Episode 116: Carcast 12 / Reconstruction Site

Hello my dudes. I've been wandering into the waves of whimsical philosophical, nautical leagues and so this was a little carcast for you - to celebrate the olden days of ye merry graventown. I've been up against the existential wall lately so it felt good to say some things out loud on a sunny Monday in the Limestone City of Kingston, Ontario as I gazed upon the harbour. I hope it finds you well. 

My new album "Geographics" is out now on all platforms. You can preorder the digital, cd and vinyl versions of the album on my bandcamp page, (which helps me greatly) but I understand that cash is tight all over the map, so you can also order a five dollar Geographics sticker. 5 beans! This album is really special to me (as my friends Melissa Payne and Charles Austin played all over it) and I hope you'll come along for the supersonic ride. Follow me @gravencanada on all the socials, and check my website to see when I'm playing live in a town near you. Join Graventown today to support yours truly for only 8 clams a month. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Well, hello friends. We're back at it again in Graventown. It's good to be with you here. I am broadcasting to you. Not live, because I will be releasing this at a later date. And the lovely Kingston Harbor. Right across from City Hall. Um, it's a beautiful day. It's a little cool, but it's fairly gorgeous because the sun is out, so it's illuminating everything. And uh if I'm being truthful, I'm feeling kind of scattered in my thoughts. I just did a long drive, so that's part of it. Anytime that I do a long drive, and I came from um Collingwood area this weekend, where I played some lovely shows. I got a great show in Uxbridge on Friday at Second Wedge, that was last minute, and I'll I'll tell you why. And then Saturday was uh where was that? I was up in Owen Sound. I always get confused. I always lump together Owen Sound, Thornbury, and Collingwood in the same place because I have friends in all of those places, and so I I always am like, oh, which town is it? Because they're all fairly close, they're up in the sort of Gray County, Blue Mountain area. But um yeah. It's great to be here on a sunny day, just broadcasting to you, talking to you from my vehicle. And um, yeah, I'm just unpacking a lot of things mentally over the last while. I sort of made a post uh talked about a lot of the feelings that I have about music right now, and a lot of the concerns and a lot of worries, and and again, this probably is connected to my feelings of scattered thoughts. And I've noticed I've had some anxiety even driving today. Not so much as like I feel a bit of an upturn in the music and uh people being interested. And and first of all, if you anyone who posted kind comments or sent me a nice word, you have no idea, man. Like you really have no idea how much that stuff means. It really does. So so never think that messaging me or talking to me in person, even if I seem a bit checked out, is in vain because it truly never is lost on me. And I really hope that I'm always able to retain that ability as I age, because I'm just someone who, though I have an introvert-extrovert vibe, I'm very interpersonal. So I appreciate when someone comes up and says something to me. I also know from being someone who's gone up to artists, musicians, and other people, you know, after a show, after a performance, actors, whoever, and wanted to say nice things. I know how hard that is. It's not easy. You know, that your initial response is like, ah, I'm not gonna say anything. You know, they've they've got enough, you know, praisers, people out there who want to say nice things to them. What what's it what's it gonna, you know, it's not gonna move the needle. Uh I don't think that that's true. You know, I think that the all the feedback, all the nice things that people have to say, they the positive messages in this life really do get through. So thank you. If you were someone who reached out uh after I made that kind of State of the Union post address, um, it really meant the world to me. And I feel like I do have some more pasture. Like I'm I have given been given a little more runway by the universe to keep going musically. Um I think the feeling of like wanting to drop it, it's a it's a momentary thing, you know. I think there's just things, anything in life that you're pursuing that you're going after in the times where it seems really lean and really tough, you know, and you're sort of financially feeling squeezed, feeling like you're you know, all peel and no juice. Uh it's uh it's also a sign sometimes you have to get a bit more creative and just stay the course. And that the the messages that I keep sort of getting from the universe seem to be stay the course. And I love playing music, and I I I love the vibes, man. Like an Uxbridge, you know, for instance. By the way, that was a last-minute show. I was gonna play up in Huntsville, um, uh Burke's Falls, actually, close to Huntsville, with Stephen Stanley, my buddy, and he's connected up there. It has a radio show that broadcasts to the whole area, and we were sort of looking forward to you know, to getting back to River Bowl, which is a lovely place. And the universe was like, no, you're not doing that this time. There was flooding, man. It was crazy. I'm gonna crack my window a bit because with the sun, it's kind of cold. Um, yeah, we were just halted by the universe, and and it's okay, you know. It's all right that that show didn't happen because what it did allow me to do was stay for another day in Uxbridge with my friends Sajan and Shelly, uh, who I love, and I hadn't had a chance to see them for a while, and they're lovely kids uh who just keep on growing. Uh man, I'm not used to being around two boys. It's wild. They're but they're great kids and awesome. Uh just saying that as a dad who has one daughter, it's very different, very different thing. And I'm not generalizing, you know, uh gender generalizing or anything. It's just something that I have found is true. And it I I think it's also with any group of kids together who are siblings, uh, versus, you know, um a child with no siblings, only child. It's like the words are evading me. Anyways, I'm looking out at the harbor and just thinking back, and I and so that show in Uxbridge that I had on Friday night was a last-minute thing. Second wedge saw kind of what was going on with the Huntsville show that wasn't gonna happen, and they said I was like, hey guys, I'm still here in Uxbridge, you're here. Do you have anything going on on Friday nights? And usually I don't think they do music, but and when you know it, you know, some fucking guys got to pull up beside my car with music blaring, and this isn't even a parking spot, and uh, I'm gonna let them know that. Anyways, whatever, it's beyond my control. Um, yeah, so an X-Bridge was really nice that there was a bunch of people who came out to that show who I I don't think or know that I've met or talked to before, but they were like, hey, we've seen you here a few times and just wanted to come and you know say that you're awesome and and think that you're great. And one guy listens to the Toronto Mike podcast, which is great. Uh Love Mike, love his podcast. And it was just one of those funny moments where you you know you feel the warmth of the music community, and you feel like people do want you to survive, they want you to do well. Um, but yeah, there's difficult moments, you know, that uh occur. There's sort of impasses that you hit, whether they're mental or spiritual, or you know, physical or metaphysical, that you just feel like you're up against the wall. And so uh I playing that show was was so great. And it was just by myself. Stephen couldn't come for that one, and then the next night was playing with Stephen and young, super talented Nicholas Campbell up in Owen Sound, and it was a great show. And Greg, who runs that place, just works really hard. He tries to get people in, he tries to like curate talent and and have people, you know, get excited in the community about music, and he just lives for it. And I and he was saying to me, you know, like he's he's feeling the crunch at times with running a venue and and running a restaurant and trying to do all the things he's doing. And uh I was just feeling that as well. Looks like there's some kind of deal going down with this car beside me, maybe not. I don't know. It's uh it's hard to know what's happening here. But you know I did get rejuvenated, re-energized um from those, you know, from those two moments, those two shows, and seeing some old friends and having some great conversations with friends. It was empowering. And um yeah, I don't think I want to stop. It's just maybe looking at the strategy of things, and I'm you know, learning that that's okay. The way that you do something isn't important, it's doing the thing. You know, if you're still able to do the thing, but you can restrategize and change the model, you know, you're still pursuing your goal. It's not like any alteration needs to be seen as a failure. It's like just modifying, changing, you know, being in a laminar flow state. So I'm really, really just uh trying to find that strike that balance in my life. I'm gonna roll down the window again. But yeah, beautiful day here in Kingston, just sitting by the water trying to be in the moment after a long drive, and I just kind of gave myself this afternoon to sort of do whatever I wanted to do. I think that's something that's important as you get older. You've got to build in time where you're not working, you're not doing, you know, your job or your craft or your art. You're just existing, having some fun. So I'm gonna try and have some fun today. Kingston is a place where I've always loved showing up. Uh the limestone city. Lots of old buildings, lots of history. You know, it's a military city, and it just has these kind of fort-like like circular stone buildings throughout. And it just makes you feel like a bit historical. And the the I love how the city kind of slopes down to the water, kind of has like a bit of a Halifax feel, but on a lesser grade. And yeah, I'm just you know happy to be here today and and uh appreciating a little bit of warmer temps. That's lovely. And um just thinking about you know this the songs too. I did have a moment this weekend where Krista, who is my great friend, who I love, who I was staying with, and and um her partner Mark and their kid Alice, and we just got some time to sort of hang out together and and spend some time with other friends, Cindy and Karine and Craig and Ariana was really nice. Um and Krista at one point was like, Oh, we should play some of your vinyl. And I hadn't heard it. My vinyl player is always kind of different. I think you know, it's like I got some new speakers a while back, and I'm not so convinced about how they sound. So it's a bit like, oh no, no, don't don't don't worry, but don't put it on later kind of thing. Like, because then it if I heard something that was off, that would send me around the moon. So, but she started playing it, and it sounded pretty great, I have to say. I was really sitting there listening, going, ah, wow. This is nice to listen to after all the rigmarole of the last while, and to just think like, you know, I've I've really put myself into some projects. I've really released some work that I can, you know, stand back and and look at. And I was saying this to Mark because he was like, Is it weird hearing your own music? And you know, there's a neurotic moment there where you're like, ah, geez, I don't know, you know. I under, and by the way, I fully understand actors who don't want to watch the movies that they're in, and I understand um, you know, comedians too, being like, I don't want to watch my live specials, no fucking way, I don't want to see that. But you know, enjoying the fact that other people enjoy it, that's great. But with music, with time, because there's no physical aspect, it's really just listening. Um with time, you get a softer view. You know, you're you're not so rigid and harsh or critiquey on your own work. You you do kind of get this like, oh wow. Yeah, I did that. It sort of was taking me right back to October and recording it with my friend Melissa and friend Charles and uh Jamie, Jordan, Frank in the studio on the ones and twos. And uh yeah, it was it was nice to revisit, and I I I had a few nice moments hearing a few of the songs going, oh yeah, that deep state, okay. That's kind of a sleeper hit. And you know, um it's great. Like I and I'm not saying it's great. Imagine if I just came on here and it would talked about how great my albums are. My albums are great. Uh, and I appreciate that you that people listening do think that. That's really, really nice. Um, but I think it's great that it's it it those songs are being enjoyed and really have taken on a life of their own. They've formed their own identities out there in the world, and like you never really can predict which songs are gonna be more liked, which ones will find a certain vibe or a groove with you know, the ears of listeners. Um, and that's that's kind of the beauty of it, you know. It's really shape-shifting making music. It's really something that's so momentary, you know, it's really there in this moment, and it's coming out of your fingers and out of your voice box and out of, you know, into microphones and uh being transported through wires into boards, and then it's just gone. And it's it's preserved, like it's captured by, you know, whatever system you use to record that. But then it it just kind of lives uh beyond that. And it it survives. And songs and albums and and EPs and releases can stick around and just sort of form their own thing. And uh I felt really strongly about Geographics when it when it came out, and I really still do. Like it it's this weird album that kind of it's done something to me, it's like changed my DNA a little bit. I don't know why, but it really has affected me. And uh in good ways, too. It it just seems to be hitting uh people in a certain way and you know, doing certain things on you know local radio and and national radio and and um getting received really well by people who who buy it and who listen to the songs. And I mean, I you know, I'm so thankful for all of that. I just um I'm in the process of trying to find more ways to make it work and make it happen. And also just the older I've become recently, too, I've really dropped some connections with people. And uh I'm learning, you know, we're all just learning that that's okay. You you don't need to stay connected to everybody, you don't have to please everyone, you don't have to appease other people, you know, by sacrificing yourself. It's crazy. Uh I I think I am someone who did that for a long time, and I was like, I just want everything to be okay, I want everything to be alright. Can we just have a baseline of okay? But you you know, you don't always get that. No one no one's ever guaranteed that. There's there's no way. That's just not how life works. And so I'm trying to be better at you know, cutting people out and just being okay with that and being like, oh, whatever. And also, it's not forever, you never know. Things might change down the road, but also it's fine, fuck it. Like, let the friends and the people who are in your lives who are supposed to be there, who build you up, who give you confidence, who, you know, stoke the fuel of your lantern instead of always trying to drain you or like critique you or give you, you know, keep notes on your behavior or something. Like I just think life's too short for that shit. I'm a dad, I've got a lot going on, and uh yeah, I'm okay with it. But uh yeah. I'm enjoying the sunshine. I'm gonna go and sit outside for a little bit, get out of this sweaty tour vehicle. Black Betty did another run from the Blue Mountains to Ottawa. That's like basically almost a six-hour trek. And I broke it up each way, so it was nice, nice to do it that way. But um, yeah, listen, just thanks for being here through this this sort of difficult time. I feel there's a re-emergence happening and an awakening, and uh I'm feeling renewed, feeling refined. Uh I am I am definitely feeling some anxiety just in life in general, so I need to keep digging and sort of finding out what that's about. Um, but the great thing about anxiety is it goes away. You know? Whatever you're feeling in that moment, it's always your brain making something fairly small and insignificant seem massive and monolithic. So it's important to remember that. A bunch of families walking through the park right now. It's a nice moment. Families are great, progress is great. Um just be there for your friends, but also be there for yourself, first and foremost. If you ain't there for you, you can't do shit for other people. It's just the basic basic building blocks of life, my friends. Um I love you. I'm here. Thanks for all the kind words about geographics. I'll be at the Ottawa Grassroots Festival on April 24th. Then I will be playing Indopian in my hometown at Cassette for a little solo show with Ted Cardi and Marmaid, two local talents. And then I'm gonna be at the Big Star tribute in in honor of Dave Bookman in Toronto, the star-studded lineup, uh at the garrison on May 9th. So we'd love to see you there. I think it's free with the with a perishable food item because it's uh all of everything, the proceeds go to the food bank. Love you all so much. Uh shout out to Toronto Mike. Uh, next time someone mentions Graven Town to you, don't just go, oh yeah, I've been on there. I don't know if you listen to these mic, but I love you, man. I was just busting your balls. All right, guys. Uh oh yeah. Also, Ron Hawkins is playing in my yard June 6th in the PN. Um, to get tickets to that, you can go on my website, uh graven.ca. And then I have the summer series, and that's with Sky Wallace, Stephen Stanley, and Melissa Payne. Uh, all those dates will be announced soon. So keep your ears to the grindstone. I love you. Take care and be blessed. Bye for now.