Episode 120: Keep Looking For The Helpers

Friendoes. Hellos. I've been on the road - careening around like a farmer buckshot in a tin pan alley. Yes - I sure did mix those metaphors and I don't mind one bit. I hope this episode finds you well as I recap some of the things that have happened in the last while and I hope you find your way through the heaviness of these times. Please don't stop looking for the helpers. They are there - and they just want to help. I love you. Chat soon.

My new album "Geographics" is out now on all platforms. You can preorder the digital, cd and vinyl versions of the album on my bandcamp page, (which helps me greatly) but I understand that cash is tight all over the map, so you can also order a five dollar Geographics sticker. 5 beans! This album is really special to me (as my friends Melissa Payne and Charles Austin played all over it) and I hope you'll come along for the supersonic ride. Follow me @gravencanada on all the socials, and check my website to see when I'm playing live in a town near you. Join Graventown today to support yours truly for only 8 clams a month. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Well, hello, friends. We're back at it again in Graventown. Hey, not too bad of a one there. It's like a little bit in between. Not super long, but also not super short. So kind of giving you some insight and vibes into me. Hey, thanks for listening. Thanks for being here in the Graventown Sound. As you know, a sound is like a bay in sort of a smaller town, a smaller community. Um always love that idea. You know, you're just floating out in the sound, maybe, you know, chilling off a pink sprinkled donut inner tube with a cocktail. We're just floating, man. It is uh mid-June, which is hard to believe. What is happening to this month? I saw a meme somewhere about the month of June and how it really does fly. And I'm I am noticing that more and more as I get older. This is a month that doesn't get much notice. It's sort of like I think it's because it's geared up with the end of school, it's tied together with all of that. There's there's just a lot of commotion with June. June 21st is technically the first day of summer, but everyone's kind of in summer mode way before. Because if the weather starts to get good, you know, here in Canada, we go all in. We're like, let's bike, let's walk, let's even swim in certain places if it's warm enough. Let's do it. Let's do all the things that we couldn't do in the winter. And all of a sudden you look up and it's June 18th. Like, what the hell happened, everybody? But here we are. You know, there's not much we can do, and you just have to get into your flow state and just roll with it. First off, we're already almost at the two-minute mark, and I'm going to give you some announcements of things happening. First of all, if you want to be a part of Graven Town, Graven Town is a small community of like-minded, kind folks that get together and support me, most of all. And you can do that for only $8 a month. That is the only amount of money I will accept on a monthly basis from people. So my goal is one day to have like a thousand people in my Ko-Fi. Ko-Fi is just like a Patreon, it's a payment service that connects you to PayPal or whatever you want that will send me some nickels and dimes each month. And it just allows me to keep this thing afloat and allows me to stay artistic, you know, have a tiny bit of income coming in. And uh, trust me when I say there aren't many people in there. So if you're interested and you want to support what I do, I would appreciate it so much. You can find me at ko-fi.com slash graven canada. That's K-O-F-I, as in Frank.com slash graven canada. It's not the easiest website to say. Sometimes I get tripped up. So that's always great. When you're like, hey, you know that place where you can go to give me money? I'm gonna try and get you lost on the way there. Great marketing. But it's uh no, it's a lovely spot, and and there are some folks in there, and I'm I'm developing a site that will keep people more connected. And I'm gonna write that down actually right now. Ko-Fi site. I put it on my my uh lined paper over here. So listen, got some show announcements coming up. First of all, for any and all of you who are at the Ron Hawkins garage show, that was a treat. Thank you so much to all of you who bought tickets. There were close to about 50 of you who came out, hung out in my garage on a really rainy day. And I've never had a rain out at a yard show. You know, I thought I was this lucky human being who was going to do these yard shows because I thought, you know, it's only two hours that I need decent weather, and the dates that I pick randomly, not very often, you know, luck-wise, I should be good, right? Universe-wise, I thought maybe I'll be okay. But this day, no, wasn't having it. About 4:30, the heavens just opened and dumped. And so, and and and I mean water dump. Okay, that sounds worse. Never mind. Let's uh let's get our minds out of that gutter. Uh yeah, it was it was really rainy, and a great man named Steve Unwin said, Hey, I have a 10 by 20 tent. In fact, he said he has two of them, but he said, Oh, I can bring that, and then that that will give people a place to stand. Because originally I was still thinking of doing it in the yard and get people to bring umbrellas, but the rain went from like 70% that day to like 80. And as the day got closer, it was like 85, 90. It's like, okay, this is happening. The rain is coming, there ain't no snapping it. So we put it in the garage. And thank you so much to everyone who came. It ended up being a really great, really unique special time. So thank you for that. And I've got all your emails, and I'll let you all know about more shows coming up. Also, in the same breath, was planning to have Sky Wallace, the amazing effervescent Sky Wallace in my yard on July 18th. That show is no longer happening. So if you bought tickets, you should see a refund coming your way that's completely canceled. So the refunds have been sent. Um, Sky just wasn't able to do it. And with my schedule too, we were both kind of unsure. And it's also it was also right smack dab during blues fest uh festival season here in Ottawa. So we decided to ex nay it to forego it for a future date. So stay tuned for that. Sky will be back, and she's excited to to come to Graventown and and have a yard or a garage show here, whichever one would be great. Um, yeah, and then uh also coming up in August, the great and fabulous, fantastical Stephen Stanley will be playing in my yard on August, I believe it's the 22nd. Yeah, the 22nd. So that's Saturday. Steven Stanley will be here. I'll play a couple songs before. I'm sure we'll probably probably play on each other's songs too. It's always so great to play with Steven. I love that guy. And yeah, that that should be a jolly old time. And then on September the 12th, that will cap off the yard shows. There'll be another Sky makeup date in there, another Sky Wallace makeup date. But September 12th will be with Melissa Payne in my yard, the magical, mystical Melissa Payne, who, by the way, played all over my newest record, which, if you haven't got it yet, do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go and get my friggin' album, Geographics. Um, I think it's it's really something special. It's funny to sit here and look at the vinyl. It's just sitting on my desk, and I think about when it was just a fledgling thing. It was really something that I thought, oh, you know, for like a lark, this will be sort of fun to go out east, go back and record with Charles, who I've recorded with before, and I love him. And Melissa just happened to be free during a couple days, and I was like, oh, it'd be great, great to get Melissa to come too. And the songs I was, you know, pretty sure about, like that I I thought there was a theme and a vibe to it. Like there's a lot of sort of travel themes going on, but now to have it wrapped up in this thing that is kind of moving and you know, somewhat affecting people, I think is really beautiful. And my friend Mark really made the cover art, the album art, really pop. Like it it it came out into something special, was sort of based on an old idea of a show poster from the album release for my album Years, which happened uh early 2020, right before the pandemic shut everything down. So and it's but it's different. I wanted to change the colors and also change the vibe and add some other things to it. So it's so cool how you know it is what it is now. It's this thing, and it's just kind of living, growing, breathing like a tree in a musical forest out there somewhere. And I'm so thankful. Man, I am like burping, I'm clearing my throat, I'm doing all kinds of things that you can't hear because I'm I'm pausing it every time. I'm just having some guttural issues today. But it's all good, man. Hey, we're about we're about 10 minutes in. And as you can hear from my voice, um probably since the last pod that I threw out into the ether pond, I am um oh, did you hear that gurgle there? Man, I just I can't even hide it today. It's just things are happening, things are brewing internally. But since my last pod, I think I've turned a bit of a corner in terms of finding a silver lining, looking up, finding the good in everyone, like that song by Sloane. Um, I've I've had a lot of people just sort of step up, and if if you didn't hear in the last podcast, I talked about it a little bit, but sort of going through this legal situation on the heels of a really good friend dying, and then you know, another friend getting sick, and it's just like it was this swirling sea of chaos that all kind of brewed and just blugh at once, just splashed up on the shore, all this debris, everything. I think I think in metaphors sometimes. So yeah, it was very heavy and a lot to deal with all at once. And you know, you're just kind of existing, trying to be nimble, trying to adapt. And it and I think I mentioned in the last one, it's the idea of feeling like you know, you're not quite ready. I think I used a metaphor of like a muscular person in a field prepping to get hit. Oh, Stephen Stanley just texted me. How funny is that that I mentioned him? That's happened a few times on this pod. I was talking about Melissa, then she texted me or called me, and then same thing with Steven. Um, he texted me. Anyway, that's the universe connecting you with good people. But I use this image of a guy in a field who's flexing, flexing, flexing, just prepping for the worst. And there's this cannon, you know, 100 meters away, shooting softballs at 100 miles an hour at him, but it hasn't, nothing's come out yet. And he's just like prepping for the worst, and then just kind of finally relaxes after minutes go by, and he's like, All right, I guess nothing's happening, and then boom, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, you know, rapid fire, rapid fire right into the abdomen groin. That's what a lot of the last little while felt like, but I have kind of rounded a corner, I think. I I I do feel more like myself. I feel like, you know, I'm going to make it through this situation, which is a good feeling, instead of the at the beginning, man. I remember the first day or two was just like panic after panic, dread after dread, panic, dread, panic, dread, anxiety, panic, dread, panic, dread, anxiety. That was my state of mind. Just like spike, spike, spike, spike, everything spiking, you know, ears whistling. It was bad news. Bad news bears. And to get through that, I mean, I think it's one of the greatest teachers in life always is time. You know, you just really have to find your way. Sometimes you really have to sit in it too. You got to sit in that panic, dread, and anxiety, and just sit there and think, okay, well, what what is really happening? Like, am I in imminent danger? Are there imminent threats around me that are trying to, you know, harm me? What's going on? And and and once you know get past that, you think no, it's it's true. I'm I'm I'm okay for the moment. And you start to focus more on the positives. I think any experience that really kind of scoops out the detritus of your bottom, the kind of, you know, if you're if your body is like a sea, it's like a big soup ladle that just like scoops out sand and shells and rock bits and weird organisms from the bottom of you. What once that happens, it also kind of changes your DNA a little bit, changes your ways of thinking, it changes your neural pathways for sure, and it helps you to focus on the good because it's like the smoke clears, the storm goes away, and then you're sort of like, okay, yeah, well, I guess uh things aren't that bad. And this current situation, which I'm not gonna get into the details of, by the way, I do have a GoFundMe, which you can you can find on any of my socials at Craven Canada. Thank you so much to anyone who who has helped with this legal situation. It's been horrific. But you can find that anywhere at Graven Canada on any of my socials, and and if you have any nickels and dimes, it would be amazing if you're able to help about halfway to where I need to be, which is fucking incredible. But it's the situation, which I'm not going to talk a lot about, but basically I'm almost I'm not able to drive for another eight weeks about. And in this time of not driving, I've had so many people be like, Hey, can I can I help? You know, do you need a ride? Can I help with this? What do you need? And I'm telling you, friends, that feeling feeling like you're alone in the universe, no matter what you're going through, has got to be pure hell. And I've known people, I've been close with people who have felt that way. It's not a good place to be. Um, luckily, one of the tools in my tool shed that I I've had early on, it probably comes from growing up in the church, it probably comes from finding, you know, just good people that I connect with and vibe with. Is is the older I've become, the less afraid I am to ask for help. The less afraid I am to be like, hey, can you do you think you could help me with this? And if people say no, they say no. I mean, and the flip side of that is I am a very independent person, and I try not to rely on anyone. I really like to have my own schedule. I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it. That was almost true. When I want to do it. I um, yeah, I I'm very independent, but at the same time, I think I'm pretty community-minded, and I like having good people around me, within reach, people that I know and love and can trust. And, you know, so many people in the last while just really stepped up. And I tell you, man, when you go through a situation like this, it shows you who your friends are. It really does. And uh I I you know, I've had some negative moments too from people I think who were just sort of ancillary satellite friends, and that's okay, that will happen. But you gotta protect yourself, especially when going through a tragedy. And I was steeped in a tragedy for a few weeks there. It was it was rough. Um, but you know, the weather's a bit nicer. It's it's like rainy today, it's just kind of that mid-June drizzle that we get sometimes, but that's gonna make everything green and sparkly and beautiful. And uh, I just I just feel okay. You know, I don't feel I don't really feel uh upset. I don't feel like anyone's against me. I feel like I'm doing what I should be doing. I'm I'm feeling like what happened was supposed to happen too. It's a it's super unfortunate and it's super bank account draining and really sucky. But you know, what am I gonna do? I I have to find my way through this, and it's gonna be alright. You know, there will be more songs probably written about this situation, there will be more learning, more therapy, more work to be done with because of this situation. So I'm I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful to know that I I will be on the other side of it at one point, and I'm already time is already allowing for that to happen. And um, yeah, look for the helpers. That's something that I know I say often, and I'm a big, big fan of the Mr. Rogers documentary, which if you've never seen it, you really have to. It will change you, I'm telling you. It's so good. Um yeah. You really have to look for the helpers because they will present themselves and they're there, they want to help. They're not looking for anything, they're not wanting anything in return, they're just wanting to help. And it's a it's a hard thing. It's sometimes an ego thing for men to be like, no, I'm resourceful, I can do whatever. I don't need help from anybody, I don't need help. Help is weak. You know, you ever hear that from people? Being if you need help, you're weak. Bullshit, man. All of us need help, all of us need community. We all need to lean on each other. That's the fucking history of human beings, that's the history of progress, that's the history of good things that happen that show you that you're not alone in this universe. You have people who care about you, who love you, who want you to succeed. And and part of me finding my crew of people that do want all those things for me, and I want all those things for them was uh a few shows that I played recently. And so it started by going to Wolf Island, a little story time here. I should cap off with Graven story times. That's sort of what I always go into, but yeah. So here's a Graven Town story time for you. Gather in, get your hot chocolate of marshmallows, and just crack off, snap off a few graham crackers into into there, and just make it a nice little s'more drink. Not an actual s'more sandwich, okay? Like a s'more hot chocolate drink with some graham cracker crust on top. So last Wednesday I needed to go to Wolf Island, and I was thinking, okay, you know, me being the hey, I'm just going to, you know, be resourceful, be proactive, book a train ticket to Kingston, just from Ottawa, that's the closest station on the via. And then I just saw a text from my friend Paul. Oh, it's funny. I'll tell you about it later. So I was gonna take the train down to Kingston, then get a cab or an Uber over to the ferry. Easy. You know, bring a couple guitars, just keep everything pretty together. But it was a couple days before, my friend Allie, who helps uh fix my car from time to time. Allie is a beautiful, unique human being. And Allie said, Hey, what's going on with Wolf Island? Like, how are you getting down there? And I said, Well, I'm just gonna take the train, I think, and then you know, cab or whatever. And I was like, Well, why do you ask? And she said, Well, I've been thinking about going down to Wolf Island. That sounds like a fun night to take in a show, so I'll give you a ride. I mean, it's almost two hours to Kingston. So that was just like a blessing. I was like, okay, amazing. So I started off this trip with this real gem uh of a moment sparked by a friend who helps me all the time, by the way. Allie is a true, true helper. You want to look for a helper? That's Allie 100%. So I'm starting off with this helper. Anyway, we're going to play, I'm going to Wolf Island to play with Steven Stanley. Steven Stanley, another helper, someone who constantly wants to boost other people's signals, who is an incredible, super talented songwriter in his own right, should have shelves and shelves of awards, but just the way that the industry works, he he does not, but that's okay. He's he has a legacy of beautiful music that has really moved people in these book-like lyrics, and we've just become such great friends over the years. I love him and appreciate him so much. We have similar senses of humor. He's running the show at Wolf Island and he's playing with this band, and I'm just opening. So on a Wednesday, great crowd. Lots of people come, beautiful night, the weather's incredible. And then I talked to Steven before the trip with Ali because Steven was going to the next place where I was playing in Uxbridge at this festival. He was also playing, and I thought, well, hey, maybe I could get a ride with him because I'm not driving right now. Stephen was like, yeah, no problem. We can figure that out. We'll make it work. So I rode with Steven and his daughter, and we, you know, we had a fun time. We just chatted. I I realize I have some control issues when I'm not driving. It's really bad. Not that I'm a backseat or a side seat driver, but in my head, I'm like analyzing what people are doing. It's bad, man. OCD is a bad thing. If you have it, I have sympathy and empathy for you. It's not fun sometimes to not be able to get out of your head. Anyway, Steven's a great driver. It was a really good trip up to Uxbridge. I mean, we had to make a stop so he could drop his daughter in Oshawa. And then we just kept on rolling up to the fest, and we had some great chats and just sort of talked about music and our friends and different things going on. It's some real life situations that are hard and difficult. And we Stephen and I can get deep like that, and it was great. Um, and then got to Uxbridge. Steven's staying in this lovely air-conditioned trailer, which is not like it's not like a trailer trailer, like a trailer park trailer. This thing is like deluxe. Had a like a huge, pretty sizable sitting room, like a living room, with some great couches and spots to sit and hang and play music, and uh nice bedroom. So we we hung out in there for the afternoon, sort of playing some tunes, going through some songs, and then we took in the festival that night because neither one of us were playing. So our friend, our mutual friend Sajin, also a helper, is also playing. And Sajan's wife Shelly, also an incredible helper. Shelly stayed up till 4 a.m. making t-shirts for Sajin for this festival. I mean, is that true love or is that true love? Come on, folks. That's insane. So we're hanging with that. Steven and I are hanging with Sajan and with Shelly, and we're just talking and ended up being a really good night. Really, really fun night. Dan Mangan played that night to talk to him a little bit. Um, Sajan, who his musical group or thing is called Hollow Sage. And when he plays with a band, it's called Hollow Sage and the Three Mile Islanders. And yeah, they they were great. They crushed it. They opened up the night that night and all a great night. Just lovely jokes. Saw some of Sajin's friends who I've become friends with, and it's just like, man, this is this already, this trip of mine already has this great glow. How can it get better? Skip to the next day where I'm playing, and I think I'm playing at like 5 p.m. And then after me is like Todd and Robin, this great duo group from up near Huntsville, who have these amazing harmonies, and they're so talented, and they're a married couple, they're just frigging lovely A-list quality people. And they're up after me. And then after them is Piner from Kingston area, who her real name is Clea. She's an incredible songwriter, and uh and someone who's become a buddy when I see her, and and her parents come out to her shows, her parents come to my shows. Like there's this real community vibe happening at this festival, and it was just so great. Then um Friday ends, and I'm really, you know, surmising, summarizing. Friday ends, what did we end up doing then? I think we had ended up going to an open mic and just sort of chilling. Or no, we were out, got back to Sajan's house, and he was like, We're gonna have a fire and invite everybody over. And these these friends, Derek and Joshua, who all played music at the festival, they were there. Um, they were gonna come to the fire, and then all these, you know, a few people were gonna come. And Sajan and I got home from the festival that day because he kind of hung out for a while too. Um, he went into his bedroom because his son needed to go to bed and he crashed just out. And I was like, I was like, oh, I'm thankful that Sajan crashed because I could use little catnap before this fire. You know, it's like 11 or something, and I think Sajan's friend Matt was there and he was making this fire. He's like, Come on out, guys, whenever you're ready. I went to bed. I conked up for like an hour and a half. Get up, it's like, ooh, 12:30. It's like, what's going on? We put out the fire. No one came, it's drenched. It's like, oh, dang it. Anyway, just one of those funny things. And then Saturday, there was a workshop at the festival, which Steven was running. So I did that with Mia Kelly. Great, great songwriter. Holy cow! So talented. Don't know her that well, but it was really great to hear some of her songs up close and personal. That was really fun. And then I left that afternoon. The Sajan took me to Peterborough because I had to play in Peterborough. Play the show in Peterborough with Granya, who's a super talented songwriter at the Pig's ear. It's like this great Saturday night at the Pig's Ear. It's kind of half busy, like not insane, but there was ended up being a good crowd that sort of showed up and came in. And um I end up playing this thing called Peanut Race. Don't know if any of you have ever heard of it. I don't suggest doing it as an older person, but I just decided, what the fuck? I'm in Peterborough. These locals are sitting at this table who I don't know, and they're like, Maddie, come on over. You want to play peanut race? Sure, what is it? And it's literally like you take they they fill this tray with small glasses of beer. Like, you know, not even a half pint, like less than that. It's like uh, I don't know what it would be, maybe a quarter of a bottle or something like that, like in one glass, like it's not a lot. So um you take a peanut and everyone sits around the table, and one person goes, one, two, three, go, then you drop your peanut in the beer, and the person whose peanut comes up the slowest then has to chug the beer. You can either take the peanut out or leave it in, it doesn't matter. So a few rounds of that. I this is after I played, by the way. Had a great little set. Granny goes up with her band, they're sounding great, they're playing well. And then I I played peanut races with a few people that night, drinking 50. It's just it was just fun, you know. It's one of those nights where it's like, let's just, why not? What the fuck? You only live once, sure. I'll play this weird game where you put peanuts into a beer glass and then chug it and maybe eat the peanut while you're drinking beer or spit it out. It's up to you. I was like, all right, cool. So um, yeah, that was that was fun. Hung out with Granya for a while that night. We got a good chance to chat. Then at 8 a.m. the next day, after a short sleep in a hotel, which was lovely, by the way, to be in a hotel that night, Frank Yakabucci, who's a great Toronto human being and is involved in a lot of festivals and just really connected in the music world. He supports so many musicians, he supports so many festivals, he does, you know, worked on movie sets for a long time. We've just been friends for fuck well over a decade, like a long time, and always appreciate his honesty. Frank is nothing if not honest, and he's kind of like a little crusty at times, but his heart, you know, really shines through. And uh, Jesus Christ, somebody dropped like scissors upstairs or something. Anyway, um, Frank really just picked me up in Peterborough and was like, Yeah, I can drive you to Ottawa. Unbelievable. I mean, that's a three-hour drive. And he just kind of showed up magically out of nowhere, and I was so thankful and we had a good chat, and he needed to go to Almont, which actually it's probably closer to two and a half from Peterborough. But uh, he said, um we're getting close to Almont, and his car starts chugging. I'm like, oh, these error codes are coming up on the car. I'm texting Allie, my friend the mechanic, going, uh, we're almost in Almont. This car's doing this thing, anyways. He goes, I bet this is something I'm gonna turn it on and off, and it's gonna be fine. I've had this before. Dude, magically was fine. Um, but yeah, error codes, man, those those freak me out. Got to Almont, played this and co-hosted this open mic with my friend Gillian. Gillian plays all the time with Allie McCormick, and um, Allie's an old, old friend. I've met Gillian through her, and Gillian is just a light, has some really beautiful songs. She's starting to do this concert series at this church where she lives. Gillian's just the best. She's the best, and completely also a helper. So I capped off my week, and my friend Jenny came out, and there were just some great people that came that day, and it was and uh Jenny, my friend from um where does she live? Kind of like Wakefield area, she came to Almont and then drove me home from there. Just like, you know, another half hour, but it was like a beautiful thing, man. You know, like the fucking helpers are out there, friends. I I just had a trip where I experienced several every day. By the way, and I didn't mention this, Sajan took me to Peterborough after I did that workshop at the festival with Mia Kelly, and we we chatted two just about our friendship, and it really gave me a chance to. I think I'm used to like these solo drives in the car, you know, which I love, and I do enjoy that space, but this this time right now is like I'm really being forced to be around people, and I have a strong introvert side sometimes. I'm a split down the middle, introvert, extrovert, but I've been really feeding my extrovert side in this time, and I gotta say, I've really enjoyed it. It's really uh I think it's you know awakened some things in me and that's it's made me realize that um we need each other, man. We people really need each other. We live in a current era where everything is so isolating, everything is so you can feel so on your own, like you're just white knuckling it, doing it all yourself. But friends, there are people around who love you, who want to help, but it just also takes you to reach out because no one's gonna magically predict what you need. No one's gonna step into your head and go, Hey, do you need this? when you're thinking it. You have to vocalize it, you've got to step out and ask, and you'll be surprised. Sorry, I got a little emotional there, but um it was nice. And honestly, this person reached out online, um, who seems like a lovely human being who runs a grief counseling practice and said she would love to give me a few grief counseling sessions for free because she read about what you know what I've been thinking about and dealing about with Chris. And I mean, fuck man, another helper. You know what I mean? Like, folks, this the title of this episode is gonna be keep on looking for the helpers because they're there, okay? Just keep on looking for the helpers, not because they're there. So don't stop. The helpers are there, we need each other, you know. We need solace and we need all that too, and I get it, I'm an introvert, I can get weird, and I need my head space, and you can still find that, but you don't have to do it all alone, okay? And it's gonna get better, whatever you're going through, I promise. And uh just know that I'm here. I love you. You can email me anytime at GravenCanada at gmail.com. I love you all so much. Thanks for listening. We'll be in touch real soon. Have yourselves a Graven Town Day. Love you.