“Welcome to Meet My Autistic Brain. I'm your host, The Autistic Woman. I discovered autism late in life, and in this podcast, I share my experiences and challenges so you can learn what it's like to be autistic.

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Autistics have more traits than what are described in the diagnostic criteria. Each one of us may express autism differently. I found, though, that we have some things in common that have surprised me, like that we felt like aliens from another planet and we actually used that term to describe some of our experiences.

I can't tell you whether you're autistic or not. I do think that some of these, or a combination of these, are uniquely autistic. Others are neuro-typical also.

I know that when I meet someone who spends an inordinate amount of time researching nearly everything, I wonder to myself whether they're autistic. If you recognize only one or two of these, it doesn't mean you're autistic. If many are but others are not, it doesn't mean you're not autistic.

For example, if you're not a visual thinker, you might still be autistic, if other traits fit. None of these are intended to be stereotypes or cliches. This doesn't cover co-occurring conditions or medical conditions.

Traits vary from person to person. And in this episode, I'm not talking about formal diagnostic criteria. I'm sharing my experience and what I've heard from autistics that resonates with me.

Here we go. You've been told you're quirky or odd. Those are the words non-autistic people often use to say that we're not like them and that they don't understand us.

You feel like an alien from another planet. I thought I was the only one who felt like this, and I learned that many autistics think of themselves in this way. It's because people don't seem to see or understand our ideas, or we see things that seem obvious to us, but that no one else thinks of.”

“You look young. People tell you they thought you were younger when you tell them your age, or some may be surprised to learn that you have an important job, and then they might say you don't look old enough. You're good at compartmentalizing.

When a strong reaction is expected, you may not feel it immediately because your brain is preventing your feelings from interfering with how you handle something. You'll feel it later, and often very strongly. You don't do well at job interviews.

You might even be well qualified for a job, but once you go to the interview, you give people a totally different perspective of who you really are or how you fit for the job. You might even freeze or not know what to say. You don't see the point of job interviews since they rarely relate to the job you'll actually be doing.

People say you walk funny. You may think you have a limp or someone might tell you that you do. You hate shoes and have a hard time finding some that are comfortable.

You might have been told you're dyspraxic. When put on the spot, you make decisions against your own best interests and later wonder what was wrong with you. You can't get boxes open, even with scissors.

It always ends up looking like a desperate mess never to be closed again. You can see through false or exaggerated claims. Maybe you can't always tell if someone's lying to you, but you definitely notice the guy at the party who talks incessantly about his dubious accomplishments.

You're not swayed by commercials, and you get it that so many claims about sale prices are only that, claims. When you're cooking, you don't want anyone else in the kitchen. You'll finally distract you if they're with you as you cook, and it makes you feel a lot of stress.

Sometimes you can ruin the meal or forget an ingredient if someone is hovering in the kitchen. You don't read instructions unless you have to. You value autonomy highly.

“During your lifetime, you've had questions about who you are and a nagging feeling that there's a logical explanation because you know you're more than your accomplishments reveal. Gifts have personal significance to you. You'll remember who gave you a particular gift and you'll think of them whenever you use it.

You suffer in silence. You could be in a lot of pain physically or emotionally and people won't realize it because you keep it quietly to yourself. You intellectualize your emotions.

When you become overwhelmed by them, you believe you can analyze or think them away. You don't do subtle. You may have had a lot of ear infections when you were a toddler and or you may be told you have asymmetrical ear canals.

New research is showing there's a greater number of autistics that experience this. You're sensitive to things that don't affect others. You don't understand how neurotypical minds work.

You may agonize over an email and write it many times before sending it. You might spend an hour on a two-paragraph email. After sending it, you'll still worry that you should have edited more.”

“You're a bottom-up thinker rather than a top-down thinker, meaning you process information first with your senses, paying attention to detail. Only then will past experience become meaningful. A top-down thinker relies more on past experience and less on detail.

They try to fit a situation into a box they're familiar with. I think of doctors as top-down thinkers. You use more than one form of learning.

For example, you might read the book and then listen on audio, or you might see the video and then see someone demonstrate in person what you want to learn. When it comes to relationships, you don't always learn from experience.

“Telling you to do something can be confusing or hard for you to comply with unless you understand the underlying reason, the nuts and bolts. It isn't often that you speak up in meetings. You have lots of ideas and answers to problems, yet you can't find the right moment to say them.

When you do, you get the strangest looks from others. You rarely assume. The one time you will is when guessing what someone else felt or meant by something they said.

Not wanting to assume, you'll argue with yourself and analyze the situation, hoping to get a definitive answer. As a child, you read a lot and often books well above your age group. You're drawn to things that involve strategy.

You like strategy games, movies, and books. If you like to watch sports, one reason may be because you understand the strategies needed to win. You've been bullied.

Bullying doesn't happen only by other kids. It can be a teacher or a boss, as was my case. You don't like being told what to do.”

“Sometimes you'll dig in your heels and refuse, purely because someone told you to do it. Few people know all about the things you've done or learned because you keep it to yourself. For fear they'll think you should have picked one thing and stuck to it.

You don't like being put on the spot to make an immediate decision or give an opinion. You make lots of lists to varying degrees of usefulness. You pick up on other people's emotions.

You say things others don't expect. You might often hear, I never thought of that, when you give someone advice they requested. You have a strong work ethic.

If you're going to do something, you give your best effort. You're a self-learner. You may have taught yourself to play an instrument, speak a foreign language, or engage in art and design, for example.

You are continuously scanning your environment for patterns, even though you're not consciously aware of it. When you make a decision, you're looking for a pattern to inform it. You're curious.”

“You may have been the child that continuously asked why and tried the patience of the adults you interacted with. You took a class, whether in college or at a rec center, without ever having said one word or introduced yourself to one person. You often feel invisible.

You hate listening to other people arguing. It hurts. You hide the best parts of yourself.

You don't want to brag. You've had difficulty with romantic relationships. This can be by picking an incompatible partner, particularly one who is controlling or manipulative or doesn't show respect for your differences.

You can become overwhelmed by your feelings. You may not show it to others, but inside, you may be attempting to handle sadness, joy, upset, grief, anger, or other strong emotions. You're a literal thinker.

You interpret things literally while others understand them more generally. People have emotional or illogical views of things that you see as defined by facts. You don't suffer fools.

You don't easily tolerate nonsense or impracticality. You are logical. You don't understand why anyone wouldn't be.”

“You often say, That makes no sense. When presented with something, you find illogical. You think logic is the best way to look at things.

You are solution oriented. You believe there are answers for everything. You like systems.

You may be the one at work who comes up with an efficient way to do the work based on systems you design. You have a strong desire for efficiency. You believe in using the least amount of energy to do something.

You hate waking up to noise like cars, babies crying, a lawnmower, a shower, kids screaming, or all of those together. It causes you physical pain. You avoid things you don't understand.

Sometimes you are analyzing and researching as a way to avoid making a decision or taking a risk. You love soft things. Soft blankets, soft toys, soft clothing.

You love to touch soft things. You repeat things others say. Sometimes immediately, sometimes later, and sometimes both.”

“You might memorize dialogue from movies and repeat them later. You use analogies. It might seem to the listener like you do it for everything.

Sometimes your analogies are so complex that the other person doesn't understand them. You feel invalidated at times. People challenge what you say as if it needs evidence to be valid.

It's like they don't understand that you wouldn't say it if you didn't have evidence. You hyper focus. You might forget to eat lunch or drink water.

You might develop a special interest that you focus on to the exclusion of other responsibilities. You don't understand sarcasm, colloquialisms, metaphors. This is in part because of your literal view of life.

When someone says something like, I'm not willing to die on that hill, you picture a person on a hill rather than understanding. It means you are not going to defend your position, even though it may be a strong one. You're a black and white thinker.”

“If you work in the legal system or are familiar with laws, you view them as black and white. If the text says something, then no matter the detail, you'll focus on it and insist that others comply with its exact meaning. If there's a rule, you stick to it word for word and believe everyone else should.

You need or prefer explicit instructions. If your boss tells you to write a report, you want to know exactly what your boss expects you to include in it. You're a visual thinker.

You see pictures in your mind when you hear a word like chair or car. This doesn't mean you're autistic, nor are all autistics visual thinkers. Many are verbal thinkers, and I've seen them as authors of books and excellent writers.

You prefer to avoid parties or large groups. You might not be thrilled about attending a fair. You might prefer to have groceries and other items delivered so you can avoid the stress of dealing with the environment and people you would encounter.

You don't like small talk. You don't get the point. You feel bored when people talk about the weather, the latest news, or their kids”

“You either don't know how to do small talk or you might have learned to to some extent. You don't do well with unexpected questions. When someone asks you something you hadn't realized could come up, you might freeze or go blank.

You might give no answer, make something up or make a decision that later you wish you'd done differently. Use script. Prior to speaking with others or going to a social event or approaching a friend or partner about a subject, you rehearse several versions in your mind.

You think about what you'll say and how they'll respond. You use reason and logic to try to anticipate how the conversation will go. You might not be aware you do this or you might think that everyone does.

You've been told you are too shy, too sensitive, too picky, too emotional, too reserved, too quiet. Something about you that is usually preceded by the word too and isn't true. Often these things hurt.”

“You have a special interest or interest, which means there are one or more things you spend time on and know a lot about. You may be almost an expert on the subject of interest. You may learn everything you can about it and then move on to another thing that you learn about and become an expert at. You love talking about it.

You analyze. This analysis can prevent you from moving forward and from making decisions. You get analysis paralysis.

You research and research and research. When you hear about or see or read about something that catches your interest, you research it almost immediately. You find other interesting things during your research and you start to research them as well.

You believe research has the answers. You watch the same movies and TV shows repeatedly. You feel like you've not seen the show before.”

“It can be as if you're seeing it for the first time. Some you may have watched six or more times. You might be able to recite lines from the show.

You'll probably know the actors and even something about their personal lives. You listen to your music playlist over and over. If asked, you might tell people you're trying to learn the words, which might be true.

The fact that you want to learn the words in this way is not as common among neurotypicals. You love the feeling you get from the music and want to feel it again and again. You have a blank look on your face or you look like you're mad, according to others.

You're not mad and the blank look is often because you're thinking or overwhelmed by emotion. You use different glasses and cups based on what you're drinking. You enjoy it better this way.

You're sure things taste better in the right cup or glass. You live in your mind. You have a rich inner world and you enjoy it from the inside out.”

“You don't like going to the grocery store. It's too overwhelming sensory-wise and could require social interaction. You might have to pass by someone in the aisle.

You eat the same foods every day and you don't get tired of them. You bump into countertops. Your body might have unexplainable bruises that you may not remember happening.

You've hit your shoulder on the wall as you walk through a doorway. You'll eat only certain foods and would most likely starve if you were required to eat only foods you don't like. It can be the taste, texture, temperature.

The food has to be prepared a certain way and foods can't touch each other on the plate. Some sounds bother you a lot. It's not just loud sounds.

Some soft sounds are irritating and affect your nervous system. You may hate a loud, annoying sound while loving your music on maximum volume. You have several of the same clothes in your closet.”

“When you like a piece of clothing, you buy three, four, or more of the same kind, sometimes in different colors. You must have comfortable clothing. You are the person who changes from work clothes into comfy clothes as soon as you get home.

Your so-called uniform is loose-fitting, often including t-shirts, sweatshirts, joggers, or yoga pants. Cotton is your favorite fabric. You're bothered by clothing labels.

You love colored lights. You may have strip lights, rope lights, fairy lights. Your TV or computer may be backlit, or all of these.

You hate fluorescent lights. The glare and coldness of the lights irritates your nervous system, and sometimes the humming sound makes you want to run out of the room. You have meltdowns.

You might not know they're called that, but you have times when you get angry or you cry, and you can't stop it. You can't prevent it or predict it. You struggle to find a comfortable pair of shoes.”

“You value alone time highly. You may enjoy more alone time than others. You might prefer to live alone.

You might isolate and be okay with it. You get stressed out at the thought of going to a social event. Even an invitation to lunch with one person will cause stress.

You secretly hope the other person will cancel so that you won't have to go. You're very uncomfortable at parties. You often find excuses not to go, sometimes at the last minute.

You want to be invited, you just can't go. You find parties to be stressful, and you often don't know what to say or how to introduce yourself to others. You hate meetings.

Okay, almost everyone does. You have a hard time speaking up at a meeting. You try to jump in, but others seem to talk over you.

You sit quietly, full of ideas, and can't bring yourself to say them. Because this is already lengthy, I'm going to stop here and continue this list in the next episode, which comes out soon. Keep listening, and remember, these do not apply to everyone, and you may have done some of these or many and be autistic”

“Ultimately, it's up to you to decide. You can contact me at infoatheautisticwoman.com I count on hearing from you for feedback and to learn! Tell your family and friends about the podcast so they can learn what it's like to be autistic.

Keep supporting the show. It makes a difference. Check the links in the show notes for KOFI, Paypal, and Patreon.

Thank you, keep coming back. This has been Meet My Autistic Brain. I'm the Autistic Woman.”