just like a crowd of people, which I guess is kind of true to how someone's life would have been. It's not just one person, it's like all these people you meet with in your life, and some are more important than others, but you all just interact with them and interact with your memories about that person who died.

Kate   
That's really interesting and seems very like symbolic of how community and relationships are seen in Turkey versus here. Like you were saying random aunts living with you, and you didn't even know if they were related, and if they weren't, that was fine, because it's just everyone comes together. And the dancing at the park, everyone's just kind of showing up together, and there's not really like a hierarchy of how important, how connected are you to other people. Like at the funeral, like you were saying in the US, it is usually people getting on a podium and speaking, and it's the people who were closest to them, right?

Whereas kind of is more of an even playing field in Turkey where there's not really a contest going on of, “Who knew who better?” It's really just these folks coming together in a group to grieve an exceptional person who's no longer with you. It's interesting.
So in your email, you said, “Overall, the death of my host grandfather made my exchange feel more real, because it wasn't just about observing a new culture, but living it, feeling it, and processing it in a way that was both challenging and eye-opening.” Could you share more about how this experience made your exchange feel more real?

Genevieve   
Sure I feel like when I first set out to do an exchange, I knew that it was temporary, but I also felt that I wouldn't… I knew that I would be exploring the culture, but I wasn't sure. I didn't even acknowledge that death was part of the culture, because I didn't think that I would have to interact with grief and kind of feel it while I was on exchange.
And, you know, exchange is very brief and it's very temporary. So it did feel very visceral in that moment that I was going like my host family and I were going through something that would permanently affect them and affect all of us in the community, which I didn't really think about earlier, when I first landed in Turkey, I was like, Oh, I'm just gonna have a year where it'll be very educational, and I'll learn about the culture, and I'll learn about the traditions. And I mean, I did all of that, but I also got to learn about other practices that I didn't anticipate when I first came over.

Kate   
Absolutely. Yeah, things happen on exchange that are completely outside of anything that you would have thought could be possible. Like you said, you go to a new country, language, culture, grocery store, right? You? If I had said a year ago, “Genevieve, you're going to learn what it's like to be inside a Turkish grocery store,” you'd be like, “Okay, yeah, that makes sense. I'm going to do that.” But to say, “Genevieve, within a year, you're going to know what it's like to experience the loss of a loved one, and see how another culture deals with that.” It's probably not something that would have been on your radar.

[Music]

Kate
What is the AFS approach when a student is faced with something beyond an everyday challenge, something unexpected, like a death in the host family? How do you support them through that?

Amanda
So Genevieve’s story is a really powerful example of program experiences that students can have that are a little more deeply personal and sometimes even more deeply uncomfortable or sometimes even painful, those scenarios can happen.
Those experiences are very, very rare, but we know that they can happen, and one of the reasons why AFS has the support structure that it does in our volunteers, as well as our staff, is to help students and host families that go through these experiences when they happen, when we hear of cases like this, where there is a life altering event that takes place either for the student or the family, the host family.
So we take a look at situations on a case by case basis with sort of a laser focus of what is in the student's best interest and also what is in the host family's best interest in terms of their emotional well being and the stability of the placement.
So with that being said, I think when situations like this arise again, they're very rare, but when they happen, we take a look at the uniqueness of the situation. It's important for us to make sure that we are hearing fully the students perspective as well as the host family's perspective, and then we're able to make an assessment of what is in the student's best interest.
When we have students like this and we we don't move the students a lot of times, supporting the student will also take the form of continued check ins, continued listening and continued care and support, words of encouragement, and also exploring the idea of supplemental supports, maybe in the form of connecting the student with a school guidance counselor, sometimes even a mental health professional can sometimes be helpful. So but I would say overall, a death in the host family is a very, very, very rare occurrence. And when it does occur, it's considered a very serious situation. And we do have approaches to deal with that situation.

And I think one thing I want to say about the AFS support approach and our support structure is it really is designed to acknowledge the reality that people are people. And emotions such as sorrow, pain, grief, our naturally occurring human emotions. We can't always control our emotions. We can't control the situations that cause those emotions, but what we can do is ensure that students and host families are feeling heard, supported and guided through those moments and that we ensure the emotional safety of people involved.

John
Yeah, yeah. To your point, Amanda, I think grief can be an emotion that our students obviously experience on program, and that can be, you know, it doesn't have to be losing a parent or losing a host family member. It could be, you know, maybe you have a really good friend back home, and you kind of lose touch with them, you stop speaking as often, and you grieve that relationship or that friendship.
Or, you know, one thing that can happen when students are on program, you might lose a childhood pet, you might lose an extended family member.

We would definitely encourage you to utilize the resources at your disposal- your liaison, your host family, a trusted adult, someone to talk to or even even your own peers. And to process that grief in a way that helps you, and in a way that is productive and that it is helpful to your own mental health and your own emotional state.

I think transitioning slightly. I think Genevieve also brings up a really, really interesting point about how families look different culture to culture, and that certainly is the case.
From personal experience, I was a Peace Corps volunteer in the Republic of Georgia, and so I certainly have experience eating the mayo based salads that Genevieve describes in her clip. But I remember realizing that the Georgian idea of family looks slightly different from what I was used to in the United States. And certainly, the American family isn't a monolith, and all families are different. But, you know, I was used to the more nuclear family with my parents and my siblings, and it being a little bit closer knit without as much close contact with extended family members. And going to Georgia, it was like my entire village was my family. We didn't lock our doors. Our neighbors would pop in from time to time, and that's because they were literally family. They were cousins, they were uncles, they were aunts. And it was definitely just a different perception, or a different understanding of what family means and how close you are to perhaps more distant relations.

And that's something that our participants, our students, experience all the time. Whether it's Americans going abroad, or our hosted students being here in the United States, family looks different from culture to culture, and it looks different from family to family, right? Your family culture might look different, and it is part of the adjustment process, getting used to that new idea of “what is family.” You might not be used to your next door neighbor, who's also your cousin, stopping by unexpectedly, but it's a very real possibility on program.

Kate
Our next story comes from Megan, who did her exchange in Paraguay. We actually hard from Megan earlier in the season in an episode about Finding Community. So her experience highlights a more common, yet subtle challenge that can take students by surprise- communication style differences.

Megan
My name is Megan. I was an AFS student. I am from the East Metro Area team, and like Eastern Minnesota and Western Wisconsin and I went to Paraguay for an entire school year in 2017 2018 with AFS, went to a local high school there, and I lived with a host family there, and just absolutely loved it.

Megan   
One of the things I learned is Paraguay is a lot less direct in their communication. Not that the Midwest is all that direct, but Paraguay was less so. So having to learn. I had a couple instances where I had to learn that my host mom, saying “I don't know,” actually means “No,” whereas in my family back home in the Midwest, that would have meant, “Yes, you can do that, but just proceed with caution.”
So like I had a friend stay an extra night, and then the next day, my host mom, while she didn't say anything directly to me, I could tell she was annoyed, and that was me going “Whoopsies. I definitely misread that social cue. It's my bad, like my friend should have gone home and slept in their own bed for the night.”
I think that was one of the hard things, is learning that just because someone doesn't say yes or no doesn't mean they don't have a hidden meaning, or kind of like a subtle meaning that I'm just not picking up on.

Kate   
How did that kinda click for you?

Megan   
I would say I kind of figured it out in the next few days after that instance happened. So we got up that morning, and I could tell my host mom wasn't too pleased. So I ate breakfast, and then I told my friend, “You probably should go home now. Probably best.” And then I kind of sat and thought about it.
I had a lot of time to think during the middle of the days, because Paraguay does the siesta, so I kind of took my siesta to sit and think, Okay, what, what was like the moment where I should have, you know, was there a moment where I misread something like, what? What led up to all of this? And I was sitting and thinking. And I thought about when I was asking my host mom the previous day, and that was when I thought, Oh, okay. So she said, “Mmm I don't know,” and I interpreted it this way, but I've based off other exchange student stories. I had a great exchange student base around me, lots of exchange students from AFS, from all these different countries, and so sometimes we talk, and I kind of went, oh yeah. Some of them have mentioned that they don't want to say no directly, so they get the sort of “Ehhhh” response. And I went, Okay, that's what happened here. I didn't get a direct no, but that was an indirect no that I missed.

Kate   
Okay, okay, that's a good lesson and a good like, I mean uncomfortable for sure, but fairly low stakes.

Megan   
Yeah exactly, yep. And thankfully, my host mom, it’s not like she held it against me or anything. So at least I knew in the future, going forward, to kind of watch for that and watch for some of that indirect... Maybe there's just some. Maybe it's cultural, and they don't want to say no. Maybe they just don't want to come out and explain their reasoning, and kind of to stop and think a little bit first before I just go, oh, okay, let's go, right.

Kate   
No, I can definitely see how that would be tricky. Because it's not an outright “No,” just like, Yeah, okay. I know that we also, and you probably see this as well, like in your job, and hear about it at AFS that you know, folks coming from other countries to the US struggle with that, because we are very direct in a way, and that can really throw off some of these students? For sure? Yes,

Megan   
Yeah, I know. Sometimes I think it comes off as quote, unquote aggressive for others from other cultures, but we're used to that, so it's just strange. It's hard.

[Music]

Kate
So, I think that Megan’s story is a great reminder that participating in an exchange means learning to read between the lines, and sometimes, a simple "I don't know" can actually mean "no." How does AFS help prepare students for these kinds of subtle cultural differences in communication?

John
I'm sure we're sounding like a broken record at this point. Talk to your liaison, talk to your liaison. I will say, you know, yeah, absolutely, there are. There can be profound differences in communication across cultures. You know, some cultures are more direct, others are more indirect. And of course, no culture is a monolith. Maybe you got that one host family in your community that even though it's a more direct communicating culture, maybe they're more indirect.

So, really, we encourage you to utilize your local resources. Ask them for their advice. Ask them if you're unsure about communicating something, or to Megan's point about being uncertain of whether or not the answer she got from her host mom was a yes or no. Ask your liaison. They are cultural ambassadors. They're here to help you bridge those gaps and to help you understand the local culture and how to communicate and how to thrive within that culture. So if you're ever in doubt about, like, oh, you know, I want to say this, but I'm not quite sure how it might be perceived. Or, you know, my host mom or my host dad told me this, and I'm not sure if that's a Yes or No, It was kind of wishy-washy or I didn't quite understand. Maybe they didn't understand the question. Ask your liaison. They might not have all the answers, but they certainly can lead you in the right direction.

Amanda
100%. I think one of the things that I would definitely recommend to all listeners, whether you are a hosted student, a host parent, a liaison or a volunteer, a student that is preparing to go abroad, is don't be bashful about having conversations. About having conversations. I love having conversations about having conversations, and I think the ability to ask questions and reflect openly about how you are communicating with others and how other people are communicating with you is one of the best ways to learn about communication style differences.
The reality is that AFS does have a lot of resources that we give our students pre program, and a lot of great concepts during our orientations about the differences in communication styles, as well as other cultural differences that are often at play for our students during their ç. However, our support structure and our support philosophy is really designed to address the reality that some of the best learning that can happen is the learning that happens in the moment, just as Megan was illustrating.

Kate
Alright so our last story comes from Miko. We heard from him in our last episode as well.
His challenge was around joining a high school sports team. To me, I think that this story really highlights the value of resilience and also problem solving when your first plan- or even second- doesn’t work out.
Unlike the other student clips I’ve played for you today, I’ll be hopping in and out of Miko’s story to guide it along. Okay, here we go.

Miko   
Hi, I'm Mikolaj. People here call me Miko. So it's like M-I-K-O, first four letters of my name, because it just like easier for people to pronounce.
I'm from Poland. I came here through FLEX program. I'm hosted in Florida. Yeah, and then spending my exchange year here with wonderful people in this, very, very amazing place.

Miko   
Yes, I'm currently on the Tennis team in my high school. It was kind of challenging for me because, of course, I wanted to engage in as many activities as I can, as I could. My school is pretty big. We have, like, 2500 students. So this is a really big school, and the sports here are very competitive as well. So of course, it has pros and cons, because the one thing is that they have many possibilities, many clubs, many good courses, but in the other hand, like to make a team. Oh, it was, it was challenging.

So when I arrived here, I was actually late for my school year, because it started in beginning of August, and I came here the end of August, so I was already late for Fall season, so I couldn't really join anything at this time.

And in the winter sport, winter sport, I thought to do maybe the soccer, because I used to play when I was younger, but still, this team, yeah, they are good, especially here in Florida, we have, I think that the soccer is much more popular than in the other parts of States because of this, like, Hispanic culture. Because like, even in my group of friends, at least, like 70% of of my friends are Hispanic, so I think that they care much more about soccer than, for example, football, because, like, football is this, like most American sport. So everywhere else the it's football, not soccer. And here it's a little bit different. So yeah, our team is, really, really good. So I just wasn't good enough.

Kate
Yeah. Miko really wanted to play a sport in the fall, but it was a lot of paperwork and clearances, and by the time he got here, it was kinda late. Then, yeah, for the winter, the soccer team he was interested in was too competitive. He got in touch with the coaches to explain his situation, but still, a no. It was disappointing.

Miko
I emailed them a few times. What can I do to join and and and stuff like that? But eventually they told me that if I'm not very experienced in in this certain sports, it can be hard for me to join the team, because usually people in teams, they played the sport for like, few years already or even more.
So for me, when I didn't have that many possibilities and opportunities to do these sports in Poland, it was just hard for me to come in and train with the people who are that good at it. So, so, yeah, it was, it was pretty challenging. But so I tried to join some clubs, which are like for everybody, mostly.

Kate
But… Miko’s heart was really set on joining a sports team. So while he was getting adjusted to life in the US, his host family, his classes, etc… he was also working hard to find a team to join.
He ultimately reached out to the coach of the tennis team, far before that season was supposed to start in early February. He explained his situation, expressed his enthusiasm. The coach listened, and gave him a shot.

Miko
So he started doing some like conditioning before, before the season to, like, get used to the weather. And he let me join the practices. So eventually, I made the tennis team, and I'm really happy about it, because, like, it was also pretty challenging. But, yeah, that's a very nice experience to be part of the team. But they are the most important thing is just to, like, Don't overthink it, don't care that much, and just try your best. And yeah, it will be fine eventually.

Kate   
When it comes to placements… as you know, a lot of it just comes down to chance. Miko didn't choose Florida, he didn’t choose this school. I think that he did get lucky in some ways, because it's so beautiful there, and he’s at a big school with a lot of options and opportunities, but at the same time…I talk to people who are in smaller schools, and they can do any sport they want because it's not competitive. But then maybe they have limited clubs, fewer class options,. It’s really… pros and cons. And at the end of the day, participants are going to American high schools. No matter what the high school looks like, it’s still 100% an authentic American high school experience.

Miko   
So yeah, I also, because I'm still in touch with my other friends from Poland, who also came here through FLEX program, because we had, like, an orientation before. So we know each other, and they are in different states, and I usually in touch with them. So yeah, so many of them are in smaller schools, and they can do, like, whatever they want, whatever the school offers. But in the other thing, they have just less opportunities, because I know in my school, high school, I can do, like we have every single sport. We have multiple clubs, and, for example, the courses, because I got, I also take pretty hard courses. So like, five out of six of my courses are like AP level, and I had, I had these options, but some of my friends, their school just doesn't offer these AP courses, so they have to take the basic ones. So, like, it really depends. So, and that's what I'm saying, it's kind of like we just don't have any influence for this. We can try to engage as much as we can, but what we never know. So the thing is to, like, just don't overthink it definitely to not compare yourself to other exchange students, because, like, everybody has a little bit different possibilities and opportunities.
You don't have any influence for like, where you go and and like the the most important thing is just like, to do your best. Like doesn't matter where you are and what possibilities you have. That’s it.

[Music]

Kate
Alright, Miko had to navigate some timing hiccups and competition to find his place on a sports team. From a support perspective, what's your advice for helping students when their dreams or expectations don't immediately work out?

John
Yeah, absolutely. And I think what it comes down to, in a lot of cases, is expectations versus reality. And you come on program and maybe you have the expectation that you really want to practice a sport that you were already participating back home, you know, maybe you were that back at your home school, you were the star on the swim team or the best tennis player in your region, and you want to keep honing those skills. Or maybe you want to try something new. And maybe you're saying, I really want to be the school's quarterback. I really want to try American baseball, because that's classically American, right?
And the fact of the matter is, sports can be a really big deal here in the United States. They can be really, really competitive, especially those varsity level sports. And you might not make your team. There is no guarantee that you're going to be able to participate in the sport that you want to participate in. A
And I think what it comes back to is this an AFS program is about opening yourself up to new experiences, in many ways, getting out of your comfort zone. And if, if you don't make that sports team, or if you don't get a tryout for American football or baseball, or maybe you can't play the same sports that you do back home, because it doesn't exist here. Try something new, get involved in a new sport.
Or maybe you decide to get involved in a different activity entirely. Maybe you try out for the school theater, or maybe you get involved in a club, but this is really a year to keep your expectations open, in a sense, and kind of go with the flow in many ways.
That doesn't mean you can't have goals. It doesn't mean you can't have things that you're looking forward to or or things that you'd like to accomplish. But I think what we do encourage students to do is to be open to not always getting what you want. You know, be open to potentially failing at some things. This is a year about trying new experiences and getting out of your comfort zone. And part of that might be, you know, maybe you walk away from this experience with a whole new set of hobbies. Or maybe you walk away from this experience having tried something that you never thought you would have been interested in before, but it an AFS program, really is an opportunity again to try new things, and we highly, highly encourage that.

Amanda
I thought that was beautifully put. I'm not sure if I have anything else to add, other than we do our best to ensure that students are able to engage somehow in any variety of way possible locally. But I think that the the process of opening oneself up to the new and the unexpected is actually really important, and it's part of the AFS learning journey.

John
Yeah, absolutely. And I think one thing that Miko brought up that I'm happy he brought up is he was kind of surprised that soccer was as big as it was in his host community. And yeah, different sports or pop. Learn different parts of the country, and it's important to keep an open mind. Maybe, maybe you think you're going to be really into baseball, and you end up here, where, where I'm based, in the American south, south, where football is a lot bigger than baseball in many ways. So, yeah, it's, you know, it varies from region to region. And again, the United States is such a diverse place that you know, maybe the activities that you're getting to get involved in or experience might be different from your friend who's a few states away.

Kate
Yes, definitely. I grew up in New York State, and lacrosse is a really popular sport in that part of the country. But when I’ve talked about that with my friends who grew up in other states, outside of the Northeast, lacrosse was a lot less popular, if it was offered at all.
A participant could come on program with hopes of joining the swim team, but end up at a school that doesn’t have access to a pool… but that does have a robust lacrosse program. And next thing you know, they’re participating in a sport that perhaps they hadn’t even heard of a few months prior.

John
Okay, um, yeah. And another point that that Miko makes is, you know, schools come in all different shapes and sizes, and maybe you've got a school with 2500 students, and the sports teams are really competitive, but as he pointed out, it also offers a lot of AP credits, or a lot of AP classes, or you might be at a teeny, tiny little school where sports are less competitive and you don't have those same academic opportunities or club opportunities.
What we always say in support is, you know, every experience is a valid one. Every program is nuanced. Your program is going to look different from your friends a few communities over. And it doesn't mean it's any more or less of an authentic AFS experience or an authentic American experience.

Kate
Great. Thank you.

John   
You wouldn’t believe the number of students who go to a small school and then, like, within two weeks ask us to change because they got invited by a friend to go to a football game, and they're like, “Well, my school doesn't have football, I'm missing out on the real American experience.”

Amanda
100%. At least, we are not hearing the high school musical references anymore. There was a period of years where the whole framework that kids had in their mind about what American school would look like was Glee and High School Musical.

Kate
It's like, wow. The impact that Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez had on the world, is incredible. I have seen all the High School Musicals. Okay, I think that that is it. But thank you so much, John and Amanda for you know the last episode about advice, and this current episode about overcoming challenges. It's been really helpful having the two of you on the podcast with me, hearing some of these student stories and providing some of your expert insights. So thank you so much for chatting with me these past few weeks.

Amanda
Thank you so much, Kate, for providing us this opportunity to talk about these topics. They're awesome. They're important, and we love talking about them.

John
Absolutely, thanks for having us. Bye.

Kate
That brings us to the end of our episode on Overcoming Challenges. I hope that you have seen that challenges on program are… inevitable. And also… not insurmountable! DUring your time abroad, you’re going to be encountering so many new things; experiences that you wouldn’t deal with back home. As Amanda and John were saying, these are the moments that will push you outside of your comfort zone, creating opportunities to really learn about yourself and all you can handle.
A huge thank you to Eva, Genevieve, Megan, and Miko, for sharing their stories with me, and thank you to Amanda and John from the Participant Support and Learning Department.

Kate
Thank you for listening to The AFS Exchange! We'll be taking a short break between seasons, but we will be back in a few months with new stories about the impact of international exchange.

In the meantime, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify so that you'll be notified when Season 6 kicks off. 

Also, we are still looking for folks to chat with in Season 6!  We'd especially  love to connect with any AFSers who also have their own podcasts, whether you're a student, volunteer, or host family. It doesn’t need to be about study abroad. It could be about, like, sports or something. I don’t know anything about sports. But that wuld be fine. If you know of someone, or if you have feedback on this episode, please send an email to podcast@afsusa.org.
 
This podcast was created by Kate Mulvihill. Social media by Julie Ball and Nina Gaulin. Thanks again to Amanda Brown and John Hammel.