Episode 122: August Ain't Over Yet

Hello pals from all canals and friends from all road-ends. It's been...something. Thanks for being here and for being receptive and kind supporters who appreciate that I go through peaks and valleys. This summer has been a strange one - but I'm here - and I'm making way out of the canyon. I hope this fresh catch from the pod-pond finds you well and nourishes your being. Also this friday august 7 is bandcamp friday - so with all of the legal hassle I'm going though, any and all support (on my bandcamp page) would be phenomenal. I love you.

My new album "Geographics" is out now on all platforms. You can preorder the digital, cd and vinyl versions of the album on my bandcamp page, (which helps me greatly) but I understand that cash is tight all over the map, so you can also order a five dollar Geographics sticker. 5 beans! This album is really special to me (as my friends Melissa Payne and Charles Austin played all over it) and I hope you'll come along for the supersonic ride. Follow me @gravencanada on all the socials, and check my website to see when I'm playing live in a town near you. Join Graventown today to support yours truly for only 8 clams a month. 

Transcript

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Well, hello friends, we're back at it again in Graventown, little medium-sized one for you there. How is everyone? How are you? It is currently Wednesday, August 5th. This will probably go up the same day. And it's been almost a month since I've popped anything out into the Graventown Ethersphere. Into the it's been a while since I've cast my rod into the Graventown Pond. And uh yeah, I'm getting back into it, starting to gear up a little bit. I have some shows on the way that are gearing up. And I just want to tell you before we get into anything that if you want to support me, you can go to Kofi.com slash Graven Canada. That's K-O-F-I, as in Frank.com slash Graven Canada. And that's basically an eight bucks a month tier. It's an eight bucks a month exclusive group that you get access to. And I just sent out a discount code because Bandcamp Friday is approaching this coming Friday and could really use your support as I'm going through some stuff, man. Going through uh a legal situation, which really sucks, takes up a lot of mental real estate. But hey, it is what it is a month down the road from when I first heard about it and when I was first sort of wrestling with the decision. And now I'm just in it. And it's like anything else. You know, you you get used to it. There is an initial shock, there's an initial submersion into the deep end of any problem, but then you kind of surface, you catch your breath, and you realize, okay, this is what it is. And uh you have to kind of swim around in it. So I'm there, and you know, I mean, things could always be worse. What this situation has taught me is that if you have your health and if you have people around you who love you, you basically have everything. And I definitely do have those things right now, knock on wood. Um, but yeah, I appreciate you, appreciate your support. And as I said, if you want to join the Ko-Fi, it's like a Patreon. And for only eight bucks a month, there's no other tier other than that. Uh, you can support me, just helps me keep this ship moving. And uh yeah, I appreciate you, man. I appreciate the fact that God, what episode would this be now? I think I'm up to 120 or over 120 now. And to think that, you know, this was just something that I started for a LARF in my basement. I was LARPing. I don't even know what that means. I just heard it recently, and I I think it's funny. Um, actually, you know what? I should look that up. Okay, so LARPing, live action role-playing is an interactive hobby where participants physically portray custom characters within a fictional setting. So, you know, like ren fairs, things like that. Uh, they use kind of foam-padded weapons, maybe like a live-action version of Dungeons and Dragons, something like that. So that's LARPing. There you go. I didn't, I don't think I knew what that was. I heard someone talk about it recently, and I was like, is that? I thought it maybe had to do with playing like a lyre, you know, an old school mythological instrument and also um a harp at the same time. LARP? I don't know. I make everything musical, but I'm off on a tangent. Anyways, if you want to support me, that's how you can. If you want to come see me play live, I do have some dates coming up in August and September, and I'd love to see you. August 13th, I'm at the Cove and Westport with Allie McCormick, longtime friend and collaborator. Used to tour across Canada with her, really looking forward to that. So come on out August 13th, Westport the Cove. We'd love to see you. August 14th, the next day, I'm at Motel Chelsea with Tayard Frost, very skilled old school Appalachian folk style, multi-instrumentalist, incredible songwriter, just has his very own unique space in the music realm and uh always appreciate his mind and his time. So that will be a lovely night. I think tickets are selling, so if you want to get in there, would love to see you soon. Uh get on that as soon as you can. August 15th, I'll be at Brew Revolution in Stittsville, just you know, a background kind of ambiance type set. So come on out to Brew Rev in the Stitz, August 15th. August 21st, I'll be in Toronto with the Stephen Stanley band, Beams and Wilson and the Castaways. And would love to see you. That's at Adelaide Hall. Really looking forward to that show. Really hoping people in Toronto come out. Should be a fun time. And on August 22nd, the day after, we're doing a yard show right here in the Graventown Yard with none other than the man Lee. Stephen Stanley. Um, can't wait for that. Always love playing with Steven, so I get to do it two nights in a row. And then September 4th and 5th, I'm opening for the great Ron Hawkins, who played with Stephen Stanley in Lowest of the Low for a long time, and they are friends, and it's that's gonna be great. That's at uh the Blockco, which there's a room in the back called the Edison Room. Very, very intimate, very small. I think they can fit like 50 max, and one night is sold out, and I think the other night is almost sold out. So if you're gonna get your tickets for that, do it soon. And then I do have some shows coming up in September with Nixon Boyd from Colorado, who's doing his own thing now, creating some incredibly great music, and has just been such a gem in reaching out and wanting to do something together. So really looking forward to these shows with Nixon. Um, and I think Emma Emily Gilbart, great Kitchener singer-songwriter, is playing at one of those shows, too. Don't have the dates nailed down now nailed down just yet. So um let's just keep in touch and ping me when you can, and I'll let you know. They're gonna be like probably Kitchener, Ontario, and I think Aurelia as well, later in September. So I'll be talking more about that soon. Also, have a new website just redone by my friend Meredith. Um, she's on Instagram at Merv.more. That's M-E-R-V-E.m-O-R-E. Uh contact her for any web design needs. She's a gem, incredibly creative, smart individual. So was really happy to uh have a new look to the site and have some new products that people can buy. So go there. And it's Bandcamp Friday, this coming Friday, August the 7th. So if you want to go and support me, this would be a great day to do it, man. I am uh I've been staring down the barrel of Financial Gun for months and months, and it just hasn't changed. It really stayed from the beginning of um the records and the investment in making new vinyl and all of that. So I would love to um get it to get your support. If you're thinking about maybe, you know, you want to buy the new geographics vinyl for a friend or you want to buy them a CD or even a sticker. Man, anything would help. It really, really would. So this coming Friday, graven.bandcamp.com. Um, go there. All purchases go directly to the artist with no fees deducted. So here we are. That was the seven-minute heaven of ads and promos for things coming up, but there's a lot coming up. And uh yeah, fair bit to say about things over the last while. It's been a real summer of adjustment for me. Um going through this legal situation is something that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. You know, I really wouldn't. I've realized that. There are things sometimes I go through where I'm like, oh, you know, that sworn enemy, that nemesis, those nemesai. I wish maybe this thing would happen to them. But any having to deal with a lawyer, going to court, doing all that, I really wouldn't wish that on anyone, even who I hated the most. I really wouldn't. It's not fun. And it's just like all that it really takes from you is time and money. Two things that, you know, as a human being, you realize if you go down the road, they're hard to come by. Those are hard resources to come by. And um, so if you have your health, you have your mental health where you're going through something like that, it can really help, but it really just, it just sucks. You know, it's a shitty situation. There are times where I'm like, oh, I wish I could go back to that night in May where this thing happened, and uh, I believe that this police officer overstepped and didn't do the right thing. But here I am now, you know, I'm in it, and it happened for a reason, and I'm trying to uh to sort through it. But you know, it is what it is, and I've realized that through all of this I've really needed some periods of rest, and I haven't been afraid to take those, you know, just some days where I've um when my daughter's not here, when she's been away with her mom visiting other people, uh, I've just been like, you know, I'm gonna play some video games, I think. You know, I'm going to reorganize my room. I'm going to just rest, lie on my bed, watch a movie, uh, maybe meet up with a few local friends later for a beer or two, and that's it. You know, I've been really, really I I did a podcast about this a long time ago, but I've been really giving myself the gift of some basic days because deep down I think I've needed them. I think really this time where I've had to slow down, where I've had to put the old graven Oldsmobile into the shed for a bit and put it into neutral, I've had to do it. And there's no other way around it. Like I I just haven't been able to physically when you're when you're not driving, which is something I'm not doing for a couple more weeks, and then I'll be driving again. Uh you have to rely on other people. You have to do all these things that you know, like you have to do all the things necessary to utilize community, to rely on other people, to lean, you know. Um, and we live in a society, especially in North America, that's very independent, where people go, I don't want to rely on anyone. I want everything, I want everything to be within my realm, I want to create it all. And as a music maker, as someone who's creative, I live in that world a lot. And I get in my car, I go to different towns, I play shows, I set my own schedule. But this summer I really have not been able to do that as much. I mean, I'm not, you know, chained to my house, but you know, I've had a lot of times where I've had to kind of sit and think about things and think about, you know, why they're happening. Um, really wrestle with anxiety, you know, sit with it, realize why it's happening, realize where it's coming from, you know, what's the root, what's happening through all that. And it I do have to say that um I've had this great friend through this process through these months who kind of came out of nowhere named Stacy. And Stacy is uh someone who lives in Boston, she's a grief counselor, she used to run her own yoga practice. I think I mentioned her in the last podcast. She's really been helpful. When you go through a time like this, friends, you really need to look for the helpers. And Stacy is a helper, and she's really helped me, man. I've I've really felt I've felt like she's created some light where I wasn't seeing it, you know? She's put out some candles in a room that I thought was totally pitch black in terms of just giving me hope, talking about things over Zoom, uh over FaceTime, just chatting, you know, going through it, going through the grief of missing my friend Chris, who passed in May, going through uh the grief of another friend who now has cancer, going through the grief of, you know, not being able to drive for a bit, and then dealing with the legal situation surrounding that. It is horrible. It's it's all a lot that happened in a short amount of time. It's a lot for someone to deal with. But man, friends, I am dealing. And uh think one thing I learned about myself years ago through the flooding in Gatineau, which I've talked about before. Um, horrible, horrible situation in the floods of 2019 in the Ottawa region and in Gatineau on the Quebec side. I'm a dealer. You know, I'm someone who, when the shit hits the fan, I really don't run. I kind of am like, okay, well, let's do this. I mean, I can get to a point of sort of tiredness where I feel worn down and I feel frustrated, but I really am like a problem solver, which I'm I'm thankful for, you know. I'm not a runner, I'm not someone who's like going to hit the road immediately when something gets tough. Um, you know, years and years and years ago, I had to leave uh from my marriage just because I felt like that was what I needed to do. And that was after almost 10 years of feeling pretty lost. And and even at year six or seven, having really serious conversations with my partner at the time about you know not being happy, wishing things were different, not pointing any fingers. It's always two people in a relationship. I I firmly believe that. But um, yeah, we just weren't a good match, and uh I had to leave. But it took me a long time to get to that place. So I'm not someone who flees and runs to the hills. No, I'm a dealer. I am like, okay, well, this is what's happening, let's get into it. And there's all uh you know, always we have those human hesitations, those human things of being like, oh fuck, do I really have to do this? Of course. I don't immediately go, okay, let's go. You know, there's always some moments in time of like, you know, holy fuckness, where you're just realizing, as I was talking about it earlier, the deep end plunge that you just uh took in your life, and then you're just there in it, swimming, but then you level off, you know, you take a breath, you find your footing, you find your spacing, your rhythm, and uh yeah, I am someone who's like, alright, well, let's figure this out. And I can get very dark and deep, um, you know, very existential, very neurotic, and I've had some moments like that. And and I think for me, what I've learned through the summer is I'm I'm not good at taking time for myself. I feel very shameful when I do. I feel like, you know, with the amount of time I've had to sit a bit this summer and just be like, okay, like Matt, you need to rest today. You got to take some time for you. You're not with your kid, you don't have a show, you can just ease back. I'm not good at doing that. I'm really not. I like to be doing stuff, I like to be busy, I like to have things planned, I like to, you know, see friends, I like to be creating. I if I haven't written songs for months, I start to feel guilty. I start to feel like, you know, I'm shameful. I'm like, oh fucking, I what a fucking lazy ass I am. Even though I know deep down that's not true, that's just a voice. Those are my intrusive voices that come in. And uh probably comes from years and years of you know, working laborious jobs and always feeling watched, feeling like you're on the clock, and and that feeling of like, well, I better be doing something if the boss is watching because you don't want to be standing around. But even then, if you're just doing something to be seen and it's not really helping, then what the hell are you even doing? You know, not to overthink it, but anyways, I I I grew up working a lot of physical jobs, a lot of delivery jobs, a lot of construction jobs where, you know, you're being paid to move and to exert force. And so probably some of my guilt comes from that. And, you know, I think there's like a laziness stigma with Christianity if people think you're you're lazy, you know, they have that view of you, not realizing that you might be going through some mental things, you might need some time. Everybody needs fucking time sometimes, you know. And I don't think I was given that grace really growing up. Um, so I've been trying to take it back as an adult, try to relearn it. Um, and yeah, I'm almost 50. I can't go full bore like I did when I was 25. Here's a little ASMR bubbly sip for you. I hope you enjoy it. Here we go. Oh, that is cold strawberry bubbly, and it's lovely. But here we are at the 18 minute mark, and I just want to say that if uh cruising right along, by the way, might I say so myself, um if you're someone who has reached out, who has sent me a note, who's just been generally encouraging and sent some positive vibes my way, whether through Instagram or any other social media where I'm always at Graven Canada, you can find me most places. Thank you. You know, really, really, truly thank you for that. Because it has meant a lot, and I think sometimes we think people have enough encouragement, or they've already got people in their corner, or like, oh, I don't need to say that, they probably hear that all the time. But it's not often the case, and uh I I just I really, really thank you. You know, I think if if you were going through what I've been going through the last few months and you felt really alone, really isolated, like you didn't have people in your corner, like you didn't have people cheering you on, I think it would be really rough. And I have felt really supported and I've really felt the love. Um, that's something else that I've been able to just really appreciate. You know, there are days, I have days and I have hours where I'm lamenting and you know, feeling bummed out by my situation or whatever else, or missing my friend, but uh but also I have really felt some great love. Uh I I actually just went up to a camp reunion 70 years this camp, Camp Iowa has been going. Um and, you know, I'm still ancillarily, if that's a word, connected to it. I work there every few months, and and there are some great people there that I do love. And I love the space, I love the nature. And to go up there was great. I mean, there were some real old school people from the 90s, man. I'm talking like 90s, like 93, 94, 95, in that era, who came. And, you know, it was so awesome to see some old faces and to feel like, wow, well, you're still going, you're still doing your thing in your corner of the world wherever you are, and you kind of pick up where you left off. Um it was great to see some old musical friends. This guy, Jason for Berg, who was in the very first band I was ever in, Natural Bridge, and then he was also in Sun Kiss Kayla, the band I was in with uh my friends Julie and Mary Lee and Zach. Oh, it was unreal. Really great to visit and to see those people. And uh I just really, you know, appreciated the time. I uh appreciated being up there more than I thought I would. I had some good walks around the property. But yeah, no, it was that was a really good moment where I was offered a ride and I was like, you know, I should just go. And then immediately I had this like, oh, what if I'm gonna get stranded? Not going to have anything to do, blah, blah, blah. But it it was just a great day of catching up, seeing different people who I hadn't seen in ages, and just appreciating that, you know. I I uh I really felt thankful to be up there. And, you know, that's a little side tangent, but it was it was a great moment of uh basically another basic day that I had to myself. And um as we're getting up to the 22-minute mark, I just want to let you know that I am actually going to be um starting a new podcast in the next week or two weeks, and it's gonna be called Pretty in Pod. And uh that's because myself and my Berlin musician friend Stephen Paul Taylor, who goes by synthpop troubadour, we're gonna be discussing the films of John Hughes. And I'm talking Breakfast Club, Pretty and Pink, um Vacation, Goonies, all those things. Actually, Goonies wasn't his home alone, uh, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and and just different ones that he wrote to that wasn't a director on, and his impact on modern culture and different topics and going down those wormholes, and I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. So come hang with us at Pretty and Pod, and that should be up soon. And I'll probably start a new Instagram account for that. So watch for Pretty and Pod, or it could be called Pretty and Podcast, I'm not sure. But anyways, that'll be a real gas, and um yeah. I'm just gonna pull out my teachings of Buddha. Let's see what we can see here. Uh right, so this is saying this is duties of the Brotherhood. If a lay follower or follower of Buddha becomes carried away by the self, he will become jealous, envious, hateful, and harmful, because his mind has become defiled with greed, anger, and foolish infatuation. But if he returns to Buddha, he will accomplish even a greater service for Buddha, as mentioned above. It is indeed beyond any expression. Ooh, that's good. With today's current culture and everything happening politically, just thinking about how harmful the ego, the self, can become. Great words. I'm going to read it again. If a lay follower or a follower of Buddha becomes carried away by the self, he will become jealous, envious, hateful, and harmful because his mind has become defiled with greed, anger, and foolish infatuation. But if he returns to Buddha, he will accomplish even a greater service for Buddha, as mentioned above. It is indeed beyond any expression. Dramatic book close. But yeah, I uh I think that's key. I think through this process right now, and that's again, I always just pick out random passages from um this old book that I have, The Teaching of Buddha. And um it really always hits, you know, it's like I can pick a random spot. And though I wouldn't consider myself a Buddhist, there is something about his teachings and writings that really connect on a cellular level. So always appreciate that. But yeah, listen, if you want to um come and see me on tour, I'd love to see you. I hope your summers are going okay. I'm gonna get back into the Graven Town zone more and more. I appreciate you being here, I really do. And hey, Bandcamp Friday is this coming Friday, August 7th. So if you go to graven.bandcamp.com and you buy something, it would mean the world. Thank you so much. I also have a GoFundMe going for my legal situation. You can find that link to that on any of my social sites at Graven Canada. And I just appreciate y'all so much. And we will talk really soon. I love you, and bye for now.