As we wrap up the year, I, Dr. Sapna Shah-Haque, find myself reflecting on a rollercoaster journey of profound grief and deep-seated gratitude. Have you ever considered how these two contrasting emotions can coexist, shaping us into better versions of ourselves? On this episode of the Worthy Physician, we dive into my personal experiences with grief and gratitude, discussing their importance in our lives, particularly in the challenging field of medicine.
Navigating through the myriad emotions that come with the ups and downs of a year, there's an opportunity to connect with our humanity on a deeper level. This episode encourages you to hold space for your grief, to feel it fully and allow it to flow through you. But it doesn't end there. In the midst of grief, there's also room for gratitude and the silver linings that life presents us with. As I share my journey of reconciling with these emotions, I invite you on a multi-part exploration of grief, discussing the loss of meaning, identity, control, innocence, time, relationships, and more. Let's honor our humanity and find joy again in our practice of medicine together.
Though I am a physician, this is not medical advice. This is only a tool that physicians can use to get ideas on how to deal with burnout and/or know they are not alone. If you are in need of medical assistance talk to your physician.
Gratitude and grief, or grief and gratitude. What do these two have in common and what does that mean to physicians? Welcome to another episode of the Worthy Physician. I'm your host, dr Sapna Shah-Haque, reigniting your humanity and passion for medicine. So we are now mid-December, coming to grips with the fact that Christmas is right around the corner and that the new year is approaching.
Dr. Shah-Haque:
And as this year comes to a close, 2023 has been a year of ups and downs. I know I have experienced personal grief. So, first off, I want to say grief is real Grief really is an all-encompassing term that there's a loss, whether it be in your personal life or in your professional life. So thus the term professional grief and personal grief. I find that, as the year comes to a close, I'm reconciling with the fact that I'm going to be another year older In 2024, I'm coming to grips that my kids will be another year older. I'm another year into medicine, which in the past has not been so great, but now, through doing a lot of inner work and honestly coming to terms with multiple areas of grief, here I am. I have experienced professional grief. I have grieved the loss of colleagues. I have grieved the fact that being a physician in 2023 and even prior is really not what I had envisioned. But at the same time, through that grief, I have also embraced gratitude.
Dr. Shah-Haque:
Now, grief is triggered by a sense of loss the death of a loved one and of a relationship. Even with work, we define ourselves so much by what we do. So, as this year comes to an end and as we get together for Christmas and the new year, embrace the grief. It is highly encouraged to feel your feelings, whether that be through literally crying it out, running it out, writing it out, but acknowledging it and holding that presence. On the other end is gratitude, and in the face of loss we might, I know I have found myself reflecting on, not necessarily being thankful for that situation, but looking at the silver lining. For example, the death of a loved one over the summer. Though it came way too sudden, it is not what I expected, I'm grateful to have known that person who positively impacted my life.
Dr. Shah-Haque:
So, as we close out again and I've said it before, as we close out this new year, let's focus on grief, whether it be in the professional arena, the loss of a promotion, the loss of an opportunity by saying no, or by one door closing that allows you to say yes or have another door open. So it is possible to be grateful maybe not in the instant, but in the future, hopefully. Be grateful for the experience, but also for the new opportunity, for what you have learned to do and what not to do and become a better version of yourself in the personal realm, grieving that maybe you didn't hit all your goals for 2023, but being grateful that you're still here for 2024 and you're going to have a new start. Maybe this might seem too naive, or that I see the world through rose-colored glasses, which is actually not true, but it's all about framing and reframing and mindset. So over the next several weeks, I'm going to have a series on grief and we're going to break it down why? Because we're humans, we grieve. We work with a lot of death and a lot of loss in medicine and, quite frankly, it needs to be talked about. We need to honor our humanity. Thus the line of the opening of the podcast reigniting your humanity and passion for medicine, because when we realize our humanity, when we embrace our humanity, we can also put the fun back in medicine. At least, that's been my experience.
Dr. Shah-Haque:
We're going to talk about grief, not only professional but also personal, in the realm of loss of meaning and purpose, loss of identity, loss of control, loss of innocence, loss of time and opportunities, relationships, systems of belief, loss of what we projected as our future, loss of wholeness, loss of wonder and awe and sense of connection. Why? Because many times and I've been there myself I have put too much purpose and meaning on my title and my position. I have put too much of being a physician as to who I am. I turned 40 and I started thinking holy cow, how many more years do I have on Earth and what risk factors do I need to mitigate to extend that? Because I have several reasons to stick around Loss of control most of what is external I have no control over, but I do have control over what is internal and how I react to the external world.
Dr. Shah-Haque:
I forgot that because medicine has shown me that I need to control everything and that's honestly not possible. It's not plausible, nor is it logical. The loss of innocence, I would say maybe more the loss of looking at the beauty of life I think we get so pigeonholed in looking at what can go wrong, what will go wrong, what has gone wrong, that we really forget to stop and look at the beautiful Loss of time and opportunity. Well, hell, I had many plans that I had written out and my 30 year old self would really kick my 40 year old self for not doing all these things. Traveling here, traveling there.
Dr. Shah-Haque:
My 40 year old self would say, dude, life through you, some curveballs. You knocked him out of the park, relax. Hopefully I'll knock one of those two off the list this year and instead of going to I hope I will I want to we're going to focus on the I will Loss of time and opportunity. 15 years ago I would never have told you I would still be here in the state of Kansas. But here I am. I'm listing these as things that I have grieved and in each episode I'm going to dive into more of that in detail. So in the meantime, if you have enjoyed this episode, click subscribe and hit that bell to get notified when I upload a new video.