{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":1.48,"endTime":4.46,"body":"welcome to the Arguing Agile Podcast,"},{"startTime":1.48,"endTime":4.46,"body":"where Enterprise Business Agility"},{"startTime":4.5,"endTime":7.63,"body":"Coach Om Patel and Product Manager"},{"startTime":4.5,"endTime":7.63,"body":"Brian Orlando argue about product"},{"startTime":7.65,"endTime":10.899,"body":"management, leadership, and business"},{"startTime":7.65,"endTime":10.899,"body":"agility, so you don't have to."},{"startTime":11.927,"endTime":13.047,"body":"Welcome back to arguing agile."},{"startTime":13.057,"endTime":15.587,"body":"It's not much arguing is going to"},{"startTime":13.057,"endTime":15.587,"body":"happen today because we're going to be"},{"startTime":15.587,"endTime":19.447,"body":"taking a look at a book that I think"},{"startTime":15.587,"endTime":19.447,"body":"is very important for people in their"},{"startTime":19.447,"endTime":23.587,"body":"careers, in their personal life, all"},{"startTime":19.447,"endTime":23.587,"body":"around their communication skill."},{"startTime":23.587,"endTime":24.567,"body":"We're going to be talking about"},{"startTime":24.968,"endTime":28.058,"body":"crucial conversations, tools for"},{"startTime":24.968,"endTime":28.058,"body":"talking when the stakes are high."},{"startTime":28.058,"endTime":28.182,"body":"Thanks for coming."},{"startTime":28.553,"endTime":32.043,"body":"Patterson, Graney, McMillan, and Switzler."},{"startTime":32.043,"endTime":35.783,"body":"today's podcast really came about from"},{"startTime":32.043,"endTime":35.783,"body":"A need which we're going to get into."},{"startTime":35.783,"endTime":39.533,"body":"And anybody who's worked on a team"},{"startTime":35.783,"endTime":39.533,"body":"or anybody who's had any kind of"},{"startTime":39.543,"endTime":43.523,"body":"relationship with another human"},{"startTime":39.543,"endTime":43.523,"body":"being would benefit from this."},{"startTime":43.523,"endTime":43.953,"body":"We hope."},{"startTime":44.443,"endTime":46.333,"body":"So that's the idea behind today's podcast."},{"startTime":46.583,"endTime":50.223,"body":"There are very few topics left on the"},{"startTime":46.583,"endTime":50.223,"body":"original topic list from when we sat"},{"startTime":50.223,"endTime":51.633,"body":"down before we launched the podcast."},{"startTime":52.023,"endTime":57.723,"body":"This was one of them and for some"},{"startTime":52.023,"endTime":57.723,"body":"reason we delayed on doing it until now."},{"startTime":57.743,"endTime":61.293,"body":"I think we were waiting for the perfect"},{"startTime":57.743,"endTime":61.293,"body":"guest until one day I just woke up and"},{"startTime":61.293,"endTime":63.093,"body":"I was like, there's no perfect anything."},{"startTime":63.093,"endTime":63.833,"body":"Yeah, we're just gonna do it."},{"startTime":63.833,"endTime":68.143,"body":"I'm previewing the 20 years in tech"},{"startTime":63.833,"endTime":68.143,"body":"podcasts that will come out very soon."},{"startTime":68.543,"endTime":72.573,"body":"Where I see  the same bad"},{"startTime":68.543,"endTime":72.573,"body":"trends, repeating over and over."},{"startTime":73.003,"endTime":73.653,"body":"This is one of them."},{"startTime":73.703,"endTime":77.613,"body":"Threre are  good people with good intent"},{"startTime":73.703,"endTime":77.613,"body":"that just have poor communication skills"},{"startTime":77.663,"endTime":80.523,"body":"but I've seen a lot of people that make"},{"startTime":77.663,"endTime":80.523,"body":"the same mistakes over and over again."},{"startTime":80.773,"endTime":82.333,"body":"Yeah, I definitely agree with that."},{"startTime":82.353,"endTime":86.353,"body":"I've been around in tech for a bit"},{"startTime":82.353,"endTime":86.353,"body":"longer and I can certainly agree with it."},{"startTime":86.823,"endTime":89.253,"body":"I would say this though"},{"startTime":86.823,"endTime":89.253,"body":"crucial conversations, how"},{"startTime":89.253,"endTime":90.493,"body":"to hold these, et cetera.."},{"startTime":90.543,"endTime":91.933,"body":"We don't get taught that anywhere."},{"startTime":92.373,"endTime":97.963,"body":"So people come into the workforce"},{"startTime":92.373,"endTime":97.963,"body":"and they just simply are folding into"},{"startTime":97.963,"endTime":100.513,"body":"their traditional roles without this."},{"startTime":100.783,"endTime":104.313,"body":"So this isn't about any kind of specific"},{"startTime":100.783,"endTime":104.313,"body":"role no matter what role you're in."},{"startTime":104.373,"endTime":107.683,"body":"If you're speaking to someone else, if"},{"startTime":104.373,"endTime":107.683,"body":"you're communicating, collaborating with"},{"startTime":107.683,"endTime":110.013,"body":"anyone, This is the podcast for you."},{"startTime":110.513,"endTime":114.223,"body":"I almost want to say this to the end"},{"startTime":110.513,"endTime":114.223,"body":"that, where do you learn this skill?"},{"startTime":114.223,"endTime":115.243,"body":"Where do you learn this skill?"},{"startTime":115.303,"endTime":115.613,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":115.973,"endTime":119.953,"body":"that's another reason why I think this"},{"startTime":115.973,"endTime":119.953,"body":"book is very important to people because"},{"startTime":120.393,"endTime":124.913,"body":"if you don't have strong mentors you"},{"startTime":120.393,"endTime":124.913,"body":"don't have strong sponsors in your life."},{"startTime":124.943,"endTime":128.553,"body":"People  that lift you up grab"},{"startTime":124.943,"endTime":128.553,"body":"you and bring you up And you"},{"startTime":128.553,"endTime":132.463,"body":"have to do it on your own you may"},{"startTime":128.553,"endTime":132.463,"body":"get some of these skills, right?"},{"startTime":132.613,"endTime":137.593,"body":"And especially if you weren't in a place"},{"startTime":132.613,"endTime":137.593,"body":"where the you know your parents had"},{"startTime":137.703,"endTime":142.933,"body":"this type of skill or they try to teach"},{"startTime":137.703,"endTime":142.933,"body":"you Why it was important to interact"},{"startTime":143.143,"endTime":147.973,"body":"With people in a certain way and they"},{"startTime":143.143,"endTime":147.973,"body":"didn't teach you that or worse, they"},{"startTime":147.983,"endTime":151.003,"body":"had a bunch of bad behaviors that they"},{"startTime":147.983,"endTime":151.003,"body":"weren't aware of, didn't really care"},{"startTime":151.003,"endTime":154.333,"body":"about and you don't understand why this"},{"startTime":151.003,"endTime":154.333,"body":"invisible force is holding you back."},{"startTime":154.583,"endTime":158.863,"body":"The very few people in my professional"},{"startTime":154.583,"endTime":158.863,"body":"career can accept critique with"},{"startTime":158.863,"endTime":161.373,"body":"a level headed Hey, this person"},{"startTime":158.863,"endTime":161.373,"body":"trying to help me kind of attitude."},{"startTime":161.733,"endTime":165.823,"body":"First of all, second of all, are actively"},{"startTime":161.733,"endTime":165.823,"body":"seeking and asking, Hey, how did I do?"},{"startTime":165.823,"endTime":166.703,"body":"What can I be doing better?"},{"startTime":166.703,"endTime":167.273,"body":"That kind of stuff."},{"startTime":167.573,"endTime":170.883,"body":"Yeah, on the first point, I'd"},{"startTime":167.573,"endTime":170.883,"body":"say  it's very easy to just get"},{"startTime":170.883,"endTime":174.173,"body":"stuck in the swing of things and"},{"startTime":170.883,"endTime":174.173,"body":"not realize your shortcomings"},{"startTime":174.193,"endTime":176.343,"body":"here in this specific case, right?"},{"startTime":176.813,"endTime":179.713,"body":"You go in, you say I bring a"},{"startTime":176.813,"endTime":179.713,"body":"bunch of skills to the table."},{"startTime":179.713,"endTime":181.253,"body":"This is what they hired me for."},{"startTime":181.453,"endTime":182.473,"body":"And I'm going to go do that."},{"startTime":182.763,"endTime":188.633,"body":"However, you are not a,  not a single"},{"startTime":182.763,"endTime":188.633,"body":"Individual contributor to a team."},{"startTime":188.753,"endTime":189.813,"body":"And hope to succeed."},{"startTime":190.063,"endTime":191.103,"body":"You can try that."},{"startTime":191.133,"endTime":191.843,"body":"It doesn't work."},{"startTime":192.193,"endTime":198.203,"body":"You also do not have a And number of"},{"startTime":192.193,"endTime":198.203,"body":"teams of one individual each on the team."},{"startTime":198.253,"endTime":200.543,"body":"You have a team of individuals."},{"startTime":200.553,"endTime":203.883,"body":"So you have n factorial type"},{"startTime":200.553,"endTime":203.883,"body":"of conversations going on at"},{"startTime":203.933,"endTime":205.373,"body":"different vectors and so forth."},{"startTime":205.743,"endTime":206.513,"body":"Yeah, I agree."},{"startTime":206.553,"endTime":210.063,"body":"It takes a person to recognize that"},{"startTime":206.553,"endTime":210.063,"body":"this is something they need to work on."},{"startTime":210.143,"endTime":211.273,"body":"That's the first step, right?"},{"startTime":211.693,"endTime":215.143,"body":"But hopefully what we're going to"},{"startTime":211.693,"endTime":215.143,"body":"talk about today may prompt some"},{"startTime":215.143,"endTime":216.513,"body":"of you to say, wait a minute."},{"startTime":216.948,"endTime":218.108,"body":"It's 2025."},{"startTime":218.368,"endTime":220.978,"body":"I haven't thought about this and maybe"},{"startTime":218.368,"endTime":220.978,"body":"there's something I need to pick up."},{"startTime":221.128,"endTime":221.348,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":222.068,"endTime":225.398,"body":"So what makes a conversation"},{"startTime":222.068,"endTime":225.398,"body":"crucial  we're gonna start"},{"startTime":225.398,"endTime":226.038,"body":"at the beginning of the book."},{"startTime":226.048,"endTime":226.988,"body":"there's two things it says."},{"startTime":226.988,"endTime":228.488,"body":"First, opinions vary."},{"startTime":228.828,"endTime":230.298,"body":"So obviously our opinions are different."},{"startTime":230.558,"endTime":232.638,"body":"And then second, stakes are high."},{"startTime":232.848,"endTime":234.218,"body":"What does it mean stakes are high?"},{"startTime":234.218,"endTime":238.318,"body":"So It says the result could have a"},{"startTime":234.218,"endTime":238.318,"body":"huge impact on your quality of life."},{"startTime":238.488,"endTime":242.318,"body":"That's what it means by stakes are high,"},{"startTime":238.488,"endTime":242.318,"body":"and I'd say when emotions are strong."},{"startTime":242.758,"endTime":246.008,"body":"So when you're having these"},{"startTime":242.758,"endTime":246.008,"body":"conversations and everybody just simply"},{"startTime":246.008,"endTime":247.938,"body":"is just going along with the flow."},{"startTime":248.158,"endTime":248.808,"body":"That's one thing."},{"startTime":248.808,"endTime":250.322,"body":"But when emotions are strong."},{"startTime":250.803,"endTime":253.433,"body":"Those emotions come from somewhere, right?"},{"startTime":253.433,"endTime":256.853,"body":"Usually from various individuals,"},{"startTime":253.433,"endTime":256.853,"body":"maybe one individual, one or more."},{"startTime":257.193,"endTime":261.503,"body":"So when you have that, it makes it truly"},{"startTime":257.193,"endTime":261.503,"body":"a crucial conversation at that stage."},{"startTime":261.793,"endTime":264.702,"body":"Just to touch on what you"},{"startTime":261.793,"endTime":264.702,"body":"just said, it's funny."},{"startTime":264.702,"endTime":267.523,"body":"Cause when your emotions are involved,"},{"startTime":264.702,"endTime":267.523,"body":"it says one of the claims it has in"},{"startTime":267.523,"endTime":271.513,"body":"the book, it says we're really designed"},{"startTime":267.523,"endTime":271.513,"body":"wrong for where we're at in evolutionary"},{"startTime":271.513,"endTime":276.023,"body":"perspective is when the conversation"},{"startTime":271.513,"endTime":276.023,"body":"turns from routine to crucial, meaning"},{"startTime":276.033,"endTime":280.783,"body":"it's going to have a big impact like"},{"startTime":276.033,"endTime":280.783,"body":"suddenly adrenaline hits and your brain"},{"startTime":280.783,"endTime":285.312,"body":"starts diverting blood from your body"},{"startTime":280.783,"endTime":285.312,"body":"starts diverting blood from your brain."},{"startTime":285.562,"endTime":287.942,"body":"To your extremities so you can"},{"startTime":285.562,"endTime":287.942,"body":"run and fight and do other things."},{"startTime":287.952,"endTime":290.572,"body":", that's exactly the opposite thing"},{"startTime":287.952,"endTime":290.572,"body":"that you need right now, right?"},{"startTime":290.572,"endTime":292.102,"body":"Cause you need the blood in your brain."},{"startTime":292.102,"endTime":295.992,"body":"So  when you're under pressure,"},{"startTime":292.102,"endTime":295.992,"body":"you can think and be more calm."},{"startTime":295.992,"endTime":299.042,"body":"And you don't need this shot of adrenaline"},{"startTime":295.992,"endTime":299.042,"body":"so that everything gets heightened"},{"startTime":299.102,"endTime":299.562,"body":"yeah."},{"startTime":299.562,"endTime":302.722,"body":"And so ultimately on that net,"},{"startTime":299.562,"endTime":302.722,"body":"these crucial conversations"},{"startTime":302.722,"endTime":306.382,"body":"really do impact the quality of"},{"startTime":302.722,"endTime":306.382,"body":"our lives and our relationships."},{"startTime":306.632,"endTime":309.012,"body":"it leads to acting in self defeating ways."},{"startTime":309.012,"endTime":312.412,"body":"The key that I was trying to make in"},{"startTime":309.012,"endTime":312.412,"body":"the introduction is I would like to"},{"startTime":312.412,"endTime":315.182,"body":"see people develop these better skills."},{"startTime":315.432,"endTime":317.812,"body":"So that they're not acting"},{"startTime":315.432,"endTime":317.812,"body":"in self defeating ways."},{"startTime":317.812,"endTime":321.052,"body":"It's disheartening, especially when"},{"startTime":317.812,"endTime":321.052,"body":"you're somebody supervisor to see them"},{"startTime":321.052,"endTime":322.612,"body":"acting in these self defeating ways."},{"startTime":322.822,"endTime":326.472,"body":"there are some examples at the"},{"startTime":322.822,"endTime":326.472,"body":"introduction here that I figured I'd"},{"startTime":326.642,"endTime":330.362,"body":"throw out some of these examples that"},{"startTime":326.642,"endTime":330.362,"body":"we could just talk about and laugh about"},{"startTime":330.362,"endTime":333.602,"body":"together and say, boy, it'd be nice if"},{"startTime":330.362,"endTime":333.602,"body":"we weren't dealing with any of these."},{"startTime":333.832,"endTime":337.622,"body":"Example number one giving the boss"},{"startTime":333.832,"endTime":337.622,"body":"feedback about his or her behavior."},{"startTime":337.702,"endTime":340.222,"body":"Ooh, now who hasn't done that, right?"},{"startTime":340.222,"endTime":342.672,"body":"If you've been around in the"},{"startTime":340.222,"endTime":342.672,"body":"workforce for a bit, you've had"},{"startTime":342.672,"endTime":346.702,"body":"to say something to your boss, or"},{"startTime":342.672,"endTime":346.702,"body":"maybe you wanted to, and you didn't."},{"startTime":347.112,"endTime":352.432,"body":"Approaching a boss who is breaking his"},{"startTime":347.112,"endTime":352.432,"body":"or her own safety or quality policies."},{"startTime":352.732,"endTime":354.462,"body":"The belligerent boss."},{"startTime":354.712,"endTime":356.672,"body":"Critiquing a colleague's work."},{"startTime":356.922,"endTime":357.192,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":357.192,"endTime":358.253,"body":"A lot of us have had to do that."},{"startTime":358.253,"endTime":359.832,"body":"That's an everyday thing"},{"startTime":358.253,"endTime":359.832,"body":"in development teams."},{"startTime":359.833,"endTime":361.653,"body":"Dealing with a rebellious teen."},{"startTime":361.903,"endTime":364.703,"body":"So I'm like, this is where we're"},{"startTime":361.903,"endTime":364.703,"body":"talking about it from work purposes,"},{"startTime":364.703,"endTime":366.282,"body":"this book does not hold it solid."},{"startTime":366.332,"endTime":366.933,"body":"There's a lot of."},{"startTime":367.163,"endTime":370.033,"body":"Stuff about relationships and intimacy"},{"startTime":367.163,"endTime":370.033,"body":"and stuff like that in the book that"},{"startTime":370.033,"endTime":372.113,"body":"are great examples of confrontation."},{"startTime":372.543,"endTime":374.793,"body":"Yeah, listen, absolutely,"},{"startTime":372.543,"endTime":374.793,"body":"I agree with that."},{"startTime":374.843,"endTime":377.023,"body":"I think when I first read the"},{"startTime":374.843,"endTime":377.023,"body":"book, it was some time ago."},{"startTime":377.103,"endTime":380.253,"body":"Might have been one of the early"},{"startTime":377.103,"endTime":380.253,"body":"editions, if not the earliest edition."},{"startTime":380.503,"endTime":384.052,"body":"I came away from that book experience"},{"startTime":380.503,"endTime":384.052,"body":"reading it thinking, this is great"},{"startTime":384.053,"endTime":388.286,"body":"for Teams, et cetera, professionally"},{"startTime":384.053,"endTime":388.286,"body":"at work, but it goes way beyond that."},{"startTime":388.286,"endTime":392.286,"body":"It actually goes towards your day to"},{"startTime":388.286,"endTime":392.286,"body":"day relationship with your loved ones."},{"startTime":392.336,"endTime":393.466,"body":"Or anybody for that matter."},{"startTime":393.476,"endTime":394.946,"body":"You can tell your neighbor,"},{"startTime":393.476,"endTime":394.946,"body":"it doesn't matter."},{"startTime":395.226,"endTime":397.836,"body":"More stuff that they give in the"},{"startTime":395.226,"endTime":397.836,"body":"introduction high performers, meaning"},{"startTime":397.836,"endTime":401.336,"body":"high performers that know how to deal with"},{"startTime":397.836,"endTime":401.336,"body":"crucial conversations, how to engage in"},{"startTime":401.336,"endTime":402.646,"body":"them and how to move forward with them."},{"startTime":402.986,"endTime":405.396,"body":"They know how to stand up to the boss"},{"startTime":402.986,"endTime":405.396,"body":"without committing career suicide."},{"startTime":405.396,"endTime":408.696,"body":"We've all seen people that hurt"},{"startTime":405.396,"endTime":408.696,"body":"their careers by ineffectively"},{"startTime":408.696,"endTime":410.416,"body":"discussing tough issues"},{"startTime":410.786,"endTime":413.736,"body":"They point out that in the corporate"},{"startTime":410.786,"endTime":413.736,"body":"world, the most common complaint of"},{"startTime":413.736,"endTime":419.346,"body":"executives and managers is that their"},{"startTime":413.736,"endTime":419.346,"body":"people work in silos meaning and that"},{"startTime":419.346,"endTime":423.686,"body":"close to 80 percent of the projects that"},{"startTime":419.346,"endTime":423.686,"body":"require cross functional cooperation cost"},{"startTime":423.686,"endTime":426.376,"body":"more than expected, produce less than"},{"startTime":423.686,"endTime":426.376,"body":"they hoped for, and run significantly"},{"startTime":426.656,"endTime":430.156,"body":"over costs but in organizations where"},{"startTime":426.656,"endTime":430.156,"body":"people were able to candidly and"},{"startTime":430.156,"endTime":435.046,"body":"effectively speak up on concerns, those"},{"startTime":430.156,"endTime":435.046,"body":"projects were less than half as likely."},{"startTime":435.221,"endTime":435.661,"body":"To fail."},{"startTime":435.911,"endTime":437.011,"body":"We have another word for this."},{"startTime":437.261,"endTime":438.431,"body":"This book doesn't use the word."},{"startTime":438.681,"endTime":440.551,"body":"I'm going to drop it real"},{"startTime":438.681,"endTime":440.551,"body":"early in this podcast."},{"startTime":440.841,"endTime":442.091,"body":"It's called psychological safety."},{"startTime":442.341,"endTime":442.691,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":442.741,"endTime":443.161,"body":"Two words."},{"startTime":443.481,"endTime":444.551,"body":"It's not in vogue anymore."},{"startTime":444.851,"endTime":448.731,"body":"It's not, we don't say that, but"},{"startTime":444.851,"endTime":448.731,"body":"really that's what it is ultimately."},{"startTime":448.731,"endTime":454.021,"body":"You want to make sure that everybody is"},{"startTime":448.731,"endTime":454.021,"body":"open to speak and remove the barriers"},{"startTime":454.021,"endTime":456.161,"body":"to them voicing their opinions."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":456.411,"endTime":458.581,"body":"most leaders get it wrong."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":458.741,"endTime":462.051,"body":"They think organizational productivity"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":458.741,"endTime":462.051,"body":"and performance are simply about policies,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":462.251,"endTime":464.691,"body":"processes, structures, and systems."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":464.881,"endTime":467.961,"body":"So when the software product"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":464.881,"endTime":467.961,"body":"doesn't ship on time, they benchmark"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":468.041,"endTime":469.991,"body":"others, development processes."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":470.281,"endTime":472.521,"body":"When teams aren't"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":470.281,"endTime":472.521,"body":"cooperating, they restructure."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":472.821,"endTime":475.731,"body":"This is classically what I've"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":472.821,"endTime":475.731,"body":"seen, especially in medium to large"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":475.731,"endTime":479.461,"body":"organizations where when they encounter"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":475.731,"endTime":479.461,"body":"issues like this, they don't deep dive"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":479.461,"endTime":481.451,"body":"to figure out truly what the cause is."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":481.801,"endTime":486.001,"body":"They will simply do the minimum"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":481.801,"endTime":486.001,"body":"necessary they believe, which is"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":486.061,"endTime":487.481,"body":"these teams aren't very effective."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":487.481,"endTime":490.541,"body":"We're going to redistribute them,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":487.481,"endTime":490.541,"body":"reallocate the work, reallocate"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":490.541,"endTime":492.081,"body":"team members across different teams."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":492.391,"endTime":494.271,"body":"Reorganize and hope for the best."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":494.511,"endTime":494.921,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":494.921,"endTime":497.491,"body":"It says, In the worst companies,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":494.921,"endTime":497.491,"body":"poor performers are first"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":497.511,"endTime":499.111,"body":"ignored and then transferred."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":499.531,"endTime":502.511,"body":"In the best companies, everyone"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":499.531,"endTime":502.511,"body":"holds everyone else accountable,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":502.561,"endTime":504.401,"body":"regardless of level or position."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":504.661,"endTime":506.121,"body":"And that includes the leaders."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":506.571,"endTime":507.111,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":507.161,"endTime":511.391,"body":"I would add my own nuance to this and"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":507.161,"endTime":511.391,"body":"say, in the worst case scenario the worst"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":511.391,"endTime":514.801,"body":"companies promote these individuals to"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":511.391,"endTime":514.801,"body":"their highest level of incompetence."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":514.861,"endTime":515.561,"body":"Sure, yeah."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":515.661,"endTime":516.461,"body":"That's what they do."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":516.521,"endTime":517.421,"body":"That's what I've seen."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":517.711,"endTime":519.971,"body":"Let's move on  chapter two"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":517.711,"endTime":519.971,"body":"starts with Kevin's story."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":520.161,"endTime":523.506,"body":"It says they were looking for people"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":520.161,"endTime":523.506,"body":"They were looking for people who were"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":523.506,"endTime":527.416,"body":"considered highly influential in the"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":523.506,"endTime":527.416,"body":"workplace at this particular workplace,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":527.636,"endTime":529.686,"body":"which may or may not even exist."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":529.906,"endTime":532.316,"body":"It might be a proverbial workplace."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":532.346,"endTime":532.766,"body":"I don't know."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":533.216,"endTime":534.636,"body":"And they settle on Kevin!"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":534.636,"endTime":536.706,"body":"Yeah, Kevin!"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":536.706,"endTime":539.276,"body":"Sorry, I'm gonna put my my minions"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":536.706,"endTime":539.276,"body":"are gonna be on the screen."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":539.316,"endTime":543.876,"body":"And so it says they followed Kevin around"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":539.316,"endTime":543.876,"body":"and Kevin was a meeting where Chris, the"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":543.876,"endTime":548.406,"body":"CEO, these are totally like these, this"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":543.876,"endTime":548.406,"body":"is VP and CEO first names, by the way,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":548.406,"endTime":550.286,"body":"Kevin and Chris, totally believable."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":550.586,"endTime":554.656,"body":"They say of this story the mistake most of"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":550.586,"endTime":554.656,"body":"us make in our crucial conversation is we"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":554.656,"endTime":558.646,"body":"believe We have to choose between telling"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":554.656,"endTime":558.646,"body":"the truth or keeping your friend So like"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":558.656,"endTime":562.186,"body":"most of those executives when they don't"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":558.656,"endTime":562.186,"body":"obviously don't believe in what is being"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":562.186,"endTime":565.116,"body":"said or you know They just stay silent"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":562.186,"endTime":565.116,"body":"when someone says something they don't"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":565.116,"endTime":567.836,"body":"like Because that's how they got that"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":565.116,"endTime":567.836,"body":"executive spot, and that's how they're"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":567.836,"endTime":569.356,"body":"keeping that executive spot, right?"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":569.686,"endTime":569.946,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":570.106,"endTime":573.126,"body":"But the more effective"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":570.106,"endTime":573.126,"body":"communicators here know that they"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":573.126,"endTime":574.276,"body":"don't have to make that choice."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":574.276,"endTime":576.506,"body":"They will call this the fool's choice."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":576.706,"endTime":579.356,"body":"The choice between candor and"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":576.706,"endTime":579.356,"body":"kindness, they will call that"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":579.376,"endTime":582.056,"body":"a fool's choice because those"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":579.376,"endTime":582.056,"body":"are not the only two choices."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":582.056,"endTime":584.716,"body":"Like anytime you get backed"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":582.056,"endTime":584.716,"body":"into a corner, then you are"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":584.716,"endTime":585.996,"body":"forced to only make two choices."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":585.996,"endTime":587.306,"body":"Like those are false choices."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":587.656,"endTime":587.866,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":587.866,"endTime":588.756,"body":"Yeah, I agree."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":588.966,"endTime":592.296,"body":"And also those are the easiest"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":588.966,"endTime":592.296,"body":"choices to make if you're not"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":592.296,"endTime":593.906,"body":"vested in the conversation, right?"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":594.186,"endTime":597.546,"body":"You're either going to go in one camp or"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":594.186,"endTime":597.546,"body":"the other and say, I don't really care."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":597.546,"endTime":599.656,"body":"There'll be more on this a"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":597.546,"endTime":599.656,"body":"little bit later in the podcast."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":599.996,"endTime":601.906,"body":"This chapter is all about definitions."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":601.926,"endTime":605.776,"body":"So the first definition that I"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":601.926,"endTime":605.776,"body":"threw out is the fool's choice."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":605.936,"endTime":606.676,"body":"That was the first one."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":606.926,"endTime":608.416,"body":"It's either A or B."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":608.446,"endTime":609.846,"body":"You're either with me or against me."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":609.996,"endTime":614.106,"body":"And more than often they're They're"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":609.996,"endTime":614.106,"body":"your emotions messing with you right?"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":614.356,"endTime":616.926,"body":"The next definition I want"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":614.356,"endTime":616.926,"body":"to throw out is dialogue."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":617.116,"endTime":619.816,"body":"Okay, when it comes to risky,"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":617.116,"endTime":619.816,"body":"controversial, and emotional"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":620.066,"endTime":624.106,"body":"conversations, skilled people find a way"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":620.066,"endTime":624.106,"body":"to get all the relevant information from"},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":624.106,"endTime":625.916,"body":"themselves and others out in the open."},{"speaker":"It also says","startTime":625.916,"endTime":626.976,"body":"This is on page 23."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":627.376,"endTime":631.426,"body":"the free flow"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":627.376,"endTime":631.426,"body":"of meaning between two or more people."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":631.676,"endTime":635.256,"body":"This book's going to talk a lot about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":631.676,"endTime":635.256,"body":"being in dialogue or out of dialogue"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":635.266,"endTime":640.411,"body":"and the book also will point out that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":635.266,"endTime":640.411,"body":"is, A good way for you to know in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":640.411,"endTime":643.781,"body":"future, whether you're in a crucial"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":640.411,"endTime":643.781,"body":"conversation, you can identify:  I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":643.781,"endTime":645.591,"body":"feel like we've fallen out of dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":645.901,"endTime":647.271,"body":"Let's refocus on what we want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":647.271,"endTime":648.561,"body":"And that book we'll talk about that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":648.601,"endTime":652.601,"body":"The other one that the book talks about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":648.601,"endTime":652.601,"body":"is the quote pool of shared meaning."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":652.901,"endTime":654.071,"body":"Sounds fun to swim in."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":654.121,"endTime":655.571,"body":"It's a great term."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":655.671,"endTime":656.771,"body":"Pool of shared meaning."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":656.791,"endTime":657.811,"body":"What does that actually mean?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":657.831,"endTime":660.241,"body":"Pool of shared meaning says people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":657.831,"endTime":660.241,"body":"who are skilled at dialogue do their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":660.241,"endTime":665.186,"body":"best to make it safe for everyone to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":660.241,"endTime":665.186,"body":"add they're meaning to the shared pool"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":665.486,"endTime":667.196,"body":"as a pool of shared meaning grows."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":667.216,"endTime":671.526,"body":"Individuals are exposed to more"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":667.216,"endTime":671.526,"body":"accurate and relevant information"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":671.536,"endTime":672.716,"body":"and can make better choices."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":673.126,"endTime":676.666,"body":"So this really talks about the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":673.126,"endTime":676.666,"body":"fact that you don't just have one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":676.826,"endTime":680.026,"body":"item that you're going to force"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":676.826,"endTime":680.026,"body":"the as an agenda item, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":680.286,"endTime":681.596,"body":"You're going to listen to everybody."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":681.816,"endTime":683.446,"body":"And co create the agenda."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":683.926,"endTime":685.176,"body":"That's very powerful."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":685.216,"endTime":688.766,"body":"And in my experience as a coach,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":685.216,"endTime":688.766,"body":"that has been really effective."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":689.226,"endTime":693.046,"body":"Cause that gives you buy in and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":689.226,"endTime":693.046,"body":"commitment at the same time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":693.356,"endTime":695.676,"body":"There are organizations that can do this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":695.846,"endTime":699.706,"body":"They can create shared pools of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":695.846,"endTime":699.706,"body":"meaning, the discussion forms around,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":700.036,"endTime":703.676,"body":"and then they get their conclusions,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":700.036,"endTime":703.676,"body":"their takeaways, their action items,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":703.866,"endTime":705.536,"body":"their new ideas things to try."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":705.786,"endTime":706.976,"body":"Product discovery, basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":707.226,"endTime":710.006,"body":"They get it when that pool of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":707.226,"endTime":710.006,"body":"shared meaning is formed, basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":710.286,"endTime":712.986,"body":"But when that pool is just like someone"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":710.286,"endTime":712.986,"body":"telling you things to do or forcing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":713.046,"endTime":714.976,"body":"ideas into it, everyone shuts down."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":715.216,"endTime":716.326,"body":"That's a whole different culture."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":716.556,"endTime":720.046,"body":"I feel this is a key component"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":716.556,"endTime":720.046,"body":"of true psychological safety."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":720.046,"endTime":722.626,"body":"Can you actually establish"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":720.046,"endTime":722.626,"body":"that pool of shared meaning?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":723.071,"endTime":728.671,"body":"And have people contribute evenly fairly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":723.071,"endTime":728.671,"body":"to that pool, pull things out, talk about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":728.671,"endTime":730.371,"body":"it, inspect things, put things back in."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":730.401,"endTime":733.691,"body":"This is a definition we're going to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":730.401,"endTime":733.691,"body":"talk about a lot more in this book says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":734.011,"endTime":738.781,"body":"when people feel comfortable speaking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":734.011,"endTime":738.781,"body":"up and meaning does flow freely, the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":738.781,"endTime":742.581,"body":"shared pool can dramatically increase a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":738.781,"endTime":742.581,"body":"group's ability to make better decisions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":742.871,"endTime":747.501,"body":"as a result of the free flow of meaning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":742.871,"endTime":747.501,"body":"whole, the final choice was truly greater"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":747.501,"endTime":748.941,"body":"than the sum of the original parts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":749.191,"endTime":750.691,"body":"I don't know what else to say on that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":750.931,"endTime":752.501,"body":"They've summarized it perfectly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":752.711,"endTime":755.851,"body":"They used the term synergy in the book"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":752.711,"endTime":755.851,"body":"because obviously most of these people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":755.851,"endTime":757.531,"body":"were probably educated in the 90s."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":757.621,"endTime":757.911,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":757.991,"endTime":761.581,"body":"Yeah, that's when synergy was"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":757.991,"endTime":761.581,"body":"the one thing you had to get out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":761.591,"endTime":761.651,"body":"Synergy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":761.761,"endTime":762.241,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":762.961,"endTime":765.561,"body":"Conversely, let's go to the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":762.961,"endTime":765.561,"body":"dark side of this one, Oum."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":765.581,"endTime":767.901,"body":"Let's talk about conversely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":765.581,"endTime":767.901,"body":"when people aren't involved."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":768.216,"endTime":771.706,"body":"When they sit back quietly during"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":768.216,"endTime":771.706,"body":"touchy conversations, they're rarely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":771.706,"endTime":773.286,"body":"committed to the final decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":773.456,"endTime":776.916,"body":"Since their ideas remain in their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":773.456,"endTime":776.916,"body":"heads and their opinions never make"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":776.916,"endTime":781.106,"body":"it into the pool, they end up quietly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":776.916,"endTime":781.106,"body":"criticizing and passively resisting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":781.356,"endTime":784.076,"body":"They may say they're on board,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":781.356,"endTime":784.076,"body":"but when they walk away, they will"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":784.076,"endTime":785.436,"body":"follow through half heartedly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":785.686,"endTime":788.196,"body":"Yeah, and I think pretty much"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":785.686,"endTime":788.196,"body":"everybody who's worked on a team"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":788.196,"endTime":789.716,"body":"has experienced this before."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":789.746,"endTime":791.146,"body":"Can I give you a confession, Om?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":791.416,"endTime":791.796,"body":"Yeah!"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":792.176,"endTime":794.426,"body":"This was me earlier in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":792.176,"endTime":794.426,"body":"my career right here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":794.466,"endTime":796.906,"body":"Like I did not want to start fights."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":796.926,"endTime":798.836,"body":"I would just say, yeah, whatever, dude."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":798.886,"endTime":802.026,"body":"So you got some stupid ideas, but I'm"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":798.886,"endTime":802.026,"body":"not going to start a fight with you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":802.026,"endTime":805.116,"body":"I'll just say, okay, just to get out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":802.026,"endTime":805.116,"body":"of this meeting, go back to my desk"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":805.146,"endTime":806.956,"body":"and do whatever I was doing before."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":807.206,"endTime":810.546,"body":"It's very easy to fall into that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":807.206,"endTime":810.546,"body":"trap when you have people that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":810.546,"endTime":812.846,"body":"are,  type A type of personalities."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":812.846,"endTime":818.286,"body":"They will exert themselves into a, Team,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":812.846,"endTime":818.286,"body":"and they'll say this is my way, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":818.556,"endTime":821.026,"body":"But they won't say it explicitly,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":818.556,"endTime":821.026,"body":"they'll just say this is the only way."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":821.216,"endTime":823.636,"body":"Surely whatever else you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":821.216,"endTime":823.636,"body":"have to say can't be real."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":823.646,"endTime":826.686,"body":"They call that forcing your ideas into"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":823.646,"endTime":826.686,"body":"the pool, that's what they call it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":826.726,"endTime":830.176,"body":"So I think pretty much everybody on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":826.726,"endTime":830.176,"body":"the team has come across this before."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":830.461,"endTime":831.881,"body":"And then they've given up passively."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":831.881,"endTime":832.961,"body":"It's fine, what's the point?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":833.211,"endTime":835.921,"body":"I know whatever I say is going"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":833.211,"endTime":835.921,"body":"to have no bearing on this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":835.951,"endTime":837.341,"body":"It makes total sense."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":837.351,"endTime":841.061,"body":"But at that point, you need someone to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":837.351,"endTime":841.061,"body":"stand up to say hey you're obviously"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":841.061,"endTime":844.111,"body":"you're trying to force your ideas"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":841.061,"endTime":844.111,"body":"into the pool to say, listen, it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":844.111,"endTime":846.091,"body":"sounds like you have this one idea."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":846.341,"endTime":847.031,"body":"We've discussed it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":847.281,"endTime":848.471,"body":"It's not the way we want to go."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":848.481,"endTime":850.041,"body":"can we consider other ideas?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":850.291,"endTime":852.221,"body":"And that person not taking it very well."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":852.221,"endTime":855.781,"body":"I can't even count the number of times"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":852.221,"endTime":855.781,"body":"I can think of so many sorry, I was"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":855.781,"endTime":860.231,"body":"trying to one particular disagreement"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":855.781,"endTime":860.231,"body":"out of my head for one of my teams,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":860.231,"endTime":864.261,"body":"but I just thought of three different"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":860.231,"endTime":864.261,"body":"development teams I'd been on that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":864.271,"endTime":867.531,"body":"had this kind of one person is  trying"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":864.271,"endTime":867.531,"body":"to take control of the decision in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":867.541,"endTime":871.371,"body":"the discussion yeah, what are the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":867.541,"endTime":871.371,"body":"techniques you could deploy in this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":871.371,"endTime":874.251,"body":"situation is to say this is a great idea."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":874.401,"endTime":879.271,"body":"Acknowledge it, put it down on paper"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":874.401,"endTime":879.271,"body":"somewhere in a document that's being"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":879.271,"endTime":882.691,"body":"shared with everybody and say, What"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":879.271,"endTime":882.691,"body":"other ideas do you have that might"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":882.691,"endTime":884.661,"body":"be as good or even better than this?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":884.691,"endTime":888.491,"body":"And ask that person if they come up"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":884.691,"endTime":888.491,"body":"with nothing, which often is the case."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":888.851,"endTime":891.941,"body":"You open that question up to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":888.851,"endTime":891.941,"body":"everybody else and then solicit"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":891.951,"endTime":893.831,"body":"their ideas and put them down."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":893.931,"endTime":896.311,"body":"Putting them down is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":893.931,"endTime":896.311,"body":"a crucial step, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":896.321,"endTime":899.661,"body":"Because you put them down as a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":896.321,"endTime":899.661,"body":"facilitator, you're automatically"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":899.711,"endTime":904.491,"body":"combating that person's,  overbearing onto"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":899.711,"endTime":904.491,"body":"the team saying this is it my way or the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":904.491,"endTime":906.811,"body":"highway, it's, yeah, this is a great idea."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":906.811,"endTime":907.321,"body":"But."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":907.606,"endTime":910.706,"body":"There's these other ones that the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":907.606,"endTime":910.706,"body":"teams come up with and then you can"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":910.706,"endTime":914.246,"body":"get into some kind of democratic"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":910.706,"endTime":914.246,"body":"prioritization of We'll get in that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":914.646,"endTime":917.596,"body":"This book does talk about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":914.646,"endTime":917.596,"body":"how teams make decisions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":917.606,"endTime":917.856,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":918.016,"endTime":920.856,"body":"It goes through several modes and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":918.016,"endTime":920.856,"body":"how to make decisions and some of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":920.856,"endTime":922.206,"body":"them are not what people think."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":922.246,"endTime":923.166,"body":"So we'll get into that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":923.416,"endTime":925.966,"body":"But since we're still in the dark"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":923.416,"endTime":925.966,"body":"side, I'm going to get the rest of the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":925.976,"endTime":927.386,"body":"stuff on the dark side out of the way."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":927.396,"endTime":931.646,"body":"It says when we do resort to silence,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":927.396,"endTime":931.646,"body":"when we do not get our ideas in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":931.646,"endTime":933.236,"body":"pool, it says sometimes we rely on hints."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":933.591,"endTime":939.251,"body":"Sarcasm, caustic humor, innuendo, and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":933.591,"endTime":939.251,"body":"the looks of disgust to make our points."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":939.511,"endTime":941.661,"body":"We play the martyr and then pretend"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":939.511,"endTime":941.661,"body":"we're actually trying to help."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":941.881,"endTime":944.731,"body":"Afraid to confront an individual,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":941.881,"endTime":944.731,"body":"we blame the entire team for a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":944.731,"endTime":949.291,"body":"problem, hoping the message hits the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":944.731,"endTime":949.291,"body":"right target how many times have we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":949.291,"endTime":950.561,"body":"seen that with development teams?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":950.561,"endTime":952.541,"body":"For leadership especially, or management."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":952.541,"endTime":953.301,"body":"Yes, yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":953.851,"endTime":956.291,"body":"When stakes are high, opinions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":953.851,"endTime":956.291,"body":"vary, and emotions run strong."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":956.291,"endTime":960.591,"body":"We're Often at our worst in order to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":956.291,"endTime":960.591,"body":"move to our best We have to find a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":960.591,"endTime":965.671,"body":"way to explain what is in each of our"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":960.591,"endTime":965.671,"body":"personal pools of meaning Especially our"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":965.671,"endTime":969.801,"body":"high stakes sensitive and controversial"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":965.671,"endTime":969.801,"body":"opinions feelings and ideas to get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":969.831,"endTime":972.211,"body":"the others to share their pools"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":972.501,"endTime":974.551,"body":"The first couple of chapters"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":972.501,"endTime":974.551,"body":"don't have a solid summary."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":974.551,"endTime":977.641,"body":"we were looking at more of an intro,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":974.551,"endTime":977.641,"body":"especially this one, more of a definition."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":977.691,"endTime":980.121,"body":"That's what you're trying to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":977.691,"endTime":980.121,"body":"accomplish in this chapters."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":980.211,"endTime":982.121,"body":"Stop all this fighting and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":980.211,"endTime":982.121,"body":"this kind of stuff back and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":982.121,"endTime":983.181,"body":"forth what are we trying to do?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":983.311,"endTime":986.481,"body":"We're trying to accomplish this goal,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":983.311,"endTime":986.481,"body":"do this thing, whatever as a team."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":986.966,"endTime":989.576,"body":"We have this shared pool of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":986.966,"endTime":989.576,"body":"ideas, even just the two of us."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":989.826,"endTime":993.136,"body":"We both feel completely confident and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":989.826,"endTime":993.136,"body":"free that we can put ideas in the pool."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":993.426,"endTime":994.586,"body":"They'll be taken seriously."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":994.936,"endTime":996.486,"body":"We don't have any of these bad behaviors."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":996.596,"endTime":999.846,"body":"And dialogue, the free flow"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":996.596,"endTime":999.846,"body":"of meaning between people."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1000.096,"endTime":1003.246,"body":"Is the default, that is the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1000.096,"endTime":1003.246,"body":"path of lease resistance."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1003.276,"endTime":1006.516,"body":"And when someone steps in and tries"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1003.276,"endTime":1006.516,"body":"to domineer over our conversation,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1006.516,"endTime":1007.746,"body":"whatever, that should be the exception."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1007.926,"endTime":1008.916,"body":"They should stick out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1008.976,"endTime":1010.186,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1010.286,"endTime":1015.226,"body":"Listen, again, some of this stuff is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1010.286,"endTime":1015.226,"body":"just so fundamental to teaming basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1015.286,"endTime":1017.536,"body":"And there are been other authors"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1015.286,"endTime":1017.536,"body":"that have written something"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1017.536,"endTime":1019.406,"body":"like this, but this book is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1019.836,"endTime":1023.246,"body":"It lays it out nicely and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1019.836,"endTime":1023.246,"body":"it's a very easy to read book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1023.336,"endTime":1024.086,"body":"It is very easy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1024.136,"endTime":1027.566,"body":"Yeah, it's pretty easy because they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1024.136,"endTime":1027.566,"body":"will state some principles and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1027.566,"endTime":1030.586,"body":"they'll go into a story And then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1027.566,"endTime":1030.586,"body":"they'll reinforce the principles that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1030.586,"endTime":1033.256,"body":"you just heard from the story in a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1030.586,"endTime":1033.256,"body":"different way than they stated earlier."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1033.476,"endTime":1035.896,"body":"And it's pretty, that basically"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1033.476,"endTime":1035.896,"body":"the whole book is in that format."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1035.896,"endTime":1036.946,"body":"Yeah, it's pretty easy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1037.086,"endTime":1037.526,"body":"I agree."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1037.776,"endTime":1038.016,"body":"All right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1038.016,"endTime":1042.656,"body":"So chapter three is start with heart, how"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1038.016,"endTime":1042.656,"body":"to stay focused on what you really want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1042.706,"endTime":1043.126,"body":"All right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1043.456,"endTime":1046.981,"body":"When I was a QA manager, and we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1043.456,"endTime":1046.981,"body":"didn't report to development."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1047.041,"endTime":1049.801,"body":"Everything was great when I was a QA"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1047.041,"endTime":1049.801,"body":"manager and we reported to development,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1049.851,"endTime":1053.101,"body":"I would tell my people, when you go into"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1049.851,"endTime":1053.101,"body":"your skip level with the director of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1053.101,"endTime":1054.601,"body":"development, he works for development."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1055.051,"endTime":1057.581,"body":"So he only wants to hear about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1055.051,"endTime":1057.581,"body":"when things are going to be done."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1057.811,"endTime":1059.981,"body":"And he only wants to hear that he's great."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1060.281,"endTime":1064.291,"body":"And like how great he is and he"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1060.281,"endTime":1064.291,"body":"wants to be praised  because that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1064.291,"endTime":1065.671,"body":"individual was a special person."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1065.761,"endTime":1070.071,"body":"my advice for people in that situation was"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1065.761,"endTime":1070.071,"body":"first of all, keep their resume updated."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1070.171,"endTime":1071.021,"body":"But my other advice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1071.336,"endTime":1073.276,"body":"Was always write down what you want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1073.306,"endTime":1076.286,"body":"Like when you go into your like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1073.306,"endTime":1076.286,"body":"one on one career sessions or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1076.286,"endTime":1079.186,"body":"whatever with the direct, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1076.286,"endTime":1079.186,"body":"basically your skip level, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1079.186,"endTime":1082.566,"body":"Write down what you want"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1079.186,"endTime":1082.566,"body":"because you're a skip level."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1082.776,"endTime":1086.536,"body":"They have a whole host of other things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1082.776,"endTime":1086.536,"body":"on their mind can they actually clear"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1086.916,"endTime":1090.996,"body":"off of their calendar, all their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1086.916,"endTime":1090.996,"body":"little minutia and actually truly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1090.996,"endTime":1094.716,"body":"pay attention and listen to you as an"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1090.996,"endTime":1094.716,"body":"individual and really be out there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1095.036,"endTime":1097.856,"body":"To help and look for sponsorship"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1095.036,"endTime":1097.856,"body":"where they can put you up in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1097.856,"endTime":1099.146,"body":"company and move your career along."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1099.456,"endTime":1103.356,"body":"Like you let lots of corporate America"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1099.456,"endTime":1103.356,"body":"people like to say that and set up"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1103.356,"endTime":1106.186,"body":"these skip-level things and feel like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1103.356,"endTime":1106.186,"body":"they're really making the difference."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1106.356,"endTime":1108.666,"body":"In reality, it's just checking them off."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1109.146,"endTime":1112.766,"body":"It was ticking a box and trying to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1109.146,"endTime":1112.766,"body":"browbeat people into doing extra work."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1112.776,"endTime":1113.606,"body":"That's what it was."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1113.856,"endTime":1116.766,"body":"So what I would tell people is  no"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1113.856,"endTime":1116.766,"body":"matter what the discussion is, you write"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1116.766,"endTime":1119.656,"body":"down what you want on a sticky and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1116.766,"endTime":1119.656,"body":"just keep it in the palm of your hand."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1120.051,"endTime":1121.701,"body":"And keep looking down and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1120.051,"endTime":1121.701,"body":"be like, what do I want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1121.701,"endTime":1124.261,"body":"Because often the conversation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1121.701,"endTime":1124.261,"body":"would go all around the world and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1124.261,"endTime":1127.901,"body":"sidetrack you  because that particular"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1124.261,"endTime":1127.901,"body":"company, that individual leader"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1128.121,"endTime":1129.501,"body":"wasn't very good at listening."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1129.751,"endTime":1133.841,"body":"So you would have to keep beating him"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1129.751,"endTime":1133.841,"body":"down over and over about this thing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1133.841,"endTime":1137.561,"body":"that you really were interested in and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1133.841,"endTime":1137.561,"body":"you have to keep bringing it back to it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1137.571,"endTime":1140.651,"body":"before he would hear it and process it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1141.061,"endTime":1143.981,"body":"This is just one story about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1141.061,"endTime":1143.981,"body":"one person at one company."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1144.336,"endTime":1146.946,"body":"Who wasn't even a very good"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1144.336,"endTime":1146.946,"body":"leader, but it's a good story I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1146.946,"endTime":1149.016,"body":"think because this is reality."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1149.066,"endTime":1151.306,"body":"a lot of people are not going"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1149.066,"endTime":1151.306,"body":"to read this book, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1151.506,"endTime":1153.636,"body":"So this story could apply"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1151.506,"endTime":1153.636,"body":"to pretty much anybody"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1153.636,"endTime":1155.647,"body":"the point of this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1153.636,"endTime":1155.647,"body":"chapter, start with heart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1155.996,"endTime":1159.396,"body":"Is oh boy, like I feel that there's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1155.996,"endTime":1159.396,"body":"a lot of this book does a lot of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1159.436,"endTime":1163.026,"body":"like backflips to not use normal"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1159.436,"endTime":1163.026,"body":"terminology that you and I would use"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1163.026,"endTime":1164.626,"body":"like psychological safety, which is good."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1164.666,"endTime":1167.906,"body":"And the start with heart like the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1164.666,"endTime":1167.906,"body":"term I would just use is empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1168.006,"endTime":1168.806,"body":"I would just use empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1168.846,"endTime":1169.726,"body":"That's all I would say."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1169.976,"endTime":1170.536,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1170.586,"endTime":1172.356,"body":"That term is misunderstood as well."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1172.376,"endTime":1175.816,"body":"Start with heart, know what you really"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1172.376,"endTime":1175.816,"body":"want, focus on it, write it down."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1175.986,"endTime":1176.776,"body":"Great advice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1177.086,"endTime":1181.296,"body":"Write it down, but also right underneath"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1177.086,"endTime":1181.296,"body":"that statement, write down what is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1181.296,"endTime":1184.466,"body":"the minimum that you're prepared to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1181.296,"endTime":1184.466,"body":"walk away with from that meeting?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1184.846,"endTime":1186.486,"body":"Because you may not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1184.846,"endTime":1186.486,"body":"always get what you want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1186.956,"endTime":1189.106,"body":"Then again, it's not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1186.956,"endTime":1189.106,"body":"all or nothing, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1189.256,"endTime":1190.006,"body":"this is what I want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1190.006,"endTime":1191.636,"body":"And you fight for it, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1191.756,"endTime":1191.876,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1191.906,"endTime":1194.816,"body":"In discussions and you don't get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1191.906,"endTime":1194.816,"body":"that, you are gonna feel pretty bad."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1194.896,"endTime":1197.806,"body":". So if you write down underneath"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1194.896,"endTime":1197.806,"body":"that, this is the minimum that I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1197.806,"endTime":1199.276,"body":"can accept out of this meeting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1199.326,"endTime":1201.096,"body":"Start with what you really want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1201.101,"endTime":1205.451,"body":"And then come away hopefully with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1201.101,"endTime":1205.451,"body":"what you want, but if not, at least"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1205.511,"endTime":1206.741,"body":"something that you can live with."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1206.991,"endTime":1208.356,"body":"So check in there and start singing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1208.606,"endTime":1209.466,"body":"Yeah, what do you want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1209.466,"endTime":1210.056,"body":"What you really want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1210.156,"endTime":1213.446,"body":"Chapter three starts with how do you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1210.156,"endTime":1213.446,"body":"encourage the flow of meaning in the face"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1213.446,"endTime":1215.606,"body":"of differing opinions and strong emotions?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1215.986,"endTime":1217.366,"body":"It says you start with heart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1217.376,"endTime":1218.466,"body":"That is, your own heart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1218.626,"endTime":1222.846,"body":"If you can't get yourself right, you'll"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1218.626,"endTime":1222.846,"body":"have a hard time getting dialogue right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1223.146,"endTime":1225.296,"body":"how do  how do you convey"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1223.146,"endTime":1225.296,"body":"to others if you're confused"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1225.296,"endTime":1226.766,"body":"about what it is that you want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1226.776,"endTime":1229.741,"body":"I hate to spoil this chapter, but if you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1226.776,"endTime":1229.741,"body":"don't know what you want and you also have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1229.741,"endTime":1232.561,"body":"no empathy, like you can stop listening."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1232.561,"endTime":1235.521,"body":"Now you can like, as described,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1232.561,"endTime":1235.521,"body":"thanks for coming to the podcast."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1235.951,"endTime":1238.341,"body":"Cause I look, cause the rest of this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1235.951,"endTime":1238.341,"body":"podcast is not going to help you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1238.401,"endTime":1241.041,"body":"This chapter starts by"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1238.401,"endTime":1241.041,"body":"saying you can't fake this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1241.351,"endTime":1241.811,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1242.181,"endTime":1242.431,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1242.431,"endTime":1245.541,"body":"So all of you who say fake it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1242.431,"endTime":1245.541,"body":"till you make it kind of thing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1245.541,"endTime":1247.391,"body":"Not this fake, everything else."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1247.541,"endTime":1249.491,"body":"It says skilled people start with heart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1249.501,"endTime":1252.481,"body":"That is, they began high risk"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1249.501,"endTime":1252.481,"body":"discussions with the right motives."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1252.731,"endTime":1254.521,"body":"And they stay focused"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1252.731,"endTime":1254.521,"body":"no matter what happens."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1254.521,"endTime":1256.801,"body":"First, they know what they want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1257.051,"endTime":1259.751,"body":"Second, they don't make fool's choices."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1259.771,"endTime":1262.101,"body":"Which again, we know is either or choices."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1262.351,"endTime":1265.381,"body":"Those two things together already,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1262.351,"endTime":1265.381,"body":"like we just talked about in the intro"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1265.381,"endTime":1268.011,"body":"to this chapter, to chapter three."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1268.131,"endTime":1271.341,"body":"We in chapter three, we're just in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1268.131,"endTime":1271.341,"body":"four now, but chapter three, we're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1271.341,"endTime":1272.301,"body":"in chapter three with three now."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1272.331,"endTime":1272.451,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1272.451,"endTime":1272.691,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1272.811,"endTime":1276.121,"body":"Those two things right there"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1272.811,"endTime":1276.121,"body":"so many people fail already."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1276.371,"endTime":1279.381,"body":"Already, like what is my"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1276.371,"endTime":1279.381,"body":"goal in this conversation?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1279.561,"endTime":1280.021,"body":"I'm out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1280.271,"endTime":1280.731,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1280.981,"endTime":1281.231,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1281.281,"endTime":1285.051,"body":"A lot of people are tagalongs,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1281.281,"endTime":1285.051,"body":"especially some of these QA members"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1285.051,"endTime":1287.631,"body":"or development members like you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1285.051,"endTime":1287.631,"body":"tell me what I need to work on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1288.061,"endTime":1289.651,"body":"And then I'll go do my part."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1289.721,"endTime":1293.531,"body":"Those people will not necessarily say"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1289.721,"endTime":1293.531,"body":"anything but at the same time they have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1293.531,"endTime":1297.751,"body":"feelings they have certain attitudes"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1293.531,"endTime":1297.751,"body":"towards what's being discussed You need"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1297.751,"endTime":1301.931,"body":"to get that out of them in an environment"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1297.751,"endTime":1301.931,"body":"where everyone listens and they feel"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1302.001,"endTime":1303.501,"body":"you know safe to contribute, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1303.751,"endTime":1306.881,"body":"Without that to your point,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1303.751,"endTime":1306.881,"body":"you're not going to get that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1306.881,"endTime":1308.761,"body":"full commitment from people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1309.111,"endTime":1312.941,"body":"it says when faced with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1309.111,"endTime":1312.941,"body":"Pressure and strong opinions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1313.121,"endTime":1317.401,"body":"We often stop worrying about the goal"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1313.121,"endTime":1317.401,"body":"of adding to the pool of meaning and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1317.401,"endTime":1323.871,"body":"start looking for ways to win Punish"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1317.401,"endTime":1323.871,"body":"or keep the peace so it gives three"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1323.961,"endTime":1328.756,"body":"bad behaviors now with this category,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1323.961,"endTime":1328.756,"body":"so we're talking about empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1328.796,"endTime":1329.166,"body":"I'm sorry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1329.166,"endTime":1334.074,"body":"We're talking about studying start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1329.166,"endTime":1334.074,"body":"starting my heart Only I could sell"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1334.074,"endTime":1338.026,"body":"a book by inventing new terms anyway"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1334.074,"endTime":1338.026,"body":"they start with three behaviors"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1338.026,"endTime":1340.276,"body":"three bad behaviors Let's start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1338.026,"endTime":1340.276,"body":"with the let's start with these."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1340.276,"endTime":1346.066,"body":"So when we start asking for what we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1340.276,"endTime":1346.066,"body":"want and somebody else pushes back"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1346.106,"endTime":1349.916,"body":"or we try to outline a situation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1346.106,"endTime":1349.916,"body":"that we would like resolved."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1350.106,"endTime":1354.336,"body":"And someone else pushes back You And"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1350.106,"endTime":1354.336,"body":"we start arguing, we have changed our"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1354.346,"endTime":1358.756,"body":"goal from correcting mistakes or trying"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1354.346,"endTime":1358.756,"body":"to get what we want, we've now changed"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1358.756,"endTime":1361.456,"body":"our goal from that to trying to win."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1361.706,"endTime":1365.146,"body":"And this is the first"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1361.706,"endTime":1365.146,"body":"mistake in this category."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1365.606,"endTime":1367.226,"body":"That Oh boy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1367.296,"endTime":1368.206,"body":"Oh man."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1368.226,"endTime":1368.726,"body":"If I could."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1368.976,"endTime":1372.856,"body":"It's like hashtag winning like if I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1368.976,"endTime":1372.856,"body":"might put that on the podcast like I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1372.856,"endTime":1377.836,"body":"might waste a hashtag on that just I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1372.856,"endTime":1377.836,"body":"can't believe how prevalent this has"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1377.836,"endTime":1381.356,"body":"been in the career I don't think it'll"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1377.836,"endTime":1381.356,"body":"come up in the 20 year because I the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1381.356,"endTime":1385.276,"body":"agenda for the 20 year is already so"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1381.356,"endTime":1385.276,"body":"packed I don't know if i'll have time"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1385.276,"endTime":1389.636,"body":"for this, but I really hope it makes it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1385.276,"endTime":1389.636,"body":"into the 20 year career podcast of man"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1389.636,"endTime":1394.516,"body":"There are so many people that they're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1389.636,"endTime":1394.516,"body":"conversation techniques are so uncouth?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1394.661,"endTime":1395.411,"body":"Unrefined."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1395.411,"endTime":1400.031,"body":"Even if all their facts are correct and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1395.411,"endTime":1400.031,"body":"their assumptions are correct and their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1400.241,"endTime":1402.011,"body":"suggested course of actions are correct."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1402.261,"endTime":1403.011,"body":"Believable."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1403.416,"endTime":1407.776,"body":"Feasible to the team all of the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1403.416,"endTime":1407.776,"body":"marty Cagan four categories, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1408.136,"endTime":1411.506,"body":"They can nail every single one of those"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1408.136,"endTime":1411.506,"body":"but because of the way they brought it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1411.516,"endTime":1415.636,"body":"up in this trying to win executives and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1411.516,"endTime":1415.636,"body":"product managers often get into this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1415.926,"endTime":1417.906,"body":"Fight where somebody's trying to win."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1418.086,"endTime":1418.176,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1418.266,"endTime":1421.686,"body":"Oh, we can't let the product manager"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1418.266,"endTime":1421.686,"body":"get one over on the executive team."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1421.866,"endTime":1424.086,"body":"We said, this is strategic,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1421.866,"endTime":1424.086,"body":"it's gotta happen."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1424.236,"endTime":1427.876,"body":"How dare you product manager say that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1424.236,"endTime":1427.876,"body":"it's not technically feasible, yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1427.876,"endTime":1428.746,"body":"This stuff, the sink at it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1429.066,"endTime":1429.276,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1429.276,"endTime":1433.786,"body":"A lot of this stuff is about turf"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1429.276,"endTime":1433.786,"body":"protection and fuel by their egos."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1433.786,"endTime":1435.476,"body":"Everyone's seen this, I'm sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1435.726,"endTime":1438.836,"body":"The authors call this out and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1435.726,"endTime":1438.836,"body":"say, if you're doing this, I what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1438.836,"endTime":1440.506,"body":"are you really gaining from this?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1440.876,"endTime":1446.486,"body":"You have other people in the meeting,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1440.876,"endTime":1446.486,"body":"in the discussion that witness this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1446.756,"endTime":1450.426,"body":"And so if you're winning and you get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1446.756,"endTime":1450.426,"body":"your way every time, One of the things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1450.436,"endTime":1454.786,"body":"that's really bad that can happen is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1450.436,"endTime":1454.786,"body":"people emulate your behavior, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1455.056,"endTime":1457.086,"body":"And so you're going to get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1455.056,"endTime":1457.086,"body":"these people go, Oh, this is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1457.086,"endTime":1459.066,"body":"how you get ahead here, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1459.166,"endTime":1462.906,"body":"And if you're all culture is such where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1459.166,"endTime":1462.906,"body":"you get promoted, they can emulate"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1462.906,"endTime":1464.266,"body":"more because they want to get promoted."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1464.356,"endTime":1465.046,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1465.256,"endTime":1469.726,"body":"That's definitely a way to get one of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1465.256,"endTime":1469.726,"body":"these behaviors to become like ingrained"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1470.036,"endTime":1471.406,"body":"culturally in a corporate culture."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1471.766,"endTime":1474.716,"body":"The next one, I got to say,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1471.766,"endTime":1474.716,"body":"personal favorite of mine,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1475.086,"endTime":1476.786,"body":"The next one is punishing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1477.036,"endTime":1480.606,"body":"When we move so far away from adding"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1477.036,"endTime":1480.606,"body":"meaning to the pool and all we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1480.606,"endTime":1482.796,"body":"want to do is see others suffer."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1483.076,"endTime":1486.126,"body":"And the quote here is, I can't believe"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1483.076,"endTime":1486.126,"body":"that you're accusing me of squandering"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1486.126,"endTime":1488.016,"body":"good money on a perfectly fine office."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1488.256,"endTime":1492.426,"body":"Now we're in a dispute about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1488.256,"endTime":1492.426,"body":"spending too much on office space."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1492.866,"endTime":1495.186,"body":"I can't believe that you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1492.866,"endTime":1495.186,"body":"accusing me of squandering good"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1495.186,"endTime":1496.526,"body":"money on a perfectly fine office."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1496.716,"endTime":1499.526,"body":"Now, if nobody else has an"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1496.716,"endTime":1499.526,"body":"intelligent question, let's move on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1499.776,"endTime":1501.046,"body":"Yeah, punishing behavior."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1501.456,"endTime":1503.906,"body":"The other punishing behavior is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1501.456,"endTime":1503.906,"body":"you ever been in a workplace where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1503.956,"endTime":1508.456,"body":"where you, like somebody brings"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1503.956,"endTime":1508.456,"body":"up grievances from like months and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1508.456,"endTime":1510.076,"body":"years of projects that are gone."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1510.126,"endTime":1512.676,"body":"Dude, that was like two projects"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1510.126,"endTime":1512.676,"body":"ago and you're still like,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1512.776,"endTime":1516.346,"body":"remember when you did that bug or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1512.776,"endTime":1516.346,"body":"whatever, you missed that test."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1516.666,"endTime":1519.406,"body":"That was a big thing in QA about,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1516.666,"endTime":1519.406,"body":"remember when you missed that one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1519.406,"endTime":1520.826,"body":"thing we can't have that, yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1520.841,"endTime":1523.001,"body":"It can, yeah, it can be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1520.841,"endTime":1523.001,"body":"director of his product as well."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1523.001,"endTime":1524.441,"body":"You missed the requirement, remember that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1524.441,"endTime":1524.741,"body":"Totally."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1524.831,"endTime":1525.941,"body":"So missed requirements."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1525.941,"endTime":1526.121,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1526.121,"endTime":1527.351,"body":"The opposite side."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1527.411,"endTime":1531.671,"body":"The opposite side o of that is oh"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1527.411,"endTime":1531.671,"body":"yeah, you're bringing that up now."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1531.881,"endTime":1532.781,"body":"But what have you missed?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1532.781,"endTime":1536.171,"body":"And then people start retaliating in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1532.781,"endTime":1536.171,"body":"this discussion and that's terrible."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1536.421,"endTime":1538.041,"body":"Oh, you punishing winning, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1538.041,"endTime":1538.281,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1538.341,"endTime":1541.631,"body":"A classic punishing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1538.341,"endTime":1541.631,"body":"phenomenon I've seen is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1541.986,"endTime":1542.166,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1542.166,"endTime":1542.606,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1542.656,"endTime":1542.866,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1542.866,"endTime":1543.106,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1543.206,"endTime":1545.786,"body":"Let's take the offline and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1543.206,"endTime":1545.786,"body":"there's no way they're going to take"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1545.786,"endTime":1549.836,"body":"it up offline They don't they have no"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1545.786,"endTime":1549.836,"body":"intention to they're shutting you down."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1549.926,"endTime":1551.686,"body":"Oh, man, I did that's punishing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1551.956,"endTime":1557.121,"body":"That's so good I've seen it so often"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1551.956,"endTime":1557.121,"body":"and when leaders do it Nobody objects"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1557.121,"endTime":1560.321,"body":"right punishing everyone immediately"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1557.121,"endTime":1560.321,"body":"clams up and looks at the floor."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1560.321,"endTime":1561.541,"body":"The silence is deafening."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1561.581,"endTime":1561.981,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1562.031,"endTime":1562.211,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1562.211,"endTime":1562.881,"body":"Yeah punishing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1563.131,"endTime":1566.401,"body":"The last one here is keeping the peace,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1563.131,"endTime":1566.401,"body":"we're so uncomfortable with the immediate"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1566.401,"endTime":1571.466,"body":"conflict that we accept the certainty"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1566.401,"endTime":1571.466,"body":"of bad results To avoid the possibility"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1571.696,"endTime":1573.716,"body":"of an uncomfortable conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1573.966,"endTime":1577.746,"body":"We all stay quiet when somebody"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1573.966,"endTime":1577.746,"body":"questions something or the directed"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1577.756,"endTime":1580.796,"body":"VP of development or whatever walks"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1577.756,"endTime":1580.796,"body":"in and is I can't believe that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1580.796,"endTime":1582.166,"body":"you're talking about this story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1582.166,"endTime":1582.896,"body":"It's so apparent."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1582.906,"endTime":1585.086,"body":"It's so easy that  why do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1582.906,"endTime":1585.086,"body":"you have to talk about that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1585.146,"endTime":1586.216,"body":"Why do you have to talk to a customer?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1586.216,"endTime":1587.976,"body":"Why do you have to demo"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1586.216,"endTime":1587.976,"body":"this or a customer Om?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1588.076,"endTime":1588.396,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1588.646,"endTime":1591.406,"body":"You just do this, do X and Y"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1588.646,"endTime":1591.406,"body":"and Z, and then you're done."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1591.556,"endTime":1592.766,"body":"You don't need to talk to people."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1593.016,"endTime":1594.946,"body":"Why you have an hour and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1593.016,"endTime":1594.946,"body":"a half for your retro Om?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1595.086,"endTime":1596.436,"body":"You can do that in 20 minutes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1596.436,"endTime":1596.766,"body":"I don't understand."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1596.766,"endTime":1597.686,"body":"You live the dream code."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1597.726,"endTime":1598.796,"body":"And everyone's quiet."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1598.886,"endTime":1599.276,"body":"I know."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1599.396,"endTime":1602.626,"body":"Because nobody, everyone just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1599.396,"endTime":1602.626,"body":"is not, doesn't want to say."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1602.876,"endTime":1605.676,"body":"Some very strong product"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1602.876,"endTime":1605.676,"body":"people do that too though."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1605.796,"endTime":1607.076,"body":"So why do you have to talk to customers?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1607.236,"endTime":1608.186,"body":"I'm telling you what they need."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1608.336,"endTime":1608.816,"body":"Oh yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1608.916,"endTime":1609.656,"body":"Let's just move on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1609.716,"endTime":1610.186,"body":"Oh yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1610.286,"endTime":1615.596,"body":"a great review of three things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1610.286,"endTime":1615.596,"body":"that you will encounter in software"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1615.596,"endTime":1618.676,"body":"development, I would imagine every"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1615.596,"endTime":1618.676,"body":"other sector every other sector of every"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1618.676,"endTime":1623.846,"body":"other job ever is a human behavior,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1618.676,"endTime":1623.846,"body":"winning, punishing, keeping the peace."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1624.076,"endTime":1625.746,"body":"Three, three, three"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1624.076,"endTime":1625.746,"body":"different types of behavior."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1625.746,"endTime":1627.926,"body":"Page 41, we go into"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1625.746,"endTime":1627.926,"body":"how to break the cycle."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1628.086,"endTime":1632.256,"body":"How to break the cycle requires"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1628.086,"endTime":1632.256,"body":"you to refocus your brain."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1632.716,"endTime":1633.006,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1633.266,"endTime":1634.496,"body":"So refocus your brain."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1634.736,"endTime":1637.426,"body":"Even if you're caught in one of these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1634.736,"endTime":1637.426,"body":"discussions, like it's not too late."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1637.676,"endTime":1641.431,"body":"You can stop refocus you can step"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1637.676,"endTime":1641.431,"body":"away from the interaction Look at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1641.431,"endTime":1643.901,"body":"yourself, ask yourself, what am I doing?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1644.151,"endTime":1648.081,"body":"And if I had to guess, what does it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1644.151,"endTime":1648.081,"body":"tell me about my underlying motive?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1648.521,"endTime":1650.771,"body":"They give you three"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1648.521,"endTime":1650.771,"body":"questions to ask yourself."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1650.971,"endTime":1654.751,"body":"Whenever you find yourself slipping out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1650.971,"endTime":1654.751,"body":"of dialogue again, remember we called"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1654.761,"endTime":1656.131,"body":"that, we called this thing dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1656.131,"endTime":1658.981,"body":"So if you're in one of these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1656.131,"endTime":1658.981,"body":"punishing modes, silence modes, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1659.011,"endTime":1663.621,"body":"If you're, if you realize, if the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1659.011,"endTime":1663.621,"body":"next time you find yourself like being"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1663.621,"endTime":1666.371,"body":"silent, cause you don't want to start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1663.621,"endTime":1666.371,"body":"a fight or whatever you realize Oh no."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1666.641,"endTime":1668.431,"body":"I'm reverting to the silent mode."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1668.431,"endTime":1671.191,"body":"I am actually engaging in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1668.431,"endTime":1671.191,"body":"one of these bad behaviors."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1671.541,"endTime":1674.221,"body":"Now, let me ask myself one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1671.541,"endTime":1674.221,"body":"of these three questions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1674.471,"endTime":1676.041,"body":"What do I really want for myself?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1676.381,"endTime":1677.851,"body":"What do I really want for others?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1678.171,"endTime":1680.061,"body":"What I really want for the relationship."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1680.311,"endTime":1684.831,"body":"So it says, once you've asked yourself"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1680.311,"endTime":1684.831,"body":"what you want at one more equally"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1684.831,"endTime":1688.751,"body":"telling question, how would I behave"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1684.831,"endTime":1688.751,"body":"if I really wanted these results?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1689.001,"endTime":1692.131,"body":"that last question though what do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1689.001,"endTime":1692.131,"body":"you want from the relationship?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1692.181,"endTime":1694.331,"body":"That, or for the relationship, not from."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1694.661,"endTime":1696.181,"body":"What do you want for the relationship?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1696.651,"endTime":1699.571,"body":"That one, oftentimes"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1696.651,"endTime":1699.571,"body":"people they gloss over it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1699.581,"endTime":1701.681,"body":"They don't really think through that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1701.991,"endTime":1706.871,"body":"But every time you're interacting"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1701.991,"endTime":1706.871,"body":"in any kind of setting, you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1706.871,"endTime":1710.071,"body":"actually either forwarding or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1706.871,"endTime":1710.071,"body":"regressing on a relationship."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1710.421,"endTime":1712.181,"body":"What you're getting out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1710.421,"endTime":1712.181,"body":"of that relationship."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1712.431,"endTime":1714.431,"body":"It's never a constant, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1714.791,"endTime":1719.161,"body":"So you'll, if you want to catalyze that,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1714.791,"endTime":1719.161,"body":"pay attention to that last question."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1719.411,"endTime":1720.491,"body":"Be mindful about that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1720.741,"endTime":1722.741,"body":"How are you going to rub"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1720.741,"endTime":1722.741,"body":"off on people, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1722.991,"endTime":1724.941,"body":"What kind of example"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1722.991,"endTime":1724.941,"body":"are you really setting?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1725.191,"endTime":1726.781,"body":"Do you, are you leading by example?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1726.781,"endTime":1727.601,"body":"Are you setting an exam?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1727.621,"endTime":1730.271,"body":"Are you showing shortcuts"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1727.621,"endTime":1730.271,"body":"in just to meet a deadline?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1730.501,"endTime":1735.301,"body":"Like those kinds of things actually do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1730.501,"endTime":1735.301,"body":"matter because people will see that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1735.331,"endTime":1738.451,"body":"And then they, some people will"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1735.331,"endTime":1738.451,"body":"say it's okay to do this, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1738.481,"endTime":1739.131,"body":"Cause you're doing it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1739.381,"endTime":1742.891,"body":"So they'll emulate you well, it says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1739.381,"endTime":1742.891,"body":"Just even if you can't remember all these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1742.931,"endTime":1744.771,"body":"like just asking what do I really want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1745.021,"endTime":1749.441,"body":"Like obviously it says is it to make the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1745.021,"endTime":1749.441,"body":"other person squirm like to see them?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1749.461,"endTime":1752.991,"body":"Yeah To see them like made a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1749.461,"endTime":1752.991,"body":"fool in front of the crowd Like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1752.991,"endTime":1754.131,"body":"is that what you're looking for?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1754.181,"endTime":1758.171,"body":"Is that what's going to be the best for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1754.181,"endTime":1758.171,"body":"the relationship between you and yeah, is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1758.171,"endTime":1759.661,"body":"that what's gonna be best for the crowd?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1759.661,"endTime":1764.191,"body":"Like probably not all those things if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1759.661,"endTime":1764.191,"body":"you can Step back and really think about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1764.191,"endTime":1767.846,"body":"it for a second You know, even count"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1764.191,"endTime":1767.846,"body":"to five, ask yourself these questions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1767.866,"endTime":1769.096,"body":"or write them down, have them on card."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1769.486,"endTime":1772.596,"body":"I don't know how you begin"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1769.486,"endTime":1772.596,"body":"to employ these things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1772.596,"endTime":1775.096,"body":"There's some suggestions in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1772.596,"endTime":1775.096,"body":"back of the book about how you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1775.096,"endTime":1778.496,"body":"begin, which is the same as any of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1775.096,"endTime":1778.496,"body":"like, how do I begin being agile?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1778.496,"endTime":1779.336,"body":"Like any of those things?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1779.346,"endTime":1780.396,"body":"How do I begin Deming?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1780.596,"endTime":1783.606,"body":"You begin small, whatever you can start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1780.596,"endTime":1783.606,"body":"in this segment of the organization."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1783.976,"endTime":1784.676,"body":"That's how you begin."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1784.686,"endTime":1787.926,"body":"Exactly, and that is most people, like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1784.686,"endTime":1787.926,"body":"a lot of people are working remotely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1787.926,"endTime":1791.326,"body":"So one of the things I suggest is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1787.926,"endTime":1791.326,"body":"before you get into a meeting like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1791.326,"endTime":1795.151,"body":"that, where you ?Anticipate these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1791.326,"endTime":1795.151,"body":"things happening, Think through that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1795.231,"endTime":1799.321,"body":"Take a bit of time to plan your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1795.231,"endTime":1799.321,"body":"approach in that meeting and write down"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1799.331,"endTime":1800.951,"body":"things that we talked about earlier."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1801.191,"endTime":1802.571,"body":"What do you hope to get out of it?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1802.591,"endTime":1803.531,"body":"What do you really want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1803.561,"endTime":1804.851,"body":"What's the minimum you can accept?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1804.851,"endTime":1808.451,"body":"Write them down on little stickies and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1804.851,"endTime":1808.451,"body":"stick them on the side of your monitor."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1808.731,"endTime":1810.381,"body":"So they're right there in front of you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1810.381,"endTime":1813.576,"body":"So you don't have to Fumble"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1810.381,"endTime":1813.576,"body":"for them and you can read them"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1813.576,"endTime":1815.476,"body":"without feeling awkward about it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1815.866,"endTime":1817.296,"body":"No one's going to know"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1815.866,"endTime":1817.296,"body":"that you're reading them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1817.526,"endTime":1818.446,"body":"You don't forget them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1818.446,"endTime":1820.016,"body":"They're in the right sequence, et cetera."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1820.036,"endTime":1822.726,"body":"So yeah, definitely you can"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1820.036,"endTime":1822.726,"body":"deploy tactics like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1822.976,"endTime":1826.526,"body":"So I'm going to zip through some of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1822.976,"endTime":1826.526,"body":"this stuff here in in chapter three."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1826.786,"endTime":1831.556,"body":"Starting on page 45, it says those who"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1826.786,"endTime":1831.556,"body":"are skilled at crucial conversations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1831.796,"endTime":1835.926,"body":"routinely ask what do I want for myself,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1831.796,"endTime":1835.926,"body":"the other person and their relationship."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1836.036,"endTime":1836.946,"body":"So you can write that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1837.196,"endTime":1840.236,"body":"One sentence down put on a little sticky"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1837.196,"endTime":1840.236,"body":"under your monitor or whatever if you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1840.246,"endTime":1845.616,"body":"remote like great Let's just keep yourself"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1840.246,"endTime":1845.616,"body":"on track bare bones super easy Refuse"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1845.646,"endTime":1849.966,"body":"the fool's choice when you require your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1845.646,"endTime":1849.966,"body":"brain to solve the more complex problem"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1850.256,"endTime":1854.246,"body":"more often than not it does just that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1850.256,"endTime":1854.246,"body":"You'll find there's a way to share your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1854.246,"endTime":1859.519,"body":"concern Listen sincerely to concerns"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1854.246,"endTime":1859.519,"body":"of others and to build a relationship"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1859.519,"endTime":1862.969,"body":"so that everything we just talked about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1859.519,"endTime":1862.969,"body":"Yeah, so like when you start developing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1862.969,"endTime":1866.539,"body":"those things you can do all those things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1862.969,"endTime":1866.539,"body":"together You It's like a life changing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1866.539,"endTime":1868.699,"body":"skill that you've just acquired, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1868.704,"endTime":1872.854,"body":"And that's why I thought this was, again,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1868.704,"endTime":1872.854,"body":"another reason I thought this was a super"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1872.854,"endTime":1877.594,"body":"interesting and important podcast and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1872.854,"endTime":1877.594,"body":"we're getting to the main, my main idea of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1877.594,"endTime":1879.814,"body":"why I think this is a really great book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1879.844,"endTime":1884.264,"body":"Okay, so the next"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1879.844,"endTime":1884.264,"body":"section next section says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1884.664,"endTime":1886.014,"body":"the best at dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1886.044,"endTime":1887.394,"body":"Refuse a fool's choice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1887.784,"endTime":1893.274,"body":"But setting up new choices, so they, they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1887.784,"endTime":1893.274,"body":"turn either or choice into a search for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1893.444,"endTime":1899.534,"body":"the all elusive and I like to make fun"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1893.444,"endTime":1899.534,"body":"of yes and,  this is basically the core"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1899.544,"endTime":1904.114,"body":"of yes and, so it says first clarify"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1899.544,"endTime":1904.114,"body":"what you really want, second clarify"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1904.264,"endTime":1909.134,"body":"what you don't want, Third, present"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1904.264,"endTime":1909.134,"body":"your brain with a more complex problem."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1909.634,"endTime":1913.744,"body":"Finally, combine the two into an And"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1909.634,"endTime":1913.744,"body":"question that forces you to search"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1913.754,"endTime":1917.794,"body":"for a more creative and productive"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1913.754,"endTime":1917.794,"body":"option than silence or violence."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1917.974,"endTime":1921.144,"body":"I haven't used silence or violence"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1917.974,"endTime":1921.144,"body":"until now, purposefully, because I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1921.144,"endTime":1924.414,"body":"don't want to inject new terms into"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1921.144,"endTime":1924.414,"body":"this discussion, but you clarify what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1924.414,"endTime":1928.729,"body":"you really want, you clarify what you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1924.414,"endTime":1928.729,"body":"don't want, and You put them together"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1928.899,"endTime":1930.449,"body":"and now you're searching for options."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1930.859,"endTime":1934.929,"body":"And the book says page 47, it says,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1930.859,"endTime":1934.929,"body":"watch what happens when people are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1935.289,"endTime":1939.869,"body":"presented with, and questions after"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1935.289,"endTime":1939.869,"body":"being stuck with fool's choices,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1940.089,"endTime":1944.109,"body":"their faces become reflective, their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1940.089,"endTime":1944.109,"body":"eyes open wider, and they begin to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1944.109,"endTime":1946.369,"body":"think of ways to accomplish both."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1946.579,"endTime":1950.799,"body":"When we review the Deming book,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1946.579,"endTime":1950.799,"body":"this is 198, the very next"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1950.869,"endTime":1953.389,"body":"episode will be the Deming book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1953.639,"endTime":1958.929,"body":"In the Deming book, there's a lot"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1953.639,"endTime":1958.929,"body":"to be said about forcing people to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1958.929,"endTime":1963.134,"body":"think critically so much of corporate"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1958.929,"endTime":1963.134,"body":"America is about not thinking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1963.344,"endTime":1964.654,"body":"it's about just do what I say."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1964.984,"endTime":1968.904,"body":"there's a lot to be said about like the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1964.984,"endTime":1968.904,"body":"human mode of thinking that the whole,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1968.914,"endTime":1972.504,"body":"if you ever read, like thinking fast"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1968.914,"endTime":1972.504,"body":"and slow the two modes of thinking,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1972.504,"endTime":1976.734,"body":"the mode one, mode two, mode one is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1972.504,"endTime":1976.734,"body":"like the immediate judgment, quick"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1976.754,"endTime":1978.544,"body":"judgment, like pattern recognition brain."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1978.594,"endTime":1982.224,"body":"suppressing the snap decision"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1978.594,"endTime":1982.224,"body":"brain and forcing yourself into"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1982.224,"endTime":1983.794,"body":"mode two thinking for everything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1984.044,"endTime":1986.514,"body":"That's really what we're talking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1984.044,"endTime":1986.514,"body":"about here, but it's not everything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1986.884,"endTime":1991.614,"body":"It's just mode two thinking in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1986.884,"endTime":1991.614,"body":"conversation we're in at the time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1991.864,"endTime":1995.454,"body":"And then you can go back to whatever,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1991.864,"endTime":1995.454,"body":"like eating Cheetos and playing video"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1995.454,"endTime":1999.834,"body":"games on the couch or whatever, the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1995.454,"endTime":1999.834,"body":"cerebral equivalent thereof if it's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":1999.844,"endTime":2001.484,"body":"so that's basically the whole chapter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2001.494,"endTime":2005.334,"body":"Chapter three ends with a summary and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2001.494,"endTime":2005.334,"body":"the summary at the high level is you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2005.334,"endTime":2008.034,"body":"work on me first, us second, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2008.034,"endTime":2011.684,"body":"Because you can only directly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2008.034,"endTime":2011.684,"body":"control yourself, your responses,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2011.774,"endTime":2015.494,"body":"your emotions, and then number two"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2011.774,"endTime":2015.494,"body":"is focus on what you really want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2015.674,"endTime":2018.914,"body":"And then number three is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2015.674,"endTime":2018.914,"body":"refuse the fool's choice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2019.144,"endTime":2022.914,"body":"So focus on what you really want also"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2019.144,"endTime":2022.914,"body":"includes cutting out the three different"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2022.924,"endTime":2027.034,"body":"modes, the winning, punishing, and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2022.924,"endTime":2027.034,"body":"withdrawing, but what was the third one?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2027.084,"endTime":2027.514,"body":"I can't remember."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2027.524,"endTime":2029.044,"body":"Winning, punishing, and keeping the peace."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2029.084,"endTime":2029.614,"body":"Keeping the peace."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2029.624,"endTime":2029.984,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2030.234,"endTime":2033.164,"body":"Chapter two is about the definitions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2030.234,"endTime":2033.164,"body":"of everything we're gonna talk about."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2033.464,"endTime":2036.624,"body":"Chapter three was about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2033.464,"endTime":2036.624,"body":"empathy, like how to actually."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2036.929,"endTime":2040.259,"body":"Some techniques to actually"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2036.929,"endTime":2040.259,"body":"employ empathy and didn't use"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2040.279,"endTime":2041.779,"body":"empathy at all to talk about it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2042.099,"endTime":2043.599,"body":"Great I do later in the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2043.619,"endTime":2045.429,"body":"But yeah,  let's pick"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2043.619,"endTime":2045.429,"body":"up with chapter four."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2045.429,"endTime":2048.979,"body":"Chapter four is called, Learn to look,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2045.429,"endTime":2048.979,"body":"how to notice when safety is at risk."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2048.999,"endTime":2050.239,"body":"We're still calling it safety, Om."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2050.389,"endTime":2053.789,"body":"We're not calling it psychological"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2050.389,"endTime":2053.789,"body":"safety, because that's so 2012."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2054.039,"endTime":2055.749,"body":"Psychological safety is all in the head."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2056.189,"endTime":2058.199,"body":"It's talking about an interaction"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2056.189,"endTime":2058.199,"body":"between you and your co worker."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2058.199,"endTime":2061.379,"body":"It says, I watch the content of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2058.199,"endTime":2061.379,"body":"the conversation, the topic under"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2061.379,"endTime":2065.099,"body":"discussion, along with the conditions,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2061.379,"endTime":2065.099,"body":"what people are doing in response."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2065.349,"endTime":2070.539,"body":"I look for and examine both what and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2065.349,"endTime":2070.539,"body":"why, if I can see why people are becoming"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2070.539,"endTime":2072.259,"body":"upset or holding back their views."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2072.554,"endTime":2076.404,"body":"Or even going silent, you can do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2072.554,"endTime":2076.404,"body":"something to get it back on track."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2076.654,"endTime":2080.484,"body":"The sooner that you notice that you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2076.654,"endTime":2080.484,"body":"not in dialogue, the easier it is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2080.484,"endTime":2083.234,"body":"to get back and the lower the cost."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2083.484,"endTime":2088.764,"body":"So the opening of this chapter of chapter"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2083.484,"endTime":2088.764,"body":"four, learn to look has a little story"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2089.124,"endTime":2093.644,"body":"that the takeaway is the sooner you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2089.124,"endTime":2093.644,"body":"notice you're not in dialogue, like the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2093.654,"endTime":2098.404,"body":"easier it is to get back on track and the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2093.654,"endTime":2098.404,"body":"less it costs you To get back on track."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2098.424,"endTime":2101.544,"body":"We don't, again, this is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2098.424,"endTime":2101.544,"body":"having bad discussions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2101.764,"endTime":2104.004,"body":"Souring relationships is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2101.764,"endTime":2104.004,"body":"not on the balance sheet."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2104.004,"endTime":2108.304,"body":"So in corporate America, we don't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2104.004,"endTime":2108.304,"body":"value it home, but we value it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2108.554,"endTime":2108.874,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2109.024,"endTime":2109.264,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2109.294,"endTime":2112.614,"body":"The crux of the matter here in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2109.294,"endTime":2112.614,"body":"this opening piece is no matter"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2112.614,"endTime":2117.164,"body":"what we do, the heart still finds"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2112.614,"endTime":2117.164,"body":"a way to try to defend itself."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2117.214,"endTime":2117.534,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2117.774,"endTime":2120.474,"body":"And it takes only a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2117.774,"endTime":2120.474,"body":"split second for us to."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2120.939,"endTime":2125.069,"body":"Switch from acknowledging and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2120.939,"endTime":2125.069,"body":"understanding to reacting and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2125.069,"endTime":2128.199,"body":"the adrenaline starts flowing and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2125.069,"endTime":2128.199,"body":"we immediately fall into that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2128.449,"endTime":2129.979,"body":"Fight or flight, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2130.159,"endTime":2135.029,"body":"And that's what they're saying is if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2130.159,"endTime":2135.029,"body":"you can recognize the signs of that and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2135.029,"endTime":2139.829,"body":"jump on it as soon as it happens, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2135.029,"endTime":2139.829,"body":"have a very good chance of turning that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2139.939,"endTime":2144.599,"body":"around and just not let it deteriorate"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2139.939,"endTime":2144.599,"body":"basically from where it is currently,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2144.889,"endTime":2149.369,"body":"put it back up to pull it back up to the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2144.889,"endTime":2149.369,"body":"point where everyone's engaged again."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2149.409,"endTime":2151.929,"body":"We're all focused on what the issue"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2149.409,"endTime":2151.929,"body":"is that we're trying to solve."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2152.279,"endTime":2156.709,"body":"The book says to help catch problems"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2152.279,"endTime":2156.709,"body":"early, reprogram your mind to pay"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2156.709,"endTime":2160.489,"body":"attention to the signs that suggest"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2156.709,"endTime":2160.489,"body":"you're in a crucial conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2160.739,"endTime":2162.419,"body":"And there are three signs."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2162.669,"endTime":2164.619,"body":"They're actually a lot easier"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2162.669,"endTime":2164.619,"body":"than you might be thinking."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2164.619,"endTime":2168.649,"body":"They're physical signs, emotional"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2164.619,"endTime":2168.649,"body":"signs, and behavioral signs."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2168.899,"endTime":2170.879,"body":"This is on page 54 and 55."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2171.329,"endTime":2173.169,"body":"I will tell you, they're self explanatory."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2173.419,"endTime":2175.519,"body":"The physical signs, you feel funny."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2175.769,"endTime":2178.459,"body":"Your heart races, right emotional signs."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2178.459,"endTime":2182.989,"body":"You feel hurt angry Like this is early"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2178.459,"endTime":2182.989,"body":"brian in his career me too who couldn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2182.989,"endTime":2187.999,"body":"take feedback like this is you know you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2182.989,"endTime":2187.999,"body":"start getting so upset I not and actually"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2187.999,"endTime":2190.699,"body":"I know some people that i've worked"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2187.999,"endTime":2190.699,"body":"with the people that were my employees"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2190.699,"endTime":2193.979,"body":"when I was a manager that when they find"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2190.699,"endTime":2193.979,"body":"themselves in a crucial conversation,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2194.229,"endTime":2199.239,"body":"they become so angry that they can't even"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2194.229,"endTime":2199.239,"body":"speak, because they know that everything"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2199.239,"endTime":2202.769,"body":"they're going to say Is going to be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2199.239,"endTime":2202.769,"body":"hurtful, or come off in this clunky kind"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2202.769,"endTime":2204.759,"body":"of manner, so they say nothing, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2204.939,"endTime":2208.059,"body":"They're forced between violence and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2204.939,"endTime":2208.059,"body":"silence, they're forced to silence"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2208.309,"endTime":2212.169,"body":"themselves, because they know that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2208.309,"endTime":2212.169,"body":"they become extremely emotional."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2212.469,"endTime":2216.239,"body":"The other one is behavioral, and  the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2212.469,"endTime":2216.239,"body":"person can perceive their own behavior,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2216.239,"endTime":2220.149,"body":"like pointing fingers and raising their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2216.239,"endTime":2220.149,"body":"voice, that kind of stuff, behavioral."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2220.399,"endTime":2224.459,"body":"Only when you are self aware"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2220.399,"endTime":2224.459,"body":"enough to realize these cues,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2224.869,"endTime":2226.539,"body":"can you begin to disengage."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2226.789,"endTime":2228.314,"body":"Self awareness is the key."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2228.464,"endTime":2233.314,"body":"Point one, I think the very first"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2228.464,"endTime":2233.314,"body":"point in becoming empathetic."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2233.744,"endTime":2236.964,"body":"And if you're not self aware, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2233.744,"endTime":2236.964,"body":"can't really react quick enough."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2236.964,"endTime":2241.334,"body":"It says, people who are gifted at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2236.964,"endTime":2241.334,"body":"dialogue keep a constant vigil on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2241.504,"endTime":2246.794,"body":"safety, signs that people are becoming"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2241.504,"endTime":2246.794,"body":"fearful, and a constant watch for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2246.794,"endTime":2248.874,"body":"signs that people are becoming fearful."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2249.124,"endTime":2252.739,"body":"When you fear that people aren't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2249.124,"endTime":2252.739,"body":"buying into your ideas, You might start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2252.809,"endTime":2255.719,"body":"pushing too hard, which is what we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2252.809,"endTime":2255.719,"body":"talked about, the overbearing person"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2255.719,"endTime":2259.849,"body":"in the earlier podcast, when you fear"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2255.719,"endTime":2259.849,"body":"that you may be harmed in some way,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2259.859,"endTime":2261.939,"body":"you might start withdrawing or hiding."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2262.229,"endTime":2266.049,"body":"So those are two completely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2262.229,"endTime":2266.049,"body":"understandable responses, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2266.059,"endTime":2269.969,"body":"The difference here is, you're looking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2266.059,"endTime":2269.969,"body":"out for them, understanding that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2270.329,"endTime":2274.369,"body":"people are engaging in behaviors,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2270.329,"endTime":2274.369,"body":"and that's not the way they are."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2274.574,"endTime":2278.474,"body":"Or the way they think,  it's, they're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2274.574,"endTime":2278.474,"body":"just, these three signs, behavioral,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2278.474,"endTime":2279.974,"body":"emotional, or physical signs."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2280.224,"endTime":2283.784,"body":"Yeah, and if you're a team member, or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2280.224,"endTime":2283.784,"body":"even a facilitator, you can actually be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2283.784,"endTime":2288.434,"body":"observant about these things by seeing the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2283.784,"endTime":2288.434,"body":"body language that people are exhibiting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2288.834,"endTime":2292.189,"body":"You can see that people lean back"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2288.834,"endTime":2292.189,"body":"in their chairs, fold their arms."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2292.199,"endTime":2294.929,"body":"Stare at the ceiling,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2292.199,"endTime":2294.929,"body":"raise their eyebrows."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2294.959,"endTime":2296.379,"body":"These are not good signs."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2296.379,"endTime":2298.969,"body":"That's an interesting one that we'll"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2296.379,"endTime":2298.969,"body":"pick that one up in the career."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2299.019,"endTime":2301.869,"body":"The as you are arguing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2299.019,"endTime":2301.869,"body":"agile 200,  podcasts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2302.189,"endTime":2307.159,"body":"Because very few times is there someone"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2302.189,"endTime":2307.159,"body":"who is, does not have a stake in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2307.159,"endTime":2311.319,"body":"conversation, that is facilitating the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2307.159,"endTime":2311.319,"body":"meeting, that is just a neutral arbiter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2311.649,"endTime":2316.109,"body":"Just wants the pool of shared"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2311.649,"endTime":2316.109,"body":"meaning to be as, as wide and as"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2316.109,"endTime":2317.679,"body":"broad and as deep as possible."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2318.019,"endTime":2320.869,"body":"And for everyone usually that's not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2318.019,"endTime":2320.869,"body":"we don't have enough money for that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2321.119,"endTime":2323.269,"body":"We don't have enough money"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2321.119,"endTime":2323.269,"body":"for someone to make sure that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2323.269,"endTime":2324.609,"body":"our discussions are, are good."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2325.899,"endTime":2327.899,"body":"So you don't have a neutral facilitator."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2327.899,"endTime":2329.879,"body":"You have somebody else"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2327.899,"endTime":2329.879,"body":"that plays the role."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2329.949,"endTime":2330.989,"body":"Playing the role."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2330.999,"endTime":2332.959,"body":"Boy, we haven't said play"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2330.999,"endTime":2332.959,"body":"the role in a long time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2333.389,"endTime":2334.019,"body":"corporate America."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2334.019,"endTime":2334.839,"body":"Why they're the worst."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2334.849,"endTime":2336.679,"body":"That's a, that should"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2334.849,"endTime":2336.679,"body":"be the podcast title."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2336.969,"endTime":2341.214,"body":"Another interesting one People rarely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2336.969,"endTime":2341.214,"body":"become defensive simply because, Of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2341.214,"endTime":2345.394,"body":"what you're saying, they only become"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2341.214,"endTime":2345.394,"body":"defensive when they no longer feel safe."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2345.644,"endTime":2350.104,"body":"The first challenge is to simply see"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2345.644,"endTime":2350.104,"body":"and understand that safety is at risk."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2350.544,"endTime":2354.424,"body":"The first Sorry, I was like the first"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2350.544,"endTime":2354.424,"body":"duty of every starfleet officer is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2354.434,"endTime":2357.214,"body":"to the truth that's what I heard in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2354.434,"endTime":2357.214,"body":"my head when I read that statement"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2357.464,"endTime":2361.674,"body":"When you don't feel safe, even well"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2357.464,"endTime":2361.674,"body":"intentioned comments are suspect."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2362.034,"endTime":2364.264,"body":"When it's unsafe, you start to go blind."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2364.514,"endTime":2367.274,"body":"Yeah, you start to go blind or you react."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2367.314,"endTime":2372.004,"body":"So when someone shouts, you shout"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2367.314,"endTime":2372.004,"body":"back without even really meaning to."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2372.424,"endTime":2374.694,"body":"It just happens because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2372.424,"endTime":2374.694,"body":"you're triggered, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2374.764,"endTime":2376.414,"body":"And that happens in a split second."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2376.814,"endTime":2382.114,"body":"A facilitator or someone else on the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2376.814,"endTime":2382.114,"body":"team could spot that and address it right"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2382.114,"endTime":2386.604,"body":"away before it festers into something"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2382.114,"endTime":2386.604,"body":"terrible and it spirals into this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2386.854,"endTime":2389.684,"body":"This whole escalating"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2386.854,"endTime":2389.684,"body":"aggression situation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2389.694,"endTime":2392.824,"body":"But that's what I'm saying very few"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2389.694,"endTime":2392.824,"body":"teams have a skilled facilitator"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2392.834,"endTime":2394.724,"body":"with them to help them to realize."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2394.734,"endTime":2397.114,"body":"So in the book it says, so"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2394.734,"endTime":2397.114,"body":"instead of taking your it's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2397.114,"endTime":2398.064,"body":"talking about a story here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2398.254,"endTime":2401.074,"body":"It says, instead of taking their attack"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2398.254,"endTime":2401.074,"body":"as a sign that safety is at risk,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2401.214,"endTime":2402.834,"body":"you perceive an attack as an attack."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2403.074,"endTime":2406.724,"body":"Whereas a facilitator would perceive"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2403.074,"endTime":2406.724,"body":"an attack as an indication that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2406.724,"endTime":2409.759,"body":"safety is at risk and they would try"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2406.724,"endTime":2409.759,"body":"to step out of the conversation and."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2410.009,"endTime":2415.269,"body":"And re not really reapply, but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2410.009,"endTime":2415.269,"body":"they would try to help reframe the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2415.269,"endTime":2418.909,"body":"conversation in a way that that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2415.269,"endTime":2418.909,"body":"safety is a paramount in that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2419.049,"endTime":2419.419,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2419.769,"endTime":2421.619,"body":"So that, that skill is a pivot point."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2421.629,"endTime":2424.839,"body":"If you don't have it, you're never"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2421.629,"endTime":2424.839,"body":"going to get past a certain barrier."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2425.089,"endTime":2428.779,"body":"And you're never going to evolve past"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2425.089,"endTime":2428.779,"body":"a certain  The scary thing for me"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2428.859,"endTime":2432.339,"body":"in this conversation is your career"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2428.859,"endTime":2432.339,"body":"will never evolve past a certain"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2432.339,"endTime":2437.079,"body":"point without these skills It's like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2432.339,"endTime":2437.079,"body":"you may be excellent in your role."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2437.099,"endTime":2439.839,"body":"You may be the developer It's like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2437.099,"endTime":2439.839,"body":"just give me the thing I want to do and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2439.839,"endTime":2442.449,"body":"i'm just gonna go hide in a corner in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2439.839,"endTime":2442.449,"body":"the dark or do It or whatever  okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2442.449,"endTime":2447.029,"body":"That's cool But you'll be that guy forever"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2442.449,"endTime":2447.029,"body":"that you want to be that guy forever if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2447.029,"endTime":2450.219,"body":"you're lucky You'll be that guy forever"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2447.029,"endTime":2450.219,"body":"because you won't yeah even then you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2450.219,"endTime":2453.919,"body":"won't be maybe subject to you know"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2450.219,"endTime":2453.919,"body":"Receiving feedback from the stakeholder"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2454.199,"endTime":2457.924,"body":"if you're not good at taking that you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2454.199,"endTime":2457.924,"body":"Yeah, it can now evolve your career."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2458.244,"endTime":2461.044,"body":"Let's move on to one of the other"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2458.244,"endTime":2461.044,"body":"core claims of this chapter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2461.294,"endTime":2466.504,"body":"As people begin to feel unsafe, they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2461.294,"endTime":2466.504,"body":"start down one of two unhealthy paths."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2466.794,"endTime":2471.474,"body":"They either move to silence, withholding"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2466.794,"endTime":2471.474,"body":"meaning from the pool, or to violence,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2471.624,"endTime":2473.574,"body":"trying to force meaning into the pool."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2473.824,"endTime":2475.014,"body":"Those are the two paths."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2475.234,"endTime":2479.644,"body":"We break silence and violence"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2475.234,"endTime":2479.644,"body":"into two subcategories with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2479.644,"endTime":2481.154,"body":"three bullet points each."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2481.584,"endTime":2484.454,"body":"i'm going to throw each of the three out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2484.554,"endTime":2487.004,"body":"Yeah, i'm gonna start with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2484.554,"endTime":2487.004,"body":"silence i'll get your reaction"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2487.044,"endTime":2487.964,"body":"then i'll move to violence."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2488.044,"endTime":2488.664,"body":"I'll get your reaction."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2488.684,"endTime":2494.589,"body":"The Three most common forms of silence"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2488.684,"endTime":2494.589,"body":"are masking, avoiding, and withdrawing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2494.829,"endTime":2499.079,"body":"Masking is the understanding or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2494.829,"endTime":2499.079,"body":"selectively showing of our true opinions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2499.249,"endTime":2503.129,"body":"Sarcasm, sugarcoating, and couching"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2499.249,"endTime":2503.129,"body":"are some of the more popular forms."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2503.139,"endTime":2504.719,"body":"You already said, let's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2503.139,"endTime":2504.719,"body":"take it offline, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2504.969,"endTime":2508.249,"body":"Avoiding involves staring completely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2504.969,"endTime":2508.249,"body":"away from sensitive subjects."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2508.419,"endTime":2511.549,"body":"We talk, but without"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2508.419,"endTime":2511.549,"body":"addressing real issues."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2511.659,"endTime":2512.259,"body":"That's avoiding."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2512.539,"endTime":2515.884,"body":"And then withdrawing means pulling out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2512.539,"endTime":2515.884,"body":"of the conversation altogether, We either"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2515.944,"endTime":2517.904,"body":"exit the conversation or exit the room."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2518.154,"endTime":2520.254,"body":"So masking, avoiding, withdrawing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2520.544,"endTime":2524.844,"body":"All three of those are interwoven"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2520.544,"endTime":2524.844,"body":"sometimes, and it can be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2524.844,"endTime":2526.314,"body":"difficult to pull them apart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2526.694,"endTime":2529.544,"body":"But they are real and a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2526.694,"endTime":2529.544,"body":"skilled facilitator, a skilled,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2529.869,"endTime":2533.259,"body":"Participant even,  needs to be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2529.869,"endTime":2533.259,"body":"able to see that as it happens."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2533.469,"endTime":2536.299,"body":"It's almost like you want to see"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2533.469,"endTime":2536.299,"body":"it in real time if you can, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2536.709,"endTime":2539.249,"body":"But if you can't see it in real"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2536.709,"endTime":2539.249,"body":"time, feel free to put up your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2539.249,"endTime":2543.309,"body":"hand and say, can we just go back"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2539.249,"endTime":2543.309,"body":"to that before we move on, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2543.309,"endTime":2545.059,"body":"Ask for forgiveness."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2545.089,"endTime":2547.599,"body":"Just say, I missed something"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2545.089,"endTime":2547.599,"body":"there, even though you didn't."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2547.859,"endTime":2548.989,"body":"But you could do that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2549.029,"endTime":2552.639,"body":"You could say I missed something"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2549.029,"endTime":2552.639,"body":"there and go back and touch on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2552.639,"endTime":2555.129,"body":"it and reframe the conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2555.509,"endTime":2560.429,"body":"As far as avoiding right if it's written"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2555.509,"endTime":2560.429,"body":"down somewhere and you're showing that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2560.819,"endTime":2566.144,"body":"In its printed form so to speak written"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2560.819,"endTime":2566.144,"body":"form if people Go around it They go on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2566.144,"endTime":2570.104,"body":"tangents, you can bring them back and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2566.144,"endTime":2570.104,"body":"say, that's very valuable, but maybe we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2570.104,"endTime":2571.394,"body":"could talk about that some other time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2571.394,"endTime":2576.244,"body":"This is everything you're saying of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2571.394,"endTime":2576.244,"body":"solid, absolute liquid gold time, times"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2576.244,"endTime":2580.534,"body":"two, like a skill facilitator is not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2576.244,"endTime":2580.534,"body":"going to let somebody get away with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2580.534,"endTime":2582.194,"body":"these things the sarcastic comment."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2582.489,"endTime":2585.729,"body":"And moving off and not dealing with the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2582.489,"endTime":2585.729,"body":"thing not dealing with the conflict."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2585.849,"endTime":2588.489,"body":"A skilled facilitator is not going"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2585.849,"endTime":2588.489,"body":"to let them get away with you said"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2588.489,"endTime":2592.389,"body":"this sarcastic comment, but it sounds"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2588.489,"endTime":2592.389,"body":"like this is what you mean by that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2592.389,"endTime":2594.869,"body":"There, there are other, there are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2592.389,"endTime":2594.869,"body":"tactics later in the book that we'll"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2594.869,"endTime":2596.629,"body":"talk about that actually dig into that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2596.649,"endTime":2601.049,"body":"But from the teams that I've been on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2596.649,"endTime":2601.049,"body":"that actually have a skilled facilitator"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2601.309,"endTime":2603.889,"body":"I'm talking about a scrum master at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2601.309,"endTime":2603.889,"body":"this point, I have a skilled facility,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2603.919,"endTime":2608.459,"body":"a skilled one not a junior or beginning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2603.919,"endTime":2608.459,"body":"or a project manager relabeled, a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2608.499,"endTime":2610.589,"body":"actual person with facilitation skill."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2610.884,"endTime":2613.874,"body":"They will not let these things go unheard."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2614.124,"endTime":2617.444,"body":"They will address them, bring them"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2614.124,"endTime":2617.444,"body":"to the front, and get the concern"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2617.444,"endTime":2619.804,"body":"that is underlying out into the open."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2619.924,"endTime":2623.944,"body":"In this book's language, into the pool,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2619.924,"endTime":2623.944,"body":"so it can seriously be considered."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2624.194,"endTime":2627.934,"body":"And and that, boy, that's just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2624.194,"endTime":2627.934,"body":"not, that's, to me, that is a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2627.934,"endTime":2629.334,"body":"skill that is just so advanced."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2629.584,"endTime":2630.944,"body":"It's just unreal."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2631.254,"endTime":2634.244,"body":"It's advanced but also"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2631.254,"endTime":2634.244,"body":"critical, I feel, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2634.264,"endTime":2638.804,"body":"Because at the same time when you bring"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2634.264,"endTime":2638.804,"body":"that person's idea into the pool, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2638.804,"endTime":2641.414,"body":"don't want to offend them, necessarily."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2641.424,"endTime":2641.944,"body":"Sure, yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2642.024,"endTime":2646.274,"body":"You can turn that around and say, what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2642.024,"endTime":2646.274,"body":"a fantastic idea, let's just add that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2646.284,"endTime":2647.794,"body":"to what we're talking about, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2648.154,"endTime":2651.114,"body":"When they talk about things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2648.154,"endTime":2651.114,"body":"that, like these comments, that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2651.474,"endTime":2652.884,"body":"are sometimes off the cuff."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2653.134,"endTime":2656.314,"body":"They know, they just kinda"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2653.134,"endTime":2656.314,"body":"laugh off things sometimes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2656.534,"endTime":2657.284,"body":"You have a choice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2657.314,"endTime":2660.044,"body":"You have a choice where you could"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2657.314,"endTime":2660.044,"body":"say, why would you say that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2660.194,"endTime":2662.114,"body":"Or you could just laugh with them Sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2662.114,"endTime":2666.374,"body":"And immediately discard it, put it aside,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2662.114,"endTime":2666.374,"body":"and go back to what you're talking about."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2666.424,"endTime":2667.234,"body":"But again empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2667.234,"endTime":2668.254,"body":"You like, you can't fake it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2668.254,"endTime":2668.404,"body":"No."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2668.584,"endTime":2668.734,"body":"No."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2668.764,"endTime":2670.774,"body":"You can't call, there's no one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2668.764,"endTime":2670.774,"body":"that, you can't call someone and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2670.774,"endTime":2672.994,"body":"say  Brian why did you say that thing?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2673.214,"endTime":2674.354,"body":"What do you really mean?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2674.604,"endTime":2677.454,"body":"If you're seeking to punish"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2674.604,"endTime":2677.454,"body":"me I'll just say silent."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2677.554,"endTime":2678.014,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2678.024,"endTime":2681.834,"body":"But if I truly know that you care"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2678.024,"endTime":2681.834,"body":"about me and that you truly are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2681.834,"endTime":2686.144,"body":"coming from a perspective of actually"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2681.834,"endTime":2686.144,"body":"caring about me and you're not hiding"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2686.144,"endTime":2687.814,"body":"that,  maybe that'll be the impetus."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2687.844,"endTime":2688.254,"body":"Oh boy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2688.274,"endTime":2689.084,"body":"I don't say that often."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2689.284,"endTime":2690.224,"body":"Maybe that'll be the impetus."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2690.424,"endTime":2693.364,"body":"That I need to contribute to the pool,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2690.424,"endTime":2693.364,"body":"whereas I was staying out because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2693.514,"endTime":2696.784,"body":"whatever, I was feeling that I couldn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2693.514,"endTime":2696.784,"body":"contribute because whatever reason,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2696.794,"endTime":2698.164,"body":"whatever, I don't know what reason it was."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2698.184,"endTime":2700.654,"body":"Maybe you weren't felt"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2698.184,"endTime":2700.654,"body":"welcome to contribute."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2700.714,"endTime":2704.464,"body":"Maybe the act of just drawing me in, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2700.714,"endTime":2704.464,"body":"don't even need to discover the reason."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2704.474,"endTime":2707.754,"body":"Maybe you'll just draw me in by just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2704.474,"endTime":2707.754,"body":"asking me, maybe, you know what I mean?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2707.754,"endTime":2708.214,"body":"I don't know."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2708.264,"endTime":2708.644,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2708.644,"endTime":2713.724,"body":"Or just appreciating that that's a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2708.644,"endTime":2713.724,"body":"pretty good idea or nobody started that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2713.734,"endTime":2714.794,"body":"Thank you for raising that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2714.844,"endTime":2717.084,"body":"Little things well"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2714.844,"endTime":2717.084,"body":"speaking of little things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2717.384,"endTime":2721.374,"body":"Let's move on to a little thing called"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2717.384,"endTime":2721.374,"body":"violence They define violence as any"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2721.384,"endTime":2726.114,"body":"verbal strategy that attempts to convince"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2721.384,"endTime":2726.114,"body":"control or compel others to your point of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2726.114,"endTime":2731.334,"body":"view Otherwise known as corporate america,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2726.114,"endTime":2731.334,"body":"and there are three Sorry, that was super."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2731.334,"endTime":2736.234,"body":"That was a super clunky there are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2731.334,"endTime":2736.234,"body":"three subcategories of violence we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2736.234,"endTime":2740.644,"body":"will and Controlling consists of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2736.234,"endTime":2740.644,"body":"coercing others to your way of thinking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2740.994,"endTime":2744.494,"body":"through either forcing your views on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2740.994,"endTime":2744.494,"body":"others or dominating the conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2744.874,"endTime":2749.109,"body":"Cutting others off, overstating"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2744.874,"endTime":2749.109,"body":"your facts, speaking in absolutes,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2749.229,"endTime":2753.839,"body":"changing subjects, or using directive"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2749.229,"endTime":2753.839,"body":"questions to control the conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2754.069,"endTime":2754.509,"body":"Oh boy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2754.509,"endTime":2755.999,"body":"This is every appeal to authority ever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2756.479,"endTime":2761.429,"body":"The second category is labeling, putting"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2756.479,"endTime":2761.429,"body":"a label on people or ideas so we can"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2761.429,"endTime":2766.744,"body":"dismiss them under a general stereotype"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2761.429,"endTime":2766.744,"body":"or category and the third sub item here"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2766.744,"endTime":2768.964,"body":"is attacking, which speaks for itself."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2769.154,"endTime":2772.394,"body":"You move from winning the argument"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2769.154,"endTime":2772.394,"body":"to making the person suffer."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2772.604,"endTime":2775.384,"body":"Tactics include belittling"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2772.604,"endTime":2775.384,"body":"and threatening."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2775.634,"endTime":2779.444,"body":"Wow that's covering a lot of ground"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2775.634,"endTime":2779.444,"body":"right there between those three, I think."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2779.624,"endTime":2780.114,"body":"It is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2780.364,"endTime":2782.404,"body":"It is a good swath of what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2780.364,"endTime":2782.404,"body":"you'll deal with, though."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2782.434,"endTime":2783.224,"body":"For sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2783.494,"endTime":2784.334,"body":"There's no doubt."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2784.374,"endTime":2786.424,"body":"And if you've been in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2784.374,"endTime":2786.424,"body":"workforce for a little bit,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2786.424,"endTime":2787.594,"body":"I'm sure you've come across it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2787.904,"endTime":2791.884,"body":"You may not recognize and label it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2787.904,"endTime":2791.884,"body":"as this, but you have come across it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2792.134,"endTime":2793.734,"body":"I'm pretty sure about that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2793.984,"endTime":2798.504,"body":"The last thing in chapter four is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2793.984,"endTime":2798.504,"body":"you understanding your style under"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2798.504,"endTime":2801.864,"body":"stress, like the, what behaviors"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2798.504,"endTime":2801.864,"body":"you revert to under stress."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2802.054,"endTime":2802.984,"body":"I'm not going to go into that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2802.984,"endTime":2803.804,"body":"You can read the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2804.044,"endTime":2807.094,"body":"Like it's, it basically, it says pay"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2804.044,"endTime":2807.094,"body":"close attention to what you're doing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2807.304,"endTime":2810.264,"body":"the impact it's having, and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2807.304,"endTime":2810.264,"body":"alter your strategy if necessary."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2810.474,"endTime":2815.004,"body":"Specifically, watch to see if you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2810.474,"endTime":2815.004,"body":"having a good or bad impact on safety"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2815.074,"endTime":2816.224,"body":"that's all I'll say about that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2816.294,"endTime":2819.004,"body":"Which we normally will sum up"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2816.294,"endTime":2819.004,"body":"when we're talking about empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2819.204,"endTime":2819.934,"body":"Be self aware."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2820.074,"endTime":2823.804,"body":"Okay, just understand how Your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2820.074,"endTime":2823.804,"body":"behavior is affecting other people."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2823.914,"endTime":2826.544,"body":"Are you the type of person"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2823.914,"endTime":2826.544,"body":"that yells I'm not mad."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2826.924,"endTime":2827.814,"body":"I'm not yelling."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2828.114,"endTime":2829.014,"body":"I'm not angry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2829.264,"endTime":2829.924,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2830.024,"endTime":2830.864,"body":"Oh my God."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2831.244,"endTime":2832.764,"body":"We've seen people like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2832.764,"endTime":2833.594,"body":"I'm not yelling."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2833.644,"endTime":2834.604,"body":"I'm not angry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2834.724,"endTime":2835.254,"body":"I'm just."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2835.504,"endTime":2836.134,"body":"Or turn it on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2836.134,"endTime":2837.544,"body":"It says, why are you like me?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2837.564,"endTime":2837.724,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2837.974,"endTime":2838.484,"body":"Why?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2838.734,"endTime":2840.104,"body":"No, you're the one doing the yelling."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2840.594,"endTime":2841.884,"body":"Why won't we start yelling?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2841.884,"endTime":2842.774,"body":"Do we sound German?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2842.774,"endTime":2844.444,"body":"Why is that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2844.694,"endTime":2845.514,"body":"I don't know."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2846.014,"endTime":2848.014,"body":"Like I did the Spotify recap or whatever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2848.014,"endTime":2849.924,"body":"It's like your number"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2848.014,"endTime":2849.924,"body":"one country is Germany."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2850.014,"endTime":2851.034,"body":"There are number one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2851.054,"endTime":2851.464,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2851.514,"endTime":2851.714,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2851.774,"endTime":2852.664,"body":"Our number one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2852.939,"endTime":2855.799,"body":"Our number one, most"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2852.939,"endTime":2855.799,"body":"listenership is out of Germany."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2855.989,"endTime":2857.949,"body":"Believe Berlin land, Berlin."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2858.099,"endTime":2860.569,"body":"I don't think, I don't think the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2858.099,"endTime":2860.569,"body":"translation comes through properly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2860.669,"endTime":2863.769,"body":"I don't think it's actually"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2860.669,"endTime":2863.769,"body":"called Berlin land, Berlin."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2864.219,"endTime":2865.009,"body":"Maybe it is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2865.149,"endTime":2865.979,"body":"Oh, I don't know."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2866.009,"endTime":2867.939,"body":"I don't know about a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2866.009,"endTime":2867.939,"body":"place called Berlin land."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2868.009,"endTime":2869.839,"body":"I, yeah, I don't know"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2868.009,"endTime":2869.839,"body":"either city of Berlin."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2869.849,"endTime":2871.179,"body":"That doesn't sound right at all."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2871.199,"endTime":2871.379,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2871.659,"endTime":2873.199,"body":"But yeah, that was our number one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2873.219,"endTime":2873.589,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2873.599,"endTime":2873.819,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2873.819,"endTime":2875.529,"body":"So everyone in Berlin."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2875.779,"endTime":2876.119,"body":"Thank you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2876.369,"endTime":2877.009,"body":"Yes, indeed."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2877.059,"endTime":2877.859,"body":"Wait, what's the German word?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2877.859,"endTime":2879.184,"body":"Danke Oh, okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2879.434,"endTime":2880.744,"body":"That was my southerner dunk shot."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2880.834,"endTime":2881.364,"body":"Don't show."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2881.364,"endTime":2884.744,"body":"Don't get shot, but I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2881.364,"endTime":2884.744,"body":"don't know any Sean's."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2884.774,"endTime":2886.534,"body":"Duncan Peter doesn't matter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2886.704,"endTime":2893.554,"body":"Oh chapter 5 is make it safe how to make"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2886.704,"endTime":2893.554,"body":"it safe To talk about almost anything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2893.804,"endTime":2896.204,"body":"So what do you want to hope?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2896.204,"endTime":2896.484,"body":"Sorry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2896.624,"endTime":2900.764,"body":"What do you do when you don't feel like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2896.624,"endTime":2900.764,"body":"it's safe to share what's on your mind?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2900.944,"endTime":2904.344,"body":"The key is to step out of the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2900.944,"endTime":2904.344,"body":"content of the conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2904.694,"endTime":2905.844,"body":"Don't stay stuck."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2906.184,"endTime":2909.534,"body":"In what's being said the first"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2906.184,"endTime":2909.534,"body":"question is what I really want."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2909.544,"endTime":2911.684,"body":"We're going back to this question again."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2911.854,"endTime":2915.424,"body":"We're Slowly building on the body"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2911.854,"endTime":2915.424,"body":"of knowledge that we've started"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2915.424,"endTime":2918.714,"body":"with in the book, which is what do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2915.424,"endTime":2918.714,"body":"you want out of this conversation?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2918.954,"endTime":2919.524,"body":"What do you want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2919.524,"endTime":2920.614,"body":"And then this there's other cars."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2920.624,"endTime":2921.354,"body":"There's other questions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2921.354,"endTime":2922.274,"body":"I wish I could remember now."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2922.484,"endTime":2923.054,"body":"What do you want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2923.174,"endTime":2924.974,"body":"What do we want out of this conversation?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2924.974,"endTime":2927.516,"body":"And then what do you want?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2927.516,"endTime":2929.034,"body":"Yeah for the relationship"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2929.334,"endTime":2933.184,"body":"even if you're a neutral facilitator,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2929.334,"endTime":2933.184,"body":"there's something you want out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2933.184,"endTime":2936.814,"body":"of that, and that might be the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2933.184,"endTime":2936.814,"body":"most amicable outcome based"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2936.814,"endTime":2938.314,"body":"on what each party has to say."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2938.684,"endTime":2940.844,"body":"That's what your outcome is,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2938.684,"endTime":2940.844,"body":"your own personal outcome."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2940.864,"endTime":2943.784,"body":"Or in the Deming podcast that we're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2940.864,"endTime":2943.784,"body":"about to do, like you want a win,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2943.784,"endTime":2945.244,"body":"you want something where we both win."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2945.704,"endTime":2950.244,"body":"Out of the there's a lot in the management"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2945.704,"endTime":2950.244,"body":"realm that could really revolutionize"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2950.244,"endTime":2954.734,"body":"the management, if some kind of framework"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2950.244,"endTime":2954.734,"body":"came out that sort of helped you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2954.734,"endTime":2957.964,"body":"negotiate toward a win rather than I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2954.734,"endTime":2957.964,"body":"get everything I want and I don't care"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2957.964,"endTime":2961.304,"body":"about you, you know what I mean, like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2957.964,"endTime":2961.304,"body":"something like without empathy baked in,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2961.484,"endTime":2962.904,"body":"boy, that would revolutionize business."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2963.064,"endTime":2967.304,"body":"It says the good realize that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2963.064,"endTime":2967.304,"body":"safety is at risk, but they fix"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2967.304,"endTime":2968.594,"body":"it in exactly the wrong way."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2968.594,"endTime":2971.554,"body":"They try to make the subject more"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2968.594,"endTime":2971.554,"body":"palatable by sugarcoating the message."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2971.804,"endTime":2973.914,"body":"The best don't play games."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2974.164,"endTime":2975.084,"body":"Yeah, exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2975.094,"endTime":2977.674,"body":"So that sounds like a hard"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2975.094,"endTime":2977.674,"body":"stance, but it's really not."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2977.674,"endTime":2981.214,"body":"So if you're a facilitator"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2977.674,"endTime":2981.214,"body":"or just a participant, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2981.244,"endTime":2984.494,"body":"And you see anything going like this,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2981.244,"endTime":2984.494,"body":"like we've talked about thus far in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2984.494,"endTime":2988.684,"body":"the podcast, any of those signs that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2984.494,"endTime":2988.684,"body":"you perceive try to figure out if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2988.784,"endTime":2993.474,"body":"people are Are they expressing their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2988.784,"endTime":2993.474,"body":"opinions or are they expressing fact?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2993.814,"endTime":2997.904,"body":"Are they expressing their interpretations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2993.814,"endTime":2997.904,"body":"of the facts or just the facts?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2997.924,"endTime":2998.744,"body":"Okay, we'll get there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":2998.994,"endTime":3000.484,"body":"You're already, you're jumping ahead."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3000.844,"endTime":3001.434,"body":"I like it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3001.874,"endTime":3002.814,"body":"We'll get there, okay?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3003.074,"endTime":3005.184,"body":"I'll start moving faster"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3003.074,"endTime":3005.184,"body":"through the material here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3005.184,"endTime":3007.924,"body":"Once safety is restored, we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3005.184,"endTime":3007.924,"body":"can talk about nearly anything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3007.924,"endTime":3009.414,"body":"That's the claim they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3007.924,"endTime":3009.414,"body":"make here in the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3009.874,"endTime":3011.734,"body":"You need to understand"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3009.874,"endTime":3011.734,"body":"that safety is at risk."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3012.059,"endTime":3012.619,"body":"Or not."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3012.869,"endTime":3016.189,"body":"And when you're pressing, you need"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3012.869,"endTime":3016.189,"body":"to step out of the conversation and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3016.199,"endTime":3018.199,"body":"stop addressing the direct thing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3018.449,"endTime":3020.849,"body":"So we're gonna talk about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3018.449,"endTime":3020.849,"body":"some ways to do that, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3021.049,"endTime":3021.599,"body":"Sorry, where am I?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3021.599,"endTime":3023.019,"body":"Chapter 5 Step out, 76."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3023.269,"endTime":3027.489,"body":"In, in one of the examples they give,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3023.269,"endTime":3027.489,"body":"the person When they come into a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3027.489,"endTime":3030.409,"body":"disagreement and the conversation doesn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3027.489,"endTime":3030.409,"body":"look like it's going well, they say,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3030.409,"endTime":3031.979,"body":"hey, can we change gears for a minute?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3032.219,"endTime":3035.599,"body":"I'd like to talk about what happens"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3032.219,"endTime":3035.599,"body":"and they bring it up to a higher level."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3035.669,"endTime":3039.159,"body":"And they say, listen, my"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3035.669,"endTime":3039.159,"body":"goal is not to do this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3039.409,"endTime":3042.059,"body":"My goal is this, or where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3039.409,"endTime":3042.059,"body":"I want to get to is this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3042.519,"endTime":3044.159,"body":"And they refocus."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3044.169,"endTime":3046.429,"body":"So that's a mutual purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3046.429,"endTime":3047.819,"body":"We, I'm going to get to mutual purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3047.819,"endTime":3048.869,"body":"That's  one of the big."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3049.119,"endTime":3053.809,"body":"Bullet points of this chapter is the first"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3049.119,"endTime":3053.809,"body":"condition of safety is mutual purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3053.809,"endTime":3057.879,"body":"Mutual purpose means that others"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3053.809,"endTime":3057.879,"body":"perceive that you're working towards"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3057.879,"endTime":3059.999,"body":"a common outcome in the conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3060.139,"endTime":3061.259,"body":"You find a shared goal."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3061.509,"endTime":3064.609,"body":"And you both have a good reason"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3061.509,"endTime":3064.609,"body":"and a healthy climate for talking."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3065.089,"endTime":3070.009,"body":"So here's two crucial questions to help us"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3065.089,"endTime":3070.009,"body":"determine when mutual purpose is at risk."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3070.379,"endTime":3073.849,"body":"Number one, do others believe I care"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3070.379,"endTime":3073.849,"body":"about their goals in this conversation?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3074.159,"endTime":3076.459,"body":"And number two, do they trust my motives?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3076.719,"endTime":3079.619,"body":"So again, you just like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3076.719,"endTime":3079.619,"body":"number two right there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3079.789,"endTime":3082.169,"body":"If you really are faking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3079.789,"endTime":3082.169,"body":"this, you don't have empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3082.239,"endTime":3083.769,"body":"You already failed number two."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3083.979,"endTime":3086.639,"body":"And number one probably is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3083.979,"endTime":3086.639,"body":"on shaky ground as well."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3086.889,"endTime":3089.339,"body":"It's all divided by zero at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3086.889,"endTime":3089.339,"body":"this stage, I think, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3089.339,"endTime":3090.339,"body":"It's just not going to work."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3090.839,"endTime":3092.639,"body":"So you can't fake it, period."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3092.649,"endTime":3097.169,"body":"So if our goal is to get our way or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3092.649,"endTime":3097.169,"body":"manipulate Quickly becomes apparent"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3097.229,"endTime":3101.249,"body":"in this line of reasoning because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3097.229,"endTime":3101.249,"body":"again, we come back to what I want"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3101.249,"endTime":3104.409,"body":"for me, what I want for others,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3101.249,"endTime":3104.409,"body":"what I want for the relationship."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3104.409,"endTime":3107.219,"body":"If you're asking those three questions,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3104.409,"endTime":3107.219,"body":"and I feel if you're trying to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3107.219,"endTime":3109.129,"body":"manipulate, you're not going to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3107.219,"endTime":3109.129,"body":"be asking those three questions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3109.129,"endTime":3111.329,"body":"You're going to be asking me"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3109.129,"endTime":3111.329,"body":"some kind of like deviation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3111.329,"endTime":3112.099,"body":"You lost the first one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3112.139,"endTime":3112.539,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3112.789,"endTime":3113.389,"body":"And that's it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3113.389,"endTime":3114.828,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3114.829,"endTime":3115.169,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3115.239,"endTime":3116.739,"body":"It gives an example in this chapter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3117.104,"endTime":3119.324,"body":"About trying to argue with your boss."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3119.404,"endTime":3122.534,"body":"And again, if you can't argue with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3119.404,"endTime":3122.534,"body":"your boss, you need to find a new boss."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3122.544,"endTime":3123.994,"body":"That's keep that resume updated."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3123.994,"endTime":3124.804,"body":"Keep that resume updated."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3124.824,"endTime":3127.914,"body":"I don't remember what podcast we said that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3124.824,"endTime":3127.914,"body":"on, but it was a zinger and I love it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3128.154,"endTime":3131.074,"body":"It says you need to find a way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3128.154,"endTime":3131.074,"body":"to speak in the boss's language."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3131.074,"endTime":3136.594,"body":"And a passage in this book says the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3131.074,"endTime":3136.594,"body":"boss's behavior is causing you to miss"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3136.614,"endTime":3141.364,"body":"deadlines that the boss cares about and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3136.614,"endTime":3141.364,"body":"incurs a cost that the boss frets over."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3141.784,"endTime":3147.444,"body":"It loses productivity that worries the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3141.784,"endTime":3147.444,"body":"boss, and then now you found some kind"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3147.444,"endTime":3150.984,"body":"of common ground where you can establish"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3147.444,"endTime":3150.984,"body":"some kind of mutual purpose, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3151.274,"endTime":3153.764,"body":"To attack the subject to talk about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3151.274,"endTime":3153.764,"body":"we're talking about the boss's bad"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3153.764,"endTime":3156.634,"body":"behavior in this case, it could be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3153.764,"endTime":3156.634,"body":"a lot of different things in that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3156.664,"endTime":3159.744,"body":"I only bring that example up"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3156.664,"endTime":3159.744,"body":"because it's pretty relevant to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3159.744,"endTime":3164.164,"body":"software development, but that's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3159.744,"endTime":3164.164,"body":"mutual purpose, establishing it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3164.174,"endTime":3166.834,"body":"So you basically you're elevating"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3164.174,"endTime":3166.834,"body":"yourself out of the disagreement."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3167.084,"endTime":3170.344,"body":"Of like the low level disagreement"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3167.084,"endTime":3170.344,"body":"you're in and you're trying to get a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3170.344,"endTime":3173.954,"body":"mutual purpose that you both can agree"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3170.344,"endTime":3173.954,"body":"on you're trying to get to a a level of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3173.964,"endTime":3177.674,"body":"agreement and then that never spilled"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3173.964,"endTime":3177.674,"body":"the difference Goes into this get back"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3177.694,"endTime":3181.744,"body":"up to yes,  it never split the difference"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3177.694,"endTime":3181.744,"body":"I think they use no to get to yes,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3181.914,"endTime":3183.174,"body":"but a little bit different than this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3183.224,"endTime":3188.494,"body":"the next section talks about mutual"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3183.224,"endTime":3188.494,"body":"respect It says it's equally true that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3188.504,"endTime":3192.674,"body":"you can't stay in the conversation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3188.504,"endTime":3192.674,"body":"if you don't maintain Mutual respect."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3192.674,"endTime":3197.294,"body":"The instant people perceive disrespect"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3192.674,"endTime":3197.294,"body":"in a conversation, the interaction is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3197.294,"endTime":3198.994,"body":"no longer about the original purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3199.154,"endTime":3200.924,"body":"It's now about defending dignity."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3201.424,"endTime":3202.684,"body":"So congratulations."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3202.814,"endTime":3206.034,"body":"You just messed up the crucial"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3202.814,"endTime":3206.034,"body":"conversations by not actually"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3206.064,"endTime":3207.654,"body":"respecting the person you're talking to."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3208.064,"endTime":3208.594,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3208.774,"endTime":3213.574,"body":"And listen it's like we're saying these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3208.774,"endTime":3213.574,"body":"things, but in real life, sometimes"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3213.984,"endTime":3215.424,"body":"you just don't respect somebody."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3215.674,"endTime":3216.194,"body":"And that's it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3216.224,"endTime":3219.314,"body":"No matter how you think about it, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3216.224,"endTime":3219.314,"body":"come back to that and you're like I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3219.394,"endTime":3220.624,"body":"don't really care for that person."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3220.664,"endTime":3221.454,"body":"I don't respect them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3221.704,"endTime":3223.444,"body":"If that happens, what do you do?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3223.674,"endTime":3225.224,"body":"First of all, keep your resume updated."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3225.234,"endTime":3225.744,"body":"That's true."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3225.884,"endTime":3228.134,"body":"Second of all, why are you talking,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3225.884,"endTime":3228.134,"body":"like you shouldn't be talking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3228.134,"endTime":3229.054,"body":"to that person at that point."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3229.094,"endTime":3229.824,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3229.824,"endTime":3230.797,"body":"Step out of it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3230.797,"endTime":3234.634,"body":"It says, ask the following question to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3230.797,"endTime":3234.634,"body":"determine when mutual respect is at risk."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3234.969,"endTime":3238.569,"body":"And the question is, do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3234.969,"endTime":3238.569,"body":"others believe I respect them?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3238.819,"endTime":3240.609,"body":"Does the other person"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3238.819,"endTime":3240.609,"body":"believe I respect them?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3240.839,"endTime":3244.779,"body":"that is a painfully simple question"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3240.839,"endTime":3244.779,"body":"to ask to get through this question."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3244.779,"endTime":3248.309,"body":"But in practice, though, it's hard to get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3244.779,"endTime":3248.309,"body":"around that because most people do the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3248.309,"endTime":3250.429,"body":"other thing, which is do they respect me?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3250.679,"endTime":3251.539,"body":"How dare they not?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3251.789,"endTime":3255.009,"body":"That just all goes down the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3251.789,"endTime":3255.009,"body":"downward escalator really quick."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3255.439,"endTime":3259.209,"body":"This is hard, but I think it's very"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3255.439,"endTime":3259.209,"body":"rewarding if you can think of it that way."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3259.459,"endTime":3263.609,"body":"Again, the undertones here are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3259.459,"endTime":3263.609,"body":"all empathy if you want respect,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3264.009,"endTime":3264.999,"body":"you need to give respect."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3264.999,"endTime":3268.119,"body":"You can't,  I'm gonna, Where is the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3264.999,"endTime":3268.119,"body":"slippery slope of how many people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3268.119,"endTime":3272.659,"body":"you're gonna not respect that you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3268.119,"endTime":3272.659,"body":"work with to get why wouldn't just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3272.659,"endTime":3274.029,"body":"start by respecting everybody."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3274.159,"endTime":3274.649,"body":"How about that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3274.899,"endTime":3278.139,"body":"How about we're all good kids"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3274.899,"endTime":3278.139,"body":"and play well with others."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3278.319,"endTime":3280.859,"body":"How about we start with that rather"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3278.319,"endTime":3280.859,"body":"than where does this come from?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3280.909,"endTime":3283.169,"body":"It's born in several places,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3280.909,"endTime":3283.169,"body":"but more, mainly egos."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3283.169,"endTime":3286.906,"body":"I think we're about to get into something"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3283.169,"endTime":3286.906,"body":"that I think we'll get in later, which"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3286.906,"endTime":3291.73,"body":"is, You know where you start with assuming"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3286.906,"endTime":3291.73,"body":"positive intent and respect for people."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3292.2,"endTime":3294.62,"body":"So I want to move into the next"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3292.2,"endTime":3294.62,"body":"chapter because again, we could"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3294.62,"endTime":3298.32,"body":"stay on that one with that whole one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3294.62,"endTime":3298.32,"body":"right there, like mutual respect."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3298.755,"endTime":3301.505,"body":"Like we could do a whole"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3298.755,"endTime":3301.505,"body":"separate podcast just on that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3301.505,"endTime":3301.855,"body":"Sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3302.105,"endTime":3305.715,"body":"In fact, most of these the three"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3302.105,"endTime":3305.715,"body":"different types of winning Punishing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3305.845,"endTime":3308.515,"body":"and keeping the peace we could do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3305.845,"endTime":3308.515,"body":"a whole podcast just on that one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3308.765,"endTime":3313.425,"body":"But I want to move on to the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3308.765,"endTime":3313.425,"body":"one one what to do Once you step"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3313.425,"endTime":3316.655,"body":"out page 82 It has three skills."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3316.655,"endTime":3322.665,"body":"They call it skills And the three"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3316.655,"endTime":3322.665,"body":"skills are apologize, contrast,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3322.815,"endTime":3324.305,"body":"and create a mutual purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3324.555,"endTime":3327.825,"body":"Three things to do once you still be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3324.555,"endTime":3327.825,"body":"like, Hey, things are going off the rails."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3328.145,"endTime":3333.025,"body":"Let me step out for a second and consider"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3328.145,"endTime":3333.025,"body":"which of these three that I should employ."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3333.275,"endTime":3336.875,"body":"Setting getting hooked and fighting"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3333.275,"endTime":3336.875,"body":"back, break the cycle, see a person's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3336.875,"endTime":3338.555,"body":"aggressive behavior for what it is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3338.655,"endTime":3339.075,"body":"Oh, sorry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3339.345,"endTime":3341.515,"body":"I just slipped into apologize, I think."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3341.765,"endTime":3342.365,"body":"Where were you?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3342.615,"endTime":3345.805,"body":"I think we need to go into each of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3342.615,"endTime":3345.805,"body":"those three just for a sentence or two."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3345.865,"endTime":3347.805,"body":"Yeah, let's, so the three categories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3347.805,"endTime":3348.985,"body":"So let's talk about apology."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3349.005,"endTime":3354.095,"body":"Apology is a statement that sincerely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3349.005,"endTime":3354.095,"body":"expresses your sorrow for a role in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3354.125,"endTime":3357.94,"body":"causing the Or at least not preventing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3354.125,"endTime":3357.94,"body":"pain or difficulty to others."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3358.15,"endTime":3360.11,"body":"Now, an apology isn't really"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3358.15,"endTime":3360.11,"body":"an apology unless you've"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3360.11,"endTime":3361.34,"body":"experienced a change of heart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3361.54,"endTime":3364.82,"body":"So it says, when your behavior has"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3361.54,"endTime":3364.82,"body":"given someone cause to doubt your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3364.82,"endTime":3368.75,"body":"respect or commitment to mutual"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3364.82,"endTime":3368.75,"body":"purpose, your conversation is likely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3368.75,"endTime":3371.6,"body":"to end up in a silly game playing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3368.75,"endTime":3371.6,"body":"and frustrating misunderstandings"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3371.64,"endTime":3374.03,"body":"until you offer a sincere apology."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3374.51,"endTime":3375.27,"body":"Yeah, exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3375.3,"endTime":3379.56,"body":"And a sincere apology can help repair"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3375.3,"endTime":3379.56,"body":"the trust damage that's there, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3379.58,"endTime":3381.69,"body":"And open the door for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3379.58,"endTime":3381.69,"body":"constructive dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3381.91,"endTime":3385.69,"body":"The funny thing is like I had I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3381.91,"endTime":3385.69,"body":"worked with a person years ago many"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3385.69,"endTime":3390.3,"body":"years ago that was, they were in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3385.69,"endTime":3390.3,"body":"a leadership role and they were a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3390.3,"endTime":3393.37,"body":"master of just clearing the air."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3393.62,"endTime":3398.86,"body":"And moving the conversation towards"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3393.62,"endTime":3398.86,"body":"a solution by stepping up and saying,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3398.87,"endTime":3402.09,"body":"listen, I don't know how things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3398.87,"endTime":3402.09,"body":"got this way, wrong or whatever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3402.34,"endTime":3403.72,"body":"I should have stepped in earlier."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3404.02,"endTime":3405.68,"body":"I will take all the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3404.02,"endTime":3405.68,"body":"blame and responsibility."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3405.68,"endTime":3406.76,"body":"You sent everybody to me."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3407.01,"endTime":3408.18,"body":"I apologize for this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3408.43,"endTime":3409.51,"body":"Let's come to a conclusion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3409.51,"endTime":3414.28,"body":"And I still remember it years later"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3409.51,"endTime":3414.28,"body":"of how effective of a tool it was to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3414.28,"endTime":3419.12,"body":"have a member of leadership step in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3414.28,"endTime":3419.12,"body":"and just clear all this pettiness,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3419.22,"endTime":3420.54,"body":"and  many years later in my career."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3420.795,"endTime":3423.075,"body":"Really what they were saying"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3420.795,"endTime":3423.075,"body":"in retrospect was, I don't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3423.075,"endTime":3424.345,"body":"care how things got messed up."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3424.515,"endTime":3425.125,"body":"Let's move on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3425.165,"endTime":3425.885,"body":"Let's move on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3425.915,"endTime":3425.915,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3425.915,"endTime":3428.25,"body":"That's what they were saying, but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3425.915,"endTime":3428.25,"body":"they were saying Anybody who wants"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3428.25,"endTime":3430.2,"body":"to label blame, send it to me."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3430.33,"endTime":3431.21,"body":"I will take the blame."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3431.62,"endTime":3432.54,"body":"Sorry, everyone."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3432.76,"endTime":3433.3,"body":"My bad."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3433.55,"endTime":3434.02,"body":"That takes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3434.05,"endTime":3434.38,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3434.44,"endTime":3436.4,"body":"So Brits are very good at apologizing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3436.4,"endTime":3437.61,"body":"They always apologize."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3437.86,"endTime":3440.88,"body":"And when they're told not to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3437.86,"endTime":3440.88,"body":"apologize, their response is sorry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3441.28,"endTime":3447.84,"body":"But I think if you go in with that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3441.28,"endTime":3447.84,"body":"attitude into a discussion that especially"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3447.84,"endTime":3451.33,"body":"if it's a heated discussion where people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3447.84,"endTime":3451.33,"body":"are trying to lay blame It can be very"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3451.33,"endTime":3456.46,"body":"effective at extinguishing the the sparks"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3451.33,"endTime":3456.46,"body":"that are about to go up in flames, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3456.81,"endTime":3460.5,"body":"Because you're owning up, you're saying"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3456.81,"endTime":3460.5,"body":"all of these bad things, it's my fault."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3460.61,"endTime":3461.47,"body":"I'll take the blame."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3461.87,"endTime":3463.72,"body":"But immediately you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3461.87,"endTime":3463.72,"body":"saying let's move on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3463.73,"endTime":3464.96,"body":"How can we make this better, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3464.96,"endTime":3465.88,"body":"What can we do next?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3466.13,"endTime":3468.2,"body":"That's a very effective"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3466.13,"endTime":3468.2,"body":"and a powerful technique."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3468.45,"endTime":3472.69,"body":"It's a learned thing though, because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3468.45,"endTime":3472.69,"body":"people aren't necessarily, Innately, prone"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3472.69,"endTime":3474.6,"body":"to apologize and say what's now my fault."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3474.63,"endTime":3474.94,"body":"Sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3475.16,"endTime":3475.7,"body":"Why should I say?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3475.7,"endTime":3476.17,"body":"Sorry?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3476.55,"endTime":3479.39,"body":"Yeah, there's ego involved for certain"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3476.55,"endTime":3479.39,"body":"They don't use ego in this book at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3479.39,"endTime":3483.16,"body":"all Actually, that's right But it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3479.39,"endTime":3483.16,"body":"but again, it is a tool and much"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3483.16,"endTime":3486.99,"body":"like the person I described, you know"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3483.16,"endTime":3486.99,"body":"in my story Employ the tool where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3487.0,"endTime":3488.35,"body":"it will be most effective, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3488.6,"endTime":3491.96,"body":"To get you to the next level because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3488.6,"endTime":3491.96,"body":"again in that organization that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3491.96,"endTime":3495.03,"body":"leader was responsible for most of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3491.96,"endTime":3495.03,"body":"the people They were apologizing too."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3495.03,"endTime":3498.7,"body":"So like To the executives and again to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3495.03,"endTime":3498.7,"body":"the customers, whatever, they really"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3498.7,"endTime":3502.7,"body":"didn't care who did what or whatever,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3498.7,"endTime":3502.7,"body":"like they only care that like success"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3502.7,"endTime":3507.46,"body":"was the outcome and if that person could"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3502.7,"endTime":3507.46,"body":"lead the team to success by apologizing,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3507.72,"endTime":3510.99,"body":"that is still a leadership technique and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3507.72,"endTime":3510.99,"body":"a technique in this book that anybody can"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3510.99,"endTime":3515.62,"body":"employ  it was great in the moment I knew"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3510.99,"endTime":3515.62,"body":"it was happening and I, it was like, I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3515.83,"endTime":3519.42,"body":"observing it, I knew what was happening"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3515.83,"endTime":3519.42,"body":"and I couldn't stop it even if I wanted."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3519.42,"endTime":3521.5,"body":"It was like, he's slowly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3519.42,"endTime":3521.5,"body":"moving train wreck."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3521.5,"endTime":3523.56,"body":"I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3523.74,"endTime":3526.11,"body":"The next section is contrasting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3526.36,"endTime":3531.09,"body":"Contrasting is using"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3526.36,"endTime":3531.09,"body":"don't and do statements."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3531.34,"endTime":3535.83,"body":"For example, addressing other's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3531.34,"endTime":3535.83,"body":"concerns that you don't respect them"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3536.3,"endTime":3538.4,"body":"or that you have a malicious purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3538.59,"endTime":3539.22,"body":"The don't part."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3539.23,"endTime":3541.7,"body":"You're saying I Hey, I do respect you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3541.7,"endTime":3542.92,"body":"I don't have malicious purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3542.93,"endTime":3545.9,"body":"This is like a, Hey, I don't,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3542.93,"endTime":3545.9,"body":"I'm not saying this because."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3546.15,"endTime":3546.92,"body":"Whatever, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3546.95,"endTime":3550.57,"body":"Yeah, I want to hurt you or because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3546.95,"endTime":3550.57,"body":"whatever and then the second part is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3550.61,"endTime":3554.74,"body":"confirming your respect or clarifying"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3550.61,"endTime":3554.74,"body":"your real purpose I do think that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3554.75,"endTime":3558.6,"body":"you're a great coach or whatever home"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3554.75,"endTime":3558.6,"body":"or I do think that you have a great"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3558.6,"endTime":3562.07,"body":"role to play or Whatever, so it's a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3558.6,"endTime":3562.07,"body":"don't statement followed up by a do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3562.07,"endTime":3566.8,"body":"statement very effective especially"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3562.07,"endTime":3566.8,"body":"during like appraisals or when"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3566.8,"endTime":3568.44,"body":"you're evaluating somebody, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3568.69,"endTime":3575.21,"body":"How to give a good honest feedback on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3568.69,"endTime":3575.21,"body":"somebody is using contrasting where you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3575.21,"endTime":3578.88,"body":"really what you're doing when you do this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3575.21,"endTime":3578.88,"body":"is you're clarifying intentions right and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3578.88,"endTime":3583.08,"body":"avoiding ambiguity misunderstandings so"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3578.88,"endTime":3583.08,"body":"that they have an example here just to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3583.08,"endTime":3587.77,"body":"make it crystal clear for everyone says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3583.08,"endTime":3587.77,"body":"example is the don't part The last thing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3587.78,"endTime":3592.22,"body":"I wanted to do was communicate that I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3587.78,"endTime":3592.22,"body":"don't value the work you put in or that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3592.22,"endTime":3594.14,"body":"I don't want you to share it with the VP."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3594.51,"endTime":3595.27,"body":"The do part."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3595.62,"endTime":3599.11,"body":"I do, I think your work has been"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3595.62,"endTime":3599.11,"body":"nothing short of spectacular."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3599.32,"endTime":3601.69,"body":"That's a weak example, but we'll"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3599.32,"endTime":3601.69,"body":"get into it later in the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3601.79,"endTime":3603.72,"body":"Contrasting is not apologizing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3604.17,"endTime":3604.82,"body":"They put it here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3605.05,"endTime":3607.51,"body":"It's important that you understand"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3605.05,"endTime":3607.51,"body":"that contrasting is not apologizing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3607.84,"endTime":3611.55,"body":"It's not a way of taking back something"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3607.84,"endTime":3611.55,"body":"that we've said that hurt others feelings."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3611.55,"endTime":3613.34,"body":"It's rather is a way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3611.55,"endTime":3613.34,"body":"of ensuring that what."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3613.72,"endTime":3619.57,"body":"We said didn't hurt more than it should"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3613.72,"endTime":3619.57,"body":"have contrasting provides context and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3619.57,"endTime":3623.77,"body":"proportion So  the book goes out of its"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3619.57,"endTime":3623.77,"body":"way to say don't take back what you said,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3623.93,"endTime":3625.8,"body":"you know Put your remarks in context."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3625.81,"endTime":3629.25,"body":"It says don't apologize for what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3625.81,"endTime":3629.25,"body":"you said lay out the context."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3629.25,"endTime":3631.29,"body":"So we're very clear Yeah"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3631.34,"endTime":3633.1,"body":"the last thing is create mutual purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3633.27,"endTime":3635.83,"body":"Sometimes we find ourselves in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3633.27,"endTime":3635.83,"body":"the middle of debate because we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3635.83,"endTime":3638.11,"body":"have clearly different purposes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3638.51,"endTime":3642.69,"body":"The worst ignore the problem and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3638.51,"endTime":3642.69,"body":"push ahead and roll over others."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3642.74,"endTime":3643.19,"body":"All right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3643.55,"endTime":3647.81,"body":"And then the good at dialogue move"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3643.55,"endTime":3647.81,"body":"immediately towards compromise,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3648.14,"endTime":3652.73,"body":"but the best use the skills"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3648.14,"endTime":3652.73,"body":"to create a mutual purpose."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3652.98,"endTime":3655.27,"body":"And they use an acronym in the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3655.48,"endTime":3662.18,"body":"They have this CRIB crib acronym,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3655.48,"endTime":3662.18,"body":"acronym commit to seek a mutual purpose,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3662.53,"endTime":3665.86,"body":"which means we're going to commit to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3662.53,"endTime":3665.86,"body":"staying in the discussion until we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3665.86,"endTime":3669.91,"body":"have a solution that satisfies the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3665.86,"endTime":3669.91,"body":"both of us as a win recognize the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3669.91,"endTime":3671.71,"body":"purpose behind the strategy, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3671.71,"endTime":3674.73,"body":"We can break the impasse by"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3671.71,"endTime":3674.73,"body":"saying, why do you want to do that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3675.08,"endTime":3678.17,"body":"You, you step out of the conversation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3675.08,"endTime":3678.17,"body":"when you're not being productive, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3678.54,"endTime":3682.89,"body":"Invent a mutual purpose, which is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3678.54,"endTime":3682.89,"body":"you find an objective that is more"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3682.89,"endTime":3686.02,"body":"meaningful and more rewarding than the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3682.89,"endTime":3686.02,"body":"ones that divide the various sides."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3686.27,"endTime":3690.31,"body":"Again we've talked about that earlier and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3686.27,"endTime":3690.31,"body":"then brainstorm for new strategies because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3690.31,"endTime":3694.04,"body":"if you're not willing to give creativity"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3690.31,"endTime":3694.04,"body":"a try, it'll be impossible to jointly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3694.04,"endTime":3696.57,"body":"come up with mutually acceptable options."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3696.82,"endTime":3697.03,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3697.03,"endTime":3700.87,"body":"The creating a mutual purpose is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3697.03,"endTime":3700.87,"body":"really that the earlier comments we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3700.87,"endTime":3704.88,"body":"made about forging a win situation,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3700.87,"endTime":3704.88,"body":"so you're not capitulating."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3704.99,"endTime":3706.28,"body":"You're also not steamrolling."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3706.53,"endTime":3708.84,"body":"It's a, it's almost a throwback to."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3709.09,"endTime":3712.31,"body":"Parenting like if you have little"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3709.09,"endTime":3712.31,"body":"kids that you're raising or have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3712.31,"endTime":3715.79,"body":"raised you can have your dessert He's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3712.31,"endTime":3715.79,"body":"gonna finish your vegetables, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3716.01,"endTime":3721.11,"body":"So create a win So the we're moved on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3716.01,"endTime":3721.11,"body":"to chapter 6 How to stay in dialogue"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3721.11,"endTime":3723.03,"body":"when you're angry, scared, or hurt."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3723.13,"endTime":3725.12,"body":"I think this will probably be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3723.13,"endTime":3725.12,"body":"a big, a quick chapter for us."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3725.37,"endTime":3728.25,"body":"By learning to exert influence over"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3725.37,"endTime":3728.25,"body":"your own feelings, you'll place"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3728.26,"endTime":3733.22,"body":"yourself in a far better position to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3728.26,"endTime":3733.22,"body":"use all the tools we explored thus far."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3733.67,"endTime":3735.48,"body":"Take this note out of the book"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3733.67,"endTime":3735.48,"body":"because that's where we stopped."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3735.73,"endTime":3736.06,"body":"All right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3736.14,"endTime":3740.99,"body":"So it says emotions don't just happen"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3736.14,"endTime":3740.99,"body":"there's several claims claim more claim"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3740.99,"endTime":3745.875,"body":"one claims claim one others don't make"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3740.99,"endTime":3745.875,"body":"you mad You make you mad and claim"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3745.875,"endTime":3750.795,"body":"to you can act on your emotions or be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3745.875,"endTime":3750.795,"body":"acted on by them You either find a way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3750.795,"endTime":3752.825,"body":"to master them or fall hostage to them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3753.075,"endTime":3756.805,"body":"Wow, that is so powerful Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3753.075,"endTime":3756.805,"body":"a rough statement To someone who"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3756.935,"endTime":3758.435,"body":"is yeah, that's a rough statement."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3758.685,"endTime":3762.195,"body":"Yeah, it did One of the quotes in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3758.685,"endTime":3762.195,"body":"the book is our stories are one way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3762.195,"endTime":3766.405,"body":"event we concoct our own personal"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3762.195,"endTime":3766.405,"body":"interpretations of what we did or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3766.405,"endTime":3768.635,"body":"what, sorry, what, who did and why."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3768.935,"endTime":3772.085,"body":"And first we observe, then we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3768.935,"endTime":3772.085,"body":"add meaning to what we see."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3772.335,"endTime":3774.125,"body":"So maybe they didn't say those things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3774.125,"endTime":3775.795,"body":"We're interpreting it that way."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3776.235,"endTime":3780.285,"body":"The highlight that our stories are often"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3776.235,"endTime":3780.285,"body":"influenced by our past experiences, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3780.535,"endTime":3783.625,"body":"So you know and the bad examples"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3780.535,"endTime":3783.625,"body":"that you had again, if your parents."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3783.875,"endTime":3786.965,"body":"We're chock full of bad"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3783.875,"endTime":3786.965,"body":"examples for you all your life."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3787.045,"endTime":3787.465,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3787.535,"endTime":3791.175,"body":"That's the template that you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3787.535,"endTime":3791.175,"body":"copying as a human being."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3791.425,"endTime":3795.575,"body":"And now you don't even realize"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3791.425,"endTime":3795.575,"body":"that all you have is bad"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3795.815,"endTime":3797.575,"body":"experiences that you've copied."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3797.825,"endTime":3799.655,"body":"So you're starting from"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3797.825,"endTime":3799.655,"body":"a negative position."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3799.905,"endTime":3803.985,"body":"That, that's a tough one,  coming"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3799.905,"endTime":3803.985,"body":"in, coming into your first job"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3804.235,"endTime":3808.655,"body":"and trying to be in a position"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3804.235,"endTime":3808.655,"body":"where you have to accept critique."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3808.925,"endTime":3813.835,"body":"So really like critical advice to help"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3808.925,"endTime":3813.835,"body":"you from a purpose from a position"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3814.195,"endTime":3818.295,"body":"That is someone actually caring with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3814.195,"endTime":3818.295,"body":"empathy that actually cares for you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3818.725,"endTime":3822.995,"body":"You will perceive it in the worst way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3818.725,"endTime":3822.995,"body":"possible, just because that's just the way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3822.995,"endTime":3826.995,"body":"you were raised and you have no experience"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3822.995,"endTime":3826.995,"body":"in the work world in the, you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3826.995,"endTime":3828.185,"body":"working with other people, basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3828.185,"endTime":3830.453,"body":"Yeah, of course you'd react"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3828.185,"endTime":3830.453,"body":"negatively in that situation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3830.453,"endTime":3830.742,"body":"Congratulations."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3830.742,"endTime":3833.255,"body":"You just described me at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3830.742,"endTime":3833.255,"body":"the beginning of my career."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3833.495,"endTime":3837.415,"body":"There's someone I think of all the time"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3833.495,"endTime":3837.415,"body":"when I want to do podcasts like this,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3837.635,"endTime":3839.005,"body":"that I want to invite on the podcast."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3839.31,"endTime":3843.22,"body":"Because I remember a conversation that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3839.31,"endTime":3843.22,"body":"real early in my career it was I can't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3843.22,"endTime":3847.55,"body":"even say and I remember a conversation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3843.22,"endTime":3847.55,"body":"like this, that I just couldn't take"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3847.55,"endTime":3851.02,"body":"critique, because I'd never taken"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3847.55,"endTime":3851.02,"body":"critique before, yeah, you're not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3851.05,"endTime":3852.24,"body":"taught this in school, in college."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3852.24,"endTime":3853.47,"body":"No, absolutely not."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3853.54,"endTime":3855.02,"body":"How to listen and accept criticism."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3855.08,"endTime":3859.55,"body":"Which is bananas, because dialogue What"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3855.08,"endTime":3859.55,"body":"we're talking about dialogue it's a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3859.56,"endTime":3864.31,"body":"basic level building block course that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3859.56,"endTime":3864.31,"body":"every other course builds on top of it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3864.56,"endTime":3865.08,"body":"Crazy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3865.17,"endTime":3865.83,"body":"It's crazy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3865.83,"endTime":3866.39,"body":"It's nuts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3866.64,"endTime":3869.74,"body":"It says the worst at dialogue"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3866.64,"endTime":3869.74,"body":"fall hostages to their emotions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3869.78,"endTime":3871.07,"body":"and they don't even know it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3871.12,"endTime":3871.99,"body":"The good of dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3871.99,"endTime":3874.97,"body":"Realize that if they don't control"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3871.99,"endTime":3874.97,"body":"their emotions, matters get worse."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3874.98,"endTime":3876.14,"body":"So they try something else."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3876.38,"endTime":3877.31,"body":"They fake it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3877.56,"endTime":3878.82,"body":"This is what we were"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3877.56,"endTime":3878.82,"body":"talking about earlier."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3879.03,"endTime":3884.25,"body":"Unfortunately, once these emotionally"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3879.03,"endTime":3884.25,"body":"choked folks hit a rough spot in a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3884.25,"endTime":3888.12,"body":"crucial conversation, their suppressed"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3884.25,"endTime":3888.12,"body":"emotions come out of hiding."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3888.33,"endTime":3889.88,"body":"This is what I was talking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3888.33,"endTime":3889.88,"body":"about mutual respect."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3890.07,"endTime":3894.41,"body":"You can't, that fake it till you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3890.07,"endTime":3894.41,"body":"make it is not a good strategy here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3894.72,"endTime":3896.71,"body":"Not having empathy and just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3894.72,"endTime":3896.71,"body":"trying to get your way and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3896.72,"endTime":3898.94,"body":"hiding it, that will not work."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3899.34,"endTime":3901.64,"body":"The best of dialogue do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3899.34,"endTime":3901.64,"body":"something completely different."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3901.65,"endTime":3902.59,"body":"They have strong feelings."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3902.93,"endTime":3906.54,"body":"They influence and often change"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3902.93,"endTime":3906.54,"body":"their emotions by thinking them out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3906.79,"endTime":3912.11,"body":"People that keep their frustrations in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3906.79,"endTime":3912.11,"body":"this way, bottled up, it's akin to like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3912.17,"endTime":3914.31,"body":"basically a volcano bubbling, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3914.32,"endTime":3915.14,"body":"You don't know."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3915.14,"endTime":3917.34,"body":"It's going to one thing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3915.14,"endTime":3917.34,"body":"it's going to erupt."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3917.63,"endTime":3918.88,"body":"You just don't know where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3917.63,"endTime":3918.88,"body":"it's going to erupt."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3919.09,"endTime":3921.98,"body":"You don't know where and when it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3919.09,"endTime":3921.98,"body":"might be in your professional life."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3922.01,"endTime":3924.04,"body":"It might be your personal"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3922.01,"endTime":3924.04,"body":"life or vice versa."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3924.04,"endTime":3926.97,"body":"So yeah there's a lot of benefit"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3924.04,"endTime":3926.97,"body":"in , understanding this stuff."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3927.06,"endTime":3928.83,"body":"So they start on page 107,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3929.13,"endTime":3931.83,"body":"There it is with the feel to act cycle."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3931.84,"endTime":3935.48,"body":"So the way you feel starts"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3931.84,"endTime":3935.48,"body":"influencing the way you act, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3935.73,"endTime":3937.01,"body":"And it starts left to yep."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3937.26,"endTime":3940.61,"body":"They will expand on figure six"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3937.26,"endTime":3940.61,"body":"one, how feelings drive actions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3940.86,"endTime":3945.12,"body":"And they start adding steps as they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3940.86,"endTime":3945.12,"body":"go further in the book and make this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3945.13,"endTime":3946.88,"body":"kind of this kind of arrow diagram."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3946.98,"endTime":3948.12,"body":"They make it a little more advanced."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3948.12,"endTime":3952.53,"body":"So they start with this simple"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3948.12,"endTime":3952.53,"body":"one with feelings, drive actions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3952.78,"endTime":3956.41,"body":"And then in figure six two, they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3952.78,"endTime":3956.41,"body":"give you the path to action."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3956.58,"endTime":3960.44,"body":"So in the path to action, they say"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3956.58,"endTime":3960.44,"body":"just after we observe what others"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3960.45,"endTime":3964.29,"body":"do, just before we feel some emotion"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3960.45,"endTime":3964.29,"body":"about it, we tell ourselves a story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3964.43,"endTime":3967.88,"body":"So they, they put C in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3964.43,"endTime":3967.88,"body":"here as the first step."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3968.12,"endTime":3970.41,"body":"And then they say, tell"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3968.12,"endTime":3970.41,"body":"a story as a second step."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3970.55,"endTime":3971.59,"body":"That's this one right here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3971.84,"endTime":3975.5,"body":"And then after you tell yourself a story,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3971.84,"endTime":3975.5,"body":"then you figure out how to feel about it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3976.0,"endTime":3976.83,"body":"Then you act out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3977.1,"endTime":3977.34,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3977.59,"endTime":3979.85,"body":"Again, not necessarily in healthy ways."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3980.1,"endTime":3980.99,"body":"I just thought I'd throw that out there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3981.01,"endTime":3981.19,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3981.19,"endTime":3981.45,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3981.49,"endTime":3986.25,"body":"we observe, then we tell ourself a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3981.49,"endTime":3986.25,"body":"story, then we feel since we, and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3986.26,"endTime":3989.99,"body":"only we are telling the story, we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3986.26,"endTime":3989.99,"body":"can take back control of our own"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3989.99,"endTime":3991.82,"body":"emotions by telling a different story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3991.83,"endTime":3993.66,"body":"So you can see and hear things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3994.07,"endTime":3997.01,"body":"And then when you start constructing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3994.07,"endTime":3997.01,"body":"a story in your brain, because again,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3997.01,"endTime":4001.19,"body":"this is that thinking fast and slow mode"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":3997.01,"endTime":4001.19,"body":"one mode two thinking thing that this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4001.19,"endTime":4005.21,"body":"is mode one thinking, I see and hear"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4001.19,"endTime":4005.21,"body":"some things I see a fact, I see people's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4005.21,"endTime":4008.16,"body":"behavior, whatever, and immediately"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4005.21,"endTime":4008.16,"body":"start constructing a story in my head."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4008.33,"endTime":4013.33,"body":"That's mode one thinking that's quick snap"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4008.33,"endTime":4013.33,"body":"decision Oh, I saw a lion on the plains."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4013.485,"endTime":4014.635,"body":"Yeah, quick mode."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4014.635,"endTime":4016.785,"body":"One thinking  it doesn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4014.635,"endTime":4016.785,"body":"serve you in here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4017.175,"endTime":4020.965,"body":"The what this book is trying to get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4017.175,"endTime":4020.965,"body":"you to do is shift out of that mode"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4020.965,"endTime":4026.125,"body":"one thinking and to change gears in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4020.965,"endTime":4026.125,"body":"the mode to and to analyze Oh, is it?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4026.165,"endTime":4026.635,"body":"What is this?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4026.655,"endTime":4028.285,"body":"What story am I telling myself here?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4028.535,"endTime":4030.045,"body":"Yeah, they go on to cover three."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4030.045,"endTime":4033.925,"body":"I think the three things that you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4030.045,"endTime":4033.925,"body":"know that's the three strategies."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4034.425,"endTime":4038.275,"body":"To challenge and reframe the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4034.425,"endTime":4038.275,"body":"stories we tell ourselves under this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4038.275,"endTime":4040.275,"body":"master my stories heading, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4040.395,"endTime":4045.785,"body":"So they talk about separating facts from"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4040.395,"endTime":4045.785,"body":"interpretations that people say things and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4045.785,"endTime":4050.795,"body":"then it's not necessarily based in fact"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4045.785,"endTime":4050.795,"body":"to have politicians specialize in this but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4050.865,"endTime":4054.985,"body":"in discussions, we should really always"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4050.865,"endTime":4054.985,"body":"come back to what does the data say?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4055.235,"endTime":4058.405,"body":"Instead of what you interpreted"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4055.235,"endTime":4058.405,"body":"the data and you're saying this,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4058.64,"endTime":4062.46,"body":"And you're imposing that thought"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4058.64,"endTime":4062.46,"body":"pattern on everybody else, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4062.83,"endTime":4064.01,"body":"Go back to the raw data."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4064.38,"endTime":4066.67,"body":"If you don't know enough you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4064.38,"endTime":4066.67,"body":"jumping ahead of where the book's going"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4066.67,"endTime":4069.49,"body":"because the book says it's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4066.67,"endTime":4069.49,"body":"walking through figure six, three"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4069.84,"endTime":4070.88,"body":"they tell him the book from Maria."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4071.05,"endTime":4071.7,"body":"There it is right there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4071.86,"endTime":4074.03,"body":"Do you see there's more words"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4071.86,"endTime":4074.03,"body":"in here from Ray's story?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4074.3,"endTime":4077.69,"body":"But they're basically just adding"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4074.3,"endTime":4077.69,"body":"some words as Marie tells her story"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4077.69,"endTime":4080.98,"body":"to see and hear, and then tell a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4077.69,"endTime":4080.98,"body":"story and then feel, and then act."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4081.22,"endTime":4084.09,"body":"It says you just feel angry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4084.54,"endTime":4089.16,"body":"The feelings came first, and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4084.54,"endTime":4089.16,"body":"then the thoughts came second."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4089.21,"endTime":4092.25,"body":"Storytelling typically"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4089.21,"endTime":4092.25,"body":"happens blindingly fast."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4092.25,"endTime":4094.06,"body":"Again, that's that mode"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4092.25,"endTime":4094.06,"body":"one thinking I was saying."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4094.44,"endTime":4098.02,"body":"Any set of facts can be used"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4094.44,"endTime":4098.02,"body":"to tell an infinite number of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4098.03,"endTime":4100.49,"body":"stories, and stories are just that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4100.555,"endTime":4101.65,"body":"Stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4101.65,"endTime":4107.265,"body":"Once they're told, stories control"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4101.65,"endTime":4107.265,"body":"us, and until we tell different"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4107.265,"endTime":4109.055,"body":"stories, we can't break the loop."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4109.135,"endTime":4112.565,"body":"So the idea is, once you start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4109.135,"endTime":4112.565,"body":"constructing a story in your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4112.565,"endTime":4115.795,"body":"brain, the story here, the Maria"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4112.565,"endTime":4115.795,"body":"story is, He doesn't trust me."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4115.825,"endTime":4116.925,"body":"He thinks I'm weak."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4117.175,"endTime":4119.795,"body":"If I speak up, I'll look too emotional."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4119.795,"endTime":4121.085,"body":"He'll think I'm super emotional."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4121.135,"endTime":4122.765,"body":"That's a story you've told yourself."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4122.92,"endTime":4126.17,"body":"Yeah, now you need to back up to the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4122.92,"endTime":4126.17,"body":"facts and we'll get there in a second."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4126.22,"endTime":4127.24,"body":"We'll get to the facts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4127.24,"endTime":4130.31,"body":"Yeah because the story you're telling"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4127.24,"endTime":4130.31,"body":"yourself is basically undermining"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4130.68,"endTime":4135.13,"body":"Any ability for you to have a crucial"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4130.68,"endTime":4135.13,"body":"conversation to make meaning out of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4135.14,"endTime":4139.58,"body":"the conversation get what you want"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4135.14,"endTime":4139.58,"body":"Ask all the questions, you know What"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4139.58,"endTime":4142.91,"body":"you want out of the conversation what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4139.58,"endTime":4142.91,"body":"you want out of the relationship?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4143.17,"endTime":4144.24,"body":"It's sabotaging everything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4144.49,"endTime":4145.92,"body":"Is there a better story?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4146.23,"endTime":4147.98,"body":"Are there other stories"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4146.23,"endTime":4147.98,"body":"that fit the facts?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4147.98,"endTime":4149.24,"body":"Have you thought about any of those?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4149.57,"endTime":4151.18,"body":"All of that is in this section."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4151.23,"endTime":4152.55,"body":"It's very deep."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4152.55,"endTime":4154.24,"body":"They call this retracing your path."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4154.49,"endTime":4154.82,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4154.99,"endTime":4157.09,"body":"So it says, slow down, go figure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4157.09,"endTime":4157.94,"body":"Slow down to speed up."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4158.38,"endTime":4158.59,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4158.64,"endTime":4160.56,"body":"Slow down, retrace your path to action."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4160.58,"endTime":4162.65,"body":"And it says, here's how"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4160.58,"endTime":4162.65,"body":"to retrace your path."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4162.9,"endTime":4169.08,"body":"Act, notice your behavior and ask, am"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4162.9,"endTime":4169.08,"body":"I in some form of silence or violence?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4169.51,"endTime":4172.18,"body":"The second one is feel, get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4169.51,"endTime":4172.18,"body":"in touch with your feelings."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4172.18,"endTime":4174.79,"body":"What emotions are encouraging"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4172.18,"endTime":4174.79,"body":"me to act this way?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4175.19,"endTime":4177.34,"body":"Number three, tell a story,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4175.19,"endTime":4177.34,"body":"analyze your stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4177.42,"endTime":4179.47,"body":"What story is creating these emotions?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4179.69,"endTime":4181.37,"body":"And then the last one is see and hear."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4181.745,"endTime":4182.715,"body":"Get back to the facts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4182.715,"endTime":4185.505,"body":"What evidence do I have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4182.715,"endTime":4185.505,"body":"that supports this story?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4185.755,"endTime":4186.175,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4186.175,"endTime":4187.215,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4187.255,"endTime":4190.985,"body":"Listen, in real life If you were to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4187.255,"endTime":4190.985,"body":"do this though It might take you a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4190.985,"endTime":4195.595,"body":"while to get good at it because you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4190.985,"endTime":4195.595,"body":"supposed to do this In the moment like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4195.595,"endTime":4201.015,"body":"as it happens sure and initially you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4195.595,"endTime":4201.015,"body":"might not get all the way through right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4201.025,"endTime":4203.395,"body":"You might just say Wait, I'm"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4201.025,"endTime":4203.395,"body":"trying to recognize this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4203.635,"endTime":4204.875,"body":"The conversation's moved on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4205.205,"endTime":4205.735,"body":"That's okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4205.735,"endTime":4206.225,"body":"Keep at it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4206.475,"endTime":4207.015,"body":"Keep at it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4207.045,"endTime":4209.315,"body":"You will progressively get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4207.045,"endTime":4209.315,"body":"better and better at it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4209.315,"endTime":4211.235,"body":"Again emotions are very powerful."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4211.355,"endTime":4213.885,"body":"They might overcome you in any"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4211.355,"endTime":4213.885,"body":"of these steps oh, I'm gonna get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4213.885,"endTime":4217.205,"body":"through act and feel and tell a story"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4213.885,"endTime":4217.205,"body":"about, oh, it's such a good story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4217.205,"endTime":4218.825,"body":"I can't, I'm gonna quit here or whatever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4219.075,"endTime":4219.505,"body":"Sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4219.515,"endTime":4222.825,"body":"I'm like, you but you at least tried"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4219.515,"endTime":4222.825,"body":"to get through the steps the more"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4222.825,"endTime":4225.915,"body":"you do it's It's like the way I think"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4222.825,"endTime":4225.915,"body":"about product management, it's like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4225.955,"endTime":4230.235,"body":"you can't read books about product"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4225.955,"endTime":4230.235,"body":"management and you can't listen to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4230.235,"endTime":4231.425,"body":"stories about product management."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4231.675,"endTime":4234.495,"body":"And expect that you're going to be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4231.675,"endTime":4234.495,"body":"a great product, that you have to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4234.505,"endTime":4236.285,"body":"do product management every day."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4236.375,"endTime":4236.715,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4237.135,"endTime":4239.135,"body":"It's the same thing, like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4237.135,"endTime":4239.135,"body":"team development, everything"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4239.135,"endTime":4240.515,"body":"that you do you have to do it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4240.585,"endTime":4241.105,"body":"You do."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4241.275,"endTime":4244.845,"body":"Somebody there's a quote out there,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4241.275,"endTime":4244.845,"body":"I'm trying to figure out who said this,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4244.915,"endTime":4246.415,"body":"and I can't come up with his name."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4246.665,"endTime":4247.135,"body":"It was me."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4247.295,"endTime":4248.385,"body":"Somebody, you take it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4248.405,"endTime":4249.695,"body":"Yeah, somebody said, You cut."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4250.07,"endTime":4251.95,"body":"You can't talk to fish about water."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4252.2,"endTime":4253.28,"body":"That's a great quote."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4253.53,"endTime":4254.2,"body":"Yeah, you're right."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4254.2,"endTime":4255.05,"body":"You have to do it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4255.16,"endTime":4259.96,"body":"And you won't get there in in a jiffy"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4255.16,"endTime":4259.96,"body":"it'll take time, but constant improvement."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4260.16,"endTime":4260.64,"body":"Keep at it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4260.75,"endTime":4262.34,"body":"Here we are about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4260.75,"endTime":4262.34,"body":"halfway through the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4262.44,"endTime":4263.64,"body":"Page 113."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4263.9,"endTime":4266.54,"body":"Many people are emotionally illiterate."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4267.04,"endTime":4269.67,"body":"Individuals say they're angry when"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4267.04,"endTime":4269.67,"body":"in fact they're feeling a mix."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4269.74,"endTime":4275.66,"body":"and surprise, or they suggest they're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4269.74,"endTime":4275.66,"body":"unhappy when they feel violated."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4275.91,"endTime":4279.63,"body":"So again, like what we just talked"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4275.91,"endTime":4279.63,"body":"about, when you're retracing your path,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4279.92,"endTime":4285.33,"body":"most people are very bad at naming"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4279.92,"endTime":4285.33,"body":"the emotion or emotions when there's a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4285.36,"endTime":4291.885,"body":"complicated, Mix of emotions that are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4285.36,"endTime":4291.885,"body":"bothering them, that they're swelling"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4291.885,"endTime":4295.405,"body":"up, changing the way they're feeling,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4291.885,"endTime":4295.405,"body":"like clouding their judgment, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4295.655,"endTime":4299.745,"body":"And oh boy, like all this stepping"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4295.655,"endTime":4299.745,"body":"away all this, engage, stop your mode"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4299.745,"endTime":4303.905,"body":"one thinking, get to your mode two"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4299.745,"endTime":4303.905,"body":"thinking, think deeply on these things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4304.295,"endTime":4305.545,"body":"All that stuff it's very difficult."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4305.795,"endTime":4306.335,"body":"It is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4306.385,"endTime":4310.175,"body":"If you're in a team setting one of the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4306.385,"endTime":4310.175,"body":"things you might want to do is just create"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4310.175,"endTime":4313.995,"body":"something like a Nico calendar for your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4310.175,"endTime":4313.995,"body":"team, because there's no context there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4313.995,"endTime":4315.385,"body":"It's just feel the day went?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4315.515,"endTime":4319.225,"body":"And then you look for patterns across"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4315.515,"endTime":4319.225,"body":"the board and say, was there a specific"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4319.225,"endTime":4320.86,"body":"day or some days during the day?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4321.09,"endTime":4323.47,"body":"The sprint, let's say, where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4321.09,"endTime":4323.47,"body":"people were feeling particularly"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4323.47,"endTime":4325.98,"body":"frustrated, angry, down, etc."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4326.35,"endTime":4329.36,"body":"And start to you could use techniques"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4326.35,"endTime":4329.36,"body":"like the five Ys, whatever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4329.54,"endTime":4330.92,"body":"Just try and get to the bottom of it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4330.92,"endTime":4332.82,"body":"But that's a starting point."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4333.07,"endTime":4337.835,"body":"So it says on page 114, The first step"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4333.07,"endTime":4337.835,"body":"to regaining emotional control, is to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4337.835,"endTime":4342.755,"body":"challenge the illusion that what you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4337.835,"endTime":4342.755,"body":"feeling is the only right emotion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4343.215,"endTime":4347.705,"body":"In 115, when you generate stories in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4343.215,"endTime":4347.705,"body":"the blink of an eye, you can get so"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4347.705,"endTime":4352.265,"body":"caught up in the moments that you begin"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4347.705,"endTime":4352.265,"body":"to believe your stories are facts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4352.765,"endTime":4356.595,"body":"We get lower on that page, we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4352.765,"endTime":4356.595,"body":"say, Can you see or hear this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4356.595,"endTime":4358.055,"body":"thing that you're calling a fact?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4358.155,"endTime":4358.585,"body":"What is it?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4358.585,"endTime":4360.925,"body":"And was it an actual behavior?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4361.175,"endTime":4366.545,"body":"They, there are things between this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4361.175,"endTime":4366.545,"body":"and page one 16, 17, that they try"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4366.545,"endTime":4371.155,"body":"to help you understand the little"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4366.545,"endTime":4371.155,"body":"clever stories that you tell yourself."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4371.445,"endTime":4375.005,"body":"And when you're hiding facts and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4371.445,"endTime":4375.005,"body":"telling yourself stories and thinking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4375.005,"endTime":4378.695,"body":"that they're facts, they give you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4375.005,"endTime":4378.695,"body":"a couple of different modes here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4378.965,"endTime":4382.395,"body":"One is victim stories of,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4378.965,"endTime":4382.395,"body":"it's not my fault, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4382.395,"endTime":4386.465,"body":"It's, these are sad facts, but not not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4382.395,"endTime":4386.465,"body":"stories the things that you tell yourself,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4386.795,"endTime":4388.055,"body":"where you make yourself the victim."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4388.305,"endTime":4391.575,"body":"The villain stories where you put all"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4388.305,"endTime":4391.575,"body":"the blame on somebody else or some"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4391.575,"endTime":4392.955,"body":"situation or something like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4393.165,"endTime":4393.465,"body":"Yeah, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4393.465,"endTime":4396.075,"body":"These are the villain stories and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4393.465,"endTime":4396.075,"body":"then the helpless stories that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4396.075,"endTime":4397.395,"body":"there's nothing else I can do."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4397.605,"endTime":4401.475,"body":"Helpless stories often stem from"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4397.605,"endTime":4401.475,"body":"villain stories and offer us"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4401.625,"endTime":4403.455,"body":"nothing more than fools choices."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4403.455,"endTime":4403.665,"body":"So it says."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4403.915,"endTime":4406.955,"body":"Clever stories they can match reality."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4407.205,"endTime":4410.865,"body":"Yeah, there's a lot here for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4407.205,"endTime":4410.865,"body":"for teams to get to grips with."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4410.905,"endTime":4412.575,"body":"There's three things they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4410.905,"endTime":4412.575,"body":"say about clever stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4412.575,"endTime":4416.645,"body":"Clever stories, they can match"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4412.575,"endTime":4416.645,"body":"reality, so they seem nice, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4416.715,"endTime":4417.335,"body":"Because they match reality."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4417.585,"endTime":4420.645,"body":"They can get us off the hook,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4417.585,"endTime":4420.645,"body":"and they can keep us from"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4420.645,"endTime":4422.905,"body":"acknowledging our own sellouts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4423.155,"endTime":4427.145,"body":"An example of a sellout in the book, it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4423.155,"endTime":4427.145,"body":"says you're driving in heavy traffic."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4427.505,"endTime":4430.835,"body":"A car tries to pass you and cut in,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4427.505,"endTime":4430.835,"body":"you drive forward and cut him off."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4430.945,"endTime":4433.185,"body":"Like he's trying to pass"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4430.945,"endTime":4433.185,"body":"you so you speed up."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4433.245,"endTime":4433.365,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4433.365,"endTime":4436.605,"body":"But then he like gets in front of you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4433.365,"endTime":4436.605,"body":"and cuts in and now you're angry at him."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4436.605,"endTime":4439.755,"body":"But you could have just slowed down or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4436.605,"endTime":4439.755,"body":"whatever you basically sold yourself out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4439.76,"endTime":4441.18,"body":"That's right that's the idea of a sellout."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4441.18,"endTime":4443.8,"body":"It's like the book says sell"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4441.18,"endTime":4443.8,"body":"outs are not big events."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4443.98,"endTime":4447.04,"body":"Some common ones are you believe"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4443.98,"endTime":4447.04,"body":"you should help someone and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4447.04,"endTime":4449.62,"body":"you don't, you believe you should"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4447.04,"endTime":4449.62,"body":"apologize, but then you don't."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4449.62,"endTime":4451.6,"body":"And then if you become the sellout Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4451.66,"endTime":4455.37,"body":"You become basically the cause"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4451.66,"endTime":4455.37,"body":"of your own issue there and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4455.38,"endTime":4456.68,"body":"you make up excuses or whatever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4456.81,"endTime":4461.76,"body":"It has a whole bunch of on page one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4456.81,"endTime":4461.76,"body":"122 has a whole bunch of sellout"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4462.01,"endTime":4466.45,"body":"Situations some of which In software"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4462.01,"endTime":4466.45,"body":"development, you'll recognize I'll"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4466.45,"endTime":4467.61,"body":"read you two or three of them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4467.61,"endTime":4469.12,"body":"It says you should say yes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4469.15,"endTime":4471.1,"body":"When you know, you should say no."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4471.32,"endTime":4474.7,"body":"And then no one falls up to see"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4471.32,"endTime":4474.7,"body":"if you can keep your commitment."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4475.0,"endTime":4477.22,"body":"You believe you should listen"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4475.0,"endTime":4477.22,"body":"respectfully to feedback, but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4477.23,"endTime":4478.52,"body":"you become defensive instead."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4478.72,"endTime":4481.98,"body":"You fail to complete an assignment"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4478.72,"endTime":4481.98,"body":"on time, and believe you should"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4481.98,"endTime":4483.32,"body":"let others know, but you don't."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4483.62,"endTime":4483.86,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4483.87,"endTime":4484.99,"body":"They're all very common."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4485.04,"endTime":4488.76,"body":"Very common, all of them, and I'm"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4485.04,"endTime":4488.76,"body":"sure pretty much everybody listening"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4488.76,"endTime":4491.57,"body":"to this, watching this, have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4488.76,"endTime":4491.57,"body":"seen this in their own lives too."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4491.82,"endTime":4495.25,"body":"Telling the rest of the story, the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4491.82,"endTime":4495.25,"body":"dialogue's smart, recognize, That"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4495.25,"endTime":4496.56,"body":"they're telling clever stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4496.85,"endTime":4499.75,"body":"Stop and then do what it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4496.85,"endTime":4499.75,"body":"takes to tell a useful story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4500.04,"endTime":4504.08,"body":"One that creates emotions that lead"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4500.04,"endTime":4504.08,"body":"to healthy actions, such as dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4504.3,"endTime":4506.62,"body":"They turn victims into actors."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4506.68,"endTime":4509.56,"body":"If you notice that you're talking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4506.68,"endTime":4509.56,"body":"about yourself as an innocent victim,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4509.81,"endTime":4514.42,"body":"you have to ask, am I pretending not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4509.81,"endTime":4514.42,"body":"to notice my role in the problem?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4514.8,"endTime":4516.69,"body":"It says the first step is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4514.8,"endTime":4516.69,"body":"telling the rest of the story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4516.94,"endTime":4520.62,"body":"The first step in, in telling the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4516.94,"endTime":4520.62,"body":"rest of the story will be to add"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4520.63,"endTime":4522.65,"body":"these important facts to the account."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4523.12,"endTime":4525.74,"body":"So basically you're turning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4523.12,"endTime":4525.74,"body":"villains into humans."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4525.74,"endTime":4527.08,"body":"You're not leaving things out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4527.37,"endTime":4529.81,"body":"You're turning the helpless"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4527.37,"endTime":4529.81,"body":"into the able you're killing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4529.81,"endTime":4532.43,"body":"The fool's choice is either"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4529.81,"endTime":4532.43,"body":"this thing or the other thing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4532.74,"endTime":4536.23,"body":"And and you're not taking easy outs"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4532.74,"endTime":4536.23,"body":"out of the conversation, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4536.48,"endTime":4538.22,"body":"It takes a lot to get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4536.48,"endTime":4538.22,"body":"to that point though."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4538.52,"endTime":4539.99,"body":"It's being vulnerable."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4540.07,"endTime":4541.35,"body":"It's, yeah, there's a lot there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4541.49,"endTime":4547.25,"body":"Chapter seven is state my path, how"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4541.49,"endTime":4547.25,"body":"to speak persuasively, not abrasively."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4547.5,"endTime":4550.71,"body":"So we're ready to open our mouths"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4547.5,"endTime":4550.71,"body":"and start sharing our point of view."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4550.83,"endTime":4551.49,"body":"Now what?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4551.79,"endTime":4555.88,"body":"this chapter is about improving our"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4551.79,"endTime":4555.88,"body":"advocacy skills advocacy skills."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4555.88,"endTime":4556.04,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4556.04,"endTime":4557.5,"body":"That goes back to even before we started."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4557.95,"endTime":4558.72,"body":"The podcast."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4558.72,"endTime":4561.75,"body":"I remember like a pre episode one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4558.72,"endTime":4561.75,"body":"and we talked about airlines and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4561.76,"endTime":4564.2,"body":"advocate inquiry versus advocacy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4564.43,"endTime":4564.85,"body":"Oh boy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4564.9,"endTime":4565.68,"body":"Advocacy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4565.92,"endTime":4568.89,"body":"We probably didn't do that as a real"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4565.92,"endTime":4568.89,"body":"podcast topic because I can't say the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4568.9,"endTime":4573.34,"body":"word advocacy, but we can do, we can't so"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4568.9,"endTime":4573.34,"body":"adding information to the pool of meaning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4573.34,"endTime":4576.93,"body":"can be quite difficult when the ideas"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4573.34,"endTime":4576.93,"body":"we're about to pour into the collective"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4576.93,"endTime":4582.64,"body":"consciousness can contain delicate,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4576.93,"endTime":4582.64,"body":"unattractive, and controversial opinions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4582.93,"endTime":4584.51,"body":"This chapter is about the way you speak."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4584.76,"endTime":4588.63,"body":"Yeah, there's a, I think the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4584.76,"endTime":4588.63,"body":"authors proposed that we speak"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4588.97,"endTime":4591.34,"body":"with I, contrarian to a lot of."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4591.59,"endTime":4592.59,"body":"Other thoughts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4592.65,"endTime":4595.64,"body":"A lot of people say talk about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4592.65,"endTime":4595.64,"body":"we, there's no I right in team."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4595.72,"endTime":4598.39,"body":"However, here it's a different angle."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4598.6,"endTime":4600.29,"body":"This is about communication style."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4600.3,"endTime":4604.3,"body":"How you go in leading with I I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4600.3,"endTime":4604.3,"body":"statements rather than you statements."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4604.31,"endTime":4608.3,"body":"They carefully blend three ingredients,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4604.31,"endTime":4608.3,"body":"confidence, humility, and skill."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4608.34,"endTime":4610.67,"body":"Confidence speak to yourself, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4610.98,"endTime":4611.24,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4611.28,"endTime":4612.66,"body":"You just saying what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4611.28,"endTime":4612.66,"body":"you want to say, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4612.66,"endTime":4613.36,"body":"That's confidence."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4613.41,"endTime":4614.46,"body":"People skilled at dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4614.725,"endTime":4617.325,"body":"Have confidence to say what needs"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4614.725,"endTime":4617.325,"body":"to be said to the person who needs"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4617.325,"endTime":4620.825,"body":"to hear it like that's you know They"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4617.325,"endTime":4620.825,"body":"have confidence to speak Another way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4620.825,"endTime":4622.855,"body":"to say this is a courage to speak."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4622.915,"endTime":4625.995,"body":"Yeah humility again that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4622.915,"endTime":4625.995,"body":"goes back to empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4626.005,"endTime":4630.135,"body":"You can't fake it humility and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4626.005,"endTime":4630.135,"body":"skill is avoiding the fool's choice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4630.185,"endTime":4630.875,"body":"Basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4631.185,"endTime":4633.445,"body":"Yeah, exactly Don't take the easy way out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4633.695,"endTime":4637.305,"body":"So they have an acronym  S T a T E state."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4637.555,"endTime":4637.855,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4638.175,"endTime":4641.865,"body":"And the acronym goes, share"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4638.175,"endTime":4641.865,"body":"your facts, tell your story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4641.885,"endTime":4646.701,"body":"Ask for others paths, talk"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4641.885,"endTime":4646.701,"body":"tentatively, and encourage testing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4646.951,"endTime":4648.611,"body":"Those are the, that's state."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4648.861,"endTime":4649.521,"body":"Share your facts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4649.991,"endTime":4653.511,"body":"In the story they tell in share"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4649.991,"endTime":4653.511,"body":"your facts for S, share your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4653.511,"endTime":4655.671,"body":"facts for state they say, the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4655.921,"endTime":4660.341,"body":"best way to share your view is to follow"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4655.921,"endTime":4660.341,"body":"your path to action from beginning to end."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4660.731,"endTime":4662.561,"body":"Your path to action, remember, is this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4662.811,"endTime":4663.341,"body":"Path action."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4663.341,"endTime":4666.881,"body":"So you're sharing this with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4663.341,"endTime":4666.881,"body":"the other person that's what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4666.881,"endTime":4667.621,"body":"they say in this section."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4667.621,"endTime":4672.311,"body":"So the C in here is Hey, this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4667.621,"endTime":4672.311,"body":"is a fact that I've observed."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4672.681,"endTime":4677.111,"body":"This is a fact that I've observed and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4672.681,"endTime":4677.111,"body":"then they're outlining a story They're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4677.111,"endTime":4678.431,"body":"outlining how they feel about it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4678.681,"endTime":4682.951,"body":"And then we and then act as the last thing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4678.681,"endTime":4682.951,"body":"So what they're starting with is sharing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4682.951,"endTime":4687.761,"body":"your facts Okay These are things I feel"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4682.951,"endTime":4687.761,"body":"the facts are the least controversial"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4687.761,"endTime":4692.031,"body":"thing that should be thrown out So it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4687.761,"endTime":4692.031,"body":"should be the most safest to start with."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4692.281,"endTime":4696.401,"body":"And facts again, I'm in product"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4692.281,"endTime":4696.401,"body":"management, so maybe not every workplace"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4696.401,"endTime":4700.481,"body":"this way, but the facts should be the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4696.401,"endTime":4700.481,"body":"least controversial thing on the table."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4700.731,"endTime":4701.011,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4701.061,"endTime":4701.851,"body":"This is solid."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4701.971,"endTime":4703.161,"body":"This is absolutely solid."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4703.171,"endTime":4706.861,"body":"They also say avoid absolutes, in your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4703.171,"endTime":4706.861,"body":"communication, when you argue your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4706.861,"endTime":4711.681,"body":"point of view, it's better to say in my"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4706.861,"endTime":4711.681,"body":"opinion or the way I see it as opposed"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4711.691,"endTime":4716.321,"body":"to you say this, here's how I understand"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4711.691,"endTime":4716.321,"body":"it rather than actually this is how"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4716.321,"endTime":4720.131,"body":"it is because that's enforcing your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4716.321,"endTime":4720.131,"body":"viewpoint even on 139 they even say"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4720.141,"endTime":4725.211,"body":"facts are the least insulting if you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4720.141,"endTime":4725.211,"body":"do want to share your story don't start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4725.211,"endTime":4726.961,"body":"with your story Start with the facts."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4727.011,"endTime":4727.281,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4727.781,"endTime":4730.261,"body":"It says begin your prayer with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4727.781,"endTime":4730.261,"body":"facts lead them to experience your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4730.261,"endTime":4733.641,"body":"path from beginning to the end not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4730.261,"endTime":4733.641,"body":"from the end Back to the beginning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4733.641,"endTime":4735.111,"body":"which is where most people do start."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4735.121,"endTime":4739.281,"body":"They start with hey, here's my accusation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4735.121,"endTime":4739.281,"body":"or hey Here's my big blow up or whatever."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4739.301,"endTime":4742.051,"body":"Yeah earn the right to share your story"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4739.301,"endTime":4742.051,"body":"by starting with your facts lay the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4742.071,"endTime":4743.941,"body":"groundwork for all delicate conversations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4743.941,"endTime":4750.351,"body":"The second one in state is t tell"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4743.941,"endTime":4750.351,"body":"your story In addition, if you simply"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4750.351,"endTime":4754.501,"body":"mention the facts You The other person"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4750.351,"endTime":4754.501,"body":"may not understand the severity of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4754.501,"endTime":4759.691,"body":"the implication so it takes confidence"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4754.501,"endTime":4759.691,"body":"to be honest, to throw the facts out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4759.691,"endTime":4764.521,"body":"there, and then don't pile on, , once"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4759.691,"endTime":4764.521,"body":"you've mentioned the facts, the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4764.521,"endTime":4767.731,"body":"other person might not Understand"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4764.521,"endTime":4767.731,"body":"the severity of the implication."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4768.051,"endTime":4771.691,"body":"That's where you will bring them"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4768.051,"endTime":4771.691,"body":"into your story for the first time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4772.091,"endTime":4775.911,"body":"And while you constantly look out for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4772.091,"endTime":4775.911,"body":"safety problems, this is where you would"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4775.911,"endTime":4778.291,"body":"employ contrasting for the first time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4778.441,"endTime":4779.801,"body":"Hey, I don't want this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4780.141,"endTime":4780.941,"body":"I do want this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4781.171,"endTime":4782.211,"body":"Here's what I think the story is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4782.516,"endTime":4783.236,"body":"Let's talk about it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4783.286,"endTime":4787.026,"body":"And then we're not going to get ahead"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4783.286,"endTime":4787.026,"body":"because I'm proposing the story to you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4787.026,"endTime":4787.516,"body":"Basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4787.766,"endTime":4789.476,"body":"I do this in product"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4787.766,"endTime":4789.476,"body":"management all the time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4789.516,"endTime":4790.356,"body":"Proposed stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4790.416,"endTime":4790.766,"body":"Sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4790.766,"endTime":4792.286,"body":"I pitch goals."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4792.286,"endTime":4793.266,"body":"I could change the direction."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4793.516,"endTime":4794.626,"body":"I say, I don't want things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4794.856,"endTime":4795.696,"body":"I do want other things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4795.746,"endTime":4798.636,"body":"I do this all the time without"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4795.746,"endTime":4798.636,"body":"knowing that it has a name,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4798.636,"endTime":4799.746,"body":"which is called contrasting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4799.996,"endTime":4803.476,"body":"The a in state is ask for others past."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4803.476,"endTime":4807.766,"body":"So once I provided my fact in my"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4803.476,"endTime":4807.766,"body":"story, I'm trying to sync with you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4808.016,"endTime":4811.426,"body":"See if you have a different opinion,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4808.016,"endTime":4811.426,"body":"different idea of the future, basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4811.676,"endTime":4816.076,"body":"And then it goes into the house skills,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4811.676,"endTime":4816.076,"body":"which is the T of state, the second T"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4816.106,"endTime":4818.126,"body":"of state, which is to talk tentatively."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4818.336,"endTime":4821.696,"body":"Talking tentatively simply means"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4818.336,"endTime":4821.696,"body":"that we tell our story as a story,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4821.826,"endTime":4824.036,"body":"rather than disguising it as hard."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4824.286,"endTime":4827.156,"body":"Yeah, I, this is where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4824.286,"endTime":4827.156,"body":"you said, in my opinion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4827.216,"endTime":4827.456,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4827.496,"endTime":4828.496,"body":"This is exactly that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4828.536,"endTime":4828.786,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4829.016,"endTime":4829.656,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4829.656,"endTime":4829.906,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4830.096,"endTime":4833.316,"body":"And again, this is something that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4830.096,"endTime":4833.316,"body":"you'll see some skilled people do"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4833.316,"endTime":4836.966,"body":"this all the time, like especially"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4833.316,"endTime":4836.966,"body":"the rare leadership person who will"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4836.966,"endTime":4841.496,"body":"come in and say help me understand,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4836.966,"endTime":4841.496,"body":"or as I see it, as I understand it,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4841.546,"endTime":4843.316,"body":"do I do I understand this correctly?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4843.356,"endTime":4844.336,"body":"Look for affirmation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4844.336,"endTime":4845.171,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4845.171,"endTime":4849.136,"body":"It says speaking in absolute"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4845.171,"endTime":4849.136,"body":"and overstated terms does"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4849.136,"endTime":4850.256,"body":"not increase your influence."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4850.336,"endTime":4851.246,"body":"It decreases it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4851.536,"endTime":4852.806,"body":"The converse is also true."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4853.006,"endTime":4857.226,"body":"The more tentatively you speak, the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4853.006,"endTime":4857.226,"body":"more open people become to your opinion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4857.476,"endTime":4859.736,"body":"tentative, not wimpy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4859.896,"endTime":4863.266,"body":"So there's a subtle but very"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4859.896,"endTime":4863.266,"body":"important distinction there, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4863.676,"endTime":4870.016,"body":"Tentative is not overtly stomping on one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4863.676,"endTime":4870.016,"body":"side or on someone or anything like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4870.266,"endTime":4874.186,"body":"You're basically coming from a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4870.266,"endTime":4874.186,"body":"position of fact driven, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4874.676,"endTime":4879.446,"body":"If the facts bear out what you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4874.676,"endTime":4879.446,"body":"saying, then we can pursue this avenue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4879.816,"endTime":4884.766,"body":"As opposed to if it's that bad"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4879.816,"endTime":4884.766,"body":"WIMPing is just a very slippery slope."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4884.956,"endTime":4887.526,"body":"Yeah, it is, but also they're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4884.956,"endTime":4887.526,"body":"we're now getting into the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4887.526,"endTime":4889.376,"body":"last part of the state acronym."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4889.466,"endTime":4891.136,"body":"The E, Encouraged Testing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4891.386,"endTime":4896.351,"body":"And this is where as a product manager,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4891.386,"endTime":4896.351,"body":"I make all my money Because I am willing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4896.811,"endTime":4902.691,"body":"to put my ideas against everybody"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4896.811,"endTime":4902.691,"body":"else's ideas into Thunderdome and  By"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4902.741,"endTime":4907.801,"body":"the Patron Saint of Tina Turner We will"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4902.741,"endTime":4907.801,"body":"find out who wins in Thunderdome and I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4907.801,"endTime":4911.911,"body":"am perfectly confident putting all my"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4907.801,"endTime":4911.911,"body":"chips on my ideas Because they're well"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4911.911,"endTime":4917.301,"body":"researched and thought out before I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4911.911,"endTime":4917.301,"body":"propose them So others need to feel safe"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4917.591,"endTime":4919.251,"body":"sharing their observations and stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4919.271,"endTime":4923.221,"body":"Otherwise, they don't speak The"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4919.271,"endTime":4923.221,"body":"only limit To how strongly you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4923.221,"endTime":4926.441,"body":"can express your opinion is your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4923.221,"endTime":4926.441,"body":"willingness to be equally vigorous and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4926.441,"endTime":4928.791,"body":"encouraging others to challenge it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4929.041,"endTime":4932.501,"body":"This is what a lot of people get wrong"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4929.041,"endTime":4932.501,"body":"about Jeff Bezos and stuff like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4932.501,"endTime":4935.951,"body":"When they watch, like when they watch"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4932.501,"endTime":4935.951,"body":"the way Amazon works and stuff, when they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4935.961,"endTime":4938.871,"body":"have to like, they have to be concise"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4935.961,"endTime":4938.871,"body":"about their language and stuff like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4938.871,"endTime":4943.761,"body":"It was like, it's a thunderdome of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4938.871,"endTime":4943.761,"body":"ideas and ego is not going to help you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4944.111,"endTime":4946.101,"body":"No, it will actually,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4944.111,"endTime":4946.101,"body":"I'd say it will harm you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4946.281,"endTime":4947.061,"body":"It'll say a lot."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4947.061,"endTime":4947.751,"body":"Yeah, yeah, exactly."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4947.801,"endTime":4951.191,"body":"So if they have different, if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4947.801,"endTime":4951.191,"body":"people have different facts or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4951.191,"endTime":4954.891,"body":"stories, you need to hear them and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4951.191,"endTime":4954.891,"body":"help them complete the picture."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4955.251,"endTime":4955.431,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4955.531,"endTime":4959.291,"body":"You need to actively seek to ask,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4955.531,"endTime":4959.291,"body":"does anyone see it differently?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4959.511,"endTime":4960.541,"body":"Does anyone agree?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4960.541,"endTime":4962.761,"body":"You need to actively"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4960.541,"endTime":4962.761,"body":"play devil's advocate."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4962.931,"endTime":4966.981,"body":"You need to do it until your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4962.931,"endTime":4966.981,"body":"motives become obvious to everybody."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4967.231,"endTime":4969.691,"body":"The real test is the final one 47."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4969.691,"endTime":4975.021,"body":"It says the real test of whether your"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4969.691,"endTime":4975.021,"body":"motive is to win a debate or engage in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4975.021,"endTime":4980.971,"body":"real dialogue is the degree to which you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4975.021,"endTime":4980.971,"body":"encourage testing and, Oh boy, here we are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4980.991,"endTime":4986.651,"body":"in the product management field of I wish"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4980.991,"endTime":4986.651,"body":"as a framework product management could"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4986.781,"endTime":4990.471,"body":"create a company wide framework that where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4986.781,"endTime":4990.471,"body":"people could just, anybody around the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4990.471,"endTime":4992.451,"body":"company could throw ideas into the pool."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4992.701,"endTime":4997.511,"body":"And have a quick framework for testing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4992.701,"endTime":4997.511,"body":"those ideas against the market real quick."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4997.611,"endTime":4997.951,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4997.951,"endTime":5003.841,"body":"Like a real true Eric Ries lean"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":4997.951,"endTime":5003.841,"body":"startup, MVP type of true, instead"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5003.841,"endTime":5005.251,"body":"of whatever MVP has become."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5005.501,"endTime":5009.641,"body":"So people could really see"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5005.501,"endTime":5009.641,"body":"without ego in the equation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5009.891,"endTime":5011.901,"body":"Things just like this idea is not good."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5011.976,"endTime":5012.266,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5012.516,"endTime":5012.596,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5012.596,"endTime":5014.816,"body":"Because I feel that's where a lot of,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5012.596,"endTime":5014.816,"body":"in product management, that's where"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5014.816,"endTime":5016.436,"body":"a lot of things go wrong, for sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5016.436,"endTime":5021.016,"body":"The initial idea, the initial, or as"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5016.436,"endTime":5021.016,"body":"Marty Cagan says in it transformed"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5021.166,"endTime":5023.986,"body":"because apparently some people need"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5021.166,"endTime":5023.986,"body":"to read Marty Cagan and buy his book"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5024.196,"endTime":5025.426,"body":"to believe it in the first place."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5025.836,"endTime":5028.566,"body":"The initial business case was bad."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5028.816,"endTime":5032.216,"body":"The initial idea was bad, and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5028.816,"endTime":5032.216,"body":"because you've never tested it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5032.466,"endTime":5035.526,"body":"You went and you spun up this whole"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5032.466,"endTime":5035.526,"body":"project and wasted all this money."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5035.856,"endTime":5036.196,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5036.446,"endTime":5038.476,"body":"In that case, it doesn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5036.446,"endTime":5038.476,"body":"matter how well you execute."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5038.906,"endTime":5039.856,"body":"It really doesn't matter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5039.876,"endTime":5041.226,"body":"It says, how do we change?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5041.276,"endTime":5042.086,"body":"One, one 51."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5042.106,"endTime":5045.096,"body":"How do we change when you find"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5042.106,"endTime":5045.096,"body":"yourself just dying to convince"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5045.116,"endTime":5046.756,"body":"others that your way is best."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5047.256,"endTime":5050.386,"body":"Back off your current attack and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5047.256,"endTime":5050.386,"body":"think about what you really want for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5050.456,"endTime":5052.336,"body":"yourself, others, and their relationship."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5052.336,"endTime":5057.056,"body":"Again, we come back to that principle,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5052.336,"endTime":5057.056,"body":"then ask yourself, how would I behave If"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5057.136,"endTime":5059.626,"body":"these were the results I really wanted."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5059.876,"endTime":5062.806,"body":"Yeah, this is where I say putting"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5059.876,"endTime":5062.806,"body":"those three stickies on the side"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5062.806,"endTime":5067.616,"body":"of your monitor can be really key"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5062.806,"endTime":5067.616,"body":"because anytime this happens, it's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5067.616,"endTime":5069.446,"body":"just a little glance away, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5069.736,"endTime":5073.636,"body":"And you go back to that and reorient"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5069.736,"endTime":5073.636,"body":"yourself back to where you were."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5074.086,"endTime":5074.336,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5074.456,"endTime":5076.656,"body":"And again, just to reiterate,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5074.456,"endTime":5076.656,"body":"because we're going to keep,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5076.866,"endTime":5080.096,"body":"we're going to keep beating this"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5076.866,"endTime":5080.096,"body":"issue until ?Everyone understands."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5080.396,"endTime":5083.616,"body":"The more you care about an"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5080.396,"endTime":5083.616,"body":"issue, the less likely you are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5083.666,"endTime":5085.336,"body":"to be on your best behavior."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5085.666,"endTime":5089.686,"body":"It says, when our emotions turn our"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5085.666,"endTime":5089.686,"body":"ideas into a harsh and painful stream"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5089.686,"endTime":5093.246,"body":"of thoughts, our honest passion kills"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5089.686,"endTime":5093.246,"body":"the argument rather than supports it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5093.626,"endTime":5094.386,"body":"So what can you do?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5094.576,"endTime":5096.576,"body":"Back off your harsh and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5094.576,"endTime":5096.576,"body":"conclusive language."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5097.006,"endTime":5098.556,"body":"But don't back off your belief."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5098.846,"endTime":5103.296,"body":"Catch yourself and  be self aware,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5098.846,"endTime":5103.296,"body":"is basically the takeaway of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5103.296,"endTime":5104.326,"body":"everything we just talked about."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5104.326,"endTime":5107.046,"body":"So that was chapter 7, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5107.106,"endTime":5107.846,"body":"That was chapter 7."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5107.856,"endTime":5112.976,"body":"so chapter eight is explore others"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5107.856,"endTime":5112.976,"body":"paths how to listen when others blow"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5112.976,"endTime":5117.316,"body":"up or clam up, it says when others"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5112.976,"endTime":5117.316,"body":"do damage to the pool of meaning by"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5117.316,"endTime":5120.916,"body":"climbing up or freeing to speak their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5117.316,"endTime":5120.916,"body":"minds, blowing up, communicating in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5120.916,"endTime":5122.306,"body":"a way that is abusive or insulting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5122.336,"endTime":5125.926,"body":"Is there something you can do to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5122.336,"endTime":5125.926,"body":"get the dialogue back on track?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5125.946,"endTime":5127.406,"body":"That's what this chapter is all about."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5127.526,"endTime":5129.016,"body":"So you can't force others."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5129.266,"endTime":5132.146,"body":"But you can take steps to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5129.266,"endTime":5132.146,"body":"make it safer for them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5132.396,"endTime":5133.396,"body":"To be in dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5133.446,"endTime":5133.746,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5133.786,"endTime":5136.096,"body":"We're going to explore"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5133.786,"endTime":5136.096,"body":"others paths in this chapter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5136.316,"endTime":5139.296,"body":"If we can find a way to let others"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5136.316,"endTime":5139.296,"body":"know that is okay to share their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5139.306,"endTime":5141.596,"body":"path to action, maybe they will."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5141.756,"endTime":5141.996,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5141.996,"endTime":5145.716,"body":"And some of the ways maybe you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5141.996,"endTime":5145.716,"body":"could try to do that is invite"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5145.716,"endTime":5149.196,"body":"them into the conversation by"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5145.716,"endTime":5149.196,"body":"making it participatory, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5149.276,"endTime":5153.216,"body":"Listening to what they're saying,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5149.276,"endTime":5153.216,"body":"actively listening, not just hearing them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5153.636,"endTime":5154.106,"body":"And then."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5154.356,"endTime":5158.546,"body":"Mirroring back using that as a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5154.356,"endTime":5158.546,"body":"technique mirroring will be a it will"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5158.546,"endTime":5163.111,"body":"be a technique in this chapter I will"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5158.546,"endTime":5163.111,"body":"tell you the chapter starts With start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5163.111,"endTime":5166.641,"body":"with heart, which we've started with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5163.111,"endTime":5166.641,"body":"different category before, which means"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5166.821,"endTime":5168.881,"body":"essentially you need to have empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5168.961,"endTime":5172.351,"body":"If you invite people to share"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5168.961,"endTime":5172.351,"body":"their views and then you call them"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5172.351,"endTime":5175.641,"body":"ridiculous or whatever, like you don't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5172.351,"endTime":5175.641,"body":"really, you don't really empathetic,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5175.891,"endTime":5177.201,"body":"but you're going to fail at this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5177.201,"endTime":5178.001,"body":"You're not even going to start."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5178.021,"endTime":5179.081,"body":"It'll be a non starter."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5179.091,"endTime":5179.571,"body":"I'll put it that way."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5179.891,"endTime":5183.561,"body":"It says, When you ask people to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5179.891,"endTime":5183.561,"body":"open up, be prepared to listen."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5183.741,"endTime":5187.761,"body":"So be curious is the first"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5183.741,"endTime":5187.761,"body":"suggestion in this book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5187.811,"endTime":5189.801,"body":"Constantly be looking for opportunities."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5190.106,"endTime":5191.136,"body":"To be curious."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5191.346,"endTime":5195.656,"body":"If you're not an empathetically curious"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5191.346,"endTime":5195.656,"body":"person, this may be hard for you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5195.726,"endTime":5196.726,"body":"It will be hard for you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5196.906,"endTime":5197.356,"body":"Definitely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5197.426,"endTime":5197.716,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5197.726,"endTime":5199.746,"body":"So it's the first step is be curious."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5199.946,"endTime":5202.336,"body":"The second step it says is stay curious."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5202.376,"endTime":5203.086,"body":"So that's funny."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5203.226,"endTime":5204.726,"body":"And then the last one is be patient."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5204.976,"endTime":5208.566,"body":"So start with curiosity,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5204.976,"endTime":5208.566,"body":"stay curious, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5208.586,"endTime":5212.126,"body":"It's it's rarely fun to hear other"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5208.586,"endTime":5212.126,"body":"people's unflattering stories."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5212.326,"endTime":5214.946,"body":"We begin to assign"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5212.326,"endTime":5214.946,"body":"negative motives to them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5215.196,"endTime":5217.936,"body":"So you don't do that when"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5215.196,"endTime":5217.936,"body":"you're staying curious."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5218.246,"endTime":5219.596,"body":"It's a journey, basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5219.936,"endTime":5223.656,"body":"To avoid overreacting to other's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5219.936,"endTime":5223.656,"body":"people's stories, stay curious."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5223.676,"endTime":5225.956,"body":"And then the last advice is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5223.676,"endTime":5225.956,"body":"be patient and encouraging."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5226.236,"endTime":5230.476,"body":"Encourage them to share their path, and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5226.236,"endTime":5230.476,"body":"then wait for their emotions to catch up"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5230.476,"endTime":5232.516,"body":"with the safety that you have created."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5232.766,"endTime":5233.676,"body":"This is tough."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5233.686,"endTime":5234.096,"body":"This is deep, man."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5234.106,"endTime":5236.866,"body":"At the highest level, it's Oh boy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5236.896,"endTime":5238.116,"body":"Like, how are we even going to get here?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5238.116,"endTime":5243.556,"body":"Once again, the figure 8 1, the path"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5238.116,"endTime":5243.556,"body":"to action it reiterates this path for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5243.556,"endTime":5245.666,"body":"us in this section to help us along."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5245.956,"endTime":5249.856,"body":"So it says, when others are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5245.956,"endTime":5249.856,"body":"in either silence or violence,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5250.016,"endTime":5253.476,"body":"we're actually joining their path"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5250.016,"endTime":5253.476,"body":"to action already in progress."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5253.726,"endTime":5255.936,"body":"This path, again, I'll try"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5253.726,"endTime":5255.936,"body":"to show it on the screen."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5255.976,"endTime":5256.206,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5256.206,"endTime":5257.036,"body":"Sorry, editing brain."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5257.376,"endTime":5260.546,"body":"Consequently, we've already missed"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5257.376,"endTime":5260.546,"body":"the foundation of the story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5260.666,"endTime":5262.236,"body":"So if we don't start with the here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5262.486,"endTime":5265.466,"body":"See and hear like the facts in the story."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5265.806,"endTime":5271.146,"body":"So it suggests breaking the cycle our"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5265.806,"endTime":5271.146,"body":"genetically shaped eons old Defense"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5271.176,"endTime":5275.296,"body":"mechanism kicks in which makes them"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5271.176,"endTime":5275.296,"body":"which makes it harder for us all these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5275.296,"endTime":5279.546,"body":"like mode one thinking type of things"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5275.296,"endTime":5279.546,"body":"It makes it harder for us to break the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5279.546,"endTime":5285.616,"body":"cycle, but we need to retrace the other"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5279.546,"endTime":5285.616,"body":"person's path to action with them so we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5285.616,"endTime":5287.556,"body":"can have a full understanding basically."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5287.806,"endTime":5293.616,"body":"So it gives some inquiry skills when, how,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5287.806,"endTime":5293.616,"body":"and what to walk through to, to basically"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5293.616,"endTime":5298.216,"body":"work your way back to the initial steps"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5293.616,"endTime":5298.216,"body":"of the, but the important part of this is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5298.456,"endTime":5302.156,"body":"that you're trying to work your way back"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5298.456,"endTime":5302.156,"body":"to the initial facts that make up and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5302.156,"endTime":5305.876,"body":"to understand why they drew the story,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5302.156,"endTime":5305.876,"body":"why they created the story that they did."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5306.246,"endTime":5307.736,"body":"And then it, it gives."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5307.986,"endTime":5310.096,"body":"A M P is the acronym."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5310.236,"endTime":5311.146,"body":"They love acronyms."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5311.396,"endTime":5316.616,"body":"AMP is the acronym that helps"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5311.396,"endTime":5316.616,"body":"encourage others to share their paths."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5316.866,"endTime":5319.736,"body":"A is ask ask to get things rolling."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5319.986,"endTime":5321.586,"body":"To seek to understand other's views."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5321.766,"endTime":5323.286,"body":"We show genuine interest."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5323.626,"endTime":5325.876,"body":"So we're going to Ask about it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5325.876,"endTime":5327.996,"body":"Some common invitations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5325.876,"endTime":5327.996,"body":"are what's going on."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5328.196,"endTime":5329.186,"body":"I really like their opinion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5329.216,"endTime":5330.236,"body":"Hear your opinion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5330.686,"endTime":5332.516,"body":"Please let me know how you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5330.686,"endTime":5332.516,"body":"see things differently."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5332.736,"endTime":5334.626,"body":"Don't worry about hurting my feelings."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5334.646,"endTime":5338.116,"body":"I really want to hear your thoughts,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5334.646,"endTime":5338.116,"body":"basically prompting people, asking,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5338.306,"endTime":5339.696,"body":"drawing people into the conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5339.776,"endTime":5340.416,"body":"That's a."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5340.666,"endTime":5341.626,"body":"M is mirror."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5341.686,"endTime":5342.376,"body":"This is where you're going."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5342.376,"endTime":5343.906,"body":"That's why I raced head to mirror."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5344.206,"endTime":5345.996,"body":"No the, going back to the A for a second."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5346.051,"endTime":5348.931,"body":". . So that's part of the A is really"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5346.051,"endTime":5348.931,"body":"asking open-ended questions,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5348.931,"endTime":5350.311,"body":"not a yes, no type of question."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5350.311,"endTime":5350.881,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5350.881,"endTime":5351.151,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5351.511,"endTime":5353.191,"body":"And then, yeah, the mirroring piece."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5353.251,"endTime":5353.461,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5353.911,"endTime":5357.311,"body":"Mirroring is one of the easiest"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5353.911,"endTime":5357.311,"body":"to techniques to employ because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5357.311,"endTime":5360.251,"body":"all you're doing really is just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5357.311,"endTime":5360.251,"body":"simply looking for affirmation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5360.501,"endTime":5362.661,"body":"You are also relaying this idea that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5363.041,"endTime":5367.441,"body":"You really don't care which side of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5363.041,"endTime":5367.441,"body":"the conversation your own feelings are."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5367.451,"endTime":5369.641,"body":"You're simply saying, let"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5367.451,"endTime":5369.641,"body":"me, help me understand this."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5369.661,"endTime":5370.891,"body":"Is this really what's going on?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5370.931,"endTime":5374.301,"body":"So it says in mirroring, we take the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5370.931,"endTime":5374.301,"body":"portion of the other person's path"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5374.311,"endTime":5378.556,"body":"to action we have access to and make"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5374.311,"endTime":5378.556,"body":"it safe for him or her to discuss."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5378.726,"endTime":5383.076,"body":"We play the role of the mirror by"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5378.726,"endTime":5383.076,"body":"describing how they look or act."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5383.326,"endTime":5386.186,"body":"And it says later, I'm not going"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5383.326,"endTime":5386.186,"body":"to read every single thing, but it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5386.186,"endTime":5390.176,"body":"says later, be very careful with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5386.186,"endTime":5390.176,"body":"your tone and your choice of words."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5390.446,"endTime":5394.106,"body":"So you're not, you're basically"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5390.446,"endTime":5394.106,"body":"not aggravating the issue here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5394.226,"endTime":5394.496,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5394.536,"endTime":5394.726,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5394.726,"endTime":5397.896,"body":"You're also not discrediting"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5394.726,"endTime":5397.896,"body":"them, by using a tone like that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5398.026,"endTime":5401.386,"body":"A M that's the M P is the paraphrase."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5401.791,"endTime":5405.751,"body":"To acknowledge the story, be careful"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5401.791,"endTime":5405.751,"body":"not to simply parrot what was said"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5405.751,"endTime":5409.441,"body":"instead, put the message into your own"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5405.751,"endTime":5409.441,"body":"words, usually in an abbreviated form."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5409.441,"endTime":5412.721,"body":"The key to paraphrasing as with mirroring"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5409.441,"endTime":5412.721,"body":"is to remain calm and collected."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5412.851,"endTime":5414.701,"body":"So this is don't push too hard."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5415.086,"endTime":5418.936,"body":"We've asked, mirrored and paraphrased,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5415.086,"endTime":5418.936,"body":"now what others may think our purpose"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5418.936,"endTime":5423.146,"body":"is merely to extract what we want"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5418.936,"endTime":5423.146,"body":"from them and to conclude that we"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5423.146,"endTime":5424.526,"body":"don't care about them personally."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5424.996,"endTime":5429.156,"body":"Asking people what they want helps"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5424.996,"endTime":5429.156,"body":"them engage their brains in a way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5429.156,"endTime":5433.356,"body":"that moves them to problem solving"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5429.156,"endTime":5433.356,"body":"and away from attacking or avoiding."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5433.556,"endTime":5435.286,"body":"That, that, I really, that,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5433.556,"endTime":5435.286,"body":"that should have been the only"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5435.286,"endTime":5436.136,"body":"thing I read in the section."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5436.376,"endTime":5436.656,"body":"That's cool."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5436.716,"endTime":5437.086,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5437.586,"endTime":5438.856,"body":"Yeah, what's the last P though?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5438.916,"endTime":5442.066,"body":"And then the last P is prime"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5438.916,"endTime":5442.066,"body":"when you're getting nowhere."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5442.116,"endTime":5443.126,"body":"The last P is optional."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5443.136,"endTime":5448.096,"body":"It's like a P in parentheses because if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5443.136,"endTime":5448.096,"body":"others just won't open up and they just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5448.096,"endTime":5453.616,"body":"won't feel safe, sometimes you have to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5448.096,"endTime":5453.616,"body":"pour some meaning into that shared pool."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5453.866,"endTime":5456.926,"body":"So the other person will respond"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5453.866,"endTime":5456.926,"body":"in kind so that they, there's,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5456.936,"endTime":5460.396,"body":"they give some good examples in the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5456.936,"endTime":5460.396,"body":"book where it pays one 66, one 67."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5460.646,"endTime":5463.966,"body":"It's not the kind of thing you want"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5460.646,"endTime":5463.966,"body":"to do unless nothing else has worked."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5464.116,"endTime":5468.206,"body":"So you want to, you basically want to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5464.116,"endTime":5468.206,"body":"start cause it could be seen as leading."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5468.526,"endTime":5468.906,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5468.966,"endTime":5471.886,"body":"But when like absolutely everyone is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5468.966,"endTime":5471.886,"body":"I've had this in several development"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5471.886,"endTime":5475.346,"body":"teams, especially offshore teams"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5471.886,"endTime":5475.346,"body":"when nobody wants to say anything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5475.346,"endTime":5477.436,"body":"Retrospective is a great example."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5477.526,"endTime":5478.246,"body":"What can we approve?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5478.386,"endTime":5479.496,"body":"Nobody says anything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5479.506,"endTime":5482.306,"body":"What do you think about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5479.506,"endTime":5482.306,"body":"the way we do X, Y, Z?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5482.556,"endTime":5482.876,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5483.126,"endTime":5483.376,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5483.376,"endTime":5484.686,"body":"People say now ideas."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5484.686,"endTime":5484.876,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5484.876,"endTime":5487.466,"body":"Now I, Oh, maybe what if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5484.876,"endTime":5487.466,"body":"we do this differently?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5487.496,"endTime":5488.916,"body":"And now ideas come pouring out."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5488.916,"endTime":5491.736,"body":"I, I picked something that I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5488.916,"endTime":5491.736,"body":"know is painful to the team."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5492.146,"endTime":5495.306,"body":"Now things come pouring out but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5492.146,"endTime":5495.306,"body":"it's cautioning you in the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5495.516,"endTime":5498.216,"body":"Like you don't want to lead with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5495.516,"endTime":5498.216,"body":"that because again, they could be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5498.216,"endTime":5500.306,"body":"leading, they could be leading ideas."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5500.356,"endTime":5504.156,"body":"I think if you focus on impact at"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5500.356,"endTime":5504.156,"body":"that point that might be helpful."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5504.206,"endTime":5505.656,"body":"You say, what if we did this?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5505.776,"endTime":5507.846,"body":"What would that, what would"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5505.776,"endTime":5507.846,"body":"the impact of that be like?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5508.096,"endTime":5512.186,"body":"So you're not necessarily questioning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5508.096,"endTime":5512.186,"body":"any one individual, you're just simply"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5512.186,"endTime":5516.766,"body":"saying the situation at hand calls for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5512.186,"endTime":5516.766,"body":"us to re examine how we're doing things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5516.846,"endTime":5517.096,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5517.346,"endTime":5522.436,"body":"So later on page 170, they have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5517.346,"endTime":5522.436,"body":"the ABCs of what if you disagree,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5522.746,"endTime":5526.376,"body":"and if the other person's facts"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5522.746,"endTime":5526.376,"body":"are wrong, they have the ABCs."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5526.376,"endTime":5528.356,"body":"They have the agree build and compare."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5528.356,"endTime":5533.896,"body":"So agree is various parties you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5528.356,"endTime":5533.896,"body":"observing are violently arguing."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5533.896,"endTime":5535.516,"body":"In truth, they're violent."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5535.576,"endTime":5538.336,"body":"They're violent, they're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5535.576,"endTime":5538.336,"body":"in violent agreement."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5538.576,"endTime":5541.576,"body":"They actually agree on the important"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5538.576,"endTime":5541.576,"body":"points, but they're debating about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5541.576,"endTime":5543.296,"body":"like smaller things, like that's the A."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5543.596,"endTime":5546.276,"body":"The B is the the, to build."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5546.576,"endTime":5547.926,"body":"The reason most of us turn."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5548.176,"endTime":5551.816,"body":"Turn agreements into debates is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5548.176,"endTime":5551.816,"body":"because we disagree on certain points"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5552.066,"endTime":5555.676,"body":"of what another person has said"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5552.066,"endTime":5555.676,"body":"Never mind that it's a minor portion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5555.676,"endTime":5559.666,"body":"So we want to build some kind of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5555.676,"endTime":5559.666,"body":"agreement On the larger points right"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5559.836,"endTime":5563.576,"body":"and see as a compare start with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5559.836,"endTime":5563.576,"body":"a tentative, but can it opening?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5563.826,"endTime":5566.086,"body":"Such as I think I see things differently."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5566.316,"endTime":5570.576,"body":"Let me describe how agree when you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5566.316,"endTime":5570.576,"body":"agree, build one of those, leave out"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5570.576,"endTime":5572.776,"body":"key pieces, compare when you differ."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5573.026,"endTime":5574.426,"body":"Pretty good blueprint I'd say."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5574.926,"endTime":5576.536,"body":"And that basically is all, the."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5576.926,"endTime":5582.876,"body":"Amp a ask mirror, paraphrase prime"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5576.926,"endTime":5582.876,"body":"and the ABC agree, build, compare."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5583.106,"endTime":5586.776,"body":"That basically is everything that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5583.106,"endTime":5586.776,"body":"is chapter eight is just a couple"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5586.776,"endTime":5588.856,"body":"of little tactics to help you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5589.046,"endTime":5589.261,"body":"Like."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5589.641,"endTime":5595.501,"body":"When empathy is already solid in place"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5589.641,"endTime":5595.501,"body":"to help you move through dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5595.961,"endTime":5597.451,"body":"A couple of things that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5595.961,"endTime":5597.451,"body":"help you move to dialogue."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5597.861,"endTime":5601.041,"body":"Chapter nine is moved to action,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5597.861,"endTime":5601.041,"body":"how to turn crucial conversations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5601.041,"endTime":5602.271,"body":"into action and results."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5602.451,"endTime":5603.841,"body":"This is an interesting one for us."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5604.091,"endTime":5607.811,"body":"So I'm going to slow down on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5604.091,"endTime":5607.811,"body":"this chapter because it says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5607.961,"endTime":5609.596,"body":"having more meaning in the pool."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5609.886,"endTime":5613.586,"body":"Even jointly owning it doesn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5609.886,"endTime":5613.586,"body":"guarantee that we will all agree on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5613.586,"endTime":5615.556,"body":"what we're going to do with the meaning."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5615.736,"endTime":5618.576,"body":"This is also one that I think"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5615.736,"endTime":5618.576,"body":"agilists get beat up a lot on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5618.816,"endTime":5619.806,"body":"because  there are two points."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5619.806,"endTime":5623.226,"body":"It says they have unclear expectations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5619.806,"endTime":5623.226,"body":"on how decisions will be made."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5623.516,"endTime":5627.086,"body":"They do a poor job of acting on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5623.516,"endTime":5627.086,"body":"the decisions they do make again,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5627.126,"endTime":5630.676,"body":"two things that I think are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5627.126,"endTime":5630.676,"body":"sometimes valid of agile teams."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5630.676,"endTime":5630.976,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5631.086,"endTime":5635.296,"body":"The chapter header 178 says dialogue"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5631.086,"endTime":5635.296,"body":"is not, or sorry, the paragraph header"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5635.296,"endTime":5637.486,"body":"says dialogue is not decision making."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5637.786,"endTime":5639.936,"body":"The beginning is risky because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5637.786,"endTime":5639.936,"body":"you have to find a way to create"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5639.936,"endTime":5642.386,"body":"safety or else things go awry."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5642.416,"endTime":5645.576,"body":"The end is dicey because if you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5642.416,"endTime":5645.576,"body":"aren't careful about how you clarify"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5645.726,"endTime":5649.676,"body":"conclusions and decisions, flowing from"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5645.726,"endTime":5649.676,"body":"your pool of shared meaning, you can"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5649.676,"endTime":5654.116,"body":"run into violated expectations later,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5649.676,"endTime":5654.116,"body":"how are decisions going to be made?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5654.596,"endTime":5657.286,"body":"So two things, how are"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5654.596,"endTime":5657.286,"body":"decisions going to be made?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5657.766,"endTime":5658.936,"body":"Are we ever going to decide?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5659.136,"endTime":5662.476,"body":"So the, are we ever going to decide"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5659.136,"endTime":5662.476,"body":"his decisions drag on forever?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5662.736,"endTime":5666.716,"body":"So you haven't talked about how decisions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5662.736,"endTime":5666.716,"body":"are made And you don't know how to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5666.726,"endTime":5671.346,"body":"actually make the decisions once you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5666.726,"endTime":5671.346,"body":"in a place to make them so it gives you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5671.626,"endTime":5676.186,"body":"Several it gives you four in this chapter"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5671.626,"endTime":5676.186,"body":"gives you four ways of making decisions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5676.436,"endTime":5677.416,"body":"You're gonna like these."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5677.456,"endTime":5682.176,"body":"Here we go command consult vote Consensus."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5682.426,"endTime":5683.006,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5683.036,"endTime":5683.496,"body":"All right"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5683.746,"endTime":5686.186,"body":"So let's let's tease those apart."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5686.196,"endTime":5689.291,"body":"Command so what is, what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5686.196,"endTime":5689.291,"body":"do they say about that?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5689.391,"endTime":5693.571,"body":"So command, with command decisions,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5689.391,"endTime":5693.571,"body":"it's not our job to decide what to do."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5693.731,"endTime":5695.861,"body":"It's our job to decide"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5693.731,"endTime":5695.861,"body":"how to make it work."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5696.191,"endTime":5697.201,"body":"We don't want to do it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5697.221,"endTime":5698.001,"body":"It's a lot of stress."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5698.031,"endTime":5700.801,"body":"We don't want to make the time"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5698.031,"endTime":5700.801,"body":"ourselves to make the decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5700.931,"endTime":5701.061,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5701.111,"endTime":5703.041,"body":"We'd rather let somebody"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5701.111,"endTime":5703.041,"body":"else make the decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5703.281,"endTime":5703.811,"body":"That's command."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5703.861,"endTime":5705.301,"body":"We pick a person, they make the decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5705.551,"endTime":5709.031,"body":"Yeah, as long as that's done"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5705.551,"endTime":5709.031,"body":"with the intent that this is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5709.081,"endTime":5710.511,"body":"everyone's decision, really."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5710.541,"endTime":5713.421,"body":"Otherwise, you could say,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5710.541,"endTime":5713.421,"body":"at the end they failed."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5713.611,"endTime":5713.791,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5713.821,"endTime":5716.231,"body":"And so that's not good,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5713.821,"endTime":5716.231,"body":"if that's the intent."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5716.481,"endTime":5717.761,"body":"The second one, consult."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5717.891,"endTime":5721.071,"body":"Consulting can be an efficient way"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5717.891,"endTime":5721.071,"body":"of gaining ideas and support without"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5721.111,"endTime":5723.281,"body":"bogging down the decision making process."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5723.581,"endTime":5726.851,"body":"We make a choice and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5723.581,"endTime":5726.851,"body":"inform the broader population."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5726.951,"endTime":5729.501,"body":"The decision maker   they consult with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5726.951,"endTime":5729.501,"body":"the broader population, and then they"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5729.501,"endTime":5732.691,"body":"make the choice, and then they inform"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5729.501,"endTime":5732.691,"body":"the broader population of the choice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5732.941,"endTime":5733.411,"body":"Fair enough."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5733.411,"endTime":5734.801,"body":"At least people were consulted."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5735.051,"endTime":5736.991,"body":"So that's better than"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5735.051,"endTime":5736.991,"body":"just being dictated to."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5737.341,"endTime":5739.811,"body":"Voting, obviously voting is voting, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5739.921,"endTime":5742.811,"body":"We gather the pool together,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5739.921,"endTime":5742.811,"body":"we present them with options."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5743.061,"endTime":5746.061,"body":"Voting is a great time saver, but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5743.061,"endTime":5746.061,"body":"should never be used when team"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5746.061,"endTime":5748.981,"body":"members don't agree to support"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5746.061,"endTime":5748.981,"body":"whatever decision is made."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5749.061,"endTime":5750.701,"body":"Yes, that's critical."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5750.751,"endTime":5752.041,"body":"Otherwise you may as well dictate."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5752.471,"endTime":5756.631,"body":"And I feel like consulting and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5752.471,"endTime":5756.631,"body":"voting often get conflated with"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5756.631,"endTime":5759.601,"body":"the final category that I'm about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5756.631,"endTime":5759.601,"body":"to read, which is consensus."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5759.851,"endTime":5763.091,"body":"This method can be both a great"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5759.851,"endTime":5763.091,"body":"blessing and a frustrating curse."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5763.111,"endTime":5765.191,"body":"Consensus means you talk"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5763.111,"endTime":5765.191,"body":"until everyone agrees."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5765.481,"endTime":5768.411,"body":"Everyone honestly agrees to one decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5768.701,"endTime":5772.351,"body":"This method can produce tremendous"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5768.701,"endTime":5772.351,"body":"unity and high quality decisions."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5772.541,"endTime":5775.071,"body":"If misapplied, it can be"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5772.541,"endTime":5775.071,"body":"a horrible waste of time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5775.561,"endTime":5781.911,"body":"It should only be used with one"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5775.561,"endTime":5781.911,"body":"high stakes and complex issues two"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5782.301,"endTime":5785.741,"body":"issues where everyone absolutely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5782.301,"endTime":5785.741,"body":"must support the final choice."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5785.741,"endTime":5791.586,"body":"I feel a lot of people conflate"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5785.741,"endTime":5791.586,"body":"voting and consulting with a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5791.586,"endTime":5796.046,"body":"consensus decision the way this book"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5791.586,"endTime":5796.046,"body":"handles it is a unanimous decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5796.146,"endTime":5796.416,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5796.456,"endTime":5801.386,"body":"Voting is just simply the highest the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5796.456,"endTime":5801.386,"body":"highest, most popular choice wins, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5801.626,"endTime":5805.236,"body":"And it is democratic, but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5801.626,"endTime":5805.236,"body":"that said, Voting doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5805.266,"endTime":5809.436,"body":"everybody will actually vote, or"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5805.266,"endTime":5809.436,"body":"they will cast all their votes."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5809.686,"endTime":5812.136,"body":"So yeah, you're right, people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5809.686,"endTime":5812.136,"body":"do conflate those two things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5812.156,"endTime":5816.936,"body":"And consensus, easy to explain, hard to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5812.156,"endTime":5816.936,"body":"actually pull off in practice, especially"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5816.936,"endTime":5819.516,"body":"when it's a contentious subject, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5819.856,"endTime":5823.436,"body":"When people have just basically got"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5819.856,"endTime":5823.436,"body":"entrenched interests and they're dug"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5823.436,"endTime":5825.656,"body":"in, it can be very hard to do that."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5825.906,"endTime":5829.251,"body":"So it gives you four questions"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5825.906,"endTime":5829.251,"body":"to ask before you decide to vote."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5829.421,"endTime":5832.691,"body":"How are you going to choose what"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5829.421,"endTime":5832.691,"body":"method would you sell on to choose?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5833.011,"endTime":5834.831,"body":"It says number one, who cares?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5835.081,"endTime":5837.681,"body":"Number two, who knows,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5835.081,"endTime":5837.681,"body":"who has the expertise?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5837.951,"endTime":5839.471,"body":"Number three, who must agree?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5839.721,"endTime":5840.601,"body":"This is a sticky one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5840.601,"endTime":5841.941,"body":"Who has the authority, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5841.941,"endTime":5842.681,"body":"You have to agree."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5842.761,"endTime":5843.141,"body":"Sure."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5843.151,"endTime":5847.236,"body":"And number four, how many people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5843.151,"endTime":5847.236,"body":"is it worth involving, which is."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5847.486,"endTime":5850.256,"body":"Probably the murkiest"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5847.486,"endTime":5850.256,"body":"question out of here."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5850.506,"endTime":5854.166,"body":"Those that matter should be involved"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5850.506,"endTime":5854.166,"body":"in the decision making is what that's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5854.166,"endTime":5859.026,"body":"saying to me, and it's not everyone"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5854.166,"endTime":5859.026,"body":"necessarily, because again, to my earlier"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5859.026,"endTime":5863.756,"body":"point, you don't get to a consensus if"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5859.026,"endTime":5863.756,"body":"everyone's got to agree on everything."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5864.006,"endTime":5866.096,"body":"So it is very context based."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5866.106,"endTime":5869.766,"body":"Sometimes you need that, and sometimes"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5866.106,"endTime":5869.766,"body":"you need to be able to say, let's pull"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5869.766,"endTime":5873.996,"body":"away for a little bit and say, a decision"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5869.766,"endTime":5873.996,"body":"has to be made for the greater good."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5874.286,"endTime":5877.136,"body":"But that doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5874.286,"endTime":5877.136,"body":"every single individual is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5877.456,"endTime":5878.836,"body":"participating in the decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5879.086,"endTime":5882.786,"body":"having had all these different crucial"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5879.086,"endTime":5882.786,"body":"conversations through the last eight,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5882.836,"endTime":5887.156,"body":"nine chapters, eight chapters, I believe"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5882.836,"endTime":5887.156,"body":"you have to have a plan for action"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5887.406,"endTime":5891.386,"body":"ultimately, otherwise it's all for not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5887.406,"endTime":5891.386,"body":"if it's just you come this far and then"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5891.406,"endTime":5893.006,"body":"you don't get it over the finish line."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5893.256,"endTime":5894.066,"body":"Plan for action."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5894.076,"endTime":5895.396,"body":"So who's going to do what?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5895.716,"endTime":5900.556,"body":"And it's almost like the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5895.716,"endTime":5900.556,"body":"old style assigning, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5900.936,"endTime":5904.216,"body":"Ideally, you'd say here's the here"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5900.936,"endTime":5904.216,"body":"are all the decisions we've made."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5904.216,"endTime":5906.686,"body":"Here are the tasks coming"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5904.216,"endTime":5906.686,"body":"out of the decision."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5907.186,"endTime":5908.106,"body":"Who's going to do what?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5908.356,"endTime":5911.886,"body":"And that can sometimes be like, okay"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5908.356,"endTime":5911.886,"body":"who's best equipped to do these things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5912.136,"endTime":5917.276,"body":"And then you've got the most experience"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5912.136,"endTime":5917.276,"body":"doing this, Fred, Mary, and so you have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5917.276,"endTime":5919.516,"body":"individuals accountable for those things."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5919.556,"endTime":5921.186,"body":"Otherwise you're not going to succeed."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5921.436,"endTime":5923.236,"body":"And and then the last chapter of the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5923.521,"endTime":5925.111,"body":"Is the chapter 10."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5925.111,"endTime":5927.131,"body":"Yeah, but the device or tough cases."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5927.391,"endTime":5930.681,"body":"This basically outlines every tough"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5927.391,"endTime":5930.681,"body":"case that they outlined earlier, like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5930.681,"endTime":5932.381,"body":"in chapter one or two  in the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5932.391,"endTime":5932.641,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5932.861,"endTime":5937.271,"body":"And walks through the scenario"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5932.861,"endTime":5937.271,"body":"of how you would handle it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5937.321,"endTime":5939.261,"body":"In the optimal circumstances, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5939.511,"endTime":5939.531,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5939.531,"endTime":5942.541,"body":"If I recall, there were probably"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5939.531,"endTime":5942.541,"body":"like 10 or 12 different scenarios."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5942.591,"endTime":5947.111,"body":"Some of the ones in here like a page"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5942.591,"endTime":5947.111,"body":"192 the overly sensitive spouse It's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5947.111,"endTime":5950.801,"body":"funny says the danger point often"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5947.111,"endTime":5950.801,"body":"couples come to an unspoken agreement"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5950.801,"endTime":5954.051,"body":"during the first year or so of their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5950.801,"endTime":5954.051,"body":"marriage It affects how they communicate"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5954.051,"endTime":5954.971,"body":"for the rest of their marriage."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5955.031,"endTime":5959.061,"body":"That's scary This is a solution that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5955.031,"endTime":5959.061,"body":"this is generally a problem of not"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5959.061,"endTime":5963.181,"body":"knowing how to state your path How to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5959.061,"endTime":5963.181,"body":"state your path like again that path"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5963.181,"endTime":5966.351,"body":"like you facts are first and then you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5963.181,"endTime":5966.351,"body":"the story you tell yourself and why?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5966.531,"endTime":5969.621,"body":"And it says when spouses stop"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5966.531,"endTime":5969.621,"body":"giving each other helpful feedback"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5969.711,"endTime":5972.991,"body":"They lose out on the help of a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5969.711,"endTime":5972.991,"body":"lifelong confidant and coach."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5973.371,"endTime":5973.741,"body":"Oh boy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5973.741,"endTime":5976.431,"body":"That's that stinks It"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5973.741,"endTime":5976.431,"body":"does stink, but it's real."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5976.511,"endTime":5980.301,"body":"I feel like that's the root cause"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5976.511,"endTime":5980.301,"body":"of so many disassociations between"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5980.471,"endTime":5984.781,"body":"partners Like is that is that just"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5980.471,"endTime":5984.781,"body":"it is it i'm gonna ask a question."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5985.001,"endTime":5987.961,"body":"I already know it's a leading"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5985.001,"endTime":5987.961,"body":"question Is it laziness?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5988.231,"endTime":5989.841,"body":"Is it just like lack of knowledge?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5989.881,"endTime":5992.191,"body":"The knowledge is here in the book why?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5992.441,"endTime":5993.591,"body":"People haven't read the book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5993.841,"endTime":5996.571,"body":"I'm not selling their book for them,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5993.841,"endTime":5996.571,"body":"a lot of people just aren't aware."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5996.571,"endTime":5997.721,"body":"Let me put it that way, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5997.741,"endTime":6002.231,"body":"They go into this and they're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":5997.741,"endTime":6002.231,"body":"going into it more on an emotional"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6002.231,"endTime":6005.871,"body":"level, especially domestically"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6002.231,"endTime":6005.871,"body":"speaking here in this last example."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6006.131,"endTime":6008.121,"body":"But I think the same thing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6006.131,"endTime":6008.121,"body":"applies at the team level."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6008.151,"endTime":6012.871,"body":"People go into it with a With an"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6008.151,"endTime":6012.871,"body":"outcome of forethought in their"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6012.871,"endTime":6014.761,"body":"mind, this is what I want out of it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6015.011,"endTime":6017.581,"body":"And I, earlier we said, you should"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6015.011,"endTime":6017.581,"body":"know what you want out of it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6017.591,"endTime":6021.541,"body":"But I'm saying, I'm talking about already"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6017.591,"endTime":6021.541,"body":"this having decided in your mind what you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6021.541,"endTime":6025.831,"body":"want, instead of, I want the best outcome"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6021.541,"endTime":6025.831,"body":"given the knowledge and the people there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6026.071,"endTime":6029.321,"body":"That's different than I want"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6026.071,"endTime":6029.321,"body":"the team to do X, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6029.321,"endTime":6032.041,"body":"So I'm going to start leading"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6029.321,"endTime":6032.041,"body":"them toward that, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6032.291,"endTime":6032.691,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6032.941,"endTime":6033.131,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6033.161,"endTime":6036.861,"body":"Another example here is a failure to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6033.161,"endTime":6036.861,"body":"live up to agreements as the worst teams."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6037.106,"endTime":6040.656,"body":"Walk away from problems"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6037.106,"endTime":6040.656,"body":"like this and good teams."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6040.666,"endTime":6044.486,"body":"The boss eventually deals with the problem"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6040.666,"endTime":6044.486,"body":"behavior and the best teams, the team"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6044.776,"endTime":6049.946,"body":"self manages to a resolution and it says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6044.776,"endTime":6049.946,"body":"success is not dependent on the perfect"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6049.956,"endTime":6054.166,"body":"compliance with the new expectation, but"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6049.956,"endTime":6054.166,"body":"on teammates who hold crucial conversation"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6054.166,"endTime":6056.846,"body":"with one another, even on excellent teams."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6057.261,"endTime":6060.246,"body":"This is always a tough one to deal with."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6060.666,"endTime":6063.136,"body":"The team taking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6060.666,"endTime":6063.136,"body":"accountability for themselves."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6063.456,"endTime":6063.656,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6063.896,"endTime":6066.386,"body":"It is, because they feel"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6063.896,"endTime":6066.386,"body":"vulnerable when they're doing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6066.386,"endTime":6068.116,"body":"that, initially at least, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6068.146,"endTime":6071.766,"body":"They're like, okay,  if we do this,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6068.146,"endTime":6071.766,"body":"we might get reprimanded if we fail."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6071.866,"endTime":6072.146,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6072.286,"endTime":6077.136,"body":"So that fear of failure, it goes back to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6072.286,"endTime":6077.136,"body":"that whole psychological safety, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6077.136,"endTime":6077.846,"body":"It sure does, yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6077.846,"endTime":6078.316,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6078.316,"endTime":6080.256,"body":"Another one is deference to authority."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6080.416,"endTime":6084.446,"body":"It talks about a leader who comes in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6080.416,"endTime":6084.446,"body":"with a team that always looks to the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6084.456,"endTime":6086.456,"body":"manager to Solve their problem for them."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6086.726,"endTime":6090.616,"body":"And it says they could be living"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6086.726,"endTime":6090.616,"body":"with the ghosts of a previous leader."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6090.706,"endTime":6090.926,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6090.926,"endTime":6094.266,"body":"They could be stuck in that mode, which"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6090.926,"endTime":6094.266,"body":"is interesting, a way to frame it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6094.276,"endTime":6097.816,"body":"Cause that wouldn't be the way that I"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6094.276,"endTime":6097.816,"body":"would think to frame it is it seems that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6097.826,"endTime":6101.116,"body":"you're agreeing with the leader says"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6097.826,"endTime":6101.116,"body":"in this example, it seems that you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6101.116,"endTime":6104.146,"body":"agreeing with me because I'm the boss,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6101.116,"endTime":6104.146,"body":"not because what I'm saying makes sense to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6104.146,"endTime":6105.806,"body":"the team, just like nods as it goes along."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6106.186,"endTime":6110.726,"body":"It says the solution to this is to,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6106.186,"endTime":6110.726,"body":"as the leader, to discover your part."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6110.976,"endTime":6112.886,"body":"Consult with a peer, which"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6110.976,"endTime":6112.886,"body":"I thought was interesting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6113.146,"endTime":6115.326,"body":"So with a peer to see if like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6113.146,"endTime":6115.326,"body":"you actually are a problem."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6115.526,"endTime":6118.746,"body":"And then it says another part of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6115.526,"endTime":6118.746,"body":"the solution is if the problem"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6118.746,"endTime":6123.486,"body":"stems from ghosts, go public, you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6118.746,"endTime":6123.486,"body":"start describing the problem in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6123.496,"endTime":6125.316,"body":"group situations, team situations."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6125.456,"endTime":6128.236,"body":"You start asking for advice"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6125.456,"endTime":6128.236,"body":"that requires a lot of courage."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6128.246,"endTime":6129.206,"body":"It sure does."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6129.651,"endTime":6133.831,"body":"And when you're at that point in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6129.651,"endTime":6133.831,"body":"management, specifically in management,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6133.971,"endTime":6136.781,"body":"you don't want to be seen as the weakling."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6137.031,"endTime":6139.191,"body":"I want to throw out another one for"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6137.031,"endTime":6139.191,"body":"you before we get out of here, because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6139.371,"endTime":6141.181,"body":"I know we're already nearing time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6141.451,"endTime":6144.401,"body":"It says, another situation,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6141.451,"endTime":6144.401,"body":"196, failed trust."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6144.711,"endTime":6145.861,"body":"I don't know what to do."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6146.031,"endTime":6147.491,"body":"I'm not sure I can trust this person."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6147.571,"endTime":6149.011,"body":"He missed an important deadline."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6149.011,"endTime":6150.921,"body":"Now I wonder if I can trust him again."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6151.236,"endTime":6152.176,"body":"This is a danger point."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6152.186,"endTime":6155.516,"body":"People often assume that trust is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6152.186,"endTime":6155.516,"body":"something that you have or don't."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6155.876,"endTime":6160.206,"body":"In actuality, it's offered in degrees"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6155.876,"endTime":6160.206,"body":"and it's often topic  specific."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6160.586,"endTime":6164.246,"body":"The solution, deal with trust around"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6160.586,"endTime":6164.246,"body":"the issue, not around the person."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6164.316,"endTime":6166.386,"body":"Oh, you went there super"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6164.316,"endTime":6166.386,"body":"early in this podcast."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6166.386,"endTime":6166.796,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6166.826,"endTime":6168.476,"body":"And I was like, I know this is coming up."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6168.476,"endTime":6169.346,"body":"I got to hold you back."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6169.596,"endTime":6173.666,"body":"I think in every situation, you've got"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6169.596,"endTime":6173.666,"body":"to look at it and just peel back when"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6173.666,"endTime":6179.256,"body":"you start to feel yourself getting"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6173.666,"endTime":6179.256,"body":"triggered and say, Am I really tackling"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6179.336,"endTime":6181.516,"body":"the problem or am I tackling the person?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6181.566,"endTime":6182.736,"body":"And go back to the former."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6182.816,"endTime":6184.336,"body":"Tackle the problem, not the person."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6184.766,"endTime":6189.256,"body":"Then you have immensely"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6184.766,"endTime":6189.256,"body":"increased your chances of really"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6189.396,"endTime":6190.756,"body":"addressing the issue at hand."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6191.076,"endTime":6193.996,"body":"Because what's gonna happen"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6191.076,"endTime":6193.996,"body":"if that person gets replaced?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6194.056,"endTime":6195.756,"body":"You haven't moved on at all."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6195.836,"endTime":6198.576,"body":"You're gonna be exactly there"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6195.836,"endTime":6198.576,"body":"with a different person, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6198.636,"endTime":6200.346,"body":"So tackle the problem, not the person."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6200.596,"endTime":6202.386,"body":"Another one is shows a pattern."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6202.596,"endTime":6203.666,"body":"It isn't a single problem."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6203.906,"endTime":6206.476,"body":"It's that I keep having to talk"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6203.906,"endTime":6206.476,"body":"with people about the same problem."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6206.676,"endTime":6210.156,"body":"I feel like having to choose between"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6206.676,"endTime":6210.156,"body":"being a nag and putting up with a problem."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6210.156,"endTime":6210.566,"body":"Now what?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6210.736,"endTime":6213.366,"body":"It says, some crucial conversations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6210.736,"endTime":6213.366,"body":"go poorly because you're"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6213.376,"endTime":6214.726,"body":"having the wrong conversation."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6215.016,"endTime":6218.086,"body":"You talk to someone who is late for a"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6215.016,"endTime":6218.086,"body":"meeting for the second time, and then the"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6218.086,"endTime":6219.936,"body":"third, and then your blood begins to boil."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6219.936,"endTime":6222.556,"body":"It says, learn to look for patterns."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6222.786,"endTime":6225.556,"body":"Watching for behavior over"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6222.786,"endTime":6225.556,"body":"time, then state your path."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6225.806,"endTime":6229.556,"body":"By talking about the pattern people"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6225.806,"endTime":6229.556,"body":"often become far more emotional"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6229.796,"endTime":6232.576,"body":"than the issue They're discussing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6229.796,"endTime":6232.576,"body":"warrants because they're talking"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6232.576,"endTime":6234.976,"body":"about the wrong issue Interesting."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6235.356,"endTime":6238.756,"body":"That's an interesting example too"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6235.356,"endTime":6238.756,"body":"because at face value if somebody's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6238.756,"endTime":6242.056,"body":"always late for a meeting You can't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6238.756,"endTime":6242.056,"body":"assume it's because they're lazy, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6242.086,"endTime":6244.911,"body":"That would be the easy way out like"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6242.086,"endTime":6244.911,"body":"you say this person's always lazy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6244.911,"endTime":6248.516,"body":"That's the pattern have you really"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6244.911,"endTime":6248.516,"body":"dug deeper to figure out why maybe"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6248.516,"endTime":6251.836,"body":"they have a personal situation that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6248.516,"endTime":6251.836,"body":"is causing them to be late and you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6251.836,"endTime":6254.916,"body":"could change the meeting time perhaps,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6251.836,"endTime":6254.916,"body":"so there are ways to deal with it."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6255.466,"endTime":6259.586,"body":"In chapter 11, putting all together"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6255.466,"endTime":6259.586,"body":"tools for preparing and learning on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6259.586,"endTime":6262.133,"body":"page two, 14,    the table, trust me."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6262.133,"endTime":6262.543,"body":"It's there."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6262.603,"endTime":6265.153,"body":"There's a table coaching"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6262.603,"endTime":6265.153,"body":"for crucial conversations."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6265.443,"endTime":6268.393,"body":"It goes through all of the major"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6265.443,"endTime":6268.393,"body":"principles, all the skills in each"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6268.393,"endTime":6270.253,"body":"one, the crucial questions in each one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6270.303,"endTime":6272.263,"body":"I'll try to put it on the screen"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6270.303,"endTime":6272.263,"body":"while we're having this discussion."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6272.263,"endTime":6276.903,"body":"If you're looking for a quick"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6272.263,"endTime":6276.903,"body":"takeaway also on if you need quick"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6276.913,"endTime":6281.963,"body":"summarizations, On page 217 on it goes"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6276.913,"endTime":6281.963,"body":"through each one in a little more in"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6281.963,"endTime":6284.093,"body":"a little more context these are great."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6284.213,"endTime":6289.693,"body":"Takeaways from this to try to Start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6284.213,"endTime":6289.693,"body":"yourself down the journey of learning"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6289.703,"endTime":6293.103,"body":"and developing the skill because"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6289.703,"endTime":6293.103,"body":"again even this book they say It's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6293.103,"endTime":6295.493,"body":"not something you just pick up and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6293.103,"endTime":6295.493,"body":"do do it a little bit at a time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6295.623,"endTime":6300.483,"body":"Start with what you can do to try to"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6295.623,"endTime":6300.483,"body":"develop the skill and, it's changing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6300.483,"endTime":6302.763,"body":"your behavior from the ground up."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6302.793,"endTime":6304.808,"body":"And that is not an easy thing to do."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6304.928,"endTime":6305.538,"body":"It is not."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6305.548,"endTime":6308.848,"body":"And one of the key kind of tenets"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6305.548,"endTime":6308.848,"body":"in the book, even though they don't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6308.848,"endTime":6311.218,"body":"mention the phrase is is empathy."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6311.548,"endTime":6314.848,"body":"So to cultivate empathy, it's"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6311.548,"endTime":6314.848,"body":"not an easy thing to do either."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6314.848,"endTime":6316.978,"body":"But it's something you"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6314.848,"endTime":6316.978,"body":"can work on over time."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6316.978,"endTime":6318.178,"body":"You'll get better and better."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6318.428,"endTime":6323.958,"body":"All of the stuff that Dan Goldman has on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6318.428,"endTime":6323.958,"body":"empathy,  the first step in the path of"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6323.998,"endTime":6326.018,"body":"empathy here is you actually have to care."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6326.268,"endTime":6328.878,"body":"Yeah, I mean that is"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6326.268,"endTime":6328.878,"body":"quite a path to overcome."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6328.988,"endTime":6332.528,"body":"Personally in my life, I think I can"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6328.988,"endTime":6332.528,"body":"draw a dividing line in my life about"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6332.538,"endTime":6336.148,"body":"like when I had kids and when I didn't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6332.538,"endTime":6336.148,"body":"have kids, that was a big dividing"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6336.148,"endTime":6339.928,"body":"line between Oh, these are these"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6336.148,"endTime":6339.928,"body":"things, this skill needs to be evolved."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6340.118,"endTime":6342.898,"body":"It needs to be evolved and"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6340.118,"endTime":6342.898,"body":"enhanced in order for me to get"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6342.898,"endTime":6344.608,"body":"ahead in life, both as a parent."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6345.063,"endTime":6348.183,"body":"And and that stuff spills"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6345.063,"endTime":6348.183,"body":"over, I think if you, whatever,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6348.203,"endTime":6352.683,"body":"wherever you start in your life,"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6348.203,"endTime":6352.683,"body":"it will spill over to categories"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6352.683,"endTime":6353.903,"body":"and make you more effective."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6354.113,"endTime":6357.033,"body":"So if you start, now my path is  it"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6354.113,"endTime":6357.033,"body":"started because I became a parent"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6357.213,"endTime":6360.593,"body":"and then it spilled over into work"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6357.213,"endTime":6360.593,"body":"and I became more effective at work."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6360.843,"endTime":6362.113,"body":"For me, that was my path."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6362.363,"endTime":6364.403,"body":"So that was part of that one."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6364.653,"endTime":6370.193,"body":"A, you start with yeah, you got to care"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6364.653,"endTime":6370.193,"body":"and then one A would be become self aware."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6370.263,"endTime":6372.173,"body":"Yeah, I actually do care, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6372.233,"endTime":6376.673,"body":"Yeah, that's like the step in that"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6372.233,"endTime":6376.673,"body":"journey to becoming more empathetic."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6376.923,"endTime":6378.993,"body":"For such a short book."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6379.053,"endTime":6379.483,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6379.633,"endTime":6381.643,"body":"I think it's it really should"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6379.633,"endTime":6381.643,"body":"be required to reading."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6381.643,"endTime":6383.203,"body":"I mean, Dialogue itself."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6383.503,"endTime":6387.233,"body":"It could be a very cornerstone"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6383.503,"endTime":6387.233,"body":"one on one class at every college."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6387.243,"endTime":6389.773,"body":"Sadly, none of this stuff"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6387.243,"endTime":6389.773,"body":"is taught in colleges."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6389.933,"endTime":6390.933,"body":"It's so unfortunate."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6390.933,"endTime":6391.963,"body":"It's so basic too."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6391.963,"endTime":6395.463,"body":"Just the grid at the end of the book"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6391.963,"endTime":6395.463,"body":"that we just flash on the screen."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6395.463,"endTime":6400.493,"body":"Like just having that in post its on"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6395.463,"endTime":6400.493,"body":"the side of your monitor could help you."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6400.653,"endTime":6402.503,"body":"Even if for nothing else, self awareness."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6402.503,"endTime":6402.553,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6402.803,"endTime":6406.623,"body":"Even if you just start there and start"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6402.803,"endTime":6406.623,"body":"with evolving self awareness and you don't"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6406.623,"endTime":6408.203,"body":"even move to any of those other skills."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6408.493,"endTime":6412.613,"body":"It's a critical trait in evolving"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6408.493,"endTime":6412.613,"body":"your other skills, right?"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6412.653,"endTime":6414.753,"body":"It's very critical to be self aware."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6415.003,"endTime":6415.783,"body":"It's fundamental."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6416.153,"endTime":6418.573,"body":"Hopefully you've you've learned"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6416.153,"endTime":6418.573,"body":"something you'll be able to have"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6418.583,"endTime":6422.143,"body":"better crucial conversations"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6418.583,"endTime":6422.143,"body":"with your partners, your teams."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6422.273,"endTime":6425.153,"body":"Hopefully you have some takeaways"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6422.273,"endTime":6425.153,"body":"from this that you can use every day."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6425.183,"endTime":6425.383,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6425.738,"endTime":6426.918,"body":"Yes, that was our goal."},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6426.948,"endTime":6429.788,"body":"Let us know and don't forget"},{"speaker":"It's called Dialogue","startTime":6426.948,"endTime":6429.788,"body":"to like and subscribe."}]}