Episode 115: Drama Dodger

Heyo river! I love that Portlandia episode. Does anyone read these things?! Pals from all canals. It's been a second since I beckoned. Been going through the low tide of the final winter ride, post album release show and feeling a bit of a lull-scape. Thanks for giving me a moment to share that with y'all. I love you and we shall chat real soon.

My new album "Geographics" is out now on all platforms. You can preorder the digital, cd and vinyl versions of the album on my bandcamp page, (which helps me greatly) but I understand that cash is tight all over the map, so you can also order a five dollar Geographics sticker. 5 beans! This album is really special to me (as my friends Melissa Payne and Charles Austin played all over it) and I hope you'll come along for the supersonic ride. Follow me @gravencanada on all the socials, and check my website to see when I'm playing live in a town near you. Join Graventown today to support yours truly for only 8 clams a month. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Well, hello, friends. We're back at it again in Graventown, just a short one today. And hey, appreciate you. Thanks so much for being here. Thanks for lending your ears, country folks, city friends, lake dwellers. I appreciate you so much. And um as you know, Graventown is not just a podcast, it's also a little online community. And for eight dollars a month, and I would really appreciate it this time of year, is everything is tightening. We're all feeling the tightness everywhere, and I totally get it. But for eight bucks a month, I send little updates from the road, um, posts, videos, photos, and just thoughts that I might have about everything and all things graven. So you can join Graven Town by going to ko-fi.com slash graven canada. That's ko-f as in franki.com slash graven canada. I've got a little bit of a uh throat and voice thing happening, and uh I think I'm just coming out of a little bit of a post-Easter, you know, post this time of year bullshit sort of old factory thing. I seem to get something this time of year, almost every year. Never fails. I think it's just like the grind, grind, grind of the go. Um, I had a lot happening with the album release, and that is out there now fully, by the way. Geographics, it's on all your streaming platforms, it's on Bandcamp. Please go by the vinyl. Um, please support it. I appreciate everyone who has so far. It's been really nice to see the support. And um, yeah, I'm feeling really good about that record. Um, and if you also missed it, on my last podcast, I interviewed Hollywood actor and director hailing from South Africa and now living in Vancouver, British Columbia, Natalie Bolt. And Natalie is a huge, huge talent, not only in acting, you know, in things like District 9, which I loved, and Riverdale, but she just directed her first um feature film called Holdy Days, and it's out now starring Jackie Weaver, Judy Davis, and Miriam Margolias. I think that's how you say her last name, but unbelievable cast, unbelievable story. It's got a lot of hope, it's got a lot of good feeling, it's got, you know, some sort of crossovers with death and loss, and it's it's a really interesting movie. It's got this beautiful stop motion that goes all the way through it. It's great. It's a really unreal film, and I really hope you go see it. I get nothing from that. I just think it's an incredible piece of cinema and art in this day and age. We need more of that. So if you missed it, you can go back and listen to our last episode. Natalie and I had a great chat. Um, got along really well, and she was like, I'd love to talk to you again. So hopefully we will. And yeah, I've been, to be totally honest with you, fine feathered folks in the Graven Town horde. Uh, I've been kind of delaying doing a solo one for a while. I'm not sure why. I think it's like you get out of the habit, you don't get in the routine of talking and of posting and sort of, you know, I get out of the fray of social media. Sometimes I just really want to throw my phone in a river. But, you know, unfortunately for the line of work that I'm in, I have to use it. I have to post things, I have to get people engaging. And as you can tell, I'm still kind of, you know, going through a little bit of a voice thing. It was much worse the last few days, so I feel like I'm on the other side. I'm gonna take a little sip of this poppy P-O-P-P-I, which I was sponsored um by them. Great drinks, about 30 calories per pop. Just lovely. Um, Sloan actually, my daughter turned me on to these, and they're this one is a strawberry lemon. Really lovely. So here's your ASMR sip for you from Graven Town today. Oh yeah. Refreshing and lovely. But yeah, I hope you're all doing okay. I hope you're all doing all right. Um, it's a strange time, as I said, I've been experiencing a little bit of a low tide, a little bit of a post-release, post-big show, post-everything kind of come down, you know, and uh lacking some motivation for sure. But this morning, I I um and this past weekend actually, my daughter, Sloane, who I mentioned earlier, who is the light of my life, helped me uh reorganize my room. And at nine years old, she's really good at doing stuff like that. And so we reorganized, cleaned, got a whole bunch of shit out of there. So now my workspace in my room, which hasn't been functional for many months. I won't tell you how many, but it's been a few. Um it's now clean and tidy, and there's a nice flow to it. This one down here with the podcast is it's getting better, but I'm I'm close to having two workspaces that I can be at, you know, to uh to sort of ply my wares and uh summon my subjects of the Graventown Kingdom. No, it's not even a uh serfdom, it's it's nothing, it's very small, but yeah, a little bit of low tide happening, a little bit of um, yeah, sort of a come down from all the highs in the last while, playing the songs, you know, at the release show with Melissa Payne, my great friend, and who recorded this album with me, um was just so special. And the band really brought it, everyone played well. Um, you know, we weren't uh word perfect, but there were a lot of new songs. And I think everyone who was there just had a great time, enjoyed it, enjoyed the sound. Um yeah, I just feel like the vibe was great. And and House of Targ in Ottawa always sets a great vibe, and they even have a playlist of my songs, like not my my songs, but other bands and artists that I like who they tap into when I do a show there. So that's lovely. You know, it's really all about setting a mood uh at a show, at a performance, at anything show busy that sucks people in, you know, gets people involved and connected to the atmosphere that you're creating. So I had a great time. And uh so I I'm coming off some of the highs of that. It's still kind of snowing a little bit today. This what are we at? April 7th. And yeah, what a drag, you know. I think all of us thought, well, it's been a long winter. We could uh, you know, do with some spring. It seems like it's coming really soon, but you know, sometimes in March we can get some nicer weather. We did get a little bit, but fuck, here I am talking about the weather. Boring. Anyway, I appreciate you being here. And and as I said, going through some low tides and also, you know, and it's important to do this once in a while, but doing some um real financial overhaul, just sort of looking at my life, seeing what I make, what I earn. You know, right now my my costs are relatively low. I live with my folks and it's still fucking tight. You know, like getting out there, playing a show, putting on a show, getting, you know, over 2,000 bucks worth of vinyl made for a show, getting it shipped there express, like it all fucking costs money, man. It's all expensive. And you know, I'm hoping over the next few months I'll just be in a stage of like making things back, making things back slowly, slowly, slowly. Uh, do have the new vinyl, they do look great, they sound great. Um, it's a little bit quiet for my taste, like just the way that the the vinyl came out, but I'm I'm really happy with it overall. You never really know with a um with a vinyl distributor or a vinyl processor like microform, they were really great to deal with, by the way. They they were really down to the zero hour, and I thought there was no way in hell I was gonna get this vinyl, and if I've had it, I've experienced that before, but man, they really worked their asses off to get someone to drive it from Toronto to Ottawa. That's a long fucking way. You know, it's a if you're not driving fast, it's a solid five. Um, so I really did appreciate that. And having it at the at the release party and being able to show it to people and people bought it. You know, I I was really I was happy with how it came out, you know. I was happy with uh how it showed up at the zero hour, and you know, it brought a brought a real story to everything and was thankful for that. But yeah, you know, I'm just um I am feeling some tightness overall financially, and I'm not really sure what's to blame. I you know, I think the vinyl has a big part of that. I think just costs life in general, things are getting expensive right now, you know. Fucking lunatic in the USA is driving up prices um everywhere for everything with this new war that he's decided is valid and that he's going to create. I mean, how long until the right wing whites of the United States of America realize that what they have to say, what they have to offer people is no longer relevant. I mean, it's gonna have to be soon, right? I feel like we're on the edge of that. And of course, you know, history shows it always swings back in another direction. So I feel like the swing back is hopefully um coming, but it's also hard to tell because this lunatic who's in office, and this is the last thing I'll say about him, seems to be able to say and do whatever the fuck he wants to. And no one in the Republican Party or anywhere, any good politician, it doesn't matter. I don't even care what party they're with. It seems like no one can stop this guy, no one can say anything, no one's going to shut him down. I mean, he is showing signs of dementia, being mentally unfit to lead. I don't understand what the problem is. So maybe hopefully they're you know building a case or something. But, anyways, that's enough about the U.S. fucking A. Um, what do I have coming up to tell you about? Well, I do have some shows. I'm gonna get back on the road, and it's been a minute. I've been kind of resting, uh licking my wounds from a pretty busy winter in the album release, not my wounds, just you know, hibernating. And um I'm coming back into spring maddie, you know, um spring ahead graven. So on April 17th, I will be up near the Huntsville area. Any friends in the Muskoka region come and see me at Burke's Falls at River Bowl with my buddy Steven Stanley. He's playing in his little trio called Sob Story, and our friend Patty Crozier is also playing, I think, with uh another friend named Esther, and that's gonna be a beautiful night I'm gonna play too. So, yeah, a little three banger, and then the next night is also a three-banger, but up in Gray County, and that's with Nicholas Campbell, who is a rad, sort of rockabilly, all styles of music, guitarist and singer from the Peterborough area. And Stephen Stanley's also gonna play that show with Chris Bennett, I believe, and I'm gonna be there as well, and that's at Parkwood by Heartwood in Owen Sound on the 18th. So really looking forward to getting out onto the road to do some stuff, to play some shows. I sent a raft of emails today, finally getting back on the the booking wagon so I can make that cheddar cheese for the biscuit box. Um, yeah. Yeah, just sort of getting back into it. I don't really know what the culprit of my loneliness has been lately. That's also been something that I've had a hard time putting my finger on. You know, I think part of it is uh the financial stuff. I've also had, and I'll I'm gonna talk in very general terms about this, a little bit of drama this winter. A little bit of a few dramatic moments. And I'm not gonna talk about who said what, who did what to whom. No, that's not for podcasts, that's not for a public space, it's not for me to shame anybody, but let's just say I went through some dramatic times, and oddly, two of them were me trying to be a good guy, trying to be a nice guy, trying to be a helper. Okay, and yes, getting paid a tiny bit, but you know, not enough to get rich, barely to even break even with expenses. But one was house sitting um for a dog up north. I won't say anything else about that, and then another was cat sitting um for someone here locally. And just so you understand the breadth and width and depth of what went on without me saying anything, I'm no longer in touch with either of those people. They've been cut out of my life. So both of the sets, the the people who own the dog and the person who owned the cat, gone. Uh I I really didn't understand the the problem. I really didn't understand what happened from from my view, and I think I can sort of uh see things with an eagle's eye view as I get older. There was nothing really, you know, that I missed. I think in communication both times, I just think that honestly, I'll say that I think that hearts of the people involved and both are in the right place. I just think mental health these days is at a real low point. People are very confused, they're looking for answers, they have anger, they're not sure why, and any chance to lash out sometimes, and that can be in the presence of sort of a kinder person like myself, someone who has been doormatted in the past, for sure, that's me. Um, and I just happen to be in the crosshairs at that time. I I think that's part of it as you get older. Uh, there's just so much shit, so much stew bubbling below the surface of the stew pot of people. And you just happen to catch some strays shooting out from the over boiling pot. Ow, it's potato burn. You know, it's um it's no fun when that happens. So I think that contributed a little bit to my loneliness. Those are two, you know, situations very close in time range, too, where I was just trying to help. And um, another situation that happened just previous to uh Christmas. Uh, this doesn't this isn't with a person who's cut out of my life. They're still there. See them around, seems fine. But someone I was just trying to be nice to, and I got a real tongue lashing, you know, over a text. I legitimately wrote this person saying, Hey, you know what? This is the summation of what I said. You know what? I'm glad you're in my life. It's been good, really cool to get to know you as a friend. And the response was, can you fuck off please? From someone that I'd been like getting to know as a friend. No romance, no nothing happening there, just total friend. And then when I saw said person again, they were like, Yeah, I felt like you were, you know, making fun of me or something. And you know what? I get it. Things can get misinterpreted. As I said, I think mental mental health everywhere is at a real low. So, friends, if you're gonna be kind, watch your backs. All right. So I'm gonna say cover your tracks and watch your backs. Um but what can you do? You know, you just gotta keep living. You can't just you know move under a rock and uh stay there forever. No, you gotta live your life. So um, yeah. I really just you know, I sort of went through it with both of those things. Um, and then the third thing as well. It's sort of like, god damn, you know, you try really hard sometimes, um, and it it can get thrown back in your face, even as an adult, you know, even I'm someone who's almost 50. A lot of my friends and people in my life are around that age. Some of them are not, but age has nothing to do with it, you know. Uh it's just, I really think mental health is rough. As I said, watch your backs, cover your tracks, but you know, keep being you, but don't be afraid to set boundaries and to say, you know what, I don't need this person to be in my life. If this is the way that they're gonna react, even if it's once, okay. You know, we always, as humans, I think, sometimes have that three strikes rule. Well, you know, they'll I'll let them get by with this one. But uh if it feels wrong to you, what happened, and it feels super unwarranted and one-sided and kind of attacky, fuck it. Life is too short. You you don't need that existential weight in your life, despite everything else we're dealing with, right? So uh don't be afraid to cut people out because I have done it as I've become older, I have a much easier time doing it, and I think that it really is something that helps you, it helps you define who you are as a person, it helps you define like what you want, what your goals are, what your motives are, and you know, then you can go forward. And I listen, I'm well aware I can be an emotional guy, I can be very um concise with my wording, and sometimes the thing that I will say will sting a hundred times harder than what the other person will say. It's just part of my DNA. I don't, you know, I'm I'm working on that. It's something in my lower, lower, lower basement levels, probably my lizard brain somewhere that I'm trying to work on and trying to get rid of because I I you know I don't want that part of me. I don't want that side of me anymore. That that that monster in the shallows doesn't need to lurk out. But again, it's something that's way down deep. It doesn't surface often. Um, but when it does, you know, you just get that gentle reminder of like, ooh, yeah, this is something I need to address. I think you know, when these situations happen, I really feel like I need to pick up my sword. And I've talked about this in other podcasts too. I'm like, let's go, motherfucker. You want to come at me? Because I'll come right back at you. And I don't know what that's from. Probably from you know, years of family tension and drama and other things that have built up. Uh probably some, you know, resentment if I had to go digging from some situations or or feeling like I've been stepped on in the past. So when those things happen, it really triggers me. When someone wants to take me on, um, I'm like, you know, I I'd rather I'd I'd like to be just the person going forward who can just fully walk away and just be like, it's not worth it. It's really not worth my time, it's not worth my mental energy, but I just, you know, I have this thing. I think being also a wordsmith, someone who, you know, I use words for my songs, I use words now when I'm talking on the podcast, I use words when I write posts or you know, or just when I'm writing in general, and I want to get my say in. You know, it's probably a pride or an ego thing too, but it's like, oh, I want to get in before I block this person, I'm gonna get in my fucking say. And yeah, I don't, I'm okay with letting that part of me go. Life's too short. Man. You know, especially right now with everything going on geopolitically in the world. It's like, what's the fucking point? Who cares? Let it rot. Let it ride. Let it go. Um, but yeah, you know, I'm coming back out. I'm um figuring my way through the wilderness. And the teaching of Buddha says, Though I attain Buddhahood, I shall never be complete until people everywhere hearing my name gain right ideas about life and death and gain that perfect wisdom that will keep their minds pure and tranquil in the midst of the world's greed and suffering. So there you go. That's the relief offered by Buddha. Let's do it one more time. Though I attain Buddhahood, I shall never be complete until people everywhere, hearing my name, gain right ideas about life and death, and gain that perfect wisdom that will keep their minds pure and tranquil in the midst of the world's greed and suffering. Wow. How much do we need that right now? Greed and suffering. That's like every headline of every news story right now. It's uh it's really hard, friends. You know, I've had some anxiety about it even in the last couple days, just about the world, the status of the world, everything going on. And uh it's it's inescapable right now. You know, I wish there was a way that I could offer some solace to you, but we are in a weird, strange timeline uh where one leader just seems very keen on blowing the world up and seeing who's gonna join him in that. You know, I mean that's that's the the that's the absolute explosion of the ego, right? It's like, well, I want to take everything with me because the world needs to end with me, because my life matters more than any other life that's come before or could come after me. You know, that's that's insanity. Legitimately, that's I know that is what he thinks without even knowing that he thinks that. I know that that's what he thinks, and I'm not gonna mention his fucking name. Um, but yeah, you know, get outside, go for walks, the weather's gonna start to get nicer. Um, you know, truly, truly, it's been written many times in history, but this too shall pass. It will. It has to, one way or the other, with us or without us. So, however it shakes out, just know that you're doing your part just by being you, being the great, kind, good you that you are, not the lizard brain you who wants to lash out at people when things don't go your way, and you want to take them down and knock them out at the knees from a character standpoint. You know, it's really uh it's just about finding that goodness in you, that soft, glowy spot where you can be like it we're all just riding this rock through the universe. Zoom out, your problems aren't that big, it's gonna be alright. That's the voice inside of us that we need to listen to. We really do. Um, anyways, didn't mean to get so deep there, but you know, was feeling it a bit. Uh, I hope to be less stuffed up the next time I do this podcast. I'm really not too bad. Again, it's better, it's getting better. Um, I wish you all a great happy Tuesday. I wish you all joy and peace in whatever way you can find it. It's in short supply these days. Please go get my album, Geographics. You can get it on Bandcamp. That's the best way to do it because then I get most of the cash. There's a Bandcamp Friday coming up May 1st. Um, so put that in your pocketbook and mark it down. And if you're someone who's thought about buying it, would really, really appreciate it. As uh yeah, I'm in the low tide of the post-release building back up. I love you all so much. Have the best day, and remember, you're always welcome in Graven Town.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

It's good even Delphine.